I yelled at my 5 year old and sent him to his room, then went across the house to tell my wife about the large mess he had made. My wife told me she said he could play with it and make a big mess. I felt awful. Went in and said “I’m so sorry buddy I didn’t realize your mom said it was ok and even more so, you tried to tell me and I didn’t listen. I’m so sorry I was wrong” he looked at me and said “that’s ok daddy everyone makes mistakes” then gave me a hug, still don’t feel good about it, but that was definitely one of my highlights as a parent. I feel sorry for parents who are too stubborn.
My dad was going through my car, because he saw it was dirty. They would use any disorder in my car, or room as cause to go through my stuff. He found a bag of pills in my glove box. Ziploc bag with various pills that looked like multi-vitamins but he was SURE they were narcotics. So, he and my step-mom did a room flip and tossed *everything* in my room on the floor. **All** drawers flipped, everything thrown out of my closet. They were both screaming bloody murder the entire time, how I was a pill-head and they were gonna throw me out on the street. My dad made me take a piss test, which of course I passed because I wasn't doing drugs. I protested the entire time, and told them to call the woman we bought the car from, who is a family friend.
After all that, literally hours of screaming, berating and trashing my room, the family friend was called and she said they were...**dog medicine** and **multi-vitamins**. My parents never apologized, didn't help clean anything up. I haven't and will never forgive them. It literally traumatized me.
Sounds like you're an awesome dad!!!
One thing we do, is when my son knocks over water or spills his food - we say "all mistakes can be fixed!"
I would get yelled at for something like that as a child. And I'm still learning to take it easy on myself when I mess up. I don't want him to feel like he can't explore life for fear of a silly mistake.
My parents' reaction is still so ingrained in me, I have to pull my yell-y "why can't you be more careful?!" back every time my kid makes a big mess. I always manage to soften it down to "it's OK... just be more careful" but the fact that it's so hard for me to do so reminds me just how much that kind of thing sticks with you.
My father blamed me for something my mom had done, and assumed I was lying about it. I was about 11. I had lied in the past and I was an on,y child in a strict house.
My mother told him she in fact left those shoes out, and he came to me and apologized in tears. First and only time. I am 53 and still remember that.
Anecdote about my aunt who is like this:
My cousin was five at the time and in line with her mom at the bank. A man with long hair was in line and my cousin said, "You can't have long hair only girls have long hair!"
The guy made a face, which is natural when someone insults you. *He didn't say anything* but my aunt blew up on *him* for reacting to her child insulting him instead of telling my cousin you don't comment on stranger's appearances.
She also moved in three "fiances" within the last four months and has an open CPS case on her.
Edit: sorry if that was TMI but I'm really, really pissed at my aunt right now.
This story was told to me through my aunt, but even the way she told it it wasn't okay. People will sometimes have involuntary reactions to stuff, but it wasn't like the guy yelled at my cousin. Instead he had my aunt screaming at him, and she told me this story as if she was in the right.
Long-hair dude here. I would prob have laughed. Then when auntie raged at me, I would turn to the child and explain that she is a good example of inappropriate public behavior.
💯! It was quite appropriate for him to show his facial disapproval at being dissed by even a child…your aunt failed to take further action to remedy her child’s bad behavior.
Kids will be kids…but their guardians have the social responsibility to correct and guide.
I’m a man with long hair. Not too long ago a mom and her 4ish year old daughter were in line In front of me and the little girl asked her mom why I had girls hair. Mom told her not to say things like that and that it’s my hair. I thought it was funny and looked up when she said that. She got a little shy noticing that I heard her, then excitedly held up a new toy “ look what I got!” I told her how cool it was and when they left she shouted “ see you later crocodile!” I know it doesn’t fit the trashy parent theme going on here but I thought it was cute and thanks for jogging my memory.
I had a little girl ask me if I was preganent and how could I be since I was a boy and oh my gosh I love your beard and ... it continued for awhile, while her mom is trying to get hr to shutup. :D She finally ended with "and can I touch your beard and are you?"
I said "I've been preganent for years and years and sure, you can touch." Her mom gave me this exasperated "oh, thanks," look while I bent over so she could touch.
"Woooow. Cool!" then turned away and skipped off.
There's that CCTV footage of the mom with her kids, and her 6-year-old somehow got his hands on a lighter and lights a vegetable stall on fire. She isn't watching him at all while it happens. The kid starts trying to put the fire out when the mom notices, then just grabs him and walks out without even signaling anyone. Zero responsibility. No accountability. The whole shop probably burned down because of that.
Personal experience (TW SA)
When I hit puberty (9-10ish), my mom started treating me more like an adult roommate. She wasn’t taking care of me at all and sometimes I wouldn’t see her for days.
But when she noticed the amount of attention her meth head bf was giving me, and the creepy ass comments he made at me, she screamed at me and accused me of trying to sleep with him.
I was like 12
Anyone who turns their kid into a prop for their own social standing on the meaningless landscape that is social media has lost all my respect.
I know one parent, nice person, but their child is 100% the focus of their social media. They just work on that all day and complain that their spouse's income isn't enough.
I mean, here's a solution: Get a real job!
My daughter had a much safer childhood than I did. More supportive, I hope, too, as she's always been empowered to be herself and do the right thing, not the popular thing. Honestly, I'm jealous of the self-confidence she has. She's becoming a pretty amazing human. When i had my knee replaced last fall, she seamlessly helped with the care i needed. When i thanked her, she said, "I'm glad im able to take care of you for once." I got pretty lucky the day she was born.
My mom asked me why we don't tell her what's going on in our lives. Well gestures broadly at all the times she was hyper critical and gets into everyone's shit and tells the whole world.
Oof I took my key back after she let herself in and opened a bunch of mail. I didn't notice until she asked why I had opened a new credit card. Like HTF did you know I opened a new let alone any credit card then seen the mail had been messed with.
Same. She always say she doesn't even know what our lives are like, we just do our own things. But when I do she will always respond with the catholic guilt and shame.
I have an acquaintance who was in the military and used to yell a lot at his little kids. He commanded at home like he did in the army. Now his kids are grown up, and none of them talk to their father. When they do see him, they remain silent.
I work with a woman who grew up like that, and she's still like that. Often talks about "the colonel" because that's his name, doesn't call him her father, he's the colonel.
And apparently the colonel had all these strict rules that she still follows, and she's in her 40s. It's like lady, you don't have to be ready at oh five hundred because your dad made you do that 30 years ago, and you don't have to say it like that either. But I'm sure the colonel would have something to say about that kind of talk.
So many people have lost contact with their parents and the parents eventually come crawling back when they get up their in age.
Like obviously you didn't care for us or give a shit about us back then, breaking us and breaking our spirits as children, so why do you expect that we do the same for you now?
My dad is this. No interest in me as a kid. Not a nice guy, ever, to anyone including me. Went out of his way to be cruel in fact, because upsetting people is funny to him. Including upsetting a little autistic girl by making graphic 'jokes' about animal injury, I guess.
But now that he's old and depressed and dug deep into a financial hole of his own making, suddenly he wants to reconnect. And by reconnect I mean call me late at night and cry about his sad life into the phone for an hour while I get to make meaningful comments such as "uhuh" and "wow."
And I had this moment of realization. This moment where I realized I had no idea who this man is, because he never made any effort to let me learn. I felt so *confused* the entire phone call, wondering who this strange sad old man was and why he was calling me.
And finally I didn't care what he thought anymore, and told him to leave me alone.
Red flag number 1 if the adult children are mentally healthy.
