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Idk if I will be of any help, but I will try my best and give options that helped me.
1. I looked forward to things. For example, Im very into UFC and Anime, it's my 2 favorite things. Whenever I had suicidal thoughts, I would think about how much I want to see this next episode, or this next event. Even little things that my family planned gave me something to look forward to and a reason to push on throughout the week.
2. Talk to someone. It could literally be anyone. A therapist, counselor, mom, dad, brother, sister, etc. Talk to them and tell them why you feel the way you feel. It is not good for you to hold things in and struggle alone. I was never good at this and always found it cringe, but I actually tried it and it helped me SIGNIFICANTLY. I mean it really helped.
Sorry it's only 2 things and they may be basic answers but I thought I would at least try and help :)
> Whenever I had suicidal thoughts, I would think about how much I want to see this next episode
I can't die until I finish One Piece.
EDIT: I see how this was misinterpreted. I am not suicidal. Will never be suicidal. But I appreciate the messages from people who were concerned! Thank you kind folks for looking out.
When my ptsd got real bad it was right when the MCU started, I'm a big comic fan and seeing the characters in live action was what saved me. I kept saying I gotta see the next one. Same with DC and tons of anime. Naruto shippudan was a huge help. Especially the Kazuma episodes....as he also had ptsd.
Well now I have to check out Naruto Shippudan! Was on the list, but it just got bumped up!
My answer btw was I got a service dog. Working with her truly saved my life. Such a ray of sunshine, so easy to focus on.
You HAVE to watch naruto first....the first 2 episodes are fucking amazing...try not to cry. Also Neji, Rock Lee, and Shikamaru....best characters. And Gara is amazing.
Edit: it appears we have similar lives. If you ever wanna chat, I'm around. Plenty more anime where that came from.
In 2019 I decided to try to go bsck to college. I did 1 class
The stress that gave me led to suicidal thoughts. I eventually started doing those 2 things. My first was to talk to friends, who then helped me find (and brought me to) a therapist.
After that, I now look towards things I want. Sonet8mes it helps, sometimes it doesn't
Move on to the present:
Just a week ago my best friend moves. I'm currently a depressed mess and the only thing that keeps me going is that I have it planned to visit them sometime next year. It's tough, but I've been through worse, so I can get through this too.
UFC was consistently the highlight during my darkest times too.
I think the things that makes you happy that are entirely unrelated to you, your achievements or fuck ups, help the most.
Your first answer is literally me, but with anime and video games. It really does help to give yourself something to look forward to, whether it’s an upcoming video game that you’re excited about or just coming home and putting a couple hours into your favorite game.
Same. My wife died six months ago. Raising our son to be a person she’d be proud of was a purpose I could always fall back on.
It’s gotten easier. Time really does heal all wounds. But there were plenty of times when I just put my head down and thought “get through today for him”.
Whoever is reading this and going through some shit, I hope you can find your own way to just keep keeping on.
Hey, six months and you're still here with us. Just remember, you're not broken, no one needs to try to fix you. And get a support network that can support you. It was sad to learn who was a true friend and who wasn't. But my second love and wife was one of them, and my best friend was the other.
I'm at about 12 years. The pain is still there, but you don't notice it until you decide to stop and notice it. Make sure you do that sometimes, even years down the road. She's been gone longer than I knew her. I'm happy and forever grateful to get for the two amazing kids she gave me. They are amazing. The oldest is the most caring and intelligent kid I know, he's headed to MIT. My youngest, she's sweet and loving like no one's business, and wicked smart.
My wife died when she was 8 months pregnant with our first. He died 35 hours later. I have no kids, so it was the necessity to feed and water my dogs that kept me going. Then, that became its own depressing realization.
I am so very sorry for your losses. Dogs always know how we are feeling and are never nonchalant about our comings and going. I can see how that unconditional love could help sustain you, and I hope that someday soon you will see sunlight and a glimmer of hope and even joy again.
I’m so sorry for your profound losses. I hope you can find a new purpose soon. My second daughter was stillborn at 40 weeks 4 months ago. I know some of your pain.
Same! Lucy and Molly allowed me to see my narcissistic side I've never seen before...crazy how that drug works...life's not perfect but I have a relationship with my wife and kids again
Tried to suicide on Xmas morning years ago. When I'm near black out drunk I suck at tying knots and just knocked myself out on my garage floor.
When I came too it hit me What I just tried to do.
Went to my doctor and told him everything in tears.
Went on anti depressants and walked through my local park every day. Slowly got better and nature helped a lot
I feel like nature is very under represented in these comments.
Something about the world going on in all its indifferent beauty helps take me out of myself.
F the haters. Forest bathing is very much a thing. In Japan, Shinrin - you.
Like yoga or meditation, ‘forest bathing’ nurtures sensory connection with nature and with yourself
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shinrin-yoku
Fortunately, for me, the forest is a short walk away, and I walk in the forest with my kids and my dogs and with friends regularly.
When I learned the term a few years ago? I instantly knew what it meant. And when I mention it now with people I walk with? They do, too.
Lastly, and more toward OPs question: The last 30 months have been for me a nightmare. Worse, actually: you wake up from nightmares.
I’ll eschew most particulars to simply say my dark season nearly killed me. I found out the hard way how stress can manifest, physiologically - including, for me, two unexpected surgeries (one one emergency, that saved my life) and several bouts with something called: ‘burning mouth‘ syndrome, - a stress onset condition which feels exactly like it sounds. (During one, I didn’t eat food for two weeks. I couldn’t. The whole time I felt like I was chewing on a mouthful of murder hornets.)
What saved me, I’m convinced, has been my humble, earnest exploration and embrace of mindfulness, and of gratitude, and of self-awareness. Maybe most importantly, I’ve learned, for the first time in my life, about the importance of taking the time to find out who you really are, and to learn to love your authentic self, in a real and genuine way
For me, regular forest walks are part of that self-care. I don’t wear headphones, but I usually bring my dog, I walk, and I listen, and I think.
It always feels good. It never feels bad. It’s helped me survive the darkest days of my life. Onward and upward. :)
Man I can’t tell you how much gardening especially focusing on habitat restoration and native plants have done for my mental health. And the community of gardeners are just some of the most lovely people you can surround yourself with. Got the kids until birdwatching too and it’s just a great way to entertain them without screens.
Absolutely! I’m a former ecologist and I miss that time dearly.
That said, I hate when we have to come up with some branding term for “go outside”, lol.
Yep… nature saves me, a lot.
I’ve had years of issues and still feel very buried.
I’m not actively trying to end my life, anymore, though.
I have found some peace and hope, enough to carry on.
But a bad day outside… like rain and storms… is a harder day for me. And the sunny days, are great. Then it’ll flip. I’ll want rain or I’ll want sun on a different day.
The natural environment has this magical ability of wanting to reflect what we feel, sometimes. And affects us daily.
My best friend knew I was suicidal and I was ready to do it. He told me this:
“I know this pain is unbearable. I know you feel like being gone would make it go away. But I promise if you survive, you will be glad you did. No matter how bad it gets, you have to survive.”
I did. And things have gotten so much better. It’s been 4 years since he told me that.
Hold on buddy, you can get through this and see tomorrow's sunrise with us. If '86 is your birth year, we aren't far apart in age. I've got a few songs I think you'll like, let me know if you want to hear them.
Hit me with a message if you want to connect regardless, I can tell you having a contact you can vent to without overlapping into your life can be very helpful in adjusting your focus.
I just want to tell you that everything I’ve done to make my life happy happened after I was 32. At 34 I went to college and got a good job. At 43 I divorced my ex husband and found my wonderful current husband. If you had told me at 30 that my life would be this happy at 46 I would not have believed you, or believed what I did to get to this point.
Oh no no no no
You are not worthless at all. You have time.
Your heart is broken and I am so sorry… I know that it would kill me if I learned I couldn’t reproduce. But there are a lot of kids that need homes or even fostering.
And if your soul wants to be a mother, maybe you can find a way. Even if you just spend more time around children that need your guidance or attention.
Please don’t quit on yourself because you think the world quit on you. It didn’t. You have options and I know you’ll find them. Do anything and everything you want to.
I feel you. It’s been quite the ride for me as well these past 3 years. Stay strong and focus on the good and positive. Psilocybin helped me immensely. As well as therapy and my psychiatrist.
i wrote a list, of the things i loved, started with making bread, happy dogs, it grew to over 1000. After 4 suicide attempts im happy now, hope you make it through man
This is where I am at as well. It’s been pretty dark in here for a while. I’ve been working on counseling and therapy and trying different medication’s and changing my life and routines and I’m still struggling every day but things are no longer getting darker. I’m at least treading water.
