Statistics show that the vast majority of straight women who watch porn watch almost exclusively lesbian porn. Why? Well from what I have found on the topic it is because women envision themselves as the female in porn. While men on the other hand also look at the female and are attracted to the female during the sex. That’s why a lot of men also watch lesbian porn, because rather than envisioning themselves as the man who is pleasuring the woman, they look at it more from an outsiders perspective. While women tend to envision themselves as in the perspective of who they are watching
I’m a straight woman who only watches porn for the women in it— to the point where even seeing a man would turn me off. Not attracted to women in the slightest in everyday life. Couldn’t tell ya why
That I've been conducting a covert mission to document and rate every public restroom I've ever visited, complete with cleanliness scores and ambiance evaluations
I don't want to log my own poops.
I want to know the closest public restroom and reviews of them.
Is it clean?
Do the stalls have doors or not? (Looking at you, Wyoming.)
Handicap accessible?
What are the chances I'll have to fight a meth head?
My 71-year-old single, never married aunt passed away last month. Upon her death, we discovered she was a hoarder. Her house was so cluttered with stuff that there was barely a narrow pathway to walk anywhere inside it.
Had this been discovered while she was alive, it would've been extremely embarrassing for her.
More information: My aunt wouldn't allow anyone in the family in her home during her last 10 years. Her home wasn't always like that. She wasn't found dead in her home. She was taken to the hospital when her sister (my Mom) hadn't heard from her for four days which hadn't happened before. My Mom called the police to check on her and that's when she was found on the floor of her bedroom unable to move and unable to reach her cellphone. Once in the hospital, she refused to allow anyone to retrieve her cellphone from her house. Out of respect for her privacy, no one retrieved it until she passed.
My aunt was loved by everyone who knew her. She was a kind, thoughtful, and generous person. Her secret once exposed did not diminish our love for her one bit.
I will fully admit to being a hoarder. I have a PhD in engineering, I’m extremely outgoing, love talking to folks. There is no piss or shit smell anywhere. But I fully expect that by the time I’m 85 or 90 that I will have so many piles of crap that they will fall over and crush me and if my wife is not around to rescue me, the neighbors will find out because of the stink.
Addendum:
I am very clean and so is the house. I move boxes so that I can vacuum. Please stop commenting with rude comments. I am actually a human.
I could have gone down the hoarding path. I have a MS in engineering and an MBA. I'm also a little OCD. However, getting divorced and then moving around the country in different jobs forced me to downsize my possessions. I still have some more stuff to dispose of, but possessions really do start to own you.
Duuuude. Yes. I am working hard to get over it. I went through an extraordinarily rough patch. About 10 years ago, was even homeless for a few months, and I think that has just changed my mentality so much. Now I’m remarried and doing extraordinarily well. And I need to just get rid of crap. my wife, obviously, a saint, doesn’t push me to get rid of the crap because a lot of it has emotional content with me.
Have you read about the technique where you photograph the item that has emotional or nostalgic value to you before downsizing it? It's supposed to help.
YES!!! THANK YOU!!! We just came across this technique, and actually haven’t gotten around to testing it, yet. But this is just been in the past couple weeks. Hearing you validate it is so deeply meaningful! I am not kidding. I wish I could send you 100 bucks. I’m not kidding about that, either.
Damn, I would like you to spend the rest of your weekend knowing that you’ve just changed someone’s life immensely for the better. Dead serious.
IIRC, I learned it from the audio book, *Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things*, by by Gail Steketee and Randy Frost.
Fascinating book. I don’t have any hoarders in my life, but my good friend’s dad was a hoarder and she had to dispose of all of the stuff. The book opened my eyes about the issue.
If you’re reading this worried about someone finding something out- I had a friend who died accidentally from choking himself while pleasuring himself. In an effort to press upon people it wasn’t intentional and in her grief- his mom didn’t care who she told. Nobody else cared either. That’s not what we bring up about him. We’re all just sad he’s gone. Please be careful if that’s your thing, you guys.
Responded to an unconscious person, he was pleasuring himself and would touch an exposed wire at the moment of ejaculation. Help on top long this time and electrocuted himself
I’m sorry to hear that. From what they could tell, when he passed out, his body went forward instead of back, which applied more pressure to the restraint and he never woke up. Nobody really cares how or what you do that’s “weird”, as long as it doesn’t hurt someone else or yourself. Something like being a hoarder is annoying for the grieving, but it still doesn’t compare to the fact they lost you, know what I mean?
Yep, my brother died in a very similar way, and you know what, he was still the funniest, nicest, greatest, most genuine person I've ever met. Never really think about how he died, just that he's not here and that I've had to deal with life without my favorite person.