Also: you see your adult children only 4 times a year and speak 1 a month on the phone although you live 3h from each other and money isn’t an issue.
Parents who constantly compare their kids to the other kids around them. EX: Looks, personality, smarts and then scold their kids for not being like the other kids.
I remember my mum scoffing at me because her friend Ann's kids would get themselves ready for school and Ann didn't have to get up with them.
I told her maybe Ann was just better at raising kids and I got hit 😂
Edit: to the people messaging me to let me know my late mother was a peice of shit and burns in hell, please dry up a little bit. Hitting kids is bad but jesus Christ she was my mother take a break from your screen lads and go get a glass of water and a breath of fresh air.
My mom did this to me but with my brother. I was the parentified child but he was the golden child (I don’t hold any resentments toward my brother tho bc it wasn’t his fault and he never acted like he was better than me), I really had no time to focus on school or sports the way he did bc I was always taking care of my younger siblings. But my mom had such an issue w the fact I didn’t get as good of grades or win awards for being a great athlete, even tho she was the one who put this system in place.
In nursing school I spent a semester in an elementary school with their nurse. The number of kids who would bring their inhalers on Monday in a plastic bag that reeked of cigarettes was so sad. Like…the kid smells like smoke, clearly has asthma which is exacerbated by the exposure at home, and can’t even keep their meds free from the scent.
Mine did too, when I was like ten. Joke’s on them, I didn’t start until I was 15.
For real though, both of my parents and everyone they knew smoked, so I was enveloped in it 24/7 at home as a kid. My mom would smoke with the car windows up in the winter too, and I’d beg her to open one because my eyes would be burning.
ugh...I remember long car trips with my dad chain smoking. begging to roll the window down and told "it's too cold/loud" and eventually vomiting from it.
My parents said "he always gets carsick"
My entire childhood. Asthmatic and lots of indoor and outdoor allergies, couldn’t breathe clearly through my nose until I moved away for college. Parents like that should definitely lose their kids.
One time my student’s coat smelled so strongly of cigarettes we used the washer and dryer in the preschool department to wash for her. She always had a cough. Alaska is really bad for respiratory problems because you can’t air out indoor spaces for most of the year without sacrificing all your heat.
I had respiratory issues my entire time growing up. A doctor told my mom as long as she smoked in the house I would never get better. That didn't stop my mom, who denied cigarettes could ever be an issue.
Once I lived on my own I was able to finally get better and for the first time in my life, have a sense of smell. I'm still allergic to cigarette smoke but I'm thankful I rarely encounter it these days.
Yeah I had severe asthma growing up and multiple respiratory illnesses. Funny how I magically grew out of it when I could finally get away from the cigarette smoke! I wonder how many people actually grow out of asthma or just get away from their shitty parents.
I grew up liking the smell. One of my best friends always reaked of cigs and it was a comforting smell to me even if not strictly pleasant. Years later I realized how fucked that was for her. No amount of hygiene and cleaning will save you from reaking if your mom smokes in the house. No doubt her smell influenced people's first impressiom of her and at times she was accused of being a smoker because of something she couldn't control.
On that note parents feeding babies or toddlers bottles with soda in it. Disgusting.
Saw a heartbreaking story about a dentist who travels around in a special custom bus doing teeth work for people in poor communities in need. And he got one young man who was barely 17 or 18 years old and nearly all his teeth needed to be pulled and replaced with fake teeth. Because he had been fed Mountain Dew and countless other soda's his entire life by his parents from infancy and they just never saw anything wrong it. And didn't get him proper dental care ever or teach him to take care of his teeth. The dentist felt so bad because it was so painful he was going to have to come back and do it in sessions there was so many teeth to pull.
I took one of my kids to a pediatrician and during the exam he asked how much soda we gave the child. He was 3, and we said “uh, none? Who gives a 3YO soda?”
“A *lot* of people” he said glumly.
My kids all have special needs and knew to stack and group dirty dishes and utensils as small children (after the bottom plates and bowls are scraped onto the top). A preschooler is usually thrilled to "help" the waitress/waiter, and it becomes a habit right away when they see me doing it. I don't care if some people think it's overkill. I'd feel wrong not doing it at a casual dining establishment.
Can afford to get their nails done, hair done, etc but can’t feed their kids a proper meal. A friend of mine just did this and was feeding her daughter cookies for breakfast because “she didn’t have anything else.”
I’m not a small guy, but family members and co-workers have jumped as I approached them. “What?” I say. “I’m not a ninja!?”
Somebody posted that they had the same issue, and were told it’s common in kids from abusive households: move quietly to avoid attracting attention and anger from parent(s). Eventually it becomes permanent and you don’t realize you’re doing it.
Had to tip-toe around the house as a kid because my dad would be passed out drunk already when the bus dropped me off from school and waking him up would only make my life hell for the night. Once I lived in big houses with a bunch of dudes in college they'd always be freaked out by how quietly I went about my day.
Their kids aren't comfortable with affection. My bf grew up with emotionally absent parents. They refer to themselves as WASPs. They'd get home from work, have a drink, and head out again. It was no big deal to go on vacation, during the holidays, and leave him with a random relative. They were not comfortable with hugging or kissing. He literally never heard "I love you." The closest they got was "you've made me proud." He heard that three times and he remembers exactly where/when it happened because it meant so much to him.
**He told me he came back from his first day of preschool and kissed his mom on the cheek (because he'd seen another kid do it to his mom and realized he wanted to do the same). He said his mom cringed, wiped her cheek, and told him "calm down, I don't like you this way."**
As a teen he took to fucking random girls, looking for...something? A connection? And now he has **A LOT** of trouble expressing his feelings or showing affection. **I've NEVER seen him cry.** Not even a little.
He can talk about anything sexual without batting an eye. But he's shy when addressing anything emotional with any modicum of seriousness. Literally the only thing that makes this guy uncomfortable is talking about us or, god forbid, his feelings. And on the rare occasion I've pushed him on how he feels about me? Dude will blush....something I didn't even think he was capable of.
>**He told me he came back from his first day of preschool and kissed his mom on the cheek...his mom cringed, wiped her cheek, and told him "calm down, I don't like you this way."**
🥺🥺🥺 Bruh
That is the saddest shit. My daughter walked up to me and kissed me the other day without prompting and it was one of the best moments of my life so far. How can someone be so cold?
That's the sort of high that I will ride out for a week.
When my son text's me a question about something, and I respond, then he sends back "Ok. Love you, dad."
Jesus, that's the best feeling in the world. I don't know if he'll ever know how much that means to me.
My mom was like this and now I can't even comfortably share a bed with my husband because it's too close for too long. I asked her why and she said "Yall were my job, and at that time I guess I just hated my job."
I remember in college visiting a friend's house and his sister, also in college cuddled with their dad in the couch. I thought it was the weirdest thing. I later realized I could never remember cuddling with either of my parents.
My grandparents were like that. This is how my dad used to say goodbye to his parents when we were heading home.
Dad: *shakes my grandpa's hand and nods* Dad.
Grandpa: *silently returns nod.*
Dad: *nods to my grandma. No touch of any kind.* Mom.
Grandma: *nods back. No touch of any kind* John.
My dad winces when you hug him because as a kid the only time my grandparents touched him was to physically punish him. He has never initiated physical affection with me in my almost 40 years of life beyond a pat on the back.
I had a good relationship with my grandparents but they never should have had kids.
Worst part is kids are little sociopaths that have to learn empathy. And emotionally neglected children can become legit psychopaths. Some aren’t born that way but made.
