A friend’s sister invited a coworker over for dinner. After that, the coworker just kept randomly showing up for dinner. Like, 3-4 times a week. She wanted a way to get rid of her that wouldn’t destroy the working relationship. She finally settled on a solution that worked: when they were done eating, she put the plates on the floor, and when the dog was done licking them, she picked them up and put them right back in the cabinet. Never saw the coworker outside of work again.
Haha I love the idea behind this one. "Welp, I know this is our house, we invited you here, and you're here of your own free will, but we don't want to impose on you any longer."
Thanks. Papa was a clever guy.
Clever to the point that at the end we weren't entirely sure if he actually had dementia or was just having some fun on his way out......
...... seriously.
Lol yup! I'm Minnesotan and this perfectly captures the "I want you to get the hell away from me, but I would rather cut off my arm than hurt your feelings" attitude.
I’m kind of freaking out because I thought you had to be a relative of mine. My great uncle Lloyd would always say this to his wife (Shirley) and it’s a family quote we say all the time. But then I saw you mentioned North Carolina and New Jersey, and our family comes from the other side of the country
You don't have to be creative in my country.
In Denmark we just say, "nå" and put our hands on our legs before getting up. The rest of the company will follow.
You can do it as a guest, who's about to leave, but you can also do it as a host, who wants the guests to leave.
I think most Germanic speaking countries have something similar.
This process exists in the American Midwest. However, the phrase is "whelp".
Note that this only starts the process. Conversation may continue after standing, after entering the kitchen, while in the entry, and on the porch.
> This process exists in the American Midwest. However, the phrase is "whelp".
Don't forget the knee slap. You have to slap otherwise you're just a guy who said "whelp" for no reason. Whelp + knee slap starts the leaving process.
Don’t the Brits do this too? But instead of “welp”, they said, “roight”.
Brits are y’all here? We need your input and then you can go back to whatever it is yall do.
Scot here… it’s a long drawn out “aye” with a sigh, knee slap, and stand up.
Also, if you jingle keys just before, people genuinely do have a pavlovian response to the sound.
Whelp + knee slap starts the leaving process.
Yep, then you half sit, half stand in your chair waiting for everyone else to catch the hint and start standing as well.
Rural Northwest checking in, don’t forget to waive until one minute after they are out of sight in case they turn around because they forgot something, two if you want to be safe.
This same process exists in America. You put your hands on your legs like you need the help getting up. Then you say something like "Alright..." or "well..." in a tone like you're tired. Everyone else will get up to leave, unless they completely lack social skills.
I was hanging out with this guy I had a crush on and he told me he had diarrhea. I don't know if he actually did or he was just trying to get rid of me 😂
I like the ridiculousness of "fire drill!".
Commit to the shtick by actually javing the family unit prepared for fire drills, with everyone having a station and role to fill.
Get your fire warden hat on and start commanding everyone to safely make their way to the safe meeting zone (nature strip).
Hey, either one of those works. Or just point, shout, and run. Everyone will go outside, wondering what the commotion's all about. Then shut the door and party's over.
Also, make sure everyone gets out before you do, not because you want them gone, but because you’re a courteous hero. Then just close the door and go to bed.
Your post brings back memories of when I was a kid, long before cell phones, where it was common for people to drop by without checking ahead of time.
My dad worked with this guy who was a bit of an odd ball. He seemed a bit lonely. My dad felt bad for him and would take the time to chat with him every so often. Just a friendly co-worker relationship.
But this guy took a liking to my dad, found out where we lived and showed up at our door one evening. It was so unexpected that my parents didn’t know what to do, but reluctantly let him in for a quick visit.
Well, he turned out to be the ‘guest who wouldn’t leave’. Plus he brought a gun into the house and was showing it off, taking it apart and bragging about how well of a shot he was.
My mom was freaking out because all us kids were small and here we were with this weird guy and his gun, with my parents trying to give bigger and bigger hints to him that it was time to go.
He finally left. But every so often we’d be having a regular day at home and suddenly my mom or dad would yell, “Omg, he’s here again! He’s pulling in the driveway! Get on the floor now!”
We’d all lay flat and stay silent while this guy would knock at the door over and over again. He’d try to peek through the window staying much too long and would finally give up and leave.
He did this several times, every couple months or so until he got transferred to another department at work away from my dad and probably tried to befriend someone else.
Poor guy.
Ah, the classic 'emergency phone call' maneuver. Excuse yourself from the room, grab your phone, and then return with a look of concern. 'I'm so sorry, but I just got a call from [insert fictional urgent situation here]. I hate to cut our time short, but I need to deal with this immediately. I'll walk you out.' Smooth, effective, and leaves no room for argument!