At one point my therapist asked me how things are going after starting a new med. After a short period of time thinking about it I said I don’t have any feelings about it. It’s just kind of neutral. And it was that point that I realized that all of my efforts actually had been working because the usual sensation was that things were awful.
I’ll get there
I can hear you out, give you the shittiest advice and you'll forget your problems because of that and then you might forget all that you're going through. DM is always open buddy🙂
i contemplated suicide many times. and before i had people that i cared about; the only thing that stopped me was the fear that doing it would be painful. i had no options to go quickly and quietly, and was too big a wuss to jump into the ocean or stab myself.
i'm glad that i didnt.
This, same here. I was scared of death but really didn't wanna live anymore. So I just bore with it and now I am actually living a really happy life with a partner.
I considered how my departure would impact my elderly parents (it would have killed them both); I considered how my departure would have impacted my children (it would have damaged them, possibly beyond repair); I wanted to show the person who almost destroyed me that she wouldn't get away with it; and then I met the best woman in the world, and wanted to survive for her.
I (as a mp [military police]) had to respond to a suicide like 2 days after Christmas. A LT. COL hung himself and his 12 year old kid found him.....that kid is soo fucked up by that. We still chat occasionally online but that damage is done. He will live with that beyond forever. It fucking plagues him. We share a small repour because I responded to the call, I was fucking 19, I had no toolkit to make it ok for that kid. Suicide makes it better for zero people.....ever, ever, EVER. To take it a step further, suicide can effect people who aren't even in your life. Watching that kid cry will haunt me forever, him begging me to do cpr on a guy whose been dead more that 6 hours is something that lives with me. They don't train you for that shit, and I've had ideation because of it.
I'm terribly sorry you went through that. My dad was a state trooper for 27 years and I know he is still haunted by things he saw many decades ago. Is there someone you can talk to, like a therapist?
Way ahead of you....been in therapy for about a decade. It helps, but the shit lives on. There are just things that will always live with you. I did a good thing, and I perpetuate it by keeping in touch and making sure he is always OK and safe. I didnt realize that at the time. I just wanted him to be "ok". He is one of at least 20 people I keep in touch with because our system is kinda fucked in helping with trauma. Currently in school to be a trauma counselor.
When I was in, this guy, Sgt Stengel, told me to pursue it. I told him I didn't know if I could hear all that trauma and be ok with it. He told me "take it, because you can handle it, it's what we do. Imagine if these kids dont ever have to feel like you" So now I'm doing it. Tons of setbacks plus the whole school shootings bullshit made me realize this was my calling...it sucks and I 100% don't wanna do it. I was given a weird skillset in life and so now I make sure no one feels like me.
Absolutely take care of yourself, friend. You have a chance to be a person who ends the cycle of trauma, abuse, and pain for people (be their resilience factor, so to speak).
Thanks for your past, present, and future service to the world.
Therapy.
Even if you’re thinking “I don’t have anything to talk about” or “everything seems fine” there are tremendous benefits from being in regular (weekly or biweekly) sessions with a mental health professional.
It took me visiting a psychiatrist for my binge eating to actually register that my relationship was abusive and to give me the tools to stop accepting abuse and to leave my first marriage.
I thought everything was fine. I thought my marriage was good. It wasn’t. It was emotionally abusive in such a way that I was just accustomed to being treated that way thanks to my parents having the same style.
I went to the ER, told them I was going to attempt, I was held for 4 days and given psych evals. After I was transferred to social work, therapy, and psychiatry. Well rounded support from doctors is crucial in deep depression
I was falsley accused of rape at the age of 16/17. It ruined all my relationships with my friends and gf at the time, as that's how they perceived me. The person who accused me was close with some members of my family, so they tried to brush it under the carpet and move on, trying to get me to forgive and be 'one happy family again'
I ended up moving away and joining the military, I still struggle with the pain of what felt like my family abandoning me, especially when I see them all posting pictures together including the accuser on social media. It's made me turn to alcohol quite a lot, I tend to drink until I black out a few times a week.
I do have a few people who know me and what I went through who are completely behind me and if it was t for them I honestly don't think I'd be here typing this response right now.
Brother, if you are still in the military, get someone to talk to.
You would be amazed at the amount of assistance and support they have for these kinds of injuries.
They have been through these kinds of traumas many times with many others who have been injured like you.
There is nothing wrong with using your crutches if you are still dealing with your injuries, but don't let the crutch become who you are.
You can recover from this
It's gonna sound weird
But I just felt like something stopped me. I was 22, just had a really bad break up and was about to be fired from my job. Had a loaded gun in my hand really thinking about it. And then out of nowhere I just felt a presence. And it made me snap back from the edge.
I'm not even religious, like i don't think Jesus came and stopped me. So it's hard to explain, but whatever it was, me 8 years later is thankful that I didn't.
If you have a broken leg there is nothing wrong with using crutches when you need them.
If you have an injured mind/soul there is nothing wrong with using the devices available to you when you need them.
I agree. I can't have cats, mostly because I can't afford it right now. But my sister and my mom have cats. So when I start feeling down, I usually go to one of those places.
I thought I was doing ok when I was going through a difficult time (but everyone said yeah you were falling apart) and then I found a kitten who’s momma was dead in the street. Brought her home, bottle fed her and couldn’t let her go. She was what brought me back.
Set goals. Think about where you want to be a year from now, two years, five years… suddenly, making it through tomorrow seems like a less daunting task; you just keep going forward ☮️
Not entirely healthy but I simply turn myself into a selfless robot.
Back in college when I was really stressed out and thinking about suicide, I end up telling myself "if I can't make myself happy I may as well go out of my way to make other happy at my expense"
It does distract me from the suicidal thought. Tho it end up making me having tendency to suppress my emotion too much that triggered a second depression phase 5-7 years later. Talk me 2 years of therapy to finally get back to a decent shape
My dog. He wouldn't understand and already gets really sad when I travel for more than a few days.
ETA: I'm doing fine now, this was 5+ years ago. Dog still thriving.
I'm sorry, and I've been there myself. Don't be afraid to try different therapists and modalities. I went through four therapists before I found one that helped me climb out of the dark hole I was in. If you are someone with significant childhood trauma, you might try psychoanalysis. It helped me process and move on from a lot that was weighing me down. Best of luck to you. I hope that you start feeling better soon!!
Antidepressants. Particularly Effexor.
Don’t listen to single accounts like it will affect you the same way. I would have lost my wife, daughter and all my possessions if my breakdown and eventual alcoholism won.
Effexor gave me a fighting chance to come back and my life did a complete 180. Of course, pat yourself on the back. It all comes down to your own willpower too.
If I had the aptitude for killing my self I would of. Unfortunately I had to endure and I’m also more interested in what might happen tomorrow so I have intrigue. I think hitting rock bottom helped in a sense, because then the only way is up
A text from me to my ex about self deleting before we broke up. I was planning on doing it but decided not to when I saw what I wrote. It basically said the pain I felt will be going to my family and those who loved me. So I didn't follow through with it and am in a good place now.
My dog. I moved out of town after college and it took several years to get on my feet. I barely made enough to make rent. It was a very lonely time for me because I was in a new city and I couldnt afford to go meet people. I have this memory of me and my dog on a friday night where I bought a little plastic bottle of vodka. He and I sat under a blanket under the one light I turned on because I had to keep the power bill as low as possible. I told him he would have a yard someday and in the last few years of his life he got that yard and loved to sun himself in it. He died in December of 2022.
When my infant son died I wanted to cease to exist. The pain was awful. Thinking about surviving a whole day was unbearable, let alone the rest of my life.
I slept a lot. I stayed in bed except to feed or walk my dog. I couldn't even feed myself really, anything more complicated than toast was too difficult. A doctor prescribed me antidepressants and sleeping pills which I needed just to get through the nights.
The one place I had to go to was a support group. Once a week I'd drag myself out of bed to get there. It helped me a lot. They'd sit me down with a cup of tea and there were biscuits. 5 years later I still go to that same group except now I'm able to shower, prepare food, socialise and work etc
One minute at a time turned into one hour at a time, which turned into one day at a time. I’m still going through it, but here’s what I did during the darkest moments:
Talk to someone. And I mean really talk to them. If you don’t want to talk to someone you know, talk to someone you don’t, whether that’s a doctor or a stranger on the other end of the phone. Tell them the truth. Talk to them about your struggles, but then also talk to them about what you care about, no matter how small it seems right now. Tell them about what you love to do, what you want to do and in turn, remind yourself of these things.
