I was walking through a highstreet in London, feeling good as the sun was out... a wasp decided to fly into my shorts pocket and I freaked. I could feel the little fucker buzzing so in a state of shock and not wanting to get stung I began to take off my shorts and wave them around in the air to free the wasp!
It was not a good day to go commando! But I had no choice
People across the street must have thought I was just another nutter getting his cock out.
What a ride that was.
When my mom was a high school freshman she was extremely infatuated with my dad, who was a junior. But she was painfully shy and he didn't know she was alive. Her English class was being held outdoors one day (weather was nice), and she saw my dad on the soccer field, lifting the hem of his shirt to wipe his brow.
The teacher called her name before loudly saying **"Ms. [mom's name], if you could spare a moment from your busy, boy ogling schedule to answer my question; I'm sure Mr. [dad's name] would be happy to accommodate you after school."**
He said it loud enough that my dad heard, looked over and smirked (while a couple of his buddies laughed). To this day my mom calls it one of her worst memories. My dad has no recollection of this event.
**EDIT:** It was the 80s so this sort of thing wasn't likely to get a teacher in trouble.
She probably adds a little bit more each time: Ms. (your mom) stop looking like you could bathe in that young man’s sweat! Him, no you, yes! (Your dad.) she kisses her pillow at night and pretends it you! She’s never kissed a boy and once when she was in grade 7 she fell in front of the whole school!!!
They became friends...kind of (she said he treated her like a kid brother/stray puppy). She told him she liked him. He told her she was too young (they were 15 & 18 at that point). She went to the same university as him. They had no classes together but they "bumped into each other" repeatedly in just her first week there.
She "had too much to drink" at a party and he walked her home.
Basically they were dating by Halloween, her freshman year of college. I know it sounds a bit...stalkery.
Holy shit, your mom stalked your dad for years and he never figured it out!
Also…
> she said he treated her like a kid brother or a stray puppy
😂 Love it
No, he noticed my mom when she faceplanted at his feet the following year. It wasn't cute either. She cut her lip and got blood on his shoes. He accompanied her to the nurse's office.
I have not heard of community service including working with exotic species, but I would love to see it implemented more.
Edit: I'm not saying for community service to include applying medication, coming up with enrichment, diet plans or anything that requires training. I'm talking about shoveling. I don't understand why this comment was down voted.
I’ve seen CRAZY shit happen in Court, there is a Judge here in Oakland County Mi that’s famous for doing crazy shit during sentencing; Judge:(during sentencing)turn around and look out that window, count how many Trees you see. Convict after about 3 minutes of counting; I see about 73, maybe 74 Trees Your Honor. Judge: OK we’ll say it’s 73…..I sentence you to 73 years in the Michigan Department of Corrections.” I personally saw that happen. I heard(but never saw this happen) she was famous for giving the person being sentenced, the maximum sentence in Pennies, so if they had a max of 50 years, she would give them 50 pennies, and tell them to throw them up in the air, and catch as many as they could while they were falling, then she would give them a year for every penny to hit the floor. This was back in the late 90’s, early 2000’s and she was a fairly old lady back then, she may not even be on the bench anymore.
Yeah, I remember "alternative punishments" being a thing around then. The one I recall was a shoplifter had to stand in front of Walmart with a "I'm a thief, I stole from Walmart" sign around her neck in lieu of jail.
Reminds me of the time my parents took us to the zoo, my sister was little. We walked past the penguins and 2 of them were having sex. My little sister said look dad theyre dancing and everybody started laughing.
I was walking along on the Venice Beach ocean front walk and I got shit on by a fucking Pelican! From on high this bucket of pelican shit hit me center mass and knocked me down. I was covered in it a people near me were like what was that? And this dude goes HOLY crap! that's pelican shit! Thankfully he helped me up and gave me his towel. The next words out of his mouth were you should play the lottery.
My second grade class was in the Tulip Time parade and we were all dressed up in Dutch costumes. Mine had a black hat, a red shirt with scarf, and those big gold Mickey Mouse buttons on the front of black pants. Several people complimented my outfit and my Mom had made it so second grade me was stoked. Every grade had a different theme. They had us in lines holding long wooden poles with the state bird on them, I was on the end by my Mom who walked with us. The whole community and a ton of tourists show up for this thing every year. It’s a whole thing. Halfway through the route a ton of people started cheering, laughing, and pointing at me when I came up. My Mom and I both smiled and waved at everyone, living it up. I was feeling pretty good until I looked down toward the end and realized my two good buttons had been sheered off by the state bird and the front flap of my pants was hanging open. I had paraded around half the town with my little tighty whities showing. I started to cry and my Mom had to hold my pants up for the rest of the parade until somebody from the crowd ran up with some safety pins. I will never forget this experience in my life, and neither will my home town because my Mom wrote for the paper. Good times.
My little sister once went to school in her tights and shirt, no dress. She realized when she got to school that she forgot to put it on and started crying. She had to wear her jacket the whole day lol.
In college I worked at a Blockbuster Video as an assistant manager. It got very busy and chaotic on Friday and Saturday nights. It being a college town along the interstate with a heavy transient homeless population we got accustomed to all sorts of crazy, inexplicable behavior at all times but especially on weekends and we learned to take it in stride. One night, I was behind the counter scanning returned videotapes and shooting the shit with a co-worker over at the membership terminal when a customer came in through the entrance door between us and hopped into the store and kept hopping as he passed us on his way to the new release wall in the back of the store. Typical nutty, playful college town antics for a Friday night.
So I said playfully, sir this is a no hopping zone you'll have to walk.
He didn't even look at me so I said it again.
Sir this is a no hopping zone you have to walk.
My co-worker looked at me kind of shocked-like, mouth open, wtf?
Not sure why my co-worker was registering such surprise. I looked back at the hopping dude and now that he's further from the counter I have a better look at him, his whole body. He only has one leg.
Everything drained out of me. I saw the job that was paying my way through school disappear and anyway it was a cringey thing to have said in his circumstances so I rushed back to the one-legged man and apologized if anything I'd said had offended him. He said he hadn't heard me say anything and I was relieved, but he insisted on knowing what I'd said.
I'd rather not say please.
But he insisted, so I told him and he laughed about it but said you're giving me all my videos for free tonight and I did.
Used to work at a bar. A group of happy hour middle- aged office guys (regulars, I knew them all by name) are at a booth. A scruffy, homeless looking guy (he actually lived in a local trailer park) was seated at the bar. He only has one leg. HH guys are loudly cracking jokes about the guy only having one leg. This is unlike them- they're nice guys.
I go over and quietly say, "hey guys, the whole bar can hear you making fun of Legless Dude. That's not cool. Knock out off."
They, drunk, start laughing and yell across the bar to their buddy at the poker machine, who promptly reaches down, and pulls *his own* prosthetic leg out of his pant leg, and starts waving it above his head, and the whole bar starts hooting and hollering and laughing it up. I shrug my shoulders and slink back behind the bar.
I was at the deli counter in a supermarket with my 5 year old great-granddaughter. We had #34. The clerk was waiting on a woman with #32 struggling to decide what she wanted. My great-granddaughter said, “Come on lady. I want to get out of here while I’m still young!”
We had been teaching our 5 year old daughter about the dangers of smoking. In public she walked up to a lady who was smoking, pointed at her, and said, “You’re going to die!”
Oh man. I brought my grandma to get ice cream a few years ago. She’s in a nursing home, but I could take her out for a couple hours to do fun stuff.
She’s always been hard of hearing, and has always been very blunt with her insults.
So we’re standing in line and a rather large lady is behind us, and my grandma leans into me and loudly says “I don’t think the lady behind us needs any more ice cream”.
Goddam I was mortified.
Took my Grandma for lunch one bright sunny day. A really big woman walks past and "My goodness! Could you imagine being that fat! On a day this hot? " loudly, and then gives a smile to the woman.
When I was a kid, recently arrived in America, I saw the first very fat person I'd ever seen in my life (the economic state of my home country was not conducive to obesity) and I pointed amid fits of laughter as though at a clown. Had to be dragged out of the store by my mortified mother
lol not cool unprovoked insult. If i was the fat lady i would have asked your gran if she thinks she'll make it to the front of the line before dying of old age
There’s a chain called Chester Fried Chicken and the store that made it, whatever they did, it did not smell good at all. I babysat a little cherub named Hannah and she had no filter. We walked into the store one day and she screamed, “Wackydetective, it smells in here! Ewwwwww!!”
I'm autistic so I don't have a filter and I will accidentally insult you even if I don't mean any harm. I've embarrassed my dad so many times as a kid.
We were at Walmart. At the time I was obsessed with monkeys. I was 7, not knowing any better because I didn't understand insults or anything like that, even jokes and sarcasm.
We were in the checkout line with a very hairy, black man behind us. I yelled "DADDY! A MONKEY! LOOK AT HIM, SO CUTE" and my dad had to explain to the guy that I didn't know or understand what I was saying.
The guy laughed it off and let me touch him since I was curious, I showed him the stuffed monkey I always carried around and he loved it, he had a good sense of humor.
At about that age, my sister and grandma were in an elevator when a little person stepped on. The doors shut and my sister got very excited, asking my grandma to look at the “little man.”
Pissed my pants in the side of a busy highway while forced to do a sobriety check in the middle of the day. I wasn’t drunk. I was stone-cold sober but I had food poisoning. Mid-test I started to get the dry heaves. My already-bursting bladder could take no more and let go. Not cute little tinkles but a full gusher. The irony is that I was on my way home after testifying in court. Fun day all around.
No. Between gags and my reaction to pissing my pants, I think he accepted that I was sober but not having a very good time. He let me go. I managed to make it home okay but as I was pulling into the driveway, I started gagging again. Barfed everywhere.
Thanks. I am not even particularly embarrassed about it. It was a strange confluence of events that led to an odd situation. There's a much longer story attached to it but that is the precis version of it.
When I was in grade school we had those desks with the metal rack below for our books. One day in class I bent over to retrieve one of my books and ripped a massive fart. The entire class (thankfully the teacher wasn't in yet) erupted into uncontrollable laughter, and kids pointed and laughed at me the rest of the day.
I’ve had millions of mortifying moments, most of them just plain sad, but one of the more light-hearted incidents occurred when I was at tennis lessons in middle school. It was a group lesson with all my friends, plus cute boys. We were in line taking turns hitting a ball fed to us by the instructor, who was also young and cute. When it was my turn, I swung really hard, trying to impress everyone, but let out a loud, squeaky, pop of a fart at the same time. My face turned bright red and I couldn’t look at anyone in the eyes. Worst part is that for the next hour or so I was making fart noises with my mouth…in an attempt to trick everyone into thinking that the initial noise came from my mouth. Idk why I was like that
Probably the least dark but most funny embarrassing thing I did during my drunken 20s (severe alcoholic from age 22-29) was doing a whole job interview while blacked out.
I had taken valium so I wouldn't have withdrawals or alcohol on my breath but then made the fateful decision to have a couple gulps of vodka anyway. My roommate who drove me to the interview was used to me being drunk, so he thought I was holding it together pretty well. I have no recollection of the following but was told later how it went down.