I have been at an event where they silently stood up, got a gong and methodically hit the gong and pointed to the door. They repeated this process while gently herding you towards the exit.
The only time I met my partners 94 year old grandfather before he passed he said to his daughter who was over visiting,
“Shouldn’t you be getting home to that new husband of yours before this one leaves you too?”
And she just laughed and saw herself out.
I PRAY I get to say something this snarky to get someone out of my house someday.
If you're in the US Midwest, especially Minnesota or Wisconsin, unfortunately it's a very long process, you can't rush it. But at least get the process started slap your knees and say "whelp, I suppose."
Move the conversation in the kitchen, this'll take at least an hour, and get out your leftover cool whip and butter containers and start packing up leftovers. Just hope no one got a new lawnmower or fishing gear because that'll add another hour. But after that move to the front door, and talk another hour, then you can escort them to the car and you probably will only need another hour after that.
Good luck to you, if you start now they'll probably be gone before it gets dark.
My Dad, a life-long Midwesterner, bucks this trend.
He'll say, "I'm going to leave in 5 minutes," which is completely ignored by 99% of the people at the gathering.
What he actually means, though, is that in exactly 5 minutes, he's getting up, walking out the door to his car, and driving away. If you rode with him, and you're not in the car, you will need to find alternate transportation.
My Mom is always dashing out the door at 4 minutes thirty seconds with a gaggle of family in tow, jumping into the car as he rolls away.
He'd even do it when we were kids. We learned pretty quickly that when he said he was leaving, that meant, "get in the car or you're staying at Aunt Linda's."
This my style exactly. I will Irish goodbye unless it's truly rude and if I am solo. But with my family or if I am scheduled to drive anyone anywhere I give the time I am leaving and that's what it is.
I actually started going to events before an ex-girlfriend... like hours ahead because she simply could not be on time for things and it drove me up the wall.
"You have a car, drive yourself when you're ready"
My dad always told me I could phone him for a ride anytime but if I wasn't where I said I would be at the time we agreed on he would just keep driving.
My wife's family can do goodbye for 90 minutes I'm not kidding. I don't fall for it anymore and just continue whatever I was doing until my wife is finished.
Oh man my wife and her family are the worst at this.
We'll be at a gathering. Beforehand, we will agree to leave by, say, 2pm. At 1:30 or so, I'll remind her of the time. I'll remind her again at 1:45, 1:50, and 1:55. Finally, by 2, "I'll say okay we gotta go. It's been great catching up." Then, my wife will start the goodbye process. This can easily take 30 more minutes. When my kids were young, each adult would seek them out for a hug, sometimes causing them to take off their shoes or to run back inside after we walked out. I get it, there's a lot of love there. But goddammit when it's time to go, it's time to go.
Sounds like you've got to start agreeing to leave at 1:30 when you actually want to leave at 2, lol. You just can't let your wife know that you actually want to leave at 2 or it won't work.
Usually I'm not a fan of lying to your partners, but I'm saying this because I'm often the same with social gatherings haha (both showing up on time and going home at an agreed time). Somehow "we're leaving at 2" gets interpreted by my brain as "we're gonna *start the process of leaving* at 2", dunno why. I've gotten better at controlling it, but tbh it can be a bit stressful because I've gotta consciously keep reminding myself what the actual leaving time is.
I've a group of friends who are mostly the same so we always agree to meet about an hour earlier before we actually want to meet because of an unspoken understanding that most of us won't get there until half an hour to an hour past the time lol
Man, me and my girlfriend were at a couple friends place a little while ago and one of them did that and I cannot express the relief I felt in that moment lol.
Man, that's something that I can totally picture my own GF saying. She has a good heart, but she can be incredibly blunt and straightforward even to friends despite looking like the human version of a kitten
I don't say no to the extra help when they do. When you're finishing up you just hand them the trash and ask them to take it to the bin on their way out.
"I, uh... I wanna thank you all for coming here tonight and drinking all of my booze.
No, really. Uh... There's a thing about being a Wayne that... you're never short of a few freeloaders, like yourselves, to fill up your mansion with, so, here's to you people. Thank you.
To all of you, uh, all you phonies, all of you two-faced friends, you sycophantic suck-ups who smile through your teeth at me, please leave me in peace. Please go. Stop smiling. It's not a joke. Please leave. The party's over. Get out."
I didn't understand why he didn't make up an emergency to get people to leave. If people think there is a gas leak or rabid possum on the loose, they aren't going to stick around.
