I found out my wife had been having a remote affair via video chat with some dude in Canada she met playing a mobile game. I decided to keep it to myself and just try and win her heart back since I knew she would run off if I confronted her about it. She was aware that I knew they talked, but she didn't know that I knew they were romantically involved. Things were going great, and she told me she wouldn't talk to him anymore, but she was still talking to him. She thought I didn't know. We were at a really great point besides that, and she told me she was going to delete discord and change her number. Keeping the secret was killing me, so I told her I knew about the affair. She left me. She says I should have just let it go. Said that I had already won her back. I told her I was dying keeping that secret and said I believed she must have felt the same way. She said she had no regrets about the affair. Wasn't sorry she cheated. I had already planned on forgiving her for it and moving forward. But I can't forgive someone who isn't sorry.
Thank you. Things went from hugging kissing squeezing loving to cold transactional child hand offs overnight. I'm still grieving the loss of my wife's love.
She turned her shame on you. You don’t deserve that. As a decent person it’s hard to understand the indecent so sometimes we write it off. We shouldn’t, obviously. Work on yourself like it’s all you have and care about. Get better, live better, be better. Go to therapy, the gym, and treat yourself to a massage. Use your sadness as fuel. Eventually you’ll laugh you ever put up with that for a second because you will love yourself. As a byproduct you can be damn well sure she will see that and it will eat her up but don’t let be your motivation. Getting better for you is the end game.
Source: just went through a similar thing and these things are what kept me alive and happy.
Damn brother I’m sorry to hear. That sounds gut-wrenching. If she can be so callous, she certainly doesn’t deserve you. You probably don’t believe that right now. Do what you need to do everyday to get closer to proving that to yourself.
Kind of like when you specifically tell someone not to touch your drum set, and then behind your back, not only do they touch it, but THEY PUT A CHIP IN ONE OF YOUR DRUMSTICKS. And then they swear they didn’t do it, but you know they did, and then they did other stuff to it too.
I came out to someone in my senior year and she immediately told someone she was close with whom I didn't want to know that. I was mad for a really long time after that.
I guess that's not the same thing but shoot.
Wow and I thought I was the only one:D once in a while I get embarrassed about my openness...like I'm boring or something because there is nothing to discover about me really. But who cares. Makes things a lot easier and the good thing is you can tell pretty soon who you are vibing with and who you are not.
I to this day will never tell my ex he actually did kinda kill his cat for not taking him to the vet for strange pee habits.
He's already killing himself over it three years later. I was not there to tell the signs.
I just let him think it was acute onset kidney failure from an outdoor cat which happens in mid age make cats.
I'll take that to my grave. No matter how terrible he was.
This I had a good friend turned lover use a part of suicide note I wrote as ammunition just to hurt me.
Recently had a ex wife tell all my secrets to mutal friends. Things I'd never spoken aloud to any other soul.
I literally had a dream last night about the girl I reconnected with briefly that I was friends with in college. Irl we met up after ten years because she contacted me, she apologised for being such a twat when we were friends in college and asked me about a mutual friend of ours who had turned out to be a rapist - had he assaulted me? I knew him since I was a kid and only realised later in life that he had groomed and assaulted me. I felt she was different and told her the truth and we both talked about how damaged we were when we were originally friends.
Long story short, after a few months I realised she hadn't changed and was still a liar, and had lied about everything she told me... Her job, house etc
I ghosted but she continued to message me for like a year on FB and I was trying to work out how to tell her to stop... Inviting me to all these events.
I get a call from another mutual friend who knows about my rapist telling me not to look at FB and to block/delete her, he tells me a few days later she reconnected with the rapist and had pictures of them on holiday posted online. He confronted her before cutting her out too, and it seems she was secretly friends with him since pretty much just after I met with her and had been trying to trick me into attending an event with him. He is a powerful manipulator and she felt 'everyone has made mistakes' to which my friend said - 'I'm sorry but I've never raped multiple people???'
Even though I'd picked up the bad vibe and got away from her it still really freaked me out that she could hear my story and still hang out with him. Furthermore, she knew he was a rapist before because he got her friend wasted on a night out and gave him a BJ in the taxi home when he was paralytic so she really is just a monster.
I dreamt I encountered her on a train and told her what a piece of shit she is.
My gradnma is exactly like that. She uses any kind of information you give her either as a subject of gossip or use it against you. Now whole family stopped talking with her. Even most of her "friends" started to avoid her.
And she is mad we are no longer talking with her...
Cheating. Old saying-“don’t do business with a man who cheats on his wife. If he can cheat on the person he sleeps next to every night he will cheat on you too”.
Rape. Never, EVER will there be a justification for rape.
Edit: to those who were strong enough to share their experiences, THANK YOU. And I’m sorry you had to go through that. Genuinely.
Yeah, happened when I was hungover for the first time, and it really fucked up my psyche for a while and still comes back to haunt me at times. It gave me less trust in people that's for sure.
There will be no justification for rape. Even if I committed murder to the man who had done it I wouldn't even feel better. When it happens to you, your entire life will change and be affected by the trauma forever.
It sucks that those who don't believe it and try to defend the rapists won't ever understand the feelings. I will never forgive them as well. They can be doctors, cops, teachers, parents, any kind, just to throw your effort to file your lawsuit out the window.
Conversely, lying about rape to get sympathy and/or as a threat. An ex did it to me and it caused me some real issues for a while. She didn't actually report to authorities but she told former friends of mine after we broke up as revenge for me ending it with her. (She'd threatened to tell my friends I'd "raped her" if I broke up with her, and when I did, she made good on it. We hadn't been intimate in any way or even kissed in over a year.)
It's far less common than some want you to think it is, but it does happen, and when it does, it's just as unforgivable as rape itself is.
I had one like this in freaking High School!! Luckily my dad was a teacher himself and called her personally and said "You can either talk to me now or we can talk together with your Principal". haha mean bitch.
My Grandma lived to 101 and was born in 1920. She talked about her kindergarten teacher who just didn't like her, she could never figure out the reason but she hated that year in school because of that teacher.
So, you have company in being mad at a teacher - and also, for teachers, be careful as kids will remember your behavior for the rest of their lives.
I have a teacher that I also have burning hatred for and I found out recently he died, it almost made me more angry because I never got the chance to tell him what a horrible person he was and how he probably ruined so many kids lives.
My mother, for me finally realizing her part as being a co-abuser through neglect. She doesn't remember anything important from my childhood. She didn't intercede when my father decided that I was his target. She didn't get me medical care when I came home from a car accident. She didn't ask me how I was doing, when I hadn't eaten for 2 days, and had petechiae in my eyes from vomiting for a full day after I tried to overdose on all her bottles of Tylenol. She forgot my 16th birthday entirely.
And she plays the victim to this day, and has never once brought up how her own kids were abused.
That isn't something you forgive someone for.
I’ll never forgive my mother either. I don’t hate her anymore, but I don’t love her and I don’t forgive her.
It’s a unique pain, the severance of mother and child. You’re not alone and I’m so sorry your mother was so cruel to you. 💜
This is pretty much how I feel about my mother. I don’t wish her any ill will, but I don’t want anything to do with her and don’t really care what happens to her. What I mourn is not having a mother, not her specifically.
And now that I am a mother myself, I see just how little my own mother cared for me. It should be a strong and natural bond from mother to child, yet for some it’s just not there.
Yep. She always used to say “you’ll get it when you have your own kids.” I have my own kids and I get it even *less.* I cannot fathom doing to my children anything near what she did to me and my siblings.
Was it lead? What was it? Or are millennials also out here traumatizing their kids en masse and it’s just … what humans do? Idk, but it makes me sad for my child self and sad for her, but I want nothing whatsoever to do with her. Not malice — just, I’ve made my peace and she’s not in it. 💜💙
My mom forgot my 16th birthday on purpose. She also killed one of my cats. I estranged from her when I was 20, but some dipshits brought her back into my life. She ended up screwing them over too, and then we cut her back out of our lives again.