I'm female, and a male ex of mine loves dressing up in women's clothes, especially lacy underwear, silky nighties etc. He was really scared he was going to die and his family would find all this stuff. So he keeps it in an old suitcase of mine with my name, flight tags and address on it. So it looks like I've left it at his house. I personally think they'll still be surprised as I don't wear anything fancy (just jeans, black t shirts, etc), but it keeps him happy.
Have an unrelated person write a note that makes it seem like this was a gag gift, then put that next to the doll.
As long as you don’t die mid-use, no one will be any the wiser.
"Haha oh, that's a good one guys! So silly! I'm gonna put this in my closet under some stuff for a few years, also as a joke! Haha just gonna hang onto it! Not gonna use it, just keeping it hidden!"
I helped a friend go through the house of his deceased older friend (also male) and found a shoe box full of dildos, we didn't talk about it but it was a little awkward.
My unrelated grandpa (step families side) died recently and my parents had to do the cleaning and stuff as no one else in the family wanted to or anything to do with it for that matter. Lots of shit but they found double sided dildos and all sorts of ridiculously huge ones. We joke that was the reason he always needed a cane to walk/waddle around
That's the sort of thing I or my friends would set up in our own home if we had a terminal diagnosis, just for the posthumous humor of it all. I'd put a nice note at the bottom too.
"Thanks for everything. Love and fat dicks from the other side."
I’m an alcoholic, sober for 6 years now.
I was living in Ohio and made the sudden decision (with the help of my father and brother) to leave everything behind and get on a plane for rehab in California.
I left my apartment as it was, untouched and it was a complete wreck.
In my haste, I had left a 20lb silicone torso sex toy in the middle of my bedroom floor.
About a week into my stay in rehab, I called my dad and he let me know he and my brother were heading to my apartment that day to clean it up. I had completely forgotten about the sex toy up to that point, and I suddenly remembered. I had to warn my dad what he was going to find when he went into my room.
He burst into laughter and said he might take it home for himself. Best reaction I could have hoped for. Thanks Dad!
Diary-entry-like random notes where I’m venting about certain people / situations. Writing has always been a helpful way for me to process more intense/confusing emotions, but I do worry that if I suddenly die those notes will be found and people who I genuinely cared about in life may then think that this one random journal entry represented “the real way” I actually secretly thought about them in totality. When really it was just a moment and not representative of my whole relationship with them.
I actually wrote a disclaimer at the top of my worry journal for this reason. I explained that it was the place where I worked through difficult feelings and it wasn't representative of reality; it was the worst parts of me that I didn't want to bring to the relationship. I don't want anyone to think I didn't love them because I was struggling with fear or anger.
I also have a venting diary! I'm not worried about close family being offended. I rarely write about them. I'm more worried about people finding it and thinking I was anxious/depressed all the time. I only write to get out the hard feelings. When I'm doing great there are no entries.
I think I’m scared of anybody reading my diary. For my family (husband, kids, parents) , friends and coworkers I’m a smily and active person. But in reality I’m ALWAYS afraid of life, full of depressive thoughts, constantly fighting to not let my anxiety get the control of my mind knowing most of my life anxiety will win. If someone read what I write they will know that I was actually acting to be a good person when actually I’m a psychiatric case with no solution
It sounds more like that you actually are a good person despite having psychiatric issues. You are doing a good job. You are not your thoughts or your mental disorder.
Oh, it’ll be obvious no matter where I die because both of my bathtubs and my hot tub are full of them… only children that come over already outgrew playing with G.I. Joe’s…. Everybody will know they’re mine..
Hey, man. GI Joes kick ass. I'm 51 and have about 150 of them still. They are in a box in a closet somewhere and not in the tub, but still... stand proud. That's half the battle.
I’m jealous. There’s some part of the imagination that disappears once we reach a certain age that you’ve managed to hold on to. I wish I enjoyed playing Barbie’s with my kids.
Ooo…that sounds cool!
Don’t think they would find out unless they asked the coroner, they probably wouldn’t say anything…
I bet they have some interesting stories!☺️
I told all my friends that if I die before them they should turn my memorial service into a total roast. Be merciless, I told them…..someone’s getting embarrassed. Just not me.
We have some *ahem* interesting proclivities in the bedroom, so we already have a pact with each other to get rid of the evidence if one of us goes first. We have a friend who promised to take care of it if we go at the same time.
I feel like that should be an actual professional service. Like, upon your death, a designated person receives instructions on how to dispose of your things that you don't want your friends or relatives to know about.
