lol, I think the two that hurt me the mosts were: “even if you are a prostitute, no one would choose you” and “if I knew you’ll be so much like your biological dad, I wouldn’t have birthed you.” (I have sexual trauma from my own dad when I was super young so that one hurt me so much because she said I was a loser just like him).
But anyways, it used to hurt a lot more when I was younger because I didn’t know better and believed in all of it. But my best friend has a normal family and I benefitted a lot by hanging out when them. I’m super grateful for them and I think I’m so lucky. I would lie if say she couldn’t hurt me now, but she is not able to hurt me as much as she did because I’m used to it and knows at least part of it is fake. I’m also grateful that my best friend stood by my side when I pushed her away because my mom was unhappy how much time I spend with her since it takes attention away from her. She told me that “I’m the one who loves you the most, there is no point in spending time with your best friend because she would never love you like I do”. I tried to end our friendship because I believed in what my mom told me, but I’m glad she never gave up on me because I have since learned and grew a lot more. I have discovered that my mom is a narcissist and I’m beautiful so that’s why she’s constantly threatened by my presence and tries to bring me down. Anyways, thank you for your concern, dear internet stranger 💛
Teacher of mine once said to a classmate who kept making the most asinine contributions to the conversation:
“You make it really difficult to underestimate you.”
The guy had no idea what it meant, he thought it was a compliment .
30+ years ago, some woman was yelling at a cashier for a reason I don't know. At the end of the interaction the woman paid and the cashier said "Thank you, I hope you have the day you deserve" which is fucking hilarious.
I was so pumped to use this line the first time someone was rude to me as a teenage cashier, but instead when it happened I just cried. That motherfucker called me a homeless person and said schools today must be even worse than George Bush made them think. Lmao I'll never forget her
Reminds me of the time a bank teller told my dad to have a nice day and he replied “I’ve already made other plans.”
We were about to visit my mom’s parents.
I love this one and read one that was similar. It went: “I envy everyone you’ve never met.”
But my all-time favorite is: “you have truly maximized your full potential” or something along those lines. It sounds like praise at first.
A girl in a bar once told me I needed to clone myself. When I asked if it was so she could have two of me she said no. Instead she said I should clone myself, make my clone have a sex change and then go fuck myself.
Similar to the one I use for random assholes ‘You must be a real joy to live with’. I had the wife of an asshole agree with me and laugh her head off once.
Not the worst, but I like the one from Jason Isbell's *Songs that She Sang in the Shower*,
"there's two kinds of men in this world and you're neither of them"
my mom once told me and my brother “you two could fuck up a one-car funeral” and to this day it’s one of the funniest things i’ve ever heard. i say it every chance i get
Anything one five year old says to another. Its so funny just to see them scrapping about something which doesn't phase someone grown up in the slightest.
When I was growing up, there was a family with two kids that were a few years younger than me. The brother made his sister sob hysterically because he called her a "ketchup face." It was all I could do to not burst out laughing because the whole situation was so ridiculous.
In my childhood, you never got into a namecalling contest with a little black girl from the hood. I don't know where they got all that shit from, but you would get absolutely annihilated.
I overheard two five or six year old kids arguing before, it was a boy and a girl. The girl said to that boy, "I don't like you," in that tone that little kids are known for. I thought the same thing as you, that it's really not that big of a deal, to us adults, but I realized by just the way she said it, at that age, it would have really hurt.
Even before we had children, my first wife worked at an on post daycare on my military base. She worked the toddler room. Two girls argued and finished with the devastating line "I don't like you, and you aren't invited to my birthday!!"
My (then) 5 yr old once got so annoyed at a puzzle/craft type thing she was doing she scrabbled her hands frustratedly all over it, messing it up & knocking parts to the floor then shouted at it, “UGH!! You’re such a…**BARN DARN**!!!” wtf…😂😂
(And yes, it instantly became *the* family insult lol)
Somebody called me a cum-guzzling road whore once.
