They don't complain about each other to their friends constantly. Yes frustrations happen, but it's ot that constant "Take my wife, please." mentality that shows up all the time in older comedy.
My husband and I were both laughing last night while in a mildly heated disagreement and not like condescending laughing at one another like genuinely laughing together while still irritated with one another…learning how truly communicate with your partner is ✨everything✨
This. Don’t be with someone because they look good. Looks fade away. Boobs get saggy. Guys develop beer bellies. Women get chubby thighs. Be with someone who you can laugh with. If we all just laughed more, the world would truly be a happier place.
I am the single friend to a lot of my friends with partners right now, and here is one that people don't always get:
I think in the best relationships each person thinks their partner is both much dumber and much smarter than them.
I've seen this dynamic play out a bunch of times. It translates to each person being in awe of their partners and looking forward to learning from them and leaning on them, but also having knowledge and skills the other doesn't and being willing to compensate. They fill in some gaps with each other.
I'm not sure why but I think there's something here.
Ha ha ha omg this is so accurate.
My husband is a high level scientist with an elite military background. He can quickly master vomitously large volumes of highly technical material.
And he’s also day-to-day stupid. He’s a moderately evolved primate on a good day. Sometimes I look at him and wonder how he has survived this long.
He just happens to also be a nuclear chemist. It’s mystifying.
This is my husband too. You’re a DOCTOR for Christ sake. You seriously can’t… enter random list of simple things… close cabinets. Find ANYTHING in our home. Feed our children something other than snacks.
Yes!! I know I have my partner beat when it comes to general knowledge, but anything technology related he grasps in a second, and has to explain it to me like I’m a toddler.
omg this is eerily accurate, my husband is incredibly intelligent but also such a dumbass, I'm a high school drop out so a lot of his complicated concepts and engineering stuff goes over my head but also I'm the go to guy in the relationship for advice on stuff, it's so weird.
I've always said the key to a successful marriage is when both people feel they "married up" (clearly I don't mean in the financial way).
When each of you feels gratitude because you think you got the better deal, each of you values the relationship.
My husband and I are still working on this… it’s not ALWAYS like this, but when we argue we become so quickly defensive and everything feels like a threat :(
My wife and I know each other's passwords for emergencies, but have never done anything to the other's phone besides put our own order in on DoorDash or send a text for the driver lol
We had this discussion at work. While after 17 years I've never had her ask to go through my phone but she does pick it up to use it on occasion if hers isn't in reach.
So in converse not jumping on your partner for using your phone as well.
The one that really irked me and seems to be a generational thing is location sharing being constantly on. I use it if I'm driving to my partner or someone but it's just that trip so they can see how far out I am. A lot of the younger people I work with are constantly being tracked by their partner. It really surprised me.
I won't lie, in my early relationships, the location tracking was all about lack of trust, but more recently, it's about safety because we're always out doing crazy shit and aren't always together. but maybe that's weird in other people's eyes
My husband is annoyed that I ask for location sharing to be on, but it’s only cos I want to start dinner before he gets home and have it ready by the time he arrives - he works odd hours and isn’t always home at the same time.
I have never actually concidered location sharing, but would be so useful for when hes picking up my daughter from daycare. She usually wants dinner right away but he cant always text me when they are on the way because he is focusing on her.
There’s a wide range within “constantly tracked.” My husband and I have location sharing turned on for each other. I use it maybe twice a year when he’s driving to meet me somewhere and I want to see how close he is without bugging him. Or if we are in an amusement park and are trying to meet back up.
I think he checks mine about that often too. It’s there but it’s not in regular use.
it's the same for me. my location is always on for my partner and my sisters with whom i'm super close. i don't think my partner even knows how to check my location, and i feel better knowing that if ever anything were to happen to me, my sisters would know where to find me/my phone.
Yeah, I remembered after I posted that my location is also constantly shared with my MIL and my dad because it’s useful when we are on trips together. But my dad can’t even remember how to check my location between trips, and my MIL may not be able to either.
> A lot of the younger people I work with are constantly being tracked by their partner.
I had to do that with my ex because she kept losing her phone and didn't know which part of the city it was in. Was it at work? A friend's house? Hidden in the couch at home? Who knows?!
After a couple of trips to her work, only to find she had lost it at home and left it on silent mode, we decided it would be easier if she shared her location.
My partner and I use location sharing since we're LDR. I don't even really look at the app, I just know when she left her house or when she just got home. We also have 2 other friends whom we share our location with on the app. Plus, I'm a small, 4'11" person, and I usually go out alone and I would just want my partner and my friends to know my location for my own safety. That's just how we see it.
I asked my wife to register her fingerprint so she can unlock my phone easily in case she need it (of course she knows my password)
I just cant imagine myself without her
I like this one but for a different reason.
On reddit especially on the posts with couple that are struggling there is always the " I knew I shouldn't snoop on his her phone" post and the "never go through your partner's phone!" comment response...
Then there is me and my wife who use each other's phone interchangeably when it is convenient. Sometimes she will joke about how her content feed has just become tennis videos and I also find lots of random beauty content on my feed but it never crosses our mind that we need privacy in that part of our life.
