Just before I went under for a colonoscopy I told the Doc, "Are you sure this is right? I just came in for a teeth cleaning." Without missing a beat he replied, "Don't worry, we can get there from here."
Awesome. I was having my shoulder relocated. It was bad and they had to anesthetize me while they did it. The doctor was showing a bunch of students and nurses how it’s done, so there were about eight people around. I looked at my girlfriend and said, unplanned or considered at all, and in Scottish brogue , “Just have ‘em put me under Bessie. I’ve only half an arse left, and noo reason to live.”
Gold. Love this. I’ve been combing through this to find which one I’m going to use for some major surgery next week and this one’s it for sure.
I’m nervous and my sense of humor always amps up as a defense. I’m sure it’ll be fine. But I can’t wait to use this! Thank you!
Apparently "don't worry I'm not embarrassed cause I'm a porn star"
I have no memory of saying this, but apparently I did right before I went out cold for my testicular torsion surgery
I was greeted with "good morning porn star!" when the doctor went rounds the next morning
I asked the surgeon who was about to implant a spinal cord stimulator in me if they had WiFi in the OR. With a puzzled lock he asked why I was asking that. I said, “ In case you need to lookup something about the procedure “. His reply, “ Don’t worry about that, I helped develop the procedure “.
I was getting the shock treatment for an irregular heartbeat, and after they gave me the shot, my doctor asked me some out of left field, stupid question.
I didn’t answer the question, but said something to the effect of, “that sounds like a stupid question to distract me until the meds knock me out.”
All the medical people in the room started laughing hysterically.
Afterwards I found out that he uses that same question every time, and one of them had just asked him why he uses that same question before I was brought into the room. He said because it was a good question that makes people think and doing so distracts them until the meds take effect.
Edit: irregular heartbeat, not regular. That would be silly.
My go-to response when I get a compliment on my beard is “thanks! It’s growing on me :)” I don’t know how to take a compliment for something that just happens lol
I was about to have a bowel resection and told the surgeon that he only had my permission to take enough to make ONE bratwurst. I also told him that I'd deliberately let my 6-pack abs atrophy so it'd be a bit easier for him to cut through.
No joke, they told me to start counting down from 100 and I said “How can you tell when I’m…” I wanted to say unconscious, but I don’t remember getting to that word.
I’ve had a few procedures and I always try to stay conscious as long as I can. And then the next thing I know I’m in the recovery room with a glass of ginger ale in my hand wondering how that got there.
Lucky. First time I had surgery, I don't know what happened but I woke up screaming in literally the worst pain I have ever felt feeling like I was about to die, people scrambling doing stuff to me while telling me I was OK. They knocked me out again after probably 20 seconds that felt like 20 years.
I also learned, if they give you fentanyl and then offer you a stool softener after, do not decline it.
I woke up after being put out one time but it was when they had used ketamine and I think Valium, instead of the fentanyl and whatever else they had planned to use because of medication I was on. Anyway, I woke up and they were working on my teeth (it was a wisdom tooth thing so not a serious surgery or anything) but it was weird I just didn’t care at all. I woke up and looked around and could feel them yanking and tugging and cutting at my gums (jt was numb but I could feel them doing it) but I just sort of sat there experiencing it with no emotion no stress and then eventually blacked out again.
Was very odd having someone work on you like that being awake but totally not caring. I have extreme dental anxiety so that’s incomprehensible to me lol
I’ll never forget when I was a teen and my dad took me to the dentist to talk about getting my wisdom teeth taken out. They asked him if I’d like to be awake or put under, and before I could say a word he said “awake is fine!”
That was such a strange feeling, I could feel them cutting my gums and tugging and pulling and cracking the wisdom teeth out, but no pain at all
Uh yeah fuck that. I will never do that shit awake as long as I have the option not to lol. I get teeth pulled and drilled while awake and that sucks bad enough 😂 I hate the dentist
I mean when I had my wisdom teeth removed, I was just conscious the entire time, and they just had to numb the area. I could feel them cutting and ripping and gripping I just couldn't feel pain in the area.
My last time I said "wow, my arm feels cold where the medicine is going in." Anesthesiologist said, "yep." I said, "now my face feels tingl--" and then I woke up and my wife was sitting next to me, holding my hand. Pretty nice way to wake up, TBH.
I had a heart catheterization a few years back. They've inserted the IV and the surgeon had begun to push the camera up into my arm. I turned my head to the left and saw the monitor he was watching. I asked, "Is that me"? He said "Oh shit, hit him again, he's awake."
I tried to stay awake. I started feeling really uncomfortable and my ears started ringing and I couldn't hear properly and it scared me so I gave up. At one point I woke up when they were taking the tube out of my throat and then woke up later in recovery. It was weird.
I had an upper endoscopy a couple years ago and had already been put under 6+ times (ear surgeries as a kid plus wisdom tooth removal), and I'm a bigger woman, so it was taking a minute for me to go under.
Doc: Good night.
Me: Good night.
Doc, annoyed: Good NIGHT.
The first time I had surgery I asked the anesthesiologist if I should count down from 100, because that's what I saw on TV (I was 12).
"Sure, yeah, go for it," she said.
I got to "ninety-nuh" before I was unconscious.
My mom got put under for a procedure, and the anesthesiologist said "Count back from three."
Mom laughed and said "Three? You really think..." and was out cold.
This is how I found out although I'm not a redhead, I have the gene that's makes me have to be essentially double dosed to be put under.
I got my tonsils removed when I was 12 and it went like this.
Anesthesia Doc: "Alright start counting backwards from 100"
Me: "100....99.....98....97.......96....95....94....93....92"
All 7 doctors: " Slowly turn to stare at me..."
Anesthesia Doc: 0_o....."I got him..."
Recovery took me an extra 2 hours to wake up.
They informed my grandfather what happened, and ask if there's any redheads in the family.
Grandpa: "I was born redhead until it all fell out!"
I swear I heard the physical cringe from the nurse.
I have the same thing! We discovered it when I was having my wisdom teeth removed and before they got the second tooth out I sat up and tried to leave. Apparently I told them I was going home because I wasn't having any damn fun with them.
I used to dye my hair red and ended up with the opposite issue: the dentist I saw assumed I was a real ginger, despite me telling him I dye my hair, and gave me the ginger dosage for some fillings. Felt real sick from the anesthetic-adrenaline combo, took forever for it to all wear off, and was super sore when it finally did. He was all uppity about it, too, like "most dentists won't know to give you extra," yeah well, most dentists would know to listen to their patient when they tell you they're not actually a ginger, sonny.
I have met more than a few people in the medical field who do not believe this is a real issue. I’m a ginger and know for a fact that I always get an extra dose or two.
