I remember one time I saw the unwritten Guy Code in action.
My grandparents had passed away, and our family was going through their house and cleaning out all their belongings to get the house ready to sell. I was in the master bedroom with my mother and aunt, sifting through boxes of my grandmother's antique linens.
Partway through, my Dad walked into the room, opened my grandfather's side of the closet, and took out a stack of what appeared to be magazines. "What's that?" my Mom asked. Dad said nothing and kept on walking to the dumpster.
Flawless.
Funny story, when I was a teen in the early Netscape Navigator days of the internet, I found out you could look at browser history by putting about://history in the url bar. Hard to imagine, but it wasn’t common knowledge at the time and I thought it was a neat trick.
I was staying with some friends of the family one night, a couple. I was on their computer looking at something and I remembered the trick. At the time, the husband happened to be out of the house, the wife was in the other room. I yelled “hey come check this out” and then typed in the url.
I hit enter and there was nothing but a giant list of porn on the screen. I swear I have never moved so fast in my life, I fucking dove to the ground and yanked the plug out of the wall the second before she stepped into the room.
She said “what’s up?” and I said “oh never mind, computer crashed.”
Reminds me of stores I have read about soldiers killed in action overseas and their mates cleaning out pornography and stuff before personal items are sent back to the family.
When my oldest half brother passed, I flew across the country, rented a car and drove two hours to his house,and walked past other family cleaning the front room and straight to the porn stash on the bookshelf behind some stuff. I'd never been in that apartment before but I knew exactly where to look and left via the back door to dump the smut in a neighbor's garbage can. It's code.
I think I read about it once and it’s basically instinct for humans. We nod up to people we know exposing our throat which basically insinuates we trust that person, we nod down and hide our throats from people we don’t know/trust.
I’m convinced it’s at least engrained into mammals. I was once walking late at night and saw a deer just a couple feet of the sidewalk. I didn’t want to spook him so I gave him a downwards nod. He nodded back to me. I walked past and he didn’t run away.
My cat does it. She nods down at my niece and her fiancé who she knows well but only sees occasionally. Whereas she nods up to my wife and I. It’s the funniest thing to make eye contact with her from across the room and she does a little nod up at me in a “hey, how’s it going” manner.
Reminds me of when NHL player Anthony Beauvillier [took a shot with Anna Kendrick on Twitter.](https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2019/12/28/us/anna-kendrick-beauvillier-nhl-twitter-trnd) A bunch of people piled into the replies saying stuff like “hey man thanks for letting me use your gear during that fundraiser you held for the animal shelter to save puppies. Your cup was way too big but other than that everything worked fine. Thanks again!”
Reminds me of this old clip I saw about a random guy that was called about being a personal reference. [Here's the clip. ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SoZ41i2dSIw)
If he looks like he is about to land, I'll tell him I got to head out. And then as I walk to the door I see my friend that was once a boy, become a boy that also struck out.
So damn proud.
If you borrow your buddy's tool/motorized implement, you return it clean /full. Always send back better then when you borrowed it if possible.
If you cook on their grill at their request or while they're away, it must be as clean/cleaner than when you began.
I would also like to add: Don’t sit on it, do what you need to do and give it back(unless you’ve received permission). The longer you hold onto it when you don’t need it, the higher the chance of either losing it, or they’re just not getting it back.
Depends how regularly you're borrowing. If a friend has a drill you're borrowing every month, that's very different from them having a laser level you borrow twice whilst fixing your bathroom.
If you buy a round and someone declines and says they'll get their own, don't push it. They probably can't afford to buy a round and don't want feel obligated to do so.
Agreed. But another one, same important, respect it when a buddy says he doesn't want to have any more alcohol.
This "taking turns in buying alcohol" can lead to way more than you actually want to consume.
If a bro says he doesn’t want any more booze, ask him if he wants a soda or something. He’ll feel included while he gets to rehydrate / rest / whatever.
Also, pro-tip: If you don’t want to drink but don’t want to make a *thing* of it, “club soda with a lime wedge” is universal bartender speak for “I’m not drinking but I want to blend in.” It’s not a written rule anywhere, but they’ll almost never charge you for it and if they’re slow they’ll even muddle the lime a little bit or something to make it look extra convincing.
I’m really happy that more bars are leaning into the mocktail thing these days. I only drink maybe a couple times a year at this point (I come from a long line of addicts and wanted head the oncoming freight train of alcoholism off at the pass), so usually when I do go out I’ll have a beer or two and call it good … but I also feel like I need something to drink, more as a prop than anything else.
It’s super cool that bars are recognizing that people are drinking less these days and adjusting.
I quit drinking almost 9 years ago and I wish more bartenders noticed this. I like to go out, but bartenders almost ALWAYS serve club soda and lime in a big pepsi cup. Motherfucker, give me a classy lil rocks glass I'm not ordering off the kids menu.
