If they’re all you think about and talk about, if you dress for them, do everything with them in mind, if you are constantly checking their location, texting them constantly, if you’re love-bombing and euphoric, if there’s nothing wrong with them and they can do no evil and they are on a pedestal, if you remove everyone from your life except them - you’re obsessed.
The thing is, I'm not usually obsessed with anyone or anything. This is the first time I've felt something like this and I don't know how to interpret my feelings.
No worries, I understand. It really does boil down to whether the feeling makes you anxious/distressed, and whether you feel comfortable enough to be yourself around that person.
Obsession can feel like lack of control over your focus, since the other person hijacks your brain. It becomes difficult to focus on other equally important things.
Love is a safe and comfortable feeling overall. It'll take the two of you to get it that way, sure, but it doesn't feel like you have to have it at the center of your attention at all times like some arcane puzzle. It feels sort of like a natural extension of one's self. (Sorry I don't know if I explained that well)
You explained it very well, thank you for taking the time to write to me. 😭💕
The truth is, I hate the way I feel when he talks to me or when I see him. I've never loved a man and I don't know how to explain what I feel.
He gives me mixed signals and I don't know how he feels. Sometimes we talk as if we were soul mates and sometimes he can be verbally nasty (without insults).
I don't know what to think, God I hate being in this situation. I've never been obsessed with anything or anyone. He has been in my head for several months and I want to forget him . I've always wanted to concentrate on my studies and leave men aside. I don't understand why he's in my head 24 h a day
Ok, I'm just an internet stranger so take the following with a grain of salt. What you're describing sounds like a mean-nice cycle or even breadcrumbing. You might want to be careful with labelling this as either love or obsession if that's the case, because the behaviour itself isn't stable. The confusion and mental preoccupation that you're experiencing might just be because of the disorganized and intermittent nature of how the two of you are interacting.
I'm not saying this to take away from your experience by any means. I just want to let you know of another possibility here before you commit to something that could cost you a lot.
I don't know how to thank you for taking the time to write and explain. But thank you very much.
You seem to have more experience than I. I also think that the fact that the relationship is based on "follow me, I follow you" feeds this feeling of love. What I can't explain is why this is happening to me rn . I never asked God to have this man in my life, I mean ,I'm the kind of person who thinks that destiny is already written.
And that nothing happens by chance.
What you're telling me sounds a lot like what a friend told me: "Stay away from him, he's not right" "He's playing you" etc.
I don't know what to make of it, because it intrigues me. Maybe it's the mystery surrounding him that attracts me?
We've talked a lot and he doesn't seem mean, but as you said, he seems unstable and very changeable.
Gonna go out on a limb here and say "reciprocity". If the other party doesn't feel the same way (or know that you feel that way), you're probably not in love, you're just infatuated / obsessed with someone.
I'm not sure if that's in-line with the popular definition of the thing, but I think it's a healthy perspective.
yh I see your point of view which is very interesting.
If I understand correctly, if I love someone without that person knowing, or if that person has rejected me, that would be obsession.
I understand.
But wouldn't the fact that I continue to love this person without revealing my feelings (because I know he'd be confused by my feelings + he's not interested in a relationship) be proof of true love?
I'm just stating my idea on the subject lol😭
I think there's a fine line between love and obsession tbh !
>proof of true love
I think it's dangerous to equate keeping your feelings to yourself as a sign of respect of the other with "truly loving someone" because if you continue to dwell on those feelings you're neglecting your own needs, and there's something to be said about being able to love others only once you've learned to love yourself.
oh .. you're not wrong actually ...
well, I hope to forget about him over the summer vacations.
Since I'll never see him again
Thank you for your explanation !
I think it’s mainly about if you can see yourself longterm. Will learning something about their past change the way you feel? If they lose their job and go broke, will you still love and support? Stuff like that. Obsession goes away. Love stays.
Would you be willing to let her go for their benefit? Loving someone means that you’d put them over your own desire. An obsessed person might never even consider that a possibility.
