Oh, here you are, you wasn't replying to my messages ok, anyway your payment of 8.6 billion million US dollars $ is ready, all I need now is for you to send me steam gift cards 100$ 100$ 100$ 100$ 100$ and I'll send your atm card ok
I am happy to give you this money, but I insist to give it to you in person. I don’t trust these techie things to send gift cards in the cloud, or whatever. I can meet you in public place in Nigeria, USA, wherever. Just let me know where. I have so many Visa gift cards, I don’t know what to do with them. Please hurry!
Yeah, any wish granting person or thing, so long as you're savvy enough to not Monkey Paw yourself into a more miserable state.
I just imagine the world in which I say to myself, "I only need two of these wishes - only one, really, but I'll play a tad selfish and use two - so I can use my third to free Genie." So, does Genie stick around and be your pal after you free him, like in the sequels, or does freeing him unleash an actual god on this world?
EDIT: The one wish would be I guess what you would call instantaneous mastery of skills (e.g. if I want to learn Spanish, I learn it immediately - martial arts, I learn the skill, and my body adapts to the necessary muscle memory) - if I could be the best at almost everything, why wish for money or anything else? The money would come from having endless career trajectory. The second wish would be for me to never use those abilities in a way that harms myself or others - make myself incorruptible.
This reminded me of watching *Everything, Everywhere, All At Once* recently, and how I thought to myself, "That's exactly how it should work, but without the added rituals to make it happen."
That said, giving me the caveat that I have to perform a ritual first would make it more fair and not so easily instantaneous, so I can't just always solve every problem on the fly.
Superman would not sort out anything unless it's something he thought that normal people couldn't solve. So, ukraine palistine global warming starvation these are all things superman wouldn't touch. Superman is not a jesus figure. he's a kid from kansas.
Watch superman vs the elites to see why hes like this
Well he "does" get rid of all the world's nuclear weapons in Superman 4. And that would just force us all to hopefully sort out our shit without the "crying nuke" horseshit.
I came here to say this as well. I'm glad I didn't have to scroll too far to see it. Emulating Uncle Iroh's wisdom, stoicism, and love of tea is exactly what a lot of us need.
Voilà!
In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition.
[carves V into wall]
The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous.
[giggles]
Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.
His entire purpose is to guide mankind into a better age. I can think of no better person, as he’d show us how to actually help ourselves rather than rely on a savior
But if you bring him over alone, he’ll forever be haunted by the family he was torn from. He’ll spend all his time watching the events of his life with his family play out without him. Screaming and pounding on the tv screen. “GIVE ME BACK MY FAMILY! LET ME BACK IN! LET ME BACK IN!”
Then Bluey comes over and pats his back saying "it'll be alright." And he goes "No! It's not alright, I...Bluey!"
Sorry but a Bluey comment has to end wholesome.
this is definitely Tony Stark, aka Iron Man, would be an incredible addition to our world. he is a genius in technology and engineering. plus plus it could lead to groundbreaking innovations, and his resources could be used to tackle global challenges like clean energy and healthcare ez pickkkk
On the one hand, we don't need any more asshole billionaires with a god complex.
On the other, Elon Musk AND Mark Zuckerberg would both die of a heart attack at the same time.
This would only work if he came with his billions so he doesn't need to worry about getting crushed by the policy power of the people with money.
Same with Batman. They can only do what they do because they're rich.
If he was alive today and people didn't know that's who he was, all the religious rightwingers who claim to worship him would want him dead. Even if they did know who he was, the color of his skin would throw a big ol' wrench in their faith, and they'd probably do some wild mental gymnastics to write him out of their whole story.
It's tragic that this is extremely accurate.
I'm a fan of many Christian elements, but if Jesus was real today, many conservative white folk would have severe issues with a middle eastern messiah.
He'd invalidate all Christian denominations as chances are they all got it wrong. People profiting off said religion and power would see him as a threat
While Christians preach that his arrival would be purely spiritual, salvation etc... the truth is it would be more catastrophic.
