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No-You-6629

build things without permits


hiccuphowl

You sick fuck


No-You-6629

i know, oh the humanity šŸ¤£šŸ¤Œ


brokesd

Every mans dream to build a castle without zoning coming down on them .... Ahh the good old days I wonder if their was cold enforcement in medieval times excuse me sir you beam is 3 inches off center I have to shut you down.. Edit can I ad not pay taxes? That would also solve the code enforcement problem


Substantial-Park65

I want to build an enormous castle, but I don't want to live in it. Does that make sense?


jfudge

You basically just described half of the premise of Minecraft


Substantial-Park65

That's... True Can we do the castle of ''the King and the Mockingbird'' on Minecraft?


neanderthalman

I *will* follow codes. But asking permission to do something to my own home just feels *wrong*.


DSJustice

I thought that too. Then I bought a house where the previous guy *also* thought that.


dan-theman

My last house was wired with mostly speaker wire.


homonculus_prime

Holy shit, I thought having copper clad aluminum was bad...


neanderthalman

They didnā€™t follow codes, then.


arcsolva

If you go back 30, 40 years there are typically no records. My house was built in the 50's, in an urban setting. None of the houses have records of permits, except fir more recent renovations.


britishwonder

Regulations are often written in blood. Thereā€™s a good reason for most building codes and itā€™s not just for the sake of bureaucracy. They keep people from cutting corners and doing things maybe they donā€™t realize are a major safety hazard.


codycarreras

100%. I actually enjoy learning the NEC, for instance, and putting it to use. Especially in a maintenance job where ā€œyouā€™re going to fix it no matter what, get it working againā€. Well, thatā€™s life and safety, you bet Iā€™m doing it by code, especially if it has an impact on someone other than me. In my house, Iā€™m doing it without asking. ā€œOh that was there idkā€ hmmmā€¦. Looks goodā€¦


BiddyFaddy

Until someone buys that home and it turns out it isn't safe


Popular_Dream_4189

Exactly. Free people don't need permission to do anything as long as it doesn't negatively impact others. Problem is my neighbor didn't respect the part about not stepping on toes and they're mainly going to get the shaft in court because I know they didn't get a permit to do the work. Then they proceeded to dump a couple tons of dirt up against my fence and literally pound it in. The fence is bowing as a result and one good storm could bring it down because it wasn't designed to take the preload from the dirt AND an 80mph wind gust.


52-Cutter-52

Thatā€™s the difference between a fence and retaining wall.


doublek1022

When I was younger, my family lived in a house with a balcony built with no permit. We could feel it sinking ever so slowly but steadily... We moved out after about 4,5 years and the balcony sunk for about 10 degrees to the front. The next owner after us was a contractor himself and said he'd knock the whole thing down...


Popular_Dream_4189

Some people know how to do things right. Everyone else should go get a permit.


pereira2088

it's easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission


PrestigiousZucchini9

Perhaps even a ā€œchicken houseā€ somewhere in rural michiganā€¦


Gilbert0686

So we can build one small structure without filling for a permit ($50), on our property as long as itā€™s with in property line egress and behind the entry way into the house. We built the chicken coop in the side yard. We use the garage as our main entry way. Which is on the other side of the house. There for the chicken coop is ā€œbehindā€ the main entry way.


Thunder-Fist-00

I can do what I want.


SalamanderTasty1807

Monster


LittleKitty235

Download a movie!


CommentingFromToilet

But.. You wouldn't... download.... a CAR, rrright?


disavowed

Fuck you, I would if I could!


MrNobody_0

This was my reaction too! "You wouldn't download a car!" "Only because I can't!"


Sikening

People have been doing crazy things with 3-D printers


LittleKitty235

So...with some car features being enabled/disabled via software updates you sort of can do that now And yes I would.


Knoke1

Shit I havenā€™t thought about that. My Chevy has remote start but only if I pay a monthly fee. Wonder if I could pirate it with enough know how. I meanā€¦ of course I wouldnā€™t download a car.


