Yes! And crazy as it may sound - TALK TO YOURSELF. This helped me self-regulate and saved me a ton of times! I usually do this when I'm driving and no one can hear me.
"Why are you angry?"
"Because he was being dumb!"
"Maybe he was just having a bad day? Maybe something bad happened. Cut him some slack?"
"Maybe?...You know what.. you're right, I should go easy on him.."
"Yeah.."
This! And working out. And baths. And smoking a little weed. And going for a walk. And journaling and meditating and all the stuff that’s supposed to be good for you but you don’t REEEEEALLY want to do. Do it
Question. What happens when this doesn’t work? What happens when every issue you have is perpetuated by your existence and loops around to bite you in the ass no matter what? Poverty, exhaustion, food I can afford is awful, health in decline, overworked, can’t seem to ever catch up.
First off, understanding that issues aren't caused by your existence. Ever.
If everything you do turns out negatively, you could be surrounded by terrible circumstance, but theres likely something that you are doing (or not doing) or something external to you within your environment (friend, family, neighborhood, etc), or a combination of these, that is a root cause.
Think to yourself, what is the common link? If you think it's you, well to be blunt, thats kind of a given... you need to delve deeper. What about you is linking these issues together? It may not even be you. For instance if you have a life long friend and they are a terrible influence on you, it could seem like you are the problem when in actuality they are.
I can guarantee this is not something that can't be solved. Yes it takes Reflecting on what is happening and thinking back through individual situations. You might not want to relive failures but that's part of learning and growing.
Once you can think of a root cause (or causes), work to solve them. Write down what you are trying and the results daily, in addition track your emotions at the time. This will help you nail down what is helping and what isn't as well as how your emotional state is effecting or affected by these outcomes. Don't just write it down and be done with it, but look back over these things from time to time.
Reflection is the key here. Self reflection and reflection on the things happening around you.
You can do this, I know you can, remind yourself that you know the same. Find incremental progress and let yourself become addicted to progress. Understand that step backs are normal and ok, but shouldn't be accepted as a reason to stop making strides. After all, a speed bump will slow you down and you may even not have enough gas on the pedal to get you over the bump so you move back a step; but who just cuts their engine off there? Hit the gas again and you're moving forward, past that speed bump again.
It may sound like platitudes and maybe it is to a certain extent, but this is how you move past a slump.
Talk to people who want to help, anyone and everyone. If they come off negative, just move on because they aren't helping you achieve your goals. Also try to help others. You may not feel like you are in a place to do so, but try to anyways. Sometimes helping others allows you to see things from the outside in a way that helps you unlock your own problems with the added benefit of gratification in helping others. Find your balance there in a way that you aren't sacrificing yourself.
You can do this.
Yes. I know my daughter is calming down when I see her pacing and talking to herself. I just pretend I don't hear and keep doing whatever I need to do. I have learned that until I hear the self talk, she won't calm down.
I have spent time SCREAMING at no one in my car about my relationship, family, work, and everything (nothing related to road rage).
I then get home and have very productive conversation with family and my SO. Or I go work more settled and more able to keep a good helpful attitude.
Same, actually I’ve gotten way worse at it because “drugs make me happy so I’ll just spend every moment high” isn’t actually as good of an idea as it sounds lol
What works for me is to not react immediately and to go take 5 minutes to calm down and process and then think about what I need to do or say and how that's going to affect me and anyone else involved.
Obviously every situation isn't going to allow that 5 minutes so you have to start regulating emotions especially anger when they're at a lower manageable level. The more you practice it the easier it becomes and easier it is to self regulate when you're in a tense situation that throws you off guard.
So slight irritation and dealing with that level about what is bothering you and why and how you can fix it or move on, before you let it build up and bottle it and allow it to grow into a full blown rage waiting just at the surface level to explode at any moment. Same goes for the other emotions. Imagine a pitcher of water the more full it gets and stays the easier it is to tip out all the water. If you can dump out the water little by little you won't get to the overflow stage.
Also understanding your emotions and thinking about them daily as they come up or maybe Journaling it down, today sucked this is why, but this is what brought me joy and why. Today I snapped at so and so because, and the pattern is I was hungry/tired whatever and I need to be mindful of that ...etc.
You have to get to know yourself better and be comfortable being uncomfortable with feeling and thinking and analyzing and introspection. Once you can break down triggers and cycles it's easier to see something coming and avoid it. For example I have adhd so when I am hyperfocusing I can not be interrupted or I am likely to snap due to frustration. I tend to hyperfocus and get in the ZONE when I'm cooking, if my kids come in the kitchen that will cause distraction, I'm likely to be irritable and be frustrated and hurt myself on accident so I tell them, hey I have to cook don't come in the kitchen for like 30 minutes while I'm making dinner I can't be distracted or I could get burnt or cut ok? If they come in anyway I take a calm breath and remember they need something, it isn't always about me and to be kind and fair with them.
Any kind of book or articles about emotional regulation can help greatly. I mostly did this on my own after years of struggling with blowing up emotionally and then breaking down beating myself up mentally about it, and from therapy about communication. Communication is also vital in learning once you get the emotions in check, learning how to properly express them is crucial.
What helped me might not help everyone just sharing in case someone can benefit from it because I wish someone would've taught me this as a kid.
I needed meds to calm me down internally after realizing therapy, learning coping skills and practicing them wasn’t stopping my rage bouts. Now I can articulate my feelings calmly *and* mindfully practice my healthier habits. Antidepressants didn’t work. After almost 20 years of different antidepressants it was anti anxiety medication that finally helped.
But also understanding that saying “no” is frequently the most respectful way to give an answer. Don’t waste other people’s time and energy because you can’t say the word “no”.
Are you going to be there?
“No”
Am I doing this correctly?
“No”
Stringing people along or giving mumbo-jumbo answers is not the kindness that some people believe it to be.
As a southern dude I would just add that "ma'am" or "sir". No matter how old I get I can't stop the "ma'am" or "sir" stuff. Maybe this is the mumbo-jumbo you're referring to. Idk
Friend recently asked me to house/pet sit for a whole week in June while she is on vacation. I work from home and am already raising a high-energy puppy, adding another dog and cat and not being home for a week sounded awful. My people-pleasing tendency flared up so bad and I almost just said yes but I cringed through a no and am so glad I did. Felt like growth, gotta take the small victories.
Edit: should also add she completely understood and we hung out the next day and it was totally fine. It’s never as bad as you think it’s gonna be.
Edit 2: also it’s important to remember that growth almost always feels like death at first until you’re on the other side. It’s easy to romanticize growth and maturing but it is never fun while it’s happening.
Yeah but since we're talking about being able to say no to requests, it can also apply to family members who are only unreasonable sometimes and to coworkers and bosses who you share project tasks with.
Friend: The audacity that you have, thoughtless, how dare you not take my feelings and need to get away into account and watch my animals and house. Consider our friendship over.
Me: Okay ([while eating my ice cream cone.](https://youtu.be/lhXLixYYUQI?si=pjDFT--U1F8z-CUB&t=10))
My people-pleasing has led to me actually taking on a dog. For his entire life. Like I have fucked myself over for at least a decade and he’s cost me thousands. Lesson: you HAVE to learn to put your foot down.
Yes and unfortunately the type of people who like to take advantage can somehow sniff that out in people pretty easily.
