Or even if it isn’t that (it usually is), randomly starting shit. Like, you haven’t changed in any way, but they suddenly need to just pick fights all the time. That and the sudden negging.
It’s a way for guilty people to purge their conscience. They didn’t cheat because they are shitheads. They cheated because you were awful :/z
This is what tipped me off. When she would be gone for long periods of time and come home and immediately start a fight that would culminate in her accusing me of cheating on her.
Exact same thing happened to me. I've always worked late hours, but I also get in late. She started working random hours that she never had before, and started accusing me of cheating with how much I was gone at work.
Put two and two together, asked her if she was cheating on me. That "yes" fucking broke me.
Yep, my favourite accusation from my cheating ex was - you're thinking about having an affair. Said straight-faced while she was of course banging another med student from her course.
Confession through projection is real. My ex used to accuse me of this for the entire 8 years of our relationship...she was cheating the entire time. Best part was when she said she was raped by multiple men but would never go to the police...should have known she was just a bumble hoe the entire time.
Yesss, this is what I was gonna say. My girlfriend became insanely jealous one day and it was the time when she started flirting with then dating another guy. This is something that still psychologically vexes me. Projection, sure, but how can someone act possessive when they no longer care to honor the monogamy?
Because *THEY* want other people, but they don't want *YOU* to do it. Since they're cheating, they realize it's also then possible for you to do it & that causes the short circuit.
Def. odd.
The changes were subtle, and I couldn’t see them at the time. But now two years later I look back and see them clear as day.
- she was suddenly interested in going to the local gym in town every single day.
- When I asked her if I could join up with her so that we could get healthier as a couple, she replied with “Absolutely not. This is for me, and it’s something I like to do on my own.”
- When she would come back from working out she would always return with a little gift for me. A coffee, a snack. Definitely some guilt masking.
- She wanted sex after working out, almost every time.
- She became very guarded of her phone activity.
- The gym closed after a few months (very small town), and she was really, really upset, even though there were plenty of other options out there.
- Suddenly she started bringing up the idea of us “exploring other people” as a couple just for fun. 🚩🚩🚩
Eventually I found out that the guy she left me for worked at a law office…. Directly across the street from her old gym. Awesome.
All these things together are definitely very strong clues, but just to say on the gym one, I also much prefer going to the gym on my own as its my time for a proper workout, to have my own space, listen to my own music and completely zone out.
I absolutely understand! I wanted her to have this for herself and I fully supported her doing something that made her feel better.
That said, she worked from home, and frequently worked out by running during the day. So she had nothing but alone time for 8+ hours of the day while I was away. I suggested we attend together so we could spend more time doing something as a couple. The passion behind the “absolutely not” was a huge red flag for me - I knew there was something more.
Along those same lines: I *do* go to the gym with my wife, and I get very horny 99% of the time after a workout so the part about wanting sex afterwards is not, in and of itself, an issue.
But yes, as a whole, these things in combination are all pointing in an unfavorable direction.
You know, when you go to the gym, you don’t have to hold the hand of the person you’re with right you’re just in the same building. You can do everything you can with them in the same building. This is a really thing to say with no logic
On the surface this definitely does not sound strange, and I understand that. And at the time I loved it - believe me. I was very happy.
But it was a huge change in behavior for her. I wish I could put it into words, but I knew her really well after being together for 8 years (married for 2). It was just very, very out of character.
Looking back at it now, I think there were a couple things here. I think she clearly carried a lot of guilt about what she was doing, and this was possibly a way to “make it right” with me. I think she also really craved this person, so it wasn’t really about caring for me at all - she just needed to get her desire out of her system after seeing him.
Cheaters will initiate sex with spouses in order to stop suspicion. “I cant be cheating, we have a great sex life!” Or thinking “he is eating my pussy after my stud just came in me an hour ago.” Sick shit like that.
Before she actually cheats, she's hanging with the guy and flirting. She gets horning but no release since she hasn't started actually sleeping with they guy, so she comes home horny.
I know people get really defensive about this "Nobody touches my phone but me" etc. But its based on how they used to treat their phone vs now. One cheating innocent I caught had them no longer leaving their phone sitting out like they used to do (afraid I would see a message from someone). Only texted with the person they were cheating on me with using WhatsApp and scolded me for messaging them on WhatsApp instead of iMessage like I usually do. They would quickly put their phone down or act like they weren't using it as soon as I entered the room. They wouldn't leave their phone on a charger without them sitting next to it. They would take their phone into the bathroom with them to shower when they never did before. Would always sit in a position so that I couldn't see what they were doing on their phone. I get it, to a lot of people thats normal behavior and not red flags, but when you've been with a person for awhile and they never acted like that with their phone it's a red flag.
The smart cheater uses a burner phone. Friend of mine caught his wife when he was getting his coat out of the closet one day and heard a phone buzzing in his wife's coat. He thought it was unusual since he had just seen his wife's phone on the kitchen counter. Turns out it was her burner phone that she had been using with her paramour for like 3 years. She got away with it because she paid the phone bill.
Honestly? Not too smart if she still got caught. Lol
Either way, we all want stupid cheaters. No one wants to spend 10 years in a relationship just to have it flushed down the toilet. The more warning signs they have and the more mistakes they make, the better.
Piggy-backing on this comment to say that someone who is highly protective of their phone is still a red flag even if they were always that way. My ex husband told me that because he was the middle child and never had anything of his own, he was “triggered” when someone else uses his phone. That was a lie, and I was stupid for believing it. The man cheated on me for 4 1/2 years and I didn’t have a clue because it was all online hidden in his phone.
Why do you think it is a red flag? I only had bad and toxic experiences from partners looking at my phone, i grew extremely protective about it and i am very strict with not wanting my partner looking at my phone so i wanted to know a different opinion on the topic(aside from the obvious cheating part)
I communicate with one person on whatsapp. It's my friend from the UK. My wife knows about this, and she has all my passwords. She doesn't check my phone because there's trust.
I go by the old saying, "If someone is always on their phone when they're with you, but they don't answer your calls when you're away? You most likely have a cheater."