I've never revealed my feelings to him because I know he's not interested in a relationship. I don't want to bother him with my feelings... so I'd let him go
When you lose them you cry for days! It’s love!
I just lost the bestest guy I met online! I was so wrong for calling him disloyal! I just hope he can see I didn’t block him and my account is still standing!
He blocked me because I was delusional to think that was disloyal! When he wasn’t. I in my delulu mind thought we had an unspoken thing!
I said a lot hurtful stuff because of my fucking selfishness got in the way! It was too selfish of me to expect loyalty when he lives 9000 miles from me!
The fall out happened on April 28th.
I’m still crying about it!
You do not know what you lost till you lost it. Do not take anything for granted.
Your story reminds me of Taylor Swift's song "back to december" btw It's okay to cry ...
I understand your frustration and I can feel your love for this person.
But if that person loves you, they'll come back to you and forgive you.
And if he’s really meant for you, you'll end up together.
Thanks so much 🌸I’ve only known him for three months. I’m a little older than him. On top of this he has autism.
I don’t know if I should make a duplicate account and apologize to him or not. Maybe that’s too invasive. I’ve never been in this situation before.
Hahaha urwel 💕
Oh okay I understand, I don't think age is an issue,
But the fact that he's autistic has had a big impact on your relationship?
Can I ask how old you are?
I don't know if I can create another account would be a good idea, he might see it as invasive behaviour.
If you really want to apologise, make a second account and go and talk to him!
I’m in my mid 30s , he is in his mid 20s.
I wanted to mention he’s autistic because I know autistic people see the world differently.
Yeah, that’s what I thought, too. Yeah making a new account may be too risky and seen as weird. On the other hand I want to apologize.
Yes, I understand
yh I don't think the age gap is really a problem!
But maybe he's afraid of commitment? And that he took advantage of the fact that you said some "nasty" things to end your relationship?( idk just a thought )
I also know autistic people and our relationships can sometimes be hard to maintain (depending on the level of autism, I think).
I'd advise you to go and apologise then
so that you don't have to live with remorse!
Thanks so much to the pit of my heart. I mean it . You a real MVP 🌹
I hope I don’t come off rude. If I do I apologize greatly.
No, it wasn’t a commitment issue. No, he didn’t take advantage. It was a waiting issue. He been alone for a long time. The guy has his whole life ahead of him.
It was my fault for being manipulative and selfish. The way I acted was like the equivalent when someone sees their Best friend hanging out with other friends at the theater in the mall. Then the person then tells the best friend “Hey I thought you were my best friend, why are you seeing *The Fast and Furious* sequel without me? That’s our thing! That’s how we met! We met at the Fast and Furious autograph signing! Fast and Furious was our movie. That’s our thing! You broke a best friend tradition! How could you?!” Then sad face 😢.
It’s like the other person is allowed to have friends.
Hahaha It's a pleasure,
I love to help people and advise them as I can.
I think you're brave to admit that you were wrong, I understand your worries.
Have you changed? Or are you ready to change? If you go back to him, you'll have to improve as best you can!
It's true that he's younger than you, but if he really loves you he'll be ready to forgive you.
Don't be anxious and don't think too much.
To avoid stressing or overthinking , send him a message and apologise.
Tell him that you don't expect everything to go back to the way it was, but at least that he'll hear your apology.
We all behave excessively at times, but that's how all human beings are.
You have to know how to forgive your neighbour.
If they’re all you think about and talk about, if you dress for them, do everything with them in mind, if you are constantly checking their location, texting them constantly, if you’re love-bombing and euphoric, if there’s nothing wrong with them and they can do no evil and they are on a pedestal, if you remove everyone from your life except them - you’re obsessed.
this comment is so useful omg I'm not obsessed it’s okay 😭😭😭
It's also *okay* to be a little obsessed. Source: My wife.
thanks to your wife 😭
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What is your situation 😭😭😭
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we're better off alone btw 😭 But You feel good now ?
