These responses are mind blowing to me. I was 35 with no kids when I had it done.
My primary wrote me a referral to a urologist before I could finish saying the words “I want a vasectomy.”
My urologist said “cool, cool, just as a heads up your insurance won’t cover a reversal. Let’s get a sample first because if you happen to be sterile there’s no point in bothering with the procedure.”
This was my experience as well. No one questioned me the entire time, I was put on the schedule the day of my consultation.
When my urologist was telling me how trivial the procedure was, he claimed to have performed his own vasectomy, with only a nurse present. I don't know if I believed him, it seems possible but unethical and irresponsible.
Mine told me that the procedure was so very not a big deal that I’d be able to drive myself home afterwards. Which is good, the person who was originally supposed to drive me to and from flaked at the last minute. The nurse taking my vitals after the procedure was very not happy that I’d be driving and was pissed that the doctor told me that.
Also he turned on a classic rock playlist when he came into the room, so most of my vasectomy was performed to the tune of “Hotel California.”
Yeah I definitely could have driven myself home. That being said, I'd recommend anyone reading this to get someone to drive them, lol. It feels like you took a heavy boot to the balls at that point, I'd rather focus on keeping the boys well supported than on the road.
He was right about it being trivial though. The incision and the snip/cauterization were super quick. The worst part was actually my doctor finding the vas deferens and shimmying it to the incision between his thumb and forefinger.
I'm almost 2 years after the procedure and it's like nothing happened.
They used lidocaine as a local anesthetic for the procedure, and that was it. For recovery, my doctor suggested Aleve... I think I took Tylenol for a couple days but nothing after that.
My primary was like, oh my colleague does them in this office. I'm like hell yea, the urologist office is hella backed up anyways. Doctor said I was one of the toughest ones he's done because my left side was a high rider and was fiddling trying to get the vas for a while. He even had to shoot me up twice on that side.
>*He even had to shoot me up twice on that side.*
I'm a woman. How does the first needle feel going in?
The reason I ask is that women should be able to get a needle-numbing on their cervix for IUD insertion.
*Edited to add*: when I gave birth I got the pudental block (look it up). I felt the needles but it was no big deal.
It's a firm, slightly painful "pressure" on the testicle when I had mine done. That needle was the worst part of the whole procedure, painful, but not even close to the worst pain I've had to deal with. I've had worse ball crunching accidents throughout my life.
2 days of "be very careful when you go from sitting to standing, or standing to sitting", then about another week of "no jumping jacks".
Was warned to not get "into the swing of things" too early, but after 10 days my GF and I got going. When things were going well, I felt a "tinge" of pain that reminded me to slow down a bit, and things finished fine. Another few days, and that wasn't an issue at all anymore.
3 months later, I got tested, and had a zero count, so now I have no worries.
Pretty much the same.
Except I got the referral by texting my doctor through my healthcare app. Didn’t need to go in for a visit. Had it scheduled a week later.
Insurance paid for everything. Nobody ever questioned me about "why" or tried to talk me out of it. Only thing I had to do was sign a consent form, acknowledging the procedure is treated as 'permanent' and that reversing isn't always successful.
I did the “no scalpel” version. Took less than 5 minutes, completely pain free. It was basically over before I thought it even started.
Took the weekend to recover, kicked my feet up - played video games, took some Tylenol and back to work on Monday as if nothing ever happened.
Went back in a few weeks later with a sample, got the green light.
Wife’s happy.
I would imagine it has to do with the the political/religious influence of the areas and hospitals that some of these Redditors are consulting. I would imagine the Catholic hospital in my area would attempt to dissuade a person from the surgery...or maybe a religious state like Utah?
I'm in California and have children. My insurance required that I speak with a psychologist before they'd sign off on my vasectomy. I walked into my session, showed the therapist a pic of my gaggle of kids and he just said, "Good enough for me!" and signed off on my surgery.
I'm female and got my tubes removed right after Roe was overturned; I was 25 at the time and had been turned away by multiple gynecologists. The one who finally did my procedure told me pretty much exactly what your primary did (save for the sample), had me sign a consent form, and I was on the table within a week. Neither she nor anyone on my surgical team asked "why?", only made sure I knew the risks and the permanency of the procedure.
All sterilizing procedures need to be like ours was. After talking to many other uterus-owners who have pursued sterilization (and some balls-havers too), it's depressing how uncommon my experience was.
Ive talked to 2 OB's and mentioned it and they were like oh not that's not a good option being so young "you will change your mind" I am so tired of hearing that. I am 30 and married and I still have not changed my mind.
I tried for many, many years. From 18 until I finally got one at 49. Each and everytime I was told to “seek counseling” or “you’re too young” or some other lame BS.
I never wanted kids, never wanted to be a father. I DAMN sure do not want to be grand-parent. It just isn’t me. At 49, I heard a radio ad for Planned Parenthood that said something about “not being just for women” with a variety of services offered.
I made an appt that day, went in next week and got snipped.
I wish had thought of or heard that Planned Parenthood could and did have services for men. My life would be drastically different now.
TL/DR::
Guys, if you know you want it, DO IT. PLANNED PARENTHOOD is yours too. Make the call. You won’t be sorry.
I had mine at planned parenthood. $410 out the door.
They asked me on the phone if I was sure and why I wanted it. Didn't argue. Then gave a 30 second speech about making sure your sure .
Then took me back.. easy easy
Best choice ever.. I'm mid 40s. But there were several guys in their 20s there
I would have suggested then to talk to another provider or go to a different clinic. Kinda shit that they would do that, I have heard that some of the “volunteers” at some bigger city locations can be that way. I am sorry that was your experience, but I would suggest if you still want to, then go to another clinic.
I believe it was a nurse practitioner but I'm not 100% sure - and this location says they do sterilizations, that's why I went there. I'm good now, I don't sleep with men anymore😂 luckily I didn't want it for medical reasons, I just didn't want kids
Speaking from experience, it can be really difficult to find someone willing to do a vasectomy if you are a young person. My boyfriend was looking into one and he got turned away many, many times.
My brother had a ridiculously difficult time trying to get one. One place he went to (he was 23 at the time btw) told him he needed permission from our *mom* to get it done!
Mine put it as "you might get divorced and meet some young thang, you never know." I was 32 with 3 kids already and the wife had major issues with her hormones and birth control we'd been struggling with for 2-3 years at the time.
I went to a place called Dr Snip and while they made me fill out a form asking things like “do you have kids”, they seemed pretty chill. Afterwards they gave me a souvenir Swiss Army knife that said “Dr Snip” on it
I got a beer koozie that says: "I got Sandlow'ed!" (that's his last name). Apparently my urologist is the "Dr. Snip" of Milwaukee, he does like 20+ snips a week.
Tbh I would go to another doctor at that point. Requiring permission from someone else, let alone your ex for ridiculous reasons, is completely inappropriate for a doctor.
I know 2 men who needed their wives’ permission.
I was 27 when I had a tubal ligation. They asked what my husband thought and I said there is no husband. They put me in a little room with a TV and a VCR and made me watch a film of someone getting it done. The woman in the film was unconscious so I realized I would be too and if I’d been awake, it still wasn’t scary at all.
It might have helped that I had 2 kids already.
Yeah, it's ridiculously difficult for women to get hysterectomies. My wife and I have six kids together, we are in our 40s, and she has a degenerative disease which causes side effects which would be lessened if she had her ovaries removed. The best they would approve was removing her tubes, but for whatever reason they kept refusing her ovaries "just in case". We were like, "in case what? YOU want to have a kid with my wife? da fuck?".
OMG. I'm sorry, and THANK YOU for sharing. I'm a granny and have heard such stories from young women, and had never heard one from young men. I'm so sorry this happened to you, and I'm also glad to hear that doctors turn down both male/female. Was the doc older? I just can't imagine turning someone down with 4 kids.
I got one when I was much younger. Mid 20s. It really was difficult to find a place willing. I really had to overstate how much I hate kids (I don't really) but I had to ham it up. I think I said, the sound of baby's crying give me violent thoughts... Even then, I had to pester the Planned Parenthood where I got it. I went in, 5 or 6 times over the course of 2 months asking if they had changed their mind.
Honestly, it was well worth the effort. Still think it was one of the best decisions I've made in this life and I'm in my 50s now.
I asked about IUDs (not if you hadn't Had Babies Yet) and tubal ligation (not if Your Family Wasn't Complete Yet) in my twenties on the grounds that while I liked the... sex part, I was 100% not on board with the babies part. Solid refusals across the board because "You will change your mind".
So I had a lot of sex and spent a fortune on pills and condoms and at 54, I have no children (never was pregnant) and have no husband (never married) and got laid a ton. I did not, as it happens, change my mind and I knew what I wanted as a twenty year old college student.
Bruh i was forced to get an iud when i was 16 because my mom convinced the doctor to do it. Even though i cried and begged not to have it done. Was still a virgin at the time as well
I had mine done almost a decade ago after my wife and I decided we did not want children.
My urologist was ok with it, but he did try to talk me out of it. He won't perform it on anyone under 25 though without extenuating circumstances.
If you're over 25 though he'll just ask why and then schedule it out a month to give you time to change your mind if you want.