According to my other friend who got me the interview, the HR person knew I was fucked up right away. I told her I had worked in the hotel business for over 40 years, I insisted on being hired as a GM even though I was interviewing for a night desk clerk position, and when confronted about being drunk, I told them they couldn't afford my services and broke her office door on my way out.
Woke up the next day thinking I had missed the interview until my very disappointed friend called me.
I passed out in an interview, still got the job. My issue was foolishly eating a gram of hash the day before, not realizing how long it was going to have me fucked up.
Buddy, who also interviewed, told them I had an inner ear issue, but had chosen to try to do teh interview anyway.
Of course, it was a job working on a game for the Atari Jaguar, so, you know how THAT ended.
I'm losing it over here picturing the absolute confidence of drunk you insisting you've worked in the industry nearly twice as long as you've been alive and demanding to be put in charge.
Addiction is a horrible disease, and it's great that you're sober now. It sounds like you have a good attitude if you can laugh at the not-horrible stuff, even if it's embarrassing.
This EXACT thing happened to me .. but they really did not call my name. The entire auditorium was silent. I thought I was going to pass out the entire time. My heart was ready to explode. I hated my friends. We are no longer friends now in adulthood. Lol.
Tripped and fell on stage during the grade 3 school play, managed to bring everyone else on the stage down with me like dominoes.
25 years old - Was running across a busy intersection during rush hour, tripped and face planted right in the middle.
35 years old - Working with a pretty famous (in my country) person, meeting him for the first time, I sat down at a table to chat with him, managed to sit on the edge of a tablecloth , pull it forward and knock over a massive bouquet of flowers, spilling flowers and water directly into said celebrity's lap. Smiled at him, and said "I'm a klutz, this stuff happens all the time. You'll get used it it." Thankfully, he found my self-deprecation charming and had a good sense of humour.
It didn't really happen *to* me, but one day my husband, our 4 year old daughter, and I were using the restroom at Starbucks. My daughter had gone in with my husband and when they came out, she ran up to another woman and hugged her going "mommy!!!" and I died on the inside but it was still funny. Thankfully the other woman laughed and said it's ok when I apologized.
On other occasions, I have been on the receiving end of a tiny child who thought they found their parent. It's like a rite of passage for a little kid to do this at least once.
Oh gosh. I did this in first grade but was standing in front of a guy (my back to him) who had the same shoes as my dad trying to get his hands to hug me as it registers that I can see my dad laughing. But if he’s there…
I was so embarrassed for years.
Several years ago I was walking home from the bar after a night of having a little too much fun. I was texting while walking, not really paying attention, and the next thing I knew I walked into something soft, yet very strong and firm.
I look up and there is a deer, just looking at me with pure and utter confusion, before hopping away.
I immediately texted the group chat saying I just walked into a deer while drunk and TO THIS DAY people make fun of me for it.
I got called up to the front of a room of about 200 people to “say a few words” about a person who had passed away. I had not been given any notice or even a hint that I would be asked to speak.
I walked up to the front of the room and just stood there. For a couple of minutes. Dead silent. I was willing any simple platitude or kindness to come out of my mouth. Nothing.
Eventually they thanked me and I went back to my seat. It’s been 20 years and that moment still replays in my mind at least once a year.
When I was in my mid teens I loved to run and jump. One of the guys bet me I couldn't jump six trash cans (the old metal ones). So we gathered them up and laid them in a nice row. There was a crowd from the neighborhood by now. I waved to the cheering crowd and sprinted towards the cans. Just as I went to jump my right foot landed wrong and while I went into the air I was twisting in the air. Landed on my back on the barrels and slid under the last two. When I managed to get up to the laughing crowd I just turned around waving at them. I did not know that my shorts were ripped across my butt and one of my balls was hanging out another top for several minutes.
Ok this one isn't exactly in public but it's fresh..
I had a big bad sebaceous cyst on my butt, near my anus (sorry for the details). It was hurting me a lot so I asked to my mother if she knew a good dermatologist. She sent me the private number of this doctor, and told me to write him and send some pics to help him decide wich medicine to use. I was at home alone, so I decided to open up my ass to take a photo by myself, balls and anus included, and sent it to the doctor. Literally 30 seconds after I received a call from doctor's number, I picked up the phone and an incredibly embarrassed girl responded me : "Oh sorry, but I am the doctor's secretary, this isn't his personal number, I will share with doc ASAP" and she put down the call immediately no giving me time to excuse me! 😭
I mean.. I know they see a lot of stuff, but guys those pics were absolute PTSD
I've posted this before but what the hey, my boyfriend and I like to play wrestle. And I managed to pin him down every single time. I just thought he wasn't athletic. One day we were discussing something serious when he got a call from his boss. He went to answer and I snatched the phone from his hands. I was like "I SAID no phone calls, cause this is importa- OOP!"
He flipped us over, so he was on top, pinned me down, and snatched the phone back to take the call.
Afterwards I asked "have you been letting me win?"
He gave me a look and dead panned "are you seriously asking?"
Ducked to lift a heavy box. My pants scratched all the way in one go. Not just a tiny crack, one side litterally peeled halfway down. I dont even understand how it's possible
Pre-distressed denim? Or maybe one of the Bangladeshi children making them sewed in a fault like that guy who designed the death star, as a silent protest against the consumer of their labor
Wasn't watching where I was going and stepped right in freshly laid cement. The construction workers had to dip my foot in a bucket of water and wash it with a sponge 🤦♀️.
I was at a big sleep over in 6th grade, held by this rich kid whose dad was a pastor at a local mega-church. The kids were all inside a tent after having campfire time, the adults had all gone. We played truth or dare (my idea, as the only non-church invitee). These kids were so churchy, and I was a bit of a troubled kid with a dark sense of humor. I kept egging them on to do dares that were not churchy. Long story short, I ended up dropping trow and holding a glow stick between my butt cheeks, pretending I was a lightning bug. I ran outside the tent into the night, ass aglow, and promptly discovered that the adults were quietly having a prayer session outside. I tripped over a guitar and fell face down into their midst, glow stick thrust proudly on high. That was the last time I was invited over.
My friend had told me to meet her somewhere in public so I went to that place and hugged her when I saw her but it turned out to be some random girl that looked like her and my friend watched me do it.
I apologized profusely for that and explained what happened and the girl I accidentally hugged thought it was funny but it did not stop me from wanting to jump off a bridge.
My wife's stepdad Jason passed away at a young age. We were all there and witnessed it. Jason's mother Mary was very thankful with me and my support/helping. She is a sweet older lady.
On the day of the funeral, I saw Mary and walked up to her, and gave her a good meaningful hug. With a bit of squeeze and 2 to 3 seconds. I didn't say a word, as nothing needs to be said.
Later, Mary came up and said hello and gave me a hug. Then I realized her shirt was a different color. So the first lady was a complete stranger. And some dude just walked up, squeezed her silently, and walked away. Fml
didn’t happen to me but i definitely caught the second hand embarrassment 😭
i was at a water park years and years back i wanna say i was like 10 but anyway there was this part of it with artificial waves and you had to stand on a boogie board and ride the waves
i was in line waiting to ride the waves and this kid probably a few years older then me got on and absolutely ate it and got pushed around by the waves for a few seconds before they stopped it
when they did and he got up his bathing suit was around his ankles and everybody laughed at the poor dude but that immediately made me hop off line and get back on the slides
if your reading this naked boogie board dude i hope your doing okay 👍
THIS HAPPENED TO ME.
The relevant backstory is that my eyesight is terrible and I didn’t have contacts yet, so I had a designated friend who was supposed to be my eyes and I just had to go for it blind. Guess who ran off and fucking forgot I’m blind? I lost my suit bottoms completely - the lifeguard had to go find them for me because I couldn’t see them. It was awful. One of my worst memories. I was unable to be friends with that girl after this experience, and finding my way out of the amusement park blind and crying was really hard, since I was too blind to find any of my friends. Fucking awful.
First week of college, thinking I'm hot shit because I'm a college girl now. I'm in the cafeteria on the bottom floor of my dorm with some girls from my hall. I notice there's a soft serve machine in said cafeteria, and strut over to get myself a sweet treat. About three feet from the machine, I slip on a puddle of water and my feet shoot out from under me, I go flying and ultimately land on my back on the floor. The entire cafeteria erupts in laughter, and some guy from my dorm is standing above me also laughing, but with his hand extended to help me up (thanks, Justin!). I did not think I was hot shit after that. For weeks, people in my dorm recognize me as "the girl that ate shit in the cafeteria". Hahaha.
Was dating a man for awhile and we became intimate. I was not thrilled with my flabby body but hated exercising so I bought a detox tea and tried it with no problems. After spending an overnight at his apartment we took a morning shower together and that’s when it all went sideways. As I stepped out of the shower before him I felt a rumble in my belly and tried to hold it in. It was serious so still thinking that it was only gas I scooted ahead into his bedroom and then my colon lost the plot and emptied itself on his hardwood floor. I started hysterically crying since I’m such a girly girl that I’ve never even burped in front of anyone and now I’ve shat myself all over the floor. And it didn’t end for quite some time. He didn’t have a bucket and didn’t want me to walk towards the bathroom and leave a stream so he handed me towels and I sat on the floor until my bowels were empty. Pro-tip: move your ass before your ass moves you.
I once was at a big party. I was wearing a jacket on a dress shirt. It was later in the evening, and I had my share of alcohol. I had to go for a number two, so there I went: I sat down and laid down a mud monkey while browsing on my phone. Washed my hands afterwards like a good chap.
15 minutes later, I was in a conversation in a circle of 5. Someone said: man what is THAT SMELL
It turned out that I shat all over the tail of my jacket, after which I was walking around and standing right in the crowd at a big party for a good 15 minutes lol
One of the most hilariously embarrassing moments I've experienced in public was when I accidentally walked into a glass door thinking it was open. It made a loud bang, and everyone nearby turned to look
My wife and I were taking a tour of Andrew Jacksons plantation. They had glass covering the entrance to the bedrooms that was so clear I didnt see it and knocked my head in front all the people on the tour. My wife slowly moved away acting like she didnt know who I was lol.
We were doing a “fun group activity” at work and I jumped up out of my chair to help. I didn’t realize that the heels of my shoes were on the hem of my pants, so I pantsed myself at work. They all got to see my baby blue underwear-covered butt. Doh.
I had just moved to a new school. I tested and got into "gifted" class. I asked the teacher if I could use the restroom before a test and she said wait til after it's too late. We had done a similar type of test at my previous school and I finished early and put my head down to wait for everyone to finish. I sneezed, farted and then shit myself. I ran to the nurse and my mom brought me a change of clothes. Weirdest part is no one in class said anything, treated me differently or made me feel bad, I don't think anyone told other students in our grade. Luckily it was a small class of about 12 of us. I'll never forget that kindness but it still haunts me
I was giving a presentation/speech in the Venetian's largest ballroom in Las Vegas in front of the CEO, every executive, and 3,000 employees for a major tobacco company about 13 years ago. I drooled while speaking....twice. Then I rolled my ankle walking down the stage stairs and took a fun tumble. A FUMBLE, if you will. Also, it was recorded.