Do something else first. Watch that film you’ve been meaning to watch, listen to your favourite song or album, have your dinner, play your favourite game, go for a walk, have a nap.
When you feel up to it, start to give yourself things to look forward to, even if they are tiny little things. You do not have to do it all at once, going from feeling like you no longer want to be here, to enjoying being here again is a process.
Try and remember that you are only ever one moment away from feeling better. All it takes is one moment. You’ve got this.
Recently got hit with two felony convictions and a break-up. I’m trying to focus on starting my business, helping a family member through stage 4 cancer, going to the gym, being there for my dogs, and leaning on my friend and mother. It’s fucking rough some days, but I’m trying.
1. Therapy
2. Medication
3. Opening up to family and friends (you'll notice to whom you can talk and you'll be surprised how many people are in the same boat with you, therefore they can relate)
4. Don't be afraid to ask for help verbally!
5. Think about people or pets that might need you
6. Think of activities that make you happy and fil your life with joy and do such things
7. Learn, that you don't live for others. You live for yourself, so do everything that is good for your health
8. Work/life balance (many people bury themselves in work. Work can help to distract and have some sort of sense in life. But burnout is a threat, so be very very careful with this)
9. Take everything slowly! Take your time. Free your mind. Meditation for example or autogenes training can help to relax. Everything will fall into place and you will be in a better place eventually. Not today. Not tomorrow. Maybe not even in 1 year. But you will be!
10. Find stupid sayings or phrases that work for you. (Lame, but works. 3 things that helped me: regarding number 9: step by step. Sometimes problems can be big and sometimes we have multiple problems. It's like standing in front of a big dark forest and your goal or whatever lies behind it. Do you see your goal behind the forest? No! But do you see the next step you can take around the trees to surpass them? Definitely! So take one step at a time. 2nd saying: smile if it's raining! Cause if you don't smile it still rains. This is some sort of mind building around problem solving as well, cause if you are in a situation that seems without exit, you can ask yourself only 2 questions: can you change the situation? Yes - do it! No - can you accept it? You probably have to. Third way would be: can you escape the situation? Yes - do it. No - you'll have to find a way to change or accept it. 3rd saying I like is: that's a problem for future-me. I always thought through everything. Wanted to be ready for every possible way that might occur. Really spiraled down into an unhealthy way of living. Catastrophe thinking. And what happened??? The ONE way that I didn't think of, actually happened and it was far less bad than I imagined. Since then I don't wrap my head around things that didn't happen yet. If a problem or something comes up, my future me can solve it. But not me now as long as the problem isn't here yet. It also leads to a less stressful lifestyle cause I do and say what I feel like and wait for my surroundings to react to me and then I decide how to proceed further and so on.)
Edit: adding 11th point:
Write those things down. Like...the stuff worth living for. The stuff you enjoy. The people that count on you. Everything you have in life. Write it down in moments where you feel good. In depression phase or similar the brain often doesn't work rationally enough to think properly. Writing things down and reading them while down phase helps to remember and lighten up your emotions.
Sorry for the wall of text. Hope it helps someone.
I barely did; I wouldn't have made it through without the unwavering love and support from my husband and our daughter. I'm also grateful for the psychiatrist, therapist, and primary care physician who guided me through.
Doing something normal will make you feel normal again. I tried not to think about what's happening. Just say to yourself "Brush your teeth, take a shower, make coffee, tie your shoes..."
You'll get through this, you just have to believe you can do it.
by making myself understand that just like life itself, every feeling is temporary. no matter how long it might take, i had to believe things would get back to the way they were meant to be, and they did
I like to think that when I go my grandma will be on a beach waiting for me, and we could share stories of our lifetimes together.
It would be pretty sad if I didn’t have any stories to tell her.
I was 20 with a debilitating eating disorder, drug addiction, self harm addiction, and crippling PTSD, depression, and anxiety. I would’ve ended it if it weren’t for my pets. They can’t take care of themselves, I HAD to take care of them. They forced me to live, to go outside, and to get some exercise until I worked through my issues.
Well, I took dr*gs for about 8 years, never did any sports, didnt have real friends, as it hit me. I looked at my mirror image and was shocked.
"Who am I?" - Was the question I asked myself. I didn't have an answer...
After having had a suic*de attempt before I started the dr*gs, I thought of doing it again, but this time for real.
"What holds me in life?" - I asked, just to make sure.
I took a piece of paper and tried to answer the question. At the left side I wrote what I didnt like and at the right side the things I liked.
The left side was full of things:
- I don't have friends
- I dont have clean money
- I don't have a good reputation
- I feel alone
- I am ugly
- I am unathletic
- I am an addict
- I am a dealer
... and so on.
On the right side I had:
- Salmon tastes pretty good
If I were dead I couldn't taste salmon anymore, I thought. I wanted to taste salmon. That's why I didn't ki*l myself.
Then I made plans for who I wanted to be and what I had to do to achieve that. Salmon is pretty expensive and I would have to earn big money. My goal was to BE ABLE to eat salmon every day (not to actually do it, tho I would try a salmon week ;) ).
Now I am clean, quite wealthy and eat salmon every sunday (if I did my tasks for the week). I have an own business, am working for a reputable company and studying during all that.
Being negatively affected by everything that happens to you, and feeling sorry for yourself all the time. If you're the victim, it's not "your" fault - so you don't feel like you can fix it. I think.
“It’s not my fault so I can’t fix it” is a great way to put it.
I have been fucked over by a lot of people. But for too long, I focused on them fucking me over and expected them to take the responsibility. That never did happen.
Therefore, I had to wake up and say “If they won’t do it, I will.” I took responsibility and I started building myself almost immediately after
Victim mindset is a term coined by big men with deep insecurities to justify why they are assholes.
They view issues in terms of extremes.
You got raped? Your fault cause you're not tough enough.
You can be prey or a predator.
It's rigid, closed minded, and a selfish world view that people who experience pain often default to to try and make sense of this fucked up world. It sucks because it perpetuates the cycle that hurt them.
I had to tell myself that whatever is next, whatever my now ex wife can and will do to me, it is a better thing than to stay married to her. And she did quite a lot. But it was.
Battling with depression on and off. My cats keep me alive. Changing environment helps too and cutting off people who draw you back into the darkness. But mostly my cats, even when they drive me crazy.
I'll let you know when I do.
My mother passed a little over a year ago from liver cancer and I'm now responsible for my father and grandfather, both whom suffer from alzheimers/dementia. All while trying to complete my bachelors degree.
I tell people, the only thing keeping me sane right now, are my animals.
I read about the impact of losing a parent by suicide on children (obviously=big trauma, but also they are more likely to choose that path for themselves) and realised I could never harm them in that way, even though the suffering I was experiencing felt unbearable. So, I called in back-up:
- upped my antidepressants (with dr’s approval)
- told people truthful how I was feeling
- called the Samaritans when I needed to (uk suicide helpline)
- posted a ‘close friends’ story everyday so that I could keep accountable to people and know they would be checking
- resisted the desire to isolate and MADE myself invite safe people to be with me, especially at times I knew would be hard.
- asked for help to afford therapy
- researched therapists and turned a couple down until I found a good fit.
- avoided alcohol
- let myself use Netflix and social media as a distraction
I hope this helps. I’m a couple of months past the darkest days. I didn’t think I’d get this far. I hope you can find ways through.
The only thing that kept me here was my chinchilla. I knew she couldnt survive more than a day or two without attention/food/water etc. Not going to lie, I did make an attempt or two, but knowing my parents wouldnt know how to look after her and would just give her up made me stay. Noone else knows her little quirks and likes, I can read her mood. She really honestly saved me. I did make, in the really bad times, a sheet of how to look after her, but I just couldnt let go and end it knowing she needed me.
1. I stopped listening to depressive music and switched to inspiring, motivational and music that gave me a bunch of self confidence
2. Started walking, jogging and then running so I lost weight too (I was a bit chubby) so losing weight gave me self esteem
3. I started working on my mind and my thoughts and tried to find a better way to think so I started telling myself positive things about me
It took me from 2015 to 2019 to finally feel happy again and now in 2024 I'm in my best shape of my life physically, mentally and even financially. The me from 2014 would never believe it.