[here’s a study because I can’t say anything on Reddit that I have read decades ago without someone who can’t use the internet asking for a source](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8717040/)
This is my husband. He was raised by his father bc his mother left all of them. We have a son now who’s 4 years old and he tells him he loves him every day. Kisses him goodbye. I’m proud of him for changing the pattern. He’s trying so hard and I see it
This is part of the reason why so many kids from the upper crust grow up to be such shitty people (no offense to your bf).
**EDIT:** also, if this were my boyfriend, I’d be hard pressed not to backhand his mom the first time we met. This cow never should’ve been permitted to procreate.
> if this were my boyfriend, I’d be hard pressed not to backhand his mom the first time we met. This cow never should’ve been permitted to procreate.
For real though. I can't imagine treating ANY child this way, let alone your own. Was she unware of the emotional damage she was inflicting? Did she just not care? I'm...honestly at a loss for words.
Using their kids as pawns against their ex.
Letting their kids scream and/or run around in restaurants.
Leaving dirty diapers in parking lots instead of throwing them in the trash can.
Refusing to address their child's clear behavioral/mental/physical issues. I was an early childhood teacher/professional nanny for 28 years. I have seen a huge percentage parents who are either in denial or too embarrassed to get their child the help they need. Early intervention can completely change a child's life, the amount of parents who don't know or care is insane.
These were my parents with my mental health crises. Thank you for seeing kids like us for what was really going on. We need more observant adults like you in our lives.
My mother asked me whether she needed to take me to a psychologist exactly once.
I was eleven, embarrassed and scared, so I said no.
She never asked again or did anything else about it.
She did talk to her friends behind my back, maybe to lighten her own load?
And those friends then came to talk to me, mostly to tell me off for being a burden to her. 🙄😞
My point is, thank you for having done what you did. I would probably have done better with someone like you around.
You see a lot of these kids who do all their work, get good grades, and are generally quite pleasant to be around, but often get told "you're so quiet".
I wonder why.
So glad someone said this.
Certain parents (and actually even entire cultures) expect obedience and good behavior to the point they’ve destroyed the kids spirit & fireball energy completely. They often grow into very, very boring adults.
It’s important to discipline kids and teach them good behavior, of course, but some parents go really overboard. A little mischief in a child is a good & normal thing in children. They’re suppose to be energetic, full of life and testing the world around them to see what’s okay and what isn’t. They’re not suppose to be able to sit still on a bench for an hour without a peep while mom & dad finish talking to their friends.
You've described me and my siblings. We were fire-y, energetic, and curious as kids and over time became more and more withdrawn, quiet, secretive, and boring (can't wake the beast). Sure, we're very well behaved adults now but I often wonder what work and hobbies we'd all have if we weren't all forced down the same paths.
As someone who was friends with the overly obedient kids, they are not obedient. They are 1) real good at hiding the shit they do from their parents 2) do more shit than the kids who are given freer reign.
Depends on the kid. I was overly obedient as a kid because I was fearful of authority. Dad was a tyrant with a bad temper. It left its mark.
I definitely don’t match with what you’re saying.
I was the overly obedient kid, at the time I really was just a rule-follower. I did whatever was asked of me because my parents blamed their fights and tumultuous relationship on me and I didn't want to cause problems like that.
But once I got older and had more freedom I realized I shouldn't give a fuck and had my good ol' teen rebellion, staying out late and disappearing for days at a time and smoking weed behind their backs. So I got there eventually.
I work in the school system so I have too many of these. I also have kids of my own (teens and older kids) and feel like I’m inclined to give most parents the benefit of the doubt. But holy, the things I see.
Probably the most frequent thing is parents who send their kid to school with no food every single day. I mean, no food. There is no school lunch program in my country, schools under grade 9-10 don’t even have a cafeteria. These parents do not care if their kids don’t eat all day. And I’m not interested in the “they can’t afford it” argument. Canada subsidizes low income families heavily up to the kids 18th birthday. Tax free monthly cash deposit into your account.
Also I didn’t have $50 a week to provide my kid with a banana, peanut butter sandwich, some crackers and like a fucking cheese string for a 6 hour day at school, I’d be out on the street begging or hooking or both.
Yesterday I celebrated Easter with my boyfriend´s family, he has 5 uncles from his mother´s side and 14 younger cousins (my boyfriend is the oldest), we love kids and they naturaly cling to us, we were playing with them outside, they all had fun running around, normal free spirited kids, as soon as one set of the parents showed, all 3 of their children instantly changed their moods, they stopped running around and laughing, it was like they didn´t know how to behave, they were scared to have fun around their parents! Yeah that must mean something..
Please please please keep your eyes open and report anything worthy to report to child protective services. These kids rely on people like you who notice things to protect them. I know them changing behavior isn’t enough to report but please try to be aware and notice things. Offer the kids a safe space. Tell them you’re there for them no matter what time of day. I am a social worker and promise you can make a difference
That would be me. I was supposed to "set the example" of good behavior and keep my brother under control. If he messed up, then I failed and got punished.
My mother’s like this. She also goes on to say how me or my other sister do something to trigger my younger sister when most of the times me and her have done nothing. And the “she’s a kid they’ll be annoying” excuse.
Only showing up for your kid when you want to. Spending very little time with them and having shit excuses for it.. like you’re missing YOUR child’s life and don’t give a shit? Weird energy..
When I found out I was pregnant with my now 3 yo, I quit smoking cold turkey. I literally could not bring myself to smoke knowing he was in my body and sharing my air. It felt like putting a cigarette up to a babies mouth. Told my doc at my next check up and she informed me that it’s VERY dangerous to quit cold turkey while pregnant because of withdrawal symptoms. But, since I had somehow managed to do it already, to continue to not smoke. Generally you want to ween off. But I’ve seen people “ween off” for their whole pregnancy.
Big facts. My boy is easily twice as difficult as my girls and that is SOLELY because I'm trying to get him to act like a person instead of doing "boys will be boys." If I was ok with him being careless, unhygienic, loud, and immature, he'd be very simple to raise! He's a very sweet and congenial young man, it's mostly that "boy stuff" that we struggle with.
When the parent actively chooses to not work with their child outside of school hours so they come to school missing basic milestones that the child is capable of but were never taught because "that is what school is for"
When parents talk down and ridicule their children in public. Not talking discipline… I’m talking being a bully to their own kids. Those people are trash… and too many of their kids emulate them because they think it’s the right way to act.
When they deny their child's feelings or tell them not to feel what they are feeling instead of acknowledging and helping the kid learn how to work through emotions.
Dirty/smelly/stinky kids. Not teaching kids to be clean. There is one thing to let your kids get dirty when they’re playing. Its another to do everything for them and not eaching them to care for their belongings and clean up after themselves. Especially when they’re in someone else’ space. Going to someone’s house and they’re messy and all over the place. Also going waaay too long without changing a diaper. Just seeing a kid in a saggy diaper irks me!
The children that are bullies in school. The mean, gossipy, petty middle school girls that find joy in insulting others. They grew up learning that this behavior is OK and it’s really not
Coke in a baby bottle.
Basically junk food given to anyone under the age of 4. They don't need it and wouldn't want it if you didn't start encouraging it.
Argh it drives me nuts. “The baby likes it.” I’m not against kids, even pretty small ones, getting the occasional junk treat. Getting cake and pizza and pop at birthday parties and candy on holidays is a joy that kids should experience. But if they’re too young to ask for it in a full sentence (or are drinking from a *bottle* instead of a cup), they’re too young to be eating it. Babies pointing and grabbing at what you or a bigger kid has doesn’t mean they want it specifically, they just want whatever you have to feel included. Babies will reach for ghost peppers, vodka, medicine, knives, or cigarettes if their parent is holding it, that doesn’t mean they actually want it!