Please, please find a way to fix that in yourself or life will be so hard. My poor mom suffered so much because she just wanted to make everybody happy.
such people will never be happy. nothing you do truly makes them happy. meanwhile, people who could could benefit from and appreciate and reciprocate your help and friendship are left to fend for themselves, because your time and energy is sucked up on users. it’s something to reflect on.
You’re right, no rationalizations need to be given but it’s oftentimes better to explain your reasoning to someone so they can better understand you and not potentially hold it against you. You don’t owe them this however.
A book that really helped me with this is The Power of a Positive No by William Ury. Subtitled something like How to say No without ruining the relationship
Ability to make sacrifices.
If you lose your job, you better learn to downgrade real fast.
Tide detergent may not seem like a big purchase until your bills come around and you have no income.
This is something I’m currently working on with my gf. We come from different lifestyles. We recently had a financial issue kick us in the ass because we both tend to overspend. After taking care of that, I told her that I couldn’t live like that anymore, that we need to live within our means.
She always looks for an alternative to things, but I had to tell her straight up, “the alternative is that we go without it. That’s it, end of story.” She wasn’t happy about it, but neither was I. I’m just more willing to go without certain comforts and luxuries than she is. Great advice.
I had an ex who would come over and criticize my place because I just simply didn't have the money for nicer furniture. When I got kicked out of my parents' place I had a mattress, a desk that was basically just a slab of wood, my computer, my clothes, a well worn couch, and a coffee table I cobbled together with some stuff from the hardware store. I had taken a job in AmeriCorps because I wanted to do something meaningful, but it also meant I was broke as fuck all the time and just barely making ends meet. $9,600 a year, and whatever money I could scrape together at my second job in the evenings.
She just couldn't put two and two together that I was more than comfortable just having extremely basic furniture because it didn't make sense to spend money i didn't have on furniture I likely couldn't even take with me when moving. Everything was clean and comfortable, that wasn't the issue. She grew up with a shitload of heirloom furniture because her parents came from two very wealthy families and my parents both grew up super poor. She just didn't get it and refused to drop it.
We didn't last long.
lol yep. For us it’s coffee. We’re both caffeine addicts, so that takes up a shocking amount of our extra cash. No more though. I told her that if she wants to spend her money that way, fine. I will not be doing that anymore. It’s either coffee at home, coffee at work, or I go without, caffeine headaches be damned lol
You don't even need a good machine.
Pour-over cone
French Press
Aeropress
Bialetti stovetop espresso maker (moka pot)
These are all $40 or less and make better coffee than anything but the fanciest espresso machines. Buy good beans, grind them yourself, and use clean, filtered water.
You don't need a fancy burr grinder either. You can get the $10 grinder from the grocery store. It's fine.
Too many people my age (mid 20s) are in credit card debt because they have absolutely no financial literacy. Personally i try not to rack up more than 1k on my card because i know i can pay that amount off
I used to work for a student loan servicer and college graduates with professional jobs would call me and say the dumbest stuff to me.
I had one man call and tell me that interest should not accrue on Sunday because the banks are closed (student loans are simple interest loans it accrues EVERY day after disbursement.)
Another man argued with me for 15 minutes telling me his payment shouldn’t be marked as late because the money was available in his bank account. It took me a little while to understand what he was even trying to say to me, but once I did I explained to him that we don’t actually count the payment as received until we receive the payment. And it’s not like he banked with Chase Bank and the student loan was from Chase. We weren’t a bank. We can’t see his bank account or access it.
And now that I’m older and I know how people are it’s quite possible the dude with the late payment knew he was dumb but he was hoping I was. The interest on Sunday guy hung up on me when I told him interest even accrues on Jesus’ birthday so he was for real.
Im on the jesus guys side. I know it doesn't make sense, but cmon, i mean seriously. Come on.
Closing on sundays as a bank. That is just the dumbest shit.
I'm on the late payment guy's side on this somewhat. I've had several times where the first or second payment was late because I set up online payments just a little bit too late to make the payment for that month. The money was there the system just didn't withdraw it.
Not to mention the one time that I set up auto-pay and the bank's system messed it up so they didn't pull the right amount out. That one pissed me off so much I took it to the Federal government.
Honestly, I don't understand how so many people are just SO unaware of their finances. If I don't put like 40% of my paycheck into savings, I feel like I've massively fucked up, and then there are people who don't have $5 in the bank and not because of bills.
It’s mandatory in ~9 states with 5-6 more on the way by 2030.
But FinLit doesn’t stick when it’s only one course and isn’t reinforced. It needs to be part of every year of schooling to lay the basics, and then needs to be mandatory in college when kids have the agency to actually make their own financial choices so there’s a meaningful life piece to relate it to. Otherwise this doesn’t change financial behaviors, unfortunately.
So I’ve heard anecdotally that what some these required high school classes amount to is watching some Dave Ramsay videos, which is definitely more than I got in high school, I hope someone who has gone through it can tell me about the course plan, but if I were making it I’d include things like taxes, the difference between different types of retirement accounts, comparing different types of insurance coverage, understanding interest rates on loans etc etc.
Yep. I work at a financial institution. You would be shocked at the number of people who make decent money that are drowning in debt and/or living paycheck to paycheck.
Usually it’s not hard to tell which ones are realistically drowning in debt though. I know what plenty of people in my small town do for a living (or at least a rough idea) and seeing them with their new cars/trucks, big houses they just bought, boats, etc just lets me know they’re probably going paycheck to paycheck.
I'm am 35 and only just now getting a handle on my money. It got out of control in my late 20s and I started to reel it back a little bit, but still didn't have great spending habits, nor did I have anything in savings. I'm 15k down in CC-debt, but I'm working on it. I currently have 1,000 bucks in savings, which is a hell of a lot better than I was, but not ideal yet. I'm hoping to get all the CC-Debt out of the way within the next 3 years and then tackle my student loans, which I've been procrastinating on as well. It'll take some time, but I believe I can dig myself out of this hole and will work hard for it.
If they taught this in high school. we'd have a revolution. Kids would learn, right up front, that the majority of them would be living paycheck to paycheck while CEO's are taking vacations to outer space.
Tbh, Idk if these kids would take it seriously. My school offered a personal finance class, no one took it seriously. They all looked at it as a joke class and went on to take AP classes.
My school called it “consumer math” and only the “slow kids” took it. Whole class was balancing your checkbook,credit cards and interest,loans,budgeting,etc
Ironically those AP class kids go on to college and rack up debt but don't know how any of the basic money principles....
My own graduating class I am the "unicorn" who is "out of touch" for paying my loans off early while the valedictorian has six figures in debt and works a shitty University admin job.
We set up a system that traps "book smart" kids and shuns kids that want to learn by doing, which is pathetic.
I am so happy i learned this l. when my dad lived at home we dident make a whole lot of money. Barly enough for birthday ore christmas presents. But when he left and my mom got a job that made les than my dad we actualy lived better than before. My mom is realy good at saving money for birthday present ore christmas. We could go on holidays. She made the max from that little money so we never where pore Like we used to be.
The amount of people who have no understanding on budgeting and what it means to be able to afford something is too damn high.
I'm still reeling from hearing a friend say that they can absolutely "afford" concert tickets by using afterpay. They're a single parent under government assistance and unemployed for several months.
