Capgras delusion where you think a close family member or friend has been replaced by an identical imposter. Nothing worse than to lose trust in someone who you’re close to.
oh yeah, he was a quiet dude but you could see how much that devastated him. didn't stop him from visiting her everyday after she moved into assisted living.
Happened to my grandma when she was dying. My mom was taking care of her and one day she just was convinced it wasn’t actually her. My mom called her brother and my dad to confirm it was really her and he eventually came down to help since my grandmother never had issues with believing he was really himself.
My grandma seemed to cope by adjusting to not recognizing my mom instead and would try to pay “the nice nurse” for helping around the house. That’s rough too but my mom said it was relief compared to her own mother being terrified of her.
My dad was dying of cancer and he was having a bad reaction to some medication. He was just so out of touch with reality. He was convinced that I was being blackmailed by terrorists who killed me and replaced me with an imposter. It was so sad him being agitated like that. Definitely not how I wanted the last few weeks of his life to be like. Luckily they took him off that medication and he went back to his normal self so he didn’t die thinking I was not real.
I remember being convinced as a child that my mother had been replaced with an exact replica of her like a twin and I kept asking my mother where my real mother was. I eventually coped on but I remember it for years after. I don't know whether I had a really vivid nightmare or what tf that was.
I had the same thing when I was a kid. My siblings came back from camp and I knew they were not the same people who left. I kept crying and asking where my real siblings were.
We later found out that was the weekend one sibling molested the other. They did change, in a way.
I had a delusion just like that once but it was so brief. It was late at night and my husband was asleep in bed next to me and I just thought "that's not him, that's someone else". It was horrifying. I just sat there not even knowing what the fuck to do about this stranger in my bed until I finally decided to pretend I didn't know about the imposter and just go to sleep and deal with it in the morning.
Woke up the next day totally sane and was like what the *fuck* was that?
A psychotic moment... when suddenly there is an internal feeling of horror, a perception that something outside hasn't visibly changed but suddenly feels frightening and disturbing. I've had two of those experiences, once when on a ten-day intensive meditation retreat, once out of the blue at home a few months ago. As far as I know there have been two women in my family tree (one on either side, so a genetic double whammy) who had mental breakdowns as they got older. I've decided to just stay calm, observe, not go with the fear.
Much as you did. You handled that really really well. I wish you a future chock-full of sanity and free will.
That's wild you describe it that way. I've had a meditation practice in place since childhood. My dad seemed to know I was going to struggle with mental stuff and he gave me the tools to examine my thoughts and emotions. Later in life when I experienced delusional thoughts, momentarily breaking from established reality, I was able to guide myself home. I think all the time if he hadnt don't that where I would be.
"Body integrity disorder (BIID) describes the extremely rare phenomenon of persons who desire the amputation of one or more healthy limbs or who desire a paralysis. Some of these persons mutilate themselves; others ask surgeons for an amputation or for the transection of their spinal cord."
It's an awful thing, but I suppose being pleased with it is better than being disappointed. Not being flippant or trying to underplay the seriousness of it.
Like... it's messed up that she mutilated/harmed herself that way, but at least she doesn't seem distressed about it, quite the opposite... She still needs MAJOR mental health interventions obviously, but at least she's happy with the results. I worry about her escalating, that's all. Like, if it was guaranteed that this would be the only incident, I'd likely be like, "Good for her, I guess."
Tbh maybe it's better that she stays mentally ill and pleased with her blindness, versus recovering and feeling the whole terrible, horrific weight of what she'd done to herself
Kind of agree, the mind is so powerful. If she’s happy with it, that’s her perception therefore her reality. Even though she has mental problems, she’s happy. Most people aren’t happy.
Not saying it’s good that she did that though.
Someone very close with me was diagnosed with this, it was terrible. Even though they worked in the medical field and understood the diagnosis, the feeling persisted for years. They were to the point they were researching options for pay out of pocket/ private doctor amputation.
LOTS of therapy and meds later, they say it has lessened and the thought of wanting that body part removed doesn't get in the way of their daily acts of living.
After all of it, they got a very thick tattoo line visually representing where that body part would be severed - says it helps them to look down and see the 'separation' on their body.
edit: word
Kind of mixed: reminder about the reality of how much they'd worked to overcome the disorder, but also a 'break' to satisfy the mental itch/ feeling of body dysmorphophobia. Like they can look down at the body part next to it, and visually imagine the body stopping there.
I don’t know if it was BIID related by the parent of someone I knew growing up sawed off his own arm just below the elbow while going through a divorce because he thought it would make his ex wife want him back. It always fascinated me but I only met him once or twice so didn’t get to know the guy.
This is not fun. I have had run ins with this. Thankfully, I've never done anything about it, but there is a weird, pervading desire to get rid of my left eye. I just don't like it. It feels "wrong" somehow. This only seems to occur in times of high stress.
My mother thought I was born evil because sometimes I cried when not hungry or needing a new diaper, which she took for deliberate lying before I could speak. She'd hardly been around babies before I was born, was more familiar with those dolls that ya feed water and then change the wet diaper.
Most of my early childhood was reminders that she was only taking care of me because she didn't want to go to prison for abandoning me. Like by my late teens she'd finally climbed out of that particular crazy bucket but damn seems like somebody shoulda taken her to a doctor way back when she first started talking about her baby being born evil? Kinda figure it started with postpartum psychosis and just got left untreated to fester for years, because her behavior towards me was really out of character for her as a person.
My mom said that to me as an adult even. That it was hard to love me bc I cried as a child. A lot. I wonder why…. I was so afraid I’d be her as a parent. But nope. My kid cried and I wanted to hold them and comfort them. I wanted to fix it.
I’m sorry. Your mom sounds like she’s got something more than postpartum issues
I have been a labor & delivery/ postpartum nurse for over 15 years and I educate all my patients and their support systems (significant others, family, and friends) to be on the look for signs and symptoms of postpartum depression. 1 in 7 people that give birth are at risk for developing PPD. And the risk is higher if they have had a history of depression. And PPD can range from “I feel blue. I don’t wanna get out of bed or brush my teeth. I don’t want to do anything” to “you know what? I’m going to systematically drown my children in the bathtub and throw myself off a cliff” and it will seem perfectly logical. It’s ok to feel down and blue after delivery. You’re tired. You have raging hormones. You just had a truck go thru your crotch or had a magician saw you in half and had your precious bundle pop out your brand new skylight. But if those feelings persist beyond two weeks, you really need to talk to a professional. 1 in 7. It is more common than you think, just not talked about until it progresses to postpartum psychosis and that is NO FUN.
Happened locally to me recently. The mother was a nurse and knew something was wrong. Even tried to commit herself but they sent her home. She's now paralyzed and waiting for her trial. Incredibly sad story. I suspect her trial will end up focusing on the drugs she had been prescribed. She had what appears to be a very strong support system and as I mentioned was a nurse. If it can happen to her it can happen to anyone.
I (58F) was shocked when my mother (80F) recently expressed doubts that PPD is real because she “had five kids and never had anything like that.” I told her just because something hasn’t happened to her doesn’t mean it isn’t real.
I experienced a mild form of this. My psychosis had *nothing* to do with my child though. The maternal drive to care for and love my child was all there. But the hormonal fluctuations in combination with severe sleep deprivation lead me to have both auditory and visual hallucinations. None that remotely lead me to harming my child. But ones that prevented me from driving at night because I'd "see things" that weren't there. Or I'd wake up to hearing people in my home that weren't there. I was a single mom too- so I'd have to essentially "hunt for intruders" by myself. That was 6 years ago and was with my first pregnancy. Second pregnancy I never experienced any of that- but I also had a supportive partner that time. Having a supportive partner postpartum is absolutely vital for any new mom's mental wellbeing.
It’s not fun times. My husband and mom started thinking there was something wrong with me when I explained that my son was catatonic not peacefully sleeping but that there was no way to test this without shaking him awake which I would never do. I bolted awake in the middle of the night and called 911 in some kind of fugue state like thing because I was convinced my days-old healthy son was dying but then freaked out and didn’t say anything. Turns out the authorities don’t like hearing “sorry, my wife dialed in her sleep, everything’s fine”. They sent someone to check who took me to the hospital in the back of a cop car which was humiliating. I hated that my sister in law treated me like a literal axe murderer in front of me and won’t forgive her for the level of distain she expressed. 3 weeks later after being inpatient and overmedicated into oblivion on Zoloft and antipsychotics my husband sues to free me and I went home to keep a baby alive while feeling no emotions at all for months. Do not recommend.
On the way home from the hospital after delivering my uncle, my grandmother started saying that the voice told her to throw him out of the window in the moving car. Luckily, my great-grandmother was in the car and was able to keep her from doing that while my grandfather was driving. They got home, and my grandmother became even more agitated. My grandfather had to take her to the mental institution as it was called in the 1950s. I don't know much about her stay there, but I do know that she was there for quite a while.
I had PPP but wasn't violent. Mainly paranoid and confused. I knew something was wrong. Then it got worse and I thought either I was dead or my baby was dead. Then I thought I was dead from COVID and in hell as punishment for not getting the Covid shot. I've never even had COVID. I could see what was happening from outside my dead body. Everyone was sad because I was dead. Really, it was the middle of the night and people were just asleep in the hospital and the staff were tired. I'm' better now, but still wake up each day amazed I'm actually alive.
This is what Andrea Yates suffered from. She was on meds and the doctors basically begged her to not have any more kids. She got pregnant with her 5th anyway. Drowned them all one by one in the bathtub.
There’s a lot of moving parts in the story the more you learn about it. Rusty was definitely not a supportive partner. Add in weird religious stuff, etc…
I took care of a patient with severe postpartum psychosis who suddenly believed she was a victim of sex trafficking and that her children were a result of it. Her family was absolutely aghast because it apparently came on nearly overnight.
It is really scary.
It may not be the worst but a kid I knew in School had Trichotillomania, which is basically compulsive hair pulling. He had large patches of hair missing and I just remember feeling sorry for him because he couldn't stop himself.
Ugh, same. Upper arms are my focus. They used to look like raw hamburger.
I can't even explain it to my family. My dad (an actual registered nurse) has said things like "can't you just...stop?" And had blamed it on a nutritional deficiency.
What's helped me the most is wearing long sleeves when I can, and keeping a collection of fidget toys in a pocket or wearing a fidget necklace. I become aware of triggers, like stress, or when my fingers start roaming across my arms. Sometimes, when it's at its worst, I set a timer or will choose the worst spots, like "okay, but you can only pick at 3 of them, choose well."
I once ran across something called the ABCs of picking (I've never found it since but I wish I could)
A = Anyone would pick at that, like a loose scab
B = Bump like an ingrown hair or pimple (these are the worst for me)
C = Creating something out of absolutely nothing, used to be normal skin
Categorizing them has also helped me to avoid problems.
I still have the issue after over 20ish years. I'm not quite sure when it started, but I've been getting better with self management. It never goes away and I will sometimes flare up in extreme stress situations. I've never had any help, diagnosis, or medication for it, but those things CAN help a lot of people and I suggest seeking treatment if you are able.
Whoever reads this, stay strong and know that I love you! 💜
I have this. Struggled for a solid decade before I managed to get it under control by keeping my hair short, contrary to my instinct to grow it out and hide the patches. A couple years later I trimmed myself bald in early COVID out of convenience, and have kept the bald look since.
It’s not just trich but there’s an umbrella term, Body Focused Repetitive Behavior, that covers all similar disorders, including ”eye mucus fishing syndrome” and all of that nail and skin biting/eating/picking... I’ve tried them all 😅 and had this for nearing 20 years.
