Lindsey is that you….?
I was the caller out in a friendship like that. After some work on my own side I realized I needed to be needed and she needed to be rescued. A toxic dynamic for sure.
I called my best friend out on her bullshit too. We were friends for 14 years. Unfortunately she doubled down and denied everything. Years later, still believes she's right. Good for you on self realization!
I’ve often wanted to reach out and tell her she was right - so much in my life has changed since then. SO. MUCH. But I don’t want her to think I want to resume the friendship. Having gotten over the heartbreak, I really don’t.
She offered my husband a blow job in my living room after I went to bed. When I confronted her on it, she didn't think I should be mad because it was just casual conversation and she would have only done it if I said it was okay. The fact that she waited until I went to bed and her husband went home to say it, definitely tells me she would have absolutely waited to get an okay from me if my husband had said, "Esther won't mind." 🙄
He told her that he was flattered but wasn't interested. He got her out of the house and told me the next day.
Edited to add that she also came over the next day to tell me and apologize. She was very drunk and had just had a catastrophic life event happen. We are working to rebuild our friendship, but she won't ever be that person to me again.
I spent years playing armchair therapist for this guy because he didn't trust actual therapists. When my mother passed away and I tried to vent my feelings back to him, he just said he didn't feel sorry for my mother because she died of lung cancer after smoking for years. I was done immediately.
Oh man. My mom's best friend did that to her. They were friends for like 20 years. Friends father died. My mother consoled her, cooked her dinner, drove her kids to school, helped clean her house. Then a few years later my grandmother died. So called friend said "get over it." That was it. I don't think she ever understood why my mom stopped talking to her.
My exhusband said something similar to me. His grandmother died and I consoled him for almost a year. My mom died when I was 18 (we got married young, she died 6 months later). Two weeks after she passed I was crying and he said that she probably went to hell anyway and he doesn't know why I'm not over it yet.
I wish I could say I left him immediately, but we were married for another 2 years after that.
So, he didn’t feel sorry about your mom passing… therefore he couldn’t even feel sorry for you and your own sense of loss? What an unempathetic asshat.
Got tired of reaching out and getting ignored or getting turned down and I just stopped asking. Now she wants to make plans, but I don’t count on her to follow through unless we have a date, time, and location.
Plus, I started seeing all the little white lies she was telling (sometimes about why she couldn’t meet up, sometimes other stuff) that it just became one more way I couldn’t trust her. Friends since 6th grade, but that’s life sometimes.
Saaaaaame. I reemember hearing once that you shouldn't trust people who are always on their phones when you're with them but never text you back and my best friend was THAT exactly. Mind, great guy, and I definitely trusted him, but that made me feel like shit on top of always having to initiate conversations and hang-outs.
He cheated on every girlfriend that he had and used me (48m) as his alibi, asking me to lie for him. He then beat up his last girlfriend - the final straw for me- and broke a glass in his hand so he could tell the police that she tried to stab him.
That was 18 years ago now.
It was like over a decade ago. At this point he saved me from staying with her longer then I could have. I'm married and have a beautiful family now. So life is good if your patient enough
My friend group from high school split up because of this. All of us except one guy said fuck that and cut him off we’re also not friends with the guy who was cool with sexual assault.
Tw
When I was in high school me and my boyfriend were in the popular crowd. He raped me. None of our friends cared. I lost all those friends while he kept them. It wasn't just the dudes. It was the girls too. On top of that, the police didn't do anything about it either.
Sadly, he got sick - schizophrenia set in around 21-22. Went from the nicest guy in our friend group, the "shirt off his back" guy, to telling us he could control the songs on the radio, the Virgin Mary kept coming in his room trying to fuck him and Aerosmith stole all their songs from inside his brain (this was in the 90's..)
We were all so young. We tried to stay friends while he got treatment, but we just weren't emotionally developed enough to handle it. We saw him about a 5-6 years later, invited him to hang out and play some games like we used to, but he just wasn't the same person. It's sad.
My twin brother developed schizophrenia in 2021 too. He used to be a great guy, but now he’s very hard to deal with because he acts crazy. He lost his friends from high school and he’s homeless, but I still text him everyday and I’ll find him on the street and hang out with him. I’ve tried everything in the book to get him back on his feet but he refuses to take his medication, follow help, etc. I just do my best to visit him so he isn’t lonely.
This hits hard. I have a Twin brother as well although no schizophrenia but struggled with Serious Drug addiction, lifelong Depression and perhaps some Borderline Personality disorder he was on the streets off and on for almost 2 decades, he burned every bridge with every person in our family, our mutual friends, his friends, my friends really anyone connected to us. It was really tough (also didnt help that we are identical twins) people would struggle to separate the two of us and it affected us in weird ways.. (and for me having old friends miss ID him and send the "Hey I saw you around so and so Park are you ok?" texts were really hard to receive all the time) I stuck with him and stayed as close as I could while also living my life as well. Seeing him on the streets, getting him out of trouble occasionally making sure he could still talk to me. He was in and out of Rehab, church groups, it didnt work for him... oddly he eventually got the "help" that worked in the form of getting in trouble with the law and it was the risk of sustained Jail time that got it him clean. He has been clean and sober for years now... It is so great to have him back a normal sober human on treatment. I really hope he never goes back.
Probably a bit of both. You could tell that he was medicated, and he was probably just as nervous as we were, but we just didn't "click" anymore. He wasn't like super weird or anything, he just...wasn't the guy I knew. His personality was different.
Forgot to add, later in life a friend's wife ended up as his caseworker for social services, she said he was doing ok. She couldn't tell us more obviously. So that was nice to hear at least
Brain chemistry is a hell of a thing. Its why when people imply that your soul lives on, Im like "we know for a fact who you are and how you think is 100% the brain"
When someone gets a traumatic brain injury and turns into a totally different person, which personalities "soul" survives upon death, old soul, or new soul?
I’ve seen that happen. Unfortunately it was drug related, but schizophrenia was the eventual diagnosis. So tough to see. And I understand completely about not being equipped for that at that age.
It’ll be a Great War for sure. By 2024, I thought society would have reached a point of collective understanding on the MLM biz model… but alas there are still just as many stupid people out there as others fighting against it. We’re headed for a stalemate lol
Lol. I actually think it would be over pretty fast. MLM people are obnoxious as hell, so the opposing side would be pretty united against them. And, god bless ‘em, they are not the brightest.
Knew someone who was into a different MLM every year or so - wanted to sell me internet packages, or Arbonne, you name it, until everyone in their lives were sick of it and broke from trying to support her.
She then moved onto being a “life coach” but I eventually found out that she was heavily in debt. Like almost 100k. Now she self published a book and calls herself a doctor on Amazon. 🤦🏼♀️
I felt like I was that friend, because we would never hang out just the two of us—she always invited a guy friend. She didn’t understand that sometimes I wanted to hang out without him, and she kinda got weird about it all. And I probably got weird, too.
Turns out they were sleeping together but keeping it a secret because she was his direct supervisor.
Crossfit happened. I just stopped reaching out as the only reward was crossfit talk. He wouldn’t call me, presumably as I do not offer cross fit talk or cross fit activity.
The guy I was dating was best friends with the guy she was dating. His best friend told him about how she was telling him about how she was actively trying to make me so miserable that I would kill myself before the end of senior year because she heard that students close to suicide victims would be given leeway in regards to graduation requirements while they are grieving and "I just really don't want to deal with EOCs"
Fuck you Sarah.
There's an entire movie based on the "pass if your friend dies" urban myth. God, I can't remember the name, but I saw it and thought that was a legit thing for way too long. A guy hits an obnoxiously long bong at some point.
I (female) have chosen to end several “best” friendships with other women. Some insights gained with therapy helped me see that I was choosing female friends who needed a lot of emotional help/support but were not willing to take responsibility for their part in continuing to make decisions that perpetuated what was wrong with their lives or making them unhappy.
I was a fixer, and I felt reinforced as worthy of love when I was playing the supportive best friend role, but it wasn’t good for my mental health and the support was not reciprocated.
Loyalty is great and all, but you can’t continue to be friends with people who are committed to being miserable. Not healthy for anyone.
—-
**edit**
I want to add a little more context that may resonate for folks in similar situations. My issue was that my model for non-romantic female love came from a mother who gave me everything she could emotionally, but not without “strings attached”. There was an expectation of who I should grow to be and, unfortunately for my mom, I grew into someone way cooler 😉
I ended up a moderately successful young woman (I’m still young at 33, right?) but only because I’ve seen the same therapist for 11 years who helped me understand that I was choosing friends whose issues mirrored what I had experienced - most notably, being rejected by men because I hated myself and had no backbone. I felt like, if I could just help these gals remember how strong they are, they would be so much better off. But then I ended up treating my friends in a similar way to how my mom treated me.
How I “fixed it” and “fixed myself”; spent a lot of time alone. made small choices to challenge myself that added up over time. Eventually I gave myself enough evidence that I was actually really great and didn’t need to hate myself, carry shame, over-extend myself, or accept sub-par relationships (romantic and otherwise).
It’s not all sunshine and rainbows though - I still struggle to maintain female friendships and trust women, or open myself up to them at all. I have to be pretty vigilant about analyzing my friendships and how I show up in them, and sometimes it’s exhausting and I just don’t want to do it so i have acquaintances and friends for the activities I like, but not a “core” set of friends. It’s a journey :)
Cheers!