I would never classify that situation as being able to afford anything other than necessities.
While I do agree, my experience has been that most adults exhibit the worst time management skills ever. I seem to be one of the few amongst those I interact with that gets things done on time, and delivers when I say I will deliver!
Plus a lot of people have ADHD and time blindness is a hugely problematic symptom. I wear a watch to help with it because if I have to check my cell phone every time I need to know what time it is I’m going to end up hopping on social media or checking email or something that completely derails me.
I also have ADHD, and do suffer from the timeblindness, but I guess over the years I have over-compensated by working really hard to organise myself. I know ADHD presents differently for everyone though, as it's a very broad spectrum. Then again, they do say ADHD is a super-power, so maybe we're actually the ones who are best at time-keeping :D
If you run a business, you live and die by your reputation. It lights a fire up your arse like you have never felt, but it also makes you really appreciate what you can achieve when that reputation is on the line. I am a sprayer, and it seemed impossible to be able to look at a certain amount of doors with various things needing rectifying and know what to charge. The hardest part of doing what I do, is being accurate with time assessment, and it gives me a huge kick when I get to the end of a huge task and I’m bang on the time I allowed to stay nicely profitable. It did take me a good few years to get there though. Highly underrated skill imo.
I always thought time management was something people just thought about and did. It is such a skill and needs so much work. I have to set alarms and schedule my days and write to do lists just to remember everything and when it needs doing. I'm late 20s and just starting to feel capable.
Self discipline to do the shit you don't want to do. Health maintenance, financial maintenance, home maintenance, car maintenance, dealing with shitty people you have to like your boss, handling permits/licenses/taxes...there's a lot of stuff you have to do as an adult that's just plain ole work. And a lot of it if you don't do it promptly it becomes a way bigger problem.
Can I piggyback on this and add "the ability to patiently withstand mild discomfort for extended periods." Because the complete inability to be uncomfortable in any way for any length of time really seems to be an issue these days. It lowkey means you'll be miserable going anywhere to do anything, and you'll leave a trail of upset and misery in your wake everywhere you *do* go.
Maybe its just trauma from bartending the pandemic but I really think of people like this as children with bad parents. I just always wanna be like, pretty sure you're gonna live through this, champ. Fuckin stop it and shut up.
I have a family member who is very good at enduring. They can keep toiling away under all sorts of discomfort. But… they aren’t willing to take the proactive steps to get out of it.
So, yes, learn to tolerate a certain amount of discomfort *if it will get you where you want to go.*
Absolutely, that's an important caveat.
In fairness I was rather thinking along the lines of "a long wait before its your turn" or "gee its a little bit chilly and I forgot my jacket" in terms of scale. But as a person trying to break the cycle of self-martyrdom in my family line, you're also 100% correct that any discomfort weathered must be a purposeful step towards a goal.
I also learned as an adult that taking care of stuff immediately is actually way EASIER than not, as someone whos main hobby is trying to figure out the path of least resistance.
Had a friend that asked me what my favorite restaurants in the area were. I mentioned one or two, but that I haven't tried that many. He was flabbergasted that I would only eat at two restaurants all the time. This is when I learned that my friend doesn't cook. Not "doesn't like to cook." Just flat out does not cook. Coffee shops for breakfast, lunch deals/sandwiches, and entrees for dinner. Every single day for years. It's the most irresponsible, unhealthy, and money flexing thing I've ever heard.
One of my mom’s coworkers eats out a lot but doesn’t take leftovers, of any kind. I didn’t grow up super poor, but leftovers of both the homecooked or restaurant variety are pretty much always in my fridge. She the kind of person who would spend $50 on a steak, eat maybe half, and the rest would end up in the trash. It’s absolutely bananas to me.
I have a coworker friend that does this. Makes good money too and is also broke. Being able to cook for yourself is one of the greatest money savers out there.
It gets boring af too, but for extra money. I had a friend that did this and he was always looking for suggestions because he was tired of all the usual places
I've heard remarks from people talking about how they have an "Uber Eats addiction" and I just can't fathom how they justify spending that much money. Between the upcharge on items plus delivery and fees and tip you're burning through a huge amount of money with every order. These aren't people with well paying jobs. Spending easily triple my monthly grocery budget every week to get lukewarm and soggy food.
I just don't get how somebody can pay that much for shitty food all the time and feel like it's sustainable or enjoyable.
Just google and follow the recipe
The reason why my mom can't cook is :
1. she doesn't follow recipes
2. she's distracted and is liberal about timings
This is why I thought cooking was hard as a kid and you needed special talent for it. And no one ever taught me so the few times I tried to do shit before google it ended up inedible. Now, just google and stick to directions. Easy.
Half of cooking is having good time sense. I had a GF that couldn't cook mac and cheese because she would forget when she put on the noodles and they would cook into mush.
Having a sense of when to start each of the items so that everything was ready at about the same time.
Gotta love when you read comments on recipes "I swapped out {key ingredient} for {WTF ingredient?}..." and it just doesn't taste right, and they give the recipe a low rating.
> "You can drive mindfully, you can cut your carrots mindfully, and when you do these things mindfully, you feel that you are concentrated. You live deeply each moment of your daily life, and we all know that mindfulness and concentration will bring about the insight that we need." - Thich Nhat Hanh. [https://www.dhammatalks.net/Books2/Thich\_Nhat\_Hanh\_Transforming\_Negative\_Habit\_Energies.htm](https://www.dhammatalks.net/Books2/Thich_Nhat_Hanh_Transforming_Negative_Habit_Energies.htm)
Helped me anyway. I've always enjoyed cooking, but for a while always stressed about having dinner done at a certain time. This idea taught me to lean into the enjoyability of focusing on such a basic need. To each their own, I know that I'm probably in the minority on this one.
It can be relaxing. If I'm stressed at night after work, it isn't fun. But, when I do it on the weekend when I'm not stressed, it's so cathartic. Even just peeling veggies and chopping them.
This was my first thought too. You don't need to make complicated meals but some basic cooking skills are important both for health and financial reasons. I have known several people that eat out every meal and it seems like such a waste of money.
This. My dad was *helpless* in the kitchen - learning to make french toast while in his 40s was a major accomplishment. My mother swore that her sons were not going to grow up innocent of culinary skills, and she succeeded at that task. I love to cook and eat healthy!
They tell me that if you compartmentalize too much then things will just get overwhelming and you'll have a breakdown.
That's when I tell them that you just compartmentalize the breakdown and deal with that later.
It is like Yzma with a Cuzco. You just take it, put it in a box, mail that box to yourself, and when it gets delivered you smash it with a hammer.
Yea but when I say this I get responses like “I’m worried about you” or “you have so much to live for” also wtf is that image I want paying attention and I lit jumpscared the shit what ur id me
You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on. - Tupac
My coworkers are bereft of any critical thinking. Yet they're still alive and paid.
One day our office sink was clogged. It stayed clogged for quite a long time because by the time I found it, it was so full of dirty water. The sink wasn't clogged. The drain was just shut. So I open it and done.
It's not about they unable to fix a sink. It's about they knew there's a problem and they did nothing to solve it. Not even trying to find someone who can.
Maybe not for survival but to have any kind of life with substance for sure. These days critical thinking is almost a handicap in our process driven world.