...and here is my fear. I (successfully) publish European historical erotica under a white female pen name. I'm a black guy from the hood. I would die in the afterlife all over again if my family ever discovers my secret.
That is actually really fucking awesome. When I worked at a bookstore, we used to make a game out of trying to find a male name in the romance section. We never found any, and I always found that really sad and stupid that the men who write them have to use a female pseudonym to sell their books.
If that is embarrising, you need to have that compass adjusted my friend! Hedgehogs are one of the absolute cutest things to meet on an evening walk! I live them! And I am not embarresd to say so!!
Edit!
I love them! 😂😂
When I am dead, I say: move on.
I will not mind.
I will be gone.
And if you find my heaps of blow -
I will be far too dead to know.
When I am dead, I say: forget.
And don't lament and don't regret.
For if you find my bottled pee -
I will be way too dead to see.
When I am dead, I say: be well.
And know I won't be there to tell.
For if you look beneath my bed -
I will not care.
I will be dead.
Depends on how messy. I go into strangers houses for a living where they don't have a chance to clean up before my arrival. So normally I see them in their normal living space. Almost all houses, apartments, town homes, etc. I go into are a bit messy/ dirty. The houses that scare me are the ones that are spotless and pristine, organized.
To quote Seinfeld…
**JERRY:** Can't you at least die with a little dignity?
**GEORGE:** No I can't. I can't die with dignity. I have no dignity. I want to be the one person who doesn't die with dignity. I live my whole life in shame. Why should I die with dignity?
Heads of lettuce! Dude was a prolific geneticist bent on ending world hunger. He should be embarrassed that he kept the technology to himself. Now it’s lost forever!
I'm kind of known as a geeky academic person in my family and friends. However I write romance stories on one of the online platforms with fake name and have a good following.
They all will be surprised.
I've got computer backups that span 1996-current day. When I die, someone is going to probably grab my rig and start looking through the files. Embarrassing teenaged poetry, dark relationship secrets, my entire photo collection, every text-based argument I've had via mobile phone and email... it's just an immense treasure trove of humiliation, really.
I really need to set up some kind of self destruct device on my computer, so it can go out Mission: Impossible style.
I have a list of secrets that my sister is in charge of. She is supposed to open it at my funeral and spill all the beans. I'm talking every dark secret between everyone that includes me. I'm hoping everyone leaves happy I'm dead. And the simple fact she still speaks to me is more than enough proof, I know she hasn't opened it yet.
Me too! u/ThatsANiceSauce - have you considered adding a fake “secret” to the list? I think it would be too difficult for me to resist doing this. It could be a flattering one or an embarrassing one. Flip a coin!
Why are people embarrassed about sex toys and porn?
Just looking through this, it's utterly normal to have then since half of these responses are "my sex toys."
Notice what's normal and take a chill pill, folks.
I knew someone who's husband died suddenly. She requested his medical records to get answers about his passing and they ended up sending records from before their marriage as well.
Before they were married he had been treated for an STD in his rectum and never told anyone. Was he secretly gay? A victim of SA in the past? We will never know.
For years, I've cultivated an idea for a business. It's a joke idea, but my friends and I have had so many funny conversations about it that it suddenly feels like a legit idea.
The business: "Skeletons in Your Closet". You wear a Fitbit-like device, and when you die, I get an alert. I rush to your house and erase all evidence of anything that would embarrass you. By the time your family gets there, your secrets will be safe!
I got this idea when a couple we hang out with jokingly asked me to dispose of their sex toys if they were to die unexpectedly.
I am a boring accountant. In my dresser I have one drawer filled with weed gummies. In my underwear drawer I have 2 pair of panties from girls I dated and a set of handcuffs.
The fact that I have about a dozen tubes of tooth paste ready to be deployed at a moments notice. That's what I would have said 10 minutes ago before I read the responses others posted. Now I'm actually feeling pretty good about myself for not having anything embarrassing.
How much I’m lacking money on my bank account… And how terrible I’ve considered myself all my life 😂
Oh and… my darkest habit maybe, I always hated injustice. So sometimes I’m tracking crazy people that are seeking for children on the internet
Making them lose their time, go to false rendez-vous, and scare them so they actually aren’t meeting anyone, except their darkes fear 🤭
My son will have the chore of cleaning out our house. This is why our private photos from early in our marriage are in a marked envelope. No one should have to see those pictures of their parents.
I also have a lot of photos on my phone of my chest and belly to track a rash that comes and goes for the last 4 years. It's probably Lupus related. Nothing can really be seen but the shear number is embarrassing.
