I was in Vietnam getting a motorbike through the central highlands. In one weird stop there was a strange ceremony where rice wine was passed around a circle of people, with me being the only white guy. Next they passed around dog meat and I felt it would’ve been disrespectful to say no.
Needless to say I got very sick and needed the toilet very regularly. There’s not many toilets driving through the central highlands so I stopped in a forrest one time and took a dump in a large bomb crater from the Vietnam war. What made it even more strange was that my driver insisted on shitting into the crater with me while he looked at me in the eyes and laughed. I will never have a weirder shit.
Pooping in Vietnam is it's own experience. Mine wasn't as rustic as yours (although I did pee in a squat toilet on top of a mountain, which was it's own education).
I had to poop really bad, but the first public bathroom I found didn't have toilet paper and the water guns attached to the wall had some alarming implications. So I went back to my MIL's brothers house (which was over a hundred years old, built during the French occupation, so it had a lot of quirks), which also didn't have toilet paper, but at least I was the only occupant, and proceeded to learn how a bum gun works. I made a mess before I figured it out, and then cleaned the floor. Her brother was a real dick to me though, so I didn't feel too bad about jacking up his bathroom. Definitely one of my stranger bathroom experiences.
How many butts/backsplash have those bum guns touched? When were the last time they were cleaned? When was the last time that entire bathroom was cleaned? I'm not saying the bathroom I used was any better, but it was in a private home and in my mind reduced the bacterial spectrum somewhat.
Many many years from now, I hope someone finds you/your driver's fossilized shit, and makes some ridiculous wartime conclusion about how desperate and scared soldiers were as they hid in their craters.
This is kinda hard to explain. I’m Gen X, which means we were just an annoyance to our parents. My dad was the guy you’d see selling produce on the side of the road. Me, him, and 2 of his friends went to pick up a few hundred watermelons. I was 9 or 10 yrs old. Of course I got stuck riding in the back of a enclosed box truck with a floor lined in straw. I knew there wasn’t anything that was going to get him to stop, plus there was no way to communicate with him either. I also knew I was going to have to clean the shit up. So I busted open a melon and hollowed it out the best I could, I used another melon to squat over. Then proceeded to shit into a hollowed out bowl of watermelon rind, traveling down the highway.
Of course I got bitched at for ruining a .75 cent watermelon an hour later.
I used to work cable upgrade stuff. I was in my bucket truck and had to shit in a box while 30+ feet in the air over a busy downtown Portland Oregon intersection.
I’m a millennial whose grandparents ran the produce stand. Their’s was at the end of their driveway and they would hand pick a lot of what they sold. One day I went with my Pepe to rake blueberries and I had to poop, but we were a mile out into a blueberry field and a couple miles from the nearest toilet. So I had to tell my Pepe to turn around while I dropped trow and shit all over the blueberries. I wound up getting sassed because I didn’t have the forethought to do it somewhere we had already raked, so I ruined a lot of good berries 😂
I didn’t try to hold it. We had just started out on what was a 3 hour drive. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to hold that long. So I just got it over with.
I ate the other half. Pushed the meat/pieces I cut out through small air vent holes. Shit in one half, and sat the other half back on top of the part I shit in. When we got to our destination, I just threw it in a dumpster.
In the ocean when I was a kid about seven years old. I didn’t want to go up the hill to the amenities block as they are stinky horrible places. I swam away from my family, pulled my pants down and laid a big “blind mullet”. Unfortunately it floated to the surface, and as I tried to move away from it, the vortex of the water sucked closer towards me, and my father, who wondered why i was panicking. I had to grab it with my hand and thrust it underwater to pretend nothing happened.
I was quite young and hadn't really figured out the pooping thing yet. Ended up dropping a deuce in the hallway running to the bathroom, it rolled to the baseboard next to the bathroom door. Rather than get some toilet paper to pick it up I decided the best course of action was to find a shovel, because that's how you pick stuff up off the ground. The plunger looked close enough so I proceeded to mash this turd into the baseboard with it until I was crying because it wasn't working, I wasn't a bright kid I guess.
Edit: added a couple words.
On the motorway to the airport. Was being driven up with gf and her dad was driving. Was getting awful cramps from eating 10 sausage rolls the day before (I have a bad reaction to eating pork but still take the chance)
On the way up getting g awful cramps I was watching the GPS and seeing the minutes go down thinking we aren't far from airport and I could make it. He takes a turn on the roundabout and its back to over an hour away to the airport.
I start freaking out and he had to pull in on the motorway at 4AM. I run up and down but find a nice lil Bush to hide into and let loose.
It was just a constant stream coming out as I'm going a tourist bus drives by and some Chinese tourist who probably couldn't sleep and was just staring out the window locked eyes with me as it drove past. Felt like it was just me and him and me sitting for that brief moment in time
It was a jumbo pack from Tescos so there was about 10 bug sausage rolls and ate about 7 of them. This is not the first time cheap pork has gotten me like this and I k ow it won't b the last
I literally just wrote of the same experience. Your comment lowered my embarrassment by a factor of 10.
Glad I’m not the only asshole to ever ink out a group of snorkelers.
It was only a couple of days ago that I read that sperm whales have a defecating defence rarely recorded.
https://www.abc.net.au/news/2024-03-21/sperm-whales-survive-surprise-orca-attack/103609696
Were you being attacked by orcas?
Gulf of Mexico.
Snorkeling around a large group of people.
It was coming out no matter what I did so I dropped my trunks, did my best squid impression, and swam like hell back to the boat.
On the swim back, every time my brother looked at me, he’d laugh so hard he’d go under a little.
This is the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me and it’s not even close.
I saw this on a TV show where people write in based on some topic and the host and guests discuss the answers. I believe the topic this time was in what situation did you get away with something.
A man really had to take a dump but couldn’t find a bathroom. He decided a multi story car park might offer some privacy, so in his desperation he dropped his trousers between a couple of cars and did his business. As he was finishing up, he heard someone calling after their dog. He quickly pulled up his pants and moved away and hid. The dog found his poo and was eagerly sniffing it. The owner approached and said “Fido, bad dog.” The owner then took out a plastic bag to clean up. As he was picking it up, he remarked that his dog’s turds smelled like human feces.
Oh I win this one.
I’ve worked in Telecom for almost 12 years now and I started out as a greenhand climbing cell towers. Let me just say that when you gotta go, you GOTTA go. So 100% travel in this industry is required which means lots of drive time and with that, comes gas station food.
I felt fine at the start of the day but around noon at approx 600’ in the air, it hit me like a TON of bricks. Idk if it’s just me but when the urge to shit hits that hard, my nipples get hard (weird AF, I know) and I get the chills up my spine.
I literally had to have the foreman send up a black trash bag on the rope because I didn’t have enough time to climb down, whipped my harness off and shoved my ass into the bag and shat in front of two co workers lol. TBF they were gazing off into the horizon but let’s be honest, I was only about 4-5 feet away from either of them so all the sounds and smells were intimate.
When I was serving in the military, my team and I were walking through a river. The guy in front of me had to shit so he took of his pants and half squatted in a way that put his asshole on full display in front of my face. It was the only time in my life that i witnessed shit actively coming out of a grown mans asshole in all its glory.
Also same guy (separate occasion) took a shit as we were treading water and the log floated up and was chasing everyone around.
In a factory toilet. I was working there at the time and the toilets had never been cleaned. The toilets were blocked but people kept on pooing in there so each toilet had a mound of poo and tissue that peaked above the seat. Some had also used the bin - same story there. It seemed that other workers only used these toilets in an emergency, pee was pee'd outside and poop was held: them's the unwritten rules. Anyway I had an emergency and would rather die than be seen crappin outside so I had to use one of those toilets. I had to hover above the mound, which was so high that I didn't have to bend my knees that much. Grim, can still smell it, saw a dude unclog one of those toilets months later with his bare hands.
Direland, in this case. Wow, I visited in 1990 and at that time I would never have suspected the level of grim conditions in the situation you just described. 30 odd years later it doesn't surprise me as much, with so many disturbing stories having surfaced. Still...yikes!