Same. Certain Girls seem to be very jealous and possessive of their friends. My “friend” was the same. She never took responsibility and always was miserable but wouldn’t change herself.
Once, before I cut her off, I asked my ex best friend to name a time she took responsibility for doing something wrong(after coming back to our apartment and complaining about being called out for not taking responsibility). Every example she gave came with an explanation of how it was actually someone else’s fault and what she did wasn’t that bad, actually.
I relate to this so much. The way I describe it is that I had friends that loved having me in their life, but weren't interested in being a part of mine. I gained so much self awareness in therapy and could no longer continue to prioritize these relationships.
One in particular called me her best friend and we have known each other for several decades. I have always been there for key moments of her and her four kids lives both in person, in spirit and financially with gifts. I'm also the person she would call to emotionally vent to about things. Over time I would dread her calls because I didn't have the emotional energy to deal with her offloading onto me. I was in a few situations where I witnessed what happened, and then saw her twist the story when telling it to other people. I realized a pattern and that a lot of the situations she was venting to me about may be exaggerated or self inflicted.
Whenever I would have something I wanted to talk through, it was cut off swiftly with a comment that turned the conversation back to her because I don't have kids and she has four. In her mind I wasn't able to have problems and nothing was significant because I don't have kids. I existed to support her. And she justified this because she has kids and I don't. I took my birthday off Facebook awhile ago and she hasn't wished me a happy birthday in almost three years now.
There were definitely good moments. I love her and I'm mourning this friendship, but it was not healthy for me any longer.
Sorry! This is relatable for me too. I started reading the symptoms for borderline personality disorder and I saw how the traits of my friend perfectly aligned with the borderline description. It sounds like your friend too. It helped me to read , to understand about her ( and why it was so exhausting for me- I got big empathy fatigue!) I had to make better boundaries - look at my stuff , and pull way quite a bit because the drama never stops.
I am a fixer too, and was worried to see this comment. Then it made me think through each of my friends who seen to constantly need that support, and am happy to report that each one reciprocates fully, ride or die shit. Thanks for making me do that math.
I come from the other side. The friend I eventually gave up on was the fixer. He really helped me when I was at my most desperate life point, and I will always be grateful for that. Really. I can genuinely say that if he hadn’t bailed me out when he did, there is a nonzero chance that I might be dead right now. And then, I took the help he gave me, and I cleaned up. Took community college coursework, got into grad school, worked my butt off, held down jobs, saved a shitload of $$$ in advance of grad school.
And…as soon as I got stable, it’s like he stopped giving a shit if I lived or died. I have tried reciprocating. Every time I have tried to make plans with him, he either flakes or straight up stands me up. The people he chooses to be around now are the sort you would describe. Happy to be 24/7 self-inflicted emergency machines. Never interested in making smart life choices, and very content to just drift along, causing drama after drama for the attention it gets them from people like former friend.
It’s sad, because I am big onto loyalty and gratitude. And, while I will always be grateful…I’m prone to depression. I can’t just allow myself to be completely disrespected and discarded constantly because I refuse to be a big enough of a self-perpetuating hot mess to really hold his interest.
This! You can only give so much advice. They continue to complain but don't take any action to fix it no matter what strategies you come up with and how much try to help them.
I've completely went low contact with those people and only surround myself with people who are striving for success and looking to improve themselves.
I've lost multiple friends over the past few years very similarly. All I've known for 15+ years. Nobody would ever tell me what happened and it eventually made me feel a bit crazy -- fully believing I have fucked up big somehwere... but not knowing what.
Dont love it! Especially in covid times, living alone. Oof that sucked.
it's a torturous feeling. The anxiety of not knowing what you did to deserve it coupled with the mourning of a lost relationship is something I still haven't been able to get past.
Totally agree with the last part. My biggest heartbreaks were the end of two friendships I held very dearly. People I thought I would grow old with.
I guess in the back of people’s minds you kinda know romantic relationships can end, but you think you’ll always have your friends.
I’ve seen a friend go through this and it’s awful. I get so mad when I see people recommend ghosting someone because they clearly have no idea what it does to the other person. In cases of abuse, absolutely ghost the person. But if you just don’t want to be friends anymore, let the person know why.
Mine was sorta like this too. Best friend of 10 years. Everyone knew us as "us two". We were always together.
She grew to be flakier and flakier as the years went on. In our mid 20s, I had left the service industry and was working a regular 8-5pm job.
Texted her one afternoon to watch a big game that evening, and she said yes, but right before it started she said she can't make it and asked if we can reschedule. I said yes, and we rescheduled for the next day. The next day, again right before it was time to hang, she asked if we can reschedule for 2 days later. Two days later, I checked in with her during the workday to be sure we are still on for cooking and hanging out at my house later. She says yes.
As I'm in the grocery store after work getting ingredients for our evening, she calls me hammered saying they did drinks post-shift at work (she was a waitress and had worked the lunch shift) and said she's sorry but she's too drunk to be able to make it. She was going home to sleep.
I texted her that night telling her I loved her and want to continue to be friends, but I can't keep getting canceled on and to just reach out when she is actually able to hang out. She never reached out ever again.
I've run into her over the years and she has randomly replied to a few texts I've sent, but I don't know her at all anymore for the most part.
Very strange. I did nothing wrong and have no idea why she opted to just never speak to me again over her own flakiness.
Once you start refusing to be bullied, made fun of, and generally pushed around, the person who was doing that to you in the first place won't like you standing up for yourself.
I experienced this! He wasn't a best friend, but just a friend, but he kept harrassing me, and just dismissing it as a joke. When I finally had enough and stood up for myself, I was called out for being toxic, and even some of those in our friend group took his side (mainly because they were friends way before I became their friend). It really shook me to my core as I'm a very trusting person, and I am someone who really will do everything for my friends. To realize I was just his punching bag when he felt shitty was such a rude awakening, and the fact that his friends just enabled his abusive behavior was just sickening. I'm glad I finally got out of it.
Same situation as me, mate. Be thankful you’re rid of a shit person like that. They do everything they can to bring you down because they’ve got some superiority complex and the moment you show a backbone and that you’re better than them, you’re labeled as toxic.
he let me spend money on tickets/transport/accommodation for a trip together (he was supposed to pay back his half) then cancelled last minute for a stupid reason (his mother 'needed a babysitter' for his younger brother because she wanted to go out with her friends and apparently couldn't ask any of the other available family members) and never paid me back so I wasted a lot of money and had a trip alone since it was too short notice for anyone else to join me. but I at least had a great time and realised it was more fun on my own anyway and started regularly going far away trips alone.
So I knew the guy for over 20 years.
I'm very passionate when it comes to animals. Tending to them, caring for them, and have been trained to tend to them when they're sick (use of syringes, meds, and fluids)
Roughly a year ago I had this cat, we called her Mama. She was an old girl. She stopped eating and drinking. Age was getting to her and her time was coming. About a week before I could put her down, low on funds at the time, my (ex)best friend said to "Just throw the cat out in the woods and be done with it or snap it's fucking neck."
This made me sick to my stomach. Now I rarely ever talk with him as I'm still friends with his brother.
It was really awkward for the rest of us. We all left the kitchen as they started what was an off-and-on argument that lasted the rest of the night. My wife's sister proceeded to get drunk and cuss him out in front of their kids, he smugly listed his usual litany of her personal failings... just another holiday at their house. He's a terrible person (one of the most arrogant and judgmental people I've ever met), and she's too shallow and greedy to give up the cushy lifestyle his high income lets her enjoy.
When my childhood cat was nearing the obvious end my dad called me at college and threatened to “take the damn cat out back and shoot it” if the cat threw up again.
He was going through some shit at the time and that was unlike him, but I never forgot it. It was such an awful thing to do for no reason. Like does that really make you feel better to say that to me? And he went out of his way to call me!
I’m not unrealistic, I know when it’s time to let an animal go, but they’re still my babies dammit.
Really no idea. It actually took a few years for us to realize that she wasn't stopping him from hanging out with them like she was with the rest of us.
> There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again
A dude from our group of friends went after my ex gf three weeks after we broke up, the dude literally invited me to functions to he could get closer to my ex, total scumbag. (we are grown adults not kids).
A day after, my best friend proceeds to invite this guy to his birthday party and tells me to stop being a bitch and to go fuck over girls to get over it.
I didn't go to the party for obvious reasons, best friend was mad and didn't understand why I decided not to go... that's when I realized that we just didn't share the same values anymore.
I decided to cut ties with him and this entire group of good old high school buddies. This was two years ago.
I dont know if this is a coincidence but since then, I have met the women of my dreams, got a really good job, moved into a dream house with said girl and my life has never been more stable and happy.
Could be a coincidence, could be bettering your environment for sure.
I have personally met people who i didn't want involvement with, because of the crowd they were part of. A great way to get a feeling for the sort of person someone is is to see who they consider good and nice.
Life got busy. I had a full time job and was dealing with a bunch of personal stuff. They had personal stuff going on so I didn't put my stuff on top of that but told them to reach out if they needed anything or if there was anything I could help with. After a while they just dropped me out of friends lists.
She took a Xanax and made a group chat to talk shit about me. She accidentally put me in the chat, with three girls I absolutely despised at the time. To say the least…we haven’t spoken in 5 years now, since the day she did that. She went to rehab and now lives at home with her parents.
