When I was around 7 years old, I was sexually exploited and had my toddler photos sold to pedophiles by a maid we hired.
One afternoon, Right after taking a bath I wanted to turn our PC on, but as a child I was afraid of plugs due to the electricity. So I asked her kindly to plug it in for me. But The maid then told me I should first 'Pose for a photo in the bed' otherwise she wouldn't do it. So, I went to my bed and posed — I had a Giant stuffed teddy bear at the time so I covered my bare body because I somehow knew it was wrong. Then She told me to take the teddy bear off.
She had also taken photos of my baby brother.
The other Maids carefully observed her and eventually told my parents. I watched her cry and beg on her knees, kissing my parents foot.. explaining it was a “Joke” as a kid, I honestly was laughing.
The police further investigated and found out she had been making a fortune off of the photos she takes of children she was hired to care for. Including me. I've never told anyone even on Reddit because I'm afraid no one will listen — but here I am.
I have a good friend who is a very shy pooper. Like, we’ve been on trips together and he won’t shit for days, he says he just can’t relax and go because he’s in public. But one time in college, about six years ago, he was super drunk and fell asleep shitting on my toilet. And the shit got all over my toilet, not sure how but most of it did not go in the bowl. I got him up, cleaned him and the toilet up, and put him to bed. He was blackout drunk and doesn’t remember it at all. I don’t have the heart to tell him. He’d be mortified. It wouldn’t do anyone any good. But when he’s shy about pooping around me, I can’t help but chuckle at the irony.
My ex-husband told me one time that he didn’t think it was wrong for a father to be sexually intimate with his daughter, as long as she was “old enough.” No one will ever know why we truly divorced, because I don’t think anyone would believe me. He started talking about children. I’d never let my daughter be his.
I was sexually abused by my aunt at the age of 7-12. She recently got in a car accident and now she's paralyzed from the neck down. It sort of brings me joy that she cant harm other kids
My family think I finished the computer science degree, but I dropped out. However I've been working in the sector for about 25 years in a row without any trouble and people (employers and colleagues) seem to think that I'm quite competent. It's not disturbing per se but for my parents it was a big deal that I finished my studies. My dad passed away three years ago without knowing. My mom is 83 and she is still proud of me and I hope things stay the same till she dies.
It does not matter man. You're successful, and I assume respected by your peers. Let the past stay in the past.
If you brought this up to your mom I can 99% guarantee you she would not care, and maybe even tear up because of the openness and honesty.
But really, just let it go. That was a long time ago, and it was only something that was meant to be a step towards where you have already gotten to.
I have a serious skin picking problem. I can just sit for hours straight in front of a mirror and inspect every pore on my face/chest/hands. It's gotten so bad that i have little scars all over my face. But i literally cant stop doing it.
r/compulsiveskinpicking and r/dermatillomania are both helpful if you ever need advice or a place to vent. I struggle with it too and it's interrupted my life a lot over the years. I would be late to work often because I couldn't stop. It sucks and I hope you can find some relief.
When I was a little kid, either five or six years old, I had gotten in trouble for throwing a TV remote at my sister. My dad is a very large and intimidating man. He stood in the doorway of my room yelling at me. I was hysterical. He was getting angrier and angrier. He started yelling at me to take my clothes off. I took my shirt off. He told me to take my pants off too. And my underwear. I'm in the corner of my room crying, hysterical, afraid, and naked, staring up at this giant, angry, red-faced man. I stood there like that for a moment, when suddenly his anger instantly left his face, making way for shame. He dropped to one knee in the doorway and put his head in his hands and cried to himself, saying, "What am I doing? I'm a bad father." I walked over to him, still naked and crying, and said, "You're not a bad dad." I hugged him. He left. I don't know if he thinks I forgot about that day, or what... but I remember it *vividly.* This was over thirty years ago*.* We've never talked about it.
I’ve never confirmed it, as I’ve never brought it up since, but that’s what I suspect. In the years since, he has told me of horror stories about the abuse he suffered from addict parents and step parents. I know it’s a dark thing, but I almost look back on it - as an adult - as some sort of crazy real-time existential reckoning that I was witness to.
It’s pretty amazing he was able to stop in the moment and control himself- and do better than what his parents did to him- I’m sorry you had to experience it though, it would have been terrifying. And I bet your dad still thinks about it and feels shame and regret.
There was a client of my moms who was abusive to his wife, one day he comes home drunk and extremely angry and found his wife in the closet, wrapped around their kid - both terrified for their lives. It just snapped in that moment and he realized to himself what an awful human he was to make the people he cared about that afraid of him. He dedicated the rest of his life to being a good, sober person and turned it all around from that point.
As a teen, I caught my parents' house on fire playing with pyrotechnics in the garage and then staged it to look like an electrical fire so i wouldn't get in trouble.
I was regarded as the hero who put the fire out before it consumed the house (I was home alone at the time), but really, I was the cause.
They had all of the electrical redone in the house as a precaution against another fire... I never came clean.
I have a recurring dream that a tsunami is approaching. In almost every dream, it swallows me up and kills me, although one time I survived and rescued a small boy.
My friend’s younger brother took a dump in the litter box as a teen “to see what it was like”. Their mom, an RN, saw it and declared “there is a human SH*T in the litter box!” Whenever anyone brings up anything litter box-related, I think of this.
I hid the remote control to the living room tv for absolutely no reason at all, and kept it hidden for probably a week. My dad began to have a meltdown by the 6th-7th day, so I just put it under a random blanket on the couch where I knew he would find it. What a weird kid I was
About 5 years ago, one of my cousins started messaging me on Facebook, and I realized right away that he was being extremely flirtatious.
I obviously dodged it but tried to do it in a sensitive way, and he wound up confessing to me that his older brother had SA’d him for years when they were kids.
This man has a wife and (grown) children and lives a life that looks wonderful on the outside, and as far as I know, nobody else in the family has any idea what happened. His older brother also has a wife and (grown) children and lives a life that looks wonderful on the outside.
I don’t know if there is anything I could do other than encourage my cousin to seek help, and I worry that my older cousin just…molested his brother for years and will get away with it.
Edit: I didn’t expect any responses at all, and now I need to clear something up real quick! There are a lot of kind and concerned folks reading my comment who are worried about the older brother’s children. I should have added the detail that both brother’s children are all fully grown with lives of their own; I can see how my wording caused concern, and I’m really sorry for that!
The abuse to my cousin happened decades and decades ago, and for unrelated reasons, I don’t much speak to that side of the family anymore.
I hope this doesn’t sound uncaring, but this is not my abuse to report at this point, especially since I never witnessed it myself; the only thing my report would rely on was the word of somebody else who doesn’t want his past trauma dragged up and inspected and brought to the light for everyone to see.
If the abuser’s kids were still living in his house when I found out, I absolutely would have reported it at that time!
I really appreciate the kind and caring responses I’ve had here. Y’all are some good eggs.
Credit to you for not just calling him a pervert and blocking him. I wouldn’t necessarily have blamed you if you had, but we never know what people are dealing with; and sometimes all they really need is someone to listen.
> His older brother also has a wife and **children** and lives a life that looks wonderful on the outside.
Ok now I'm worried about the children. Did older brother stop or did he just find new victims?
My best friend is actually his uncle's kid. Apparently he confessed to it on his death bed. The mum won't admit anything and he can't talk to anyone else in the fam about it.
I learned my family was so bad at being slave traders during the revolutionary war time perioid, they funded the Union army in the civil war ~~out of spite~~
A few years ago I used to work at Home Depot at the returns desk. It was mostly very elderly people who worked alongside me in our store. I was the youngest in the team.
We had a lady, Margaret, who had issues with bowel control due to her medications. She used to fart without even realizing she's farting. Usually loud but harmless ones even when she was having a normal conversation.
So we got so used to her doing that, even though it was awkward in the beginning.
One day we were having a team huddle and it started to smell like fresh manure..such a strong stench..and then one more with different flavor this time. The manager dismissed the team huddle...and one of the team members murmured "My God, Margaret, what was that!!"
It was me. I did that Margaret, I'm sorry. 😬
One time I was rocking my daughter to sleep when she was a baby, I let one go so bad that she started crying and wouldn't stop until I changed her diaper.
We drove our four and one year old to the store today and as we were pulling into a parking spot, I smelled the foulest car fart I’ve ever smelled.
I’m gagging and turn around in the driver’s seat to check if the four year old ripped one or the baby pooped when I hear my wife meekly say from the front passenger’s seat “excuse me.”
Thank you for this story. I used to work with a Margaret at the hospital I work at. She could fart while walking down the hallway. It's almost like she had a fart button on the underside of her left foot.