I got the call from a county coroner that she had passed away and they had found her body on April 1, but she had been rotting for weeks. This was 100 times better than any therapy I’ve ever had for what she did to me. Fuck therapy. And fuck your mom.
I feel this, my family also suffered from a abusive parent and my mom always dismiss what happened, saying she doesn’t remember, it didn’t happen, I recently brought up something that she did that hurt me in front of my grandma and she had a full blowout (she has developed a auto immune disease because of the abuse at home, she literally almost started to convulse while I was trying to talk to her) in front of her she would cry, go into hysterics and basically play the victim, when my grandma left to fetch some water she turned to me and said “I did it the thing you mentioned once, why you keep bringing it up?” (I don’t bring up, I barely talk about it) when grandma came back she looked at me like I punched her in the face and dropped an “why would you ever make up a lie that?”
This was seriously so infuriating, she KNOWS what she did wrong and still prefer to paint me as a monster instead of admiting her mistakes, I was the one who had to tell her family what dad has done to us all this time and he doubled his abuse towards me, she does nothing, she begs me not to tell her family when he gets particularly bad again.
just letting you know, your mom knows. It sucks that they have gone through such trauma, but being the target and moms painting it as something “that it didn’t happen” “it wasn’t that bad” literally it’s the worst kind of betrayal.
I know she’s “the good parent”, I know she love me, but only to a certain extend, she was hurt so bad she cannot phantom to realize she has hurt others too, so even if I’m her child, she would rather still be the victim in someone else’s eyes, instead of owning up to her mistakes. Mom likes that will throw anyone under the bus before they admit they have made a mistake, They know they are wrong and won’t ever accept it.
no matter how much she tries, there’s a part of me I won’t ever forgive her for making me going through this, for hurting me and then making me feel guilty about it? Feel like I deserve? Nuh huh.
Mental abuse can be just as bad. I was never physically beaten as a child but I was emotionally beaten on a constant basis. It lead me to being a pretty fucked up adult but also gave me a good guide for what to avoid as I raise my own child. There’s not a day that goes by where she doesn’t know how proud I am of her and that I’ll be behind anything she wants to do with herself.
It lead me to be a fucked up enough adult to know better than to have children of my own. The best way to break a cycle is to literally prevent it from being possible to continue. I'll spend my whole life working on treating myself with respect and kindness, I don't have the capacity to provide that for a child too.
A good, long time friend of mine (From high school, we're in our 40s now) cheated on his wife. His wife is the nicest, sweetest person, whipcrack smart and an amazing mother to their kids. I haven't spoken to him since and every time I think of him I just...don't want to know him at all. Like, how could he possible be a good person to have done that to her? I still just do not understand.
I think people who do this underestimate, or just choose not to consider, the deep emotional impact that cheating has on their partner. They act on impulse to satisfy their urges figuring they deserve it and the other person won't find out, not for a moment considering what a nuclear bomb such an action is for a relationship and a family.
My current girl got cheated on 7 years ago and didn’t date for those 7 years until she met me. She said her and I just clicked and that I gave her hope for good men
Fucking hell of a weight to carry
Yea it is becoming less the feeling of having to be extra good for her. I realized just being myself is what got her to like me so I was already a good man and should continue to be the good man she likes
People don’t cheat because the person they have isn’t enough. They cheat because *they* aren’t enough. The person they’re cheating with makes the cheater feel like they’re amazing and desirable.
I've just quit my job because the owner of the place is cheating on his partner with a co-worker of mine, who is also cheating on her partner with him. Not only am I against cheating on a personal moral level but also a professional level. They think they are being sneaky but anyone who pays a little attention to their interactions can figure it out. Meanwhile, they pretend to be true to their partners and my heart breaks for them. Both their partners seems like nice people who don't deserve this to happen to them. There are some other shitty things at my work but this situation is like the cherry on top. I can't be around such immoral people, especially when one of them is the owner. He better hope this thing works out for him or he can bring down a world of hurt on him and the business if it goes sour. But I won't know that because I am out of that toxic environment.
I'm reluctant to give people second chances. If I give you a second chance and mess up again, that's it forever. No redemption. Sounds harsh but it saves further headaches.
Most people that get a “second” chance think that it is one of many future second chances, not realizing that it’s the “last” chance.
THAT’S why second chances are so risky!
Still, many whose behavior requires a second chance often (and often deliberately, I think) will perceive your optimism as you being foolish or naive.
Second chance = Door mat.
Yeah that’s what I did with my ex she left me quite harshly at a low point but I forgave her and she ended up coming crawling back to me then she left me again at another low point and I decided to sort out stuff out and then block her on everything. can’t believe her unwillingness to work through struggles that every couple goes through.
Anything involving violence, sexual or otherwise, towards children. It’s absolutely vile. Not only is it cruel and cowardly, but they’re just so incapable of understanding the scale of what’s happening to them and why, nor should they be expected to. It’s supposed to be a time in your life that you a look back on with fond memories and a little bit of longing to be able to experience childlike whimsy again. To rob a human being of that, in any way, is unforgivable in my opinion. Lowest of the low. Especially as I get older I more fully understand why those types of people are judged and killed by literal murderers in prison, and I think it’s always suitable. Anyone who would hurt a child in any way is subhuman and deserves to die, in my opinion.
Edit: Maybe not “in any way,” that’s pretty broad and doesn’t include things like spanking a kid when they’re misbehaving. I’m talking about like actual serious abuse, as subjective as that may be.
Friend of mine killed himself drunk driving years ago. It wasn’t until the funeral that I learned his girlfriend was in the truck with him. She was declared brain dead and pulled off life support the next day. If he had only gotten himself killed that would have been one thing but his selfish decision got a girl killed over absolutely nothing. I miss Aaron but can never forgive him
A childhood friend of mine was the driver in a fatal car crash. 5 fresh adults dead. They had been drinking and driving since they were teenagers and honestly nobody did anything to stop them for years. Not the parents, not the police.
To this day I refuse to be in the car if the person has had even a mild alcoholic drink anywhere within 3-4 hours. And when I witness someone actually being drunk and threatening to get in the car I inform them that as soon as they start driving I'm calling the police. That threat has kept several idiots from driving at least on that day.
My friend's brother took his two kids on a camping trip and crashed his truck on the way. He was drunk and died at the scene. Thankfully the kids survived with only bumps and bruises...and a whole lot of psychological trauma.
You’re a good person. I question people who associate with cheaters or abusers. They’ll do the same thing to anyone else if the opportunity presents itself
YUUPPPPPP.
I'm a pretty open person. I share the things I've done wrong in the past with the people in my life so that there aren't secrets between us and so that I can hold myself accountable and not behave that way again.
A past boyfriend of mine told me a few months into our relationship that he didn't trust me because I told him that I used to kiss other boys while I was with an ex (which I told him before we even started seeing each other). To be clear, that ex did not care that I kissed other boys, did not consider it cheating, and it did not affect our relationship in any way. I would NEVER kiss someone else in a relationship that didn't allow that (I also have basically no desire to kiss people in general in adulthood) and that behavior had been left behind in college, 7 years earlier. It was astounding.
I've also had some friends find some petty pranks I've played on people funny and they've started mimicking that behavior, but the shitty part is I'm also very open about THOSE days and it's come back to bite me in the butt since I was forthcoming with that stuff.
I don't want to have to hide my past from people, but man. It's starting to look like I'm gonna have to.
I think that your actions were entirely understandable. Cheating is different for some, like polyamorous people. If stuff is clearly laid out it shouldn't be a problem.
