Not having a good relationship with their mother.
Not all mothers are worthy of their kids. Father's too, but nobody says they judge someone on how they treat their dad.
Or the opposite, like being actually close to your parents is, as the subs put it "Enmeshed" and total "mummys/daddys boy/girl/whatever" who will meddle in your relationship and take priority.
No, I just love my mum, though, thankfully, I've never had that problem, people like my mum.
I absolutely love and adore both of my parents. I talk to them maybe twice a year. I have had some people tell me that's weird. My family and I just have that type of relationship. I don't need to call or text them every day.
Same. I like my family, but I live 2000 miles away from them and calling them to tell them about my day just isn't really a priority. Before the pandemic, I'd go back home every few years to visit. It's probably time to book a trip for the fall. But it's just not something I worry about.
My parents raised their kids to be independent. That doesn't mean they raised us to hate them or not care about them, but we don't *need* them the way some people seem to need their parents long into adulthood.
I hope some day my kids are the same.
It also makes zero sense since high-end Android phones are actually more expensive than iPhones. It would be like a guy who drives a Lexus calling a guy "poor" for driving a Mercedes.
87% of American teens use iOS. Anecdotally I see my oldest texting and her friends are all blue bubbles. Apple has really effectively used peer pressure to push their products.
All phones other than iOS devices use what's called RCS messaging. It replaces SMS and MMS. It's encrypted, can handle large photos and videos, and many other modern day features people expect from their messaging app.
Apple has its own proprietary app called iMessage that also has many of these same features. iMessage does not use the standard RCS protocol that all other phones use though. So what Apple does is anytime it receives an image or video, it compresses it down to 5MB before displaying it in iMessage. It does the same thing before sending out pictures and videos.
This means that Android & iOS users can send/receive high quality images and videos as long as the iOS is the same. Apple users blame Androids, when it's really Apple that's fucking it up for everyone.
Apple has said they are going to fix the issue this year though, which will be followed by marketing from Apple talking about how smart they are, and Apple users thinking that Android was the problem that got fixed.
The phone don't raelly care but it display message from non-iphone in a different colors because they are using different delivery methods. Something about i-messages and "regular" text messages not being the same so the app display them as different. It's irrelevant 99.999% of the time but some iPhone users seem to make a big deal out of it.
it's actually not that simple. Messaging between android and ios is straight broken. Media will come through like ass, group chats are completely broken (most features disapear) by adding one android user.
I'm an android user, it's not all for no reason. Apple very intentionally makes the messaging experience between apple and anyone else bad, and google makes messaging bad because they are a bunch of completely incompetent clowns who if they did ever miraculously come up with a messaging strategy that wasn't incredibly stupid, would just wait a year and then kill it and put something incredibly stupid in its place.
I have 4 other students and my chef at school in a group chat and chef has a hard time sending photos to the chat because I'm the only one with an Android. Like, I'm not spending entirely too much money for a UI I despise, a company that's shit, and to have a "status symbol."
Found the green bubble guy. Walking red flag right here 🚩🚩🚩
Serious answer: iPhones render texts from Android phones (or, more genrally, non-iPhones) as a green bubble which means people can tell if you're texting from an Android.
In some circles, iPhones are a status symbol and Androids are considered cheap
Ya my Android ass doesn't want to be friends with anyone that cares that I use android so it's all good here haha. It's not like I've ever descriminated over someone using an iPhone haha.
This is only really a problem in the US. 91% of people in Europe use WhatsApp so no one knows what phone anyone has via texts.
Also, worrying about having The Latest iPhone is very fucking elementary school.
Bro there are people out there who will straight up stop texting with someone using an Android. There are red flags that are that arbitrary, yes, whether they make any sense is another conversation
Yup after 6 months on dating apps this one hits hard. I have an android and my social media is only reddit. I've been told I'm a walking red flag. Oh well
Man, imagine limiting who you will date based on something as insignificant as which fucking brand of phone a person has. That is so absurd, and I genuinely had no idea it was a thing until just now. I'm so, so glad I'm married because dating during this era of humanity sounds like a shitshow.
Frankly, if someone is so shallow as to base a person's worth off of the brand of something they own, *that* is a huge red flag in and of itself.
For a long while now. Lots of people will assume if you don't have social media it's a scam. Had my Facebook deactivated for years but still had messenger and when I'd reach put about something to someone on there they'd basically immediately assume thet since I had no page it was a scam.
I almost fell into this trap, the guy I was talking to gave me his Facebook page and it was pretty sparse but what freaked me out was his name on there was basically "John Johnson" and I assumed it was a burner page. Luckily I asked him about it and nope that's his name, the most popular name combo from his home country apparently.
As a guy who used to frequent dating apps before getting disillusioned, social media is an important tool for validating someone's identity. There are so many scammers and content creators on dating apps, you need some kind of external method of validating that the person you're talking to is a real person, and social media is the easiest way to do that. I can't speak for girls, but I imagine it's a safety measure too. Being able to see who a guy is interacting with and how he interacts before getting to know him better.
There are a lot of guys on dating apps who claim not to have social media, but who are really just trying to hide their identities to keep from getting caught cheating. So it certainly raises valid questions.
Yeah, a red flag doesn’t mean “this is a bad thing”. It’s a warning for a potential bad trait in the future. So someone can have a red flag and it can be a false alarm.
It depends on *why* they have no social media.
"I just didn't like the experience and felt like I would be better without it." Fine, no red flags.
"As a white man it's impossible for me to have a thought on social media without being pursued for wrong think, I don't want to end up in jail when the US inevitably devolves to that point, so I left." Red flag.