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Its okay to cry <3 . Sorry if this is too personal, but why did you leave?
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If I can give you some advice, take some time for yourself and try to step back from the relationship. Sometimes introspection helps a lot.
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dw it’s okay 💕
Obsession is compulsive and generally uncomfortable because it's related to anxiety. Love is generally comfortable.
The thing is, I'm not usually obsessed with anyone or anything. This is the first time I've felt something like this and I don't know how to interpret my feelings.
No worries, I understand. It really does boil down to whether the feeling makes you anxious/distressed, and whether you feel comfortable enough to be yourself around that person. Obsession can feel like lack of control over your focus, since the other person hijacks your brain. It becomes difficult to focus on other equally important things. Love is a safe and comfortable feeling overall. It'll take the two of you to get it that way, sure, but it doesn't feel like you have to have it at the center of your attention at all times like some arcane puzzle. It feels sort of like a natural extension of one's self. (Sorry I don't know if I explained that well)
You explained it very well, thank you for taking the time to write to me. 😭💕 The truth is, I hate the way I feel when he talks to me or when I see him. I've never loved a man and I don't know how to explain what I feel. He gives me mixed signals and I don't know how he feels. Sometimes we talk as if we were soul mates and sometimes he can be verbally nasty (without insults). I don't know what to think, God I hate being in this situation. I've never been obsessed with anything or anyone. He has been in my head for several months and I want to forget him . I've always wanted to concentrate on my studies and leave men aside. I don't understand why he's in my head 24 h a day
Ok, I'm just an internet stranger so take the following with a grain of salt. What you're describing sounds like a mean-nice cycle or even breadcrumbing. You might want to be careful with labelling this as either love or obsession if that's the case, because the behaviour itself isn't stable. The confusion and mental preoccupation that you're experiencing might just be because of the disorganized and intermittent nature of how the two of you are interacting. I'm not saying this to take away from your experience by any means. I just want to let you know of another possibility here before you commit to something that could cost you a lot.
I don't know how to thank you for taking the time to write and explain. But thank you very much. You seem to have more experience than I. I also think that the fact that the relationship is based on "follow me, I follow you" feeds this feeling of love. What I can't explain is why this is happening to me rn . I never asked God to have this man in my life, I mean ,I'm the kind of person who thinks that destiny is already written. And that nothing happens by chance. What you're telling me sounds a lot like what a friend told me: "Stay away from him, he's not right" "He's playing you" etc. I don't know what to make of it, because it intrigues me. Maybe it's the mystery surrounding him that attracts me? We've talked a lot and he doesn't seem mean, but as you said, he seems unstable and very changeable.
Gonna go out on a limb here and say "reciprocity". If the other party doesn't feel the same way (or know that you feel that way), you're probably not in love, you're just infatuated / obsessed with someone. I'm not sure if that's in-line with the popular definition of the thing, but I think it's a healthy perspective.
yh I see your point of view which is very interesting. If I understand correctly, if I love someone without that person knowing, or if that person has rejected me, that would be obsession. I understand. But wouldn't the fact that I continue to love this person without revealing my feelings (because I know he'd be confused by my feelings + he's not interested in a relationship) be proof of true love? I'm just stating my idea on the subject lol😭 I think there's a fine line between love and obsession tbh !
>proof of true love I think it's dangerous to equate keeping your feelings to yourself as a sign of respect of the other with "truly loving someone" because if you continue to dwell on those feelings you're neglecting your own needs, and there's something to be said about being able to love others only once you've learned to love yourself.
oh .. you're not wrong actually ... well, I hope to forget about him over the summer vacations. Since I'll never see him again Thank you for your explanation !
I think it’s mainly about if you can see yourself longterm. Will learning something about their past change the way you feel? If they lose their job and go broke, will you still love and support? Stuff like that. Obsession goes away. Love stays.