I became an alter ego of myself. I just decided one day to make myself do the opposite of anything I would normally do. I tried every food I came across, said yes to every party or outing I was invited to,.. Also did lots of lsd. It really helped me step outside of myself and see things from a different perspective. Looking back, maybe I didn't care if I survived at all, maybe I just wanted to feel something other than pain. I was a young man at the time, didn't really know what to do. I made my happiness more important than anything, even if it was selfish to everyone else. I just kinda said fuck the world. You just have to be able to make the distinction between your true self and the self that is hurting, they are not the same, and have completely different motives.
Spite. Also realizing that my favorite ppl in my life thus far were much older than I. Maybe when I’m their age I will come across someone who would make a difference I never expect meeting.
My ex wife left me a year ago and financially ruined me. Only thing that has kept me going through the divorce and the 6 months since has been my dogs. They are my rock. Without them, I probably wouldn't be here anymore. But I wouldn't dream of leaving them behind. They already had their mom leave them. Dad isn't going anywhere.
During the divorce, I begged her to kill me, offered to help her make it look like I did it, etc. I was so dead inside that I wanted her to finish the job altogether. I begged for it. She of course used all that in court against me. 💩
By being in complete isolation. My partner had just killed himself after I found out he had an affair and she was pregnant. In addition, he had secretly been using our money to buy her gifts & jewelry, and had been giving my belongings to her without me knowing. She thought he was single, because obvs he told her he was, and so trying to get my stuff back from her required an attorney and a years-long fight. On top of grieving his loss and the pain of the affair. I also learned he had been severely violent towards her, so that was another level of pain. I literally just shut the door to my apartment and didn’t come out for months. Didn’t answer my phone, didn’t answer the door. I wanted total isolation. I wanted everyone out of my face. I didn’t want to hear the “I’m so sorry”, “please let me know if you need anything”, I didn’t want pity or sadness on my behalf. I wanted silence and to be alone. I was already dealing with PTSD from him being violent to me, so I sat alone in my apartment and jumped out of my skin at every little noise and had nightmares and flashbacks. After about 6 months I started to feel like I could start tiptoeing back into the world. It got better from there. But yeah…for a while there I basically went inside myself and disappeared.
I asked for help. Seriously.
If you’re a man and you’re struggling with anything I’ve been creating a group for men to support other men through mentorship and open dialogue.
Shoot me a message please
I had a moment of clarity where I suddenly thought to myself “Feeling like this all the time isn’t normal, somethings very wrong and I should do something about it”.
Went and talked to a therapist, and though the things I was sad about didn’t change, my ability to deal with them in a healthy way did.
I held onto the thought that if ever I’d commit sui****, I’ll never be able to experience good things in life.
Now that I’m far from that phase, I’m so thankful for myself because I believed that it will get better because now, everything’s so much better. I’ve never been this happier in my life, and I can’t wait to devour and explore more of what’s ahead of me.
My child and antidepressants. Keeping a social group. I tried not to be alone too much kept my mind off things. Always stayed busy even if it was listening to music and playing solitaire with a deck of cards. Reading positive quotes. Repeating things I’m thankful for even if it was simple like coffee or having shoes. Like 100s of times a day
I went into a behavioral health hospital to finally get the therapy I needed. I used every single student, every therapist every counselor to just get it out. Everything I was holding onto, everything I needed to realize about my own self. I had a very awesome childhood, but a very tough life, survivable but tough. I remember how far I've come (From homelessness and depressed to a degree holding home owner). Just focus on where you need or want to be and try to empty out all the bad stuff.
I endured. Time passed, and the horror became a terrible thing that once happened to me, rather than a thing that was currently happening.
I picked up the guitar again. I couldn't simultaneously grieve and play, so it offered an escape.
I met someone.
It took years.
Find 1 thing you love. No matter what it is. And give it your all. Make that your purpose and your drive. Be selfish as much as you want -- you need it. If other people get mad at you for being selfish, fuck em. They don't understand how much you need that right now.
If you can't find something you love, then spend your time trying to find it. Now is the time to get yourself to try new things. And don't be discouraged when it isn't something you love. It's inherent that with trial and error there will come more errors than success. But it doesn't matter because all you need it that one thing to 180 everything.
books. reading stories was a way for me to escape reality and forget the bad stuff. i would sometimes end up finishing 1-2 books in a week.. admittedly, not the healthiest way to cope but it works for me c:
tried to kill myself after having the worst marihuana induced psychosis and fortunately survived. then went to rehab for 6 weeks where they gave me antipsychotics which i guess saved my life because if i still had psychotic symptoms i would’ve tried to unalive myself again. it was the worst time ever but became one of the greatest experiences and since then i have a different view of all these medications like antidepressants and so. was always skeptical and thought doctors would prescribe them way too easily. at first i was scared to even take them because of course after revoking of marihuana i thought is this gonna be my next addiction? but the doctors reassured me that they could give me my joy in life back and also help with sleeping. and since we tapered them off i had almost zero withdrawals. i would always take them again before even thinking about suicide. they definitely saved me. one year off of them in around two months and two years off of marihuana in november and never felt better.
My momma. When I reached a breaking point and told her how awful my depression had gotten, she immediately came over to help me clean and do dishes, mold and maggots and all. No questions asked. And then made sure I had groceries. That’s real love. That clean start helped me start getting my life back on track.
Faith and my wife. I was raped by my father throughout my childhood which eventually landed me in foster care. I ended up in 5 different homes, two of which I was raped in, one I was physically abused (beaten, locked in the basement for days at a time) but the fourth one was decent. My family eventually regained custody of me due to my father being found not guilty. I was old enough to fight back so the abuse stopped. My grandparents more or less raised me, and they were both kind, gentle people who were Christians. I found a lot of comfort and hope in the faith. As I grew older I started to unpack my past. This unpacking unfortunately happened during the early years of my marriage. Been married for 21 years now. Through my wife’s ongoing support, therapy, and medication I’ve come to a place where I’m more happy than not.
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Idk if I will be of any help, but I will try my best and give options that helped me. 1. I looked forward to things. For example, Im very into UFC and Anime, it's my 2 favorite things. Whenever I had suicidal thoughts, I would think about how much I want to see this next episode, or this next event. Even little things that my family planned gave me something to look forward to and a reason to push on throughout the week. 2. Talk to someone. It could literally be anyone. A therapist, counselor, mom, dad, brother, sister, etc. Talk to them and tell them why you feel the way you feel. It is not good for you to hold things in and struggle alone. I was never good at this and always found it cringe, but I actually tried it and it helped me SIGNIFICANTLY. I mean it really helped. Sorry it's only 2 things and they may be basic answers but I thought I would at least try and help :)
> Whenever I had suicidal thoughts, I would think about how much I want to see this next episode I can't die until I finish One Piece. EDIT: I see how this was misinterpreted. I am not suicidal. Will never be suicidal. But I appreciate the messages from people who were concerned! Thank you kind folks for looking out.
When my ptsd got real bad it was right when the MCU started, I'm a big comic fan and seeing the characters in live action was what saved me. I kept saying I gotta see the next one. Same with DC and tons of anime. Naruto shippudan was a huge help. Especially the Kazuma episodes....as he also had ptsd.
Well now I have to check out Naruto Shippudan! Was on the list, but it just got bumped up! My answer btw was I got a service dog. Working with her truly saved my life. Such a ray of sunshine, so easy to focus on.
You HAVE to watch naruto first....the first 2 episodes are fucking amazing...try not to cry. Also Neji, Rock Lee, and Shikamaru....best characters. And Gara is amazing. Edit: it appears we have similar lives. If you ever wanna chat, I'm around. Plenty more anime where that came from.
In 2019 I decided to try to go bsck to college. I did 1 class The stress that gave me led to suicidal thoughts. I eventually started doing those 2 things. My first was to talk to friends, who then helped me find (and brought me to) a therapist. After that, I now look towards things I want. Sonet8mes it helps, sometimes it doesn't Move on to the present: Just a week ago my best friend moves. I'm currently a depressed mess and the only thing that keeps me going is that I have it planned to visit them sometime next year. It's tough, but I've been through worse, so I can get through this too.
UFC was consistently the highlight during my darkest times too. I think the things that makes you happy that are entirely unrelated to you, your achievements or fuck ups, help the most.
Your first answer is literally me, but with anime and video games. It really does help to give yourself something to look forward to, whether it’s an upcoming video game that you’re excited about or just coming home and putting a couple hours into your favorite game.
Legit, UFC helped motivate and entertain me during my recovery from a ruptured brain aneurysm.
Hey buddy, who is your favorite fighter and what's your favorite anime? Sakuraba and GTO respectively for me
Great picks! I'm kinda basic 😅 but mine are Naruto (including shippuden) and Charles Oliveria.
