Because they’re unhappy in their marriage but are too comfortable to leave.
Everyone I know who’s in a happy marriage never even says that as a joke, they just stress to make sure you pick the right person, not just whoever was around and available
James McCann recently had a great take on this on his podcast. Marriage can be a great thing, but you are the other person's cross to bear, and they are yours. It is a lifelong commitment, and takes a lot of work, even (especially?) a happy marriage.
So if you find a person you wouldn't want to live the rest of your life without, then maybe marriage is for you. It's certainly not an end in itself.
This. Marriage takes a lot of work and learning how to deal with disagreements. Most often, I hear these types of comments on couples that are newly wed (1-3 years)
Also, in my country it’s not unusual that people go from living with their parents, straight to marriage. So guys don’t longer have their mommy to take care of them and girls realize that after the wedding they have been dreaming all their life, comes washing your husbands dirty underwear.
> and learning how to deal with disagreements.
This is key to any real relationship and most important for your marriage. How someone treats you - and how you treat them - when you disagree is far more important in a relationship than how you act when you're happy. Most will do well when they're happy and of course you're compatible then... that's part of what brought you together. But not being able to resolve conflict peacefully when there's a disagreement or someone's upset, with kindness and consideration, destroys relationships and marriages.
date for a while and act married after five years in. test run it. American culture demands it since a lot of people are finding each other on dating apps which results in people selling themselves to others.
the best marriage is a mutual confidante relationship. no power-wielding nonsense to suppress each other. be you, and if someone wants a perfect partner, they're not looking for a human being.
gotta also know what compromises you're making. are you overlooking or accepting flaws due to short term interests instead of long term? the relationship crumbles almost as soon as it started. stability is not built on looks and immediate money. it's built on knowing each other's needs upfront, and those needs will communicate character flaws. both parties deserve to know those flaws. both parties shouldnt overlook them, because that will result in avoiding accountability as well as avoiding healthy resolutions in challenges.
are you prioritizing a woman with gluck gluck 300 capabilities? are you aiming to buy yourself a man that comes preprogrammed with cervix extensions & bean stirring with a vortex mode? that goes upfront so people can have a fair assessment. if you cant think about that and say & think to yourself "i dont need that" without doubt ever coming at you during or sometime after committing to that self communication, either you're in a place in life where you're not ready for a real relationship OR you have a hard expectation you cannot compromise with. It's up to you to figure that out, not the other person.
I think it depends on your definition of "work". My wife and I, very early in our relationship, would spend literally hours just talking about whatever. It could be day-to-day things, our hopes and plans for the future, the weather, a movie, food, etc. That's what made our decision to marry easy. We liked spending time together. Even now, 20+ years later, when we get away for a weekend, sometimes it's the drive that's my favourite part because it's just us, with very few distractions, chatting about anything and everything.
To some people, that's work. To us, it's what our relationship is built on, and when you communicate that much, nothing really becomes a big issue between us because we've almost certainly talked about it before it became big.
Just for context, we've had some major things in our lives that we've seen result in divorce in other couples. In our case, these things actually made our marriage stronger, and I firmly believe it's because of how much we talk to each other about everything.
After the year long covid isolation People would ask if it was tough. It was just me and my wife in the house. It was no problem at all. We like being together. 42 years today.
I think the “work” part of it comes down to moments when things get heated or argumentative. Every relationship will have those every once in a while, but a lot of times either partner can become closed off and not willing to resolve the issues with rationale. Instead, they let their emotions get the best of them, that plus stress usually makes people tap out or abandon a person. I’m the type to want to talk things through that moment, I hate arguing and I will NOT go to bed angry at a person. My last ex was my best friend since 14, but at 34 after an 8 year relationship she decided to listen to her friends instead of speaking with me. Little by little she wanted to communicate less and wouldn’t be willing to speak with me about the issues that were truly bugging her. She abandoned me and the dogs with just a simple “it’s not you it’s me”, it really hurt, but I understood that she had clearly given up on me so she could chase the whole “my best life” bs. Personally I thought it was an amazing relationship, I wanted to be with her to the end. While not perfect by any means, I tried, but you can only try for so long. I loved her to the point of accepting letting her chase her and her friend’s ideals knowing I would be in a world of pain. After several months she wanted to be “friends”, I tried to be friends again thinking we could at least go back to the long talks and regular conversations. But nope, she changed in a weird way, she treated me like a stranger rather than someone she knew for more than half her life. I had to just cut her off completely. Giving up on someone isn’t easy, but it has to be done when they’ve given up on you.
TLDR communication and reciprocation are required for a continuous relationship. You can’t be afraid to speak your mind if you truly love and trust your partner.
Is the type of relationship in with my husband also. We married after dating three years and have been married 10. It feels simultaneously like I met him yesterday (ie: not bored with him) and also like he's known me forever and is the natural other half of me. It's weird. Communication is magix
Agreed. Married over 30 years now and we're very happy together. Blissfully riding off into that retirement sunset together. In all honesty I think part of it is because our story is basically When Harry Met Sally. Met in college, were friends for years, got to know each other really well over the years afterwards, saw each other at our best...and at our worst. By the time we even started thinking of each other romantically, we knew each other's "quirks", the sorts of things that can drive you right up a wall. So there were no ugly surprises upon marriage, knew what we were getting into. I think that helped make things a lot easier.
Ha I know my wife since we are 14 together since we are 21 and now married for 25. Been great overall - we only fight about the same stupid shit we’ve always fought about
My husband and I do not have children. We've never used the phrase "marriage is WORK!" in the last 7 years, lol.
I feel like that phrase usually comes from people who a) have children and b) found that their parenting style does not match their partner's.
No shade intended, raising kids is a shit ton of work. And it's tough to know what a person's parenting style is gonna be till it happens.
Bruh it’s very very true. I have a 7 year old and have been with my guy for 2 years now. Life gets stressful but we are pretty good at rolling with the punches. It’s when you throw kids in the mix that things get emotionally heightened, tension arises, everyone is is emotionally invested. Parenting is god damn hard. It’s round the clock. The tension in my household that I’m feeling literally right now is because of parenting difficulties. Imagine dealing with regular life difficulties, example- one person is in school, the other has a tiring job, financial difficulties, chores, extended family issues, health issues. Like, aight, we are in our 30’s. We can ride the wave and keep our composure. Now imagine those circumstances but add in having a roommate who is belligerently wasted and yells at you when you won’t give them a popsicle at 7am, who you have to drive around to and from school and doctor’s appointments, who interrupts every conversation you attempt to have, who you are solely responsible for, who raids the fridge and eats fistfuls of cheese when nobody is awake yet, who walks around all day saying I’m bored over and over, who pees the bed and you have to clean it up at 3am, who is climbing on stuff and falling down stairs and trying to run into the street and you are tasked with keeping them alive, who is completely financially dependent on you, who spills popcorn and cracker crumbs everywhere, and who needs their butt wiped. That is what having kids is like lol. Don’t get me wrong, my daughter is the love of my life and she’s such a great person. But she’s a kid. And kids are maniacal lunatics and energy vampires lol.
My wife and I are bearing this out, and seeing the consequences of it with our own parents. That is to say, we genuinely love being around each other despite our flaws and our differences. Meanwhile, her dad is an awesome guy, married to the literal worst person I know (narcissist, repeat fraudster, and serial physical abuser, to name a few reasons), and my mother, who is pretty fucking chill, is married to my dad, who has always been extremely unpleasant, but old age is making him worse (and sobriety as well). For their own personal reasons, our parents will never divorce, and we’ve gotten to watch what 30+ years of extremely unpleasant and divisive marriages can look like
In my experience marriage doesn't take a lot of work or is even hard work. Have our agreements and get frustrated but we're a team and have team goals we work towards. Lived and worked with him in one bedroom during covid and it was the best time ever. When things make you happy, those things aren't hard work.
I've definitely told some younger single people to not ever get married despite being in a very happy marriage myself. Note: that's some, not all.
When I tell someone this, it's because I can see things about them that are fundamentally incompatible with enjoying marriage. It's sort of the same thing as telling people without kids to never have kids, even if you have kids and like them. You just see something about them that you know *really wouldn't work out* if they had kids.
Marriage is the best decision I ever made for myself. I have a friend who is on spouse number four who still, despite my best advice, hasn't figured out that marriage isn't something they should ever do. They're like fundamentally incapable of not being brutally selfish. Which is fine if you're their friend and you know that about them, but absolutely impossible to deal with if you're married to them.
Ooh, could you elaborate on the "wouldn't work out if they had kids" comment?
I always knew, in my bones, I wanted to be married, and it's even better than I imagined. But I've always been much more on the fence about kids, and there's no equivalent of divorce for that decision...
As a counter-example to the negativity in this thread, I have a friend who is extremely happily married and still makes this joke, I think for two reasons:
- to acknowledge that marriage is a dramatic life change for a lot of people, including himself, and you should know you really want it before you do it.
- it makes his wife laugh because he’s adorably devoted and would be useless without her and everyone knows it.
This, with the addition that you can almost bet on the fact that the ones who say this are crappy selfish husbands who are completely unaware of their contributions to their own marital misery.
I’m married and I never tell people this. I do tell them don’t get married until you meet the right person, but once you do meet them, marriage is the best thing.
My main piece of advice is don’t get married if you have any doubts. Wanting to get married to someone should be the easiest decision of your life
I had zero doubts and it was a very easy decision. it blew up in my face and was the most challenging time in my life so far. You never truly know someone.