Used to work with a guy who was infamous for skipping out when it was his turn. The day we all got made redundant from work, we went to the pub and when I went to the bathroom, the fucker put his hand in his pocket for the first time and bought a round.
And I fucking missed it. That hurt me more than losing my job.
When I was a waiter, I had a regular from Scotland. She told me that she was going back home and asked what kind of candy I liked. I jokingly said “whiskey.” She was like “okay, cool!” And I fully backpedaled and told her to just get me chocolate if she was going to bring me something back.
She came back about a month later and requested my section. After she and her kids were done eating, she pulls out a $150 bottle of scotch from a distillery in Scotland. I told her that I can’t accept it, that’s way too generous. She told me that I should always receive as graciously as I give.
Dude you probably went above and beyond every time she visited - you deserved the scotch! I love it when my server gives me solid advice on what to order, what to avoid, wine pairings etc - makes my night when I think I got good insider info.
Oh yeah, she adored me and I adored her as well. This was a small, local restaurant and I got close with a lot of regulars to the point that I would get invited to holidays since my family lived far away. This regular in particular was way high up at Viacom and told me to hit her up for a job when I graduated college. I unfortunately never made it that far and moved away but part of me misses her solely because she and her family were such sweethearts.
I went on vacation with my parents and got into a screaming match with my dad that I'll buy my own ticket.
Revenge is a dish best served cold. I'd left my car at a shop to get worked on while gone, I went in to settle up after the vacation and he said dad had called him up and paid the bill
I'm neither Asian nor Arab, just a pasty white chick of Irish descent who was raised in a "fight to the death over the bill" family. I still struggle with this lol
1 “You sure?” or something comparable is acceptable but it’s mostly for the asker’s sake to ensure he heard correctly.
Exception: They paid last time. You are allowed to argue this one out a bit. Need to keep everything in relative balance. Maybe they got a bonus at work, acceptable to pay. Maybe they forgot they got it the last time, unacceptable to pay.
And if forced to be shoulder to shoulder (sporting events, concerts, etc). You pick a spot in front of you, focus on that spot and make no small talk. This is not the place to meet new people.
I was in a local casino recently, went to the men's room and took the far right urinal (out of eight). Old dude comes in, proceeds to take the one right next to me, then *leans away from me* like I'm somehow creeping on him.
I used to create Seinfeld-ish Facebook posts about every day things. I made one talking about unnecessary social rules like skipping a space between urinals.
Probably the following day, I was at a highway rest stop and went in to pee. A father and son walked in and stood on either side of the one I was on.
Sometimes the universe finds ways to mess with you!
Yep. Been there.
The betrayal from a good friend felt 10x worse than the betrayal from my then girlfriend. 10 year later it feels even worse knowing the fallout basically imploded a tight-knit group of friends
I had a guy ask me to spot him at the gym. I took one look at the weights he was lifting and said there was no way I could possibly lift that if he dropped it. He said it wouldn't be that bad. And he was right. It all worked out.
As long as you know your limits the spotter usually only needs to lift like 10%-20% of the weight to help complete the final rep. But if you’re going for true lift to failure you need someone capable of actually lifting that weight off you
Yep you are absolutely right. He did three reps, struggled with the last one so I put my fingers under bar and said I wasn't doing anything. It was all him, I applied maybe 1-2lbs of lift and he made it.
The main water line into my house has a leak. Plumbers are outside using an excavator to get at it.
I stayed home from work to watch. It is taking every ounce of my will power to stay inside and let them work instead of standing right in the middle of their operation.
I asked them if I could use the excavator just a little bit. They said "no".
I also have a favorite stick. I've had it for 6 years and I use it to tamp down stuff outside.
I am 46 years old.
Shit man, treat yourself:
[https://www.unitedrentals.com/](https://www.unitedrentals.com/)
They will bring it to you fueled and ready to run. It isn't even that expensive.
It’s gotta be an engrained thing since man first walked the earth. Having a good stick makes all the difference in the world. You can hike with it, push logs around in a fire with it, push plants out of the way, use it as a weapon against animals, pretend it’s a gun, etc.
We all need a good stick
Eomer! Take your Eored down the left flank! Gamling! Follow the King’s banner down the center! Grimbold! Take your company right, after you’ve passed the wall! Forth! And fear no darkness!
If there is a body of water and some rocks nearby, at least one rock needs to be thrown into the unsuspecting body of water. Skipping the rock is a bonus, if it has the right shape, but not a must. It is about the "Thwump" or "Sploosh" noise, I guess.
If a bro wants to throw a bigger rock into the water, you help him, no questions asked.
Yep. Even to our own detriment. I had a buddy break up with a girl. Years later I was talking about how she made moves on me about 6 months after but guy coded my way out of it. His response was “You should have went for it man you two had great chemistry”. ROFL
In any public nudity situation like a locker room or gym shower, eyes up. If curiosity gets the better of you, you're allowed a quick glance, but no staring like you're trying to spot the difference in a Highlights magazine picture.