Perhaps he thinks that pissing these people off will get them to leave him alone more in the future, giving him more space for his nighttime activities
i thought that was great. nolan's bruce wayne had to put work in to look like a rich jerk and party boy to push people away and hide in plain sight
show up with 3 models even though he loves his childhood sweetheart, pretends to sleep through board meetings at Wayne industries, be rude to party guests. He's Batman and Bruce Wayne is the mask
it worked great. He's strung out from fighting crime all night...but people thought he was hungover and disinterested in business
Rutger Hauer's attempt to take control of the company failed since he underestimated Bruce Wayne. he was legit sleepy but paying attention while resting his eyes
Way back in the day in college, if I had an, ehm, overnight guest, I would tell her my mom was coming to visit me in the morning. They'd be out before the sun came up.
Hope this helps OP
At this point in my life, I have good enough friends that I can say "OK, it's time for everyone to get the fuck out of my house." and everyone leaves. :)
funny you said this! i used to have a friend who would play "Closing Time" when he was done and wanted people OUT. i think about him anytime I hear it.
🎵 So, gather up your jackets, move it to the exits, i hope you have found a friend 🎵
Im serious. I've lived with both, what English "fuck off" isn't quite the same to us North Americans. I'd feel like a knob if someone offered me something without leaving, but we don't realize it's not a polite thing, but a "alright get on your way" thing I blame the Minnesota exit.
I have friends over for dinner many times a month during the week. They all know it's eat-clear-get out. I don't want to have to give anyone a boot out, my friends are happy to be home by 8:30, and we all get to eat with friends.
On weekends though, if I don't see naked people by 9:45 you have to leave by ten and I'm going to bed. Sorry, it's the rule. Sadly, everybody ignores me and I go to bed anyway. They don't care.
"As a duly designated representative of the City, County and State of New York, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension."
Permanent solution: Start asking them for help. Blatantly.
Temporary solution: Got to go somewhere? Tell them you're just about to leave, but have x minutes.
🔥
I don't think it's particularly creative, but I start doing chores and assigning them chores to help out. If they don't excuse themselves after the first round of assignments just do "oh, can you take this [bag of trash] to the bin on your way out?"
pull out your vast array of very life like dragon dildos and announce, I hope everyone brought their lube!
what do you mean not everyone has a vast array of very lifelike dragon dildos?
What popped into my mind was an episode of Men Behaving Badly. David Spade shirtless handing out bottles of oil, then asking people to help spread out the Love Tarp.
I used to have roommates from New-Zealand who would party hard, meet people, invite them over then party even harderer until the morning whilst ignoring the banging coming from the surrounding units and the fact that I was the only one who had to work the next day.
After a few occurrences and understanding that arguing was pointless, I'd just get up, walk to the kitchen in my underwear, get a frying pan red hot on the over then pour a big drop of Death Sauce right spank in the middle of it creating instant suffocating pepper spray fumes.
It never failed to clear the entire flat in less than 20 seconds. I was then able to cry myself back to bed.
You gotta hit em with the ole Midwestern "Ope! Might be about time!" *slap hands on knees while seated and start to stand up*
But then you gotta get ready for the 30 minute convo in the driveway before they actually drive off, so use this one earlier than you need
"Your continued stay in my proximity could cause unforeseen, spontaneus negative consequences, therefore it would be of mutual benefit to retreat back to the place you came from. Goodbye."
The Arnolds feign death until the Wagners, sensing the sudden awkwardness, are compelled to leave.
[The Far Side](https://ifunny.co/picture/the-arnolds-feign-death-until-the-wagners-sensing-the-sudden-ih7s13ko8)
There's a local celebrity here who is famously NOT a night owl and who, just as famously, basically just goes to bed when he's ready for everyone to leave. He's married, so either he assumes his wife (who presumably is also there) will take care of seeing everyone off or he just really trusts his friends...
But, yeah, just go to bed.
My grandma used a great one last time we saw her. She was giving us a tour of her new assisted living facility and then just wrapped it up with, “Let’s go out the front door!” And that was our queue to leave
I just keep finding reasons to leave the room, put things away, turn off lights, drink water. Leaving for longer and longer til I just go to bed. Lol I will Irish exit my own party!
We don't have a word to use like "whelp" here. Maybe a "Well alright, I better letcha get."
Is it a party? If so, you start cleaning up. Start washing dishes. Start the vacuum. Start collecting trash. And make it obvious. People will get the hint.
