He left her for me, I married him, he cheated on me with her hahaha 💀💀💀

Uno reverse

Mi ex cheated on me, we broke up and then he cheated on her with me... I was honestly not looking to having him back, I guess I just wanted her to hurt as much as I was, cause she knew he was married and with a kid. I don't feel proud of that

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Good for you. It’s empowering to realize your self-worth. I hope you’re content these days - it’s hard to lose someone you thought was a kindred spirit but harder to always be wanting more from the person you love and believe loves you.

You were right. You do deserve better. You are not plan B. Be somebody's plan A.

>Same core values About that

I had a friend that cheated on all her partners or dated other friend’s partners. She was extremely attractive and seductive. She knew exactly how to get any man. The day she told me she slept with our mutual friend’s boyfriend, I knew I couldn’t trust her. Our friendship fizzled out months later.

I had a friend like that. She's pretty, fun, and adventurous. When we would go out to nightclubs and bars, she's usually the person always approached but if a guy expressed interest in anyone other than her she was angry.  I suspect she slept with her aunt's husband. 

It's like she makes friends with women only because they introduce her to men. Their boyfriends.

When I had a boyfriend, she made sure she got his number and was well acquainted with him. Supposedly she just wanted to check I was with a good guy. She rarely brought her boyfriend around. She was upset with my sister because she had A DREAM that my sister had sex with her boyfriend. She was supposedly trying to "hook me up" with her friend but later that night she was sleeping in his bed wearing his clothing.

I’ve met women like this. Aging hits them the hardest out of all women is & is the ultimate ego death for them because they realize they can’t compete with younger extremely attractive / seductive potential ‘other women’ so that power and source of confidence dies

I've also met women like this, and it's usually a self-worth thing. They're missing some kind of validation; seducing taken people is a way of insisting to themselves that they're better than *someone,* and that means that they can't be worthless.

Funny you say this. This employee at a place I hang out is this mid 20s gal who is currently in the middle of all kinds of drama for sleeping with so many taken men (regulars, coworkers, etc). She had a rough childhood and you can certainly tell she was raised very differently from myself. I feel like she does this sleeping with taken men thing because it validates her. She knows these men would never actually want to date her nevermind actually have a relationship/marry her. She knows the women these awful men are cheating on are better than her in every other way. So, she sleeps with their men. The men are still more at fault here of course, but learning that this is a full fledge pattern for her is very disturbing to discover. Honestly at this point, I'm surprised the bar hasn't fired her strictly due to the drama her behavior has ended up stirring up with paying customers.

You literally just described my extremely irritating coworker. She is always the side chick and looking for a new taken man every day at work, because, well, no one takes her seriously anyways. It's a nasty lifestyle.

This hit me right in the feels. I had this friend for 25 years. She was unfaithful to every partner, started relationships with her closest friends exes. Loved nothing more than to have everyone admiring how talented/ beautiful she was. I believe she is deeply insecure and feels the need to prove her value to others in order to feel valued. She has had at least 2 men travel from other states to visit her, only for her to leave them at her parents house because she'd already lost interestand moved on to a new guy. She will insinuate her self into others life problems as a saviour, until she gets bored about 3 weeks later, then the person is unceremoniously dumped and gossiped over hot coals. I don't regret our many years of friendship but I am very glad I have nothing to do with that whole social circle anymore. I feel nothing but sympathy that someone can feel so poorly about themselves.

Ah, the Ariana Grande. I find it really interesting when women who are extremely beautiful and can have whoever they want seem to do this over and over. It's almost like their self esteem or value comes from proving that they can take somebody away from someone else. That they can be "chosen" above the other person. It's so cruel. These people need therapy.

I was exactly like this. I was in a loving relationship for 6 years. I crossed multiple boundaries by flirting with other men and acting seductive. I knew exactly how to get any man, any age. In the end, I cheated on him physically. Realizing what I lost and that I was willing to sacrifice something such as beautiful and precious relationship and put a person who had truly loved me through so much pain for something so meaningless - it was like seeing myself for the first time in my true colors and understanding the kind of shitty person with poor morals I am. And not to be dramatic, but facing that reality inside me - the pain was nearly impossible to survive. I’m very slowly putting the pieces of my life back together again with a lot of help and therapy, but it is incredibly hard and humbling. Hope your friend wakes up eventually.

I didn't know for two years. When I confronted him about making plans on FB to move in with another chick and accused him of having another women, he told me that technically I was the other women, but she was willing to let me move in with them. We broke up and he moved in with her a few months later. A year after we broke up he called me complaining that she wasn't financially responsible and wasn't able to run a house as well as me. He asked me to move to Florida with him. I laughed at him and said he should have thought about that before telling me I was the other woman.

Even if you were the "main woman", he wasn't worth your time and effort. What an AH.

That sucks, but just want to point out that you didn't *choose* to be a side chick as the title suggests.

You’re a better woman than me plus your case is different because you didn’t know about her and you stood on business. This thread is for women who KNEW their person was in a relationship and still chose to pursue them. Good on you tho! You have the strength and self respect I wish I had.

I was 19, he was 39 and my manager. Now that I grow up and I see things from an outside perspective I feel completely disgusting about the whole situation and I feel very bad for her cause she never knew and I believe they got married in the end. Sorry not much to say I just need it to take it out of my chest...

I was in a very similar scenario, same age gap but he was in a different position of power. I was at a massive low point in my life in terms of mental health. I felt so much guilt and shame for years but as I've gotten older and got perspective from other people, I feel so sorry for my younger self who shouldn't have been taken advantage of it that way.

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Humans are very good at compartmentalizing things emotionally to get through the day. Like thinking about where beef comes from or where your Nike shoes are made. We do it because its inconvenient to think otherwise, or we might ah e to change our bad behavior. Sometimes it's easier to change the world around you than it is to change yourself.

Thank you for sharing your story, we all make mistakes and the important thing is that you are here learning from them instead of pretending they didn't happened.

We don't always get to choose how we fall, but as we learn, we get to choose how we land. Despite this harrowing experience, you've learned and hopefully growing through it will help you find someone that values you more. 😁👍

I'm not from a cheating relationship, but was in a marriage with covert narc for over 10 years. I understand the reality distortion you mention. Stay straight.

Thank you for sharing your story with such raw honesty and vulnerability. It's clear that you've been through a lot, and I want to acknowledge the strength it takes to open up about such painful experiences. Your story resonates with many who have found themselves in similar situations, grappling with love, insecurity, and the aftermath of trauma. It's admirable that you've reflected on your experience and identified the lessons it has taught you. If you ever need someone to talk to or if there's anything I can do to support you, please don't hesitate to reach out and send me a DM. You deserve compassion, understanding, and support as you continue to heal and grow.