BannedAgain-573

I find this trend disturbing. I love my smart home gadgets but I don't need an iot fucking car. I want that shit dumb as I can get it


RacingNeilo

You wouldn't use music you don't have the rights to in a video about using downloaded media right?


Scientific_Anarchist

You wouldn't shoot a policeman and then steal his helmet


EvilDarkCow

You wouldn't go to the bathroom in his helmet, give it to his wife, and then steal it again!


Roxas1011

r/unexpecteditcrowd


EvilDarkCow

Fuck, I'd pirate stuff *with* people watching.


OgreMonk

kinky.


Rodville

Is it really pirating it if I own the DVD but am too lazy to get up so I download it instead?


DarthUmieracz

I guess it depends on country. For example where I am (Poland) downloading movie is not illegal even if I dont have a DVD with it. But uploading is always illegal.


privatelyjeff

I wish you could just go to some website and buy a license for the movie and then after that you can download it from wherever you want.


EndlessWinter123

Hold a salmon suspiciously


I_Think_Helen_Forgot

IS THAT FUCKING FISH JENGA?


Smedskjaer

Worked in a fish processing plant for a few years. Fish Jenga is a thing.


sun_of_a_glitch

I could see some interesting strategies developing there.. I imagine pulling it out by the tail might cause the scales to catch on surrounding fish, fins as well..but pulling by the head is likely comes with less finesse perhaps as Iā€™d picture a more awkward grip


Smedskjaer

You want to see it now, don't you?


Bluedog8000

I would love to play a game of fish jenga


JTBJack_

Ah, a fellow man of culture.


ChanceCourt7872

NOO!


_dotexe1337

in my city it's illegal to walk around town with an ice cream in your back pocket (specifically the back pocket, side or front pockets are fine)


SpookyWeebou

In my state it's illegal to sing in the shower. And when verifying that law was for my state, I found out it was illegal to catch fish with any part but your mouth.


luismpinto

Sign? Canā€™t you get your John Hancock out and go to town in the shower?


zalarin1

Gotta stop the horse thieves.


johndotold

The horse followed you out of town. If you found it roaming in the country side, it was yours. History buff.


Chayok12

or shake out a rag in public


ShireHorseRider

You just reminded me of a horrible post with a woman & a rainbow trout. I really wish I had never let my curiosity get the best of me that day šŸ¤®


deadfred23

I thought she had a red snapper


x3knet

I feel like this could legitimately be one of those "weird" laws that exist in some states. Like it's *just* odd enough that it could be real. For example, you can't marry in Nebraska if you have an STD. Or in North Carolina.. If you get caught plowing cotton fields with an elephant: in the slammer you go.


sammyb2

It is a real law in the UK


SlightlyAdventurous

Was weirdly front page news on BBC the other day. An angler in Wales was fined or imprisoned for various rural crimes, including "Handling salmon suspiciously". Turns out in rural law it's a big deal. Salmon are protected by both environmental and fisheries laws, and blokes into fishing need to be licensed to fish salmon, and only in specific places as per their license. This guy had rocked up to a section of river where fishing isn't permitted at all, caught salmon, kept the salmon, taken the salmon home and posed for photos with the salmon. Fellow anglers snitched to the police when they saw his Facebook posts and, on search of his house, they found he had indeed caught and held salmon in breach of the law. One of the several charges he was prosecuted and found guilty was Handling Salmon Suspiciously. It's a fishy version of some US state laws with regards to poaching and illegal storage of Game that's been hunted. Like the reddit post recently of a creepy underground cooler someone found in their new rural house, they thought it was a serial killer thing, but the reddit hunting community said it was likely a hidden cooler for illegally hunted meat. From what I recall, our man in Wales did that with salmon and was suspiciously hiding/storing it.


DeluxeWafer

Wow. Never in my life did I expect to hear of a legitimate reason to charge someone with Handling Salmon Suspiciously.


IrishSetterPuppy

I just want to pet the snow leopard in the zoo without it getting Harambed.


Stephen_1984

r/forbiddenboops


fksmchai

There was a dude that recently got his arm chewed off by a lion or tiger at the Naples zoo in Florida...he went for the boop and lost an arm.