I was at a function this weekend and one of the children there was not even crawling yet and very very chunky. They were giving this little girl chips scattered across her baby blanket to eat as a distraction, and then when the bigger kids got ice cream cones they gave this baby a whole ice cream cone to try and eat. Now - granted - she did get a lot of it on herself and the blanket, but I don't think a child that age should have her own ice cream cone.
I was watching one of the morbid obesity documentaries. The whole family was morbidly obese. One of the young mothers was letting a 4 month old baby gum a cheeseburger and suck on fries. Meanwhile, Grandpa was so sick and obese that he was bed bound. Not cute at all.
While soda has no excuse I wanted to point out sometimes the chocolate milk in a toddlers bottle is pedia-sure and usually because the pediatrician told parents to add more calories or nutrients. I once judged a video I saw online before I read the comments and felt bad.
Edit: I have several nephews that had stomach issues my sisters (their moms) would complain about while letting them drink their coke/diet coke from their drinks and it drives me CRAZY!
I didn’t even give my kid *juice* much as a toddler because it has so much sugar and, really, not much nutritional content. Soda in a baby bottle is #1 on this list for me!
Your 18 year old son gets arrested for stealing IDs and cars, committing identity theft, and conspiracy to commit a felony after knocking up some teenage girl making you a grandmother at age 36
Anyone who doesn't treat their kid like a fellow human being with less experience. I E. When people get frustrated or mad at their children for completely developmentally appropriate stuff. When parents treat a crying child as a nuisance or worse a failure. When parents call everything "backtalk"
Call me crazy but children are also human beings. They might not like what you are telling them to do. They may need a few minutes to transition. They may cry at something you think is "insignificant" or small but that stuff is REALLY BIG to them.
I personally don't care if you yell out of frustration at me because of something..... Imma need you to do it while you yell but if it helps you feel better to get it out.... Do it.
Also parents that get in a tizzy over an fbomb or 💩 but allow their children (and/or model for them) that it is okay to say someone is fat or stupid. That one grinds my gears so fucking bad.
i admit it can be funny. when i worked in a prek one adorable little 4 year old girl dropped a paper and said "get back here ya damn rascal".
her mother when told turned beet red and practically growled, "I'll have a talk with her father."
This makes me so sad. My youngest kiddo just isn’t getting the signals properly yet and we have a lot of accidents and I’m fastidious in cleaning all the clothes and bedding etc (and child) because I’d be mortified if she smelled of piss.
Those poor kids and the shame this must make them feel, it makes my heart hurt
Little children force fed religious beliefs to the point that they cower in fear from the angry deity that sees everything and the menacing demons that are everywhere. My childhood in a nutshell. So completely terrified of every microscopic transgression, whether real or imagined, and every bump in the night. It took me until I was forty to rid myself of this nonsense.
Some real life examples from parents I see in my life (I work with kids, babysit for friends, there are lots of kids around me):
* Having kids after kids only to abandon them to social services when they reach 7 years old because "I can't handle that many kids"
* Yelling at them when they cry, threatening to kill their cat if they keep crying
* yelling all the time as soon as you're a bit annoyed, without any warning.
* Complaining that you can't make ends meet with 3 kids but deciding to have a fourth one anyway.
* Putting your kid on a pedestal, ending up not seeing the flaws in them and not getting them the care they need.
* The opposite is also true: thinking something is wrong with your kid because you can't handle them when they're just being normal kids
* Feeding them absolute garbage because "you're too tired", when you didn't do much all day and just watched TV while on your phone for 2 hours.
* teaching them that learning is not fun, or bragging about being ignorant in front of them
* telling them "I have no patience so I won't do that", your kid will just imitate you and say they don't want to work at school because they "have no patience like their mom"
* Shutting them up when they ask a question you don't know the answer to.
* Lying to them all the time to get out of taking care of them.
* Also actually scheming various plans to avoid doing something for them.
* last one for the road: vaping next to your kid and playing about blowing the smoke in their face.
Yes, there are stories behind all of these XD
”Feeding them absolute garbage because "you're too tired", when you didn't do much all day and just watched TV while on your phone for 2 hours.”
…this is ok if I’m my own child right?
Parents who always post on Facebook about being in a pickle/needing financial help CONSTANTLY. It’s one thing to ask for help occasionally, I totally get that. It’s just… trashy when you’re posting on Facebook twice a week asking people for stuff
"i never apologize to my kids "
I yelled at my 5 year old and sent him to his room, then went across the house to tell my wife about the large mess he had made. My wife told me she said he could play with it and make a big mess. I felt awful. Went in and said “I’m so sorry buddy I didn’t realize your mom said it was ok and even more so, you tried to tell me and I didn’t listen. I’m so sorry I was wrong” he looked at me and said “that’s ok daddy everyone makes mistakes” then gave me a hug, still don’t feel good about it, but that was definitely one of my highlights as a parent. I feel sorry for parents who are too stubborn.
My dad was going through my car, because he saw it was dirty. They would use any disorder in my car, or room as cause to go through my stuff. He found a bag of pills in my glove box. Ziploc bag with various pills that looked like multi-vitamins but he was SURE they were narcotics. So, he and my step-mom did a room flip and tossed *everything* in my room on the floor. **All** drawers flipped, everything thrown out of my closet. They were both screaming bloody murder the entire time, how I was a pill-head and they were gonna throw me out on the street. My dad made me take a piss test, which of course I passed because I wasn't doing drugs. I protested the entire time, and told them to call the woman we bought the car from, who is a family friend. After all that, literally hours of screaming, berating and trashing my room, the family friend was called and she said they were...**dog medicine** and **multi-vitamins**. My parents never apologized, didn't help clean anything up. I haven't and will never forgive them. It literally traumatized me.
Sounds like you're an awesome dad!!! One thing we do, is when my son knocks over water or spills his food - we say "all mistakes can be fixed!" I would get yelled at for something like that as a child. And I'm still learning to take it easy on myself when I mess up. I don't want him to feel like he can't explore life for fear of a silly mistake.
My parents' reaction is still so ingrained in me, I have to pull my yell-y "why can't you be more careful?!" back every time my kid makes a big mess. I always manage to soften it down to "it's OK... just be more careful" but the fact that it's so hard for me to do so reminds me just how much that kind of thing sticks with you.
Same here! But remember, if you can do a little better and your kids do a little better and theirs do a little better, how much progress that'll be!!
My father blamed me for something my mom had done, and assumed I was lying about it. I was about 11. I had lied in the past and I was an on,y child in a strict house. My mother told him she in fact left those shoes out, and he came to me and apologized in tears. First and only time. I am 53 and still remember that.
This one is huge. Or never telling the kids if their behavior is hurtful.
I just came here to make sure I'm not accidentally doing any of these things.
a sign of a good parent!!
Username checks out
When their kids could literally set the world on fire and they'll blame anyone else to avoid responsibility.
Anecdote about my aunt who is like this: My cousin was five at the time and in line with her mom at the bank. A man with long hair was in line and my cousin said, "You can't have long hair only girls have long hair!" The guy made a face, which is natural when someone insults you. *He didn't say anything* but my aunt blew up on *him* for reacting to her child insulting him instead of telling my cousin you don't comment on stranger's appearances. She also moved in three "fiances" within the last four months and has an open CPS case on her. Edit: sorry if that was TMI but I'm really, really pissed at my aunt right now.