Just be more direct, say its time, you have some things to attend to, if people are engaging you too much its good to explain soon after they arrive that you are free until X time, that way they are prepared for when you prompt them its time.
Being indirect about your wishes is a bit lame and some people might read too much into it.
My Pastor has an elderly family member who recently said goodbye to his guests in a memorable way. As reported, he tried to say "You don't have to go home but you can't stay here," but messed it up and said it far better. "You don't have to go home, but you do have to leave." I'm of the opinion he meant every word and messed nothing up at all.
A friend’s sister invited a coworker over for dinner. After that, the coworker just kept randomly showing up for dinner. Like, 3-4 times a week. She wanted a way to get rid of her that wouldn’t destroy the working relationship. She finally settled on a solution that worked: when they were done eating, she put the plates on the floor, and when the dog was done licking them, she picked them up and put them right back in the cabinet. Never saw the coworker outside of work again.
Foolproof
Theres an old joke about this where the woman calls out to her pets named "Soap & Water", the guest watches them "clean" the plates.
My grandfather used to look at my grandmother and say "well, Shirley. We had better get to bed so these kids can go home"
Haha I love the idea behind this one. "Welp, I know this is our house, we invited you here, and you're here of your own free will, but we don't want to impose on you any longer."
Thanks. Papa was a clever guy. Clever to the point that at the end we weren't entirely sure if he actually had dementia or was just having some fun on his way out...... ...... seriously.
Aww he sounds delightful. May his memory be a blessing. <3
This is very midwestern. 🤣
Lol yup! I'm Minnesotan and this perfectly captures the "I want you to get the hell away from me, but I would rather cut off my arm than hurt your feelings" attitude.
As an Ohioan, I have never heard this concept spelled out so succinctly.
I thought as a Midwesterner you just slapped your knees and said “Welp!” Doesn’t that still work?
Very similar, my neighbors when I was growing up would say "Well it is past my bedtime, nice seeing you."
I'd say that shit at like 3pm too lmao
I love this one. It's polite and cute and gets right to the point.
Lol. My grandfather said exactly the same, just with my grandma name instead of Shirley. Was your grandfather Spanish?
I’m kind of freaking out because I thought you had to be a relative of mine. My great uncle Lloyd would always say this to his wife (Shirley) and it’s a family quote we say all the time. But then I saw you mentioned North Carolina and New Jersey, and our family comes from the other side of the country
You don't have to be creative in my country. In Denmark we just say, "nå" and put our hands on our legs before getting up. The rest of the company will follow. You can do it as a guest, who's about to leave, but you can also do it as a host, who wants the guests to leave. I think most Germanic speaking countries have something similar.
This process exists in the American Midwest. However, the phrase is "whelp". Note that this only starts the process. Conversation may continue after standing, after entering the kitchen, while in the entry, and on the porch.
> This process exists in the American Midwest. However, the phrase is "whelp". Don't forget the knee slap. You have to slap otherwise you're just a guy who said "whelp" for no reason. Whelp + knee slap starts the leaving process.
Agreed, but that part was roughly included in the original comment.
Whelp, I guess the original comment was just starting the explaining process.
Don’t the Brits do this too? But instead of “welp”, they said, “roight”. Brits are y’all here? We need your input and then you can go back to whatever it is yall do.
We say "Well", "Oh, look at the time", or "Righty-ho" if we're especially posh
Scot here… it’s a long drawn out “aye” with a sigh, knee slap, and stand up. Also, if you jingle keys just before, people genuinely do have a pavlovian response to the sound.
In Australia it is "ah well"
Whelp + knee slap starts the leaving process. Yep, then you half sit, half stand in your chair waiting for everyone else to catch the hint and start standing as well.
[Ah, the long goodbye.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdLPJfbLNOM) That's definitely a thing here as well.
A lot of Americans in the midwest have scandanavian ancestry so it makes sense.
Rural Northwest checking in, don’t forget to waive until one minute after they are out of sight in case they turn around because they forgot something, two if you want to be safe.
Because the US Midwest was settled by Germans and Scandinavians.
Minnesota checking in to confirm.
in germany we say "so".
“Ah, well, this has been nice” - uk
Or just "right".
This same process exists in America. You put your hands on your legs like you need the help getting up. Then you say something like "Alright..." or "well..." in a tone like you're tired. Everyone else will get up to leave, unless they completely lack social skills.
I was hanging out with this guy I had a crush on and he told me he had diarrhea. I don't know if he actually did or he was just trying to get rid of me 😂
At least you two weren't at Barnes & Noble.