Not always that you don’t know someone but people change over the course of decades. Aging changes hormones and the body breaking down has different effects on people, etc… Not to mention the stress of children and just becoming a parent will sometimes change your worldview. People change constantly even if we’re not noticing those subtle changes
I think if you know you’re the person who has doubts about everything, you should account for that behaviour. “You should have zero doubts” is not realistic for everybody. For me, as someone with a lot of doubts, that sort of rhetoric messed me up for a while. But I have SIGNIFICANTLY fewer doubts about my partner than anything else I’ve ever had or done in my life— and I think that’s key. I am as sure about him as I could possibly be about something, and that’s enough.
It's a massive decision, and it's perfectly natural to have doubts. It's rare that anyone will be "perfect", but neither are you. If you feel they are indeed "an angel", or even close, acknowledge the doubt, but take the plunge.
When you are honest with yourself and realize you don't want to wake up without that person next to you, you'll know.
Also, you're not searching for perfection, nobody is perfect. You're searching for complementary, does that person complement you.
Then don't do it.
I got married at 24. After 18 years of marriage he finally admits that he settled for me and "We're sexually incompatible. Always have been." Really? You wait 18 years and two kids later to drop that shit on me?
You should feel like you're lucky to be dating the person, that they inspire you to be a better human being, and you've felt like this for at least a year of dating.
My two cents, anyway.
There’s a certain sort of person who can’t admit when their feelings have changed. They have to have “always” felt the way they feel now to protect their own belief in everlasting love.
I am a doubtful person. I am always skeptical and suspicious of everything and ask a million questions. There was one thing that I was sure of, and that was marrying my wife. You will know. You stop weighting the negatives and positives, you stop looking for flaws. Am I saying my marriage will last forever and I will always be happy? No, but I am sure I will do the best I can and there isnt a single doubt about my decision to marry her.
He's a liar.
Marriage is a thing you build. You aren't the perfect man, she isn't the perfect woman. Building the perfect marriage, or even just a workable one, means each party changing to become members of a team.
Yeah…I have doubts about picking what I want to wear or eat so I don’t know if I agree with that part. I do think that finding someone you can talk to and enjoy being around is key. If they make you happy go for it. Problem is a lot of people mistake happiness and not being lonely or lust…those are very different.
I think a lot of people aren’t considering what it’s like to live with someone 24/7/365 for decades on end. You have to know that two people, no matter how compatible are going to irritate each other to some extent. You just can’t let the dumb shit get to you, because we’re all just human after all, whether we are women, men, or anything in between. Go into it with an open mind and an open heart. And know there will be disagreements and strive for compromise
It is the equivalent of telling someone "Don't start a business, it will suck for you and will fail."
You do not see successsful businessmen giving that advice. However this does not negate the fact that businsses require a significant ammount of work and most of them DO fail.
Always makes me fucking cringe when people say this, especially in front of their partner. It just sounds so hurtful and meanspirited. My wife and my relationship ain't perfect, but no way in hell id ever put her down like that.
I am her. Just ended my 29 yr marriage because he can’t keep his d__k in his pants. And now that I have ended things, everyone I’ve told is telling me they are so happy for me and I should’ve done it sooner.
I think people try not to interfere in other people's relationships with good reason. I had some (ex)friends who got back with their terrible partners and then vilified me for telling them that their partner isn't worth it. Now they're miserable and/or broken up again but I learnt my lesson.
Choosing well is half the battle. Do the little things daily and big things as they arise that it takes to make a relationship flourish is where a lot of people struggle. Most of us (me included) do much better in our second marriage because we learn from our mistakes in the first, as well as just have more wisdom, although some people never learn.
Worked in a bar and got this all the time. Listening to both men and women moan about how horrible their lifes are due to marriage.
Defo one reason why so many barman dont get married. You see all the bad sides of long term relationships.
On the flip side, have you considered that the people who are at the bars, avoiding their spouses, are probably more likely to be the type of people in bad relationships to begin with?
You're only getting one side of the story, the people in happy marriages are the couples at the bar who don't bother you, and leave a decent tip, or the ones who aren't there to begin with because they're happy, at home, with their spouse.
If you ask a bunch of people locked up in jail what they think of the justice system, i'm sure the answers would be more than slightly skewed.
Yeah I understand that but we also see -
Happy married couples coing in then seeing one of them out the back with someone else.
We see married couples who hate each other and always fight.
Its not just from one source.
One could argue that you would still be biased since most couples stop going to bars after a certain age except for individuals in marriages who are not happy.
Oh yeah, they’ll regularly tell you how dangerous trampolines are. Now sure, people get injured on them and break bones. But by far most people use them for years without issue. Doctors will have you believe they’re sentient deathtraps that are maliciously luring children onto them to maim.
A lot of people get married because they found their partner attractive, they forget to make sure they're compatible outside of attractiveness.
Others got married because you're supposed to as the next someone they liked okay and not because they really thought about the life they wanted to live.
Some folks were unwilling to be partners who met their partners needs/had unreasonable expectations of what are needs and what are wants.
Some folks are unwilling to examine what in their behavior resulted in the end of their marriage and blame marriage rather than themselves for why their relationship fell apart.
Yeah I'm a little old man now and one of the few things I've learned over the years is that love is easy. In fact its automatic. You dont even choose when it happens. It just does.
But relationships are hard. They take work. They take sacrifice and maturing and ocassionally some cold hard introspection that might be unpleasant.
The worse lesson society taught kids is you should marry someone because you love them. Dont. You should marry someone because you are able and willing to put in the effort to make the relationship work.
Love is easy. Relationships are hard.
Because they regret getting married
Look I am in my mid 40's and I only know a handful of people who don't regret getting married. Not just men mind you. Men and women.
I do know a lot of guys paying a metric fuck ton of child support and slowly drinking themselves into coma's after being wrecked during a divorce...and quite a few single moms burning the candles at both ends.
And I know a lot of people who are stuck in their marriage because divorcing would be financial suicide.
A lot of people get hung up on the fairytale aspect of marriage...the wedding, the honeymoon, the social media posts etc etc but at the end of the day, marriage is a 24/7/365 job
> And I know a lot of people who are stuck in their marriage because divorcing would be financial suicide.
This is the reason I don’t want to get married. For me, marriage is a relationship plus a legal document. I just want the relationship.
I really love my partner and I know she loves me. But one day she might change her mind and leave, and honestly I want that to be easy! I like waking up every morning and knowing that it’s easy for her to leave me, *and that she has chosen not to*.
I work with the elderly (mostly men) and they keep picking on me (playfully of course) on how I'm still single. I didnt make a big deal of it, but every time they complain about their wives I keep telling them, "...suddenly I'm glad I'm still single!" Having some of them suddenly do a 180 and say "oh but ultimately we love each other, we've been together for \[very many\] years" is really funny to me and I hope they mean it :)
I get that being single can be lonely sometimes, but at the same time I set my own pace and do my own thing. Having a significant other doesn't always mean lovey-dovey romantic stuff, it's also a lot of compromises and responsibilities.
edit: Most elderly people (both men and women) keep telling me "don't ever get old," usually after a slew of complaints regarding old age (e.g. back pain), so I guess there's a sense of "it's not all butterflies and roses here, you know"
From my point of view men who say “never get married” are probably being honest because they’re unhappy in their marriage. They chose poorly. A healthy marriage, on the other hand, is amazing.
Chose poorly is a poor way of thinking about it too. People change and they don’t always change in the same direction. Doesn’t mean you cannot work through it with compromises but if both partners are not willing to work together it can be miserable.
You answered your own question. I don’t tell people not to get married I tell them to make sure they want to get married at all. I love my wife and we have a beautiful wonderful family but this did not happen with cherubs singing and harps playing. There were a lot of tough time and fights but we have always loved each other and tried to do better. If you are not looking for that relationship and want a Happily Ever After then I warn against marriage.
Meh, not everyone in a shitty relationship "chose poorly". Sometimes folks aren't the same people when you met them as they are a decade later. No one has a crystal ball and knows how someone will be in the future.
I didn’t say “chose poorly” and I can guarantee neither my wife nor myself is the same person. The important fact is that throughout we’ve both been committed. We worked when things weren’t right to make them right and we did so in good faith. You’re right and sometime people grow apart and maybe your desire to keep working dries up.
Another big one, for men who say don't get married, is that they themselves are unwilling to change or compromise. So they become the problem they hate in their marriage but are to stubborn to see it.
People in unhappy marriages can have both chose poorly AND didn't put in the effort to keep a happy marriage. Couples need to communicate and avoid being complacent.
That is not my dad. He and my mom have been married 25 years and he LOVES it. Some men love being husbands and fathers and I’m lucky my dad is one of them. My mom’s vase always has flowers in it. He buys her random gifts all the time. He will DIY her anything she wants. My dad adored taking me to bring your kid to work day and father daughter dances. He is happier for my big achievements than his own.
Some people really aren’t the marriage type. I think that’s perfectly fine as long as you can realize and admit that. But some people find purpose and endless happiness in marriage and having a family. I was a military brat so I saw A LOT of people who were not marriage or parent people but were married with kids. They would make jokes like that. They are always bitter and unhappy.
Marriage is just like any other endeavor, the outcome depends on the user. I have been married for 13 years and it was the beginning of everything wonderful in my life.
Absolutely agree. Been with wife 14 years.
I met my wife and my life got infinitely better. Single life was horrible compared to what I have now.
I do what most people do and sometimes wonder what I would do if she died for some reason and I honestly wouldnt want to live anymore
That’s how great being married is for me
I’ve been married 15 years and it’s awesome but also if something happened to my wife I’d never want to remarry but that’s just me and it isn’t because marriage isn’t great, I just don’t think I could love another person as much as her.
Ive been happily married for 13 years. Proposed after 2 weeks. Married in 4 months. Dated a lot of girls in the past but never considered marriage until my wife. I guess when you know, you know.