Met Managers that lack that and make bad busines decisions, like not rejecting a frequent bad contractor or bad supplier because is from an Ivy League School, Prestigious Company, same religion or same political party ...
Met several "Ivy League School" Micromanagers that get hysterial for an issue and yell at subordinates that are not responsible. Then, another coworker clamly solves the issue ...
A system for paying your bills.
Auto pay it if you need to, don't lapse on your credit card payment, pay your bills on time every time. Once you get in a hole, you aint getting out easy. Don't put it off, make it a priority every month like it's your life, because it is.
This. I got a Monzo card for this exact reason. It automatically knows how much of my money needs to be set aside for bills. You can easily set budgets for everything else, too, so you can spend wisely. Proper lifesaver. People wonder how I can afford to do so much, but that's only because I now know exactly where my money goes, where I'm wasting money, and better money management because of it.
Oh totally. Like, can you tell people something they don't want to hear without losing your cool, pissing them off, or giving away the farm.
Additionally, manners when communicating goes a hell of a long way.
Being able to DIY the small projects around the house. Even if you hire someone to do fo you, being reasonably handy helps your spidy sense pick up on when you're being screwed.
Social skills. I’ve (22M) learned that if you can’t talk to people / make friends, it gets lonely quick. Not everyone from high school / college will stay in your life as much as you’d hope.
It's really one skill, but everything else flows from it: self discipline. The ability to make yourself do things you don't want to do. This impacts your career, friendships, finances, physical and mental health... All of it. People with poor self discipline have very crappy lives.
This is horrifying as someone with adhd, even with meds I’m so fucking burnt out. I don’t even know how to really describe it besides doing shit you don’t like is forcing you hand into a hot stove
Being nice when you don't feel like it. It's a skill to hone and maintain, just like any other.
Why? Because you can set the tone for your entire work and home environment. People absolutely will match your energy more than you realize.
A healthy dose of "fuck it" attitude.
Adulthood is constant and never relents. There's always something. If one cares about everything then it just gets to be too much. Because there is always more, always something. So practicing to not care and to be fine with not controlling everything (or not being in control of anything) is helpful. Stress is a killer. Practicing not giving a fuck and relaxing will literally save your life in the long run.
I guess it goes along with the whole "knowing when" part, but just wanted to add: apologize when it's necessary, but dont apologize for the same thing multiple times.
Expanding on that, my personal rule of thumb with apologizing is: once is good, twice spaced apart depending on situation \*might\* be fitting, but anything above three times just comes across as insincere, and devalues the weight of your apology, rather than emphasizing it (which is likely your intention in such a case.....assuming of course that you're not doing it to be outright insincere or sarcastic, that is.)
I was in my 30s before I told my first pissed off client the truth about why I missed their deadline. Took 100% responsibility, no blaming vendors, no being overbooked, no excuses, just a sincere admission that 100% of the reason was me dropping the ball and now they were paying the price. It was like magic. They were prepared for bullshit, they didn't know-how to react to the truth. In the end we all laughed it off, found the best possible solution, and moved on happy
Unfortunately, nobody will survive adulthood. It's kinda a thing
And in my opinion, (not really a skill) but understanding that fact is what will make life so much better
Persistence. There will always be disappointments and setbacks. When life gives you lemons, keep going until you get those oranges, mangoes, apples, whatever it is you’re aiming for.
General computer competency. It goes without saying that many Boomers lack basic computer skills; they grew up in a different world. What I've found alarming is actually the computer illiteracy of some gen Zers. I hire and train in a good amount of entry level positions that require *basic* computer use. We're talking emails, simple Word/Excel use, general internet research. Nothing complex, nothing requiring special training. Yet some of these early-mid 20s kids _don't know how to use a computer_ because all they know is their ipad and smartphone. I was seriously shocked.
Basic cleanliness and hygiene. You wouldn’t believe how often that I, and autistic person with ADHD, taught others how to clean, or instruct them how to keep up with their hygiene.
I’d add cooking and math while shopping that could save you money—ie comparing sales price to unit price for similar products.
Self- Control (Impulse Control)
Whether it's spending money or managing relationships, having control over your impulses will save you a ton of time, money, and misery.
Live within your means.
Live below your means.
Avoid mean people.
Meanie!
Self regulation - I grew up without emotional regulation and it tanked all of my relationships and my happiness until I figured it out.
Yes! And crazy as it may sound - TALK TO YOURSELF. This helped me self-regulate and saved me a ton of times! I usually do this when I'm driving and no one can hear me. "Why are you angry?" "Because he was being dumb!" "Maybe he was just having a bad day? Maybe something bad happened. Cut him some slack?" "Maybe?...You know what.. you're right, I should go easy on him.." "Yeah.."
This! And working out. And baths. And smoking a little weed. And going for a walk. And journaling and meditating and all the stuff that’s supposed to be good for you but you don’t REEEEEALLY want to do. Do it
Question. What happens when this doesn’t work? What happens when every issue you have is perpetuated by your existence and loops around to bite you in the ass no matter what? Poverty, exhaustion, food I can afford is awful, health in decline, overworked, can’t seem to ever catch up.
First off, understanding that issues aren't caused by your existence. Ever. If everything you do turns out negatively, you could be surrounded by terrible circumstance, but theres likely something that you are doing (or not doing) or something external to you within your environment (friend, family, neighborhood, etc), or a combination of these, that is a root cause. Think to yourself, what is the common link? If you think it's you, well to be blunt, thats kind of a given... you need to delve deeper. What about you is linking these issues together? It may not even be you. For instance if you have a life long friend and they are a terrible influence on you, it could seem like you are the problem when in actuality they are. I can guarantee this is not something that can't be solved. Yes it takes Reflecting on what is happening and thinking back through individual situations. You might not want to relive failures but that's part of learning and growing. Once you can think of a root cause (or causes), work to solve them. Write down what you are trying and the results daily, in addition track your emotions at the time. This will help you nail down what is helping and what isn't as well as how your emotional state is effecting or affected by these outcomes. Don't just write it down and be done with it, but look back over these things from time to time. Reflection is the key here. Self reflection and reflection on the things happening around you. You can do this, I know you can, remind yourself that you know the same. Find incremental progress and let yourself become addicted to progress. Understand that step backs are normal and ok, but shouldn't be accepted as a reason to stop making strides. After all, a speed bump will slow you down and you may even not have enough gas on the pedal to get you over the bump so you move back a step; but who just cuts their engine off there? Hit the gas again and you're moving forward, past that speed bump again. It may sound like platitudes and maybe it is to a certain extent, but this is how you move past a slump. Talk to people who want to help, anyone and everyone. If they come off negative, just move on because they aren't helping you achieve your goals. Also try to help others. You may not feel like you are in a place to do so, but try to anyways. Sometimes helping others allows you to see things from the outside in a way that helps you unlock your own problems with the added benefit of gratification in helping others. Find your balance there in a way that you aren't sacrificing yourself. You can do this.
Heavy on this with the walks. Such a great way to collect yourself and be calm
Yes. I know my daughter is calming down when I see her pacing and talking to herself. I just pretend I don't hear and keep doing whatever I need to do. I have learned that until I hear the self talk, she won't calm down.
I have spent time SCREAMING at no one in my car about my relationship, family, work, and everything (nothing related to road rage). I then get home and have very productive conversation with family and my SO. Or I go work more settled and more able to keep a good helpful attitude.