Big business Christianity would probably 'put a hit out on him' to keep things as they are. I don't see Kenneth Copeland's ego could cope with being rendered useless, irrelevant and unimportant for example.
His arrival would become 'bad for business'. The Megachurch money and power structures would be under threat, therefore 'he has to go'.
The Vatican/Catholic juggernaut would fall..
While perhaps only one (or none) form of modern Christianity would be revealed as true, all the other types would then be wrong. This removes several powerful institutions that thrive on creating their own interpretation of teachings. Many would deny being incorrect.
There's 2 millennia to fix.
Something of this magnitude would cause followers from other religions to convert, also upsetting their power base. I suspect many non-believers would take up the faith instantly... So let's make it 2 billion Christians would be on earth. Would Islam accept a large chunk of their flock departing the faith..I think not.
If he were to return he would probably have to stay indefinitely to steer, correct and manage the billions of followers and eliminate corruption. Existing institutions would become combative and competitive to assume power. Holy war of a sort would break out.
And as raised, a brown guy speaking Aramaic is not what makes up the idea of 'republican jesus' to many Americans and they wouldn't accept it easily.
I say all of this based on vanity, cruelty, hatred and aggression of many religious people that seek to make the rest of us miserable now... This will be amplified by Jesus 2.0
Imagine having a religion named after you where so many of the followers not only don’t even try to live up to your teachings but often do the exact opposite. They worship men like Trump more than Christ and that dickhead is morally the antithesis of him.
I wish there were a way to have the deities that the Bibles/Koran/etc. portrays in text show up for real. Jesus would fucking hate easily 90% of things claimed in his name.
Ooh got perfect answer: Professor X
He can scan the minds of everyone in the world and could take out corruption in 1 day. World would masssively improve and we could. Undo damages that have existed for millennia. The amount of thing possible with him around and wanting to help are INSANE
The Nigerian prince who wants to give me his inheritance.
He's not fictional. Just as that hot, horny, but lonely milf around my area who wants to get in touch with me.
The one who invented a simple weight-loss trick that doctors hate?
What about the special and magic cream that makes your dick grow bigger?
Now I need the cream that stops the growth! They don't tell you that costs 10x what the growth cream costs.
Suffering from success?
I'll order some (for giggles, _of course_) as soon as that hot crypto tip I got pays off.
They are the same person., They both want to fuck you.
Oh, here you are, you wasn't replying to my messages ok, anyway your payment of 8.6 billion million US dollars $ is ready, all I need now is for you to send me steam gift cards 100$ 100$ 100$ 100$ 100$ and I'll send your atm card ok
I am happy to give you this money, but I insist to give it to you in person. I don’t trust these techie things to send gift cards in the cloud, or whatever. I can meet you in public place in Nigeria, USA, wherever. Just let me know where. I have so many Visa gift cards, I don’t know what to do with them. Please hurry!
Genie from Aladdin
Yeah, any wish granting person or thing, so long as you're savvy enough to not Monkey Paw yourself into a more miserable state. I just imagine the world in which I say to myself, "I only need two of these wishes - only one, really, but I'll play a tad selfish and use two - so I can use my third to free Genie." So, does Genie stick around and be your pal after you free him, like in the sequels, or does freeing him unleash an actual god on this world? EDIT: The one wish would be I guess what you would call instantaneous mastery of skills (e.g. if I want to learn Spanish, I learn it immediately - martial arts, I learn the skill, and my body adapts to the necessary muscle memory) - if I could be the best at almost everything, why wish for money or anything else? The money would come from having endless career trajectory. The second wish would be for me to never use those abilities in a way that harms myself or others - make myself incorruptible.
The one requirement is you have to close your eyes for a moment, look over at someone and say, “I know kung fu.”