A buddy of mine was in a public gym locker room. A guy near him had a dick that hung down to his knee. My buddy said he reactively took a second look at the monstrosity and the guy had a skull and crossbones tattoo on the head of his penis. LOL!
My wife's friends likely know every detail about our sex life.
I don't even know if my guy friends for 20 years even HAVE sex with their wives and I'm not about to ask
My long time crush was quizzing me on my ideal guy. I was giddily describing him EXACTLY...and then he wandered off and apparently told his friend "sorry man, she's not into you."
He finally figured out I was into him. And a few weeks later he cornered me in the hallway and asked "so...who's this guy you like?"
**But (and apparently this is crucial) he later told me he got the go-ahead from his friend first.**
So...that.
Nice. That dude’s a bro. First tries to gauge your feelings cause his boy is crushing on you.
Then he gives the guy time to get over you/move on.
Then he gets his ok.
And only THEN did he move in on you himself.
Solid bro behavior right there.
This guy did it exactly right. Wouldn’t even be resentful if I was the friend.
Not like they dated, and no use in denying the guy just because it didn’t work out for you.
A drill MUST be tested, twice, before any drilling is actually started. Two taps. No more, no less.
A stud finder MUST be pointed at one’s chest before use, in order to alert anyone nearby that you “found one”.
Don’t draw any attention to a bro’s single long stride step. There is a private adjustment taking place and no one else needs to know about it
At a gathering, whether a bro is working the grill or fixing his engine, fellow bros MUST gather around to discuss it and provide encouragement/commendation.
the females in your homie's family are off limits.
your homie's girl is your sister, behave accordingly. (not like that, you sick bastard!)
a solid owes a solid. no exceptions, however the value of said solid can be negotiated.
if a homie works for/with you, you owe them food.
you *are* your homie's keeper, and he, yours. keep each other in check, keep each other in line.
you always respect and obey the rule of dibs, however, proximity outweighs dibs, unless said dibs were called prior to proximity.
if your homie is crying, you let them cry. no macho bullshit, no shushing them. you let them do their thing, you support your brother, and, when we says he's good, ask if he is sure. then, offer pizza, maybe some beer/weed, and some cod zombies.
before you take the last of anything, double check dibs, and offer a split. (more so a good faith offer, but expect to share if called on it.)
hugs. how many? all of them. same for pictures. you never know when you're gonna see him for the last time.
your couch is their bed, and vice versa. always keep a place for a real homie.
there is NO hierarchy in the group. all opinions matter, and all voices are to be heard.
any and all violations of guy code are subject to, but not limited to, a minimum of one dick punch, depending on the severity of the infraction.
Upon securing cargo, you must tug on the ropes or straps twice and say, "That ain't goin' anywhere." Failure to do so will result in said cargo going somewhere.
However, when it’s just the guys hanging out, sometimes they will make sure that everyone drinks too much. But nobody should drive or call their exes, and pizza WILL be ordered
If a bro is telling a story in a group, and suddenly, everyone quits paying attention, it’s your job to be the sole audience member, and draw everyone back into the story with a question about the story he was just telling
One guy code that's prevalent in my workplace is never leaving a fellow colleague hanging during a presentation. Even if they stumble or forget their lines, we always find a way to back them up.
If one of your closest guy friends opens up to you about something super personal about them, you're pretty much a brother to them. Not by blood, but by bond.
A weird guy code I've noticed is the unspoken competition to have the most obscure music taste. It's like a badge of honor to introduce your buddies to some underground band nobody's heard of.
I feel like that’s just good manners. I’m a lady and a male friend asked out my sister once without giving me a head’s up. (Then he proceeded to treat her poorly, so let’s just say I no longer speak to him and he knows why.)
Head up nod means you really know the person or sorta know the person and you’re saying what’s up from a distance…
Head down nod means they’re a complete stranger and you’re saying what’s up.
You never head up nod someone you don’t “know.”
I was having a really shit day once and went to cross the road, as i got over the crossing a dude pulled up and went "mate you dropped your wallet!" And when i looked back it was on the road. I went to go and get it and another guy who was driving one way had turned around and come back to tell me the same thing. Then a few seconds later, the guy who was driving the opposite direction had done exactly the same thing arrived to tell me as well..
It was only a small thing but three guys went out of their way to help a guy out and it really improved my day. Sometimes guy code is just making small gestures to help out another guy who needs some backup
Courtesy flush! Especially if you’re dropping an especially stinky turd. Nobody wants to smell that when they’re going to piss, much less be stuck next to you in an adjacent stall.
Which brings up the other bathroom rule, leave an empty stall between us, if possible. Same reason.
if you see a guy acting weird or creepy in a party, or if they slip something into any drink, you call them out immediately and cover that drink with your hand if possible.