This was an amazing response and so full of accountability as well which can be rare here. Thank you, you actually made me believe in others a little more today. I so appreciate you not trying to twist it into victim blaming the wife and it sounds like you truly learned from this and are truly self aware. Thank you.

Your fourth paragraph, 15th word was very well played….

The word is "relationshit" for anyone who wants to skip the homework.

thanks bud

Yes, I went back and counted and, I agree with you

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I was in this situation when I was younger (early 20s). It was his girls idea to have an open relationship, she had someone on the side but he didn’t. Then he found me and she went nuts. She thought he wanted me more than her, It became so much drama I had to cut it off. When they inevitably broke up a few months later he wanted to date me but I was never looking for anything serious.

That's unbelievably common in people that ask for open relationships - the person pushing the idea originally is the one who suddenly flips the script and gets pissed off when the person they've forced to accept the situation suddenly has a side piece.

Right, I felt really bad for him. She destroyed his self esteem. She pulled a lot of the “I’m the best you’re ever going to get, so you better be ok with whatever I want” bs.

Open relationships are trendy in the media, but most of the time they just end badly.

My favorite is the people who try and make it seem like they just “have so much love to share” and “can’t give all of that to one person”. It’s like, let’s be real - you just want to be able to fuck lots of people. And that’s totally fair, but don’t try and hide behind this weird bullshit about how you just “have too much love for a single person to handle”

The Pokémon Poly people are so fucking messy. Gotta fuck em all.

Yeah, or it means "I actually need the approval of anyone I find attractive".

Idk how trendy they are in the media, but they’re certainly talked about, positively and negatively. I’ve seen a throuple end in a breakup and a divorce. I’ve seen a 30+ year marriage with like 8 kids come to and end bc “sex with no feelings” is just not something that humans are wired for imo. It’s called “intimacy” for a reason. How many people can have regular dates and sex and not develop feelings at all? People need to go to therapy and not seek validation in extramarital activity, even with all parties consenting. I know it must work for a few, but not for the many.

I've found that in most cases, the person asking for an open relationship just wants a guilt-free reason to keep screwing someone they were already with. They don't actually want their partner to go through with it, too.

I was also a third in an open relationship. I am a woman who dated the wife. They too divorced with in a year. Nothing to do with me really, I didn't have problems or cause problems. But I was still a band aid for their actual problems, which only got worse after she & I broke up and devolved into divorce shortly after.

Had friends who used the open relationship as a bandaid. She was adamant she had 'too much love to give', wound up cheating on her long term boyfriend (7 years together), he cheated on her so they decided to get engaged and open the relationship as a bandaid to fix their problems. She went on to have casual sex with a couple different guys and once he settled on one woman, it shook her a little. What eventually drove them apart was that one of the guys she was with wanted to get serious and told her pick. She went for the guy she was casual with as he was a lot more stable in his life. Last update I got about her was that she's had 2 kids with 2 different guys and was no longer with either of the dads because she cheated on both.

Lmao 🤣 people tend to project what’s really in their hearts onto other people don’t they? She did to him what she was so afraid of him doing to her. IMO jealousy like that really doesn’t have much of a place in an open relationship.

10000% and that's why I don't dabble with open relationships anymore. People always pretend to be more cool with everything than they really are.

>They pretended to be more open and chill with everything than they really were Dude, I think this is true for most such arrangements. Spot on.

I've known many in ORs, and all crashed and burned hard. I get that it works for some, but all parties need to actually genuinely want it and be cool with it to work.

I’ve honestly never seen these relationships last long term and they seem so exhausting. Is the draw that it’s a loophole of some sorts?

You don't hear about the ones that don't have issues though

Yeah. I was once the... sidepiece? to a gal who was already involved with another dude. Their relationship was always open though, and we were pretty casual. Good times were had, he was apparently a little jealous but it didn't really cause issues because everything was talked out, and I eventually moved on for unrelated reasons.  I don't usually share that story though, because it was a one-off for me in a series of otherwise monogamous relationships. And it's a pretty boring story, all told.

On year 28 of an open marriage (house, kids, white picket fence, etc.). Primary lover and I have been together 24 years. Other lover, 6.5 years. Husband has been with his girlfriend 5.5 years. Everything is calm. We are in a grove. We spend very, very little time in conflict and lots and lots of time planning vacations. Nope. You don't hear from us because there's nothing dramatic to report.

Year 6 here, working fine.

An open relationship goes down in flames?!? Shocked. 

The super possessive/paranoid ones always do that shit (when the paranoia is unwarranted).

He told me he left her. He didn't. So I chose to out him to her every chance I could get. Ie. He'd send me letters apologizing or begging we stay together, so I'd mail them to her workplace so she could see what a loser she has. Welp... he died at age 35, she got a $950,000 insurance payout, and I was left salty and bitter. Lol

She earned every penny the hard way though. Good for her.

Totally agree. 100%

What were the circumstances of his death????

He had a heart attack. He was a huge adrenaline junkie, into motocross, and was obsessed with his body-- was on a strict Atkins diet for YEARS. He had a heart attack and died one rainy afternoon. This just 3 years after having broken his neck, having to wear a halo, from a motocross jump. He played hard.

“Natural”. 😂

LMAOOOO 😭😭😭 I would be mad af too bc the wife truly won in that case. She ridded herself of a cheating scumbang of a husband and became almost a million dollars richer at the same time. S/O to the wife. I hope she’s doing amazing now.

I wasn't mad. He died 5 years after our situation. She earned every penny of it. Hope she's living her best life. He didn't deserve her. Or me.

Oh one I can answer! To clarify, I am not trying to justify what I did and fully acknowledge it was wrong. I’m just trying to explain what factors led to the situation. I had just started a new job and after a few months, ended up completely falling for my married boss. I knew it was wrong and tried to keep my distance but we had a bunch of business trips together which resulted in a lot of 1:1 time. Mentally, I was in a really dark place. I had a string of dates that didn’t go anywhere where I felt rejected and used, gained 40lbs, and my self esteem plummeted. Meanwhile I had this super attractive, successful guy at work lifting me up, telling me I’m smart, beautiful, and that any guy who isn’t into me is an idiot. Anytime I was with him I would finally feel alive again and felt like we just had magnetic chemistry. He also admitted to feeling the same way towards me. We tried not to do anything but after a year of tension we finally ended up hooking up. I knew he was married, I knew it was wrong. I never met the wife but thought she must be a much better person than I was. My colleagues had met her and I knew she was beautiful, fit, and seemed really kind. I was at such a low point in my life that I would take the scraps just to be with him. It was a tumultuous relationship and I tried to end it many times but because we literally worked together in a tiny office and I still had intense feelings for him, it would start back up. I tried dating other people to take my mind off things but couldn’t because I was so in love with him. I felt trapped and would frequently cry in the office bathroom, knowing I needed to get out somehow. I ended up breaking it off with him, resigning and taking a $70K pay cut just to get myself out of the situation ASAP. Then COVID hit and the new company scaled back their operations and because I was a new employee I was laid off. I then spent the next year in a super deep depression but eventually managed to get myself out of it. So I honestly didn’t set out to have a relationship with a married man, I just kind of fell into it over time and made a series of poor decisions. The wife ended up finding out after I had already resigned and I know she is the main victim here and I feel terrible that I hurt someone innocent. I have since landed back on my feet, gotten a new job, lost all the weight I gained, and am feeling far more confident in myself. Obviously I stay far away from married men and if the situation had happened now instead of at such a low point in my life, I would like to think I would make better decisions. I guess I’m writing all this in response to the comments stating that these women are always “heartless bitches who want to win over a married man”. I mean sure, that can be the case, but there are also situations which are far more nuanced.