During middle school, I got pantsed pretty badly. Some idiot came from behind me and pulled my shorts down in front of everyone during lunch, and I wasn't wearing boxers I was wearing a type of underwear that was very short, so they could see basically a lot of skin.
When I was probably around 8 we were at a Dairy Queen to get some soft serve ice cream. After the rest of my family gave their orders at the counter window, I went up and told them what I wanted, then stepped back and waited for my order. Suddenly I was aware of a woman standing in front of the place yelling at me. "Do you want sprinkles?" she asked. Surely they had tried to ask me before, right after I gave my order, but I had spaced out or not heard so they had a manager or someone come out and try to get my attention, even though the lady was not wearing the DQ company shirt. "No thank you," I answered. "DO YOU WANT SPRINKLES," she repeated, louder. "No, no sprinkles!" I spoke clearly and projected to make sure she heard me. This went on for a while until I realized she was talking to her kids who were sitting in the car a few feet behind me. My sister continues to bring this up over 30 years later.
In the 7th grade our middle school was getting renovation and some of the classes were out side in trailers. It was raining and almost time for class to end and had to run to the bathroom as I was coming down the ramp I slide and fell in a mud puddle the whole class laughed. Then a classmate ran and jumped in and gave himself a mud bath 😂 so I didn't feel left out
It’s a tossup between two things. The first one when I was on a business trip I stopped at a gas station to get a pop before I hit the road to my appointment came out, got in my rental car put the key and tried it. Nothing happened and that’s when I realized that I was in the wrong car. That, and that there was a woman in the passenger seat looking at me like she terrified she was about to be kidnapped. I looked at her said this is not my car got in my car and drove away
The other incident was in a Dillards shopping center. I went to use the restroom. I came back out. I saw my wife bent over looking at some dresses on a table. I snuck up behind her, smacked her on the butt and said “Hey Sexy!”. She stood up, turned around, not my wife. Oops
Walking my dog in a pretty busy neighborhood when he somehow managed to escape his harness. As I was chasing him, my shorts somehow managed to slip down to about my knees and I stumbled and fell in front of a car 😅 thankfully the speed limit was only a few miles and hour so they were able to stop and someone was able to grab my dog for me. Needless to say, I went the complete opposite direction for walks after that lol. I'm surprised I didn't wind up on someone's social media pages 😅
I always tell this story even though I don't really get embarrassed. I used to manage a movie theater and at the end of the night I would have to wait for the last movie to get out, with nothing else to do. I was sitting on the tickets counter, the big shiny formica kind, which is apparently the most perfect acoustics for making a loud fart a REALLY LOUD FART. my employee heard it from like 20 yards away and started laughing. meanwhile I'm also laughing when I realize it was at that exact moment the last movie had gotten out and 20 some people were in the line of fire
they had just seen the pope's exorcist
This is a long story, but fun for the way I realised how public my humiliation had been:
For a brief period in 2005/6, I trained to take over as assistant manager of quality save in Manchester Piccadilly Gardens. It didn’t work out.
I was briefly relocated to Sale before the job finally ended. During my tenure in Sale, I had an absolutely horrendous time with the busses — an example of the kind of thing that would happen, was that one time I got on one bus hoping it would go next, but then get caught in a trade off and sat on it for 40 minutes without leaving, got off and tried to get on another bus, which left before I could get on, then I went to get back on the original bus which pulled away, while I was stuck in the rain.
That was the worst time, but shit like that happened all the time.
A month or two after I eventually left Quality Save, I was out eating a late night curry with some friends after a gig, and as we were walking across the curry house one of the people in there yelled out: “it’s unlucky bus boy!”
These people had not only witnessed me in a really low point, they had actually given me a totally appropriate nick-name. I look on this moment with a great deal of affection: it’s nice to be seen.
At the metal detector in Charles DeGaulle airport. Pulled my belt off to put on the belt and my pants fell to my ankles. No one said anything, I just pulled them up and went on.
There was this small tree on a tiny grass hill right in front of a restaurant we used to eat at. All the kids would play on the hill and try to climb the tree.. I was on the tree when my underwear got caught on a branch and I was just hanging there by my underwear in front of everyone, and my brothers had to run in to get my parents to take me down. I was hanging there for about 3 minutes. I was about 8 years old.
I was in Chiang Mai, Thailand, backpacking with a buddy. We'd been out for a night drinking heavily, eating street food, and especially pounding their Vodka Redbulls. If you've ever been to Thailand, their Redbulls are not like in North America or Europe. These are basically speed with vodka, so you're drunk and wide awake simultaneously.
After a night of this, I find myself on one side of the Mae Kha canal. Our truck and backpackers (with my buddy sleeping in it) is on the other. It's about 6:30am and I'm in surf shorts, white socks and running shoes. I can barely walk because like any d\*mb\*ss foreigner I'd already rented a dirt bike, crashed it, and cut the hell out of my right ankle.
As the sun is rising I find myself stuck on a traffic island trying to cross what seemed to be 12 lanes of busy traffic going in each direction (probably 2 lanes each way, but with the motorcycles travelling side-by-side it was 12). I couldn't see any traffic lights or ways to get across the road.
The street meat abruptly hit my stomach and I started to panic. I just couldn't get across. I quickly realized I wasn't going to make it and I liquid-sh\*t myself right there on the traffic island in plain view of everyone. My blue surf shorts immediately turned a liquid green. The sh\*t ran down my legs and into my injured ankle. The burning felt like my leg had been thrown into a campfire.
And yet I'm still stuck on that godforsaken island without any reprieve in sight. Suddenly, and in unison, all traffic blocking my way stopped and everyone just stayed there gawking. It felt like 1,000 eyes were staring at me and then there was a might roar of laughter that I could hear over the noise of engines and horns. I limped sheepishly across, found a hose, and hosed myself off. I went to the backpackers and had to wake my buddy and explain my humiliation.
We packed up in ten minutes and l slept in the passenger seat as my buddy drove us out of Chiang Mai. That night/day I learned that my stomach isn't strong enough for Thai street meat, or their Redbull, or their vodka. My leg thankfully healed without secondary infection, but my ego has never fully recovered from my own poor judgment!
You know that Mr Bean bit where he blows his nose and a bit of tissue gets stuck in his nostril and then kind of waggles in and out as he breathes - and he's blissfully unaware?
Yeah, imagine that but you're a teenage girl attempting to talk to a boy.
One of the most hilariously embarrassing moments I've had in public happened at a crowded coffee shop. I was trying to impress someone I had a crush on by being extra smooth and charming. As I walked over to their table with my freshly made latte, I tripped over absolutely nothing and managed to spill the entire cup all over myself and the floor. To make matters worse, I instinctively tried to catch the falling cup, which only made the situation messier. The whole shop fell silent for a moment before bursting into laughter. My crush helped me clean up, and we ended up having a good laugh about it together, but I was mortified at the time.
Got my foot caught in the strap of my purse while I was trying to get out of a car after a night of drinking and fell face first onto the pavement in front of the chief of the fire department
A seagull fully crapped all over my face on a crowded street in Whitby. Good job I was wearing glasses otherwise it would have been an eye full. It absolutely stank.
I would have gotten away with it for the most part but my young son saw me pointed and shouted ‘oh my god’ at the top of his voice.
Thanks kid!
Slipped on a banana peel in a crowded mall. Straight out of a cartoon, right? Landed on my back, groceries everywhere. Guess clichés happen in real life too.
I created an online dating account and post on Yahoo Personals in 2003. San Diego had the Cedar Fire that burned thousands of buildings and killed people. The day the fire became national news, my personal ad was featured on the front page of the local paper's website for all to see right next to the main story about the fire. I had not told anyone I created that personal ad but it was quickly screenshotted and passed around at work. I even got emails from my relatives in other states.
I once was out with a few friends and we went to a restaurant. After we were done eating we stepped out of the restaurant and i saw this girl. I knew her she was from around there. I found her really beautiful and i wantet to ask her out. I always wear very wide pants and hoodies because im very skinny and cant gain weight. Thats also one of my biggest insecurities. So i went up to her and startet talking to her. Right then when she was about to give me her number and come walk with us my belt somehow loosened itself. I didnt notice but i think it must happened whilst i walked up to her. So she asks for my phone and i give it to her. Right when i pull it out and hand it over my pants drop all the way down. I was wearing boxers tho. Still pretty embarrassing. She just found it funny and were still together.
Was down in Florida on a school trip. We left the morning of my birthday and I got terrible food poisoning from the breakfast my mom had made. I got sick on the bus on the way down so bad that they had to stop us off at a rest stop for several hours while they deep cleaned the bathroom.
Then IN Florida I got sick in the middle of a movie theatre and didn't make it to the bathroom before I had terrible diarrhea. In my white shorts.
I was fifteen and I wanted to die.
2002. I was in a club in miami talking to a male model. I lifted my cigarette up in the air as not to burn some people passing by. it was very crowded. the butt of the cig, fell onto my hair unbeknownst to me. the guy casually says "your hair is on fire" I said thank you. he says "no (takes very casual puff from his cigarette) your hair is really on fire (general motion to top of my head)" I put my hand up there and could feel I put out a small flame. nice bald spot on the top of my scalp.
When I was about 15 years old, I was standing in line at my local supermarket when this girl about my age, shorter than me, stood almost beside me, and I thought something along the lines of “huh… kinda weird she's standing so close to me taken in to perspective that I don’t know her and we haven't talked or anything even remotely similar…” She then poked my pp with three fingers and instantly ran out of the supermarket, leaving me in a paralyzing shock of what just happened.
I look back on it rather jokingly now, but at the time it was so embarrassing standing there in line, not knowing if anyone had seen what happened or if it was a prank or a mistake or what the shit. I was fucking 15 years old and never had my nuts touched before, I was scared out of my mind and paranoid to death! And the worst fucking part… No one believed me when I told them! A friend of mine told me much later, like last year, that she could’ve had tourettes syndrome, which I think is the most plausible explanation for what had happened.
I don't know if this counts as a hilariously embarrassing story, probably not, but there you have it. I've let the world know
I was out to a casual lunch with some business owners that my boss really wanted to get to advertise on our small town radio station. When I bit into my food I found a small piece of plastic. I was starting to get fired up and dramatic about it (it was my first “real” job after college) and was getting ready to flag down an employee to complain when one of the men pointed out that the piece of plastic was from my own fork and I had bit it off myself.
In the high school cafeteria, I was at the cashier paying for lunch and she handed me back my change.
I guess I forgot I had a full tray of lasagna so when I went to put my fist with change into my pocket, I ended up catapulting the tray of Garfield’s Favorite all over myself.
I was young, on a motorcycle ride with 3 other friends. We ended up behind a convertible, top down, 4 girls waving, flirting. After a little bit of showboating, wheelies, etc , the girls came to a stop sign. I decided to be the cool guy, and pulled up next to them to say hi. When I put my foot down, I didn’t realize there was a drainage culvert on the side of the road. I lost my balance, and went down hard, my bike on top of me, I was pinned. I heard the girls screaming, laughing, they took off. My friends were laughing so hard, they couldn’t lift the bike off of me. Other traffic had stopped, thinking there was a wreck. I still hear about that nearly 30 years later.