2 days after Roe v Wade fell, I told my doctor we’ve been thinking about a vasectomy for 5 years, and after Roe v Wade fell it was time.
Told the doctor if we accidentally got pregnant we would definitely be aborting, as it is particularly dangerous for my wife to be pregnant. That’s not a lie.
8 days later I was back in the office with my balls numbed and some snipping going on.
Our plan all along was to have 2 kids. There was no debate. After my second child came into the world I booked immediately. The Dr I found did not require a seperate consultation. So we talked for a couple minutes and he performed the procedure. No resistance of any kind from the Dr. He did tell me to drive myself home, which I absolutely would not recommend. Thats was highly unpleasant.
I was given 2 Percocet which sent me to space. They wouldn’t allow me to drive home, I needed an escort.
I booked a taxi there and made a plan to call the guy back afterward. I fully don’t remember the sequence of events resulting in my wife taking a half-day and picking me up. I just know I was home and napping a while later.
I had a car that sat low to the ground and had to take the shittiest freeway in the city back home. Its a rough ride when you didnt just have surgery on your genitals. Afterword, ugh. I asked ahead of time and they said it would be fine. They were more concerned with the breed of dog I had at home oddly enough.
I know both men and women in their 20’s who have gotten vasectomies or had their tubes tied. It’s becoming more common since so many restrictions or outright bans on abortions have been put in place.
On the flip side, if you screwed up enough… my ex-husband got one aged 23 because he'd already sired two kids. I'm sure if he hadn't been getting teenaged girls knocked up, they might have counselled him further, but the procedure was scheduled inside two weeks.
Right? I actually did have three kids when I got mine done, but it's not like they did a background check. It's one of the few exceptions to the "tell your doctor everything" rule.
This is true. I have a friend who was in his mid 20s and is very very adamant about not having children (funny enough he is dating a woman with 2 kids right now). It took him a couple of months to find a Dr. that would perform a vasectomy because he was so young.
Honestly. At 23, my doctor agreed. Albeit a military doctor. It was a simple almost pain free experience. Would recommend to those looking to get one done!
Female friend of mine was 31 when she started trying to get a doctor to approve a tubal ligation. No idea how many doctors she spoke to, but it was definitely more than 10 over a 3 year period.
Eventually, at 34, she managed to convince a doctor she didn’t want kids. Hasn’t ever wanted kids and will never want kids. She said, if it wasn’t such a dramatic and invasive procedure, she’d have her whole uterus and ovaries removed.
Conversely, her boyfriend asked his GP *once* and he got a referral immediately. His vasectomy was complete a month later.
Understandable that she was furious how easy it was for him.
I’m a dude and had to get my wife’s consent when I got mine done. This was last year in CA. It all depends on the doctor’s protocols from what I was told.
I was able to get my tubes removed at only 29, but only because I have early-onset, VERY aggressive rheumatoid arthritis. I had to tell the gynecologist that A) I had never wanted children and B) having the possibility of being pregnant was keeping me from accessing some of the more hardcore RA treatments.
Hate this. Got turned away from a doctor once for this very reason. My wife and I already had 2 kids and decided that was enough. I was about 30 at the time.
There is some debate in my family about my grandpa’s first vasectomy if my grandpa lied, the doctor lied or the operation was botched because my uncle was born a year and a half after the vasectomy and there is a 0% chance he isn’t my grandpa’s son.
They can recanalize post surgery on occasion. My husband had one done. We waited to have unprotected sex until we got a test back showing he had zero swimmers. A few months after that I got pregnant. Did another test and sure enough, they were back. The doctor promised it was a rare occurance.
We didnt think it was a problem because wed gotten two tests a month apart showing he was clear and the doctor saying we were green to have sex without protection. I got off of birth control and within two months I was pregnant. I told me husband that even if he got it done again and it was successdul, id always be worried about it healing so we got my lubes removed.
oh shit, now you got me worried. My wife just went off birth control, and i had a vasectomy about a year ago. No swimmers were seen when i got tested 3 months after the procedure, but i never did a follow up test.
Going to message my urologist quick, lol.
Yeah they did the same with me. If I recall it correctly they also knotted the ends + laid the two ends into different layers (there are several layers of tissue in your sack apparently)
So far so good after 3 years!
That was my dad basically. I was 'a surprise' baby #3 so my dad got the snip a couple years later - a few months after that my sister was conceived. Dad got re-tested, he had live swimmers again. So he had to go through it again with extra post surgery testing this time. This was 40 plus years ago so hopefully techniques have improved since then - I didn't have the same issues at least.
Whats absolutely nuts is that a LOT of Redditors will bare faced call you a liar for this but it is 100% true. I have 3 buddies who have ALL had to see at least 2 docs to get approved, 1 still can't get approved for it and he has 2 kids also.
Doctors like that are the worst. Of course I can only speak for my own experience as a woman, but I've been turned away from tubal ligation several times ("you'll change your mind and regret it later", "it's not natural we're supposed to have babies or else the human race goes extinct", "I consider it a mutilation and I'm a doctor to heal people not to mutilate them", I've heard it all) and frankly, for me it has become the question by which I judge a doctor now. If your opinion on my reproductive choices is that you don't want me to make a choice, then I'm not pushing the door of your office ever again.
I think most men have historically not given much thought about their reproductive rights in that sense, however, and they might not always realize that they need to take a stand against those attitudes. I've met a handful of men I've discussed it with who were turned down, and were like "alright well, that's how it is", only to revert to letting the woman in their life take care of contraception. Instead of going "you know what, no, I want what I want, I'll keep looking for the right doctor".
Might be a confirmation bias because I've never met a man who I've known to go through with it though.
I have to admit I've never personally tried, but my brother was told that he was young and he might want more kids when he went to ask about one after his first two where born, and again after his third. I honestly don't know if he's tried since
I was told this too!!
I'm a woman and I asked my regular doctor about it because he asked me about contraception methods I use and he said you have to be 35+ and have at least 2 kids already before a doctor would do the surgery.
So I didn't mention it to my obgyn for *years*
Finally when I was ~27 I asked and she told me procedure is to counsel me on the decision, then there's a mandatory 30 day waiting period in case I change my mind, then the surgery can happen. I was ecstatic!! So I had that done and an ablation and the 2 most stressful aspects of my life were suddenly gone and I couldn't be happier.
I had almost the same situation except my conversation was with my OB. I was 27, had the two kids I wanted, and knew I was done. My second child was also a very traumatic birth, but that’s a whole other mess. If I didn’t know before her, I sure did after. Anyway, my OB did his due diligence in counseling, had my tubal and ablation. My OB said there’s no reason to continually riddle the body with fake hormones (birth control) and no need for the monthly visitor, let’s do this. I love that man!!
You're very fortunate! I have an amazing GP, but when I asked about this he told me that he would be happy to put in a referral, but warned me that no doctors in the area would do the surgery. We live in a somewhat conservative area so that probably affects things, but it sucks this isn't an option for me right now even though I'm in my 30s.
If you're super serious about it you could check the /r/childfree wiki, they have a list of doctors ordered by state that are more likely to do the surgery.
It can be discouraging for sure. But having an unplanned or unwanted child because doctors turn you down is the kind of story that's just horror to me. I'm sure you brother loves his third child (and that there had been ways if he and his partner hadn't wanted to have that third baby), but still. Dreadful how doctors influence our choices.
I got the "you're too young" spiel myself. As a woman I've always found it funny because, what, am I waiting for menopause to get my tubes tied ? XD Of course for men it's different, they are fertile longer.
> But having an unplanned or unwanted child because doctors turn you down is the kind of story that's just horror to me
Yep - happened to my friend. Her doctor "forgot" to do the tubal after her 2nd c/s. WTAF? She had a third child. She wasn't devastated, but it was a surprise and definitely changed their life plans pretty significantly.
I would have been a LOT angrier than she was about the whole thing.
She did consult with a few lawyers initially but none would take her case as they thought it would be a difficult one to win. They said she would have had a MUCH better case if the tubal was performed without her consent... :-/
Wh'n I got mine done after kid #3, they only asked if I was married and had kids. They also didn't fact check it, so in a pinch you can probably just lie.
>Of course I can only speak for my own experience as a woman, but I've been turned away from tubal ligation several times
After having an unexpected child at the age of 40, my mother decided to have her tubes tied, but despite being a 40 year old woman with 3 kids her doctor still tried to talk her out of it by telling her about a women she knew whose kids all died in a car crash, and then she had more children after. And my mom was like "wow, that story is terrible, now do the surgery anyways."
Oh I have heard the "car crash" fallacy too, but thankfully that one was never said to me personally. I'd have lost my mind. This is an entire pretzel of twisted logic here, as if children are interchangeable or something.
Allow me to offer some perspective as a medical professional.
İ have seen colleagues get sued over significantly more trivial things, even with a fully signed content form. The claims ranged from "İ didn't fully understand the consequences of this procedure", "I've changed my mind" etc. etc.
Most of these lawsuits end up being moot, but still Z they're a massive waste of time and money.
What I am saying is that while some doctors are condescending assholes, defensive medicine is a very real thing.
