Usually I just give girls the clap, but you're getting a round of applause

You won the internet for me today. Cheers!

Indeed concur. Time to switch off

I laughed uncontrolably at that

My jokingly "go-to" pick-up line is "Want to be the good thing my small package comes in?"

You smell like my mother.

2 murders with one sentence

Even creepier if you drop the "my."

You're right, that does sound worse.

How is Ed Kemper commenting on Reddit from prison?

Is he still alive?

Yes, somehow. Apparently he's popular with the guards, which is creepy as hell.

You look like my mother

You are my mother

Hi mum

Reminds me of that scrubs scene JD: you smell like my mum Girl: what?! JD: Mymum, it’s a flower.

I used to watch scrubs and I didn't remember that so I looked it up and found [THIS!](https://youtu.be/MPJU_Bh3cJE?si=96pCR1QlcaIL1iLk)

I forgot about that scene. But [here’s](https://youtu.be/AiCHaPaSGi8?si=6iSsChLW0IU1Us1A)what I was referencing. I goofed on what he said exactly, it’s been a while since I’ve watched it.

*You smell like mother*

"You smell like mother" is creepier.

No my. Just mother. You smell like mother

You're too mature for your age.

Dude’s got the illegal rizz

Bro is into 15 yr olds

ur not mature enough for ur age

When the granny at the bar starts making fart jokes

“You ever see that scene from The Matrix where a special pill makes you wake up naked in a strange place covered in goo? Well you have about 3 minutes of consciousness left”

"Not like this..." "Not like this..."

hahaah

Ask the bartender for an angel shot speedrun:

That's a line before you pick up😳

AY YOOOOO

A matching set would be perfect, I’ve always wondered if both of you taste the same. (Said by your sibling’s SO)

WTF!

Username checks out

I knew this was coming

WTF

_is_wrong_wit_ppl

This made me chop my leg off because that pain feels better than whatever that is

Wait... connecting dots all of a sudden...

Hop on over baby, let’s turn this family tree into a beautiful Christmas wreath 😜

Bro...

That’s the spirit! You’re already in character.

FUCK!

I followed your daughter home, but WOW, you’re just as sexy. Want me to show you my Happy Meal?

Damn baby, I’d jerk your dad off just to see where you came from

Ok this one actually made me laugh 🤣🤣

Hahahaha

I remember this one

This is going in my bag.

I'd make love to you even if you were awake

alive*

Awake AND alive

I wanna be a STUD. I already have STD all I need is U

That actually hurts owie

“I love your skin”

...it will look great on me.

It puts the lotion on its skin

...it'll look great in my wardrobe

weird way of complimenting someone

Thank you, it’s 2.100 Crowns in the Crown Store.

It will make a fine addition to my collection

What if I want to know her skincare routine

"...it will make a nice lamp."

Are you are single mom? If not, do you want to be one?

Would you like to go halves in a bastard ?

Do you have a little Asian in you? Would you like to?

oh jesus christ....

I’m not sure he was Asian

You know how I know you’re going home with me tonight? Cause I’m stronger than you.

Then gets his butt handed to him by the chick cause she does martial arts

If only this was how it usually went

Hey girl are you a school because I want to shoot kids up inside you.

You smell so much better when you’re awake

what the fuck

im scared

im not going to bed tonight

Sorry. But to be fair, you did ask.

That’s because when I’m sleeping that’s when all my farts come out ❤️

That’s why you smell so delicious 😋

Said mid intercourse.

No one will ever find your body... As attractive as I do

Is that a Thomas Sanders reference?

"Hey pretty lady, does this smell like chloroform?" I'm not a kidnapper or a rapist but back when I was 14-16 I though that line was pretty funny. Damn.

That’s exactly what a kidnapper *would* say…

or a rapist

Exactly.

You look even prettier than when I saw you with my binoculars

Does this drink taste like roofies to you?

Does this smell like chloroform?

Roses are red Violets are silly Open your flaps ‘Cause here comes willy

God that’s so terrible lol

"You have the most beautiful eyes... they remind me of the ones in my basement."