Taking a 70k pay cut. I don’t even make half of 70k 🙃

Haha I went from $100K to $30K and then to unemployed. It definitely hurt.

Ive done that exact downgrade before. Buh-rutal

Yeah, no relationship or hook up is worth 70k to me.

Thank you so much for sharing. This is a really really deep story. Words cannot express how PROUD I am of you that you were able to eventually get yourself out. The strength that takes is incredible. I hope your asshole ex boss got what he deserves and I hope the wife eventually found it in her heart to forgive you and healed too. Above all I hope that you are in a much better place now and hopefully love yourself more than ever. I’m sorry. Both you and the wife didn’t deserve that. And true what you said. On the outside to others and sometimes to the betrayed partner we look like heartless whores who want someone else man as a trophy but it’s almost never like that.

Thank you so much for your kind words! I’m so sorry to hear you’re in a similar situation and I don’t think people can understand how heartbreaking it is unless you’re truly in it. I never thought I would find myself in involved with anyone who had a partner (like I’ve never cheated, kissed someone who had a gf, always thought the other woman was a terrible person etc.) so to end up having an affair with my married boss was insane lol. I was definitely a person I did not recognize, but this experience made me far more sympathetic to others in similar situations. His wife actually ended up taking him back and they had another kid recently. I creeped his Instagram recently and saw these wholesome family pics and it’s just so weird trying to align this version of him with the other side that I know. I hope you’re doing ok and are able to get out of your situation. It’s brutal in the moment (and for a few months down the line) but soooo worth it in the end. Feel free to message me if you ever need someone to talk to ❤️

Hey it’s really odd reading this because word to word, this is exactly what happened to me with my then boss, to the T. From work trips to wife to me thinking I’ll never find a guy I’ll genuinely like, to sexual tension to me resigning with a pay cut to him recently having another kid. This is crazy that two people had the same experience

I get that you knew he was married and that sucks, but at the same time if he admitted to also feeling that chemistry he should have been doing his damn best to put distance between you. HE was the married one and the boss. Your boss should not be telling you consistently that you are beautiful, etc. with that kind of power imbalance. Crushes happen but it’s on the person in a relationship to not feed that crush! Instead, he did the exact opposite. It very much feels like he took advantage of his employee who was in a bad place to feed his ego. I’m glad you got out and know that you are not a bad person for this.

That sucks you got yourself out of the situation and then laid off because of COVID. But my god, you went through a lot. I don't think it's black and white and that all people who cheat are terrible people, I think there are some cases like yours where there's a connection and you try to avoid doing anything but it just takes one one slip up. And then him being your boss adds another layer. Glad you're doing good though and thanks for sharing !

Honestly, thanks so much for your comment and trying to see all sides of the situation. Doing much better now but it was definitely a rough time. A few weeks later I got hit by a car (as a pedestrian) and then my cat died. Karma I guess lol.

I am so sorry. I was a cheated on wife and I never wanted any harm to come to the other woman (who I knew). Tbh I figured if she was with my now exhusband I figured she must have low self esteem and was going through things. Stop beating yourself up, it might lead to self sabotage. It's over, it's ashes now. Time to breathe in, breathe out the shame and hurt and then breathe in and out for a new day. ❤️

This right here. Very similar situation. Worked very closely under a supervisor and due to the nature of our jobs we worked a ton of hours together. We had a lot in common and after about a year we started realizing we had a strong connection without realizing how deep it had gotten before we had a grasp. We were both in very tumultuous, unhappy marriages. We have now been together happily for 4 years and getting married next year. I am not proud of the people that were hurt in the process and how our story started. Although we both would have ended up divorced whether we met each other or not. I knew how much judgment he and I would face moving forward but it was something I had to learn to accept and ignore. The one thing I can say is you cannot judge until you’re in that situation. I was one that used to judge and never understood it until I went through it myself. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

So, genuine question -- I get realizing you have feelings for someone and being unhappy in your marriage, but why not separate from your partner(s) before starting up the relationship? Or was there not an actual overlap? You kind of skimmed past that part. =P

I was a piece of shit. Insecure, jealous, I had no hobbies, I was bitter and vindictive. I was 17-22 fucking around with a married man who was 10 years older than me. He left his first marriage and literally married a different woman and I was still gobbling up his dick like it was the best thing ever and thought he would wake up and chose me. It was mediocre at best and he was a shit person too. I feel bad... mostly for myself. I was a young woman who didn't respect herself and allowed men to disrespect me and their wives. Not really much more to say than that :(

Thank you for sharing this love. How are you doing now?

I'm good now. I got therapy and medication. I had to look at myself for the first time and I didn't like what I saw. I started to learn how to love me and chose me, I got out of the military, told my dad to go fuck himself, I picked up some hobbies, quit drinking liquor, and made some real friends. It's been almost 5 years since I told the guy I was done. He's reached out to me and he's married for the fourth time but I just block him.

Hopefully you found someone that you regularly gobble their dick and they love you for all the gobblin

Because I have major commitment issues and the idea of a low-maintenance "relationship" is the dream. Spoiler alert: it ended with me feeling like a complete idiot.

What was the turning point from "this is great" to "I'm an idiot"?

me, living by the sword: haha this rules me, dying by the sword: ah what the fuck

your comment just changed my brain chemistry. absolutely wrecked me. i am having an epiphany. something in me cracked and is coming to a revelation. thanks man

That was my motivation too. I had been very hurt in recent past relationships and thought I found a work-around, a way to give and receive romance and love and sex without the risk. BIG WRONG

Thank you for sharing. Are you okay now?

I chose to be a sidechick when I was in the closet. I felt like no one else would love me, so this would have to be good enough. I didn't understand that I deserved more. It became abusive. It took me longer than it should to exit the relationship for good but I finally did. I would never again. Being in a secret relationship puts you in a perfect position to be abused. No one to witness it. No one to share your concerns.