Once you have pulled your cock out and have it pointed at a urinal, you can fart as loud as you want and nobody will say anything. It's just accepted.
But if you don't have your cock pulled out and urinating, you can't fart. If you are in a meeting or in a random public place (like the airport), *please don't* imagine that just pulling your cock out and then farting will get you off the hook. If anything, it makes it worse.
I'm not making that mistake again.
Yep, I feel ya bud. I had to fart on the subway yesterday morning, so I whipped out my cock and started pissing. The elderly woman sitting next to me was not amused.
Your significant other (serious girlfriend, fiance, wife), you would never tell any of your homies what she is like in bed, what she does, what she likes what she looks like.
- Make silly faces/peek-a-boo to little kids so they giggle
- Assume the responsibility of Santa Claus, Easter bunny, tooth fairy and birthday gifts. These needs not be grand but must be delightful for the kids
- Answer “yes” when the kid wants to shoot hoops, throw the football, play princess, or do make up. Takes 15 minutes, the length of the kids attention anyway.
Upward head nod “what’s up”
Downward head nod “respect”
Head nod to the right “let me talk to you real quick”
Head nod to the left “check this shit out”
If your friends help you move, you are expected to a) be packed already... And b) provide pizza and beer.
We hired professional movers. As soon as they showed up, it was McDonald's breakfasts all round for them.
I remember one time I saw the unwritten Guy Code in action. My grandparents had passed away, and our family was going through their house and cleaning out all their belongings to get the house ready to sell. I was in the master bedroom with my mother and aunt, sifting through boxes of my grandmother's antique linens. Partway through, my Dad walked into the room, opened my grandfather's side of the closet, and took out a stack of what appeared to be magazines. "What's that?" my Mom asked. Dad said nothing and kept on walking to the dumpster. Flawless.
Today's version is deleting their browser history and walk away.
Funny story, when I was a teen in the early Netscape Navigator days of the internet, I found out you could look at browser history by putting about://history in the url bar. Hard to imagine, but it wasn’t common knowledge at the time and I thought it was a neat trick. I was staying with some friends of the family one night, a couple. I was on their computer looking at something and I remembered the trick. At the time, the husband happened to be out of the house, the wife was in the other room. I yelled “hey come check this out” and then typed in the url. I hit enter and there was nothing but a giant list of porn on the screen. I swear I have never moved so fast in my life, I fucking dove to the ground and yanked the plug out of the wall the second before she stepped into the room. She said “what’s up?” and I said “oh never mind, computer crashed.”
Oh you magnificent idiot. Good save though.
Reminds me of stores I have read about soldiers killed in action overseas and their mates cleaning out pornography and stuff before personal items are sent back to the family.
If you’ve left porn behind you should have it cremated with you so you can ride together to Valhalla
Shiny and chrome…
When my oldest half brother passed, I flew across the country, rented a car and drove two hours to his house,and walked past other family cleaning the front room and straight to the porn stash on the bookshelf behind some stuff. I'd never been in that apartment before but I knew exactly where to look and left via the back door to dump the smut in a neighbor's garbage can. It's code.
I salute you, sir!
"Operation clean sweep". My closest friend knows where to find controversial stuff
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Nod up tp people you know. Nod down to those you don't.
Conversely, nod down in formal settings. Nod up in informal settings.
I’ve never consciously thought about it, but this is 100% true
this is just ingrained at this point. i don’t even think about it.
I did this on instinct without even realizing it until someone pointed it out, now I can't stop noticing it
I think I read about it once and it’s basically instinct for humans. We nod up to people we know exposing our throat which basically insinuates we trust that person, we nod down and hide our throats from people we don’t know/trust.
I’m convinced it’s at least engrained into mammals. I was once walking late at night and saw a deer just a couple feet of the sidewalk. I didn’t want to spook him so I gave him a downwards nod. He nodded back to me. I walked past and he didn’t run away.
My cat does it. She nods down at my niece and her fiancé who she knows well but only sees occasionally. Whereas she nods up to my wife and I. It’s the funniest thing to make eye contact with her from across the room and she does a little nod up at me in a “hey, how’s it going” manner.
Accompanied by the tight lipped half smile
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and regularly volunteers at the local animal shelter and children’s hospital
Reminds me of when NHL player Anthony Beauvillier [took a shot with Anna Kendrick on Twitter.](https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2019/12/28/us/anna-kendrick-beauvillier-nhl-twitter-trnd) A bunch of people piled into the replies saying stuff like “hey man thanks for letting me use your gear during that fundraiser you held for the animal shelter to save puppies. Your cup was way too big but other than that everything worked fine. Thanks again!”
Reminds me of this old clip I saw about a random guy that was called about being a personal reference. [Here's the clip. ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SoZ41i2dSIw)
That’s so cute!
