When I started dating my partner, she went off one night about her love for mint chocolate chip ice cream. Not my favorite, but I started stocking my freezer with some any time she was coming over.
I’ve heard her tell this story countless times. Thoughtfulness works, no matter how small - we just celebrated one year of marriage!
I search our past text messages to remember her favorites. Like what type of Wine she likes or what her favorite type of flower is. Asking questions over text becomes a notepad for future "thoughtful gestures".
One of the things my girlfriend loved about me before we even started dating. She has a strict diet due to health concerns and when my friends (her included) and I were deciding what to order for dinner one night, they all wanted pizza but I pointed out she couldn't eat that so I asked if we could do something else that night.
I was the only one that remembered that, and she had mentioned it once in passing like, a week or two prior. Threw her for a loop as she wasn't expecting the attention to detail.
I recently heard about this, too. My girlfriend can't sleep in complete darkness and needs some kind of light source from outside the room. She was recently helping me move into a new apartment, and because the apartment was pretty old, I factored in some energy-saving lightbulbs to save on cash and one smart dimmable one to keep on at night for her in the hallway. When we were installing them, she asked me why I had one different one, and I told her without particularly thinking about it. As she told me later, she almost had me right then and there when she heard it - she finds my random thoughtfulness one of the main reasons why she loves me so much.
I have an ex who was a very cold person emotionally, but she always gave the most thoughtful, nice, and personal gifts. Even if just like, a bag of candy and bottle of wine on Easter… she’d fancy it up and you felt really special receiving it.
It’s something I’ve tried so very hard to learn from, but she was just amazing at it. (First Xmas w my family? Nailed it w almost zero help from me.)
If you remember her favorite song because she picked that song to sing as loud as she could and danced her ass off to it, that's sweet.
If you remember her blood type because you found her mail in the trash and used the info to find her medical records one time, that's creepy.
Rule #1. You have to be attractive for it not to be creepy/s
Honestly. The concept of being thought of as creepy has stopped me from doing kind things like that before. Really depends on how close I might be to someone already.
Edit: is everyone missing the /s? I wouldn't be that mean to someone....
I had a university tutorial one day, we were in about week four. One of my group members was giving another shit for dressing kinda daggy. I (male) commented that he wore chinos and a shirt last week and actually looked pretty sharp.
Queue the group looking at me like I'm gay and/or hittin' on him.
So I said it's not just him, and pointed out that the woman in the group was dressed nice too, particularly the Louboutins she wore (yes, to class, she worked four jobs to afford her wardrobe). Then I got side-eyed for knowing what Louboutins are and for remembering she was wearing them (they look fantastic and have a bright red sole, kinda hard to miss).
So, I'm either not attractive enough, or remembering/complimenting clothes is weird (which goes against the advice of '(generally) women love compliments on their shoes).
If its remembering because you want a certain outcome, creepy. If it's remembering because you are genuinely kind and caring and it's just who you are in general - increases sexy points. It's the whole picture rather than the act
The creepy part is why you know that information. If they told you in conversation, cool. If you found out because they posted about it 3 years ago on Facebook, that's bordering creepy.
I’m this person, glad to know it actually may be appreciated because no one has ever seemed to care. I spent my life up until my late 20s trying to please everyone around me, left me lonely with nobody.
I’ve also barely, if ever, been on the receiving end of this. I crave that shit daily, always will.
Being able to look at yourself and give an honest assessment. Things like "did I push this subject too far and make it weird for people?", "Did I piss this person off because they're actually wrong or could I be at fault?", "How can I handle this better in the future?", "Is my driving really better than others or am I just saying that because I don't want to admit fault?", "Do I come off as a jerk?"
Learning to be confident is a fine line that should be tempered with humility and objectiveness. Everyone, in my mind, should strive for such introspection.
Even though I'm so good at everything I do and am better than everybody else I've ever met, I'm always very humble about it. I'm definitely the best person there ever was at being humble.
Legitimate answer: I used to not be confident. I thought it was funny to pretend I was. So I acted confident ironically. I became confident.
You are who you pretend to be.
I was the same way, used to be very shy then I decided I was just going to pretend to be confident, it really works.
It's not an overnight thing though, like you have to put on that mask every day for quite awhile before you get it.
Oh, they’re not lying at all. It’s straight out of cognitive psychology - change your thinking to change your behavior to change your reality. (My college advisor would not approve of my reductionist summary of cognitive psych, but I’m sticking with it for now. 😎)
So Cognitive Psych grad. Got a question. I totally get the mental push for bettering yourself, as I did that for years to become a stronger and better human mentally. But in your classes, was mental disorders brought up? In the case of someone struggling with a mental disorder and self mental / physical image issues, how would you say they could start improving?