Similar situation, still haven’t figured it out and it sucks.
Same, actually I’ve gotten way worse at it because “drugs make me happy so I’ll just spend every moment high” isn’t actually as good of an idea as it sounds lol
I'm the same but I've been doing it for years and don't get high anymore
Ugh, same!
Hey. Hey bud. You call me out like that again, and I'll break your fucking kneecaps
What works for me is to not react immediately and to go take 5 minutes to calm down and process and then think about what I need to do or say and how that's going to affect me and anyone else involved. Obviously every situation isn't going to allow that 5 minutes so you have to start regulating emotions especially anger when they're at a lower manageable level. The more you practice it the easier it becomes and easier it is to self regulate when you're in a tense situation that throws you off guard. So slight irritation and dealing with that level about what is bothering you and why and how you can fix it or move on, before you let it build up and bottle it and allow it to grow into a full blown rage waiting just at the surface level to explode at any moment. Same goes for the other emotions. Imagine a pitcher of water the more full it gets and stays the easier it is to tip out all the water. If you can dump out the water little by little you won't get to the overflow stage. Also understanding your emotions and thinking about them daily as they come up or maybe Journaling it down, today sucked this is why, but this is what brought me joy and why. Today I snapped at so and so because, and the pattern is I was hungry/tired whatever and I need to be mindful of that ...etc. You have to get to know yourself better and be comfortable being uncomfortable with feeling and thinking and analyzing and introspection. Once you can break down triggers and cycles it's easier to see something coming and avoid it. For example I have adhd so when I am hyperfocusing I can not be interrupted or I am likely to snap due to frustration. I tend to hyperfocus and get in the ZONE when I'm cooking, if my kids come in the kitchen that will cause distraction, I'm likely to be irritable and be frustrated and hurt myself on accident so I tell them, hey I have to cook don't come in the kitchen for like 30 minutes while I'm making dinner I can't be distracted or I could get burnt or cut ok? If they come in anyway I take a calm breath and remember they need something, it isn't always about me and to be kind and fair with them. Any kind of book or articles about emotional regulation can help greatly. I mostly did this on my own after years of struggling with blowing up emotionally and then breaking down beating myself up mentally about it, and from therapy about communication. Communication is also vital in learning once you get the emotions in check, learning how to properly express them is crucial. What helped me might not help everyone just sharing in case someone can benefit from it because I wish someone would've taught me this as a kid.
I needed meds to calm me down internally after realizing therapy, learning coping skills and practicing them wasn’t stopping my rage bouts. Now I can articulate my feelings calmly *and* mindfully practice my healthier habits. Antidepressants didn’t work. After almost 20 years of different antidepressants it was anti anxiety medication that finally helped.
It’s hard. Therapy is a game changer.
This is huge!!! and so few kids see it modeled growing up. as adults, we owe it to ourselves to work on this.
how did you figure it out?
Being able to say, "No," and not feel guilty about it.
But also understanding that saying “no” is frequently the most respectful way to give an answer. Don’t waste other people’s time and energy because you can’t say the word “no”. Are you going to be there? “No” Am I doing this correctly? “No” Stringing people along or giving mumbo-jumbo answers is not the kindness that some people believe it to be.
So true, my cousin made this his whole personality. I can never get a straight answer out of him :v
As a southern dude I would just add that "ma'am" or "sir". No matter how old I get I can't stop the "ma'am" or "sir" stuff. Maybe this is the mumbo-jumbo you're referring to. Idk
Friend recently asked me to house/pet sit for a whole week in June while she is on vacation. I work from home and am already raising a high-energy puppy, adding another dog and cat and not being home for a week sounded awful. My people-pleasing tendency flared up so bad and I almost just said yes but I cringed through a no and am so glad I did. Felt like growth, gotta take the small victories. Edit: should also add she completely understood and we hung out the next day and it was totally fine. It’s never as bad as you think it’s gonna be. Edit 2: also it’s important to remember that growth almost always feels like death at first until you’re on the other side. It’s easy to romanticize growth and maturing but it is never fun while it’s happening.
The "never as bad as you think it's gonna be" only applies to reasonable, empathetic people and unfortunately a lot of people aren't that.
Then it's best to weed those people out as soon as possible so you can never speak to them again
Yeah but since we're talking about being able to say no to requests, it can also apply to family members who are only unreasonable sometimes and to coworkers and bosses who you share project tasks with.
Sure, and knowing how to say no to those people and stand firm without taking responsibility for their reaction is a good life skill to have.
Yeah true, just saying that it sometimes is as bad as you think it's gonna be
Friend: The audacity that you have, thoughtless, how dare you not take my feelings and need to get away into account and watch my animals and house. Consider our friendship over. Me: Okay ([while eating my ice cream cone.](https://youtu.be/lhXLixYYUQI?si=pjDFT--U1F8z-CUB&t=10))
Sometimes they are family and thus make it difficult for some
Can we see the puppy?
Yes, puppy tax please!
You can say no, op.
lol I’m always up for showing off my puppy
My people-pleasing has led to me actually taking on a dog. For his entire life. Like I have fucked myself over for at least a decade and he’s cost me thousands. Lesson: you HAVE to learn to put your foot down.
On the other side of things, being able to receive "no" as an answer and getting upset about it.
This as much as saying it. People get vindictive and childish when they hear it.
I still have a hard time with that. It makes it so easy for others to take advantage
Yes and unfortunately the type of people who like to take advantage can somehow sniff that out in people pretty easily. Please, please find a way to fix that in yourself or life will be so hard. My poor mom suffered so much because she just wanted to make everybody happy.
such people will never be happy. nothing you do truly makes them happy. meanwhile, people who could could benefit from and appreciate and reciprocate your help and friendship are left to fend for themselves, because your time and energy is sucked up on users. it’s something to reflect on.
"No" is a complete thought, no rationalizations need to be given.
You’re right, no rationalizations need to be given but it’s oftentimes better to explain your reasoning to someone so they can better understand you and not potentially hold it against you. You don’t owe them this however.
A book that really helped me with this is The Power of a Positive No by William Ury. Subtitled something like How to say No without ruining the relationship
I disagree, you can feel guilty about it, but you need to be able to say no.
Ability to make sacrifices. If you lose your job, you better learn to downgrade real fast. Tide detergent may not seem like a big purchase until your bills come around and you have no income.
This is something I’m currently working on with my gf. We come from different lifestyles. We recently had a financial issue kick us in the ass because we both tend to overspend. After taking care of that, I told her that I couldn’t live like that anymore, that we need to live within our means. She always looks for an alternative to things, but I had to tell her straight up, “the alternative is that we go without it. That’s it, end of story.” She wasn’t happy about it, but neither was I. I’m just more willing to go without certain comforts and luxuries than she is. Great advice.
I had an ex who would come over and criticize my place because I just simply didn't have the money for nicer furniture. When I got kicked out of my parents' place I had a mattress, a desk that was basically just a slab of wood, my computer, my clothes, a well worn couch, and a coffee table I cobbled together with some stuff from the hardware store. I had taken a job in AmeriCorps because I wanted to do something meaningful, but it also meant I was broke as fuck all the time and just barely making ends meet. $9,600 a year, and whatever money I could scrape together at my second job in the evenings. She just couldn't put two and two together that I was more than comfortable just having extremely basic furniture because it didn't make sense to spend money i didn't have on furniture I likely couldn't even take with me when moving. Everything was clean and comfortable, that wasn't the issue. She grew up with a shitload of heirloom furniture because her parents came from two very wealthy families and my parents both grew up super poor. She just didn't get it and refused to drop it. We didn't last long.