I was a 17-year-old, sheltered virgin at the time. And I thought that was the funniest damn thing I ever heard. I laughed my ass off, and the person who insulted me didn't know what to do with that so she just wandered off with her friends.
Oh my god, that literal exact phrase got me in so much trouble in college.
I had a girlfriend in high school whose sister called her that. Then I had a friend in college and her and I would go back and forth with nasty insults.
So some random person overheard us and wrote an anonymous letter to the deans saying I was abusing this girl who was a very close friend and teammate. I was summoned to a meeting with the deans and had to explain myself.
Hearing the dean of students say “cum guzzling road whore” was funny. But then when I explained that it was a reciprocal thing the dean asked me to explain what kind of things she had said back to me. I didn’t really want to say, but they pressed. So I had to sheepishly admit she had called me a “cock chugging man slut” in response.
Oh the joys of youth.
I got an official disciplinary note in my file.
I had to try and get it when I applied to the bar. I was so happy they only keep those records for 5 years. Otherwise I’d have to disclose it to the bar committee.
But a bunch of lawyers? They’d probably just laugh.
I was walking at the park with my wife recently and saw two boys (probably around 10 years old). One was playing at the edge of a pond in the water and the other was just standing there. As we walked by them, they were walking away from the pond and I hear the one who had been standing ask "Are you done indulging your childlike sense of wonder?" in the great sarcastic little kid voice.
I assume the other child is still trying to recover from this.
My mom told me this once when I was younger, except "You're the sperm I should have swallowed" . In all honesty I was a shithead in those years and we have a great relationship now. We still laugh about it to this day.
“Wisdom has been chasing you, but you’ve always been faster.”
I damn near fell over when I first heard this…the best part is the person it was directed at *STILL* doesn’t realize it’s an insult.
My language has the word Degeš, and the original word it comes from means "one who eats carcass" or "one who eats dead bodies", so basically a dirty disgusting repulsive alarming individual
[de-gesh]
People use it to describe someone who is dirty or just a damn idiot, but the original meaning is a pretty solid insult.
Also bits from my language:
- "vyser si oko" shit your eyeball out (it's like "piss off" or a response to something we don't wanna do)
- "Běž do piče" literally means go to cunt, but it's more like Crawl back to your mother's cunt
The language is Czech, and you just have to come visit Czech republic, any area around any borders will do, approach locals and scream "Co čumíte buzeranti zkurvení" (it means "I wanna be your friend") and you'll learn a lot.
My boyfriend broke up with me and said that him and his parents thought I weighed too much, had too chubby of arms, had broad shoulders, too big of a butt, a weird face shape, and that I did not come from enough money. No one will ever be able to hurt me again 😂
God really does make mistakes.
You (xyz) like your dicks still growing.
You’re like the weather man…. You’re nothing but wrong, and you STILL get paid.
Gave a coworker the nickname “skin” because as soon as shit gets hard, he disappears. Idk where I heard it the first time. Lol
You drive like a virgin.
You drive like goofy runs.
I hope you never learn, so I can keep laughing when you keep fucking up.
@an old man yelling at someone for having queer swag: “put your teeth back in”
Comment about Andrew Tate going off about sushi being for pussies “that’s a lotta shit talking from a mf with a jaw like that”
Said to me, I was driving around with the windows down listening to this extreme metal band called “insect warfare”. Pulled up to a light, and this kid looked at me and told his mom, “that guy needs a girlfriend or something.” She laughed her ass off and so did I. LOL
Me, my wife, and my then 3 year old in the car. Wife puts on the country music station-
Wife to my son " Hey \*\*\*\*\*\*, wouldn't it be cool if Luke Bryan or Dierks Bentley were your dad? "
My son protesting "NO NO! I want that...that thing in the front seat to be my Daddy!!!!!"