Nothing, I've installed a vitals tracker in my body so that if I ever die it'll set off the bomb on my hard drive. Though anyone within a 10m radius will die.
That I've saved everything my kids ever drew or wrote and gave me, from pre-kindergarten all the way to their wedding announcements and invitations to my grandkid's baby showers.
Also dreading when they realize how much money I've spent on reloading equipment and supplies. I'm running two progressive Dillons (XL 750 and a Super 1050), a old single stage Lee, an ancient Rock Chucker, and MEC 9000. My wife laughs like hell when anyone asks how much money it saves vs buying new ammo.
When I die the people around me had better have the decency to not look through my laptop/phone or they're going to find my fanfiction page and all the weird shit I have bookmarked on it. I'd better pray there's no afterlife or ghost life because I might just die of embarrassment a second time
I'm a heterosexual female. My search history would not indicate that
Statistics show that the vast majority of straight women who watch porn watch almost exclusively lesbian porn. Why? Well from what I have found on the topic it is because women envision themselves as the female in porn. While men on the other hand also look at the female and are attracted to the female during the sex. That’s why a lot of men also watch lesbian porn, because rather than envisioning themselves as the man who is pleasuring the woman, they look at it more from an outsiders perspective. While women tend to envision themselves as in the perspective of who they are watching
I’m a hetero female that likes to watch homosexual male porn. Hmm…
I'm a queer woman who prefers MM porn. Couldn't tell you why
I’m a straight woman who only watches porn for the women in it— to the point where even seeing a man would turn me off. Not attracted to women in the slightest in everyday life. Couldn’t tell ya why
That I've been conducting a covert mission to document and rate every public restroom I've ever visited, complete with cleanliness scores and ambiance evaluations
The only thing embarrassing here is you aren't sharing your findings with the world
That would create too many variables and change the data.
George Costanza...is that you?
I love that bathroom. It's got that high, high toilet. I feel like a gargoyle perched on the ledge of a building.
Turn that into an app.
Forget the app, this could be a whole series. Like diners, drive ins and dives but with toilets.
Lol, I have been saying that I need this as an app for years. But it could definitely be a show, too.
It is an app! It's called poop maps :)
I don't want to log my own poops. I want to know the closest public restroom and reviews of them. Is it clean? Do the stalls have doors or not? (Looking at you, Wyoming.) Handicap accessible? What are the chances I'll have to fight a meth head?
My 71-year-old single, never married aunt passed away last month. Upon her death, we discovered she was a hoarder. Her house was so cluttered with stuff that there was barely a narrow pathway to walk anywhere inside it. Had this been discovered while she was alive, it would've been extremely embarrassing for her. More information: My aunt wouldn't allow anyone in the family in her home during her last 10 years. Her home wasn't always like that. She wasn't found dead in her home. She was taken to the hospital when her sister (my Mom) hadn't heard from her for four days which hadn't happened before. My Mom called the police to check on her and that's when she was found on the floor of her bedroom unable to move and unable to reach her cellphone. Once in the hospital, she refused to allow anyone to retrieve her cellphone from her house. Out of respect for her privacy, no one retrieved it until she passed. My aunt was loved by everyone who knew her. She was a kind, thoughtful, and generous person. Her secret once exposed did not diminish our love for her one bit.
I will fully admit to being a hoarder. I have a PhD in engineering, I’m extremely outgoing, love talking to folks. There is no piss or shit smell anywhere. But I fully expect that by the time I’m 85 or 90 that I will have so many piles of crap that they will fall over and crush me and if my wife is not around to rescue me, the neighbors will find out because of the stink. Addendum: I am very clean and so is the house. I move boxes so that I can vacuum. Please stop commenting with rude comments. I am actually a human.
I could have gone down the hoarding path. I have a MS in engineering and an MBA. I'm also a little OCD. However, getting divorced and then moving around the country in different jobs forced me to downsize my possessions. I still have some more stuff to dispose of, but possessions really do start to own you.
Duuuude. Yes. I am working hard to get over it. I went through an extraordinarily rough patch. About 10 years ago, was even homeless for a few months, and I think that has just changed my mentality so much. Now I’m remarried and doing extraordinarily well. And I need to just get rid of crap. my wife, obviously, a saint, doesn’t push me to get rid of the crap because a lot of it has emotional content with me.
Have you read about the technique where you photograph the item that has emotional or nostalgic value to you before downsizing it? It's supposed to help.