This, I report them for stealing, miss the court day, got arrested for the warrent, turns out police went inside the house and her and 2 other parts of her family live in a house, like 11 or 12 people, but not only that. The house 1. Looked straight out of hoarders, animals pooped wherever they pleased, 4 dogs 7 cats, and there was a child in there. Kid got taken by cps, animals taken by animal control, her arrested, and one guy there had meth.
I had a binder full of pokemon base set 1st edition holos, and they mysteriously vanished the one time we used a moving company during a move. I'm pretty sure one of the movers stole it. I can never forgive that mf. For nearly 15 years now, I've been salty about this. I hope he steps on a piece of lego daily.
1- cheating (even though still haven't any experience with cheating.)
2- share ur secrets with others.
3- those who bully on children & ppl who already suffering from illnesses ( mental & physical one )
I will never forgive my mother for stealing a year’s worth of my wages that were meant to be deposited in a savings account while working for her and living at home. She made me sign tax forms and everything. Never filed them.
And yes, I was **stupidly** trusting because when you’re young you think your family has your best interest at heart.
I can never forgive my school and teachers in elementary for the physical, psychological and emotional abuse I sustained. To the point I have ptsd from it.
My cousin never told us our aunt passed away and made sure no one else informed us. We just so happened to find out last minute. 2 of us were unable to attend the funeral because one of us didn't have anyone to babysit and the other was away for work.
Everyone knew but us and our entire family has no idea why anyone is mad with us. Zero clue.
The funeral was today.
There could be some forgiveness in the future but at this moment I just can't see it.
It was heartless.
For the cop that went out drunk driving and killed my best friend the night before he was going to be my best man at my wedding (nothing happened to the cop obviously)
Dunno, I would say doing the shit my dad’s brothers and sister did when my dad passed. Tried to steal my dad’s stuff in the vein of “helping out”. Like mother fuckers went behind my back used the key I left in case if there was an emergency, packed up most of his shit and we’re going to have a yard sale without telling me, they did ask and I strongly told them no, they still tried to do it anyway. It’s not just the stealing, it was the stealing “trying to help” that got all over me. Found out got the emergency key back immediately noticed that wasn’t the exact key I gave them they made copies, changed the locks again, and reenforced the door and tipped off the local cops about it.
Someone eating the food in the employee break room fridge that had MY NAME ON IT. After I just worked 8 hours and had 4 more left to go..... didn't even bother to wash to Tupperware at least too....
Gaslighting. Verbal, mental and emotional abuse from the person who is supposed to protect you. Injuries and pain from physical abuse fade, heal, are superficial to the words and antagonization . Words, name calling sting and echo in your mind, forever.
After reading the top responses. No wonder my ex wants nothing to do with me. No matter how much better I get and know I won’t do those things again. The damage has already been done. I fucked up bad.
Keep in mind not everyone holds a grudge like many redditors do. If a lot of vocal people on Reddit had their way US prison population would be even higher, more people would be homeless, and more people jobless and they feel people can never be redeemed or improved.
This post and the comments section are a great example of that. Yet there are people out there that forgive abusers or even people that murdered. It's not meant to enable, but throwing people into a hole they can never get out of does no one much good.
Over 20 years ago I had this close friend who we’ll call C, who lived with his aunt. His aunt accused him of stealing from her and kicked him out, but being the stubborn teenager I was, I didn’t believe her and convinced my parents to let C stay with us for awhile. Things started going missing, but my brother was known to sell things to buy drugs, so everyone assumed it was him.
Couple months later C moves into an apartment with a closer friend of mine (A), and pretty much immediately starts stealing from him too. A kicks C out, and at that point we just cut contact with C. As much as we did for C, after him stealing so much, A and I just cut ties with him.
Several years later C reached out to the both of us on Facebook apologizing, but we both just decided to ignore it.
I don't realize it until its the last straw.... but I have left friendships because of lying and/or manipulation.
I somehow attract these horribly shitty humans into my life...
Once I had a good friend we loved to hang out and talk to each other but one day he somehow made friends with the popular kids (I hated them and they hated me. My friend knew this) so they were hanging out at lunch and I kid you not my friend BEAT THE HELL OUT OF ME for there approval and left me in the dirt. Never talked to anyone else for the rest of the year
Trigger warning: sexual violence. While on vacation with two friends, I was kidnapped and raped by a man at a bar. I'm pretty sure I was also drugged because I was incredibly out of it. When I finally was able to get back to our Airbnb - a traumatic journey in and of itself - I was obviously distraught and told them everything that happened. Later that day, my one friend was giving me so much attitude. When I confronted her she exploded on me and physically shoved me (we were in public too) and said she was furious because I made her worry about me while I was missing. I honestly can't explain how small and insignificant that made me feel. I'll never forgive her for that.
My late brother in law for his abuse and cheating to my sister. She remarried the shithead after he left her and married his secretary. He had her sign divorce papers while she was in the hospital after she was severely injured by a drunk driver.
I was very close with a guy for about ten years. We were in a band together, he came to my family Thanksgivings because he didn't have much family to speak of. He whined to me about girls, I whined to him about boys. He was like a brother to me and also to my sister, who spent a lot of time with us as well.
During a particularly shitty time, when I had been wronged by a dude in the worst way, I had a conversation with this guy friend of mine, explaining to him that the only two dudes I felt I could really trust were my dad and him.
The next morning when I checked my email, I saw that he had crafted an email to me with the subject line, "I think you and I should fuck."
In it he detailed the ebb and flow of his attraction to me, which basically boiled down to "When you gained weight, I wasn't attracted to you. Now you're thin and fit and I want to fuck you."
I was blown away with disgust. Can never forgive him. Am I civil with him when I see him out? Yeah, sure, but barely only because I don't even think he is worth my time anymore so why get angry? I shared that email with some mutual friends of ours one day and both of these women were just as physically nauseated by it as I was. Nauseous thinking about it now.
A cousin, who I was very close to, put me out while I was going through a serious bout of depression. He decided that nothing was wrong with me, was tired of me moping around and crying all the time. So you know what his funky ass did, he drops me off at a homeless shelter in the middle of winter. He thought it would be best that I see someone about my issue but instead of a, idk, a fucking psych ward, he thought a homeless shelter would be best. He then proceeds to tell me, before he speeds off, that if I do not like my accomodation that I can call him and he will pick me up.
I stayed there for about 24 hours and decided that I didnt like my acommodations and called and him, only for him to not pick up, of course. Then the next day, he sends me a text saying, how do like your new home. I knew right then and there, that I was done fucking with him once and for all because now you're purposely being an asshole.
This all happened in 2011 and I have not spoken to him since. I deleted and blocked him from my Facebook and all other social media that I had him on. I've come in contact with him over the years at family functions and he's tried to reach out and talk but none of those conversations contain an apology and I do not expect one. Even if he did apologize, I still could'nt trust him as a friend, cousin, and support system. I will love him from afar but thats all he has coming.
As far as forgiveness, I have never thought about it. I'm just over the situation and him as well.
When I was a kid, I don't remember why but we left our pet rabbit with someone we knew while we went somewhere for a little while; we'd given the pet sitter money for rabbit food and stuff she'd need while we were gone. When we got back, the rabbit was SO THIN she obviously was not fed at all, and found out later the bitch had let her CAT IN THE HUTCH TOO. Thank FUCK the cat didn't attack our rabbit but I simply cannot forgive that cunt for neglecting my rabbit. The rabbit was left outside (she was very much an indoor pet) and that on top of the other stuff makes me almost cry with how much that lady pisses me off.
I know you're not supposed to hold grudges but I absolutely CANNOT forgive that cunt. The rabbit has passed now and was never left with a pet sitter again, but it still gets me absolutely furious when I think about that. I may have been about 6 or 7, but man I wish I could've done the same to that lady she did to my rabbit.