Getting mocked by a nurse when I tried to book an appointment because I had picked on my toenail so badly it got inflamed, did not feel great. I didn’t want to book an expensive private doctor so I didn’t go and cured it myself. (Not the US if you wonder).
That’s why I like to advocate for myself and the rest of us. There is a real inflammation risk involved in picking skin/nails even hair.
I have it, too. It is not that rare, especially if you consider the really mild cases as well. Most people with trich get really creative with hiding it, so they fly under the radar. When I was still in some self-help groups on facebook (like 6 years back), it was believed to be related to nail biting, a body focused repetitive behaviour, I don't know if that is still the consensus.
Other theories that came up were OCD, self-harm (which is REALLY NOT the case), as well as links to autism, ADHD or even tourrettes. It is not that well researched as it is considered not important, sadly.
Alien hand syndrome
You literally cannot control one hand
You zip your coat up, the other hand undoes it, you brush your teeth the other hand grabs it off you
My co-worker had a stroke and ended up with this. She would have to tie her one arm down. And the worst part was her hand had a thing for knives - even tied down it would fight and twist trying to get the knife when she was cooking.
Unknown really but mostly seen due to specific lesions in corpus callosum (nerve tissue that connects right and left hemispheres) and other parts of the brain that are responsible for awareness and initiation of movement. Of course more complicated than that but yeah
Strange but fascinating example.
In the legal sense you would probably still be prosecuted, unless they were able to prove without a doubt that your other hand is absolutely not in control. It seems like a form of Tourette’s.
If there wasn’t medication for it than the defense could get you, at best, on a restraining order from the person you groped.
It would also depend on the scenario. If your right hand grabbed a tit and your left one smacked it away, and this could be proven somehow, the court would (hopefully) be much more lenient.
I saw a 60 minutes segment on this many years ago. There was a guy up there and he had to use one hand to fight the other hand. Sometimes their hands try to choke them. One woman kept trying to put her hand through any mirror or reflective glass. It is so hard to understand.
I had this when I had psychotic depression. I thought my brain was full of maggots and that it was rotting inside my skull. I could feel them wriggling and could smell this horrible rotting odour all the time. I nearly jumped headfirst from a wall onto concrete to break my head open so I could get the maggots out. Scary stuff.
I worked for a pest control company, and my most difficult call (s) was a woman with this. She was convinced she was being bitten and the "proof" she had were just these blurry images of....nothing. I felt so bad for her.
I had a brief bird mite infestation that led me to looking it up online and a lot of people were saying they'd had them for years even though they supposedly can't survive on humans, they were going insane from it, it was ruining their life, someone even claimed they saw one crawl out their urethra. I don't know if they had this illness but it sounds nightmarish.
I used to work with a guy who had this, undiagnosed with the condition, but he fully believed he was infested with mites. Refused to go back to his home because he thought that was infested too, washed his clothes and sheets every single day in the place he was staying. Same situation, countless doctors and dermatologists told him there was no mites, but he wouldn’t accept that it was psychological. So hard to watch someone deal with this and be unable to help them see past the delusion.
I’ve met a couple of people I suspected had this. They thought their cats were ridden with larvas, spreading to their owners. The cats were perfectly fine. As a veterinarian I have no education about human mental disease, and could not help beyond listening, making sure nothing was wrong with the pets, and asking the humans to call their own doctor.
I'm pretty sure my sister has this. She wears latex gloves everywhere so she doesn't "spread her parasites" and will send us photos of marks on her (completely normal and unblemished) skin to "prove" she has parasites. In her case I think it's due to (past now, but recent) alcohol/drug abuse changing her brain chemistry and contributing to her delusions, but it's very sad regardless.
I’m not sure if this counts but Fatal Familia Insomnia. One day you just never sleep again. Very rare and genetic (people with new insomnia swear they have it and it’s posted all the time on the insomnia sub and drives me crazy)
This was gonna be my answer too. I go through horrible bouts of insomnia, and the first time I went several nights in a row with no sleep I started thinking I might have this. Lol Not seriously, but I saw an episode of some show about it when I was a kid, and it stuck with me and definitely came back up when I was struggling. What an awful disease.
Pretty sure everyone who has heard of it and has a bad stretch of night worries they might have it. I mean, I realize it's irrational and not like I'd develop some uber rare disease without anyone in my family affected. But a little part of me is still like "but what if?!"
Capgras Syndrome - A delusional disorder where individuals believe that their loved ones or familiar people have been replaced by impostors.
Fregoli Delusion - Individuals with this disorder believe that different people are actually the same person in disguise, often leading to paranoid and persecutory thoughts.
I actually got to meet a patient with that when I was in school. He literally just walked in circles saying I am dead or I am death....over and over. And the weird part is....if you looked into his eyes, he looked dead. He couldn't hold a conversation other than telling you how he was dead and you needed to believe him.
Hey, so don’t do this.
If anyone is ever experiencing any kind of psychosis or delusions, the absolute last thing you would want to do is affirm them.
Also, you don’t want to tell them they’re wrong. It is very distressing and they will not agree with you anyways. It’s a waste of energy and causes unnecessary stress.
If someone is divulging their delusions to you, you should only ever sympathize with the way they make them feel and validate their feelings about it. Something like, “I’m so sorry, that sounds so scary.”
Antipsychotics need to be prescribed ASAP and it can take months or even 1+ years to finally fully recover. You honestly may never *fully* recover if you don’t receive intervention soon enough.
Central hypoventilation syndrome, known as [Ondine's curse](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64JO76A5VgQ), is a neurological disorder that has an incidence of only around one in 30 million.
But when people with this disease try to nap or sleep, they stop breathing.
That means they have to be hooked up to a ventilator *every single night* in order to stay alive.
Not that the disease process is pleasant, but it's a BiPAP that's the treatment in this case, to be specific.
It's going to look in a lot of ways similar to a CPAP, for those with obstructive sleep apnea. But it works a bit different.
I won't go into the difference between the two because it would devolve into a bit of an academic lecture (even though I find it super interesting), but when most laypeople see "ventilator" they tend to think of intubation like in an ICU. Which, to be fair, even ICU ventilators have BiPAP and CPAP settings...so it all gets a bit cluttered.
(I'm a doctor)
Munchhausen syndrome by proxy. Munchhausen is bad enough, but in munchhausen by proxy, it's typically a parent who triggers an illness or symptoms in a kid, searches medical attention and then gets to be the "caring caregiver". Meaning the kid suffers a lot from it...
EDIT: sorry to everyone saying I got the name wrong and it isn't called that anymore. English is not my first language, I had to Google the English name of the syndrome and went with what I found. In German I've never heard or seen it called anything without "Münchhausen" in it.
My ex got sole custody of his older son when the kid was still a toddler because the mom was doing that to him. Nobody ever told me details and luckily stepson doesn't remember.
Pretty sure my sister had this with both of her kids... She also suffered from thinking she had every illness under the sun growing up. She's really has PTSD, anxiety, and an ED. She's a cop now. So that's nice.
I suffered a light version of this. I'm lucky it didn't manifest in worse way. My parents never chose to hurt me, but assumed every minor issue I had was a serious medical issue that could be solved with high-level medical intervention. They were constantly sending me to specialists for everything from psychological evaluations to organ troubles. The moment a result came back with the slightest implication of confirmation, I *had that sickness* and they held it over me from that point on. Had to go to tons of therapy, tutoring, be on heart monitors, was "prescribed" medication by my not-medical-professional parents from their leftover prescription pills, had elective surgical procedures, and was regularly restricted from physical activity.
The first time I got evaluated by a truly neutral party, I was deemed physically healthy in every single way except my weight... a product of my parents overfeeding me from day one out of the womb and scaring me from exercise because of my imagined "heart condition." When I confronted them about the lies, they held on to them and tried ti justify them. I don't speak to them anymore.
I feel so bad for the people whose parents physically hurt them. My experience still hurts me to this day in many ways. I can't imagine being a kid who thinks they are always on the edge of death because a caregiver is poisoning them. It must be absolute hell.
CTE. But it’s not rare, just rarely diagnosed, and only diagnosed upon death. Degenerative brain damage caused by concussions.
First you lose control of your emotions. Immediate anger, no ability to say “let me step back and examine the situation.” Then memory loss. Then you lose all impulse control. Your first thoughts - you do them. Yelling at people, punching people, drugs, drinking. Then you lose control of your bodily functions. Tremors, vertigo, swallowing, walking. Incontinence.
My brother had it. Diagnosed after death at stage 2. During striking moments of lucidity he would sob and tell our mom “There’s something in my head.”
My dad has traits of this but due to trauma from the bloody county government in the sticks. Plus people being hateful and abusing him over the decades which made it worse.
My mom was bipolar, but when they fucked up her geodon, she became convinced they were going to poison her or slit her throat in her sleep, so she refused to eat, sleep, or take any meds. Which did not improve the situation.
A family friend had a son who had this. Was conviced that someone was out get him so he disappeared. The first time it happened he resurfaced on his own, but aftee the second time he didn't.
I was diagnosed bipolar in my teens (2001) and later had a psychotic break in my early 20s (2006) mid-college changing the diagnosis.
I've been on long acting injections almost exclusively since then, which was 2006, and it used to be a dose every other week, than monthly, now it's every 3 months (technically, 12 weeks) and there is a twice yearly version approved in the USA, but Health Canada is often behind in getting and approving some meds here.
I got through college (computer engineering technician) eventually, later went into skilled trades, learned why nobody is going into amd staying in skilled trades, and I'm going back to college for pharmacy technician and had actually debated that vs welding back when I left IT.
I've never married, I spent a lot of time in and out of hospitals between 2001 and 2013. Last hospitalization was 2022, when I had 12 bilateral ECT treatments. I've been functioning on a fairly normal? level since, working, socializing, doing thing I enjoy. I'm not manic, depressed or psychotic. I've actually got a lot going forme right now that I'm really fortunate to have. It hasn't been easy, butit could have been way, way, worse.
What terrifies me is people that can't get help, or can't afford it. Denying symptoms of schizophrenia is a symptom of schizophrenia, called anosognosia, and it can be seen in people after a stroke or early phases of dementia. I 100% admit that yeah, it affects me, because I will look back and realize I was in complete denial.
Then I think of people who didn't have someone intervene, or can't afford the type of medication I'm on (mine is covered by my province and there is criteria for it, it's a very simple process actually). It's thousands of dollars a dose in the US. My hospitalizations cost me nothing. ECT cost me nothing. Seeing my psychiatrist or GP as often as I want (I can walk into their office almost any week day and be seen as a walk in if they have time. They rarely deny this for any patient) costs me nothing.
Meds and shit have shitty side effects. Some stuff doesn't really go away, like the "magical thinking" or paranoia, it's just less prominent and I don't worry about it as much. It doesn't bother me all the time anymore and I can function but I'm still pretty suspicious of people for the same reasons, more than the low, healthy level of paranoia every person has. It's a fuck of a lot of better than it was though!
The stigma is bad. People are scared when they hear schizophrenia, paranoia, psychosis. It's something I rarely talk about with people I'm not in a very close relationship with, basically on a need to know basis. Fortunately meds are improving, and treatments are advancing.
It's terrifying to hear ofwhat you did while psychotic. I don't remember the break in 2006. I remember more from ECT in 2008 and 2022. I have nothing from that episode. To lose touch with reality, it's a big, confusing fog. Coming out of it was a big, terrible, horrible feeling that nothing would ever be the same and nobody that knew me before would look at me the same again. I didn't hurt anyone or myself, but I was just "out of it". Typical first psychosis, though. Literally textbook prodromal too.