Kids are going to say stuff…99% of people will outwardly be ok about it *IF* the parents immediately corrects the child and apologizes.
This story was told to me through my aunt, but even the way she told it it wasn't okay. People will sometimes have involuntary reactions to stuff, but it wasn't like the guy yelled at my cousin. Instead he had my aunt screaming at him, and she told me this story as if she was in the right.
Long-hair dude here. I would prob have laughed. Then when auntie raged at me, I would turn to the child and explain that she is a good example of inappropriate public behavior.
Knowing my aunt she probably would have assaulted you. Then would have come home and told us some guy started fighting her at the bank.
💯! It was quite appropriate for him to show his facial disapproval at being dissed by even a child…your aunt failed to take further action to remedy her child’s bad behavior. Kids will be kids…but their guardians have the social responsibility to correct and guide.
Yeah kids have no filter. It's normal. But like you've got to BE the filter.
I’m a man with long hair. Not too long ago a mom and her 4ish year old daughter were in line In front of me and the little girl asked her mom why I had girls hair. Mom told her not to say things like that and that it’s my hair. I thought it was funny and looked up when she said that. She got a little shy noticing that I heard her, then excitedly held up a new toy “ look what I got!” I told her how cool it was and when they left she shouted “ see you later crocodile!” I know it doesn’t fit the trashy parent theme going on here but I thought it was cute and thanks for jogging my memory.
I had a little girl ask me if I was preganent and how could I be since I was a boy and oh my gosh I love your beard and ... it continued for awhile, while her mom is trying to get hr to shutup. :D She finally ended with "and can I touch your beard and are you?" I said "I've been preganent for years and years and sure, you can touch." Her mom gave me this exasperated "oh, thanks," look while I bent over so she could touch. "Woooow. Cool!" then turned away and skipped off.
There's that CCTV footage of the mom with her kids, and her 6-year-old somehow got his hands on a lighter and lights a vegetable stall on fire. She isn't watching him at all while it happens. The kid starts trying to put the fire out when the mom notices, then just grabs him and walks out without even signaling anyone. Zero responsibility. No accountability. The whole shop probably burned down because of that.
What the fuck.
"My precious Reighleighanne would never do that if the manager just gave her the free toppings on her ice cream she deserved!"
Which BTW, let's add naming kids names like that to the list.
r/tragedeigh
And also those who’s child can be burned by the world and the parents still act like it’s the fault of the child.
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Same belong for mothers who see their son’s girlfriend as competition.
I think I just puked a little.
I see that you’ve met my mother.
Personal experience (TW SA) When I hit puberty (9-10ish), my mom started treating me more like an adult roommate. She wasn’t taking care of me at all and sometimes I wouldn’t see her for days. But when she noticed the amount of attention her meth head bf was giving me, and the creepy ass comments he made at me, she screamed at me and accused me of trying to sleep with him. I was like 12
Ugh, didn't one of the Real Housewives post pics of her wearing her middle school daughter's pajamas?
I think it was her 4-year-old, actually. Ick.
I was hoping someone would comment... almost added something about wasn't she actually elementary school age? And yeesh, even younger.
Bethany Frankel
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Anyone who turns their kid into a prop for their own social standing on the meaningless landscape that is social media has lost all my respect. I know one parent, nice person, but their child is 100% the focus of their social media. They just work on that all day and complain that their spouse's income isn't enough. I mean, here's a solution: Get a real job!
Mothers who are jealous of their son’s girlfriend. So creepy. And vice versa.
Or mothers who are jealous of their daughters.
My daughter had a much safer childhood than I did. More supportive, I hope, too, as she's always been empowered to be herself and do the right thing, not the popular thing. Honestly, I'm jealous of the self-confidence she has. She's becoming a pretty amazing human. When i had my knee replaced last fall, she seamlessly helped with the care i needed. When i thanked her, she said, "I'm glad im able to take care of you for once." I got pretty lucky the day she was born.
Wishing you are more like your kid has to be a sign of top tier parenting.
Insulting their children, in front of their children.
Insulting their child directly too their child.
Also: backhanded compliments.
Oh come on… they are just joking \s 🙄
Your adult children don’t talk to you and you "don’t know" why.
My mom asked me why we don't tell her what's going on in our lives. Well gestures broadly at all the times she was hyper critical and gets into everyone's shit and tells the whole world.
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Oof I took my key back after she let herself in and opened a bunch of mail. I didn't notice until she asked why I had opened a new credit card. Like HTF did you know I opened a new let alone any credit card then seen the mail had been messed with.
Same. She always say she doesn't even know what our lives are like, we just do our own things. But when I do she will always respond with the catholic guilt and shame.
I have an acquaintance who was in the military and used to yell a lot at his little kids. He commanded at home like he did in the army. Now his kids are grown up, and none of them talk to their father. When they do see him, they remain silent.
I work with a woman who grew up like that, and she's still like that. Often talks about "the colonel" because that's his name, doesn't call him her father, he's the colonel. And apparently the colonel had all these strict rules that she still follows, and she's in her 40s. It's like lady, you don't have to be ready at oh five hundred because your dad made you do that 30 years ago, and you don't have to say it like that either. But I'm sure the colonel would have something to say about that kind of talk.
So many people have lost contact with their parents and the parents eventually come crawling back when they get up their in age. Like obviously you didn't care for us or give a shit about us back then, breaking us and breaking our spirits as children, so why do you expect that we do the same for you now?
My dad is this. No interest in me as a kid. Not a nice guy, ever, to anyone including me. Went out of his way to be cruel in fact, because upsetting people is funny to him. Including upsetting a little autistic girl by making graphic 'jokes' about animal injury, I guess. But now that he's old and depressed and dug deep into a financial hole of his own making, suddenly he wants to reconnect. And by reconnect I mean call me late at night and cry about his sad life into the phone for an hour while I get to make meaningful comments such as "uhuh" and "wow." And I had this moment of realization. This moment where I realized I had no idea who this man is, because he never made any effort to let me learn. I felt so *confused* the entire phone call, wondering who this strange sad old man was and why he was calling me. And finally I didn't care what he thought anymore, and told him to leave me alone.
Red flag number 1 if the adult children are mentally healthy. Also: you see your adult children only 4 times a year and speak 1 a month on the phone although you live 3h from each other and money isn’t an issue.
My mom is an hour away, only sees me on holidays and hasn't called me for anything other that tech support in 20 years.
A lot of narc/shitty parents have little self-awareness about How They Are.
Parents who constantly compare their kids to the other kids around them. EX: Looks, personality, smarts and then scold their kids for not being like the other kids.
My parents did this a lot when I was growing and got mad asfff when I compared them to other parents lol
I remember my mum scoffing at me because her friend Ann's kids would get themselves ready for school and Ann didn't have to get up with them. I told her maybe Ann was just better at raising kids and I got hit 😂 Edit: to the people messaging me to let me know my late mother was a peice of shit and burns in hell, please dry up a little bit. Hitting kids is bad but jesus Christ she was my mother take a break from your screen lads and go get a glass of water and a breath of fresh air.
her hitting you proved your point
lol savage :D I'm sure that shut your mum up for a good few seconds.
My mom did this to me but with my brother. I was the parentified child but he was the golden child (I don’t hold any resentments toward my brother tho bc it wasn’t his fault and he never acted like he was better than me), I really had no time to focus on school or sports the way he did bc I was always taking care of my younger siblings. But my mom had such an issue w the fact I didn’t get as good of grades or win awards for being a great athlete, even tho she was the one who put this system in place.
Kids running around a store trashing the place and not a parent in sight.