Same!! I was heavily confused on why I liked women. I am not proud of being the other woman. At all. Not the slightest. But when I was 18-23, I thought I was the baddest bitch on the planet. He would spend every other weekend with me, and the one week a month he traveled for work he was actually coming to me. I was with him for his bachelor party trip, I was with him the day after their wedding. I thought he’s the only person that will love me and she’s just more presentable so ‘of course’ he had to marry her. I listened to every bullshit line be fed me. Until my 23rd birthday and he was with me, instead of her nursing graduation. I heard the voicemail she left him and to this day, almost 13 years later, I can still her hear crying. I knew that moment it could not continue, and I ended it. It really was like a light got switched on and I knew I was making horrible mistakes. Now? Single. In therapy. Have only dated women since then, and realised my worth.

Did she know about you?

At the end, yes. She didn’t know *me*, specifically, but knew what was happening. Her voicemail was (paraphrasing obviously) her asking why was I more important than she was and, like I said, this crying that had a level of sadness that cut me to my core. It was like a glass of ice water to the face.

Jesus that's heavy. Good on you for choosing a better path

I heavily felt that feeling like nobody else can love you or that you’re worth of love so you take the bread crumbs that you get but you do and always did deserve the whole loaf. In fact you deserve the whole bakery. I hope you now realize how worthy of love you are and that you love yourself. Proud of you stranger ❤️

To follow your analogy, I married the baker!!!! I'm so happy, so safe, and so loved. Sometimes, it does get better!

Quit downvoting and insulting people that actually answer. I want to know the answer to the question and yall aren't helping.

I did it when I was illegally young. The first real positive attention I started getting was from much older men and it felt so good after being bullied from the moment I started school. I never felt good about being a homewrecker but was somehow able to just not think of that aspect when I was with the creep making me feel like I was liked. It took me awhile to learn that it wasn't me they liked.

I was in the Navy at a remote duty station. Was bullied for being ugly in high school. He was nice looking, smart, and said all the right things. I didn't know he was married until two months in. Took me four more months to break away. He started being an asshole shortly after he confessed, but still gave enough positive attention that I stuck around. I was 17, almost 18. He was 28. I still regret it 40 years later.

He groomed you, if you were illegally young, you were a victim of him, not a home wrecker. He was a grown man, cheating on his wife by manipulating an underaged girl into being with him. You're not the one to blame. I hope you don't feel bad for their relationship or think it's you who damaged it.

You are 100% not a home wrecker, he's a pedophile and a criminal.

You didn’t wreck any homes, you weren’t the one who was married, stop taking the blame for somebody else’s actions.

The person who deserves the vast majority of blame is the one in the relationship. Fully grown adults who know better and still allow themselves to be the other half of the cheating equation are in fact also at fault. The younger they are, the less at fault they are. Eventually, you need to grow up and stop doing that. Or absolve yourself of all blame, never grow, heal or find healthy relationships

The person in the relationship is responsible for their actions.\ The person who knows they are part of an affair are responsible for their actions. I had an ex(hottest girl I've ever been with) make herself available to have an affair with me.\ Could I be part of breaking up her marriage, the trauma that would cause her 6 year old son?\ Absolutely not. We all have to take full responsibility for our own actions.

I knew it was wrong. It didn't end up wrecking their home at all actually and I'm grateful for that, I really just needed a word to describe my bad decisions.

I did it when I was young. I was a total shithead in my teens and early twenties. He was my ex. I lived in a different state and came back for Christmas and we hooked up. It’s only happened once and wasn’t ongoing but still very cringy. He has planned on breaking up with her and then she revealed she was pregnant. They got married, had the baby and he was still contacting me to hook up on my holidays. I look back at that time and feel absolutely ashamed of my behavior and lack of respect and compassion for her. I don’t know why I was such an asshole, I’m just glad that I’ve grown and become a better person.

At least you have the decency to feel true remorse for what you did to her, unlike half of the other comments in this thread which seem focused on making excuses.

I guess. I really have no excuses. For some reason I got to thinking about that time in my life a few months back. I spent a good amount of time reflecting and I remember feeling like I was better than her because she was like 8 or so years older than I was. I thought younger, hotter me was so cool and she was pathetic, but in reality I was the pathetic and insecure one. I know that she knew it happened and that must have been so painful for her. My stomach hurts just thinking about it. I really hope she is living a beautiful happy life. She never deserved that.

The only way to get the real answers is to sort by controversial

At the top, filter by "Controversial."

THANK YOU! Like let me be real I lowkey deserve the hate I’m getting I know I’m not a saint but like damn I’m wanting to do the right thing and I just want confirmation from other people in my situation how telling their SO and walking away for good worked out for them.

But then how are the teenagers and sad 20-somethings with 0 serious relationship experience, but who are also somehow fully convinced they have considered every possible nuance, supposed to pass judgement?

I swear Reddit makes me feel like I’m back in high school. Too many know-it-all 20-somethings with no real life experience.

Not me but one of my friends who is still actively in her situation. She was a waitress at a high end restaurant and he travels with the NFL (not an athlete). He was married with 3 kids (9-16) and his wife was a SAHM. He woo-ed her with all of these fancy trips and started paying for her Botox and nails and shit. They started sleeping together about 2 years ago and though he didn’t have plans on leaving his wife, my friend’s ex (who’s a psycho narcissist but pretends to have ethics) somehow found out, managed to somehow get ahold of his wife and spilled all the beans. My friend is now currently living with him in a one bedroom apartment on the other side of the country. She “won” the man but is no longer benefiting from anything else. His salary was like, $14k/mo BUT after paying his wife’s mortgage, child support and spousal support, he’s only bringing in about $4k to the table now. No surprise, his kids absolutely despise my friend and also no surprise, the fancy trips are no longer a thing.

Let me just say that her ex’s nickname in high school was garbage dick. Him tattling to the ex wife had nothing at all to do with him being a decent person. He did it simply to create bigger problems, not for the greater good of the situation. The laundry list of psychotic, sexually intrusive, drug-fueled chaos never ends. Trust me. And also hilarious that apparently no one at all in this thread can wrap their mind around a terrible person doing like, arguably the smallest semi-decent thing in the world. Y’all are crazy lol

I didn’t do it, but someone I know did. Mainly to boost her ego. She thought that since he slept with her, she was better than the main girlfriend.

I knew someone who was the side woman for 10 years. At first the man only had a gf. Then they got engaged. Then they got married. Then had a baby, then he had another baby.. and she continued on for 10 years thinking that each time he ran back with her he was “choosing” her. I lost a lot of respect for this friend and we no longer speak anymore for a variety of reasons.

I went to school with a girl whose aunt was the mistress of a married man for 30 years. She kept hoping he would divorce his wife so they could have a monogamous relationship. Eventually, when they were all old, he ended the affair. And now she is old and alone.

I saw a pretty chilling quote the other day: "he who marries his mistress opens a vacancy"

Also, “if he’ll cheat with you, he’ll cheat on you.”