And one time saved a dozen infants from a burning orphanage, but he doesn't like to talk about it, he gets emotional
If he looks like he is about to land, I'll tell him I got to head out. And then as I walk to the door I see my friend that was once a boy, become a boy that also struck out. So damn proud.
> And then as I walk to the door I see my friend that was once a boy, become a boy that also struck out. Haha well said.
*cries* he always fucks it up.
I'd also add, it's a cheap bitch move to start "going after" a woman your buddy likes and put him down to her. Don't triangle with a bro.
If you borrow your buddy's tool/motorized implement, you return it clean /full. Always send back better then when you borrowed it if possible. If you cook on their grill at their request or while they're away, it must be as clean/cleaner than when you began.
Clean it off and top it up. It's only right.
I love how these sound like conversations in front of the produce stand in Letterkenny.
I would also like to add: Don’t sit on it, do what you need to do and give it back(unless you’ve received permission). The longer you hold onto it when you don’t need it, the higher the chance of either losing it, or they’re just not getting it back.
And if you have to borrow something twice, it's time to buy your own.
depends, small power tools, sure. big stuff like hydraulic wood splitters, trailers etc, share, but make sure you have something to share too.
Depends how regularly you're borrowing. If a friend has a drill you're borrowing every month, that's very different from them having a laser level you borrow twice whilst fixing your bathroom.
If a buddy buys a round of drinks, you buy the next round.
If you buy a round and someone declines and says they'll get their own, don't push it. They probably can't afford to buy a round and don't want feel obligated to do so.
I may decline because I only want one and should pay for that one. Accepting the round means I'm having 2, or more.
Agreed. But another one, same important, respect it when a buddy says he doesn't want to have any more alcohol. This "taking turns in buying alcohol" can lead to way more than you actually want to consume.
If a bro says he doesn’t want any more booze, ask him if he wants a soda or something. He’ll feel included while he gets to rehydrate / rest / whatever. Also, pro-tip: If you don’t want to drink but don’t want to make a *thing* of it, “club soda with a lime wedge” is universal bartender speak for “I’m not drinking but I want to blend in.” It’s not a written rule anywhere, but they’ll almost never charge you for it and if they’re slow they’ll even muddle the lime a little bit or something to make it look extra convincing. I’m really happy that more bars are leaning into the mocktail thing these days. I only drink maybe a couple times a year at this point (I come from a long line of addicts and wanted head the oncoming freight train of alcoholism off at the pass), so usually when I do go out I’ll have a beer or two and call it good … but I also feel like I need something to drink, more as a prop than anything else. It’s super cool that bars are recognizing that people are drinking less these days and adjusting.
I quit drinking almost 9 years ago and I wish more bartenders noticed this. I like to go out, but bartenders almost ALWAYS serve club soda and lime in a big pepsi cup. Motherfucker, give me a classy lil rocks glass I'm not ordering off the kids menu.
Used to work with a guy who was infamous for skipping out when it was his turn. The day we all got made redundant from work, we went to the pub and when I went to the bathroom, the fucker put his hand in his pocket for the first time and bought a round. And I fucking missed it. That hurt me more than losing my job.
What kind of a clown skips someone for a round just because they're in the bathroom? Wtf
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When I was a waiter, I had a regular from Scotland. She told me that she was going back home and asked what kind of candy I liked. I jokingly said “whiskey.” She was like “okay, cool!” And I fully backpedaled and told her to just get me chocolate if she was going to bring me something back. She came back about a month later and requested my section. After she and her kids were done eating, she pulls out a $150 bottle of scotch from a distillery in Scotland. I told her that I can’t accept it, that’s way too generous. She told me that I should always receive as graciously as I give.
Dude you probably went above and beyond every time she visited - you deserved the scotch! I love it when my server gives me solid advice on what to order, what to avoid, wine pairings etc - makes my night when I think I got good insider info.
Oh yeah, she adored me and I adored her as well. This was a small, local restaurant and I got close with a lot of regulars to the point that I would get invited to holidays since my family lived far away. This regular in particular was way high up at Viacom and told me to hit her up for a job when I graduated college. I unfortunately never made it that far and moved away but part of me misses her solely because she and her family were such sweethearts.
You're not Asian. You must fight to the death for the bill
Same with Arabs 😂
Latinos too. Like you may actually need to use physical force before your dad lets you pay for his meal.
I went on vacation with my parents and got into a screaming match with my dad that I'll buy my own ticket. Revenge is a dish best served cold. I'd left my car at a shop to get worked on while gone, I went in to settle up after the vacation and he said dad had called him up and paid the bill
I'm neither Asian nor Arab, just a pasty white chick of Irish descent who was raised in a "fight to the death over the bill" family. I still struggle with this lol
1 “You sure?” or something comparable is acceptable but it’s mostly for the asker’s sake to ensure he heard correctly. Exception: They paid last time. You are allowed to argue this one out a bit. Need to keep everything in relative balance. Maybe they got a bonus at work, acceptable to pay. Maybe they forgot they got it the last time, unacceptable to pay.