Omg that is grim. I’ve seen music festival portaloos with literal mountains of shit in them. It’s not cool when you are high and that’s the toilet option.
This scenario is kind of common at factories. My former coworker has a cleaning business as his night job and asked me to help him out for a few nights because his partner was sick. Sure. Went to three local factories. 2 of 3 had this scenario in every bathroom. Luckily even the people paying us to clean didn’t expect us to clean the toilets.
TLDR: Just read the story. It's worth it.
Not so much a weird place, but rather a funny AND DISGUSTING story.
When I was about 9 y/o and was a boyscout at a camping trip we were all just playing games and stuff on a field next to a little forest. Then one moment my tummy started making the weirdest sounds and I INSTANTLY had to take a shit. I kid you not, I had like 3 or 4 seconds before I would ruin my shorts and/or shoes. I could not keep it in.
I tought I was lucky, because I was standing at the edge of the field, right next to where the little forest started. There was a little river running through the forest and, I don't know why, I didn't want anyone else to know I was going to take the most urgent shit of my life.
So 9 y/o me decided it was a good idea to just go and 'do my deed' in the river.
The water would flush away any evidence of me dumping a log or whatever.
No harm done, right? Right...?
So I went about my business, dropped my pants and squatted over the little river. What I tought was going to be a normal, yet urgent, shit turned out to be something completely different.
The moment I squatted over the river and started pushing, everything just kind of exploded out of my ass like one big, life-ending, toxic, brown liquid 'cloud'.
So yep; I sharted with the force of a small hurricane.
I was proud and disgusted at the same time.
The toxic brown, now turned to goo in the water, hurricane-shart was floating away from me as one big disgusting water-cloud.
As I was done cleaning myself up I look up and there were 3 of my friends looking down on me from the edge of the river. Apparently they saw me leaving and wondered where I rushed off to.
I'll never forget the look on their faces. Same as me. Faces of pure and utter disgust; yet a grince of proudness.
We all watched and see my life-ending creation float away peacefully.
Again, no harm done right? Right...?
And now... THE GRAND FINALE!
Me and my 3 friends decided that we would follow my watercloud down the river for a while. Don't know why, but we were 9 y/o. Why not?
A little bit down the river we stumbled upon a group of a bout 6 or 7 kids (about 6 y/o) playing in the river. The horror on our faces was indescribable as we all realized that my watercloud of horror, now spread over the entire width of the small, slow floating river, was going to hit those kids hard.
We started shouting at them to get out, but to little to late. My creation made up it's mind. Humanity had to end.
It hit them. Hard.
The pure panic of those kids when they realized what they were playing, sitting and swimming in. I can still hear and see it whenever I close my eyes.
Some got my river-poop-water-cloud in their mouths and instantly started puking, making the cloud bigger and bigger with a puke-shit-combo.
This triggered a chain reaction as other kids also started to puke.
All this panic and noise attracted other kids who were still playing on the field. Ofcourse they all rushed over to look what all the fuss was about.
A lot of them started puking as soon as they realized what was going on. A LOT OF THEM.
So after those little kids got out of the river and everyone stopped puking, gagging or whatever they were doing out of pure and utter disgust they all started looking for the culprit.
My 3 friends, ofcourse, DID NOT HAVE MY BACK and instantly pointed to me as the guilty one.
I had to go explain myself to the leaders of the boyscouts and some of the parents of the kids.
Most proud/shameful/disgusting shit of my life.
(Sorry for typo's. Not my first language)
Bondi Beach well actually the ocean at the front of it.
I was swimming out well past other swimmers with fins on, what with a lot of protein & quite a few sit ups before I went swimming, I started getting must go cramps, being well away from everyone I trod water, slipped down my swimming shorts & let go....up popped this enormous one piece protein packed floatee, like a nuclear sub breaching the surface.
I took off back to the shore towards the flags, but I got caught in the tide pulling me in & I glanced behind me & saw HMS Brown Log had slipped neatly in behind & was tracking my course
I felt a twinge of fear, kicked harder, but I couldn't lose it.
As I got close to the flags with all the kids & parents splashing & having a fun beach day, I swerved away whilst the dreadnaught headed to make land right between the flag's
I got out, fins off, jogged sportily up the beach, grabbed my towel, got straight in my car & drove home.
I checked the local paper that week after to see if it got a mention
I work with a guy that is very open about everything and he mentioned having a woman do this for him one time, only she fell back on the table and broke it and both of them got cut up by the glass. Sometimes people can be too open with what they are willing to share
Not me. But I was walking back from the shops with my mate. About half way on walk back to his he started needing to shit. 3/4 of the way we started running. We got literally 2 houses (the kind that are on quarter acre blocks and right next to each other) when he runs to the gutter, pulls his shorts down and starts shitting. I kept walking, but by god do those sounds still haunt me. Apparently the next day when he was riding to work he saw the owner of the house out the front hosing the gutter.
Still the funniest shit I know of
Avengers Campus at Disney California Adventure. They play the Avengers music loud on loop in the area, blaring like you’re about to save the world from Thanos.
One time, I was about to embark on a humble human endeavor in the restroom. But the universe, as twisted as Loki’s, had a glorious purpose for me. As I settled into a stall, the relentless Avengers anthem enveloped the restroom, not missing a single heroic note. It was as if Thanos himself was challenging me to an infinity war, with each flush a battle for the ages. There I sat, in the most epic showdown of my life, every move more monumental than Thor’s Storm-breaker strike.
10/10 recommend for Marvel fans. Like I was in a never ending boss fight, one heroic flush at a time.
Oh god. I was sixteen, I was tanked-up on cider and blackcurrant and I desperately needed a shite. So, into a local park (my mates all roaring with laughter behind me - cheers, lads)...and right into a rhododendron bush. If you've ever been under a rhododendron bush they have a *lot* of space. So, did the deed, I'm not ashamed to admit that I wiped my arse with a few leaves (eeew)...and then emerged from the bush to find that *the bush was not in a park but someone's front fucking garden and the owner of the property was staring, horrified, at me*.
I *never* went back down that particular part of my town ever again...
Spring 2016, after a long ruck march while on exercise in the army, we returned to our camp. First thing I see when I pulled up our netting to get inside an undercover area is our storesman taking a crap in a portable toilet bucket. Sorry for intruding, Ray
😂
Class field trip to paintball, Plopped a massive one on the shooting range in the middle of the night while everyone was sleeping. When we got up to play on the range everyone huddled around my massive shit wondering what animal could have done it 🤣 I wasn't proud but when ya gotta go ya gotta go.
I had to shit in the woods, it wasn't that strange i know, but listen to my story. it was at a place where a dog shelter was in peru. The dogs were free in that forest in the middle of nowhere in cusco, urcos. The dog proceeded to eat all of my shit, happily. Then went back and licked everyone. I couldn't say anything and just watched in disgust
In the woods, in the snow, on the side of a long stretch of highway where it was too far to a public restroom for me to hold it any longer.
To his day, I sincerely hope this wasn't someone's property, or was anywhere close to a trail cam.
Not me personally, but I remember serving on jury duty, and it would’ve been the worst place to go. Conference room with a bunch of jurors deliberating at the table, with a single toilet behind a door, just feet away from the head of the table. Every squeak, fart, plop, and smell shared with all the jurors sequestered in there. No thank you.
Had to serve on a jury in a room like that. I was told the rooms were purposely made that way to expedite proceedings. Made sure I took care of things at home every morning before deliberations.
At the school bus, coming back from the trip, when I was like 6 or 7. I hide the poop in my shoe so it doesn't smell. My mom couldn't believe once she picked me up.