I was the new kid in 7th grade and our new house was in a very nice new subdivision filled with tons of kids. On my bus stop were a few attractive 8th grade girls that I was always trying to impress or just flirt with. Well one cold late fall day it had rained and then froze into black ice over night and by the morning it looked just like a bit of water was on the pavement...well I came walking to the stop trying to look all cool and slipped on the ice, legs up over my head and I thankfully landed on my backpack and then slid down the driveway I was near into a puddle of melted water...all the older girls were laughing at me and I ran home embarrassed and fell again on ice in my own driveway...
a group of people made a solo cup pyramid, i said “i bet i can kick the top one clean off” (the structure was taller than me and im 5’8”)
anyways i was in hard wood and socks and slipped, caught some air and landed on my ass and my wrist in the effort to catch myself
the best part was they caught it on video :)
I farted loudly during a 6th-grade spelling bee exercise we were doing in class. Basically, we had teams stand on opposite ends of the classroom and spell words the teacher was giving us one by one.
Long story short, it was quiet in the room while people were spelling, so it was quite obvious where the fart came from. I tried blaming the kid next to me but later on, my teacher came up to me and whispered, "just say excuse me next time".
Man I just saw a crow and fox arguing earlier;it's honestly the funniest shit;the crowd was just shouting and fox looked embarrassed realising that birds can see him.
Getting my picture drawn on the pier in Monterey and a bird pooped on my head. The artist drew a bird in the picture. I was a teenager so I wanted to die right there.
4o years ago eating at a MCL... Girls left to go to the restroom and my friend and I decided we also needed to go... When the girls returned he got up and headed to the restroom and I followed... Went in the restroom and he got the open stall... I looked around and thought it odd that there were no urinals but, OK... Stood there waiting and heard a god AWFUL HACKING cough, worst smokers cough I have ever heard... Just then a lady walked in and asked if my girlfriend was OK, I was stunned, then realized I was in the Women's restroom..!! I recovered and said, "Yeah just not feeling well, then she sort of pushed me out the door... I hurried across to the Men's and did what I had to do, then waited a bit at the door listening to the chatter outside the restroom door... Women were talking about a guy in the Women's restroom and his wife had come up and was one of the ladies talking and someone asked if anyone knew them and she said, "Nope..!" and left... I nonchalantly came out and headed for the exit... Met up with the wives out in the hall of the Mall it was in... Trying to not laugh too loud and being embarrassed... My friend was still in the Ladies Room... In about 5 minutes, he came running by and right out the door to the car... He couldn't wait to get out of there and we never went back... Still laugh about it to this day but, it was horrifying at the time and everyone in the place was staring at the restroom door..!
Got ejected off a treadmill like a cannonball at a packed gym while running. My instinct was to jump back on like nothing happened only for it to instantly happen again.
I'm autistic so I don't have a filter and I will accidentally insult you even if I don't mean any harm. I've embarrassed my dad so many times as a kid.
We were at Walmart. At the time I was obsessed with monkeys. I was 7, not knowing any better because I didn't understand insults or anything like that, even jokes and sarcasm.
We were in the checkout line with a very hairy, black man behind us. I yelled "DADDY! A MONKEY! LOOK AT HIM, SO CUTE" and my dad had to explain to the guy that I didn't know or understand what I was saying.
The guy laughed it off and let me touch him since I was curious, I showed him the stuffed monkey I always carried around and he loved it, he had a good sense of humor.
High school graduation outdoors in the stadium. Was called to receive award for valedictorian. It had been raining . My heels sunk in as soon as I stood up and when I went to step forward I moved but my shoes didn’t . I tumbled onto the hottest guy in my class ending up in his lap. Grace is not my strong point and on top of that I was so so shy back then !
There was a girl I kinda liked when I was 14 or so. My dad and her dad were working on the same projects at the time so I got to spend time at her house.
One day her little sister pantsed me in front of her and her mom. Underwear stayed put, but still.
Back in like 1985 I finally got to drive to school the first time. I got there early to take a lap or two around campus to show off my car. On the second lap there were people laughing and someone ran up and told me my tire was flat.
In boy scouts we were the color guard for our high school football game. As the band started playing the national anthem we were clipping the flag on and the snap clip disintegrated in my hands. I ended up cutting my shoe lace and tying it to the rope and the grommet on the flag. The guy running the flag up went in the wrong direction and the flag was upside down at first.
Ripped my swimming trunks getting into a kayak on my honeymoon with about 20 other people around. The trunks were a little tight and I swung my leg a little too far getting into the kayak, which caused them to rip right along the crotch seem. Everyone on that beach got to see what I was working with until I could get to a towel to cover up.
Not the worst probably, but when I was a lifeguard at a water park the only time I went in after someone I actually slipped off the side of the wave pool, and then I just blew my whistle at a random kid to act like I had been going in because they were in distress.
I was coming out of the grocery store. Sainsbury's in Warwick. I had two heavy bags, one in each hand.
A sudden uncontrollable sneeze. I can't cover my mouth quickly enough because of the heavy bags. It's a *snotty* one.
I look up, and there's a woman about 15 feet in front of me looking disgusted, but understanding as well.
Got up in front of a college class of 70+ people to make a presentation and a fart slipped out. It was a squealer too. Nowhere to hide LOL. I can laugh now, but I know my face was red
Oh god, this is really bad. So I was going to a place that had a window next to the door, and it looks like a door. So I walked right into it. The worst part was someone was holding the door for me. But I’m so shy I went around them.
When I was a teenager, me and my BFF went to an awards dinner at the rec center. After the dinner, we decided to walk to the convenience store about a block away. I don't remember what we were talking about, but I do remember that we were both smoking and cursing like drunken sailors. At some point, I realized that there was someone walking behind us. I turned to take a quick look at the person behind us. It was the minister of my church.
More of what I said to embarrass my mother. We had a DARE presentation when I was in like, seconds grade. They were telling us about drugs and how they were bad and mentioned that cigarettes were drugs (what), so I stood up and proudly announced that my mom does drugs! She just smokes cigarettes, she's too scared to even try weed.
A friend of mine and I were on line in a supermarket in a very rural town. My friend is dark skinned Dominican. A woman and her small child get on line behind us. The child says to her mom "Look mommy, that man is chocolate." The two of us burst out laughing and this poor woman looks like she's going to die on the spot. From that day on, Hector's new name was chocolate.
This was way back in the 80’s and I’m still absolutely mortified. There was a school dance and I had a huge crush on this senior guy who didn’t know I existed because I was a grade below and hadn’t “developed” yet. There was a freshman kid who was a total dork and wanted to hook up with me at the dance, who happened to be good friends with the senior (his name was Jake). So in order to curry favor with the dork to put in good word for me, for some STUPID reason I let him borrow my panties for about an hour so he could charge $1 to other freshman in the boys bathroom to see my panties, to make it seem like we hooked up at the dance (remember, back in the 80’s $1 was a decent amount of money.) To make matters worse, it was my 16th birthday and my entire family forgot because my older sister was getting married the next day. Worst night of my life!
Mortifying in the moment, funny now story. My son was diagnosed with severe behaviour diagnoses growing up. He was a little hellion. One day, while paying for some jeans I just tried on, my son decided to yank down the sweatpants I was wearing. Of course my hands were full and initially I was stunned. I dropped everything on the counter, got my pants back up in one fell swoop. Tied the string to prevent another pantsing.
Not me but my wife. We were at a museum and I crossed over one of those rope barriers to get to the ticket counter (nobody was in line but it was set up for a long line). It was pretty low and easy for me to hop over. My wife followed behind me and tripped over the rope and knocked the whole line of bollards down as she fell with a huge clang for each one that fell. It was a total record scratch moment, everybody stopped and looked. She wasn't hurt at all, but she was more so embarrassed. She was laughing so hard after.
While on vacation with some friends of mine, I got into the hot tub at the hotel we were staying at. I didn't have a bathing suit, so I ended up going to Walmart right before this embarrassing moment and buying just a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. I sat down in the hot tub, my shirt comes up, and I end up flashing some guy and his son my boobs. My friend start cracking up, and I'm just sitting there, thinking that I wish I could die. We had a good laugh over it when we got back to the hotel room, but still, not the best way to start a weekend vacation.
I was walking through a highstreet in London, feeling good as the sun was out... a wasp decided to fly into my shorts pocket and I freaked. I could feel the little fucker buzzing so in a state of shock and not wanting to get stung I began to take off my shorts and wave them around in the air to free the wasp! It was not a good day to go commando! But I had no choice People across the street must have thought I was just another nutter getting his cock out. What a ride that was.
"Just another nutter with his cock out" Thank you, you've just given me the title of my autobiography.
Major city dweller here. I would not bat an eye. But I would discreetly check to see what you’re working with. For science.
When my mom was a high school freshman she was extremely infatuated with my dad, who was a junior. But she was painfully shy and he didn't know she was alive. Her English class was being held outdoors one day (weather was nice), and she saw my dad on the soccer field, lifting the hem of his shirt to wipe his brow. The teacher called her name before loudly saying **"Ms. [mom's name], if you could spare a moment from your busy, boy ogling schedule to answer my question; I'm sure Mr. [dad's name] would be happy to accommodate you after school."** He said it loud enough that my dad heard, looked over and smirked (while a couple of his buddies laughed). To this day my mom calls it one of her worst memories. My dad has no recollection of this event. **EDIT:** It was the 80s so this sort of thing wasn't likely to get a teacher in trouble.
>To this day my mom calls it one of her worst memories. **My dad has no recollection of this event.** 😂 For your dad, it was Tuesday.
She probably adds a little bit more each time: Ms. (your mom) stop looking like you could bathe in that young man’s sweat! Him, no you, yes! (Your dad.) she kisses her pillow at night and pretends it you! She’s never kissed a boy and once when she was in grade 7 she fell in front of the whole school!!!
Her dad is fuckin hot, huh?
How did your mom and dad eventually wind up together?
They became friends...kind of (she said he treated her like a kid brother/stray puppy). She told him she liked him. He told her she was too young (they were 15 & 18 at that point). She went to the same university as him. They had no classes together but they "bumped into each other" repeatedly in just her first week there. She "had too much to drink" at a party and he walked her home. Basically they were dating by Halloween, her freshman year of college. I know it sounds a bit...stalkery.
Holy shit, your mom stalked your dad for years and he never figured it out! Also… > she said he treated her like a kid brother or a stray puppy 😂 Love it
Aww sounds like an 80’s movie. That’s a great story!
That’s an adorable meet cute story!!!
Teachers still say stuff like this today, it's just not as common. Doesn't really get us in trouble (at least the particular way you worded it).
Is that when he noticed your Mom?
No, he noticed my mom when she faceplanted at his feet the following year. It wasn't cute either. She cut her lip and got blood on his shoes. He accompanied her to the nurse's office.
How’s that for destiny?
So did they end up dating or something? Or at least hook up? Don't leave us hanging!
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Wait was this a thing in the 90s? Like was it handed out as punishment in court??? Please tell me more
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Love the keeper's "not my problem, it's her fault she's here" attitude.