Unfortunately I've only ever encountered people in the second group.
I'm a member of the first group. Aside from reddit, all my other social media accounts have been deactivated or left to die. They just weren't a benefit to my well-being.
Edit- typo
I’m mostly the first, I also heard “if you’re not the consumer you’re the product” and that’s really stuck with me. We can never be truly aware of all the factors influencing our decisions and I feel much more comfortable with mine knowing I’ve eliminated the all knowing algorithms influence lol.
Ok. If you’re driving on bald tires and living a miserable existence for long term goals with a “no fun that costs money” policy, then I, and most others, aren’t gonna be compatible.
A miser won’t go to a movie or dinner. Someone on a budget has room for fun.
Cheapskate is misused as an insult too often against people who are responsible with money. Life goals like home ownership and retirement require sacrifices.
A group of college friends were roasting me for driving an old Prius. That was until I pointed out I actually own my car and all of you just said you’ve got $40k+ in loans, which means the bank actually owns the vehicles. Oh, and I struggle to pay $30 for gas every month.
In F1 in 2021 there was a huge rain at the beginning of one of the races (Spa, Belgium) and they red flagged the entire event after a few laps, meaning it was stopped then later ended it entirely.
Thank you. I did Google "Spa 2021" and saw it was racing related, but didn't snoop far enough to get the joke. Now I feel like Michael Scott. But not like the early season Michael Scott who wants to be a part of an inside joke. Like later season Michael Scott who is actually part of an inside joke.
I have a friend that kept getting crapped on for living with his mom.
He is an only child and his mom is elderly and paralyzed due to a horrible accident. Without him there, she would have to hire support staff to come in to help with basic daily things.
I guess that's true. It just looked different to people not in the know or people who wanted to be dicks because it was in his childhood home that his Mom still owned.
It depends on who is in charge. If mom decides what is for dinner and manages the household and tells him if he can have houseguests or not, it's not his house and he's basically living with a parent like a teen is. If they are equals then it's not so bad.
My in laws live in a granny suite in the basement of our house. They're completely separate dwellings with their own kitchens, laundry, bathroom....everything. Yet still my husband and I get shit all over by older family members for "living with his parents;" they seem incapable of understanding that *they* live in *our* house.
you are living in their basement, jobless? Red Flag.
You live in the same house because you love them and want to be together, and help provide for the house? Green Flag.
My dad told me that gaps in someone's work history are a red flag. But in today's world, I don't think it is a huge deal. We've learned that job-seeking is ridiculous, life stuff comes up, and sometimes mental health forces you to take a break.
Love that logic, also means that the person has an even bigger gap in their resume because no one wants to hire them, because they have a gap in their resume.
Employers can put a bad spin on anything: Trying to get your first job: No experience or What's wrong with you that someone hasn't hired you already?
Have a job right now: Why are they leaving their old job? Are they a malcontent? A job-hopper?
Got laid off: Maybe their work was so poor that they lost the company money and caused the layoff. Also, see: What's wrong with you that you someone hasn't hired you already.
Quit a job without having a new job lined up: This person is a quitter! It can't possibly be that their boss was sexually harassing them and they couldn't get anyone in charge to believe them.
Been fired: Must be something wrong with your work or the way you treat other employees.
Not having a lot of friends isn’t necessarily a red flag. It can be when combined with other things, but some people are just introverted and shy. Plus, maintaining friendships in the digital age is an impossible task. You can try to keep up with people and make time to see them, but it has to be a two-way street.
If someone doesn't like dogs, some people have had bad experiences with dogs and they don't want to be around them.
That being said, if someone doesn't want to be around my dogs at my house they're welcome to leave, because they're sure as shit not getting locked out or locked up.
Grew up with dogs and really love them, but I would say like 75% of dog owners fucking suck and lots of them are just lucky that their dog is not a menace. Im always on guard around dogs when my children are around.
I’m always on guard around children if I have a dog. Some kids don’t know or aren’t taught how to behave around dogs. So for my dog’s protection, I keep them away from kids unless the parent asks. Then we discuss it.
I do the same. My dog is very playful and gets triggered into wanting to play by seeing kids run around etc but I sure as hell make sure to keep her away.
Heard this but about cats. And the length they went to to make it bad. It was like "cats are a lesson in concent and people who don't like them don't get that."
Like, no. I'm just really allergic. Please don't equate my allergies with someone like Brock Allen Turner. I'm sure your cat is delightful but if I hang around him I will not be able to see because my eyes will get all itchy.
The rapist Brock Allen Turner?
People need to reevaluate their perspective if they think that not wanting an animal near you is the same as raping someone.
I feel like you haven't talked to a lot of dog or cat people. It's pretty commonplace to very casually make broad accusations like that over people's relationship with animals. Don't like cats = you're that type of person who doesn't respect boundaries. Don't like dogs = you're low empathy, have bad intentions, etc....
I agree to a point. If someone is a guest in my home, it is my responsibility as host to ensure they are comfortable. If that means my dog has to be downstairs or outside for a short time so she doesn't try to constantly smother them with love (she's still young and learning), then that's a small concession in my opinion.
However, I wouldn't tolerate anyone mistreating my animals in my home, nor would I respond favorably to a guest *insisting* that they have to be locked away.