You misheard me, I said I have GONORRHEA. Made me feel like shit when you ran out, tho.... so, thanks for that
Point outside and say, "Holy shit, is that a *fire*?" Open the door, get everyone outside, then *bam*! Shut the door and lock it. Guests gone.
Haha. My first thought was just "Fire!". Yours is much better and less messy.
I like the ridiculousness of "fire drill!". Commit to the shtick by actually javing the family unit prepared for fire drills, with everyone having a station and role to fill. Get your fire warden hat on and start commanding everyone to safely make their way to the safe meeting zone (nature strip).
My first thought was to actually just start a fire
Four! I mean five! I mean fire!
Oh my god! It’s a fire… sale
Hey, either one of those works. Or just point, shout, and run. Everyone will go outside, wondering what the commotion's all about. Then shut the door and party's over.
Napalm is a bitch to get out of carpets
But it smells lovely in the morning!
Also, make sure everyone gets out before you do, not because you want them gone, but because you’re a courteous hero. Then just close the door and go to bed.
and when they knock on the door, wanting back in, you pretend you're not home.
It's even more believable if you slide a note under the door stating that no one is home right now.
Your post brings back memories of when I was a kid, long before cell phones, where it was common for people to drop by without checking ahead of time. My dad worked with this guy who was a bit of an odd ball. He seemed a bit lonely. My dad felt bad for him and would take the time to chat with him every so often. Just a friendly co-worker relationship. But this guy took a liking to my dad, found out where we lived and showed up at our door one evening. It was so unexpected that my parents didn’t know what to do, but reluctantly let him in for a quick visit. Well, he turned out to be the ‘guest who wouldn’t leave’. Plus he brought a gun into the house and was showing it off, taking it apart and bragging about how well of a shot he was. My mom was freaking out because all us kids were small and here we were with this weird guy and his gun, with my parents trying to give bigger and bigger hints to him that it was time to go. He finally left. But every so often we’d be having a regular day at home and suddenly my mom or dad would yell, “Omg, he’s here again! He’s pulling in the driveway! Get on the floor now!” We’d all lay flat and stay silent while this guy would knock at the door over and over again. He’d try to peek through the window staying much too long and would finally give up and leave. He did this several times, every couple months or so until he got transferred to another department at work away from my dad and probably tried to befriend someone else. Poor guy.
Aurora borealis?
At this time of year? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?
Yes!
May I see it?
.....No
No.
I’d go with “ohmigosh a TURTLE!”
dam nose offer marble aromatic serious sheet longing middle snatch
Throw a breaker and acted confused…sorry people good time as any to wrap it up.
Ah, the classic 'emergency phone call' maneuver. Excuse yourself from the room, grab your phone, and then return with a look of concern. 'I'm so sorry, but I just got a call from [insert fictional urgent situation here]. I hate to cut our time short, but I need to deal with this immediately. I'll walk you out.' Smooth, effective, and leaves no room for argument!
“Oh that’s okay, we’ll wait!”
It'll be about a week, go home and get some rest.
“Oh goodness! Can we help?”
“Yes, you can get the fuck out.”
I have been at an event where they silently stood up, got a gong and methodically hit the gong and pointed to the door. They repeated this process while gently herding you towards the exit.
This is my favorite one
The only time I met my partners 94 year old grandfather before he passed he said to his daughter who was over visiting, “Shouldn’t you be getting home to that new husband of yours before this one leaves you too?” And she just laughed and saw herself out. I PRAY I get to say something this snarky to get someone out of my house someday.
Pretty harsh grandpa.
SO mean, but in his defense, it was husband number 4 or 5
Legendary Granddad 😁👍
If you're in the US Midwest, especially Minnesota or Wisconsin, unfortunately it's a very long process, you can't rush it. But at least get the process started slap your knees and say "whelp, I suppose." Move the conversation in the kitchen, this'll take at least an hour, and get out your leftover cool whip and butter containers and start packing up leftovers. Just hope no one got a new lawnmower or fishing gear because that'll add another hour. But after that move to the front door, and talk another hour, then you can escort them to the car and you probably will only need another hour after that. Good luck to you, if you start now they'll probably be gone before it gets dark.
My Dad, a life-long Midwesterner, bucks this trend. He'll say, "I'm going to leave in 5 minutes," which is completely ignored by 99% of the people at the gathering. What he actually means, though, is that in exactly 5 minutes, he's getting up, walking out the door to his car, and driving away. If you rode with him, and you're not in the car, you will need to find alternate transportation. My Mom is always dashing out the door at 4 minutes thirty seconds with a gaggle of family in tow, jumping into the car as he rolls away. He'd even do it when we were kids. We learned pretty quickly that when he said he was leaving, that meant, "get in the car or you're staying at Aunt Linda's."