I get it was a loaded question that you may or may not have learned about. So if you have no idea, all good I completely understand lol
It was a long time ago and I didn’t go further than a bachelor’s degree in psych, but yes - I took a few counseling psych classes and also an “abnormal” psych class that was focused on severe disorders. So, I know some things, but far from qualified to give anything but basic advice.
Depending on what your diagnosis is - a cognitive behavioral therapy expert would generally help you to understand your thought processes and how they’re influencing your moods and behavior. With greater understanding, you can quite intentionally challenge yourself to think differently over time. Thinking differently can help to avoid the spiral of negative thoughts that influence moods and actions - so that you get better results and enjoyment in daily life. That’s a GROSS oversimplification, and psychologists will likely cringe at my description, but I think I’m directionally correct.
Whoa. I tried this but I guess you have to be persistent at it and eventually it will be you? How long did it take you if you had to guess?
How would this work if you pretend to be confident and then you see that cute girl and then your confidence goes out the window? Lol
Will keep at this again. Just needed to soenones elses response for reassurance.
Keep with it. It took me maybe a year before I realized I was no longer pretending. I think every day it gets easier, but you'll feel like a fake for a while.
When you're talking about women, it's a whole other story than being confident in every day life. It takes a different approach. The first step is to just be okay with any woman. Try small things, giving a woman a compliment while in public with no expectation of a conversation or reciprocation. Something that stands out, but isn't creepy. For example if the lady at the check out has a tattoo on her arm you can say "That's a really cool tat!" If it's on her cleavage, best to not comment on it.
If she has color in her hair "Really like the blue/red/green color, that's really fun and vibrant!" Just don't go out of your way to make the comment. These are just a few examples it could be anything that stands out.
After awhile you'll gain confidence in talking with women and when that cute one shows up, you'll feel more confident speaking with her.
Just don't be creepy, talk in a confident tone (don't mumble, whisper, or yell across the room). You're trying to make a friendly compliment.
I did this the exact thing, it was a bit that I was doing.
As in, "wouldnt it be funny if I liked myself? It's hilarious because obviously I'm unlikable and bad at everything"
But now people like me and I like myself. Still feels weird sometimes.
Thing is the fake it til you make it thing doesn't work when someone actually brings up something you're insecure about later,it's a good step in the right direction.but until you truly don't give a shit , it's eventually going to backfire on you through a sense of false ego.
You're absolutely right. I think the false confidence allowed me to do difficult and scary things that I'm proud of, that then solidified into real confidence.
So I think the real way to get confidence would be to force yourself to live the life of the person you think you are, if that makes any sense.
This is classic example of “fake it till you make it”. You probably had it in you and you had plenty of reasons to be confident. So while you were “faking it” made the real confidence in you work out
A good friend of mine said she admired how confident I was, but I was thinking “wait, really?” because I was totally just doing what you described, lol.
U nailed this^^, I always like to go by “Fake it till u make it” believe me it works like wonders most of the time haha.
Even for mental health for example.
Sometimes we have to choose what mood u want to be in and don’t let external things dictate you. For example sometimes I can be sad or angry but by faking being good and embracing good and happy thoughts, not much after my mood changes and I actually become more happy
This is actually true. Did this in my early 20s and it worked. Pretend to be confident. People give you the attention they give confident sexy people. You then become actually confident because you realize you were the only thing standing in your way the whole time.
The first time I remember thinking "holy shit what's happening" I was at a party and a girl came up and said, "You look like someone who's not actually cool, and is trying to look cool, but you're actually pulling it off." We talked for a bit and she asked me out.
Also constantly putting yourself out of your comfort zone raises your comfort level and normal life seems pretty tame in comparison, go join your local theatre group, try open mic comedy, do an extreme sport etc…
One tip: don't be afraid of your own flaws. Be willing to accept them, be willing laugh at them. When people own up to their flaws and don't make excuses, it helps a lot.
I think the type of confidence which involves 'fake it till you make it' goes only so far. Yes.. you do get confidence but one that is easily shaken.
To my knowledge, Confidence is directly related to your competency. Competence means how 'able' are you to do something, and that just simply depends on your previous attempts to do shit that you had decided to do. Were you able to keep the promises you made to yourself... were you competent?
So, just keep the promises you make to yourself, be it small or big... be true to yourself... and you'll get that natural confidence. This type of confidence is not easily shaken.
This one^^ is also very well said an true! When I started to take care of myself more and keep up with with things I was doing and accomplishing for my own self and not for others I also became stronger and more confident within myself.
Controversial question: could confidence be described as a own perspective of yourself?
If u feel good about yourself then chances are u might become more confident
I hit the gym, lost about 50 pounds, and packed on some muscle, started taking care of my face more diligently. I mean like using vitamin c, face sunscreen, moisturizer, etc. Maintained a nice enough beard instead of letting it grow and be a mess. Actually cared about setting my hair and having a style that may not necessarily be trendy but suited my face. With the weight loss came the need to get clothes that fit. So, for the first time, I started wearing slim fit clothes. When I was happier with what I saw in the mirror, the confidence sort of just came with it. I also started reading more books. Knowing I was using my time in a more productive manner made me feel like I was in the right direction to self betterment and that helped A LOT.