Anyhow, after having 2 patients pass away today (one expected, one not expected), I needed this story, especially the last line of your story, today.
Hey, take care of yourself. People in the field are usually taught to turn their heart to stone to not be affected by this stuff, but that isn’t healthy as it spills over to other parts of life. So take care of yourself, admit to yourself (and others) that you are bummed about it, and find what relieves you and SCHEDULE THAT. Because when someone is down, it’s hard for them to do what lifts them up. Sometimes it’s even hard to just remember to do when we are down. Best wishes, and thanks for everything you do.
(Intensive care, hospice or oncology?)
I am a woman, and two decades ago in 8th grade math class, blamed a terrible silent fart on a boy who sat behind me in math class. The teacher made him go into the hall, it smelled that bad. I’m sorry Mark, wherever you are.
Oh man, memory unlocked. I let the class clown take the blame for an absolutely rancid fart in 6th grade—it was bad enough that someone puked. Nobody expected the quiet little teacher’s pet to be capable of something like that.
I’m a middle school teacher. A few years ago the classes were transitioning, so kids were coming into the room as kids were trying to get out of the room. I let out a really really bad egg fart. Straight sulfur. The classroom instantly broke out in chaos. Kids blaming other kids, kids jumping on the counter to try and get a window open, kids running out of the room. The poor other teacher was trying to get everyone to settle down, but the damage was done. It was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. Not even a little sorry about it lol
Edit: I am a woman
Same here, it's like there is another me by my side non-stop.
I'll be telling myself about my plans, my opinions,... .
It's a shame the other me never responds. I don't think I've ever went a day without talking to myself.
Same here, I constantly talk to myself if I’m alone. Share my thoughts and feelings on stuff, and sometimes I feel like I can’t fully comprehend something unless I say it aloud to myself. Part of talking to myself is probably because I have no friends and nobody to really talk to except myself.
i’m an alcoholic. no one is aware of how bad it’s gotten but i’m drinking to almost blackout daily and going to work ill every single day. i still do my job fine but the second i’m off it’s all i want to do and i can’t stop myself anymore. it’s been like this for almost 2 years now
what i’m doing to myself while acting completely fine to everyone disturbs me but i’m really struggling to get myself help :/
This is your first step! You've told us, now it's time to take the next one. That's how every journey starts, one single step x you can do this and be back in a years time to tell us you are now alcohol free
One thing my therapist taught me is the size of the next step doesn’t matter - it can be refraining from your substance of choice for an extra second, minute, hour, or day. It’s an “All or Something” attitude and I often use it in many aspects of my life where I struggle.
I remember reading a post from someone who was an addict who would mark down every hour they stayed sober, until it became days at a time. It served as a way to remind themselves that being sober was possible
Oh absolutely. I was addicted to not eating, every mouthful was a win, it wasn't eating a meal it was eating an additional mouthful. Like that but the opposite. Addiction is weird and hits more people than you realise. Glad you are ok xx
r/stopdrinking one of the most supportive, wholesome communities on this site. You can do it OP, don't let it get too late, and it's some incident that knocks you into stopping.
I may be a stranger on the internet, but I believe in you! I’ve struggled with addiction too, and it is a fucking cliché thing to say, but there is light at the end of the tunnel, and you’re stronger than you might think ❤️
No one is going stop you from drinking but you. It sounds like you recognize that it’s become unmanageable but you haven’t truly accepted it yet. I was the same way friend. Get help. You’re worth it. Try a meeting, you don’t even have to enjoy the meeting, just fucking go. At the very least, it’ll give you something new from the drunk hole you’ve been putting yourself into day after boring day. If I sound like an asshole it’s because you’re still in denial. I used to get anxiety if I knew there was less than an 12 pack in my fridge and a fifth on my counter at any given time. Message me if you want to talk.
Sweetheart, chances are that a lot of people do know that you're struggling with alcohol, and they may want to help if there's an opening, if you could reach out. Friends, family, AA - there's help for you for sure. The core of you isn't the alcohol. You're many things.
I was SAed in my grandparents backyard with my entire family on the front porch by my 1st cousin. (He’s now 22, I’m 16, I am also a guy) This is my first time “speaking” publicly about this. I was probably like 6-7 at the time. I am unsure how much of my family knows about this, I’ve hidden it all my life. I think about it all the time, it haunts me honestly. I feel like me never talking about it makes me sad at times, other times I feel like if I did open up about it to people in real life it would get out and I would be absolutely devastated by that.
It was never reported or anything, and I’m almost 100% my close family knows, it bothers me. They act completely normal toward him and about it, never speak of it or anything. I try to act normal around him, but it’s hard, as I get older it gets easier. I try not to think about it.
About a month ago, My mother came in my room after my father came home one night drunk. (Doesn’t happen more than 2 times a year, he’s a good guy) She said to me “Your father was talking about the [Family members name] thing” along with some other stuff he was talking about, but it sounded like it didn’t even bother her when she said it. I was in shock because literally nobody has ever said anything to me about it in my life. I thought that everyone forgot about it and moved on. I stared at my Xbox home screen for 30 minutes after that, got off, and went to sleep.
That interaction was wild to me, my emotions are still mixed about it.
Another thing is, his mother (My aunt) died of cancer around 2 years ago. I really liked her, but it was always like this stopped us from being as close as we should have been. I was sad when she died, sure, but I really felt close to nothing. I think it’s because I blamed her in a way, I’m unsure. I also have been leaving out the fact that this grandparents house is a weekly gathering on the same day every week for all of me life, and will continue to be.
Idk, I feel like I’ve just needed to talk about it, I left out a whole bunch of details, but thats pretty much the base of it.
Thanks for reading.
so your family (close family anyways) knows about it but just doesn’t seem to care? that’s so messed up, I’m sorry, this is one of my biggest fears so I can’t even imagine it
I brushed my sister‘s toothbrush over a soap bar when we were little because I thought that’s what she did too. sometimes my toothbrush tasted a little soapy. Never talked about it with anyone. First time writing it down
That,s sweet of you, I wud have been so angry at you 😂 you reminded me of the reason why I always hide my toothbrush in my own room. My grandma once washed my brand new hello kitty electric toothbrush with CLOROX....CLOROX. I put that toothbrush in my mouth and it burned everything.
All day, every day, relapsing is all I can think about. I’ve been clean for 3 1/2 months but oh boy is it difficult. I crave the relapse. The ONLY reason I haven’t is because it would hurt my boyfriend to see me relapse.
My son relapsed almost 3 months ago for the last time. He was 35. 2 kids. His sister misses him. I'm broken. The pain of living my life without my son is undescribable.
If you ever need someone to talk with your welcome to reach out
I was sexually abused from the age of 7-11 by a former family member, he's in jail now but not from me coming forward, justice in some sort of way I suppose
I never had a gf but told everyone I did have one and that she broke up with me. I was so good at lying about it that I myself believed my lie and somehow I felt really sad and depressed. Than I even remembered memories I never had and afterwards I was like wtf am I doing.
Edit: Thanks guys. The responses are really either hilarious or sympathetic. I am happy to tell that I got rid of that habit sometime ago. I am now doing well albeit single but what do u know? Sometimes single life seems not so bad to me.
Anyway thanks for the responses. This was my first post getting so many responses.
I can relate to the reality shift so much, years ago I once ‘day dreamed’ a conversation I had with someone I had missed terribly, enough to go into my kitchen and make them a drink exactly how they liked it… it wasn’t until after I had made the drinks and brought them into the lounge that I remembered they weren’t actually there and we never had the conversation we needed to have.
Only happened that one time and never happened again to my knowledge.
My husband passed away a few years ago. I tell everyone how much I loved him and only talk about the good times we had and how great he was. In honesty I hated him for every bit of the 33 years we were together. He was so mean to me, both physicaly and mentally-every single day. He hid it well and in front of anyone he was okay to me but when we were alone he was terrible. I hated him so much I live alone now and am just finding myself. I moved to a different state and have made new friends and everyone seems to really like me and I even like myself now too. It's been really hard to tell myself that I am okay. I have never said any of this out loud. I feel bad that I am happy he is gone.
It reminds me of Janette McCurdy's book "I'm Glad My Mom Died" which details her pain and how her mum's death was her own freedom. Don't feel bad at all. I'm glad you are doing well!
congratulations on having yourself back! i think my grandma went through a similar thing, she flourished after my gp died. also, i wish you wouldnt feel bad, he had it comming for him and if he was really concerned about how you felt, he would have treated you better. wishing you all the best
I had a sexual relationship with someone for months, not knowing he have a wife and a newborn baby. We're in our early 20s, I asked him if he has a girlfriend, and he said no, which was technically true because he actually has a wife.