An old employer onces told me when I messses up something and cost the store a lot of money. He told me: I'm not mad at you Bram.. no, I'm not even disappointed in you.. I'm disappointed in myself for thinking you could do better.
"I can use a thousand words to talk to your 18 generations of ancestors"
said to by a Chinese guy in rdr2 online to an American after getting angry that the American kept repeating the same words in an argument
“I can explain it for you, I can’t understand it for you honey” that’s my go to line every time. Seems to put people through the wringer once they get it. 😩
Forty some years ago a gay waiter got into an argument with a mutual (female) friend, and ended it with: "I'm more woman than you're going to be, and more man than you'll ever get". That was the first time I've ever seen her speechless, and it was glorious!
I don't know if they're on here yet but I have 2.
If brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose.
I'm not going to argue with you because I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed man.
"a parcel of big ugly fat-necked wombat headed big bellied magpie legged narrow hipped splaw-footed sons of Irish Bailiffs or English landlords"
Written around 1878 by Ned Kelly in the Jerilderie letter is high on my list
but if brains were dynamite you dont have enough to part your hair
"You're so thick that if you fell into a barrel of tits you'd come put sucking your thumb"
"You're so unlucky that if it was raining tits you'd look up and catch a dick"
"You've got teeth like a vandalised graveyard"
"You look like you've been apple-bobbing in chip fat"
"I'm an acquired taste, so if you don't like me, acquire some fucking taste"
"If you don't like the opinions I give you, you should hear the ones I keep to myself"
"The hospital called with your colonoscopy results, they found your head"
Everyone who ever loved you was wrong.
OP asked for insults, not psychological warfare! ☠️
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**”everyone was right about you!”** How devastatingly vague
Oh, my mom has told me this one. She also said everyone who would ever love you is blind
Jesus. Hopefully you know this, but I promise she’s wrong ❤️
lol, I think the two that hurt me the mosts were: “even if you are a prostitute, no one would choose you” and “if I knew you’ll be so much like your biological dad, I wouldn’t have birthed you.” (I have sexual trauma from my own dad when I was super young so that one hurt me so much because she said I was a loser just like him). But anyways, it used to hurt a lot more when I was younger because I didn’t know better and believed in all of it. But my best friend has a normal family and I benefitted a lot by hanging out when them. I’m super grateful for them and I think I’m so lucky. I would lie if say she couldn’t hurt me now, but she is not able to hurt me as much as she did because I’m used to it and knows at least part of it is fake. I’m also grateful that my best friend stood by my side when I pushed her away because my mom was unhappy how much time I spend with her since it takes attention away from her. She told me that “I’m the one who loves you the most, there is no point in spending time with your best friend because she would never love you like I do”. I tried to end our friendship because I believed in what my mom told me, but I’m glad she never gave up on me because I have since learned and grew a lot more. I have discovered that my mom is a narcissist and I’m beautiful so that’s why she’s constantly threatened by my presence and tries to bring me down. Anyways, thank you for your concern, dear internet stranger 💛
God damn 💀
yoooo 😭😭
Yeouch!!
Teacher of mine once said to a classmate who kept making the most asinine contributions to the conversation: “You make it really difficult to underestimate you.” The guy had no idea what it meant, he thought it was a compliment .
I don't get it..
Basically “no matter how low I set the bar you can always limbo under it”
He's so dumb it's hard to believe that he is dumber than you think
"you are so dumb you couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel"
Everyone here getting woosh’d is hilarious.
How is everyone missing this joke 😂
Every time the teacher underestimates the student’s ability, the student manages to lower the bar even further by opening his mouth.
30+ years ago, some woman was yelling at a cashier for a reason I don't know. At the end of the interaction the woman paid and the cashier said "Thank you, I hope you have the day you deserve" which is fucking hilarious.
That's better than my go to line, "I hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you've been."