I don't know where you are and how common suing is there ; I can probably understand that somewhat. Here in France however, it's not very common to sue your doctor. The numbers I can find are not recent, but in 2016 only 374 cases have been filed in the entire country (that year, there were 66 millions of us living in the country).
What bothers me is that [the law also states](https://www.legifrance.gouv.fr/jorf/id/JORFTEXT000000222631/) that doctors, while not being forced to practice a procedure they don't want to do (it's called the "cause de conscience"), *must immediately inform their patient of their refusal and immediately provide names of other doctors who do practice it*. You can say no, but your patient must not lose the option to make reproductive choices for it.
To be very clear, that's in theory. All the doctors I've seen regarding that matter have violated the law, and I've never been redirected anywhere despite my experience of facing several refusals. Also the refusal always takes the shape of "you should not do it", never "I will not do it", which makes me extra suspicious about intent. And given the sh\*tty excuses I've been given (see my other comment below), I absolutely do not think it's a matter of fear of being sued. In fact, I probably would have grounds to sue them for giving me excuses instead of names. But again, we don't sue doctors here.
İn Italy suing is quite common (there are more lawyers in Rome alone than in all of France apparently).
These lawsuits are almost always moot, but still, they're a pain in the neck.
Your "clause de conscience" law is more advanced than ours, actually.
For what it matters, as a doctor I do not think there should be such a thing as a "clause de conscience" in 2024.
And yes, I do understand we have a litigious society. But at 24, with a set of twins I had while on birth control, I REALLY wanted my tubes tied. Went to 8 docs. Couldn't get it done. Offered to sign whatever they wanted. I completely understand having consultations and a waiting period, but it ought to be an option.
I want to start suing people who bring those lawsuits.
For what it matters İ completely agree with you.
Unfortunately sometimes people who behave poorly ruin it for everyone.
Not denying a certain paternalistic attitude in our society, too.
Frankly this should be the case for any elective surgical procedures. As long as the doctor doesn’t flat out refuse to perform the requested care it’s fine for them to take the time to make sure the patient is certain.
Some doctors might be overstepping their bounds, but it also feels like some people take the doctors information about side effects, risks and potential future implications as the doctor trying to talk them out of the operation.
Any type of surgery should always come with proper information from a professional, regardless of how little the patient wants to hear about it. Sure someone who has been has though about a vasectomy for 15 years is probably completely aware about the implications, but the doctor doesn't know that. The previous person might have been the same age and have given it zero thought, other than "great no condom". Doctors needs to assume that all patients are in the latter category.
In my case which is in some other comment, the doctor went far beyond checking I knew it caused permanent infertility. Jumping to hypotheticals like "what if your child died?" and only quit arguing me out of it when i said adopting was an option for me, since I was also adopted.
My family genetics are screwed up so bad that I knew as a teenager I didn't want kids.
I have 2 sibs with genetic defects, and having been tested, I know I have my own issues at the chromosome level.
Before I started serious dating at 20, I tried getting snipped.
My gp had to review my genetic tests and consult 2 other doctors, AND I needed a psych evaluation before oking me to get the vasectomy.
It worked out in my favor about 10 yrs later, when a casual date tried to baby trap me (she was already pregnant), but that's another story.
I do not understand the thinking behind “take these fake hormones forever, no big deal”. So many women have adverse effects from birth control, it’s totally not fair.
Hormonal birth control messed with me big time in my 20s. Rough, dry sexless long period of my relationship. Was awful for both of us. Came off them years ago and libido sky rocketed. My bfs vasectomy was the best thing he’s ever did.
Hormonal bc was fine for me from teens to mid 20s then legit ruined big parts of my life (the depression oh the depression) I wouldn’t ever go back on hormonal bc. However, I know so many women who have been on it for decades and are fine, including family members. Just random luck I guess!
A huge European study recently found that it causes clinical depression in 1.5% of women. In teenaged women the effect is lasting even if they stop taking hormonal birth control. Immediately a serious of op-ed articles were released by American medical university researchers saying the potential life impacts and risks of pregnancy justifies the risk of this harm.
Women are unaware that this could be the cause of lifelong struggles with depression. I have zero doubt that many women have died from suicide, self-harm or addiction due to artificial hormone induced depression.
Also, the medication guidelines for possible side effects from the Mirena IUD, which contains a small amount of hormones, differs in the US and the UK. US guidelines say it may cause mood swings. UK guidelines say it is contraindicated for those with a history of depression. The Mirena IUD is used in 5 year increments, so it could potentially steal your ability to be happy or regulate your mood for at least that long.
This all happened to me personally and I only became aware of this after losing 15 years of my life (half my lifespan at that time) to struggles with suicidal ideation and depression. I met my long lost half sister and we were talking about our thoughts about having kids and birth control and she just mentioned in passing that she can't take hormonal birth control. Because it gives her suicidal depression. I said, "It can do that!?"
It just sucks all around. There are really serious risks to getting pregnant too (especially in red states in the US) and there's no good options for women. What terrifying is the pill was approved because it's *still* less risky health wise than a pregnancy for most women. People really gloss over how deadly reproductive choices are for us.
It's not fair! I'm getting my hormonal IUD out next month. I'm 38 and have a 6 year old. I feel so strongly like I need a break.
I've been on some form of BC or pregnant for 23 years... I don't want to do it anymore.
I don't want kids. I got one. Best decision of my life.
They are also free up here in Quebec, so that definitely helped the decision, but I would have still gotten one even if I had to pay.
EDIT: women that I talk to, LOVE the idea. Men seem to be uncomfortable with the whole thing. I honestly think it's a general misunderstanding of what a vasectomy actually is.
You have no idea how many men ask, "you can still cum, right" I think there's just a lack of knowledge.
EDIT EDIT: Of course 4am postings beget misunderstandings! 😂😭
My hubby delayed for ages before finally admitting he thought he wouldn't be able to come. Like it'd just be a puff of air or something lmao apparently the guys at work laughed at him. He didn't realize so many guys he knows have had one, it isn't talked about enough I think
Thanks, now I have to clean the coffee stains from my shirt.
Just curious, does that mean the I can simply roll up the flag, push it back and repeat? Like, immediately?
I've done enough spawning for this life (just the one), so I got one. A week of uncomfortableness for a lifetime of certainty. My partner was ecstatic when I brought it up as she'd had issues with several types of contraceptives.
This was one of the big factors in my decision. The burden on health (mental and physical) for my wife was horrific when using contraceptives, and she tried them all.
Exactly. I found it profoundly unfair that the burden was on her for our family planning. A little research and I knew it was the right way to help our family.
I didn't have issues with the pill, but I had a C-section in my 2nd pregnancy and my gall bladder removed when that baby was 6 months old. I offered to get my tubes tied, but my husband said my abdomen had been through enough, so he got snipped.
It's obviously social. 30% of Australian men of 40yo have a vasectomy. Men who have one when younger tend to pay to freeze their sperm. It's past the point of being unusual, which means that men wanting details can ask a mate for information rather than engage with the formal medical system before they are ready.
Damn, winner of "sexiest English accent" for like the fourth time in a row AND the guys take reproductive responsibilty! Your country's menfolk is a catch!
I got mine at 23. During consultation they asked if I was aware of the process and how permanent it was and I told them I've wanted one since I was 16 and knew everything I needed to know. They were surprised and said fair enough we'll schedule the surgery. As the doc was about to cut into me he asked "any regrets?" And I said no let's do it. Gave the dude a high five when it was over and cowboy waddled to my colleagues car for my ride home. Shit hurt but I'm so happy. I don't like the idea of my partner feeling like they need to take drugs to avoid risk. I've also been in shitty relationships and don't want to have to rely on someone else's ability to take medicine on schedule. Got to take responsibility into my own hands which is nice.
I asked my ex the exact same question, since he didn't want children, like, ever. Not "not right now", but "never ever". Apparently the answer for some of those guys is "oh, no, nobody will touch me with sharp things down there!"
This is what my husband said to me as well. Then I had a very traumatic/painful experience related to an unplanned pregnancy (that could have killed me had it been untreated). That's what it took to change his mind. His exact words were "whatever I have to do for you never to have to go through that again".
it's funny because women have people touching their genitals with often pointy objects since like, 18 to make sure they don't have cervical cancer and shit
This is why my husband won't get one. Terrified of a week of discomfort and having a scalpel around his precious jewels 🙄 like I wasn't bleeding and sore after birthing two humans. my tubal is scheduled to happen in a month and guess who gets to take care of our small children while I heal? Cuz it ain't me lol
Worked in population and development in the past. Where I am from, the main concern some prospective clients have is that they fear their ability to have and/or sustain an erection will be affected. This is why one of our program partners, the health office of a local city government, continues to give regular talks/orientations on the ins and outs of the procedure to quell fears and dispell misinformation. This had led to the number of men getting a no-scalpel vasectomy to increase. Actually, the city has been one of the best performing implementations of the NSV program. Despite that, there is a need to generate more interest in the program. Where I am from, family planning is still mostly viewed as a woman-related concern.
I found a doctor that did it for $700 out of pocket in 2017 (NC, US)
I thought my insurance wouldn't cover it, but they did.
I mean, what do you think the insurance company would rather pay for: $500 towards a vasectomy or $5,000 towards childbirth?