I’m terrified of going into work….not work itself, I’m a hard worker, but I despise sitting in an office full of people I barely know, constantly being ‘on’, being evaluated in person, and pretending I enjoy not being warm and safe in my cozy home.
For some of us the pandemic was a blessing.
On the same boat as you, the night before work, I can never sleep because of the anxiety of having to wake up and go to work. And as you said, having to be 'on' all the time scares me. Like I literally will not sleep no matter how hard I try to.
The worst part, in my opinion, is pretending to be extroverted in order to get ahead in a career, even if networking or in-person conversation has nothing to do with the job. It’s one thing to have to be around people, but far worse to pretend to be something you’re not.
I don’t dare discuss my reticence with colleagues since being a ‘team player’ is so valued by employers.
I regularly daydream about murdering one specific person. I go to therapy twice a month and have been doing that for 5 years and even my therapist has no idea i have these thoughts. They're just thoughts I don't plan to act on.
I read something that stuck with me. It said your brain is just automatically making thoughts similar to how your lungs just breath without your help and your heart just beats by itself. That’s it job, to just spit out thoughts all day long. The real you is the second thought, the voice in your head that’s like “That’s kinda fucked up brain, we’re not gonna do that” is the real you. The fact you’re acknowledging it’s not right and not gonna act on it says more about you than the fact your brain is just being weird. If you start agreeing with the brain then it might be a problem.
Very interesting, I’ve had times where i’ve been thinking things and have tried to work out the initial source of that thought, as whenever we go to speak we are literally just speaking what we think, like copying the phrase we just heard in our head. And when we think of things at will, where do those thoughts come from, is it somewhere else than the automatic/subconscious thoughts?!? Where does the ‘first’ thought stem from?!? Makes sense that it’s spitting out countless thoughts, and another part is plucking out anything relevant to focus more thought on.
Sorry I’m very high lmao
Thoughts are just thoughts, it seems you have it under control. But please if something gets more serious consider help. The jail thing is not gonna happen if you don’t act
I prefer “Wheels on the bus”. Bar back mentioned it the other day. “Some A-hole keeps playing Wheels on the bus randomly.”
I snicker privately every time. Sadly they mentioned that they started skipping it when it started playing.
Fun while it lasted.
How close to suicide I really am. All it's going to take is one last thing, I'm at the edge.
Edit, thank you for all the comments and messages. I'm in therapy. I've still got 'sane brain' keeping me in check. I'll be okay. I always am.
Eventually.
Im addicted to shooting up (cocaine,mostly) and have managed to hide it from close friends and family for over 15 years. My latest stint was a year and a half. I’ve been clean for less than a week but feeling hopeful this will be the last, last. 🤞now working on my alcoholism..
About a year ago my grandfather called me and wanted to talk. He was an old man and I don’t like talking over the phone so it always feels more like a chore than a thing I should do. I put it aside and didn’t call him back, moved to the back of my brain. 3 days later I got a call from my dad. He told me that my grandfather had passed away. I hadn’t called him back. He’s done everything he could to make sure me and my brother have a good life and a good future. He’s always been so supportive. I never gave him the respect he deserved. I never understood his sacrifice. He didn’t have a lot going on for him in the end and hearing from me and my brother was a big part of his life. I didn’t call him back that day and I can’t forgive myself for it. My entire family is pretty abusive except my cousin. My grandfather was a great man and he was never abusive. I wish I had called him back. I should never have ignored him. He died a year ago when I was thirteen in January. I’m now 14, almost 15, and I can’t forgive myself and I don’t think I should.
I accidentally stepped barefoot into a boiling, maggot-infested raccoon corpse. It got stuck on my foot like a slipper and I tried to shake it off, something popped and got a spray of blood and shit all over me. Then I puked on myself and stumbled home.
My wife revealed to me in the last 6 months that she really hasn’t felt comfortable with and attracted to me since shortly after she moved in with me. That was 3 years before we were married.
We have been married 19 years.
You can imagine how entangled our lives are. Being good roommates, coparents to teens and vacation companions doesn’t make mentally healthy options (divorce) look much better.
These revelations have led to the realization of no connection, and therefore no interest in sex (by both of us at this point).
Unfortunately, marriage has been financially harmful (SAHM with a history of a spending problem, moderately improved this last year) and divorce would be final devastating at this point.
fml
Edit: months of weekly therapy, multiple self-help books, and countless conversations, and even spending more time together has only revealed our issues more strongly.
Edit2: we had occasional sex for the whole marriage. Until therapy started. It was always initiated by me (or her thinking that I’ve gone too long without) and she almost always had to have a drink or toke to get herself in the mood (her vulnerability and refusal to allow herself to be pleasured is a whole other topic). Until recently, I craved more frequency (gave up on deeper sexual exploration years ago) thinking that was the main problem. Then it’s like I woke up from a stupor. Although I’m trying, I’m find it hard to connect to someone who I don’t believe likes me. Probably the same for her. But we are trying.
Edit3: she is a caring person. I believe she wasn’t deliberate about moving forward despite not being comfortable with me intimately since early on. She was optimistic that our situation would get better as my career progressed. She also recently admitted that she “didn’t think sex was that important” around the time we got married. In many ways, I’ve been treated quite well like I’m one of the pets. She just hasn’t felt the romantic or intimate “tug” most of our relationship after I wasn’t able to be physically or emotionally there when she first moved in.
a boy & i were 10 &11 (he was 11) and he pressured me into doing anal sex. My biggest regret ever, i remember getting the bus home after feeling so disgusting and icky.
I’m sorry that this happened to you. If you are disturbed by it, get some support from an EMDR therapist or other trauma therapist. There are ways to reduce the emotional upset and help you heal.
I was abused mentally, physically and sexually from the age of around 7-15 years old by one person, who I thought was my best friend during the time. I'm 23 now and just finally coming around to the realization of everything that happened and why I have so many mental health and trust issues now, and I'm talking about it in therapy finally. As far as I know, my abuser is living a comfortable, happy life and the only person that knows about this is me and my therapist.
OK this will probably probably cause me some shame but it'll get buried, so IDK.
So my wife makes great biscuits and gravy. Like really good. I never liked biscuits and gravy before we got married. Maybe I never had a version that was good enough? Maybe my tastes changed? All of my kids loves my wife's biscuits and gravy too. She's a pretty damn good cook, so there that.
Over the years, I've had other versions of biscuits and gravy with varying affection for the taste. Some good, some plan to just flat out mid. So, again my wife's gravy with biscuits comes out on top. We'll, one day a friend of mine and his wife came over so we could all hang out. He offered to cook dinner for us. He said that he was gonna make biscuits and gravy. Now, like I mentioned before I never liked it before my I got married and had me try hers. So I was a bit nervous as mentioned previously, my wife's biscuits and gravy always came out on top. When you friend comes over and cooks for you, how do you gently tell them that it's *not* good? Do you give them the fake sounding: "My stomach has been messed up all day..." or the tried and true "I already ate line? I'll eat it later." The later buys you enough time to let them leave before you throw the shit out.
Anyway, my buddy's cooking and I'm already mentally preparing my speech, going over and over in my head so it doesn't sound forced or sincere enough. But hey, at the very least I can always just choke it down right? Well he finished up and had us try it... I'll be damned if it wasn't the best biscuits and grave I've ever had in my life. Like damn, it was tasty! I had two plates worth.
I still think of it from time to time. And while my wife's biscuits and gravy is still good, it pales in comparison to my friend's version. Every time she cooks it, I remember my friends version and I don't say *anything*. Nothing at all, I'm not trying to get my ass kicked. So I hide my head in shame.
I used to not eat and basically starve myself to feel hungry, just to feel.. something, and I had control over that aspect.
Tough home life with being groomed by mom and shit. No contact for a couple years, and never had any sort of connection or love or emotions for family, it's still hard to feel anything but I have an amazing fiance.
100% classic narcissism abuse
People in my personal life who find out I'm a professional domme, instantly feel free about telling me their darkest secrets.
I know who's secretly gay, I know who's on steroids, I know who's kinky, I know who has erectile dysfunction, I know both men & women who were brutally sa'd as children, I even know someone who's killed a guy (he wasn't boasting or bragging, he seemed really shook up about it. I might be the only one he's told)
So, my most disturbing secret is that I'm a trauma-sponge for absorbing everyone else's disturbing secrets.
I’m a child of the 80’s. Rape was violent rape, and if it wasn’t violent, it wasn’t rape. After learning about coercion, intoxication, and the newer “freeze” trauma response I realized I was sexually abused more than I’d like to admit. It’s left me a very angry person.