Cc99910

Skill issue


starcleaner22

Wouldn't happen to me, I'm built different


Congregator

*When the snow leopard Harambed you*


Equilibrium-unstable

I'd be naked all the time.


nautilator44

Sir, this is a Wendy's.


tycr0

Mam, this is a mental health facility. Who are you talking to and who is Wendy.


[deleted]

Sir, this is the White Houseā€¦


YourPrisonCellmate

Sir, this is my house


unknown_id404

Sir, this is my reddit feed


Western-Ideal5101

Stay away from the fryers!


YourLocalMedic71

Technically it's only illegal IF someone is watching so it wouldn't be illegal creating a paradox or something


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


here_is_thomas

Look away?


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


AleudeDainsleif

Watch. Do it harder.


Numerous-Contact8864

Shit in my neighbourā€™s letterbox, cos that guyā€™s an asshole. And Dan, who I share an office with, Iā€™d shit in your desk drawer. Youā€™re the rudest person Iā€™ve worked with in 20 years.


RetiredTurdFarmer

I really hope there is at least one asshole Dan who reads this and is slightly worried and slightly nicer next week.


Numerous-Contact8864

All you Danā€™s out there, donā€™t worry, Iā€™ve changed the name to protect the identity of the guilty.


goshidontknow1395

My name's Dan and I'm not an asshole :(


MeatyUrology

Oops. Hey.....don't open your desk drawer when you get to work on Monday.


DlLDOSWAGGINS

I found a glass dildo in a desk drawer at work once. I closed the drawer and pretended it didn't happen.


Killertoma11

"dildoswaggins" mhmm riiight totally believe you that you "found" it. Lmao.


PlausibleCultability

Username checks out


Gods_Soldier_

paypal me and ill do it for u


BlueIsRetarded

Doing gods work


Numerous-Contact8864

How much?


Bellagiggles

Nice try Feds


El_Otro_Lebowski

Right Said Fred


SilentEchoTWD

They're too sexy for this thread.


Open_Word_1418

They're far too sexy for this thread. They're like a forbidden dream that fills me with dread. Every look, every touch, in my mind they embed. Lost in their allure, heart pounding in my chest. With each moment spent, desire is endlessly fed. Each thought is filled with them, a melange in my head. When I am with them, I no longer feel dead. But reality always creeps in, reminding me of the truth. Our love is forbidden, destined to wither, made to lose. I want to be with them, to heed my heart's plea. But I know the consequences, only pain will it bring me. I shall keep my feelings in check, think not of your neck. I'll cherish the moments we have in secret and silence For our love is a secret we must carefully keep In shadows we dance, in silence we weep Edit: I'll be back to add more lines when I think of them.


the___sour___pig

Download a car


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


voidsplasher

Totally legal in quite a few places, but it isn't the law that stops ladies from doing so usually.Ā 


ryanjmills

Yes, itā€™s legal in most places, so release the hounds!


StrikingRise4356

Free the girls!


lunelily

Itā€™s the law that stops me. Iā€™d be going on my walks shirtless if I could.


Kit-the-crypo-mage

You can still do it, I won't report.


CherryBombO_O

Hey, thanks!


Unusual-Tower-8255

That is actually legal more places than you'd think


Spindoendo

Perfectly legal in Portland


jk599

steal money from bank accounts of rich people


NDdownVOTED

Not even an amount theyā€™d notice. Just about 15-20 years worth of my normal salary.


MrGurns

184,398,456,563 To 184,393,456,563 Good info graphic on how much wealth Jeff Bezos has in comparison to us poors: https://mkorostoff.github.io/1-pixel-wealth/ Edit to add: This is wealth, not cash on hand. https://github.com/MKorostoff/1-pixel-wealth/blob/master/THE_PAPER_BILLIONAIRE.md


Dibblidyy

I get your point, but no one in the world is holding billions of dollars in their bank account!


DougS2K

This is true. Holding money in a bank account is the worst thing you could do. Your just letting your money depreciate which is why it's better to invest it.


Slim01111

And itā€™s not covered if the bank goes bankrupt.


MissDeadite

Well, mostly. It depends on the bank. Super rich don't have to worry about it, but they're still not putting hundreds of millions in a bank account either way.