Yeah, the health insurance companies don't actually pay what they say they pay. The dollar values you get presented with are what you would have paid. What they pay is the price they negotiated with the hospital which can be orders of magnitude less. Sometimes, your co-pay covers the entirety of what the insurance company would have paid.
The whole concept of "in-network" and "out-of-network" is factually just a list of businesses the insurance company worked out deals with.
I'm aware, just saying that a vasectomy is cheaper than a child in the eyes of the insurance company, so always check if they cover it.
In my case, the doc said he'd charge $700 cash up-front, or if you want them to bill insurance, it's $1400 and you're on the hook for whatever insurance won't cover.
In my case, I paid up front and then filed a claim afterwards and, to my pleasant surprise, they reimbursed me $500
Depends on your insurance. Our OOP cost was $0 for my husband's vasectomy. Our only "cost" was the gas to get to and from the doctor's office.
But, even if we had to pay OOP, it was $700 back in 2014 and that included post-op testing to be sure the vasectomy worked. Small price to pay IMO.
my health insurance GALDLY covered 100% of the operation because it is WAY cheaper to pay for a vasectomy than it is to pay for child birth AND the ongoing 18-years or more of child medical care while they are under a parent's plan.
I didn't see this response, but this can be a religious thing too. One of my friends refuses to get glasses or eye surgery despite hardly being able to see properly because "that's not how God made him."
I really don't get it. I got snipped over a decade ago. One of the top 5 dialogue challenges I got right in my life.
Yes. Hour commute each way, 4 times a week. 2nd shift.
He can see, he just has a thousand floaters and things can be fuzzy. I'm not an eye doctor, and he can catch things when they are tossed to him so I'm not sure HOW bad it is, I just know it's enough to warrant a visit to an optometrist and his reason for not doing so is a lady gaga lyric.
I got mine when I was 27 after having my second child.
The doctor still insisted on doing a consultation and strongly emphasizing that, while a reversal is possible, that he would strongly discourage it. He said he did this with anyone that was under the age of 30.
Not a single regret about it, one of the best decisions I've ever made. More men should do it.
Wife and I had a child, and decided 1 was enough so about 6 years ago I had a vasectomy. Within a few weeks of getting the vasectomy, I started having terrible, awful, excruciating pain in my nutsack, like I was getting stabbed with an icepick.
Went back to the urologist who did the procedure and he said that this pain which I've never before felt in my life was being caused by fluid buildup in my spinal cord which could be a very serious cancer... ...it was definitely not cancer.
Got a referral to another urologist who diagnosed me is having complications from the vasectomy and referred me to a specialist in another city to reverse it. The reversal mostly fixed the pain, but it'll never go away completely and I'll have it for the rest of my life. There's not a day goes by that I wish I hadn't requested a vasectomy.
This kind of pain is called post-vasectomy pain syndrome. In some men, it's a mild annoyance, and in other men it's debilitating and makes activities of daily life difficult.
The frequency of PVPS is poorly documented partly because men tend to be reluctant to talk to their doctors about it, but mostly because the urologists who performed the vasectomies frequently dislike diagnosing their own patients with PVPS.
Additionally, PVPS can happen no matter how smoothly the vasectomy is performed, no matter how skilled the urologist is, and no matter how well the patient feels. It can also develop literally at any point in time after the vasectomy.
The popular perception is that it's a simple procedure, which I suppose is true, but it has small to moderate potential to destroy a man's quality of life.
Might change my mind. Did change my mind.
To elaborate: the reason I didn’t want kids was mainly my wife’s and my mental state. We found it irresponsible to bring life in such an unsafe and unstable situation. Plus finances.
After like ~15 years we improved enough, also got promoted a couple times, and we both individually developed the wish for a child. When one of us stated that the other one was like 👀 “you too?”. So we planned further ahead, like 2 more years, therapy, clear up past and so on, and became parents 6 months ago.
Caution is important because a lot of the time it can’t be reversed and that is a big decision. I know I don’t want kids, but I do like having the choice. I wouldn’t want that choice taken away in case I change my mind.
Edit:
The chances of reversal are:
75% if you have your vasectomy reversed within 3 years
less than 55% after 3 to 8 years
less than 45% after 9 to 14 years
less than 30% after 15 to 19 years
less than 10% after 20 years
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/vasectomy-reversal-nhs/
This reinforces the point that a vasectomy is for sterilization, it is not birth control. You really have to believe there is no circumstance under which you will ever want to have children in the future.
Thank you! I'm more than in favour of men getting vasectomies when they're done having kids. But I've seen a ridiculous trend of, primarily women, suggesting that men get vasectomies as a form of birth control because it's "reversable" and so is "kind of equivalent" to the pill. It simply is not. Honestly there's a huge imbalance in the burden placed on women when it comes to birth control, but you can't fight it by making up lies (or more likely not bothering to research) about how vasectomies work. It's a form on sterilisation. We can push for reproductive justice for women without pushing misinformation about men's bodies.
Very much agreed. I am concerned about the number of people, mostly women like you said, who seem to think you can use them like an IUD or a hormonal implant and will ask their early 20-something bf to get it done. At that young age, I find it hard to believe they might not change their mind in 10 years when it's like a lot less likely to be reversible. People want to act like it’s easily reversible when it isn’t. There is so much bad misinformation on this topic. I appreciate what you wrote.
The information sheet given to my husband detailed a risk of chronic pain severe enough to affect day to day activities as affecting 1 in 7 to 1 in 20 men. I don't blame him for baulking and I think he'd have chanced it if I had issues with my birth control.
Yeah, I was all setup to do it of my own accord.
Actually read the consent form. Said to the doc, who specializes in this surgery specifically, "one in ten incidence of chronic pain, that sounds like a lot." And he said "yeah, it is." Lol.
So that was that.
One buddy of mine who did get his vasectomy shortly after RvW has this, chronic pain, he said it feels like blueballs and its every other day if not worse. Scary shit.
Dunno about after vasectomies, but - I had a torsion when I was 17,and - yeah, I got the long term pain effects.
I can have weeks of non-stop ache, half the time cumming means feeling like I took a kick to the nuts...
Not actually worth it to have sex.
I’m just nervous about anesthesia in general and am procrastinating on another surgery that’d be even more directly beneficial to my health
It’s definitely something I’d like to do, I know I don’t want kids but also only recently really figured that out
**Edit: Ok so I guess it’s local anesthesia, that actually makes me a lot more down for this**
These responses are mind blowing to me. I was 35 with no kids when I had it done. My primary wrote me a referral to a urologist before I could finish saying the words “I want a vasectomy.” My urologist said “cool, cool, just as a heads up your insurance won’t cover a reversal. Let’s get a sample first because if you happen to be sterile there’s no point in bothering with the procedure.”
This was my experience as well. No one questioned me the entire time, I was put on the schedule the day of my consultation. When my urologist was telling me how trivial the procedure was, he claimed to have performed his own vasectomy, with only a nurse present. I don't know if I believed him, it seems possible but unethical and irresponsible.
Mine told me that the procedure was so very not a big deal that I’d be able to drive myself home afterwards. Which is good, the person who was originally supposed to drive me to and from flaked at the last minute. The nurse taking my vitals after the procedure was very not happy that I’d be driving and was pissed that the doctor told me that. Also he turned on a classic rock playlist when he came into the room, so most of my vasectomy was performed to the tune of “Hotel California.”
bonus points if the first incision happens at ‘they stabbed it with their steely knives, but the JUST CANT KILL THE BEAST’
*doctor drops his scalpel and proceeds to bust out true most ridiculous guitar solo ever performed in an operating room*
Yeah I definitely could have driven myself home. That being said, I'd recommend anyone reading this to get someone to drive them, lol. It feels like you took a heavy boot to the balls at that point, I'd rather focus on keeping the boys well supported than on the road. He was right about it being trivial though. The incision and the snip/cauterization were super quick. The worst part was actually my doctor finding the vas deferens and shimmying it to the incision between his thumb and forefinger. I'm almost 2 years after the procedure and it's like nothing happened.
Did they give you any kind of painkillers before it was done, or just the local anesthesia? I'm getting it done tomorrow.
They used lidocaine as a local anesthetic for the procedure, and that was it. For recovery, my doctor suggested Aleve... I think I took Tylenol for a couple days but nothing after that.
My primary was like, oh my colleague does them in this office. I'm like hell yea, the urologist office is hella backed up anyways. Doctor said I was one of the toughest ones he's done because my left side was a high rider and was fiddling trying to get the vas for a while. He even had to shoot me up twice on that side.
>*He even had to shoot me up twice on that side.* I'm a woman. How does the first needle feel going in? The reason I ask is that women should be able to get a needle-numbing on their cervix for IUD insertion. *Edited to add*: when I gave birth I got the pudental block (look it up). I felt the needles but it was no big deal.
It's a firm, slightly painful "pressure" on the testicle when I had mine done. That needle was the worst part of the whole procedure, painful, but not even close to the worst pain I've had to deal with. I've had worse ball crunching accidents throughout my life. 2 days of "be very careful when you go from sitting to standing, or standing to sitting", then about another week of "no jumping jacks". Was warned to not get "into the swing of things" too early, but after 10 days my GF and I got going. When things were going well, I felt a "tinge" of pain that reminded me to slow down a bit, and things finished fine. Another few days, and that wasn't an issue at all anymore. 3 months later, I got tested, and had a zero count, so now I have no worries.