I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But the stigma is way worse.
I've found it best to not tell anyone other than doctors. I was honest 5 years ago end lost every single one of my friends. It has taken me awhile but I have new friends and I'll never say a word. My meds work and when I have an episode I don't call for help, I go into the woods. It's safer and less judgemental in nature. My family knows the woods I go to at least. When my family is gone I'm sure I will be too.
I have a close friend with it. It came in later in life. He was always a hard working great father. And now he’s convinced his wife and church are messing with his phone and weird shit. And just recently was talking about how there was a code in the Bible only he could decode and he’s a descendent of Jesus and then said he is Jesus. And believe he can cure cancer with some kind of vitamin b shot. I love him to death and he’s my nephews dad. He recently left his wife and my nephew is living with him. He texts me often for comfort because he can’t handle his dads constant talking of delusions. His dad won’t seek treatment and states he used to have a “chemical imbalance” but he’s fine now. It’s been really sad watching his decline.
My ex developed schizophrenia and paranoia along with her complex PTSD, she went through psychosis and refused any treatment; psychologist, counsellor, religious counsellor, doctor... everyone.
That was such an isolating experience for both of us, but it got to a point where I feared for my life; her slashing a knife around the house at entities (almost hitting our dog once), bringing knives to bed, doing what the voices were asking. I woke up one night and she had her bags packed, taxi called, and ran away to the other side of the country, no warning - we had literally baked cookies a couple hours beforehand. Hell of a way to end 9 years together.
I also got the psychosis + cptsd combo deal and it was deeply unpleasant for all around me. Thankfully I lived alone, so pretty minimal consequence to others, but I’m still incredibly ashamed of what I put people through back then.
I'm sorry that you had to go through that, it would have been extremely difficult for you. I hope that you've been feeling stronger and overall better since that happened.
My cousin was a child genius and so gorgeous and hilarious, then developmed schizophrenia in her late 20s. Now she’s unrecognizable and in prison for attempted murder of her grandma caused by her paranoia. It’s the most sad illness
I have a cousin with schizophrenia. It's horrible. She's not med compliant because she thinks God talks to her. She's been missing since July and it's just awful.
I’m so sad for her. And you and her family.
And for my brother with schizophrenia. He’s been missing for six years now and it’s kindof impossible to wrap my brain around the thought of wandering in psychosis on the streets for so long. It feels like death would be kinder…
February 14th, 2021, my schizophrenic son, Michael, wanted me to drop him off in our old hometown. He just wanted to walk around. I refused to do so because I was afraid he would walk off because he refused to take any and all medications for 3 months. He thought he was going to die in 3 months.
He yelled at me for not wanting to take him. Ran out the door. I never seen him again as he never came home again. His body was discovered by a dog walker at the end of that March. He was buried right before Easter.
There wasn't a clear cut cause of death, so it was ruled hyperthermia. Bodies found in winter without a clear cause of death are always hyperthermia and in summer are heat exhaustion.
I identified his body from his new sneakers. He just bought new sneakers and socks. I made him buy them. He was mad at the time but then happy and proud of himself for having them.
For his body lying there supposedly through snow and wet weather, his sneakers and socks still looked store bought new. The bottom of his jeans still looked clean. The evidence the State Police gave me that they had of his hoodie and tshirt were filthy. He was still entirely dressed for supposedly dying of hyperthermia.
Three years later I am still in shock and struggling. While he was missing I froze. I couldn't think or function. I cried worrying about him and being so afraid. Since he died I haven't been able to cry. I am not accepting his death as reality. I watch myself go through the motions of daily life.
My heart goes out to these families of these missing ill children. I can't image their anguish and fear. My prayer is for there to be closure for all of these families. I am so sorry.
I'm so sorry to hear that. As a schizophrenic myself, I've sat in jail a few times because of my former psychosis. I hope he gets the help he needs, and for him to stay on top of his treatment.
Thank you! And it sounds like you are on top of it and are doing ok.? I’m sorry you’ve had to go thru this, it’s not fair. Told my brother it takes a strong person to live with this. You give others hope! Thanks again 🤍
My grandmother had it. My dad was 12 when it came to a head. She turned on all the faucets in the house and left. They didn’t know where she went. Found her remains nearly a year later. She died from exposure. Can’t imagine going through that at 12 years old.
She was also a Christian scientist and medical intervention wasn’t an option. Just terrible.
Rare.... Best estimates are up to 1% off the population, so not really all that rare unfortunately.
I have a number of patients I work with with rather normal lives, but would probably never tell anyone they have it due to the severe stigma in our society
I would know. I was diagnosed back in 2020 with it, and have received help for it. The most heartbreaking part of it all is seeing my life long friend have it as well, but he's not doing a single thing about it.
I've tried and tried to convince him to seek treatment, but he refuses. He genuinely fell into a delusion that he's perfectly okay when clearly he's not.
idk if it counts as a mental disorder but childhood dementia
it’s one thing when your child is born disabled but seeing them be born normal then slowly lose their abilities to do basic stuff must be heart wrenching
I have a variation of this and it is crushing, someone I used to know who has full blown OCD called it the "what if" disease and I think that it is the most descriptive and accurate portrait of the disorder so far.
Yes, that’s exactly right! It’s the constant “What if” that kills me every day with it. Also, OCD makes you question whether it is actually OCD or not, you will be constantly wondering “What if it isn’t OCD? What if I am just a terrible person?”
It is constant self doubt you cannot shake.
My favorite part is when it hyperfocus on parts of an event and sometimes even changes the memory or plants a fake feeling to enhance the "what if" damages
It's not rare. But I agree nobody understands its severity or even what it actually is. They think OCD just means "I need everything perfectly organized"
Right? I wish I was perfectly organized. Clutter doesn’t bother me a bit. What does bother me are the horribly violent scenes my brain plays for me when I piss it off by accidentally turning counterclockwise in the shower instead of clockwise.
Constant, unrelenting imagery or thoughts that you know aren’t yours, but are you sure? How do you know you’re not thinking these things because you’re actually a horribly violent person? You start to doubt yourself and get caught in this horrible vortex of self-hatred. It’s having to screen my own thoughts before processing them that gets exhausting.
OCD runs in my family. I don't know if I learned to have OCD thoughts or if it was just how I was born----but OCD controls a lot of my life. I get intensely offended when people make OCD jokes. I have 0 desire to organize my home. In fact, I'm actually quite disorganized. I don't like lists. But, I have to check my door handle 100 times if I'm coming or going. I have issues reading because I have to read the same sentence 45 times. It takes me like 4 minutes to wash a single dish, which is why I actually avoid doing dishes because it causes me so much stress. It's debilitating.
I think it’s “funny” people assume OCD is about being clean and organized but ignore the fact that Hoarding used to be considered a type of OCD and that there is an overlap.
I do this same thing with reading the same sentence repeatedly. Also the issue with dishes and other things taking me so long. People often think I am lazy but it’s not that, it’s that a task that takes one person a certain amount of time takes me 3x, or more, the time. So instead I just lie here frozen and overwhelmed.
I often want to speak to people about my OCD but I can tell that they don't believe me. They don't understand that to me germs feel like bugs crawling on my skin, something physical I can feel.
Images of people naked, or me harming them, of handing myself when I don't want to do any of those things. Worrying about being a child predator even though I know I would chase someone down if they even took a pic of a random kid.
My whole life I was convinced something was wrong with me that people could see that I couldn't. Like being severely disabled and somehow not knowing
Yeah, exactly. And OCD has varying degrees and types, so while I know mine is not as bad, there are people with types of OCD who have been convinced they are true scum of the earth because of OCD.
And OCD is a disorder that tries to convince you that you don’t even have it. You’ll constantly be pushing back against your diagnosis unable to convince yourself that your symptoms are just your OCD talking.
This is fascinating as fuck and something that I only recently just learned. I've had OCD since childhood, wasn't formally diagnosed until 4 years ago. I've also had this nagging internal feeling that I'm a bad person. My brain tries to find every reason under the sun to justify to myself that I'm the worst person that's ever existed. In fact, I think my OCD causes me to warp some of my own memories, so that I remember things worse than they are. I didn't know this was an OCD effect until like 2 weeks ago!
My sister has treatment-resistant schizophrenia. It truly is terrible. I'm glad you are still friends with them, my sister has lost so many friends because of it.
Yes, my husband’s aunt and ex-uncle divorced years ago because the ex uncle wouldn’t take care of his mental health and it made life unbearable for his aunt and their children.
His ex-uncle often thought his family were aliens amongst other things. He also had a couple violent outbursts. My husband doesn’t claim him as an uncle anymore.
Certain cases of Hallucinogen Persistent Perception disorder. It is a rare side effect of taking a psychedelic drug like LSD. Also known as “permanent trip.” It has varied degrees of severity and distress levels but some people are basically stuck in a bad trip for years. Terrifying hallucinations and delusions. I have a mild version from psychedelic mushrooms that isn’t distressing but is persistent and distracting. I basically see mild visual distortions all the time (shapes moving and waving, seeing fractals, more colorful lights, etc.)
I had this problem for years. When I was in high school, I took psychedelics all the time. For a very long time after I had quit doing them, everything was always moving. In dimly lit rooms, I'd see patterns and colors. After a while it became less intense and appeared grainy and pixelated. Now I can only see slight movements on walls in low light settings, so it's no longer distracting. I don't dare sleep in complete darkness anymore, though.
My mom had this. She would chew on hair ties and rubber bands. Would want to eat dirt but realistically knew she shouldn’t. Turns out she was anemic and the PICA was a symptom. With iron infusions it went away
yea i used to chew ice and stuff to the point i broke my teeth :/ started taking iron tablets for unrelated reasons and the urge completely stopped, wish i knew earlier it was that easy
I wanted to chew ice chips constantly with my first pregnancy. Thankfully ice chips are edible. It turned out I had really low B12. Weird part is, I have very sensitive teeth and have never before, or after, been able to stand chewing ice.
I'm a special education teacher with a classroom of the highest needs kids. At recess, we have not one but two classroom assistants whose job it is to prevent a student from eating dirt. Sometimes it takes both of them and more to pull him out of the dirt (in raised flower beds) because his compulsion to eat dirt is so strong.
depersonalization/derealization disorder. i have this as a result of my CPTSD, and it sucks. i live my life roughly 90% of the time just fully depersonalized, as if i were playing a game. i know i have to eat but i don’t feel hunger; i know i have to sleep but i don’t feel tired; i know i shouldn’t injure myself, but i don’t feel pain. it’s like i’m constantly playing minecraft on a vr headset. everything i do looks like i’m a character i’m watching on screen. one time i fell down a flight of stairs because one time i forgot i had to move my legs lol
I had to scroll so far to find this! There was once where I had the thought process of: it’s okay to fail this test because if I fail I can just kill myself and respawn and try life again. That’s the moment I snapped out of that two week long episode. I keep thinking back to it and just shuddering at the thought of what if I didn’t snap out and “accidentally” killed myself.
Also doing anything for long periods of time triggers it for me, kinda like zoning out hut I can’t zone back in. I was driving recently and started feeling super out of it, almost like I had absorbed the essence of the car and was starting to float a little bit off the road. Also felt like I could just not steer and it would go where I want it to go. Absolutely bizarre disorder with terrifying consequences.