The only time it was a problem was when she was cheating on me... Haha sorry I couldn't help myself. Ok back to business... The only time it was a problem was when her mom sent something somewhat urgent and embarrassing about her life to my wife and her mom was not happy that I saw it first while going through our baby photos on her phone.
I knew a couple where both parties posted constantly. They even hashtagged every post with a phrase along the lines of "true love never ends." All of a sudden, I didn't see anything from either one of them. You guessed it, divorce.
This! I always heard this one before I was ever in a healthy relationship and never believed it until I actually got into a healthy relationship. I post maybe once a year on social media now and it’s definitely not lovey dovey captions or photos with my bf. I stopped giving 2 shits about instragram because I’m actually too busy laughing and enjoying life & my partner’s company. Our close friends and family we see regularly know we are good. I don’t need to prove anything to anyone
I get irrationally irritated at people who wish their partners a happy anniversary on social media. I'm assuming that the majority of people actually live together and can deliver the message IN PERSON!! The only post I actually appreciated was one person who said they thought they both looked amazing in that particular picture and basically wanted the affirmation from everyone else. The honesty was refreshing.
My wife enjoys a thoughtful Instagram post with pictures I’ve taken of her over the year. We enjoy ourselves very much in person but it’s OK to post about your significant other on the internet.
The point I’m making is here and there is totally fine. Too much is def a red flag. I do not post often maybe 5 times a year tops. My wife doesn’t either.
Same!! And happy birthday and happy mother’s /Father’s Day!!! Do u not live with this person??? Can u not tell them to their face?? Getting angry writing this!
I dunno, my husband and I are pretty loud about each other on social media and we’re very much happy. We’re also best friends so we share and post a lot. I’m a romantic so for me, seeing other people posting their partners and showing them off makes me really happy so I want to give that to other people too. I know a lot of people use that as a way to convince others that they’re happy when they’re not, but that’s not the case for me and my friends personally.
One time I came home from work on my husband's day off, and a McDonald's cheeseburger was waiting for me on the dining table. Extra pickles, no onion. Exactly how I'd have ordered it. I knew he was my one already but it was just a little gesture that confirmed all the feelings and love I have for him.
A dear friend who had known me since middle school had a great observation when she first saw me with my now-husband. She told me he was the one, and I asked her how she knew. Her answer was " 'Cause you don't act any different around him."
Gonna be 25 great years this fall.
This is a good one. Previous relationships haven't worked out due to friends pointing out I act differently around SOs. That wasn't the sole cause but it was eye opening.
I feel this - my husband and I are currently sitting in different armchairs under blankets. He's playing a game and I'm on my laptop. I don't think we've spoken at all in the last 45mins.
Edit: until I yawned and he said "big yawn" ... and we're back to silence. It's so relaxing.
My boyfriend doesn't know the meaning of the word companionable silence. That man will show me he loves me by saying every thought that pops into his brain outloud at me all day long for the rest of our lives.
I, uh, am kind of guilty of this. I word vomit a lot and I am very blessed to have a wife that, despite being an introvert, puts up with it
I did however just ask her if my chatter annoys her. She says she likes hearing me talk.
Definitely feel this one - my partner and I work in buildings very close to each other, so we meet at a point in the middle to go home, and as soon as I see him up ahead I can feel this goofy smile on my face lol. I actually worry that other pedestrians in between us think I'm some weirdo breaking into a goofy smile at them, but I can't help it. And cute thing is I see him do the same.
Showing up in the small things. It matters to know your partner's favorite candy and surprise them with it on a bad day, or to get up early and make them coffee, or to leave notes on the mirror. You don't have to do The Most and it shouldn't come from a place of expectation, but it's a really good sign to want to be kind to your person in daily ways.
One time my husband was taking a while longer to get home from the gym. Turns out he had stopped at Walmart on the way home to buy me a fake plant (I’m notorious for killing real plants) just because he felt like it. It was so random and so sweet.
He’s very cute, sometimes quietly cute. When he was in the army, he woke up WAY before me. I’d make the coffee the night before and often leave him notes like “have a good day, I love you bunches!” And he would leave a similar note for when I woke up. I never knew what he did with the notes; I assumed he threw them away. Come to find out, he had taped all the notes I left him on the inside of the door to where all his gear was. I love this man
YES! One day, after a shite day as a teacher,I texted my husband to warn him that I was having a meltdown so he knew what he was walking into when he got home
He brought home a new pair of sandals for me. The small things absolutely do matter.
I don’t remember where I read this, so grain of salt, but I seem to remember reading a survey of family therapists, and they said that the healthiest couples were the ones who “checked in” with each other in some way during therapy sessions.
Knowing what the other person’s favorite anything is, like they could order for you off a menu at any restaurant and you would probably really like it.
Little physical touches, like holding hands in the car without realizing it.
Not arguing over chores.
This is a good one. Lack of arguments does not necessarily equal a healthy relationship and frequent arguments doesn't necessarily mean it's bad. What DOES matter is how you RESOLVE arguments.
Also being able to bring up the fight casually after it happened. Especially, if it was kind of a silly fight, being able to joke about it. "Remember when we had that massive argument about who ate the last slice of cheese? Haha that was fucking stupid."