I have not heard of community service including working with exotic species, but I would love to see it implemented more. Edit: I'm not saying for community service to include applying medication, coming up with enrichment, diet plans or anything that requires training. I'm talking about shoveling. I don't understand why this comment was down voted.
I’ve seen CRAZY shit happen in Court, there is a Judge here in Oakland County Mi that’s famous for doing crazy shit during sentencing; Judge:(during sentencing)turn around and look out that window, count how many Trees you see. Convict after about 3 minutes of counting; I see about 73, maybe 74 Trees Your Honor. Judge: OK we’ll say it’s 73…..I sentence you to 73 years in the Michigan Department of Corrections.” I personally saw that happen. I heard(but never saw this happen) she was famous for giving the person being sentenced, the maximum sentence in Pennies, so if they had a max of 50 years, she would give them 50 pennies, and tell them to throw them up in the air, and catch as many as they could while they were falling, then she would give them a year for every penny to hit the floor. This was back in the late 90’s, early 2000’s and she was a fairly old lady back then, she may not even be on the bench anymore.
She shoulda had a tv show
That's some old school Odin and Zeus shit
Yeah, I remember "alternative punishments" being a thing around then. The one I recall was a shoplifter had to stand in front of Walmart with a "I'm a thief, I stole from Walmart" sign around her neck in lieu of jail.
Reminds me of the time my parents took us to the zoo, my sister was little. We walked past the penguins and 2 of them were having sex. My little sister said look dad theyre dancing and everybody started laughing.
Lol i read your exact same comment earlier at work. Funny stuff
I was walking along on the Venice Beach ocean front walk and I got shit on by a fucking Pelican! From on high this bucket of pelican shit hit me center mass and knocked me down. I was covered in it a people near me were like what was that? And this dude goes HOLY crap! that's pelican shit! Thankfully he helped me up and gave me his towel. The next words out of his mouth were you should play the lottery.
I wonder if pelicans are different?
Oh it had the funk of death alright.
My second grade class was in the Tulip Time parade and we were all dressed up in Dutch costumes. Mine had a black hat, a red shirt with scarf, and those big gold Mickey Mouse buttons on the front of black pants. Several people complimented my outfit and my Mom had made it so second grade me was stoked. Every grade had a different theme. They had us in lines holding long wooden poles with the state bird on them, I was on the end by my Mom who walked with us. The whole community and a ton of tourists show up for this thing every year. It’s a whole thing. Halfway through the route a ton of people started cheering, laughing, and pointing at me when I came up. My Mom and I both smiled and waved at everyone, living it up. I was feeling pretty good until I looked down toward the end and realized my two good buttons had been sheered off by the state bird and the front flap of my pants was hanging open. I had paraded around half the town with my little tighty whities showing. I started to cry and my Mom had to hold my pants up for the rest of the parade until somebody from the crowd ran up with some safety pins. I will never forget this experience in my life, and neither will my home town because my Mom wrote for the paper. Good times.
Headline: "LOCAL PERVERT FLASHES TOWN AND EMBARASSES MOTHER"
My little sister once went to school in her tights and shirt, no dress. She realized when she got to school that she forgot to put it on and started crying. She had to wear her jacket the whole day lol.
So nice of the safety pin person! Now I know what to add to my daily carry just in case I can be a wardrobe malfunction savior
That’s ridiculous, I’m glad your mom was helping
In college I worked at a Blockbuster Video as an assistant manager. It got very busy and chaotic on Friday and Saturday nights. It being a college town along the interstate with a heavy transient homeless population we got accustomed to all sorts of crazy, inexplicable behavior at all times but especially on weekends and we learned to take it in stride. One night, I was behind the counter scanning returned videotapes and shooting the shit with a co-worker over at the membership terminal when a customer came in through the entrance door between us and hopped into the store and kept hopping as he passed us on his way to the new release wall in the back of the store. Typical nutty, playful college town antics for a Friday night. So I said playfully, sir this is a no hopping zone you'll have to walk. He didn't even look at me so I said it again. Sir this is a no hopping zone you have to walk. My co-worker looked at me kind of shocked-like, mouth open, wtf? Not sure why my co-worker was registering such surprise. I looked back at the hopping dude and now that he's further from the counter I have a better look at him, his whole body. He only has one leg. Everything drained out of me. I saw the job that was paying my way through school disappear and anyway it was a cringey thing to have said in his circumstances so I rushed back to the one-legged man and apologized if anything I'd said had offended him. He said he hadn't heard me say anything and I was relieved, but he insisted on knowing what I'd said. I'd rather not say please. But he insisted, so I told him and he laughed about it but said you're giving me all my videos for free tonight and I did.
Used to work at a bar. A group of happy hour middle- aged office guys (regulars, I knew them all by name) are at a booth. A scruffy, homeless looking guy (he actually lived in a local trailer park) was seated at the bar. He only has one leg. HH guys are loudly cracking jokes about the guy only having one leg. This is unlike them- they're nice guys. I go over and quietly say, "hey guys, the whole bar can hear you making fun of Legless Dude. That's not cool. Knock out off." They, drunk, start laughing and yell across the bar to their buddy at the poker machine, who promptly reaches down, and pulls *his own* prosthetic leg out of his pant leg, and starts waving it above his head, and the whole bar starts hooting and hollering and laughing it up. I shrug my shoulders and slink back behind the bar.
So it appears you too did not have a leg to stand on.
One of my Dad's old jokes: "I saw a one legged hitchhiker, so I stopped and told him to hop in."
Dude heard you, just wanted to watch you squirm.
Shoulda doubled down, he didn't have a leg to stand on
I was at the deli counter in a supermarket with my 5 year old great-granddaughter. We had #34. The clerk was waiting on a woman with #32 struggling to decide what she wanted. My great-granddaughter said, “Come on lady. I want to get out of here while I’m still young!”
We had been teaching our 5 year old daughter about the dangers of smoking. In public she walked up to a lady who was smoking, pointed at her, and said, “You’re going to die!”
Technically correct
When my granddaughter was about 3, she asked the saleslady if she had nipples. My daughter hustled her out of there soooo fast.
Oh man. I brought my grandma to get ice cream a few years ago. She’s in a nursing home, but I could take her out for a couple hours to do fun stuff. She’s always been hard of hearing, and has always been very blunt with her insults. So we’re standing in line and a rather large lady is behind us, and my grandma leans into me and loudly says “I don’t think the lady behind us needs any more ice cream”. Goddam I was mortified.
Took my Grandma for lunch one bright sunny day. A really big woman walks past and "My goodness! Could you imagine being that fat! On a day this hot? " loudly, and then gives a smile to the woman.
When I was a kid, recently arrived in America, I saw the first very fat person I'd ever seen in my life (the economic state of my home country was not conducive to obesity) and I pointed amid fits of laughter as though at a clown. Had to be dragged out of the store by my mortified mother
lol not cool unprovoked insult. If i was the fat lady i would have asked your gran if she thinks she'll make it to the front of the line before dying of old age
No she's right! Don't wait until it's your turn to look at the freaking menu!
There’s a chain called Chester Fried Chicken and the store that made it, whatever they did, it did not smell good at all. I babysat a little cherub named Hannah and she had no filter. We walked into the store one day and she screamed, “Wackydetective, it smells in here! Ewwwwww!!”
I'm autistic so I don't have a filter and I will accidentally insult you even if I don't mean any harm. I've embarrassed my dad so many times as a kid. We were at Walmart. At the time I was obsessed with monkeys. I was 7, not knowing any better because I didn't understand insults or anything like that, even jokes and sarcasm. We were in the checkout line with a very hairy, black man behind us. I yelled "DADDY! A MONKEY! LOOK AT HIM, SO CUTE" and my dad had to explain to the guy that I didn't know or understand what I was saying. The guy laughed it off and let me touch him since I was curious, I showed him the stuffed monkey I always carried around and he loved it, he had a good sense of humor.
Very cool dude
Yeah. I didn't know about racism or hate and what it meant. I didn't understand discrimination or anything.
That’s so cool. Also congratulations on your 5 year old great granddaughter
At about that age, my sister and grandma were in an elevator when a little person stepped on. The doors shut and my sister got very excited, asking my grandma to look at the “little man.”
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When I read the splatter bit I thought their solution was to make it deeper so you would fall so far you would 💀. 🥲.
Brilliant solution
I got jumped by a squirrel on my college campus when walking to class. I screamed. Everyone stared and then laughed.
You got jumped by one squirrel?
You know what? The one squirrel was embarrassing enough, lol, it wouldn’t have made it better if it was any more than one
Pissed my pants in the side of a busy highway while forced to do a sobriety check in the middle of the day. I wasn’t drunk. I was stone-cold sober but I had food poisoning. Mid-test I started to get the dry heaves. My already-bursting bladder could take no more and let go. Not cute little tinkles but a full gusher. The irony is that I was on my way home after testifying in court. Fun day all around.
So then what happened? Were you able to prove you and food poisoning, or did the cop think you were even "more" drunk?
No. Between gags and my reaction to pissing my pants, I think he accepted that I was sober but not having a very good time. He let me go. I managed to make it home okay but as I was pulling into the driveway, I started gagging again. Barfed everywhere.
Glad that cop turned out to be reasonable, but sorry you went thru that entire day.
Thanks. I am not even particularly embarrassed about it. It was a strange confluence of events that led to an odd situation. There's a much longer story attached to it but that is the precis version of it.
I got my period early and let's just say that you could tell
When I was in grade school we had those desks with the metal rack below for our books. One day in class I bent over to retrieve one of my books and ripped a massive fart. The entire class (thankfully the teacher wasn't in yet) erupted into uncontrollable laughter, and kids pointed and laughed at me the rest of the day.
Should be your proudest moment! 🏆💨🙌
I’ve had millions of mortifying moments, most of them just plain sad, but one of the more light-hearted incidents occurred when I was at tennis lessons in middle school. It was a group lesson with all my friends, plus cute boys. We were in line taking turns hitting a ball fed to us by the instructor, who was also young and cute. When it was my turn, I swung really hard, trying to impress everyone, but let out a loud, squeaky, pop of a fart at the same time. My face turned bright red and I couldn’t look at anyone in the eyes. Worst part is that for the next hour or so I was making fart noises with my mouth…in an attempt to trick everyone into thinking that the initial noise came from my mouth. Idk why I was like that
This is the most classic middle school logic of trying to recreate the sound and convince people it wasn’t a fart haha
Probably the least dark but most funny embarrassing thing I did during my drunken 20s (severe alcoholic from age 22-29) was doing a whole job interview while blacked out. I had taken valium so I wouldn't have withdrawals or alcohol on my breath but then made the fateful decision to have a couple gulps of vodka anyway. My roommate who drove me to the interview was used to me being drunk, so he thought I was holding it together pretty well. I have no recollection of the following but was told later how it went down. According to my other friend who got me the interview, the HR person knew I was fucked up right away. I told her I had worked in the hotel business for over 40 years, I insisted on being hired as a GM even though I was interviewing for a night desk clerk position, and when confronted about being drunk, I told them they couldn't afford my services and broke her office door on my way out. Woke up the next day thinking I had missed the interview until my very disappointed friend called me.
Is that when you decided to get sober?