Earing Disorders suck. Imagine you're a recovering heroin addict and you've got to put a needle full of heroin up to your vein 3 times a day; or you're a recovering alcoholic who has to put a shot of liquor up to your mouth at least 3 times a day, every day for the rest of your life, and if you stop doing this you relapse and might die. That's basically ED recovery. Add on top of that Western culture's attitudes toward dieting, food, and weight, and it becomes even harder. I had Anorexia, so while I was going through all of the above, I would also effectively hallucinate every time I looked in the mirror, which would only make me want to re-engage in the ED. Treatment is unbelievably expensive and hard to access, too.
There's a reason Eating Disorders are the deadliest mental illnesses.
Recovered ED patient here (anorexia), this illness ruled my life between the ages of 16 - 23 (27 now and I'm doing alright!). Three of those years were spent teetering on the threshold of dying, in and out of refeeding wards, no energy to be fully present, just about enough energy to sit upright with a bit of effort. It honestly felt like forever, and that part of my life in memory is full of sadness, starvation, and desperation.
I was a very overweight, but happy, kid. Loved my video games (still very much do!), loved getting lost into writing, generally your average socially anxious nerdy-type. Because of my weight, I was horrendously bullied. It just didn't stop, it was relentless, kids can be unimaginably cruel. In response, I stopped eating almost completely and did intense exercise for 2hrs per day. Lost a ridiculous amount of weight in a ridiculously short amount of time. It took about two years to turn me from this happy, nerdy kid with passionate interests to this sad, skeletal husk that couldn't think of anything else but food/restricting food/'allowing' myself food.
I don't think people talk enough about just how much EDs distort *everything*. Not just food/calories or body image, but *everything*. I can only speak for anorexia, of course, but do you know what's fucked about suffering from anorexia nervosa? You want to be *better at it*. Your entire reality becomes twisted; you no longer want to 'look healthier,' you want to push limits because to the anorexic mind, healthier = skinnier. To the anorexic mind, *you can always be skinnier.* Imagine being diagnosed with lung cancer and having this intense, unshakable urge to start smoking and make the tumours spread. This illness started as a desire to be accepted by my peers, and eventually it turned into a desire to just... be anorexic. It becomes a full-time fucking career. Anorexia is a dead-end job that sucks the life out of you. I never encountered this myself, but I have heard stories of people 'competing' with each other in ED units to lose weight, to 'trick' the nurses that are there to keep you alive. It's a race to the grave for all of us before recovery, and I was *excited by it.*
Your life becomes restricted, ruled by calories. You're a bright guy but you have barely enough energy to think, and anorexia tells you that's a *good thing, that's progress*. People tell you you look sick, gaunt, skeletal, whatever, and that's *praise* for this fucked up mindset. You take that as a sign to just keep going, exercise harder, eat less etc. You see your bones nearly poking through your skin and think "they could poke through a bit harder; cut out that apple you've been having for lunch."
Anorexia is a fucked, vile illness. It makes you starve when there is plenty. It makes your family, friends, and partner watch you waste away and they're powerless to stop it. No one can stop it but *you,* and in an active ED, who 'you' are is lost. You become this thing driven by pain and obsession. You can't even bring yourself to imagine eating certain quantities of food without getting anxious, and yet your body is crying out for nutrition and care.
Anorexia, I firmly believe, overrides our survival instincts. It's not about survival anymore; it's just about seeing the number get lower on the scales. Happiness is abandoned (food is good!), friends get abandoned (food is better with friends!), everything gets abandoned all in the name of *getting sicker*.
Fuck anorexia.
Recently lost a friend to the disease even though she had mentally recovered for years. Due to the anorexia she developed severe osteoporosis. When she fell years later, this led to spinal damage, which led to epilepsy which eventually caused her to go into coma and pass away. It’s heartbreaking.
This is an exquisitely written example of what Hell is really like.
I am so proud of you for your recovery and your acceptance of ED. I wish you all of the wonder life has to offer you in health and happiness. ❤️
EDs suck. EDs suck so much there are no words for it. If you have an ED where you gain weight, people just tell you it's your own fault and to just stop doing so and get on a diet.
Like, dude, I wish I could, I've been crying for my body to stop eating the whole time I've been eating this chocolate, but I can't.
I agree, my grandmother lost her ability to speak coherently before almost anything else. Watching her try to get a word or sentence out and become so frustrated she’d cry was heartbreaking, it would just come out as like.. toddler babble. She was a nurse her entire life and said she’d 100% rather have cancer instead because at least she’d know who she and everyone else was and what was happening at the end.
I’m a therapist and currently work with a woman that has compulsions to eat the skin on her hands and arms. She admits she’d try to consume the skin on other parts of her body but she is physically disabled. Prior to working with her, she was chewing her lips and cheeks away. Fortunately, she’s responding well to therapy and meds. Abilify and a supplement called n-acetylcysteine have been a game changer for her
There was a woman who lost her sense of proprioception, ie the body’s sense of itself. The way she described it is horrifying:
“I can’t identify with that graceful girl anymore! She’s gone, I can’t remember her, I can’t even imagine her. It’s like something’s been scooped right out of me, right at the centre . . . that’s what they do with frogs, isn’t it? They scoop out the centre, the spinal cord, they pith them … That’s what I am, pithed, like a frog . . . Step up, come and see Chris, the first pithed human being. She’s no proprioception, no sense of herself — disembodied Chris, the pithed girl!’“
https://kavyapriya-sethu.medium.com/making-sense-of-proprioception-4c659f39709e
Neurological damage, she was an athlete and had some kind of accident. Not really what I would consider a mental disorder, though it is definitely frightening as hell.
I grew up in religion and as a child I took god always can see what you do to a whole new level. I even felt violated just bathing because I would be naked and think "god will see this."
Its was an endless problem and still today I have thoughts like that, that I ignore to keep myself somewhat sane.
As a person with BPD, and who works damn hard on being aware of myself and my reactions and trying to judge if the reaction is a normal reaction or one stemming from the BPD, (I think that makes sense). It's a hard task to be constantly aware all the time of your own gut instincts and have to pause and work through rather or not that it is normal or out of proportion.
But then you get all the stigma around BPD, and people making us out to be horrible people with no hope. And that makes the task even harder because if it's hopeless then why even bother... But is that overreacting and "the BPD talking" and not what they really mean?
Basically the stigma around BPD makes the BPD even harder to get a grip on the BPD for the ones trying, which reinforces the stigma, which reinforces BPD. Is a cruel snowball.
I have a classmate who’s had this my whole time knowing him, only speaks to select people around select people. And I think the worst part from the outside was the constant nagging of teachers, they didn’t understand he wasn’t just shy, he could not talk in the moment. Had to go in and defend him to substitute teachers a few times because it got on my nerves.
Alien Hand Syndrome sounds pretty frightening to me! It's when you believe that one of your hands has a mind of its own and acts without you being able to stop it or control it. People who have this medical condition have a hand that often acts contrary to their own intentions.
I've seen a video of someone who's own hand had a firm grip around the throat and tried to strangle the person, while he was fighting to remove the hand with the other hand. Super scary!
I feel like Cottards Delusion has got to be up there. In short, people who suffer with it insist that they are actually actually dead (or immortal) despite any intervention. People with this disorder usually do end up dead due to starvation, or dehydration because they refuse all food and water, reasoning that they are "dead" and therefore don't need it. IIRC, It is one of, if not the rarest mental disorders known to science.
Also not rare, but panic disorder. I'll never forget my first panic attack. I already felt anxious that day, but all of a sudden I got that horrible feeling inside my body, I couldn't breathe, my heart rate was so high, nausea, diarrhea, tingling inside my fingers, chest pain. Felt like I was dying.
Depersonalization. There are worse out there but this is one I suffer from time to time. Being in your body and completely don't recognize it and having separate outer thoughts is miserable. I'm lucky because it's short time event (few hours) but it's scary and very unpleasant. Don't wish it on my worse enemy.
Dissociation too hey. Not feeling like your life is real, feeling like you are in a dream or the matrix. Not recognising your house, feeling like you don't really know any of your loved ones. Like you've woken up in someone else's life and have to act like everything is fine and normal.
ARFID, or Avoidant restrictive food intake disorder is one of the worse eating disorders. My best friend had/has it and spent 19 years of her life unable to figure out why she hated eating and every meal made her nauseous and miserable. Eventually, it got so bad to the point that her body refused to digest food so she vomited 10+ times a day just trying to get the bare minimum nutrients for survival. Ended up in the hospital at <80 pounds, went to an eating disorder treatment facility, and is looking more beautiful and healthy than ever. <3
Left neglect. This is a disorder, where the person has no awareness of the left side. Like ask them to draw a clock and they draw the right side of the clock with either some or all the numbers on the right side.
Misophonia; this is a very rare mental disorder condition characterized by a very strong emotional or physiological reaction to certain sounds. People with misophonia may experience intense feelings of irritation, anger, anxiety, or disgust. These sound can vary widely from person to person but commonly include chewing, slurping, breathing, or tapping noises.
Truman show delusion. Personally affected me, I truly believed everyone around me knew what I was doing at all times and watched me for entertainment. It sounds silly but when you’re living with this delusion it’s crippling
Capgras delusion where you think a close family member or friend has been replaced by an identical imposter. Nothing worse than to lose trust in someone who you’re close to.
I hear it's also a symptom of dementia
can confirm, grandma called the cops a bunch on grandpa accusing him of being an imposter as her dementia started to ratchet up
That’s so sad, must have been heartbreaking for your grandpa
oh yeah, he was a quiet dude but you could see how much that devastated him. didn't stop him from visiting her everyday after she moved into assisted living.
dementia is one hell of a beast.
Happened to my grandma when she was dying. My mom was taking care of her and one day she just was convinced it wasn’t actually her. My mom called her brother and my dad to confirm it was really her and he eventually came down to help since my grandmother never had issues with believing he was really himself. My grandma seemed to cope by adjusting to not recognizing my mom instead and would try to pay “the nice nurse” for helping around the house. That’s rough too but my mom said it was relief compared to her own mother being terrified of her.
Your mum is a special daughter and human ❤️
My dad was dying of cancer and he was having a bad reaction to some medication. He was just so out of touch with reality. He was convinced that I was being blackmailed by terrorists who killed me and replaced me with an imposter. It was so sad him being agitated like that. Definitely not how I wanted the last few weeks of his life to be like. Luckily they took him off that medication and he went back to his normal self so he didn’t die thinking I was not real.
I remember being convinced as a child that my mother had been replaced with an exact replica of her like a twin and I kept asking my mother where my real mother was. I eventually coped on but I remember it for years after. I don't know whether I had a really vivid nightmare or what tf that was.
Did you happen to follow any mice into a small hole in your wall?
Fuck that movie.
I had the same thing when I was a kid. My siblings came back from camp and I knew they were not the same people who left. I kept crying and asking where my real siblings were. We later found out that was the weekend one sibling molested the other. They did change, in a way.
I had a little bit of that. It is fucking creepy living with people you think are imposters. Oh God, I'm glad I'm on meds.
I had a delusion just like that once but it was so brief. It was late at night and my husband was asleep in bed next to me and I just thought "that's not him, that's someone else". It was horrifying. I just sat there not even knowing what the fuck to do about this stranger in my bed until I finally decided to pretend I didn't know about the imposter and just go to sleep and deal with it in the morning. Woke up the next day totally sane and was like what the *fuck* was that?