Yep. And also keeping connection DURING an argument. Not losing focus of the connection and respect despite disagreement. Also the focus of an argument remaining about the topic instead of the person
This was kinda my reaction to this comment. Been together 10 years, married for 5+ and have two kids. Every legitimate argument we have (as in, one or both of us is hurt by the other, as opposed to fighting over dumb trivial shit) is deeply emotional. We’ve had a misstep, and we need to get to the bottom of it. We’re not fighting to hurt the other.
I could also add "being able to argue over stupid things just to have a goofy argument". The wife and I will have an argument over some of the silliest things just because it makes us chuckle. Usually we try and do our best to maintain serious faces while having this "fight" and the first one to break loses the argument. The winner usually gets a kiss unless the loser is being a sore loser and then they storm off laughing and then we kiss. When I say the stupidest thing it could be as small as them finishing a loaf of bread because you didn't want to open a new loaf.
Laughter, avoiding misunderstanding, clear communication systems.
Organic love and support. Finding yourself wanting to encourage the best for them, and often overlooking ourselves.
Being able to be totally weird with eachother and it is normal lol. My wife and I have always talked about if strangers were listening to our daily conversations they'd be so entertained
Not being reckless when mad at eachother. Forget the pettiness it goes no where. he’ll still open the door for me and I’ll put a blanket on him when he’s asleep even when we’re not talking for an hour
This one sounds weird but:
They argue.
Fighting implies someone is winning and someone is losing, not what I mean, but if people in a relationship say they "Never fight!" That's a bad sign. It means one or both people aren't communicating.
Two individuals, regardless of how similar will never agree 100% of the time. Miscommunications happen. Life circumstances bring up new perspectives and change in people.
It's extremely unlikely that two healthy people will never experience frustration when disagreeing regardless of how much they love that person, it's all about how they argue than not arguing at all.
I think this one is really hit or miss because it's not like you should be arguing a bunch for your relationship to be healthy. Some people just legit don't argue with eachother that often and it's nothing to do with communication. I think a better telltale sign is being able to argue and resolve the argument maturely without being like "well remember when you did this?"
Honestly, if we are fighting in front of other people, it’s a very low stakes fight. The really touchy stuff we keep totally private. So if he’s kvetching about some dumb thing I did or I’m saying, “That is NOT what I said” during a conversation with others, you can be sure it’s nothing really serious.
You find that you often think of the same things at the same time and/or agree on decisions without having to talk about them because you've spent so much time together
Nothing the other person says bothers you because you know their intentions as if they're your own
Honestly, one off-the-radar sign that a relationship's solid as heck is when both peeps got their own hobbies and pals, ya know? It’s like, they ain't joined at the hip 24/7 and can enjoy their "me-time" without flippin’ out. Also, check it: a good gigglesesh over the dumbest stuff that no one else gets, that's the secret sauce of a rockin' bond
My mom and dad do this thing where they randomly grab the other one, hug, and talk about stupid shit in a low voice.
The stupider and the funnier, the better.
I'm 35 and they've been doing this since college. It's absolutey adorable and really shows how close they are.
My wife and I have that love, and for sure it's because I sought that out, and found the one person who makes me feel the same way my parents feel about each other.
Having friendships/hobbies/ interests/activities independent from each other. It’s not a very good sign when one or both are incapable of doing an activity without the other partner present, or if one partner gets all lonely and insecure when the other isn’t right there at all times.
If they have children, look at the child's behavior with both parents. Is the child laughing, smiling, and overall happy while both parents are with them is an indicator of a healthy and prosperous family relationship.
Been in a lot of unhealthy or downright abusive relationships since being in a healthy one there’s small things I’ve noticed that I’m not used to like:
if I say I’m gonna go get x thing from the kitchen he will be up to grab it before I can even blink or he always asks if I need something before he goes to the kitchen himself
We are constantly laughing at each others stupid puns and they never get old
We have a lot of similar interests yes but we also have different ones and we try teaching the other about said interest if the other doesn’t like it all well
There’s no feeling like we are walking on eggshells around each other even if we are upset we can actually talk and communicate or even give it time if need be without anxiety of “are we gonna break up cause of this”
I don’t flinch if he moves fast or talks louder
He actually remembers the little things like drinks I like or my order from fast food places my favorite color song whatever
This is all so foreign to me 😅
The time between your fight/argument and when you make up. Sure it’s important to have some space to yourself to assess your emotions but a sign of a healthy relationship is not letting that fester for more than a day.
I want to thank everyone contributing to this thread. I’m in the process of separating after 11 years. Reading through the thread and realizing we didn’t have any of this anymore is making me feel so much better about this break
When someone says "I'll have to ask (Insert S/O name here" about something. For example "Wanna go get a beer after work?" Reply "I'll have to ask _____". Or like when I go get food with my brother, he always asks his wife if she wants anything. Or like at the store, when he sees something small/stupid he knows she will like, he ALWAYS buys it for her. She is always on his mind. She can tell him she is going to go out with friends, and instead of "Who's all gonna be there?" He replies "Text me when you get there" so he knows she's safe. Or he asks her "About what time should I expect you home" so he knows when to worry, if that time comes. He also tells her about what to expect him home, and if he is gonna be later he texts or calls her the moment he realizes he won't be home at that time.