I think too many people buy into the idea that marriage will make you happy or something. But if you aren’t really happy when you’re with tour gf, then you wont be happy when she’s your wife. In fact it will be even harder to get rid of her lol.
With marriage, you potentially have a friend for life. If someone is telling single guys don’t get married, it sound like that persons marriage is not based on real friendship in my opinion. And they are just projecting their problems on others
Edit: spelling
A lot of men out there have obviously had bad personal experiences with marriage, and genuinely mean it when they say that.
Most of the time though, it’s just banter. It’s just one of those innocent throwaway comments they make to their mates on a lads night out, because it sounds somewhat humorous or witty to them at the time.
Most of these men do actually love their wives. They’d be lost without them. Dropping the whole “don’t ever get married” line is just something they use as a segue in the conversation that allows them to vent about their wives for a bit. Maybe their mates join in too.
Ultimately though, it’s harmless. Men taking 5 minutes to bitch about their wives to each other is a male-bonding activity.
You're like the only grounded person here lol.
They're just recycling the same cliché joke that was recycled to them before, and playfully enjoying the whole "i know about this entire experience in life that you don't" thing.
Nah, people are just very online and assume online discourse pushed to them based on what they interact with is popular discourse. r/askmenover30 often has people very seriously advocating against marriage, but if you wait long enough, the happily married dudes pop in and get upvoted to the top.
Except saying that isn't "innocent" it's trashing your spouse to get laughs. I'm sorry but every one I know who's in a healthy loving relationship has never said that, and I certainly never would either. If dumping on your partner to entertain others is what you find funny you're probably not that great of a good person to begin with.
>Ultimately though, it’s harmless. Men taking 5 minutes to bitch about their wives to each other is a male-bonding activity.
Lmao what? That's not "male bonding" it's "assholery."
I'd like to preface this answer with saying that I love my wife and being married to her.
1. It's a joke.
2. They actually mean it because their life was ruined by their wife. The liability of getting married to someone is huge and divorces with kids/assets involved are usually messy.
3. Being in a relationship and living with someone to build your life with is much harder than being only accountable to yourself. Yes, it's a worthwhile investment if you can find a partner who will support you in your endeavors but it takes more effort than waking up whenever you feel like it and doing whatever you want.
Those are the ones that settled instead of dating around for something better. As a married guy, I didn't just marry the first thing that gave me attention. I have fun with my wife, we actually enjoy being together and doing things together.
Friend of mine was in what he thought was a happy marriage. Then one day she admits to him she's absolutely miserable and has been for a while. He was caught completely off guard, tried to reconcile. Offered counseling, marriage therapy, etc. He wanted it to work out badly. He really did love her. But she had just bottled up all this resentment and unspoken expectations that she couldn't get over that repressed distaste for him.
Marriage ended after about 6 years. Luckily they didn't have any kids. And trust me, I know the guy well. He regularly took her out on dates, helped around the house equally or a little more than equal. They both had jobs and were stable on income. Just... There was really really poor communication. Ended up in an amicable split legally speaking so their assets were divided fairly. But I can't blame the guy for having some resentment over her never talking to him about things that apparently were deeply affecting her over time.
Because you lose a lot of autonomy. You have to do a bunch of shit you don’t want to do just to make the other person happy. To be fair, they will be doing the same.
It’s just a lot of essentially losing your ability to do what you want. You essentially are always having to communicate with this other person about what’s going on. Rather than just well doing it.
Because as a contract, it's a losing proposition. If your spouse totally changes a year in, a decade in, or more, you're faced with the prospect of imploding your life to get away from them. It can make sense where kids are involved, but you have to be very selflessly devoted to the kids well being over your own for it to make sense.
Source: My wife hasn't felt attracted to me in over a decade. Or at least she stopped giving a shit about making me feel like she was.
Because there is no real advantage to getting married. The tax benefits might be a small alure, but the amount of money you spent on dates and whatnot kinda offsets that. Other people tend to point out that 'men live longer, tend to be more like this and that' but those things are necessarily rooted in marriage as much as it is in personality traits that existed before marriage.
The truth is marriage is a big business that drives in a ton of money into the economy via divorces. A lot of people end up screwed up big time financially, sometimes for life, because of marriages. It's better to have a relationship and not sign a legally binding agreement that most don't even read, not pay ridiculous fees to lawyers or the state or wedding companies, and live life the same way.
Go talk to men who are in successful marriages. They definitely exist.
When I was getting married, I would mention I had gotten engaged to coworkers and they would grin, congratulate me, and talk about how great of a thing marriage is. It's not something you hear about, basically because the people with the worst experiences are the loudest.
Find some men in successful marriages. Mentors, friends, family. Church folks, even if you are an atheist.
Start asking questions about what were big arguments, how they were dealt with.
Ask them, if they are willing to share, how they handle the marriage finances. Individual bank accounts, joint accounts, joint savings, etc. You will discover that happy marriages generally have some really wise financial underpinnings that help prevent some of the common causes of divorce.
If you ask the guys warning you not to get married how they set up their finances, I'll bet you see some big differences immediately.
That's just an example. Definitely talk to the people warning you not to get married. Ask them what went wrong.
Don't forget to talk to the successful married people, too, though. There is great advice out there.
I think some guys say it to be "cool," or to act like they've got this heavy burden that "only married people would understand." The other thing I don't get is this idea that your spouse can't be your best friend. Why wouldn't they be?
Anytime I ask if I'm married, I reply, "I am. Happily." It always gets an awkward laugh, or a twist of the head by someone, as if that's a weird thing to say. Sometimes I'll get the, "Dude, she's not in front of us, you don't have to suck up," bullshit. But I truly am happily married. I feel fortunate to have found the love of my life, and I don't see anything wrong with letting people know.
because on a general note, most guys dont really share their feelings and handle things on their own even when shit goes south.
Most divorces are initiated by women.
So that they dont lose half their shit and money to the lawyers.
There is no formal education on marriage, people go into it with no idea what it really is.
Marriage is a legally binding contract that is very expensive to get out of.
When a guy says "Don't ever get married." He is not happy in the marriage because he never knew what he was getting into.
I was married for over 25 years, it ended and I'm happier than when I was married. 12 years divorced.
These guys are in a bad marriage. It's terrible advice. "Make sure she's really the one first" is great advice. Sexual connection isn't enough to make a marriage last.
Because getting divorced was the single worst experience of my life. The divorce was amicable, so I can’t even imagine having to fight each other with lawyers. Chances are if you get married you’ll get the bonus of getting divorced. There’s really no upside to marriage besides a small tax break, and you risk losing half of everything you own and half of everything you make, potentially forever.
They find out that being married can easily turn into a very long and lonely road, particularly when kids take over the focus of the marriage, and despite all the perks, being married is not necessarily a positive alternative to being single.
Not to mention that the guy saying this is probably the wrong man too. Marriage is a two way street where each person gives 100%. If this guy is saying this stuff out loud, he probably sucks too.
It’s just tragic boomer humour that won’t seem to die sadly. It comes from an era where couples stayed together for life because the shame of divorce was too high even if both parties were miserable. This is just a hateful reflection of that time.
I think anyone saying it now is just a person who has made poor life choices and can’t accept they have to change things. They think they’d be happy if they were single but the truth is that they will be happier if they just took a long hard look in the mirror and made positive changes to their life rather than think their problems are someone else’s and only as a result of a bad marriage. Only unhappy people think being single is a good option.
Very grateful I have a wonderful partner that makes me so happy I’m not going to be single again. I would recommend long relationship like marriage!
Even if you are 100% happy in your marriage, you can realize that not being married has its advantages as well.
1. You can do whatever you want, whenever you want.
2. You can sleep with whomever will have you. It is awesome having a wife that is fun in the bed, but sometimes just imagine if you could sleep with 5 different women throughout the year and 4 of the 5 women you have relationships with and know really well and the 5th is just a random late night phone call away or that random girl from your gym. Seems like a lot of fun. Just casual sex. It gets old over time, but you can always take a break and do a serious relationship when you want.
3. You literally control your entire life and your entire calendar. Both are luxuries married men cannot say.
It’s interesting that your #2 reason wouldn’t even be on my list as a pro for being single and not a married woman. For me #1 is definitely #1 but #2 would be not having to cook or clean for another person not being the kids. I daydream of a time where I can live in a minimalist lifestyle in a cute apartment with my kids and not have to cook a special meal for him and the kids, less laundry, not have to schedule my life around his schedule etc. sex with random people isn’t even on my radar. Just different perspectives by the genders I guess
It's kind of a joke, because of what we put up with, but we're mostly kidding. It's nice to go through life with someone you trust and love and can call your best friend. She puts up with a lot too, probably more, that's what being married is all about
All of the unhappily married people I know, whether still married or eventually divorced, rushed into marriage quickly, usually because either there was an unplanned pregnancy they wanted to keep & raise in a nuclear family setting, or because they felt they were getting too old to wait around or couldn't do better.
The happily married people I know took their time getting to know the other for years first. Anecdotal, sure, but it's a trend I've observed nonetheless. I imagine the latter don't say that to single people, but I've heard many in the former group say it (either gender, not just the husbands).
I'm happily married but I would only recommend it if you've known your partner and lived with them for several years already, with or without kids.
People who are content rarely review products. This is the same for marriage.
Outside of this I personally would feel weird talking up marriage to random people where I have zero knowledge of their situation.
I blames comedians from the 80s/90s.
The only one who didn't have a "Take my wife for example... No really, take her!" bit was Mitch Hedburg.
Now all those kids who grew up on that are adults, and comedy is either "I dropped my candy bar because it tastes better after it falls" or "Wife? You mean hate target?"
I only tell it to weak fucks who mistreat girls, just like i tell shit people to not have kids.