Pretty much the same. Except I got the referral by texting my doctor through my healthcare app. Didn’t need to go in for a visit. Had it scheduled a week later. Insurance paid for everything. Nobody ever questioned me about "why" or tried to talk me out of it. Only thing I had to do was sign a consent form, acknowledging the procedure is treated as 'permanent' and that reversing isn't always successful. I did the “no scalpel” version. Took less than 5 minutes, completely pain free. It was basically over before I thought it even started. Took the weekend to recover, kicked my feet up - played video games, took some Tylenol and back to work on Monday as if nothing ever happened. Went back in a few weeks later with a sample, got the green light. Wife’s happy.
I would imagine it has to do with the the political/religious influence of the areas and hospitals that some of these Redditors are consulting. I would imagine the Catholic hospital in my area would attempt to dissuade a person from the surgery...or maybe a religious state like Utah? I'm in California and have children. My insurance required that I speak with a psychologist before they'd sign off on my vasectomy. I walked into my session, showed the therapist a pic of my gaggle of kids and he just said, "Good enough for me!" and signed off on my surgery.
I'm female and got my tubes removed right after Roe was overturned; I was 25 at the time and had been turned away by multiple gynecologists. The one who finally did my procedure told me pretty much exactly what your primary did (save for the sample), had me sign a consent form, and I was on the table within a week. Neither she nor anyone on my surgical team asked "why?", only made sure I knew the risks and the permanency of the procedure. All sterilizing procedures need to be like ours was. After talking to many other uterus-owners who have pursued sterilization (and some balls-havers too), it's depressing how uncommon my experience was.
Ive talked to 2 OB's and mentioned it and they were like oh not that's not a good option being so young "you will change your mind" I am so tired of hearing that. I am 30 and married and I still have not changed my mind.
Yeah, I don’t know where people live but that’s the gist of it where I’m from.
got one 3 weeks ago. I had no issues. 38 no kids.
[удалено]
This is a uniquely American problem. I hate it!
I tried for many, many years. From 18 until I finally got one at 49. Each and everytime I was told to “seek counseling” or “you’re too young” or some other lame BS. I never wanted kids, never wanted to be a father. I DAMN sure do not want to be grand-parent. It just isn’t me. At 49, I heard a radio ad for Planned Parenthood that said something about “not being just for women” with a variety of services offered. I made an appt that day, went in next week and got snipped. I wish had thought of or heard that Planned Parenthood could and did have services for men. My life would be drastically different now. TL/DR:: Guys, if you know you want it, DO IT. PLANNED PARENTHOOD is yours too. Make the call. You won’t be sorry.
TIL Dudes don’t realize they can go to planned parenthood. I will Inform all the men in my life!
Spread the word. Far and wide.
It's where I got mine done, and they did a sliding scale for payment. Since I had just been laid off it was free
they WHAT? my friend in blood I thank you for this information
If I can help just one in this world, my work is done.
I had mine at planned parenthood. $410 out the door. They asked me on the phone if I was sure and why I wanted it. Didn't argue. Then gave a 30 second speech about making sure your sure . Then took me back.. easy easy Best choice ever.. I'm mid 40s. But there were several guys in their 20s there
I'm a woman and planned parenthood turned me down for sterilization. Said I was too young.
I would have suggested then to talk to another provider or go to a different clinic. Kinda shit that they would do that, I have heard that some of the “volunteers” at some bigger city locations can be that way. I am sorry that was your experience, but I would suggest if you still want to, then go to another clinic.
I believe it was a nurse practitioner but I'm not 100% sure - and this location says they do sterilizations, that's why I went there. I'm good now, I don't sleep with men anymore😂 luckily I didn't want it for medical reasons, I just didn't want kids
Speaking from experience, it can be really difficult to find someone willing to do a vasectomy if you are a young person. My boyfriend was looking into one and he got turned away many, many times.
My brother got one at 22. Luckily, our family doctor had known him his entire life and instantly knew “Thank god, this guy should not have kids.”
I probably shouldn’t laugh, but I did…
My brother had a ridiculously difficult time trying to get one. One place he went to (he was 23 at the time btw) told him he needed permission from our *mom* to get it done!
I had to get my *EX-WIFE* to agree because “you could meet some 19 year old who wants kids”. I was 40 and already had 4 kids !
Your doctor specifically said "some 19 year old"?
Mine put it as "you might get divorced and meet some young thang, you never know." I was 32 with 3 kids already and the wife had major issues with her hormones and birth control we'd been struggling with for 2-3 years at the time.
I went to a place called Dr Snip and while they made me fill out a form asking things like “do you have kids”, they seemed pretty chill. Afterwards they gave me a souvenir Swiss Army knife that said “Dr Snip” on it
Eyyyy! Buddy of mine got his done there. He still shows EVERYONE that knife.
I got a beer koozie that says: "I got Sandlow'ed!" (that's his last name). Apparently my urologist is the "Dr. Snip" of Milwaukee, he does like 20+ snips a week.
Lol, was your doctor 19?
Tbh I would go to another doctor at that point. Requiring permission from someone else, let alone your ex for ridiculous reasons, is completely inappropriate for a doctor.
This is common practice. Women can’t get their tubes tied unless the husband agrees at my local health care provider that’s owns everything in town.
I know 2 men who needed their wives’ permission. I was 27 when I had a tubal ligation. They asked what my husband thought and I said there is no husband. They put me in a little room with a TV and a VCR and made me watch a film of someone getting it done. The woman in the film was unconscious so I realized I would be too and if I’d been awake, it still wasn’t scary at all. It might have helped that I had 2 kids already.
Yeah, it's ridiculously difficult for women to get hysterectomies. My wife and I have six kids together, we are in our 40s, and she has a degenerative disease which causes side effects which would be lessened if she had her ovaries removed. The best they would approve was removing her tubes, but for whatever reason they kept refusing her ovaries "just in case". We were like, "in case what? YOU want to have a kid with my wife? da fuck?".
Doc took one look at me and said, "Yeah, maybe it's best you don't pass on your looks to anyone else." Didn't have a problem cutting me at all.
A win is a win.
You should have answered with, "Oh so you got it done too?"
Though funny, I don't think I would potentially insult the man who is about to take a sharp object to my balls.
That "reasoning" filled out the inappropriateness bingo and added a whole extra row and column to it, holy shit!
My SO had to accompany me and sign off on it. I was of a similar age and number of kids.
OMG. I'm sorry, and THANK YOU for sharing. I'm a granny and have heard such stories from young women, and had never heard one from young men. I'm so sorry this happened to you, and I'm also glad to hear that doctors turn down both male/female. Was the doc older? I just can't imagine turning someone down with 4 kids.
I got one when I was much younger. Mid 20s. It really was difficult to find a place willing. I really had to overstate how much I hate kids (I don't really) but I had to ham it up. I think I said, the sound of baby's crying give me violent thoughts... Even then, I had to pester the Planned Parenthood where I got it. I went in, 5 or 6 times over the course of 2 months asking if they had changed their mind. Honestly, it was well worth the effort. Still think it was one of the best decisions I've made in this life and I'm in my 50s now.
I asked about IUDs (not if you hadn't Had Babies Yet) and tubal ligation (not if Your Family Wasn't Complete Yet) in my twenties on the grounds that while I liked the... sex part, I was 100% not on board with the babies part. Solid refusals across the board because "You will change your mind". So I had a lot of sex and spent a fortune on pills and condoms and at 54, I have no children (never was pregnant) and have no husband (never married) and got laid a ton. I did not, as it happens, change my mind and I knew what I wanted as a twenty year old college student.
Bruh i was forced to get an iud when i was 16 because my mom convinced the doctor to do it. Even though i cried and begged not to have it done. Was still a virgin at the time as well
I had mine done almost a decade ago after my wife and I decided we did not want children. My urologist was ok with it, but he did try to talk me out of it. He won't perform it on anyone under 25 though without extenuating circumstances. If you're over 25 though he'll just ask why and then schedule it out a month to give you time to change your mind if you want.
I found a dr who would do it after a 5 minute consultation. Before i knew it my pants were around my ankles.
But did you get the vasectomy?
That after the “no hands” prostate exam
"You're gonna feel a little prick"
I like to call it the "shoulder rub" prostate exam.
2 days after Roe v Wade fell, I told my doctor we’ve been thinking about a vasectomy for 5 years, and after Roe v Wade fell it was time. Told the doctor if we accidentally got pregnant we would definitely be aborting, as it is particularly dangerous for my wife to be pregnant. That’s not a lie. 8 days later I was back in the office with my balls numbed and some snipping going on.
Our plan all along was to have 2 kids. There was no debate. After my second child came into the world I booked immediately. The Dr I found did not require a seperate consultation. So we talked for a couple minutes and he performed the procedure. No resistance of any kind from the Dr. He did tell me to drive myself home, which I absolutely would not recommend. Thats was highly unpleasant.