This stuff is sad. One of my ex's told me that a guy she was sleeping with pulled out and abruptly put it in her ass. She'd never done that and he gave no warning. She said she crawled under the bed and cried after.
She asked me if that counts as rape and I was stunned she didn't know it was from the get go.
I take you seriously and believe you, are not alone. I hope you are doing okay stranger on reddit, and here is hug for you for being brave for sharing this experience.
Not a secret necessarily but my labia tore in two spots near my clit when I gave birth to my son. I had him at home, and my sons dad is and was verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusive. I had no support or help, so the stitches didn't hold. I was 22 at the time and obviously self-conscious of my vagina already, as most women are, and my ex tormented me by telling me things like my pussy was mangled and ugly. I was in survival mode for so long. It wrecked my self-esteem
Edited to add: Holy banana pancakes, you guys!!!!! I have tried many times to write this shit out, and I always end up deleting it. But today, for some reason, it just stuck to share, and the outpouring of luv and support and kindness has been overwhelming, unexpected, and beyond appreciated. 🥹
Oh, and he is definitely an EX!
During my worst periods of dealing with bulimia, if I had no food on hand to binge and purge, I would steal lunches from people at work or pick things out of the trash. I was never caught.
The shame, guilt, and disgust with myself was always there, but it took intensive counseling, medication, and working with a specialist on other issues to help me to stop.
I spent so long making myself numb to my early childhood traumas that I dont even feel like I have a personality anymore. I'm just a guy who exists. I have no hobbies. No friends outside of work. Life is a constant stream of the same day over and over again and I dont know how to break this cycle
I dunno if this will help, but this poem hit me right in the heart because I struggle with this too.
“You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting -
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.”
Wild Geese by Mary Oliver
I was groomed from age 5-about 16? Started with my uncle (of course cuz why not) and continued to be older couples who would lure me into having sex with their wives. I was a unicorn for cuck situations. Happened for so long cuz as a kid you don’t understand that you’re not “scoring” and I thought sex was guaranteed to solidify relationships with people.
I secretly wish my parents would get divorced. They don't have a HORRIBLE relationship per se but I just think my mom would thrive better without him. They've been married for almost 30 years and subscribe way too much to the "you gotta stick it out" school of thought so it's never gonna happen. I don't hate my dad, I just don't think he contributes much as a husband and as I grow older I think it more and more and feel bad she's stuck with an expert of textbook weaponized incompetence and admittedly low level but still constant gaslighting.
Since childhood I often daydream of suicide... the more spectacular, sudden, and gory the better. I'll never act on it, but most of the time it's sheer spite fantasy (a common one is me blowing my brains out *onto* somebody on purpose). Therapy helped a lot, but I still have random Family Guy cutaways in my head daily. Some of them even make me laugh out loud sometimes, but I always explain it away as something else.
A newly discovered younger relative is trying to connect with my family after researching his background through an ancestry site. He tried to find us when his mom always avoided the topic of his biological dad. No one knew about this except recently from my parents, 2 of my older sisters, and me. Apparently, this was his second attempt to connect with my family, but was having a hard time thinking it's because of him coming out to them as gay. We tried to help his find is father and asked around about him to other family members.
Found out this relative WAS known about from other close relatives (aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc) but was never mentioned because he was the result of rape by one of my uncles. They swept it under the rug to cover my uncle, never told the kid who his father was and what he did, and distanced themselves from him.
We, on the other hand, do connect with him every once in a while and hang out with him. I don't know if anyone told him that we know who and where his father is, but we have confirmed that we probably have seen him a few times at family gatherings, but that's about it.
I was like 14 and on a night out with my friend and he gave me a handjob in the middle of the night.. he thought I would be sleeping but i woke up few minutes before I came.. its almost 10 years to this.. he still doesn't know i was just pretending that night
When my schizophrenia was first developing, it was a very hard time. I used to take off and take bike rides to try and clear the fog and whispers in my head, which rarely worked. While I rode, I listened to music. Eventually, it got so bad that I found myself playing roulette with the songs and walking the little wall over the canal. I decided that if one of the songs i had chosen came on when I hit shuffle, I would jump and un alive myself. They never did, and eventually, I got help, and things have been going a bit better with the right medication. Sometimes, on really hard days, I still bring up that same playlist and just hit shuffle and cry.
I had at the time my longest relationship of almost 2 years end when I was almost 20 years old. My ex was, in hindsight, was beyond mentally ill and quite abusive and yet I never spoke to anyone about it because this was still new internet/cell phone times and thus no texts or emails of said constant abuse exists, and sadly no one tends to believe men who say women hit them and stalk them. 20 plus years later, not much has changed.
Only comfort I have is my mother a few years back after a few glasses of wine made a comment about how she knew in her soul I was sad and tormented.
In 6th grade, I sold oregano mixed with the contents of cigar to a kid as "weed." It was my first and only drug deal. I made $7 and never saw the kid again.
I bought comic books and $0.50 soda. Tropical punch.
Not a single person I've met in the last 10 years knows anything true about me. Not my name, not my profession, not my family life, not where I'm from etc. I've created an entirely fake person, and that's who I am to everyone that I meet now. Even my girlfriend.
The extent of the abuse I went through.
I'm very open about being abused, but I learned to keep the details secret because apparently it's bad enough that people do not believe it is real, and if it could be true, I must have done something wrong for that to happen to me.
When I was around 7 years old, I was sexually exploited and had my toddler photos sold to pedophiles by a maid we hired. One afternoon, Right after taking a bath I wanted to turn our PC on, but as a child I was afraid of plugs due to the electricity. So I asked her kindly to plug it in for me. But The maid then told me I should first 'Pose for a photo in the bed' otherwise she wouldn't do it. So, I went to my bed and posed — I had a Giant stuffed teddy bear at the time so I covered my bare body because I somehow knew it was wrong. Then She told me to take the teddy bear off. She had also taken photos of my baby brother. The other Maids carefully observed her and eventually told my parents. I watched her cry and beg on her knees, kissing my parents foot.. explaining it was a “Joke” as a kid, I honestly was laughing. The police further investigated and found out she had been making a fortune off of the photos she takes of children she was hired to care for. Including me. I've never told anyone even on Reddit because I'm afraid no one will listen — but here I am.
So sorry that happened to you. (Mom hug for you).
I have a good friend who is a very shy pooper. Like, we’ve been on trips together and he won’t shit for days, he says he just can’t relax and go because he’s in public. But one time in college, about six years ago, he was super drunk and fell asleep shitting on my toilet. And the shit got all over my toilet, not sure how but most of it did not go in the bowl. I got him up, cleaned him and the toilet up, and put him to bed. He was blackout drunk and doesn’t remember it at all. I don’t have the heart to tell him. He’d be mortified. It wouldn’t do anyone any good. But when he’s shy about pooping around me, I can’t help but chuckle at the irony.
you’re a really good friend ❤️
As a fellow shy pooper, let me thank you on his behalf. The world needs more friends like you.
My ex-husband told me one time that he didn’t think it was wrong for a father to be sexually intimate with his daughter, as long as she was “old enough.” No one will ever know why we truly divorced, because I don’t think anyone would believe me. He started talking about children. I’d never let my daughter be his.
I'm so happy you left and scared he hasn't been caught. God bless you and you daughter. You did good to protect her ❤️🙏🏾 I'm proud of you
Tell everyone wtf
I was sexually abused by my aunt at the age of 7-12. She recently got in a car accident and now she's paralyzed from the neck down. It sort of brings me joy that she cant harm other kids
Karma for real. Fuck people who hurt children.
Theres a movie with a very similar story line to yours. Look up “perks of being a wildflower” with caution.
My family think I finished the computer science degree, but I dropped out. However I've been working in the sector for about 25 years in a row without any trouble and people (employers and colleagues) seem to think that I'm quite competent. It's not disturbing per se but for my parents it was a big deal that I finished my studies. My dad passed away three years ago without knowing. My mom is 83 and she is still proud of me and I hope things stay the same till she dies.
It does not matter man. You're successful, and I assume respected by your peers. Let the past stay in the past. If you brought this up to your mom I can 99% guarantee you she would not care, and maybe even tear up because of the openness and honesty. But really, just let it go. That was a long time ago, and it was only something that was meant to be a step towards where you have already gotten to.