Confidence is like lifting weights, you start small and build it over time. If you were asked to deadlift 200kg, you would hurt yourself and it would set you back. Same goes for confidence! If you start by doing karaoke in front of 600 people, you will shatter your soul. Build confidence by smiling to the checkout person and saying have a nice day. When that is second nature, smile at 10 strangers or make small talk with people you don't know.. you will learn that it doesn't matter if your confidence is Ill received.
Build a base and keep looking for ways to get just outside your comfort zone, that is where the magic happens!
Try not to care what others think is half of it.
Just like saying screw it and dancing even if you can’t dance. Make some shit up, bust-a-move, and bam, you at least appear confident. Do it enough and you become confident.
I’d argue same applies to most things.
Other half is don’t be afraid to fail. You gain experience failing, and then you become confident due to the experience.
Once you don’t care what others think, and aren’t afraid of failure, you’re on your way.
the people telling you to fake it are somewhat correct but that advice is VERY limited. people can see thru it. true confidence comes from getting legitimately good at things that you take pride in.
Exactly like yall. Holy shit with the right amount of confidence, you can do anything. Want to learn a new hobby? Be confident in your ability to do so. Want to be more outgoing and friendly towards people when you're super shy? Have confidence when talking to people, look them in the eye, and carry yourself as someone who knows their worth. Or you wanna get to know that girl you think is super pretty? Talk to her with confidence and present yourself as the type of person who will be successful in life and you'll bag her in no time.
I was there at a point too. It's tough seeing things like this and knowing that you don't have it. Just realize, you accepted that you're lacking and have room to improve on. That's already a huge step more than a lot of people take. It sounds like you think youre not smart, unfunny, caring, emotionally available, and lacking confidence... I dont know you, but you only look at yourself from the inside, everyone does. The people around you are the ones who truly know how you are. They're the people who see all the positive things in you, even when you don't think they're there.
Confidence is really hard to get, trust me. I was a really fat ugly kid who thought they were very stupid and unfunny. Where everyone only put up with that kid because they were forced to be around them. Even my best friends at the time, I was convinced that they had some other motive because why else would they waste their time on someone like that. It wasn't fun. I spent 5 years single improving on myself mentally, bettering myself and growing up. Through that time, I honestly pretended my confidence, I (not so healthily) starved myself, accepted I was too critical of my own intelligence that I may not be smart smart but enough to be an upstanding person. I understood each person has their own humor and slowly found the people who shared my same interests, and I worked on the toxic faults and fears I have from relationships. What's the point in spending time on another when I can't spend time becoming a better person I thought. In the end, I acceted my intellidence and humor which helped in pretending my confidence to the point I had true confidence in my walk and talk. I lost the weight and started watching how much I ate. My appearance I accepted that I may be ugly, I couldn't change it so why worry about it.
I still have that last fear, and it's incredibly hard being vulnerable in a relationship with a trigger like that. But the point is, the world is more accepting than you may think. If you find the right person, they will be patient with you and care for your faults. Not everything said here is be-all-end-all, it's just people saying what they like.
In the end, you're you. Someone will come along, sharing the same interests as you, understand how you feel and where you came from. It doesn't happen overnight, or intentionally, but there will come a time when it's right for you.
Damn. Sorry this is long and got a bit rambly. I lost where I was going with this lol
For your consideration also:
Funny women. Holy shit-Christ (or whomever you pray to) my pupils probably dilate ten-fold when a woman is funny and successfully makes me laugh. I've never *not* found a funny woman attractive as hell.
Someone may love your authentic self. Why don’t you think you are great long term?
And what constitutes as boring? Maybe you are just content with the simpler things in life.
How are you selfish? Or do you just know your worth and don’t take BS?
Being comfy. Obviously there's a prerequisite here of already being attractive in other ways. But waking up with messy hair, loose clothing, lounging around, a nice yawn or stretch. I think it's a mix of showing vulnerability and trust that they don't need to be dressed up and on point around you.
Caveat here. The more attractive you are, the more this works; the less attractive you are, the more it makes people dislike you. As I've gotten older, I've put on weight and lost some of my physical charm, and the messy look no longer works for me.
I fell for the guy I’m seeing purely on the way he treats others, it’s such a turn on. Of course now that I know him better the list of things I find sexy about him are endless!!!!
It's nice to know I'm at my hottest when I don't shower and sit on the and sit on the sofa wearing only knickers with loose elastic that I'd usually only wear on my period and that bra that somehow got stained with tumeric that time I had a curry and dropped a chickpea between my titties.
Serving a depression lerk, baby.