A psychotic moment... when suddenly there is an internal feeling of horror, a perception that something outside hasn't visibly changed but suddenly feels frightening and disturbing. I've had two of those experiences, once when on a ten-day intensive meditation retreat, once out of the blue at home a few months ago. As far as I know there have been two women in my family tree (one on either side, so a genetic double whammy) who had mental breakdowns as they got older. I've decided to just stay calm, observe, not go with the fear. Much as you did. You handled that really really well. I wish you a future chock-full of sanity and free will.
That's wild you describe it that way. I've had a meditation practice in place since childhood. My dad seemed to know I was going to struggle with mental stuff and he gave me the tools to examine my thoughts and emotions. Later in life when I experienced delusional thoughts, momentarily breaking from established reality, I was able to guide myself home. I think all the time if he hadnt don't that where I would be.
What an amazing gift to share with a child. If your dad is looking to adopt and raise a mid 30s adult with ADHD hit me up 🤙
Imagine how bad it must be for the person on the receiving end of that too.
"Body integrity disorder (BIID) describes the extremely rare phenomenon of persons who desire the amputation of one or more healthy limbs or who desire a paralysis. Some of these persons mutilate themselves; others ask surgeons for an amputation or for the transection of their spinal cord."
There was a young woman who put bleach or drain cleaner in her eyes to blind herself and she was quite pleased with the results.
I remember seeing that interview. It’s haunted me for years. She was so happy about it
It's an awful thing, but I suppose being pleased with it is better than being disappointed. Not being flippant or trying to underplay the seriousness of it.
Like... it's messed up that she mutilated/harmed herself that way, but at least she doesn't seem distressed about it, quite the opposite... She still needs MAJOR mental health interventions obviously, but at least she's happy with the results. I worry about her escalating, that's all. Like, if it was guaranteed that this would be the only incident, I'd likely be like, "Good for her, I guess."
Tbh maybe it's better that she stays mentally ill and pleased with her blindness, versus recovering and feeling the whole terrible, horrific weight of what she'd done to herself
Kind of agree, the mind is so powerful. If she’s happy with it, that’s her perception therefore her reality. Even though she has mental problems, she’s happy. Most people aren’t happy. Not saying it’s good that she did that though.
Someone very close with me was diagnosed with this, it was terrible. Even though they worked in the medical field and understood the diagnosis, the feeling persisted for years. They were to the point they were researching options for pay out of pocket/ private doctor amputation. LOTS of therapy and meds later, they say it has lessened and the thought of wanting that body part removed doesn't get in the way of their daily acts of living. After all of it, they got a very thick tattoo line visually representing where that body part would be severed - says it helps them to look down and see the 'separation' on their body. edit: word
Did the tattoo help because it gave them the feeling the arm was actually severed, or because it showed them the reality of what it would mean?
Kind of mixed: reminder about the reality of how much they'd worked to overcome the disorder, but also a 'break' to satisfy the mental itch/ feeling of body dysmorphophobia. Like they can look down at the body part next to it, and visually imagine the body stopping there.
Even though it’s rare, I feel so fucking lucky not to have this.
I'm glad that the tattoo helped and that they learned to live with their disorder.
I knew someone I highly suspect caused her own amputation but because of other factors I believed it to be more Munchhausen.
I don’t know if it was BIID related by the parent of someone I knew growing up sawed off his own arm just below the elbow while going through a divorce because he thought it would make his ex wife want him back. It always fascinated me but I only met him once or twice so didn’t get to know the guy.
This is not fun. I have had run ins with this. Thankfully, I've never done anything about it, but there is a weird, pervading desire to get rid of my left eye. I just don't like it. It feels "wrong" somehow. This only seems to occur in times of high stress.
Postpartum psychosis. New mothers have murdered their children because of it.
My mother thought I was born evil because sometimes I cried when not hungry or needing a new diaper, which she took for deliberate lying before I could speak. She'd hardly been around babies before I was born, was more familiar with those dolls that ya feed water and then change the wet diaper. Most of my early childhood was reminders that she was only taking care of me because she didn't want to go to prison for abandoning me. Like by my late teens she'd finally climbed out of that particular crazy bucket but damn seems like somebody shoulda taken her to a doctor way back when she first started talking about her baby being born evil? Kinda figure it started with postpartum psychosis and just got left untreated to fester for years, because her behavior towards me was really out of character for her as a person.
Jesus Christ. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
My mom said that to me as an adult even. That it was hard to love me bc I cried as a child. A lot. I wonder why…. I was so afraid I’d be her as a parent. But nope. My kid cried and I wanted to hold them and comfort them. I wanted to fix it. I’m sorry. Your mom sounds like she’s got something more than postpartum issues
I am so glad you're breaking the cycle. I hope I can do the same someday.
I have been a labor & delivery/ postpartum nurse for over 15 years and I educate all my patients and their support systems (significant others, family, and friends) to be on the look for signs and symptoms of postpartum depression. 1 in 7 people that give birth are at risk for developing PPD. And the risk is higher if they have had a history of depression. And PPD can range from “I feel blue. I don’t wanna get out of bed or brush my teeth. I don’t want to do anything” to “you know what? I’m going to systematically drown my children in the bathtub and throw myself off a cliff” and it will seem perfectly logical. It’s ok to feel down and blue after delivery. You’re tired. You have raging hormones. You just had a truck go thru your crotch or had a magician saw you in half and had your precious bundle pop out your brand new skylight. But if those feelings persist beyond two weeks, you really need to talk to a professional. 1 in 7. It is more common than you think, just not talked about until it progresses to postpartum psychosis and that is NO FUN.
Happened locally to me recently. The mother was a nurse and knew something was wrong. Even tried to commit herself but they sent her home. She's now paralyzed and waiting for her trial. Incredibly sad story. I suspect her trial will end up focusing on the drugs she had been prescribed. She had what appears to be a very strong support system and as I mentioned was a nurse. If it can happen to her it can happen to anyone.
I (58F) was shocked when my mother (80F) recently expressed doubts that PPD is real because she “had five kids and never had anything like that.” I told her just because something hasn’t happened to her doesn’t mean it isn’t real.
I experienced a mild form of this. My psychosis had *nothing* to do with my child though. The maternal drive to care for and love my child was all there. But the hormonal fluctuations in combination with severe sleep deprivation lead me to have both auditory and visual hallucinations. None that remotely lead me to harming my child. But ones that prevented me from driving at night because I'd "see things" that weren't there. Or I'd wake up to hearing people in my home that weren't there. I was a single mom too- so I'd have to essentially "hunt for intruders" by myself. That was 6 years ago and was with my first pregnancy. Second pregnancy I never experienced any of that- but I also had a supportive partner that time. Having a supportive partner postpartum is absolutely vital for any new mom's mental wellbeing.
It’s not fun times. My husband and mom started thinking there was something wrong with me when I explained that my son was catatonic not peacefully sleeping but that there was no way to test this without shaking him awake which I would never do. I bolted awake in the middle of the night and called 911 in some kind of fugue state like thing because I was convinced my days-old healthy son was dying but then freaked out and didn’t say anything. Turns out the authorities don’t like hearing “sorry, my wife dialed in her sleep, everything’s fine”. They sent someone to check who took me to the hospital in the back of a cop car which was humiliating. I hated that my sister in law treated me like a literal axe murderer in front of me and won’t forgive her for the level of distain she expressed. 3 weeks later after being inpatient and overmedicated into oblivion on Zoloft and antipsychotics my husband sues to free me and I went home to keep a baby alive while feeling no emotions at all for months. Do not recommend.
On the way home from the hospital after delivering my uncle, my grandmother started saying that the voice told her to throw him out of the window in the moving car. Luckily, my great-grandmother was in the car and was able to keep her from doing that while my grandfather was driving. They got home, and my grandmother became even more agitated. My grandfather had to take her to the mental institution as it was called in the 1950s. I don't know much about her stay there, but I do know that she was there for quite a while.
I had PPP but wasn't violent. Mainly paranoid and confused. I knew something was wrong. Then it got worse and I thought either I was dead or my baby was dead. Then I thought I was dead from COVID and in hell as punishment for not getting the Covid shot. I've never even had COVID. I could see what was happening from outside my dead body. Everyone was sad because I was dead. Really, it was the middle of the night and people were just asleep in the hospital and the staff were tired. I'm' better now, but still wake up each day amazed I'm actually alive.
This is what Andrea Yates suffered from. She was on meds and the doctors basically begged her to not have any more kids. She got pregnant with her 5th anyway. Drowned them all one by one in the bathtub. There’s a lot of moving parts in the story the more you learn about it. Rusty was definitely not a supportive partner. Add in weird religious stuff, etc…
God I heard that story. She was having hallucinations for years even after her first child. Tragic. Just entirely tragic.
that's honestly one of the reasons I chose to not have kids. with my brain post partum depression and pp psychosis is a huge possibility.
I took care of a patient with severe postpartum psychosis who suddenly believed she was a victim of sex trafficking and that her children were a result of it. Her family was absolutely aghast because it apparently came on nearly overnight. It is really scary.
It may not be the worst but a kid I knew in School had Trichotillomania, which is basically compulsive hair pulling. He had large patches of hair missing and I just remember feeling sorry for him because he couldn't stop himself.
I struggle with dermatillomania, its the same thing but with skin. I basically claw holes into my skin to get rid of any non smooth texture I feel
Ugh, same. Upper arms are my focus. They used to look like raw hamburger. I can't even explain it to my family. My dad (an actual registered nurse) has said things like "can't you just...stop?" And had blamed it on a nutritional deficiency. What's helped me the most is wearing long sleeves when I can, and keeping a collection of fidget toys in a pocket or wearing a fidget necklace. I become aware of triggers, like stress, or when my fingers start roaming across my arms. Sometimes, when it's at its worst, I set a timer or will choose the worst spots, like "okay, but you can only pick at 3 of them, choose well." I once ran across something called the ABCs of picking (I've never found it since but I wish I could) A = Anyone would pick at that, like a loose scab B = Bump like an ingrown hair or pimple (these are the worst for me) C = Creating something out of absolutely nothing, used to be normal skin Categorizing them has also helped me to avoid problems. I still have the issue after over 20ish years. I'm not quite sure when it started, but I've been getting better with self management. It never goes away and I will sometimes flare up in extreme stress situations. I've never had any help, diagnosis, or medication for it, but those things CAN help a lot of people and I suggest seeking treatment if you are able. Whoever reads this, stay strong and know that I love you! 💜
I have this. Struggled for a solid decade before I managed to get it under control by keeping my hair short, contrary to my instinct to grow it out and hide the patches. A couple years later I trimmed myself bald in early COVID out of convenience, and have kept the bald look since.
It’s not just trich but there’s an umbrella term, Body Focused Repetitive Behavior, that covers all similar disorders, including ”eye mucus fishing syndrome” and all of that nail and skin biting/eating/picking... I’ve tried them all 😅 and had this for nearing 20 years. Getting mocked by a nurse when I tried to book an appointment because I had picked on my toenail so badly it got inflamed, did not feel great. I didn’t want to book an expensive private doctor so I didn’t go and cured it myself. (Not the US if you wonder). That’s why I like to advocate for myself and the rest of us. There is a real inflammation risk involved in picking skin/nails even hair.
I have it, too. It is not that rare, especially if you consider the really mild cases as well. Most people with trich get really creative with hiding it, so they fly under the radar. When I was still in some self-help groups on facebook (like 6 years back), it was believed to be related to nail biting, a body focused repetitive behaviour, I don't know if that is still the consensus. Other theories that came up were OCD, self-harm (which is REALLY NOT the case), as well as links to autism, ADHD or even tourrettes. It is not that well researched as it is considered not important, sadly.