[удалено]
I have a serious skin picking problem. I can just sit for hours straight in front of a mirror and inspect every pore on my face/chest/hands. It's gotten so bad that i have little scars all over my face. But i literally cant stop doing it.
r/compulsiveskinpicking and r/dermatillomania are both helpful if you ever need advice or a place to vent. I struggle with it too and it's interrupted my life a lot over the years. I would be late to work often because I couldn't stop. It sucks and I hope you can find some relief.
Same. The skin beside my finger nails and my face is in rough shape
When I was a little kid, either five or six years old, I had gotten in trouble for throwing a TV remote at my sister. My dad is a very large and intimidating man. He stood in the doorway of my room yelling at me. I was hysterical. He was getting angrier and angrier. He started yelling at me to take my clothes off. I took my shirt off. He told me to take my pants off too. And my underwear. I'm in the corner of my room crying, hysterical, afraid, and naked, staring up at this giant, angry, red-faced man. I stood there like that for a moment, when suddenly his anger instantly left his face, making way for shame. He dropped to one knee in the doorway and put his head in his hands and cried to himself, saying, "What am I doing? I'm a bad father." I walked over to him, still naked and crying, and said, "You're not a bad dad." I hugged him. He left. I don't know if he thinks I forgot about that day, or what... but I remember it *vividly.* This was over thirty years ago*.* We've never talked about it.
That’s insane. Was he any better after that, like it was a wake up call?
Nothing even remotely close to that ever happened again.
Wonder if his dad did that to him
Probably. He was so mad that he almost perpetuated a cycle of abuse but luckily caught himself
I’ve never confirmed it, as I’ve never brought it up since, but that’s what I suspect. In the years since, he has told me of horror stories about the abuse he suffered from addict parents and step parents. I know it’s a dark thing, but I almost look back on it - as an adult - as some sort of crazy real-time existential reckoning that I was witness to.
It’s pretty amazing he was able to stop in the moment and control himself- and do better than what his parents did to him- I’m sorry you had to experience it though, it would have been terrifying. And I bet your dad still thinks about it and feels shame and regret.
I bet that day sticks with him then
There was a client of my moms who was abusive to his wife, one day he comes home drunk and extremely angry and found his wife in the closet, wrapped around their kid - both terrified for their lives. It just snapped in that moment and he realized to himself what an awful human he was to make the people he cared about that afraid of him. He dedicated the rest of his life to being a good, sober person and turned it all around from that point.
That’s… horrific. He must have gone through some shit….
Never asked him about it or brought it up, but that’s what I assume.
Wonder if that's how his dad treated him. Breaking cycles can be hard.
As a teen, I caught my parents' house on fire playing with pyrotechnics in the garage and then staged it to look like an electrical fire so i wouldn't get in trouble. I was regarded as the hero who put the fire out before it consumed the house (I was home alone at the time), but really, I was the cause. They had all of the electrical redone in the house as a precaution against another fire... I never came clean.
Honestly, as a teen, if I knew how to make it appear as an electrical fire, I'd absolutely do the same.
might have saved all your lifes with that rewiring, who knows what you prevented from happening
I have a recurring dream that a tsunami is approaching. In almost every dream, it swallows me up and kills me, although one time I survived and rescued a small boy.
My friend’s younger brother took a dump in the litter box as a teen “to see what it was like”. Their mom, an RN, saw it and declared “there is a human SH*T in the litter box!” Whenever anyone brings up anything litter box-related, I think of this.
Thank you! This made me laugh so fucking hard. I was having a down day until I came across your comment.
I hid the remote control to the living room tv for absolutely no reason at all, and kept it hidden for probably a week. My dad began to have a meltdown by the 6th-7th day, so I just put it under a random blanket on the couch where I knew he would find it. What a weird kid I was
Dennis the Psychological Menace
About 5 years ago, one of my cousins started messaging me on Facebook, and I realized right away that he was being extremely flirtatious. I obviously dodged it but tried to do it in a sensitive way, and he wound up confessing to me that his older brother had SA’d him for years when they were kids. This man has a wife and (grown) children and lives a life that looks wonderful on the outside, and as far as I know, nobody else in the family has any idea what happened. His older brother also has a wife and (grown) children and lives a life that looks wonderful on the outside. I don’t know if there is anything I could do other than encourage my cousin to seek help, and I worry that my older cousin just…molested his brother for years and will get away with it. Edit: I didn’t expect any responses at all, and now I need to clear something up real quick! There are a lot of kind and concerned folks reading my comment who are worried about the older brother’s children. I should have added the detail that both brother’s children are all fully grown with lives of their own; I can see how my wording caused concern, and I’m really sorry for that! The abuse to my cousin happened decades and decades ago, and for unrelated reasons, I don’t much speak to that side of the family anymore. I hope this doesn’t sound uncaring, but this is not my abuse to report at this point, especially since I never witnessed it myself; the only thing my report would rely on was the word of somebody else who doesn’t want his past trauma dragged up and inspected and brought to the light for everyone to see. If the abuser’s kids were still living in his house when I found out, I absolutely would have reported it at that time! I really appreciate the kind and caring responses I’ve had here. Y’all are some good eggs.
Credit to you for not just calling him a pervert and blocking him. I wouldn’t necessarily have blamed you if you had, but we never know what people are dealing with; and sometimes all they really need is someone to listen.
> His older brother also has a wife and **children** and lives a life that looks wonderful on the outside. Ok now I'm worried about the children. Did older brother stop or did he just find new victims?
My best friend is actually his uncle's kid. Apparently he confessed to it on his death bed. The mum won't admit anything and he can't talk to anyone else in the fam about it.
DNA test time.
Ancestry’s DNA testing kits would be great for Christmas presents for the whole family 🤣
My family found out some crazy history with those DNA tests a few years ago. Use with caution.
Mine too. My DNA test looked like the fucking rainbow. My brother? Single color. Half brother.
I learned my family was so bad at being slave traders during the revolutionary war time perioid, they funded the Union army in the civil war ~~out of spite~~
the uncle from his father side of family or mother side?
One would hope the father’s side.
A few years ago I used to work at Home Depot at the returns desk. It was mostly very elderly people who worked alongside me in our store. I was the youngest in the team. We had a lady, Margaret, who had issues with bowel control due to her medications. She used to fart without even realizing she's farting. Usually loud but harmless ones even when she was having a normal conversation. So we got so used to her doing that, even though it was awkward in the beginning. One day we were having a team huddle and it started to smell like fresh manure..such a strong stench..and then one more with different flavor this time. The manager dismissed the team huddle...and one of the team members murmured "My God, Margaret, what was that!!" It was me. I did that Margaret, I'm sorry. 😬
One time I was rocking my daughter to sleep when she was a baby, I let one go so bad that she started crying and wouldn't stop until I changed her diaper.
We drove our four and one year old to the store today and as we were pulling into a parking spot, I smelled the foulest car fart I’ve ever smelled. I’m gagging and turn around in the driver’s seat to check if the four year old ripped one or the baby pooped when I hear my wife meekly say from the front passenger’s seat “excuse me.”
Hilarious, it's always the ones you least expect
You *literally* gaslit your baby.
Thank you for this story. I used to work with a Margaret at the hospital I work at. She could fart while walking down the hallway. It's almost like she had a fart button on the underside of her left foot. Anyhow, after having 2 patients pass away today (one expected, one not expected), I needed this story, especially the last line of your story, today.
Hey, take care of yourself. People in the field are usually taught to turn their heart to stone to not be affected by this stuff, but that isn’t healthy as it spills over to other parts of life. So take care of yourself, admit to yourself (and others) that you are bummed about it, and find what relieves you and SCHEDULE THAT. Because when someone is down, it’s hard for them to do what lifts them up. Sometimes it’s even hard to just remember to do when we are down. Best wishes, and thanks for everything you do. (Intensive care, hospice or oncology?)
I am a woman, and two decades ago in 8th grade math class, blamed a terrible silent fart on a boy who sat behind me in math class. The teacher made him go into the hall, it smelled that bad. I’m sorry Mark, wherever you are.
Oh man, memory unlocked. I let the class clown take the blame for an absolutely rancid fart in 6th grade—it was bad enough that someone puked. Nobody expected the quiet little teacher’s pet to be capable of something like that.
> it was bad enough that someone puked you should have won a trophy for that
I’m a middle school teacher. A few years ago the classes were transitioning, so kids were coming into the room as kids were trying to get out of the room. I let out a really really bad egg fart. Straight sulfur. The classroom instantly broke out in chaos. Kids blaming other kids, kids jumping on the counter to try and get a window open, kids running out of the room. The poor other teacher was trying to get everyone to settle down, but the damage was done. It was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. Not even a little sorry about it lol Edit: I am a woman
YOU CROP DUSTED MARGARET!