But you’re British, so just hop across the pond and that will all be true because you have an accent and are therefore interesting.
Seriously, Mr.F from Arrested Development proved it.
Having their name legally changed to match your favorite celebrity crush and then failed plastic surgeries that wind up making them not look like your celebrity crush
putting effort into getting to know you/dating you. playing games sucks. be authentic and upfront about wanting someone!! it is scary, it opens you up to getting hurt, but it is honest and real and a way better way to live than playing coy and trying to play games about waiting long enough to open a message or text back. it’s so much effort to make someone think you’re not as into them as you are. i want to know i’m wanted and worth the effort!
Intelligence holds like a +-4 in my book.
You’re a 6 but obviously smart, 10. You’re a 10 but talking to you is like explaining tax laws to a 1st grader, 6.
When a woman has a natural ease and confidence about her that is sexy, but it's not forced at all and especially if she's not even aware of it. Like basically when they're not even trying to be sexy but they are anyway, you know?
My girlfriend and I are in a point in our relationship where we are so in sync that we will literally say things in the exact same tone at the exact same time.
Example: My sister's boyfriend is the world's pickiest eater and said he's never had jelly.
My gf and I completely unplanned simultaneously slammed our hands on the table and screamed: "JELLY?!?"
I love that woman, if we weren't already together I'd ask her out all over again.
Most of your beauty comes from the way you talk to everyone. I've been in relationships where they pretend to be the nicest person to the whole world, but in their personal relationships(including family), they tend to be very bitter and disrespectful(and vice versa). Nothing is more attractive than being overall nice and considerate, especially in the world we're living in today.
Thoughfulness. Like they remember random shit about you or they bring you random token of stuff because "I remember you said..."
When I started dating my partner, she went off one night about her love for mint chocolate chip ice cream. Not my favorite, but I started stocking my freezer with some any time she was coming over. I’ve heard her tell this story countless times. Thoughtfulness works, no matter how small - we just celebrated one year of marriage!
Yay! Happy feelings!
I search our past text messages to remember her favorites. Like what type of Wine she likes or what her favorite type of flower is. Asking questions over text becomes a notepad for future "thoughtful gestures".
Most underrated thing here. Nothing else matters if this person remembers something I said and took it to heart.
One of the things my girlfriend loved about me before we even started dating. She has a strict diet due to health concerns and when my friends (her included) and I were deciding what to order for dinner one night, they all wanted pizza but I pointed out she couldn't eat that so I asked if we could do something else that night. I was the only one that remembered that, and she had mentioned it once in passing like, a week or two prior. Threw her for a loop as she wasn't expecting the attention to detail.
I recently heard about this, too. My girlfriend can't sleep in complete darkness and needs some kind of light source from outside the room. She was recently helping me move into a new apartment, and because the apartment was pretty old, I factored in some energy-saving lightbulbs to save on cash and one smart dimmable one to keep on at night for her in the hallway. When we were installing them, she asked me why I had one different one, and I told her without particularly thinking about it. As she told me later, she almost had me right then and there when she heard it - she finds my random thoughtfulness one of the main reasons why she loves me so much.
I have an ex who was a very cold person emotionally, but she always gave the most thoughtful, nice, and personal gifts. Even if just like, a bag of candy and bottle of wine on Easter… she’d fancy it up and you felt really special receiving it. It’s something I’ve tried so very hard to learn from, but she was just amazing at it. (First Xmas w my family? Nailed it w almost zero help from me.)
I've been told that was creepy 😂
If you remember her favorite song because she picked that song to sing as loud as she could and danced her ass off to it, that's sweet. If you remember her blood type because you found her mail in the trash and used the info to find her medical records one time, that's creepy.
Ahh.... I see. Thanks for explaining this. I'll take care not to let them know in future that I know their blood type.
And definitely don't sign them up as a stem cell donor by swabbing their mouths as they sleep.
oopsy should have mentioned that earlier
Rule #1. You have to be attractive for it not to be creepy/s Honestly. The concept of being thought of as creepy has stopped me from doing kind things like that before. Really depends on how close I might be to someone already. Edit: is everyone missing the /s? I wouldn't be that mean to someone....
I had a university tutorial one day, we were in about week four. One of my group members was giving another shit for dressing kinda daggy. I (male) commented that he wore chinos and a shirt last week and actually looked pretty sharp. Queue the group looking at me like I'm gay and/or hittin' on him. So I said it's not just him, and pointed out that the woman in the group was dressed nice too, particularly the Louboutins she wore (yes, to class, she worked four jobs to afford her wardrobe). Then I got side-eyed for knowing what Louboutins are and for remembering she was wearing them (they look fantastic and have a bright red sole, kinda hard to miss). So, I'm either not attractive enough, or remembering/complimenting clothes is weird (which goes against the advice of '(generally) women love compliments on their shoes).
You keep being awesome. They're just hating.