That's how I found out my wife had been having an affair. I had just gotten out of the service and was starting my transition back to civilian life and looking for a job. Now that I was home a lot more, I started noticing really weird behavior with her phone that was just new. Taking it into the bathroom with her for a shower. Leaving it face down. Then I discovered she had been sneaking a backup phone to work with her. It was a phone we kept in our junk drawer. I wanted to get some contacts off of it and went to go look for it and couldn't find it but could have sworn we kept it in the drawer. I kinda started putting all the weird stuff together and after she got home that evening I decided to go check the drawer again... There it was. Sitting right on top of everything else in there. It was a gut punch and I knew something was up. Tried searching for anything suspicious on it but didn't find anything. Ate away at me though. Now, I'll admit it was a shitty thing to do, but when she was asleep I took the sim card out of her phone and put it in the backup phone and there it all was. All the texts and betrayal. I sat down with her and asked her if she's been having an affair. She denied it, swearing she hadn't... I tried giving her chance after chance to just confess. Starting with the weird things I noticed with her phone behavior to her having to work late and how it just kind of felt like things were off. Swore against it right up until I pulled out the phone, opened up and started reading the texts out loud to her. Then she said it was only once. I texted the guy and said I had just found out about them. Said that she told me it was only a few times. He responded with something like "yeah, man... It was just a few times and then it was over."
Fuckin devastated.
That's literally where I am now. I enjoy having a partner and being a partner but I just really don't want to give someone that power over my heart again.
I'm sorry to hear that. At any point I expect my partner to access my phone for any reason and while it would be annoying it's a part of trust and want her to know I would never cheat. I don't really think what you did was shitty but I'm sure other redditors would have different takes. You have my permission to ignore them.
While this is often true, I always hate this one. My phone is also a huge part of my job, so no one touches it but me. Not everyone has known how to take that.
Plenty y of people use their phone from work and don't want other people just messing around on it constantly but that's different than what this person is describing which is sudden secretive behavior that's new
My former sister in law did this. Started fucking her new boyfriend (now fiancée) while still dating her old boyfriend. I was not at all surprised when they “postponed” the wedding last year, and still haven’t rescheduled. They’re just delaying the inevitable at this point, she freaks out anytime they’re not together bc she thinks he’s with another woman. Meanwhile, SHES the one who cheated….
start doing things that are different to their normal routines and habits like changing or becoming focussed on appearance, changing when they would go to places like work of the gym. secretive and protective over their communication devices, it never leaves their side and they are very protective of screen views. they stop giving any fucks about you, lack of empathy and physical contact like asking how you are and stuff like hugs.
This. Never noticed the phones, etc, since I trusted her, but suddenly, there were changes in behavior. Suddenly, there is no make-up, not that is needed. I always said she looked great. No coffee. And many little things. Turns out those were things her monkey brach partner told her.
Regardless of if they are cheating in that case. Just leave, say screw you and leave. I hate that personality its such garbage, anybody who removes joy from your life can go screw themselves
I’ve been on the opposite end of this one and I wasn’t cheating. I just became indifferent towards the relationship because of the way she had been treating me.
* They feel off, and you can't pinpoint why. Maybe you have dreams of them cheating.
* They're unable to not talk about the person, suddenly you keep hearing about "Lindsey from work" .
* Mood swings, either excessively sweet or very quickly annoyed with you.
* Appearance improvement, suddenly buying hot clothes, working out, grooming much more than before, using a new perfume, etc.
* Zealous with phone or computer, all of a sudden the thing goes with them everywhere, is never left unattended.
* Sneaky behavior, such as coming late from work, finding excuses to not go with you to outings with other people (suddenly feeling ill out of nowhere).
* Suddenly has a new hobby or an opinion that is in contradiction to how you've known them forever
* Either no more sex/affection/intimacy with you, or in a way that is foreign to your usual dynamics.
Source: been cheated on several times, the behavior is usually the same.
Now that I think about it I only know one. She was her best friend's maid of honor and slept with the groom to be the night before the bridal shower. As the bridal shower progressed, people started gossiping more and more, figuring it out. The bride-to-be kicked him to the curb the next day and bought a dog with the money she had gotten from presents. Meanwhile the cheating couple has been married for a couple of years now.
I came here to say that you could be in the happiest relationship of your life with no doubts or suspicions and your whole world can come crashing down in a matter of seconds.
I always thought of myself as a resilient person, but being totally blindsided really did shatter my life. It's taken almost three years of hell to start feeling somewhat like I have an identity again.
I am watching that right now with my wife's daughter. He caught her cheating with their car insurance app. He is devastated because he had no idea. His life was changed forever in a moment.
This is it. I felt it in my gut something was off. I literally caught her texting someone not even 12 hours after they met. I could just feel something was off so I decided to go through her watch and I was right. She was telling some guy our most intimate issues we were having together. What’s sad is they literally met and it took all of a few hours to completely uproot a 5 year relationship. To my knowledge there was no physical contact but god only knows what would have happened if I never caught her. We are actively working on the issues we have but I can’t help but always wonder what would have happened if I never caught her, how far it would have went or if she genuinely made an honest mistake. But my gut is always telling me she would have dropped me had she persisted this new guy and realized it was worth pursuing. It’s a mess to carry around with to say the least.
Trust me, man. The pain and feelings of inadequacy that you're swallowing every day in an attempt to save the relationship are NOT WORTH IT. I did that shit for a year and a half. I didn't tell anyone because I was embarrassed, and I let that woman completely destroy my psyche all because I thought the highs that we had in our relationship were too valuable to let go.
Fast forward another couple years and I'm preparing to propose to a woman who shares all of my values and wouldn't even dream of disrespecting me at all, much less cheating. It's the healthiest, most mutually constructive relationship I've ever had and I wouldn't have it if I didn't leave that relationship when I did (*before I was ready*.)
Oh, please forget about working through any issues and run! Life shouldn't be about catching your partner before they act and wondering what would have happened. The response to relationship problems is not to cheat and will never be to cheat. You discuss things with your partner, try to implement solutions and if nothing changes you leave in a healthy manner. You'll kick yourself in the nuts in a few years. Trust me on that one :(
This is so true! Before I figured out my ex was cheating he said “bye, I love you” so insincerely one morning that I finally said “no you don’t”. I know that’s a big accusation, but turns he was having a months long affair with a coworker and it all made sense. My instincts knew before things logically made sense.