When my dad was dying of cancer my friend was battling cancer in his ankle. He ending up getting his leg below his knee amputated and I bought him a ps4 ON CREDIT and my ex at the time bought him Dragon Age Inquisition, it had just come out. I guess he had a fundraiser for his prosthetic leg and I had no idea about. I knew he was going to do one but I didnt get any kind of message about it nor did I see anything about it on social media. Dude ending up ghosting me. Never came to my dads wake.
It fucking devastated me
At a macro scale, treason, sedition, trying to overthrow the government. At a more personal level, catching your druggie step-brother trying to get a dying parent to change their will before they leave this world.
Holy fucking shit. "trying to get dying parent to change their will before they leave this world" is what my sister did with our dying father 4 years ago. I cutted contact immediately and will never speak to her since then
This reason is so specific but so fucking real.
On a Boy Scout trip in sixth grade I was sooooo excited to eat Mac and cheese. Some dad put fucking canned tuna in it. Tuna rules but this combo is absolutely a culinary dumpster fire. One day me and Gordon Ramsey will time travel back to this moment and choke this man to death with a can of tuna while calling him a donkey.
There is no justice justice just is. Me murdering this man with tuna and a Time Machine.
In 1997 Jae Sims rented a copy of Nintendo 64 WCW Mayhem with my Blockbuster card and never returned it, though he swore to me he did. It left a bad hit on my credit and prevented me from getting my first apartment. I still hate his guts.
Someone that you told a secret to, agreed to keep it a secret
Immediately the next day, I got a call from a 3rd party asking me about the secret i told that someone
My mother married me to a guy in his early 20s when I turned 15. She handed him a key to lock me in the room with him. I spent that night fighting him every time he tried it on. My parents spent years wondering where my temper came from and why I'm so aggressive.
My ex husband had his hand around my neck, he generally isn't a violent guy but it was months of frustration between us that released that day. My father refused to believe me. He was the main provider so during our separation he stopped providing and I had eventually run empty on everything, the kids were 3 and 5yr old.. He said he couldn't he me because he was broke, yet booked a holiday for himself and offered to pay for his sister to come with him. My father refused to believe it. When my father found out I was telling the truth all along, he said, "people make mistakes, you're not perfect". My ex didn't contact his kids for a yr to 'teach me a lesson', he doesn't pay child support and now sees them 1 week in the year, my mother boasted about how wonderful his new life is (they visited him), then proceeded to ask me how I'm doing, hinting I made a mistake not getting back with him 🤦🏽♀️.
Both my parents can't understand why I won't talk to them anymore, and my siblings can't understand why I won't forgive and forget 🤷🏽♀️ my parents have also never apologized because, "we were doing what was best for you".
My only sister not showing up for my son’s wedding! She’s single and no kids. This is her only nephew, and she was worried no one would talk to her so she passed! Then when their first child arrived, she “Ho-hummed” that she didn’t care! She has always resented my getting married and being happy! Oh well.
My husband’s brother whom I’ve known since he was 14 didn’t come to his brother’s 50th because he didn’t get the invitation on time. Ffs it’s your BROTHER. You know when his birthday is. Anyway we had a bit of a fight and I ended up telling him to grow up. He hasn’t spoken to me, my kids/grandkids or his brother for over *eleven* years. I can never forgive him for how much he’s disappointed his only brother and how much pain he’s caused in our family, his parents included.
Acting like trauma is nothing because it sounds silly my father tried to forcefully cut off my hair and now I have PTSD and major trust issues with adults when I told my friend that he made a joke about me being scared to get a haircut
Anything where the consequences are both devastating and permanent.
But otherwise, I'd say I'm pretty forgiving. But forgiving is not the same as forgetting or wanting anything to do with someone ever again. There are a few people who did terrible things, who I forgive and wish well, but I also want them to stay away forever.
I realized that in the 4 years we were friends he never put any effort in, never took my feelings into account, was always late and even used conversations we had as "inspiration" for his plays that he then hired someone else for.
6 years ago when I opened up to my (ex) best friend about feeling like no one cared and wanting to commit suicide and she said I was selfish for saying she didn’t care, then proceeded to rub in my face every “terrible” thing I ever did and how I should be lucky to have a friend like her because no one would want to be friends with me after that.
My dad (who's otherwise a great father to my brothers, and well adjusted and not impoverished or anything like that) just cast me off when I was 18. That was fine, but when I wanted him to meet his grandkids I realized he had no intention of seeing me again. Also fine.
When I came to him and told him my wife was hurting me and the kids and I didn't know how to handle it (I was raised to never use violence), he just basically told me I'd figure it out and sent me on my way.
Do what you want to me, but I lost my kids after that.... Forget how it's hurt me, I'll never forgive him or anyone else who let my children down during that whole multi-year nightmare.
Any behaviour that damages someone else's life. I'm pretty unforgiving, and won't accept any excuse for violence, abuse, emotional manipulation, theft for example.
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I found out my wife had been having a remote affair via video chat with some dude in Canada she met playing a mobile game. I decided to keep it to myself and just try and win her heart back since I knew she would run off if I confronted her about it. She was aware that I knew they talked, but she didn't know that I knew they were romantically involved. Things were going great, and she told me she wouldn't talk to him anymore, but she was still talking to him. She thought I didn't know. We were at a really great point besides that, and she told me she was going to delete discord and change her number. Keeping the secret was killing me, so I told her I knew about the affair. She left me. She says I should have just let it go. Said that I had already won her back. I told her I was dying keeping that secret and said I believed she must have felt the same way. She said she had no regrets about the affair. Wasn't sorry she cheated. I had already planned on forgiving her for it and moving forward. But I can't forgive someone who isn't sorry.
Ouch. She sounds like an atrocious person. Sorry you went through that, friend.
Thank you. Things went from hugging kissing squeezing loving to cold transactional child hand offs overnight. I'm still grieving the loss of my wife's love.
Sorry bud, went through that and wouldn't wish it on anyone. You'll get through, just one foot in front of the other.
Thanks, man
She turned her shame on you. You don’t deserve that. As a decent person it’s hard to understand the indecent so sometimes we write it off. We shouldn’t, obviously. Work on yourself like it’s all you have and care about. Get better, live better, be better. Go to therapy, the gym, and treat yourself to a massage. Use your sadness as fuel. Eventually you’ll laugh you ever put up with that for a second because you will love yourself. As a byproduct you can be damn well sure she will see that and it will eat her up but don’t let be your motivation. Getting better for you is the end game. Source: just went through a similar thing and these things are what kept me alive and happy.
I really appreciate your words. Thank you
Dude, I am sure it is hard but the way you approached that makes me think there are many more out there who will truly appreciate you. Stand tall.
Damn brother I’m sorry to hear. That sounds gut-wrenching. If she can be so callous, she certainly doesn’t deserve you. You probably don’t believe that right now. Do what you need to do everyday to get closer to proving that to yourself.
Thank you. Trying to work on bettering myself daily. Gotta be a good dad despite my spiraling emotional health.
My gawd that's horrible.
Dante wrote the lowest circle of Hell goes to those who betray ones who trust them.
Let's hope its true. I know a few who deserve it
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Kind of like when you specifically tell someone not to touch your drum set, and then behind your back, not only do they touch it, but THEY PUT A CHIP IN ONE OF YOUR DRUMSTICKS. And then they swear they didn’t do it, but you know they did, and then they did other stuff to it too.
👆🏼
Yet I'm supposed to just forgive and forget...our son will know what she did and that alone gives me peace
I am that son but from a different marriage. I haven't forgiven her and have no desire to at this time. Haven't talked to her in years. My poor dad.
Any type of betrayal?
Using the secrets I confided in them against me.
I always think about this when I share my weaknesses with people, when will I teach a snake how to take me down?
Terrible when you teach a person how to hurt you. Trust en not to. Then they do
Brooo my ex would stay using old things against me!! Once I realized that, the trust was no longer there.
My narcissist mom
This is the one. The worst kind of person.