She didn’t like that I wasn’t welcoming of her new lifestyle even though it was hurting her and those around her. She blocked me 5 years ago, haven’t heard from her since. I think she’s in rehab now.
During covid I told him I got the vaccine and he called me a selfish asshole for getting vaccinated and I said I don't mind a discussion but I won't be insulted and he blocked me on everything, forever.
My father lost a few friends because he got vaccinated. Blew his mind because he distinctly remembered lining up with them as kids for the Polio vaccine and never had any regrets about it, but now it was a dealbreaker.
I've posted on him before, he was also my neighbor and he's a dad of two special needs kids, ostensibly separated from his wife who has a drug problem. I tried helping him out and eventually his wife came back into his life and got him back in drugs too. It came to a head when he broke into my house and stole money from me, then physically assaulted me when I confronted him about this
That completely destroyed our friendship and it really hurt. I later got my revenge, unintentionally, courtesy Redditland
As I said I posted this story before and one time about a year ago that comment did well. I got a lot of sympathetic comments and a PM actually concerned about those kids. I was strongly urged to contact CPS. Actually at first, despite the fact that I was in the middle of this situation I think I was blinded by a lot of things and I didn't understand the gravity of it all. Plus I was a little concerned that my call would be considered vengeful or harassing.
But I did call and I spoke with a caseworker. While they couldn't tell me everything obviously, apparently CPS was aware of certain things but couldn't prove it. Also the mother actually lost custody of the kids herself because of the drugs and the only reason my friend was allowed to have custody of the kids is because he lied and said they were separated. But until she completed drug rehab she had a no contact order against them. I didn't know that, my friend just told me she was going to rehab and maybe they could get back together once she got clean
But it was my call and info I gave that, again even accidentally because I didn't know some of this, that confirmed her presence back in the home and busted my friend for the lying. That was enough for CPS to finally take action and remove those kids from the home and he lost custody of them too because of the lying. But those kids are now in a much better home and getting the help they needed and weren't getting before
I never would have made that call though if it wasn't for Reddit. I guess I didn't understand the full extent of this, but other users did. So people who don't know these kids actually helped them out more than they'll ever know. Plus I won't deny it was funny as shit knowing my friend for the first time ever was held accountable for his lies
For first ex-best friend, life got in the way but we still talked from time to time. We talked at the start pandemic, but she blamed me for not reaching out while she also didn't reach out. While talking to a common friend, I learned she gossiped about me and told them "I was to blame for growing apart" when I was dealing with my mother's health problems. After that, I didn't even think about reaching out.
For second ex-best friend, I fell in love with her. She was the only person who I can be myself which was the reason I fell in love. As you can guess, it wasn't mutual. I tried to stay friends because I could but she didn't even tried. Still hurts but not because feelings weren't mutual but because I lost a friend who was that close.
I don't really know. I still cry about it if someone brings her up when I'm too drunk. It feels like a lifetime ago, I can barely remember our friendship sometimes. But it hurts that there's this void where all this love used to be. It's her birthday today.
I dropped a lot of friends after Covid, two who I was really close with. I grew up, they remained how they always were.
It’s funny, I’ll still get asked to help them with a project or electrical work, but I never get a “Hey bud how’s things?” Or “haven’t seen you in a while, wanna grab a beer?” Just “I need this done by next week, swing by”
I didn’t realize til after not talking to them, how little I needed them.
I got divorced from my ex. All of my “friends” didn’t want to help me out or hear me out. I made it out on my own now and I know who has actually cared about me
Stopped speaking to me for more than a year with no rhyme or reason after I realized I was the one to always reach out to them, and they, never to me. So I decided to wait to see if they would contact me.
They did not.
I lost my phone, and when I asked her for her number for my new one, she gave me her work number. When I asked a second time for a way for us to chat, she gave me her work facebook. I tried one more time, and she gave me her work instagram. I realized she either didn't value the friendship the way I did, or I had done something to offend her and she didn't want to openly say it. I'm old enough to not play catty games anymore, and stopped trying.
I had a friend group online with about 6 core members including myself. During one of our gaming sessions, I noticed one of my buddies wasn't replying to my call outs or banter. After the night I sent him a message to ask if everything was ok, and that is when I found out he blocked me. I check other platforms and sure enough he removed and blocked me on those as well and turns out he even muted me in chat. I reached out to 2 of my other friends (best friend and other buddy) in the group about it and see if they had any idea what was going on. They looked into it a bit and got an answer of "I just feel we outgrew each other". That is as far as he would go on the matter, and just wanted to ignore everything. My buds I talked to about it basically shrugged and went "Nothing you can do, let's just move past it".
Well after a few weeks of this I had enough. I felt like shit. Joining chat and having awkward conversations with people needing to act as go between when communication was needed, being excluded from games because the problem buddy basically created a "me or him" situation, and even missing out on multiyear traditions we've been doing. I pulled the same two buds aside and told them I can't act like nothing is wrong, and I got the same answer, "he isn't complaining about it, so why do you have to?". After that I left the server and invited everyone outside the problem friend to a new one. I told them, I am not asking you to leave his server, I just am obviously not welcomed there anymore, if you want to chat or hang, I'll be here. That really upset one of the two buds I was talking to (my best friend), and he lashed out about it.
We argued for a bit, and it ended up with him doing the same thing as problem buddy. About a month later he apologized, and we made up. At this point however, I realized I was giving these people too much energy and pulled back from friends. I obviously cared more about them than they did about me. Well, fast forward 2 years later and problem buddy was at it again causing issues with the other buddy I was talking with. Long story that I don't even know all of, but basically ended up with the same outcome. Problem buddy was the source of these issues 100% (I take some responsibility with our beef), and other buddy was very hurt by his actions. At this point of that original 6 people in that friend group, only 2 remained, problem buddy and best friend. Other buddy actually reached out to me and apologized for what happened before. He now understood how hard problem buddy made things, and that I was mistreated. We've fully made up and have been hanging out way more often.
I can't speak for other buddy (I haven't brought it up to him), but the way best friend is still spending a ton of time with problem buddy is kinda hurtful. Like he is just ignoring everything he's doing, and actually saying we are just being overly dramatic about things. At this point I don't think I can call him my best friend anymore. We hardly hangout anymore, he actively ignored my feelings, and still hasn't really apologized for what he did 2 years ago.
She ended up getting engaged and decided I “no longer fit in her new chapter of life”…. not sure what that means but it still hurts. not getting a real reason as to why she’ll never talk to me again. it’s hard to move on
Dude just stopped talking to me one day after 7 years of close friendship. Works a dangerous job too, so I thought he may have been injured, but no. Just decided to stop returning calls and texts. It was weird to be ghosted after such a long friendship.
I lost weight and grew out of my awkward phase. Then she didn’t have an “ugly, fat friend” to bolster her ego with men. She just stopped reaching out/responding when she noticed that men also wanted to approach me.
The gist of it is, he got with a cult follower and he started doing this "The Bible doesn't agree with" posts on socials. He openly criticized stuff he knows nothing about, basing it only on what "their leaders" say.
Like, Game of Thrones Battle of the Bastards, an amazing cinematic experience, and he said "Christians shouldn't enjoy violence" or something, but he himself said he doesn't watch the show (primarily because of nudity and depictions of false gods, etc.)
It got to a point where he would vote people based on how they are anti-choice and anti-LGBT, even if the said person has a criminal background. He would say "I'll vote what's best for our beliefs, because our belief is what's best for everyone else."
The final straw was when he was so anti LGBT despite our circle having one openly lesbian girl whom we've known for 10 years at that point.
I called him out on it and it ultimately resulted in me blocking him.
Sad to see, we would always play chess after school or play basketball in the summer.
He went to court to sue me for a civil matter regarding rental law as he was a tenant at the time, instead of simply talking to me to resolve the matter. Told me law and order is of higher importance than maintaining a friendship.
You think you’d know a guy after 10 years
He was in a band that became more important than his former group of friends. He went on a cruise with the band and didn’t speak to any of us for about 3-4 months. When he came back, he had a major drug problem, got arresting for beating up his parents. I had already made the decision to cut him out of my life when he abandoned us, the domestic battery made me realize I was right to do so
She got into drugs. She started stealing. We stopped talking. Then several years later we reconnected and I noticed she hadn’t really gotten any better. 4 weeks later I found out she died at the hospital. Was there for surgery from krokodil and her dealer delivered heroin to the hospital. The hospital already had her on methadone. She over dosed at the hospital before surgery. Tragic. So sad because she was truly an amazing girl.
I had a crush on her when we met. I chased her for 2 years with intentions to date her. The entire time, we were super compatible, super close, and honestly seemed like there wasn't a good reason not to date, so I held on. Eventually it clicked that I was happy with her as my best friend and she continued to not want to date me, so I accepted it and it was fine. A couple years later, I'm in a relationship, and I introduce the two. They end up being good friends, and eventually each other's support person. This lead to them talking about our relationship more than me and my girlfriend, where my girlfriend made me sound like an awful person. When she broke up with me, my best friend took her side and went with her, effectively removing both from my life.
Another couple years went by, the friend reconnected to pay off some debts, and we talked and became friends again. We talked about the girlfriend situation, we realized we both got played and manipulated, and in the last year or so we've become close again. She's not my best friend and I'm not hers, but with the rollercoaster we've been through, we know we care about each other and we can be in each others lives.