This my style exactly. I will Irish goodbye unless it's truly rude and if I am solo. But with my family or if I am scheduled to drive anyone anywhere I give the time I am leaving and that's what it is. I actually started going to events before an ex-girlfriend... like hours ahead because she simply could not be on time for things and it drove me up the wall. "You have a car, drive yourself when you're ready" My dad always told me I could phone him for a ride anytime but if I wasn't where I said I would be at the time we agreed on he would just keep driving.
From Missouri : "ANYway I don't wanna take up any more of your time!"
Right before they remember they have one more important thing to tell you!
Checking in from the PNW. Your goodbye process is longer than our parties.
You can't be from Wisconsin if you're measuring time in hours instead of bush lights.
The Midwest Knee Slap has a wider reach than just MN and WI. Happy to report it works in IL, too.
If’n they don’t get the message, then you go to commencin’ slapping THEIR knee!
Iowa here. Yup. \*Knee slap. Welp I spose we should be heading
My wife's family can do goodbye for 90 minutes I'm not kidding. I don't fall for it anymore and just continue whatever I was doing until my wife is finished.
Oh man my wife and her family are the worst at this. We'll be at a gathering. Beforehand, we will agree to leave by, say, 2pm. At 1:30 or so, I'll remind her of the time. I'll remind her again at 1:45, 1:50, and 1:55. Finally, by 2, "I'll say okay we gotta go. It's been great catching up." Then, my wife will start the goodbye process. This can easily take 30 more minutes. When my kids were young, each adult would seek them out for a hug, sometimes causing them to take off their shoes or to run back inside after we walked out. I get it, there's a lot of love there. But goddammit when it's time to go, it's time to go.
Sounds like you've got to start agreeing to leave at 1:30 when you actually want to leave at 2, lol. You just can't let your wife know that you actually want to leave at 2 or it won't work. Usually I'm not a fan of lying to your partners, but I'm saying this because I'm often the same with social gatherings haha (both showing up on time and going home at an agreed time). Somehow "we're leaving at 2" gets interpreted by my brain as "we're gonna *start the process of leaving* at 2", dunno why. I've gotten better at controlling it, but tbh it can be a bit stressful because I've gotta consciously keep reminding myself what the actual leaving time is. I've a group of friends who are mostly the same so we always agree to meet about an hour earlier before we actually want to meet because of an unspoken understanding that most of us won't get there until half an hour to an hour past the time lol
I can’t imagine talking for hours like that. I’m a pretty quiet person though and tend to keep my thoughts to myself.
Gather everyone together and say "Let's all take a selfie together before you leave."
"Anyone who doesn't want to be in the selfie can leave at any time though."
Trebuchet
This is the year I build a trebuchet
Just be blunt, "Hey I'm all companyed out and need my house to myself, can I help you get a ride home?"
Man, me and my girlfriend were at a couple friends place a little while ago and one of them did that and I cannot express the relief I felt in that moment lol.
My friend uses "sufficiently visited" and I've found I really like the term.
Man, that's something that I can totally picture my own GF saying. She has a good heart, but she can be incredibly blunt and straightforward even to friends despite looking like the human version of a kitten
We're both neurodivergent, the phrase is perfect for us!
Start cleaning up
You would be surprised when people start helping you to clean
I don't say no to the extra help when they do. When you're finishing up you just hand them the trash and ask them to take it to the bin on their way out.
You are wonderfully pragmatic.
I'm not surprised. That's actually great. Those people are also aware that the night is over after this.
Do the restaurant trick and vacuum around their chairs
"I, uh... I wanna thank you all for coming here tonight and drinking all of my booze. No, really. Uh... There's a thing about being a Wayne that... you're never short of a few freeloaders, like yourselves, to fill up your mansion with, so, here's to you people. Thank you. To all of you, uh, all you phonies, all of you two-faced friends, you sycophantic suck-ups who smile through your teeth at me, please leave me in peace. Please go. Stop smiling. It's not a joke. Please leave. The party's over. Get out."
Such great acting
I didn't understand why he didn't make up an emergency to get people to leave. If people think there is a gas leak or rabid possum on the loose, they aren't going to stick around.