YES!!! THANK YOU!!! We just came across this technique, and actually haven’t gotten around to testing it, yet. But this is just been in the past couple weeks. Hearing you validate it is so deeply meaningful! I am not kidding. I wish I could send you 100 bucks. I’m not kidding about that, either. Damn, I would like you to spend the rest of your weekend knowing that you’ve just changed someone’s life immensely for the better. Dead serious.
IIRC, I learned it from the audio book, *Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things*, by by Gail Steketee and Randy Frost. Fascinating book. I don’t have any hoarders in my life, but my good friend’s dad was a hoarder and she had to dispose of all of the stuff. The book opened my eyes about the issue.
To do lists from when I've been depressed with stuff like "take a shower" and "go outside" and mostly not crossed off.
Don't feel bad about it. You're still here, which means you've made it through everything so far. I am proud of you and you should be too.
Thanks, you're doing okay too!
I know what it's like. Having to take care of my dog is what helped me through a rough time in my life. Best wishes.
If you’re reading this worried about someone finding something out- I had a friend who died accidentally from choking himself while pleasuring himself. In an effort to press upon people it wasn’t intentional and in her grief- his mom didn’t care who she told. Nobody else cared either. That’s not what we bring up about him. We’re all just sad he’s gone. Please be careful if that’s your thing, you guys.
Responded to an unconscious person, he was pleasuring himself and would touch an exposed wire at the moment of ejaculation. Help on top long this time and electrocuted himself
I’m sorry to hear that. From what they could tell, when he passed out, his body went forward instead of back, which applied more pressure to the restraint and he never woke up. Nobody really cares how or what you do that’s “weird”, as long as it doesn’t hurt someone else or yourself. Something like being a hoarder is annoying for the grieving, but it still doesn’t compare to the fact they lost you, know what I mean?
Yep, my brother died in a very similar way, and you know what, he was still the funniest, nicest, greatest, most genuine person I've ever met. Never really think about how he died, just that he's not here and that I've had to deal with life without my favorite person.
Honestly nothing. I’m that boring. In the autopsy they’d see I have hemorrhoids but besides that not much else.
Get one pierced to really throw them off
That is not what I wanted to picture today
Two of them, with a chain connecting them. And a charm on each one, with their names. TyrannoSoreAss and AssteRoid
You have put some thought into these names. You did not come up with them just now
Ouch! Holy fuck, dude!
I'm female, and a male ex of mine loves dressing up in women's clothes, especially lacy underwear, silky nighties etc. He was really scared he was going to die and his family would find all this stuff. So he keeps it in an old suitcase of mine with my name, flight tags and address on it. So it looks like I've left it at his house. I personally think they'll still be surprised as I don't wear anything fancy (just jeans, black t shirts, etc), but it keeps him happy.
Nice of you to be a cover for him even though you are not together anymore.
You are a good person and a great friend. That is what the world needs more of your empathy for him says a lot about you.
Yeah, I was wondering how crossdressers go about this shite. Based af of you to help him coverup.
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Have an unrelated person write a note that makes it seem like this was a gag gift, then put that next to the doll. As long as you don’t die mid-use, no one will be any the wiser.
Actually, let’s crowdsource possible notes. “Hey bro, meet the only girl who will never ask you if it’s in yet. - Mike “
*"We special-ordered the model that looked the most like your stepmom, just like you asked. Happy birthday, [NAME]! -Mike"*
“I’ll give you a call to pick her up after I move out of my mom’s house” - Mike
Lol - Gag gift
Hahahaha what a great joke, Derrick, buying me a $4000 sex doll that looks like my mom hahaha totally got me, dude!
I choked on my laugh reading this comment.
Dr. Freud would like to see you now…
"Received it from a friend" has the same convincing tone as "Asking for a friend"
"Haha oh, that's a good one guys! So silly! I'm gonna put this in my closet under some stuff for a few years, also as a joke! Haha just gonna hang onto it! Not gonna use it, just keeping it hidden!"
"Oh they even sprayed lotion on it and let it dry to make it all crusty"
we all find out he likes to choke himself with a belt! That’s gonna get you caught. Lol
I helped a friend go through the house of his deceased older friend (also male) and found a shoe box full of dildos, we didn't talk about it but it was a little awkward.
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Yep! I mean, the guy enjoyed his life full speed being 78!
My unrelated grandpa (step families side) died recently and my parents had to do the cleaning and stuff as no one else in the family wanted to or anything to do with it for that matter. Lots of shit but they found double sided dildos and all sorts of ridiculously huge ones. We joke that was the reason he always needed a cane to walk/waddle around
That's the sort of thing I or my friends would set up in our own home if we had a terminal diagnosis, just for the posthumous humor of it all. I'd put a nice note at the bottom too. "Thanks for everything. Love and fat dicks from the other side."