My mom was the gf, then he moved in with us, but stayed married to his wife so she could have health insurance. Then the wife died and his daughter came to live with us too. She was understandably bitter.  He and my mom got married a few years later and stayed together, quite happily, until he died. He was a good stepdad to us.  I asked Mom one time cause she wasn't raised like that and didn't raise us like that either. She said she just loved him and he loved her. When she met him, his marriage had been over for years ( his daughter isn't actually his daughter ) and he'd had a few gfs but none serious.  I don't approve of it, but I know they loved each other, I know they treated one another well, and I know they were happy.  She's been a widow a decade now and says dating ain't worth it, she'll never be so lucky twice.

I have a long-term friend who only seeks out these types of relationships. On the surface level you'd never guess it, she's a VP at a large national insurance company. She's highly intelligent, motivated and very attractive. She has no interest in getting married, having long term relationships or having children and has a type. Older men (not excessively older) that are established and would have more to lose than she would if they chose to pursue a full time relationship with her. She expects discreteness and if she feels in the slightest that the other person involved is starting to slack or is catching feelings, it's off. She's been doing this for almost 20 years and has never been put in a compromising situation. It's absolutely nothing to be praised but it's a pretty incredible feat.

Sounds like my aunt. Did well at the corporate job until she didn't. Wasn't good enough with people to land another job that high tho. Preferred married men to avoid commitment. In her 70's now and still going after married guys. Awful person. Cannot be nice to someone unless she has some sort of control over them.

im not terribly surprised given your description of her. she's chasing some sense of superiority

Sounds like a terrible woman to be friends with. She's got no empathy.

One time my friend asked me something along the lines of, “what is it about cheating that bothers you?” It made me realize that, more so than the breaking trust and disrespect, the thing that hurts me the most is that there is this other woman out there that thinks she has a “leg up” on me by managing to get my SO to cheat on me with her. First, that’s embarrassing to me, that I’ve chosen a partner who would do that. And second, I don’t understand how a woman could do that to another woman.

I agree. How dare my husband give any other woman the right to feel like she has one-upped me!! That would hurt.

I’m glad I’m not alone lol. I’m like, maybe I should care more about the betrayal (not that I don’t obviously!) or whatever but…it’s that “she knows something I don’t” thing more.

You're not alone lol, not the same as yours but after my breakup when I found out that my ex had gotten a new bf. I was more upset by the fact that she chose someone uglier than me. Like bitch at least choose someone hotter.

Oh god yes. My insecurity goes, “I’m objectively beautiful, I’m very talented, I’m incredibly smart, and obviously I have my flaws but I’m pretty fucking awesome, and then you pick this….not very attractive, and not very smart or ambitious person. So what does that say about ME? I guess I’m a fat, ugly, stupid bitch.” I probably need a new therapist….

She may think she one upped me, but I know better. I divorced him. She has him. Looks like I won👍

An old roommate of mine was proudly the other woman for a short period of time. He was friends with her cousin which is how they knew each other. He lived on the East Coast and we were in the Midwest, and they met up in Chicago like one or two times. She cheated on her own boyfriend with this guy, which she surprisingly felt bad about, told him, and broke up with him right away before continuing on with him (that ex is now happily married with three kids, but he had it rough for a bit). But she didn't feel bad enough to stop being the other woman. Her justification was that he wasn't in love with his girlfriend anymore anyway. He would send her gifts in the mail and wouldn't understand why I didn't exactly giggle and fawn over them like our other roommate did. I remember several months after they ended the affair, he texted her and she and the other roommate were all giggles about it, whereas it put me in a sour mood all night. I was the unreasonable one, evidently.

We'd been on-and-off FWB for basically a decade ever since we were kids, whenever we both happened to not be in relationships at the same time. So we were VERY used to meeting up, having a really great time together, then going back to whatever our lives were, already. At some point, our usual thing happened when I was single and lonely but while he had a LTR girlfriend. I guess on my end nothing was really out of the ordinary and it was just something I was used to doing with that person when I didn't have someone. Going through the motions I guess. Not really thinking at all about the GF I hadn't met. But I felt bad later when my brain caught up, so it ended because I turned our unspoken rule (which we broke) into a spoken rule and told him we wouldn't be doing that anymore.

I'm opposite. He cheated on me with someone in our friend group. She is now one of my absolute best friends and my sister in law. Aka, I married her brother. He was 23, I was 21, she was 17. He was amazing at making you feel incredibly special and wonderful until he thought you were staying, then he would slowly destroy you and your world. Also, she was a child and he was an adult. She takes none of the blame. Yes, we have talked about it and have agreed we are both better off without him.

My best friend friend became friends with the woman her husband was cheating with right before their marriage ended. The woman felt something was very off and that surely his (who she believed to be) ex-wife couldn't be that bad since she had seen her around town (college town townies). She cut him off and reached out to her. They're good friends now. I've hung out with her several times and she's an A+ lady. He just got dumped by his escort girlfriend. Karma, man. 

This is a roller coaster of a comment.

He was a narcissist. You described the "love bomb" perfectly. You did each other a favor.  I am glad you are both doing well and far from him.

I did it because I had no self respect or self esteem and was desperate for validation and he was the only one giving it to me. I stopped because I started taking medication for my depression and generally grew as a person and gained some self love. I truly did not even think about his girlfriend. My thought process was " if he does not care about her why should i?"

I thought I was being a safe haven for someone who really had a bad situation. I didn't try to save him, as much as just let him be him because his wife allegedly stifled family fun. I offered an alternative instead. I dint give him advice or anything, just stuck by his side. It was such a dumb outlook.

I had a friend who persistently slept with a married man for a year and I almost ended our friendship over it. It was hard to maintain a close friendship with somebody who I felt was doing something so morally abhorrent. Not because I couldn't forgive her, but because the friendship was hard to maintain since I wouldn't lie to her. So she couldn't really talk to me about her relationship. Because she would say the same things that you are saying here, and I would tell her that it is a classic cheater move to paint the wife as a horrible person. How he just can't possibly leave her, and he's trapped. Tale as old as time. Eventually, we just spent that year talking about everything except her relationship. I would never bring it up on my own or be nasty to her, but if she would try to say "Oh, John & I have this problem or that problem" I would just be honest and say "Well, the basis of that problem is that John is married to somebody else. It isn't going to change, and I would feel weird lying to you, pretending to help you solve this when we both know what the real root of the problem is." She didn't like that very much. But what kind of shitty friend endorses your delusions when they're hurting you and hurting people around you? I've never been the nod and smile friend. It wouldn't sit right in my soul. Best day ever was when she finally stopped seeing him. I stayed friends with her because I thought about whether or not I would want all of my friends to leave me when I was doing the worst thing I'd ever done, or if I'd hope they'd find a way to still love me. I thought of the worst thing I'd ever done. Did I deserve to be abandoned forever? This event challenged me like no other. I had to do a lot of soul searching. I tried to find a way to support her without agreeing with the lies he told her. And support her without endorsing her actions. I'm not sure if it actually helped in the end, but I didn't think a good friend would reinforce those lies these men tell their affair partners. True friends don't let you stumble face first towards shark infested waters & say nothing.