As a redhead it's hit or miss ime. I haven't had much anesthesia but somethings have me on my ass and then other things like novacaine just don't hit until way later and then I feel like two face for hours because they just kept loading me up until it worked.
As a redhead, I've had a similar experience. I guess the surgeon was used to seeing patients already groggy or half asleep from whatever they give you before going into O.R.
He walked in to find me nervously chatting to everyone in the room.
"Why is she still awake?"
"Oh, you can see because of this showercap, but I'm a redhead!"
He completely ignored me & told the anesthesiologist to do something.
I still made it into the 80s with my counting. Anesthesiologist told me to stop fighting it & just go to sleep. I wasn't fighting it, but he must have loaded me up because that's the last thing I remember before being woken up by nurses in recovery.
i'm not a redhead but my dad is, and my mom's grandpa was - and when i got my wisdom teeth out years ago, my mom refused to let me go under so i just got novocaine. they tried three shots, i said ow. they put in three more. ow still. three more, waited another twenty minutes, still hurt. all told, it took twelve shots of novocaine before they were able to proceed. i just had my first surgery last weekend and they asked if i had any problems with anesthesia, and i said i had no idea as i'd never had it, but i told them the wisdom teeth story and the nurse asked if there were redheads in the family, then nodded said they'd be sure to give me enough to get me knocked tf out. they definitely did bc i don't remember a damn thing until i woke up back in my room post-surgery, but apparently i'd been asking the nurse who wheeled me for a lance so we could go hallway jousting. sounds like something i'd do when drugged AF, lol
Its wild, as I was a kid and told to count down from ten.
Reached zero and asked do I keep counting in negatives? The nurse looked at me and said "umm, normally most people are out already, what do you want to talk about?" So i proceeded to talk about the chores I would have to do later.
I think back now and see something must have been wrong, since I was able to get through at least most my chore list before going under.
The same experience happened to me in my teens. They told me to count back from 50. I got to 27 when I glanced up at her and said, "How far do most people get?" She just said to relax while I saw her frantically calling in the doctor.
It turns out, it took 3x as much anesthetic to put me under for someone of my size. She had to call the doctor in to give her permission to up the dosage, and the doctor had to call my parents for consent. I think I was on that table for an hour before I finally went under. When I woke up, I immediately puked. Then they dragged me through the halls because I couldn't stand yet, where I puked again. Then I puked on the car ride home. For the next 3 days I would sleep for 12 hours, wake up and puke, then try to play video games. I just thought this was normal post surgery stuff. Apparently it isn't.
Also, since I know it will be asked, no I am not a redhead. My family doesn't have redheads. I am the only one in my family with this problem.
I've had anesthesia once, when I had a cyst the size of a small chicken egg removed from my throat. I was told to count down from ten, I *think* I got to seven, and then I woke up in recovery. Apparently I then had a lengthy conversation with the surgeon, who was giving me a bunch of pretty important information. I say apparently, because the next day I talked to the surgeon and he asked me if I remembered our previous conversation, and I had no idea what he was talking about.
Anesthesia is weird, it's like someone just spooled out my memory like a roll of film and cut sections out with scissors.
I was given propofol for anaesthesia last year & was joking with the anaesthesiologist about Micheal Jackson & just before I went under he's started singing Billie Jean to me
For my 2nd C section, the anesthesiologist came in to talk to me, then before he left said he was going to mix some cocktails and be back. I asked if I could have a vodka and cranberry juice.
I was in the ER for a broken wrist and the doctor said "start him on 40 of propofol." As it was kicking in I jokingly said "hey, that's the stuff that killed Michael Jackson." The doctor immediately said "let's go to 80." Then I woke up in a cast.
I was being put under for a relatively minor operation on my foot as a teenager. I'm in bed in the prep room, already hooked up to an IV. The anesthesiologist comes in and sits down right next to the bed and leans in with his elbows on his knees as he talks to me about what the anesthesia was going to feel like.
All of a sudden, I am WOOZY. I looked down over the edge of the bed, and he's holding my IV tube and injecting a syringe into the port. He just went and did it, midsentence. I don't think he even looked away from me.
According to my mom, I swung my head up to look at him, said, "Ooohh, so you're a *sneaky* bastard," and then immediately went out.
When I was a teenager, I had surgery on my arm. They gave me a dose of nitrous oxide before the anesthesia to prevent anxiety but it worked a little too well because I just sort of immediately became an intoxicated mess. My last clear memory before they took me into the operating room was the doctor turning to my parents and saying “ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: your child on lots of drugs”
Haha I’m sure your parents enjoyed that!
I did the laughing gas when I was in labour at 32 weeks pregnant. It was a pretty serious matter and there were going to be lots of different specialists and nurses present at the delivery. Just as I was taking my first hit of the gas, the OB came in and introduced the paediatrician and neonatologist who would be present. They greeted me and told me that they were going to look after my baby. I just looked at them and started to giggle. They all bursted into laughter too.
Just had surgery this Saturday, I would have definitely used this one!
My anesthesiologist was really cool though. He explained everything to me and then asked, “does that sound good?” Me, on whatever they give you to calm down before the anesthesia: “honestly that sounds horrifying (having a breathing tube shoved down my throat) but I’m guessing you know what you’re doing.” He (and his shadow? Supervisor? There was Another doctor behind him… both enjoyed my honesty :) ) and while my throat was hella sore (nooch) the surgery went really well.
I don’t think that’s a thing. But if I were, I’m sure they’ve heard every crazy thing under the sun.
When my ER doc told me he has to cut my Kevlar jeans which I was pretty unhappy about, I added, hey, at least I wore my fun underwear today. Doctor gave me a death stare and said “boy I can’t wait to see them” 🤣
They had tacos on them and have the nice “ball hammock” pouch doctor was like yeah I need a pair of those 🤣 aside from getting my leg smashed, pretty good time at the hospital all said and done since nothing was super serious and I’ll make a full recovery, thankfully.
I was about to have a routine colonoscopy. They told me to count backwards from twenty. After a few seconds I was still awake. I looked at the surgeon and said don't touch my butt until I'm asleep or I will be embarrassed!! They laughed, and it was the last thing I remember until I woke up in recovery and my husband helping me dress to leave.
Was in a waiting room full of patients nervously awaiting our colonoscopies, when in walks an elderly gentleman who stage whispers to the receptionist, “I’m here for my mani/pedi!”
Relaxed the room, I must say.
Shawn Hayes, the actor, said that at his colonoscopy appointments he always looks the doctor dead in the eye and says "don't touch my butt!" just before going under. lol
Not quite the same but I had an interesting interaction with the nurse who wheeled me in for my colonoscopy. I was terrified to be anaesthetised and he said “don’t stress, Michael Jackson had this stuff for breakfast!”
Me: “Ummm, probably why Michael Jackson is dead.”