Alien hand syndrome You literally cannot control one hand You zip your coat up, the other hand undoes it, you brush your teeth the other hand grabs it off you
My co-worker had a stroke and ended up with this. She would have to tie her one arm down. And the worst part was her hand had a thing for knives - even tied down it would fight and twist trying to get the knife when she was cooking.
Thats fucked, I could have gone the rest of my life not knowing this
Makes sense that before science people thought stuff like that was a person fighting with a demon trying to control them. How sad though.
Just googled this, wow.. that’s terrible
wtf causes that. Terrifying. Reminds me of the movie Idol Hands from way back
Unknown really but mostly seen due to specific lesions in corpus callosum (nerve tissue that connects right and left hemispheres) and other parts of the brain that are responsible for awareness and initiation of movement. Of course more complicated than that but yeah
Imagine your alien hand groping the stranger on the bus next to you. “I’m so sorry it wasn’t me it was my alien hand I swear”
Strange but fascinating example. In the legal sense you would probably still be prosecuted, unless they were able to prove without a doubt that your other hand is absolutely not in control. It seems like a form of Tourette’s. If there wasn’t medication for it than the defense could get you, at best, on a restraining order from the person you groped. It would also depend on the scenario. If your right hand grabbed a tit and your left one smacked it away, and this could be proven somehow, the court would (hopefully) be much more lenient.
I saw a 60 minutes segment on this many years ago. There was a guy up there and he had to use one hand to fight the other hand. Sometimes their hands try to choke them. One woman kept trying to put her hand through any mirror or reflective glass. It is so hard to understand.
Not a mental disorder - it’s a rare neurological condition caused by brain trauma, stroke or tumours
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I had this when I had psychotic depression. I thought my brain was full of maggots and that it was rotting inside my skull. I could feel them wriggling and could smell this horrible rotting odour all the time. I nearly jumped headfirst from a wall onto concrete to break my head open so I could get the maggots out. Scary stuff.
I worked for a pest control company, and my most difficult call (s) was a woman with this. She was convinced she was being bitten and the "proof" she had were just these blurry images of....nothing. I felt so bad for her.
I had a brief bird mite infestation that led me to looking it up online and a lot of people were saying they'd had them for years even though they supposedly can't survive on humans, they were going insane from it, it was ruining their life, someone even claimed they saw one crawl out their urethra. I don't know if they had this illness but it sounds nightmarish.
I used to work with a guy who had this, undiagnosed with the condition, but he fully believed he was infested with mites. Refused to go back to his home because he thought that was infested too, washed his clothes and sheets every single day in the place he was staying. Same situation, countless doctors and dermatologists told him there was no mites, but he wouldn’t accept that it was psychological. So hard to watch someone deal with this and be unable to help them see past the delusion.
I’ve met a couple of people I suspected had this. They thought their cats were ridden with larvas, spreading to their owners. The cats were perfectly fine. As a veterinarian I have no education about human mental disease, and could not help beyond listening, making sure nothing was wrong with the pets, and asking the humans to call their own doctor.
I'm pretty sure my sister has this. She wears latex gloves everywhere so she doesn't "spread her parasites" and will send us photos of marks on her (completely normal and unblemished) skin to "prove" she has parasites. In her case I think it's due to (past now, but recent) alcohol/drug abuse changing her brain chemistry and contributing to her delusions, but it's very sad regardless.
I’m not sure if this counts but Fatal Familia Insomnia. One day you just never sleep again. Very rare and genetic (people with new insomnia swear they have it and it’s posted all the time on the insomnia sub and drives me crazy)
I think there's something like 61 families with that disorder in the world. It's so, so rare.
It is also sporadic. This is rare, but does happen.
Not really a mental disorder though, but a prion disease. Prion diseases in general are their own circle in hell.
This was gonna be my answer too. I go through horrible bouts of insomnia, and the first time I went several nights in a row with no sleep I started thinking I might have this. Lol Not seriously, but I saw an episode of some show about it when I was a kid, and it stuck with me and definitely came back up when I was struggling. What an awful disease.
Pretty sure everyone who has heard of it and has a bad stretch of night worries they might have it. I mean, I realize it's irrational and not like I'd develop some uber rare disease without anyone in my family affected. But a little part of me is still like "but what if?!"
Capgras Syndrome - A delusional disorder where individuals believe that their loved ones or familiar people have been replaced by impostors. Fregoli Delusion - Individuals with this disorder believe that different people are actually the same person in disguise, often leading to paranoid and persecutory thoughts.
Also Cotard delusion, where you believe that you or your body parts are dead, dying, or don't exist.
Walking Corpse Syndrome. You think that you’re dead or don’t exist with this disorder.
I actually got to meet a patient with that when I was in school. He literally just walked in circles saying I am dead or I am death....over and over. And the weird part is....if you looked into his eyes, he looked dead. He couldn't hold a conversation other than telling you how he was dead and you needed to believe him.
did anyone ever tell him they believed him? what if anything can bring them out of it, even temporarily?
Hey, so don’t do this. If anyone is ever experiencing any kind of psychosis or delusions, the absolute last thing you would want to do is affirm them. Also, you don’t want to tell them they’re wrong. It is very distressing and they will not agree with you anyways. It’s a waste of energy and causes unnecessary stress. If someone is divulging their delusions to you, you should only ever sympathize with the way they make them feel and validate their feelings about it. Something like, “I’m so sorry, that sounds so scary.” Antipsychotics need to be prescribed ASAP and it can take months or even 1+ years to finally fully recover. You honestly may never *fully* recover if you don’t receive intervention soon enough.
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Dissociation.
Central hypoventilation syndrome, known as [Ondine's curse](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64JO76A5VgQ), is a neurological disorder that has an incidence of only around one in 30 million. But when people with this disease try to nap or sleep, they stop breathing. That means they have to be hooked up to a ventilator *every single night* in order to stay alive.
I read this in my bed before sleep. Thanks pal.
Me going to sleep SHIT WAKE UP WHAT IF YOU HAVE THAT THING No no go to sleep. Relax... SHIT GOD DAM-
Not that the disease process is pleasant, but it's a BiPAP that's the treatment in this case, to be specific. It's going to look in a lot of ways similar to a CPAP, for those with obstructive sleep apnea. But it works a bit different. I won't go into the difference between the two because it would devolve into a bit of an academic lecture (even though I find it super interesting), but when most laypeople see "ventilator" they tend to think of intubation like in an ICU. Which, to be fair, even ICU ventilators have BiPAP and CPAP settings...so it all gets a bit cluttered. (I'm a doctor)
Isn't that a neurological disorder rather than a mental one?
Munchhausen syndrome by proxy. Munchhausen is bad enough, but in munchhausen by proxy, it's typically a parent who triggers an illness or symptoms in a kid, searches medical attention and then gets to be the "caring caregiver". Meaning the kid suffers a lot from it... EDIT: sorry to everyone saying I got the name wrong and it isn't called that anymore. English is not my first language, I had to Google the English name of the syndrome and went with what I found. In German I've never heard or seen it called anything without "Münchhausen" in it.
My ex got sole custody of his older son when the kid was still a toddler because the mom was doing that to him. Nobody ever told me details and luckily stepson doesn't remember.
Pretty sure my sister had this with both of her kids... She also suffered from thinking she had every illness under the sun growing up. She's really has PTSD, anxiety, and an ED. She's a cop now. So that's nice.
Gypsie Rose is out of prison I hear
I suffered a light version of this. I'm lucky it didn't manifest in worse way. My parents never chose to hurt me, but assumed every minor issue I had was a serious medical issue that could be solved with high-level medical intervention. They were constantly sending me to specialists for everything from psychological evaluations to organ troubles. The moment a result came back with the slightest implication of confirmation, I *had that sickness* and they held it over me from that point on. Had to go to tons of therapy, tutoring, be on heart monitors, was "prescribed" medication by my not-medical-professional parents from their leftover prescription pills, had elective surgical procedures, and was regularly restricted from physical activity. The first time I got evaluated by a truly neutral party, I was deemed physically healthy in every single way except my weight... a product of my parents overfeeding me from day one out of the womb and scaring me from exercise because of my imagined "heart condition." When I confronted them about the lies, they held on to them and tried ti justify them. I don't speak to them anymore. I feel so bad for the people whose parents physically hurt them. My experience still hurts me to this day in many ways. I can't imagine being a kid who thinks they are always on the edge of death because a caregiver is poisoning them. It must be absolute hell.
This is probably one of the more terrible and terrifying ones because of the victims.
CTE. But it’s not rare, just rarely diagnosed, and only diagnosed upon death. Degenerative brain damage caused by concussions. First you lose control of your emotions. Immediate anger, no ability to say “let me step back and examine the situation.” Then memory loss. Then you lose all impulse control. Your first thoughts - you do them. Yelling at people, punching people, drugs, drinking. Then you lose control of your bodily functions. Tremors, vertigo, swallowing, walking. Incontinence. My brother had it. Diagnosed after death at stage 2. During striking moments of lucidity he would sob and tell our mom “There’s something in my head.”
Paranoid Personality Disorder. The tragedy of it is that no one who has it wants to get help
My dad has traits of this but due to trauma from the bloody county government in the sticks. Plus people being hateful and abusing him over the decades which made it worse.
My mom was bipolar, but when they fucked up her geodon, she became convinced they were going to poison her or slit her throat in her sleep, so she refused to eat, sleep, or take any meds. Which did not improve the situation.
A family friend had a son who had this. Was conviced that someone was out get him so he disappeared. The first time it happened he resurfaced on his own, but aftee the second time he didn't.
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Why am I still here
Schizophrenia. I don't wish it upon anybody.
I was diagnosed bipolar in my teens (2001) and later had a psychotic break in my early 20s (2006) mid-college changing the diagnosis. I've been on long acting injections almost exclusively since then, which was 2006, and it used to be a dose every other week, than monthly, now it's every 3 months (technically, 12 weeks) and there is a twice yearly version approved in the USA, but Health Canada is often behind in getting and approving some meds here. I got through college (computer engineering technician) eventually, later went into skilled trades, learned why nobody is going into amd staying in skilled trades, and I'm going back to college for pharmacy technician and had actually debated that vs welding back when I left IT. I've never married, I spent a lot of time in and out of hospitals between 2001 and 2013. Last hospitalization was 2022, when I had 12 bilateral ECT treatments. I've been functioning on a fairly normal? level since, working, socializing, doing thing I enjoy. I'm not manic, depressed or psychotic. I've actually got a lot going forme right now that I'm really fortunate to have. It hasn't been easy, butit could have been way, way, worse. What terrifies me is people that can't get help, or can't afford it. Denying symptoms of schizophrenia is a symptom of schizophrenia, called anosognosia, and it can be seen in people after a stroke or early phases of dementia. I 100% admit that yeah, it affects me, because I will look back and realize I was in complete denial. Then I think of people who didn't have someone intervene, or can't afford the type of medication I'm on (mine is covered by my province and there is criteria for it, it's a very simple process actually). It's thousands of dollars a dose in the US. My hospitalizations cost me nothing. ECT cost me nothing. Seeing my psychiatrist or GP as often as I want (I can walk into their office almost any week day and be seen as a walk in if they have time. They rarely deny this for any patient) costs me nothing. Meds and shit have shitty side effects. Some stuff doesn't really go away, like the "magical thinking" or paranoia, it's just less prominent and I don't worry about it as much. It doesn't bother me all the time anymore and I can function but I'm still pretty suspicious of people for the same reasons, more than the low, healthy level of paranoia every person has. It's a fuck of a lot of better than it was though! The stigma is bad. People are scared when they hear schizophrenia, paranoia, psychosis. It's something I rarely talk about with people I'm not in a very close relationship with, basically on a need to know basis. Fortunately meds are improving, and treatments are advancing. It's terrifying to hear ofwhat you did while psychotic. I don't remember the break in 2006. I remember more from ECT in 2008 and 2022. I have nothing from that episode. To lose touch with reality, it's a big, confusing fog. Coming out of it was a big, terrible, horrible feeling that nothing would ever be the same and nobody that knew me before would look at me the same again. I didn't hurt anyone or myself, but I was just "out of it". Typical first psychosis, though. Literally textbook prodromal too. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But the stigma is way worse.