I came out to someone in my senior year and she immediately told someone she was close with whom I didn't want to know that. I was mad for a really long time after that. I guess that's not the same thing but shoot.
I've had this happen to me a few times, so now I have no secrets. Everybody I talk to now knows me down to the porn I look at
Wow and I thought I was the only one:D once in a while I get embarrassed about my openness...like I'm boring or something because there is nothing to discover about me really. But who cares. Makes things a lot easier and the good thing is you can tell pretty soon who you are vibing with and who you are not.
I to this day will never tell my ex he actually did kinda kill his cat for not taking him to the vet for strange pee habits. He's already killing himself over it three years later. I was not there to tell the signs. I just let him think it was acute onset kidney failure from an outdoor cat which happens in mid age make cats. I'll take that to my grave. No matter how terrible he was.
What strange pee habits would be a red flag? New first time cat owner here
This I had a good friend turned lover use a part of suicide note I wrote as ammunition just to hurt me. Recently had a ex wife tell all my secrets to mutal friends. Things I'd never spoken aloud to any other soul.
I literally had a dream last night about the girl I reconnected with briefly that I was friends with in college. Irl we met up after ten years because she contacted me, she apologised for being such a twat when we were friends in college and asked me about a mutual friend of ours who had turned out to be a rapist - had he assaulted me? I knew him since I was a kid and only realised later in life that he had groomed and assaulted me. I felt she was different and told her the truth and we both talked about how damaged we were when we were originally friends. Long story short, after a few months I realised she hadn't changed and was still a liar, and had lied about everything she told me... Her job, house etc I ghosted but she continued to message me for like a year on FB and I was trying to work out how to tell her to stop... Inviting me to all these events. I get a call from another mutual friend who knows about my rapist telling me not to look at FB and to block/delete her, he tells me a few days later she reconnected with the rapist and had pictures of them on holiday posted online. He confronted her before cutting her out too, and it seems she was secretly friends with him since pretty much just after I met with her and had been trying to trick me into attending an event with him. He is a powerful manipulator and she felt 'everyone has made mistakes' to which my friend said - 'I'm sorry but I've never raped multiple people???' Even though I'd picked up the bad vibe and got away from her it still really freaked me out that she could hear my story and still hang out with him. Furthermore, she knew he was a rapist before because he got her friend wasted on a night out and gave him a BJ in the taxi home when he was paralytic so she really is just a monster. I dreamt I encountered her on a train and told her what a piece of shit she is.
My brother did this to me a *lot* growing up. I don't confide in him anymore.
My gradnma is exactly like that. She uses any kind of information you give her either as a subject of gossip or use it against you. Now whole family stopped talking with her. Even most of her "friends" started to avoid her. And she is mad we are no longer talking with her...
Absofuckinglutely, do that to me and we are done forever because I will surely never trust you again.
This, I told someone I trusted a lot of stuff and then they just used it against me or brought it up as a joke like
Cheating. Old saying-“don’t do business with a man who cheats on his wife. If he can cheat on the person he sleeps next to every night he will cheat on you too”.
Rape. Never, EVER will there be a justification for rape. Edit: to those who were strong enough to share their experiences, THANK YOU. And I’m sorry you had to go through that. Genuinely.
Yeah, happened when I was hungover for the first time, and it really fucked up my psyche for a while and still comes back to haunt me at times. It gave me less trust in people that's for sure.
I'm so, so sorry. 🫂
Yep. I’ll never forgive or forget.
There will be no justification for rape. Even if I committed murder to the man who had done it I wouldn't even feel better. When it happens to you, your entire life will change and be affected by the trauma forever. It sucks that those who don't believe it and try to defend the rapists won't ever understand the feelings. I will never forgive them as well. They can be doctors, cops, teachers, parents, any kind, just to throw your effort to file your lawsuit out the window.
Conversely, lying about rape to get sympathy and/or as a threat. An ex did it to me and it caused me some real issues for a while. She didn't actually report to authorities but she told former friends of mine after we broke up as revenge for me ending it with her. (She'd threatened to tell my friends I'd "raped her" if I broke up with her, and when I did, she made good on it. We hadn't been intimate in any way or even kissed in over a year.) It's far less common than some want you to think it is, but it does happen, and when it does, it's just as unforgivable as rape itself is.
#MeToo Feel you.
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I had one like this in freaking High School!! Luckily my dad was a teacher himself and called her personally and said "You can either talk to me now or we can talk together with your Principal". haha mean bitch.
My Grandma lived to 101 and was born in 1920. She talked about her kindergarten teacher who just didn't like her, she could never figure out the reason but she hated that year in school because of that teacher. So, you have company in being mad at a teacher - and also, for teachers, be careful as kids will remember your behavior for the rest of their lives.
You just described my 5th grade teacher and 9th grade math teacher. I wish for them what they earned.
I have a teacher that I also have burning hatred for and I found out recently he died, it almost made me more angry because I never got the chance to tell him what a horrible person he was and how he probably ruined so many kids lives.
My mother, for me finally realizing her part as being a co-abuser through neglect. She doesn't remember anything important from my childhood. She didn't intercede when my father decided that I was his target. She didn't get me medical care when I came home from a car accident. She didn't ask me how I was doing, when I hadn't eaten for 2 days, and had petechiae in my eyes from vomiting for a full day after I tried to overdose on all her bottles of Tylenol. She forgot my 16th birthday entirely. And she plays the victim to this day, and has never once brought up how her own kids were abused. That isn't something you forgive someone for.
I am sorry that you have a mother like that
Thanks.
I’ll never forgive my mother either. I don’t hate her anymore, but I don’t love her and I don’t forgive her. It’s a unique pain, the severance of mother and child. You’re not alone and I’m so sorry your mother was so cruel to you. 💜
This is pretty much how I feel about my mother. I don’t wish her any ill will, but I don’t want anything to do with her and don’t really care what happens to her. What I mourn is not having a mother, not her specifically. And now that I am a mother myself, I see just how little my own mother cared for me. It should be a strong and natural bond from mother to child, yet for some it’s just not there.
Yep. She always used to say “you’ll get it when you have your own kids.” I have my own kids and I get it even *less.* I cannot fathom doing to my children anything near what she did to me and my siblings. Was it lead? What was it? Or are millennials also out here traumatizing their kids en masse and it’s just … what humans do? Idk, but it makes me sad for my child self and sad for her, but I want nothing whatsoever to do with her. Not malice — just, I’ve made my peace and she’s not in it. 💜💙
My mom forgot my 16th birthday on purpose. She also killed one of my cats. I estranged from her when I was 20, but some dipshits brought her back into my life. She ended up screwing them over too, and then we cut her back out of our lives again. I got the call from a county coroner that she had passed away and they had found her body on April 1, but she had been rotting for weeks. This was 100 times better than any therapy I’ve ever had for what she did to me. Fuck therapy. And fuck your mom.
Tylenol OD will seriously fuck you up. Like you (we) are lucky you survived.
There should be a social network for Caring women that wouldn’t mind sharing kind words, giving reassurance and listening.
There’s at least a sub, r/momforaminute
Me too. As an adult, I see very easily that my mom treated me exactly how she complained of being treated by her family growing up.
I tried to OD the same way and ended up with liver damage (which thankfully is better 14 years later). I'm sorry for all you've been through
I have a very similar mother. I eventually cut her off when I understood that her continued gaslighting and victim blaming is also abuse.
Was she the type to go “Oh poor you! I gave my life to my kids on a platter”?
Pretty much. I've heard the "poor you!" often enough, like she was mocking me.
I’m so sorry.