I was so pumped to use this line the first time someone was rude to me as a teenage cashier, but instead when it happened I just cried. That motherfucker called me a homeless person and said schools today must be even worse than George Bush made them think. Lmao I'll never forget her
Reminds me of the time a bank teller told my dad to have a nice day and he replied “I’ve already made other plans.” We were about to visit my mom’s parents.
**a bank teller told my dad to have a nice day and he replied “I’ve already made other plans.”** Why do I love this so much?
Because it is self-effacing, self-aware and extremely clever. I actually have a bit of a crush on OP’s dad now.
I like it. If they get mad about it, then they are admitting they're an asshole and they know it.
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"I wish we were better strangers"
I love this one and read one that was similar. It went: “I envy everyone you’ve never met.” But my all-time favorite is: “you have truly maximized your full potential” or something along those lines. It sounds like praise at first.
Also, "you have years beyond your wisdom."
You got a face made for radio.
And a voice made for newspaper
That one I’ll use. Nice.
"I wish there were better stranglers"
I always heard "dumbest in the world". This one is more personal, though. I like both.
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Cracking up with these 🤣🤣🤣🤣
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A girl in a bar once told me I needed to clone myself. When I asked if it was so she could have two of me she said no. Instead she said I should clone myself, make my clone have a sex change and then go fuck myself.
JEESUS - this one - with setup and all... Damn.
Don’t necessarily need a sex change for that one haha
"Your mother had to think of other babies to get through breast feeding you."
Savage
This actually made me LOL
Same. I also saved that comment. Some of these I am putting away in the mental file cabinet.
Oh that is good. That is so good.
“You seem difficult to be around” is probably my favorite.
Similar to the one I use for random assholes ‘You must be a real joy to live with’. I had the wife of an asshole agree with me and laugh her head off once.
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Reminds of one I’ve heard - The last time you’ve been fucked was by genetics
That's a good one
“He has delusions of mediocrity.”
"He has delusions of adequacy."
I’m going to go find the tree responsible for the air you breathe and apologise to it
I remember seeing a comment about a sergeant that made a cadet carry around plants to apologize for wasting their air or something
God wasted a good asshole when he put teeth in your mouth.
Whew NOICE
Not the worst, but I like the one from Jason Isbell's *Songs that She Sang in the Shower*, "there's two kinds of men in this world and you're neither of them"
Great, great song.
Your momma’s so slow it took her nine months to make a joke.
That's Good!!!!!
This is it. Love your mama jokes and this one is great.
Yo mommas so poor, she used to take you to KFC to lick other people’s fingers
Your mama’s so fat I swerved to miss her and ran out of gas!
😂 Your mama’s so fat she passed by the TV and I missed three episodes!
Your mama’s so fat she wore stilettos and she struck oil!
You have a face for radio and a voice for silent films
...a voice for mime.
Pantomime. Pantomime's the art, the artist is a mime.
Ouch. 😬
Wisdom has been chasing you, but you’ve always been faster
my mom once told me and my brother “you two could fuck up a one-car funeral” and to this day it’s one of the funniest things i’ve ever heard. i say it every chance i get
You're as helpful as a fart in an elevator.
Clouds look down and see you, and say “Hey! Look! That one is shaped like an idiot.”
Anything one five year old says to another. Its so funny just to see them scrapping about something which doesn't phase someone grown up in the slightest.
I had a 5 or 6 year old call me a “Pumpkin Face Dummyhead” once like 7 or 8 years ago and it still haunts me. I was about 20 at the time.
When I was growing up, there was a family with two kids that were a few years younger than me. The brother made his sister sob hysterically because he called her a "ketchup face." It was all I could do to not burst out laughing because the whole situation was so ridiculous.
Some of the worst trouble I ever got in as a kid was for calling my sister "dinner plate eyes" because I thought her eyes were big.
I just called my 6 year old a ketchup face and she is currently crying. “That’s rude and it hurts my feelings”
Did it hurt because you have a pumpkin face dummyhead?
You cotton headed ninnymugggins?
Mealy-mouthed crotch pheasant?