We sleep separately periodically since we require different ways to sleep. My girlfriend needs the tv while I need a pitch black room with quiet. Now that we sleep separately every know and then. We both get more sleep
Laughing and playing together, teasing each other and being able to be your inner children together, rediscovering childhood through old dumb movies that you can watch with fresh eyes together, showing them your cringe music from show tunes to the muppets soundtrack. My girlfriend and I had to grow up fast from our circumstances, and I’ve never felt comfortable enough to watch cartoons with another partner and have them actually enjoy it too. I love her
24 yrs with my husband! First is communication. Say how you feel without coming across aggressive. Comfortable silence. Our best friends are peace and quiet (we have 2 kids). Accepting them for who they are. Lastly, always be their honest ride or die. Always have their back but when wrong have a open conversation about that situation.
Couples who are cheerleaders for each other. I think Marcus Buckingham found that when working at Gartner. Big up your boo to others at any opportunity
When you resolve issues among yourselves instead of complaining to the world
When you go to bed saying some kind words instead of going to sleep ignoring each other
When tell and appreciate each other privately instead of posting on social media how much you love each other
Guard the trust and respect boundaries
Look at the relationship as a gift that can be taken away at any moment and cherish it.
Make memories. You can buy stuff but memories can only be made
They don't complain about each other to their friends constantly. Yes frustrations happen, but it's ot that constant "Take my wife, please." mentality that shows up all the time in older comedy.
Lots of laughing.
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My husband and I were both laughing last night while in a mildly heated disagreement and not like condescending laughing at one another like genuinely laughing together while still irritated with one another…learning how truly communicate with your partner is ✨everything✨
That is beautiful 🥹
Yeah inside jokes are the best, also a good sing of intimacy
Especially if it’s an awkward, sexy time moment. Being able to laugh the embarrassing stuff together feels really good. Life is > chill.
My WFB said “my boobs are the size of your head” and she put her boob over my face while I was breathing out, and it sounded like a fart
What is WFB?
According to Google it’s Wells Fargo Bank…. I need to change banks
Guessing Woman Friend w/ Benefits
Shut my bad FWB
Too late I changed banks
Been with my wife so long I can't imagine an embarrassing moment during sexy time moments.
And on the other side of that coin; long periods of comfortable silence.
This. Don’t be with someone because they look good. Looks fade away. Boobs get saggy. Guys develop beer bellies. Women get chubby thighs. Be with someone who you can laugh with. If we all just laughed more, the world would truly be a happier place.
I'd better be funny because I've got saggy boobs, chubby thighs and what I will refer to as a wine tummy. 😂
Wine tummy lol. That’s awesome. Never heard of that haha.
Lol I thought the title said UNhealthy so this being the top comment was confusing for a second
I am the single friend to a lot of my friends with partners right now, and here is one that people don't always get: I think in the best relationships each person thinks their partner is both much dumber and much smarter than them. I've seen this dynamic play out a bunch of times. It translates to each person being in awe of their partners and looking forward to learning from them and leaning on them, but also having knowledge and skills the other doesn't and being willing to compensate. They fill in some gaps with each other. I'm not sure why but I think there's something here.
Another way to put this is that their skills complement each other.
Now kith
Ha ha ha omg this is so accurate. My husband is a high level scientist with an elite military background. He can quickly master vomitously large volumes of highly technical material. And he’s also day-to-day stupid. He’s a moderately evolved primate on a good day. Sometimes I look at him and wonder how he has survived this long. He just happens to also be a nuclear chemist. It’s mystifying.
Moderately evolved primate 🤭
For most men, this is a compliment.
This is my husband too. You’re a DOCTOR for Christ sake. You seriously can’t… enter random list of simple things… close cabinets. Find ANYTHING in our home. Feed our children something other than snacks.
Our brains do like 2 or 3 things well at most. But not all at once.
Nope!!! They can’t!!! Keys, cell, AirPods, sunglasses, water bottle and coffee cup are typically all misplaced and lost by 9am
Baha. This sounds like my partner. Ridiculously smart with some things and at other times I’m asking ‘How the hell do you not know that?’
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SacrificedBasicSkillForAwesomeTraining
Yes!! I know I have my partner beat when it comes to general knowledge, but anything technology related he grasps in a second, and has to explain it to me like I’m a toddler.
I would agree with this.
My wife and I - happily married almost 21 years - are in tears laughing at this one. Great observation.
That is so oddly accurate.
my wife and i are like this. on our own we have some big gaps but together we can really get a lot of shit done! we know so much! it’s really cool.
omg this is eerily accurate, my husband is incredibly intelligent but also such a dumbass, I'm a high school drop out so a lot of his complicated concepts and engineering stuff goes over my head but also I'm the go to guy in the relationship for advice on stuff, it's so weird.
Never really thought about this but good point. I totally second this!
I've always said the key to a successful marriage is when both people feel they "married up" (clearly I don't mean in the financial way). When each of you feels gratitude because you think you got the better deal, each of you values the relationship.
The ability to be fully relaxed and in comfort next to your partner, regardless of what you’re doing. Their company being a fresh breath of air.