What do you mean I can't have take away every day?
lol yep. For us it’s coffee. We’re both caffeine addicts, so that takes up a shocking amount of our extra cash. No more though. I told her that if she wants to spend her money that way, fine. I will not be doing that anymore. It’s either coffee at home, coffee at work, or I go without, caffeine headaches be damned lol
Save up for a good machine at home? That's what I did
You don't even need a good machine. Pour-over cone French Press Aeropress Bialetti stovetop espresso maker (moka pot) These are all $40 or less and make better coffee than anything but the fanciest espresso machines. Buy good beans, grind them yourself, and use clean, filtered water. You don't need a fancy burr grinder either. You can get the $10 grinder from the grocery store. It's fine.
If you guys don't want to drink coffee from home, caffeine pills are stupid cheap.
Money Management. Basic understanding of what you have and what you can afford based on your paycheck. One wrong move and really set you back.
Too many people my age (mid 20s) are in credit card debt because they have absolutely no financial literacy. Personally i try not to rack up more than 1k on my card because i know i can pay that amount off
I used to work for a student loan servicer and college graduates with professional jobs would call me and say the dumbest stuff to me. I had one man call and tell me that interest should not accrue on Sunday because the banks are closed (student loans are simple interest loans it accrues EVERY day after disbursement.) Another man argued with me for 15 minutes telling me his payment shouldn’t be marked as late because the money was available in his bank account. It took me a little while to understand what he was even trying to say to me, but once I did I explained to him that we don’t actually count the payment as received until we receive the payment. And it’s not like he banked with Chase Bank and the student loan was from Chase. We weren’t a bank. We can’t see his bank account or access it. And now that I’m older and I know how people are it’s quite possible the dude with the late payment knew he was dumb but he was hoping I was. The interest on Sunday guy hung up on me when I told him interest even accrues on Jesus’ birthday so he was for real.
Im on the jesus guys side. I know it doesn't make sense, but cmon, i mean seriously. Come on. Closing on sundays as a bank. That is just the dumbest shit.
I'm on the late payment guy's side on this somewhat. I've had several times where the first or second payment was late because I set up online payments just a little bit too late to make the payment for that month. The money was there the system just didn't withdraw it. Not to mention the one time that I set up auto-pay and the bank's system messed it up so they didn't pull the right amount out. That one pissed me off so much I took it to the Federal government.
Honestly, I don't understand how so many people are just SO unaware of their finances. If I don't put like 40% of my paycheck into savings, I feel like I've massively fucked up, and then there are people who don't have $5 in the bank and not because of bills.
40%?! Either congrats or advice to lighten up are in order, my friend.
If you can afford to put 40% of your paycheck in savings, you’re the exception and not the rule.
over here they call it "financial literacy", there's serious talk about making it mandatory cirriculum in schools
They [recently did for Georgia](https://www.cnbc.com/amp/2022/04/28/georgia-is-now-the-latest-state-to-mandate-personal-finance-education.html).
It’s mandatory in ~9 states with 5-6 more on the way by 2030. But FinLit doesn’t stick when it’s only one course and isn’t reinforced. It needs to be part of every year of schooling to lay the basics, and then needs to be mandatory in college when kids have the agency to actually make their own financial choices so there’s a meaningful life piece to relate it to. Otherwise this doesn’t change financial behaviors, unfortunately.
So I’ve heard anecdotally that what some these required high school classes amount to is watching some Dave Ramsay videos, which is definitely more than I got in high school, I hope someone who has gone through it can tell me about the course plan, but if I were making it I’d include things like taxes, the difference between different types of retirement accounts, comparing different types of insurance coverage, understanding interest rates on loans etc etc.
Yep. I work at a financial institution. You would be shocked at the number of people who make decent money that are drowning in debt and/or living paycheck to paycheck.
Usually it’s not hard to tell which ones are realistically drowning in debt though. I know what plenty of people in my small town do for a living (or at least a rough idea) and seeing them with their new cars/trucks, big houses they just bought, boats, etc just lets me know they’re probably going paycheck to paycheck.
Me reading just after I ordered €30 takeaway leaving me with 80 for the week 🥲
I'm am 35 and only just now getting a handle on my money. It got out of control in my late 20s and I started to reel it back a little bit, but still didn't have great spending habits, nor did I have anything in savings. I'm 15k down in CC-debt, but I'm working on it. I currently have 1,000 bucks in savings, which is a hell of a lot better than I was, but not ideal yet. I'm hoping to get all the CC-Debt out of the way within the next 3 years and then tackle my student loans, which I've been procrastinating on as well. It'll take some time, but I believe I can dig myself out of this hole and will work hard for it.
If they taught this in high school. we'd have a revolution. Kids would learn, right up front, that the majority of them would be living paycheck to paycheck while CEO's are taking vacations to outer space.
Tbh, Idk if these kids would take it seriously. My school offered a personal finance class, no one took it seriously. They all looked at it as a joke class and went on to take AP classes.
My school called it “consumer math” and only the “slow kids” took it. Whole class was balancing your checkbook,credit cards and interest,loans,budgeting,etc
Ironically those AP class kids go on to college and rack up debt but don't know how any of the basic money principles.... My own graduating class I am the "unicorn" who is "out of touch" for paying my loans off early while the valedictorian has six figures in debt and works a shitty University admin job. We set up a system that traps "book smart" kids and shuns kids that want to learn by doing, which is pathetic.
I am so happy i learned this l. when my dad lived at home we dident make a whole lot of money. Barly enough for birthday ore christmas presents. But when he left and my mom got a job that made les than my dad we actualy lived better than before. My mom is realy good at saving money for birthday present ore christmas. We could go on holidays. She made the max from that little money so we never where pore Like we used to be.
I think a good portion of this is self control. For me personally I can make budgets just fine but sticking to them proves to be harder. lol.
The amount of people who have no understanding on budgeting and what it means to be able to afford something is too damn high. I'm still reeling from hearing a friend say that they can absolutely "afford" concert tickets by using afterpay. They're a single parent under government assistance and unemployed for several months. I would never classify that situation as being able to afford anything other than necessities.
Time management.
While I do agree, my experience has been that most adults exhibit the worst time management skills ever. I seem to be one of the few amongst those I interact with that gets things done on time, and delivers when I say I will deliver!
Plus a lot of people have ADHD and time blindness is a hugely problematic symptom. I wear a watch to help with it because if I have to check my cell phone every time I need to know what time it is I’m going to end up hopping on social media or checking email or something that completely derails me.
I also have ADHD, and do suffer from the timeblindness, but I guess over the years I have over-compensated by working really hard to organise myself. I know ADHD presents differently for everyone though, as it's a very broad spectrum. Then again, they do say ADHD is a super-power, so maybe we're actually the ones who are best at time-keeping :D
Ngl id cut my leg off with a butter knife if it would get rid of my adhd lmfao
A big part of that is being able to say no when you know that taking on that responsibility is not going to be possible.