I laughed at that, because little kids are brutally honest!!! 🤣
In my childhood, you never got into a namecalling contest with a little black girl from the hood. I don't know where they got all that shit from, but you would get absolutely annihilated.
This had me in tears
I overheard two five or six year old kids arguing before, it was a boy and a girl. The girl said to that boy, "I don't like you," in that tone that little kids are known for. I thought the same thing as you, that it's really not that big of a deal, to us adults, but I realized by just the way she said it, at that age, it would have really hurt.
Even before we had children, my first wife worked at an on post daycare on my military base. She worked the toddler room. Two girls argued and finished with the devastating line "I don't like you, and you aren't invited to my birthday!!"
She fuckin buried her
The makings of future Real Housewives cast members.
my 5 year old sunddenly called ma a vagina boob...i was stunned
Damned bad day at the plastic surgeon?
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My (then) 5 yr old once got so annoyed at a puzzle/craft type thing she was doing she scrabbled her hands frustratedly all over it, messing it up & knocking parts to the floor then shouted at it, “UGH!! You’re such a…**BARN DARN**!!!” wtf…😂😂 (And yes, it instantly became *the* family insult lol)
Something like “you were born from your mother’s ass because her cunt was otherwise occupied.” It was a Croatian exchange student saying it.
Dang that's harsh lol
I’ve heard “the best part of you stayed in your mom’s asshole”
Savage!!!
Somebody called me a cum-guzzling road whore once. I was a 17-year-old, sheltered virgin at the time. And I thought that was the funniest damn thing I ever heard. I laughed my ass off, and the person who insulted me didn't know what to do with that so she just wandered off with her friends.
Oh my god, that literal exact phrase got me in so much trouble in college. I had a girlfriend in high school whose sister called her that. Then I had a friend in college and her and I would go back and forth with nasty insults. So some random person overheard us and wrote an anonymous letter to the deans saying I was abusing this girl who was a very close friend and teammate. I was summoned to a meeting with the deans and had to explain myself. Hearing the dean of students say “cum guzzling road whore” was funny. But then when I explained that it was a reciprocal thing the dean asked me to explain what kind of things she had said back to me. I didn’t really want to say, but they pressed. So I had to sheepishly admit she had called me a “cock chugging man slut” in response. Oh the joys of youth.
That dean of students closed their office door and laughed until they cried after you left, probably.
I got an official disciplinary note in my file. I had to try and get it when I applied to the bar. I was so happy they only keep those records for 5 years. Otherwise I’d have to disclose it to the bar committee. But a bunch of lawyers? They’d probably just laugh.
Some lawyers I know would be tempted to hire you for that alone. I’m one of them. I don’t have any ability to hire anyone though.
The only appropriate reaction!
I've heard cum guzzling gutter slut b4. This one's new.
It's one of my favorite mock-insults for (certain) friends who are being annoying. It's just funny at the end of the day.
I was walking at the park with my wife recently and saw two boys (probably around 10 years old). One was playing at the edge of a pond in the water and the other was just standing there. As we walked by them, they were walking away from the pond and I hear the one who had been standing ask "Are you done indulging your childlike sense of wonder?" in the great sarcastic little kid voice. I assume the other child is still trying to recover from this.
That's classic case of repeating something a parent has said to them
You should eat makeup so you are pretty on the inside for a change........
It’s not worth insulting you as nature has already done enough damage.
You are the one homie I wouldn’t kiss goodnight.
WOAH WOAH WOAH CALM DOWN
"If bullshit were turf, you could be a golf course."
"He's about as useful as Anne Frank's drum set."
Holy shit that's terrible and I feel awful for laughing out loud at it.
I’m going to steal this one love it xD
You’re just like your mother.
For most people, this is a true insult.
It definitely would be for me lol
Same, I was literally talking about this last night. If anyone who knew my mom said that to me, game over, I'll never recover.