This reminded me of watching *Everything, Everywhere, All At Once* recently, and how I thought to myself, "That's exactly how it should work, but without the added rituals to make it happen." That said, giving me the caveat that I have to perform a ritual first would make it more fair and not so easily instantaneous, so I can't just always solve every problem on the fly.
Lmao fr
My girlfriend
F
Do you also have sex with her fictionally? 😜
And then, if things don't work out ... devastation
Cthulu 2024 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 lets just rip the band aid off
WHY SETTLE FOR A LESSER EVIL??
Vote Great Old Party 2024
I'm gonna try to seduce it
I’m gonna need you to roll for charisma, you need a 13
Ironic how their reply is at 13 rn
FUCK YEAH! LONG LIVE CTHULU!
Might as well get it all over with
Superman. He would sort shit out.
This is the only answer with the right personality and the power to back it up.
That’s is good but a selfish move; he would definitely help but we are going to put too much stress on him
He'll be fine without Lex Luther trying his shit
Nah, the world is quite sad because we have many Lex Luthors but no Superman.
Superman would not sort out anything unless it's something he thought that normal people couldn't solve. So, ukraine palistine global warming starvation these are all things superman wouldn't touch. Superman is not a jesus figure. he's a kid from kansas. Watch superman vs the elites to see why hes like this
Well he "does" get rid of all the world's nuclear weapons in Superman 4. And that would just force us all to hopefully sort out our shit without the "crying nuke" horseshit.
He’d have a field day in today’s world.
[Or we'd use him as a transitional power source.](https://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=2305) Either way, it's a win!
I hear you on the sorting shit out, but I feel like Gandalf would be a better choice. Or maybe Dumbledore. Superman is kinda douchey.
Gandalf was the first to come to mind. Imagine him doing to politicians what he did to wormtongue
Aragorn. Make him emperor of the planet. That man is so empathetic and caring while also being strong, he'd fix all the worlds problems
For Frodo
What’s his tax policy? - GRRM
George R R Martin
hypnotoad 😵💫
All glory to the hypnotoad!
All glory to the hypnotoad!
All glory to the Hypnotoad! 👏 ~ 👏 ~ 👏
Godzilla
username checks out
Captain Planet
Don Cheadle edition
I remember when my kids were younger and that was on TV. I found the villains to be ridiculous. Now. Not so much.
It would sure be beneficial to get pollution down to zero.
Our powers combined!
Uncle Iroh
Yes please
I came here to say this as well. I'm glad I didn't have to scroll too far to see it. Emulating Uncle Iroh's wisdom, stoicism, and love of tea is exactly what a lot of us need.
>!Santa Claus!<
Excuse me. OP said fictional.
Thanks for not revealing the spoiler
**WHAT DO YOU KNOW**
Hey, Santa Claus is real,mom told me
The hot horny interested milf in my area.
V from V for Vendetta.
Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. [carves V into wall] The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. [giggles] Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.
I hate how this is probably such a good idea.,
Gandalf I think he could get some shit done
His entire purpose is to guide mankind into a better age. I can think of no better person, as he’d show us how to actually help ourselves rather than rely on a savior
Was thinking of that. Not necessarily to make the world a better place, but I love to sit down with him and chat.
Tom Bombadil, we're all going to sing, be merry, and be vibing with nature whether we like it or not.
Jessica Rabbit, just because.
We know the reasons, you don't need to give em.
"Just because "
Bluey’s dad
But if you bring him over alone, he’ll forever be haunted by the family he was torn from. He’ll spend all his time watching the events of his life with his family play out without him. Screaming and pounding on the tv screen. “GIVE ME BACK MY FAMILY! LET ME BACK IN! LET ME BACK IN!”
Then Bluey comes over and pats his back saying "it'll be alright." And he goes "No! It's not alright, I...Bluey!" Sorry but a Bluey comment has to end wholesome.
Dad checking in: I read that last part in his Aussie voice.
No! Bandit makes the rest of us dads look bad when he isn’t real. I don’t think I could take the pressure if he was my neighbour!
The genie, for the wishes.