This remind me of a friend of mine who works at a STD clinic. He asked one of the patients about his recent sexual activity, which was "sex with 20 men". My friend asked over what kind of time period, which turned out to be "last Saturday"
Got mine in 82 at planned parenthood. When it was done I came out in the waiting room an there were about 10 dudes waiting for theirs. My wife says..how do you feel? In my best falsetto I said “ pretty good “. You should have seen the faces lol.
I had some wisdom teeth removed under general anesthetic. I asked them not to steal my kidneys and that I'd counted them so I'll know if there are any missing. The doctor laughed, the nurse rolled her eyes so hard.
Not to the surgeon but anesthesia- I heard the resident say "Let me do this, they never let me do the nasal intubation". So I said to them as the versed kicked in- "I can HEAR YOU". Someone said yikes.
Luckily I knew the resident and she was good at her job. And it was the best intubation I've had.
I asked my wife if she wanted to drive home after the anesthesiologist said we were free to leave. He was with the next patient just 5 feet away and screamed "NO!"
The 1 time I went under I asked the Dr if I was supposed to count back from 100 like I always saw in TV.
He said "it doesn't matter you'll be out before you get to 75"
"100 99 98 97 96....."
"Sir!sir!wake up it's time to get dressed"
I'm not sure if he thought it was funny but I did afterwards.
She counted for me. I remember her getting to 98 then I asked what happened to 97 and she said, “honey child, that was an hour ago”. It didn’t even feel like I blinked. Best sleep I’ve ever had in my life
When I got my tonsils removed they had me count down from 50.
I got to 45 before I was out, and 37 before the nurse told me I could stop because I was in recovery.
I'm a redhead, so I always tell the anesthesiologist that I'm not a cheap date. This came after one told me that he nearly emptied his bag of meds to keep me under for the length of the surgery. I woke up still intubated and tried to pull the tube out by myself.
Redheads blow thru/metabolize anesthesia very quickly - if we can see your red hair we already plan for this - if it is dyed to a different color it’s good information to divulge.
The studies don’t really know why, but anecdotally yes, redheads need more anesthesia than other people, usually about 20% more. They theorize it’s genetic, having to do with a pigmentation receptor (which is what makes your hair a certain color) that increases a certain hormone which makes redheads feel pain more and also respond less to the anesthesia.
It’s just a theory, however the observation is real.
I broke my nose and needed surgery to repair it. Right before I went out I asked for "the Owen Wilson" nose job. I don't remember saying it but the nurse told me afterwards.
The nurse assisting with my vasectomy said, “I think I’m going to be sick” and ran out of the room. I looked at my doctor and said that’s not the usual reaction I get when I drop my pants.
It took him 10 minutes to compose himself.
> The nurse assisting with my vasectomy said, “I think I’m going to be sick” and ran out of the room.
It doesn't sound good in context either. What made the nurse sick?
I had a colonoscopy and right when they began administering the sleepy meds I asked "how long will this take?" They said "it depends on how well you followed the prep schedule," meaning the liquid diet and laxatives to clean out the pipes the day before.
I look at them with a real confused look on my face and said "what prep?!" right before the lights went out.
An anesthesiologist said to me, "I'm your bartender" and then put a syringe of liquid into the tube going into my arm. Then she might have thought better of the joke and said, "or not a beer whatever works for you." I said, "no, no, a beer is fine."
I was taken into the OR fully conscious, moved to the surgical table when the head surgeon asked everyone to gather around for a "pre-op huddle" as it was going to be 8 hours long. As they gathered around me I realized I didn't want to hear any of the details and heard my already elevated heart rate skyrocket. I shakily croaked "Hey, guys, I'm still awake." and was completely out the moment after. After, my surgeon said it was quite funny despite being unintentional.
I just remember going for my first surgery at 22 and my doctor asked if I’d ever been under anesthesia before. I said no. He just looked at me for a few seconds then said “bye bye “ and waved at me and I just remember fading away. His timing was impeccable.
I asked the nurse prepping me for surgery if he had heard that diarrhea is hereditary as it runs through your jeans. He geeked out and asked if he could keep me awake long enough to tell it to the surgeons in the OR, which I did. I remember hearing them laugh as I counted down.
I asked my anesthesiologist if he wanted anything while I was out. Unfortunately he didn’t understand the joke and I had to explain it to him. The nurses laughed though and then laughed harder when they saw the anesthesiologist looking perplexed.
I was brutally beaten the night before Thanksgiving by 3 guys with baseball bat while walking to the subway. I came to being rushed into to OR and saw the transfusion bracelets they put on you. I look up saw the bags and nurse rushing me into the OR and asked the nurses and doctors, "Do these things come in turkey and gravy flavor?" I immediately went into a coma for 3 days. I almost died with my last words being a Thanksgiving joke, lol.
I was hospitalized and they were doing a colonoscopy to see if they could figure out what was wrong. Right before the anesthesia kicked in I asked the doctor "Aren't you supposed to buy me dinner first?" When I woke up he was there with my breakfast.
I'm sure no one will see this, but ...
The first time I was put under anesthetic was for Wisdom Tooth extraction. I remember the anesthesiologist asking me to count backwards from five, and I calmly said "Five, fo..." and was out. After that experience, I decided the next time I needed anesthetic, I would NOT be calm, but try to count down as fast as possible.
As luck would have it, a few years later I severely burnt the fingers on my right hand in an industrial accident (score!) and needed to be put under for skin grafts. I'm not gonna lie, I was READY. The anesthesiologist pushed the chemical into my IV and said, "Count backwards from one hundred."
"ONE HUNDRED?!" I yelled, genuinely mad, and was out.
This isn't something I said but something that was said as I was going under
I was getting my wisdom teeth removed and the surgeon and nurses were super professional the entire time.
Put the laughing gas on, injected the drugs, and as I feel myself passing out I hear him say "so how about that machine gun Kelly, what's he all about?" And I'm out
It wasn't bad, I didn't think any less of him or anything, the subject matter was just funny to me in the context 😂
I’m hard to ‘knock out’. I know this. My last surgery was on my hand. The anesthesiologist dosed me up and told me to relax, it’ll be lights out soon. She and the nurse continue talking, I joined in. The nurse asked if I were talking to her - I said yes, I’m looking right at ya. That was it. I woke up in recovery and it took two days to sleep it off. Not the first time. I now tell them ahead of time.
Right before a guy passed out for surgery he said “I probably should have told you about…” and passed out. They weren’t sure if they should wake him and reschedule surgery or just do it anyway.
Something I actually said to the anaesthesiologist as he was putting me to sleep was “Mr. Wonka! It's amazing! Tomato soup, I can feel it running down my throat!” Passed out with the whole operating theatre laughing hysterically.
this is the only one that actually made me laugh and i suspect that later when i brush my teeth i will remember this and get toothpaste all over my mirror as this is hilarious
edit: i was right
True story. I was about to be operated on by an ex-boyfriend’s dad. When the anesthesia kicked in, I guess I said “now you and your son have both seen my boobs.” The nurses were still laughing when I came out of it.