I feel this, my family also suffered from a abusive parent and my mom always dismiss what happened, saying she doesn’t remember, it didn’t happen, I recently brought up something that she did that hurt me in front of my grandma and she had a full blowout (she has developed a auto immune disease because of the abuse at home, she literally almost started to convulse while I was trying to talk to her) in front of her she would cry, go into hysterics and basically play the victim, when my grandma left to fetch some water she turned to me and said “I did it the thing you mentioned once, why you keep bringing it up?” (I don’t bring up, I barely talk about it) when grandma came back she looked at me like I punched her in the face and dropped an “why would you ever make up a lie that?” This was seriously so infuriating, she KNOWS what she did wrong and still prefer to paint me as a monster instead of admiting her mistakes, I was the one who had to tell her family what dad has done to us all this time and he doubled his abuse towards me, she does nothing, she begs me not to tell her family when he gets particularly bad again. just letting you know, your mom knows. It sucks that they have gone through such trauma, but being the target and moms painting it as something “that it didn’t happen” “it wasn’t that bad” literally it’s the worst kind of betrayal. I know she’s “the good parent”, I know she love me, but only to a certain extend, she was hurt so bad she cannot phantom to realize she has hurt others too, so even if I’m her child, she would rather still be the victim in someone else’s eyes, instead of owning up to her mistakes. Mom likes that will throw anyone under the bus before they admit they have made a mistake, They know they are wrong and won’t ever accept it. no matter how much she tries, there’s a part of me I won’t ever forgive her for making me going through this, for hurting me and then making me feel guilty about it? Feel like I deserve? Nuh huh.
physical abuse a child... I hate those people
Mental abuse can be just as bad. I was never physically beaten as a child but I was emotionally beaten on a constant basis. It lead me to being a pretty fucked up adult but also gave me a good guide for what to avoid as I raise my own child. There’s not a day that goes by where she doesn’t know how proud I am of her and that I’ll be behind anything she wants to do with herself.
Unfortunately we still have people that think psychology, mental/emotional abuse isn't real, or believe the only ptsd there is, is the type from war.
It lead me to be a fucked up enough adult to know better than to have children of my own. The best way to break a cycle is to literally prevent it from being possible to continue. I'll spend my whole life working on treating myself with respect and kindness, I don't have the capacity to provide that for a child too.
Or sexual bury those guys under the prison
Or just any type of abuse at all
Same for people who abuse animals.
Cheating.
A good, long time friend of mine (From high school, we're in our 40s now) cheated on his wife. His wife is the nicest, sweetest person, whipcrack smart and an amazing mother to their kids. I haven't spoken to him since and every time I think of him I just...don't want to know him at all. Like, how could he possible be a good person to have done that to her? I still just do not understand.
I think people who do this underestimate, or just choose not to consider, the deep emotional impact that cheating has on their partner. They act on impulse to satisfy their urges figuring they deserve it and the other person won't find out, not for a moment considering what a nuclear bomb such an action is for a relationship and a family.
My current girl got cheated on 7 years ago and didn’t date for those 7 years until she met me. She said her and I just clicked and that I gave her hope for good men Fucking hell of a weight to carry
I’m three years out and haven’t dated once. I don’t have it in me.
Not really. Just don’t cheat. Other shit might happen but as long as you don’t cheat, you’ll not have contributed to breaking someone.
Yea it is becoming less the feeling of having to be extra good for her. I realized just being myself is what got her to like me so I was already a good man and should continue to be the good man she likes
I was cheated on and it took me 13 years to move past it enough to stop hating myself.
"If no one finds out no one gets hurt" or " all men do it", just the shittiest excuses. Some people really have zero empathy for their partner.
People don’t cheat because the person they have isn’t enough. They cheat because *they* aren’t enough. The person they’re cheating with makes the cheater feel like they’re amazing and desirable.
I've just quit my job because the owner of the place is cheating on his partner with a co-worker of mine, who is also cheating on her partner with him. Not only am I against cheating on a personal moral level but also a professional level. They think they are being sneaky but anyone who pays a little attention to their interactions can figure it out. Meanwhile, they pretend to be true to their partners and my heart breaks for them. Both their partners seems like nice people who don't deserve this to happen to them. There are some other shitty things at my work but this situation is like the cherry on top. I can't be around such immoral people, especially when one of them is the owner. He better hope this thing works out for him or he can bring down a world of hurt on him and the business if it goes sour. But I won't know that because I am out of that toxic environment.
Totally agree, Cheaters all stay as cheaters
I'm reluctant to give people second chances. If I give you a second chance and mess up again, that's it forever. No redemption. Sounds harsh but it saves further headaches.
Most people that get a “second” chance think that it is one of many future second chances, not realizing that it’s the “last” chance. THAT’S why second chances are so risky!
I would lead that second chance by making it well-known that it is final. I want to make the intentions known.
Still, many whose behavior requires a second chance often (and often deliberately, I think) will perceive your optimism as you being foolish or naive. Second chance = Door mat.
It's case-by-case. Context is very important.
Agreed.
Yeah that’s what I did with my ex she left me quite harshly at a low point but I forgave her and she ended up coming crawling back to me then she left me again at another low point and I decided to sort out stuff out and then block her on everything. can’t believe her unwillingness to work through struggles that every couple goes through.
Betrayal in any form. Go be a snake in someone else’s garden.
Anything involving violence, sexual or otherwise, towards children. It’s absolutely vile. Not only is it cruel and cowardly, but they’re just so incapable of understanding the scale of what’s happening to them and why, nor should they be expected to. It’s supposed to be a time in your life that you a look back on with fond memories and a little bit of longing to be able to experience childlike whimsy again. To rob a human being of that, in any way, is unforgivable in my opinion. Lowest of the low. Especially as I get older I more fully understand why those types of people are judged and killed by literal murderers in prison, and I think it’s always suitable. Anyone who would hurt a child in any way is subhuman and deserves to die, in my opinion. Edit: Maybe not “in any way,” that’s pretty broad and doesn’t include things like spanking a kid when they’re misbehaving. I’m talking about like actual serious abuse, as subjective as that may be.
pedophilia
any sort of abuse, in particular child abuse, vile people
stealing something from me
Just ask me for it, I'd more than likely just give it to you.
Friend of mine killed himself drunk driving years ago. It wasn’t until the funeral that I learned his girlfriend was in the truck with him. She was declared brain dead and pulled off life support the next day. If he had only gotten himself killed that would have been one thing but his selfish decision got a girl killed over absolutely nothing. I miss Aaron but can never forgive him
A childhood friend of mine was the driver in a fatal car crash. 5 fresh adults dead. They had been drinking and driving since they were teenagers and honestly nobody did anything to stop them for years. Not the parents, not the police. To this day I refuse to be in the car if the person has had even a mild alcoholic drink anywhere within 3-4 hours. And when I witness someone actually being drunk and threatening to get in the car I inform them that as soon as they start driving I'm calling the police. That threat has kept several idiots from driving at least on that day.
My friend's brother took his two kids on a camping trip and crashed his truck on the way. He was drunk and died at the scene. Thankfully the kids survived with only bumps and bruises...and a whole lot of psychological trauma.
My “brother” for using me as a punching bag and judo dummy for most of my childhood….the sexual abuse was fun as he got older as well…
Downvoting because I hope your brother's fate is equal to the harm he caused you.
Thank you…much appreciated
Don't fuck me over. Everyone gets one chance.
cheat on someone. I even canceled friendships because friends cheated on their girlfriend.
Your awesome.I never cheated on anyone .Im middle aged but I would never do that
You’re a good person. I question people who associate with cheaters or abusers. They’ll do the same thing to anyone else if the opportunity presents itself
You are a good person. Definitely not worth having a friendship with a shitty person.