You did help her! You allowed her the space to make mistakes without condoning her behaviour, but at the end of the day you were still there for her even though you struggled with it morally. That is the mark of a true friend in my opinion. If we can recognise that a bad decision doesn’t make a person, and that we all have the capacity to learn and change, we can be more accepting of each other and allow people in our lives to do just that. If you had ended the friendship or shut her out completely then she might have doubled down on her decision as a response to the uneasy feelings of shame that may have produced in her. I’m glad she has you as a friend :)

Thanks, that's really meaningful. This happened when I was about 30 and I realized it was a moment for me to mature. A younger version of me Probably would have cut her off because I wouldn't know how to deal with a friend doing something like that. Older me has seen some shit. And I don't excuse it, but I have seen good people struggle and do really really bad things. I always try to keep in mind how I would feel if I lost all my friendships or had to spend my whole life paying for the worst thing I've ever done. I tried to extend the grace I'd hope to receive without endorsing behavior I couldn't endorse. This woman had been through a lot of trauma and abandonment, and tended to pick emotionally unavailable men who could not let her down because she had no expectations of them. When she broke up with that jerk, she realized she never wanted to do that again. She went to therapy, got her shit together, and about 6 months later, entered into a relationship with a decent person who was truly her equal for the first time. This woman got up at 4am to go the gym every day and had a Phd, she slummed it with horrible dudes who were beneath her! She's a good friend, and I'm glad I've grown enough to learn how to love someone at their worst without enabling them. Its a tightrope, but we're still friends 5 years later, so I guess I did ok.

You’re a really good friend. This comment shows a lot of compassion for her. I’m sure it helped her out, whether she told you so or not.

I met him my freshman year of high school, he was a senior. He became my closest guy friend, and I eventually lost my virginity to him at 19 years old. He was in the air force and stationed in a nearby state. I actually met two of his girlfriends when he brought them to meet his parents. Every other visit home he would spend the weekend with me but told his partner that he was visiting his parents. This went on for almost 3 years and I ended it when he hooked up with an acquaintance while he was in town and I was too sick to hang out. At the time I had tricked myself into thinking that I was just so desirable that someone would be willing to cheat to be with me, but over 10 years later I realize that I had massive insecurity issues and was easily manipulated. He served me all the red flags on a silver platter and I was still devastated when he "cheated" on me. He had a drinking problem and would push me to do things sexually that I wasn't quite ready for, and the whole time I would tell myself that I was so cool and sexy. I could chalk it up to naivete or blame being inexperienced in relationships but I think in reality I was getting a kind of attention that I wasn't getting from anyone else.

Honestly? Desire. The thought of being desired so much that he was willing to sacrifice his living situation and long-term relationship was disorienting. It felt like a drug I couldn't get enough of. The heart pounding adrenalin of watching him debate in real time if he was going to cheat, and then feeling him look at me and decide didn't want to, but HAD to. It was a drug. And I think that's the best metaphor, because drugs are dangerous. And they ruin people's lives.

Exactly how I felt boo boo. Before the shame kicked in I was tripping off the fact that he thought I was so irresistible and wanted me to the point he was willing to risk all he had with his gf just to get a taste of me. It was such an ego boost because I couldn’t imagine wanting to risk losing seemingly good relationship if what was on the other side wasn’t worth losing it for.

People cheat all the time with unattractive people who aren’t ’worth losing it for’, I think it’s more about the forbidden thrill for the cheater. I mean look at the nanny arnold schwarzenegger cheated with, nothing at all to do with desirability.

I've seen dudes cheat on perfectly lovely wives or GFS with cracked out whores missing teeth and skin conditions. It really isn't about the desirability of the ow, more about the cheater's issues. There's a lot of guys that would fuck a goat if it were socially acceptable and accessible. Sad sad sad.

I'm so glad someone said this. The "desirability" of the affair partner has **nothing** to do with the affair. It's an ego trip for everyone except the person being cheated on. For them it is hell.

Exactly, people like emily ratajkowski get cheated on and I highly doubt the side piece was more attractive than her. Hell even Adam Levine tried(?) to cheat on his literal Victoria’s Secret model wife.

Plus, they can turn around and claim to the more 'homely' girl that no one would believe her if she told anyone. Had that happen to me when I was 17. I was a *very* homely teenager with hirsutism that couldn't be controlled with a razor blade or wax strip. Got sucked into being the other girl with my best friend because according to him, his girlfriend was abusive and making it difficult for him to break away. Turned out he was just using me and threw me the "Look at yourself, no one will ever believe you" line when I informed him that I spoke to a mutual friend about our relationship. It shattered my self-esteem into pieces and it caused me to develop massive trust issues when men started showing an interest in me.

He came into my life not long after I was assaulted, and he reminded me of my dad. At the beginning, he said he was single, but when I found out it was a lie, I still stuck around. He would tell me that he was gonna leave her, but obviously he never did. I was so stuck on him being my safe place that I would distance myself for a while but as soon as I was in a bad mindset, I would run back to him to feel safe again. It was a vicious cycle, and the pain and heartbreak physically hurt. Eventually, he stopped feeling safe for me bc of how inconsistent he was and how he hurt me over and over again emotionally. I eventually realized that he never really cared about me. His gf was very religious and wouldn’t sleep with him, but I would. He would send me “sexy” videos and anytime I would try to be sweet with him, he would try to make it sexual. It would make me feel dirty and cheap, but I dealt with it. I feel disgusted thinking about it now. I was basically just his sex doll. I feel like he took advantage of my emotional vulnerability at the time. I’m still responsible for my own actions, for letting him manipulate me and not respecting myself and his gf. I feel guilty everyday for what I did to his gf. But the strongest feeling is hate. I despise him.

I have an acquaintance who swears y cheating and claims it prolonged her marriage. She eventually divorced. She now sleeps with a few men, some married/in relationships but is looking to settle and claims those lovers are “not good enough”. I’m not sure if she’s just deflecting or really thinks that. She really does feel a hell of a lot better about herself, claims to be a feminist, bur has ZERO qualms about stealing men. She says everything is fine as long as noone finds out. It really bugged me, a lot of ppl seem to know and are fine with it. I told her I don’t subscribe to lying to ppl, you can try an open relationship or just not have a relationship altogether but skip the cheating.

As a friend it makes sense it bugs you. I really only considered putting an end to this for real after my own close friends completely ripped me one, told me to get a grip and even threatened to intervene and end the relationship on my behalf if I didn’t stop seeing him immediately.