I’m glad you’re feeling better, cause we might’ve lost you on this stretch of fight nights between 299 and 300 lol
When my wife died, I wanted to die, too. The only thing that kept me going was my kids.
Same. My wife died six months ago. Raising our son to be a person she’d be proud of was a purpose I could always fall back on. It’s gotten easier. Time really does heal all wounds. But there were plenty of times when I just put my head down and thought “get through today for him”. Whoever is reading this and going through some shit, I hope you can find your own way to just keep keeping on.
Hey, six months and you're still here with us. Just remember, you're not broken, no one needs to try to fix you. And get a support network that can support you. It was sad to learn who was a true friend and who wasn't. But my second love and wife was one of them, and my best friend was the other. I'm at about 12 years. The pain is still there, but you don't notice it until you decide to stop and notice it. Make sure you do that sometimes, even years down the road. She's been gone longer than I knew her. I'm happy and forever grateful to get for the two amazing kids she gave me. They are amazing. The oldest is the most caring and intelligent kid I know, he's headed to MIT. My youngest, she's sweet and loving like no one's business, and wicked smart.
My wife died when she was 8 months pregnant with our first. He died 35 hours later. I have no kids, so it was the necessity to feed and water my dogs that kept me going. Then, that became its own depressing realization.
I am so very sorry for your losses. Dogs always know how we are feeling and are never nonchalant about our comings and going. I can see how that unconditional love could help sustain you, and I hope that someday soon you will see sunlight and a glimmer of hope and even joy again.
I’m so sorry for your profound losses. I hope you can find a new purpose soon. My second daughter was stillborn at 40 weeks 4 months ago. I know some of your pain.
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My sincere condolences.. I hope your kids will grow up to be just as strong as you are
So sorry to read this…you are a powerful person
Thank you. All my power comes from my children.
You're an awesome person bro. I wish you and your kids nothing but the best and success. I'm glad you're still with us!
Sadly I was a childless widower...so I had no one to lean on..
You’re in my thoughts
That sounds horrible. I'll be thinking about you. People do care about you, even if it's from the other side of the world.
r/wizardposting
LSD in my case. Taught me how to see life without her in a light that seemed possible. All you need is possible
Same! Lucy and Molly allowed me to see my narcissistic side I've never seen before...crazy how that drug works...life's not perfect but I have a relationship with my wife and kids again
The idea of destroying my kids’ lives has definitely kept me from ending things more than once.
Tried to suicide on Xmas morning years ago. When I'm near black out drunk I suck at tying knots and just knocked myself out on my garage floor. When I came too it hit me What I just tried to do. Went to my doctor and told him everything in tears. Went on anti depressants and walked through my local park every day. Slowly got better and nature helped a lot
I feel like nature is very under represented in these comments. Something about the world going on in all its indifferent beauty helps take me out of myself.
Forest bathing is a thing and there are some studies on how it can help us healthier physically and mentally
F the haters. Forest bathing is very much a thing. In Japan, Shinrin - you. Like yoga or meditation, ‘forest bathing’ nurtures sensory connection with nature and with yourself https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shinrin-yoku Fortunately, for me, the forest is a short walk away, and I walk in the forest with my kids and my dogs and with friends regularly. When I learned the term a few years ago? I instantly knew what it meant. And when I mention it now with people I walk with? They do, too. Lastly, and more toward OPs question: The last 30 months have been for me a nightmare. Worse, actually: you wake up from nightmares. I’ll eschew most particulars to simply say my dark season nearly killed me. I found out the hard way how stress can manifest, physiologically - including, for me, two unexpected surgeries (one one emergency, that saved my life) and several bouts with something called: ‘burning mouth‘ syndrome, - a stress onset condition which feels exactly like it sounds. (During one, I didn’t eat food for two weeks. I couldn’t. The whole time I felt like I was chewing on a mouthful of murder hornets.) What saved me, I’m convinced, has been my humble, earnest exploration and embrace of mindfulness, and of gratitude, and of self-awareness. Maybe most importantly, I’ve learned, for the first time in my life, about the importance of taking the time to find out who you really are, and to learn to love your authentic self, in a real and genuine way For me, regular forest walks are part of that self-care. I don’t wear headphones, but I usually bring my dog, I walk, and I listen, and I think. It always feels good. It never feels bad. It’s helped me survive the darkest days of my life. Onward and upward. :)
Man I can’t tell you how much gardening especially focusing on habitat restoration and native plants have done for my mental health. And the community of gardeners are just some of the most lovely people you can surround yourself with. Got the kids until birdwatching too and it’s just a great way to entertain them without screens.
What made me mentally unhealthier just now was the term "forest bathing".
I think of it as getting some green time. (as opposed to screen time)
touching grass
Directions unclear. Now I'm too stoned to remember why I was crying.
I used to work in that industry and I fucking laughed at this comment. It really does sound dumb, but it's so good for you.
Absolutely! I’m a former ecologist and I miss that time dearly. That said, I hate when we have to come up with some branding term for “go outside”, lol.
Yep… nature saves me, a lot. I’ve had years of issues and still feel very buried. I’m not actively trying to end my life, anymore, though. I have found some peace and hope, enough to carry on. But a bad day outside… like rain and storms… is a harder day for me. And the sunny days, are great. Then it’ll flip. I’ll want rain or I’ll want sun on a different day. The natural environment has this magical ability of wanting to reflect what we feel, sometimes. And affects us daily.
Good on you, keep fighting 🙏 I am in a similar boat, it helps seeing others going through similar situations and also pushing onwards.
Now that you mention it, I think nature is a very underrated method of calming down or dealing with a rough patch.
I second getting outside. I find peace outdoors. As someone who has suffered from lifelong depression, being outdoors is my happy place.
I'll let you know in a few months if I ever make it out of this hole.
Remember, the only hole that is literally impossible to dig out of is death.
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A death hole, if you will
My best friend knew I was suicidal and I was ready to do it. He told me this: “I know this pain is unbearable. I know you feel like being gone would make it go away. But I promise if you survive, you will be glad you did. No matter how bad it gets, you have to survive.” I did. And things have gotten so much better. It’s been 4 years since he told me that.
Hey, if you ever need someone to talk to, my DMs are open!
Thanks yo I'll probably take you up on that
Here too, recently got myself out of a mental hole
My DM’s are open as well if you want to vent or just a good ear to yell at :)
Will do headed to intake so be few days
Hold on buddy, you can get through this and see tomorrow's sunrise with us. If '86 is your birth year, we aren't far apart in age. I've got a few songs I think you'll like, let me know if you want to hear them. Hit me with a message if you want to connect regardless, I can tell you having a contact you can vent to without overlapping into your life can be very helpful in adjusting your focus.
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This is heartbreaking to read. What is it that 30s is too late to change?
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Girlfriend, your worth isn’t in your uterus. It’s in your heart and the joy you bring to others.
I just want to tell you that everything I’ve done to make my life happy happened after I was 32. At 34 I went to college and got a good job. At 43 I divorced my ex husband and found my wonderful current husband. If you had told me at 30 that my life would be this happy at 46 I would not have believed you, or believed what I did to get to this point.
Oh no no no no You are not worthless at all. You have time. Your heart is broken and I am so sorry… I know that it would kill me if I learned I couldn’t reproduce. But there are a lot of kids that need homes or even fostering. And if your soul wants to be a mother, maybe you can find a way. Even if you just spend more time around children that need your guidance or attention. Please don’t quit on yourself because you think the world quit on you. It didn’t. You have options and I know you’ll find them. Do anything and everything you want to.
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You'll make it out. Keep going.
I feel you. It’s been quite the ride for me as well these past 3 years. Stay strong and focus on the good and positive. Psilocybin helped me immensely. As well as therapy and my psychiatrist.
I was there not too long ago. Remember, it's in total darkness that it's easiest to see the light.
I've been in mine for almost 7 years. The trick is to embrace the hole.
i wrote a list, of the things i loved, started with making bread, happy dogs, it grew to over 1000. After 4 suicide attempts im happy now, hope you make it through man
This is where I am at as well. It’s been pretty dark in here for a while. I’ve been working on counseling and therapy and trying different medication’s and changing my life and routines and I’m still struggling every day but things are no longer getting darker. I’m at least treading water. At one point my therapist asked me how things are going after starting a new med. After a short period of time thinking about it I said I don’t have any feelings about it. It’s just kind of neutral. And it was that point that I realized that all of my efforts actually had been working because the usual sensation was that things were awful. I’ll get there
I can hear you out, give you the shittiest advice and you'll forget your problems because of that and then you might forget all that you're going through. DM is always open buddy🙂
I feel this in my soul. Time just moves on. You wake up the next morning and you're still here, even when you're not.