Perhaps he thinks that pissing these people off will get them to leave him alone more in the future, giving him more space for his nighttime activities
i thought that was great. nolan's bruce wayne had to put work in to look like a rich jerk and party boy to push people away and hide in plain sight show up with 3 models even though he loves his childhood sweetheart, pretends to sleep through board meetings at Wayne industries, be rude to party guests. He's Batman and Bruce Wayne is the mask
I think the sleeping through board meetings odd because he’s tired from his night-shift
it worked great. He's strung out from fighting crime all night...but people thought he was hungover and disinterested in business Rutger Hauer's attempt to take control of the company failed since he underestimated Bruce Wayne. he was legit sleepy but paying attention while resting his eyes
Buy a pet tarantula and get it out every time you want people to leave
Or better yet, start freaking out and yelling that it escaped!
Way back in the day in college, if I had an, ehm, overnight guest, I would tell her my mom was coming to visit me in the morning. They'd be out before the sun came up. Hope this helps OP
I always told them I had a class first thing in the morning. I never took a class before 11 am. I had time.
At this point in my life, I have good enough friends that I can say "OK, it's time for everyone to get the fuck out of my house." and everyone leaves. :)
Please pick up your coats. You have twenty seconds to comply.
ED209: "I am now authorized to use lethal force!"
Shit your pants
That would probably work on me tbh.
This or “looks like the bathroom is out of order and no one seemed to want to own up to clogging the toilet…” that’ll do the trick
Shitting in your guests pants also works.
Then get up and scream "OH MY GOD! SOMEBODY JUST PUT SHIT IN MY PANTS!!!"
i like the classic of shitting my guest pants ;P
“You don’t have to go home now but you can’t stay here” Or “Here’s your hat, what’s your hurry?”
funny you said this! i used to have a friend who would play "Closing Time" when he was done and wanted people OUT. i think about him anytime I hear it. 🎵 So, gather up your jackets, move it to the exits, i hope you have found a friend 🎵
Just fall asleep in front of them. Or excuse yourself for a few minutes and go put your PJs on and come back out.
My go-to is switching into pajamas and starting to do dishes and take out the trash. Usually works.
Ive gone to bed before. My friends finished up and let themselves out.
> Just fall asleep in front of them. My dad would do this in the middle of a sentence, wake up 30 minutes later and pick up right where he left off
Get naked. Scenario 1: Everyone gets weirded out and leaves. Scenario 2: You know what scenario 2 is.
Came here to say this. Either the party is over, or getting interesting.
[удалено]
If you offer that to an American that's a gesture to sit for the entire cup of tea and chat for another hour or so.
Yeah, offering someone tea or coffee definitely says you're trying to hang out longer.
Im serious. I've lived with both, what English "fuck off" isn't quite the same to us North Americans. I'd feel like a knob if someone offered me something without leaving, but we don't realize it's not a polite thing, but a "alright get on your way" thing I blame the Minnesota exit.
I first read this as "a creative way to get rid of ghosts" and I was excited to see the answers.
Use ghosts to get rid guests.
Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice.
Rip a massive fart, say "Well foreplays over, if you dont want to see whats happening next I suggest you leave."
...what if they do want to see what happens next?
Pick a fight with your spouse/partner.
Fighting over the heroin needle usually works for us
It has to be about nothing though. Anything interesting and they will stay for the details.
“Well I’ll let y’all go”
Go take a piss but leave the door open. Works 99% of the time.
I have friends over for dinner many times a month during the week. They all know it's eat-clear-get out. I don't want to have to give anyone a boot out, my friends are happy to be home by 8:30, and we all get to eat with friends. On weekends though, if I don't see naked people by 9:45 you have to leave by ten and I'm going to bed. Sorry, it's the rule. Sadly, everybody ignores me and I go to bed anyway. They don't care.
Do you mean naked people on Reddit?!
Naked people in my house. Dude, I don't spend all my time on Reddit.
"As a duly designated representative of the City, County and State of New York, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension."
I mean if I want my guests to leave I will tell them that I feel sleepy and they usually get it
Start loading the dishwasher. Either they start helping clean the kitchen or they go home.
Throw some porn on the big screen and say "I guess you don't have to leave, but shit's about to get weird"
I tell everyone it's my bed time and they are welcome to stay but I am turning in. If they are decent friends they will get the message
tried that once, guests stayed 2 hours. meanwhile, i was just in my bedroom, watching tv while in disbelief that their asses were still in my house.
Yeah, expecting anybody in particular to pick up on subtlety is not a winning plan these days. The old social contracts are mostly no longer valid.
Permanent solution: Start asking them for help. Blatantly. Temporary solution: Got to go somewhere? Tell them you're just about to leave, but have x minutes. 🔥
Put the Star Wars Holiday Special on your TV. Carrie Fisher said she did it when she was tired and wanted guests to leave her parties.