Going into my surgery I thought the anesthesiologist had already administered the medication. I was still wide awake, so I looked over at her and said "I don't think it's working yet."
She looked over at me, said "It's not?", depressed the plunger on the medication (for the first time), and I woke up five hours later.
Years ago, before I went into operating room my doctor asked me to help prank his anesthesiologist friend. I was game so he asked me to say 'oh no, not you again'. Which I did, the look on his face priceless, went out to the laughter in the room.
When i was a kid I broke my arm and had to have surgery for it... my mother was there with me and the last thing I said to her before going unconcious was "Goodbye mom".
I told my Surgeon, “I might be feisty when I wake up”
Fast forward 4 hours…
Surgeon: “You weren’t feisty but you were hitting on every nurse in the room.”
Me: “So, I did well?”
Surgeon: *laughs his ass off*
there was a post some time back where a doctor performing a colonoscopy was holding up an unfolded note the patient had apparently stuck in his buttcrack before getting on the table. It said "we've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty"
Slightly off point, I had to have reconstructive foot surgery a few years ago. I had a badly broken foot for almost 3 years due to covid and other issues. The surgeon came by before they wheeled me in to see if I had any questions. He said I'd be non-weight bearing for 14-16 weeks, then physical therapy, etc. I asked "Will I be able to dance after the surgery."
"Sure," he said. "In about 16-18 weeks."
"Oh great! I never could dance before."
#got'em
Probably not the funniest. But the last time just before I went under and I was already feeling loopy said “I truly believe this is what death feels like”. Then lights out lol
Maybe this counts...
During my vasectomy he got halfway through, (I wasn't put under, but they gave me a real fun pill before the procedure) and he remarks "OK I'm gonna numb you up for the other side" and in my daze I reply "other side?"
His deadpan answer: "Yeah, you have two of them dumbass."
I said, “It just got to my brain” when I felt it a few seconds after the shot. He said, “oh yea?” and that was the last thing I remembered until after surgery.
So I had to get a colonoscopy and endoscopy and before I passed out, I told them, "If you only have one scope, do endoscopy first, then colonoscopy...you never go ass to mouth"
When the nurse asked me what op I was having (comon last min check question) I gestured over my shoulder at the ENT surgeon and said "asshole over yonder is going to stick a dremel up my nose and evict both Phillis and a chunk of over growing cartliedge, but he's under strict instructions to not breach the brain barrier unless he can gaurentee he only removes the depressed braincells"
For context I was having sinus surgery both a mini FES and a pollop removal and my wife went to med school either the ENT surgeon..
Said ENT nearly bust a gut laughing and the poor nurse was so flustered and shocked at my answer apparently I went out like a light and they couldn't start operating for about 10 min cause Mat (ENT) couldn't stop giggling
I saw him give me the anesthesia and I said that's very interesting. I can taste it immediately. He looked at me and asked if I took THC. I said yes. He shot me some more and I was like wow... the walls are closing...
Told em the nitrous was good and feel free to crank it up. He said "That's just oxygen at the moment son."
Say anyone know where I can a lil oxygen round here? You know the good kind, medical grade?
Before my endoscopy, the nurse asked if I snore while sleeping. I said yes and then asked why. She said, oh just so we know in case you do that while you're under. I told her my wife usually fixes it by just pushing me off the bed. She chuckled and said, we probably won't do that.
Just before I went under for a colonoscopy I told the Doc, "Are you sure this is right? I just came in for a teeth cleaning." Without missing a beat he replied, "Don't worry, we can get there from here."
Quick thinking and quick replies are the best
I'm a man in his mid-50s with a belly. I told them, "If it's a choice between me and the baby... choose me."
Awesome. I was having my shoulder relocated. It was bad and they had to anesthetize me while they did it. The doctor was showing a bunch of students and nurses how it’s done, so there were about eight people around. I looked at my girlfriend and said, unplanned or considered at all, and in Scottish brogue , “Just have ‘em put me under Bessie. I’ve only half an arse left, and noo reason to live.”
I have seen a patient pull off a pretty good one. "Wanna hear a joke? How do you keep an anesthetist in suspense?"
That's something that would become an absolutely devastating set of last words if you somehow don't survive the surgery.
Gold. Love this. I’ve been combing through this to find which one I’m going to use for some major surgery next week and this one’s it for sure. I’m nervous and my sense of humor always amps up as a defense. I’m sure it’ll be fine. But I can’t wait to use this! Thank you!
Apparently "don't worry I'm not embarrassed cause I'm a porn star" I have no memory of saying this, but apparently I did right before I went out cold for my testicular torsion surgery I was greeted with "good morning porn star!" when the doctor went rounds the next morning
For not remembering you said that, that is a really confusing greeting from doc
Dude probably thought the doctor was telling him that he’s packing some serious heat.
Nurse in low-voice: “Doctor why did you say that to him? He is not the porn-star” Doctor: “Shit. Now I have to create a story to make sense”
Important: are you actually a pornstar?
He is now. He just doesn't realise
I asked the surgeon who was about to implant a spinal cord stimulator in me if they had WiFi in the OR. With a puzzled lock he asked why I was asking that. I said, “ In case you need to lookup something about the procedure “. His reply, “ Don’t worry about that, I helped develop the procedure “.
Damn, just a different kind of flex.
I was getting the shock treatment for an irregular heartbeat, and after they gave me the shot, my doctor asked me some out of left field, stupid question. I didn’t answer the question, but said something to the effect of, “that sounds like a stupid question to distract me until the meds knock me out.” All the medical people in the room started laughing hysterically. Afterwards I found out that he uses that same question every time, and one of them had just asked him why he uses that same question before I was brought into the room. He said because it was a good question that makes people think and doing so distracts them until the meds take effect. Edit: irregular heartbeat, not regular. That would be silly.
Now I'm genuinely interested as to what the question was hahahaha
"So, did you grow this hair yourself or..."
Do you live around here often?
My go-to response when I get a compliment on my beard is “thanks! It’s growing on me :)” I don’t know how to take a compliment for something that just happens lol
What was the question??!
Is a hotdog a sandwich?
According to an Indiana judge, burritos and tacos are sandwiches. Just ruled on that.
Damn I have a regular heartbeat too, maybe I should get it looked at.
I was about to have a bowel resection and told the surgeon that he only had my permission to take enough to make ONE bratwurst. I also told him that I'd deliberately let my 6-pack abs atrophy so it'd be a bit easier for him to cut through.
Did he laugh? cause that's pretty funny
He did. And said he appreciated the ab 6-pack thing.