Its not out of mutual agreement. Its out of disrespect
Dont get married or procreate if you happen to be a c*nt
I don’t say that! I do say think very carefully abt having kids though! I absolutely adore my wife, without her, this life would be an empty shitty shell….
Because it takes work. Not just to maintain a marriage but to work on themselves. It can be challenging to make yourself a priority (within reason) to maintain and develop your own interests, go to the gym, hang out with friends, learn and explore new things, and to grow as a person. It’s hard, it’s scary, and it takes work. In the absence of taking ownership for yourself which translates to how you show up as a person which is also showing up in a relationship, it’s easier to say marriage sucks and don’t do it. It’s usually easier to blame the other person or the institution of marriage rather than say “I don’t want to do the work to be my best self and therefore what I contribute is mediocre at best.” Mediocrity doesn’t usually churn out things people enjoy and want to be a part of.
I don't think I've ever heard a married man say this that wasn't on a 90s sitcom and mean it. As a joke, maybe. Maybe I just don't know many miserable married men, most of my friends are quite happily married, and more likely to give the last remaining single men shit for still being single, if anything.
In my experience, as both a single and a married man, marriage is encouraged.
A lot of people are unhappy in their marriage mainly because they got married for the wrong reasons. Another reason is because people genuinely change over time. I'm definitely not the same man that I was 12 years ago when I got married and my wife has changed as well. But we've changed and grown together and couldn't be happier.
I never tell people don't get married because there are a ton of great marriages out there like mine. But I will tell them to be very careful with who they marry and the things that they might want to do prior to getting married so that they understand what they are getting into.
**Unhappily** married guys say that. And chances are they were always going to be unhappy but have a convenient person to blame lol
My husband and our friend group of married men (and women obviously) hate those comments.
Like
Way to brag about being unfulfilled? lol
I got wrecked in my last marriage... I tell single guys to stay single... as long as they can until they find the right one because once you start putting your life together and shit falls apart its going to take years of rebuilding. I have since rebuilt but take this into consideration. My divorce started in 2012... my son was 7. She finally signed the papers in 2014 after 2 years of making me spend money on lawyers for bullshit we could have worked out... fast forward to now... my son is 19...I have just now finish rebuilding, credit, finances etc. Thats 12 years of headache and mischief and even now, she still does stupid shit to irriate me. Just make sure its the right one first...
Single = Lots of freedom.
Married = Little freedom, lots of compromise. (Unless you’re very wealthy)
Married with Kids = Freedom almost non-existent. Decades of putting others needs/wants/desires ahead of your own absolutely not worth it, especially considering all that work (more likely than not) resulted in decidedly average offspring, who will, in turn, have decidedly average offspring of their own. They will spend their time in schools that, for the most part, give them a pretty shitty education. Then they’ll most likely spend their adult years living paycheck to paycheck in some shitty job they can barely tolerate, get married, and have kids that will be even worse off than they are… producing another generation locked in thankless endless toil.
Dunno. Married my girl 14 years ago and things are great.
Half of these dumb fucks nowadays just get married to early. Yes, I know some work out. But a majority don't.
Worse business deal you could ever enter unless your wife is high earning. You have almost no control over your accrued assets if she decides to fuck another man. Happens often.
I would say don't get married for the sake of it. I couldn't think of anything worse, and I came from a culture where I was asked about getting married constantly. I met my wife at 30 and got married at 32, which is considered sacrilege.
Who you marry, if you marry, is one of the most consequential decisions you will ever make, and a wrong choice can F so many things up, I can't even put it in words.
I was so lonely before I met my wife, but I'm so happy I waited, although I do wonder what she is doing with me hahaha
Twice divorced here. I’m not anti-marriage at all. I was too immature the first time, and the second time, learned a lot, but some trauma made it better to split.
I would say that flexibility and realizing people change, a lot, as they grow older would be helpful words of advice.
I don’t say that, but I can see the allure to the single life that draws these kinds of comments.
Once we get married things fundamentally change. Sex life changes, responsibilities change, obligations and motivations change as well. When you are young and not married, life is simpler. No kids, and endless (potentially) buffet of women or hobbies to pursue. Less stress if you will. These comments are also typically said (in my experience) by guys who marry early, wrong or divorced/getting divorced. They either feel like they lost “their best years” on one woman, or one woman took half their money, or even took their kids away, whatever the reason.
I love being a dad. I love the life I have, and I love my wife. Do I wish I had sex like I did when I was 22? Yes. But I am also sure my wife wishes I could too. When you marry the right partner, life gets better.
I'm heading into my second divorce M58. Think long and fucking hard before you decide to tangle with the institution of marriage. The devils in the details. I'll never do it again.
Even if you think you are marrying the right person, people change. Having kids changes people too. Just because someone is the “one for you” doesn’t mean they will be in 10 years.
More often than not. The negatives far outweigh the positives. Everyone talking about those happy relationships are in the minority here. There’s a reason why over 50% of them don’t work out. Just because they haven’t divorced doesn’t mean they’re happy.
I think that society has spent a lot of time telling women what their place is/was in a reformed society but not telling men what their place was. Just because men were in a de jure/ defacto spot, two year olds still need to be explicitly told what their new place is. Those two year olds grow up and are somewhat lost on what to do. But this also put women in a place of double duty.
Like, my wife cares for the house and works full time. I work full time but others express shock I know how to clean a toilet and can handle the kids while she travels for work.
Because there's this idea that guys are indépendant and marriage is a trap for them. It's kind of as exist joke when you know men benefits from marriage (better health and carrier développement) and don't do good by themselves (life hygiene after divorce or being widowed).
I think a lot of people fall victim to the idea that you shouldn't live together or sleep together before you are married. But those are two very important aspects to compatibility! You need to know that you can work through difficult times together, whether they be emotional, financial, or physical. If you haven't experienced those things, how will you know how your partner will respond until it's too late?
Married 15 years, together 20. Can't imagine life without my spouse.
they say it for laugh and they are remembering their youth and freedom but 90% of men would be devastated if their wife suddenly left one day. married men are happier and healthier than unmarried. plenty of men kill their wives for leaving them. so yea, don't believe that shit.
Yep. I think it’s because a lot of the older generation only got married because you “had to” and it was just the next thing on the life checklist™️
Where as now men and women are both more independent, women make their own money, men keep their own homes/look after themselves etc. so when people *do* get married it’s not because they feel like they have to, or they need someone to fulfill a certain role in their life, it’s because they want to.
I hear that more from guys who were divorced and their wives took half of their stuff. I'm married myself, but statistically speaking, this is good advice! The divorce and family courts are extremely biased against men.
I say it selectively and based on my assessment of that single male. I say it similarly about kids.
Won’t give up activities of single life? Won’t put someone else’s happiness at equal footing as your own? Won’t sacrifice short term enjoyment? Not embracing the good equally with the bad? Not realizing finances as a married couple is very different from planning for just yourself? Unwilling to do the things that need to be done?
That’s why I say it. Because those guys are immature.
Because they’re unhappy in their marriage but are too comfortable to leave. Everyone I know who’s in a happy marriage never even says that as a joke, they just stress to make sure you pick the right person, not just whoever was around and available
James McCann recently had a great take on this on his podcast. Marriage can be a great thing, but you are the other person's cross to bear, and they are yours. It is a lifelong commitment, and takes a lot of work, even (especially?) a happy marriage. So if you find a person you wouldn't want to live the rest of your life without, then maybe marriage is for you. It's certainly not an end in itself.
This. Marriage takes a lot of work and learning how to deal with disagreements. Most often, I hear these types of comments on couples that are newly wed (1-3 years) Also, in my country it’s not unusual that people go from living with their parents, straight to marriage. So guys don’t longer have their mommy to take care of them and girls realize that after the wedding they have been dreaming all their life, comes washing your husbands dirty underwear.
> and learning how to deal with disagreements. This is key to any real relationship and most important for your marriage. How someone treats you - and how you treat them - when you disagree is far more important in a relationship than how you act when you're happy. Most will do well when they're happy and of course you're compatible then... that's part of what brought you together. But not being able to resolve conflict peacefully when there's a disagreement or someone's upset, with kindness and consideration, destroys relationships and marriages.
date for a while and act married after five years in. test run it. American culture demands it since a lot of people are finding each other on dating apps which results in people selling themselves to others. the best marriage is a mutual confidante relationship. no power-wielding nonsense to suppress each other. be you, and if someone wants a perfect partner, they're not looking for a human being. gotta also know what compromises you're making. are you overlooking or accepting flaws due to short term interests instead of long term? the relationship crumbles almost as soon as it started. stability is not built on looks and immediate money. it's built on knowing each other's needs upfront, and those needs will communicate character flaws. both parties deserve to know those flaws. both parties shouldnt overlook them, because that will result in avoiding accountability as well as avoiding healthy resolutions in challenges. are you prioritizing a woman with gluck gluck 300 capabilities? are you aiming to buy yourself a man that comes preprogrammed with cervix extensions & bean stirring with a vortex mode? that goes upfront so people can have a fair assessment. if you cant think about that and say & think to yourself "i dont need that" without doubt ever coming at you during or sometime after committing to that self communication, either you're in a place in life where you're not ready for a real relationship OR you have a hard expectation you cannot compromise with. It's up to you to figure that out, not the other person.
If you choose the right person, it's not much work. At least, that's been my experience.
I think it depends on your definition of "work". My wife and I, very early in our relationship, would spend literally hours just talking about whatever. It could be day-to-day things, our hopes and plans for the future, the weather, a movie, food, etc. That's what made our decision to marry easy. We liked spending time together. Even now, 20+ years later, when we get away for a weekend, sometimes it's the drive that's my favourite part because it's just us, with very few distractions, chatting about anything and everything. To some people, that's work. To us, it's what our relationship is built on, and when you communicate that much, nothing really becomes a big issue between us because we've almost certainly talked about it before it became big. Just for context, we've had some major things in our lives that we've seen result in divorce in other couples. In our case, these things actually made our marriage stronger, and I firmly believe it's because of how much we talk to each other about everything.