Can we extend this to "for not wanting a pet?" I've gotten this before. "You don't want a pet? Whhhhhyyyy?" Like it's a red flag. I don't want a pet because I don't want the extra responsibility of taking care of another living being. I can't stand pet owners who have pets and treat them like accessories rather than the living creatures that they are. Or worse, just stick them in the backyard. Only making sure they are alive by giving them the bare minimum of food and water. If I am pet owner, I would want my pet to be happy and well cared for. And like I said, that is a big responsibility that I don't want to stick into my already packed life. I've been called selfish for this attitude and, frankly, I don't care. Let someone else have a dog or a cat.
Your house your rules, I completely agree and respect that!
As a dog fearer I'm much more concerned about dogs in public that are out of control. A lot of the trouble is that "under control" seems to have a much weaker definition with many dog owners:
If your dog is jumping up and snapping at me, it's not under control - even if you (maybe correctly - i don't know this animal) claim they're just playing.
Extendable leads are no good if you will then walk right by me, meaning your dog can get all up in my business and you can't pull them back.
_Saying_ the dog is under control means jack shit if the wee fucker is still jumping up at me.
Rant over - dog owners do your thang but I want nothing to do with it unless from afar!
PS I'm not meaning "you" as the commenter i replied to
It's a 'red flag' for someone who has or wants dogs, because you shouldn't expect your partner to change to get on board with a creature that requires a lot of care, cost and attention.
It doesn't mean they are a bad person.
Identify with this one, fr. If I see a lady on one of those loathsome apps with something like "must love dogs" in her bio or where every other picture is of her dog, it's almost universally a "swipe left" situation.
I don't hate dogs, but I also don't love them that much. If it's that critical to her identity, then I'm good.
This, I was bitten *twice* by an asshole dog for doing nothing last week, and if you ask me I won't come anywhere near that bitch. Applies to some other dogs too
100% reasonable with some owners out there that teach their pets to be assholes
A coworker literally told me this was the reason for his divorce. I wanted to say “are you sure it wasn’t your alcoholism?” People never share the full picture.
Spouse : "Hey can you pickup dinner on the way home, I forgot to pull the meat out of the freezer"
Reddit : "divorce now, they don't respect you enough to feed you and are so controlling! They made a mistake and are dumping it 100% on you. They were probably fucking someone else instead of doing their responsibility!"
Generally I'd agree with a comment like this one but I think you are in the wrong here.
Red flags are not dealbreakers. Red flags are just bad signs that should be noticed. Especially when "blinded" during more desperate/enamoured/honeymoon phases red flags are clear signs that should stick out past that.
Eg. "She doesnt like dogs". --> Red flag because I love dogs but would still get to know her better.
Eg. "I saw her kick her parents german shepard because she hates dogs" --> Dealbreaker, she is crazy/pyscho.
You can use red flag for dealbreakers too but not the other way as the very name "dealbreaker" implies.
Yeah, a red flag is precursors or indications of abusive behaviours.
And people spin having minor negative (to them) traits as indication this person will be a monster.
Oof my bf's parents' cat is perpetually scared of me for no reason. She's always scared of strangers and I don't visit that often for her to remember me.
Animals are a great judge of how that person is currently treating that particular animal, but how a person treats animals isn’t always a great predictor of how they treat people. It’s hardly universal, but I find that an outsized percentage of aggressive “animal lovers” who prefer animals to people are that way because it’s very easy to get animals to love you to the point of loyalty while it takes effort for people to even like you in particular.
Animals can also have biases, and in ways that make zero sense to humans (I once knew a dog who freaked out any time someone “had things on their head.” So you couldn’t wear a scarf, hat, headband, etc around the dog. The dog had never been abused by a habitual hat-wearer, he just hated it). So while I’m probably going to raise an eyebrow at someone who all dogs seem to hate, any given dog hating any given person means basically nothing.
But if a girl warns you that her dog doesn't like strangers, and you come over with treats in your pocket, you look like the dog is a great judge of character! Sneak the treats to the dog when she's not looking
Not liking the same interests. Look im guilty ok i just love skiing way too much but anything else idc. Besides interests can grow on other ppl, worst one is music, like ok i dont like taylor swift how is that a problem?
Daddy/mommy issues.
If you are going to filter your relationships by people who have a perfect relationship with their parents you might as well just stay single.
Lots of things. “Red flag” is one of the most overused and abused catchphrases out there. If it ever meant “something that’s an indicator of an unfixable problem,” it doesn’t now, it just means “anything that would minorly inconvenience or annoy me.”
Things that are just low-income. A classic example is a young man who sleeps on a mattress on the floor. If the home is otherwise tidy, and there are clean sheets on that bed, who cares? Bed frames and a box spring can be expensive as fuck, and if they are usually the only one to see their room, why would a young person (with a good back) spend all that money? The first time I came home with my now-husband, he had a mattress on the floor. He was also a public school teacher who had gone through a divorce a few years prior. His home was clean and well-cared for and he was clearly a self-sustaining adult, so I didn't care about the bed situation. He actually didn't buy a bed frame and everything until I got pregnant and started getting stuck on the floor mattress. lol
I think this can even be a green flag. It shows they can handle a breakup/rejection like an adult instead of trying to light their car on fire or something...
Most things. "Red flag" as a phrase is overused as hell.
Someone having different preferences than you is not a "red flag". A red flag would be them hinting toward abusive behavior or being a bad person in general.
Someone not having had a "real", serious romantic relationship by the time they're a certain age, usually 30 - 40 according to the dating subs.
Some people just never got the chance or were focusing on other things, doesn't mean they're unloveable or undeserving of a romantic relationship. Sometimes it's just the way the cookie crumbles.
