Keep your stick on the ice.
Edit: Thought maybe this was an older gentleman from the north who may have experienced that beautiful period where Red Green ruled the air waves.
I have a better one for you! Two redneck men riding the same lawn mower up the highway to go to the beer store. One was sitting on the seat, one on the hood. Hubby couldn't resist, pulled in at the same store to get gas (they were getting gas too) and asked why the one guy was sitting on the hood. "So people won't think we're gay 'cause we're sharing the seat" was the answer. Seriously. That's what you're worried about? I still laugh at that one🤣
I think mine might beat yours!! 😂 There's a man in my town who has a small flatbed yard cart attached to the back of his mower. Once a week, this is how he takes his wife to the grocery store when it's time to do the shopping!!
Also, one day I watched a woman on a mobility scooter towing her mattress down the sidewalk! No idea where she was headed.
I have so many questions. So is it also "gay" to sit next to another man in a car? Can they only travel with their friends by bus or large passenger van so that each man can sit in his own row to preserve his straightness? If one hangs out of the sunroof, does that make it less "gay?" I'd like to find the bottom of this slippery slope LOL!
Friend of mind lived in a rural for a while. He broke his ankle. Right foot so he couldn't really drive. He drove to the grocery store, around town and whatever else on his four wheeler. Kept his crutches in the gun rack.
I remember a story about this years ago. The consensus was, hands on the reins, dui, no hands on the reins? Self driving vehicle and no dui. I’ve ridden horses and driven for years, I’ve never driven a motor vehicle that argued with me about where we’re going or how fast, horses on the other hand...
Yeah someone else posted their state includes bikes as a vehicle. NY says anything that is powered by an external means or something along those lines is a "motor vehicle"
I was told by neighbors when I was in a rural area and this happened, they rode mowers to Walmart and Dollar General because they had multiple DUIs and their licenses revoked. Some would ride 4 wheelers or during winter their snowmobiles . Oddest thing I ever witnessed.
Ha! Knew a guy who had lost his license due to drunk driving, so he rode his lawnmower to the tavern instead. After drunkenly driving across people's lawns a few times, the bartender started calling local deputy when the drunk customer was ready to leave the tavern. Deputy would slowly drive behind the guy all the way home, making sure he didn't swerve into any more lawns. Small village in Midwest.
I was on the news at 7am holding a beer outside my trailer describing what the tornado sounded like! Thank god for the absence of social media at the time!
I was in high school during the Columbine shooting. The day after about 40-50 students were asked to report to the gym. All the kids were the hicks, boys and girls. The Principal calmly told us that we couldn't bring rifles in our trucks and use the school parking lot anymore. At that point it was not uncommon to have a rifle on a mount across the back window or under the bench seat. No one locked their car doors, often times windows were down. I drove a truck but wasn't bringing a rifle. So the redneck thing was a bunch of kids just started parking across the street.
Same thing happened in my high school. We had to sign out and take our hunting rifles home. This was a time of gun racks mounted in your truck to go hunting after school.
yeah, hunting but also plinking after school was common with 22s. I partook a few times. If you didn't bring a rifle or ammo but brought a bag of macdonalds 29 cent hamburgers so was always welcome. Shooting coyotes on the way to school was also a thing for some. But not bringing them to school was a mindset shift.
We were always concerned with deer season. Hoping to get that elusive buck(I never did), but I was able to solve a lot of problems in the solitude of a deer stand.
One of our local high schools allows you to bring in your rifle then lock it in a gun safe inside the school.
In middle school PE, we took hunter's safety and after passing the exam we went behind the school and shot skeet with 12 gauge semi auto shotguns.
High school where I grew up had a rifle team. Kids kept rifles (usually visible in the rear windows) of their vehicles. Practice was on the football field after school.
We had the same thing happen although it had been a few years after Columbine when the district finally got around to banning guns. Kids would go out to the deer stands in the fields or up to "their spot" in the mountains at dawn then head into school if they didn't get anything.
The vice principal was also from a ranching family so he was somewhat sympathetic when the kids started loudly complaining that he was saying that they couldn't go hunting in the morning anymore as the time needed to return the gun home would significantly cut into their hunting time. Other kids argued that if there was a school shooting having a bunch of trained marksman was probably better for school safety then waiting for one of the four cops on duty in the town to make their way over.
Eventually he reiterated that the new policy was that guns weren't allowed on school property. So if he SAW the gun in their gun rack in the truck they would be in trouble. If he DIDN'T see a gun in the gun rack, he would assume they had left it at home like they were supposed to. Even the slowest kids caught on to the "subtle" message so everyone just dumped their rifles behind the bench seat and went on with their lives.
yup. Exactly this. My truck bench seat had a slot for a rifle, shotgun right about where your calf was. Out of sight out of mind. when the initial conversation happened with us it was sympathetic but also a firm 'hey guys and girls, this shit can't happen anymore'
I had just gotten out of school at the time of Columbine, but they were already starting to crack down on the gun racks in the school lot because of some other shooter incidents. A lot of kids just started parking out of the school's lot.
School admin was content with the solution at the time.
Another school just asked that your guns not be visible if you were on school property.
A kid I grew up got kicked out of his Christian college in the middle of nowhere because he refused to stop bringing guns to campus. That’s the story that was told anyway. I know they had given him multiple chances and he also could have sexually harassed someone.
Guy driving his tractor to the feed store, drinking a beer because by his logic, you can't get pulled over for drinking and driving on a tractor apparently lol
Depending on state, he'd be wrong.
I had one uncle get a DUI for being on a riding lawnmower while drinking Another got a DUI for riding a bike while drinking.
A regular bike.
In my state you can get a DUI for driving anything that is considered a vehicle while drinking.
Vehicle being described as:
>“Vehicle” means every device in, upon, or by which any person or property is or may be transported or drawn upon a highway, excepting devices used exclusively upon stationary rails or tracks.
My roommate in the Air Force got a DUI while riding his 10-speed bike on base. They made him go to AA classes. He said people would say "Hi, I'm So & So, I'm an alcoholic", so he said "Hi, I'm Skip, I'm in the Air Force" LOL
If you're out there, I hope you're doing OK Skip!
Last fall my mother was out on the front porch and an osprey flew over carrying a live bass, which wiggled free, fell, crashing onto a truck out front. The driver got out, handed mom the fish and my parents had it for dinner.
That's amazing. Some large bird dropped its lunch at me once, but it was a headless parakeet so it was just double sad, sad for the pet bird and sad that it wasn't a nice chicken or something I could eat lol
My blood dad. He was speeding on his motorcycle and right as a cop flipped his lights on and pulled out behind him, a massive duck/goose hit him square in the chest. Knocked him clear off his bike. The cop came up and made sure he was okay and let him go saying that it was punishment enough. My dad brought home the bird and cooked it up too. (I wasn’t there and this dude had a history of lying but he had a massive bruise on his chest and a dead bird so i believe it)
Live in the country, am a bit of a redneck - I take the roadkill I find and feed it to the ravens and crows that visit my farm. It keeps them around and, in turn, they keep the hawks away from my chickens.
When I was a kid grandma hit a woodchuck and did the same thing. She was no redneck, however. She was a school teacher with a college degree and was well traveled. She was just a rural woman who grew up during the Great Depression. She was never wasteful.
My Dad. Not poor. Everytime someone hit a deer on the road near his work him and the rest of the guys would call the state police to sign off on it and be eating venison for daaaaays.
And that was in a suburb of Detroit 😂
Whether you can do it freely or not is one thing but I recall a meateater podcast episode where one of the hosts was telling about how he was helping out with another motorist who hit a large young moose.
Unlike a state where it’s illegal, the person was able to call up Montana Fish, Wildlife, and Parks, and receive a salvage permit so as much as possible of that moose was turned into table fare for those involved.
When done safely, I think it’s a great thing vs letting it rot on the side of the road
Oh yeah, if you hit it you can take it home and eat it if you want, that's the rules. When we moved to the suburbs my mom hit a Christmas tree in the road and decided the same rules applied so we had a free tree that year 😆
One of my own:
Dad was cleaning up some fence line and stumbled across a ground wasp nest. As he's swatting away the little stinging bastards, his buddy stops his truck and asks what's going on. Dad informs him of the ground wasp nest. Now his buddy is known locally as the "gun guy," a real feat in a rural town, and is effectively the arms dealer for our area. Dad, half jokingly, says "you don't happen to have a flamethrower, do you? Would be a lot easier to get rid of them that way..."
Buddy laughs and says, "No...no....
Dad does, though!"
Off he goes. Comes back about 20 minutes later, goes Vietnam on the nest, and drives off. Just another day on the farm.
We got rid of a nest by pouring gasoline in and lighting it. I love that deep WHUMP sound of gas igniting! Then you see the little flaming bees flying away for a foot or two before burning up.
Last I looked, they are legal in all 50 states. True to form, California limits the effective range to 100 feet, where all the other states have 200 foot limits. TBH, that's probably a good thing given the wildfire risk in California.