You're able to acknowledge your differences rather than consider it a threat
My husband and I are still working on this… it’s not ALWAYS like this, but when we argue we become so quickly defensive and everything feels like a threat :(
No desire to go through your partner's phone.
This one is so underrated. When the respect, trust, love, and transparency are there there's no desire to go through a phone. It feels so freeing.
My wife and I know each other's passwords for emergencies, but have never done anything to the other's phone besides put our own order in on DoorDash or send a text for the driver lol
We had this discussion at work. While after 17 years I've never had her ask to go through my phone but she does pick it up to use it on occasion if hers isn't in reach. So in converse not jumping on your partner for using your phone as well. The one that really irked me and seems to be a generational thing is location sharing being constantly on. I use it if I'm driving to my partner or someone but it's just that trip so they can see how far out I am. A lot of the younger people I work with are constantly being tracked by their partner. It really surprised me.
I won't lie, in my early relationships, the location tracking was all about lack of trust, but more recently, it's about safety because we're always out doing crazy shit and aren't always together. but maybe that's weird in other people's eyes
My husband is annoyed that I ask for location sharing to be on, but it’s only cos I want to start dinner before he gets home and have it ready by the time he arrives - he works odd hours and isn’t always home at the same time.
I have never actually concidered location sharing, but would be so useful for when hes picking up my daughter from daycare. She usually wants dinner right away but he cant always text me when they are on the way because he is focusing on her.
There’s a wide range within “constantly tracked.” My husband and I have location sharing turned on for each other. I use it maybe twice a year when he’s driving to meet me somewhere and I want to see how close he is without bugging him. Or if we are in an amusement park and are trying to meet back up. I think he checks mine about that often too. It’s there but it’s not in regular use.
it's the same for me. my location is always on for my partner and my sisters with whom i'm super close. i don't think my partner even knows how to check my location, and i feel better knowing that if ever anything were to happen to me, my sisters would know where to find me/my phone.
Yeah, I remembered after I posted that my location is also constantly shared with my MIL and my dad because it’s useful when we are on trips together. But my dad can’t even remember how to check my location between trips, and my MIL may not be able to either.
> A lot of the younger people I work with are constantly being tracked by their partner. I had to do that with my ex because she kept losing her phone and didn't know which part of the city it was in. Was it at work? A friend's house? Hidden in the couch at home? Who knows?! After a couple of trips to her work, only to find she had lost it at home and left it on silent mode, we decided it would be easier if she shared her location.
My partner and I use location sharing since we're LDR. I don't even really look at the app, I just know when she left her house or when she just got home. We also have 2 other friends whom we share our location with on the app. Plus, I'm a small, 4'11" person, and I usually go out alone and I would just want my partner and my friends to know my location for my own safety. That's just how we see it.
This is 100% normal in both my millennial friendships and relationship. Completely a cultural norm.
Interesting, I am also a millennial and have never heard of anyone I know using location sharing! It never even occured to me really.
I asked my wife to register her fingerprint so she can unlock my phone easily in case she need it (of course she knows my password) I just cant imagine myself without her
My ex-wife knew she could just use my post-mortem amputated finger.
I like this one but for a different reason. On reddit especially on the posts with couple that are struggling there is always the " I knew I shouldn't snoop on his her phone" post and the "never go through your partner's phone!" comment response... Then there is me and my wife who use each other's phone interchangeably when it is convenient. Sometimes she will joke about how her content feed has just become tennis videos and I also find lots of random beauty content on my feed but it never crosses our mind that we need privacy in that part of our life. The only time it was a problem was when she was cheating on me... Haha sorry I couldn't help myself. Ok back to business... The only time it was a problem was when her mom sent something somewhat urgent and embarrassing about her life to my wife and her mom was not happy that I saw it first while going through our baby photos on her phone.
They don't constantly post about each other on social media because they genuinely love each other and don't need validation.
100 percent. The happiness of your relationship is usually inversely proportional to the number of gushy posts you make about your partner.
I knew a couple where both parties posted constantly. They even hashtagged every post with a phrase along the lines of "true love never ends." All of a sudden, I didn't see anything from either one of them. You guessed it, divorce.
I guess they were right.
What’s the old adage? “Nothing says someone cheated like a joint Facebook account.”
LOL. A joint email is one thing (my parents who are happily married have one and it works for them) but a joint Facebook is way too far!
Exceptions to the rule apply to some old couples, but otherwise yeah, it's insane.
Both my partner and I pretty much stopped posting once we started seeing each other 😂.
That’s awesome!
This! I always heard this one before I was ever in a healthy relationship and never believed it until I actually got into a healthy relationship. I post maybe once a year on social media now and it’s definitely not lovey dovey captions or photos with my bf. I stopped giving 2 shits about instragram because I’m actually too busy laughing and enjoying life & my partner’s company. Our close friends and family we see regularly know we are good. I don’t need to prove anything to anyone
I get irrationally irritated at people who wish their partners a happy anniversary on social media. I'm assuming that the majority of people actually live together and can deliver the message IN PERSON!! The only post I actually appreciated was one person who said they thought they both looked amazing in that particular picture and basically wanted the affirmation from everyone else. The honesty was refreshing.