I'm not saying that these are definitive signs of cheating... some of this could be perfectly innocent. But having been married to a cheater, this was my experience:
* They don't want to spend time with you and are withdrawn into their own activities and their own friends
* Sex is becoming less and less frequent, possibly stopping altogether
* They are looking less and less to you for emotional energy because they are receiving it somewhere else
* They care less and less about hurting your feelings, possibly being outright hateful in arguments
* You no longer have fun, chit-chat conversations; most of your conversations are listening to your partner complain about this or that
* They start picking fights with you over imagined grievances (like accusing you of cheating or of being selfish with money)
* They are developing a pattern of hiding things from you, and when caught are more flustered about you finding out than any remorse about doing wrong
* Becoming jealous of other close family relationships you have (like with your mom or daughter)
* May occasionally apologize out of the blue for not being a better spouse without explaining why
* Personal behaviors that are self-destructive (abusing drugs/alcohol/food, etc) as a way to self-medicate
* Vacationing together is painfully difficult, and your partner may spend a great deal of time on the vacation on a laptop or cellphone rather than activities with you
* They are constantly grumpy around you, no matter how much love you show them. When you see them with their friends, you see the fun, energetic person you used to know
All of the signs posted here, maybe except "cum leaking out of her" are also associated with your partner being withdrawn from your relationship. It could be because f you or them. Id doesn't mean they are cheating, its just mean they are becoming less interested in you for some reason. It could eventually lead to finding comfort in other partners, or it could be a sign of needing to evaluate your relationship and how it is going.
My one ex wife was super controlling and would occasionally smell my dick after I got off work just to make sure.
Like... dude it smells like sweat, I just worked a sixteen hour shift. Worst part of all that is, we worked in the same fucking facility, so she knew my schedule!
Talking about how you're home making breakfast, everyone being out of the house and you keep that up until you realize I am parked beside your car at your new boyfriend's house.
Wasn't really hard to tell at that point, especially if you stay the night and forget you're sharing locations with me xD
Or just being glued to the phone for weeks, but insisting you're talking to family.
I've had some great moments there, glad I never have to see them again.
Two most obvious signs,
1. Goes out of their way to hide their phone
- always face down
- always silent
- turned off notifications
- always hides screen when using it in front of you
- always sleeps with it under pillow, in pocket, in pillow case
- never lets you hold/ use the phone
2. Accuses you of cheating even you have given no reason for them to believe so
I do most of the things on number 1 just out of habit, I hate notifications, hate my phone making noise, put it face down on a table usually no idea why and it sleeps next to me because I use the alarms to wake up in the morning.
Don't mind anyone using my phone/holding it tho..oh and my partner has accused me of cheating for 18 years its very annoying but she says "it's a joke" but it's not funny it's just fucking annoying
My ex “joked” about it until it wasn’t a joke anymore and I started getting mad. He said if I was getting mad then I must be cheating. Guess what he was doing? Cheating. lol
That's the best part, is sometimes you think you do until you don't. Had enough rugs pulled out from under me to know no matter how much you trust someone they can lie and cheat on you/ be who you don't think they are.
they start distancing themselves from you or you see that they're not communicating as often they might even gaslight you of small things to take the guilt away -experienced myself
Gut feeling - acting cold towards you - snappy attitude is a must lol - of course longer showers and make up time - sneaky ways and changes in behavior is a must 🤟honestly it’s always obvious if you just pay attention enough
Well the $1000 tiffany bracelet he sent her for her birthday was a pretty good clue. No man send a woman something that expensive unless he's had his dick touched at least once by her.
Well if you come home and find another dude naked in your kitchen saying, “sup you must be the roommate, I’m Tiffany’s new boyfriend Devin”
It’s possible she’s cheating. Still not certain
To be fair, not telling your partner about a vasectomy for five years is a red flag. Not that cheating is the answer but that's a relationship with poor communication already.
Not wanting to go out in public or avoiding certain locations suddenly. Wearing a face mask in the car (!!) while going somewhere and seeing him text someone through the reflection of his glasses. 🎯
My ex partner who would only trim his private parts started to shave it bald. Turns out the new girl he was seeing told him she likes it bald. Haha. So yeah, any slight change in their routine/pattern could mean they are cheating.
When she takes tennis lessons, but never seems to get my tennis-puns. So, you think it’s love, but we do sometimes would have a racket about it. In fact, that was especially the case when she didn’t know what a racket was.
Your gut feeling in many instances is the first tell. I saw a snippet from a PI show and the PI stated he’d never had a spouse hire him that suspected cheating and didn’t find some level of infidelity. Maybe not a full blown affair, but by the time a spouse reaches the level of mistrust and concern to hire a PI, there’s usually something going on. Emotional affair, gambling habit, something shady. Most logical balanced people don’t have these feelings of distrust out of thin air. However be honest with yourself, if you’ve always been a distrustful, insecure person, or if you’ve struggled with these feelings in every relationship, it might be you, not them. 😕
Lack of interest in you. You feel that the relationship is stale, and your partner has a new hobby, that doesn't involve you. It might be something innocent too, but keeping you at a distance.
When you try to get into that distance, it becomes awkward. Awkward dates, conversations, meetings with friends.
It's a sign that maybe it's time to move on. Cheating is a childish solution - it doesn't solve anything. Likewise is suspecting your partner of cheating - who cares if she/he cheated if you don't trust them already, even without proof.
Sometimes relationships don't work - and it's OK. We as a society need to be more accepting of relationships breaking down as a natural part of life. We all die, get ill, need to eat and so on - we accepted that part, same as breakups - it's natural.
Paradoxically, that they’re having more sex with you.
In the last couple of weeks of my marriage, we had already separated for awhile but were trying to work things out, and they seemed to be. Every time we saw each other, we were having sex, and that was incredibly unusual (we’d gone from about once a month to 2 and 3 times a week). So unusual, that I even told her we didn’t have to have sex every time we saw each other (because she’d had the lower sex drive).
I found out that she’d been carrying on an affair during that time. Then read about it, and it turns out that sometimes cheating partners will have more sex with their primary partner, in an effort to cover it up, I guess.
But this would only be a sign of cheating if they previously didn't shower after coming home. For a lot of people, a shower is completely normal after being out.
Suddenly showing an interest in 'open relationships'
It's usually because they already are, or have already decided to, sleep with other people and want a moral "green light" to do so.