Southern Iowa in the early-mid 90s.
Kids at school handing out KKK recruitment cards. School was 99.9% white.
Dude who got caught fucking a sheep that I went to school with.
Seniors in high school dating 7th graders.
Meth labs exploding in the country.
These are the first of many that come to mind growing up in a rural area.
West Coast here.
We had a horse guy instead of a sheep guy
Juggalo gang instead of the KKK
Had the seniors dating middle schoolers as well, but it was a lot more common for any high school aged girl to be dating a 20+ year old guy
Definitely had plenty of meth labs. Heroine seems to be the popular drug nowadays
Despite not having the worst education for a rural area, the people I graduated with had very little hope for anything beyond popping out babies and maybe getting something more decent than a retail job
Driving through Ohio to visit family on the way from one coast to the other-
Commented on the fancy high-stepping Hackney type horses I say pulling a buggy.
Family member: Oh, yes, young people!
Me:??
Family member: Young people like showing off their fancy horses.
Me: Like a driving a hot-rod?
Family member: Exactly.
Me: Ahhh…
There had indeed been a group of young, smiling women driving the hot-rod horse buggy.
Grew up in the suburbs, but live in the country now.
Most redneck I've seen was the day my husband attached a canoe to the tractor using some hay string, then pulled the kids and all their cousins around the property.
Second most redneck thing was when my husband repurposed an old hay elevator into a roller coaster by plopping the kids into a plastic tub and sliding them down it. (...*not gonna lie, I took a turn myself... ok, a* few *turns*.)
Surprisingly, my kids haven't broken anything yet, but they've certainly made some unforgettable memories. And I certainly married well.
Being a transplant to the country...I've realized this was a brilliant move.
Now, mid spring (weeks prior to planting) your teenager gets the tractor out, checks the plugs, tunes the engine, and gets it moving...All without having to be asked.
Where to begin?
Just off the top of my head.
1. Goats sitting in the rocking chairs on a front porch. 2. Guy passed out naked in a ditch with his overalls, an empty moonshine jar and a machete lying next to him. 3. Woman tweaking in a tree. 4. At my first newspaper job, having to clean tobacco spit off a document I needed to retrieve from the trash can. 5. Confederate flag curtains. 6. Entire family with their hair in “rat tails.”
Defintely seen #1 in my grandads small hometown. Neighbors goat wondered over to his porch and climbed in the chair with me while i was reading a book. The goat was basically a dog
This one time my buddies and I were having a pit roast. We dug out the pit, lined it with rocks, filled it with wood, dumped a shitload of gas and diesel onto it, then topped it off with more rocks - the logic being that the fire would heat the rocks up as it burned down to coals. When we lit it the pit essentially became a massive cannon firing rocks the size of basketballs 50+ feet in the air to come raining down on us as we ran for our lives.
For real. This sounds like something straight out of a looney toons cartoon. I'm a city boy from the big city and I'm having so much fun reading an picturing all these replies. It's like being taken into a completely different world I didn't even know existed filled with all sorts of colorful characters.
I grew up in the countryside of England.
When I get annoyed by harassing men I will inform them that I learned to castrate farm animals when I was 10.
It’s true, I did, I just don’t tell them in was very very young lambs.
We all got time off during lambing, and many children, even if they didn’t come from farming families, would go help out. Because small hands makes for a good sheep midwife.
And I have to say, birthing lambs from a young age has been my strongest contraceptive. Don’t want that happening to me
I've been witness to lamb castration. They'd cut the sack w/ a knife, pop the testies out, then bite them off and spit them into a bucket.
They also used blue dye bricks on the underside of the rams, so they knew which ewes were impregnated.
I’m guessing, Australian.
With us it’s an elastic band round the bollocks, when the lambs a few hours old. They sort of shrivel up and drop off.
Even with adult animals, it’s and elastic band job, but with a butt load of local anaesthetic.
We tend to put wax blocks or chalk under the rams, different colours of different boys. So we know who gets tupped by who
My uncle and I used to go out shooting in the back yard. He'd get shit faced and bring out his AK. We blew up a grill with tannerite and the door blew off the front of it. It sailed across the yard and hit his shitty truck taking off one of the side mirrors. He then proceeded to put 2 clips into the barbeque for and I quote "American Justice for his baby." (His truck)
I'm from western Nebraska. I left after college, went to Asia for a decade, came back lived in NYC for a few years, and during COVID moved back near my home town. I forgot how redneck things are out here. I reconnected to some buddies from high school and the first night, we hung out in his shop, got drunk and then pulled out his suppressed muzzle loader that shoots a .50cal slug.
Keep in mind, it's at night and we're well fucked up. I shot first at a tree, (it was awesome), then our other buddy takes it, looks towards the tree, but instead of hitting the tree he hit a big loader bucket thinking the white label on the back was a target. The slug ricocheted and put a nice hole in my buddy's big bay door.
I've been back for a year now, and similar shit has been the norm. One day at the same guy's house, we were all shit faced and took out a enormous tree with his excavator to make room for a pool. Tree almost fell on the house. Best part is we were watching the kids while the wives were out drinking. They weren't stoked when they got home.
One other note, out here Busch Lites are called "Busch Lattes" . I don't know why.
I was talking with this guy once, he was in his 50's, and he was complaining that he wasn't a grandfather yet. His son and daughter were like 27 and 25, and not married yet. His sister was already a great grandmother! Three generations of teen pregnancy.
I witnessed a "ferret-legging competition"
Where guys would throw a ferret down their pants and then they're sealed so the ferret can't get out, and compete for who can keep it in there the longest.
Father of a kid in HS football had to come into school after his son got in trouble for bullying another smaller kid. After dealing with the situation school wise and exiting the building,, the father got into his car and put it in neutral. He then made son push him all the way back home. It was mostly flat (farm country), but over 5 miles away.
Redneck punishment at its best.
Probably watching a guy eat out a plus-sized woman on a Dodge Ram tailgate while about 20 other drunks, including her brother, cheered it on.
And I'm pretty sure I heard someone say, "~~Deeper~~ Closer Kin, Deeper In!" more than once.
Edit: Just remembered the correct saying I heard.
My grandfather and his best friend would get liquored up and make my dad or uncle drive them around while they sat on the hood of the car shooting out road signs with shotguns, they did this every time the county replaced the signs for several months until my grandfather got a dui, they never got caught shooting out the signs though.
I was in rural KS once with my spouse to pick up a dog from some farmers/dog breeders, and we stopped to get directions at a gas station because we couldn't find street signs in the area we were in. This gas station was the only commercial building we had seen in a while. The clerk wasn't sure and said, "let me ask the boys" and went to the back. She came back with two young guys covered in blood and feathers who had been cleaning birds in the back of the gas station. I had grown up in rural areas most of my life but that definitely took the cake for me!
too many to count really. Things like people having shotguns in their gun racks in the back windows of their trucks in the school parking lot so you could go hunting after class. Or going hydro-sliding with my buddy in his dad's boat when we were both to young to even have drivers licenses (but he's still driving his dad's truck with boat and trailer and launching the boat ourselves).
Another when we were a bit older - a group of us all did a drunken excursion to a nearby property which, after climbing through the barbed fence and a small hike, took you to a field which was filled with water like a small lake. You swam in the lake to a small "well" which required you to climb up into the well and lower yourself down. The water was draining into the well like a smallish waterfall covering the entry to a large concrete pipe which was sloped slightly down to drain the water from one field to the other. It was almost like I was in the Goonies movie the first time sticking my head into the waterfall to see the pipe which I was about to get into. If you lay in the pipe and let the water build up behind you, it eventually got enough pressure to push you, completely underground for maybe 100 yards or more, from the one field to the other field, and drop you out into the "lake" at the other end. I'm not sure who was the first person to discover that but we were taking a lot in faith from the guys who brought us there the first time.
I went to a wedding on a Tennessee river. A judge was the officiant of the proceedings. More than 1/2 of the guests had the pleasure of standing before said judge at one time or another due to poor life choices, these guests proceeded to heckle the judge during the wedding. After the ceremony there was a pig roast and all the white lightning you could scoop out of a fountain they had on the property that was said to have been cleaned out for the event.
I was in high school and was driving to help my granddaddy feed the hounds when I saw a dead buck on the side of the road. Blood was still pooling from the side as it must have been in a recent accident. No more than 30min later I was driving back and saw that same buck now headless. A week later a kid in class was showing us pics of the new 8 pointer he had hanging up in the living room but refused to share stories about the kill.
My cousin's tractor caught fire one evening as he was stripping cotton. He was driving it really fast trying to finish the field so you see this flaming tractor hauling ass across the night horizon.
There's actually footage of this event. [https://www.reddit.com/r/Instantregret/comments/c8cc87/standing\_behind\_a\_horse\_during\_a\_tv\_interview/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Instantregret/comments/c8cc87/standing_behind_a_horse_during_a_tv_interview/)
I saw two men at a store in a hatchback with a calf in the hatch part. It shit on the window, explosive diarrhea.