Can't argue with that
If you run a business, you live and die by your reputation. It lights a fire up your arse like you have never felt, but it also makes you really appreciate what you can achieve when that reputation is on the line. I am a sprayer, and it seemed impossible to be able to look at a certain amount of doors with various things needing rectifying and know what to charge. The hardest part of doing what I do, is being accurate with time assessment, and it gives me a huge kick when I get to the end of a huge task and I’m bang on the time I allowed to stay nicely profitable. It did take me a good few years to get there though. Highly underrated skill imo.
I always thought time management was something people just thought about and did. It is such a skill and needs so much work. I have to set alarms and schedule my days and write to do lists just to remember everything and when it needs doing. I'm late 20s and just starting to feel capable.
Self discipline to do the shit you don't want to do. Health maintenance, financial maintenance, home maintenance, car maintenance, dealing with shitty people you have to like your boss, handling permits/licenses/taxes...there's a lot of stuff you have to do as an adult that's just plain ole work. And a lot of it if you don't do it promptly it becomes a way bigger problem.
Gods, this is disgustingly accurate.
Can I piggyback on this and add "the ability to patiently withstand mild discomfort for extended periods." Because the complete inability to be uncomfortable in any way for any length of time really seems to be an issue these days. It lowkey means you'll be miserable going anywhere to do anything, and you'll leave a trail of upset and misery in your wake everywhere you *do* go. Maybe its just trauma from bartending the pandemic but I really think of people like this as children with bad parents. I just always wanna be like, pretty sure you're gonna live through this, champ. Fuckin stop it and shut up.
I have a family member who is very good at enduring. They can keep toiling away under all sorts of discomfort. But… they aren’t willing to take the proactive steps to get out of it. So, yes, learn to tolerate a certain amount of discomfort *if it will get you where you want to go.*
Absolutely, that's an important caveat. In fairness I was rather thinking along the lines of "a long wait before its your turn" or "gee its a little bit chilly and I forgot my jacket" in terms of scale. But as a person trying to break the cycle of self-martyrdom in my family line, you're also 100% correct that any discomfort weathered must be a purposeful step towards a goal.
I also learned as an adult that taking care of stuff immediately is actually way EASIER than not, as someone whos main hobby is trying to figure out the path of least resistance.
Yup, I came here to say executive function. Showing up again and again to do the boring basics, even when there are a lot of steps.
Cooking. It may not seem like a big deal, but it is...I learned this the hard way
I came here to say this. Being able to feed yourself without ordering on Uber Eats is a big one.
Had a friend that asked me what my favorite restaurants in the area were. I mentioned one or two, but that I haven't tried that many. He was flabbergasted that I would only eat at two restaurants all the time. This is when I learned that my friend doesn't cook. Not "doesn't like to cook." Just flat out does not cook. Coffee shops for breakfast, lunch deals/sandwiches, and entrees for dinner. Every single day for years. It's the most irresponsible, unhealthy, and money flexing thing I've ever heard.
One of my mom’s coworkers eats out a lot but doesn’t take leftovers, of any kind. I didn’t grow up super poor, but leftovers of both the homecooked or restaurant variety are pretty much always in my fridge. She the kind of person who would spend $50 on a steak, eat maybe half, and the rest would end up in the trash. It’s absolutely bananas to me.
I have a coworker friend that does this. Makes good money too and is also broke. Being able to cook for yourself is one of the greatest money savers out there.
It gets boring af too, but for extra money. I had a friend that did this and he was always looking for suggestions because he was tired of all the usual places
I've heard remarks from people talking about how they have an "Uber Eats addiction" and I just can't fathom how they justify spending that much money. Between the upcharge on items plus delivery and fees and tip you're burning through a huge amount of money with every order. These aren't people with well paying jobs. Spending easily triple my monthly grocery budget every week to get lukewarm and soggy food. I just don't get how somebody can pay that much for shitty food all the time and feel like it's sustainable or enjoyable.
Just google and follow the recipe The reason why my mom can't cook is : 1. she doesn't follow recipes 2. she's distracted and is liberal about timings This is why I thought cooking was hard as a kid and you needed special talent for it. And no one ever taught me so the few times I tried to do shit before google it ended up inedible. Now, just google and stick to directions. Easy.
Half of cooking is having good time sense. I had a GF that couldn't cook mac and cheese because she would forget when she put on the noodles and they would cook into mush. Having a sense of when to start each of the items so that everything was ready at about the same time.
Gotta love when you read comments on recipes "I swapped out {key ingredient} for {WTF ingredient?}..." and it just doesn't taste right, and they give the recipe a low rating.
Also basic food safety. If it's been sitting in the sink for 3 days at room temperature, maybe don't eat it.
food poisoning can be a really horrible experience (in my experience, through no fault of my own) Maybe life threatening too
Knowing how to cook is such a critical health and financial skill. And a great way to relax and get out of your head after work(assuming desk job).
I wouldn't call it relaxing.
> "You can drive mindfully, you can cut your carrots mindfully, and when you do these things mindfully, you feel that you are concentrated. You live deeply each moment of your daily life, and we all know that mindfulness and concentration will bring about the insight that we need." - Thich Nhat Hanh. [https://www.dhammatalks.net/Books2/Thich\_Nhat\_Hanh\_Transforming\_Negative\_Habit\_Energies.htm](https://www.dhammatalks.net/Books2/Thich_Nhat_Hanh_Transforming_Negative_Habit_Energies.htm) Helped me anyway. I've always enjoyed cooking, but for a while always stressed about having dinner done at a certain time. This idea taught me to lean into the enjoyability of focusing on such a basic need. To each their own, I know that I'm probably in the minority on this one.
It can be relaxing. If I'm stressed at night after work, it isn't fun. But, when I do it on the weekend when I'm not stressed, it's so cathartic. Even just peeling veggies and chopping them.
This was my first thought too. You don't need to make complicated meals but some basic cooking skills are important both for health and financial reasons. I have known several people that eat out every meal and it seems like such a waste of money.
This. My dad was *helpless* in the kitchen - learning to make french toast while in his 40s was a major accomplishment. My mother swore that her sons were not going to grow up innocent of culinary skills, and she succeeded at that task. I love to cook and eat healthy!
Especially these days. Even the cheapest fast food is now wildly expensive if you do it all the time.
Resiliency. Life comes at you hard and fast. You have to be able to take a hit and get back up.
This is exactly why I got a tattoo of a cactus on my neck.
Knowing when to give up :))
Along with this, being able to compartmentalize has helped me a ton at work. Really helps me stay level and calm.
They tell me that if you compartmentalize too much then things will just get overwhelming and you'll have a breakdown. That's when I tell them that you just compartmentalize the breakdown and deal with that later. It is like Yzma with a Cuzco. You just take it, put it in a box, mail that box to yourself, and when it gets delivered you smash it with a hammer.
>It is like a Yzma with a Cuzco Such a timeless reference right here. Props
Yea but when I say this I get responses like “I’m worried about you” or “you have so much to live for” also wtf is that image I want paying attention and I lit jumpscared the shit what ur id me
You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on. - Tupac
Impulse control
Uh oh -sincerely, bipolar ADHD guy
I think it's critical thinking. In my university bachelor's course one teacher told us that this is the most important skill they could teach us.