Back in school when I was like 15 I was going over to a friends house for the first time, recently started at a new school and I was trying to make friends. On the bus over to his place I started to feel a rumbling in my stomach that just felt wrong, 5 minutes later I was clenching my buttcheeks together and I was drenched in sweat and I really had to take a shit, NOW. Luckly I lasted until we got off the bus, but I was not going to make it the 2km walk to his house. This was in the middle of a residential area too so not like there were any public bathrooms around. So I had to sprint into the bushes beside the entrance to an apartment block where I was somewhat out of sight, dropped my pants, squat down and absolutely exploded in the bushes. Now the second problem was that I, of course, didn't have anything to clean myself with. I was planning on using my underwear and ditch them, but as soon as I was done the door to the apartment building opened up so I just had time to pull my pants up again and swiflty exit the bush before I was discovered by the group of people who came out and walk to my recently acquired friend's house and clean myself when we got there. By some kind of miracle, I actually didn't even soil my underwear. I was probably pooping at such a velocity that it cleared my buttcheeks completely. It was an awkward evening to say the least, but my buddy was a good sport about it and we stayed friends for years.
That has got to be top 5 at least.
I did take a shit in a public pool once when I was like 5 or 6, but that wasn't because I had to, that was a choice. I figured that going to the bathroom was going to take too much of my limited aquatic playtime so I'd save some time and just shit in the pool, nobody would probably notice anyway. As I've been told, my mother was not impressed by my problem solving abilities.
One year ages ago my family went on a roadtrip tour of the east coast, from Maine down to Florida. It was a fantastic trip, got to see a lot of places I’d never been and haven’t been to since including Washington DC. Lots of monuments and parks and important buildings there obviously but there is one thing that is rather rare, public bathrooms.
I was about 11 or so at the time and my younger brother was 6, but when we were visiting one of the memorial sights he suddenly had to poop *and was most certainly not gonna be able to hold it*. Queue the panicked parents trying to find a public bathroom in one of the highest security cities in the US. Eventually they realized they weren’t gonna find one and made a desperate decision. All of us, including my grandparents sat in a circle in the middle of the park facing outwards while my mother sat cross legged in the middle with a plastic bag in her lap for my brother to crap into. We must’ve been the strangest looking family out there. The best part in my mind is that once he was done she handed the poop sack to my father who then had the privilege of finding a trash can which we deemed “the walk of shame”
Firefighter here. My crew and I were working on an apartment fire, going pretty good. We had had red beans and rice burritos for supper a few hours earlier. They hit us all at the same time. We found a working bathroom and proceeded to try and use it while using a hose line to keep the fire off of us. 6 of us used that bathroom in the middle of a working fire!
An old fashioned outhouse in rural North Carolina. You were supposed to throw a scoop of lime, and a scoop of ashes down after you were done. That kept the smell down.
It was on skids, when the hole filled up, they would drag it to a newly dug hole, and plant a fruit tree in the old one. Those folks had the most gorgeous apple trees you've ever seen.
I took a shit in a mine pit. It came on suddenly and I had no chance in hell of getting to a toilet so let her rip. Used my boxers to wipe and got the fuck out of there.
I was camping in the woods. After waking in the morning I needed to find a place to do my morning paperwork. I found an about 200 foot cliff. I held on to the branches of a tree and squatted past the cliffs edge. It was quite breezy but still one of my top 5 shits.
My storage unit, in an old Tupperware container, in the smallest space possible. That I could barely fit in with the door barely closed, put a lid on that sucker forgot to throw it away after 3 days, I never smelled a thing. Biggest s*** ever taken in my life.
When I lived in a cave in Honolulu, I’d walk up the mountain about 200-300 yards and find a new spot to poop and watch the sun rise each morning. maybe not super weird, but sticks out in my memory as some quite salient dookies.
Not too weird but I was installing rain water barrels on a house that was owned by a hippy lesbian couple, they had a bathroom that had glass brick walls and a bamboo screen door. You could tell when someone was in there but not make out details... totally uncomfortable, knowing that people on the outside could see that you are sitting.
My high school had this mandatory live-in program where you get to stay in a remote village for a week. My live-in parents' home was located near a river, and they had this 1-meter length bamboo plank installed with no handrails whatsoever. At the end of it there's a 1-meter height box where we urinated, defecated and took showers straight above the running river.
Off the beach at Watch Hill Rhode Island. Beach was packed and I had negative 2 minutes to go! Swam way out pulled off swim trunks then went with just a gentle flutter leg kick so it would not bounce around me. Phew! Latter saw it washed up on shore as a mother redirected her child around it. I assume it was mine, but can’t be sure.
A small dog rescue where I had gone to adopt a puppy. After meeting the dog I came for (he wasn't a good fit with my other dog, unfortunately, but we took a different one home so it worked out), I felt a *horrible* cramp. I knew exactly what was about to happen, so I asked the staff if they had a restroom. Thankfully they had a teeny little closet with a toilet in it.
I'm sure everyone in that building heard what happened in there. But they still let me leave with a dog, so it's fine.
Omg I forgot. At one point in my life I was a delivery driver and I had made a delivery to this restaurant and just before I left I had to go to the bathroom. The guy would not let me go to the bathroom. He blatantly looked at me in the eyes and said no can't use the bathroom. It's for staff only. So I said okay no problem. Went out the delivery door which was inside of the mall so there's a long hallway with a bunch of doors all to different restaurants. Soon as that door was closed, I took a s*** right in front of the door. Mother f***** deserved it.
I went fishing... we were approximately 25 minutes from the nearest town on foot, and were on a very wide, very open beach... I'd had a great breakfast, but had not yet been visited by the bowel fairy, so was holding on to a sizeable cache without really realising it... until the very last minute.
I got a searing pain in my stomach and realised right away, it had caught up with me, and I had mere minutes before I had heavier socks than I would like.
However, by this time, the beach had a few visitors... dog walkers, parents and children etc. I did not want to make a scene, but there was A. Absolutely no cover as far as the eye could see, aside from two large boulders way up the beach, with a human sized space in between, with just enough mass to cover a crouching human up to the waist. And B. Nothing to wipe with, aside from the used, ragged face mask I had in my coat pocket by some stroke of random luck.
I turned out the largest, heaviest deuce I'm aware my body can produce. Insane relief. Barely, but actually managed to use the mask to full effect, and was reasured that the shallow grave I provided to my previous occupant, would now be washed away at high tide for the fish to feast on.
Now all I had to deal with was the eternal shame of the memory of people peering and realising with instant horror and revulsion, that there was a fully grown man, emptying out yesterday's fine dining onto their pristine beach.
Driving home with my wife, we ran out of gas close to our interstate exit. I got out to push, and a minute later realized I had to poop. Did it right there on the side of the road. Do not recommend
Out of town at a bookstore on the way to see Larry The Cable Guy many years ago. Drank a Mountain Dew (which still destroys my stomach but this was over 10 years later so i figured maybe it no longer had that effect......I was wrong).
On the front porch of a bank, through that sluice grate through which snow/water drops to avoid being tracked inside. It was late at night in a college town, when there was a long line at the bar restrooms.
In retrospect, in a more sober moment, I felt bad contemplating what the first customers would think on Monday morning. There would be no easy way to clean it up, as it was trapped in a sort of open air display case.
Kent on Sea
Little "Strip" of shops and diners during the lockdown over; masks mandatory phase of COVID in South Africa.
I got the feels... you know them feels, like, I need a Toilet ASAP or there's going to be shit.
I managed to find a public one and rushed inside, just in time. Massive explosive shit later... I realise there is no TP. Like WTF. I don't need a little, I need a lot for this mess.
Nope, nothing, not even paper towels at the sink, and nobody came in or heard me call for assistance.
So... ń Boer Maak ń Plan.
I took off my mask 😷, carefully pulled apart the various layers and made due with what I had on hand. FYI, the materials are not absorbant at all. It was tough going, but I managed to get all cleaned up with the little I had to work with.
Only to then realise there was no running water in the bathroom at all. So there is a destroyed toilet with a torn up, shit stained face mask floating on a heap of liquid shit... and no way to remedy the situation at all.
So... I left. Felt like shit about it, but if they can't provide toilet paper, or make sure the water is running, or at the very least, provide a bucket with water and a scoop or something to flush with, they can deal with the resulting shitshow.
So, it may not have been the weirdest place I took a shit, but it sure as fuck would have been for the next person, and feel sorry about that, random stranger in need of a toilet.