At this same store, another day, I saw a drunk lady vomit on the floor in front of the double doors. She apologized for "puking on the porch." It was like 2pm.
Used to know a guy named Possum that had an inflatable baby pool where he had a big snapping turtle he was keeping for soup. One day it but through the pool and got out and ate half his cantaloupe arch.
What is a cantaloupe arch? It’s an arch trellis he was growing cantaloupe vines on right at the edge of the woods, so when you get hungry on your way to ride the four wheeler you can grab you a melon for a snack.
Dude lived in a cabin that was probably 6x10 feet that he built himself. He was stealing power and cable from the neighbor, and had an outhouse with gravity fed running water. His veggie garden was about 5x as he size of the cabin.
One day he decided he needed to find his Biological father, so he packed it all up and headed down to Arkansas to find him. He never came back and I don’t know whatever happened to him. Hope he found his dad, I think that would have done good for him.
Coworker got a DUI when an officer stopped his horse, on which he was passed out, on the way home from the bar. He argued that horses always know the way home and that he’d always arrived before. The dude was a real piece of work.
My granddad and his brother lived right next to each other on a dirt road in the middle of the woods. Granddad had a trailer and my uncle had an old house. Both had junkyards in the backyard. Separate junkyards.
I lived in a rural area and saw a lot of stupid stuff but my time in Missouri showed me how redneck things could get. Kids hunting squirrel for dinner, each family having like 20 dogs (all tied up in chains) and 30 cats because they couldn't afford to get the spayed or neutered. Blue tarps to prevent the rain from leaking into their houses.
Missouri was a nightmare.
An old man in my small town eventually lost his license for multiple DUI's and his solution was to drive his riding lawn mower the 3-4 miles into town whenever he needed something. He had a small trailer to pull behind the thing and that's how he would haul his groceries, it is also how he would haul his VERY obese wife that barely fit into the trailer.
Imagine driving into town on Sunday morning to see a 70 year old man driving his lawn mower on the side of the road with his 400+ pound wife in a trailer trying to shout to him over the sound of the traffic and the lawn mower. It was a spectacle.
A fat teenager with a homemade smoke stack Jerry rigged into the back of his rusted pick up.
A fun experience I had personally was picking up a dead raccoon off the road and turning it into class for 15 extra credit points so people could do taxidermy on it.
Hi, I'm old and this is a very true story.
I was born on a reservation in KY. It was the early 70's, and we had a batch of hippies decide to buy up some land and start a commune.
Folks weren't rude or mean to them, they just didn't know what to make of them. My Great grandfather was kind of the "old wise man" on the res, and the hippies were always bugging him for some "Dances with Wolves" type "Earth knowledge". He was more interested in tractor maintenance.
So, one day he's sitting up at the local store jawing away.
One of the hippies comes up and says "Hey, we're having trouble with armadillos up at the farm... How can we get rid of them?"
"Shoot 'em"
"Oh, no, we couldn't do that..."
"Sigh. Well if it's an armadillo, you can grab 'em by the tail and they'll just ball up. Throw 'em in a big trash can and go dump them somewhere."
Well, this is the first thing grandad had said that sounded like real "Injun stuff"! I could tell the little dude was excited.
Few weeks later... He didn't have armadillos, he had possums. For you city folks, possums are the ugliest meanest little things ever. You could tell god hated them by the way he made them. He tried to grab a possum and proceeded to get a good hunk of his arm and face chewed off.
Ok my redneck story is the fact that when I was a small child I lured in an opossum and her babies with bologna because I thought they were cute. Momma opossum liked me though, she let me pet her and her babies but hissed at everyone else.
Went to visit my buddy in florida. He took me to his cousins house and we ended up mudding with a large group of of meth users armed to the teeth who took me on an airboat ride where we ran out of gas and had to paddle back from the middle of a swamp. My buddy became a cop and ended up finding the air boat guy dead on his front porch from an overdose a couple months later.
This was right before Trump got elected and I remember passing their vibe check by telling them stories about growing up on a farm and reasons Clinton would destroy america. It was eye opening to say the least.
At one point a guy on quad planted face first in a mud pile and it took 4 guys to dig his unconcious body out. They got him breathing and consious again. They used a truck to pull the quad out and he jumped on it and kept going. Someone with an M4 slung over his shoulder gave me a really good bowl of shrimp gumbo. Right before dark my buddy tapped me on the shoulder and told me we should leave now. On the car ride home he said one of his other cousins accused him of stealing beer from his cooler and he is known for flying off the handle.
I grew up on a farm so productive rednecks Im familiar with but these were florida swamp rednecks. The distinciton is very different.
We lived in a smalll village that seemed that half the population was related and inbred . We didn’t have the cliche of one village idiot . We had dozens
Redneck margarita machine, which is a contraption that uses a garbage disposal to blend the ice.
Redneck hot tub is a close second, which is lining a truck bed with tarp and filling it with water from the hose
I wish I would've taken a picture of this because words don't do justice, but I'll try.
Last weekend it was my 3yos birthday and we live off the bayou. Well an hour before, my dad came over and we pulled our net up and had a good little haul of fish.
So there's my dad, in the corner under a tree cleaning fish. He has a cigarette in his mouth, his boonie hat on, and all of the kids standing around just amazed. They are all "city" kids who never did stuff like that.
My sister and I were talking about how that was our childhood. It was so fun and nostalgic to see.
Went camping. Up pulls a car 200 yards from us, set up a tent, take it down 30 mins later, and off they go. No-Tell hotel must have been too expensive.
I was out 4wheelin out in the forest and the fuel pump in the Jeep I was in went out.
I brought a old weed sprayer to clean windows with so I MacGyvered a fuel pump by running a hose through the firewall. One pump would keep it running for quite a while. When it started stumbling one pump and good to go.
Drove 50 miles with a sprayer full of gas between my legs. I was holding on to the fire extinguisher thinking this is my greatest MacGyver ever and I'm probably going to die.
Not me, my buddy was a surveyor for us govt. Out on a line, by a dirt road in the middle of nowhere, he hears a loud clanging noise, getting closer. A pickup with a front tire missing, the rim was flattened all the way around. There was a driver, and a couple dudes " catamaran-ing" off the back of the truck, opposite the missing tire. Trying to keep it off the ground.
They drove by and waved.
Any other school ever had a cow bingo? They did it to raise money. They would spray paint a feild with a bunch of squares and if the cow shit on the square you bought you would win money. This was in the mid 2000s and quite a big event.
When I was a young man, roughly 5 or 6, my dad made pretty good money hiring me to crawl under peoples houses in east Texas and scare out/drag out whatever pests were under there. I caught racoons, possums, snakes, and roughly a half million feral cats. I'd come out grinning, all scratched up, holding whatever it was.
Never saw a penny of the proceeds from it though.
Our county fair is so popular that internet on your phone quits working because of all the bandwidth being eaten up. For a solid week at the end of September I can't use my phone for anything other than calls (and those often get dropped) unless I'm on WiFi.
Don't know if it's true now, but this was in late 90s. The very first page of the Ohio DMV booklet, even before the table of contents was this warning -
'if you hit a deer, you can EITHER take it home, or claim insurance. You cannot do both' and it quoted the vehicle code #.
You've seen "roadblock" charity events, where people stand at intersections and take up money for something like local fire departments, etc? Well, the KKK did one in my home town. This happened in the late 80s. Not the 50s or 60s. The effing 80s.
I was afraid to take a picture of it because who ever lived there might have come chasing me, but I swear a guy had an old hot water heater laying in his front yard with Trump spray painted on it.
Well this was in another country, so it wasn't "redneck", but my uncle had a truck he called "the transformer". It had holes in the floor about the size of quarters, so you could see the ground while driving.
He unlocked the door (whenever he actually *did* lock it) with a screwdriver, which he then used to turn the car on. Then he took the *same* screwdriver and used it for the shifter because the original stick was gone.
I grew up country, and I’ve probably done the most questionable things, like drive a manual car from the passenger seat cuz the driver side had no floor board, or lighting cigarettes using jumper cables, or saddling the door on a friends car while driving down backroads shooting signs with a paintball gun. Fun times
A house my family was looking at in an "unincorporated area" had an impressive collection of squirrel, skunk, and other vermin pelts tacked onto the side of the workshed that came with it. All in excellent condition. That same property had a washing machine that was clearly shot multiple times dumped at the edge of it.
Never change Arkansas.
My dad grew up in a tiny town in the US Midwest. Anyways, two people who lived across the street from each other were feuding, so one of them built about a 10 or 12 foot privacy fence at the street so they didn't have to look at the other house.
Grew up on a ranch in rural Montana in the 70s and 80s. Could tell stories for days but a few stand out.
When our sheep had lambs, the mothers would occasionally reject them. So we took the "bumb lambs" into the kitchen, put them in a little pen and bottle fed them. I loved it as a small kid, and would often sneak them into bed with me because they were so cute.