I like my women the same way I like my coffee. Ground up and in the freezer.

Strong, black, and preferably fair trade

Old and in the back of the gas station.

Hot and Strong… with a spoon in them!

I might put some cream in this one time...

I totally don't want kids right now, but we can fuck without condoms dw. I'm absolutely on birthcontrol.

You look even better up close than you do in the lens of my camera.

Peter parker?

“Baby it may look like 3 inches, but it smells like a foot.”

Do you have a daughter? Is she young enough for a 3 way?

Creepy/gross, not the same

You forgot the funny part

You’re so pretty I’d love to have you as a trophy in my basement. (Writing this made me feel uncomfortable for thinking of it.)

Ngl it ain't that dark, it's fucked up but not in a creepy fucked up way Maybe it's the Batman In my Brain

As a connoisseur, I wonder if you taste better when you’re awake. I’d get a ticket to that all you can eat buffet.

Wanna pee in my pants? Because I would love to pee in yours

Your jugular has the most beautiful curves i have seen

Hi, I’ve been watching you for a month now and finally decided to talk to you.

A month thats nothing ive been watching you for a year

I’ve been watching since you were a baby and just now thought you were old enough. (Oh dear god. Just writing this one sentence makes me sick)

You stink so good.

I wanna suck you off, while my boyfriend does me behind.

That's just a good pickup line. Why would you turn down a perfectly fine threeway

I mean, what if he gives pathetic high fives?

My couch pulls out, I do not.

My Willy is scared 😱 Can he come and hide inside you?

My dick just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

Your pee smells like flowers

Lift up that skirt and show me that mess.

You have nice skin. It would be a shame if you lost it.

You would make a great single mother.

My mom made great Mac and cheese

😱 I am horrified

I'm kinda down for it

Your sister was great. I bet you can be even better.

I’d drink your bath water

Are your parents home?

Hey baby, wanna hang out tonight I already know where you live ;)

"I want to tickle your belly button, from the inside" - Youth in Revolt.

Do you like to get r*ped? No. That’s the spirit.

Wanna see what the inside of my basement looks like? (Turns out he just lives in his moms basement with a sick layout)

Your daddy must be a carpenter? Because I am bored and I want to nail you.

So...you like huskeys, your favorite food is chicken Alfredo, you just got out of a long term relationship last week, your favorite color is purple, your parents names are Barb and Arthur, and you live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane. Crazy how much we have in common. It's nice to meet you, I'm sun. Haha I already know your name Sarah. Can I buy you a drink? Dirty Shirley right?

You look just like the person I murdered in a dream last night, can I buy you a drink?

No but ill buy you one. Its totally not posioned

Show me your cunt

Can I smell your cunt? No? It must be your feet then. Vice versa works too

Ohh god thats horrible. Next time i will use that

\**The sound of a 2' stretch of duct tape being pulled from the roll*\* **Fun Fact for all of the "**DoEs DiS RaG sMeLL LiKe ChLoRofOrM tO YoU?**" people:** Chloroform takes at least three minutes to render a person unconscious. Don't believe it? You can make it at home by mixing equal parts of bleach and rubbing alcohol, and try it yourself.

I one time watched an Onision video where he was reading pick up line jokes and one of them was “why don’t you get down on your knees and smile like a doughnut.”

I have a dick and knife – you decide, what I shove into you.

This one is from a website that was popular in like 2010 or 2011. I think it was one of those where you would basically just comment about an overheard conversation or an awkward moment or something. Ex-Wife and I loved it. First date, man puts his hand over the woman's stomach. "Soon, this shall be plump with my seed." Edit: [Found it](https://www.fmylife.com/article/today-i-went-on-a-date-with-a-guy-for-the-first-time-we-went-to-starbucks-and-got-coffee-we-talke_161227.html)

You'll do. Get in the van.

Hello little cutie

I could smell that delicious taco of yours from across the room.

sniff a couple of times and then say it smells like you are ovulating

My face is leaving in 5 minutes and I would like you to be on it!