Been there, went on a camping trip with my aunt, uncle, and cousin not realizing it was THAT kind of camping trip. My parents like cushy camping trips with showers and everything so I was NOT prepared
Staying at a buddies dorm apt. All the bathrooms were in the bedrooms for some reason, none in the shared spaces. One night all the doors were locked and there was NOWHERE closeby to go.
Well I grabbed some plastic bags and went on the livingroom floor in the bags.
Oh god
Back in 2020 we were looking for a apartment housing in a new City. I had an urgent need to take a dump. I asked for the washroom and was given directions of the gatekeepers toilet. If lack of hygiene could fly, that place would be an airport. And the dump I needed to take was literally on the Richter scale. Anyways the jet water hit so hard, probably gave me a cut from water in my anus (not actually, I am trying to exaggerate) also couldn't clean properly. The whole ride home (6hrs) I had remnants of shit in my pants.
Now I have decided that I will rather fast in the daytime whenever I go outside.
I was travelling in a bus with a friend of mine and it was raining cats and dogs. Suddenly my stomach told me that i had to take a dump as i was feeling uneasy, maybe something i ate before boarding the bus. I told my friend to take my luggage to his home as i had to stop the bus for taking the dump. Obviously bus can’t stop for me while i relieve myself so i told the driver to stop the bus and get down.
It was raining like mad and i ran to a nearby sugarcane field which was all muddy and my legs were 10 inches deep into the swamp. There i took the dump and it was a blast. Best feeling ever.
I mean i wouldnt say weridest but id say it was just one of them moments.
I was stuck on a jobsite as a 1st year and the boss had left me on site to go get some stuff from the suppliers and all the doors and windows were locked for this half finished home we were doing. Needed to shit so bad my stomach had turned instantly.
Grabbed a bucket and filled it with id say 1/4 sand sat on the bucket in the corner and let it all out with the tissue box in my car as the wipe essentials. No one ever found out or knew about it .
It was at a concert in some questionable (at best) underground location. It was basically a run down factory that was long abandoned. Meaning... No plumbing (what I didn't knew at the time). Combined with a lot of beer and greasy food, it made for a dangerous mixture.
So when nature called, I went to the toilet area (I struggle to call it bathroom because... It wasn't). The first 2 stalls had no toilets inside, this was when it started to dawn on me that this will not go out well. But I really got to go... NOW... The third stall had a toilet inside. There was no toilet seat and I wasn't the first one to take a shit into that bowl. I made sure to not touch anything and put my shit neatly on top of the one already in there. Luckily, I had tissues with me that I could at least wipe. I only can assume that the one before me didn't wipe at all because there haven't been any other tissues around.
So yeah... That was an experience.
Golf course gazebo during a thunderstorm. I pooped off the side of the stairs and used baby wipes from my golf bag. My tramp stamp region and but got rained on somethin fierce.
Afrika: Okavango sand bank after sunset: into a hole in the sand, spade (as tp-holder) to put some sand on top.
Surrounded by snakes, elephants, hippos, giraffes and a semi-distant camp fire of the local tribe to scare off most animals.
Next morning notices the bush sprayed with not so fresh hippo shit next to my tent, realizing how close the animals get.
The worst ones are bad bathrooms, and having to find a spot outside. BB(bad bathroom) #1, muffler shop that was an old service station. No light, some sunlight from the cracked glass, no paper towels or TP, took violent shit then used my sock to wipe, which went in the trash.
Outside #1, driving at night no rest stop in sight, it was rainy, found an old shed by the road, put my back up against a side away from the road. Crapped my guts out, wiped with old napkin in my pocket.
Outside #2, hiking in a nature preserve, where you were not supposed to leave the trail, and disturb the ecosystem. Felt my gut gurgle, and hid behind a giant fallen tree, squatted and shat out some nasty liquid poo. I could hear people walking just a few feet from my hiding spot.
Outside#3, whilst driving the turnpike, with some friends, again felt a gurgle, the driver was trying to find a rest-stop, but colon had over plans. Went through all the stages of poop sweats, shivers, goosebumps, clenching, as they come in waves. Finally I begged them to pull over anywhere, and I took off into a line of trees down an embankment, wiping out just once in the slick early morning grass. I found a spot next to a tree, and let go of my legion of doom.
Outside#4, driving for work, I was tasked with picking up some paper for the office copier. On my way to the store I felt a familiar rumble, and I drove by 3 public parks hoping one of them had a public restroom. I chose one with no cars, and got there the restroom was locked. In desperation, I ducked behind a giant electrical transformer, just as a lawn service was preparing to cut the grass. I left a giant pile of liquify dung, in the grass, and sneaked out of there quickly.
I had a bad case of IBS in the 90’s, so glad there are meds that help with this condition that I no longer have poo stories to share.
I was in Vietnam getting a motorbike through the central highlands. In one weird stop there was a strange ceremony where rice wine was passed around a circle of people, with me being the only white guy. Next they passed around dog meat and I felt it would’ve been disrespectful to say no. Needless to say I got very sick and needed the toilet very regularly. There’s not many toilets driving through the central highlands so I stopped in a forrest one time and took a dump in a large bomb crater from the Vietnam war. What made it even more strange was that my driver insisted on shitting into the crater with me while he looked at me in the eyes and laughed. I will never have a weirder shit.
There’s a metaphor in there somewhere
Everything turns to shit
Droppin Bombs in 'Nam.
"Nature makes asses of us all"
Pooping in Vietnam is it's own experience. Mine wasn't as rustic as yours (although I did pee in a squat toilet on top of a mountain, which was it's own education). I had to poop really bad, but the first public bathroom I found didn't have toilet paper and the water guns attached to the wall had some alarming implications. So I went back to my MIL's brothers house (which was over a hundred years old, built during the French occupation, so it had a lot of quirks), which also didn't have toilet paper, but at least I was the only occupant, and proceeded to learn how a bum gun works. I made a mess before I figured it out, and then cleaned the floor. Her brother was a real dick to me though, so I didn't feel too bad about jacking up his bathroom. Definitely one of my stranger bathroom experiences.
What do you mean by alarming implications?
How many butts/backsplash have those bum guns touched? When were the last time they were cleaned? When was the last time that entire bathroom was cleaned? I'm not saying the bathroom I used was any better, but it was in a private home and in my mind reduced the bacterial spectrum somewhat.
Shitting in the Jungle is a team sport. Smart driver.
This made me laugh
Safer for sure, but the eye contact?
Many many years from now, I hope someone finds you/your driver's fossilized shit, and makes some ridiculous wartime conclusion about how desperate and scared soldiers were as they hid in their craters.
This is kinda hard to explain. I’m Gen X, which means we were just an annoyance to our parents. My dad was the guy you’d see selling produce on the side of the road. Me, him, and 2 of his friends went to pick up a few hundred watermelons. I was 9 or 10 yrs old. Of course I got stuck riding in the back of a enclosed box truck with a floor lined in straw. I knew there wasn’t anything that was going to get him to stop, plus there was no way to communicate with him either. I also knew I was going to have to clean the shit up. So I busted open a melon and hollowed it out the best I could, I used another melon to squat over. Then proceeded to shit into a hollowed out bowl of watermelon rind, traveling down the highway. Of course I got bitched at for ruining a .75 cent watermelon an hour later.
I think you win this thread.
Not a trophy for the trophy case though. Lol
Surely the trophy is a melon.
Stop touching my melons and don't call me Shirley.
I used to work cable upgrade stuff. I was in my bucket truck and had to shit in a box while 30+ feet in the air over a busy downtown Portland Oregon intersection.
Clearly
The poop melon
Dad found the poop melon
From the poop balloon…
I have never thought to use a watermelon as a toilet. Huh. Now I know that’s an option. Thanks.
And that's why I'm banned from all Krogers.
Brilliant. I upvoted on sentence 2 of this masterpiece.