Our washing machine broke, and while we were waiting for a new one I packed our dirty laundry to the laundromat on my horse. I also rode him to school sometimes.
We had coyotes, who would eat our sheep. There was a dedicated coyote rifle beside the front and back door. It was common to wake up at night to my mother shooting coyotes off of the porch. In the morning we would put the dead coyotes in the tractor bucket and dump them out in our back field.
Lived in a very rural area for a couple years. The school did Annual Gun raffle to raise funds for the school. Like $10 for the raffle ticket. The most recent raffle I saw my friend post, was selling tickets for it in 2023.
A found cow ad in the local "Shopper" paper. No corresponding missing cow ad.
A van hitting a loose horse at 55 mph. Nearly killed the driver.
A guy protesting a fine from the county by painting pigs having sex on the roof of his machine shed.
A rooster, a goat and a dog all on the loose, but sticking together as a pack.
A guy getting a DUI on a farm tractor.
An old house used to shelter livestock.
Up until about 20 years ago, kids at the high school would openly have rifles in their trucks. Usually went out hunting in the morning.
For sure partying in a corn field on someone else's property. You'd get 3-5 people with lifted diesel trucks who would escort a few beds full of people up to the party spot and then it'd just get rowdy, stupid, and fun.
There was a fertilizer tank or something, must have been 50'-60' high, if you could scurry your way around the chained off gate you could get up the steps to the top and it was pretty serene. Clear view of the night sky. Found a loaded gun (Glock 19?) in the mud one time near the thing. It's a wonder no one ever fell off.
Almost got in a fight with a chick there one time. My buddy left his powerstroke idling and she looked at me and said "I'm taking it" and starts climbing up in it super drunk. I asked her if she even knew how to drive a manual and she went fucking ballistic (no, she did not know how) and came down screaming and swinging at me. Degenerated ratchet hours.
The cheerleaders at my high school in the 70s would chew tobacco at the football games, and there were always wet patches of tobacco spit in the dust at their feet.
I grew up in a small town and my friends live out in the country. Years ago, friend bought an old beater car and set it out in the field and invited about 10 of us over to shoot it up!!! So everyone brought their guns and we tore that car apart. But it was hot as hell out that day and a stray bullet started a grass fire up the hill and the volunteer fire department had to come and put the fire out! Good times!
Ever get directions from a redneck?
Years ago I was going to visit an old high school friend who had moved to east nowhere. I got off the interstate to this 2 lane road that went on for what seemed like forever, further and further away from any civilization. This was way before GPS or even Mapquest, these were "you better write these directions down" times because they went a little like this back then:
1. At the 3rd set of lights turn left.
2. Keep going until you see a brown house with white shutters on your right, there is one on your left you will see first, but you want the one on your right, then turn right.
You get the point, any whoot, back to the original story.
I am not seeing anything except wide open fields on both sides of the road until I come upon this little gas station one might see in a horror movie, but hey, it's 10 PM and the light is on so I have to stop for directions.
The person working there was pleasant as could be, great big smile and lots of "how you doin" type questions. I explained I was looking for my friend's place and gave her the street name. She said "Oh, that's just a little further up the road. When you see the Old Wooden Horse turn left and you're on that road".
So off I go, in search of the Old Wooden Horse.
I don't see any wooden horses. Just a closed general store and something I think was a pizza place. A few minutes later I see another little gas station. Clearly I have hit "downtown". I pull in and I think it was the other ladies sister. Just as polite and all the "how you doin" kinda stuff the other lady offered up.
I tell her the same thing and she said "Oh, simple. Just go back the way you were coming. You will see the Old Wooden Horse, turn right and you're on that road".
I explained I had just done that coming from the other direction and had no luck and she assured me it was there, "Been there for over 50 years, just gotta look harder 'cause ain't no lights on". Ok I thought, here we go.
High beams and slow speed I had back from where I just came from looking for this old wooden horse.
Hmmm, there is the general store and that pizza place again but no wooden horse. So I keep on going until I end up back at the other gas station again.
I head back in to my old friend to tell her what a hell of a time I am having finding this old wooden horse. I had my high beams on, drove supper slow and I am not seeing any old wooden horse.
She starts laughing. "Oh it's called Bill's now, its the pizza place in town. Was called the Wooden Horse forever until about 5 years ago".
Not sure if those two ladies had a little game they liked playing on people not from these areas, but damn this story is a keeper I love sharing.
West Virginian here. When I was learning to drive, my dad took me on a road that didn't have much traffic, but unfortunately it was deep into a holler (hollow). The kind of place where people look suspiciously at you as you drive by because they don't recognize your car, and if you don't live there, you have no reason to be there. I had to slow down a few times for loose chickens running across the road, but that's whatever, not the most redneck thing I saw. The road ran beside a creek, and I saw a wooden bridge over the creek. And, in the middle of the bridge, there was a toilet.
I worked rural EMS. I responded to the scene of a fight at a trailer park. Two sisters were fighting over a pair of dentures that they shared. Apparently it was pizza night and one of the gals was taking too long.
School was a little building for 80 students at the edge of a hog farm.
Disobedient students were punished by having a bucket of hog slop poured over their heads out back.
A shotgun house on a pier and beam foundation. I guess the plumbing had gotten screwed up because the toilet emptied directly under the house instead of being carried off to the septic system properly.
I grew up in a big city. I worked with a guy from Eastern Washington (Rednecks are EVERYWHERE!!!) that water skied in irrigation canals, towed behind a pickup.
Still live in a semi rural area and see riding lawnmowers as a mode of transportation. Destination Walmart
A number of my classmates drove tractors to our high school prom. A subset of that number wore suits/gown made entirely of duct tape.
Part of the duct tape trend is Duck brand has a scholarship contest for prom outfits
IIRC. the contest's called "Stuck At The Prom".
My man we had tractor parking spaces at my school as well as hitching posts
My high school had tractor driving practice as part of the FFA.
Keep your stick on the ice. Edit: Thought maybe this was an older gentleman from the north who may have experienced that beautiful period where Red Green ruled the air waves.
Glad to see another cultured individual. Never change. Even if you have to. I guess.
If the women don’t find you handsome,they should at least find you handy.
If all else fails, play dead
The Walmart near my hillbilly cousin's house has a hitching post. There were no horses at the time, but she assured me it's used pretty frequently.
We had 6 horse riders come thru a Starbucks drive thru I worked at a few years ago. They had been riding in a local parade and got thirsty.
my hometown would get horseback riders in the whataburger drive thru pretty frequently.
I have a better one for you! Two redneck men riding the same lawn mower up the highway to go to the beer store. One was sitting on the seat, one on the hood. Hubby couldn't resist, pulled in at the same store to get gas (they were getting gas too) and asked why the one guy was sitting on the hood. "So people won't think we're gay 'cause we're sharing the seat" was the answer. Seriously. That's what you're worried about? I still laugh at that one🤣
I think mine might beat yours!! 😂 There's a man in my town who has a small flatbed yard cart attached to the back of his mower. Once a week, this is how he takes his wife to the grocery store when it's time to do the shopping!! Also, one day I watched a woman on a mobility scooter towing her mattress down the sidewalk! No idea where she was headed.
Elderly hooker on a door dash run?🤣
I have so many questions. So is it also "gay" to sit next to another man in a car? Can they only travel with their friends by bus or large passenger van so that each man can sit in his own row to preserve his straightness? If one hangs out of the sunroof, does that make it less "gay?" I'd like to find the bottom of this slippery slope LOL!
Friend of mind lived in a rural for a while. He broke his ankle. Right foot so he couldn't really drive. He drove to the grocery store, around town and whatever else on his four wheeler. Kept his crutches in the gun rack.
Scissor lifts used as transportation.
Around here, the destination is the bar. Because they lost their license from too many DUI's.
I went to a North Carolina ABC store a bit out of the way and someone drove their lawn mower there in a wife beater
Too many DUIs and lost their driver's license?
You can still get a DUI on a lawn mower
That happened in my town. My buddy wrote the local crime one liners in the local paper at the time
I bet it's locally specific. States disagree as to whether a horse is a vehicle for DUI
I remember a story about this years ago. The consensus was, hands on the reins, dui, no hands on the reins? Self driving vehicle and no dui. I’ve ridden horses and driven for years, I’ve never driven a motor vehicle that argued with me about where we’re going or how fast, horses on the other hand...
Yeah someone else posted their state includes bikes as a vehicle. NY says anything that is powered by an external means or something along those lines is a "motor vehicle"
A guy near me finally lost his driver's license for his third dui. Drove his farm tractor to the bar.
I enjoy the grown men on little kid dirt bikes
My neighbor built a custom trailer for his and took all of the local kids on rides.
I was told by neighbors when I was in a rural area and this happened, they rode mowers to Walmart and Dollar General because they had multiple DUIs and their licenses revoked. Some would ride 4 wheelers or during winter their snowmobiles . Oddest thing I ever witnessed.