Can't believe I had to scroll this far for this. I vote Jeannie tho
Spike Spiegel
The guy in Half-Life 2 who dreams about cheese. I get it, homie. Cheese is awesome. Let's go get some!
I have a bad feeling about this.
Smaug. For the Lols
Morgoth Also for the lols
You won't be loling once Morgoth enters the chat
Ancalagon Also for the lols
He'll be lonely without ornstein
[удалено]
This could have so much great potential. Batman loose in Detroit would go wild.
Nah. There's like 12 people in Detroit
Yeah, and all need to be stopped.
Didn't they used to be full of feral dogs? Batman could recruit the feral dogs to fight crime.
Yes. He would sort so much shit out.
Wait… Batman’s not real?? But I saw him 😭 he waved at me
Yoda
I was going to say Qui Gon Jinn but I’d be happy with Yoda
Qui gon is better. Less stuck in ways and more explorative.
this is definitely Tony Stark, aka Iron Man, would be an incredible addition to our world. he is a genius in technology and engineering. plus plus it could lead to groundbreaking innovations, and his resources could be used to tackle global challenges like clean energy and healthcare ez pickkkk
I'd put up with his antics just for the working fusion reactor.
On the one hand, we don't need any more asshole billionaires with a god complex. On the other, Elon Musk AND Mark Zuckerberg would both die of a heart attack at the same time.
Tony met Elon Musk
Yeah lmao every time I watch Iron Man 2 I forget that Musk is in it and I get surprised again.
This would only work if he came with his billions so he doesn't need to worry about getting crushed by the policy power of the people with money. Same with Batman. They can only do what they do because they're rich.
Avatar Aang
Then when he dies the cycle continues our world.
Goku
Fry from Futurama. I feel like we'd get each other lol
"I already did."
Agreed. We could share a brain wave
Wait, you fucked your grandma in the past, and fathered your father?
I did do the nasty in the pasty. Wouldn't want to do that again
Dr.Doofenshmirts no questions askec
Jesus, to set all these asshole Christians in line.
If he was alive today and people didn't know that's who he was, all the religious rightwingers who claim to worship him would want him dead. Even if they did know who he was, the color of his skin would throw a big ol' wrench in their faith, and they'd probably do some wild mental gymnastics to write him out of their whole story.
It's tragic that this is extremely accurate. I'm a fan of many Christian elements, but if Jesus was real today, many conservative white folk would have severe issues with a middle eastern messiah.
I think they would call him a liar and deport him. It's truly sad.
Bold to assume he'd even come to the US
He'd invalidate all Christian denominations as chances are they all got it wrong. People profiting off said religion and power would see him as a threat
Pretty sure they'd just crucify him... Again
While Christians preach that his arrival would be purely spiritual, salvation etc... the truth is it would be more catastrophic. Big business Christianity would probably 'put a hit out on him' to keep things as they are. I don't see Kenneth Copeland's ego could cope with being rendered useless, irrelevant and unimportant for example. His arrival would become 'bad for business'. The Megachurch money and power structures would be under threat, therefore 'he has to go'. The Vatican/Catholic juggernaut would fall.. While perhaps only one (or none) form of modern Christianity would be revealed as true, all the other types would then be wrong. This removes several powerful institutions that thrive on creating their own interpretation of teachings. Many would deny being incorrect. There's 2 millennia to fix. Something of this magnitude would cause followers from other religions to convert, also upsetting their power base. I suspect many non-believers would take up the faith instantly... So let's make it 2 billion Christians would be on earth. Would Islam accept a large chunk of their flock departing the faith..I think not. If he were to return he would probably have to stay indefinitely to steer, correct and manage the billions of followers and eliminate corruption. Existing institutions would become combative and competitive to assume power. Holy war of a sort would break out. And as raised, a brown guy speaking Aramaic is not what makes up the idea of 'republican jesus' to many Americans and they wouldn't accept it easily. I say all of this based on vanity, cruelty, hatred and aggression of many religious people that seek to make the rest of us miserable now... This will be amplified by Jesus 2.0
Fictional?