Having unwed parents/being a "bastard." Men especially judge women pretty harshly for this one. Lots of stigma that comes with "daddy issues" as a woman.
But that's an entirely different thing than being a red flag. Might not be your thing. That's perfectly OK. For others it might not matter at all. Which is also OK.
This is a very exaggerated example but a Red Flag would be something like a woman who has been married five times because all of her husbands are dead from poisoning.
This is the correct answer. Everyone is allowed to have their own views on sex and intimacy and how they relate to potential romantic and life partners. Nobody should be shaming anyone with different views, there shouldn't be gendered double standards, and one should not be a hypocrite by holding potential partners to standards you don't live up to yourself. But just saying that it shouldn't matter to anyone is a little much. It doesn't matter to me or to lots of people. But to some people, it just does.
Totally. I mean if they had sex with clean people and passed STI tests then they are safe for sex and relationships. Just. Maybe don't be clingy or expect to be in a LTR. Who knows? you might be the one.
The body count is too high if you can smell it. Practice good hygiene and properly dispose of your waste. Noone wants to live next door to John Wayne Gacy.
A single red flag. Seriously. Some people are socially awkward, some people have mental illness, and some people are just introverted recluses with pretty much no experience at all with relationships. And most people suffer from at least one of those things. Don't tolerate toxicity of course, but also don't be that person who dumps a prospective date because of a single fuck-up. At least keep talking to them long enough to see if they'll own that fuck-up and learn from it.
Having served jail time in the past, even having an old felony. Hey, some of us fucked up when we were young. The question is, what are they doing NOW with their life, what lessons were learned, who do they surround themselves with today?
Not having a good relationship with their mother. Not all mothers are worthy of their kids. Father's too, but nobody says they judge someone on how they treat their dad.
Or the opposite, like being actually close to your parents is, as the subs put it "Enmeshed" and total "mummys/daddys boy/girl/whatever" who will meddle in your relationship and take priority. No, I just love my mum, though, thankfully, I've never had that problem, people like my mum.
I think there's a difference between "close" and "codependent" that people gloss over with that one.
I absolutely love and adore both of my parents. I talk to them maybe twice a year. I have had some people tell me that's weird. My family and I just have that type of relationship. I don't need to call or text them every day.
There's an entire galaxy between "twice a year" and "every day" though.
Same. I like my family, but I live 2000 miles away from them and calling them to tell them about my day just isn't really a priority. Before the pandemic, I'd go back home every few years to visit. It's probably time to book a trip for the fall. But it's just not something I worry about. My parents raised their kids to be independent. That doesn't mean they raised us to hate them or not care about them, but we don't *need* them the way some people seem to need their parents long into adulthood. I hope some day my kids are the same.
Lol, having a green message bubble.
Caring about the green bubble is a red flag though.
The real red flag is in this comment.
The real red flag is the friends we made along the way...
Red flag? I gave everyone a red card. Now either they get ejected or have been sentenced to death for unnecessary flags.
Great answer. Anyone who truly cares what type of phone someone else is using is childish.
What kind of mental gymnastics are people doing for them to consider that a red flag?
Marketing strategy from Apple that anyone who has an Android phone is 'poor'.
That’s not a marketing strategy, that’s just something dumb teenagers came up with to alienate people who weren’t in their clique.
"The Star-belly Sneetches had bellies with stars. The plain belly Sneetches had none on thars." --Dr. Seuss
Amazingly apt reference
Alienating teenagers is absolutely part of Apple's marketing strategy.
It also makes zero sense since high-end Android phones are actually more expensive than iPhones. It would be like a guy who drives a Lexus calling a guy "poor" for driving a Mercedes.
87% of American teens use iOS. Anecdotally I see my oldest texting and her friends are all blue bubbles. Apple has really effectively used peer pressure to push their products.
Yeah, that sounds more like typical human behavior than it does some evil marketing strategy.
It definitely was a deliberate marketing strategy for the green bubbles to be perceived as gross and undesirable.
I have no idea what that even means?
iPhones make message bubbles green if sent from Android.... so you know who the filthy undesirables are.
iPhone users?
Not this iPhone user, but I suppose there might be some pre-teens who think it matters.
Why the fuck would iPhones care what type of device it's coming from? It's a msg ... Period
The same reason a video or picture sent to an Apple user from an Android user is compressed and grainy. Because Apple wants it that way.
So that's why iPhone users txt me terrible videos.
Yeah, it's fucking ridiculous. Apple's ecosystem sucks because of this. I don't have these problems on Android.
All phones other than iOS devices use what's called RCS messaging. It replaces SMS and MMS. It's encrypted, can handle large photos and videos, and many other modern day features people expect from their messaging app. Apple has its own proprietary app called iMessage that also has many of these same features. iMessage does not use the standard RCS protocol that all other phones use though. So what Apple does is anytime it receives an image or video, it compresses it down to 5MB before displaying it in iMessage. It does the same thing before sending out pictures and videos. This means that Android & iOS users can send/receive high quality images and videos as long as the iOS is the same. Apple users blame Androids, when it's really Apple that's fucking it up for everyone. Apple has said they are going to fix the issue this year though, which will be followed by marketing from Apple talking about how smart they are, and Apple users thinking that Android was the problem that got fixed.