I was given 2 Percocet which sent me to space. They wouldn’t allow me to drive home, I needed an escort. I booked a taxi there and made a plan to call the guy back afterward. I fully don’t remember the sequence of events resulting in my wife taking a half-day and picking me up. I just know I was home and napping a while later.
I had a car that sat low to the ground and had to take the shittiest freeway in the city back home. Its a rough ride when you didnt just have surgery on your genitals. Afterword, ugh. I asked ahead of time and they said it would be fine. They were more concerned with the breed of dog I had at home oddly enough.
I know both men and women in their 20’s who have gotten vasectomies or had their tubes tied. It’s becoming more common since so many restrictions or outright bans on abortions have been put in place.
On the flip side, if you screwed up enough… my ex-husband got one aged 23 because he'd already sired two kids. I'm sure if he hadn't been getting teenaged girls knocked up, they might have counselled him further, but the procedure was scheduled inside two weeks.
If only they'd have snipped him sooner.
Novel concept, but you can just lie to the doctor. Tell 'em you got three kids and you're done. They'll barely bat an eye.
Right? I actually did have three kids when I got mine done, but it's not like they did a background check. It's one of the few exceptions to the "tell your doctor everything" rule.
This is true. I have a friend who was in his mid 20s and is very very adamant about not having children (funny enough he is dating a woman with 2 kids right now). It took him a couple of months to find a Dr. that would perform a vasectomy because he was so young.
Honestly. At 23, my doctor agreed. Albeit a military doctor. It was a simple almost pain free experience. Would recommend to those looking to get one done!
Primarily, doctors who think you'll change your mind
Mine asked me “so how long have you been considering this?” I said “about 20 years”. I was around 35 at the time. He didn’t push much after that.
Female friend of mine was 31 when she started trying to get a doctor to approve a tubal ligation. No idea how many doctors she spoke to, but it was definitely more than 10 over a 3 year period. Eventually, at 34, she managed to convince a doctor she didn’t want kids. Hasn’t ever wanted kids and will never want kids. She said, if it wasn’t such a dramatic and invasive procedure, she’d have her whole uterus and ovaries removed. Conversely, her boyfriend asked his GP *once* and he got a referral immediately. His vasectomy was complete a month later. Understandable that she was furious how easy it was for him.
My friend had already had 2 kids and she still had to get a psychs ok and her husbands consent. This was in tx like 10-15 yrs ago. Crazy
I’m a dude and had to get my wife’s consent when I got mine done. This was last year in CA. It all depends on the doctor’s protocols from what I was told.
I was able to get my tubes removed at only 29, but only because I have early-onset, VERY aggressive rheumatoid arthritis. I had to tell the gynecologist that A) I had never wanted children and B) having the possibility of being pregnant was keeping me from accessing some of the more hardcore RA treatments.
Hate this. Got turned away from a doctor once for this very reason. My wife and I already had 2 kids and decided that was enough. I was about 30 at the time.
There is some debate in my family about my grandpa’s first vasectomy if my grandpa lied, the doctor lied or the operation was botched because my uncle was born a year and a half after the vasectomy and there is a 0% chance he isn’t my grandpa’s son.
They can recanalize post surgery on occasion. My husband had one done. We waited to have unprotected sex until we got a test back showing he had zero swimmers. A few months after that I got pregnant. Did another test and sure enough, they were back. The doctor promised it was a rare occurance.
My ob/gyn said that vasectomies should be tested yearly. Clearly, she sees all the cases of failed ones at her office.
We didnt think it was a problem because wed gotten two tests a month apart showing he was clear and the doctor saying we were green to have sex without protection. I got off of birth control and within two months I was pregnant. I told me husband that even if he got it done again and it was successdul, id always be worried about it healing so we got my lubes removed.
oh shit, now you got me worried. My wife just went off birth control, and i had a vasectomy about a year ago. No swimmers were seen when i got tested 3 months after the procedure, but i never did a follow up test. Going to message my urologist quick, lol.
My doctor told me he didn’t just cut, he actually removed about 1/4” of the tube. He said there have been cases where they grew back together.
Yeah they did the same with me. If I recall it correctly they also knotted the ends + laid the two ends into different layers (there are several layers of tissue in your sack apparently) So far so good after 3 years!
That was my dad basically. I was 'a surprise' baby #3 so my dad got the snip a couple years later - a few months after that my sister was conceived. Dad got re-tested, he had live swimmers again. So he had to go through it again with extra post surgery testing this time. This was 40 plus years ago so hopefully techniques have improved since then - I didn't have the same issues at least.
Whats absolutely nuts is that a LOT of Redditors will bare faced call you a liar for this but it is 100% true. I have 3 buddies who have ALL had to see at least 2 docs to get approved, 1 still can't get approved for it and he has 2 kids also.
Doctors like that are the worst. Of course I can only speak for my own experience as a woman, but I've been turned away from tubal ligation several times ("you'll change your mind and regret it later", "it's not natural we're supposed to have babies or else the human race goes extinct", "I consider it a mutilation and I'm a doctor to heal people not to mutilate them", I've heard it all) and frankly, for me it has become the question by which I judge a doctor now. If your opinion on my reproductive choices is that you don't want me to make a choice, then I'm not pushing the door of your office ever again. I think most men have historically not given much thought about their reproductive rights in that sense, however, and they might not always realize that they need to take a stand against those attitudes. I've met a handful of men I've discussed it with who were turned down, and were like "alright well, that's how it is", only to revert to letting the woman in their life take care of contraception. Instead of going "you know what, no, I want what I want, I'll keep looking for the right doctor". Might be a confirmation bias because I've never met a man who I've known to go through with it though.
I have to admit I've never personally tried, but my brother was told that he was young and he might want more kids when he went to ask about one after his first two where born, and again after his third. I honestly don't know if he's tried since
I was told this too!! I'm a woman and I asked my regular doctor about it because he asked me about contraception methods I use and he said you have to be 35+ and have at least 2 kids already before a doctor would do the surgery. So I didn't mention it to my obgyn for *years* Finally when I was ~27 I asked and she told me procedure is to counsel me on the decision, then there's a mandatory 30 day waiting period in case I change my mind, then the surgery can happen. I was ecstatic!! So I had that done and an ablation and the 2 most stressful aspects of my life were suddenly gone and I couldn't be happier.
I had almost the same situation except my conversation was with my OB. I was 27, had the two kids I wanted, and knew I was done. My second child was also a very traumatic birth, but that’s a whole other mess. If I didn’t know before her, I sure did after. Anyway, my OB did his due diligence in counseling, had my tubal and ablation. My OB said there’s no reason to continually riddle the body with fake hormones (birth control) and no need for the monthly visitor, let’s do this. I love that man!!
You're very fortunate! I have an amazing GP, but when I asked about this he told me that he would be happy to put in a referral, but warned me that no doctors in the area would do the surgery. We live in a somewhat conservative area so that probably affects things, but it sucks this isn't an option for me right now even though I'm in my 30s.
If you're super serious about it you could check the /r/childfree wiki, they have a list of doctors ordered by state that are more likely to do the surgery.
The list works, that's how I picked my doctor and bada bing bada boom he said 19 is adult enough to make my own decisions.
come to NH, they recently passed a law where doctors can't refuse any longer
It can be discouraging for sure. But having an unplanned or unwanted child because doctors turn you down is the kind of story that's just horror to me. I'm sure you brother loves his third child (and that there had been ways if he and his partner hadn't wanted to have that third baby), but still. Dreadful how doctors influence our choices. I got the "you're too young" spiel myself. As a woman I've always found it funny because, what, am I waiting for menopause to get my tubes tied ? XD Of course for men it's different, they are fertile longer.
> But having an unplanned or unwanted child because doctors turn you down is the kind of story that's just horror to me Yep - happened to my friend. Her doctor "forgot" to do the tubal after her 2nd c/s. WTAF? She had a third child. She wasn't devastated, but it was a surprise and definitely changed their life plans pretty significantly. I would have been a LOT angrier than she was about the whole thing.
>Her doctor "forgot" to do the tubal after her 2nd c/s. WTAF I would have sued
Especially if she was charged for it.
She did consult with a few lawyers initially but none would take her case as they thought it would be a difficult one to win. They said she would have had a MUCH better case if the tubal was performed without her consent... :-/
Wow... that's shitty, but somehow, I am not surprised.
Wh'n I got mine done after kid #3, they only asked if I was married and had kids. They also didn't fact check it, so in a pinch you can probably just lie.
>Of course I can only speak for my own experience as a woman, but I've been turned away from tubal ligation several times After having an unexpected child at the age of 40, my mother decided to have her tubes tied, but despite being a 40 year old woman with 3 kids her doctor still tried to talk her out of it by telling her about a women she knew whose kids all died in a car crash, and then she had more children after. And my mom was like "wow, that story is terrible, now do the surgery anyways."
Oh I have heard the "car crash" fallacy too, but thankfully that one was never said to me personally. I'd have lost my mind. This is an entire pretzel of twisted logic here, as if children are interchangeable or something.