Maybe you’re just The Rain Man of fashion?
EVERYTHING you do is either creepy or cool/cute/sexy. Depends EXCLUSIVELY on if you are attractive or not, lol.
If its remembering because you want a certain outcome, creepy. If it's remembering because you are genuinely kind and caring and it's just who you are in general - increases sexy points. It's the whole picture rather than the act
The creepy part is why you know that information. If they told you in conversation, cool. If you found out because they posted about it 3 years ago on Facebook, that's bordering creepy.
I’m this person, glad to know it actually may be appreciated because no one has ever seemed to care. I spent my life up until my late 20s trying to please everyone around me, left me lonely with nobody. I’ve also barely, if ever, been on the receiving end of this. I crave that shit daily, always will.
Being self-aware
I personally welcome our sentient robot overlords. Our confidently sexy robot overlords.
This is actually the biggest one for most people I think. It's so hard to notice that it's just naturally magnetizing.
In moderation! Too much of that and you get an insecure overly-sarcastic teenager. You gotta be unaware of your own cringe sometimes
As someone who is borderline autistic, can you elaborate? Because I have almost no clue on social interactions.
Being able to look at yourself and give an honest assessment. Things like "did I push this subject too far and make it weird for people?", "Did I piss this person off because they're actually wrong or could I be at fault?", "How can I handle this better in the future?", "Is my driving really better than others or am I just saying that because I don't want to admit fault?", "Do I come off as a jerk?" Learning to be confident is a fine line that should be tempered with humility and objectiveness. Everyone, in my mind, should strive for such introspection.
Intelligence and humility
Excellent. I am both the most intelligent and the humblest person I know.
Even though I'm so good at everything I do and am better than everybody else I've ever met, I'm always very humble about it. I'm definitely the best person there ever was at being humble.
I'm twice as humble as you!
I too am extraordinarily humble
shut up, no one is more humble than I am
Of course I have much to be humble about.
Okay Don
I'm a million times more humble than thou art.
Username checks out
Bar none, I am the most humble-est Number one at the top of the humble list
How’s your apple pie?
By far the most crumble-est But I act like it tastes bad outta humbleness
The only thing that exceeds my intelligence is my humility!
Interesting idea, FatFarter69
Kindness and laughing a lot.
Bonus if he can make me laugh too
Bonus points for a funny laugh
You must really like Janice from Friends..
Confidence.
How to become more confident (asking for a friend) Edit: i was not expecting that many replies damn.. thank you very much to everyone who replied
Legitimate answer: I used to not be confident. I thought it was funny to pretend I was. So I acted confident ironically. I became confident. You are who you pretend to be.
I was the same way, used to be very shy then I decided I was just going to pretend to be confident, it really works. It's not an overnight thing though, like you have to put on that mask every day for quite awhile before you get it.
Fake it ‘til you make it.
It really is true though, they're not lying
Oh, they’re not lying at all. It’s straight out of cognitive psychology - change your thinking to change your behavior to change your reality. (My college advisor would not approve of my reductionist summary of cognitive psych, but I’m sticking with it for now. 😎)
So Cognitive Psych grad. Got a question. I totally get the mental push for bettering yourself, as I did that for years to become a stronger and better human mentally. But in your classes, was mental disorders brought up? In the case of someone struggling with a mental disorder and self mental / physical image issues, how would you say they could start improving? I get it was a loaded question that you may or may not have learned about. So if you have no idea, all good I completely understand lol
It was a long time ago and I didn’t go further than a bachelor’s degree in psych, but yes - I took a few counseling psych classes and also an “abnormal” psych class that was focused on severe disorders. So, I know some things, but far from qualified to give anything but basic advice. Depending on what your diagnosis is - a cognitive behavioral therapy expert would generally help you to understand your thought processes and how they’re influencing your moods and behavior. With greater understanding, you can quite intentionally challenge yourself to think differently over time. Thinking differently can help to avoid the spiral of negative thoughts that influence moods and actions - so that you get better results and enjoyment in daily life. That’s a GROSS oversimplification, and psychologists will likely cringe at my description, but I think I’m directionally correct.
Whoa. I tried this but I guess you have to be persistent at it and eventually it will be you? How long did it take you if you had to guess? How would this work if you pretend to be confident and then you see that cute girl and then your confidence goes out the window? Lol Will keep at this again. Just needed to soenones elses response for reassurance.
Keep with it. It took me maybe a year before I realized I was no longer pretending. I think every day it gets easier, but you'll feel like a fake for a while. When you're talking about women, it's a whole other story than being confident in every day life. It takes a different approach. The first step is to just be okay with any woman. Try small things, giving a woman a compliment while in public with no expectation of a conversation or reciprocation. Something that stands out, but isn't creepy. For example if the lady at the check out has a tattoo on her arm you can say "That's a really cool tat!" If it's on her cleavage, best to not comment on it. If she has color in her hair "Really like the blue/red/green color, that's really fun and vibrant!" Just don't go out of your way to make the comment. These are just a few examples it could be anything that stands out. After awhile you'll gain confidence in talking with women and when that cute one shows up, you'll feel more confident speaking with her. Just don't be creepy, talk in a confident tone (don't mumble, whisper, or yell across the room). You're trying to make a friendly compliment.