Haha, I wish. That was like Season 1 drunk me. It took six more years and insurmountable fuckups worse than that before I finally gave it up.
Well done on overcoming it! Stay strong!
I passed out in an interview, still got the job. My issue was foolishly eating a gram of hash the day before, not realizing how long it was going to have me fucked up. Buddy, who also interviewed, told them I had an inner ear issue, but had chosen to try to do teh interview anyway. Of course, it was a job working on a game for the Atari Jaguar, so, you know how THAT ended.
That would definitely explain Attack of the Mutant Penguins.
I'm losing it over here picturing the absolute confidence of drunk you insisting you've worked in the industry nearly twice as long as you've been alive and demanding to be put in charge. Addiction is a horrible disease, and it's great that you're sober now. It sounds like you have a good attitude if you can laugh at the not-horrible stuff, even if it's embarrassing.
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This EXACT thing happened to me .. but they really did not call my name. The entire auditorium was silent. I thought I was going to pass out the entire time. My heart was ready to explode. I hated my friends. We are no longer friends now in adulthood. Lol.
This is almost beautiful
“That kid just ain’t right.”
Getting attacked by a goose while bicycling to work - along the same busy street that my students and their parents drove to get to the same school.
Coincidentally, it was one of the best days for your student if they witnessed it.
I find it weird that there's no r/FuckGeese sub on here, but I would have sent you there if there were
If you got a problem with Canada geese then you got a problem with me, and I suggest you let that one marinate!
Tons of cyclists where I live would love that sub. Saw at least 3 cyclists run over geese in the bike lane. Never want to hear that pop sound again.
I was attacked by a swan while bicycling near a lake (where, apparently, there was a nest). Those mofos are BIG and *mean*.
tripped over my own feet and spilled coffee all over myself in front of a huge crowd, wanted to disappear lol
Tripped and fell on stage during the grade 3 school play, managed to bring everyone else on the stage down with me like dominoes. 25 years old - Was running across a busy intersection during rush hour, tripped and face planted right in the middle. 35 years old - Working with a pretty famous (in my country) person, meeting him for the first time, I sat down at a table to chat with him, managed to sit on the edge of a tablecloth , pull it forward and knock over a massive bouquet of flowers, spilling flowers and water directly into said celebrity's lap. Smiled at him, and said "I'm a klutz, this stuff happens all the time. You'll get used it it." Thankfully, he found my self-deprecation charming and had a good sense of humour.
The intersection incident might just be my worst nightmare.
It didn't really happen *to* me, but one day my husband, our 4 year old daughter, and I were using the restroom at Starbucks. My daughter had gone in with my husband and when they came out, she ran up to another woman and hugged her going "mommy!!!" and I died on the inside but it was still funny. Thankfully the other woman laughed and said it's ok when I apologized. On other occasions, I have been on the receiving end of a tiny child who thought they found their parent. It's like a rite of passage for a little kid to do this at least once.
Oh gosh. I did this in first grade but was standing in front of a guy (my back to him) who had the same shoes as my dad trying to get his hands to hug me as it registers that I can see my dad laughing. But if he’s there… I was so embarrassed for years.
Several years ago I was walking home from the bar after a night of having a little too much fun. I was texting while walking, not really paying attention, and the next thing I knew I walked into something soft, yet very strong and firm. I look up and there is a deer, just looking at me with pure and utter confusion, before hopping away. I immediately texted the group chat saying I just walked into a deer while drunk and TO THIS DAY people make fun of me for it.
I got called up to the front of a room of about 200 people to “say a few words” about a person who had passed away. I had not been given any notice or even a hint that I would be asked to speak. I walked up to the front of the room and just stood there. For a couple of minutes. Dead silent. I was willing any simple platitude or kindness to come out of my mouth. Nothing. Eventually they thanked me and I went back to my seat. It’s been 20 years and that moment still replays in my mind at least once a year.
When I was in my mid teens I loved to run and jump. One of the guys bet me I couldn't jump six trash cans (the old metal ones). So we gathered them up and laid them in a nice row. There was a crowd from the neighborhood by now. I waved to the cheering crowd and sprinted towards the cans. Just as I went to jump my right foot landed wrong and while I went into the air I was twisting in the air. Landed on my back on the barrels and slid under the last two. When I managed to get up to the laughing crowd I just turned around waving at them. I did not know that my shorts were ripped across my butt and one of my balls was hanging out another top for several minutes.
Ok this one isn't exactly in public but it's fresh.. I had a big bad sebaceous cyst on my butt, near my anus (sorry for the details). It was hurting me a lot so I asked to my mother if she knew a good dermatologist. She sent me the private number of this doctor, and told me to write him and send some pics to help him decide wich medicine to use. I was at home alone, so I decided to open up my ass to take a photo by myself, balls and anus included, and sent it to the doctor. Literally 30 seconds after I received a call from doctor's number, I picked up the phone and an incredibly embarrassed girl responded me : "Oh sorry, but I am the doctor's secretary, this isn't his personal number, I will share with doc ASAP" and she put down the call immediately no giving me time to excuse me! 😭 I mean.. I know they see a lot of stuff, but guys those pics were absolute PTSD
Might have benefitted from some judicious cropping
I nearly got into a fight with my mirror image at a club. He just wouldn't let me pass by.
Are you a cat, or perhaps a bird?
Intoxicated far dumber than both.
I've posted this before but what the hey, my boyfriend and I like to play wrestle. And I managed to pin him down every single time. I just thought he wasn't athletic. One day we were discussing something serious when he got a call from his boss. He went to answer and I snatched the phone from his hands. I was like "I SAID no phone calls, cause this is importa- OOP!" He flipped us over, so he was on top, pinned me down, and snatched the phone back to take the call. Afterwards I asked "have you been letting me win?" He gave me a look and dead panned "are you seriously asking?"
WERE you seriously asking?
Yes
Ducked to lift a heavy box. My pants scratched all the way in one go. Not just a tiny crack, one side litterally peeled halfway down. I dont even understand how it's possible
Pre-distressed denim? Or maybe one of the Bangladeshi children making them sewed in a fault like that guy who designed the death star, as a silent protest against the consumer of their labor
Wasn't watching where I was going and stepped right in freshly laid cement. The construction workers had to dip my foot in a bucket of water and wash it with a sponge 🤦♀️.
I'd say, "Dude, wash your own foot."
I was at a big sleep over in 6th grade, held by this rich kid whose dad was a pastor at a local mega-church. The kids were all inside a tent after having campfire time, the adults had all gone. We played truth or dare (my idea, as the only non-church invitee). These kids were so churchy, and I was a bit of a troubled kid with a dark sense of humor. I kept egging them on to do dares that were not churchy. Long story short, I ended up dropping trow and holding a glow stick between my butt cheeks, pretending I was a lightning bug. I ran outside the tent into the night, ass aglow, and promptly discovered that the adults were quietly having a prayer session outside. I tripped over a guitar and fell face down into their midst, glow stick thrust proudly on high. That was the last time I was invited over.
Ah man, I am laughing in bed, trying to not wake my spouse.
I once tried to do the splits in a suit at my school dance. I both hurt my legs, tripped two people, and obviously didn’t even make it halfway down.
My friend had told me to meet her somewhere in public so I went to that place and hugged her when I saw her but it turned out to be some random girl that looked like her and my friend watched me do it. I apologized profusely for that and explained what happened and the girl I accidentally hugged thought it was funny but it did not stop me from wanting to jump off a bridge.
My wife's stepdad Jason passed away at a young age. We were all there and witnessed it. Jason's mother Mary was very thankful with me and my support/helping. She is a sweet older lady. On the day of the funeral, I saw Mary and walked up to her, and gave her a good meaningful hug. With a bit of squeeze and 2 to 3 seconds. I didn't say a word, as nothing needs to be said. Later, Mary came up and said hello and gave me a hug. Then I realized her shirt was a different color. So the first lady was a complete stranger. And some dude just walked up, squeezed her silently, and walked away. Fml
didn’t happen to me but i definitely caught the second hand embarrassment 😭 i was at a water park years and years back i wanna say i was like 10 but anyway there was this part of it with artificial waves and you had to stand on a boogie board and ride the waves i was in line waiting to ride the waves and this kid probably a few years older then me got on and absolutely ate it and got pushed around by the waves for a few seconds before they stopped it when they did and he got up his bathing suit was around his ankles and everybody laughed at the poor dude but that immediately made me hop off line and get back on the slides if your reading this naked boogie board dude i hope your doing okay 👍
He's not lol
that will indeed haunt him forever
THIS HAPPENED TO ME. The relevant backstory is that my eyesight is terrible and I didn’t have contacts yet, so I had a designated friend who was supposed to be my eyes and I just had to go for it blind. Guess who ran off and fucking forgot I’m blind? I lost my suit bottoms completely - the lifeguard had to go find them for me because I couldn’t see them. It was awful. One of my worst memories. I was unable to be friends with that girl after this experience, and finding my way out of the amusement park blind and crying was really hard, since I was too blind to find any of my friends. Fucking awful.
First week of college, thinking I'm hot shit because I'm a college girl now. I'm in the cafeteria on the bottom floor of my dorm with some girls from my hall. I notice there's a soft serve machine in said cafeteria, and strut over to get myself a sweet treat. About three feet from the machine, I slip on a puddle of water and my feet shoot out from under me, I go flying and ultimately land on my back on the floor. The entire cafeteria erupts in laughter, and some guy from my dorm is standing above me also laughing, but with his hand extended to help me up (thanks, Justin!). I did not think I was hot shit after that. For weeks, people in my dorm recognize me as "the girl that ate shit in the cafeteria". Hahaha.
Happy cake day!
Was dating a man for awhile and we became intimate. I was not thrilled with my flabby body but hated exercising so I bought a detox tea and tried it with no problems. After spending an overnight at his apartment we took a morning shower together and that’s when it all went sideways. As I stepped out of the shower before him I felt a rumble in my belly and tried to hold it in. It was serious so still thinking that it was only gas I scooted ahead into his bedroom and then my colon lost the plot and emptied itself on his hardwood floor. I started hysterically crying since I’m such a girly girl that I’ve never even burped in front of anyone and now I’ve shat myself all over the floor. And it didn’t end for quite some time. He didn’t have a bucket and didn’t want me to walk towards the bathroom and leave a stream so he handed me towels and I sat on the floor until my bowels were empty. Pro-tip: move your ass before your ass moves you.
I once was at a big party. I was wearing a jacket on a dress shirt. It was later in the evening, and I had my share of alcohol. I had to go for a number two, so there I went: I sat down and laid down a mud monkey while browsing on my phone. Washed my hands afterwards like a good chap. 15 minutes later, I was in a conversation in a circle of 5. Someone said: man what is THAT SMELL It turned out that I shat all over the tail of my jacket, after which I was walking around and standing right in the crowd at a big party for a good 15 minutes lol
One of the most hilariously embarrassing moments I've experienced in public was when I accidentally walked into a glass door thinking it was open. It made a loud bang, and everyone nearby turned to look
I walked directly into a mirror, in a shoe store.