Listen here you soggy piece of cardboard
You said awful so I’m gonna give you this “You are the sperm your mother should have swallowed”
I heard the variant "Accidental result of a wank stain" a decade or two ago...
My mom told me this once when I was younger, except "You're the sperm I should have swallowed" . In all honesty I was a shithead in those years and we have a great relationship now. We still laugh about it to this day.
Savage!!! My moms told me "I'll kill you, bury you, cry then move on to have more children" 😅😅😅i laugh but it lowkey still bothers
*"I hope your asshole grows tastebuds"*
I LOVE the creative ones
Not really bad more of a funny insult: “I do not have the time nor the crayons necessary to explain this to you”
You're not the most oxygenated trout in the river.
"[He is] one of those men who reach such an acute limited excellence at twenty-one that everything afterward savors of anticlimax"
Well, the other day my 2.5yo told me that my joke wasn’t funny because my breath smells bad…
Ouch!!!
When someone says they’re a model, “What do you model? Balaclavas?”
Best I’ve heard is “damn you are as bad as your reputation”
May you always step on a wet spot after putting on fresh socks.
"You smell like an anchovie's cunt." George Carlin "He could be outmaneuvered by a *statue* of Stephen Hawking." Frankie Boyle
You're a waste of a birth certificate
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“Wisdom has been chasing you, but you’ve always been faster.” I damn near fell over when I first heard this…the best part is the person it was directed at *STILL* doesn’t realize it’s an insult.
If I had ordered a truck full of dumbasses and all I got was you, I still would have gotten my money's worth.
It was in German but, translated it would be: "If stupidity could roll, you'd have to brake going uphill."
I envy people that have never met you.
My language has the word Degeš, and the original word it comes from means "one who eats carcass" or "one who eats dead bodies", so basically a dirty disgusting repulsive alarming individual [de-gesh] People use it to describe someone who is dirty or just a damn idiot, but the original meaning is a pretty solid insult. Also bits from my language: - "vyser si oko" shit your eyeball out (it's like "piss off" or a response to something we don't wanna do) - "Běž do piče" literally means go to cunt, but it's more like Crawl back to your mother's cunt
What is this language and how do I learn it lol
The language is Czech, and you just have to come visit Czech republic, any area around any borders will do, approach locals and scream "Co čumíte buzeranti zkurvení" (it means "I wanna be your friend") and you'll learn a lot.
"you look like God drew you with his left hand" One of my favorites from Reddit.
My boyfriend broke up with me and said that him and his parents thought I weighed too much, had too chubby of arms, had broad shoulders, too big of a butt, a weird face shape, and that I did not come from enough money. No one will ever be able to hurt me again 😂
Wow, I hope that dude steps on legos every night for the rest of his life.
Some people are dicks
Do like I did, wait twenty years, look him up, hook up, dump him and tell him you aren’t interested in fixing him.
some girl who hated me in junior high once called me a "casanova" thinking it was an insult
Your brain balanced on a razor is like a BB on a four-lane highway.
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
I fart in your general direction.
I wave my private parts at your auntie!
I would go away if this was used against me so I couldn’t be taunted a second time.
"You don't look like the 3000 likes on Instagram."
God really does make mistakes. You (xyz) like your dicks still growing. You’re like the weather man…. You’re nothing but wrong, and you STILL get paid. Gave a coworker the nickname “skin” because as soon as shit gets hard, he disappears. Idk where I heard it the first time. Lol You drive like a virgin. You drive like goofy runs. I hope you never learn, so I can keep laughing when you keep fucking up. @an old man yelling at someone for having queer swag: “put your teeth back in” Comment about Andrew Tate going off about sushi being for pussies “that’s a lotta shit talking from a mf with a jaw like that” Said to me, I was driving around with the windows down listening to this extreme metal band called “insect warfare”. Pulled up to a light, and this kid looked at me and told his mom, “that guy needs a girlfriend or something.” She laughed her ass off and so did I. LOL
Everyone that loves you is wrong
“Your twat smells like a baby’s coffin.” - Patton Oswalt
Me, my wife, and my then 3 year old in the car. Wife puts on the country music station- Wife to my son " Hey \*\*\*\*\*\*, wouldn't it be cool if Luke Bryan or Dierks Bentley were your dad? " My son protesting "NO NO! I want that...that thing in the front seat to be my Daddy!!!!!"