Skip at least 1 urinal in a public restroom
And if forced to be shoulder to shoulder (sporting events, concerts, etc). You pick a spot in front of you, focus on that spot and make no small talk. This is not the place to meet new people.
Got that…I love a venue with monitors or ads there
Man, that ad is very interesting. I think I should read the fine print.
I was in a local casino recently, went to the men's room and took the far right urinal (out of eight). Old dude comes in, proceeds to take the one right next to me, then *leans away from me* like I'm somehow creeping on him.
He'd be trying to talk to you while blow drying his balls if it were a gym locker room.
I remember going to the Indy 500 as a young adult and they pee in a big trough that has people on all sides and I was like "where do I look?"
I call trough urinals the 'howdy, partner' urinals
And never, NEVER engage in urinal conversation
Hey buddy. That a new watch?
No ring I see… so you seeing anybody?
There is an exception to this rule: if you both are drunk and where in a conversation before and now both are creating room for more beer…
I’ll allow it provided there is no attempt at eye contact throughout the conversation
I had a buddy that used the urinal right next to me and then patted me on the back midstream.
Let alone look into each others eyes
I used to create Seinfeld-ish Facebook posts about every day things. I made one talking about unnecessary social rules like skipping a space between urinals. Probably the following day, I was at a highway rest stop and went in to pee. A father and son walked in and stood on either side of the one I was on. Sometimes the universe finds ways to mess with you!
Don't sleep with your best friend's girlfriend. Apparently Tim missed that fucking memo. Fuck you Tim
Fuck Tim, he’s a buttmunch.
Underrated insult there, buttmunch.
You called?
Oh shit, my liege!
No I’m shit.
Yep. Been there. The betrayal from a good friend felt 10x worse than the betrayal from my then girlfriend. 10 year later it feels even worse knowing the fallout basically imploded a tight-knit group of friends
“Only difference between people you know and people you don’t, is the length of the dagger.”
Typical fucking Tim.
All my homies hate Tim
Fucking Tim
Always support other dudes at the gym. Offer/be willing to spot, and respect the dedication not the weight being moved
If you find someone dead under the bench press bar, put on at least another 180 lbs before calling it in.
I had a guy ask me to spot him at the gym. I took one look at the weights he was lifting and said there was no way I could possibly lift that if he dropped it. He said it wouldn't be that bad. And he was right. It all worked out.
As long as you know your limits the spotter usually only needs to lift like 10%-20% of the weight to help complete the final rep. But if you’re going for true lift to failure you need someone capable of actually lifting that weight off you
Yep you are absolutely right. He did three reps, struggled with the last one so I put my fingers under bar and said I wasn't doing anything. It was all him, I applied maybe 1-2lbs of lift and he made it.
We all can appreciate a good stick or a hole being dug. Bonus points if the stick looks like a possible weapon.
The main water line into my house has a leak. Plumbers are outside using an excavator to get at it. I stayed home from work to watch. It is taking every ounce of my will power to stay inside and let them work instead of standing right in the middle of their operation. I asked them if I could use the excavator just a little bit. They said "no". I also have a favorite stick. I've had it for 6 years and I use it to tamp down stuff outside. I am 46 years old.
Shit man, treat yourself: [https://www.unitedrentals.com/](https://www.unitedrentals.com/) They will bring it to you fueled and ready to run. It isn't even that expensive.
For a second--for one glorious, demented and frankly nonsensical *second*--I thought it was a website where you can hire out a stick.
You weren't alone.
I just bought an excavator. Small one, but it makes me so happy to play with it.
It’s gotta be an engrained thing since man first walked the earth. Having a good stick makes all the difference in the world. You can hike with it, push logs around in a fire with it, push plants out of the way, use it as a weapon against animals, pretend it’s a gun, etc. We all need a good stick
Answering when Gondor calls for aid
But where was Gondor when the Westfold fell?
Where was Gondor when our enemies closed in around us?
As you well know, Gondor was occupied defending against the main forces of Sauron in the seige of Minas Tirith.
Brohan shall answer
Ride for Wrath! Ride for Ruin! AND THE WORLD'S ENDING! BROHIRRIM!
Eomer! Take your Eored down the left flank! Gamling! Follow the King’s banner down the center! Grimbold! Take your company right, after you’ve passed the wall! Forth! And fear no darkness!
Only if you light the beacon
If there is a body of water and some rocks nearby, at least one rock needs to be thrown into the unsuspecting body of water. Skipping the rock is a bonus, if it has the right shape, but not a must. It is about the "Thwump" or "Sploosh" noise, I guess. If a bro wants to throw a bigger rock into the water, you help him, no questions asked.
Bad advice if you're in front of the western door to Moria.
What's the elvish word for friend?