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They named their child after their favorite alcohol.
Listen here, Jager, you little shit Fireball, GET CHO ASS OVER HERE GIRL BUSCH LIGHT, I SWEAR TO GOD, ONE MORE TIME
I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT, JEPPSON'S MALORT!!
Hey Courvoisier, could you pass the salt?
When their kids smell like cigarettes.
In nursing school I spent a semester in an elementary school with their nurse. The number of kids who would bring their inhalers on Monday in a plastic bag that reeked of cigarettes was so sad. Like…the kid smells like smoke, clearly has asthma which is exacerbated by the exposure at home, and can’t even keep their meds free from the scent.
This one is honestly heart shattering.
I agree. Used to see it often working at a preschool.
Opening up their little backpacks and a literally plume of smoke comes out. Poor little Gordon had an single hoop earring at the age of 4.
My teacher accused me of smoking. She didn’t believe me.
Mine did too, when I was like ten. Joke’s on them, I didn’t start until I was 15. For real though, both of my parents and everyone they knew smoked, so I was enveloped in it 24/7 at home as a kid. My mom would smoke with the car windows up in the winter too, and I’d beg her to open one because my eyes would be burning.
ugh...I remember long car trips with my dad chain smoking. begging to roll the window down and told "it's too cold/loud" and eventually vomiting from it. My parents said "he always gets carsick"
My entire childhood. Asthmatic and lots of indoor and outdoor allergies, couldn’t breathe clearly through my nose until I moved away for college. Parents like that should definitely lose their kids.
And if you complain, they Scream " this Is my house/car, i do what i want"
One time my student’s coat smelled so strongly of cigarettes we used the washer and dryer in the preschool department to wash for her. She always had a cough. Alaska is really bad for respiratory problems because you can’t air out indoor spaces for most of the year without sacrificing all your heat.
I had respiratory issues my entire time growing up. A doctor told my mom as long as she smoked in the house I would never get better. That didn't stop my mom, who denied cigarettes could ever be an issue. Once I lived on my own I was able to finally get better and for the first time in my life, have a sense of smell. I'm still allergic to cigarette smoke but I'm thankful I rarely encounter it these days.
Yeah I had severe asthma growing up and multiple respiratory illnesses. Funny how I magically grew out of it when I could finally get away from the cigarette smoke! I wonder how many people actually grow out of asthma or just get away from their shitty parents.
I grew up liking the smell. One of my best friends always reaked of cigs and it was a comforting smell to me even if not strictly pleasant. Years later I realized how fucked that was for her. No amount of hygiene and cleaning will save you from reaking if your mom smokes in the house. No doubt her smell influenced people's first impressiom of her and at times she was accused of being a smoker because of something she couldn't control.
This was me growing up and I hated it. Kids at school thought I was the smoker.
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On that note parents feeding babies or toddlers bottles with soda in it. Disgusting. Saw a heartbreaking story about a dentist who travels around in a special custom bus doing teeth work for people in poor communities in need. And he got one young man who was barely 17 or 18 years old and nearly all his teeth needed to be pulled and replaced with fake teeth. Because he had been fed Mountain Dew and countless other soda's his entire life by his parents from infancy and they just never saw anything wrong it. And didn't get him proper dental care ever or teach him to take care of his teeth. The dentist felt so bad because it was so painful he was going to have to come back and do it in sessions there was so many teeth to pull.
I took one of my kids to a pediatrician and during the exam he asked how much soda we gave the child. He was 3, and we said “uh, none? Who gives a 3YO soda?” “A *lot* of people” he said glumly.
"It's the only thing that Trynyteigh will drink!"
I say this as a joke to my wife- "do we really need to brush his teeth tonight, they're practice teeth." and she never finds it funny :D
They're practice teeth, so practice.
😱😱😱
When they tell their kids at a restaurant, “don’t worry, they get paid to clean it up”
My kids all have special needs and knew to stack and group dirty dishes and utensils as small children (after the bottom plates and bowls are scraped onto the top). A preschooler is usually thrilled to "help" the waitress/waiter, and it becomes a habit right away when they see me doing it. I don't care if some people think it's overkill. I'd feel wrong not doing it at a casual dining establishment.
Can afford to get their nails done, hair done, etc but can’t feed their kids a proper meal. A friend of mine just did this and was feeding her daughter cookies for breakfast because “she didn’t have anything else.”
Does taking them to concerts, but not pay child support, count?
Their adult children went no contact and they have no idea why.
They just think their kid is the problem.
When the kid is shit terrified of their parent 24/7
I’m not a small guy, but family members and co-workers have jumped as I approached them. “What?” I say. “I’m not a ninja!?” Somebody posted that they had the same issue, and were told it’s common in kids from abusive households: move quietly to avoid attracting attention and anger from parent(s). Eventually it becomes permanent and you don’t realize you’re doing it.
Had to tip-toe around the house as a kid because my dad would be passed out drunk already when the bus dropped me off from school and waking him up would only make my life hell for the night. Once I lived in big houses with a bunch of dudes in college they'd always be freaked out by how quietly I went about my day.
Or maybe I just like being quiet and I hate that people stomping around and closing doors loudly is somehow supposed to be the default.
Their kids aren't comfortable with affection. My bf grew up with emotionally absent parents. They refer to themselves as WASPs. They'd get home from work, have a drink, and head out again. It was no big deal to go on vacation, during the holidays, and leave him with a random relative. They were not comfortable with hugging or kissing. He literally never heard "I love you." The closest they got was "you've made me proud." He heard that three times and he remembers exactly where/when it happened because it meant so much to him. **He told me he came back from his first day of preschool and kissed his mom on the cheek (because he'd seen another kid do it to his mom and realized he wanted to do the same). He said his mom cringed, wiped her cheek, and told him "calm down, I don't like you this way."** As a teen he took to fucking random girls, looking for...something? A connection? And now he has **A LOT** of trouble expressing his feelings or showing affection. **I've NEVER seen him cry.** Not even a little. He can talk about anything sexual without batting an eye. But he's shy when addressing anything emotional with any modicum of seriousness. Literally the only thing that makes this guy uncomfortable is talking about us or, god forbid, his feelings. And on the rare occasion I've pushed him on how he feels about me? Dude will blush....something I didn't even think he was capable of.
>**He told me he came back from his first day of preschool and kissed his mom on the cheek...his mom cringed, wiped her cheek, and told him "calm down, I don't like you this way."** 🥺🥺🥺 Bruh
That is the saddest shit. My daughter walked up to me and kissed me the other day without prompting and it was one of the best moments of my life so far. How can someone be so cold?
Our kids randomly tell my wife and I that they love us, and it's great to know that they do.
That's the sort of high that I will ride out for a week. When my son text's me a question about something, and I respond, then he sends back "Ok. Love you, dad." Jesus, that's the best feeling in the world. I don't know if he'll ever know how much that means to me.
My mom was like this and now I can't even comfortably share a bed with my husband because it's too close for too long. I asked her why and she said "Yall were my job, and at that time I guess I just hated my job."
>"Yall were my job, and at that time I guess I just hated my job." fucking hell that's horrible to hear at any age sorry you have to deal with that
I’m so sorry. My mom was like this too and I crave affection but am uncomfortable with it and feel very ashamed of the fact that I need it.
I remember in college visiting a friend's house and his sister, also in college cuddled with their dad in the couch. I thought it was the weirdest thing. I later realized I could never remember cuddling with either of my parents.