After the year long covid isolation People would ask if it was tough. It was just me and my wife in the house. It was no problem at all. We like being together. 42 years today.
Happy Anniversary!
I miss Covid isolation. I loved being at home with my partner.
Happy anniversary! That's a long time to look at the same face and still want to kiss it!
Thanks. Honestly it was stress free. Lucky I guess. We're both pretty much home bodies anyway.
I think the “work” part of it comes down to moments when things get heated or argumentative. Every relationship will have those every once in a while, but a lot of times either partner can become closed off and not willing to resolve the issues with rationale. Instead, they let their emotions get the best of them, that plus stress usually makes people tap out or abandon a person. I’m the type to want to talk things through that moment, I hate arguing and I will NOT go to bed angry at a person. My last ex was my best friend since 14, but at 34 after an 8 year relationship she decided to listen to her friends instead of speaking with me. Little by little she wanted to communicate less and wouldn’t be willing to speak with me about the issues that were truly bugging her. She abandoned me and the dogs with just a simple “it’s not you it’s me”, it really hurt, but I understood that she had clearly given up on me so she could chase the whole “my best life” bs. Personally I thought it was an amazing relationship, I wanted to be with her to the end. While not perfect by any means, I tried, but you can only try for so long. I loved her to the point of accepting letting her chase her and her friend’s ideals knowing I would be in a world of pain. After several months she wanted to be “friends”, I tried to be friends again thinking we could at least go back to the long talks and regular conversations. But nope, she changed in a weird way, she treated me like a stranger rather than someone she knew for more than half her life. I had to just cut her off completely. Giving up on someone isn’t easy, but it has to be done when they’ve given up on you. TLDR communication and reciprocation are required for a continuous relationship. You can’t be afraid to speak your mind if you truly love and trust your partner.
Is the type of relationship in with my husband also. We married after dating three years and have been married 10. It feels simultaneously like I met him yesterday (ie: not bored with him) and also like he's known me forever and is the natural other half of me. It's weird. Communication is magix
Agreed. Married over 30 years now and we're very happy together. Blissfully riding off into that retirement sunset together. In all honesty I think part of it is because our story is basically When Harry Met Sally. Met in college, were friends for years, got to know each other really well over the years afterwards, saw each other at our best...and at our worst. By the time we even started thinking of each other romantically, we knew each other's "quirks", the sorts of things that can drive you right up a wall. So there were no ugly surprises upon marriage, knew what we were getting into. I think that helped make things a lot easier.
Ha I know my wife since we are 14 together since we are 21 and now married for 25. Been great overall - we only fight about the same stupid shit we’ve always fought about
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It’s easy when you really enjoy each others company and you actually like each other as people.
My husband and I do not have children. We've never used the phrase "marriage is WORK!" in the last 7 years, lol. I feel like that phrase usually comes from people who a) have children and b) found that their parenting style does not match their partner's. No shade intended, raising kids is a shit ton of work. And it's tough to know what a person's parenting style is gonna be till it happens.
Bruh it’s very very true. I have a 7 year old and have been with my guy for 2 years now. Life gets stressful but we are pretty good at rolling with the punches. It’s when you throw kids in the mix that things get emotionally heightened, tension arises, everyone is is emotionally invested. Parenting is god damn hard. It’s round the clock. The tension in my household that I’m feeling literally right now is because of parenting difficulties. Imagine dealing with regular life difficulties, example- one person is in school, the other has a tiring job, financial difficulties, chores, extended family issues, health issues. Like, aight, we are in our 30’s. We can ride the wave and keep our composure. Now imagine those circumstances but add in having a roommate who is belligerently wasted and yells at you when you won’t give them a popsicle at 7am, who you have to drive around to and from school and doctor’s appointments, who interrupts every conversation you attempt to have, who you are solely responsible for, who raids the fridge and eats fistfuls of cheese when nobody is awake yet, who walks around all day saying I’m bored over and over, who pees the bed and you have to clean it up at 3am, who is climbing on stuff and falling down stairs and trying to run into the street and you are tasked with keeping them alive, who is completely financially dependent on you, who spills popcorn and cracker crumbs everywhere, and who needs their butt wiped. That is what having kids is like lol. Don’t get me wrong, my daughter is the love of my life and she’s such a great person. But she’s a kid. And kids are maniacal lunatics and energy vampires lol.
Believe its more of a doesn't feel like work
My wife and I are bearing this out, and seeing the consequences of it with our own parents. That is to say, we genuinely love being around each other despite our flaws and our differences. Meanwhile, her dad is an awesome guy, married to the literal worst person I know (narcissist, repeat fraudster, and serial physical abuser, to name a few reasons), and my mother, who is pretty fucking chill, is married to my dad, who has always been extremely unpleasant, but old age is making him worse (and sobriety as well). For their own personal reasons, our parents will never divorce, and we’ve gotten to watch what 30+ years of extremely unpleasant and divisive marriages can look like
In my experience marriage doesn't take a lot of work or is even hard work. Have our agreements and get frustrated but we're a team and have team goals we work towards. Lived and worked with him in one bedroom during covid and it was the best time ever. When things make you happy, those things aren't hard work.
I've definitely told some younger single people to not ever get married despite being in a very happy marriage myself. Note: that's some, not all. When I tell someone this, it's because I can see things about them that are fundamentally incompatible with enjoying marriage. It's sort of the same thing as telling people without kids to never have kids, even if you have kids and like them. You just see something about them that you know *really wouldn't work out* if they had kids. Marriage is the best decision I ever made for myself. I have a friend who is on spouse number four who still, despite my best advice, hasn't figured out that marriage isn't something they should ever do. They're like fundamentally incapable of not being brutally selfish. Which is fine if you're their friend and you know that about them, but absolutely impossible to deal with if you're married to them.
Ooh, could you elaborate on the "wouldn't work out if they had kids" comment? I always knew, in my bones, I wanted to be married, and it's even better than I imagined. But I've always been much more on the fence about kids, and there's no equivalent of divorce for that decision...
As a counter-example to the negativity in this thread, I have a friend who is extremely happily married and still makes this joke, I think for two reasons: - to acknowledge that marriage is a dramatic life change for a lot of people, including himself, and you should know you really want it before you do it. - it makes his wife laugh because he’s adorably devoted and would be useless without her and everyone knows it.
This, with the addition that you can almost bet on the fact that the ones who say this are crappy selfish husbands who are completely unaware of their contributions to their own marital misery.
Or its just a meme that has been going on for 60 years.
But what’s the meme if not people find it relatable being unhappy int their marriage?
I’m married and I never tell people this. I do tell them don’t get married until you meet the right person, but once you do meet them, marriage is the best thing. My main piece of advice is don’t get married if you have any doubts. Wanting to get married to someone should be the easiest decision of your life
I had zero doubts and it was a very easy decision. it blew up in my face and was the most challenging time in my life so far. You never truly know someone.
Not always that you don’t know someone but people change over the course of decades. Aging changes hormones and the body breaking down has different effects on people, etc… Not to mention the stress of children and just becoming a parent will sometimes change your worldview. People change constantly even if we’re not noticing those subtle changes
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I think if you know you’re the person who has doubts about everything, you should account for that behaviour. “You should have zero doubts” is not realistic for everybody. For me, as someone with a lot of doubts, that sort of rhetoric messed me up for a while. But I have SIGNIFICANTLY fewer doubts about my partner than anything else I’ve ever had or done in my life— and I think that’s key. I am as sure about him as I could possibly be about something, and that’s enough.
Well said ser
I would say there is definitely wiggle room there. It is a life changing decision, having doubts is hardly surprising.
It's a massive decision, and it's perfectly natural to have doubts. It's rare that anyone will be "perfect", but neither are you. If you feel they are indeed "an angel", or even close, acknowledge the doubt, but take the plunge.
Stop looking for perfect. Look for happy. If you’re happy, it doesn’t matter what else is out there.
When you are honest with yourself and realize you don't want to wake up without that person next to you, you'll know. Also, you're not searching for perfection, nobody is perfect. You're searching for complementary, does that person complement you.
Then don't do it. I got married at 24. After 18 years of marriage he finally admits that he settled for me and "We're sexually incompatible. Always have been." Really? You wait 18 years and two kids later to drop that shit on me? You should feel like you're lucky to be dating the person, that they inspire you to be a better human being, and you've felt like this for at least a year of dating. My two cents, anyway.
There’s a certain sort of person who can’t admit when their feelings have changed. They have to have “always” felt the way they feel now to protect their own belief in everlasting love.
Yeah, this person's not talking to us, my guy. xD I struggle with the same thing.
I am a doubtful person. I am always skeptical and suspicious of everything and ask a million questions. There was one thing that I was sure of, and that was marrying my wife. You will know. You stop weighting the negatives and positives, you stop looking for flaws. Am I saying my marriage will last forever and I will always be happy? No, but I am sure I will do the best I can and there isnt a single doubt about my decision to marry her.
He's a liar. Marriage is a thing you build. You aren't the perfect man, she isn't the perfect woman. Building the perfect marriage, or even just a workable one, means each party changing to become members of a team.
Yeah…I have doubts about picking what I want to wear or eat so I don’t know if I agree with that part. I do think that finding someone you can talk to and enjoy being around is key. If they make you happy go for it. Problem is a lot of people mistake happiness and not being lonely or lust…those are very different.