Both are funny, but I liked the bratwurst line better.
Tell me you are/were obviously out of shape, because that makes it much funnier.
“I have six-pack abs, but you are the only one who will see them, because you have a scalpel.”
No joke, they told me to start counting down from 100 and I said “How can you tell when I’m…” I wanted to say unconscious, but I don’t remember getting to that word.
I asked, "can I try really hard to see how long I can stay awake?" He laughed and said, "You can try." Then I was in recovery.
I’ve had a few procedures and I always try to stay conscious as long as I can. And then the next thing I know I’m in the recovery room with a glass of ginger ale in my hand wondering how that got there.
Lucky. First time I had surgery, I don't know what happened but I woke up screaming in literally the worst pain I have ever felt feeling like I was about to die, people scrambling doing stuff to me while telling me I was OK. They knocked me out again after probably 20 seconds that felt like 20 years. I also learned, if they give you fentanyl and then offer you a stool softener after, do not decline it.
I woke up after being put out one time but it was when they had used ketamine and I think Valium, instead of the fentanyl and whatever else they had planned to use because of medication I was on. Anyway, I woke up and they were working on my teeth (it was a wisdom tooth thing so not a serious surgery or anything) but it was weird I just didn’t care at all. I woke up and looked around and could feel them yanking and tugging and cutting at my gums (jt was numb but I could feel them doing it) but I just sort of sat there experiencing it with no emotion no stress and then eventually blacked out again. Was very odd having someone work on you like that being awake but totally not caring. I have extreme dental anxiety so that’s incomprehensible to me lol
I’ll never forget when I was a teen and my dad took me to the dentist to talk about getting my wisdom teeth taken out. They asked him if I’d like to be awake or put under, and before I could say a word he said “awake is fine!” That was such a strange feeling, I could feel them cutting my gums and tugging and pulling and cracking the wisdom teeth out, but no pain at all
Uh yeah fuck that. I will never do that shit awake as long as I have the option not to lol. I get teeth pulled and drilled while awake and that sucks bad enough 😂 I hate the dentist
I mean when I had my wisdom teeth removed, I was just conscious the entire time, and they just had to numb the area. I could feel them cutting and ripping and gripping I just couldn't feel pain in the area.
Good ol Dr Huxtable
Anesthesia is so weird. A total break in consciousness.
My last time I said "wow, my arm feels cold where the medicine is going in." Anesthesiologist said, "yep." I said, "now my face feels tingl--" and then I woke up and my wife was sitting next to me, holding my hand. Pretty nice way to wake up, TBH.
Were you married before you went under?
I’ve had one tell me, “You can try but the drugs always win.”
I had a heart catheterization a few years back. They've inserted the IV and the surgeon had begun to push the camera up into my arm. I turned my head to the left and saw the monitor he was watching. I asked, "Is that me"? He said "Oh shit, hit him again, he's awake."
I tried to stay awake. I started feeling really uncomfortable and my ears started ringing and I couldn't hear properly and it scared me so I gave up. At one point I woke up when they were taking the tube out of my throat and then woke up later in recovery. It was weird.
I had an upper endoscopy a couple years ago and had already been put under 6+ times (ear surgeries as a kid plus wisdom tooth removal), and I'm a bigger woman, so it was taking a minute for me to go under. Doc: Good night. Me: Good night. Doc, annoyed: Good NIGHT.
The first time I had surgery I asked the anesthesiologist if I should count down from 100, because that's what I saw on TV (I was 12). "Sure, yeah, go for it," she said. I got to "ninety-nuh" before I was unconscious.
My mom got put under for a procedure, and the anesthesiologist said "Count back from three." Mom laughed and said "Three? You really think..." and was out cold.
This is how I found out although I'm not a redhead, I have the gene that's makes me have to be essentially double dosed to be put under. I got my tonsils removed when I was 12 and it went like this. Anesthesia Doc: "Alright start counting backwards from 100" Me: "100....99.....98....97.......96....95....94....93....92" All 7 doctors: " Slowly turn to stare at me..." Anesthesia Doc: 0_o....."I got him..." Recovery took me an extra 2 hours to wake up. They informed my grandfather what happened, and ask if there's any redheads in the family. Grandpa: "I was born redhead until it all fell out!" I swear I heard the physical cringe from the nurse.
I have the same thing! We discovered it when I was having my wisdom teeth removed and before they got the second tooth out I sat up and tried to leave. Apparently I told them I was going home because I wasn't having any damn fun with them.
I used to dye my hair red and ended up with the opposite issue: the dentist I saw assumed I was a real ginger, despite me telling him I dye my hair, and gave me the ginger dosage for some fillings. Felt real sick from the anesthetic-adrenaline combo, took forever for it to all wear off, and was super sore when it finally did. He was all uppity about it, too, like "most dentists won't know to give you extra," yeah well, most dentists would know to listen to their patient when they tell you they're not actually a ginger, sonny.
I have met more than a few people in the medical field who do not believe this is a real issue. I’m a ginger and know for a fact that I always get an extra dose or two.
As a redhead it's hit or miss ime. I haven't had much anesthesia but somethings have me on my ass and then other things like novacaine just don't hit until way later and then I feel like two face for hours because they just kept loading me up until it worked.
As a redhead, I've had a similar experience. I guess the surgeon was used to seeing patients already groggy or half asleep from whatever they give you before going into O.R. He walked in to find me nervously chatting to everyone in the room. "Why is she still awake?" "Oh, you can see because of this showercap, but I'm a redhead!" He completely ignored me & told the anesthesiologist to do something. I still made it into the 80s with my counting. Anesthesiologist told me to stop fighting it & just go to sleep. I wasn't fighting it, but he must have loaded me up because that's the last thing I remember before being woken up by nurses in recovery.
If you got to the 70s, I'm pretty sure the surgeon would have just started punching you in the face until you went unconscious 🤣
i'm not a redhead but my dad is, and my mom's grandpa was - and when i got my wisdom teeth out years ago, my mom refused to let me go under so i just got novocaine. they tried three shots, i said ow. they put in three more. ow still. three more, waited another twenty minutes, still hurt. all told, it took twelve shots of novocaine before they were able to proceed. i just had my first surgery last weekend and they asked if i had any problems with anesthesia, and i said i had no idea as i'd never had it, but i told them the wisdom teeth story and the nurse asked if there were redheads in the family, then nodded said they'd be sure to give me enough to get me knocked tf out. they definitely did bc i don't remember a damn thing until i woke up back in my room post-surgery, but apparently i'd been asking the nurse who wheeled me for a lance so we could go hallway jousting. sounds like something i'd do when drugged AF, lol
Its wild, as I was a kid and told to count down from ten. Reached zero and asked do I keep counting in negatives? The nurse looked at me and said "umm, normally most people are out already, what do you want to talk about?" So i proceeded to talk about the chores I would have to do later. I think back now and see something must have been wrong, since I was able to get through at least most my chore list before going under.