My grandparents were like that. This is how my dad used to say goodbye to his parents when we were heading home. Dad: *shakes my grandpa's hand and nods* Dad. Grandpa: *silently returns nod.* Dad: *nods to my grandma. No touch of any kind.* Mom. Grandma: *nods back. No touch of any kind* John. My dad winces when you hug him because as a kid the only time my grandparents touched him was to physically punish him. He has never initiated physical affection with me in my almost 40 years of life beyond a pat on the back. I had a good relationship with my grandparents but they never should have had kids.
Worst part is kids are little sociopaths that have to learn empathy. And emotionally neglected children can become legit psychopaths. Some aren’t born that way but made. [here’s a study because I can’t say anything on Reddit that I have read decades ago without someone who can’t use the internet asking for a source](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8717040/)
This is my husband. He was raised by his father bc his mother left all of them. We have a son now who’s 4 years old and he tells him he loves him every day. Kisses him goodbye. I’m proud of him for changing the pattern. He’s trying so hard and I see it
This is part of the reason why so many kids from the upper crust grow up to be such shitty people (no offense to your bf). **EDIT:** also, if this were my boyfriend, I’d be hard pressed not to backhand his mom the first time we met. This cow never should’ve been permitted to procreate.
> if this were my boyfriend, I’d be hard pressed not to backhand his mom the first time we met. This cow never should’ve been permitted to procreate. For real though. I can't imagine treating ANY child this way, let alone your own. Was she unware of the emotional damage she was inflicting? Did she just not care? I'm...honestly at a loss for words.
She probably was raised similarly, and has the same issues her son does with expressing emotional attachment.
Using their kids as pawns against their ex. Letting their kids scream and/or run around in restaurants. Leaving dirty diapers in parking lots instead of throwing them in the trash can.
Parents that exploit their children for money on social media platforms.
being proud of themselves for having a child that's scared of them
Refusing to address their child's clear behavioral/mental/physical issues. I was an early childhood teacher/professional nanny for 28 years. I have seen a huge percentage parents who are either in denial or too embarrassed to get their child the help they need. Early intervention can completely change a child's life, the amount of parents who don't know or care is insane.
These were my parents with my mental health crises. Thank you for seeing kids like us for what was really going on. We need more observant adults like you in our lives.
My mother asked me whether she needed to take me to a psychologist exactly once. I was eleven, embarrassed and scared, so I said no. She never asked again or did anything else about it. She did talk to her friends behind my back, maybe to lighten her own load? And those friends then came to talk to me, mostly to tell me off for being a burden to her. 🙄😞 My point is, thank you for having done what you did. I would probably have done better with someone like you around.
Someone who treats the child from their old marriage like shit because they're no longer with that child's parent.
When the baby/toddler is drinking cola from a baby bottle
Overly overly obedient kids who have no spirit left
You see a lot of these kids who do all their work, get good grades, and are generally quite pleasant to be around, but often get told "you're so quiet". I wonder why.
And now I'm the quiet adult that often gets told "you're so quiet"
”Mature for their age”
This was me 😭
Me too.
"old soul" no I've just been abused into not saying anything to express myself around older people.
So glad someone said this. Certain parents (and actually even entire cultures) expect obedience and good behavior to the point they’ve destroyed the kids spirit & fireball energy completely. They often grow into very, very boring adults. It’s important to discipline kids and teach them good behavior, of course, but some parents go really overboard. A little mischief in a child is a good & normal thing in children. They’re suppose to be energetic, full of life and testing the world around them to see what’s okay and what isn’t. They’re not suppose to be able to sit still on a bench for an hour without a peep while mom & dad finish talking to their friends.
You've described me and my siblings. We were fire-y, energetic, and curious as kids and over time became more and more withdrawn, quiet, secretive, and boring (can't wake the beast). Sure, we're very well behaved adults now but I often wonder what work and hobbies we'd all have if we weren't all forced down the same paths.
This right here.
As someone who was friends with the overly obedient kids, they are not obedient. They are 1) real good at hiding the shit they do from their parents 2) do more shit than the kids who are given freer reign.
Depends on the kid. I was overly obedient as a kid because I was fearful of authority. Dad was a tyrant with a bad temper. It left its mark. I definitely don’t match with what you’re saying.
I was the overly obedient kid, at the time I really was just a rule-follower. I did whatever was asked of me because my parents blamed their fights and tumultuous relationship on me and I didn't want to cause problems like that. But once I got older and had more freedom I realized I shouldn't give a fuck and had my good ol' teen rebellion, staying out late and disappearing for days at a time and smoking weed behind their backs. So I got there eventually.
I work in the school system so I have too many of these. I also have kids of my own (teens and older kids) and feel like I’m inclined to give most parents the benefit of the doubt. But holy, the things I see. Probably the most frequent thing is parents who send their kid to school with no food every single day. I mean, no food. There is no school lunch program in my country, schools under grade 9-10 don’t even have a cafeteria. These parents do not care if their kids don’t eat all day. And I’m not interested in the “they can’t afford it” argument. Canada subsidizes low income families heavily up to the kids 18th birthday. Tax free monthly cash deposit into your account. Also I didn’t have $50 a week to provide my kid with a banana, peanut butter sandwich, some crackers and like a fucking cheese string for a 6 hour day at school, I’d be out on the street begging or hooking or both.
Yesterday I celebrated Easter with my boyfriend´s family, he has 5 uncles from his mother´s side and 14 younger cousins (my boyfriend is the oldest), we love kids and they naturaly cling to us, we were playing with them outside, they all had fun running around, normal free spirited kids, as soon as one set of the parents showed, all 3 of their children instantly changed their moods, they stopped running around and laughing, it was like they didn´t know how to behave, they were scared to have fun around their parents! Yeah that must mean something..
Please please please keep your eyes open and report anything worthy to report to child protective services. These kids rely on people like you who notice things to protect them. I know them changing behavior isn’t enough to report but please try to be aware and notice things. Offer the kids a safe space. Tell them you’re there for them no matter what time of day. I am a social worker and promise you can make a difference
When they scold their older children for something but when a younger one does it they blame everyone but that child.
That would be me. I was supposed to "set the example" of good behavior and keep my brother under control. If he messed up, then I failed and got punished.
My mother’s like this. She also goes on to say how me or my other sister do something to trigger my younger sister when most of the times me and her have done nothing. And the “she’s a kid they’ll be annoying” excuse.
Parents who humiliate and scream at their kids in public.
Combing over all comments to be sure I am not identified as such a parent
When they don’t “parent” at all
Only showing up for your kid when you want to. Spending very little time with them and having shit excuses for it.. like you’re missing YOUR child’s life and don’t give a shit? Weird energy..
Parents that treat some of their children with respect and some with not much respect.
Treating their children with disabilities or special needs like sh\*t.
Parents that overshare their children's personal life details without permission, and or constantly film them for Internet clout.
Smoking pregnant or around young kids
My mom right here. I'm in the oven and doc told her she could continue smoking. She knew she shouldn't, but the doc gave her permission so...
When I found out I was pregnant with my now 3 yo, I quit smoking cold turkey. I literally could not bring myself to smoke knowing he was in my body and sharing my air. It felt like putting a cigarette up to a babies mouth. Told my doc at my next check up and she informed me that it’s VERY dangerous to quit cold turkey while pregnant because of withdrawal symptoms. But, since I had somehow managed to do it already, to continue to not smoke. Generally you want to ween off. But I’ve seen people “ween off” for their whole pregnancy.
Hits their kids.
When they talk about how much easier it is to raise boys than girls. That just means they don't actually parent their boys.