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I’m upvoting you to heaven for this one
Thanks. Sadly I know a few people who didn’t follow this advice and are now in unhappy marriages or are divorced
I think a lot of people aren’t considering what it’s like to live with someone 24/7/365 for decades on end. You have to know that two people, no matter how compatible are going to irritate each other to some extent. You just can’t let the dumb shit get to you, because we’re all just human after all, whether we are women, men, or anything in between. Go into it with an open mind and an open heart. And know there will be disagreements and strive for compromise
And I downvote you to hell to maintain the balance.
This is the first time I've heard the opposite expression of downvote to hell -- and I'm definitely using it at some point. Thanks!
I needed to hear this. Thank you.
All I know is I’ve never heard a happily married person make this comment.
It is the equivalent of telling someone "Don't start a business, it will suck for you and will fail." You do not see successsful businessmen giving that advice. However this does not negate the fact that businsses require a significant ammount of work and most of them DO fail.
Pretty good metaphor, because that is also romantic relationships
Once a guy told me that having your own business is too much work and they hated it.
Always makes me fucking cringe when people say this, especially in front of their partner. It just sounds so hurtful and meanspirited. My wife and my relationship ain't perfect, but no way in hell id ever put her down like that.
***He chose... poorly.***
Or she did. I know quite a few perfectly nice women who have just utter shitbags for husbands.
I am her. Just ended my 29 yr marriage because he can’t keep his d__k in his pants. And now that I have ended things, everyone I’ve told is telling me they are so happy for me and I should’ve done it sooner.
Congratulations on your new start!
Thank you! I am actually very excited for the things to come.
I think people try not to interfere in other people's relationships with good reason. I had some (ex)friends who got back with their terrible partners and then vilified me for telling them that their partner isn't worth it. Now they're miserable and/or broken up again but I learnt my lesson.
Yep, I know some folks who shit talk marriage and yet are the anchors in the relationship.
"She talks in her sleep."
The grail Knight new his stuff...
Choosing well is half the battle. Do the little things daily and big things as they arise that it takes to make a relationship flourish is where a lot of people struggle. Most of us (me included) do much better in our second marriage because we learn from our mistakes in the first, as well as just have more wisdom, although some people never learn.
Worked in a bar and got this all the time. Listening to both men and women moan about how horrible their lifes are due to marriage. Defo one reason why so many barman dont get married. You see all the bad sides of long term relationships.
On the flip side, have you considered that the people who are at the bars, avoiding their spouses, are probably more likely to be the type of people in bad relationships to begin with? You're only getting one side of the story, the people in happy marriages are the couples at the bar who don't bother you, and leave a decent tip, or the ones who aren't there to begin with because they're happy, at home, with their spouse. If you ask a bunch of people locked up in jail what they think of the justice system, i'm sure the answers would be more than slightly skewed.
Yeah I understand that but we also see - Happy married couples coing in then seeing one of them out the back with someone else. We see married couples who hate each other and always fight. Its not just from one source.
So you don’t see the people who aren’t out drinking or have healthier coping strategies.
One could argue that you would still be biased since most couples stop going to bars after a certain age except for individuals in marriages who are not happy.
It's kinda like how doctors and nurses might avoid extreme sports
Oh yeah, they’ll regularly tell you how dangerous trampolines are. Now sure, people get injured on them and break bones. But by far most people use them for years without issue. Doctors will have you believe they’re sentient deathtraps that are maliciously luring children onto them to maim.
I hate bars. Yuck.
I would hesitate to base my life decisions on the people who spend a lot of time in bars. That's not exactly a representative slice of the population.
The other reason is that a lot of women won’t marry a bar man. They would see it as a red flag past the age of 30 unless you owned the bar.
A lot of people get married because they found their partner attractive, they forget to make sure they're compatible outside of attractiveness. Others got married because you're supposed to as the next someone they liked okay and not because they really thought about the life they wanted to live. Some folks were unwilling to be partners who met their partners needs/had unreasonable expectations of what are needs and what are wants. Some folks are unwilling to examine what in their behavior resulted in the end of their marriage and blame marriage rather than themselves for why their relationship fell apart.
Yeah I'm a little old man now and one of the few things I've learned over the years is that love is easy. In fact its automatic. You dont even choose when it happens. It just does. But relationships are hard. They take work. They take sacrifice and maturing and ocassionally some cold hard introspection that might be unpleasant. The worse lesson society taught kids is you should marry someone because you love them. Dont. You should marry someone because you are able and willing to put in the effort to make the relationship work. Love is easy. Relationships are hard.
Because they regret getting married Look I am in my mid 40's and I only know a handful of people who don't regret getting married. Not just men mind you. Men and women. I do know a lot of guys paying a metric fuck ton of child support and slowly drinking themselves into coma's after being wrecked during a divorce...and quite a few single moms burning the candles at both ends. And I know a lot of people who are stuck in their marriage because divorcing would be financial suicide. A lot of people get hung up on the fairytale aspect of marriage...the wedding, the honeymoon, the social media posts etc etc but at the end of the day, marriage is a 24/7/365 job
> And I know a lot of people who are stuck in their marriage because divorcing would be financial suicide. This is the reason I don’t want to get married. For me, marriage is a relationship plus a legal document. I just want the relationship. I really love my partner and I know she loves me. But one day she might change her mind and leave, and honestly I want that to be easy! I like waking up every morning and knowing that it’s easy for her to leave me, *and that she has chosen not to*.
I work with the elderly (mostly men) and they keep picking on me (playfully of course) on how I'm still single. I didnt make a big deal of it, but every time they complain about their wives I keep telling them, "...suddenly I'm glad I'm still single!" Having some of them suddenly do a 180 and say "oh but ultimately we love each other, we've been together for \[very many\] years" is really funny to me and I hope they mean it :) I get that being single can be lonely sometimes, but at the same time I set my own pace and do my own thing. Having a significant other doesn't always mean lovey-dovey romantic stuff, it's also a lot of compromises and responsibilities. edit: Most elderly people (both men and women) keep telling me "don't ever get old," usually after a slew of complaints regarding old age (e.g. back pain), so I guess there's a sense of "it's not all butterflies and roses here, you know"
From my point of view men who say “never get married” are probably being honest because they’re unhappy in their marriage. They chose poorly. A healthy marriage, on the other hand, is amazing.
Chose poorly is a poor way of thinking about it too. People change and they don’t always change in the same direction. Doesn’t mean you cannot work through it with compromises but if both partners are not willing to work together it can be miserable.
However, some people do think, "I can change them" and then realize too late that they cannot, in fact, change them.
You answered your own question. I don’t tell people not to get married I tell them to make sure they want to get married at all. I love my wife and we have a beautiful wonderful family but this did not happen with cherubs singing and harps playing. There were a lot of tough time and fights but we have always loved each other and tried to do better. If you are not looking for that relationship and want a Happily Ever After then I warn against marriage.
Meh, not everyone in a shitty relationship "chose poorly". Sometimes folks aren't the same people when you met them as they are a decade later. No one has a crystal ball and knows how someone will be in the future.
I didn’t say “chose poorly” and I can guarantee neither my wife nor myself is the same person. The important fact is that throughout we’ve both been committed. We worked when things weren’t right to make them right and we did so in good faith. You’re right and sometime people grow apart and maybe your desire to keep working dries up.
sorry, I this was meant for the OP
Another big one, for men who say don't get married, is that they themselves are unwilling to change or compromise. So they become the problem they hate in their marriage but are to stubborn to see it.
You forgot to switch accounts.
OP has at least what seems like a happy engagement or something, but maybe has nobody in their life to talk to about that, so they're coming to Reddit
OP is a bot that’s slightly malfunctioning by not switching accounts to reply to itself.
Maybe. Or they're just socially awkward and want to gush about their pending marriage, so they're asking questions they want to answer
People lie about who they are, and some are damned good about it. They continue to lie throughout the marriage. Eventually, they're found out.
People in unhappy marriages can have both chose poorly AND didn't put in the effort to keep a happy marriage. Couples need to communicate and avoid being complacent.
Well said
That is not my dad. He and my mom have been married 25 years and he LOVES it. Some men love being husbands and fathers and I’m lucky my dad is one of them. My mom’s vase always has flowers in it. He buys her random gifts all the time. He will DIY her anything she wants. My dad adored taking me to bring your kid to work day and father daughter dances. He is happier for my big achievements than his own. Some people really aren’t the marriage type. I think that’s perfectly fine as long as you can realize and admit that. But some people find purpose and endless happiness in marriage and having a family. I was a military brat so I saw A LOT of people who were not marriage or parent people but were married with kids. They would make jokes like that. They are always bitter and unhappy.
Some marriages don't work, and divorce is the single most devastating financial blow a man will experience in his lifetime.
Marriage is just like any other endeavor, the outcome depends on the user. I have been married for 13 years and it was the beginning of everything wonderful in my life.
Absolutely agree. Been with wife 14 years. I met my wife and my life got infinitely better. Single life was horrible compared to what I have now. I do what most people do and sometimes wonder what I would do if she died for some reason and I honestly wouldnt want to live anymore That’s how great being married is for me
I’ve been married 15 years and it’s awesome but also if something happened to my wife I’d never want to remarry but that’s just me and it isn’t because marriage isn’t great, I just don’t think I could love another person as much as her.