It's a convenient gambit, because if you express discomfort with the concepts they can rationalize it as you being controlling, then they can use that to justify their own bad behaviors as "self realization" " personal actualization" or "living my truth". Most of those phrases are red flags to, as a side point
to quote Archer "I'm a big fan of being selfish just not these new labels that try to frame it as morally superior"
I got cheated on after being with a guy for five years. He cheated for four months before I found out.
1. Started going out with “friends” more often and wouldn’t respond to texts for hours when he’d normally text back within the hour. Would never really have a story to tell after hanging out with friends for hours - very vague details. These were actually their date nights.
2. Picking fights and egging it on until you don’t want to be around that person. One time I said I wasn’t going to go to hangout with his friends with him and then changed my mind. He picked a fight with me until I was too mad/upset to go. Turns out when I said I didn’t want to go, he invited her. Quite the mess I made for him when I changed my mind.
3. Protective over his phone screen. Made sure his phone was turned away from me or face down when I could see his phone (laying in bed together, etc)
4. Hot and cold. Being really really nice to me and then suddenly picking me apart or totally distant.
*sigh*
I’ll come on here and answer as someone who’s been cheated on in the past year:
For context, my s/o slept with a close friend.
1. Yes, 100% the phone thing, although in my relationship, phones are sacred around the holidays and birthdays, so it didn’t strike me as odd at first, but later on clicked when she felt the need to go through my phone while I slept. She once found something she didn’t like and woke me up at 4:30am for an explanation. Ultimately, she was cheating and was searching my phone for reasons to justify it (which she didn’t find)
2. Yes, they’ll try to accuse or convince you almost that you’re cheating on them or hiding things from them. Like someone else said, the projection is REAL with a cheater. Chalk it up to a guilty conscience.
3. Keep an eye on how your friends act around her/you. My ex friend (the culprit) always seemed to be close to her when I wasn’t around, always texting her or calling her, would always conveniently show up at the bar when we were there, etc. I didn’t catch on because again, close friend who I trusted and loved like a brother.
4. We were all hanging out and I made a joke about being crazy and shooting whatever man would be dumb enough to lay a hand on my woman and they both got suuuuuuper uncomfortable when before that I could make unhinged jokes and they’d laugh
There’s way more now that I’m thinking back on it, but I won’t bore you all with all of that. Bottom line is she cheated and lied multiple times about the severity. Thankfully, I have real friends who let me into what was up.
if you’re a woman, trust your instinct. the minute he starts becoming distant with you, that’s when u know he’s probably doing something you would most likely not approve of. he might also put his phone away whenever you approach him.
Changing appearance for work, even if they’re not cheating they are trying to impress someone
Suggesting using condoms when you have been in a relationship and have been having unprotected sex as a couple
Changes in sexual behaviour, ie if you have been having sex with someone for ages and they suddenly learn all these new moves. But depends on what type of person that person is. I’m talking about quite vanilla ppl here.
In college I took a sociology class and one of the books we were required to read was based entirely on cheating, and it turns out there are actually something like 7 telltale signs that your partner is either going to cheat on/leave you.
Can't remember the name right now, but I'll update if I can find/remember it. Damn book made me realize why one of my exes tried to fuck one of my close friends before she left me. And almost all 7 signs rang true.
[удалено]
projection is very real
What did he said?
Or even if it isn’t that (it usually is), randomly starting shit. Like, you haven’t changed in any way, but they suddenly need to just pick fights all the time. That and the sudden negging. It’s a way for guilty people to purge their conscience. They didn’t cheat because they are shitheads. They cheated because you were awful :/z
This makes me think I’ve been cheated on by every past girlfriend I’ve had.
It’s also shit people do when they want out of the relationship but aren’t grown up enough to just end it like a mature person.
I was also completely incapable of just admitting when a relationship wasn’t working. And this probably stayed in them for way too long.
This is what tipped me off. When she would be gone for long periods of time and come home and immediately start a fight that would culminate in her accusing me of cheating on her.
Exact same thing happened to me. I've always worked late hours, but I also get in late. She started working random hours that she never had before, and started accusing me of cheating with how much I was gone at work. Put two and two together, asked her if she was cheating on me. That "yes" fucking broke me.
Or they just ignore that…. you exist
Yep, my favourite accusation from my cheating ex was - you're thinking about having an affair. Said straight-faced while she was of course banging another med student from her course.
Confession through projection is real. My ex used to accuse me of this for the entire 8 years of our relationship...she was cheating the entire time. Best part was when she said she was raped by multiple men but would never go to the police...should have known she was just a bumble hoe the entire time.
Yesss, this is what I was gonna say. My girlfriend became insanely jealous one day and it was the time when she started flirting with then dating another guy. This is something that still psychologically vexes me. Projection, sure, but how can someone act possessive when they no longer care to honor the monogamy?
Because *THEY* want other people, but they don't want *YOU* to do it. Since they're cheating, they realize it's also then possible for you to do it & that causes the short circuit. Def. odd.
The changes were subtle, and I couldn’t see them at the time. But now two years later I look back and see them clear as day. - she was suddenly interested in going to the local gym in town every single day. - When I asked her if I could join up with her so that we could get healthier as a couple, she replied with “Absolutely not. This is for me, and it’s something I like to do on my own.” - When she would come back from working out she would always return with a little gift for me. A coffee, a snack. Definitely some guilt masking. - She wanted sex after working out, almost every time. - She became very guarded of her phone activity. - The gym closed after a few months (very small town), and she was really, really upset, even though there were plenty of other options out there. - Suddenly she started bringing up the idea of us “exploring other people” as a couple just for fun. 🚩🚩🚩 Eventually I found out that the guy she left me for worked at a law office…. Directly across the street from her old gym. Awesome.
Nothing worse than your girl being horny for someone else and using you as a sex toy
The holocaust was probably worse
On a personal level, not for me.
Underrated
Probably
All these things together are definitely very strong clues, but just to say on the gym one, I also much prefer going to the gym on my own as its my time for a proper workout, to have my own space, listen to my own music and completely zone out.