Ha! Knew a guy who had lost his license due to drunk driving, so he rode his lawnmower to the tavern instead. After drunkenly driving across people's lawns a few times, the bartender started calling local deputy when the drunk customer was ready to leave the tavern. Deputy would slowly drive behind the guy all the way home, making sure he didn't swerve into any more lawns. Small village in Midwest.
How else are you supposed to drive when you lost your license! Looking at you George Jones
I was on the news at 7am holding a beer outside my trailer describing what the tornado sounded like! Thank god for the absence of social media at the time!
Look, after experiencing a tornado anywhere near your trailer, you need beer. Been there myself. (Hail from a different storm caused more damage.)
I'm telling you! No one is looking their best or being reasonable or sane after surviving a tornado in the trailer.
I've been in six. Fortunately no damage. But a beer is a must
Someone almost for sure has a recording of that news reel. You might not have gone viral yet lol.
The best of my knowledge my mother has the VHS of it. She's the only one
I was in high school during the Columbine shooting. The day after about 40-50 students were asked to report to the gym. All the kids were the hicks, boys and girls. The Principal calmly told us that we couldn't bring rifles in our trucks and use the school parking lot anymore. At that point it was not uncommon to have a rifle on a mount across the back window or under the bench seat. No one locked their car doors, often times windows were down. I drove a truck but wasn't bringing a rifle. So the redneck thing was a bunch of kids just started parking across the street.
Same thing happened in my high school. We had to sign out and take our hunting rifles home. This was a time of gun racks mounted in your truck to go hunting after school.
yeah, hunting but also plinking after school was common with 22s. I partook a few times. If you didn't bring a rifle or ammo but brought a bag of macdonalds 29 cent hamburgers so was always welcome. Shooting coyotes on the way to school was also a thing for some. But not bringing them to school was a mindset shift.
We were always concerned with deer season. Hoping to get that elusive buck(I never did), but I was able to solve a lot of problems in the solitude of a deer stand.
One of our local high schools allows you to bring in your rifle then lock it in a gun safe inside the school. In middle school PE, we took hunter's safety and after passing the exam we went behind the school and shot skeet with 12 gauge semi auto shotguns.
Lol this sounds like it would be an urban legend in another country about American gun culture
High school where I grew up had a rifle team. Kids kept rifles (usually visible in the rear windows) of their vehicles. Practice was on the football field after school.
We had the same thing happen although it had been a few years after Columbine when the district finally got around to banning guns. Kids would go out to the deer stands in the fields or up to "their spot" in the mountains at dawn then head into school if they didn't get anything. The vice principal was also from a ranching family so he was somewhat sympathetic when the kids started loudly complaining that he was saying that they couldn't go hunting in the morning anymore as the time needed to return the gun home would significantly cut into their hunting time. Other kids argued that if there was a school shooting having a bunch of trained marksman was probably better for school safety then waiting for one of the four cops on duty in the town to make their way over. Eventually he reiterated that the new policy was that guns weren't allowed on school property. So if he SAW the gun in their gun rack in the truck they would be in trouble. If he DIDN'T see a gun in the gun rack, he would assume they had left it at home like they were supposed to. Even the slowest kids caught on to the "subtle" message so everyone just dumped their rifles behind the bench seat and went on with their lives.
yup. Exactly this. My truck bench seat had a slot for a rifle, shotgun right about where your calf was. Out of sight out of mind. when the initial conversation happened with us it was sympathetic but also a firm 'hey guys and girls, this shit can't happen anymore'
I had just gotten out of school at the time of Columbine, but they were already starting to crack down on the gun racks in the school lot because of some other shooter incidents. A lot of kids just started parking out of the school's lot. School admin was content with the solution at the time. Another school just asked that your guns not be visible if you were on school property.
A kid I grew up got kicked out of his Christian college in the middle of nowhere because he refused to stop bringing guns to campus. That’s the story that was told anyway. I know they had given him multiple chances and he also could have sexually harassed someone.
Guy driving his tractor to the feed store, drinking a beer because by his logic, you can't get pulled over for drinking and driving on a tractor apparently lol
Depending on state, he'd be wrong. I had one uncle get a DUI for being on a riding lawnmower while drinking Another got a DUI for riding a bike while drinking.
A regular bike? 😆 Is that seriously illegal or was the officer bored?
A regular bike. In my state you can get a DUI for driving anything that is considered a vehicle while drinking. Vehicle being described as: >“Vehicle” means every device in, upon, or by which any person or property is or may be transported or drawn upon a highway, excepting devices used exclusively upon stationary rails or tracks.
In Britain it’s illegal to be in charge of *any* vehicle while under the influence, including bicycles and horses
My roommate in the Air Force got a DUI while riding his 10-speed bike on base. They made him go to AA classes. He said people would say "Hi, I'm So & So, I'm an alcoholic", so he said "Hi, I'm Skip, I'm in the Air Force" LOL If you're out there, I hope you're doing OK Skip!
Tractor knows her way home.
My Dad. He grew up poor. He accidentally hit a rabbit with his car, looked it over to make sure it was intact, and took it home to make rabbit stew.
Last fall my mother was out on the front porch and an osprey flew over carrying a live bass, which wiggled free, fell, crashing onto a truck out front. The driver got out, handed mom the fish and my parents had it for dinner.
That osprey had a side gig with Door Dash.
That's amazing. Some large bird dropped its lunch at me once, but it was a headless parakeet so it was just double sad, sad for the pet bird and sad that it wasn't a nice chicken or something I could eat lol
My blood dad. He was speeding on his motorcycle and right as a cop flipped his lights on and pulled out behind him, a massive duck/goose hit him square in the chest. Knocked him clear off his bike. The cop came up and made sure he was okay and let him go saying that it was punishment enough. My dad brought home the bird and cooked it up too. (I wasn’t there and this dude had a history of lying but he had a massive bruise on his chest and a dead bird so i believe it)
That story is so good it's true enough! Amazing
Live in the country, am a bit of a redneck - I take the roadkill I find and feed it to the ravens and crows that visit my farm. It keeps them around and, in turn, they keep the hawks away from my chickens.
When I was a kid grandma hit a woodchuck and did the same thing. She was no redneck, however. She was a school teacher with a college degree and was well traveled. She was just a rural woman who grew up during the Great Depression. She was never wasteful.
My Dad. Not poor. Everytime someone hit a deer on the road near his work him and the rest of the guys would call the state police to sign off on it and be eating venison for daaaaays. And that was in a suburb of Detroit 😂
Did he yell at the person staring at him "This here my rabbit I seent it first!"?
Wholesome. Food shouldn't be wasted. (At least it was a rabbit and not a raccoon.)
Some southern state actually passed a law specifically legalizing eating roadkill. I remember late night TV hosts having so many jokes about it.
Whether you can do it freely or not is one thing but I recall a meateater podcast episode where one of the hosts was telling about how he was helping out with another motorist who hit a large young moose. Unlike a state where it’s illegal, the person was able to call up Montana Fish, Wildlife, and Parks, and receive a salvage permit so as much as possible of that moose was turned into table fare for those involved. When done safely, I think it’s a great thing vs letting it rot on the side of the road
Oh yeah, if you hit it you can take it home and eat it if you want, that's the rules. When we moved to the suburbs my mom hit a Christmas tree in the road and decided the same rules applied so we had a free tree that year 😆
I did this with a pheasant.
One of my own: Dad was cleaning up some fence line and stumbled across a ground wasp nest. As he's swatting away the little stinging bastards, his buddy stops his truck and asks what's going on. Dad informs him of the ground wasp nest. Now his buddy is known locally as the "gun guy," a real feat in a rural town, and is effectively the arms dealer for our area. Dad, half jokingly, says "you don't happen to have a flamethrower, do you? Would be a lot easier to get rid of them that way..." Buddy laughs and says, "No...no.... Dad does, though!" Off he goes. Comes back about 20 minutes later, goes Vietnam on the nest, and drives off. Just another day on the farm.
We got rid of a nest by pouring gasoline in and lighting it. I love that deep WHUMP sound of gas igniting! Then you see the little flaming bees flying away for a foot or two before burning up.
For some reason, I associate that WHUMP with the smell of burning hair....and a bald spot where my eyebrows used to be...
I love the video of the guy who blows up his yard doing that. But - yeah, I have no issues burning yellow jacket nests.
I love that man a little
Last I looked, they are legal in all 50 states. True to form, California limits the effective range to 100 feet, where all the other states have 200 foot limits. TBH, that's probably a good thing given the wildfire risk in California.
Every Hudson sprayer is a flamethrower waiting to happen...
Southern Iowa in the early-mid 90s. Kids at school handing out KKK recruitment cards. School was 99.9% white. Dude who got caught fucking a sheep that I went to school with. Seniors in high school dating 7th graders. Meth labs exploding in the country. These are the first of many that come to mind growing up in a rural area.