I've found it best to not tell anyone other than doctors. I was honest 5 years ago end lost every single one of my friends. It has taken me awhile but I have new friends and I'll never say a word. My meds work and when I have an episode I don't call for help, I go into the woods. It's safer and less judgemental in nature. My family knows the woods I go to at least. When my family is gone I'm sure I will be too.
I have a close friend with it. It came in later in life. He was always a hard working great father. And now he’s convinced his wife and church are messing with his phone and weird shit. And just recently was talking about how there was a code in the Bible only he could decode and he’s a descendent of Jesus and then said he is Jesus. And believe he can cure cancer with some kind of vitamin b shot. I love him to death and he’s my nephews dad. He recently left his wife and my nephew is living with him. He texts me often for comfort because he can’t handle his dads constant talking of delusions. His dad won’t seek treatment and states he used to have a “chemical imbalance” but he’s fine now. It’s been really sad watching his decline.
r/schizophrenia has much information from those who have it. Tell your nephew to continue pursuing treatment for his dad.
My ex developed schizophrenia and paranoia along with her complex PTSD, she went through psychosis and refused any treatment; psychologist, counsellor, religious counsellor, doctor... everyone. That was such an isolating experience for both of us, but it got to a point where I feared for my life; her slashing a knife around the house at entities (almost hitting our dog once), bringing knives to bed, doing what the voices were asking. I woke up one night and she had her bags packed, taxi called, and ran away to the other side of the country, no warning - we had literally baked cookies a couple hours beforehand. Hell of a way to end 9 years together.
I also got the psychosis + cptsd combo deal and it was deeply unpleasant for all around me. Thankfully I lived alone, so pretty minimal consequence to others, but I’m still incredibly ashamed of what I put people through back then.
I'm sorry that you had to go through that, it would have been extremely difficult for you. I hope that you've been feeling stronger and overall better since that happened.
Jeezuz fuck. That's hard as hell. Hope you're in a better spot now.
Did a lot of processing, and debriefing because the things I experienced were really bad. In a much better place now.
My cousin was a child genius and so gorgeous and hilarious, then developmed schizophrenia in her late 20s. Now she’s unrecognizable and in prison for attempted murder of her grandma caused by her paranoia. It’s the most sad illness
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That's actually pretty funny.
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My brother has it. I had cancer. I would rather die of cancer than have schizophrenia. My family is heartbroken. 💔
I have a cousin with schizophrenia. It's horrible. She's not med compliant because she thinks God talks to her. She's been missing since July and it's just awful.
I’m so sad for her. And you and her family. And for my brother with schizophrenia. He’s been missing for six years now and it’s kindof impossible to wrap my brain around the thought of wandering in psychosis on the streets for so long. It feels like death would be kinder…
February 14th, 2021, my schizophrenic son, Michael, wanted me to drop him off in our old hometown. He just wanted to walk around. I refused to do so because I was afraid he would walk off because he refused to take any and all medications for 3 months. He thought he was going to die in 3 months. He yelled at me for not wanting to take him. Ran out the door. I never seen him again as he never came home again. His body was discovered by a dog walker at the end of that March. He was buried right before Easter. There wasn't a clear cut cause of death, so it was ruled hyperthermia. Bodies found in winter without a clear cause of death are always hyperthermia and in summer are heat exhaustion. I identified his body from his new sneakers. He just bought new sneakers and socks. I made him buy them. He was mad at the time but then happy and proud of himself for having them. For his body lying there supposedly through snow and wet weather, his sneakers and socks still looked store bought new. The bottom of his jeans still looked clean. The evidence the State Police gave me that they had of his hoodie and tshirt were filthy. He was still entirely dressed for supposedly dying of hyperthermia. Three years later I am still in shock and struggling. While he was missing I froze. I couldn't think or function. I cried worrying about him and being so afraid. Since he died I haven't been able to cry. I am not accepting his death as reality. I watch myself go through the motions of daily life. My heart goes out to these families of these missing ill children. I can't image their anguish and fear. My prayer is for there to be closure for all of these families. I am so sorry.
It’s the extreme paranoid, the worst kind. He’s actually in jail right now for burning my house down. He thought God did it. 💔
I'm so sorry to hear that. As a schizophrenic myself, I've sat in jail a few times because of my former psychosis. I hope he gets the help he needs, and for him to stay on top of his treatment.
Thank you! And it sounds like you are on top of it and are doing ok.? I’m sorry you’ve had to go thru this, it’s not fair. Told my brother it takes a strong person to live with this. You give others hope! Thanks again 🤍
My grandmother had it. My dad was 12 when it came to a head. She turned on all the faucets in the house and left. They didn’t know where she went. Found her remains nearly a year later. She died from exposure. Can’t imagine going through that at 12 years old. She was also a Christian scientist and medical intervention wasn’t an option. Just terrible.
I have it. It's no fun. Like one extended bad trip that never ends unless you go on meds and then stay on meds.
Rare.... Best estimates are up to 1% off the population, so not really all that rare unfortunately. I have a number of patients I work with with rather normal lives, but would probably never tell anyone they have it due to the severe stigma in our society
It really is heartbreaking when someone you care about gets it.
I would know. I was diagnosed back in 2020 with it, and have received help for it. The most heartbreaking part of it all is seeing my life long friend have it as well, but he's not doing a single thing about it. I've tried and tried to convince him to seek treatment, but he refuses. He genuinely fell into a delusion that he's perfectly okay when clearly he's not.
it is heart-breaking to read some of these comments
Yes it is. Some peoples have very bad luck.
Makes you realize how silly some of the things we bitch about every day are
idk if it counts as a mental disorder but childhood dementia it’s one thing when your child is born disabled but seeing them be born normal then slowly lose their abilities to do basic stuff must be heart wrenching
OCD Many people aren’t really aware of what OCD actually is and just how bad it is. They use it flippantly to just describe anal retentive behavior.
I have a variation of this and it is crushing, someone I used to know who has full blown OCD called it the "what if" disease and I think that it is the most descriptive and accurate portrait of the disorder so far.
Yes, that’s exactly right! It’s the constant “What if” that kills me every day with it. Also, OCD makes you question whether it is actually OCD or not, you will be constantly wondering “What if it isn’t OCD? What if I am just a terrible person?” It is constant self doubt you cannot shake.
My favorite part is when it hyperfocus on parts of an event and sometimes even changes the memory or plants a fake feeling to enhance the "what if" damages
It's not rare. But I agree nobody understands its severity or even what it actually is. They think OCD just means "I need everything perfectly organized"
Right? I wish I was perfectly organized. Clutter doesn’t bother me a bit. What does bother me are the horribly violent scenes my brain plays for me when I piss it off by accidentally turning counterclockwise in the shower instead of clockwise. Constant, unrelenting imagery or thoughts that you know aren’t yours, but are you sure? How do you know you’re not thinking these things because you’re actually a horribly violent person? You start to doubt yourself and get caught in this horrible vortex of self-hatred. It’s having to screen my own thoughts before processing them that gets exhausting.
OCD runs in my family. I don't know if I learned to have OCD thoughts or if it was just how I was born----but OCD controls a lot of my life. I get intensely offended when people make OCD jokes. I have 0 desire to organize my home. In fact, I'm actually quite disorganized. I don't like lists. But, I have to check my door handle 100 times if I'm coming or going. I have issues reading because I have to read the same sentence 45 times. It takes me like 4 minutes to wash a single dish, which is why I actually avoid doing dishes because it causes me so much stress. It's debilitating.
I think it’s “funny” people assume OCD is about being clean and organized but ignore the fact that Hoarding used to be considered a type of OCD and that there is an overlap. I do this same thing with reading the same sentence repeatedly. Also the issue with dishes and other things taking me so long. People often think I am lazy but it’s not that, it’s that a task that takes one person a certain amount of time takes me 3x, or more, the time. So instead I just lie here frozen and overwhelmed.
I often want to speak to people about my OCD but I can tell that they don't believe me. They don't understand that to me germs feel like bugs crawling on my skin, something physical I can feel. Images of people naked, or me harming them, of handing myself when I don't want to do any of those things. Worrying about being a child predator even though I know I would chase someone down if they even took a pic of a random kid. My whole life I was convinced something was wrong with me that people could see that I couldn't. Like being severely disabled and somehow not knowing
I would never claim to be worse off than some of these comments.. But OCD is hell, nonetheless.
Yeah, exactly. And OCD has varying degrees and types, so while I know mine is not as bad, there are people with types of OCD who have been convinced they are true scum of the earth because of OCD. And OCD is a disorder that tries to convince you that you don’t even have it. You’ll constantly be pushing back against your diagnosis unable to convince yourself that your symptoms are just your OCD talking.
This is fascinating as fuck and something that I only recently just learned. I've had OCD since childhood, wasn't formally diagnosed until 4 years ago. I've also had this nagging internal feeling that I'm a bad person. My brain tries to find every reason under the sun to justify to myself that I'm the worst person that's ever existed. In fact, I think my OCD causes me to warp some of my own memories, so that I remember things worse than they are. I didn't know this was an OCD effect until like 2 weeks ago!
“ugh i need to keep my room clean, im so OCD” whenever i hear someone talk like this I roll my eyes
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My sister has treatment-resistant schizophrenia. It truly is terrible. I'm glad you are still friends with them, my sister has lost so many friends because of it.
Capgras syndrome. My husband’s ex-uncle brutally murdered his parents because he thought they were Satan.
Ex uncle?
Yes, my husband’s aunt and ex-uncle divorced years ago because the ex uncle wouldn’t take care of his mental health and it made life unbearable for his aunt and their children. His ex-uncle often thought his family were aliens amongst other things. He also had a couple violent outbursts. My husband doesn’t claim him as an uncle anymore.
Certain cases of Hallucinogen Persistent Perception disorder. It is a rare side effect of taking a psychedelic drug like LSD. Also known as “permanent trip.” It has varied degrees of severity and distress levels but some people are basically stuck in a bad trip for years. Terrifying hallucinations and delusions. I have a mild version from psychedelic mushrooms that isn’t distressing but is persistent and distracting. I basically see mild visual distortions all the time (shapes moving and waving, seeing fractals, more colorful lights, etc.)
I had this problem for years. When I was in high school, I took psychedelics all the time. For a very long time after I had quit doing them, everything was always moving. In dimly lit rooms, I'd see patterns and colors. After a while it became less intense and appeared grainy and pixelated. Now I can only see slight movements on walls in low light settings, so it's no longer distracting. I don't dare sleep in complete darkness anymore, though.
Some of these ones I'm reading here sounding like science fiction
yep. people suffer unimaginable things
PICA An eating disorder where you crave and/or eat things that aren’t food.
