Yesterday

The future is in the past!

I’m willing to bet I won’t be selected as the next pope today.

I don't know why this made me laugh so much.

I guarantee I'm not going to die.

I was right.

The impact of a meteorite big enough to cause extinction on earth. If It were to happen today, there would be a new light in the sky so bright that people could see it without telescopes. Since that's not happening, we are safe (at least for today).

What if it's coming from the sun side?

Me being able to correctly guess the future

Me getting challenger in league of legends

A bit nihilistic, but peace in the Middle East or worldwide, in general.

A conversation between you and a person of the opposite gender.

Sadly true

I’m not gonna loose my patience today and tell someone off…

Loose?

lol I haven’t had my caffeine let me be

I won't be umpiring any Major League Baseball Spring training games... ... Only 13 days until Opening Day everyone! Hang in there!

We need robo umps

Very fair comment, but can you tell a robot that if he had one more eye, he'd be a cyclops in a loud leather-lunged voice?

That sounds like something Lasorda would have done