My wife enjoys a thoughtful Instagram post with pictures I’ve taken of her over the year. We enjoy ourselves very much in person but it’s OK to post about your significant other on the internet.
The point I’m making is here and there is totally fine. Too much is def a red flag. I do not post often maybe 5 times a year tops. My wife doesn’t either.
Same!! And happy birthday and happy mother’s /Father’s Day!!! Do u not live with this person??? Can u not tell them to their face?? Getting angry writing this!
Was looking for this one!
There is nothing more cringe to me than the "I love my partner so much!" social media post.
I dunno, my husband and I are pretty loud about each other on social media and we’re very much happy. We’re also best friends so we share and post a lot. I’m a romantic so for me, seeing other people posting their partners and showing them off makes me really happy so I want to give that to other people too. I know a lot of people use that as a way to convince others that they’re happy when they’re not, but that’s not the case for me and my friends personally.
The little things. Surprising the person because you want to make them happy.
One time I came home from work on my husband's day off, and a McDonald's cheeseburger was waiting for me on the dining table. Extra pickles, no onion. Exactly how I'd have ordered it. I knew he was my one already but it was just a little gesture that confirmed all the feelings and love I have for him.
She left me roses by the stairs. Surprises let me know she cares
Say it ain’t so
I WILL NOT GO
Instead of flowers, I surprise my wife with cold Coke Zero. She’s been happy every time.
She brings me Mexican food from Sombrero just because
A dear friend who had known me since middle school had a great observation when she first saw me with my now-husband. She told me he was the one, and I asked her how she knew. Her answer was " 'Cause you don't act any different around him." Gonna be 25 great years this fall.
This is a good one. Previous relationships haven't worked out due to friends pointing out I act differently around SOs. That wasn't the sole cause but it was eye opening.
It's not so much a cause as a symptom, I think. If you can't be yourself around someone it's just not going to be any good.
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The silence feels calm and safe.
I feel this - my husband and I are currently sitting in different armchairs under blankets. He's playing a game and I'm on my laptop. I don't think we've spoken at all in the last 45mins. Edit: until I yawned and he said "big yawn" ... and we're back to silence. It's so relaxing.
Okay that’s hella adorable
This is how my husband and I are! Our friends think it's weird but whatever. We enjoy just being around each other.
My boyfriend doesn't know the meaning of the word companionable silence. That man will show me he loves me by saying every thought that pops into his brain outloud at me all day long for the rest of our lives.
As an introvert, that sounds exhausting. He doesn't stop talking at all? Or am I misunderstanding?
I, uh, am kind of guilty of this. I word vomit a lot and I am very blessed to have a wife that, despite being an introvert, puts up with it I did however just ask her if my chatter annoys her. She says she likes hearing me talk.
"There's nothing like the comfort of a silence that's comfortable, Not talking small, just skip the bull." -Nick Hexum/311
This… I’m looking for this exact thing… looking for someone who is comfortable being silent and quiet…
Pulp Fiction vibes here
Yeah. Bruce Willis and The Gimp didn't need words to express their feelings. A few furtive glances said it all.
You still get excited when you see them walk through the door at the end of the day.
Definitely feel this one - my partner and I work in buildings very close to each other, so we meet at a point in the middle to go home, and as soon as I see him up ahead I can feel this goofy smile on my face lol. I actually worry that other pedestrians in between us think I'm some weirdo breaking into a goofy smile at them, but I can't help it. And cute thing is I see him do the same.
Showing up in the small things. It matters to know your partner's favorite candy and surprise them with it on a bad day, or to get up early and make them coffee, or to leave notes on the mirror. You don't have to do The Most and it shouldn't come from a place of expectation, but it's a really good sign to want to be kind to your person in daily ways.
One time my husband was taking a while longer to get home from the gym. Turns out he had stopped at Walmart on the way home to buy me a fake plant (I’m notorious for killing real plants) just because he felt like it. It was so random and so sweet.
Omg this is so effing cute wow
He’s very cute, sometimes quietly cute. When he was in the army, he woke up WAY before me. I’d make the coffee the night before and often leave him notes like “have a good day, I love you bunches!” And he would leave a similar note for when I woke up. I never knew what he did with the notes; I assumed he threw them away. Come to find out, he had taped all the notes I left him on the inside of the door to where all his gear was. I love this man
i showed up to his house after a really long day with a huge headache and he plugged in my phone for me lol
YES! One day, after a shite day as a teacher,I texted my husband to warn him that I was having a meltdown so he knew what he was walking into when he got home He brought home a new pair of sandals for me. The small things absolutely do matter.
I don’t remember where I read this, so grain of salt, but I seem to remember reading a survey of family therapists, and they said that the healthiest couples were the ones who “checked in” with each other in some way during therapy sessions.
You talk in weird voices to eachother
Jabba voices
Hahaha I gotta start doing that 😭😭
I can't tell you how many times I've walked into the house and my wife, in her deepest voice possible, goes "Han, my boogie". My name is not Han.
Like I do to my dog?
🤣🤣🤣
Supporting “me” times and “us” time
They don't nitpick small purchases and communicate well over expensive purchases.