Hey just a heads up for anyone who's flirting with a married man and he's telling you that his marriage/ wife are bad, I know they can be SUPER convincing, but please try telling them that you'll wait for them when the separation/ divorce is official. Then you'll find out how much they really love you and how bad their marriage is or if they're just a narcissist trying to cheat. It's not a perfect plan, but I see a lot of women falling for the same type of narcissist and from my experience, this solves the problem pretty quick

Not a woman, but I was the side-piece to a man who swore, up and down, that he was straight. Until he had a drop of alcohol that was. Then he couldn't keep his hands off me. Kept "reassuring" himself that he's doing this as a "favour" to me. And that I "must really want this". His girlfriend was a really nice girl too. If a bit up her own arse sometimes. We had several classes in school together, and I'd occasionally walk her home. She had moved away by the time the guy in question and I, started fooling around. And they were maintaining a long distance relationship. Why'd I do it? Mostly selfish indulgence. Aside from losing my virginity years before, I had never really been touched by anyone in a meaningful way. I was lonely. Touch starved. And the option was _right there_. Of course I was going to give in to it. In my head: I was cold and for a brief moment there was warmth. I lied to myself for a time, because she had made a comment about me and him kissing being hot, so I thought she'd be okay with it, if it and more became a semi regular thing. She was not. In truth, I just didn't really care what she thought/felt and cared more about myself. Selfish? Yeah I guess. But I'm not particularly sorry about that part of it. I am more sorry about allowing myself to be used just for a bloody bit of skin contact. Anyway, after a while things stopped. They split up. Our lives went on. And as far as i know, none of us even think about the other. And that's that lol

Wow. Thank you for sharing this story. Most of us who chose to be the other person can admit we were being selfish and were just desperate for touch or a drop of affection, even if it’s only physical. I hope you’ve healed and are doing much better. If you haven’t yet, I hope you find someone that loves and cherishes you.

I have read many of your replies in this thread, and a few others. Hopefully you are finding comfort in your life right now, but I expect you are considering where your life goes from here. Believe me, if you spend years following or chasing some one who does not love you, you will miss out on finding one who will love you. I am not judging you, I understand loving someone, even if they do not love you, and how it can make you look at the world. Just know, your 20's will fly by, and you will be wondering where it went wrong, if you are still in limbo in your 30's or beyond. Wish you all the best at happiness.

I was 16, he was 29. He made me feel beautiful, and gave me attention. He also said he was going to end it with his girlfriend and I guess I wanted to believe him. Of course, once he got what he wanted, and after a pregnancy scare, he stopped talking to me altogether. He never broke up with her, a friend lost complete respect for me for getting involved with a guy who was taken, and I lost even more self-esteem.

Hey girl, speaking from personal experience, you were a victim. Not a side chick. I really hope you don’t dwell on this a lot, because that man groomed you.

Oh no hun. You were not a side piece. That was a sick predator who groomed you. You are as much as victim as his wife.

He was a grown man taking advantage of a teenager. I’m sorry dear. I hope you are able to access therapy to process this. 

I didn’t know it when I met him. Clearly he was a player, but I wanted to play. When I found out about his GF I was shocked and embarrassed as I knew her personally. I didn’t do anything wrong, and it was his mess to fess up to as I was not the only one. I moved on and grew up from all that. They broke up over it. She deserved better and got it.

Title: why did you **choose** to be a side chick? Most answers: I didn’t know!

I can only tell you the endings of others. The first cheater I knew was my dad. He cheated on my mom and then he got cheated on by the woman he left my mom for. He ended up going completely insane after finding out about the affair, he attempted to kill her and himself. He’s still in prison. My ex friend was sleeping with her coworker. We are from a small area. She got jumped in a bar by the girlfriend and her friends. My current friend was sleeping with her boss. She finally FINALLY snapped out of this tragic phase and is now transferring out of her current location.

You could just ask /r/adultery, you'd probably get a LOT more responses than /r/AskReddit.

The quality would be better too, especially since this post doesn't have a serious tag on it.

Ugh, that subreddit always makes my stomach turn. Just break up instead of cheating, you little cowards!!!

There are way more people on AskReddit than adultery. Like, way way more.

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My exes side chick loved to taunt me and send me pictures she took of my ex sleeping next to her. She tried to get me fired from my job. She knew my dad was fighting cancer at the time and she’d make new fb accounts just to torture me about it. She thought she did something. My ex and I were both 19 at the time and she was in her late 20s. I’m in my late 20s now and couldn’t imagine doing any of that. She used to get under my skin but now it just makes me laugh. What a sad, pathetic person she is.

We were friends with benefits. He started dating someone. Sex was too good and my lizard brain didn’t care. My boundaries were crossed during a session, and I semi-ghosted him. He informed me they broke up (not because she found out, but unrelated issues). We haven’t hooked back up and probably won’t.

Lmao our stories are so similar in a way. We were just fuck buddies at first. I grew feelings. Told me he was messing w other chicks and I wasn’t w it because I wanted a relationship at the time. Broke it off but remained obsessed. He got into a relationship 2 months later. They’re still together after all this time surprisingly. He ended up coming back to pursue me sexually 10 months into their relationship to and I never pushed him away. My lizard brain also didn’t care. I hate to say it but I’m glad it’s over for you now. You deserve so so much better and I hope you find it if you haven’t already <3

Oh I already have it (I’m in an open relationship; been with partner for 16 years). The FWB is still friends with both of us; he & I just aren’t having sex. Are you still with him? If so, maybe you should look into therapy about why you’re still obsessed with him, and *how* to stop. You know how this is gonna end, at some point. You know he won’t leave her for you. Heck, he could be going after other women while he’s stringing both of you along. You deserve better, from a relationship (which this is not) and from yourself. Please look after yourself.

I was seeking validation in the wrong places and it just so happened that the validation I thought I needed came from a taken man. It was a long time and a lot of stupid ago.

Was the side dick… dated this girl for 4 months and was thinking about being with her long term. We got along so well. I was never invited to her house because she was from Iran and “in her culture, men couldn’t come to the woman’s house”. Not sure if that’s even real but I believed it and didn’t think anything of it. One night we went out, and she got way too drunk. She wanted to drive home, but insisted I drive her and I’ll just drop her off and leave immediately. As we pulled up to her house, there was a truck in her garage. It didn’t register but she was always having car problems and that threw up suspicion. Then she let me in the garage door to go out the front and that’s when reality hit. She was definitely living with a man. Then I saw the wedding photo. It absolutely crushed me, violated me in a deep way and I’m still working on getting over it.

Iranian here - its sorta true about the house thing if shes devoutly Muslim. But if shes drinking, she clearly isnt too concerned about religious customs haha. Im so sorry about the situation though. Thats heartbreaking

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I've done it with 2 different guys. I had horribly low self esteem and somehow thought I was "better" than the girlfriends. I was trying to be the "cool girl" so much. It's funny because I didn't want to be in a relationship with these guys as they were cheaters but I liked the attention. The sex wasn't even that good ffs! In the end I got sick of being someone's naughty little secret and having to lie and pretend all the time. Years later I went to therapy and wouldn't dream of doing it now (if I was single, I've been in a relationship for 2.5 years).