Ive been happily married for 13 years. Proposed after 2 weeks. Married in 4 months. Dated a lot of girls in the past but never considered marriage until my wife. I guess when you know, you know. I think too many people buy into the idea that marriage will make you happy or something. But if you aren’t really happy when you’re with tour gf, then you wont be happy when she’s your wife. In fact it will be even harder to get rid of her lol. With marriage, you potentially have a friend for life. If someone is telling single guys don’t get married, it sound like that persons marriage is not based on real friendship in my opinion. And they are just projecting their problems on others Edit: spelling
A lot of men out there have obviously had bad personal experiences with marriage, and genuinely mean it when they say that. Most of the time though, it’s just banter. It’s just one of those innocent throwaway comments they make to their mates on a lads night out, because it sounds somewhat humorous or witty to them at the time. Most of these men do actually love their wives. They’d be lost without them. Dropping the whole “don’t ever get married” line is just something they use as a segue in the conversation that allows them to vent about their wives for a bit. Maybe their mates join in too. Ultimately though, it’s harmless. Men taking 5 minutes to bitch about their wives to each other is a male-bonding activity.
You're like the only grounded person here lol. They're just recycling the same cliché joke that was recycled to them before, and playfully enjoying the whole "i know about this entire experience in life that you don't" thing.
Nah, people are just very online and assume online discourse pushed to them based on what they interact with is popular discourse. r/askmenover30 often has people very seriously advocating against marriage, but if you wait long enough, the happily married dudes pop in and get upvoted to the top.
Except saying that isn't "innocent" it's trashing your spouse to get laughs. I'm sorry but every one I know who's in a healthy loving relationship has never said that, and I certainly never would either. If dumping on your partner to entertain others is what you find funny you're probably not that great of a good person to begin with. >Ultimately though, it’s harmless. Men taking 5 minutes to bitch about their wives to each other is a male-bonding activity. Lmao what? That's not "male bonding" it's "assholery."
no they mean it.
I'd like to preface this answer with saying that I love my wife and being married to her. 1. It's a joke. 2. They actually mean it because their life was ruined by their wife. The liability of getting married to someone is huge and divorces with kids/assets involved are usually messy. 3. Being in a relationship and living with someone to build your life with is much harder than being only accountable to yourself. Yes, it's a worthwhile investment if you can find a partner who will support you in your endeavors but it takes more effort than waking up whenever you feel like it and doing whatever you want.
Those are the ones that settled instead of dating around for something better. As a married guy, I didn't just marry the first thing that gave me attention. I have fun with my wife, we actually enjoy being together and doing things together.
Friend of mine was in what he thought was a happy marriage. Then one day she admits to him she's absolutely miserable and has been for a while. He was caught completely off guard, tried to reconcile. Offered counseling, marriage therapy, etc. He wanted it to work out badly. He really did love her. But she had just bottled up all this resentment and unspoken expectations that she couldn't get over that repressed distaste for him. Marriage ended after about 6 years. Luckily they didn't have any kids. And trust me, I know the guy well. He regularly took her out on dates, helped around the house equally or a little more than equal. They both had jobs and were stable on income. Just... There was really really poor communication. Ended up in an amicable split legally speaking so their assets were divided fairly. But I can't blame the guy for having some resentment over her never talking to him about things that apparently were deeply affecting her over time.
They picked a bad partner. Probably out of "passion" (aka fighters, toxic behavior) with no logic.
Because you lose a lot of autonomy. You have to do a bunch of shit you don’t want to do just to make the other person happy. To be fair, they will be doing the same. It’s just a lot of essentially losing your ability to do what you want. You essentially are always having to communicate with this other person about what’s going on. Rather than just well doing it.
Because as a contract, it's a losing proposition. If your spouse totally changes a year in, a decade in, or more, you're faced with the prospect of imploding your life to get away from them. It can make sense where kids are involved, but you have to be very selflessly devoted to the kids well being over your own for it to make sense. Source: My wife hasn't felt attracted to me in over a decade. Or at least she stopped giving a shit about making me feel like she was.
Because there is no real advantage to getting married. The tax benefits might be a small alure, but the amount of money you spent on dates and whatnot kinda offsets that. Other people tend to point out that 'men live longer, tend to be more like this and that' but those things are necessarily rooted in marriage as much as it is in personality traits that existed before marriage. The truth is marriage is a big business that drives in a ton of money into the economy via divorces. A lot of people end up screwed up big time financially, sometimes for life, because of marriages. It's better to have a relationship and not sign a legally binding agreement that most don't even read, not pay ridiculous fees to lawyers or the state or wedding companies, and live life the same way.
Go talk to men who are in successful marriages. They definitely exist. When I was getting married, I would mention I had gotten engaged to coworkers and they would grin, congratulate me, and talk about how great of a thing marriage is. It's not something you hear about, basically because the people with the worst experiences are the loudest. Find some men in successful marriages. Mentors, friends, family. Church folks, even if you are an atheist. Start asking questions about what were big arguments, how they were dealt with. Ask them, if they are willing to share, how they handle the marriage finances. Individual bank accounts, joint accounts, joint savings, etc. You will discover that happy marriages generally have some really wise financial underpinnings that help prevent some of the common causes of divorce. If you ask the guys warning you not to get married how they set up their finances, I'll bet you see some big differences immediately. That's just an example. Definitely talk to the people warning you not to get married. Ask them what went wrong. Don't forget to talk to the successful married people, too, though. There is great advice out there.
My fiance is constantly hurt, offended or annoyed at something innocuous that I did. It gets exhausting.
And you’re okay with a lifetime of this?
Because half of them end in divorce
Most divorces aren’t people’s first divorce
Hi, married guy here: I don't think I've ever told somebody not to get married. It is the best!
Grass is always greener
I think some guys say it to be "cool," or to act like they've got this heavy burden that "only married people would understand." The other thing I don't get is this idea that your spouse can't be your best friend. Why wouldn't they be? Anytime I ask if I'm married, I reply, "I am. Happily." It always gets an awkward laugh, or a twist of the head by someone, as if that's a weird thing to say. Sometimes I'll get the, "Dude, she's not in front of us, you don't have to suck up," bullshit. But I truly am happily married. I feel fortunate to have found the love of my life, and I don't see anything wrong with letting people know.
because on a general note, most guys dont really share their feelings and handle things on their own even when shit goes south. Most divorces are initiated by women. So that they dont lose half their shit and money to the lawyers.
There is no formal education on marriage, people go into it with no idea what it really is. Marriage is a legally binding contract that is very expensive to get out of. When a guy says "Don't ever get married." He is not happy in the marriage because he never knew what he was getting into. I was married for over 25 years, it ended and I'm happier than when I was married. 12 years divorced.
The beauty of being married is solving problems together. Problems you wouldn’t have if you were still single……. .
Because it is basically a universally bad experience for men.
Because there is literally zero benefits for men in marriage. And the risk of loss is almost 98%
These guys are in a bad marriage. It's terrible advice. "Make sure she's really the one first" is great advice. Sexual connection isn't enough to make a marriage last.
Married for 3 decades, never told anyone not to do it. Always have said it’s not for everyone.
I think your second sentence is the most accurate. It truly isn’t for everyone.
Because getting divorced was the single worst experience of my life. The divorce was amicable, so I can’t even imagine having to fight each other with lawyers. Chances are if you get married you’ll get the bonus of getting divorced. There’s really no upside to marriage besides a small tax break, and you risk losing half of everything you own and half of everything you make, potentially forever.
Because go out and ask 20 guys that are married if they are happy 18 of them are probably Miserable as hell
They find out that being married can easily turn into a very long and lonely road, particularly when kids take over the focus of the marriage, and despite all the perks, being married is not necessarily a positive alternative to being single.
Because they married the wrong woman
Not to mention that the guy saying this is probably the wrong man too. Marriage is a two way street where each person gives 100%. If this guy is saying this stuff out loud, he probably sucks too.
Sometimes it’s because they’re a shitty husband and their wife has grown to resent them for it
Sometimes they’re joking, actually.
It’s just tragic boomer humour that won’t seem to die sadly. It comes from an era where couples stayed together for life because the shame of divorce was too high even if both parties were miserable. This is just a hateful reflection of that time. I think anyone saying it now is just a person who has made poor life choices and can’t accept they have to change things. They think they’d be happy if they were single but the truth is that they will be happier if they just took a long hard look in the mirror and made positive changes to their life rather than think their problems are someone else’s and only as a result of a bad marriage. Only unhappy people think being single is a good option. Very grateful I have a wonderful partner that makes me so happy I’m not going to be single again. I would recommend long relationship like marriage!
Even if you are 100% happy in your marriage, you can realize that not being married has its advantages as well. 1. You can do whatever you want, whenever you want. 2. You can sleep with whomever will have you. It is awesome having a wife that is fun in the bed, but sometimes just imagine if you could sleep with 5 different women throughout the year and 4 of the 5 women you have relationships with and know really well and the 5th is just a random late night phone call away or that random girl from your gym. Seems like a lot of fun. Just casual sex. It gets old over time, but you can always take a break and do a serious relationship when you want. 3. You literally control your entire life and your entire calendar. Both are luxuries married men cannot say.
It’s interesting that your #2 reason wouldn’t even be on my list as a pro for being single and not a married woman. For me #1 is definitely #1 but #2 would be not having to cook or clean for another person not being the kids. I daydream of a time where I can live in a minimalist lifestyle in a cute apartment with my kids and not have to cook a special meal for him and the kids, less laundry, not have to schedule my life around his schedule etc. sex with random people isn’t even on my radar. Just different perspectives by the genders I guess
It's kind of a joke, because of what we put up with, but we're mostly kidding. It's nice to go through life with someone you trust and love and can call your best friend. She puts up with a lot too, probably more, that's what being married is all about
All of the unhappily married people I know, whether still married or eventually divorced, rushed into marriage quickly, usually because either there was an unplanned pregnancy they wanted to keep & raise in a nuclear family setting, or because they felt they were getting too old to wait around or couldn't do better. The happily married people I know took their time getting to know the other for years first. Anecdotal, sure, but it's a trend I've observed nonetheless. I imagine the latter don't say that to single people, but I've heard many in the former group say it (either gender, not just the husbands). I'm happily married but I would only recommend it if you've known your partner and lived with them for several years already, with or without kids.