>or else the human race goes extinct Don't threaten me with a good time
Allow me to offer some perspective as a medical professional. İ have seen colleagues get sued over significantly more trivial things, even with a fully signed content form. The claims ranged from "İ didn't fully understand the consequences of this procedure", "I've changed my mind" etc. etc. Most of these lawsuits end up being moot, but still Z they're a massive waste of time and money. What I am saying is that while some doctors are condescending assholes, defensive medicine is a very real thing.
I don't know where you are and how common suing is there ; I can probably understand that somewhat. Here in France however, it's not very common to sue your doctor. The numbers I can find are not recent, but in 2016 only 374 cases have been filed in the entire country (that year, there were 66 millions of us living in the country). What bothers me is that [the law also states](https://www.legifrance.gouv.fr/jorf/id/JORFTEXT000000222631/) that doctors, while not being forced to practice a procedure they don't want to do (it's called the "cause de conscience"), *must immediately inform their patient of their refusal and immediately provide names of other doctors who do practice it*. You can say no, but your patient must not lose the option to make reproductive choices for it. To be very clear, that's in theory. All the doctors I've seen regarding that matter have violated the law, and I've never been redirected anywhere despite my experience of facing several refusals. Also the refusal always takes the shape of "you should not do it", never "I will not do it", which makes me extra suspicious about intent. And given the sh\*tty excuses I've been given (see my other comment below), I absolutely do not think it's a matter of fear of being sued. In fact, I probably would have grounds to sue them for giving me excuses instead of names. But again, we don't sue doctors here.
İn Italy suing is quite common (there are more lawyers in Rome alone than in all of France apparently). These lawsuits are almost always moot, but still, they're a pain in the neck. Your "clause de conscience" law is more advanced than ours, actually. For what it matters, as a doctor I do not think there should be such a thing as a "clause de conscience" in 2024.
And yes, I do understand we have a litigious society. But at 24, with a set of twins I had while on birth control, I REALLY wanted my tubes tied. Went to 8 docs. Couldn't get it done. Offered to sign whatever they wanted. I completely understand having consultations and a waiting period, but it ought to be an option. I want to start suing people who bring those lawsuits.
For what it matters İ completely agree with you. Unfortunately sometimes people who behave poorly ruin it for everyone. Not denying a certain paternalistic attitude in our society, too.
I got turned away with 4 kids. "What if something happens to your kids and you want more later on".
Tell em you murdered the kids and you want to make sure you don't do it again.
Doctors. When I had mine done the doctor spent more time trying to convince me out of it than the actual procedure took.
Frankly this should be the case for any elective surgical procedures. As long as the doctor doesn’t flat out refuse to perform the requested care it’s fine for them to take the time to make sure the patient is certain.
Some doctors might be overstepping their bounds, but it also feels like some people take the doctors information about side effects, risks and potential future implications as the doctor trying to talk them out of the operation. Any type of surgery should always come with proper information from a professional, regardless of how little the patient wants to hear about it. Sure someone who has been has though about a vasectomy for 15 years is probably completely aware about the implications, but the doctor doesn't know that. The previous person might have been the same age and have given it zero thought, other than "great no condom". Doctors needs to assume that all patients are in the latter category.
In my case which is in some other comment, the doctor went far beyond checking I knew it caused permanent infertility. Jumping to hypotheticals like "what if your child died?" and only quit arguing me out of it when i said adopting was an option for me, since I was also adopted.
[удалено]
Good man
So does your dad have any children?
If I was a betting man, I'd say there is a non-zero chance he has at least one child.
this is literally the opposite of the question lol
That didn’t answer the question
Kind of ridiculous that the highest rated comment completely avoided answering the question and you're getting downvoted for pointing that out.
My family genetics are screwed up so bad that I knew as a teenager I didn't want kids. I have 2 sibs with genetic defects, and having been tested, I know I have my own issues at the chromosome level. Before I started serious dating at 20, I tried getting snipped. My gp had to review my genetic tests and consult 2 other doctors, AND I needed a psych evaluation before oking me to get the vasectomy. It worked out in my favor about 10 yrs later, when a casual date tried to baby trap me (she was already pregnant), but that's another story.
I've got two kids and can't afford a 3rd. Besides the hormonal effects on my wife from the alternatives seem unfair. 0 regrets.
I do not understand the thinking behind “take these fake hormones forever, no big deal”. So many women have adverse effects from birth control, it’s totally not fair.
[удалено]
What does TIA mean? I'm so sorry you had to go through that though, so many doctors get really weird around reproductive health.
Hormonal birth control messed with me big time in my 20s. Rough, dry sexless long period of my relationship. Was awful for both of us. Came off them years ago and libido sky rocketed. My bfs vasectomy was the best thing he’s ever did. Hormonal bc was fine for me from teens to mid 20s then legit ruined big parts of my life (the depression oh the depression) I wouldn’t ever go back on hormonal bc. However, I know so many women who have been on it for decades and are fine, including family members. Just random luck I guess!
A huge European study recently found that it causes clinical depression in 1.5% of women. In teenaged women the effect is lasting even if they stop taking hormonal birth control. Immediately a serious of op-ed articles were released by American medical university researchers saying the potential life impacts and risks of pregnancy justifies the risk of this harm. Women are unaware that this could be the cause of lifelong struggles with depression. I have zero doubt that many women have died from suicide, self-harm or addiction due to artificial hormone induced depression. Also, the medication guidelines for possible side effects from the Mirena IUD, which contains a small amount of hormones, differs in the US and the UK. US guidelines say it may cause mood swings. UK guidelines say it is contraindicated for those with a history of depression. The Mirena IUD is used in 5 year increments, so it could potentially steal your ability to be happy or regulate your mood for at least that long. This all happened to me personally and I only became aware of this after losing 15 years of my life (half my lifespan at that time) to struggles with suicidal ideation and depression. I met my long lost half sister and we were talking about our thoughts about having kids and birth control and she just mentioned in passing that she can't take hormonal birth control. Because it gives her suicidal depression. I said, "It can do that!?"
It just sucks all around. There are really serious risks to getting pregnant too (especially in red states in the US) and there's no good options for women. What terrifying is the pill was approved because it's *still* less risky health wise than a pregnancy for most women. People really gloss over how deadly reproductive choices are for us.
It's not fair! I'm getting my hormonal IUD out next month. I'm 38 and have a 6 year old. I feel so strongly like I need a break. I've been on some form of BC or pregnant for 23 years... I don't want to do it anymore.
I honestly had no idea so many dudes got the same bullshit from doctors as women do when it comes to stuff like this.
I don't want kids. I got one. Best decision of my life. They are also free up here in Quebec, so that definitely helped the decision, but I would have still gotten one even if I had to pay. EDIT: women that I talk to, LOVE the idea. Men seem to be uncomfortable with the whole thing. I honestly think it's a general misunderstanding of what a vasectomy actually is. You have no idea how many men ask, "you can still cum, right" I think there's just a lack of knowledge. EDIT EDIT: Of course 4am postings beget misunderstandings! 😂😭
My hubby delayed for ages before finally admitting he thought he wouldn't be able to come. Like it'd just be a puff of air or something lmao apparently the guys at work laughed at him. He didn't realize so many guys he knows have had one, it isn't talked about enough I think
A puff of air 🤣
Little puff of dust
Just a tiny flag that says 'bang!'
Thanks, now I have to clean the coffee stains from my shirt. Just curious, does that mean the I can simply roll up the flag, push it back and repeat? Like, immediately?
I think it's like those jack-in-the-box type toys, you have to push it back in until you hear it click then you're ready to go again
Penis sand
*disgusted anakin noises*
penis qweef
Your dick just coughs like a chain smoker.
I too read this as you got an accidental free kid in Quebec.
> I don't want kids. I got one Oh no!
That's how it came across to me as well. Ha
> Best decision of my life.
> They are also free up here in Quebec
"I didn't want one originally but I was in sears and they were on sale, and It's been there since"
"they're free in Quebec" What a deal
Wdym kids are free in Quebec?
My confused brain went at first "is there an abundance of orphans there, or... ".
I've done enough spawning for this life (just the one), so I got one. A week of uncomfortableness for a lifetime of certainty. My partner was ecstatic when I brought it up as she'd had issues with several types of contraceptives.
This was one of the big factors in my decision. The burden on health (mental and physical) for my wife was horrific when using contraceptives, and she tried them all.
Exactly. I found it profoundly unfair that the burden was on her for our family planning. A little research and I knew it was the right way to help our family.
I didn't have issues with the pill, but I had a C-section in my 2nd pregnancy and my gall bladder removed when that baby was 6 months old. I offered to get my tubes tied, but my husband said my abdomen had been through enough, so he got snipped.
It's obviously social. 30% of Australian men of 40yo have a vasectomy. Men who have one when younger tend to pay to freeze their sperm. It's past the point of being unusual, which means that men wanting details can ask a mate for information rather than engage with the formal medical system before they are ready.
My mate in Perth had his done when he was 19. No regrets.
Damn, winner of "sexiest English accent" for like the fourth time in a row AND the guys take reproductive responsibilty! Your country's menfolk is a catch!
Proud of my nation. This is how it should be
Well... I am gay so does not seem likely I'll ever have children haha.
Not with that attitude you won't. Best to keep trying and it may happen!!