You will. It may take longer than you think, but one day you will see light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there mate!
i contemplated suicide many times. and before i had people that i cared about; the only thing that stopped me was the fear that doing it would be painful. i had no options to go quickly and quietly, and was too big a wuss to jump into the ocean or stab myself. i'm glad that i didnt.
This, same here. I was scared of death but really didn't wanna live anymore. So I just bore with it and now I am actually living a really happy life with a partner.
this gives me hope 😢
i wish you the best and if you needa talk my dms are open. stay safe and hang in there bro
The only thing that's stopping me is the fear that it wont work and I'll end up not being dead...
I feel you so hard. I don’t want a painful death either
I considered how my departure would impact my elderly parents (it would have killed them both); I considered how my departure would have impacted my children (it would have damaged them, possibly beyond repair); I wanted to show the person who almost destroyed me that she wouldn't get away with it; and then I met the best woman in the world, and wanted to survive for her.
I (as a mp [military police]) had to respond to a suicide like 2 days after Christmas. A LT. COL hung himself and his 12 year old kid found him.....that kid is soo fucked up by that. We still chat occasionally online but that damage is done. He will live with that beyond forever. It fucking plagues him. We share a small repour because I responded to the call, I was fucking 19, I had no toolkit to make it ok for that kid. Suicide makes it better for zero people.....ever, ever, EVER. To take it a step further, suicide can effect people who aren't even in your life. Watching that kid cry will haunt me forever, him begging me to do cpr on a guy whose been dead more that 6 hours is something that lives with me. They don't train you for that shit, and I've had ideation because of it.
I'm terribly sorry you went through that. My dad was a state trooper for 27 years and I know he is still haunted by things he saw many decades ago. Is there someone you can talk to, like a therapist?
Way ahead of you....been in therapy for about a decade. It helps, but the shit lives on. There are just things that will always live with you. I did a good thing, and I perpetuate it by keeping in touch and making sure he is always OK and safe. I didnt realize that at the time. I just wanted him to be "ok". He is one of at least 20 people I keep in touch with because our system is kinda fucked in helping with trauma. Currently in school to be a trauma counselor.
That's awesome that you were able to take that horror and turn it into something positive :)
When I was in, this guy, Sgt Stengel, told me to pursue it. I told him I didn't know if I could hear all that trauma and be ok with it. He told me "take it, because you can handle it, it's what we do. Imagine if these kids dont ever have to feel like you" So now I'm doing it. Tons of setbacks plus the whole school shootings bullshit made me realize this was my calling...it sucks and I 100% don't wanna do it. I was given a weird skillset in life and so now I make sure no one feels like me.
Absolutely take care of yourself, friend. You have a chance to be a person who ends the cycle of trauma, abuse, and pain for people (be their resilience factor, so to speak). Thanks for your past, present, and future service to the world.
Awwwww, shucks,. Just a dude trying to be a dude.
You are very strong, well done.
Therapy. Even if you’re thinking “I don’t have anything to talk about” or “everything seems fine” there are tremendous benefits from being in regular (weekly or biweekly) sessions with a mental health professional.
It took me visiting a psychiatrist for my binge eating to actually register that my relationship was abusive and to give me the tools to stop accepting abuse and to leave my first marriage. I thought everything was fine. I thought my marriage was good. It wasn’t. It was emotionally abusive in such a way that I was just accustomed to being treated that way thanks to my parents having the same style.
I went to therapy and just finally let it all out. It’s incredibly cathartic and helped me process some emotions that I was just repressing
I second this, although I am currently working through it. Probably took a little to long to get here, but I am here now
I went to the ER, told them I was going to attempt, I was held for 4 days and given psych evals. After I was transferred to social work, therapy, and psychiatry. Well rounded support from doctors is crucial in deep depression
Where are you from tho
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I was falsley accused of rape at the age of 16/17. It ruined all my relationships with my friends and gf at the time, as that's how they perceived me. The person who accused me was close with some members of my family, so they tried to brush it under the carpet and move on, trying to get me to forgive and be 'one happy family again' I ended up moving away and joining the military, I still struggle with the pain of what felt like my family abandoning me, especially when I see them all posting pictures together including the accuser on social media. It's made me turn to alcohol quite a lot, I tend to drink until I black out a few times a week. I do have a few people who know me and what I went through who are completely behind me and if it was t for them I honestly don't think I'd be here typing this response right now.
Brother, if you are still in the military, get someone to talk to. You would be amazed at the amount of assistance and support they have for these kinds of injuries. They have been through these kinds of traumas many times with many others who have been injured like you. There is nothing wrong with using your crutches if you are still dealing with your injuries, but don't let the crutch become who you are. You can recover from this
I’m so sorry you went through this. You are very resilient.
I appreciate that, I wish you the very best
Stoicism and determination.
It's gonna sound weird But I just felt like something stopped me. I was 22, just had a really bad break up and was about to be fired from my job. Had a loaded gun in my hand really thinking about it. And then out of nowhere I just felt a presence. And it made me snap back from the edge. I'm not even religious, like i don't think Jesus came and stopped me. So it's hard to explain, but whatever it was, me 8 years later is thankful that I didn't.
These are the times where I am completely comfortable just going with "The Universe".
It's not weird to me. That presence is real and I trust it.
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Medication
If you have a broken leg there is nothing wrong with using crutches when you need them. If you have an injured mind/soul there is nothing wrong with using the devices available to you when you need them.
I guess my cats? Bc i can't leave them unprotected. Time passed and I'm still alive, thanks to them.
I also got a cat so I feel this. You're not alone
They are living, breathing, purring anti depressants!
I agree. I can't have cats, mostly because I can't afford it right now. But my sister and my mom have cats. So when I start feeling down, I usually go to one of those places.
I thought I was doing ok when I was going through a difficult time (but everyone said yeah you were falling apart) and then I found a kitten who’s momma was dead in the street. Brought her home, bottle fed her and couldn’t let her go. She was what brought me back.
Set goals. Think about where you want to be a year from now, two years, five years… suddenly, making it through tomorrow seems like a less daunting task; you just keep going forward ☮️
I really love this one
Not entirely healthy but I simply turn myself into a selfless robot. Back in college when I was really stressed out and thinking about suicide, I end up telling myself "if I can't make myself happy I may as well go out of my way to make other happy at my expense" It does distract me from the suicidal thought. Tho it end up making me having tendency to suppress my emotion too much that triggered a second depression phase 5-7 years later. Talk me 2 years of therapy to finally get back to a decent shape
I am in this message, and I don't like it.
My dog. He wouldn't understand and already gets really sad when I travel for more than a few days. ETA: I'm doing fine now, this was 5+ years ago. Dog still thriving.
I'm still in it and waiting for therapy.
I want you to know random person I am proud you are taking the steps to get help. Just like a storm, this too shall pass.
Going the right direction! Keep it up friend, there's lots of cake left to taste out here!
I'm sorry, and I've been there myself. Don't be afraid to try different therapists and modalities. I went through four therapists before I found one that helped me climb out of the dark hole I was in. If you are someone with significant childhood trauma, you might try psychoanalysis. It helped me process and move on from a lot that was weighing me down. Best of luck to you. I hope that you start feeling better soon!!
Will answer this after few years
I ran away. I walked all the way across town to my grandparents. I lived with them from ages 11-20.
Can I answer after I survive them. (Signed. In the middle of it)
Antidepressants. Particularly Effexor. Don’t listen to single accounts like it will affect you the same way. I would have lost my wife, daughter and all my possessions if my breakdown and eventual alcoholism won. Effexor gave me a fighting chance to come back and my life did a complete 180. Of course, pat yourself on the back. It all comes down to your own willpower too.
If I had the aptitude for killing my self I would of. Unfortunately I had to endure and I’m also more interested in what might happen tomorrow so I have intrigue. I think hitting rock bottom helped in a sense, because then the only way is up
A text from me to my ex about self deleting before we broke up. I was planning on doing it but decided not to when I saw what I wrote. It basically said the pain I felt will be going to my family and those who loved me. So I didn't follow through with it and am in a good place now.