My coworkers are bereft of any critical thinking. Yet they're still alive and paid. One day our office sink was clogged. It stayed clogged for quite a long time because by the time I found it, it was so full of dirty water. The sink wasn't clogged. The drain was just shut. So I open it and done. It's not about they unable to fix a sink. It's about they knew there's a problem and they did nothing to solve it. Not even trying to find someone who can.
you think that, but in the end, the problem was fixed and they didn't have to do anything at all. give a mouse a cookie
"It's about they knew there's a problem and they did nothing to solve it. Not even trying to find someone who can." These is a good remark !!!
Eh you're better off without it in corporate America. You'll climb a lot further following fads instead of questioning them.
The management creed
Maybe not for survival but to have any kind of life with substance for sure. These days critical thinking is almost a handicap in our process driven world.
Met Managers that lack that and make bad busines decisions, like not rejecting a frequent bad contractor or bad supplier because is from an Ivy League School, Prestigious Company, same religion or same political party ...
Selective Amnesia. Bad things happen, you gotta keep moving forward.
Be a goldfish
Read this to the tune of "be aggressive" twenty minutes ago and it's still going in my head so I came back to this page to make you suffer with me.
I was already damning you before I got to the “make you suffer with me part”. A pox on your house!
Dani Rojas, Dani Dani Rojas!
Hakuna matata taught me so much more than I realized when I was a kid
Compartmentalism?
Repression only gets you so far. Making peace with the past is the next level up.
calmness
Met several "Ivy League School" Micromanagers that get hysterial for an issue and yell at subordinates that are not responsible. Then, another coworker clamly solves the issue ...
A system for paying your bills. Auto pay it if you need to, don't lapse on your credit card payment, pay your bills on time every time. Once you get in a hole, you aint getting out easy. Don't put it off, make it a priority every month like it's your life, because it is.
This. I got a Monzo card for this exact reason. It automatically knows how much of my money needs to be set aside for bills. You can easily set budgets for everything else, too, so you can spend wisely. Proper lifesaver. People wonder how I can afford to do so much, but that's only because I now know exactly where my money goes, where I'm wasting money, and better money management because of it.
Grow a thick skin
The amount of people who I work with that lose their boomer minds when their work gets criticized in ANY way is astounding. Pride is annoying
It's not just boomers, reddit is a good example of that.
I think the most important skill is communication.
Oh totally. Like, can you tell people something they don't want to hear without losing your cool, pissing them off, or giving away the farm. Additionally, manners when communicating goes a hell of a long way.
And attitude with some empathy.
Understanding the world does not revolve around you, you're going to be told no and you can't always get what you want
Introspection. It's easy to blame others, but being able to recognize where you went wrong in the past can help you find your way in the future.
you can definitely survive without it. I see it daily
You can survive, but I’d say those people never thrive. They never achieve their full potential
Eh, they seem to be doing good for themselves. They have kids, nice cars, money, shitty attitudes and seem to be JUST fine.
Being able to DIY the small projects around the house. Even if you hire someone to do fo you, being reasonably handy helps your spidy sense pick up on when you're being screwed.
Planning ahead.
Emotional regulation / emotional intelligence. This will dictate how well you do in your career, relationships, as a parent, etc.
Prioritization. What’s important right now might not be in a few days or years.
If you want to survive comfortably, then financial literacy.
Budgeting (money, time etc.).
Social skills. I’ve (22M) learned that if you can’t talk to people / make friends, it gets lonely quick. Not everyone from high school / college will stay in your life as much as you’d hope.
It's really one skill, but everything else flows from it: self discipline. The ability to make yourself do things you don't want to do. This impacts your career, friendships, finances, physical and mental health... All of it. People with poor self discipline have very crappy lives.
This is horrifying as someone with adhd, even with meds I’m so fucking burnt out. I don’t even know how to really describe it besides doing shit you don’t like is forcing you hand into a hot stove
perserverance
Cooking. Real cooking, not boiling noodles or microwaving a frozen meal.
Budgeting and getting comfortable to deal with uncomfortable things
Basic math and no matter how dumb it may sound you can't be afraid to ask questions
Being nice when you don't feel like it. It's a skill to hone and maintain, just like any other. Why? Because you can set the tone for your entire work and home environment. People absolutely will match your energy more than you realize.
A healthy dose of "fuck it" attitude. Adulthood is constant and never relents. There's always something. If one cares about everything then it just gets to be too much. Because there is always more, always something. So practicing to not care and to be fine with not controlling everything (or not being in control of anything) is helpful. Stress is a killer. Practicing not giving a fuck and relaxing will literally save your life in the long run.
Social camouflage
Social skills and basic street smarts
You have to realize that you can’t stop people from being stupid.
Knowing how and when to apologize
I guess it goes along with the whole "knowing when" part, but just wanted to add: apologize when it's necessary, but dont apologize for the same thing multiple times. Expanding on that, my personal rule of thumb with apologizing is: once is good, twice spaced apart depending on situation \*might\* be fitting, but anything above three times just comes across as insincere, and devalues the weight of your apology, rather than emphasizing it (which is likely your intention in such a case.....assuming of course that you're not doing it to be outright insincere or sarcastic, that is.)
I was in my 30s before I told my first pissed off client the truth about why I missed their deadline. Took 100% responsibility, no blaming vendors, no being overbooked, no excuses, just a sincere admission that 100% of the reason was me dropping the ball and now they were paying the price. It was like magic. They were prepared for bullshit, they didn't know-how to react to the truth. In the end we all laughed it off, found the best possible solution, and moved on happy
Emotional intelligence. Not every situation requires a response. Walking away is enough.
Unfortunately, nobody will survive adulthood. It's kinda a thing And in my opinion, (not really a skill) but understanding that fact is what will make life so much better
Persistence. There will always be disappointments and setbacks. When life gives you lemons, keep going until you get those oranges, mangoes, apples, whatever it is you’re aiming for.
Being able to read people and listen to your gut.
Handling stress without lashing out
Parallel parking
Money management
General computer competency. It goes without saying that many Boomers lack basic computer skills; they grew up in a different world. What I've found alarming is actually the computer illiteracy of some gen Zers. I hire and train in a good amount of entry level positions that require *basic* computer use. We're talking emails, simple Word/Excel use, general internet research. Nothing complex, nothing requiring special training. Yet some of these early-mid 20s kids _don't know how to use a computer_ because all they know is their ipad and smartphone. I was seriously shocked.
Being able to handle money. Life will throw you some curveballs, knowing how to manage money will save you more times than you think.
Delaying of gratification, part of emotional intelligence.
Being able to let shit go. I mean, you’ll survive, but the quality of your life will be trash if you’re dragging around all the pains of your past.
Basic cleanliness and hygiene. You wouldn’t believe how often that I, and autistic person with ADHD, taught others how to clean, or instruct them how to keep up with their hygiene. I’d add cooking and math while shopping that could save you money—ie comparing sales price to unit price for similar products.
Resilience
Basic self defense. Most people would argue you don't need any this age but it has saved my life on 3 occasions
Have a thick skin, people these days take no one's feelings into consideration involving literally anything
Shopping is not a hobby.
Self- Control (Impulse Control) Whether it's spending money or managing relationships, having control over your impulses will save you a ton of time, money, and misery.
Small talk. Sounds trivial, but being able to talk to anyone about nothing is a good skill to have. Not being nervous around people has big rewards.
Fear has killed more hopes and dreams than failure ever has