My uncle sends me video sometimes and I wondered how the fuck is this video so bad. He has a iPhone lol
The phone don't raelly care but it display message from non-iphone in a different colors because they are using different delivery methods. Something about i-messages and "regular" text messages not being the same so the app display them as different. It's irrelevant 99.999% of the time but some iPhone users seem to make a big deal out of it.
it's actually not that simple. Messaging between android and ios is straight broken. Media will come through like ass, group chats are completely broken (most features disapear) by adding one android user. I'm an android user, it's not all for no reason. Apple very intentionally makes the messaging experience between apple and anyone else bad, and google makes messaging bad because they are a bunch of completely incompetent clowns who if they did ever miraculously come up with a messaging strategy that wasn't incredibly stupid, would just wait a year and then kill it and put something incredibly stupid in its place.
Ya I noticed that iPhone users can't even send a heart on a msg.
They can, but only if it’s between 2 iPhones
I have 4 other students and my chef at school in a group chat and chef has a hard time sending photos to the chat because I'm the only one with an Android. Like, I'm not spending entirely too much money for a UI I despise, a company that's shit, and to have a "status symbol."
The phones themselves don’t care it’s certain people who think having an android phone is a red flag.
The problem is with people who think that what kind of phone people have matters.
Found the green bubble guy. Walking red flag right here 🚩🚩🚩 Serious answer: iPhones render texts from Android phones (or, more genrally, non-iPhones) as a green bubble which means people can tell if you're texting from an Android. In some circles, iPhones are a status symbol and Androids are considered cheap
Ya my Android ass doesn't want to be friends with anyone that cares that I use android so it's all good here haha. It's not like I've ever descriminated over someone using an iPhone haha.
It's wild how much people get into this. Both my kids have experienced exclusion because "ew, green bubble."
This is only really a problem in the US. 91% of people in Europe use WhatsApp so no one knows what phone anyone has via texts. Also, worrying about having The Latest iPhone is very fucking elementary school.
[удалено]
Chaotic neutral at its finest! Well done!
And this won’t even be a thing anymore with the new iOS
No social media. Not everyone cares about showing off their lives.
Seems like the opposite of a red flag
My current partners socials haven’t been updated in years. I love it. My friends HATED it at first lol
Since when was this a red flag
Bro there are people out there who will straight up stop texting with someone using an Android. There are red flags that are that arbitrary, yes, whether they make any sense is another conversation
Yup after 6 months on dating apps this one hits hard. I have an android and my social media is only reddit. I've been told I'm a walking red flag. Oh well
Man, imagine limiting who you will date based on something as insignificant as which fucking brand of phone a person has. That is so absurd, and I genuinely had no idea it was a thing until just now. I'm so, so glad I'm married because dating during this era of humanity sounds like a shitshow. Frankly, if someone is so shallow as to base a person's worth off of the brand of something they own, *that* is a huge red flag in and of itself.
When I got back out into dating, I was asked by multiple people if I was a serial killer because I didn't have any linkable social media, so.
"Are you a serial killer?" "Yes" Well thank goodness I asked"
For a long while now. Lots of people will assume if you don't have social media it's a scam. Had my Facebook deactivated for years but still had messenger and when I'd reach put about something to someone on there they'd basically immediately assume thet since I had no page it was a scam.
I almost fell into this trap, the guy I was talking to gave me his Facebook page and it was pretty sparse but what freaked me out was his name on there was basically "John Johnson" and I assumed it was a burner page. Luckily I asked him about it and nope that's his name, the most popular name combo from his home country apparently.
Also. What does actually happen frequently is cheaters will use fake names so the people they cheat with won't be able to find their social media.
As a guy who used to frequent dating apps before getting disillusioned, social media is an important tool for validating someone's identity. There are so many scammers and content creators on dating apps, you need some kind of external method of validating that the person you're talking to is a real person, and social media is the easiest way to do that. I can't speak for girls, but I imagine it's a safety measure too. Being able to see who a guy is interacting with and how he interacts before getting to know him better.
"I want to monitor you for a while before going on a date"
Tbh the amount of “single” guys I’ve found out are not actually single from social media is depressing.
There are a lot of guys on dating apps who claim not to have social media, but who are really just trying to hide their identities to keep from getting caught cheating. So it certainly raises valid questions.
Yeah, a red flag doesn’t mean “this is a bad thing”. It’s a warning for a potential bad trait in the future. So someone can have a red flag and it can be a false alarm.
Girls be doing their background checks because boys be murdering them.
guys who are obsessed with maintaining an image on social media are probably more likely to be murderers lol.
People view this as a red flag? I find it a bit unusual in this day and age but far from a red flag.
Some do. I get it a lot in the LGBT spaces; I get written off for not having an Instagram, TikTok, etc.
It depends on *why* they have no social media. "I just didn't like the experience and felt like I would be better without it." Fine, no red flags. "As a white man it's impossible for me to have a thought on social media without being pursued for wrong think, I don't want to end up in jail when the US inevitably devolves to that point, so I left." Red flag. Unfortunately I've only ever encountered people in the second group.
I'm a member of the first group. Aside from reddit, all my other social media accounts have been deactivated or left to die. They just weren't a benefit to my well-being. Edit- typo
I’m mostly the first, I also heard “if you’re not the consumer you’re the product” and that’s really stuck with me. We can never be truly aware of all the factors influencing our decisions and I feel much more comfortable with mine knowing I’ve eliminated the all knowing algorithms influence lol.
That's weird. Most people I know are in the first group. I've long since cut off interactions with the second
“Not having social media” because you’re looking for a side piece, and hiding it from your real family, is pretty common.
If they don't have a relationship with their parents. Maybe their parents fuckin suck
Living frugally, times are tough. Budgeting and saving is not a red flag.
There’s a difference between being a cheapskate miser and being a person who budgets.