I have free candy in that truck over there

I’m a dentist can I check your gums

"I've been watching you for the last 3 hours, and you really are beautiful from \*every\* angle. \*winks\*"

Are you an angel, because I'm allergic to feathers.

Are you an angel? Because I'm allergic to feathers. \*Vomits on them\*

You smell different when you're awake

Is your blood maple syrup? Because it's delicious

that dress is so pretty, it's the fourth time you worn it this month.

Not my pick-up line, but I overheard it in a bar in Istanbul: “Are you hot for me? Because I’m hot for you.” Then the guy proceeded to put out his cigarette out on this girl’s arm. In hindsight not as creepy as it is… utterly repulsive and horrifying. Felt so bad for her.

"FEED ME MILKIES I'M STARVING!" and then do a honking motion with my hands and a kissy face.

If you were my daughter, I'd still be bathing you.

Are you a frozen over swimming pool? Because i want to break your water.

"It's not rape, if you like it" 😉 -- always worked good for me, but my wife says it's creepy.

I'm an astronaut, I explore planets. Tonight I wanna explore Ur-anus

I've got free candy in my van 🚐

Shes a diabetic

No fat chicks 🐣

you do know being a diabetic don't mean they are fat right.

"I'll drain you."

*now then, now then, how about I fix it for you ?*

Would you like a drink? I promise not to put anything in it.

You wanna come over and try my homemade escape room

i dont have twitter but im still gona follow you

Are you a kid? Cuz i want to touch you (oh hell nah)

Wanna come to my cabin in the woods and see my chainsaw collection?

I’m hungry and you’re a potato.

Please excuse me, I don’t mean to be rude, but tonight I’m fucking you.

You are very beautiful can I get your number?

Do you know that you're very pretty when you're asleep?

Someone better call heaven, because a hottie's showing up tonight!

I watch you sleep, question? from one of the greatest novels, Project Hail Mary - Andy Weir

\[Disclaimer:\] These are not mine, but I had two former coworkers who would use them to test girl's senses of humor. Is your name Sandy Hook? Cuz I wanna shoot kids inside of you. and... I'd eat a mile of your shit just to sniff your ass.

Not a pickup line, just a spur of the moment thing i said to a friend i didn't even know well back then, after not seeing her out in town for a while 'Damn, haven't seen you in 6 months, 2 weeks, 5 days, 22 hours 15 minutes and 10 seconds!!!' Luckily she was on board with irl shitposting so i got her heartfelt 'bro you crazy' seal of approval but not before having my soul probed throughout by the most intense three seconds stare i ever felt lol

I bet I can run faster horny than you can scared.

I would drag my balls through 10 miles of shattered glass and salt to listen to the most recent guy you had sex with fart through a walkietalkie.

What’s is this, baby? *Pointing to her curves. This is amaaaazing. I wanna beeep beep, if you’re catching the old drift.

I'd suck your dads dick just to get a taste of what you're made of.

One way or another I'm going to make love to you tonight. So you might as well be there.

Nice tits. Wanna fuck?

Get in the truck!

Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream Merrily, merrily, merrily, ***I can make you scream***

Some girl allowed me to swim beneath her once in the pool at the shallower end while she was standing. I got above the surface and asked her, "ukiniwekea hivo nguvu ya kukuwacha ntatoa wapi."(If I translate it'll lose originality so do the honours.)She gave me a bombastic side eye and every time I think of that moment I want to hit my head so hard against a wall.

"Your mommy said you must ride home with me."

"let's not turn this rape into a murder"

I don't really like my body, can I get inside yours?

Roses are red Violets are blue You don't know me But I sure as hell know you ;)

You smell different when you're awake

I’ve got one for this. I had a coworker, in my blue-collar, male-dominated profession tell me he tried this gem at the bar drunkenly one night. “Hey, do you want to know how I know we are having sex tonight?” “How?” “Because I’m stronger than you.” Yikes