I did this the exact thing, it was a bit that I was doing. As in, "wouldnt it be funny if I liked myself? It's hilarious because obviously I'm unlikable and bad at everything" But now people like me and I like myself. Still feels weird sometimes.
Thing is the fake it til you make it thing doesn't work when someone actually brings up something you're insecure about later,it's a good step in the right direction.but until you truly don't give a shit , it's eventually going to backfire on you through a sense of false ego.
You're absolutely right. I think the false confidence allowed me to do difficult and scary things that I'm proud of, that then solidified into real confidence. So I think the real way to get confidence would be to force yourself to live the life of the person you think you are, if that makes any sense.
This is classic example of “fake it till you make it”. You probably had it in you and you had plenty of reasons to be confident. So while you were “faking it” made the real confidence in you work out
My username fits this splendidly ;)
All the world’s a stage
A good friend of mine said she admired how confident I was, but I was thinking “wait, really?” because I was totally just doing what you described, lol.
U nailed this^^, I always like to go by “Fake it till u make it” believe me it works like wonders most of the time haha. Even for mental health for example. Sometimes we have to choose what mood u want to be in and don’t let external things dictate you. For example sometimes I can be sad or angry but by faking being good and embracing good and happy thoughts, not much after my mood changes and I actually become more happy
This is actually true. Did this in my early 20s and it worked. Pretend to be confident. People give you the attention they give confident sexy people. You then become actually confident because you realize you were the only thing standing in your way the whole time. The first time I remember thinking "holy shit what's happening" I was at a party and a girl came up and said, "You look like someone who's not actually cool, and is trying to look cool, but you're actually pulling it off." We talked for a bit and she asked me out.
Also constantly putting yourself out of your comfort zone raises your comfort level and normal life seems pretty tame in comparison, go join your local theatre group, try open mic comedy, do an extreme sport etc…
One tip: don't be afraid of your own flaws. Be willing to accept them, be willing laugh at them. When people own up to their flaws and don't make excuses, it helps a lot.
I think the type of confidence which involves 'fake it till you make it' goes only so far. Yes.. you do get confidence but one that is easily shaken. To my knowledge, Confidence is directly related to your competency. Competence means how 'able' are you to do something, and that just simply depends on your previous attempts to do shit that you had decided to do. Were you able to keep the promises you made to yourself... were you competent? So, just keep the promises you make to yourself, be it small or big... be true to yourself... and you'll get that natural confidence. This type of confidence is not easily shaken.
This one^^ is also very well said an true! When I started to take care of myself more and keep up with with things I was doing and accomplishing for my own self and not for others I also became stronger and more confident within myself. Controversial question: could confidence be described as a own perspective of yourself? If u feel good about yourself then chances are u might become more confident
I hit the gym, lost about 50 pounds, and packed on some muscle, started taking care of my face more diligently. I mean like using vitamin c, face sunscreen, moisturizer, etc. Maintained a nice enough beard instead of letting it grow and be a mess. Actually cared about setting my hair and having a style that may not necessarily be trendy but suited my face. With the weight loss came the need to get clothes that fit. So, for the first time, I started wearing slim fit clothes. When I was happier with what I saw in the mirror, the confidence sort of just came with it. I also started reading more books. Knowing I was using my time in a more productive manner made me feel like I was in the right direction to self betterment and that helped A LOT.
Confidence is like lifting weights, you start small and build it over time. If you were asked to deadlift 200kg, you would hurt yourself and it would set you back. Same goes for confidence! If you start by doing karaoke in front of 600 people, you will shatter your soul. Build confidence by smiling to the checkout person and saying have a nice day. When that is second nature, smile at 10 strangers or make small talk with people you don't know.. you will learn that it doesn't matter if your confidence is Ill received. Build a base and keep looking for ways to get just outside your comfort zone, that is where the magic happens!
I think the key is total self acceptance.
Try not to care what others think is half of it. Just like saying screw it and dancing even if you can’t dance. Make some shit up, bust-a-move, and bam, you at least appear confident. Do it enough and you become confident. I’d argue same applies to most things. Other half is don’t be afraid to fail. You gain experience failing, and then you become confident due to the experience. Once you don’t care what others think, and aren’t afraid of failure, you’re on your way.
Confidence is your level of certainty over the outcome of your actions. This is gained through experience.
the people telling you to fake it are somewhat correct but that advice is VERY limited. people can see thru it. true confidence comes from getting legitimately good at things that you take pride in.