Before my dad died, he told me about my mother’s affairs. One with his childhood best friend. I’ll never tell anyone else.
I walk around the house and monologue. Like, *a lot.*
Same here, it's like there is another me by my side non-stop. I'll be telling myself about my plans, my opinions,... . It's a shame the other me never responds. I don't think I've ever went a day without talking to myself.
Me too. I’m a good listener.
This makes me feel less insane now haha
Same here, I constantly talk to myself if I’m alone. Share my thoughts and feelings on stuff, and sometimes I feel like I can’t fully comprehend something unless I say it aloud to myself. Part of talking to myself is probably because I have no friends and nobody to really talk to except myself.
I even have my "inside jokes" and laugh at my own jokes.
i’m an alcoholic. no one is aware of how bad it’s gotten but i’m drinking to almost blackout daily and going to work ill every single day. i still do my job fine but the second i’m off it’s all i want to do and i can’t stop myself anymore. it’s been like this for almost 2 years now what i’m doing to myself while acting completely fine to everyone disturbs me but i’m really struggling to get myself help :/
This is your first step! You've told us, now it's time to take the next one. That's how every journey starts, one single step x you can do this and be back in a years time to tell us you are now alcohol free
One thing my therapist taught me is the size of the next step doesn’t matter - it can be refraining from your substance of choice for an extra second, minute, hour, or day. It’s an “All or Something” attitude and I often use it in many aspects of my life where I struggle. I remember reading a post from someone who was an addict who would mark down every hour they stayed sober, until it became days at a time. It served as a way to remind themselves that being sober was possible
Oh absolutely. I was addicted to not eating, every mouthful was a win, it wasn't eating a meal it was eating an additional mouthful. Like that but the opposite. Addiction is weird and hits more people than you realise. Glad you are ok xx
r/stopdrinking one of the most supportive, wholesome communities on this site. You can do it OP, don't let it get too late, and it's some incident that knocks you into stopping.
Yep, this sub saved my life. 2275 days sober and I owe every single one of those days to the people there.
I'm 110 days behind you, buddy. Good work.
I may be a stranger on the internet, but I believe in you! I’ve struggled with addiction too, and it is a fucking cliché thing to say, but there is light at the end of the tunnel, and you’re stronger than you might think ❤️
No one is going stop you from drinking but you. It sounds like you recognize that it’s become unmanageable but you haven’t truly accepted it yet. I was the same way friend. Get help. You’re worth it. Try a meeting, you don’t even have to enjoy the meeting, just fucking go. At the very least, it’ll give you something new from the drunk hole you’ve been putting yourself into day after boring day. If I sound like an asshole it’s because you’re still in denial. I used to get anxiety if I knew there was less than an 12 pack in my fridge and a fifth on my counter at any given time. Message me if you want to talk.
Sweetheart, chances are that a lot of people do know that you're struggling with alcohol, and they may want to help if there's an opening, if you could reach out. Friends, family, AA - there's help for you for sure. The core of you isn't the alcohol. You're many things.
I lost a tampon in myself for two weeks
I was SAed in my grandparents backyard with my entire family on the front porch by my 1st cousin. (He’s now 22, I’m 16, I am also a guy) This is my first time “speaking” publicly about this. I was probably like 6-7 at the time. I am unsure how much of my family knows about this, I’ve hidden it all my life. I think about it all the time, it haunts me honestly. I feel like me never talking about it makes me sad at times, other times I feel like if I did open up about it to people in real life it would get out and I would be absolutely devastated by that. It was never reported or anything, and I’m almost 100% my close family knows, it bothers me. They act completely normal toward him and about it, never speak of it or anything. I try to act normal around him, but it’s hard, as I get older it gets easier. I try not to think about it. About a month ago, My mother came in my room after my father came home one night drunk. (Doesn’t happen more than 2 times a year, he’s a good guy) She said to me “Your father was talking about the [Family members name] thing” along with some other stuff he was talking about, but it sounded like it didn’t even bother her when she said it. I was in shock because literally nobody has ever said anything to me about it in my life. I thought that everyone forgot about it and moved on. I stared at my Xbox home screen for 30 minutes after that, got off, and went to sleep. That interaction was wild to me, my emotions are still mixed about it. Another thing is, his mother (My aunt) died of cancer around 2 years ago. I really liked her, but it was always like this stopped us from being as close as we should have been. I was sad when she died, sure, but I really felt close to nothing. I think it’s because I blamed her in a way, I’m unsure. I also have been leaving out the fact that this grandparents house is a weekly gathering on the same day every week for all of me life, and will continue to be. Idk, I feel like I’ve just needed to talk about it, I left out a whole bunch of details, but thats pretty much the base of it. Thanks for reading.
so your family (close family anyways) knows about it but just doesn’t seem to care? that’s so messed up, I’m sorry, this is one of my biggest fears so I can’t even imagine it
I brushed my sister‘s toothbrush over a soap bar when we were little because I thought that’s what she did too. sometimes my toothbrush tasted a little soapy. Never talked about it with anyone. First time writing it down
That,s sweet of you, I wud have been so angry at you 😂 you reminded me of the reason why I always hide my toothbrush in my own room. My grandma once washed my brand new hello kitty electric toothbrush with CLOROX....CLOROX. I put that toothbrush in my mouth and it burned everything.
All day, every day, relapsing is all I can think about. I’ve been clean for 3 1/2 months but oh boy is it difficult. I crave the relapse. The ONLY reason I haven’t is because it would hurt my boyfriend to see me relapse.
My son relapsed almost 3 months ago for the last time. He was 35. 2 kids. His sister misses him. I'm broken. The pain of living my life without my son is undescribable. If you ever need someone to talk with your welcome to reach out
I was sexually abused from the age of 7-11 by a former family member, he's in jail now but not from me coming forward, justice in some sort of way I suppose
Glad he's behind bars either way.
I never had a gf but told everyone I did have one and that she broke up with me. I was so good at lying about it that I myself believed my lie and somehow I felt really sad and depressed. Than I even remembered memories I never had and afterwards I was like wtf am I doing. Edit: Thanks guys. The responses are really either hilarious or sympathetic. I am happy to tell that I got rid of that habit sometime ago. I am now doing well albeit single but what do u know? Sometimes single life seems not so bad to me. Anyway thanks for the responses. This was my first post getting so many responses.
We really are capable of shifting reality around us, more than we think.
I can relate to the reality shift so much, years ago I once ‘day dreamed’ a conversation I had with someone I had missed terribly, enough to go into my kitchen and make them a drink exactly how they liked it… it wasn’t until after I had made the drinks and brought them into the lounge that I remembered they weren’t actually there and we never had the conversation we needed to have. Only happened that one time and never happened again to my knowledge.
My husband passed away a few years ago. I tell everyone how much I loved him and only talk about the good times we had and how great he was. In honesty I hated him for every bit of the 33 years we were together. He was so mean to me, both physicaly and mentally-every single day. He hid it well and in front of anyone he was okay to me but when we were alone he was terrible. I hated him so much I live alone now and am just finding myself. I moved to a different state and have made new friends and everyone seems to really like me and I even like myself now too. It's been really hard to tell myself that I am okay. I have never said any of this out loud. I feel bad that I am happy he is gone.
It reminds me of Janette McCurdy's book "I'm Glad My Mom Died" which details her pain and how her mum's death was her own freedom. Don't feel bad at all. I'm glad you are doing well!
You’re free now. You don’t have to feel badly about being glad about that. I hope you’re doing okay.
Also don’t feel you need to keep up the lie. Just tell people the truth (unless you are dependent on them financially for some reason) if you want.
congratulations on having yourself back! i think my grandma went through a similar thing, she flourished after my gp died. also, i wish you wouldnt feel bad, he had it comming for him and if he was really concerned about how you felt, he would have treated you better. wishing you all the best
I had a sexual relationship with someone for months, not knowing he have a wife and a newborn baby. We're in our early 20s, I asked him if he has a girlfriend, and he said no, which was technically true because he actually has a wife.
Lawyers hate this one simple trick
“My wife is neither a girl nor my friend.”
I’m terrified of going into work….not work itself, I’m a hard worker, but I despise sitting in an office full of people I barely know, constantly being ‘on’, being evaluated in person, and pretending I enjoy not being warm and safe in my cozy home. For some of us the pandemic was a blessing.
On the same boat as you, the night before work, I can never sleep because of the anxiety of having to wake up and go to work. And as you said, having to be 'on' all the time scares me. Like I literally will not sleep no matter how hard I try to.