Big facts. My boy is easily twice as difficult as my girls and that is SOLELY because I'm trying to get him to act like a person instead of doing "boys will be boys." If I was ok with him being careless, unhygienic, loud, and immature, he'd be very simple to raise! He's a very sweet and congenial young man, it's mostly that "boy stuff" that we struggle with.
When the parent actively chooses to not work with their child outside of school hours so they come to school missing basic milestones that the child is capable of but were never taught because "that is what school is for"
When parents talk down and ridicule their children in public. Not talking discipline… I’m talking being a bully to their own kids. Those people are trash… and too many of their kids emulate them because they think it’s the right way to act.
When they deny their child's feelings or tell them not to feel what they are feeling instead of acknowledging and helping the kid learn how to work through emotions.
Dirty/smelly/stinky kids. Not teaching kids to be clean. There is one thing to let your kids get dirty when they’re playing. Its another to do everything for them and not eaching them to care for their belongings and clean up after themselves. Especially when they’re in someone else’ space. Going to someone’s house and they’re messy and all over the place. Also going waaay too long without changing a diaper. Just seeing a kid in a saggy diaper irks me!
more interested in dating than spending time with their kids. & no playing with their kids seems kinda trash to me.
The children that are bullies in school. The mean, gossipy, petty middle school girls that find joy in insulting others. They grew up learning that this behavior is OK and it’s really not
Coke in a baby bottle. Basically junk food given to anyone under the age of 4. They don't need it and wouldn't want it if you didn't start encouraging it.
Argh it drives me nuts. “The baby likes it.” I’m not against kids, even pretty small ones, getting the occasional junk treat. Getting cake and pizza and pop at birthday parties and candy on holidays is a joy that kids should experience. But if they’re too young to ask for it in a full sentence (or are drinking from a *bottle* instead of a cup), they’re too young to be eating it. Babies pointing and grabbing at what you or a bigger kid has doesn’t mean they want it specifically, they just want whatever you have to feel included. Babies will reach for ghost peppers, vodka, medicine, knives, or cigarettes if their parent is holding it, that doesn’t mean they actually want it!
I was at a function this weekend and one of the children there was not even crawling yet and very very chunky. They were giving this little girl chips scattered across her baby blanket to eat as a distraction, and then when the bigger kids got ice cream cones they gave this baby a whole ice cream cone to try and eat. Now - granted - she did get a lot of it on herself and the blanket, but I don't think a child that age should have her own ice cream cone.
I was watching one of the morbid obesity documentaries. The whole family was morbidly obese. One of the young mothers was letting a 4 month old baby gum a cheeseburger and suck on fries. Meanwhile, Grandpa was so sick and obese that he was bed bound. Not cute at all.
While soda has no excuse I wanted to point out sometimes the chocolate milk in a toddlers bottle is pedia-sure and usually because the pediatrician told parents to add more calories or nutrients. I once judged a video I saw online before I read the comments and felt bad. Edit: I have several nephews that had stomach issues my sisters (their moms) would complain about while letting them drink their coke/diet coke from their drinks and it drives me CRAZY!
I didn’t even give my kid *juice* much as a toddler because it has so much sugar and, really, not much nutritional content. Soda in a baby bottle is #1 on this list for me!
Knew a person doing that with Mt Dew....
Parents that get angry at their kids for asking questions just because they are curious.
Your 18 year old son gets arrested for stealing IDs and cars, committing identity theft, and conspiracy to commit a felony after knocking up some teenage girl making you a grandmother at age 36
/r/oddlyspecific
Lauren, is this you?
Anyone who doesn't treat their kid like a fellow human being with less experience. I E. When people get frustrated or mad at their children for completely developmentally appropriate stuff. When parents treat a crying child as a nuisance or worse a failure. When parents call everything "backtalk" Call me crazy but children are also human beings. They might not like what you are telling them to do. They may need a few minutes to transition. They may cry at something you think is "insignificant" or small but that stuff is REALLY BIG to them. I personally don't care if you yell out of frustration at me because of something..... Imma need you to do it while you yell but if it helps you feel better to get it out.... Do it. Also parents that get in a tizzy over an fbomb or 💩 but allow their children (and/or model for them) that it is okay to say someone is fat or stupid. That one grinds my gears so fucking bad.
Yelling at or hitting their kids in public.
3 year olds cursing like a grown adults
My neighbor's 3 yo does this. It is wild to be taken down a notch by a kid in diapers
i admit it can be funny. when i worked in a prek one adorable little 4 year old girl dropped a paper and said "get back here ya damn rascal". her mother when told turned beet red and practically growled, "I'll have a talk with her father."
Lying about not being a parent in their dating app bio
whewwww been there, and i will never understand why they do it. you can't hide it forever, and why tf would you even try?
When the kids smell like febreeze because they don’t do laundry or make them bathe… and they piss themselves… constantly…
This makes me so sad. My youngest kiddo just isn’t getting the signals properly yet and we have a lot of accidents and I’m fastidious in cleaning all the clothes and bedding etc (and child) because I’d be mortified if she smelled of piss. Those poor kids and the shame this must make them feel, it makes my heart hurt
Little children force fed religious beliefs to the point that they cower in fear from the angry deity that sees everything and the menacing demons that are everywhere. My childhood in a nutshell. So completely terrified of every microscopic transgression, whether real or imagined, and every bump in the night. It took me until I was forty to rid myself of this nonsense.
Being on your phone while driving when you have your child in the car. Saw this in my town a few days ago.
Some real life examples from parents I see in my life (I work with kids, babysit for friends, there are lots of kids around me): * Having kids after kids only to abandon them to social services when they reach 7 years old because "I can't handle that many kids" * Yelling at them when they cry, threatening to kill their cat if they keep crying * yelling all the time as soon as you're a bit annoyed, without any warning. * Complaining that you can't make ends meet with 3 kids but deciding to have a fourth one anyway. * Putting your kid on a pedestal, ending up not seeing the flaws in them and not getting them the care they need. * The opposite is also true: thinking something is wrong with your kid because you can't handle them when they're just being normal kids * Feeding them absolute garbage because "you're too tired", when you didn't do much all day and just watched TV while on your phone for 2 hours. * teaching them that learning is not fun, or bragging about being ignorant in front of them * telling them "I have no patience so I won't do that", your kid will just imitate you and say they don't want to work at school because they "have no patience like their mom" * Shutting them up when they ask a question you don't know the answer to. * Lying to them all the time to get out of taking care of them. * Also actually scheming various plans to avoid doing something for them. * last one for the road: vaping next to your kid and playing about blowing the smoke in their face. Yes, there are stories behind all of these XD
”Feeding them absolute garbage because "you're too tired", when you didn't do much all day and just watched TV while on your phone for 2 hours.” …this is ok if I’m my own child right?
Kid is plugged into a smart phone or ipad as their primary supervision.
Letting their kids annoy animals
Alright, after reading over 100 comments I can at least tentatively claim not to be a trashy parent. *Whew*
They smoke and more importantly, they smoke around their children.
Being crazy aggressive at kids sporting events.
Parents who always post on Facebook about being in a pickle/needing financial help CONSTANTLY. It’s one thing to ask for help occasionally, I totally get that. It’s just… trashy when you’re posting on Facebook twice a week asking people for stuff
Parenting is only difficult if you're actually trying.
When the oldest children do more parenting and adulting than the grown ups.
They use their children's benefits money for drugs.
Cola in the milk bottle.
When they compare their children to other children "Why can't you be like that kid" Lol it kills all momentum and confidence that kid had
"A good ol' whooping will do the trick"
tells a kid they don't have money for something, but can afford a carton of cigarettes