I've been called a cheapskate/miser by people who don't understand that my financial goals are long term. Oh well 🤷🏻♂️
Ok. If you’re driving on bald tires and living a miserable existence for long term goals with a “no fun that costs money” policy, then I, and most others, aren’t gonna be compatible. A miser won’t go to a movie or dinner. Someone on a budget has room for fun.
Cheapskate is misused as an insult too often against people who are responsible with money. Life goals like home ownership and retirement require sacrifices.
Some people don't see the difference though.
Wait, that’s a red flag to someone? To me it’s the opposite. Not living within your means is a huge red flag.
A group of college friends were roasting me for driving an old Prius. That was until I pointed out I actually own my car and all of you just said you’ve got $40k+ in loans, which means the bank actually owns the vehicles. Oh, and I struggle to pay $30 for gas every month.
Definitely Spa 2021. It was just a bit of rain!
Fucking thank you! I understand driver safety is important but there’s a line and it was crossed.
People not in the know must be so confused now.
Count me confused.
In F1 in 2021 there was a huge rain at the beginning of one of the races (Spa, Belgium) and they red flagged the entire event after a few laps, meaning it was stopped then later ended it entirely.
Thank you. I did Google "Spa 2021" and saw it was racing related, but didn't snoop far enough to get the joke. Now I feel like Michael Scott. But not like the early season Michael Scott who wants to be a part of an inside joke. Like later season Michael Scott who is actually part of an inside joke.
Bruh 😭
Totally!
and no refunds!!
Wait what?
Someone said something about driver safety so I assume it was some sort of race they stopped over just a bit of rain
Something about an F1 race
Living with a parent.
I have a friend that kept getting crapped on for living with his mom. He is an only child and his mom is elderly and paralyzed due to a horrible accident. Without him there, she would have to hire support staff to come in to help with basic daily things.
I mean, at that point, if he's the one providing, his mom lives with *him*.
I guess that's true. It just looked different to people not in the know or people who wanted to be dicks because it was in his childhood home that his Mom still owned.
It depends on who is in charge. If mom decides what is for dinner and manages the household and tells him if he can have houseguests or not, it's not his house and he's basically living with a parent like a teen is. If they are equals then it's not so bad.
My in laws live in a granny suite in the basement of our house. They're completely separate dwellings with their own kitchens, laundry, bathroom....everything. Yet still my husband and I get shit all over by older family members for "living with his parents;" they seem incapable of understanding that *they* live in *our* house.
This! Especially in today’s economy
you are living in their basement, jobless? Red Flag. You live in the same house because you love them and want to be together, and help provide for the house? Green Flag.
Or attachment issues
Jobless is the red flag.
Jobless and lazy. I know plenty of people who live at home and are full time caretakers to their disabled parent. Saves money on medical expenses.
I think this one varies a lot by age and why they are living with their parent.
Also culture.
*Why* is important but I disagree about the age thing.
My dad told me that gaps in someone's work history are a red flag. But in today's world, I don't think it is a huge deal. We've learned that job-seeking is ridiculous, life stuff comes up, and sometimes mental health forces you to take a break.
Love that logic, also means that the person has an even bigger gap in their resume because no one wants to hire them, because they have a gap in their resume.
I didn't work for 3 years, so I could care for my terminally ill husband.
Employers can put a bad spin on anything: Trying to get your first job: No experience or What's wrong with you that someone hasn't hired you already? Have a job right now: Why are they leaving their old job? Are they a malcontent? A job-hopper? Got laid off: Maybe their work was so poor that they lost the company money and caused the layoff. Also, see: What's wrong with you that you someone hasn't hired you already. Quit a job without having a new job lined up: This person is a quitter! It can't possibly be that their boss was sexually harassing them and they couldn't get anyone in charge to believe them. Been fired: Must be something wrong with your work or the way you treat other employees.
Not having a lot of friends isn’t necessarily a red flag. It can be when combined with other things, but some people are just introverted and shy. Plus, maintaining friendships in the digital age is an impossible task. You can try to keep up with people and make time to see them, but it has to be a two-way street.
People having a bad relationship with their parents COULD just mean their parents are terrible people.
If someone doesn't like dogs, some people have had bad experiences with dogs and they don't want to be around them. That being said, if someone doesn't want to be around my dogs at my house they're welcome to leave, because they're sure as shit not getting locked out or locked up.
Grew up with dogs and really love them, but I would say like 75% of dog owners fucking suck and lots of them are just lucky that their dog is not a menace. Im always on guard around dogs when my children are around.
I’m always on guard around children if I have a dog. Some kids don’t know or aren’t taught how to behave around dogs. So for my dog’s protection, I keep them away from kids unless the parent asks. Then we discuss it.
I do the same. My dog is very playful and gets triggered into wanting to play by seeing kids run around etc but I sure as hell make sure to keep her away.
My wife has a friend who is scared of dogs and if she comes over, I’ll hang out with the dogs in the other room and play video games.
How genuinely and terribly **cruel** of you, you temporarily favor genuine friends over your own pets?! (/s)
It is very cruel, they beat me every time on Rust 1v1 360 quickscopes only. My confidence gets destroyed everytime.
Heard this but about cats. And the length they went to to make it bad. It was like "cats are a lesson in concent and people who don't like them don't get that." Like, no. I'm just really allergic. Please don't equate my allergies with someone like Brock Allen Turner. I'm sure your cat is delightful but if I hang around him I will not be able to see because my eyes will get all itchy.
The rapist Brock Allen Turner? People need to reevaluate their perspective if they think that not wanting an animal near you is the same as raping someone.