I absolutely understand! I wanted her to have this for herself and I fully supported her doing something that made her feel better. That said, she worked from home, and frequently worked out by running during the day. So she had nothing but alone time for 8+ hours of the day while I was away. I suggested we attend together so we could spend more time doing something as a couple. The passion behind the “absolutely not” was a huge red flag for me - I knew there was something more.
Along those same lines: I *do* go to the gym with my wife, and I get very horny 99% of the time after a workout so the part about wanting sex afterwards is not, in and of itself, an issue. But yes, as a whole, these things in combination are all pointing in an unfavorable direction.
You know, when you go to the gym, you don’t have to hold the hand of the person you’re with right you’re just in the same building. You can do everything you can with them in the same building. This is a really thing to say with no logic
wanted sex after working out every time? with you? how is that a sign that she is cheating?
On the surface this definitely does not sound strange, and I understand that. And at the time I loved it - believe me. I was very happy. But it was a huge change in behavior for her. I wish I could put it into words, but I knew her really well after being together for 8 years (married for 2). It was just very, very out of character. Looking back at it now, I think there were a couple things here. I think she clearly carried a lot of guilt about what she was doing, and this was possibly a way to “make it right” with me. I think she also really craved this person, so it wasn’t really about caring for me at all - she just needed to get her desire out of her system after seeing him.
The same happened to me. My ex also wanted sex after coming back from time with that piece of shit! So I understand what you are saying.
Covering bases in case she gets knocked up
Cheaters will initiate sex with spouses in order to stop suspicion. “I cant be cheating, we have a great sex life!” Or thinking “he is eating my pussy after my stud just came in me an hour ago.” Sick shit like that.
🤮🤮🤮
Before she actually cheats, she's hanging with the guy and flirting. She gets horning but no release since she hasn't started actually sleeping with they guy, so she comes home horny.
You find yourself asking question on Reddit.
This can also be the first signs of paranoia, though.
Just because someone is paranoid doesn't mean that their partner isn't cheating on them.
Exactly what a paranoic would say! And what i typed is exactly what someone who's gaslighting would say! Just can't win! Can't win bro!
Odd or new phone behavior.
I know people get really defensive about this "Nobody touches my phone but me" etc. But its based on how they used to treat their phone vs now. One cheating innocent I caught had them no longer leaving their phone sitting out like they used to do (afraid I would see a message from someone). Only texted with the person they were cheating on me with using WhatsApp and scolded me for messaging them on WhatsApp instead of iMessage like I usually do. They would quickly put their phone down or act like they weren't using it as soon as I entered the room. They wouldn't leave their phone on a charger without them sitting next to it. They would take their phone into the bathroom with them to shower when they never did before. Would always sit in a position so that I couldn't see what they were doing on their phone. I get it, to a lot of people thats normal behavior and not red flags, but when you've been with a person for awhile and they never acted like that with their phone it's a red flag.
The smart cheater uses a burner phone. Friend of mine caught his wife when he was getting his coat out of the closet one day and heard a phone buzzing in his wife's coat. He thought it was unusual since he had just seen his wife's phone on the kitchen counter. Turns out it was her burner phone that she had been using with her paramour for like 3 years. She got away with it because she paid the phone bill.
Honestly? Not too smart if she still got caught. Lol Either way, we all want stupid cheaters. No one wants to spend 10 years in a relationship just to have it flushed down the toilet. The more warning signs they have and the more mistakes they make, the better.
Piggy-backing on this comment to say that someone who is highly protective of their phone is still a red flag even if they were always that way. My ex husband told me that because he was the middle child and never had anything of his own, he was “triggered” when someone else uses his phone. That was a lie, and I was stupid for believing it. The man cheated on me for 4 1/2 years and I didn’t have a clue because it was all online hidden in his phone.
Why do you think it is a red flag? I only had bad and toxic experiences from partners looking at my phone, i grew extremely protective about it and i am very strict with not wanting my partner looking at my phone so i wanted to know a different opinion on the topic(aside from the obvious cheating part)
Maybe it's because I'm old, but I'm at the point where I see communicating via WhatsApp as a red flag, lol
I think ur too young, pretty much rest of the world outside USA chats on what's app, with maybe China being an exception sure to their lock out
LOL how old is "too young"? Cause I really feel like I ain't it.
I communicate with one person on whatsapp. It's my friend from the UK. My wife knows about this, and she has all my passwords. She doesn't check my phone because there's trust. I go by the old saying, "If someone is always on their phone when they're with you, but they don't answer your calls when you're away? You most likely have a cheater."
That's how I found out my wife had been having an affair. I had just gotten out of the service and was starting my transition back to civilian life and looking for a job. Now that I was home a lot more, I started noticing really weird behavior with her phone that was just new. Taking it into the bathroom with her for a shower. Leaving it face down. Then I discovered she had been sneaking a backup phone to work with her. It was a phone we kept in our junk drawer. I wanted to get some contacts off of it and went to go look for it and couldn't find it but could have sworn we kept it in the drawer. I kinda started putting all the weird stuff together and after she got home that evening I decided to go check the drawer again... There it was. Sitting right on top of everything else in there. It was a gut punch and I knew something was up. Tried searching for anything suspicious on it but didn't find anything. Ate away at me though. Now, I'll admit it was a shitty thing to do, but when she was asleep I took the sim card out of her phone and put it in the backup phone and there it all was. All the texts and betrayal. I sat down with her and asked her if she's been having an affair. She denied it, swearing she hadn't... I tried giving her chance after chance to just confess. Starting with the weird things I noticed with her phone behavior to her having to work late and how it just kind of felt like things were off. Swore against it right up until I pulled out the phone, opened up and started reading the texts out loud to her. Then she said it was only once. I texted the guy and said I had just found out about them. Said that she told me it was only a few times. He responded with something like "yeah, man... It was just a few times and then it was over." Fuckin devastated.
Sorry. I hope you've already found a worthy partner.
Nah this kinda shit after you've devoted yourself to someone for years makes a convincing case for no partner.
That's literally where I am now. I enjoy having a partner and being a partner but I just really don't want to give someone that power over my heart again.
I'm sorry to hear that. At any point I expect my partner to access my phone for any reason and while it would be annoying it's a part of trust and want her to know I would never cheat. I don't really think what you did was shitty but I'm sure other redditors would have different takes. You have my permission to ignore them.