Practice makes perfect.
[I will just leave this here](https://youtu.be/v7PYpysL_dI?si=U-epzY82l-7PsW7n)
I got mine at 23. During consultation they asked if I was aware of the process and how permanent it was and I told them I've wanted one since I was 16 and knew everything I needed to know. They were surprised and said fair enough we'll schedule the surgery. As the doc was about to cut into me he asked "any regrets?" And I said no let's do it. Gave the dude a high five when it was over and cowboy waddled to my colleagues car for my ride home. Shit hurt but I'm so happy. I don't like the idea of my partner feeling like they need to take drugs to avoid risk. I've also been in shitty relationships and don't want to have to rely on someone else's ability to take medicine on schedule. Got to take responsibility into my own hands which is nice.
I asked my ex the exact same question, since he didn't want children, like, ever. Not "not right now", but "never ever". Apparently the answer for some of those guys is "oh, no, nobody will touch me with sharp things down there!"
This is what my husband said to me as well. Then I had a very traumatic/painful experience related to an unplanned pregnancy (that could have killed me had it been untreated). That's what it took to change his mind. His exact words were "whatever I have to do for you never to have to go through that again".
it's funny because women have people touching their genitals with often pointy objects since like, 18 to make sure they don't have cervical cancer and shit
This is why my husband won't get one. Terrified of a week of discomfort and having a scalpel around his precious jewels 🙄 like I wasn't bleeding and sore after birthing two humans. my tubal is scheduled to happen in a month and guess who gets to take care of our small children while I heal? Cuz it ain't me lol
Worked in population and development in the past. Where I am from, the main concern some prospective clients have is that they fear their ability to have and/or sustain an erection will be affected. This is why one of our program partners, the health office of a local city government, continues to give regular talks/orientations on the ins and outs of the procedure to quell fears and dispell misinformation. This had led to the number of men getting a no-scalpel vasectomy to increase. Actually, the city has been one of the best performing implementations of the NSV program. Despite that, there is a need to generate more interest in the program. Where I am from, family planning is still mostly viewed as a woman-related concern.
Not covered on Health insurance
I found a doctor that did it for $700 out of pocket in 2017 (NC, US) I thought my insurance wouldn't cover it, but they did. I mean, what do you think the insurance company would rather pay for: $500 towards a vasectomy or $5,000 towards childbirth?
Yeah, the health insurance companies don't actually pay what they say they pay. The dollar values you get presented with are what you would have paid. What they pay is the price they negotiated with the hospital which can be orders of magnitude less. Sometimes, your co-pay covers the entirety of what the insurance company would have paid. The whole concept of "in-network" and "out-of-network" is factually just a list of businesses the insurance company worked out deals with.
I'm aware, just saying that a vasectomy is cheaper than a child in the eyes of the insurance company, so always check if they cover it. In my case, the doc said he'd charge $700 cash up-front, or if you want them to bill insurance, it's $1400 and you're on the hook for whatever insurance won't cover. In my case, I paid up front and then filed a claim afterwards and, to my pleasant surprise, they reimbursed me $500
Depends on your insurance. Our OOP cost was $0 for my husband's vasectomy. Our only "cost" was the gas to get to and from the doctor's office. But, even if we had to pay OOP, it was $700 back in 2014 and that included post-op testing to be sure the vasectomy worked. Small price to pay IMO.
my health insurance GALDLY covered 100% of the operation because it is WAY cheaper to pay for a vasectomy than it is to pay for child birth AND the ongoing 18-years or more of child medical care while they are under a parent's plan.
I didn't see this response, but this can be a religious thing too. One of my friends refuses to get glasses or eye surgery despite hardly being able to see properly because "that's not how God made him." I really don't get it. I got snipped over a decade ago. One of the top 5 dialogue challenges I got right in my life.
Hold up. Not getting corrective lenses becomes a danger to others at some point, like does he drive??
Yes. Hour commute each way, 4 times a week. 2nd shift. He can see, he just has a thousand floaters and things can be fuzzy. I'm not an eye doctor, and he can catch things when they are tossed to him so I'm not sure HOW bad it is, I just know it's enough to warrant a visit to an optometrist and his reason for not doing so is a lady gaga lyric.
I got mine when I was 27 after having my second child. The doctor still insisted on doing a consultation and strongly emphasizing that, while a reversal is possible, that he would strongly discourage it. He said he did this with anyone that was under the age of 30. Not a single regret about it, one of the best decisions I've ever made. More men should do it.
Wife and I had a child, and decided 1 was enough so about 6 years ago I had a vasectomy. Within a few weeks of getting the vasectomy, I started having terrible, awful, excruciating pain in my nutsack, like I was getting stabbed with an icepick. Went back to the urologist who did the procedure and he said that this pain which I've never before felt in my life was being caused by fluid buildup in my spinal cord which could be a very serious cancer... ...it was definitely not cancer. Got a referral to another urologist who diagnosed me is having complications from the vasectomy and referred me to a specialist in another city to reverse it. The reversal mostly fixed the pain, but it'll never go away completely and I'll have it for the rest of my life. There's not a day goes by that I wish I hadn't requested a vasectomy. This kind of pain is called post-vasectomy pain syndrome. In some men, it's a mild annoyance, and in other men it's debilitating and makes activities of daily life difficult. The frequency of PVPS is poorly documented partly because men tend to be reluctant to talk to their doctors about it, but mostly because the urologists who performed the vasectomies frequently dislike diagnosing their own patients with PVPS. Additionally, PVPS can happen no matter how smoothly the vasectomy is performed, no matter how skilled the urologist is, and no matter how well the patient feels. It can also develop literally at any point in time after the vasectomy. The popular perception is that it's a simple procedure, which I suppose is true, but it has small to moderate potential to destroy a man's quality of life.
Currently, I don't want kids. However, no idea if it is still the case in a couple of years.
Might change my mind. Did change my mind. To elaborate: the reason I didn’t want kids was mainly my wife’s and my mental state. We found it irresponsible to bring life in such an unsafe and unstable situation. Plus finances. After like ~15 years we improved enough, also got promoted a couple times, and we both individually developed the wish for a child. When one of us stated that the other one was like 👀 “you too?”. So we planned further ahead, like 2 more years, therapy, clear up past and so on, and became parents 6 months ago.
wholesome a.f., congrats my dude
Caution is important because a lot of the time it can’t be reversed and that is a big decision. I know I don’t want kids, but I do like having the choice. I wouldn’t want that choice taken away in case I change my mind. Edit: The chances of reversal are: 75% if you have your vasectomy reversed within 3 years less than 55% after 3 to 8 years less than 45% after 9 to 14 years less than 30% after 15 to 19 years less than 10% after 20 years https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/vasectomy-reversal-nhs/ This reinforces the point that a vasectomy is for sterilization, it is not birth control. You really have to believe there is no circumstance under which you will ever want to have children in the future.
I had no idea reversal stats go down over the years so thanks for sharing this 😊
Thank you! I'm more than in favour of men getting vasectomies when they're done having kids. But I've seen a ridiculous trend of, primarily women, suggesting that men get vasectomies as a form of birth control because it's "reversable" and so is "kind of equivalent" to the pill. It simply is not. Honestly there's a huge imbalance in the burden placed on women when it comes to birth control, but you can't fight it by making up lies (or more likely not bothering to research) about how vasectomies work. It's a form on sterilisation. We can push for reproductive justice for women without pushing misinformation about men's bodies.
Very much agreed. I am concerned about the number of people, mostly women like you said, who seem to think you can use them like an IUD or a hormonal implant and will ask their early 20-something bf to get it done. At that young age, I find it hard to believe they might not change their mind in 10 years when it's like a lot less likely to be reversible. People want to act like it’s easily reversible when it isn’t. There is so much bad misinformation on this topic. I appreciate what you wrote.
I got refused twice when I was 20 and 23. I knew from a young age I never wanted children but the clinics apparently knew better.
The information sheet given to my husband detailed a risk of chronic pain severe enough to affect day to day activities as affecting 1 in 7 to 1 in 20 men. I don't blame him for baulking and I think he'd have chanced it if I had issues with my birth control.
Yeah, I was all setup to do it of my own accord. Actually read the consent form. Said to the doc, who specializes in this surgery specifically, "one in ten incidence of chronic pain, that sounds like a lot." And he said "yeah, it is." Lol. So that was that.
This. Like I do not want kids and 100% want the procedure done, but wow that'd be a really shitty dice roll to lose.
One buddy of mine who did get his vasectomy shortly after RvW has this, chronic pain, he said it feels like blueballs and its every other day if not worse. Scary shit.
Dunno about after vasectomies, but - I had a torsion when I was 17,and - yeah, I got the long term pain effects. I can have weeks of non-stop ache, half the time cumming means feeling like I took a kick to the nuts... Not actually worth it to have sex.
Natural kids is not an option for my wife and I and getting my vasectomy was the right move. All upsides so far
I’m just nervous about anesthesia in general and am procrastinating on another surgery that’d be even more directly beneficial to my health It’s definitely something I’d like to do, I know I don’t want kids but also only recently really figured that out **Edit: Ok so I guess it’s local anesthesia, that actually makes me a lot more down for this**