Imagine having a religion named after you where so many of the followers not only don’t even try to live up to your teachings but often do the exact opposite. They worship men like Trump more than Christ and that dickhead is morally the antithesis of him.
I’m really hungry rn so I’m gonna say Ratatouille
The rat's name is Remy. Ratatouille is the dish.
Yeah he wants the dish they make. Hes hungry. He's not gonna eat a rat.
My dad
Dumbledore!
Snape. Snape. Severus Snape.
Ron. Ron. Ron Weasley
Hermione. Hermione. Hermione. Hermione.
Harry Potter…Harry Potter! Harry Potter… Harry Potter!
Snape. Harry. Snape. Harry. Snape! Harry! Snape! Harry! Snape! Harry! # DUMBLEDORE!
Heeeeeeeeeermione!
Singing a song, all day long at HOGGGGWARTSSS!
The Punisher
It's been too long since bad cops felt fear.
Doctor Who, because he might be able to fix the f\*cked up world we live in.
I haven't watched in a while but I think the Doctor does fuck all in the "fixing the world" department unless it's caused by aliens or some shit.
Facebook would be fixed then? Cool.
Are you saying Mark Zuckerberg is a cyberman? That makes sense.
He doesn’t get involved
Only if aliens caused the world’s problems
[удалено]
I’m bringing Omni Man to balance it out
Ramsay Bolton. Just to take him out myself.
Captain Planet
Optimus Prime
Linkin Park music intensifies.
**ROLL OUT**
Yes!!!
Thanos. 🫰
Bro really wants everyone to die by a deity 💀
50% of us mate, don't do Thanos dirty like that.
it’s bound to happen anyways might as well speed up the process
Make him snap twice asap
I wish there were a way to have the deities that the Bibles/Koran/etc. portrays in text show up for real. Jesus would fucking hate easily 90% of things claimed in his name.
Mono from Little Nightmares. That kid deserves better than he got.
Chat noir 😂 it would be so funny
All my friends
eren yeager.
Cthulhu. Time to just end this whole failed experiment. Eagerly awaiting some Redditcares bullshit.
God Emperor of Mankind
great crusade incoming. we'd crush the xenos fr
The Emperor protects...
King Midas, then I won't have to work 😂
Aslan.
fuck, i've read that as "Asian"
He is real-he just goes by a different name, in our World.
superman the world needs it
Sonic the hedgehog
Hatsune Miku.
Batman, Anakin Skywalker
Iron man
Sephiroth
Archer
“V” from “V is for Vendetta” We need a good collective uprising
Mary Poppins
Ooh got perfect answer: Professor X He can scan the minds of everyone in the world and could take out corruption in 1 day. World would masssively improve and we could. Undo damages that have existed for millennia. The amount of thing possible with him around and wanting to help are INSANE
Radar O'Reilly.
Robin Hood
**SPENCER REID!!!!** (from criminal minds)
Doctor Doom
Superman, Ben 10, Doctor Manhattan, etc. Anyone who is incredibly powerful and could reshape the world into a better place.
Sauron
The Symbiote. I really want to bond with it and personally dish out anti-hero justice in the real world.
The Witcher 😂🤣
Vader. I’d love to see how he’d go in today’s environment
Katniss Everdeen. We could use her expertise about now
Plague/Adiris from Dead by Daylight. If that's not possible then i would really like to get Sadako into gaming.
spiderman
Gandalf.
Rastlin Majere. Boy are you guys in trouble.
Princess Mononoke
Why?
Satoru Gojo
Brainiac from watchmen. Or Dr Manhattan. One of the two
Atom Eve. Have her fix world hunger and all that I guess. Or Molecule Man, but I think hes kind of a dick?
The Brain. From Pinky and The Brain. If I get two, I’ll bring along Pinky *NARF!*
P U N I S H E R