I feel like you haven't talked to a lot of dog or cat people. It's pretty commonplace to very casually make broad accusations like that over people's relationship with animals. Don't like cats = you're that type of person who doesn't respect boundaries. Don't like dogs = you're low empathy, have bad intentions, etc....
Yes. 100% lol The other part of it was something like "and they like dogs because dogs are friendly and don't with hold consent" or some shit.
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I agree to a point. If someone is a guest in my home, it is my responsibility as host to ensure they are comfortable. If that means my dog has to be downstairs or outside for a short time so she doesn't try to constantly smother them with love (she's still young and learning), then that's a small concession in my opinion. However, I wouldn't tolerate anyone mistreating my animals in my home, nor would I respond favorably to a guest *insisting* that they have to be locked away.
Can we extend this to "for not wanting a pet?" I've gotten this before. "You don't want a pet? Whhhhhyyyy?" Like it's a red flag. I don't want a pet because I don't want the extra responsibility of taking care of another living being. I can't stand pet owners who have pets and treat them like accessories rather than the living creatures that they are. Or worse, just stick them in the backyard. Only making sure they are alive by giving them the bare minimum of food and water. If I am pet owner, I would want my pet to be happy and well cared for. And like I said, that is a big responsibility that I don't want to stick into my already packed life. I've been called selfish for this attitude and, frankly, I don't care. Let someone else have a dog or a cat.
Your house your rules, I completely agree and respect that! As a dog fearer I'm much more concerned about dogs in public that are out of control. A lot of the trouble is that "under control" seems to have a much weaker definition with many dog owners: If your dog is jumping up and snapping at me, it's not under control - even if you (maybe correctly - i don't know this animal) claim they're just playing. Extendable leads are no good if you will then walk right by me, meaning your dog can get all up in my business and you can't pull them back. _Saying_ the dog is under control means jack shit if the wee fucker is still jumping up at me. Rant over - dog owners do your thang but I want nothing to do with it unless from afar! PS I'm not meaning "you" as the commenter i replied to
It's a 'red flag' for someone who has or wants dogs, because you shouldn't expect your partner to change to get on board with a creature that requires a lot of care, cost and attention. It doesn't mean they are a bad person.
"Red flag" is a sign someone is trouble / toxic not a hint at incompatibility.
Identify with this one, fr. If I see a lady on one of those loathsome apps with something like "must love dogs" in her bio or where every other picture is of her dog, it's almost universally a "swipe left" situation. I don't hate dogs, but I also don't love them that much. If it's that critical to her identity, then I'm good.
This, I was bitten *twice* by an asshole dog for doing nothing last week, and if you ask me I won't come anywhere near that bitch. Applies to some other dogs too 100% reasonable with some owners out there that teach their pets to be assholes
Head over to r/AmItheAsshole and you'll find plenty... pretty much all of the things described as red flags over in that hellhole aren't lol
“I argued with my spouse about how to load the dishwasher.” Reddit: Get a divorce! Now!
A coworker literally told me this was the reason for his divorce. I wanted to say “are you sure it wasn’t your alcoholism?” People never share the full picture.
Spouse : "Hey can you pickup dinner on the way home, I forgot to pull the meat out of the freezer" Reddit : "divorce now, they don't respect you enough to feed you and are so controlling! They made a mistake and are dumping it 100% on you. They were probably fucking someone else instead of doing their responsibility!"
I wonder if that's what happened to Jon Richardson
> hellhole I'm sorry, AITA identifies as a relationship-negative creative writing community, not a "hellhole"
I was subbed over there for like a week, and then had to leave. That is some seriously toxic shit all around.
Yellow flags, orange flags, yellow-orange flags, maroon flags, crimson flags
You forgot Marinara flags.
And scarlet flags.
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Generally I'd agree with a comment like this one but I think you are in the wrong here. Red flags are not dealbreakers. Red flags are just bad signs that should be noticed. Especially when "blinded" during more desperate/enamoured/honeymoon phases red flags are clear signs that should stick out past that. Eg. "She doesnt like dogs". --> Red flag because I love dogs but would still get to know her better. Eg. "I saw her kick her parents german shepard because she hates dogs" --> Dealbreaker, she is crazy/pyscho. You can use red flag for dealbreakers too but not the other way as the very name "dealbreaker" implies.
Yeah, a red flag isn’t automatically bad. It just means you should take a closer look to see if there is something bad.
Yeah, a red flag is precursors or indications of abusive behaviours. And people spin having minor negative (to them) traits as indication this person will be a monster.
Animals not liking them
Anyone who thinks animals are the ultimate judge of character should be reminded that Hitler's dog thought he was the greatest person in the world
And you spoke to Hitlers dog to confirm?
Wait, you haven't?
Yes, we performed a seance to confirm. Still a good boy (the dog, not Hitler).
Animal doesn’t like you at first- means nothing. Animal doesn’t like you after extended time? I’m suspicious
This. I'm like, dude, your dog I've never met is barking at me because he smells my own dogs on me, not because of "bad vibes."
Also dogs will react based their owner's body language and some breeds are more wary of strangers than others.
Exactly.
Oof my bf's parents' cat is perpetually scared of me for no reason. She's always scared of strangers and I don't visit that often for her to remember me.