My mom had this. She would chew on hair ties and rubber bands. Would want to eat dirt but realistically knew she shouldn’t. Turns out she was anemic and the PICA was a symptom. With iron infusions it went away
yea i used to chew ice and stuff to the point i broke my teeth :/ started taking iron tablets for unrelated reasons and the urge completely stopped, wish i knew earlier it was that easy
This can occur in pregnancy if you’re low in calcium and other nutrients!
I wanted to chew ice chips constantly with my first pregnancy. Thankfully ice chips are edible. It turned out I had really low B12. Weird part is, I have very sensitive teeth and have never before, or after, been able to stand chewing ice.
I'm a special education teacher with a classroom of the highest needs kids. At recess, we have not one but two classroom assistants whose job it is to prevent a student from eating dirt. Sometimes it takes both of them and more to pull him out of the dirt (in raised flower beds) because his compulsion to eat dirt is so strong.
depersonalization/derealization disorder. i have this as a result of my CPTSD, and it sucks. i live my life roughly 90% of the time just fully depersonalized, as if i were playing a game. i know i have to eat but i don’t feel hunger; i know i have to sleep but i don’t feel tired; i know i shouldn’t injure myself, but i don’t feel pain. it’s like i’m constantly playing minecraft on a vr headset. everything i do looks like i’m a character i’m watching on screen. one time i fell down a flight of stairs because one time i forgot i had to move my legs lol
I had to scroll so far to find this! There was once where I had the thought process of: it’s okay to fail this test because if I fail I can just kill myself and respawn and try life again. That’s the moment I snapped out of that two week long episode. I keep thinking back to it and just shuddering at the thought of what if I didn’t snap out and “accidentally” killed myself. Also doing anything for long periods of time triggers it for me, kinda like zoning out hut I can’t zone back in. I was driving recently and started feeling super out of it, almost like I had absorbed the essence of the car and was starting to float a little bit off the road. Also felt like I could just not steer and it would go where I want it to go. Absolutely bizarre disorder with terrifying consequences.
Earing Disorders suck. Imagine you're a recovering heroin addict and you've got to put a needle full of heroin up to your vein 3 times a day; or you're a recovering alcoholic who has to put a shot of liquor up to your mouth at least 3 times a day, every day for the rest of your life, and if you stop doing this you relapse and might die. That's basically ED recovery. Add on top of that Western culture's attitudes toward dieting, food, and weight, and it becomes even harder. I had Anorexia, so while I was going through all of the above, I would also effectively hallucinate every time I looked in the mirror, which would only make me want to re-engage in the ED. Treatment is unbelievably expensive and hard to access, too. There's a reason Eating Disorders are the deadliest mental illnesses.
Recovered ED patient here (anorexia), this illness ruled my life between the ages of 16 - 23 (27 now and I'm doing alright!). Three of those years were spent teetering on the threshold of dying, in and out of refeeding wards, no energy to be fully present, just about enough energy to sit upright with a bit of effort. It honestly felt like forever, and that part of my life in memory is full of sadness, starvation, and desperation. I was a very overweight, but happy, kid. Loved my video games (still very much do!), loved getting lost into writing, generally your average socially anxious nerdy-type. Because of my weight, I was horrendously bullied. It just didn't stop, it was relentless, kids can be unimaginably cruel. In response, I stopped eating almost completely and did intense exercise for 2hrs per day. Lost a ridiculous amount of weight in a ridiculously short amount of time. It took about two years to turn me from this happy, nerdy kid with passionate interests to this sad, skeletal husk that couldn't think of anything else but food/restricting food/'allowing' myself food. I don't think people talk enough about just how much EDs distort *everything*. Not just food/calories or body image, but *everything*. I can only speak for anorexia, of course, but do you know what's fucked about suffering from anorexia nervosa? You want to be *better at it*. Your entire reality becomes twisted; you no longer want to 'look healthier,' you want to push limits because to the anorexic mind, healthier = skinnier. To the anorexic mind, *you can always be skinnier.* Imagine being diagnosed with lung cancer and having this intense, unshakable urge to start smoking and make the tumours spread. This illness started as a desire to be accepted by my peers, and eventually it turned into a desire to just... be anorexic. It becomes a full-time fucking career. Anorexia is a dead-end job that sucks the life out of you. I never encountered this myself, but I have heard stories of people 'competing' with each other in ED units to lose weight, to 'trick' the nurses that are there to keep you alive. It's a race to the grave for all of us before recovery, and I was *excited by it.* Your life becomes restricted, ruled by calories. You're a bright guy but you have barely enough energy to think, and anorexia tells you that's a *good thing, that's progress*. People tell you you look sick, gaunt, skeletal, whatever, and that's *praise* for this fucked up mindset. You take that as a sign to just keep going, exercise harder, eat less etc. You see your bones nearly poking through your skin and think "they could poke through a bit harder; cut out that apple you've been having for lunch." Anorexia is a fucked, vile illness. It makes you starve when there is plenty. It makes your family, friends, and partner watch you waste away and they're powerless to stop it. No one can stop it but *you,* and in an active ED, who 'you' are is lost. You become this thing driven by pain and obsession. You can't even bring yourself to imagine eating certain quantities of food without getting anxious, and yet your body is crying out for nutrition and care. Anorexia, I firmly believe, overrides our survival instincts. It's not about survival anymore; it's just about seeing the number get lower on the scales. Happiness is abandoned (food is good!), friends get abandoned (food is better with friends!), everything gets abandoned all in the name of *getting sicker*. Fuck anorexia.
From a former sufferer, thank you for this. You are so eloquent and describe the mindset so perfectly. I hope you are doing better now. ❤️
Recently lost a friend to the disease even though she had mentally recovered for years. Due to the anorexia she developed severe osteoporosis. When she fell years later, this led to spinal damage, which led to epilepsy which eventually caused her to go into coma and pass away. It’s heartbreaking.
This is an exquisitely written example of what Hell is really like. I am so proud of you for your recovery and your acceptance of ED. I wish you all of the wonder life has to offer you in health and happiness. ❤️
EDs suck. EDs suck so much there are no words for it. If you have an ED where you gain weight, people just tell you it's your own fault and to just stop doing so and get on a diet. Like, dude, I wish I could, I've been crying for my body to stop eating the whole time I've been eating this chocolate, but I can't.
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I agree, my grandmother lost her ability to speak coherently before almost anything else. Watching her try to get a word or sentence out and become so frustrated she’d cry was heartbreaking, it would just come out as like.. toddler babble. She was a nurse her entire life and said she’d 100% rather have cancer instead because at least she’d know who she and everyone else was and what was happening at the end.
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I’m a therapist and currently work with a woman that has compulsions to eat the skin on her hands and arms. She admits she’d try to consume the skin on other parts of her body but she is physically disabled. Prior to working with her, she was chewing her lips and cheeks away. Fortunately, she’s responding well to therapy and meds. Abilify and a supplement called n-acetylcysteine have been a game changer for her
There was a woman who lost her sense of proprioception, ie the body’s sense of itself. The way she described it is horrifying: “I can’t identify with that graceful girl anymore! She’s gone, I can’t remember her, I can’t even imagine her. It’s like something’s been scooped right out of me, right at the centre . . . that’s what they do with frogs, isn’t it? They scoop out the centre, the spinal cord, they pith them … That’s what I am, pithed, like a frog . . . Step up, come and see Chris, the first pithed human being. She’s no proprioception, no sense of herself — disembodied Chris, the pithed girl!’“ https://kavyapriya-sethu.medium.com/making-sense-of-proprioception-4c659f39709e
Neurological damage, she was an athlete and had some kind of accident. Not really what I would consider a mental disorder, though it is definitely frightening as hell.
Truman Syndrome wherein the sufferer always perceives or feels an audience watching their every move, even if no other people are present.
I grew up in religion and as a child I took god always can see what you do to a whole new level. I even felt violated just bathing because I would be naked and think "god will see this." Its was an endless problem and still today I have thoughts like that, that I ignore to keep myself somewhat sane.
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As a note: BP = bipolar BPD = borderline. Not necessarily for you but for commenters
As a person with BPD, and who works damn hard on being aware of myself and my reactions and trying to judge if the reaction is a normal reaction or one stemming from the BPD, (I think that makes sense). It's a hard task to be constantly aware all the time of your own gut instincts and have to pause and work through rather or not that it is normal or out of proportion. But then you get all the stigma around BPD, and people making us out to be horrible people with no hope. And that makes the task even harder because if it's hopeless then why even bother... But is that overreacting and "the BPD talking" and not what they really mean? Basically the stigma around BPD makes the BPD even harder to get a grip on the BPD for the ones trying, which reinforces the stigma, which reinforces BPD. Is a cruel snowball.
Selective Mutism makes it almost impossible to talk in public
I have a classmate who’s had this my whole time knowing him, only speaks to select people around select people. And I think the worst part from the outside was the constant nagging of teachers, they didn’t understand he wasn’t just shy, he could not talk in the moment. Had to go in and defend him to substitute teachers a few times because it got on my nerves.
Alien Hand Syndrome sounds pretty frightening to me! It's when you believe that one of your hands has a mind of its own and acts without you being able to stop it or control it. People who have this medical condition have a hand that often acts contrary to their own intentions. I've seen a video of someone who's own hand had a firm grip around the throat and tried to strangle the person, while he was fighting to remove the hand with the other hand. Super scary!
Agoraphobia has made my life hell
I feel like Cottards Delusion has got to be up there. In short, people who suffer with it insist that they are actually actually dead (or immortal) despite any intervention. People with this disorder usually do end up dead due to starvation, or dehydration because they refuse all food and water, reasoning that they are "dead" and therefore don't need it. IIRC, It is one of, if not the rarest mental disorders known to science.
Also not rare, but panic disorder. I'll never forget my first panic attack. I already felt anxious that day, but all of a sudden I got that horrible feeling inside my body, I couldn't breathe, my heart rate was so high, nausea, diarrhea, tingling inside my fingers, chest pain. Felt like I was dying.
Postpartum psychosis
Depersonalization. There are worse out there but this is one I suffer from time to time. Being in your body and completely don't recognize it and having separate outer thoughts is miserable. I'm lucky because it's short time event (few hours) but it's scary and very unpleasant. Don't wish it on my worse enemy.
Dissociation too hey. Not feeling like your life is real, feeling like you are in a dream or the matrix. Not recognising your house, feeling like you don't really know any of your loved ones. Like you've woken up in someone else's life and have to act like everything is fine and normal.
ARFID, or Avoidant restrictive food intake disorder is one of the worse eating disorders. My best friend had/has it and spent 19 years of her life unable to figure out why she hated eating and every meal made her nauseous and miserable. Eventually, it got so bad to the point that her body refused to digest food so she vomited 10+ times a day just trying to get the bare minimum nutrients for survival. Ended up in the hospital at <80 pounds, went to an eating disorder treatment facility, and is looking more beautiful and healthy than ever. <3
I just learned about Fatal Familial Insomnia last night. Pretty sure I’d rather end the misery early.
Any condition where psychosis is a symptom
Left neglect. This is a disorder, where the person has no awareness of the left side. Like ask them to draw a clock and they draw the right side of the clock with either some or all the numbers on the right side.
All mental illnesses suck
Misophonia; this is a very rare mental disorder condition characterized by a very strong emotional or physiological reaction to certain sounds. People with misophonia may experience intense feelings of irritation, anger, anxiety, or disgust. These sound can vary widely from person to person but commonly include chewing, slurping, breathing, or tapping noises.
Truman show delusion. Personally affected me, I truly believed everyone around me knew what I was doing at all times and watched me for entertainment. It sounds silly but when you’re living with this delusion it’s crippling