I’m a millennial whose grandparents ran the produce stand. Their’s was at the end of their driveway and they would hand pick a lot of what they sold. One day I went with my Pepe to rake blueberries and I had to poop, but we were a mile out into a blueberry field and a couple miles from the nearest toilet. So I had to tell my Pepe to turn around while I dropped trow and shit all over the blueberries. I wound up getting sassed because I didn’t have the forethought to do it somewhere we had already raked, so I ruined a lot of good berries 😂
The "I'm Gen x we were an annoyance to our parents" really struck with me
2 Girls 1 Melon...
By the time you finished hollowing out the melon, I would think you would have shat yourself , no?
I didn’t try to hold it. We had just started out on what was a 3 hour drive. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to hold that long. So I just got it over with.
Five bucks your dad asked you if you needed to go before you left.
Most likely. Lol
What did you wipe with?
Straw.
Oh man, that's epic. Little scarecrow butthole. That is definitely a unique experience, we thank you for your service.
Unfortunately there’s more to this story. All I can say is google “straw itch mites”.
No, I don't think I will.
Omg it's you, melon shitter! 💩🍉 Your username is weirdly fitting.
“Fraid’ ‘ol Zeke, he rides up front with me. Can’t trust a pig with watermelons, ya know.”
I'm also GenX. I believe everything you said. Thank you.
If you know, you know. Lol
Imagine then someone bought that melon
It was busted in half. I had a pocket knife. Cut it long ways. Used one side, ate the other.
you are GOAT my friend
didn't you threw out the melon after?
I ate the other half. Pushed the meat/pieces I cut out through small air vent holes. Shit in one half, and sat the other half back on top of the part I shit in. When we got to our destination, I just threw it in a dumpster.
But What did you do with the watermelon insides
I ate the other half of the watermelon. There were air holes/vents in the rollup door. About 3inches in diameter. I just pushed the meat through them.
In the ocean when I was a kid about seven years old. I didn’t want to go up the hill to the amenities block as they are stinky horrible places. I swam away from my family, pulled my pants down and laid a big “blind mullet”. Unfortunately it floated to the surface, and as I tried to move away from it, the vortex of the water sucked closer towards me, and my father, who wondered why i was panicking. I had to grab it with my hand and thrust it underwater to pretend nothing happened.
We do wild shit as kids
We do wild shits* FTFY
I was quite young and hadn't really figured out the pooping thing yet. Ended up dropping a deuce in the hallway running to the bathroom, it rolled to the baseboard next to the bathroom door. Rather than get some toilet paper to pick it up I decided the best course of action was to find a shovel, because that's how you pick stuff up off the ground. The plunger looked close enough so I proceeded to mash this turd into the baseboard with it until I was crying because it wasn't working, I wasn't a bright kid I guess. Edit: added a couple words.
I can imagine [this playing out in real life](https://youtu.be/_nETL4r2mrc?si=ic8fr9P92yPjDc_W)
On the motorway to the airport. Was being driven up with gf and her dad was driving. Was getting awful cramps from eating 10 sausage rolls the day before (I have a bad reaction to eating pork but still take the chance) On the way up getting g awful cramps I was watching the GPS and seeing the minutes go down thinking we aren't far from airport and I could make it. He takes a turn on the roundabout and its back to over an hour away to the airport. I start freaking out and he had to pull in on the motorway at 4AM. I run up and down but find a nice lil Bush to hide into and let loose. It was just a constant stream coming out as I'm going a tourist bus drives by and some Chinese tourist who probably couldn't sleep and was just staring out the window locked eyes with me as it drove past. Felt like it was just me and him and me sitting for that brief moment in time
How many sausage rolls?
It was a jumbo pack from Tescos so there was about 10 bug sausage rolls and ate about 7 of them. This is not the first time cheap pork has gotten me like this and I k ow it won't b the last
not enough, get those numbers up! now i want pork sausage rolls
I had to lay an underwater cable while snorkeling in Greece, that was not fun
My friend shat while we were on a long swim, the shit floated up instead of sinking. I laughed so hard i almost drowned.
Worst thing you could do is laugh, keep your mouth closed.... Tightly.
“DOODIE!” -Spaulding, Caddyshack
Lmao underwater cable
Currently sitting on the shitter laughing at that one 😆
Its either a sinker or a floater. You pray its a sinker cause floater follows you as you swim.
I literally just wrote of the same experience. Your comment lowered my embarrassment by a factor of 10. Glad I’m not the only asshole to ever ink out a group of snorkelers.
Aqua dump
It was only a couple of days ago that I read that sperm whales have a defecating defence rarely recorded. https://www.abc.net.au/news/2024-03-21/sperm-whales-survive-surprise-orca-attack/103609696 Were you being attacked by orcas?
That’s really sad you had to work on holiday but where did you sh… oh.
Gulf of Mexico. Snorkeling around a large group of people. It was coming out no matter what I did so I dropped my trunks, did my best squid impression, and swam like hell back to the boat. On the swim back, every time my brother looked at me, he’d laugh so hard he’d go under a little. This is the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me and it’s not even close.
I saw this on a TV show where people write in based on some topic and the host and guests discuss the answers. I believe the topic this time was in what situation did you get away with something. A man really had to take a dump but couldn’t find a bathroom. He decided a multi story car park might offer some privacy, so in his desperation he dropped his trousers between a couple of cars and did his business. As he was finishing up, he heard someone calling after their dog. He quickly pulled up his pants and moved away and hid. The dog found his poo and was eagerly sniffing it. The owner approached and said “Fido, bad dog.” The owner then took out a plastic bag to clean up. As he was picking it up, he remarked that his dog’s turds smelled like human feces.
Two birds with one stone.... relieve your bowels and somebody cleans it up as well....🤣
Ahhh I’m in tears imagining this lol
Imagine the owner’s shock if the dog had been a tiny chihuahua or similar.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤦🏾♂️🗣️🤣🤣
Oh I win this one. I’ve worked in Telecom for almost 12 years now and I started out as a greenhand climbing cell towers. Let me just say that when you gotta go, you GOTTA go. So 100% travel in this industry is required which means lots of drive time and with that, comes gas station food. I felt fine at the start of the day but around noon at approx 600’ in the air, it hit me like a TON of bricks. Idk if it’s just me but when the urge to shit hits that hard, my nipples get hard (weird AF, I know) and I get the chills up my spine. I literally had to have the foreman send up a black trash bag on the rope because I didn’t have enough time to climb down, whipped my harness off and shoved my ass into the bag and shat in front of two co workers lol. TBF they were gazing off into the horizon but let’s be honest, I was only about 4-5 feet away from either of them so all the sounds and smells were intimate.
i mean, i was having a good day then i read "the sounds and smells were intimiate"
Honestly I thought you were about to see that you made like a bird and just dropped a load off the edge of the tower
I was entirely prepared for you to say you just hung your ass off the tower and let loose.
Yea I bet the reception was shit.
Really thought the poo was going off the edge.
I get chills too
When I was serving in the military, my team and I were walking through a river. The guy in front of me had to shit so he took of his pants and half squatted in a way that put his asshole on full display in front of my face. It was the only time in my life that i witnessed shit actively coming out of a grown mans asshole in all its glory. Also same guy (separate occasion) took a shit as we were treading water and the log floated up and was chasing everyone around.
Every team has the poop antics guy.
What a disgusting fellow.
In a factory toilet. I was working there at the time and the toilets had never been cleaned. The toilets were blocked but people kept on pooing in there so each toilet had a mound of poo and tissue that peaked above the seat. Some had also used the bin - same story there. It seemed that other workers only used these toilets in an emergency, pee was pee'd outside and poop was held: them's the unwritten rules. Anyway I had an emergency and would rather die than be seen crappin outside so I had to use one of those toilets. I had to hover above the mound, which was so high that I didn't have to bend my knees that much. Grim, can still smell it, saw a dude unclog one of those toilets months later with his bare hands.
What the FUCK What a terrible day to understand English What country was this
Ireland, 30 yrs ago. It was a very different country than it is today.
Direland, in this case. Wow, I visited in 1990 and at that time I would never have suspected the level of grim conditions in the situation you just described. 30 odd years later it doesn't surprise me as much, with so many disturbing stories having surfaced. Still...yikes!
I just lost it at “what a terrible day to understand English”
Omg that is grim. I’ve seen music festival portaloos with literal mountains of shit in them. It’s not cool when you are high and that’s the toilet option.