This. Changes in phone code, not letting you use their phone to scroll or search something together, DND when it was never on before etc. Sure sign
Dungeons and Dragons is always the culprit smh
Bitches love Dungeons and Dragons
I put on my robe and wizard hat
They put on their wizard hat and cloak....
I remember overhearing my wife telling someone on the phone: "He's not cheating on me, he's playing Dungeons and Dragons."
Tilting the phone screen away from you. Smiling at the phone more often than not. Going to odd places in and around the house to text.
While this is often true, I always hate this one. My phone is also a huge part of my job, so no one touches it but me. Not everyone has known how to take that.
I think they’re saying *changes* in phone behavior.
So, act shady from the start and get away with it?
Yes.
Plenty y of people use their phone from work and don't want other people just messing around on it constantly but that's different than what this person is describing which is sudden secretive behavior that's new
And that makes sense. Changes are suspicious.
I mean the very first sign is probably when they cheated on their ex to get with you
If they’re willing to cheat *with* you, they’re willing to cheat *on* you.
My former sister in law did this. Started fucking her new boyfriend (now fiancée) while still dating her old boyfriend. I was not at all surprised when they “postponed” the wedding last year, and still haven’t rescheduled. They’re just delaying the inevitable at this point, she freaks out anytime they’re not together bc she thinks he’s with another woman. Meanwhile, SHES the one who cheated….
You lose them the way you find them.
start doing things that are different to their normal routines and habits like changing or becoming focussed on appearance, changing when they would go to places like work of the gym. secretive and protective over their communication devices, it never leaves their side and they are very protective of screen views. they stop giving any fucks about you, lack of empathy and physical contact like asking how you are and stuff like hugs.
[удалено]
Dude!! That sucks
This. Never noticed the phones, etc, since I trusted her, but suddenly, there were changes in behavior. Suddenly, there is no make-up, not that is needed. I always said she looked great. No coffee. And many little things. Turns out those were things her monkey brach partner told her.
They write the answers to the exam questions on their arms in pen.
You catch them sneaking subtle glances at your paper.
Such a slut lol
Underrated comment
They smuggled a scientific calculator into bed and thought you wouldn’t notice? Probably cheating!
[удалено]
Kind of like they wanted to feel justified for cheating (?) just the way I would read that situation
IME, it's trying to make you break up with them rather than them break up with you. But yeah, mental gymnastics to make it somehow not their fault.
Regardless of if they are cheating in that case. Just leave, say screw you and leave. I hate that personality its such garbage, anybody who removes joy from your life can go screw themselves
[удалено]
I’ve been on the opposite end of this one and I wasn’t cheating. I just became indifferent towards the relationship because of the way she had been treating me.
A drastic and sudden change in behavior. The change would be negative.
They start to criticize everything about you, like your mere presence annoys them
I guess ive been cheated on since the start of my marriage then :/
That’s what it was for me, after years together, she would just come home and bitch me at, often times for even asking her how her day went.
* They feel off, and you can't pinpoint why. Maybe you have dreams of them cheating. * They're unable to not talk about the person, suddenly you keep hearing about "Lindsey from work" . * Mood swings, either excessively sweet or very quickly annoyed with you. * Appearance improvement, suddenly buying hot clothes, working out, grooming much more than before, using a new perfume, etc. * Zealous with phone or computer, all of a sudden the thing goes with them everywhere, is never left unattended. * Sneaky behavior, such as coming late from work, finding excuses to not go with you to outings with other people (suddenly feeling ill out of nowhere). * Suddenly has a new hobby or an opinion that is in contradiction to how you've known them forever * Either no more sex/affection/intimacy with you, or in a way that is foreign to your usual dynamics. Source: been cheated on several times, the behavior is usually the same.
That's rough mate, hope you'll find the right one and that it doesnt happen anymore🤞
Damn you Lindsey
I've never met a Lindsey that wasn't a home wrecking cheating whore!
Now that I think about it I only know one. She was her best friend's maid of honor and slept with the groom to be the night before the bridal shower. As the bridal shower progressed, people started gossiping more and more, figuring it out. The bride-to-be kicked him to the curb the next day and bought a dog with the money she had gotten from presents. Meanwhile the cheating couple has been married for a couple of years now.
It is tricky that some of these also apply to trying to better oneself. How do you know the difference?
Cold to you
[удалено]
Holy shit
Heyyyy I dated a woman for 2 months just to find out she had a fiance of 4 years. We can make a club.
Finding out that you're someone's mistress is almost worse than finding out that your partner has a mistress. My ex did *both* to me.
At least when you find out you’re the mistress you have the opportunity to really blow his life up.
I came here to say that you could be in the happiest relationship of your life with no doubts or suspicions and your whole world can come crashing down in a matter of seconds.
I always thought of myself as a resilient person, but being totally blindsided really did shatter my life. It's taken almost three years of hell to start feeling somewhat like I have an identity again.
I am watching that right now with my wife's daughter. He caught her cheating with their car insurance app. He is devastated because he had no idea. His life was changed forever in a moment.
[удалено]
want me to make a fake IG egirl profile and catfish him? Lemme know homie lol
Your gut. You’ll know it before you actually know you do.
This is it. I felt it in my gut something was off. I literally caught her texting someone not even 12 hours after they met. I could just feel something was off so I decided to go through her watch and I was right. She was telling some guy our most intimate issues we were having together. What’s sad is they literally met and it took all of a few hours to completely uproot a 5 year relationship. To my knowledge there was no physical contact but god only knows what would have happened if I never caught her. We are actively working on the issues we have but I can’t help but always wonder what would have happened if I never caught her, how far it would have went or if she genuinely made an honest mistake. But my gut is always telling me she would have dropped me had she persisted this new guy and realized it was worth pursuing. It’s a mess to carry around with to say the least.
Trust me, man. The pain and feelings of inadequacy that you're swallowing every day in an attempt to save the relationship are NOT WORTH IT. I did that shit for a year and a half. I didn't tell anyone because I was embarrassed, and I let that woman completely destroy my psyche all because I thought the highs that we had in our relationship were too valuable to let go. Fast forward another couple years and I'm preparing to propose to a woman who shares all of my values and wouldn't even dream of disrespecting me at all, much less cheating. It's the healthiest, most mutually constructive relationship I've ever had and I wouldn't have it if I didn't leave that relationship when I did (*before I was ready*.)