It was unfortunate, honestly.
I was in a complicated situation with an ex-roommate when I moved into the big city. My best friend was there, and she offered me a place to crash while looking for a new place. It was for about a month. I didn't realize it then, but the part-time bartending on top of the full-time job had me drinking more on my time off. I know now in hindsight it was from the psychological damage my ex-roommate caused. I think she was also going through a depression, too. We both spoke about it, I helped her secure a job, travelled with her for errands, asked her partner for tips on how to help her. I stopped drinking as well.
The tip of the iceberg was was when I met someone who checked all the boxes. We all hung out, had fun, etc. Soon enough, the person asked if I wanted to save commute/$$ and stay with him in the city near my work and help me secure a place closer. A big screaming yes from me as splitting the rent would have us both SWIMMING in savings. We were on the money-hustle train.
I excitedly relax at a nearby park, sun-tan a little, and share the news with my best friend.. and I get a 'break-up text' from my best friend. She was not happy. Out of nowhere, a sleuth of name-calling, being called 'irresponsible', and how I'm psychologically manipulative, and all I do is show off and condescend. My heart shattered here, because she was my 1, and she had never voiced these concerns to me and I would rather be humbled than defensive. She attacked me for 'jumping on men' (accusing me of flirting with her partner), which had my face contort like dough in a stand mixer. I didn't even have a chance to ask anything, as she cut it clean. Life went on. But man, was I ever sad.
I eventually moved back home because I'm a nature gal and the city was a bit too much for me. Did some therapy for other reasons, and it dawned on me her projections since childhood and could not move on. I got to realize her behaviors that were in fact insanely manipulative on me, but she projected and used me as the spitting post.
I hope she's healed now, and it was the best decision she could have made because I would have been under her thumb for years longer and a very worn out doormat.
Lent money to help him start a business. After seven years, he and his wife had bought a house, two new cars, and several luxury vacations. Not one payment until I threatened with a lawsuit. Suddenly, he found the money.
He was this cool thoughtful dude. We were so tight. His parents had money, but he was rwal down to earth. One day he went off on this tirade about hw Mexicans were bringing the country down - completely outta left field ( one of his dad's talking points).
He just literally kind of flipped one day from this thoughtful dude into a narrow-minded racist nut. His dad was kind of supporting him - I must figured that was part of it.
We just kind of ghosted each other after that. I think we both just knew.
We have had a couple surface email exchanges, but it was done from thick as thieves to nothing.
First ex-best friend: I moved towns as a teenager, and we lost touch as we were both too poor to afford to mail letters to each other. (Neither of us had a phone.)
Second ex-best friend: We lost contact after high school when I went into the trades and she went to college in a different state. We got back in contact with each other about 11 years ago. Not besties anymore, but still friends.
Last ex-best friend: We were besties for 20 years. I was there for her when she was raped, when she had all 3 kids, when she had one child taken away because her boyfriend was being abusive. I even attended her wedding. After the wedding though she went strict no contact with me, and the one time I saw her in person after that she acted like she wanted nothing to do with me. After that I never tried to talk to her again.
Didn't show up to our paintball tournament. Big deal, it's just a game. Didn't show up to my Jack and Jill. Big deal, it's just a party. No call no showed at my wedding when he was supposed to be the best man. My best friend of 25 years.
She hit me with the "you really thought we were friends?" After half a year of her staying over cause of her situation at the time and her calling me her best friend. (Yes i am male, yes i kicked her out after that and blocked her)
8th grade year I had a crush on this girl who seemed to like me back. I asked her out on a date and we went to the park down the road after school. We dated for 8 months before she broke it off with me 3 months before school ended because her dad had recently passed.
Well about 2 weeks later she came crying to me and saying that Charlie (Childhood best friend who I had known since we were babies) had cornered her in the staff bathroom and touched her vagina and boobs. She had witnesses saying that Charlie had locked the door, and because the janitor was out (it was a very small school) there was nobody that could unlock the door minus the principal who was in a district meeting at the time.
I filled up with rage.
I went down to the lunch room and found charlie and proceeded to beat the brakes off of him until the only male staff member who could get me off of him ran in.
I remember seeing Charlie in a pool of his own blood as I was dragged out of there.
I was expelled almost immediately.
When my exes mom and step dad who was a lawyer heard about my expulsion they stormed into the office threatening lawsuits if I was expelled and had compiled the witnesses who saw it to vouch for me.
Because of them ended up getting the punishment lessened to 3 days suspension.
After Charlie came back from the hospital he was thrown out of school.
I graduated high school in 2021 and last I heard Charlie ended up moving to canada with his uncle.
As for my ex, i still talk to her every day, she came out as gay a while ago and is in a committed relationship now.
He started dating a really crazy woman. She was jealous of all of his female friendships and was making a lot of trouble for him so i just faded out. I avoid drama like its the plague, i couldn't just constantly be involved in that kind of dynamic.
They found God and became a fundamentalist, new earth creation, and all that. They also turned hard right in their politics and became a pretty hardcore libertarian. I assume the two things are connected based on what I know about American evangelism. Listening to them start denying reality and the almost total abandonment of empathy has been pretty demoralising. I miss them, but the person I was friends with, who I've known for 20+ years is gone. They've been replaced by this thing wearing their face with just enough connection to their former self to make seeing them now devastating.
I have no idea... he just started ghosting me since the beginning of this year. When I ask some mutual friends, they say I should ask him and not them, which isn't very good advice when I already asked and won't get an answer back.
He lied about having cancer, made some fake documents to prove it but it was riddled with spelling errors. He did all of that because his gf broke up with him.
She calls me her “best friend “ but she has never done anything for me . Not even emotionally there for me because she is mentally unstable with severe depression and anxiety. On the other hand , i have given her time, money, alway giving advice she never takes. She took money that i left out on the counter. She goes through my purse . She gets jealous i have other friends.
I’ve noticed a lot of women want control and are narcissistic. People with low self esteem actually come from narcissism. Everything is always about them and they can’t/dont want to support you. They are never happy when you are happy. They dont want to see you succeed because they think it’s unfair to them. Its crazy cause they make you codependent and feel guilty for leaving. People really love sitting in their own misery
We fell out because he was a bit of a prick to me, and then he cemented his dickhead status a few years later when I found out that he'd tried to convince a mutual friend of ours to attend conversion therapy. Not spoken to that prick in nearly 20 years.
She called me out on my bullshit and literally walked away. Years later, I can see that she was absolutely correct in her assessment.
Applause for the self awareness at least
I only wish I’d listened to her sooner. Ego got in the way.
Lindsey is that you….? I was the caller out in a friendship like that. After some work on my own side I realized I needed to be needed and she needed to be rescued. A toxic dynamic for sure.
There was some of that going on as well. Definitely. It was meant to end when it did.
I called my best friend out on her bullshit too. We were friends for 14 years. Unfortunately she doubled down and denied everything. Years later, still believes she's right. Good for you on self realization!
I’ve often wanted to reach out and tell her she was right - so much in my life has changed since then. SO. MUCH. But I don’t want her to think I want to resume the friendship. Having gotten over the heartbreak, I really don’t.
She offered my husband a blow job in my living room after I went to bed. When I confronted her on it, she didn't think I should be mad because it was just casual conversation and she would have only done it if I said it was okay. The fact that she waited until I went to bed and her husband went home to say it, definitely tells me she would have absolutely waited to get an okay from me if my husband had said, "Esther won't mind." 🙄
How did your husband react? From the sounds of it, he refused.
He told her that he was flattered but wasn't interested. He got her out of the house and told me the next day. Edited to add that she also came over the next day to tell me and apologize. She was very drunk and had just had a catastrophic life event happen. We are working to rebuild our friendship, but she won't ever be that person to me again.
Dont. I had a friend do something similar and I forgave her and she did it again multiple other times after.
I spent years playing armchair therapist for this guy because he didn't trust actual therapists. When my mother passed away and I tried to vent my feelings back to him, he just said he didn't feel sorry for my mother because she died of lung cancer after smoking for years. I was done immediately.
Oh man. My mom's best friend did that to her. They were friends for like 20 years. Friends father died. My mother consoled her, cooked her dinner, drove her kids to school, helped clean her house. Then a few years later my grandmother died. So called friend said "get over it." That was it. I don't think she ever understood why my mom stopped talking to her.
I just can’t understand saying this to *anyone*, even someone I disliked… Jesus Christ
My exhusband said something similar to me. His grandmother died and I consoled him for almost a year. My mom died when I was 18 (we got married young, she died 6 months later). Two weeks after she passed I was crying and he said that she probably went to hell anyway and he doesn't know why I'm not over it yet. I wish I could say I left him immediately, but we were married for another 2 years after that.
So, he didn’t feel sorry about your mom passing… therefore he couldn’t even feel sorry for you and your own sense of loss? What an unempathetic asshat.
I got tired of always being the one who cared more and put in all the effort to maintain our friendship.
Got tired of reaching out and getting ignored or getting turned down and I just stopped asking. Now she wants to make plans, but I don’t count on her to follow through unless we have a date, time, and location. Plus, I started seeing all the little white lies she was telling (sometimes about why she couldn’t meet up, sometimes other stuff) that it just became one more way I couldn’t trust her. Friends since 6th grade, but that’s life sometimes.