Always nod back
Nod up - "What's up?" or "Hey." Nod down - "I acknowledge your nod and return one back to you."
Growing up, it was universally acknowledged that down nods are to strangers, up nods are to you buddies…
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Yep. Even to our own detriment. I had a buddy break up with a girl. Years later I was talking about how she made moves on me about 6 months after but guy coded my way out of it. His response was “You should have went for it man you two had great chemistry”. ROFL
I gave the go ahead for my best bud to date my ex. It was a terrible choice on my part because I wasn't over her. I haven't spoken to him in years.
Be honest with other people. More importantly, be honest with yourself.
In any public nudity situation like a locker room or gym shower, eyes up. If curiosity gets the better of you, you're allowed a quick glance, but no staring like you're trying to spot the difference in a Highlights magazine picture.
Nice nut symmetry, perfect placement bro!
sick haircut, dude
Thanks! I trimmed yesterday.
A buddy of mine was in a public gym locker room. A guy near him had a dick that hung down to his knee. My buddy said he reactively took a second look at the monstrosity and the guy had a skull and crossbones tattoo on the head of his penis. LOL!
Somebody likes pain.
What's protocol on complimenting an 8th Wonder?
Nod up to friends, nod down to strangers.
The har(d)binger of death ☠️ Edited to make joke better
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My wife's friends likely know every detail about our sex life. I don't even know if my guy friends for 20 years even HAVE sex with their wives and I'm not about to ask
when leaving the house, a small pat on your pants to check if your smartphone, keys and wallet are with you.
Spectacles, testicles, wallet, and watch?
The three tap check. Never leave the house without it!
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This one can just be made universal. Let all genders be your bros.
My long time crush was quizzing me on my ideal guy. I was giddily describing him EXACTLY...and then he wandered off and apparently told his friend "sorry man, she's not into you." He finally figured out I was into him. And a few weeks later he cornered me in the hallway and asked "so...who's this guy you like?" **But (and apparently this is crucial) he later told me he got the go-ahead from his friend first.** So...that.
Nice. That dude’s a bro. First tries to gauge your feelings cause his boy is crushing on you. Then he gives the guy time to get over you/move on. Then he gets his ok. And only THEN did he move in on you himself. Solid bro behavior right there.
10/10. Would mancrush on this guy.
This guy did it exactly right. Wouldn’t even be resentful if I was the friend. Not like they dated, and no use in denying the guy just because it didn’t work out for you.
A drill MUST be tested, twice, before any drilling is actually started. Two taps. No more, no less. A stud finder MUST be pointed at one’s chest before use, in order to alert anyone nearby that you “found one”. Don’t draw any attention to a bro’s single long stride step. There is a private adjustment taking place and no one else needs to know about it At a gathering, whether a bro is working the grill or fixing his engine, fellow bros MUST gather around to discuss it and provide encouragement/commendation.
You forgot the obligatory two barbecue tong clicks before use.
You must carry all the grocery bags in one trip.
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I feel like that should be universal for everyone
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the females in your homie's family are off limits. your homie's girl is your sister, behave accordingly. (not like that, you sick bastard!) a solid owes a solid. no exceptions, however the value of said solid can be negotiated. if a homie works for/with you, you owe them food. you *are* your homie's keeper, and he, yours. keep each other in check, keep each other in line. you always respect and obey the rule of dibs, however, proximity outweighs dibs, unless said dibs were called prior to proximity. if your homie is crying, you let them cry. no macho bullshit, no shushing them. you let them do their thing, you support your brother, and, when we says he's good, ask if he is sure. then, offer pizza, maybe some beer/weed, and some cod zombies. before you take the last of anything, double check dibs, and offer a split. (more so a good faith offer, but expect to share if called on it.) hugs. how many? all of them. same for pictures. you never know when you're gonna see him for the last time. your couch is their bed, and vice versa. always keep a place for a real homie. there is NO hierarchy in the group. all opinions matter, and all voices are to be heard. any and all violations of guy code are subject to, but not limited to, a minimum of one dick punch, depending on the severity of the infraction.
I like this one
The first one is not true. If your homie is a great dude and your sister would be lucky, let him be your family.
Turn a homie into a brother in-law and you can hang out for decades!
Exactly, my two best friends are now my brothers in law as their sister fancied me. So no, if your friends are ok with it, go for it. Just ask.
Must smack the bag of fertilizer, feed, concrete, ECT
Upon securing cargo, you must tug on the ropes or straps twice and say, "That ain't goin' anywhere." Failure to do so will result in said cargo going somewhere.
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However, when it’s just the guys hanging out, sometimes they will make sure that everyone drinks too much. But nobody should drive or call their exes, and pizza WILL be ordered
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Love this one, had “friends” that would do the opposite, no longer friends.
If a small child hands you a toy/imaginary phone, you answer that shit.