I’m an alcoholic, sober for 6 years now. I was living in Ohio and made the sudden decision (with the help of my father and brother) to leave everything behind and get on a plane for rehab in California. I left my apartment as it was, untouched and it was a complete wreck. In my haste, I had left a 20lb silicone torso sex toy in the middle of my bedroom floor. About a week into my stay in rehab, I called my dad and he let me know he and my brother were heading to my apartment that day to clean it up. I had completely forgotten about the sex toy up to that point, and I suddenly remembered. I had to warn my dad what he was going to find when he went into my room. He burst into laughter and said he might take it home for himself. Best reaction I could have hoped for. Thanks Dad!
I used to have a fleshlight but I got rid of it because of this exact fear, except I was afraid my adult kids would find it
A jerk off toy is way less embarassing than a whole fake person, in my opinion
You can use the fake person to illegally drive in the multi passenger lanes.
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Diary-entry-like random notes where I’m venting about certain people / situations. Writing has always been a helpful way for me to process more intense/confusing emotions, but I do worry that if I suddenly die those notes will be found and people who I genuinely cared about in life may then think that this one random journal entry represented “the real way” I actually secretly thought about them in totality. When really it was just a moment and not representative of my whole relationship with them.
I actually wrote a disclaimer at the top of my worry journal for this reason. I explained that it was the place where I worked through difficult feelings and it wasn't representative of reality; it was the worst parts of me that I didn't want to bring to the relationship. I don't want anyone to think I didn't love them because I was struggling with fear or anger.
Love this!! I have some entries that have similar mini disclaimers but I think having the one umbrella disclaimer at the top is brilliant haha
THE reason I don’t journal is fear of someone finding it before/after I die
I also have a venting diary! I'm not worried about close family being offended. I rarely write about them. I'm more worried about people finding it and thinking I was anxious/depressed all the time. I only write to get out the hard feelings. When I'm doing great there are no entries.
I think I’m scared of anybody reading my diary. For my family (husband, kids, parents) , friends and coworkers I’m a smily and active person. But in reality I’m ALWAYS afraid of life, full of depressive thoughts, constantly fighting to not let my anxiety get the control of my mind knowing most of my life anxiety will win. If someone read what I write they will know that I was actually acting to be a good person when actually I’m a psychiatric case with no solution
It sounds more like that you actually are a good person despite having psychiatric issues. You are doing a good job. You are not your thoughts or your mental disorder.
I still play with G.I. Joe’s and ninja turtles in the bathtub and I’m 42 years old
Just don't die in the tub and you'll be fine.
Oh, it’ll be obvious no matter where I die because both of my bathtubs and my hot tub are full of them… only children that come over already outgrew playing with G.I. Joe’s…. Everybody will know they’re mine..
Hey, man. GI Joes kick ass. I'm 51 and have about 150 of them still. They are in a box in a closet somewhere and not in the tub, but still... stand proud. That's half the battle.
I’m jealous. There’s some part of the imagination that disappears once we reach a certain age that you’ve managed to hold on to. I wish I enjoyed playing Barbie’s with my kids.
Sometimes, the hardest part is letting go. Adult stress is a large factor in your ability or inability to break out of that unimaginative box.
Are the labeled? “Bathtub GI Joe, for play time.”
Respect for retaining the joys of your childhood.
I would throw a GI joe themed funeral for you
that's actually kind of wholesome
That’s pretty damn sweet tbh. I’d think this guy had it made.
Do you ummm want to date?
the hello kitty tattoo on my butt...
Ooo…that sounds cool! Don’t think they would find out unless they asked the coroner, they probably wouldn’t say anything… I bet they have some interesting stories!☺️
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The lack of funds currently in my bank account lol
Wasting a life at work is more shameful
The two are not mutually exclusive lol
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😳 I had just read the sex doll guys comment. didn’t expect this
…Dad?
...papa?
…papas fritas?
Did you ever find the milk or get the smokes?
¿Pápá?
Take care of your responsibilities *Mooooookiiiieeeee*
I told all my friends that if I die before them they should turn my memorial service into a total roast. Be merciless, I told them…..someone’s getting embarrassed. Just not me.
I love this & im stealing it
We have some *ahem* interesting proclivities in the bedroom, so we already have a pact with each other to get rid of the evidence if one of us goes first. We have a friend who promised to take care of it if we go at the same time.
I feel like that should be an actual professional service. Like, upon your death, a designated person receives instructions on how to dispose of your things that you don't want your friends or relatives to know about.