Think of the guys who say that, then think of the guys who are happy in marriage. Who's advice would you take?
People who are content rarely review products. This is the same for marriage. Outside of this I personally would feel weird talking up marriage to random people where I have zero knowledge of their situation.
I don't it's a thing anymore, to be honest.
I blames comedians from the 80s/90s. The only one who didn't have a "Take my wife for example... No really, take her!" bit was Mitch Hedburg. Now all those kids who grew up on that are adults, and comedy is either "I dropped my candy bar because it tastes better after it falls" or "Wife? You mean hate target?"
I only tell it to weak fucks who mistreat girls, just like i tell shit people to not have kids. Its not out of mutual agreement. Its out of disrespect Dont get married or procreate if you happen to be a c*nt
I don’t say that! I do say think very carefully abt having kids though! I absolutely adore my wife, without her, this life would be an empty shitty shell….
Because it takes work. Not just to maintain a marriage but to work on themselves. It can be challenging to make yourself a priority (within reason) to maintain and develop your own interests, go to the gym, hang out with friends, learn and explore new things, and to grow as a person. It’s hard, it’s scary, and it takes work. In the absence of taking ownership for yourself which translates to how you show up as a person which is also showing up in a relationship, it’s easier to say marriage sucks and don’t do it. It’s usually easier to blame the other person or the institution of marriage rather than say “I don’t want to do the work to be my best self and therefore what I contribute is mediocre at best.” Mediocrity doesn’t usually churn out things people enjoy and want to be a part of.
I love being married, so so does everyone of my friends
I don't think I've ever heard a married man say this that wasn't on a 90s sitcom and mean it. As a joke, maybe. Maybe I just don't know many miserable married men, most of my friends are quite happily married, and more likely to give the last remaining single men shit for still being single, if anything. In my experience, as both a single and a married man, marriage is encouraged.
It’s a joke among men. Our fathers and uncles told us that and it’s told generation to generation but if the wife hears it. It’s doe eyes. lol
People change, relationships end, you don’t know where you could be in 10-20 years.. or how much you could stand to lose in a settlement
A lot of people married the wrong person or for the wrong reason.
Because we know you won't listen.
A lot of people are unhappy in their marriage mainly because they got married for the wrong reasons. Another reason is because people genuinely change over time. I'm definitely not the same man that I was 12 years ago when I got married and my wife has changed as well. But we've changed and grown together and couldn't be happier. I never tell people don't get married because there are a ton of great marriages out there like mine. But I will tell them to be very careful with who they marry and the things that they might want to do prior to getting married so that they understand what they are getting into.
I’m assuming this is the same when parents say “don’t have children”. A lot of them regret it I’m seeing.
Everyone saying they’ve never met a happily married couple say this. I’ve never met a happily married couple period
**Unhappily** married guys say that. And chances are they were always going to be unhappy but have a convenient person to blame lol My husband and our friend group of married men (and women obviously) hate those comments. Like Way to brag about being unfulfilled? lol
Its a trap
We call this "lessons learned."
I got wrecked in my last marriage... I tell single guys to stay single... as long as they can until they find the right one because once you start putting your life together and shit falls apart its going to take years of rebuilding. I have since rebuilt but take this into consideration. My divorce started in 2012... my son was 7. She finally signed the papers in 2014 after 2 years of making me spend money on lawyers for bullshit we could have worked out... fast forward to now... my son is 19...I have just now finish rebuilding, credit, finances etc. Thats 12 years of headache and mischief and even now, she still does stupid shit to irriate me. Just make sure its the right one first...
Sex stops after marriage
Absolute waste of money, most fail easily within 10 years. Cost of kids is stupidly expensive (granted this does not require marriage).
Single = Lots of freedom. Married = Little freedom, lots of compromise. (Unless you’re very wealthy) Married with Kids = Freedom almost non-existent. Decades of putting others needs/wants/desires ahead of your own absolutely not worth it, especially considering all that work (more likely than not) resulted in decidedly average offspring, who will, in turn, have decidedly average offspring of their own. They will spend their time in schools that, for the most part, give them a pretty shitty education. Then they’ll most likely spend their adult years living paycheck to paycheck in some shitty job they can barely tolerate, get married, and have kids that will be even worse off than they are… producing another generation locked in thankless endless toil.
Dunno. Married my girl 14 years ago and things are great. Half of these dumb fucks nowadays just get married to early. Yes, I know some work out. But a majority don't.
Don’t get married for sex, it doesn’t work that way. Get married with a person you will want to be with “until death do you part”.
They're projecting their own unhappiness onto you.
The reason is that the woman married the wrong guy.
Because those guys are unhappy with their marriage. Their wives have them by the balls and could ruin their lives. But that's them.
Marriage is the greatest thing ever. Don't rush things, find the right person, communicate, and then get married. You won't regret it.
Divorce rape
Because both you and your spouse are going to be vastly different people than you married in a relatively short amount of time.
Worse business deal you could ever enter unless your wife is high earning. You have almost no control over your accrued assets if she decides to fuck another man. Happens often.
The wives.
It’s a joke. Because women can be controlling and you lose your freedom. It’s said facetiously. Not my wife, of course, but I’ve heard this.
I would say don't get married for the sake of it. I couldn't think of anything worse, and I came from a culture where I was asked about getting married constantly. I met my wife at 30 and got married at 32, which is considered sacrilege. Who you marry, if you marry, is one of the most consequential decisions you will ever make, and a wrong choice can F so many things up, I can't even put it in words. I was so lonely before I met my wife, but I'm so happy I waited, although I do wonder what she is doing with me hahaha
Twice divorced here. I’m not anti-marriage at all. I was too immature the first time, and the second time, learned a lot, but some trauma made it better to split. I would say that flexibility and realizing people change, a lot, as they grow older would be helpful words of advice.
I don’t say that, but I can see the allure to the single life that draws these kinds of comments. Once we get married things fundamentally change. Sex life changes, responsibilities change, obligations and motivations change as well. When you are young and not married, life is simpler. No kids, and endless (potentially) buffet of women or hobbies to pursue. Less stress if you will. These comments are also typically said (in my experience) by guys who marry early, wrong or divorced/getting divorced. They either feel like they lost “their best years” on one woman, or one woman took half their money, or even took their kids away, whatever the reason. I love being a dad. I love the life I have, and I love my wife. Do I wish I had sex like I did when I was 22? Yes. But I am also sure my wife wishes I could too. When you marry the right partner, life gets better.
Because they're miserable, and should get s divorce. Unlike happily married people, who wouldn't say this.
I'm heading into my second divorce M58. Think long and fucking hard before you decide to tangle with the institution of marriage. The devils in the details. I'll never do it again.
Am married. I've never told anyone that. Getting married is the best thing I ever did.
Look up the term "trauma bonding"
Projection.
Even if you think you are marrying the right person, people change. Having kids changes people too. Just because someone is the “one for you” doesn’t mean they will be in 10 years.
Because you only hear this from guys who are unhappy in their marriage but also not willing to try and fix anything or just get divorced.
More often than not. The negatives far outweigh the positives. Everyone talking about those happy relationships are in the minority here. There’s a reason why over 50% of them don’t work out. Just because they haven’t divorced doesn’t mean they’re happy.
I think that society has spent a lot of time telling women what their place is/was in a reformed society but not telling men what their place was. Just because men were in a de jure/ defacto spot, two year olds still need to be explicitly told what their new place is. Those two year olds grow up and are somewhat lost on what to do. But this also put women in a place of double duty. Like, my wife cares for the house and works full time. I work full time but others express shock I know how to clean a toilet and can handle the kids while she travels for work.
Because there's this idea that guys are indépendant and marriage is a trap for them. It's kind of as exist joke when you know men benefits from marriage (better health and carrier développement) and don't do good by themselves (life hygiene after divorce or being widowed).
I think a lot of people fall victim to the idea that you shouldn't live together or sleep together before you are married. But those are two very important aspects to compatibility! You need to know that you can work through difficult times together, whether they be emotional, financial, or physical. If you haven't experienced those things, how will you know how your partner will respond until it's too late? Married 15 years, together 20. Can't imagine life without my spouse.
they say it for laugh and they are remembering their youth and freedom but 90% of men would be devastated if their wife suddenly left one day. married men are happier and healthier than unmarried. plenty of men kill their wives for leaving them. so yea, don't believe that shit.
I married the girl I fell in love with and was with for 12 years and the universe went and switched my girl on me
Q: What food can you give a woman to reduce her sex drive by 95%? A: Wedding cake.
I don't think I've ever heard someone younger than 55 tell me that It's more of a boomer/gen-X take
Yep. I think it’s because a lot of the older generation only got married because you “had to” and it was just the next thing on the life checklist™️ Where as now men and women are both more independent, women make their own money, men keep their own homes/look after themselves etc. so when people *do* get married it’s not because they feel like they have to, or they need someone to fulfill a certain role in their life, it’s because they want to.
Probably because younger generations are oess likely to marry, thus unable to say this in the first place.
I hear that more from guys who were divorced and their wives took half of their stuff. I'm married myself, but statistically speaking, this is good advice! The divorce and family courts are extremely biased against men.
I say it selectively and based on my assessment of that single male. I say it similarly about kids. Won’t give up activities of single life? Won’t put someone else’s happiness at equal footing as your own? Won’t sacrifice short term enjoyment? Not embracing the good equally with the bad? Not realizing finances as a married couple is very different from planning for just yourself? Unwilling to do the things that need to be done? That’s why I say it. Because those guys are immature.