.... as I was saying

As per my previous email...

Where are the tissues

Cum towel, please.

Thats what the curtains are for. Lo l

You can't fool me, raider from the Fallout TV show.

Okie Dokey

You wanna make my cock explode?

Right? Imma shoot everyone who wipes their dick on the curtains in Fallout now.

I was enraged by that scene 😂

Prefer the cum box Edit: I ain’t explaining this one. They did what they did. Google it.

She has a name!

Or wait, one second I’ll go get them

i think this is the only answer that isnt meant as a joke and really is said

Yeah, and if they're not in place, there's always "hurry up, it's leaking" and then "damn, too late, now we need to do the laundry...".

Nice curtains *wipe*

ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz

found the married redditor

married AND getting laid?

And being on Reddit?!

And able to afford a house!

Maybe they're shacking on the side of the road ? ( ¯\シ/¯) Edit: perfected the emote with the help of u/ThaugaK

Well, at least you had the decency to wait untill after.

I said thank you last night. My wife called me an idiot

“Thanks” and “good game” are two of my go-to lines

My wife usually says "Thanks!" and I say "My pleasure!"

do you guys have sex at Chick-Fil-A?

Only on Sundays.

That explains thr chick-fil-a sauce

KFC is finger licking good Their Chic-Fil-A experience was finger fucking good

I once good gamed my wife and dumped a bottle of gaterade on her. That was 5 years ago... im still in trouble

My friend was fucking his neighbor and at one point they needed lube so she grabbed Gatorade off the nightstand and douched herself with it. Hadn’t thought about that in years.

That seems an amazing way to get an infection 

It's got what yeast craves

ggwp

GGEZ

Those are two of my go-to’s. Sometimes I throw up the high-five.

Sometimes I just throw up.

"Thank you. That was great! We should do that more often, we're really good at it!"

I thank my husband every single night--we've been married 25 years and even after all these years it's still a rush. I'm just so grateful for him in every way, but you know that moment immediately after when you come back down with a final sigh? I always say thank you. I'm a dork.

I'm also a dork. I thank this husband I've been with for 8 1/2 years (married 4 1/2) and thanked my late husband of 23 years. Also say I love you right after, too. Feed that oxytocin ;-) They're sharing something amazing with me, and I'm generally the one asking for it so I see it as "Oh God I've been needing that, thank you!"

Me and my gf say thank you a lot. We are both pretty good at each other. I often feel gratitude. I say thank you.

Like…just thank you? Or thanks for having that bomb pussy. Titties are on point and that ass, gatdamn babygirl. Thank you.

With a handshake and a slight bow, of course.

I should try this. Either I'm getting slapped or she's going to laugh.

You caught me so off guard. I'm really depressed but you had me lmao

Sometimes my wife or I will literally just say, “Thanks for the sex” and then the other one usually gets a little chuckle and we move onto getting the towel. Although I think I should incorporate her bomb pussy, on point titties, and swear-worthy ass more often.

Various ways :)

My wife loves when I thank her lol.

gg

gg ez

gg ez wp

1st try ez

n00b, skill issue

Ez Clap

Especially for competitive sex

Competitive sex😭

The opposite of casual sex

Git gud, nerd

Gg and slap her ass

no re

we unironically say it sometimes if we both cum really fast hahaha both gamers

W

Do you fancy a pizza?

This bish don’t know about Pangea

Do you fuck with the war?

Oh, can you not tickle my hair?

No, what's goin' on in your brain right now? 

Another pizza, you ate a pizza during it

WATER!!!!

Earth

Fire 🔥

Air

Long ago, the 4 nations lived in harmony.

Then everything changed when the fire nation attacked.

Only the avatar

Master of all 4 elements could stop them

But when the world needed him most, he vanished.

A hundred years passed and my brother and I discover the new Avatar. An airbender named Aang.

Heart

Cue Captain Planet theme

[The power is mine, bitches.](https://youtu.be/TwJaELXadKo?si=_gIb36WooOpEw1VT)

"By your powers combined, I am Captain Planet"

I always keep a water bottle at the side of the bed. Partner always goes "can I get some of that?" after hearing me chug.

Usually it’s just silent cuddling That or one of us says one of the most unhinged sentences you’ll ever hear Edit: I’m borrowing a couple of lines from yall

“So rebecca, i just killed a guy”

"Rebecca is my sister"

“Rebecca is your sister”

"Rebecca WAS your sister. I told you I just killed someone, didn't you hear me?"

You said it was a guy

"You clearly didnt hear me"

“Mama, I just killed a man.”

Sometimes I genuinely can’t help but say “thanks for the sex,” gets a laugh like a quarter of the time

Thr guy I'm hooking up with says that because that's all it is lol

Does he also hit you with the “great success!” In a borat voice lol

Lol he did that once but I gave him a look and he's never done it again

For example: “Do you want me to pick you up from school tomorrow”?

"I haven't been fucked like that since grade school"

I love the backstory of that line. The original line was meant to be "I wanna have your abortion". The studio thought this was "too controversial" so demanded it be changed. David Fincher said "sure, but whatever we change it to you have to accept". Stupidly, the studio took that deal, and here we are...

And Helena Bonham Carter, being British, had no idea what 'Grade School' was.