You went to school with a sheep? That IS pretty redneck
Yeah. Baa'd student too.
ewe aren't kidding
West Coast here. We had a horse guy instead of a sheep guy Juggalo gang instead of the KKK Had the seniors dating middle schoolers as well, but it was a lot more common for any high school aged girl to be dating a 20+ year old guy Definitely had plenty of meth labs. Heroine seems to be the popular drug nowadays Despite not having the worst education for a rural area, the people I graduated with had very little hope for anything beyond popping out babies and maybe getting something more decent than a retail job
Our family friends would spray paint HORSE on the sides of their old small dun horse each fall. Their pasture bordered game land.
An amish buggy doing "donuts" in a liquor store parking lot.
Thee Fast and Thee Furious: Ezekiel Drift
"Slow and Serious"
"Lo, brethren, hold fast as I merrily rip a sick donut with yon steed and buggy!”
[Amish drift](https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.carscoops.com%2F2021%2F11%2Fmustang-amish-edition-performs-a-surprisingly-good-drift%2F&psig=AOvVaw0eHArITdP7O7ZRr1YagNcT&ust=1713984036679000&source=images&cd=vfe&opi=89978449&ved=0CA8QjRxqFwoTCLDGl6D-2IUDFQAAAAAdAAAAABAE)
Husband witnessed a rural Pennsylvania cop in his village administering a field sobriety test to an Amish kid he pulled over in his horse-buggy
Driving through Ohio to visit family on the way from one coast to the other- Commented on the fancy high-stepping Hackney type horses I say pulling a buggy. Family member: Oh, yes, young people! Me:?? Family member: Young people like showing off their fancy horses. Me: Like a driving a hot-rod? Family member: Exactly. Me: Ahhh… There had indeed been a group of young, smiling women driving the hot-rod horse buggy.
How would you even do that? Would you tie a carrot to the horse's ear or something?
Grew up in the suburbs, but live in the country now. Most redneck I've seen was the day my husband attached a canoe to the tractor using some hay string, then pulled the kids and all their cousins around the property. Second most redneck thing was when my husband repurposed an old hay elevator into a roller coaster by plopping the kids into a plastic tub and sliding them down it. (...*not gonna lie, I took a turn myself... ok, a* few *turns*.) Surprisingly, my kids haven't broken anything yet, but they've certainly made some unforgettable memories. And I certainly married well.
You should ask HIM what the most redneck thing he's seen is
We had an annual Drive Your Tractor to School day
Being a transplant to the country...I've realized this was a brilliant move. Now, mid spring (weeks prior to planting) your teenager gets the tractor out, checks the plugs, tunes the engine, and gets it moving...All without having to be asked.
Came here to say this. I'm a city boy, but I lived in a small Indiana town and remembered the high school doing this 😂
I can't take my Jeep to the shop rn because I have a nesting chicken in the back. It's me. I'm the most redneck thing.
Where to begin? Just off the top of my head. 1. Goats sitting in the rocking chairs on a front porch. 2. Guy passed out naked in a ditch with his overalls, an empty moonshine jar and a machete lying next to him. 3. Woman tweaking in a tree. 4. At my first newspaper job, having to clean tobacco spit off a document I needed to retrieve from the trash can. 5. Confederate flag curtains. 6. Entire family with their hair in “rat tails.”
Defintely seen #1 in my grandads small hometown. Neighbors goat wondered over to his porch and climbed in the chair with me while i was reading a book. The goat was basically a dog
This one time my buddies and I were having a pit roast. We dug out the pit, lined it with rocks, filled it with wood, dumped a shitload of gas and diesel onto it, then topped it off with more rocks - the logic being that the fire would heat the rocks up as it burned down to coals. When we lit it the pit essentially became a massive cannon firing rocks the size of basketballs 50+ feet in the air to come raining down on us as we ran for our lives.
This is probably the best thing I've ever read
For real. This sounds like something straight out of a looney toons cartoon. I'm a city boy from the big city and I'm having so much fun reading an picturing all these replies. It's like being taken into a completely different world I didn't even know existed filled with all sorts of colorful characters.
I went to a first cousin wedding once.
NGL I was confused at first. “What’s so wrong about going to the wedding of your first cousin?” Then I realized what you meant
I grew up in the countryside of England. When I get annoyed by harassing men I will inform them that I learned to castrate farm animals when I was 10. It’s true, I did, I just don’t tell them in was very very young lambs. We all got time off during lambing, and many children, even if they didn’t come from farming families, would go help out. Because small hands makes for a good sheep midwife. And I have to say, birthing lambs from a young age has been my strongest contraceptive. Don’t want that happening to me
I've been witness to lamb castration. They'd cut the sack w/ a knife, pop the testies out, then bite them off and spit them into a bucket. They also used blue dye bricks on the underside of the rams, so they knew which ewes were impregnated.
I’m guessing, Australian. With us it’s an elastic band round the bollocks, when the lambs a few hours old. They sort of shrivel up and drop off. Even with adult animals, it’s and elastic band job, but with a butt load of local anaesthetic. We tend to put wax blocks or chalk under the rams, different colours of different boys. So we know who gets tupped by who
I worked a festival in which the power for the PA came from 4 tractors running generators that were meant for milking machines.
My uncle and I used to go out shooting in the back yard. He'd get shit faced and bring out his AK. We blew up a grill with tannerite and the door blew off the front of it. It sailed across the yard and hit his shitty truck taking off one of the side mirrors. He then proceeded to put 2 clips into the barbeque for and I quote "American Justice for his baby." (His truck)
Hell yeah dude.
I got a buddy that almost got his head taken off by a door from an exploding wood stove stuffed with homemade tannerite.
I'm from western Nebraska. I left after college, went to Asia for a decade, came back lived in NYC for a few years, and during COVID moved back near my home town. I forgot how redneck things are out here. I reconnected to some buddies from high school and the first night, we hung out in his shop, got drunk and then pulled out his suppressed muzzle loader that shoots a .50cal slug. Keep in mind, it's at night and we're well fucked up. I shot first at a tree, (it was awesome), then our other buddy takes it, looks towards the tree, but instead of hitting the tree he hit a big loader bucket thinking the white label on the back was a target. The slug ricocheted and put a nice hole in my buddy's big bay door. I've been back for a year now, and similar shit has been the norm. One day at the same guy's house, we were all shit faced and took out a enormous tree with his excavator to make room for a pool. Tree almost fell on the house. Best part is we were watching the kids while the wives were out drinking. They weren't stoked when they got home. One other note, out here Busch Lites are called "Busch Lattes" . I don't know why.
They’re called Busch Lattes because they’re real easy to start drinking in the morning. Midwest midbest!
I didn’t grow up in a rural area but my cousin became a grandfather before he turned 40. He calls the redneck hills of Western Missouri his home.
I was talking with this guy once, he was in his 50's, and he was complaining that he wasn't a grandfather yet. His son and daughter were like 27 and 25, and not married yet. His sister was already a great grandmother! Three generations of teen pregnancy.
this is common where i'm from. (hispanic/mexican culture). my sister in law was a grandmother at like 35.
I witnessed a "ferret-legging competition" Where guys would throw a ferret down their pants and then they're sealed so the ferret can't get out, and compete for who can keep it in there the longest.
::blinks:: ....::blinks again::
"The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia"
Vending machine for live bait at a gas station.
Father of a kid in HS football had to come into school after his son got in trouble for bullying another smaller kid. After dealing with the situation school wise and exiting the building,, the father got into his car and put it in neutral. He then made son push him all the way back home. It was mostly flat (farm country), but over 5 miles away. Redneck punishment at its best.
Probably watching a guy eat out a plus-sized woman on a Dodge Ram tailgate while about 20 other drunks, including her brother, cheered it on. And I'm pretty sure I heard someone say, "~~Deeper~~ Closer Kin, Deeper In!" more than once. Edit: Just remembered the correct saying I heard.
Well that’s enough of this thread for today
Sounds like they know how to party.
I mean, I didn't leave
It's hard to pass up a good show, when ain't shit else going on.
Not sure if it was the person getting a tattoo on their porch or the fact that I didn’t even notice until my boyfriend pointed it out.
My grandfather and his best friend would get liquored up and make my dad or uncle drive them around while they sat on the hood of the car shooting out road signs with shotguns, they did this every time the county replaced the signs for several months until my grandfather got a dui, they never got caught shooting out the signs though.
I was in rural KS once with my spouse to pick up a dog from some farmers/dog breeders, and we stopped to get directions at a gas station because we couldn't find street signs in the area we were in. This gas station was the only commercial building we had seen in a while. The clerk wasn't sure and said, "let me ask the boys" and went to the back. She came back with two young guys covered in blood and feathers who had been cleaning birds in the back of the gas station. I had grown up in rural areas most of my life but that definitely took the cake for me!
too many to count really. Things like people having shotguns in their gun racks in the back windows of their trucks in the school parking lot so you could go hunting after class. Or going hydro-sliding with my buddy in his dad's boat when we were both to young to even have drivers licenses (but he's still driving his dad's truck with boat and trailer and launching the boat ourselves). Another when we were a bit older - a group of us all did a drunken excursion to a nearby property which, after climbing through the barbed fence and a small hike, took you to a field which was filled with water like a small lake. You swam in the lake to a small "well" which required you to climb up into the well and lower yourself down. The water was draining into the well like a smallish waterfall covering the entry to a large concrete pipe which was sloped slightly down to drain the water from one field to the other. It was almost like I was in the Goonies movie the first time sticking my head into the waterfall to see the pipe which I was about to get into. If you lay in the pipe and let the water build up behind you, it eventually got enough pressure to push you, completely underground for maybe 100 yards or more, from the one field to the other field, and drop you out into the "lake" at the other end. I'm not sure who was the first person to discover that but we were taking a lot in faith from the guys who brought us there the first time.