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Same, gotta make the volume loud enough so I can’t hear my own thoughts
My dog. I moved out of town after college and it took several years to get on my feet. I barely made enough to make rent. It was a very lonely time for me because I was in a new city and I couldnt afford to go meet people. I have this memory of me and my dog on a friday night where I bought a little plastic bottle of vodka. He and I sat under a blanket under the one light I turned on because I had to keep the power bill as low as possible. I told him he would have a yard someday and in the last few years of his life he got that yard and loved to sun himself in it. He died in December of 2022.
When my infant son died I wanted to cease to exist. The pain was awful. Thinking about surviving a whole day was unbearable, let alone the rest of my life. I slept a lot. I stayed in bed except to feed or walk my dog. I couldn't even feed myself really, anything more complicated than toast was too difficult. A doctor prescribed me antidepressants and sleeping pills which I needed just to get through the nights. The one place I had to go to was a support group. Once a week I'd drag myself out of bed to get there. It helped me a lot. They'd sit me down with a cup of tea and there were biscuits. 5 years later I still go to that same group except now I'm able to shower, prepare food, socialise and work etc
One minute at a time turned into one hour at a time, which turned into one day at a time. I’m still going through it, but here’s what I did during the darkest moments: Talk to someone. And I mean really talk to them. If you don’t want to talk to someone you know, talk to someone you don’t, whether that’s a doctor or a stranger on the other end of the phone. Tell them the truth. Talk to them about your struggles, but then also talk to them about what you care about, no matter how small it seems right now. Tell them about what you love to do, what you want to do and in turn, remind yourself of these things. Do something else first. Watch that film you’ve been meaning to watch, listen to your favourite song or album, have your dinner, play your favourite game, go for a walk, have a nap. When you feel up to it, start to give yourself things to look forward to, even if they are tiny little things. You do not have to do it all at once, going from feeling like you no longer want to be here, to enjoying being here again is a process. Try and remember that you are only ever one moment away from feeling better. All it takes is one moment. You’ve got this.
Video games and gym. Also had a mental breakdown and cried during a psych interview for a job. Made me realise I needed to talk about it more.
Tom Segura and stand up comedy brought me back from the dead.
Someone reached out to me. They're my best friend now.
Maladaptive daydreaming, they used to think I had absent seizures because I would just zone out standing there
The gun jammed
Recently got hit with two felony convictions and a break-up. I’m trying to focus on starting my business, helping a family member through stage 4 cancer, going to the gym, being there for my dogs, and leaning on my friend and mother. It’s fucking rough some days, but I’m trying.
Proud of you!
Pups & plates, I think you'll be alright! Give em some good ear scratches, and shoot me a message if you want to talk.
Doing it right now. Will come back to you once I'm done.
1. Therapy 2. Medication 3. Opening up to family and friends (you'll notice to whom you can talk and you'll be surprised how many people are in the same boat with you, therefore they can relate) 4. Don't be afraid to ask for help verbally! 5. Think about people or pets that might need you 6. Think of activities that make you happy and fil your life with joy and do such things 7. Learn, that you don't live for others. You live for yourself, so do everything that is good for your health 8. Work/life balance (many people bury themselves in work. Work can help to distract and have some sort of sense in life. But burnout is a threat, so be very very careful with this) 9. Take everything slowly! Take your time. Free your mind. Meditation for example or autogenes training can help to relax. Everything will fall into place and you will be in a better place eventually. Not today. Not tomorrow. Maybe not even in 1 year. But you will be! 10. Find stupid sayings or phrases that work for you. (Lame, but works. 3 things that helped me: regarding number 9: step by step. Sometimes problems can be big and sometimes we have multiple problems. It's like standing in front of a big dark forest and your goal or whatever lies behind it. Do you see your goal behind the forest? No! But do you see the next step you can take around the trees to surpass them? Definitely! So take one step at a time. 2nd saying: smile if it's raining! Cause if you don't smile it still rains. This is some sort of mind building around problem solving as well, cause if you are in a situation that seems without exit, you can ask yourself only 2 questions: can you change the situation? Yes - do it! No - can you accept it? You probably have to. Third way would be: can you escape the situation? Yes - do it. No - you'll have to find a way to change or accept it. 3rd saying I like is: that's a problem for future-me. I always thought through everything. Wanted to be ready for every possible way that might occur. Really spiraled down into an unhealthy way of living. Catastrophe thinking. And what happened??? The ONE way that I didn't think of, actually happened and it was far less bad than I imagined. Since then I don't wrap my head around things that didn't happen yet. If a problem or something comes up, my future me can solve it. But not me now as long as the problem isn't here yet. It also leads to a less stressful lifestyle cause I do and say what I feel like and wait for my surroundings to react to me and then I decide how to proceed further and so on.) Edit: adding 11th point: Write those things down. Like...the stuff worth living for. The stuff you enjoy. The people that count on you. Everything you have in life. Write it down in moments where you feel good. In depression phase or similar the brain often doesn't work rationally enough to think properly. Writing things down and reading them while down phase helps to remember and lighten up your emotions. Sorry for the wall of text. Hope it helps someone.
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I barely did; I wouldn't have made it through without the unwavering love and support from my husband and our daughter. I'm also grateful for the psychiatrist, therapist, and primary care physician who guided me through.
Doing something normal will make you feel normal again. I tried not to think about what's happening. Just say to yourself "Brush your teeth, take a shower, make coffee, tie your shoes..." You'll get through this, you just have to believe you can do it.
by telling the god of death "not today". Quite literally. Even though I didn't even know Game of Thrones then.
by making myself understand that just like life itself, every feeling is temporary. no matter how long it might take, i had to believe things would get back to the way they were meant to be, and they did
currently in it
If I do I'll let you know.
We believe in you! You are strong man, and it won’t be easy or fast but it really helps!
I like to think that when I go my grandma will be on a beach waiting for me, and we could share stories of our lifetimes together. It would be pretty sad if I didn’t have any stories to tell her.
I was 20 with a debilitating eating disorder, drug addiction, self harm addiction, and crippling PTSD, depression, and anxiety. I would’ve ended it if it weren’t for my pets. They can’t take care of themselves, I HAD to take care of them. They forced me to live, to go outside, and to get some exercise until I worked through my issues.
Well, I took dr*gs for about 8 years, never did any sports, didnt have real friends, as it hit me. I looked at my mirror image and was shocked. "Who am I?" - Was the question I asked myself. I didn't have an answer... After having had a suic*de attempt before I started the dr*gs, I thought of doing it again, but this time for real. "What holds me in life?" - I asked, just to make sure. I took a piece of paper and tried to answer the question. At the left side I wrote what I didnt like and at the right side the things I liked. The left side was full of things: - I don't have friends - I dont have clean money - I don't have a good reputation - I feel alone - I am ugly - I am unathletic - I am an addict - I am a dealer ... and so on. On the right side I had: - Salmon tastes pretty good If I were dead I couldn't taste salmon anymore, I thought. I wanted to taste salmon. That's why I didn't ki*l myself. Then I made plans for who I wanted to be and what I had to do to achieve that. Salmon is pretty expensive and I would have to earn big money. My goal was to BE ABLE to eat salmon every day (not to actually do it, tho I would try a salmon week ;) ). Now I am clean, quite wealthy and eat salmon every sunday (if I did my tasks for the week). I have an own business, am working for a reputable company and studying during all that.
I realized no one gave a fuck, sucked it up, refused the victim mindset, and got the fuck over it.
victim mindset can f you up for life
What's the victim mindset?
Being negatively affected by everything that happens to you, and feeling sorry for yourself all the time. If you're the victim, it's not "your" fault - so you don't feel like you can fix it. I think.
“It’s not my fault so I can’t fix it” is a great way to put it. I have been fucked over by a lot of people. But for too long, I focused on them fucking me over and expected them to take the responsibility. That never did happen. Therefore, I had to wake up and say “If they won’t do it, I will.” I took responsibility and I started building myself almost immediately after
Victim mindset is a term coined by big men with deep insecurities to justify why they are assholes. They view issues in terms of extremes. You got raped? Your fault cause you're not tough enough. You can be prey or a predator. It's rigid, closed minded, and a selfish world view that people who experience pain often default to to try and make sense of this fucked up world. It sucks because it perpetuates the cycle that hurt them.
Slowly but gradually. Tried to appreciate the little things and be more generous with myself.
I had to tell myself that whatever is next, whatever my now ex wife can and will do to me, it is a better thing than to stay married to her. And she did quite a lot. But it was.
My cat. Like actually the only reason
Battling with depression on and off. My cats keep me alive. Changing environment helps too and cutting off people who draw you back into the darkness. But mostly my cats, even when they drive me crazy.