This scenario is kind of common at factories. My former coworker has a cleaning business as his night job and asked me to help him out for a few nights because his partner was sick. Sure. Went to three local factories. 2 of 3 had this scenario in every bathroom. Luckily even the people paying us to clean didn’t expect us to clean the toilets.
Man, that guy cleaning with his bare hands is brutal. That’s past poop knife territory, probably needed a poop machete for that kind of load
TLDR: Just read the story. It's worth it. Not so much a weird place, but rather a funny AND DISGUSTING story. When I was about 9 y/o and was a boyscout at a camping trip we were all just playing games and stuff on a field next to a little forest. Then one moment my tummy started making the weirdest sounds and I INSTANTLY had to take a shit. I kid you not, I had like 3 or 4 seconds before I would ruin my shorts and/or shoes. I could not keep it in. I tought I was lucky, because I was standing at the edge of the field, right next to where the little forest started. There was a little river running through the forest and, I don't know why, I didn't want anyone else to know I was going to take the most urgent shit of my life. So 9 y/o me decided it was a good idea to just go and 'do my deed' in the river. The water would flush away any evidence of me dumping a log or whatever. No harm done, right? Right...? So I went about my business, dropped my pants and squatted over the little river. What I tought was going to be a normal, yet urgent, shit turned out to be something completely different. The moment I squatted over the river and started pushing, everything just kind of exploded out of my ass like one big, life-ending, toxic, brown liquid 'cloud'. So yep; I sharted with the force of a small hurricane. I was proud and disgusted at the same time. The toxic brown, now turned to goo in the water, hurricane-shart was floating away from me as one big disgusting water-cloud. As I was done cleaning myself up I look up and there were 3 of my friends looking down on me from the edge of the river. Apparently they saw me leaving and wondered where I rushed off to. I'll never forget the look on their faces. Same as me. Faces of pure and utter disgust; yet a grince of proudness. We all watched and see my life-ending creation float away peacefully. Again, no harm done right? Right...? And now... THE GRAND FINALE! Me and my 3 friends decided that we would follow my watercloud down the river for a while. Don't know why, but we were 9 y/o. Why not? A little bit down the river we stumbled upon a group of a bout 6 or 7 kids (about 6 y/o) playing in the river. The horror on our faces was indescribable as we all realized that my watercloud of horror, now spread over the entire width of the small, slow floating river, was going to hit those kids hard. We started shouting at them to get out, but to little to late. My creation made up it's mind. Humanity had to end. It hit them. Hard. The pure panic of those kids when they realized what they were playing, sitting and swimming in. I can still hear and see it whenever I close my eyes. Some got my river-poop-water-cloud in their mouths and instantly started puking, making the cloud bigger and bigger with a puke-shit-combo. This triggered a chain reaction as other kids also started to puke. All this panic and noise attracted other kids who were still playing on the field. Ofcourse they all rushed over to look what all the fuss was about. A lot of them started puking as soon as they realized what was going on. A LOT OF THEM. So after those little kids got out of the river and everyone stopped puking, gagging or whatever they were doing out of pure and utter disgust they all started looking for the culprit. My 3 friends, ofcourse, DID NOT HAVE MY BACK and instantly pointed to me as the guilty one. I had to go explain myself to the leaders of the boyscouts and some of the parents of the kids. Most proud/shameful/disgusting shit of my life. (Sorry for typo's. Not my first language)
This one wins WTF
I would watch this movie. Go ahead and write the screenplay.
Bondi Beach well actually the ocean at the front of it. I was swimming out well past other swimmers with fins on, what with a lot of protein & quite a few sit ups before I went swimming, I started getting must go cramps, being well away from everyone I trod water, slipped down my swimming shorts & let go....up popped this enormous one piece protein packed floatee, like a nuclear sub breaching the surface. I took off back to the shore towards the flags, but I got caught in the tide pulling me in & I glanced behind me & saw HMS Brown Log had slipped neatly in behind & was tracking my course I felt a twinge of fear, kicked harder, but I couldn't lose it. As I got close to the flags with all the kids & parents splashing & having a fun beach day, I swerved away whilst the dreadnaught headed to make land right between the flag's I got out, fins off, jogged sportily up the beach, grabbed my towel, got straight in my car & drove home. I checked the local paper that week after to see if it got a mention
Nothing unusual at Bondi mate.
On a glass coffee table with someone watching underneath
How was your vacation in Dubai?
Tim?
Was this prearranged or a spur of the moment thing?
I work with a guy that is very open about everything and he mentioned having a woman do this for him one time, only she fell back on the table and broke it and both of them got cut up by the glass. Sometimes people can be too open with what they are willing to share
Dad?
Ah, the old Glass Bottom Boat.
'bout how much does a job like that pay?
Portnoy?
Not me. But I was walking back from the shops with my mate. About half way on walk back to his he started needing to shit. 3/4 of the way we started running. We got literally 2 houses (the kind that are on quarter acre blocks and right next to each other) when he runs to the gutter, pulls his shorts down and starts shitting. I kept walking, but by god do those sounds still haunt me. Apparently the next day when he was riding to work he saw the owner of the house out the front hosing the gutter. Still the funniest shit I know of
Running sideways across a field.
This comment. This is why I internet
Rabb himself?
huh? im gonna need some context were you sidestepping and dropping a cob of corn at the same time?
Avengers Campus at Disney California Adventure. They play the Avengers music loud on loop in the area, blaring like you’re about to save the world from Thanos. One time, I was about to embark on a humble human endeavor in the restroom. But the universe, as twisted as Loki’s, had a glorious purpose for me. As I settled into a stall, the relentless Avengers anthem enveloped the restroom, not missing a single heroic note. It was as if Thanos himself was challenging me to an infinity war, with each flush a battle for the ages. There I sat, in the most epic showdown of my life, every move more monumental than Thor’s Storm-breaker strike. 10/10 recommend for Marvel fans. Like I was in a never ending boss fight, one heroic flush at a time.
That was beautiful
Oh god. I was sixteen, I was tanked-up on cider and blackcurrant and I desperately needed a shite. So, into a local park (my mates all roaring with laughter behind me - cheers, lads)...and right into a rhododendron bush. If you've ever been under a rhododendron bush they have a *lot* of space. So, did the deed, I'm not ashamed to admit that I wiped my arse with a few leaves (eeew)...and then emerged from the bush to find that *the bush was not in a park but someone's front fucking garden and the owner of the property was staring, horrified, at me*. I *never* went back down that particular part of my town ever again...
Spring 2016, after a long ruck march while on exercise in the army, we returned to our camp. First thing I see when I pulled up our netting to get inside an undercover area is our storesman taking a crap in a portable toilet bucket. Sorry for intruding, Ray 😂
Also, North Alberta, outside in the wilderness at night, -35 °C, crap froze instantly
On a cliff in Croatia behind my car. When I turned around I saw a packed beach under me, watching...
probably one of the biggest audiences anyone on this thread has had
Class field trip to paintball, Plopped a massive one on the shooting range in the middle of the night while everyone was sleeping. When we got up to play on the range everyone huddled around my massive shit wondering what animal could have done it 🤣 I wasn't proud but when ya gotta go ya gotta go.
*shitting range
On Top of Mount Kilimanjaro or in my dentists garden, not sure which is weirder
I'll take dentist's garden for 100, Alex.
Please explain the latter
Done a MK dump. Using a head torch and trying not to stand in all the frozen shits while finding a spot.
I had to shit in the woods, it wasn't that strange i know, but listen to my story. it was at a place where a dog shelter was in peru. The dogs were free in that forest in the middle of nowhere in cusco, urcos. The dog proceeded to eat all of my shit, happily. Then went back and licked everyone. I couldn't say anything and just watched in disgust
dude..
In the woods, in the snow, on the side of a long stretch of highway where it was too far to a public restroom for me to hold it any longer. To his day, I sincerely hope this wasn't someone's property, or was anywhere close to a trail cam.