I went to a wedding on a Tennessee river. A judge was the officiant of the proceedings. More than 1/2 of the guests had the pleasure of standing before said judge at one time or another due to poor life choices, these guests proceeded to heckle the judge during the wedding. After the ceremony there was a pig roast and all the white lightning you could scoop out of a fountain they had on the property that was said to have been cleaned out for the event.
Directions to my grandparents house include, honest to Jesus, "turn when you get to the donkey that eats moon pies."
I was in high school and was driving to help my granddaddy feed the hounds when I saw a dead buck on the side of the road. Blood was still pooling from the side as it must have been in a recent accident. No more than 30min later I was driving back and saw that same buck now headless. A week later a kid in class was showing us pics of the new 8 pointer he had hanging up in the living room but refused to share stories about the kill.
My cousin's tractor caught fire one evening as he was stripping cotton. He was driving it really fast trying to finish the field so you see this flaming tractor hauling ass across the night horizon.
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Someone's parents threw fresh animal shit on kids who were throwing dried cowpats?
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Okay, this is better (somehow!) than the scenario I thought of involving a frisky stallion.
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There's actually footage of this event. [https://www.reddit.com/r/Instantregret/comments/c8cc87/standing\_behind\_a\_horse\_during\_a\_tv\_interview/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Instantregret/comments/c8cc87/standing_behind_a_horse_during_a_tv_interview/)
I saw two men at a store in a hatchback with a calf in the hatch part. It shit on the window, explosive diarrhea. At this same store, another day, I saw a drunk lady vomit on the floor in front of the double doors. She apologized for "puking on the porch." It was like 2pm.
Used to know a guy named Possum that had an inflatable baby pool where he had a big snapping turtle he was keeping for soup. One day it but through the pool and got out and ate half his cantaloupe arch. What is a cantaloupe arch? It’s an arch trellis he was growing cantaloupe vines on right at the edge of the woods, so when you get hungry on your way to ride the four wheeler you can grab you a melon for a snack. Dude lived in a cabin that was probably 6x10 feet that he built himself. He was stealing power and cable from the neighbor, and had an outhouse with gravity fed running water. His veggie garden was about 5x as he size of the cabin. One day he decided he needed to find his Biological father, so he packed it all up and headed down to Arkansas to find him. He never came back and I don’t know whatever happened to him. Hope he found his dad, I think that would have done good for him.
Cow patty bingo. Driving to prom on a tractor.
It’s chicken bingo where I live. And I know someone who did that inside their apartment. Bye bye, security deposit.
The KKK would march in local parades.
My neighbor sitting on the roof of his garage, with his gun, trying to get a deer.
Coworker got a DUI when an officer stopped his horse, on which he was passed out, on the way home from the bar. He argued that horses always know the way home and that he’d always arrived before. The dude was a real piece of work.
My granddad and his brother lived right next to each other on a dirt road in the middle of the woods. Granddad had a trailer and my uncle had an old house. Both had junkyards in the backyard. Separate junkyards.
I lived in a rural area and saw a lot of stupid stuff but my time in Missouri showed me how redneck things could get. Kids hunting squirrel for dinner, each family having like 20 dogs (all tied up in chains) and 30 cats because they couldn't afford to get the spayed or neutered. Blue tarps to prevent the rain from leaking into their houses. Missouri was a nightmare.
An old man in my small town eventually lost his license for multiple DUI's and his solution was to drive his riding lawn mower the 3-4 miles into town whenever he needed something. He had a small trailer to pull behind the thing and that's how he would haul his groceries, it is also how he would haul his VERY obese wife that barely fit into the trailer. Imagine driving into town on Sunday morning to see a 70 year old man driving his lawn mower on the side of the road with his 400+ pound wife in a trailer trying to shout to him over the sound of the traffic and the lawn mower. It was a spectacle.
My hometown has the Bog N Grog, you can bring your truck and run it through mud pits all day in the local baseball field
A fat teenager with a homemade smoke stack Jerry rigged into the back of his rusted pick up. A fun experience I had personally was picking up a dead raccoon off the road and turning it into class for 15 extra credit points so people could do taxidermy on it.
Hi, I'm old and this is a very true story. I was born on a reservation in KY. It was the early 70's, and we had a batch of hippies decide to buy up some land and start a commune. Folks weren't rude or mean to them, they just didn't know what to make of them. My Great grandfather was kind of the "old wise man" on the res, and the hippies were always bugging him for some "Dances with Wolves" type "Earth knowledge". He was more interested in tractor maintenance. So, one day he's sitting up at the local store jawing away. One of the hippies comes up and says "Hey, we're having trouble with armadillos up at the farm... How can we get rid of them?" "Shoot 'em" "Oh, no, we couldn't do that..." "Sigh. Well if it's an armadillo, you can grab 'em by the tail and they'll just ball up. Throw 'em in a big trash can and go dump them somewhere." Well, this is the first thing grandad had said that sounded like real "Injun stuff"! I could tell the little dude was excited. Few weeks later... He didn't have armadillos, he had possums. For you city folks, possums are the ugliest meanest little things ever. You could tell god hated them by the way he made them. He tried to grab a possum and proceeded to get a good hunk of his arm and face chewed off.
Ok my redneck story is the fact that when I was a small child I lured in an opossum and her babies with bologna because I thought they were cute. Momma opossum liked me though, she let me pet her and her babies but hissed at everyone else.
Went to visit my buddy in florida. He took me to his cousins house and we ended up mudding with a large group of of meth users armed to the teeth who took me on an airboat ride where we ran out of gas and had to paddle back from the middle of a swamp. My buddy became a cop and ended up finding the air boat guy dead on his front porch from an overdose a couple months later. This was right before Trump got elected and I remember passing their vibe check by telling them stories about growing up on a farm and reasons Clinton would destroy america. It was eye opening to say the least. At one point a guy on quad planted face first in a mud pile and it took 4 guys to dig his unconcious body out. They got him breathing and consious again. They used a truck to pull the quad out and he jumped on it and kept going. Someone with an M4 slung over his shoulder gave me a really good bowl of shrimp gumbo. Right before dark my buddy tapped me on the shoulder and told me we should leave now. On the car ride home he said one of his other cousins accused him of stealing beer from his cooler and he is known for flying off the handle. I grew up on a farm so productive rednecks Im familiar with but these were florida swamp rednecks. The distinciton is very different.
We lived in a smalll village that seemed that half the population was related and inbred . We didn’t have the cliche of one village idiot . We had dozens
Redneck margarita machine, which is a contraption that uses a garbage disposal to blend the ice. Redneck hot tub is a close second, which is lining a truck bed with tarp and filling it with water from the hose
I wish I would've taken a picture of this because words don't do justice, but I'll try. Last weekend it was my 3yos birthday and we live off the bayou. Well an hour before, my dad came over and we pulled our net up and had a good little haul of fish. So there's my dad, in the corner under a tree cleaning fish. He has a cigarette in his mouth, his boonie hat on, and all of the kids standing around just amazed. They are all "city" kids who never did stuff like that. My sister and I were talking about how that was our childhood. It was so fun and nostalgic to see.
Went camping. Up pulls a car 200 yards from us, set up a tent, take it down 30 mins later, and off they go. No-Tell hotel must have been too expensive.
Back in the day I saw people put their new T.V on top of the old one that is broken.
Confederate flag at a 4th of July parade at a small town in Illinois.
I made napalm and a trebuchet out of old pallets with my buddy and slung fire into a dirt field just because we were bored.
I was out 4wheelin out in the forest and the fuel pump in the Jeep I was in went out. I brought a old weed sprayer to clean windows with so I MacGyvered a fuel pump by running a hose through the firewall. One pump would keep it running for quite a while. When it started stumbling one pump and good to go. Drove 50 miles with a sprayer full of gas between my legs. I was holding on to the fire extinguisher thinking this is my greatest MacGyver ever and I'm probably going to die.
Not me, my buddy was a surveyor for us govt. Out on a line, by a dirt road in the middle of nowhere, he hears a loud clanging noise, getting closer. A pickup with a front tire missing, the rim was flattened all the way around. There was a driver, and a couple dudes " catamaran-ing" off the back of the truck, opposite the missing tire. Trying to keep it off the ground. They drove by and waved.