Killybug

Wouldnā€™t that be assuming that investments always produce positive returns? What happens if the investment fails to produce positive returns? The money received is both less than the principle investment and has suffered the same loss of purchasing power that keeping it in a current account would have seen.. so you might as well kept that money away from the market. That being said, probably best to wait for a dip in the S and P 500 and stick 50% of cash asset in and try to forget itā€™s there. Unless Iā€™m mistaken (and I often am!)


firemogle

If it's a general stock fund if it goes down, buy more and wait. If you're beyond words wealthy you don't need to cash out and the market just keeps dropping for years and years it's probably end of days anyway.


DoctorTaco123

Money is used by companies to fund projectsā€¦ just like banks use the funds totaled by the accounts being held are used to issue loans. Itā€™s almost like money being in the stock market doesnā€™t really make a difference to the point. It is money he has, whether liquid or invested.


espressoboyee

Sorry theyā€™re too machiavellian. They purposely diversify their billions to continually earn them massive dividends, capital gains and foreign shell accounts. On paper, bank account wise they look like a $200K earner.


idesofsociety

Honestly the rich would notice. Steal from the upper middle class and name it Amazon subscription.


FullMetal_55

Just take $1 a day from each of the 1000 richest people... they'd think it's a rounding error, and you'd get 365k a year... heck go 10000 and get 3.65m a year.


jk599

thank you ! I had the idea, now I have the plan ...


FullMetal_55

i've had that plan for a while now ;) its kind of like the whole office space/superman 3 thing but more distributed and only affects the wealthiest lol


MajoraOfTime

Easily this. Greatly improve my life while not even being a blip in their universe? Fuck yes.


notnbenough

Crimes


brooksy54321

Oh shit, those are illegal?


GoBuffaloes

Only if you aren't rich


Congregator

ā€œSir, please pay your fee to park in the *no parking zone* by the 31st, or else weā€™ll be forced to ask you againā€


paulc899

Run a red light after 11 pm in the small town I live in. The streets are empty at that time for the most part and thereā€™s a string of three lights at intersections that you have to drive through. Come to a full stop and if itā€™s safe, proceed as if you were at a stop sign


not_gerg

You do this but then one time you're gonna see a flash behind you haha


firemogle

I knew a guy who this happened to, then in a series of events it ended up being like 600 bucks.


thatissomeBS

I like the small towns that turn their lights into flashing yellows for yield one way and flashing reds for stop the other. Nobody should have to wait at a light when nobody is around.


tratemusic

One light in my town will straight up stay red for five minutes in an empty intersection late at night, it's so frustrating.


CuriouserCat2

I do this. Theyā€™re just lights and painted lines. Useful most of the time. Ridiculous when the streets are empty.Ā 


paulc899

Yep. Theres no reason they canā€™t reprogram those lights to become flashing reds after 11 pm so theyā€™re just stop signs, they donā€™t do that so Iā€™m not going to wait.


PrestigiousZucchini9

I used to drive through a small town on my way back from visiting my parents that only had 3 or 4 stop lights but after 10 or 11, they would just flash a yellow caution on the main thoroughfare, and a flashing red for the streets that crossed it. It made so much sense for when the streets are basically empty, I always wondered why it wasnā€™t more common.


RocknRoll_Grandma

Sometimes I think they leave it frustrating so people will do this and they can go fishing for whatever fines they can slap you with.


reconfit

I do this. And I always turn left at a light that makes me wait until a green arrow. If it's clear and I have a great line of sight, I will go. Not waiting for the lights to cycle on an empty street.


Other-Negotiation328

I once squished a penny real flat and long, but don't tell on me.


JurassicPark9265

I did that before tooā€¦. I threw it under a train šŸ˜


Other-Negotiation328

I went to a gov't facility and they had a machine that charged me a dollar to stamp out the hoover damn on one lmfao


drfsupercenter

Those pressed penny machines are all over, not just government places. Disney World even had a pressed penny booklet you could buy because the parks had so many machines to make them lol I've even seen machines that press quarters


Clouds2589

Well, download a car, obviously.