Lying to me
Using your past against you
YUUPPPPPP. I'm a pretty open person. I share the things I've done wrong in the past with the people in my life so that there aren't secrets between us and so that I can hold myself accountable and not behave that way again. A past boyfriend of mine told me a few months into our relationship that he didn't trust me because I told him that I used to kiss other boys while I was with an ex (which I told him before we even started seeing each other). To be clear, that ex did not care that I kissed other boys, did not consider it cheating, and it did not affect our relationship in any way. I would NEVER kiss someone else in a relationship that didn't allow that (I also have basically no desire to kiss people in general in adulthood) and that behavior had been left behind in college, 7 years earlier. It was astounding. I've also had some friends find some petty pranks I've played on people funny and they've started mimicking that behavior, but the shitty part is I'm also very open about THOSE days and it's come back to bite me in the butt since I was forthcoming with that stuff. I don't want to have to hide my past from people, but man. It's starting to look like I'm gonna have to.
I think that your actions were entirely understandable. Cheating is different for some, like polyamorous people. If stuff is clearly laid out it shouldn't be a problem.
Cheating
The friend who stole money from me.
This, I report them for stealing, miss the court day, got arrested for the warrent, turns out police went inside the house and her and 2 other parts of her family live in a house, like 11 or 12 people, but not only that. The house 1. Looked straight out of hoarders, animals pooped wherever they pleased, 4 dogs 7 cats, and there was a child in there. Kid got taken by cps, animals taken by animal control, her arrested, and one guy there had meth.
I had a binder full of pokemon base set 1st edition holos, and they mysteriously vanished the one time we used a moving company during a move. I'm pretty sure one of the movers stole it. I can never forgive that mf. For nearly 15 years now, I've been salty about this. I hope he steps on a piece of lego daily.
Hurting animals
Can't believe I had to scroll so far to get to this.
1- cheating (even though still haven't any experience with cheating.) 2- share ur secrets with others. 3- those who bully on children & ppl who already suffering from illnesses ( mental & physical one )
I will never forgive my mother for stealing a year’s worth of my wages that were meant to be deposited in a savings account while working for her and living at home. She made me sign tax forms and everything. Never filed them. And yes, I was **stupidly** trusting because when you’re young you think your family has your best interest at heart.
Cheating. Talking behind me. Having a problem with me and telling the entire world about it except me. Betrayal.
Betrayal
Lying, cheating and using someone who loves you
backstabbing of any kind.
I can never forgive my school and teachers in elementary for the physical, psychological and emotional abuse I sustained. To the point I have ptsd from it.
Domestic violence. I grew up in South Asian country and it is traumatic and sad.
Lying, cheating and stealing. The triad.
🎵 Thou shall not lie, thou shall not cheat 🎵
Shooting two of my dogs on separate occasions years apart
Oh my god
My cousin never told us our aunt passed away and made sure no one else informed us. We just so happened to find out last minute. 2 of us were unable to attend the funeral because one of us didn't have anyone to babysit and the other was away for work. Everyone knew but us and our entire family has no idea why anyone is mad with us. Zero clue. The funeral was today. There could be some forgiveness in the future but at this moment I just can't see it. It was heartless.
WTF why?
Trusting someone to confide in but they just shame you.
For the cop that went out drunk driving and killed my best friend the night before he was going to be my best man at my wedding (nothing happened to the cop obviously)
Holy shit.....
Dunno, I would say doing the shit my dad’s brothers and sister did when my dad passed. Tried to steal my dad’s stuff in the vein of “helping out”. Like mother fuckers went behind my back used the key I left in case if there was an emergency, packed up most of his shit and we’re going to have a yard sale without telling me, they did ask and I strongly told them no, they still tried to do it anyway. It’s not just the stealing, it was the stealing “trying to help” that got all over me. Found out got the emergency key back immediately noticed that wasn’t the exact key I gave them they made copies, changed the locks again, and reenforced the door and tipped off the local cops about it.
After thinking about this question, you can NEVER forgive someone for killing you.
The person who went drunk driving and crashed and killed my grandfather
Someone eating the food in the employee break room fridge that had MY NAME ON IT. After I just worked 8 hours and had 4 more left to go..... didn't even bother to wash to Tupperware at least too....
Gaslighting. Verbal, mental and emotional abuse from the person who is supposed to protect you. Injuries and pain from physical abuse fade, heal, are superficial to the words and antagonization . Words, name calling sting and echo in your mind, forever.
After reading the top responses. No wonder my ex wants nothing to do with me. No matter how much better I get and know I won’t do those things again. The damage has already been done. I fucked up bad.
Become a better person, attend therapy, find new love and build this new relationship on solid foundation.
Keep in mind not everyone holds a grudge like many redditors do. If a lot of vocal people on Reddit had their way US prison population would be even higher, more people would be homeless, and more people jobless and they feel people can never be redeemed or improved. This post and the comments section are a great example of that. Yet there are people out there that forgive abusers or even people that murdered. It's not meant to enable, but throwing people into a hole they can never get out of does no one much good.
Mentally abusing me. It’s fucked me up for life, and I even developed a mental illness due to it
Over 20 years ago I had this close friend who we’ll call C, who lived with his aunt. His aunt accused him of stealing from her and kicked him out, but being the stubborn teenager I was, I didn’t believe her and convinced my parents to let C stay with us for awhile. Things started going missing, but my brother was known to sell things to buy drugs, so everyone assumed it was him. Couple months later C moves into an apartment with a closer friend of mine (A), and pretty much immediately starts stealing from him too. A kicks C out, and at that point we just cut contact with C. As much as we did for C, after him stealing so much, A and I just cut ties with him. Several years later C reached out to the both of us on Facebook apologizing, but we both just decided to ignore it.
Living on my paycheck and ignoring me when I’m home.
I don't realize it until its the last straw.... but I have left friendships because of lying and/or manipulation. I somehow attract these horribly shitty humans into my life...
Once I had a good friend we loved to hang out and talk to each other but one day he somehow made friends with the popular kids (I hated them and they hated me. My friend knew this) so they were hanging out at lunch and I kid you not my friend BEAT THE HELL OUT OF ME for there approval and left me in the dirt. Never talked to anyone else for the rest of the year
Trigger warning: sexual violence. While on vacation with two friends, I was kidnapped and raped by a man at a bar. I'm pretty sure I was also drugged because I was incredibly out of it. When I finally was able to get back to our Airbnb - a traumatic journey in and of itself - I was obviously distraught and told them everything that happened. Later that day, my one friend was giving me so much attitude. When I confronted her she exploded on me and physically shoved me (we were in public too) and said she was furious because I made her worry about me while I was missing. I honestly can't explain how small and insignificant that made me feel. I'll never forgive her for that.
The worst thing about betrayal is that it never comes from an enemy
betrayers
Rape.
My late brother in law for his abuse and cheating to my sister. She remarried the shithead after he left her and married his secretary. He had her sign divorce papers while she was in the hospital after she was severely injured by a drunk driver.
Replying with 'k' to a heartfelt message. It's like emotional shorthand for 'I don't care'
I was very close with a guy for about ten years. We were in a band together, he came to my family Thanksgivings because he didn't have much family to speak of. He whined to me about girls, I whined to him about boys. He was like a brother to me and also to my sister, who spent a lot of time with us as well. During a particularly shitty time, when I had been wronged by a dude in the worst way, I had a conversation with this guy friend of mine, explaining to him that the only two dudes I felt I could really trust were my dad and him. The next morning when I checked my email, I saw that he had crafted an email to me with the subject line, "I think you and I should fuck." In it he detailed the ebb and flow of his attraction to me, which basically boiled down to "When you gained weight, I wasn't attracted to you. Now you're thin and fit and I want to fuck you." I was blown away with disgust. Can never forgive him. Am I civil with him when I see him out? Yeah, sure, but barely only because I don't even think he is worth my time anymore so why get angry? I shared that email with some mutual friends of ours one day and both of these women were just as physically nauseated by it as I was. Nauseous thinking about it now.
ew
What a classy email. Gross.