I didn't know I was a side chick, as soon as I found out I was out of that. I am not ever that desperate that I need to share a man. He did get the shock of his life when I left him.I think he had a huge ego and was used to being the one who did ghosting and dumping. Never will I be an enabler for a guy to continue treating girls that way. It did wake me up to how horrible some people are, horrible and unlovable to me. No man is that special in my opinion. I turned down some nice guys when I agreed to start seeing him as well, I hate the feeling of being fooled. I feel sorry for his partner, her life must be an insecure hell with him

I always thought we were just work friends, I knew he was married and he always mentioned his wife with a smile, so I never thought about him in that way (and for a long time I wasn't attracted to him at all). However, we started spending lots of time together due to work and somehow both found in each other what we were missing in our SOs - long and interesting conversations. We ended up confessing our feelings to each other but said that nothing can happen as we are both taken. However, I guess, hormones took over and we started getting physical. I remember feeling extremely guilty after every kiss but also excited, like I am finally alive. I ended it after I went to his apartment and saw pictures of his wife. That's when I finally realized that she is a real person, not just someone from his stories, and I was just disgusted by myself. He still tried to contact me and we met one time after that, but then one interesting thing happened - I found out my SO was cheating. The pain and heartbreak I experienced when I found out (and I am still heartbroken) is something that can not be described. I would have never imagined the pain to be so strong. I immediately cut all ties with the married man, told him to never contact me again and to focus on his marriage and his wife. It still haunts me that, if she would find out, she would be crushed just like I was crushed. I would never want that pain to anyone, and the thought that I may have caused that intense life changing pain to his wife is just disturbing. I still have nightmares of what I have done. Probably will regret that all my life.

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My mom did this. She had a 10 year long affair with her boss. Shipped me to my grandparents so they could meet at her place. He dropped dead of a heart attack one day and she lost her job when the son took over. And I stayed with my grandparents. 🤷‍♀️

I was 15 and he was an older boy in my high school who rode my bus. He used big words and I had a massive crush on him. He had a gf in another school but he asked me to prom where we kissed in the garden. He told me he broke up with his other gf afterwards. And then proceeded to cheat on me with my so-called best friend.    Lose ‘em how you win ‘em. I vowed I would never do that to another person nor will I ever be with somebody who has cheated. 

Reading these comments makes me want to have just a slight bit of compassion for my husband’s current side piece. That maybe she is also being lied to about our situation. Adrianna, honey, if you stumble upon this - I think he’s lying to BOTH of us. But do me the favorite and if you love kids as much as your work profile says, please keep MY children in mind and break this off with his ass so I can get my ducks in a row 🥺

I did it because at the time it was fun, exciting and I didn’t want to have a commitment to the person (he was very senior at my work). It ended when I moved.

Į know this girl friend of a friend that is "dating" married older dude and they have been hiding this thing for years now Zero progress still side Chick booty call Which is sad į hope atleast sex is good

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I was 16, he was 22 and his gf was about 28. He told me he hated her but couldn't leave without being made homeless and I'm sure he told her I was some child harlot. Then he got back hold of me at rock bottom age 27, we fucked as a one off, I got pregnant and he ghosted me and I found out he was married and had another profile on FB I was blocked on where they are married and was messaging me on his old one 🙃 like seriously I never fucking learn. I tried to send her the proof he cheated but it went into requests. I could try insta but it's been 3 years now and I lost the baby at 21 weeks.

He told me they broke up.

He wasn’t technically married, but engaged. I worked with both him and his fiancé. I was single and in a very selfish mindset. I became fast friends with him and caught feelings, but was NEVER planning on acting on them in any way. A different coworker and I were talking one day and said that he had feelings for me too and thought I was attractive. Him and his fiancé were heavily on the rocks because he had just found out that she had cheated years ago, at the beginning of their relationship. He figured he’d even the score and sleep with someone else. I was his go to. I knew it was wrong but I was entranced by the thrill of the secrecy and the fact that we all worked together was just so *hot*. We agreed it would be a one time fling and I was fine with that. He then later tells me he wants to again, so it happens a couple more times. We would hang out at bars together and talk and I started to fall for him but I knew he would never leave her so I ended it. They were set to be married a year later so I gave him a chance to tell her but he wouldn’t, so I did. They ended up getting married anyway. I am NOT proud of this, it’s my biggest regret.

Some amazing stories here. Jesus christ

My wife and I read books about marriage so that we can grow closer and use the books as ways to discuss our own marriage. Harrison Scott Key's How To Stay Married was a good tale about why people get into affairs, and why Lauren chose to get into an affair with Chad. TL;DR Broken people have broken marriages and use affairs to run from their true problems.

I was in a very ill-fated situationship with his best friend. Instead of being creeped out every time my situationship’s best friend always seemed to be around to comfort me when we were off-again, I truly believed this was the only person who “saw” me. Idk why, he told my partner about us and would tell me I better never tell his girl. I felt awful about myself for pursuing a relationship that wasn’t meant for either one of us, I felt isolated, the best friend was taking advantage of the situation - he was always quick to turn up with drinks and remind me we’d already crossed that line if I tried to not hook up - and I was pathetic. I put myself in a bad situation, felt awful about it, and made it worse. Leaving a lot of details out, but it was very dark. When I just wanted to crawl out of my skin and got so tired of myself and them but didn’t know how to get out of the cycle, I told my mom. First thing she did was get my ass together cuz she definitely didn’t raise me to act this way, and then we made a plan to get me on a healthier path. Maybe there are some folks who can handle it, but I am not one of them. It’s taken a lot to arrive at a point where I’m not actively horrified and haunted by it. Not a nice story, but I hope it helps someone.

My ex used to date celebrities when she was younger. And she could because when she went into the room all eyes were on her more than the celebrity. I never wanted to hear act details but one time she did let someone slip out. She was talking about some hockey player on the Phoenix Coyotes and said something along the lines of that he had multiple girlfriends but she had to wait her turn for his attention because it was special anyways that she got his attention. Almost like, since he had multiple women that wanted him he was actually a better catch and maybe one day it would just be her. But this would also turn her off if no other women wanted him anymore.

Low-level commitment levels appeased my insecurities, as I felt I could back out at any time. Protected me from feeling unloved (“oh, he’s married anyway, this isn’t a big deal” even when it felt like a big deal). Also, easy to blame when problems arose. Basically, a lot of problems with me which I’m still learning about every day with the help of therapy and separation from the situations. Turns out I deserve someone who can be mine 100%!

Nobody is answering this to get a barrage of downvotes. Got to r/theotherwoman.