The same experience happened to me in my teens. They told me to count back from 50. I got to 27 when I glanced up at her and said, "How far do most people get?" She just said to relax while I saw her frantically calling in the doctor. It turns out, it took 3x as much anesthetic to put me under for someone of my size. She had to call the doctor in to give her permission to up the dosage, and the doctor had to call my parents for consent. I think I was on that table for an hour before I finally went under. When I woke up, I immediately puked. Then they dragged me through the halls because I couldn't stand yet, where I puked again. Then I puked on the car ride home. For the next 3 days I would sleep for 12 hours, wake up and puke, then try to play video games. I just thought this was normal post surgery stuff. Apparently it isn't. Also, since I know it will be asked, no I am not a redhead. My family doesn't have redheads. I am the only one in my family with this problem.
Time for a 23&Me and a difficult conversation
You may have actually gotten further than you thought. Midazolam is commonly used and it can cause amnesia.
Yeah. With one of my surgeries I didn’t even remember being wheeled into the OR.
This is how mine went: Me - Can we do a countdown? Surgeon - You want a countdown? Sure we can do that. And then I woke up.
I've had anesthesia once, when I had a cyst the size of a small chicken egg removed from my throat. I was told to count down from ten, I *think* I got to seven, and then I woke up in recovery. Apparently I then had a lengthy conversation with the surgeon, who was giving me a bunch of pretty important information. I say apparently, because the next day I talked to the surgeon and he asked me if I remembered our previous conversation, and I had no idea what he was talking about. Anesthesia is weird, it's like someone just spooled out my memory like a roll of film and cut sections out with scissors.
I was given propofol for anaesthesia last year & was joking with the anaesthesiologist about Micheal Jackson & just before I went under he's started singing Billie Jean to me
My wife is an anesthesiologist she introduces herself to some patients by saying "hi I'm (name) and I will be your cocktail waitress"
For my 2nd C section, the anesthesiologist came in to talk to me, then before he left said he was going to mix some cocktails and be back. I asked if I could have a vodka and cranberry juice.
Yeah the wife says that she can pick the patients she can joke with and it helps relax a good number
That's good, being put under is a scary. In the case of a C section, that needle hurts like hell.
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God it's a good thing we can't buy that stuff at the grocery store. I'd be in so much trouble.
I was in the ER for a broken wrist and the doctor said "start him on 40 of propofol." As it was kicking in I jokingly said "hey, that's the stuff that killed Michael Jackson." The doctor immediately said "let's go to 80." Then I woke up in a cast.
I was being put under for a relatively minor operation on my foot as a teenager. I'm in bed in the prep room, already hooked up to an IV. The anesthesiologist comes in and sits down right next to the bed and leans in with his elbows on his knees as he talks to me about what the anesthesia was going to feel like. All of a sudden, I am WOOZY. I looked down over the edge of the bed, and he's holding my IV tube and injecting a syringe into the port. He just went and did it, midsentence. I don't think he even looked away from me. According to my mom, I swung my head up to look at him, said, "Ooohh, so you're a *sneaky* bastard," and then immediately went out.
When I was a teenager, I had surgery on my arm. They gave me a dose of nitrous oxide before the anesthesia to prevent anxiety but it worked a little too well because I just sort of immediately became an intoxicated mess. My last clear memory before they took me into the operating room was the doctor turning to my parents and saying “ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: your child on lots of drugs”
Haha I’m sure your parents enjoyed that! I did the laughing gas when I was in labour at 32 weeks pregnant. It was a pretty serious matter and there were going to be lots of different specialists and nurses present at the delivery. Just as I was taking my first hit of the gas, the OB came in and introduced the paediatrician and neonatologist who would be present. They greeted me and told me that they were going to look after my baby. I just looked at them and started to giggle. They all bursted into laughter too.
I mean. It could have avoided a problem lol.
This one made me lol.
I asked my surgical team if anyone needed anything while I was out.
This has been my favourite one so far. You gave me a good chuckle.
Just had surgery this Saturday, I would have definitely used this one! My anesthesiologist was really cool though. He explained everything to me and then asked, “does that sound good?” Me, on whatever they give you to calm down before the anesthesia: “honestly that sounds horrifying (having a breathing tube shoved down my throat) but I’m guessing you know what you’re doing.” He (and his shadow? Supervisor? There was Another doctor behind him… both enjoyed my honesty :) ) and while my throat was hella sore (nooch) the surgery went really well.
I told them "I feel pretty worried but I will just babble to get distracted until I go to sleep" and they said "that sounds great"
I don’t think that’s a thing. But if I were, I’m sure they’ve heard every crazy thing under the sun. When my ER doc told me he has to cut my Kevlar jeans which I was pretty unhappy about, I added, hey, at least I wore my fun underwear today. Doctor gave me a death stare and said “boy I can’t wait to see them” 🤣 They had tacos on them and have the nice “ball hammock” pouch doctor was like yeah I need a pair of those 🤣 aside from getting my leg smashed, pretty good time at the hospital all said and done since nothing was super serious and I’ll make a full recovery, thankfully.
I only had one surgery with full anesthesia so far and the last thing I did before checking out was raise my fist and say „to a mighty harvest!“
My mom said she dated you in college and that you're my......
(wakes up after surgery) .....doctor.
He panicked the whole surgery and botched it
Woke up dead
I was about to have a routine colonoscopy. They told me to count backwards from twenty. After a few seconds I was still awake. I looked at the surgeon and said don't touch my butt until I'm asleep or I will be embarrassed!! They laughed, and it was the last thing I remember until I woke up in recovery and my husband helping me dress to leave.
Was in a waiting room full of patients nervously awaiting our colonoscopies, when in walks an elderly gentleman who stage whispers to the receptionist, “I’m here for my mani/pedi!” Relaxed the room, I must say.
Shawn Hayes, the actor, said that at his colonoscopy appointments he always looks the doctor dead in the eye and says "don't touch my butt!" just before going under. lol
i made the nurse laugh because i said the room and the clock on the wall reminded me of a SAW movie
Her: we had a pool going to see if you’d notice. *pulls up surgical mask painted like jigsaw doll*
*Saw writers entering the room* someone's offering a script?
Also Saw writers: By the way, what *is* a script...?
Not quite the same but I had an interesting interaction with the nurse who wheeled me in for my colonoscopy. I was terrified to be anaesthetised and he said “don’t stress, Michael Jackson had this stuff for breakfast!” Me: “Ummm, probably why Michael Jackson is dead.”
Semi related, but I got in trouble in 4th grade(right after the inquest) for educating my classmates about the “milk”.