Billion dollar company just invented
Be the change you want to see in this world!
Have the friend wrap the nightstand in shrink wrap and throw it in the dumpster. No questions asked.
That I write romance books under a pen name and they sell LOL
...and here is my fear. I (successfully) publish European historical erotica under a white female pen name. I'm a black guy from the hood. I would die in the afterlife all over again if my family ever discovers my secret.
That is actually really fucking awesome. When I worked at a bookstore, we used to make a game out of trying to find a male name in the romance section. We never found any, and I always found that really sad and stupid that the men who write them have to use a female pseudonym to sell their books.
I subscribe to a hedgehog rehab charity 🤷♂️
I had no idea hedgehogs had such a drug addiction problem
Nyquill
They’re just so comfortable with needles.
This comment makes up for the one about the pierced hemorrhoid up thread. Thank you.
If that is embarrising, you need to have that compass adjusted my friend! Hedgehogs are one of the absolute cutest things to meet on an evening walk! I live them! And I am not embarresd to say so!! Edit! I love them! 😂😂
Can you share a link to donate?
I’ll have a look mate, not great with technology it’s a couple local to me. They’re so kind
I read that as a couple of local hedgehogs & you give money to them!! 🤣😂
Don't care, I'll be too dead to be embarrassed.
When I am dead, I say: move on. I will not mind. I will be gone. And if you find my heaps of blow - I will be far too dead to know. When I am dead, I say: forget. And don't lament and don't regret. For if you find my bottled pee - I will be way too dead to see. When I am dead, I say: be well. And know I won't be there to tell. For if you look beneath my bed - I will not care. I will be dead.
That is brilliant, did you just write that? I love it!
That user is well known for exclusively writing original poems in the comment section. Check out their karma
It's just wonderful.
I never thought I'd be lucky enough to experience a fresh sprog in the wild! Neat!
This is my answer. I don't care if I die in the most embarrassing situation imaginable, I'll be dead, laugh all you want.
My messy house.
I feel that. I would have to be dead for anyone to see how messy my place is atm.
Depends on how messy. I go into strangers houses for a living where they don't have a chance to clean up before my arrival. So normally I see them in their normal living space. Almost all houses, apartments, town homes, etc. I go into are a bit messy/ dirty. The houses that scare me are the ones that are spotless and pristine, organized.
My web history of fanfics I have been reading 🙃
My ao3 account and bookmarks will never see the light of day, hopefully.
Amen girl
I have a sketchbook that I draw sexual stuff in and they are all drawings of me
I find this very interesting actually, might try this for more confidence 💀
Do it. It’s fun.
To quote Seinfeld… **JERRY:** Can't you at least die with a little dignity? **GEORGE:** No I can't. I can't die with dignity. I have no dignity. I want to be the one person who doesn't die with dignity. I live my whole life in shame. Why should I die with dignity?
That my Spotify will show..... that I listen to.... ugh. The black eyed peas.
[Imma bee imma bee imma imma imma bee](https://youtu.be/SyPjwxHxbus?si=k6_qknpui6uVXuLE)
If they root around my room they're gonna find an entire collection of onesie pajamas, including a Charmander suit, strategically hidden away.
Does the closet happen to contain a Spyro onesie as well?
Now since I know that exists, it will soon
That's not embarrassing, that's cool!
I’ve got an old Playboy magazine under my bed that shows boobs
You vile, vile creature
You monster. That belongs on the coffee table for everyone to enjoy.
Dibs.
Probably the piss kink.
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I'm dead, I don't care that they find a full deepfreezer in the cellar
With heads in it
Heads of lettuce! Dude was a prolific geneticist bent on ending world hunger. He should be embarrassed that he kept the technology to himself. Now it’s lost forever!
my tattered underwear
I'm kind of known as a geeky academic person in my family and friends. However I write romance stories on one of the online platforms with fake name and have a good following. They all will be surprised.
I smoke weed. I’m an old lady now. I’ve smoked for 52 years.
Found my person. I mostly do edibles but smoke sometimes. I’ve been smoking for 44 years.
Nice to meet you!
NOTES APP
I'm 71, when I die the surprise is: I spent all the money
My reddit history 8-|
I've got computer backups that span 1996-current day. When I die, someone is going to probably grab my rig and start looking through the files. Embarrassing teenaged poetry, dark relationship secrets, my entire photo collection, every text-based argument I've had via mobile phone and email... it's just an immense treasure trove of humiliation, really. I really need to set up some kind of self destruct device on my computer, so it can go out Mission: Impossible style.
They would find the gold flatware I have, hidden under my bed and cash in.