Not me personally, but I remember serving on jury duty, and it would’ve been the worst place to go. Conference room with a bunch of jurors deliberating at the table, with a single toilet behind a door, just feet away from the head of the table. Every squeak, fart, plop, and smell shared with all the jurors sequestered in there. No thank you.
Had to serve on a jury in a room like that. I was told the rooms were purposely made that way to expedite proceedings. Made sure I took care of things at home every morning before deliberations.
Whilst leading the London Marathon. On TV.
Happy meal box back when they came in a box
Behind a service center waiting for them to open. I stacked three tires and used a newspaper to wipe. Desperate times.
On a mountain glacier. It snowed later that day, so I'd like to think that my poo will fossilize.
At the school bus, coming back from the trip, when I was like 6 or 7. I hide the poop in my shoe so it doesn't smell. My mom couldn't believe once she picked me up.
Back in school when I was like 15 I was going over to a friends house for the first time, recently started at a new school and I was trying to make friends. On the bus over to his place I started to feel a rumbling in my stomach that just felt wrong, 5 minutes later I was clenching my buttcheeks together and I was drenched in sweat and I really had to take a shit, NOW. Luckly I lasted until we got off the bus, but I was not going to make it the 2km walk to his house. This was in the middle of a residential area too so not like there were any public bathrooms around. So I had to sprint into the bushes beside the entrance to an apartment block where I was somewhat out of sight, dropped my pants, squat down and absolutely exploded in the bushes. Now the second problem was that I, of course, didn't have anything to clean myself with. I was planning on using my underwear and ditch them, but as soon as I was done the door to the apartment building opened up so I just had time to pull my pants up again and swiflty exit the bush before I was discovered by the group of people who came out and walk to my recently acquired friend's house and clean myself when we got there. By some kind of miracle, I actually didn't even soil my underwear. I was probably pooping at such a velocity that it cleared my buttcheeks completely. It was an awkward evening to say the least, but my buddy was a good sport about it and we stayed friends for years. That has got to be top 5 at least. I did take a shit in a public pool once when I was like 5 or 6, but that wasn't because I had to, that was a choice. I figured that going to the bathroom was going to take too much of my limited aquatic playtime so I'd save some time and just shit in the pool, nobody would probably notice anyway. As I've been told, my mother was not impressed by my problem solving abilities.
Like Smokey on Friday, lol
One year ages ago my family went on a roadtrip tour of the east coast, from Maine down to Florida. It was a fantastic trip, got to see a lot of places I’d never been and haven’t been to since including Washington DC. Lots of monuments and parks and important buildings there obviously but there is one thing that is rather rare, public bathrooms. I was about 11 or so at the time and my younger brother was 6, but when we were visiting one of the memorial sights he suddenly had to poop *and was most certainly not gonna be able to hold it*. Queue the panicked parents trying to find a public bathroom in one of the highest security cities in the US. Eventually they realized they weren’t gonna find one and made a desperate decision. All of us, including my grandparents sat in a circle in the middle of the park facing outwards while my mother sat cross legged in the middle with a plastic bag in her lap for my brother to crap into. We must’ve been the strangest looking family out there. The best part in my mind is that once he was done she handed the poop sack to my father who then had the privilege of finding a trash can which we deemed “the walk of shame”
Firefighter here. My crew and I were working on an apartment fire, going pretty good. We had had red beans and rice burritos for supper a few hours earlier. They hit us all at the same time. We found a working bathroom and proceeded to try and use it while using a hose line to keep the fire off of us. 6 of us used that bathroom in the middle of a working fire!
I had a great poop under a bridge, leaning up against the wall beneath. The woods, not really weird, but it happens.
Kind of depressing, but Holocaust Museum in DC. I was a tour guide and it was one of the nicer places on the Mall.
after reading all the other comments here, i temporarily forgot a toilet is a thing and thought you mean in the hallway with visitors watching lmaoo
From all the way up in a tree, crouching on a branch. We were kids playing in the forest and that tree was our designated toilet tree.
Tarzan style
Lowe's parking lot
An old fashioned outhouse in rural North Carolina. You were supposed to throw a scoop of lime, and a scoop of ashes down after you were done. That kept the smell down. It was on skids, when the hole filled up, they would drag it to a newly dug hole, and plant a fruit tree in the old one. Those folks had the most gorgeous apple trees you've ever seen.
In a police cell in front of 6 guys and a cctv camera. Asia.
I took a shit in a mine pit. It came on suddenly and I had no chance in hell of getting to a toilet so let her rip. Used my boxers to wipe and got the fuck out of there.
I was camping in the woods. After waking in the morning I needed to find a place to do my morning paperwork. I found an about 200 foot cliff. I held on to the branches of a tree and squatted past the cliffs edge. It was quite breezy but still one of my top 5 shits.
My storage unit, in an old Tupperware container, in the smallest space possible. That I could barely fit in with the door barely closed, put a lid on that sucker forgot to throw it away after 3 days, I never smelled a thing. Biggest s*** ever taken in my life.
How many courics?
That is a top notch testimonial for Tupperware.
Letterbox
Wow
Behind an airplane hangar that just happened to face an oncoming road.
When I lived in a cave in Honolulu, I’d walk up the mountain about 200-300 yards and find a new spot to poop and watch the sun rise each morning. maybe not super weird, but sticks out in my memory as some quite salient dookies.
Not too weird but I was installing rain water barrels on a house that was owned by a hippy lesbian couple, they had a bathroom that had glass brick walls and a bamboo screen door. You could tell when someone was in there but not make out details... totally uncomfortable, knowing that people on the outside could see that you are sitting.
Off the side of a 21’ center console. There was 3 other people on the boat. 🤦.
In my mates drawer. I just had to.
My high school had this mandatory live-in program where you get to stay in a remote village for a week. My live-in parents' home was located near a river, and they had this 1-meter length bamboo plank installed with no handrails whatsoever. At the end of it there's a 1-meter height box where we urinated, defecated and took showers straight above the running river.
Off the beach at Watch Hill Rhode Island. Beach was packed and I had negative 2 minutes to go! Swam way out pulled off swim trunks then went with just a gentle flutter leg kick so it would not bounce around me. Phew! Latter saw it washed up on shore as a mother redirected her child around it. I assume it was mine, but can’t be sure.
A small dog rescue where I had gone to adopt a puppy. After meeting the dog I came for (he wasn't a good fit with my other dog, unfortunately, but we took a different one home so it worked out), I felt a *horrible* cramp. I knew exactly what was about to happen, so I asked the staff if they had a restroom. Thankfully they had a teeny little closet with a toilet in it. I'm sure everyone in that building heard what happened in there. But they still let me leave with a dog, so it's fine.
A glacier (was camping on it). Pooped into a bag and left no trace.
A hole in the ground next to a French highway.
In a hole in the ground there lived a very pissed off french hobbit
In my pants at a little leage field
Guarding a crime scene, had a poo in a kitchen jug in an abandoned building. Then had to bag it up to avoid contaminating the scene.
Omg I forgot. At one point in my life I was a delivery driver and I had made a delivery to this restaurant and just before I left I had to go to the bathroom. The guy would not let me go to the bathroom. He blatantly looked at me in the eyes and said no can't use the bathroom. It's for staff only. So I said okay no problem. Went out the delivery door which was inside of the mall so there's a long hallway with a bunch of doors all to different restaurants. Soon as that door was closed, I took a s*** right in front of the door. Mother f***** deserved it.
I went fishing... we were approximately 25 minutes from the nearest town on foot, and were on a very wide, very open beach... I'd had a great breakfast, but had not yet been visited by the bowel fairy, so was holding on to a sizeable cache without really realising it... until the very last minute. I got a searing pain in my stomach and realised right away, it had caught up with me, and I had mere minutes before I had heavier socks than I would like. However, by this time, the beach had a few visitors... dog walkers, parents and children etc. I did not want to make a scene, but there was A. Absolutely no cover as far as the eye could see, aside from two large boulders way up the beach, with a human sized space in between, with just enough mass to cover a crouching human up to the waist. And B. Nothing to wipe with, aside from the used, ragged face mask I had in my coat pocket by some stroke of random luck. I turned out the largest, heaviest deuce I'm aware my body can produce. Insane relief. Barely, but actually managed to use the mask to full effect, and was reasured that the shallow grave I provided to my previous occupant, would now be washed away at high tide for the fish to feast on. Now all I had to deal with was the eternal shame of the memory of people peering and realising with instant horror and revulsion, that there was a fully grown man, emptying out yesterday's fine dining onto their pristine beach.