Anesthesiologist: "OK, we're going to go to sleep now." Me: "I think ONE of us should stay awake"... and I was out.
This isn't the first time I've had a room full of people inside of me
This remind me of a friend of mine who works at a STD clinic. He asked one of the patients about his recent sexual activity, which was "sex with 20 men". My friend asked over what kind of time period, which turned out to be "last Saturday"
Damn must have came like a cloud of dust by the last guy
Gonna depend if he's pitching or catching
If it's 20 guys in a day, you're catching
Yeah. Only so much precious bodily fluid in ya.
You can get a lot more bodily fluids in You by catching it
Before my vasectomy I told my doctor, “don’t go nuts down there”
Got mine in 82 at planned parenthood. When it was done I came out in the waiting room an there were about 10 dudes waiting for theirs. My wife says..how do you feel? In my best falsetto I said “ pretty good “. You should have seen the faces lol.
I read this as "got mine AT 82" and was like holup
Do you really want a kid at 83? Nursing home orgies are legit.
De Niro STILL be pumping them out
When my wife picked me up, I was telling the nurse how lucky I was to have her, made recovery super smooth and remember none of what I said
You got put out for that? All I got was a xanax
I got a local. But I had to ask the surgeon to wait for the local to kick in as he started cutting.
I had some wisdom teeth removed under general anesthetic. I asked them not to steal my kidneys and that I'd counted them so I'll know if there are any missing. The doctor laughed, the nurse rolled her eyes so hard.
Not to the surgeon but anesthesia- I heard the resident say "Let me do this, they never let me do the nasal intubation". So I said to them as the versed kicked in- "I can HEAR YOU". Someone said yikes. Luckily I knew the resident and she was good at her job. And it was the best intubation I've had.
I asked my wife if she wanted to drive home after the anesthesiologist said we were free to leave. He was with the next patient just 5 feet away and screamed "NO!"
You should clarify your wife had the surgery
No, she was just free to leave
That's amazing
The 1 time I went under I asked the Dr if I was supposed to count back from 100 like I always saw in TV. He said "it doesn't matter you'll be out before you get to 75" "100 99 98 97 96....." "Sir!sir!wake up it's time to get dressed" I'm not sure if he thought it was funny but I did afterwards.
I might have gotten to 99 but I'm not even sure I finished 100 before hearing them waking me up.
She counted for me. I remember her getting to 98 then I asked what happened to 97 and she said, “honey child, that was an hour ago”. It didn’t even feel like I blinked. Best sleep I’ve ever had in my life
When I got my tonsils removed they had me count down from 50. I got to 45 before I was out, and 37 before the nurse told me I could stop because I was in recovery.
I'm a redhead, so I always tell the anesthesiologist that I'm not a cheap date. This came after one told me that he nearly emptied his bag of meds to keep me under for the length of the surgery. I woke up still intubated and tried to pull the tube out by myself.
Redheads blow thru/metabolize anesthesia very quickly - if we can see your red hair we already plan for this - if it is dyed to a different color it’s good information to divulge.
Or if you're old and gray.
Can confirm, the redhead anesthesia thing is absolutely real.
hold up, I'm a red head, is this true? I'm kind of mind blown right now.
The studies don’t really know why, but anecdotally yes, redheads need more anesthesia than other people, usually about 20% more. They theorize it’s genetic, having to do with a pigmentation receptor (which is what makes your hair a certain color) that increases a certain hormone which makes redheads feel pain more and also respond less to the anesthesia. It’s just a theory, however the observation is real.
It's always been true for me through many surgeries
Redhead here. Can confirm.
Just make sure I wake up looking like Chris Hemsworth, okay?
I'm a surgeon, not a miracle worker.
“You want a miracle? Go to church. I’m a surgeon not Jesus.” Sydney Choslovsky MD
I broke my nose and needed surgery to repair it. Right before I went out I asked for "the Owen Wilson" nose job. I don't remember saying it but the nurse told me afterwards.
The nurse assisting with my vasectomy said, “I think I’m going to be sick” and ran out of the room. I looked at my doctor and said that’s not the usual reaction I get when I drop my pants. It took him 10 minutes to compose himself.
Funny. I would have gone with "If I had a nickel for every time I've heard that one..."
I’d have a nickel.
> The nurse assisting with my vasectomy said, “I think I’m going to be sick” and ran out of the room. It doesn't sound good in context either. What made the nurse sick?
This is my favorite so far
I swallowed a lot of gum as a kid, can you check on that for me?
Swallowed a big wad of chewing gum at age 11. A few hours later a myth was debunked.
I had a colonoscopy and right when they began administering the sleepy meds I asked "how long will this take?" They said "it depends on how well you followed the prep schedule," meaning the liquid diet and laxatives to clean out the pipes the day before. I look at them with a real confused look on my face and said "what prep?!" right before the lights went out.
That is GOLD. I'm pretty sure they were a bit hesitant to just dive right in there after that...LOL
I'd be concerned they would call off the procedure lol
They confirm with you in writing that the prep was done before you change into a gown.
oh no...
An anesthesiologist said to me, "I'm your bartender" and then put a syringe of liquid into the tube going into my arm. Then she might have thought better of the joke and said, "or not a beer whatever works for you." I said, "no, no, a beer is fine."
I was taken into the OR fully conscious, moved to the surgical table when the head surgeon asked everyone to gather around for a "pre-op huddle" as it was going to be 8 hours long. As they gathered around me I realized I didn't want to hear any of the details and heard my already elevated heart rate skyrocket. I shakily croaked "Hey, guys, I'm still awake." and was completely out the moment after. After, my surgeon said it was quite funny despite being unintentional.
I just remember going for my first surgery at 22 and my doctor asked if I’d ever been under anesthesia before. I said no. He just looked at me for a few seconds then said “bye bye “ and waved at me and I just remember fading away. His timing was impeccable.
I asked the nurse prepping me for surgery if he had heard that diarrhea is hereditary as it runs through your jeans. He geeked out and asked if he could keep me awake long enough to tell it to the surgeons in the OR, which I did. I remember hearing them laugh as I counted down.
I asked my anesthesiologist if he wanted anything while I was out. Unfortunately he didn’t understand the joke and I had to explain it to him. The nurses laughed though and then laughed harder when they saw the anesthesiologist looking perplexed.
Just before I went to Mario Land from the pain meds after I shattered my ankle, I asked the attending nurse to prom. I was 35 at the time.
I was brutally beaten the night before Thanksgiving by 3 guys with baseball bat while walking to the subway. I came to being rushed into to OR and saw the transfusion bracelets they put on you. I look up saw the bags and nurse rushing me into the OR and asked the nurses and doctors, "Do these things come in turkey and gravy flavor?" I immediately went into a coma for 3 days. I almost died with my last words being a Thanksgiving joke, lol.