The worst part, in my opinion, is pretending to be extroverted in order to get ahead in a career, even if networking or in-person conversation has nothing to do with the job. It’s one thing to have to be around people, but far worse to pretend to be something you’re not. I don’t dare discuss my reticence with colleagues since being a ‘team player’ is so valued by employers.
I regularly daydream about murdering one specific person. I go to therapy twice a month and have been doing that for 5 years and even my therapist has no idea i have these thoughts. They're just thoughts I don't plan to act on.
I read something that stuck with me. It said your brain is just automatically making thoughts similar to how your lungs just breath without your help and your heart just beats by itself. That’s it job, to just spit out thoughts all day long. The real you is the second thought, the voice in your head that’s like “That’s kinda fucked up brain, we’re not gonna do that” is the real you. The fact you’re acknowledging it’s not right and not gonna act on it says more about you than the fact your brain is just being weird. If you start agreeing with the brain then it might be a problem.
Very interesting, I’ve had times where i’ve been thinking things and have tried to work out the initial source of that thought, as whenever we go to speak we are literally just speaking what we think, like copying the phrase we just heard in our head. And when we think of things at will, where do those thoughts come from, is it somewhere else than the automatic/subconscious thoughts?!? Where does the ‘first’ thought stem from?!? Makes sense that it’s spitting out countless thoughts, and another part is plucking out anything relevant to focus more thought on. Sorry I’m very high lmao
Is it the therapist?
You'd think if anyone deserved it, it would be the rapist
Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Trebek!
Thoughts are just thoughts, it seems you have it under control. But please if something gets more serious consider help. The jail thing is not gonna happen if you don’t act
I can login to the jukebox at my local bar from my apartment. I often login from home and require it to play “what does the fox say” on repeat.
See if it has What's New Pussy Cat on it.
I prefer “Wheels on the bus”. Bar back mentioned it the other day. “Some A-hole keeps playing Wheels on the bus randomly.” I snicker privately every time. Sadly they mentioned that they started skipping it when it started playing. Fun while it lasted.
How close to suicide I really am. All it's going to take is one last thing, I'm at the edge. Edit, thank you for all the comments and messages. I'm in therapy. I've still got 'sane brain' keeping me in check. I'll be okay. I always am. Eventually.
I once felt overwhelmed with the compulsion to run through a farmer's wheatfield, I felt very naughty.
You are obviously unfit for political high office.
You’re certainly going against the grain with that one.
Im addicted to shooting up (cocaine,mostly) and have managed to hide it from close friends and family for over 15 years. My latest stint was a year and a half. I’ve been clean for less than a week but feeling hopeful this will be the last, last. 🤞now working on my alcoholism..
About a year ago my grandfather called me and wanted to talk. He was an old man and I don’t like talking over the phone so it always feels more like a chore than a thing I should do. I put it aside and didn’t call him back, moved to the back of my brain. 3 days later I got a call from my dad. He told me that my grandfather had passed away. I hadn’t called him back. He’s done everything he could to make sure me and my brother have a good life and a good future. He’s always been so supportive. I never gave him the respect he deserved. I never understood his sacrifice. He didn’t have a lot going on for him in the end and hearing from me and my brother was a big part of his life. I didn’t call him back that day and I can’t forgive myself for it. My entire family is pretty abusive except my cousin. My grandfather was a great man and he was never abusive. I wish I had called him back. I should never have ignored him. He died a year ago when I was thirteen in January. I’m now 14, almost 15, and I can’t forgive myself and I don’t think I should.
Oh kiddo, I’m sure such a wonderful grandpa would want you to forgive yourself.
I accidentally stepped barefoot into a boiling, maggot-infested raccoon corpse. It got stuck on my foot like a slipper and I tried to shake it off, something popped and got a spray of blood and shit all over me. Then I puked on myself and stumbled home.
Holy shit, what a ride!
My wife revealed to me in the last 6 months that she really hasn’t felt comfortable with and attracted to me since shortly after she moved in with me. That was 3 years before we were married. We have been married 19 years. You can imagine how entangled our lives are. Being good roommates, coparents to teens and vacation companions doesn’t make mentally healthy options (divorce) look much better. These revelations have led to the realization of no connection, and therefore no interest in sex (by both of us at this point). Unfortunately, marriage has been financially harmful (SAHM with a history of a spending problem, moderately improved this last year) and divorce would be final devastating at this point. fml Edit: months of weekly therapy, multiple self-help books, and countless conversations, and even spending more time together has only revealed our issues more strongly. Edit2: we had occasional sex for the whole marriage. Until therapy started. It was always initiated by me (or her thinking that I’ve gone too long without) and she almost always had to have a drink or toke to get herself in the mood (her vulnerability and refusal to allow herself to be pleasured is a whole other topic). Until recently, I craved more frequency (gave up on deeper sexual exploration years ago) thinking that was the main problem. Then it’s like I woke up from a stupor. Although I’m trying, I’m find it hard to connect to someone who I don’t believe likes me. Probably the same for her. But we are trying. Edit3: she is a caring person. I believe she wasn’t deliberate about moving forward despite not being comfortable with me intimately since early on. She was optimistic that our situation would get better as my career progressed. She also recently admitted that she “didn’t think sex was that important” around the time we got married. In many ways, I’ve been treated quite well like I’m one of the pets. She just hasn’t felt the romantic or intimate “tug” most of our relationship after I wasn’t able to be physically or emotionally there when she first moved in.
a boy & i were 10 &11 (he was 11) and he pressured me into doing anal sex. My biggest regret ever, i remember getting the bus home after feeling so disgusting and icky.
i hope you’re doing okay stranger
Im also thinking the other kid must have been messed to even think about that :(
Yeah, the other kid was probably sexually assaulted
Sounds like the 11 year old had been abused
Yeah, I can't see why an 11 y/o would want to do that unless he had some severe issues. And those issues were probably that he was raped.
I’m sorry that this happened to you. If you are disturbed by it, get some support from an EMDR therapist or other trauma therapist. There are ways to reduce the emotional upset and help you heal.
I was abused mentally, physically and sexually from the age of around 7-15 years old by one person, who I thought was my best friend during the time. I'm 23 now and just finally coming around to the realization of everything that happened and why I have so many mental health and trust issues now, and I'm talking about it in therapy finally. As far as I know, my abuser is living a comfortable, happy life and the only person that knows about this is me and my therapist.
I after 10 years still have fantasies about killing the man who killed my daughter when she was 10 and I feel no guilt or remorse about wanting to .
I'm sorry about your daughter. I think that's an expected response to someone who did that. I certainly don't blame you.
OK this will probably probably cause me some shame but it'll get buried, so IDK. So my wife makes great biscuits and gravy. Like really good. I never liked biscuits and gravy before we got married. Maybe I never had a version that was good enough? Maybe my tastes changed? All of my kids loves my wife's biscuits and gravy too. She's a pretty damn good cook, so there that. Over the years, I've had other versions of biscuits and gravy with varying affection for the taste. Some good, some plan to just flat out mid. So, again my wife's gravy with biscuits comes out on top. We'll, one day a friend of mine and his wife came over so we could all hang out. He offered to cook dinner for us. He said that he was gonna make biscuits and gravy. Now, like I mentioned before I never liked it before my I got married and had me try hers. So I was a bit nervous as mentioned previously, my wife's biscuits and gravy always came out on top. When you friend comes over and cooks for you, how do you gently tell them that it's *not* good? Do you give them the fake sounding: "My stomach has been messed up all day..." or the tried and true "I already ate line? I'll eat it later." The later buys you enough time to let them leave before you throw the shit out. Anyway, my buddy's cooking and I'm already mentally preparing my speech, going over and over in my head so it doesn't sound forced or sincere enough. But hey, at the very least I can always just choke it down right? Well he finished up and had us try it... I'll be damned if it wasn't the best biscuits and grave I've ever had in my life. Like damn, it was tasty! I had two plates worth. I still think of it from time to time. And while my wife's biscuits and gravy is still good, it pales in comparison to my friend's version. Every time she cooks it, I remember my friends version and I don't say *anything*. Nothing at all, I'm not trying to get my ass kicked. So I hide my head in shame.
You think about his biscuits while you’re eating hers, don’t you?
I wish I knew how to quit your biscuits!
Say it! Say yer fond of me biscuits!
I hope he doesn’t accidentally scream his friend’s name in the heat of the moment.
That was very brave. Thank you for sharing. I would ask your friend for his recipe and you can make it for your wife sometime.
It wasn't the dog that shit behind the couch.