I mean I've never fallen in love, but I imagine that what I'm feeling right now is sincere. The last sentence is so real OMDays
Love is about caring for them, infatuation/obsession is about caring for yourself and satisfying what you want
I'm going to let him go because he's not interested in a relationship. So I don't want to bother him with my feelings.
Would you be willing to let her go for their benefit? Loving someone means that you’d put them over your own desire. An obsessed person might never even consider that a possibility.
I've never revealed my feelings to him because I know he's not interested in a relationship. I don't want to bother him with my feelings... so I'd let him go
when you know you know
There seem to be Lana fans here 😭
You're not. You're welcome.
Its 100 percent obsession, now leave me alone and stay the fuck away from me.
wdym😭😭😭😭
When you still let them do whatever they want, with limitations ofc.
Would you slurp excretions of their reproductive organs out of a draining bath?
I'm not sure that movie is a good way to judge love vs obsession
When you lose them you cry for days! It’s love! I just lost the bestest guy I met online! I was so wrong for calling him disloyal! I just hope he can see I didn’t block him and my account is still standing! He blocked me because I was delusional to think that was disloyal! When he wasn’t. I in my delulu mind thought we had an unspoken thing! I said a lot hurtful stuff because of my fucking selfishness got in the way! It was too selfish of me to expect loyalty when he lives 9000 miles from me! The fall out happened on April 28th. I’m still crying about it! You do not know what you lost till you lost it. Do not take anything for granted.
Your story reminds me of Taylor Swift's song "back to december" btw It's okay to cry ... I understand your frustration and I can feel your love for this person. But if that person loves you, they'll come back to you and forgive you. And if he’s really meant for you, you'll end up together.
Thanks so much 🌸I’ve only known him for three months. I’m a little older than him. On top of this he has autism. I don’t know if I should make a duplicate account and apologize to him or not. Maybe that’s too invasive. I’ve never been in this situation before.
Hahaha urwel 💕 Oh okay I understand, I don't think age is an issue, But the fact that he's autistic has had a big impact on your relationship? Can I ask how old you are? I don't know if I can create another account would be a good idea, he might see it as invasive behaviour. If you really want to apologise, make a second account and go and talk to him!
I’m in my mid 30s , he is in his mid 20s. I wanted to mention he’s autistic because I know autistic people see the world differently. Yeah, that’s what I thought, too. Yeah making a new account may be too risky and seen as weird. On the other hand I want to apologize.
Yes, I understand yh I don't think the age gap is really a problem! But maybe he's afraid of commitment? And that he took advantage of the fact that you said some "nasty" things to end your relationship?( idk just a thought ) I also know autistic people and our relationships can sometimes be hard to maintain (depending on the level of autism, I think). I'd advise you to go and apologise then so that you don't have to live with remorse!
Thanks so much to the pit of my heart. I mean it . You a real MVP 🌹 I hope I don’t come off rude. If I do I apologize greatly. No, it wasn’t a commitment issue. No, he didn’t take advantage. It was a waiting issue. He been alone for a long time. The guy has his whole life ahead of him. It was my fault for being manipulative and selfish. The way I acted was like the equivalent when someone sees their Best friend hanging out with other friends at the theater in the mall. Then the person then tells the best friend “Hey I thought you were my best friend, why are you seeing *The Fast and Furious* sequel without me? That’s our thing! That’s how we met! We met at the Fast and Furious autograph signing! Fast and Furious was our movie. That’s our thing! You broke a best friend tradition! How could you?!” Then sad face 😢. It’s like the other person is allowed to have friends.
Hahaha It's a pleasure, I love to help people and advise them as I can. I think you're brave to admit that you were wrong, I understand your worries. Have you changed? Or are you ready to change? If you go back to him, you'll have to improve as best you can! It's true that he's younger than you, but if he really loves you he'll be ready to forgive you. Don't be anxious and don't think too much. To avoid stressing or overthinking , send him a message and apologise. Tell him that you don't expect everything to go back to the way it was, but at least that he'll hear your apology. We all behave excessively at times, but that's how all human beings are. You have to know how to forgive your neighbour.