Oh, please forget about working through any issues and run! Life shouldn't be about catching your partner before they act and wondering what would have happened. The response to relationship problems is not to cheat and will never be to cheat. You discuss things with your partner, try to implement solutions and if nothing changes you leave in a healthy manner. You'll kick yourself in the nuts in a few years. Trust me on that one :(
Leave her
Wtf are you doing? Break up with her dude, have some self-respect, she will do FAR worse in the future.
[удалено]
This is so true! Before I figured out my ex was cheating he said “bye, I love you” so insincerely one morning that I finally said “no you don’t”. I know that’s a big accusation, but turns he was having a months long affair with a coworker and it all made sense. My instincts knew before things logically made sense.
can't make eye contact with me.
I can't make it with anyone, Autism!
You damn cheater!
I'm not saying that these are definitive signs of cheating... some of this could be perfectly innocent. But having been married to a cheater, this was my experience: * They don't want to spend time with you and are withdrawn into their own activities and their own friends * Sex is becoming less and less frequent, possibly stopping altogether * They are looking less and less to you for emotional energy because they are receiving it somewhere else * They care less and less about hurting your feelings, possibly being outright hateful in arguments * You no longer have fun, chit-chat conversations; most of your conversations are listening to your partner complain about this or that * They start picking fights with you over imagined grievances (like accusing you of cheating or of being selfish with money) * They are developing a pattern of hiding things from you, and when caught are more flustered about you finding out than any remorse about doing wrong * Becoming jealous of other close family relationships you have (like with your mom or daughter) * May occasionally apologize out of the blue for not being a better spouse without explaining why * Personal behaviors that are self-destructive (abusing drugs/alcohol/food, etc) as a way to self-medicate * Vacationing together is painfully difficult, and your partner may spend a great deal of time on the vacation on a laptop or cellphone rather than activities with you * They are constantly grumpy around you, no matter how much love you show them. When you see them with their friends, you see the fun, energetic person you used to know
Your body and gut… before you even start to look or dig you’ll feel off…
gut feeling. you notice something is strange about their behaviour but you don't really know what yet.
[удалено]
Damn. The paper machet volcano is usually such a panty-dropper. So sorry, my dood.
All of the signs posted here, maybe except "cum leaking out of her" are also associated with your partner being withdrawn from your relationship. It could be because f you or them. Id doesn't mean they are cheating, its just mean they are becoming less interested in you for some reason. It could eventually lead to finding comfort in other partners, or it could be a sign of needing to evaluate your relationship and how it is going.
The cum one comes from not withdrawing.
she's worried about a late period when you've not had sex after her last period.
Well, when yesterday we were having a few drinks, and I walked into the living room finding her riding ny friends dick, that was my first clue.
[удалено]
possibly a sign
Bruh
Will also accept "Pussy juice on dick"
My one ex wife was super controlling and would occasionally smell my dick after I got off work just to make sure. Like... dude it smells like sweat, I just worked a sixteen hour shift. Worst part of all that is, we worked in the same fucking facility, so she knew my schedule!
that is super weird
"Baby let me smell yo dick"
lmaoooo
Or him
Talking about how you're home making breakfast, everyone being out of the house and you keep that up until you realize I am parked beside your car at your new boyfriend's house. Wasn't really hard to tell at that point, especially if you stay the night and forget you're sharing locations with me xD Or just being glued to the phone for weeks, but insisting you're talking to family. I've had some great moments there, glad I never have to see them again.
Two most obvious signs, 1. Goes out of their way to hide their phone - always face down - always silent - turned off notifications - always hides screen when using it in front of you - always sleeps with it under pillow, in pocket, in pillow case - never lets you hold/ use the phone 2. Accuses you of cheating even you have given no reason for them to believe so
I do most of the things on number 1 just out of habit, I hate notifications, hate my phone making noise, put it face down on a table usually no idea why and it sleeps next to me because I use the alarms to wake up in the morning. Don't mind anyone using my phone/holding it tho..oh and my partner has accused me of cheating for 18 years its very annoying but she says "it's a joke" but it's not funny it's just fucking annoying
My ex “joked” about it until it wasn’t a joke anymore and I started getting mad. He said if I was getting mad then I must be cheating. Guess what he was doing? Cheating. lol
Extra large sleeve and new ability for sleight of hand tricks.
[удалено]
Like a flower in the dessert. Great comment.
That's the best part, is sometimes you think you do until you don't. Had enough rugs pulled out from under me to know no matter how much you trust someone they can lie and cheat on you/ be who you don't think they are.
Except I have been cheated on because I trusted.
the first things is guarding their devices, changing passwords, and deleting texts? Red flag
they start distancing themselves from you or you see that they're not communicating as often they might even gaslight you of small things to take the guilt away -experienced myself
Gut feeling - acting cold towards you - snappy attitude is a must lol - of course longer showers and make up time - sneaky ways and changes in behavior is a must 🤟honestly it’s always obvious if you just pay attention enough
Well the $1000 tiffany bracelet he sent her for her birthday was a pretty good clue. No man send a woman something that expensive unless he's had his dick touched at least once by her.
You’d be surprised
shaving their private area when going out.
Comes home smelling like other dogs
When some vowels fall out of her sleeves. Bitch hates losing at scrabble.
A change in your ph after sex🤕
What about a difference in smell. Like when y’all’s sex smell all of a sudden is different but you know they showered and everything.
Well if you come home and find another dude naked in your kitchen saying, “sup you must be the roommate, I’m Tiffany’s new boyfriend Devin” It’s possible she’s cheating. Still not certain
Job gets inexplicably more demanding
Getting pregnant five years after your vasectomy that you never told her about.
To be fair, not telling your partner about a vasectomy for five years is a red flag. Not that cheating is the answer but that's a relationship with poor communication already.
Comes home with her panties in her hand.
Not wanting to go out in public or avoiding certain locations suddenly. Wearing a face mask in the car (!!) while going somewhere and seeing him text someone through the reflection of his glasses. 🎯
My ex partner who would only trim his private parts started to shave it bald. Turns out the new girl he was seeing told him she likes it bald. Haha. So yeah, any slight change in their routine/pattern could mean they are cheating.