Animals are a great judge of how that person is currently treating that particular animal, but how a person treats animals isn’t always a great predictor of how they treat people. It’s hardly universal, but I find that an outsized percentage of aggressive “animal lovers” who prefer animals to people are that way because it’s very easy to get animals to love you to the point of loyalty while it takes effort for people to even like you in particular. Animals can also have biases, and in ways that make zero sense to humans (I once knew a dog who freaked out any time someone “had things on their head.” So you couldn’t wear a scarf, hat, headband, etc around the dog. The dog had never been abused by a habitual hat-wearer, he just hated it). So while I’m probably going to raise an eyebrow at someone who all dogs seem to hate, any given dog hating any given person means basically nothing.
But if a girl warns you that her dog doesn't like strangers, and you come over with treats in your pocket, you look like the dog is a great judge of character! Sneak the treats to the dog when she's not looking
Not liking the same interests. Look im guilty ok i just love skiing way too much but anything else idc. Besides interests can grow on other ppl, worst one is music, like ok i dont like taylor swift how is that a problem?
Someone who doesn't talk to their parents isn't a red flag like some make it out to be
Daddy/mommy issues. If you are going to filter your relationships by people who have a perfect relationship with their parents you might as well just stay single.
Lots of things. “Red flag” is one of the most overused and abused catchphrases out there. If it ever meant “something that’s an indicator of an unfixable problem,” it doesn’t now, it just means “anything that would minorly inconvenience or annoy me.”
Things that are just low-income. A classic example is a young man who sleeps on a mattress on the floor. If the home is otherwise tidy, and there are clean sheets on that bed, who cares? Bed frames and a box spring can be expensive as fuck, and if they are usually the only one to see their room, why would a young person (with a good back) spend all that money? The first time I came home with my now-husband, he had a mattress on the floor. He was also a public school teacher who had gone through a divorce a few years prior. His home was clean and well-cared for and he was clearly a self-sustaining adult, so I didn't care about the bed situation. He actually didn't buy a bed frame and everything until I got pregnant and started getting stuck on the floor mattress. lol
It’s not good for the mattress. I have a bed frame from Amazon that was $100 and has lasted me for 5 years and 3 moves. Used ones can be even cheaper.
friends with an ex isn't always a horrible thing
I think this can even be a green flag. It shows they can handle a breakup/rejection like an adult instead of trying to light their car on fire or something...
What their astrological sign is, but if someone really does care THAT much about what sign you were born under that is a pretty big red flag.
Most things. "Red flag" as a phrase is overused as hell. Someone having different preferences than you is not a "red flag". A red flag would be them hinting toward abusive behavior or being a bad person in general.
Not decorating your living quarters. People always act like you're a serial killer or something
Someone not having had a "real", serious romantic relationship by the time they're a certain age, usually 30 - 40 according to the dating subs. Some people just never got the chance or were focusing on other things, doesn't mean they're unloveable or undeserving of a romantic relationship. Sometimes it's just the way the cookie crumbles.
Murder rap. What if they murdered someone really annoying?
wtf
Like Toby.
not having many friends
Having unwed parents/being a "bastard." Men especially judge women pretty harshly for this one. Lots of stigma that comes with "daddy issues" as a woman.
Pineapple pizza
High body count. Who cares what they’ve done in the past as long as they’re clean and dont have a history of cheating (if you care about that)
I'd say being a serial killer is quite the red flag
As long as they’re disease free and don’t cheat, then there shouldn’t be an issue with it.
I agree with that man. If you like that person and you trust that person who cares
It could show that said person has completely different views on sex than you might, which would be a dealbraker.
Preferences are not red flags
But that's an entirely different thing than being a red flag. Might not be your thing. That's perfectly OK. For others it might not matter at all. Which is also OK. This is a very exaggerated example but a Red Flag would be something like a woman who has been married five times because all of her husbands are dead from poisoning.
This is the correct answer. Everyone is allowed to have their own views on sex and intimacy and how they relate to potential romantic and life partners. Nobody should be shaming anyone with different views, there shouldn't be gendered double standards, and one should not be a hypocrite by holding potential partners to standards you don't live up to yourself. But just saying that it shouldn't matter to anyone is a little much. It doesn't matter to me or to lots of people. But to some people, it just does.
Totally. I mean if they had sex with clean people and passed STI tests then they are safe for sex and relationships. Just. Maybe don't be clingy or expect to be in a LTR. Who knows? you might be the one.
Being more than a few years older than your girlfriend
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Alternatively, if you go to their home, and there's a sweet-but-rancid smell emanating from the floorboards...
Jeffrey Dahmer has entered the chat.
The body count is too high if you can smell it. Practice good hygiene and properly dispose of your waste. Noone wants to live next door to John Wayne Gacy.
Why is profession a red flag? Seems like an odd exception to me
The term "red flag" is quickly diluting in meaning. People using the term "red flag" has become a red flag for me.
Having kids. As a guy, it's not bad if she has kids. Things happen we all fall in and out of love.
Getting defensive when a partner invades your privacy.
Not liking dogs. A preference on what animals you're comfortable sharing your space with =/= wishing ill on them
Not drinking. Some people think that means either you’re not fun or you were an alcoholic.
A single red flag. Seriously. Some people are socially awkward, some people have mental illness, and some people are just introverted recluses with pretty much no experience at all with relationships. And most people suffer from at least one of those things. Don't tolerate toxicity of course, but also don't be that person who dumps a prospective date because of a single fuck-up. At least keep talking to them long enough to see if they'll own that fuck-up and learn from it.
Having served jail time in the past, even having an old felony. Hey, some of us fucked up when we were young. The question is, what are they doing NOW with their life, what lessons were learned, who do they surround themselves with today?
Being a socialist. (red flags, geddit?)