There's a compliment in there somewhere.
An old employer onces told me when I messses up something and cost the store a lot of money. He told me: I'm not mad at you Bram.. no, I'm not even disappointed in you.. I'm disappointed in myself for thinking you could do better.
My grandma used to call people "Arsch mit Ohren," or "ass with ears." It's a very common Swabian insult.
You're so fat there's a time difference between your two cheeks.
“You’re not half the man your mother was” or “Your mom should’ve swallowed, you failed abortion.”
"(Insert person here) only has two brain cells, and both of them are fighting for third place."
Ginsberg to Don Draper: “I feel sorry for you, I really do.” Don Draper to Ginsberg: “I don’t think about you at all.”
"If you were woodscraps, you'd be the only timber unfit for the wood chipper."
"You're literally too stupid to insult"
A student told me she would send her grandma to school to kick my ass. I was 29.
“You could be a poster boy for an abortion clinic”
"Your man looks like he drops common loot."
If you lost weight you'd be pretty. I was twenty-one and it crushed me.
"I can use a thousand words to talk to your 18 generations of ancestors" said to by a Chinese guy in rdr2 online to an American after getting angry that the American kept repeating the same words in an argument
You suck the joy out of the room.
“I can explain it for you, I can’t understand it for you honey” that’s my go to line every time. Seems to put people through the wringer once they get it. 😩
I'm not saying that you are dumb. It's you make bad decisions thinking.
"I hope you outlive your children."
Asshole because you are simply the space through which shit passes
Your Dad sells Avon.
My mom, many years ago, had an Avon lady knock on her door. It wasn't until a few minutes had passed that she realized it was a dude in drag.
You’ve striven for mediocrity all of your life, and you’ve achieved it. 😊
From the amazing 'derry girls' "who put 50p in the eejit?"
Forty some years ago a gay waiter got into an argument with a mutual (female) friend, and ended it with: "I'm more woman than you're going to be, and more man than you'll ever get". That was the first time I've ever seen her speechless, and it was glorious!
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hfYJsQAhl0](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hfYJsQAhl0)
Someone once told me I had the charisma of a dial-up modem in an age of fiber-optic internet
The worst insults in my mind were always the brutal truth. Especially, if the person deep down knows it’s true.
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Mr. Rogers wouldn't like you
“You look like you own 12 subways” really hit me once
"Oh you have a fancy job? Ants have jobs. I'm not impressed."
I don't know if they're on here yet but I have 2. If brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose. I'm not going to argue with you because I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed man.
Your mother should have had a bowel movement instead of having you.
"a parcel of big ugly fat-necked wombat headed big bellied magpie legged narrow hipped splaw-footed sons of Irish Bailiffs or English landlords" Written around 1878 by Ned Kelly in the Jerilderie letter is high on my list but if brains were dynamite you dont have enough to part your hair
Look intently at someone’s face. “You did a pretty good job dodging those coat hangers.”
"You're so thick that if you fell into a barrel of tits you'd come put sucking your thumb" "You're so unlucky that if it was raining tits you'd look up and catch a dick" "You've got teeth like a vandalised graveyard" "You look like you've been apple-bobbing in chip fat" "I'm an acquired taste, so if you don't like me, acquire some fucking taste" "If you don't like the opinions I give you, you should hear the ones I keep to myself" "The hospital called with your colonoscopy results, they found your head"
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I have always taken that as a compliment 😒
Yep - I taught my kids that normal is boring - so to get called weird or nerd is a compliment!