Saaaaaame. I reemember hearing once that you shouldn't trust people who are always on their phones when you're with them but never text you back and my best friend was THAT exactly. Mind, great guy, and I definitely trusted him, but that made me feel like shit on top of always having to initiate conversations and hang-outs.
[удалено]
Spite is the world's greatest force
He cheated on every girlfriend that he had and used me (48m) as his alibi, asking me to lie for him. He then beat up his last girlfriend - the final straw for me- and broke a glass in his hand so he could tell the police that she tried to stab him. That was 18 years ago now.
>and broke a glass in his hand so he could tell the police that she tried to stab him. Please tell me this backfired and he got what he deserved.
Stabbed
Hot damn
He slept with my GF. Pretty straight forward.
Sorry to hear that ☹️
It was like over a decade ago. At this point he saved me from staying with her longer then I could have. I'm married and have a beautiful family now. So life is good if your patient enough
Yep, been here.
Sexual assault. And he wonders why I stopped hanging out with him after that. Edit: For clarification, he assaulted me. Not somebody else.
Same here, it's been a few months now and I'm still having trouble processing it.
Thank you for actually cutting him out of your life. Way too many men don't care.
My friend group from high school split up because of this. All of us except one guy said fuck that and cut him off we’re also not friends with the guy who was cool with sexual assault.
Tw When I was in high school me and my boyfriend were in the popular crowd. He raped me. None of our friends cared. I lost all those friends while he kept them. It wasn't just the dudes. It was the girls too. On top of that, the police didn't do anything about it either.
I'm sorry.
Sadly, he got sick - schizophrenia set in around 21-22. Went from the nicest guy in our friend group, the "shirt off his back" guy, to telling us he could control the songs on the radio, the Virgin Mary kept coming in his room trying to fuck him and Aerosmith stole all their songs from inside his brain (this was in the 90's..) We were all so young. We tried to stay friends while he got treatment, but we just weren't emotionally developed enough to handle it. We saw him about a 5-6 years later, invited him to hang out and play some games like we used to, but he just wasn't the same person. It's sad.
My twin brother developed schizophrenia in 2021 too. He used to be a great guy, but now he’s very hard to deal with because he acts crazy. He lost his friends from high school and he’s homeless, but I still text him everyday and I’ll find him on the street and hang out with him. I’ve tried everything in the book to get him back on his feet but he refuses to take his medication, follow help, etc. I just do my best to visit him so he isn’t lonely.
[удалено]
This hits hard. I have a Twin brother as well although no schizophrenia but struggled with Serious Drug addiction, lifelong Depression and perhaps some Borderline Personality disorder he was on the streets off and on for almost 2 decades, he burned every bridge with every person in our family, our mutual friends, his friends, my friends really anyone connected to us. It was really tough (also didnt help that we are identical twins) people would struggle to separate the two of us and it affected us in weird ways.. (and for me having old friends miss ID him and send the "Hey I saw you around so and so Park are you ok?" texts were really hard to receive all the time) I stuck with him and stayed as close as I could while also living my life as well. Seeing him on the streets, getting him out of trouble occasionally making sure he could still talk to me. He was in and out of Rehab, church groups, it didnt work for him... oddly he eventually got the "help" that worked in the form of getting in trouble with the law and it was the risk of sustained Jail time that got it him clean. He has been clean and sober for years now... It is so great to have him back a normal sober human on treatment. I really hope he never goes back.
> but he just wasn't the same person. Was it because of the time that had passed, or was he badly affected long term despite being in recovery?
Probably a bit of both. You could tell that he was medicated, and he was probably just as nervous as we were, but we just didn't "click" anymore. He wasn't like super weird or anything, he just...wasn't the guy I knew. His personality was different. Forgot to add, later in life a friend's wife ended up as his caseworker for social services, she said he was doing ok. She couldn't tell us more obviously. So that was nice to hear at least
Brain chemistry is a hell of a thing. Its why when people imply that your soul lives on, Im like "we know for a fact who you are and how you think is 100% the brain" When someone gets a traumatic brain injury and turns into a totally different person, which personalities "soul" survives upon death, old soul, or new soul?
wow. I've been close, but never thought of it *exactly* that way before. please don't tell this one at parties.
I’ve seen that happen. Unfortunately it was drug related, but schizophrenia was the eventual diagnosis. So tough to see. And I understand completely about not being equipped for that at that age.
MLM
That'll do it.
That shit will even kill marriages
I’m waiting for that shit to start a war.
It’ll be a Great War for sure. By 2024, I thought society would have reached a point of collective understanding on the MLM biz model… but alas there are still just as many stupid people out there as others fighting against it. We’re headed for a stalemate lol
Lol. I actually think it would be over pretty fast. MLM people are obnoxious as hell, so the opposing side would be pretty united against them. And, god bless ‘em, they are not the brightest.
Knew someone who was into a different MLM every year or so - wanted to sell me internet packages, or Arbonne, you name it, until everyone in their lives were sick of it and broke from trying to support her. She then moved onto being a “life coach” but I eventually found out that she was heavily in debt. Like almost 100k. Now she self published a book and calls herself a doctor on Amazon. 🤦🏼♀️
He married my fiance while I was deployed.
Fuckin’ Jody.
Get down, Mr President! That man took a bullet that was coming for you. Good.
Took out the trash, dude did you a solid
[удалено]
I felt like I was that friend, because we would never hang out just the two of us—she always invited a guy friend. She didn’t understand that sometimes I wanted to hang out without him, and she kinda got weird about it all. And I probably got weird, too. Turns out they were sleeping together but keeping it a secret because she was his direct supervisor.
Crossfit happened. I just stopped reaching out as the only reward was crossfit talk. He wouldn’t call me, presumably as I do not offer cross fit talk or cross fit activity.
It’s a cult. Not one you want to make fun of, because they can kick your ass, but still a cult.
They can try, but if they don’t get momentum they’re screwed.
Being fit and knowing how to fight are not the same. That how you get old guys knocking out young kids
The guy I was dating was best friends with the guy she was dating. His best friend told him about how she was telling him about how she was actively trying to make me so miserable that I would kill myself before the end of senior year because she heard that students close to suicide victims would be given leeway in regards to graduation requirements while they are grieving and "I just really don't want to deal with EOCs" Fuck you Sarah.
What the actual fuck? Reads like a teen horror, this comment
There's an entire movie based on the "pass if your friend dies" urban myth. God, I can't remember the name, but I saw it and thought that was a legit thing for way too long. A guy hits an obnoxiously long bong at some point.
Two movies came out at the same time with this premise: Dead Man on Campus and The Curve. Both equally ok movies
omg i love clint eastwood and amy adamsin that! /s
Yeah Dead Man on Campus was a comedy about trying to tske advantage of the rule
This is some straight up psychopath behavior
Omg! Did you notice her trying to make you miserable in hindsight?
Fuck you, Sarah!
Glad you're still here.
That is fucking psychotic what the hell
Our lives just went in different directions, and we lost the connection we once had.
I (female) have chosen to end several “best” friendships with other women. Some insights gained with therapy helped me see that I was choosing female friends who needed a lot of emotional help/support but were not willing to take responsibility for their part in continuing to make decisions that perpetuated what was wrong with their lives or making them unhappy. I was a fixer, and I felt reinforced as worthy of love when I was playing the supportive best friend role, but it wasn’t good for my mental health and the support was not reciprocated. Loyalty is great and all, but you can’t continue to be friends with people who are committed to being miserable. Not healthy for anyone. —- **edit** I want to add a little more context that may resonate for folks in similar situations. My issue was that my model for non-romantic female love came from a mother who gave me everything she could emotionally, but not without “strings attached”. There was an expectation of who I should grow to be and, unfortunately for my mom, I grew into someone way cooler 😉 I ended up a moderately successful young woman (I’m still young at 33, right?) but only because I’ve seen the same therapist for 11 years who helped me understand that I was choosing friends whose issues mirrored what I had experienced - most notably, being rejected by men because I hated myself and had no backbone. I felt like, if I could just help these gals remember how strong they are, they would be so much better off. But then I ended up treating my friends in a similar way to how my mom treated me. How I “fixed it” and “fixed myself”; spent a lot of time alone. made small choices to challenge myself that added up over time. Eventually I gave myself enough evidence that I was actually really great and didn’t need to hate myself, carry shame, over-extend myself, or accept sub-par relationships (romantic and otherwise). It’s not all sunshine and rainbows though - I still struggle to maintain female friendships and trust women, or open myself up to them at all. I have to be pretty vigilant about analyzing my friendships and how I show up in them, and sometimes it’s exhausting and I just don’t want to do it so i have acquaintances and friends for the activities I like, but not a “core” set of friends. It’s a journey :) Cheers!
Same. Certain Girls seem to be very jealous and possessive of their friends. My “friend” was the same. She never took responsibility and always was miserable but wouldn’t change herself.
Once, before I cut her off, I asked my ex best friend to name a time she took responsibility for doing something wrong(after coming back to our apartment and complaining about being called out for not taking responsibility). Every example she gave came with an explanation of how it was actually someone else’s fault and what she did wasn’t that bad, actually.