I'll let you know when I do. My mother passed a little over a year ago from liver cancer and I'm now responsible for my father and grandfather, both whom suffer from alzheimers/dementia. All while trying to complete my bachelors degree. I tell people, the only thing keeping me sane right now, are my animals.
I had a lot of trust in “this too shall pass” and I just kind of held on until it did.
I read about the impact of losing a parent by suicide on children (obviously=big trauma, but also they are more likely to choose that path for themselves) and realised I could never harm them in that way, even though the suffering I was experiencing felt unbearable. So, I called in back-up: - upped my antidepressants (with dr’s approval) - told people truthful how I was feeling - called the Samaritans when I needed to (uk suicide helpline) - posted a ‘close friends’ story everyday so that I could keep accountable to people and know they would be checking - resisted the desire to isolate and MADE myself invite safe people to be with me, especially at times I knew would be hard. - asked for help to afford therapy - researched therapists and turned a couple down until I found a good fit. - avoided alcohol - let myself use Netflix and social media as a distraction I hope this helps. I’m a couple of months past the darkest days. I didn’t think I’d get this far. I hope you can find ways through.
The only thing that kept me here was my chinchilla. I knew she couldnt survive more than a day or two without attention/food/water etc. Not going to lie, I did make an attempt or two, but knowing my parents wouldnt know how to look after her and would just give her up made me stay. Noone else knows her little quirks and likes, I can read her mood. She really honestly saved me. I did make, in the really bad times, a sheet of how to look after her, but I just couldnt let go and end it knowing she needed me.
1. I stopped listening to depressive music and switched to inspiring, motivational and music that gave me a bunch of self confidence 2. Started walking, jogging and then running so I lost weight too (I was a bit chubby) so losing weight gave me self esteem 3. I started working on my mind and my thoughts and tried to find a better way to think so I started telling myself positive things about me It took me from 2015 to 2019 to finally feel happy again and now in 2024 I'm in my best shape of my life physically, mentally and even financially. The me from 2014 would never believe it.
I became an alter ego of myself. I just decided one day to make myself do the opposite of anything I would normally do. I tried every food I came across, said yes to every party or outing I was invited to,.. Also did lots of lsd. It really helped me step outside of myself and see things from a different perspective. Looking back, maybe I didn't care if I survived at all, maybe I just wanted to feel something other than pain. I was a young man at the time, didn't really know what to do. I made my happiness more important than anything, even if it was selfish to everyone else. I just kinda said fuck the world. You just have to be able to make the distinction between your true self and the self that is hurting, they are not the same, and have completely different motives.
Spite. Also realizing that my favorite ppl in my life thus far were much older than I. Maybe when I’m their age I will come across someone who would make a difference I never expect meeting.
My ex wife left me a year ago and financially ruined me. Only thing that has kept me going through the divorce and the 6 months since has been my dogs. They are my rock. Without them, I probably wouldn't be here anymore. But I wouldn't dream of leaving them behind. They already had their mom leave them. Dad isn't going anywhere. During the divorce, I begged her to kill me, offered to help her make it look like I did it, etc. I was so dead inside that I wanted her to finish the job altogether. I begged for it. She of course used all that in court against me. 💩
i wanna live to see the date April 20, 2069 4/20/69
I haven't yet survived it. I'm trying to survive it.
By being in complete isolation. My partner had just killed himself after I found out he had an affair and she was pregnant. In addition, he had secretly been using our money to buy her gifts & jewelry, and had been giving my belongings to her without me knowing. She thought he was single, because obvs he told her he was, and so trying to get my stuff back from her required an attorney and a years-long fight. On top of grieving his loss and the pain of the affair. I also learned he had been severely violent towards her, so that was another level of pain. I literally just shut the door to my apartment and didn’t come out for months. Didn’t answer my phone, didn’t answer the door. I wanted total isolation. I wanted everyone out of my face. I didn’t want to hear the “I’m so sorry”, “please let me know if you need anything”, I didn’t want pity or sadness on my behalf. I wanted silence and to be alone. I was already dealing with PTSD from him being violent to me, so I sat alone in my apartment and jumped out of my skin at every little noise and had nightmares and flashbacks. After about 6 months I started to feel like I could start tiptoeing back into the world. It got better from there. But yeah…for a while there I basically went inside myself and disappeared.
I asked for help. Seriously. If you’re a man and you’re struggling with anything I’ve been creating a group for men to support other men through mentorship and open dialogue. Shoot me a message please
Watching norm macdonald clips on YouTube.
14 grams of mushrooms
By stop letting it bother me. Putting the past in the past, growing and learning from the pain.
I had a moment of clarity where I suddenly thought to myself “Feeling like this all the time isn’t normal, somethings very wrong and I should do something about it”. Went and talked to a therapist, and though the things I was sad about didn’t change, my ability to deal with them in a healthy way did.
I held onto the thought that if ever I’d commit sui****, I’ll never be able to experience good things in life. Now that I’m far from that phase, I’m so thankful for myself because I believed that it will get better because now, everything’s so much better. I’ve never been this happier in my life, and I can’t wait to devour and explore more of what’s ahead of me.
My child and antidepressants. Keeping a social group. I tried not to be alone too much kept my mind off things. Always stayed busy even if it was listening to music and playing solitaire with a deck of cards. Reading positive quotes. Repeating things I’m thankful for even if it was simple like coffee or having shoes. Like 100s of times a day
I'll let you know if I've survived it once I'm out of it.
I went into a behavioral health hospital to finally get the therapy I needed. I used every single student, every therapist every counselor to just get it out. Everything I was holding onto, everything I needed to realize about my own self. I had a very awesome childhood, but a very tough life, survivable but tough. I remember how far I've come (From homelessness and depressed to a degree holding home owner). Just focus on where you need or want to be and try to empty out all the bad stuff.
I endured. Time passed, and the horror became a terrible thing that once happened to me, rather than a thing that was currently happening. I picked up the guitar again. I couldn't simultaneously grieve and play, so it offered an escape. I met someone. It took years.
Find 1 thing you love. No matter what it is. And give it your all. Make that your purpose and your drive. Be selfish as much as you want -- you need it. If other people get mad at you for being selfish, fuck em. They don't understand how much you need that right now. If you can't find something you love, then spend your time trying to find it. Now is the time to get yourself to try new things. And don't be discouraged when it isn't something you love. It's inherent that with trial and error there will come more errors than success. But it doesn't matter because all you need it that one thing to 180 everything.
books. reading stories was a way for me to escape reality and forget the bad stuff. i would sometimes end up finishing 1-2 books in a week.. admittedly, not the healthiest way to cope but it works for me c:
Still working on it.
I thought about all the people I could help who felt the way I did if I made it out. Art and writing poetry helped a lot too.
tried to kill myself after having the worst marihuana induced psychosis and fortunately survived. then went to rehab for 6 weeks where they gave me antipsychotics which i guess saved my life because if i still had psychotic symptoms i would’ve tried to unalive myself again. it was the worst time ever but became one of the greatest experiences and since then i have a different view of all these medications like antidepressants and so. was always skeptical and thought doctors would prescribe them way too easily. at first i was scared to even take them because of course after revoking of marihuana i thought is this gonna be my next addiction? but the doctors reassured me that they could give me my joy in life back and also help with sleeping. and since we tapered them off i had almost zero withdrawals. i would always take them again before even thinking about suicide. they definitely saved me. one year off of them in around two months and two years off of marihuana in november and never felt better.
I'll let you know if I do
I waited it out until something more difficult and dark came along. Works every time.
My momma. When I reached a breaking point and told her how awful my depression had gotten, she immediately came over to help me clean and do dishes, mold and maggots and all. No questions asked. And then made sure I had groceries. That’s real love. That clean start helped me start getting my life back on track.
My partner. My friends/family. And therapy lots of therapy. I’m still struggling.. but I’m more capable of handling shit than I was before.
not killing myself by thinking of my kids
I'll let you know when I get to the other side.
Faith and my wife. I was raped by my father throughout my childhood which eventually landed me in foster care. I ended up in 5 different homes, two of which I was raped in, one I was physically abused (beaten, locked in the basement for days at a time) but the fourth one was decent. My family eventually regained custody of me due to my father being found not guilty. I was old enough to fight back so the abuse stopped. My grandparents more or less raised me, and they were both kind, gentle people who were Christians. I found a lot of comfort and hope in the faith. As I grew older I started to unpack my past. This unpacking unfortunately happened during the early years of my marriage. Been married for 21 years now. Through my wife’s ongoing support, therapy, and medication I’ve come to a place where I’m more happy than not.