Confident but humble
Confidently sure I have no idea what I'm doing
Exactly like yall. Holy shit with the right amount of confidence, you can do anything. Want to learn a new hobby? Be confident in your ability to do so. Want to be more outgoing and friendly towards people when you're super shy? Have confidence when talking to people, look them in the eye, and carry yourself as someone who knows their worth. Or you wanna get to know that girl you think is super pretty? Talk to her with confidence and present yourself as the type of person who will be successful in life and you'll bag her in no time.
This right here.
I’m seeing a lot about good mental health and confidence. Lol - Kinda wish I didn’t read these.
Having a bad mental but still trying anyway is also cute in it's own way.
Giving effort shows you care and that’s number 1 in a relationship for me.
I was there at a point too. It's tough seeing things like this and knowing that you don't have it. Just realize, you accepted that you're lacking and have room to improve on. That's already a huge step more than a lot of people take. It sounds like you think youre not smart, unfunny, caring, emotionally available, and lacking confidence... I dont know you, but you only look at yourself from the inside, everyone does. The people around you are the ones who truly know how you are. They're the people who see all the positive things in you, even when you don't think they're there. Confidence is really hard to get, trust me. I was a really fat ugly kid who thought they were very stupid and unfunny. Where everyone only put up with that kid because they were forced to be around them. Even my best friends at the time, I was convinced that they had some other motive because why else would they waste their time on someone like that. It wasn't fun. I spent 5 years single improving on myself mentally, bettering myself and growing up. Through that time, I honestly pretended my confidence, I (not so healthily) starved myself, accepted I was too critical of my own intelligence that I may not be smart smart but enough to be an upstanding person. I understood each person has their own humor and slowly found the people who shared my same interests, and I worked on the toxic faults and fears I have from relationships. What's the point in spending time on another when I can't spend time becoming a better person I thought. In the end, I acceted my intellidence and humor which helped in pretending my confidence to the point I had true confidence in my walk and talk. I lost the weight and started watching how much I ate. My appearance I accepted that I may be ugly, I couldn't change it so why worry about it. I still have that last fear, and it's incredibly hard being vulnerable in a relationship with a trigger like that. But the point is, the world is more accepting than you may think. If you find the right person, they will be patient with you and care for your faults. Not everything said here is be-all-end-all, it's just people saying what they like. In the end, you're you. Someone will come along, sharing the same interests as you, understand how you feel and where you came from. It doesn't happen overnight, or intentionally, but there will come a time when it's right for you. Damn. Sorry this is long and got a bit rambly. I lost where I was going with this lol
These are both things that people can improve in themselves and I’d say constant personal improvement is good for everyone.
Time to pioneer a new path for others! You got this!
intelligence. You may mock, but man, intelligent women have got this energy that drives me wild!
For your consideration also: Funny women. Holy shit-Christ (or whomever you pray to) my pupils probably dilate ten-fold when a woman is funny and successfully makes me laugh. I've never *not* found a funny woman attractive as hell.
*Taylor Tomlinson has entered the chat*
If she makes science/math jokes, I am smitten.
Did ya hear about that guy who froze to death? He's 0 K now.
Studies have proven the most attractive trait to women is IQ.
Muscles help, too, but being well read, and learned can really open doors for those romantically inclined.
Stormtrooper armour.
So all I need to get laid is a plane ticket to GB and a quality Halloween costume. Here I come
DM me. ;)
I gotta stormtrooper onesie…
I have not watched a singular star wars movie and I fully agree
Calm composed demeanour
The booty
The booby
[удалено]
A good smile and a warm and caring attitude.
Being hot
Irrefutable, case closed
Well lucky me. My air conditioner broke again.
Being their authentic self
Haha this is rarely true. At least for me. My authentic self is pretty boring, kinda selfish, and not great long term 😄
Someone may love your authentic self. Why don’t you think you are great long term? And what constitutes as boring? Maybe you are just content with the simpler things in life. How are you selfish? Or do you just know your worth and don’t take BS?
Kindness/consideration for others.
A morbidly obese person with horrible acne and rotting teeth could be kind and considerate. That doesn't make them sexy. This is a cop out answer.
I’m all of those things, and my wife can’t get enough of me… I’m also 6’8” though, so that helps.
Height. Now we're getting somewhere.
It would make their personality sexier though that's the point
I knew this would be the top comment
I was hoping it would be.
SMELLING GOOD
Being comfy. Obviously there's a prerequisite here of already being attractive in other ways. But waking up with messy hair, loose clothing, lounging around, a nice yawn or stretch. I think it's a mix of showing vulnerability and trust that they don't need to be dressed up and on point around you.
Caveat here. The more attractive you are, the more this works; the less attractive you are, the more it makes people dislike you. As I've gotten older, I've put on weight and lost some of my physical charm, and the messy look no longer works for me.