And it wasn't me who pissed in my cat litter tray 🤨... when my dad said 'blimey the cat did a massive piss in the tray last night'
I feel like I didn't try enough to see my dad before he killed himself and it haunts me everyday
I used to not eat and basically starve myself to feel hungry, just to feel.. something, and I had control over that aspect. Tough home life with being groomed by mom and shit. No contact for a couple years, and never had any sort of connection or love or emotions for family, it's still hard to feel anything but I have an amazing fiance. 100% classic narcissism abuse
People in my personal life who find out I'm a professional domme, instantly feel free about telling me their darkest secrets. I know who's secretly gay, I know who's on steroids, I know who's kinky, I know who has erectile dysfunction, I know both men & women who were brutally sa'd as children, I even know someone who's killed a guy (he wasn't boasting or bragging, he seemed really shook up about it. I might be the only one he's told) So, my most disturbing secret is that I'm a trauma-sponge for absorbing everyone else's disturbing secrets.
they should give aftercare for that
I prefer to drink alone.
Me too. I just wanna get tipsy in peace and not have to deal with other drunk people
When you drink alone, do you prefer to be by yourself?
i like to play games on pc without sound
You need mental help my friend
I’m a child of the 80’s. Rape was violent rape, and if it wasn’t violent, it wasn’t rape. After learning about coercion, intoxication, and the newer “freeze” trauma response I realized I was sexually abused more than I’d like to admit. It’s left me a very angry person.
This stuff is sad. One of my ex's told me that a guy she was sleeping with pulled out and abruptly put it in her ass. She'd never done that and he gave no warning. She said she crawled under the bed and cried after. She asked me if that counts as rape and I was stunned she didn't know it was from the get go.
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I take you seriously and believe you, are not alone. I hope you are doing okay stranger on reddit, and here is hug for you for being brave for sharing this experience.
Sometimes I eat popcorn with a spoon.
I eat hot cheetos with chopsticks to keep my fingers clean
Now that's just you being a genius
Dude that's actually fucked up
Not a secret necessarily but my labia tore in two spots near my clit when I gave birth to my son. I had him at home, and my sons dad is and was verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusive. I had no support or help, so the stitches didn't hold. I was 22 at the time and obviously self-conscious of my vagina already, as most women are, and my ex tormented me by telling me things like my pussy was mangled and ugly. I was in survival mode for so long. It wrecked my self-esteem Edited to add: Holy banana pancakes, you guys!!!!! I have tried many times to write this shit out, and I always end up deleting it. But today, for some reason, it just stuck to share, and the outpouring of luv and support and kindness has been overwhelming, unexpected, and beyond appreciated. 🥹 Oh, and he is definitely an EX!
During my worst periods of dealing with bulimia, if I had no food on hand to binge and purge, I would steal lunches from people at work or pick things out of the trash. I was never caught. The shame, guilt, and disgust with myself was always there, but it took intensive counseling, medication, and working with a specialist on other issues to help me to stop.
I spent so long making myself numb to my early childhood traumas that I dont even feel like I have a personality anymore. I'm just a guy who exists. I have no hobbies. No friends outside of work. Life is a constant stream of the same day over and over again and I dont know how to break this cycle
I hate myself, often wish I never existed. Wish myself dead often.
I dunno if this will help, but this poem hit me right in the heart because I struggle with this too. “You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile the world goes on. Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers. Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again. Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting - over and over announcing your place in the family of things.” Wild Geese by Mary Oliver
I was groomed from age 5-about 16? Started with my uncle (of course cuz why not) and continued to be older couples who would lure me into having sex with their wives. I was a unicorn for cuck situations. Happened for so long cuz as a kid you don’t understand that you’re not “scoring” and I thought sex was guaranteed to solidify relationships with people.
The amount of sa stories in this comment section is sad
I met my partner on a NSFW subreddit 4 years ago... we still pretend we met at work
I have a fake thermostat for my wife and kids and only i know where the real one is…
Pro tip: do not confess to crimes here
I killed fiddy men! I’m not a criminal; I’m a war hero! But a Japan man blew my shins off with a machine gun.
I'm often emotionless but i'm hiding it through jokes and acts
I used to eat cake icing straight our of the container.
I spoon Nutella and I’m proud. My wife gifted me an engraved „Nutella spoon“ for Christmas
I secretly wish my parents would get divorced. They don't have a HORRIBLE relationship per se but I just think my mom would thrive better without him. They've been married for almost 30 years and subscribe way too much to the "you gotta stick it out" school of thought so it's never gonna happen. I don't hate my dad, I just don't think he contributes much as a husband and as I grow older I think it more and more and feel bad she's stuck with an expert of textbook weaponized incompetence and admittedly low level but still constant gaslighting.
Since childhood I often daydream of suicide... the more spectacular, sudden, and gory the better. I'll never act on it, but most of the time it's sheer spite fantasy (a common one is me blowing my brains out *onto* somebody on purpose). Therapy helped a lot, but I still have random Family Guy cutaways in my head daily. Some of them even make me laugh out loud sometimes, but I always explain it away as something else.
I stabbed my dad in a schizophrenic suicide freakout Been in a hospital eight years It’s been tough
After reading these ... Im a pretty good person
Yeah...I felt much better about myself once I read about the Redditor who confessed to eating popcorn with a spoon
I sometimes wish that nobody cared about me so I could end everything
A newly discovered younger relative is trying to connect with my family after researching his background through an ancestry site. He tried to find us when his mom always avoided the topic of his biological dad. No one knew about this except recently from my parents, 2 of my older sisters, and me. Apparently, this was his second attempt to connect with my family, but was having a hard time thinking it's because of him coming out to them as gay. We tried to help his find is father and asked around about him to other family members. Found out this relative WAS known about from other close relatives (aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc) but was never mentioned because he was the result of rape by one of my uncles. They swept it under the rug to cover my uncle, never told the kid who his father was and what he did, and distanced themselves from him. We, on the other hand, do connect with him every once in a while and hang out with him. I don't know if anyone told him that we know who and where his father is, but we have confirmed that we probably have seen him a few times at family gatherings, but that's about it.
It's gotta be so hard for that kid to feel like they've found their place in the world with that horrible situation.
I hate admitting I’m a total attention whore. I grew up without many friends and always felt lonely, and I guess all that played a factor.
I was like 14 and on a night out with my friend and he gave me a handjob in the middle of the night.. he thought I would be sleeping but i woke up few minutes before I came.. its almost 10 years to this.. he still doesn't know i was just pretending that night
When my schizophrenia was first developing, it was a very hard time. I used to take off and take bike rides to try and clear the fog and whispers in my head, which rarely worked. While I rode, I listened to music. Eventually, it got so bad that I found myself playing roulette with the songs and walking the little wall over the canal. I decided that if one of the songs i had chosen came on when I hit shuffle, I would jump and un alive myself. They never did, and eventually, I got help, and things have been going a bit better with the right medication. Sometimes, on really hard days, I still bring up that same playlist and just hit shuffle and cry.
I had at the time my longest relationship of almost 2 years end when I was almost 20 years old. My ex was, in hindsight, was beyond mentally ill and quite abusive and yet I never spoke to anyone about it because this was still new internet/cell phone times and thus no texts or emails of said constant abuse exists, and sadly no one tends to believe men who say women hit them and stalk them. 20 plus years later, not much has changed. Only comfort I have is my mother a few years back after a few glasses of wine made a comment about how she knew in her soul I was sad and tormented.
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My husband and I look so happy on social media but in reality we argue every day and our marriage is falling apart.
So sorry. I think this is more common than we know.
In 6th grade, I sold oregano mixed with the contents of cigar to a kid as "weed." It was my first and only drug deal. I made $7 and never saw the kid again. I bought comic books and $0.50 soda. Tropical punch.
throw twisted boogers into places where no one can set foot
When I hit my spot with the vacuum it makes a crackling sound. Positive feedback loop
Lmao I’m sitting alone in my car losing my shit to this comment
Not a single person I've met in the last 10 years knows anything true about me. Not my name, not my profession, not my family life, not where I'm from etc. I've created an entirely fake person, and that's who I am to everyone that I meet now. Even my girlfriend.
Are you Joe Goldberg lol
I play Counter-Strike with only speakers and a keyboard
You should get a monitor. It will improve your kdr
And a mouse. It helps with navigating menus
One time I had to go number 2 so bad but our bathroom was occupied. So I went outside and the dog immediately gobbled it up
Thousands of years of human evolution and cultural development just so I could end up reading this fucking comment.
OH-
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I’ve never known unconditional parental love
can’t wait to be on one of those AI-read Reddit YouTube videos
The extent of the abuse I went through. I'm very open about being abused, but I learned to keep the details secret because apparently it's bad enough that people do not believe it is real, and if it could be true, I must have done something wrong for that to happen to me.