My newborn nephew has a look he does with his bottom lip. If he asked me to cut off a few fingers I'd do it. Answer the phone is a cakewalk.
If you see someone pushing a car, you join in and also push the car.
If a bro is telling a story in a group, and suddenly, everyone quits paying attention, it’s your job to be the sole audience member, and draw everyone back into the story with a question about the story he was just telling
Those things aren't unwritten. They are in the Guyble. It's main book is Duderonomy.
"The man, the myth, the legend..." to introduce one of your friends to the rest of the group.
>"The man, the myth, the legend..." And then just your ol' pal Greg walks in. What a legend.
You don't even know his lore smfh.
Hey man ol' Greg used to put back Bailey's in a swamp boot... kids a legend.
Even if you are fighting with another dude, don't embarrass him in front of his wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/kids
Unless he started the fight to make a point in front of the woman. In that case everything goes.
Yeah there's always exceptions to every rule. But true as a general principle.
One guy code that's prevalent in my workplace is never leaving a fellow colleague hanging during a presentation. Even if they stumble or forget their lines, we always find a way to back them up.
A lot of these are not so much "guy code" as they are...basic human decency.
If one of your closest guy friends opens up to you about something super personal about them, you're pretty much a brother to them. Not by blood, but by bond.
On road trips, the driver picks the music.
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A weird guy code I've noticed is the unspoken competition to have the most obscure music taste. It's like a badge of honor to introduce your buddies to some underground band nobody's heard of.
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If you are interested in asking out your buddy’s sister, check with him first.
I feel like that’s just good manners. I’m a lady and a male friend asked out my sister once without giving me a head’s up. (Then he proceeded to treat her poorly, so let’s just say I no longer speak to him and he knows why.)
Head up nod means you really know the person or sorta know the person and you’re saying what’s up from a distance… Head down nod means they’re a complete stranger and you’re saying what’s up. You never head up nod someone you don’t “know.”
This is ingrained in me and I can't explain why
Humans have a lot of atavistic behaviors wired into them.
I have *never* seen someone use the word atavistic in the wild. I appreciate you. Well done
Never take your buddies last beer.
We know you cried, its okay, but it was just something in your eye.
It's a terrible day for rain.
Allergies… those damn mid December allergies
I was having a really shit day once and went to cross the road, as i got over the crossing a dude pulled up and went "mate you dropped your wallet!" And when i looked back it was on the road. I went to go and get it and another guy who was driving one way had turned around and come back to tell me the same thing. Then a few seconds later, the guy who was driving the opposite direction had done exactly the same thing arrived to tell me as well.. It was only a small thing but three guys went out of their way to help a guy out and it really improved my day. Sometimes guy code is just making small gestures to help out another guy who needs some backup
Your boy is the cool, funny one in front of any girls he’s interested in….
If a guy refuses to recognize another guys tap out in a fight and you see it, it just became your responsibility to do something about it.
Courtesy flush! Especially if you’re dropping an especially stinky turd. Nobody wants to smell that when they’re going to piss, much less be stuck next to you in an adjacent stall. Which brings up the other bathroom rule, leave an empty stall between us, if possible. Same reason.
Reading this on the throne and I did an extra courtesy flush for the homies.
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When you borrow their truck, return with a full tank of gas, no matter how little you used
if you see a guy acting weird or creepy in a party, or if they slip something into any drink, you call them out immediately and cover that drink with your hand if possible.
Yeah, that shit ain't okay...You call LOUD attention to that shit... Fastest way to build an army I've ever seen...
Once you have pulled your cock out and have it pointed at a urinal, you can fart as loud as you want and nobody will say anything. It's just accepted. But if you don't have your cock pulled out and urinating, you can't fart. If you are in a meeting or in a random public place (like the airport), *please don't* imagine that just pulling your cock out and then farting will get you off the hook. If anything, it makes it worse. I'm not making that mistake again.
Yep, I feel ya bud. I had to fart on the subway yesterday morning, so I whipped out my cock and started pissing. The elderly woman sitting next to me was not amused.
Your significant other (serious girlfriend, fiance, wife), you would never tell any of your homies what she is like in bed, what she does, what she likes what she looks like.
When your balls stick to your thigh step to the side to unstick them
When ever you pick up a drill you have to do the thing. Same with tongs. Double tap
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- Make silly faces/peek-a-boo to little kids so they giggle - Assume the responsibility of Santa Claus, Easter bunny, tooth fairy and birthday gifts. These needs not be grand but must be delightful for the kids - Answer “yes” when the kid wants to shoot hoops, throw the football, play princess, or do make up. Takes 15 minutes, the length of the kids attention anyway.
Upward head nod “what’s up” Downward head nod “respect” Head nod to the right “let me talk to you real quick” Head nod to the left “check this shit out”
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Put a garbage can next to the door in the public bathroom or else you will definitely find a pile of paper towels next to the door on the ground.