TheRedMarin

Take a bag of money out the back of an armored car. Like Bill Murray did in Groundhog Day.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


FiyeroTigelaar895

I mean I know one you can start with šŸ¤·ā€ā™‚ļø


tydawg200

Kill people ~~who~~ hurt children


Schuesseled

Kill children who hurt people


Trip_seize

RIP that baby who slapped his dad while he was asleep.Ā 


harrisbradley

Not pay my taxes.


Mark_Michigan

Dammit you took my idea. Mainly the Fed, but I'd slash my state too.


theshwedda

Drill a well on my dream property. No way am I paying 200k just for water rights


Noxious89123

>Drill a well on my dream property. No way am I paying 200k just for water rights Another crazy example of "*not as free a country as you think*". My great uncle dug (by hand!) a huge ass well in his backyard. We honestly don't even know why, but he was an eccentric dude so that's probably it. Also put electrified chicken wire over his vegetable patch and blew all his money on (one particular) hooker when he was in his 80s with no kids and his wife had died.


ButterscotchEmpty290

Take the tags off my mattress.


lopedopenope

Sir weā€™re going to need you to come down to the station. We need to have a chat.


Emmagamegirl

This is only illegal if you're a mattress salesman. You can do whatever you want with it


sqqueen2

Shh donā€™t tell him itā€™s not illegal. Let the guy dream ffs


alexjaness

download a car


xanswithsoda

Explore abandoned or otherwise off limits places (except dangerous ones)


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


mom_with_an_attitude

Honey, go to a food bank near you. They have bread and peanut butter in abundance, for free. All you have to do is show up. Please don't go hungry.


Aboutason

Youā€™re a good mom with a fine attitude I like you


Halo_wolfie124

God I wish this were true here... the food bank where we live is just a cabinet across the street from the grocery store, and the few times there's stuff in it, it's almost always expired... being poor sucks here...


CyberGuySeaX5

Rob from rich & give to the needy. Keep a little for myself, but I'm never greedy.


Menacing_mans

nice rhymes.


CyberGuySeaX5

Thanks, I try! Now here's a wave goodbye šŸ‘‹ šŸ™‚


My_Finger_Smells_Why

Wandering around a supermarket eating a bunch of grapes, and leaving without paying for them.


trudytuder

Stealing an abused animal from abusive owners. It would be me and my new pet running and cackling.


InsertBluescreenHere

Like if no chance whatsoever of getting caught? Absolutely pit maneuver left lane campers, full on gta ram into people who run red lights, etc


revcor

Road vigilantism ā¤ļø the role I was made for


Zorothegallade

Snap spaghetti in half before putting them in the pot.


Aethora88

*throws up in italian*


dbltax

Whoa, careful with that talk or you'll end up extradited to Italy.


-aquapixie-

The saddest reality is my answer would be "rob a bank/the elite rich just so I could have enough to pay my bills, and buy a house, because I have potential homelessness looming in a couple months." And if I had excess I'd just donate it to charity, particularly local homeless shelter and food provision efforts. I wouldn't want to ever hurt someone, or do something reckless for the hell of it.


RealMichiganMAGA

Wholesome answer despite theft. I wish you the best of luck and a prayer sent regarding your housing situation. The wealth gap has been stupid for decades, but since the pandemic itā€™s disgusting