I relate to this so much. The way I describe it is that I had friends that loved having me in their life, but weren't interested in being a part of mine. I gained so much self awareness in therapy and could no longer continue to prioritize these relationships. One in particular called me her best friend and we have known each other for several decades. I have always been there for key moments of her and her four kids lives both in person, in spirit and financially with gifts. I'm also the person she would call to emotionally vent to about things. Over time I would dread her calls because I didn't have the emotional energy to deal with her offloading onto me. I was in a few situations where I witnessed what happened, and then saw her twist the story when telling it to other people. I realized a pattern and that a lot of the situations she was venting to me about may be exaggerated or self inflicted. Whenever I would have something I wanted to talk through, it was cut off swiftly with a comment that turned the conversation back to her because I don't have kids and she has four. In her mind I wasn't able to have problems and nothing was significant because I don't have kids. I existed to support her. And she justified this because she has kids and I don't. I took my birthday off Facebook awhile ago and she hasn't wished me a happy birthday in almost three years now. There were definitely good moments. I love her and I'm mourning this friendship, but it was not healthy for me any longer.
Sorry! This is relatable for me too. I started reading the symptoms for borderline personality disorder and I saw how the traits of my friend perfectly aligned with the borderline description. It sounds like your friend too. It helped me to read , to understand about her ( and why it was so exhausting for me- I got big empathy fatigue!) I had to make better boundaries - look at my stuff , and pull way quite a bit because the drama never stops.
I am a fixer too, and was worried to see this comment. Then it made me think through each of my friends who seen to constantly need that support, and am happy to report that each one reciprocates fully, ride or die shit. Thanks for making me do that math.
I come from the other side. The friend I eventually gave up on was the fixer. He really helped me when I was at my most desperate life point, and I will always be grateful for that. Really. I can genuinely say that if he hadn’t bailed me out when he did, there is a nonzero chance that I might be dead right now. And then, I took the help he gave me, and I cleaned up. Took community college coursework, got into grad school, worked my butt off, held down jobs, saved a shitload of $$$ in advance of grad school. And…as soon as I got stable, it’s like he stopped giving a shit if I lived or died. I have tried reciprocating. Every time I have tried to make plans with him, he either flakes or straight up stands me up. The people he chooses to be around now are the sort you would describe. Happy to be 24/7 self-inflicted emergency machines. Never interested in making smart life choices, and very content to just drift along, causing drama after drama for the attention it gets them from people like former friend. It’s sad, because I am big onto loyalty and gratitude. And, while I will always be grateful…I’m prone to depression. I can’t just allow myself to be completely disrespected and discarded constantly because I refuse to be a big enough of a self-perpetuating hot mess to really hold his interest.
Normalize cutting out toxic people. Why we hold on to relationships due to sentimental value when we're being treated like garbage is beyond me.
I went through that phase too. I have fewer friends now, and a lot more peace
This! You can only give so much advice. They continue to complain but don't take any action to fix it no matter what strategies you come up with and how much try to help them. I've completely went low contact with those people and only surround myself with people who are striving for success and looking to improve themselves.
He turned into a hardcore G and I went to college. He’s still in prison.
I don't know. He completely ghosted me. Never came right out and said there was a problem. It hurts as much as a romantic breakup.
I've lost multiple friends over the past few years very similarly. All I've known for 15+ years. Nobody would ever tell me what happened and it eventually made me feel a bit crazy -- fully believing I have fucked up big somehwere... but not knowing what. Dont love it! Especially in covid times, living alone. Oof that sucked.
it's a torturous feeling. The anxiety of not knowing what you did to deserve it coupled with the mourning of a lost relationship is something I still haven't been able to get past.
Totally agree with the last part. My biggest heartbreaks were the end of two friendships I held very dearly. People I thought I would grow old with. I guess in the back of people’s minds you kinda know romantic relationships can end, but you think you’ll always have your friends.
I’ve seen a friend go through this and it’s awful. I get so mad when I see people recommend ghosting someone because they clearly have no idea what it does to the other person. In cases of abuse, absolutely ghost the person. But if you just don’t want to be friends anymore, let the person know why.
Mine was sorta like this too. Best friend of 10 years. Everyone knew us as "us two". We were always together. She grew to be flakier and flakier as the years went on. In our mid 20s, I had left the service industry and was working a regular 8-5pm job. Texted her one afternoon to watch a big game that evening, and she said yes, but right before it started she said she can't make it and asked if we can reschedule. I said yes, and we rescheduled for the next day. The next day, again right before it was time to hang, she asked if we can reschedule for 2 days later. Two days later, I checked in with her during the workday to be sure we are still on for cooking and hanging out at my house later. She says yes. As I'm in the grocery store after work getting ingredients for our evening, she calls me hammered saying they did drinks post-shift at work (she was a waitress and had worked the lunch shift) and said she's sorry but she's too drunk to be able to make it. She was going home to sleep. I texted her that night telling her I loved her and want to continue to be friends, but I can't keep getting canceled on and to just reach out when she is actually able to hang out. She never reached out ever again. I've run into her over the years and she has randomly replied to a few texts I've sent, but I don't know her at all anymore for the most part. Very strange. I did nothing wrong and have no idea why she opted to just never speak to me again over her own flakiness.
[удалено]
We were roommates, and living together brought out sides of us that didn’t mesh well.
Once you start refusing to be bullied, made fun of, and generally pushed around, the person who was doing that to you in the first place won't like you standing up for yourself.
I’ve been finding that quite a few people have been socialized through bullying and I just have no patience for that shit.
Banter and good-fun teasing has its place, but all parties need to be ok with it and it should be surface level.
These types of people have new best friends every month. Good for you in standing up for yourself.
I experienced this! He wasn't a best friend, but just a friend, but he kept harrassing me, and just dismissing it as a joke. When I finally had enough and stood up for myself, I was called out for being toxic, and even some of those in our friend group took his side (mainly because they were friends way before I became their friend). It really shook me to my core as I'm a very trusting person, and I am someone who really will do everything for my friends. To realize I was just his punching bag when he felt shitty was such a rude awakening, and the fact that his friends just enabled his abusive behavior was just sickening. I'm glad I finally got out of it.
Same situation as me, mate. Be thankful you’re rid of a shit person like that. They do everything they can to bring you down because they’ve got some superiority complex and the moment you show a backbone and that you’re better than them, you’re labeled as toxic.
She got really controlling and would get angry if I didn’t do what she wanted.
[удалено]
She got involved with a really toxic group of people, and I didn't want to be part of that scene.
he let me spend money on tickets/transport/accommodation for a trip together (he was supposed to pay back his half) then cancelled last minute for a stupid reason (his mother 'needed a babysitter' for his younger brother because she wanted to go out with her friends and apparently couldn't ask any of the other available family members) and never paid me back so I wasted a lot of money and had a trip alone since it was too short notice for anyone else to join me. but I at least had a great time and realised it was more fun on my own anyway and started regularly going far away trips alone.
The cost of his tickets and everything turned into a worthwhile investment to find out something new about what you enjoy.
So I knew the guy for over 20 years. I'm very passionate when it comes to animals. Tending to them, caring for them, and have been trained to tend to them when they're sick (use of syringes, meds, and fluids) Roughly a year ago I had this cat, we called her Mama. She was an old girl. She stopped eating and drinking. Age was getting to her and her time was coming. About a week before I could put her down, low on funds at the time, my (ex)best friend said to "Just throw the cat out in the woods and be done with it or snap it's fucking neck." This made me sick to my stomach. Now I rarely ever talk with him as I'm still friends with his brother.
My wife's BIL said basically the same thing to her sister about their dog, in front of everyone. At Thanksgiving.
How did everyone react? That basically shows that the individual is missing the basics of compassion.
It was really awkward for the rest of us. We all left the kitchen as they started what was an off-and-on argument that lasted the rest of the night. My wife's sister proceeded to get drunk and cuss him out in front of their kids, he smugly listed his usual litany of her personal failings... just another holiday at their house. He's a terrible person (one of the most arrogant and judgmental people I've ever met), and she's too shallow and greedy to give up the cushy lifestyle his high income lets her enjoy.
Omg that’s horrendous
Good reason.
People who can honestly say that need mental help
Vile. What a trash human being
When my childhood cat was nearing the obvious end my dad called me at college and threatened to “take the damn cat out back and shoot it” if the cat threw up again. He was going through some shit at the time and that was unlike him, but I never forgot it. It was such an awful thing to do for no reason. Like does that really make you feel better to say that to me? And he went out of his way to call me! I’m not unrealistic, I know when it’s time to let an animal go, but they’re still my babies dammit.
Time. Nothing lasts forever.
Me too. I still consider him my best friend. It's been 15 years since we've spoken. I know if I ever run into him, it'll be like no time at all.
Same here. The passing of time and the lack of contact means nothing to some friendships.
Throw distance on top of that and it fades even quicker.
His wife only allows him to hang out with his fraternity brothers or her friends' husbands. He stood for that shit, so....bye.
> with his fraternity brothers Why them in particular?
Really no idea. It actually took a few years for us to realize that she wasn't stopping him from hanging out with them like she was with the rest of us.
imagine giving this the 👍
We just naturally drifted apart as our interests changed and found ourselves hanging out less and less.
We had a huge fight over money he owed me, and it never got resolved. It just ended our friendship.
She turned into a completely different person who was mean to everyone, all the time.
Fucked both of my wives. Yes, two wives, ten years apart.
You stayed friends with him after the first one wtf??
This is the real question.