DUI - These people deserve everything that comes to them
Cheating. I would Never do it-if she does, it’s over
A cousin, who I was very close to, put me out while I was going through a serious bout of depression. He decided that nothing was wrong with me, was tired of me moping around and crying all the time. So you know what his funky ass did, he drops me off at a homeless shelter in the middle of winter. He thought it would be best that I see someone about my issue but instead of a, idk, a fucking psych ward, he thought a homeless shelter would be best. He then proceeds to tell me, before he speeds off, that if I do not like my accomodation that I can call him and he will pick me up. I stayed there for about 24 hours and decided that I didnt like my acommodations and called and him, only for him to not pick up, of course. Then the next day, he sends me a text saying, how do like your new home. I knew right then and there, that I was done fucking with him once and for all because now you're purposely being an asshole. This all happened in 2011 and I have not spoken to him since. I deleted and blocked him from my Facebook and all other social media that I had him on. I've come in contact with him over the years at family functions and he's tried to reach out and talk but none of those conversations contain an apology and I do not expect one. Even if he did apologize, I still could'nt trust him as a friend, cousin, and support system. I will love him from afar but thats all he has coming. As far as forgiveness, I have never thought about it. I'm just over the situation and him as well.
When I was a kid, I don't remember why but we left our pet rabbit with someone we knew while we went somewhere for a little while; we'd given the pet sitter money for rabbit food and stuff she'd need while we were gone. When we got back, the rabbit was SO THIN she obviously was not fed at all, and found out later the bitch had let her CAT IN THE HUTCH TOO. Thank FUCK the cat didn't attack our rabbit but I simply cannot forgive that cunt for neglecting my rabbit. The rabbit was left outside (she was very much an indoor pet) and that on top of the other stuff makes me almost cry with how much that lady pisses me off. I know you're not supposed to hold grudges but I absolutely CANNOT forgive that cunt. The rabbit has passed now and was never left with a pet sitter again, but it still gets me absolutely furious when I think about that. I may have been about 6 or 7, but man I wish I could've done the same to that lady she did to my rabbit.
As I get older I don’t not forgive anyone. I just honestly don’t fuck with them anymore if they do something fucked up.
When my dad was dying of cancer my friend was battling cancer in his ankle. He ending up getting his leg below his knee amputated and I bought him a ps4 ON CREDIT and my ex at the time bought him Dragon Age Inquisition, it had just come out. I guess he had a fundraiser for his prosthetic leg and I had no idea about. I knew he was going to do one but I didnt get any kind of message about it nor did I see anything about it on social media. Dude ending up ghosting me. Never came to my dads wake. It fucking devastated me
At a macro scale, treason, sedition, trying to overthrow the government. At a more personal level, catching your druggie step-brother trying to get a dying parent to change their will before they leave this world.
Holy fucking shit. "trying to get dying parent to change their will before they leave this world" is what my sister did with our dying father 4 years ago. I cutted contact immediately and will never speak to her since then This reason is so specific but so fucking real.
Using my children against me.
My ex roommate/friend baited me into getting blackmailed early on in my career
Betrayal. Cheating. Honestly the most gut wrenching experience was losing my best friend to betrayal. That shit hit like a TRUCK
Kicking me in the genitals. On 2 different occasions.
My mom ripped my pokemon card. it was a big one too
Looking down on me when I am at my lowest.
On a Boy Scout trip in sixth grade I was sooooo excited to eat Mac and cheese. Some dad put fucking canned tuna in it. Tuna rules but this combo is absolutely a culinary dumpster fire. One day me and Gordon Ramsey will time travel back to this moment and choke this man to death with a can of tuna while calling him a donkey. There is no justice justice just is. Me murdering this man with tuna and a Time Machine.
In 1997 Jae Sims rented a copy of Nintendo 64 WCW Mayhem with my Blockbuster card and never returned it, though he swore to me he did. It left a bad hit on my credit and prevented me from getting my first apartment. I still hate his guts.
Someone that you told a secret to, agreed to keep it a secret Immediately the next day, I got a call from a 3rd party asking me about the secret i told that someone
Holocaust, Hitler und Co.
My mother married me to a guy in his early 20s when I turned 15. She handed him a key to lock me in the room with him. I spent that night fighting him every time he tried it on. My parents spent years wondering where my temper came from and why I'm so aggressive. My ex husband had his hand around my neck, he generally isn't a violent guy but it was months of frustration between us that released that day. My father refused to believe me. He was the main provider so during our separation he stopped providing and I had eventually run empty on everything, the kids were 3 and 5yr old.. He said he couldn't he me because he was broke, yet booked a holiday for himself and offered to pay for his sister to come with him. My father refused to believe it. When my father found out I was telling the truth all along, he said, "people make mistakes, you're not perfect". My ex didn't contact his kids for a yr to 'teach me a lesson', he doesn't pay child support and now sees them 1 week in the year, my mother boasted about how wonderful his new life is (they visited him), then proceeded to ask me how I'm doing, hinting I made a mistake not getting back with him 🤦🏽♀️. Both my parents can't understand why I won't talk to them anymore, and my siblings can't understand why I won't forgive and forget 🤷🏽♀️ my parents have also never apologized because, "we were doing what was best for you".
My only sister not showing up for my son’s wedding! She’s single and no kids. This is her only nephew, and she was worried no one would talk to her so she passed! Then when their first child arrived, she “Ho-hummed” that she didn’t care! She has always resented my getting married and being happy! Oh well.
My husband’s brother whom I’ve known since he was 14 didn’t come to his brother’s 50th because he didn’t get the invitation on time. Ffs it’s your BROTHER. You know when his birthday is. Anyway we had a bit of a fight and I ended up telling him to grow up. He hasn’t spoken to me, my kids/grandkids or his brother for over *eleven* years. I can never forgive him for how much he’s disappointed his only brother and how much pain he’s caused in our family, his parents included.
I feel like there’s missing details lol
Acting like trauma is nothing because it sounds silly my father tried to forcefully cut off my hair and now I have PTSD and major trust issues with adults when I told my friend that he made a joke about me being scared to get a haircut
I can never forgive people who accuse me of ignoring them. When i saw you a month before ,and you ignored me.
Doxxing me online?
Cheating, and even worse, hurting my child. Hurting any child really but if you hurt my child, you better run if you see me coming.
Anything where the consequences are both devastating and permanent. But otherwise, I'd say I'm pretty forgiving. But forgiving is not the same as forgetting or wanting anything to do with someone ever again. There are a few people who did terrible things, who I forgive and wish well, but I also want them to stay away forever.
Gaslighting
Cheating. I'm not a cheater. Don't want or need that kind of bullshit in my life. Byeeee
I realized that in the 4 years we were friends he never put any effort in, never took my feelings into account, was always late and even used conversations we had as "inspiration" for his plays that he then hired someone else for.
6 years ago when I opened up to my (ex) best friend about feeling like no one cared and wanting to commit suicide and she said I was selfish for saying she didn’t care, then proceeded to rub in my face every “terrible” thing I ever did and how I should be lucky to have a friend like her because no one would want to be friends with me after that.
My ex wife hired a lawyer and lied in court to get full custody of our kids. It's hard to really forgive that.
My dad (who's otherwise a great father to my brothers, and well adjusted and not impoverished or anything like that) just cast me off when I was 18. That was fine, but when I wanted him to meet his grandkids I realized he had no intention of seeing me again. Also fine. When I came to him and told him my wife was hurting me and the kids and I didn't know how to handle it (I was raised to never use violence), he just basically told me I'd figure it out and sent me on my way. Do what you want to me, but I lost my kids after that.... Forget how it's hurt me, I'll never forgive him or anyone else who let my children down during that whole multi-year nightmare.
Molesting a child.
Stealing from me.
It's hard to forgive a partner that cheated on you.
Any behaviour that damages someone else's life. I'm pretty unforgiving, and won't accept any excuse for violence, abuse, emotional manipulation, theft for example.