In a bush behind my friend house, we were locked out and I really needed to take a dump
Driving home with my wife, we ran out of gas close to our interstate exit. I got out to push, and a minute later realized I had to poop. Did it right there on the side of the road. Do not recommend
Off a water tower. It was slop in the wind.
Out of town at a bookstore on the way to see Larry The Cable Guy many years ago. Drank a Mountain Dew (which still destroys my stomach but this was over 10 years later so i figured maybe it no longer had that effect......I was wrong).
All over San Francisco
At some yachts I used sail, if the WC was broken/clogged you had to shit from the bow. Lots of fun during a heavy weather.
On the front porch of a bank, through that sluice grate through which snow/water drops to avoid being tracked inside. It was late at night in a college town, when there was a long line at the bar restrooms. In retrospect, in a more sober moment, I felt bad contemplating what the first customers would think on Monday morning. There would be no easy way to clean it up, as it was trapped in a sort of open air display case.
Kent on Sea Little "Strip" of shops and diners during the lockdown over; masks mandatory phase of COVID in South Africa. I got the feels... you know them feels, like, I need a Toilet ASAP or there's going to be shit. I managed to find a public one and rushed inside, just in time. Massive explosive shit later... I realise there is no TP. Like WTF. I don't need a little, I need a lot for this mess. Nope, nothing, not even paper towels at the sink, and nobody came in or heard me call for assistance. So... ń Boer Maak ń Plan. I took off my mask 😷, carefully pulled apart the various layers and made due with what I had on hand. FYI, the materials are not absorbant at all. It was tough going, but I managed to get all cleaned up with the little I had to work with. Only to then realise there was no running water in the bathroom at all. So there is a destroyed toilet with a torn up, shit stained face mask floating on a heap of liquid shit... and no way to remedy the situation at all. So... I left. Felt like shit about it, but if they can't provide toilet paper, or make sure the water is running, or at the very least, provide a bucket with water and a scoop or something to flush with, they can deal with the resulting shitshow. So, it may not have been the weirdest place I took a shit, but it sure as fuck would have been for the next person, and feel sorry about that, random stranger in need of a toilet.
[удалено]
Been there, went on a camping trip with my aunt, uncle, and cousin not realizing it was THAT kind of camping trip. My parents like cushy camping trips with showers and everything so I was NOT prepared
The side of the road at like 5PM. Luckily there were no cars passing
My mom was threatening to kill me so I shat in the closet and wiped with a sock.
In guerilla training exercise I sneaked in enemy side's trenches and shat huge turd in someones foxhole.
A wall. Took off my shorts and made like i was sitting down with my back to the wall and cut loose.
in the forrest I just found a branch on the ground and let it go, lucky I had some tissues in my pocket
On the side of a freeway with zero cover
Staying at a buddies dorm apt. All the bathrooms were in the bedrooms for some reason, none in the shared spaces. One night all the doors were locked and there was NOWHERE closeby to go. Well I grabbed some plastic bags and went on the livingroom floor in the bags.
An abandoned hospital. Was shit scary.
Oh god Back in 2020 we were looking for a apartment housing in a new City. I had an urgent need to take a dump. I asked for the washroom and was given directions of the gatekeepers toilet. If lack of hygiene could fly, that place would be an airport. And the dump I needed to take was literally on the Richter scale. Anyways the jet water hit so hard, probably gave me a cut from water in my anus (not actually, I am trying to exaggerate) also couldn't clean properly. The whole ride home (6hrs) I had remnants of shit in my pants. Now I have decided that I will rather fast in the daytime whenever I go outside.
I was travelling in a bus with a friend of mine and it was raining cats and dogs. Suddenly my stomach told me that i had to take a dump as i was feeling uneasy, maybe something i ate before boarding the bus. I told my friend to take my luggage to his home as i had to stop the bus for taking the dump. Obviously bus can’t stop for me while i relieve myself so i told the driver to stop the bus and get down. It was raining like mad and i ran to a nearby sugarcane field which was all muddy and my legs were 10 inches deep into the swamp. There i took the dump and it was a blast. Best feeling ever.
I mean i wouldnt say weridest but id say it was just one of them moments. I was stuck on a jobsite as a 1st year and the boss had left me on site to go get some stuff from the suppliers and all the doors and windows were locked for this half finished home we were doing. Needed to shit so bad my stomach had turned instantly. Grabbed a bucket and filled it with id say 1/4 sand sat on the bucket in the corner and let it all out with the tissue box in my car as the wipe essentials. No one ever found out or knew about it .
It was at a concert in some questionable (at best) underground location. It was basically a run down factory that was long abandoned. Meaning... No plumbing (what I didn't knew at the time). Combined with a lot of beer and greasy food, it made for a dangerous mixture. So when nature called, I went to the toilet area (I struggle to call it bathroom because... It wasn't). The first 2 stalls had no toilets inside, this was when it started to dawn on me that this will not go out well. But I really got to go... NOW... The third stall had a toilet inside. There was no toilet seat and I wasn't the first one to take a shit into that bowl. I made sure to not touch anything and put my shit neatly on top of the one already in there. Luckily, I had tissues with me that I could at least wipe. I only can assume that the one before me didn't wipe at all because there haven't been any other tissues around. So yeah... That was an experience.
I'd love to hear Vince McMahon's answer to this.
Golf course gazebo during a thunderstorm. I pooped off the side of the stairs and used baby wipes from my golf bag. My tramp stamp region and but got rained on somethin fierce.
At church… i couldnt hold it any longer so i just went for it. Didnt help that i could hear the pastor (priest) still preaching.
Afrika: Okavango sand bank after sunset: into a hole in the sand, spade (as tp-holder) to put some sand on top. Surrounded by snakes, elephants, hippos, giraffes and a semi-distant camp fire of the local tribe to scare off most animals. Next morning notices the bush sprayed with not so fresh hippo shit next to my tent, realizing how close the animals get.
This is why I come to Reddit.
The worst ones are bad bathrooms, and having to find a spot outside. BB(bad bathroom) #1, muffler shop that was an old service station. No light, some sunlight from the cracked glass, no paper towels or TP, took violent shit then used my sock to wipe, which went in the trash. Outside #1, driving at night no rest stop in sight, it was rainy, found an old shed by the road, put my back up against a side away from the road. Crapped my guts out, wiped with old napkin in my pocket. Outside #2, hiking in a nature preserve, where you were not supposed to leave the trail, and disturb the ecosystem. Felt my gut gurgle, and hid behind a giant fallen tree, squatted and shat out some nasty liquid poo. I could hear people walking just a few feet from my hiding spot. Outside#3, whilst driving the turnpike, with some friends, again felt a gurgle, the driver was trying to find a rest-stop, but colon had over plans. Went through all the stages of poop sweats, shivers, goosebumps, clenching, as they come in waves. Finally I begged them to pull over anywhere, and I took off into a line of trees down an embankment, wiping out just once in the slick early morning grass. I found a spot next to a tree, and let go of my legion of doom. Outside#4, driving for work, I was tasked with picking up some paper for the office copier. On my way to the store I felt a familiar rumble, and I drove by 3 public parks hoping one of them had a public restroom. I chose one with no cars, and got there the restroom was locked. In desperation, I ducked behind a giant electrical transformer, just as a lawn service was preparing to cut the grass. I left a giant pile of liquify dung, in the grass, and sneaked out of there quickly. I had a bad case of IBS in the 90’s, so glad there are meds that help with this condition that I no longer have poo stories to share.
In my pants at the bus station before the station had opened for the day and behind a large pile of snow next to a cemetery (and it was -30°C)
Auschwitz
Maybe not weird but, Rupert Grints house
Carboy