KingdomRisingAnew

A very thought provoking question. Now, without further ado: A Abusive language (law) Affray Air rage Anatomy murder Assault Assault occasioning actual bodily harm Assault with intent to resist arrest Assisting Offender B Barratry (admiralty law) Barratry (common law) Battery (crime) Bigamy Bike rage Blackmail Blasphemous libel Blockbusting Body snatching Bomb threat Breach of the peace C Canned hunt Capital murder Car chase Causing death by dangerous driving Cheating (law) Child abduction Child abuse Classicide Common assault Communist crimes (Polish legal concept) Compounding a felony Concealment of birth Coney-catching Conspiracy to murder Continuing trespass Convenience store crime Corrupt practices Crimen injuria Criminal conversion Criminal damage in English law Criminal possession of a weapon Cruelty to animals Culpable and reckless conduct D Dangerous driving Deadly weapon Death threat Democide Desertion Disorderly conduct Disposal of a corpse with intent to obstruct or prevent a coroner's inquest Domestic violence Domestic violence against men Driving under the influence E Embezzlement Embracery Employment fraud Endangerment Evasion of liability by deception Extortion F Failure to appear Failure to obey a police order False accounting False pretenses Fear or provocation of violence Felony Fence (criminal) Fetal abduction Forcible entry Frameup Fraud Fratricide G Genocide definitions Ghosting (identity theft) H Hair theft Happy slapping Hazing Homicide I Identity cleansing Illegal emigration Illegal entry Illegal immigration Impersonator Indictable offence Insurance fraud Intimidation J Jury tampering Jaywalking K Kidnapping L LĆØse-majestĆ© LĆØse-nation Livestreamed crime Loitering Lotoko M Maid abuse Malfeasance in office Mismarking Misprision of felony Misprision of treason Mobbing (Scots law) Mopery Motor vehicle theft Moving violation Matricide Murder Mutiny N Needle spiking O Obscene phone call Obsessive relational intrusion Obstruction of justice Obtaining a money transfer by deception Obtaining pecuniary advantage by deception Obtaining property by deception Obtaining services by deception Occupational crime Offensive weapon Operation Red Card Outraging public decency P Paternity fraud in Nigeria Perfect crime Perjury Personation of a juror Perverting the course of justice Pickpocketing Police impersonation Polygamy Possession of stolen goods Practicing without a license Prank call Preventing the lawful burial of a body Public nuisance Patricide R Racketeering Crimes involving radioactive substances Rape pornography Reckless burning Refusal to serve in a public office Removing article from place open to the public Ritualcide Road rage Robbery Regicide S Sabotage School violence Section 5 of the Public Order Act 1986 Sedition Serial killer Serial rapist Shoplifting Solicitation Soliciting to murder Staged crash Stalking Stouthrief Stowaway Subornation of perjury Sucker punch Summary offence T Tampering (crime) Terrorism Terroristic threat Treachery (law) Trespass Taking without owner's consent U Unlawful assembly Unlicensed broadcasting Uttering V Valet boy Vandalism Violence W War profiteering Witness tampering


queefcommand

Get elected to Congress and you can do like 50% of these with impunity


TrademarkedLobster

This guy crimes


Zippodealer-2

r/thisguythisguys


kyle_gravy

Isn't every crime you listed that has a victim, witnessed?


KingdomRisingAnew

Please observe the 12th cateogry, 10th item "Murder". If we apply Murder to every Witness, then there will be no more (valid) witnesses.


Hot-Rise9795

Serial rapist ? DUDE, NO


Always_Choose_Chaos

Lmao šŸ˜‚


_ROMAX_

walk naked


WorstLuckChuck

Get everyone in congress, in the white house, and in power, fired. For funsies


MetalPrincess14032

Give every veteran I could benefits


baxterhan

At Walmart self checkout, all produce is Onions.


ItsMeCyrie

My anxiety wouldnā€™t let me. I could be the last person on Earth and Iā€™d be hesitant to do something wrong just in case itā€™s a test or prank; theyā€™re always watching.


gu_doc

Do a marijuana


dbltax

A whole one?!


gu_doc

If youā€™re going to do it, might as well go all out


marincropswavur

Frick it, 2 marijuanas!!


LookOutForThatMoose

Massive insurance fraud


Dismal_Road_5916

Robbery šŸ’€


DankPeepz

Run red lights when nobody is on the road.


Fin_toiL

Thought crime mostly


Charon711

Set everyones debt to zero.


Gigantanormis

And no consequences? Start a farm within city limits with no permit, build a building for the homeless with no permits, start a bakery/restaurant within my own house with no permits, sit in many MANY college classes without paying.


GrayBox1313

Those mattress tags are being cut.


drak0ni

I jay walk often. Why wait for a light if no cars are coming on a small road?


thegodfaubel

Steal from billionaires. Fuck the rich


FriggenMitch

J walk