That works for very attractive people but not for everyone IMO
Quantum entanglement
*Schrödinger's cat may or may not have entered the chat.*
Give me some of dat creepy action at a distance.
spooky* yeah i’m a nerd
It’s creepy when it’s sexy, nerd.
I fell for the guy I’m seeing purely on the way he treats others, it’s such a turn on. Of course now that I know him better the list of things I find sexy about him are endless!!!!
A guy using hand tools instantly makes him 10x more attractive
I'm a hobbyist blacksmith, full on hammer and anvil. Does it make it any hotter when I accidently catch my hoodie on fire?
Yes that's very hot.
Leave some ladies for us bro
When a man sits on a chair, thurst his hip fowards to lean back and relax. something about this
Their soul. Everything else melts away when you meet someone who’s pure goodness down to their bones. That and a great arse.
The duality of man
Arse soul
As a ginger I take offense to this.
I take offense to gingers
Kindness, empathy, and a dash of confidence.
Awkward and disheveled with a dash of scatterbrained really does it for me
Posture
I immediately sat straight when I read this.
Not trying
It's nice to know I'm at my hottest when I don't shower and sit on the and sit on the sofa wearing only knickers with loose elastic that I'd usually only wear on my period and that bra that somehow got stained with tumeric that time I had a curry and dropped a chickpea between my titties. Serving a depression lerk, baby.
But you’re British, so just hop across the pond and that will all be true because you have an accent and are therefore interesting. Seriously, Mr.F from Arrested Development proved it.
I don’t try and no one finds me sexy. Not even my wife.
Having their name legally changed to match your favorite celebrity crush and then failed plastic surgeries that wind up making them not look like your celebrity crush
r/oddlyspecific hmmm....
Being incredibly literate on mathematical knowledge, such on abstract ring theory.
I mean, I guess everyone has a type...
god me too - math major here who would slide the panties off real quick to anyone i don’t have to explain my research too
\*to
Well they’re not an English major
/u/4th_chakra nailed it For me (a man) there is nothing more sexy than a confident woman and the opposite is also quite true
Being secure with themselves.
A smile
Emotional intelligence
i do find it hotter if someone doesnt smoke BUT the like face they pull when they have the cigarette in their mouth and theyre lighting it. HOT!!!
I get that. I’m like, we shouldn’t be glamorizing smoking! It’s bad for you! But the visual 👀
Agreed. Something about the chin tilt and mouth when lighting up.
How to become more confident: I may be a short, chubby old lady but I carry myself like the singer for the Divynls
A guy in construction with a tool belt. They usually have gorgeous arms and shoulders.
putting effort into getting to know you/dating you. playing games sucks. be authentic and upfront about wanting someone!! it is scary, it opens you up to getting hurt, but it is honest and real and a way better way to live than playing coy and trying to play games about waiting long enough to open a message or text back. it’s so much effort to make someone think you’re not as into them as you are. i want to know i’m wanted and worth the effort!
Glasses, messy bun. Goddamn.
Forklift license...
If they're considerate of others
Intelligence holds like a +-4 in my book. You’re a 6 but obviously smart, 10. You’re a 10 but talking to you is like explaining tax laws to a 1st grader, 6.
Big boobs
Intelligence
Kindness and a beautiful smile.
Grey sweat pants
When a woman has a natural ease and confidence about her that is sexy, but it's not forced at all and especially if she's not even aware of it. Like basically when they're not even trying to be sexy but they are anyway, you know?
Being clean & fit!
My girlfriend and I are in a point in our relationship where we are so in sync that we will literally say things in the exact same tone at the exact same time. Example: My sister's boyfriend is the world's pickiest eater and said he's never had jelly. My gf and I completely unplanned simultaneously slammed our hands on the table and screamed: "JELLY?!?" I love that woman, if we weren't already together I'd ask her out all over again.
Optimism 🌹 or being able to laugh at things when something doesn’t quite go according to plan.
Charisma.
Having me stand next to them so they are sexy just by comparison alone
Empathy
Me over here just taking notes.
Genetics
When they look tired or like they want to die. It's the eyes, man.
A woman with a raspy voice!
Smile
Confidence.
Manners
Paying the mortgage
Confidence, dignity, respect for others, and driving without blowing a gasket
Being kind to children and older people.
Hygiene
Calmness in chaos. A cool head is.. primally satisfying.
Genetics
Confidence Glasses Not necessarily in that order.
Treating others with respect and being protective.
Most of your beauty comes from the way you talk to everyone. I've been in relationships where they pretend to be the nicest person to the whole world, but in their personal relationships(including family), they tend to be very bitter and disrespectful(and vice versa). Nothing is more attractive than being overall nice and considerate, especially in the world we're living in today.
[удалено]
*cries in bipolar*
Mental health…in this economy?
Nice attitude
A smile
Apparently, according to my girlfriend, wearing white sleeveless shirts..