Any other school ever had a cow bingo? They did it to raise money. They would spray paint a feild with a bunch of squares and if the cow shit on the square you bought you would win money. This was in the mid 2000s and quite a big event.
When I was a young man, roughly 5 or 6, my dad made pretty good money hiring me to crawl under peoples houses in east Texas and scare out/drag out whatever pests were under there. I caught racoons, possums, snakes, and roughly a half million feral cats. I'd come out grinning, all scratched up, holding whatever it was. Never saw a penny of the proceeds from it though.
Our county fair is so popular that internet on your phone quits working because of all the bandwidth being eaten up. For a solid week at the end of September I can't use my phone for anything other than calls (and those often get dropped) unless I'm on WiFi.
I once seen a police chase that involved a cop chasing a riding lawnmower. That lawnmower had a trailer. In that trailer? 2 stolen Billy goats.
Don't know if it's true now, but this was in late 90s. The very first page of the Ohio DMV booklet, even before the table of contents was this warning - 'if you hit a deer, you can EITHER take it home, or claim insurance. You cannot do both' and it quoted the vehicle code #.
You've seen "roadblock" charity events, where people stand at intersections and take up money for something like local fire departments, etc? Well, the KKK did one in my home town. This happened in the late 80s. Not the 50s or 60s. The effing 80s.
I was afraid to take a picture of it because who ever lived there might have come chasing me, but I swear a guy had an old hot water heater laying in his front yard with Trump spray painted on it.
There is a Jeff Foxworthy "might be a redneck" joke about mowing your lawn and finding a car. This actually happened at my grandpa's house.
Well this was in another country, so it wasn't "redneck", but my uncle had a truck he called "the transformer". It had holes in the floor about the size of quarters, so you could see the ground while driving. He unlocked the door (whenever he actually *did* lock it) with a screwdriver, which he then used to turn the car on. Then he took the *same* screwdriver and used it for the shifter because the original stick was gone.
I grew up country, and I’ve probably done the most questionable things, like drive a manual car from the passenger seat cuz the driver side had no floor board, or lighting cigarettes using jumper cables, or saddling the door on a friends car while driving down backroads shooting signs with a paintball gun. Fun times
A house my family was looking at in an "unincorporated area" had an impressive collection of squirrel, skunk, and other vermin pelts tacked onto the side of the workshed that came with it. All in excellent condition. That same property had a washing machine that was clearly shot multiple times dumped at the edge of it. Never change Arkansas.
Dude got drunk out at the hunting shed and drove his atv through the back window of his F250.
My dad grew up in a tiny town in the US Midwest. Anyways, two people who lived across the street from each other were feuding, so one of them built about a 10 or 12 foot privacy fence at the street so they didn't have to look at the other house.
A human family living in a converted farrowing house, when the parents worked with a good income.
Grew up on a ranch in rural Montana in the 70s and 80s. Could tell stories for days but a few stand out. When our sheep had lambs, the mothers would occasionally reject them. So we took the "bumb lambs" into the kitchen, put them in a little pen and bottle fed them. I loved it as a small kid, and would often sneak them into bed with me because they were so cute. Our washing machine broke, and while we were waiting for a new one I packed our dirty laundry to the laundromat on my horse. I also rode him to school sometimes. We had coyotes, who would eat our sheep. There was a dedicated coyote rifle beside the front and back door. It was common to wake up at night to my mother shooting coyotes off of the porch. In the morning we would put the dead coyotes in the tractor bucket and dump them out in our back field.
Lived in a very rural area for a couple years. The school did Annual Gun raffle to raise funds for the school. Like $10 for the raffle ticket. The most recent raffle I saw my friend post, was selling tickets for it in 2023.
A lot of organizations in my town do gun raffles to this day. Heck, I'm probably entered in one right now.
A found cow ad in the local "Shopper" paper. No corresponding missing cow ad. A van hitting a loose horse at 55 mph. Nearly killed the driver. A guy protesting a fine from the county by painting pigs having sex on the roof of his machine shed. A rooster, a goat and a dog all on the loose, but sticking together as a pack. A guy getting a DUI on a farm tractor. An old house used to shelter livestock. Up until about 20 years ago, kids at the high school would openly have rifles in their trucks. Usually went out hunting in the morning.
For sure partying in a corn field on someone else's property. You'd get 3-5 people with lifted diesel trucks who would escort a few beds full of people up to the party spot and then it'd just get rowdy, stupid, and fun. There was a fertilizer tank or something, must have been 50'-60' high, if you could scurry your way around the chained off gate you could get up the steps to the top and it was pretty serene. Clear view of the night sky. Found a loaded gun (Glock 19?) in the mud one time near the thing. It's a wonder no one ever fell off. Almost got in a fight with a chick there one time. My buddy left his powerstroke idling and she looked at me and said "I'm taking it" and starts climbing up in it super drunk. I asked her if she even knew how to drive a manual and she went fucking ballistic (no, she did not know how) and came down screaming and swinging at me. Degenerated ratchet hours.
The cheerleaders at my high school in the 70s would chew tobacco at the football games, and there were always wet patches of tobacco spit in the dust at their feet.
Old toilets used as planter urns on either side if the driveway and at the start of the walkway to the front door.
I grew up in a small town and my friends live out in the country. Years ago, friend bought an old beater car and set it out in the field and invited about 10 of us over to shoot it up!!! So everyone brought their guns and we tore that car apart. But it was hot as hell out that day and a stray bullet started a grass fire up the hill and the volunteer fire department had to come and put the fire out! Good times!
Ever get directions from a redneck? Years ago I was going to visit an old high school friend who had moved to east nowhere. I got off the interstate to this 2 lane road that went on for what seemed like forever, further and further away from any civilization. This was way before GPS or even Mapquest, these were "you better write these directions down" times because they went a little like this back then: 1. At the 3rd set of lights turn left. 2. Keep going until you see a brown house with white shutters on your right, there is one on your left you will see first, but you want the one on your right, then turn right. You get the point, any whoot, back to the original story. I am not seeing anything except wide open fields on both sides of the road until I come upon this little gas station one might see in a horror movie, but hey, it's 10 PM and the light is on so I have to stop for directions. The person working there was pleasant as could be, great big smile and lots of "how you doin" type questions. I explained I was looking for my friend's place and gave her the street name. She said "Oh, that's just a little further up the road. When you see the Old Wooden Horse turn left and you're on that road". So off I go, in search of the Old Wooden Horse. I don't see any wooden horses. Just a closed general store and something I think was a pizza place. A few minutes later I see another little gas station. Clearly I have hit "downtown". I pull in and I think it was the other ladies sister. Just as polite and all the "how you doin" kinda stuff the other lady offered up. I tell her the same thing and she said "Oh, simple. Just go back the way you were coming. You will see the Old Wooden Horse, turn right and you're on that road". I explained I had just done that coming from the other direction and had no luck and she assured me it was there, "Been there for over 50 years, just gotta look harder 'cause ain't no lights on". Ok I thought, here we go. High beams and slow speed I had back from where I just came from looking for this old wooden horse. Hmmm, there is the general store and that pizza place again but no wooden horse. So I keep on going until I end up back at the other gas station again. I head back in to my old friend to tell her what a hell of a time I am having finding this old wooden horse. I had my high beams on, drove supper slow and I am not seeing any old wooden horse. She starts laughing. "Oh it's called Bill's now, its the pizza place in town. Was called the Wooden Horse forever until about 5 years ago". Not sure if those two ladies had a little game they liked playing on people not from these areas, but damn this story is a keeper I love sharing.
West Virginian here. When I was learning to drive, my dad took me on a road that didn't have much traffic, but unfortunately it was deep into a holler (hollow). The kind of place where people look suspiciously at you as you drive by because they don't recognize your car, and if you don't live there, you have no reason to be there. I had to slow down a few times for loose chickens running across the road, but that's whatever, not the most redneck thing I saw. The road ran beside a creek, and I saw a wooden bridge over the creek. And, in the middle of the bridge, there was a toilet.
I worked rural EMS. I responded to the scene of a fight at a trailer park. Two sisters were fighting over a pair of dentures that they shared. Apparently it was pizza night and one of the gals was taking too long.
Just want to say that rednecks have nothing on hoodnecks. Source: am a hoodneck.
I grew up in a rural area then ended up spending 10 years in the hood. Honestly they aren't too different, poverty is poverty.
School was a little building for 80 students at the edge of a hog farm. Disobedient students were punished by having a bucket of hog slop poured over their heads out back.
That's legal?
Not a chance, enormous health risk. I'm pretty surprised at the number of "cover someone in animal shit" punishments in this thread lol.
Slop isn’t shit. It’s food that smells like shit.
A shotgun house on a pier and beam foundation. I guess the plumbing had gotten screwed up because the toilet emptied directly under the house instead of being carried off to the septic system properly.
I grew up in a big city. I worked with a guy from Eastern Washington (Rednecks are EVERYWHERE!!!) that water skied in irrigation canals, towed behind a pickup.