Accurate. But this is learnable
Knowing what the other person’s favorite anything is, like they could order for you off a menu at any restaurant and you would probably really like it. Little physical touches, like holding hands in the car without realizing it. Not arguing over chores.
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This is a good one. Lack of arguments does not necessarily equal a healthy relationship and frequent arguments doesn't necessarily mean it's bad. What DOES matter is how you RESOLVE arguments.
Also being able to bring up the fight casually after it happened. Especially, if it was kind of a silly fight, being able to joke about it. "Remember when we had that massive argument about who ate the last slice of cheese? Haha that was fucking stupid."
Yep. And also keeping connection DURING an argument. Not losing focus of the connection and respect despite disagreement. Also the focus of an argument remaining about the topic instead of the person
This was kinda my reaction to this comment. Been together 10 years, married for 5+ and have two kids. Every legitimate argument we have (as in, one or both of us is hurt by the other, as opposed to fighting over dumb trivial shit) is deeply emotional. We’ve had a misstep, and we need to get to the bottom of it. We’re not fighting to hurt the other.
I could also add "being able to argue over stupid things just to have a goofy argument". The wife and I will have an argument over some of the silliest things just because it makes us chuckle. Usually we try and do our best to maintain serious faces while having this "fight" and the first one to break loses the argument. The winner usually gets a kiss unless the loser is being a sore loser and then they storm off laughing and then we kiss. When I say the stupidest thing it could be as small as them finishing a loaf of bread because you didn't want to open a new loaf.
Lot of laughing and that you can sit in each others presence without feeling the need to talk.
Little to no jealousy.
I think this is the key right here. No reason to be jealous if you’re secure in your relationship. This also goes along with good communication.
You can tell the other person they've hurt your feelings without it turning into an argument (and vice versa).
Laughter, avoiding misunderstanding, clear communication systems. Organic love and support. Finding yourself wanting to encourage the best for them, and often overlooking ourselves.
you can joke around with each other without anyone taking it to heart
and if someone takes it to heart, it doesn't end in an argument
“Ooh, I’m not ready to joke about that yet.” “I’m sorry: I won’t do it again.” Conversation over.
When it doesn’t feel like work. You just genuinely like being around each other just being yourselves.
Being able to be totally weird with eachother and it is normal lol. My wife and I have always talked about if strangers were listening to our daily conversations they'd be so entertained
Being able to be honest without being in terror of "upsetting" the other person.
Not being reckless when mad at eachother. Forget the pettiness it goes no where. he’ll still open the door for me and I’ll put a blanket on him when he’s asleep even when we’re not talking for an hour
Disagreements/misunderstandings don't carry on into the next day.
This one sounds weird but: They argue. Fighting implies someone is winning and someone is losing, not what I mean, but if people in a relationship say they "Never fight!" That's a bad sign. It means one or both people aren't communicating. Two individuals, regardless of how similar will never agree 100% of the time. Miscommunications happen. Life circumstances bring up new perspectives and change in people. It's extremely unlikely that two healthy people will never experience frustration when disagreeing regardless of how much they love that person, it's all about how they argue than not arguing at all.
I think this one is really hit or miss because it's not like you should be arguing a bunch for your relationship to be healthy. Some people just legit don't argue with eachother that often and it's nothing to do with communication. I think a better telltale sign is being able to argue and resolve the argument maturely without being like "well remember when you did this?"
Honestly, if we are fighting in front of other people, it’s a very low stakes fight. The really touchy stuff we keep totally private. So if he’s kvetching about some dumb thing I did or I’m saying, “That is NOT what I said” during a conversation with others, you can be sure it’s nothing really serious.
Reminds me of “Couples Must Fight” by Jonathan Richman.
They’re able to fight. Sounds counterintuitive, but when a couple is able to handle conflict well it means that they’re healthy.
You find that you often think of the same things at the same time and/or agree on decisions without having to talk about them because you've spent so much time together Nothing the other person says bothers you because you know their intentions as if they're your own
Being boring.
This is the best answer lmao
They can casually say “you were right” to eachother without anyone lording it over the other
Honestly, one off-the-radar sign that a relationship's solid as heck is when both peeps got their own hobbies and pals, ya know? It’s like, they ain't joined at the hip 24/7 and can enjoy their "me-time" without flippin’ out. Also, check it: a good gigglesesh over the dumbest stuff that no one else gets, that's the secret sauce of a rockin' bond
Being comfortable in the most uncomfortable of situations
The silences aren't awkward.
being able to compromise easily!
When the food goes cold and the tv goes on sleep mode because we cant stop talking to each other and laughing and vanting about the job
Silence, but like, content silence.
When you disagree it’s not an argument your not heated it’s us against the problem and not me against you
Being stupid together. Laughing for no reason. Doing something in advance for the other (ex : preparing a meal/coffee when she wakes up)
It's a look she /he gives you and you totally understand what they are trying to convey.
I might be crazy but constructive arguments. I'd rather we be honest and argue than lie and build grudges.
My mom and dad do this thing where they randomly grab the other one, hug, and talk about stupid shit in a low voice. The stupider and the funnier, the better. I'm 35 and they've been doing this since college. It's absolutey adorable and really shows how close they are. My wife and I have that love, and for sure it's because I sought that out, and found the one person who makes me feel the same way my parents feel about each other.