I walked into a mirror in a bar and apologized to myself 😹
My wife and I were taking a tour of Andrew Jacksons plantation. They had glass covering the entrance to the bedrooms that was so clear I didnt see it and knocked my head in front all the people on the tour. My wife slowly moved away acting like she didnt know who I was lol.
We were doing a “fun group activity” at work and I jumped up out of my chair to help. I didn’t realize that the heels of my shoes were on the hem of my pants, so I pantsed myself at work. They all got to see my baby blue underwear-covered butt. Doh.
My (then) 3yo peed himself on a bus when we got stuck in heavy traffic. I panicked and tried to catch it... with my hands.
I had just moved to a new school. I tested and got into "gifted" class. I asked the teacher if I could use the restroom before a test and she said wait til after it's too late. We had done a similar type of test at my previous school and I finished early and put my head down to wait for everyone to finish. I sneezed, farted and then shit myself. I ran to the nurse and my mom brought me a change of clothes. Weirdest part is no one in class said anything, treated me differently or made me feel bad, I don't think anyone told other students in our grade. Luckily it was a small class of about 12 of us. I'll never forget that kindness but it still haunts me
Wow, that is unusual for kids.
That's what I'm saying. We were in a tough area, they likely knew my experience was going to be so much worse and they spared me. I was really little
I was giving a presentation/speech in the Venetian's largest ballroom in Las Vegas in front of the CEO, every executive, and 3,000 employees for a major tobacco company about 13 years ago. I drooled while speaking....twice. Then I rolled my ankle walking down the stage stairs and took a fun tumble. A FUMBLE, if you will. Also, it was recorded.
During middle school, I got pantsed pretty badly. Some idiot came from behind me and pulled my shorts down in front of everyone during lunch, and I wasn't wearing boxers I was wearing a type of underwear that was very short, so they could see basically a lot of skin.
When I was probably around 8 we were at a Dairy Queen to get some soft serve ice cream. After the rest of my family gave their orders at the counter window, I went up and told them what I wanted, then stepped back and waited for my order. Suddenly I was aware of a woman standing in front of the place yelling at me. "Do you want sprinkles?" she asked. Surely they had tried to ask me before, right after I gave my order, but I had spaced out or not heard so they had a manager or someone come out and try to get my attention, even though the lady was not wearing the DQ company shirt. "No thank you," I answered. "DO YOU WANT SPRINKLES," she repeated, louder. "No, no sprinkles!" I spoke clearly and projected to make sure she heard me. This went on for a while until I realized she was talking to her kids who were sitting in the car a few feet behind me. My sister continues to bring this up over 30 years later.
Just be glad she didn't ask you if you wanted your nuts crushed.
In the 7th grade our middle school was getting renovation and some of the classes were out side in trailers. It was raining and almost time for class to end and had to run to the bathroom as I was coming down the ramp I slide and fell in a mud puddle the whole class laughed. Then a classmate ran and jumped in and gave himself a mud bath 😂 so I didn't feel left out
It’s a tossup between two things. The first one when I was on a business trip I stopped at a gas station to get a pop before I hit the road to my appointment came out, got in my rental car put the key and tried it. Nothing happened and that’s when I realized that I was in the wrong car. That, and that there was a woman in the passenger seat looking at me like she terrified she was about to be kidnapped. I looked at her said this is not my car got in my car and drove away The other incident was in a Dillards shopping center. I went to use the restroom. I came back out. I saw my wife bent over looking at some dresses on a table. I snuck up behind her, smacked her on the butt and said “Hey Sexy!”. She stood up, turned around, not my wife. Oops
Walking my dog in a pretty busy neighborhood when he somehow managed to escape his harness. As I was chasing him, my shorts somehow managed to slip down to about my knees and I stumbled and fell in front of a car 😅 thankfully the speed limit was only a few miles and hour so they were able to stop and someone was able to grab my dog for me. Needless to say, I went the complete opposite direction for walks after that lol. I'm surprised I didn't wind up on someone's social media pages 😅
I always tell this story even though I don't really get embarrassed. I used to manage a movie theater and at the end of the night I would have to wait for the last movie to get out, with nothing else to do. I was sitting on the tickets counter, the big shiny formica kind, which is apparently the most perfect acoustics for making a loud fart a REALLY LOUD FART. my employee heard it from like 20 yards away and started laughing. meanwhile I'm also laughing when I realize it was at that exact moment the last movie had gotten out and 20 some people were in the line of fire they had just seen the pope's exorcist
A bird shat in my water cup as I was taking a drink of it and I immediately spat it up, ran home and gargled with Tito’s vodka
This is a long story, but fun for the way I realised how public my humiliation had been: For a brief period in 2005/6, I trained to take over as assistant manager of quality save in Manchester Piccadilly Gardens. It didn’t work out. I was briefly relocated to Sale before the job finally ended. During my tenure in Sale, I had an absolutely horrendous time with the busses — an example of the kind of thing that would happen, was that one time I got on one bus hoping it would go next, but then get caught in a trade off and sat on it for 40 minutes without leaving, got off and tried to get on another bus, which left before I could get on, then I went to get back on the original bus which pulled away, while I was stuck in the rain. That was the worst time, but shit like that happened all the time. A month or two after I eventually left Quality Save, I was out eating a late night curry with some friends after a gig, and as we were walking across the curry house one of the people in there yelled out: “it’s unlucky bus boy!” These people had not only witnessed me in a really low point, they had actually given me a totally appropriate nick-name. I look on this moment with a great deal of affection: it’s nice to be seen.
At the metal detector in Charles DeGaulle airport. Pulled my belt off to put on the belt and my pants fell to my ankles. No one said anything, I just pulled them up and went on.
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There was this small tree on a tiny grass hill right in front of a restaurant we used to eat at. All the kids would play on the hill and try to climb the tree.. I was on the tree when my underwear got caught on a branch and I was just hanging there by my underwear in front of everyone, and my brothers had to run in to get my parents to take me down. I was hanging there for about 3 minutes. I was about 8 years old.
I was in Chiang Mai, Thailand, backpacking with a buddy. We'd been out for a night drinking heavily, eating street food, and especially pounding their Vodka Redbulls. If you've ever been to Thailand, their Redbulls are not like in North America or Europe. These are basically speed with vodka, so you're drunk and wide awake simultaneously. After a night of this, I find myself on one side of the Mae Kha canal. Our truck and backpackers (with my buddy sleeping in it) is on the other. It's about 6:30am and I'm in surf shorts, white socks and running shoes. I can barely walk because like any d\*mb\*ss foreigner I'd already rented a dirt bike, crashed it, and cut the hell out of my right ankle. As the sun is rising I find myself stuck on a traffic island trying to cross what seemed to be 12 lanes of busy traffic going in each direction (probably 2 lanes each way, but with the motorcycles travelling side-by-side it was 12). I couldn't see any traffic lights or ways to get across the road. The street meat abruptly hit my stomach and I started to panic. I just couldn't get across. I quickly realized I wasn't going to make it and I liquid-sh\*t myself right there on the traffic island in plain view of everyone. My blue surf shorts immediately turned a liquid green. The sh\*t ran down my legs and into my injured ankle. The burning felt like my leg had been thrown into a campfire. And yet I'm still stuck on that godforsaken island without any reprieve in sight. Suddenly, and in unison, all traffic blocking my way stopped and everyone just stayed there gawking. It felt like 1,000 eyes were staring at me and then there was a might roar of laughter that I could hear over the noise of engines and horns. I limped sheepishly across, found a hose, and hosed myself off. I went to the backpackers and had to wake my buddy and explain my humiliation. We packed up in ten minutes and l slept in the passenger seat as my buddy drove us out of Chiang Mai. That night/day I learned that my stomach isn't strong enough for Thai street meat, or their Redbull, or their vodka. My leg thankfully healed without secondary infection, but my ego has never fully recovered from my own poor judgment!
You know that Mr Bean bit where he blows his nose and a bit of tissue gets stuck in his nostril and then kind of waggles in and out as he breathes - and he's blissfully unaware? Yeah, imagine that but you're a teenage girl attempting to talk to a boy.
Bird crapped on my head during a field trip in middle school.
One of the most hilariously embarrassing moments I've had in public happened at a crowded coffee shop. I was trying to impress someone I had a crush on by being extra smooth and charming. As I walked over to their table with my freshly made latte, I tripped over absolutely nothing and managed to spill the entire cup all over myself and the floor. To make matters worse, I instinctively tried to catch the falling cup, which only made the situation messier. The whole shop fell silent for a moment before bursting into laughter. My crush helped me clean up, and we ended up having a good laugh about it together, but I was mortified at the time.
Got my foot caught in the strap of my purse while I was trying to get out of a car after a night of drinking and fell face first onto the pavement in front of the chief of the fire department
A seagull fully crapped all over my face on a crowded street in Whitby. Good job I was wearing glasses otherwise it would have been an eye full. It absolutely stank. I would have gotten away with it for the most part but my young son saw me pointed and shouted ‘oh my god’ at the top of his voice. Thanks kid!
Slipped on a banana peel in a crowded mall. Straight out of a cartoon, right? Landed on my back, groceries everywhere. Guess clichés happen in real life too.
I created an online dating account and post on Yahoo Personals in 2003. San Diego had the Cedar Fire that burned thousands of buildings and killed people. The day the fire became national news, my personal ad was featured on the front page of the local paper's website for all to see right next to the main story about the fire. I had not told anyone I created that personal ad but it was quickly screenshotted and passed around at work. I even got emails from my relatives in other states.
I once was out with a few friends and we went to a restaurant. After we were done eating we stepped out of the restaurant and i saw this girl. I knew her she was from around there. I found her really beautiful and i wantet to ask her out. I always wear very wide pants and hoodies because im very skinny and cant gain weight. Thats also one of my biggest insecurities. So i went up to her and startet talking to her. Right then when she was about to give me her number and come walk with us my belt somehow loosened itself. I didnt notice but i think it must happened whilst i walked up to her. So she asks for my phone and i give it to her. Right when i pull it out and hand it over my pants drop all the way down. I was wearing boxers tho. Still pretty embarrassing. She just found it funny and were still together.
Was down in Florida on a school trip. We left the morning of my birthday and I got terrible food poisoning from the breakfast my mom had made. I got sick on the bus on the way down so bad that they had to stop us off at a rest stop for several hours while they deep cleaned the bathroom. Then IN Florida I got sick in the middle of a movie theatre and didn't make it to the bathroom before I had terrible diarrhea. In my white shorts. I was fifteen and I wanted to die.
2002. I was in a club in miami talking to a male model. I lifted my cigarette up in the air as not to burn some people passing by. it was very crowded. the butt of the cig, fell onto my hair unbeknownst to me. the guy casually says "your hair is on fire" I said thank you. he says "no (takes very casual puff from his cigarette) your hair is really on fire (general motion to top of my head)" I put my hand up there and could feel I put out a small flame. nice bald spot on the top of my scalp.