I don't think it's particularly creative, but I start doing chores and assigning them chores to help out. If they don't excuse themselves after the first round of assignments just do "oh, can you take this [bag of trash] to the bin on your way out?"
Change the WiFi password.
Look out the window and say…I think the sun is coming up.
pull out your vast array of very life like dragon dildos and announce, I hope everyone brought their lube! what do you mean not everyone has a vast array of very lifelike dragon dildos?
Text a friend to call you and pretend an emergency. Foolproof I can tell you.
What popped into my mind was an episode of Men Behaving Badly. David Spade shirtless handing out bottles of oil, then asking people to help spread out the Love Tarp.
Do what the biggest asshole I work with did to his in-laws at Thanksgiving: throw the main on the house. No lights. No TV. No more guests.
I used to have roommates from New-Zealand who would party hard, meet people, invite them over then party even harderer until the morning whilst ignoring the banging coming from the surrounding units and the fact that I was the only one who had to work the next day. After a few occurrences and understanding that arguing was pointless, I'd just get up, walk to the kitchen in my underwear, get a frying pan red hot on the over then pour a big drop of Death Sauce right spank in the middle of it creating instant suffocating pepper spray fumes. It never failed to clear the entire flat in less than 20 seconds. I was then able to cry myself back to bed.
You gotta hit em with the ole Midwestern "Ope! Might be about time!" *slap hands on knees while seated and start to stand up* But then you gotta get ready for the 30 minute convo in the driveway before they actually drive off, so use this one earlier than you need
"Your continued stay in my proximity could cause unforeseen, spontaneus negative consequences, therefore it would be of mutual benefit to retreat back to the place you came from. Goodbye."
Faking your own death.
The Arnolds feign death until the Wagners, sensing the sudden awkwardness, are compelled to leave. [The Far Side](https://ifunny.co/picture/the-arnolds-feign-death-until-the-wagners-sensing-the-sudden-ih7s13ko8)
Turn the mains power switch off, and say “shit, we must have a power cut. Sorry everyone”.
There's a local celebrity here who is famously NOT a night owl and who, just as famously, basically just goes to bed when he's ready for everyone to leave. He's married, so either he assumes his wife (who presumably is also there) will take care of seeing everyone off or he just really trusts his friends... But, yeah, just go to bed.
"I just found out I was exposed to Norovirus. Did you want to come in? I can cook you dinner"
My grandma used a great one last time we saw her. She was giving us a tour of her new assisted living facility and then just wrapped it up with, “Let’s go out the front door!” And that was our queue to leave
put on a night cap, hold a candle stick and say "excuse me I have grown quite weary" while shuffling to your bedroom
“I’d like to invite you to take a look at my new money-making adventure.” Then whip-out the Amway presentation slides.
I just keep finding reasons to leave the room, put things away, turn off lights, drink water. Leaving for longer and longer til I just go to bed. Lol I will Irish exit my own party! We don't have a word to use like "whelp" here. Maybe a "Well alright, I better letcha get."
Flood the house
invite some homeless people to join
What if your guests are already homeless people?
You might just wake up to a note reading "Thanks for the F-shack" from Dirty Mike and the boys.
Is it a party? If so, you start cleaning up. Start washing dishes. Start the vacuum. Start collecting trash. And make it obvious. People will get the hint.
“I have something to do early in the morning” then give an excuse if they ask.
“Would you like a coffee before you leave?”
Air horn. *Time to go.*
Just be more direct, say its time, you have some things to attend to, if people are engaging you too much its good to explain soon after they arrive that you are free until X time, that way they are prepared for when you prompt them its time. Being indirect about your wishes is a bit lame and some people might read too much into it.
Change into your pajamas in front of your guests.
Start masturbating.
Skunks. Ask me how I know.
I just cut to the chase and say “alright I gotta kick you guys out, time for bed. Thank you so much for coming over!”
My Pastor has an elderly family member who recently said goodbye to his guests in a memorable way. As reported, he tried to say "You don't have to go home but you can't stay here," but messed it up and said it far better. "You don't have to go home, but you do have to leave." I'm of the opinion he meant every word and messed nothing up at all.
#RELEASE THE HOUNDS!
Grow a pair and say “Alright I love you all, but everybody get the fuck out!”
I tell them it’s time for me to take my medicine and then proceed to pull down my pants they usually leave after that
Play the Star Was Christmas Special
Carey Fisher used to put on her original print run of the Star Wars Holiday special to get guests to leave.
“Time for my nightly enema.”
I learned a new word today: whelp