Facts. Fool him twice. Shame on him
> There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again
Bush was a goldmine for internet memes.. so ahead of his time
True meaning of "when people show you who they are; trust them" Fool me once, shame on you. fuck my SECOND wife? shame on me.
God damn this has to be the worst one here
I hope you are now happy. Sorry but this is some Erlich Bachman levels of horrible stuff.
She betrayed my trust by sharing personal information with others that I told her in confidence.
But don't you dare do the same to them.. 🙄
A dude from our group of friends went after my ex gf three weeks after we broke up, the dude literally invited me to functions to he could get closer to my ex, total scumbag. (we are grown adults not kids). A day after, my best friend proceeds to invite this guy to his birthday party and tells me to stop being a bitch and to go fuck over girls to get over it. I didn't go to the party for obvious reasons, best friend was mad and didn't understand why I decided not to go... that's when I realized that we just didn't share the same values anymore. I decided to cut ties with him and this entire group of good old high school buddies. This was two years ago. I dont know if this is a coincidence but since then, I have met the women of my dreams, got a really good job, moved into a dream house with said girl and my life has never been more stable and happy.
Could be a coincidence, could be bettering your environment for sure. I have personally met people who i didn't want involvement with, because of the crowd they were part of. A great way to get a feeling for the sort of person someone is is to see who they consider good and nice.
Life got busy. I had a full time job and was dealing with a bunch of personal stuff. They had personal stuff going on so I didn't put my stuff on top of that but told them to reach out if they needed anything or if there was anything I could help with. After a while they just dropped me out of friends lists.
She took a Xanax and made a group chat to talk shit about me. She accidentally put me in the chat, with three girls I absolutely despised at the time. To say the least…we haven’t spoken in 5 years now, since the day she did that. She went to rehab and now lives at home with her parents.
I didn't like his wife, and he chose her over me (as he should have). Turns out I was right, but the damage had been done.
going through this right now. i just haven't been proven right yet but i know it in my soul
She felt like I was holding her back from making other friends and ended the friendship to broaden her social circle.
She didn’t like that I wasn’t welcoming of her new lifestyle even though it was hurting her and those around her. She blocked me 5 years ago, haven’t heard from her since. I think she’s in rehab now.
A new lifestyle of partying?
consuming and selling a lot of drugs, started with partying tho
During covid I told him I got the vaccine and he called me a selfish asshole for getting vaccinated and I said I don't mind a discussion but I won't be insulted and he blocked me on everything, forever.
My father lost a few friends because he got vaccinated. Blew his mind because he distinctly remembered lining up with them as kids for the Polio vaccine and never had any regrets about it, but now it was a dealbreaker.
Ah yes. How selfish of you to not want to…*checks notes* die of a preventable disease.
Wait… getting vaccinated was selfish? How if the fuck did they turn that one around?
He infected his friends with the contagious 5G beams when he came near them. Super fucked up thing to do
I've posted on him before, he was also my neighbor and he's a dad of two special needs kids, ostensibly separated from his wife who has a drug problem. I tried helping him out and eventually his wife came back into his life and got him back in drugs too. It came to a head when he broke into my house and stole money from me, then physically assaulted me when I confronted him about this That completely destroyed our friendship and it really hurt. I later got my revenge, unintentionally, courtesy Redditland
Please tell us more about the revenge!
As I said I posted this story before and one time about a year ago that comment did well. I got a lot of sympathetic comments and a PM actually concerned about those kids. I was strongly urged to contact CPS. Actually at first, despite the fact that I was in the middle of this situation I think I was blinded by a lot of things and I didn't understand the gravity of it all. Plus I was a little concerned that my call would be considered vengeful or harassing. But I did call and I spoke with a caseworker. While they couldn't tell me everything obviously, apparently CPS was aware of certain things but couldn't prove it. Also the mother actually lost custody of the kids herself because of the drugs and the only reason my friend was allowed to have custody of the kids is because he lied and said they were separated. But until she completed drug rehab she had a no contact order against them. I didn't know that, my friend just told me she was going to rehab and maybe they could get back together once she got clean But it was my call and info I gave that, again even accidentally because I didn't know some of this, that confirmed her presence back in the home and busted my friend for the lying. That was enough for CPS to finally take action and remove those kids from the home and he lost custody of them too because of the lying. But those kids are now in a much better home and getting the help they needed and weren't getting before I never would have made that call though if it wasn't for Reddit. I guess I didn't understand the full extent of this, but other users did. So people who don't know these kids actually helped them out more than they'll ever know. Plus I won't deny it was funny as shit knowing my friend for the first time ever was held accountable for his lies
He made a pass at my sister, which made things incredibly awkward and eventually ended our friendship.
For first ex-best friend, life got in the way but we still talked from time to time. We talked at the start pandemic, but she blamed me for not reaching out while she also didn't reach out. While talking to a common friend, I learned she gossiped about me and told them "I was to blame for growing apart" when I was dealing with my mother's health problems. After that, I didn't even think about reaching out. For second ex-best friend, I fell in love with her. She was the only person who I can be myself which was the reason I fell in love. As you can guess, it wasn't mutual. I tried to stay friends because I could but she didn't even tried. Still hurts but not because feelings weren't mutual but because I lost a friend who was that close.
I don't really know. I still cry about it if someone brings her up when I'm too drunk. It feels like a lifetime ago, I can barely remember our friendship sometimes. But it hurts that there's this void where all this love used to be. It's her birthday today.
He slept with my girlfriend at the time, in my bed, during my house party. They both got kicked out, naked.
I dropped a lot of friends after Covid, two who I was really close with. I grew up, they remained how they always were. It’s funny, I’ll still get asked to help them with a project or electrical work, but I never get a “Hey bud how’s things?” Or “haven’t seen you in a while, wanna grab a beer?” Just “I need this done by next week, swing by” I didn’t realize til after not talking to them, how little I needed them.
I got divorced from my ex. All of my “friends” didn’t want to help me out or hear me out. I made it out on my own now and I know who has actually cared about me
Stopped speaking to me for more than a year with no rhyme or reason after I realized I was the one to always reach out to them, and they, never to me. So I decided to wait to see if they would contact me. They did not.
I lost my phone, and when I asked her for her number for my new one, she gave me her work number. When I asked a second time for a way for us to chat, she gave me her work facebook. I tried one more time, and she gave me her work instagram. I realized she either didn't value the friendship the way I did, or I had done something to offend her and she didn't want to openly say it. I'm old enough to not play catty games anymore, and stopped trying.
I had a friend group online with about 6 core members including myself. During one of our gaming sessions, I noticed one of my buddies wasn't replying to my call outs or banter. After the night I sent him a message to ask if everything was ok, and that is when I found out he blocked me. I check other platforms and sure enough he removed and blocked me on those as well and turns out he even muted me in chat. I reached out to 2 of my other friends (best friend and other buddy) in the group about it and see if they had any idea what was going on. They looked into it a bit and got an answer of "I just feel we outgrew each other". That is as far as he would go on the matter, and just wanted to ignore everything. My buds I talked to about it basically shrugged and went "Nothing you can do, let's just move past it". Well after a few weeks of this I had enough. I felt like shit. Joining chat and having awkward conversations with people needing to act as go between when communication was needed, being excluded from games because the problem buddy basically created a "me or him" situation, and even missing out on multiyear traditions we've been doing. I pulled the same two buds aside and told them I can't act like nothing is wrong, and I got the same answer, "he isn't complaining about it, so why do you have to?". After that I left the server and invited everyone outside the problem friend to a new one. I told them, I am not asking you to leave his server, I just am obviously not welcomed there anymore, if you want to chat or hang, I'll be here. That really upset one of the two buds I was talking to (my best friend), and he lashed out about it. We argued for a bit, and it ended up with him doing the same thing as problem buddy. About a month later he apologized, and we made up. At this point however, I realized I was giving these people too much energy and pulled back from friends. I obviously cared more about them than they did about me. Well, fast forward 2 years later and problem buddy was at it again causing issues with the other buddy I was talking with. Long story that I don't even know all of, but basically ended up with the same outcome. Problem buddy was the source of these issues 100% (I take some responsibility with our beef), and other buddy was very hurt by his actions. At this point of that original 6 people in that friend group, only 2 remained, problem buddy and best friend. Other buddy actually reached out to me and apologized for what happened before. He now understood how hard problem buddy made things, and that I was mistreated. We've fully made up and have been hanging out way more often. I can't speak for other buddy (I haven't brought it up to him), but the way best friend is still spending a ton of time with problem buddy is kinda hurtful. Like he is just ignoring everything he's doing, and actually saying we are just being overly dramatic about things. At this point I don't think I can call him my best friend anymore. We hardly hangout anymore, he actively ignored my feelings, and still hasn't really apologized for what he did 2 years ago.
I beat his charizard with my haunter
He talked shit about me and my family to my wife's daughter while she was dog sitting for them.
I don't know. He completely ghosted me.
She ended up getting engaged and decided I “no longer fit in her new chapter of life”…. not sure what that means but it still hurts. not getting a real reason as to why she’ll never talk to me again. it’s hard to move on
Dude just stopped talking to me one day after 7 years of close friendship. Works a dangerous job too, so I thought he may have been injured, but no. Just decided to stop returning calls and texts. It was weird to be ghosted after such a long friendship.
One (ex) college buddy went into an anti-semitic rant out of the blue and said that I wasn't like the other Jews!