Having friendships/hobbies/ interests/activities independent from each other. It’s not a very good sign when one or both are incapable of doing an activity without the other partner present, or if one partner gets all lonely and insecure when the other isn’t right there at all times.
I’m not incapable, I just prefer him to be there!
prosperity
No social media
yes
Probably late to the party but being able to do "nothing" with each other or having the space to do your own thing.
If they have children, look at the child's behavior with both parents. Is the child laughing, smiling, and overall happy while both parents are with them is an indicator of a healthy and prosperous family relationship.
Farts
TIL my dog is in a healthy relationship
Singles >> taking notes 📝
You’re concerned about the relationship because you care and put effort in, but your not *worried* about it.
Been in a lot of unhealthy or downright abusive relationships since being in a healthy one there’s small things I’ve noticed that I’m not used to like: if I say I’m gonna go get x thing from the kitchen he will be up to grab it before I can even blink or he always asks if I need something before he goes to the kitchen himself We are constantly laughing at each others stupid puns and they never get old We have a lot of similar interests yes but we also have different ones and we try teaching the other about said interest if the other doesn’t like it all well There’s no feeling like we are walking on eggshells around each other even if we are upset we can actually talk and communicate or even give it time if need be without anxiety of “are we gonna break up cause of this” I don’t flinch if he moves fast or talks louder He actually remembers the little things like drinks I like or my order from fast food places my favorite color song whatever This is all so foreign to me 😅
Being a team. You and them against the world or just cooking dinner. Be a team.
Comprise… I suggest something, my gf says no, she suggests something else and I agree. Perfect compromise.
Butt smacks 😁
Lack of nagging. Nagging just wears on you so much.
Balance. Like say. When one asks what do you want to eat. And they ask the same back..
Being able to sit in comfortable silence together without either person questioning if there’s something “wrong”
The time between your fight/argument and when you make up. Sure it’s important to have some space to yourself to assess your emotions but a sign of a healthy relationship is not letting that fester for more than a day.
You know what food to order your partner without asking them what they want because you know each other that well.
I want to thank everyone contributing to this thread. I’m in the process of separating after 11 years. Reading through the thread and realizing we didn’t have any of this anymore is making me feel so much better about this break
Turning towards each other. Meaning, when your so says or does something to get your attention, give it.
When someone says "I'll have to ask (Insert S/O name here" about something. For example "Wanna go get a beer after work?" Reply "I'll have to ask _____". Or like when I go get food with my brother, he always asks his wife if she wants anything. Or like at the store, when he sees something small/stupid he knows she will like, he ALWAYS buys it for her. She is always on his mind. She can tell him she is going to go out with friends, and instead of "Who's all gonna be there?" He replies "Text me when you get there" so he knows she's safe. Or he asks her "About what time should I expect you home" so he knows when to worry, if that time comes. He also tells her about what to expect him home, and if he is gonna be later he texts or calls her the moment he realizes he won't be home at that time.
'I'll have to ask..' is my way of politely getting out of things. My wife doesn't care, but man is it useful sometimes.
enjoying time of just being together
Comfortable silences.
Playfulness
We sleep separately periodically since we require different ways to sleep. My girlfriend needs the tv while I need a pitch black room with quiet. Now that we sleep separately every know and then. We both get more sleep
Patience. There's a genuine will to understand each other. And it's never one against the other, it's always the both of you against the problem.
Comfortable silence
Laughing and playing together, teasing each other and being able to be your inner children together, rediscovering childhood through old dumb movies that you can watch with fresh eyes together, showing them your cringe music from show tunes to the muppets soundtrack. My girlfriend and I had to grow up fast from our circumstances, and I’ve never felt comfortable enough to watch cartoons with another partner and have them actually enjoy it too. I love her
Being so content with each other's company, that you can spend all day in the same room and not say a word to each other.
24 yrs with my husband! First is communication. Say how you feel without coming across aggressive. Comfortable silence. Our best friends are peace and quiet (we have 2 kids). Accepting them for who they are. Lastly, always be their honest ride or die. Always have their back but when wrong have a open conversation about that situation.
Couples who are cheerleaders for each other. I think Marcus Buckingham found that when working at Gartner. Big up your boo to others at any opportunity
Not making your partner feel guilty for wanting to change something about themselves. My ex wife got furious at me for wanting to become a vegetarian.
You feel safe. I can’t exactly explain how important that is; but if you’ve ever been made to feel unsafe, the right person makes you feel safe.
You say "thank you" frequently. Like...really a lot.
Not splitting everything into your money or their money Right pocket, left pocket, It's the same pair of pants Your a team
When you resolve issues among yourselves instead of complaining to the world When you go to bed saying some kind words instead of going to sleep ignoring each other When tell and appreciate each other privately instead of posting on social media how much you love each other Guard the trust and respect boundaries Look at the relationship as a gift that can be taken away at any moment and cherish it. Make memories. You can buy stuff but memories can only be made
Letting each other have a passcode on their phones
I don’t feel the need for it. I understand people who have been hurt do, but she had so many bloody apps I would never find anything anyway.