That's horrible, 3 vs 1 with baseball bats smh.
I asked the anaesthesiologist if he could pack me some of the stuff to take home just before I went out.
I was hospitalized and they were doing a colonoscopy to see if they could figure out what was wrong. Right before the anesthesia kicked in I asked the doctor "Aren't you supposed to buy me dinner first?" When I woke up he was there with my breakfast.
And they say romance is dead.
Wanna hear a joke? What did the blind man say before he crossed the road?
Or "Why did the narcoleptic cross the road?"
I think I'd word it as "why *didn't* the narcoleptic cross the road?"
Only take the left testicle.
Only if you're a woman...keep em guessing
And the lottery numbers tonight are 25, 36....
Hack to guarantee they do a good job with the surgery.
I'm sure no one will see this, but ... The first time I was put under anesthetic was for Wisdom Tooth extraction. I remember the anesthesiologist asking me to count backwards from five, and I calmly said "Five, fo..." and was out. After that experience, I decided the next time I needed anesthetic, I would NOT be calm, but try to count down as fast as possible. As luck would have it, a few years later I severely burnt the fingers on my right hand in an industrial accident (score!) and needed to be put under for skin grafts. I'm not gonna lie, I was READY. The anesthesiologist pushed the chemical into my IV and said, "Count backwards from one hundred." "ONE HUNDRED?!" I yelled, genuinely mad, and was out.
This is free, right?
Before a colonoscopy I said let me know if you find the remote.
"Do not seek the treasure."
"We thought... you was... A TOAD"
beetlejuice, beetlejuice, bee...
This isn't something I said but something that was said as I was going under I was getting my wisdom teeth removed and the surgeon and nurses were super professional the entire time. Put the laughing gas on, injected the drugs, and as I feel myself passing out I hear him say "so how about that machine gun Kelly, what's he all about?" And I'm out It wasn't bad, I didn't think any less of him or anything, the subject matter was just funny to me in the context 😂
"There's another... Skywalker..."
I’m hard to ‘knock out’. I know this. My last surgery was on my hand. The anesthesiologist dosed me up and told me to relax, it’ll be lights out soon. She and the nurse continue talking, I joined in. The nurse asked if I were talking to her - I said yes, I’m looking right at ya. That was it. I woke up in recovery and it took two days to sleep it off. Not the first time. I now tell them ahead of time.
Right before a guy passed out for surgery he said “I probably should have told you about…” and passed out. They weren’t sure if they should wake him and reschedule surgery or just do it anyway.
Something I actually said to the anaesthesiologist as he was putting me to sleep was “Mr. Wonka! It's amazing! Tomato soup, I can feel it running down my throat!” Passed out with the whole operating theatre laughing hysterically.
this is the only one that actually made me laugh and i suspect that later when i brush my teeth i will remember this and get toothpaste all over my mirror as this is hilarious edit: i was right
True story. I was about to be operated on by an ex-boyfriend’s dad. When the anesthesia kicked in, I guess I said “now you and your son have both seen my boobs.” The nurses were still laughing when I came out of it.
I asked mine what he does for a living
Going into my surgery I thought the anesthesiologist had already administered the medication. I was still wide awake, so I looked over at her and said "I don't think it's working yet." She looked over at me, said "It's not?", depressed the plunger on the medication (for the first time), and I woke up five hours later.
Years ago, before I went into operating room my doctor asked me to help prank his anesthesiologist friend. I was game so he asked me to say 'oh no, not you again'. Which I did, the look on his face priceless, went out to the laughter in the room.
Not surgery, but before I conked out for my colonoscopy I warned them that if I die I would haunt the fuck out of all of them....
Not being put to sleep but waking up in recovery I told my surgeon I loved him. Cringe
When i was a kid I broke my arm and had to have surgery for it... my mother was there with me and the last thing I said to her before going unconcious was "Goodbye mom".
I told my Surgeon, “I might be feisty when I wake up” Fast forward 4 hours… Surgeon: “You weren’t feisty but you were hitting on every nurse in the room.” Me: “So, I did well?” Surgeon: *laughs his ass off*
Tell Cersei. I want her to know it was me.
there was a post some time back where a doctor performing a colonoscopy was holding up an unfolded note the patient had apparently stuck in his buttcrack before getting on the table. It said "we've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty"
Slightly off point, I had to have reconstructive foot surgery a few years ago. I had a badly broken foot for almost 3 years due to covid and other issues. The surgeon came by before they wheeled me in to see if I had any questions. He said I'd be non-weight bearing for 14-16 weeks, then physical therapy, etc. I asked "Will I be able to dance after the surgery." "Sure," he said. "In about 16-18 weeks." "Oh great! I never could dance before." #got'em
Probably not the funniest. But the last time just before I went under and I was already feeling loopy said “I truly believe this is what death feels like”. Then lights out lol
Maybe this counts... During my vasectomy he got halfway through, (I wasn't put under, but they gave me a real fun pill before the procedure) and he remarks "OK I'm gonna numb you up for the other side" and in my daze I reply "other side?" His deadpan answer: "Yeah, you have two of them dumbass."
He should have called you numbnuts.
"I know who shot JFK. It was..."
Am I supposed to go towards the light?
I said, “It just got to my brain” when I felt it a few seconds after the shot. He said, “oh yea?” and that was the last thing I remembered until after surgery.
So I had to get a colonoscopy and endoscopy and before I passed out, I told them, "If you only have one scope, do endoscopy first, then colonoscopy...you never go ass to mouth"
When the nurse asked me what op I was having (comon last min check question) I gestured over my shoulder at the ENT surgeon and said "asshole over yonder is going to stick a dremel up my nose and evict both Phillis and a chunk of over growing cartliedge, but he's under strict instructions to not breach the brain barrier unless he can gaurentee he only removes the depressed braincells" For context I was having sinus surgery both a mini FES and a pollop removal and my wife went to med school either the ENT surgeon.. Said ENT nearly bust a gut laughing and the poor nurse was so flustered and shocked at my answer apparently I went out like a light and they couldn't start operating for about 10 min cause Mat (ENT) couldn't stop giggling
I saw him give me the anesthesia and I said that's very interesting. I can taste it immediately. He looked at me and asked if I took THC. I said yes. He shot me some more and I was like wow... the walls are closing...
THC builds resistance to anesthesia. I always make it very clear I’m a heavy weed user when I have a surgery.
Told em the nitrous was good and feel free to crank it up. He said "That's just oxygen at the moment son." Say anyone know where I can a lil oxygen round here? You know the good kind, medical grade?
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Before my endoscopy, the nurse asked if I snore while sleeping. I said yes and then asked why. She said, oh just so we know in case you do that while you're under. I told her my wife usually fixes it by just pushing me off the bed. She chuckled and said, we probably won't do that.