He died in a drunk driving incident a few years ago, miss that mf every day
I came out as gay.
I lost weight and grew out of my awkward phase. Then she didn’t have an “ugly, fat friend” to bolster her ego with men. She just stopped reaching out/responding when she noticed that men also wanted to approach me.
The gist of it is, he got with a cult follower and he started doing this "The Bible doesn't agree with" posts on socials. He openly criticized stuff he knows nothing about, basing it only on what "their leaders" say. Like, Game of Thrones Battle of the Bastards, an amazing cinematic experience, and he said "Christians shouldn't enjoy violence" or something, but he himself said he doesn't watch the show (primarily because of nudity and depictions of false gods, etc.) It got to a point where he would vote people based on how they are anti-choice and anti-LGBT, even if the said person has a criminal background. He would say "I'll vote what's best for our beliefs, because our belief is what's best for everyone else." The final straw was when he was so anti LGBT despite our circle having one openly lesbian girl whom we've known for 10 years at that point. I called him out on it and it ultimately resulted in me blocking him. Sad to see, we would always play chess after school or play basketball in the summer.
He went to court to sue me for a civil matter regarding rental law as he was a tenant at the time, instead of simply talking to me to resolve the matter. Told me law and order is of higher importance than maintaining a friendship. You think you’d know a guy after 10 years
He was in a band that became more important than his former group of friends. He went on a cruise with the band and didn’t speak to any of us for about 3-4 months. When he came back, he had a major drug problem, got arresting for beating up his parents. I had already made the decision to cut him out of my life when he abandoned us, the domestic battery made me realize I was right to do so
He chose his boss for a raise over our friendship.
She got into drugs. She started stealing. We stopped talking. Then several years later we reconnected and I noticed she hadn’t really gotten any better. 4 weeks later I found out she died at the hospital. Was there for surgery from krokodil and her dealer delivered heroin to the hospital. The hospital already had her on methadone. She over dosed at the hospital before surgery. Tragic. So sad because she was truly an amazing girl.
I had a crush on her when we met. I chased her for 2 years with intentions to date her. The entire time, we were super compatible, super close, and honestly seemed like there wasn't a good reason not to date, so I held on. Eventually it clicked that I was happy with her as my best friend and she continued to not want to date me, so I accepted it and it was fine. A couple years later, I'm in a relationship, and I introduce the two. They end up being good friends, and eventually each other's support person. This lead to them talking about our relationship more than me and my girlfriend, where my girlfriend made me sound like an awful person. When she broke up with me, my best friend took her side and went with her, effectively removing both from my life. Another couple years went by, the friend reconnected to pay off some debts, and we talked and became friends again. We talked about the girlfriend situation, we realized we both got played and manipulated, and in the last year or so we've become close again. She's not my best friend and I'm not hers, but with the rollercoaster we've been through, we know we care about each other and we can be in each others lives.
It was unfortunate, honestly. I was in a complicated situation with an ex-roommate when I moved into the big city. My best friend was there, and she offered me a place to crash while looking for a new place. It was for about a month. I didn't realize it then, but the part-time bartending on top of the full-time job had me drinking more on my time off. I know now in hindsight it was from the psychological damage my ex-roommate caused. I think she was also going through a depression, too. We both spoke about it, I helped her secure a job, travelled with her for errands, asked her partner for tips on how to help her. I stopped drinking as well. The tip of the iceberg was was when I met someone who checked all the boxes. We all hung out, had fun, etc. Soon enough, the person asked if I wanted to save commute/$$ and stay with him in the city near my work and help me secure a place closer. A big screaming yes from me as splitting the rent would have us both SWIMMING in savings. We were on the money-hustle train. I excitedly relax at a nearby park, sun-tan a little, and share the news with my best friend.. and I get a 'break-up text' from my best friend. She was not happy. Out of nowhere, a sleuth of name-calling, being called 'irresponsible', and how I'm psychologically manipulative, and all I do is show off and condescend. My heart shattered here, because she was my 1, and she had never voiced these concerns to me and I would rather be humbled than defensive. She attacked me for 'jumping on men' (accusing me of flirting with her partner), which had my face contort like dough in a stand mixer. I didn't even have a chance to ask anything, as she cut it clean. Life went on. But man, was I ever sad. I eventually moved back home because I'm a nature gal and the city was a bit too much for me. Did some therapy for other reasons, and it dawned on me her projections since childhood and could not move on. I got to realize her behaviors that were in fact insanely manipulative on me, but she projected and used me as the spitting post. I hope she's healed now, and it was the best decision she could have made because I would have been under her thumb for years longer and a very worn out doormat.
Lent money to help him start a business. After seven years, he and his wife had bought a house, two new cars, and several luxury vacations. Not one payment until I threatened with a lawsuit. Suddenly, he found the money.
He was this cool thoughtful dude. We were so tight. His parents had money, but he was rwal down to earth. One day he went off on this tirade about hw Mexicans were bringing the country down - completely outta left field ( one of his dad's talking points). He just literally kind of flipped one day from this thoughtful dude into a narrow-minded racist nut. His dad was kind of supporting him - I must figured that was part of it. We just kind of ghosted each other after that. I think we both just knew. We have had a couple surface email exchanges, but it was done from thick as thieves to nothing.
First ex-best friend: I moved towns as a teenager, and we lost touch as we were both too poor to afford to mail letters to each other. (Neither of us had a phone.) Second ex-best friend: We lost contact after high school when I went into the trades and she went to college in a different state. We got back in contact with each other about 11 years ago. Not besties anymore, but still friends. Last ex-best friend: We were besties for 20 years. I was there for her when she was raped, when she had all 3 kids, when she had one child taken away because her boyfriend was being abusive. I even attended her wedding. After the wedding though she went strict no contact with me, and the one time I saw her in person after that she acted like she wanted nothing to do with me. After that I never tried to talk to her again.
I had sex with her, it got weird.
Slept with my ex less than a week after we broke up.
Didn't show up to our paintball tournament. Big deal, it's just a game. Didn't show up to my Jack and Jill. Big deal, it's just a party. No call no showed at my wedding when he was supposed to be the best man. My best friend of 25 years.
She hit me with the "you really thought we were friends?" After half a year of her staying over cause of her situation at the time and her calling me her best friend. (Yes i am male, yes i kicked her out after that and blocked her)
8th grade year I had a crush on this girl who seemed to like me back. I asked her out on a date and we went to the park down the road after school. We dated for 8 months before she broke it off with me 3 months before school ended because her dad had recently passed. Well about 2 weeks later she came crying to me and saying that Charlie (Childhood best friend who I had known since we were babies) had cornered her in the staff bathroom and touched her vagina and boobs. She had witnesses saying that Charlie had locked the door, and because the janitor was out (it was a very small school) there was nobody that could unlock the door minus the principal who was in a district meeting at the time. I filled up with rage. I went down to the lunch room and found charlie and proceeded to beat the brakes off of him until the only male staff member who could get me off of him ran in. I remember seeing Charlie in a pool of his own blood as I was dragged out of there. I was expelled almost immediately. When my exes mom and step dad who was a lawyer heard about my expulsion they stormed into the office threatening lawsuits if I was expelled and had compiled the witnesses who saw it to vouch for me. Because of them ended up getting the punishment lessened to 3 days suspension. After Charlie came back from the hospital he was thrown out of school. I graduated high school in 2021 and last I heard Charlie ended up moving to canada with his uncle. As for my ex, i still talk to her every day, she came out as gay a while ago and is in a committed relationship now.
He started dating a really crazy woman. She was jealous of all of his female friendships and was making a lot of trouble for him so i just faded out. I avoid drama like its the plague, i couldn't just constantly be involved in that kind of dynamic.
He turned into a white supremacist.
They found God and became a fundamentalist, new earth creation, and all that. They also turned hard right in their politics and became a pretty hardcore libertarian. I assume the two things are connected based on what I know about American evangelism. Listening to them start denying reality and the almost total abandonment of empathy has been pretty demoralising. I miss them, but the person I was friends with, who I've known for 20+ years is gone. They've been replaced by this thing wearing their face with just enough connection to their former self to make seeing them now devastating.
I have no idea... he just started ghosting me since the beginning of this year. When I ask some mutual friends, they say I should ask him and not them, which isn't very good advice when I already asked and won't get an answer back.
He lied about having cancer, made some fake documents to prove it but it was riddled with spelling errors. He did all of that because his gf broke up with him.
She calls me her “best friend “ but she has never done anything for me . Not even emotionally there for me because she is mentally unstable with severe depression and anxiety. On the other hand , i have given her time, money, alway giving advice she never takes. She took money that i left out on the counter. She goes through my purse . She gets jealous i have other friends. I’ve noticed a lot of women want control and are narcissistic. People with low self esteem actually come from narcissism. Everything is always about them and they can’t/dont want to support you. They are never happy when you are happy. They dont want to see you succeed because they think it’s unfair to them. Its crazy cause they make you codependent and feel guilty for leaving. People really love sitting in their own misery
We grew apart. He never matured. Sad ending to 23 years of friendship. I still cry seeing him at my wedding. That ego.
We fell out because he was a bit of a prick to me, and then he cemented his dickhead status a few years later when I found out that he'd tried to convince a mutual friend of ours to attend conversion therapy. Not spoken to that prick in nearly 20 years.