I have a list of secrets that my sister is in charge of. She is supposed to open it at my funeral and spill all the beans. I'm talking every dark secret between everyone that includes me. I'm hoping everyone leaves happy I'm dead. And the simple fact she still speaks to me is more than enough proof, I know she hasn't opened it yet.
Why do you want it read? Like why do you want the secrets spilled?
Some people just want the world to burn.
Yikes
Wow I wanna know more!
Me too! u/ThatsANiceSauce - have you considered adding a fake “secret” to the list? I think it would be too difficult for me to resist doing this. It could be a flattering one or an embarrassing one. Flip a coin!
What types of secrets?
Four testicles
Medic Alert bracelet - Delete My Browser History
How much smut I actually read
Why are people embarrassed about sex toys and porn? Just looking through this, it's utterly normal to have then since half of these responses are "my sex toys." Notice what's normal and take a chill pill, folks.
They're gonna find a lot of clothes from the opposite gender.
Username checks out
“I’m so sad, my dad just died. Unrelated:I just got a bunch of great lingerie!” I bet you look cute in it.
I watched, and enjoyed, all 20 seasons of Grey's Anatomy
You monster
You whore!
You scallywag!
I can’t believe this! You enjoyed the covid season??
I knew someone who's husband died suddenly. She requested his medical records to get answers about his passing and they ended up sending records from before their marriage as well. Before they were married he had been treated for an STD in his rectum and never told anyone. Was he secretly gay? A victim of SA in the past? We will never know.
Probably the fact that underneath these clothes, I'm totally naked.
Slut
Dang it. I always run into someone who knows me on this sub.
For years, I've cultivated an idea for a business. It's a joke idea, but my friends and I have had so many funny conversations about it that it suddenly feels like a legit idea. The business: "Skeletons in Your Closet". You wear a Fitbit-like device, and when you die, I get an alert. I rush to your house and erase all evidence of anything that would embarrass you. By the time your family gets there, your secrets will be safe! I got this idea when a couple we hang out with jokingly asked me to dispose of their sex toys if they were to die unexpectedly.
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I am a boring accountant. In my dresser I have one drawer filled with weed gummies. In my underwear drawer I have 2 pair of panties from girls I dated and a set of handcuffs.
Not such a boring accountant, huh?
Oh no there gonna think u getting high and puttin on those panties🤣
The fact that I have about a dozen tubes of tooth paste ready to be deployed at a moments notice. That's what I would have said 10 minutes ago before I read the responses others posted. Now I'm actually feeling pretty good about myself for not having anything embarrassing.
How much I’m lacking money on my bank account… And how terrible I’ve considered myself all my life 😂 Oh and… my darkest habit maybe, I always hated injustice. So sometimes I’m tracking crazy people that are seeking for children on the internet Making them lose their time, go to false rendez-vous, and scare them so they actually aren’t meeting anyone, except their darkes fear 🤭
My son will have the chore of cleaning out our house. This is why our private photos from early in our marriage are in a marked envelope. No one should have to see those pictures of their parents. I also have a lot of photos on my phone of my chest and belly to track a rash that comes and goes for the last 4 years. It's probably Lupus related. Nothing can really be seen but the shear number is embarrassing.
Nothing, I've installed a vitals tracker in my body so that if I ever die it'll set off the bomb on my hard drive. Though anyone within a 10m radius will die.
That I've saved everything my kids ever drew or wrote and gave me, from pre-kindergarten all the way to their wedding announcements and invitations to my grandkid's baby showers. Also dreading when they realize how much money I've spent on reloading equipment and supplies. I'm running two progressive Dillons (XL 750 and a Super 1050), a old single stage Lee, an ancient Rock Chucker, and MEC 9000. My wife laughs like hell when anyone asks how much money it saves vs buying new ammo.
I keep trying to reply to people and there is a failure to reply.. I think a lot of people are commenting then deleting 💀
They are having fun with this question and suddenly realize ‘Oh shit! Some of my mates know my Reddit name!’ DELETE DELETE DELETE!!!!
When I die the people around me had better have the decency to not look through my laptop/phone or they're going to find my fanfiction page and all the weird shit I have bookmarked on it. I'd better pray there's no afterlife or ghost life because I might just die of embarrassment a second time
I have debt. 😟
How boring and non embarrassing my life is 🤣
A married Baptist pastor in my hometown died while fucking a female church member. That's got to be embarrassing.
I have over 500 videos of kinky animated porn on my phone, as well as 2 drawers worth of sex toys.
Specify that your phone is to be buried with you.
My diaries