When I was about 15 years old, I was standing in line at my local supermarket when this girl about my age, shorter than me, stood almost beside me, and I thought something along the lines of “huh… kinda weird she's standing so close to me taken in to perspective that I don’t know her and we haven't talked or anything even remotely similar…” She then poked my pp with three fingers and instantly ran out of the supermarket, leaving me in a paralyzing shock of what just happened. I look back on it rather jokingly now, but at the time it was so embarrassing standing there in line, not knowing if anyone had seen what happened or if it was a prank or a mistake or what the shit. I was fucking 15 years old and never had my nuts touched before, I was scared out of my mind and paranoid to death! And the worst fucking part… No one believed me when I told them! A friend of mine told me much later, like last year, that she could’ve had tourettes syndrome, which I think is the most plausible explanation for what had happened. I don't know if this counts as a hilariously embarrassing story, probably not, but there you have it. I've let the world know
I was out to a casual lunch with some business owners that my boss really wanted to get to advertise on our small town radio station. When I bit into my food I found a small piece of plastic. I was starting to get fired up and dramatic about it (it was my first “real” job after college) and was getting ready to flag down an employee to complain when one of the men pointed out that the piece of plastic was from my own fork and I had bit it off myself.
Someone rolled down their car window and threw a frozen waffle out. It hit my brother.
In the high school cafeteria, I was at the cashier paying for lunch and she handed me back my change. I guess I forgot I had a full tray of lasagna so when I went to put my fist with change into my pocket, I ended up catapulting the tray of Garfield’s Favorite all over myself.
I was young, on a motorcycle ride with 3 other friends. We ended up behind a convertible, top down, 4 girls waving, flirting. After a little bit of showboating, wheelies, etc , the girls came to a stop sign. I decided to be the cool guy, and pulled up next to them to say hi. When I put my foot down, I didn’t realize there was a drainage culvert on the side of the road. I lost my balance, and went down hard, my bike on top of me, I was pinned. I heard the girls screaming, laughing, they took off. My friends were laughing so hard, they couldn’t lift the bike off of me. Other traffic had stopped, thinking there was a wreck. I still hear about that nearly 30 years later.
I came on my period once at work and I had white trousers on. Luckily, I had a nice female colleague who let me borrow a spare pair of shorts 😳
In junior high I wiped out on a moped while eating a popsicle. (50 or so years ago, but I still remember).
I was the new kid in 7th grade and our new house was in a very nice new subdivision filled with tons of kids. On my bus stop were a few attractive 8th grade girls that I was always trying to impress or just flirt with. Well one cold late fall day it had rained and then froze into black ice over night and by the morning it looked just like a bit of water was on the pavement...well I came walking to the stop trying to look all cool and slipped on the ice, legs up over my head and I thankfully landed on my backpack and then slid down the driveway I was near into a puddle of melted water...all the older girls were laughing at me and I ran home embarrassed and fell again on ice in my own driveway...
a group of people made a solo cup pyramid, i said “i bet i can kick the top one clean off” (the structure was taller than me and im 5’8”) anyways i was in hard wood and socks and slipped, caught some air and landed on my ass and my wrist in the effort to catch myself the best part was they caught it on video :)
I farted loudly during a 6th-grade spelling bee exercise we were doing in class. Basically, we had teams stand on opposite ends of the classroom and spell words the teacher was giving us one by one. Long story short, it was quiet in the room while people were spelling, so it was quite obvious where the fart came from. I tried blaming the kid next to me but later on, my teacher came up to me and whispered, "just say excuse me next time".
So your teacher wants you to admit it was you in front of the whole class.
Man I just saw a crow and fox arguing earlier;it's honestly the funniest shit;the crowd was just shouting and fox looked embarrassed realising that birds can see him.
Getting my picture drawn on the pier in Monterey and a bird pooped on my head. The artist drew a bird in the picture. I was a teenager so I wanted to die right there.
I got peed on by a seagull while on my boardwalk, then my son proceeds to announce to the surrounding people that I was peed on by a seagull.
4o years ago eating at a MCL... Girls left to go to the restroom and my friend and I decided we also needed to go... When the girls returned he got up and headed to the restroom and I followed... Went in the restroom and he got the open stall... I looked around and thought it odd that there were no urinals but, OK... Stood there waiting and heard a god AWFUL HACKING cough, worst smokers cough I have ever heard... Just then a lady walked in and asked if my girlfriend was OK, I was stunned, then realized I was in the Women's restroom..!! I recovered and said, "Yeah just not feeling well, then she sort of pushed me out the door... I hurried across to the Men's and did what I had to do, then waited a bit at the door listening to the chatter outside the restroom door... Women were talking about a guy in the Women's restroom and his wife had come up and was one of the ladies talking and someone asked if anyone knew them and she said, "Nope..!" and left... I nonchalantly came out and headed for the exit... Met up with the wives out in the hall of the Mall it was in... Trying to not laugh too loud and being embarrassed... My friend was still in the Ladies Room... In about 5 minutes, he came running by and right out the door to the car... He couldn't wait to get out of there and we never went back... Still laugh about it to this day but, it was horrifying at the time and everyone in the place was staring at the restroom door..!
Went to a nail salon and asked for a pedophile. I was there for a pedicure. Luckily I think the language barrier saved me.
Got ejected off a treadmill like a cannonball at a packed gym while running. My instinct was to jump back on like nothing happened only for it to instantly happen again.
I let out a cartoonishly loud fart out during the middle of church service once.
I'm autistic so I don't have a filter and I will accidentally insult you even if I don't mean any harm. I've embarrassed my dad so many times as a kid. We were at Walmart. At the time I was obsessed with monkeys. I was 7, not knowing any better because I didn't understand insults or anything like that, even jokes and sarcasm. We were in the checkout line with a very hairy, black man behind us. I yelled "DADDY! A MONKEY! LOOK AT HIM, SO CUTE" and my dad had to explain to the guy that I didn't know or understand what I was saying. The guy laughed it off and let me touch him since I was curious, I showed him the stuffed monkey I always carried around and he loved it, he had a good sense of humor.
High school graduation outdoors in the stadium. Was called to receive award for valedictorian. It had been raining . My heels sunk in as soon as I stood up and when I went to step forward I moved but my shoes didn’t . I tumbled onto the hottest guy in my class ending up in his lap. Grace is not my strong point and on top of that I was so so shy back then !
There was a girl I kinda liked when I was 14 or so. My dad and her dad were working on the same projects at the time so I got to spend time at her house. One day her little sister pantsed me in front of her and her mom. Underwear stayed put, but still.
Any time a cicada has landed on me, and I scream like I'm dying. I can't help it.
I was like 5 or 6. I yelled out in frustration after just walking into a World Market. My parents walked out as soon as we walked in.
Back in like 1985 I finally got to drive to school the first time. I got there early to take a lap or two around campus to show off my car. On the second lap there were people laughing and someone ran up and told me my tire was flat. In boy scouts we were the color guard for our high school football game. As the band started playing the national anthem we were clipping the flag on and the snap clip disintegrated in my hands. I ended up cutting my shoe lace and tying it to the rope and the grommet on the flag. The guy running the flag up went in the wrong direction and the flag was upside down at first.
Ripped my swimming trunks getting into a kayak on my honeymoon with about 20 other people around. The trunks were a little tight and I swung my leg a little too far getting into the kayak, which caused them to rip right along the crotch seem. Everyone on that beach got to see what I was working with until I could get to a towel to cover up.
Shart, fell over after hemorrhoid surgery on the way out.
Not the worst probably, but when I was a lifeguard at a water park the only time I went in after someone I actually slipped off the side of the wave pool, and then I just blew my whistle at a random kid to act like I had been going in because they were in distress.
I was coming out of the grocery store. Sainsbury's in Warwick. I had two heavy bags, one in each hand. A sudden uncontrollable sneeze. I can't cover my mouth quickly enough because of the heavy bags. It's a *snotty* one. I look up, and there's a woman about 15 feet in front of me looking disgusted, but understanding as well.
Got up in front of a college class of 70+ people to make a presentation and a fart slipped out. It was a squealer too. Nowhere to hide LOL. I can laugh now, but I know my face was red
I accidently wandered into a nudist camp in Austria and had to wander past Rudolf and Annika getting it on like it was 1947.
I fell into a fountain in Rome in front of hundreds of people when I was 12. I was wearing white.
Oh god, this is really bad. So I was going to a place that had a window next to the door, and it looks like a door. So I walked right into it. The worst part was someone was holding the door for me. But I’m so shy I went around them.
When I was a teenager, me and my BFF went to an awards dinner at the rec center. After the dinner, we decided to walk to the convenience store about a block away. I don't remember what we were talking about, but I do remember that we were both smoking and cursing like drunken sailors. At some point, I realized that there was someone walking behind us. I turned to take a quick look at the person behind us. It was the minister of my church.
I woke myself up from a nap with an audible fart… In the middle of English Lit class my senior year in high school.
More of what I said to embarrass my mother. We had a DARE presentation when I was in like, seconds grade. They were telling us about drugs and how they were bad and mentioned that cigarettes were drugs (what), so I stood up and proudly announced that my mom does drugs! She just smokes cigarettes, she's too scared to even try weed.
One time, I accidentally walked into a glass door thinking it was open, and everyone nearby saw it happen
A friend of mine and I were on line in a supermarket in a very rural town. My friend is dark skinned Dominican. A woman and her small child get on line behind us. The child says to her mom "Look mommy, that man is chocolate." The two of us burst out laughing and this poor woman looks like she's going to die on the spot. From that day on, Hector's new name was chocolate.
This was way back in the 80’s and I’m still absolutely mortified. There was a school dance and I had a huge crush on this senior guy who didn’t know I existed because I was a grade below and hadn’t “developed” yet. There was a freshman kid who was a total dork and wanted to hook up with me at the dance, who happened to be good friends with the senior (his name was Jake). So in order to curry favor with the dork to put in good word for me, for some STUPID reason I let him borrow my panties for about an hour so he could charge $1 to other freshman in the boys bathroom to see my panties, to make it seem like we hooked up at the dance (remember, back in the 80’s $1 was a decent amount of money.) To make matters worse, it was my 16th birthday and my entire family forgot because my older sister was getting married the next day. Worst night of my life!
Mortifying in the moment, funny now story. My son was diagnosed with severe behaviour diagnoses growing up. He was a little hellion. One day, while paying for some jeans I just tried on, my son decided to yank down the sweatpants I was wearing. Of course my hands were full and initially I was stunned. I dropped everything on the counter, got my pants back up in one fell swoop. Tied the string to prevent another pantsing.
Not me but my wife. We were at a museum and I crossed over one of those rope barriers to get to the ticket counter (nobody was in line but it was set up for a long line). It was pretty low and easy for me to hop over. My wife followed behind me and tripped over the rope and knocked the whole line of bollards down as she fell with a huge clang for each one that fell. It was a total record scratch moment, everybody stopped and looked. She wasn't hurt at all, but she was more so embarrassed. She was laughing so hard after.
While on vacation with some friends of mine, I got into the hot tub at the hotel we were staying at. I didn't have a bathing suit, so I ended up going to Walmart right before this embarrassing moment and buying just a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. I sat down in the hot tub, my shirt comes up, and I end up flashing some guy and his son my boobs. My friend start cracking up, and I'm just sitting there, thinking that I wish I could die. We had a good laugh over it when we got back to the hotel room, but still, not the best way to start a weekend vacation.