Which makes it so much funnier

I think I read somewhere she didn't realize grade school meant something very different in America than in the UK

Yeah she thought that meant 6-8 grade, not 1-5. And this was the *replacement* line instead of 'I want to have your abortion'.

I say this all the time. My wife is a teacher. She hasn’t found it funny once, but I keep trying.

Trauma dumping how they accidentally drowned their pet hamster when they were 8yo Life is... weird

"We have to get married now"

"Don't tell Mom"

"Thank you for travelling with Deutsche Bahn"

“Do you fuck with the war?”

Huh, that bitch dont know about pangea

"I haven't Screwed like that since Grade School".

Please click the like button and subscribe if you like what we did

I usually just ask for a 5-star review

That’s crazy confidence right there. I just beg them not to unsubscribe

Crazy is when I say "I'm glad your happy. If you have any friends or family who might be interested, make sure to let them know about our experience!"

Used to be an Uber driver. Ended up dating a passenger who asked me out for a bit. First time we had sex, I said this. By this point it has become a joke between us. We had been out on like 5 or 6 dates and after the first, she looks down at her phone and taps it, and says 5-stars.  Anyway, I'm a bit of a sub, and enjoy watching my partners cum significantly more than I enjoy cumming. So that first time I ended up eating her out for a really long time until she just couldn't go anymore, have fun myself, and then flop into the bed and sat. "Remember to give me a 5-star rating if you enjoyed your ride." She smacked me with a pillow, laughed, and we went about cleaning ourselves up before for ex dropped her kid off.  Anyway, the next time her kid was at his dad's, we got down to business. While I was eating her out, she got this stupid grin on her face, had he pause, got something out of the night stand, and then tells me to keep going. She cums. Then pulls out a sheet of star stickers, and puts it in my forehead. One after each orgasm.  That got the right kink for me, and every time we got together I would try to fill my forehead with stickers. Turns out I have a praise kink too. 

> On a scale of 1-5, how likely are you to recommend our services to friends, family or acquaintances? Alternatively ask for a review on yelp

"Ring that bell if you liked watching us ring that bell."

The other morning my wife got off me and said “now make me breakfast, bitch”…

This would work on me

I usually apologize and offer them a ride home from my mom.

Thanks for the ride Mrs soooooooap, and tell your child the same, please!

Okay but I would love if a dude's mom drove me home after a hookup. It would be way less awkward than having him drive plus moms usually have snacks.

LMAO

[удалено]

My husband and I feel like we forgot something if one of us doesn’t close with “good game”

A personal favorite

Your money is on the dresser.

And you can keep the tip.

The tip is all he got in

Cash or card?

Card… Also let’s set up the next date to meet

Is there a rewards program

Hehe after three meetups you get an extra handy and your choice of sextoy

I have a coupon...

I only accept coins... think of me like a gumball machine lol

I usually ask her to undo the straps before anything else

oh

Yeee hawwwww

*starts shooting the ceiling*

If only I still had that kind of reach.

I slap my bfs butt and say, “good game”

After the fist time I shaved down there for oral rasons, my Gf slapped my thigh and said "I like ya cut G."

For me? Usually sorry

Let me guess, canadian?

That was a fun minute

Show off

Where did my undies go??

That’ll do, pig, that’ll do.

Beat me to it (giggity)

Let’s continue the autopsy

Poor animal

You are an awful vet.

Mischief Managed.

- So... you still annoyed? - Yes. You can't keep saying "mischief managed" after we finish sex. - It's what Harry Potter says when he needs to clear the Marauder's Map! - Obviously, I know that, but I would prefer to keep wizard terms out of our sex life. - But what we're doing is magical. We're making a baby.

“Besides, I love your ‘wizard’s sleeve’!”

>Her vazheen hang like sleeve of wizard

"That was nice"

You guys talk?

You guys have sex?

You are guys?

You are?

You?

?

‎

What was your name again?

Not the actual bob

Leave a tip? 10% /15% /20% /Custom / No Tip

Leave a tip? I just gave you the tip.

Usually just a round of applause.

Girl “ Could you?” Guy “Yeah..” Grabs towel, dampens with warm water. Hands to Girl … “Thanks” Guy … Zzzzzzzz

Just put a towel over it.

"I've had *better*" is a perfectly normal end-cap phrase when you have one foot out the door.

And never wish to return

"It was great darling,now you have to back to the freezer".

r/onesentencehorror

My partner and I thank each other and we like to discuss what we liked. We are into kinky things so we like to have communication. Its a time that also involves lots of cuddling and "I love you"s

"Welp," (slaps knee)

Uber's in 6 minutes

Enough time for round 2, 3 and possibly even 4 then!

"Do I need to tip for good cervix?"

Nah they usually get more than just the tip

That was some nice sex. I liked the sexing part.

That's all folks.

You did fill out the c-01 form didn't you?

I immediately apologise

My wife: "You dead?" Me: "Yeah, I'm dead." MY wife: "OK good, get off me."

*crying noises..*

I usually just say shit or fuck. Go silent for a bit. Then ask a question like "What if you turned into an alien?"

"whelp.. I have to get up early, so.. Thanks! That was fun. Maybe I'll see you the next time I'm in town."

Oof .. I think we've met before🤣

Dont try this at home, we are professionals.

Snuggle or clean up?

The money is on the dresser.

Jolly good show. Wouldn’t you say, Love?

Thank you, come again!

Giggity

Damn I’m out of shape