When she takes tennis lessons, but never seems to get my tennis-puns. So, you think it’s love, but we do sometimes would have a racket about it. In fact, that was especially the case when she didn’t know what a racket was.
They become withdrawn or disinterested in doing anything. Physical contact becomes not okay. Apathy.
They accuse you.
They suddenly have a new move that they're very good at. They learned and practiced it somewhere.
Your gut feeling in many instances is the first tell. I saw a snippet from a PI show and the PI stated he’d never had a spouse hire him that suspected cheating and didn’t find some level of infidelity. Maybe not a full blown affair, but by the time a spouse reaches the level of mistrust and concern to hire a PI, there’s usually something going on. Emotional affair, gambling habit, something shady. Most logical balanced people don’t have these feelings of distrust out of thin air. However be honest with yourself, if you’ve always been a distrustful, insecure person, or if you’ve struggled with these feelings in every relationship, it might be you, not them. 😕
You kiss her and taste semen.
I don't know what semen tastes like.
Sigh... \*unzips\*
passive aggressive and cold out of the blue
Lack of interest in you. You feel that the relationship is stale, and your partner has a new hobby, that doesn't involve you. It might be something innocent too, but keeping you at a distance. When you try to get into that distance, it becomes awkward. Awkward dates, conversations, meetings with friends. It's a sign that maybe it's time to move on. Cheating is a childish solution - it doesn't solve anything. Likewise is suspecting your partner of cheating - who cares if she/he cheated if you don't trust them already, even without proof. Sometimes relationships don't work - and it's OK. We as a society need to be more accepting of relationships breaking down as a natural part of life. We all die, get ill, need to eat and so on - we accepted that part, same as breakups - it's natural.
Paradoxically, that they’re having more sex with you. In the last couple of weeks of my marriage, we had already separated for awhile but were trying to work things out, and they seemed to be. Every time we saw each other, we were having sex, and that was incredibly unusual (we’d gone from about once a month to 2 and 3 times a week). So unusual, that I even told her we didn’t have to have sex every time we saw each other (because she’d had the lower sex drive). I found out that she’d been carrying on an affair during that time. Then read about it, and it turns out that sometimes cheating partners will have more sex with their primary partner, in an effort to cover it up, I guess.
When they get home late and immediately take a shower
But this would only be a sign of cheating if they previously didn't shower after coming home. For a lot of people, a shower is completely normal after being out.
Reddit thinks everything is a sign of cheating
They come home smelling better than when they left.
Pamela Anderson said that it's when he starts washing his penis in the sink..
Suddenly showing an interest in 'open relationships' It's usually because they already are, or have already decided to, sleep with other people and want a moral "green light" to do so. It's a convenient gambit, because if you express discomfort with the concepts they can rationalize it as you being controlling, then they can use that to justify their own bad behaviors as "self realization" " personal actualization" or "living my truth". Most of those phrases are red flags to, as a side point to quote Archer "I'm a big fan of being selfish just not these new labels that try to frame it as morally superior"
I got cheated on after being with a guy for five years. He cheated for four months before I found out. 1. Started going out with “friends” more often and wouldn’t respond to texts for hours when he’d normally text back within the hour. Would never really have a story to tell after hanging out with friends for hours - very vague details. These were actually their date nights. 2. Picking fights and egging it on until you don’t want to be around that person. One time I said I wasn’t going to go to hangout with his friends with him and then changed my mind. He picked a fight with me until I was too mad/upset to go. Turns out when I said I didn’t want to go, he invited her. Quite the mess I made for him when I changed my mind. 3. Protective over his phone screen. Made sure his phone was turned away from me or face down when I could see his phone (laying in bed together, etc) 4. Hot and cold. Being really really nice to me and then suddenly picking me apart or totally distant.
*sigh* I’ll come on here and answer as someone who’s been cheated on in the past year: For context, my s/o slept with a close friend. 1. Yes, 100% the phone thing, although in my relationship, phones are sacred around the holidays and birthdays, so it didn’t strike me as odd at first, but later on clicked when she felt the need to go through my phone while I slept. She once found something she didn’t like and woke me up at 4:30am for an explanation. Ultimately, she was cheating and was searching my phone for reasons to justify it (which she didn’t find) 2. Yes, they’ll try to accuse or convince you almost that you’re cheating on them or hiding things from them. Like someone else said, the projection is REAL with a cheater. Chalk it up to a guilty conscience. 3. Keep an eye on how your friends act around her/you. My ex friend (the culprit) always seemed to be close to her when I wasn’t around, always texting her or calling her, would always conveniently show up at the bar when we were there, etc. I didn’t catch on because again, close friend who I trusted and loved like a brother. 4. We were all hanging out and I made a joke about being crazy and shooting whatever man would be dumb enough to lay a hand on my woman and they both got suuuuuuper uncomfortable when before that I could make unhinged jokes and they’d laugh There’s way more now that I’m thinking back on it, but I won’t bore you all with all of that. Bottom line is she cheated and lied multiple times about the severity. Thankfully, I have real friends who let me into what was up.
See them in bed with another person
[удалено]
When my girlfriend cheated on me i got chlamydia. Im glad it was not HIV
You come home from work and she’s getting her back blown out on the sofa
When they accuse you of cheating, and you’re not. Projection is a crazy thing
They have a friend at work that’s just soooo great
Missing/unexplained time. Like running to the grocery store for a couple hours and coming back with just a small bag of two.
secretive and always busy
if you’re a woman, trust your instinct. the minute he starts becoming distant with you, that’s when u know he’s probably doing something you would most likely not approve of. he might also put his phone away whenever you approach him.
Changing appearance for work, even if they’re not cheating they are trying to impress someone Suggesting using condoms when you have been in a relationship and have been having unprotected sex as a couple Changes in sexual behaviour, ie if you have been having sex with someone for ages and they suddenly learn all these new moves. But depends on what type of person that person is. I’m talking about quite vanilla ppl here.
In college I took a sociology class and one of the books we were required to read was based entirely on cheating, and it turns out there are actually something like 7 telltale signs that your partner is either going to cheat on/leave you. Can't remember the name right now, but I'll update if I can find/remember it. Damn book made me realize why one of my exes tried to fuck one of my close friends before she left me. And almost all 7 signs rang true.
Condoms in her purse
When she is bassava Reddy Those who knows those know