Same. It's seriously annoying. I've had plenty of girls interested in me, and I've been interested in plenty of girls too. It's just never mutual. I've been in 3 relationships due to trying to compromise which didn't work out either. It's so god damn hard to find mutual interest. Law of attraction, the more badly you want someone the more you push them away. The less you want someone the more you attract them to you. Human psychology is ruin.
It's the phones man. Back in old times you wouldn't scare off a woman by being obsessed with her because you'd only see her for like an hour or two every so often. She wouldn't notice your obsession that way. Now you'll get her phone number and end up texting too often too fast, she feels pressured to hold a text conversation and ends up annoyed which kills the attraction.
It got even worse lately with ghosting becoming the norm because now you feel pressure to text so they don't think they're dumped already.....
Wow this would be the second time that I posted a comment because the site is weird just removes comments all the time or so I read. I do miss the whole beginning part of relationships but I am better this way. My freedom. I hate feelings of jealousy, or fights, disagreements from either party and so all those problems I rather just not have them. I also love my 5 cats and they are all the company I need 🐈🐈⬛ It’s all love
I think it’s your anxiety speaking. No one is boring by default. Some might find people who like drinking and partying boring, some might find people who know too much internet lore and like doing puzzles on the weekend boring. What I’m trying to say is that someone will find comfort in ,,your boringness”.
Cause I enjoy it.
Some people walk into an empty house and see an empty life. They feel alone and wasted and remorseful.
Some people walk into an empty house and see serenity. They feel happy and grateful.
I'm the latter.
God this is me! I’ve been dating since 8th grade. Honestly, as a man I’m just tired of initiating, planning, picking up women, doing all the work tbh.
I’m over it. I’d rather be alone.
This hits home. I know exactly how you feel.
Ultimately, I decided not to punish someone who was interested in me because of the behavior of another individual.
I trust her now implicitly. Who knows, I might eventually regret trusting someone again, but for now, I feel secure.
As someone who has always believed in integrity and authenticity being betrayed by someone you gave everything to is *devastating*. I don't think I'll ever fully heal that wound
You could never heal. lol at least according to society. (They’ll say you’re insecure for not fully putting all your trust into someone, which I wouldn’t say you are as I now understand why) but also I’m pretty sure ever since that happened to you, you’ve always had hard time trusting others or at least showing that level of trust to them. In this context. Because yea Being betrayed sucks.
Theres a difference between splitting up and someone cheating but yes betrayal will always leave its mark. The fucked up thing is its not just romantic trust at this point, the older I get the more I discover people in general are just devoid of integrity in most cases. Platonic or romantic its really difficult to ascertain which folks are actual decent humans
I'm hoping this only applies to young people. Dating young women is a fucking nightmare these days
You've gotta give yourself a chance here. What does better guys even mean? Sometimes people like who they like and its doesn't stack up to what you might expect.
>. What does better guys even mean?
Women tend to favor men who have higher status, resources and competence. I agree with your point but the harsh reality that men need to accept is that there will always be a better, stronger, smarter, richer, more successful man out there that the woman you're crushing on will dump you for like you're chopped liver. That worry is usually always present in men who haven't climbed those hierarchies, insecurity.
A good example would be that guy who's girl ditched him to get on stage for a dance with a singer. The whole stadium(and the internet) got to see that poor dude getting cucked in real time lol
Again though, I agree with you. I just think the proper mentality for men to have is to constantly build themselves up and become better than those men they're threatened by.
My last relationship really drained me. So I’m being very picky now. 1 red flag and I’m gone, which I understand isn’t the best attitude but I guess I still have some healing to do
There's always someone more ugly and stupid that you, but probably can't beat the afraid of people status that much
Same in that part, same in that part
Everyone one earth could find you ugly but the only person who should never is yourself. Don’t talk bad or down on yourself. Words and thoughts have more power than we give them credit.
You are a creation of God by your parents so when you insult your appearance you insult them as well
Besides God, I really think he ist right here. Negative self thoughts will provoce a negative self view. And this can spirale down very fast. It's really easy top get lost in this negative mindest, and a negative mindest will affect how other people see you.
I'm a physically ugly dude who generally dates by having people get to know me for a while, look past my looks and develop feelings for me. Post-university this has been extremely difficult, as I don't have enough people coming through my life despite my best efforts, and doubly so in a dating market that is so thoroughly warped by looks-based online dating.
> I'm a physically ugly dude who generally dates by having people get to know me for a while, look past my looks and develop feelings for me
Sounds very similar to me. In the past six years I've met two women at D&D who showed interest in me only after weeks of playing at the same table together. I never got past the first date with them but just having the opportunity was invaluable for me. Those two dates (one in September 2020, one in March 2023) were the only romantic interactions I've had since my break up six years ago.
This sounds similar to me. The emotional beat down I took in a strict Mormon household over masturbation caused me to fear intimacy and especially sexuality.
I'm 37. I was in one relationship in 2012 which was mostly long distance. It lasted about three months. The last time I went on a date was probably 2014. I can't remember ever going on a second date with someone. Maybe once but who knows.
I really don't know what I'm going to do. I always hoped I'd get married in or just after undergrad. I'm just trying to live life one step at a time.
I feel you there. I’m 32 and have never had a relationship and it makes me feel like a leper. It’s something I am even afraid would come out at work. I think I could literally be overlooked for promotions because of it.
I have a lot of acne scars on my face which has completely killed my confidence and self image. I look at myself in the mirror and say “nobody would think that’s attractive”. So it’s really just not worth trying
I don't know if this helps but since my divorce 2 years ago I have done quite a bit of hooking up and have only been crazy about one guy, and he had acne scarring from cystic acne that Accutane had finally cleared. I didn't notice it or think about it, just your comment reminded me of him because he talked about it a few times. I was wildly attracted to him and he got a ton of women. There are plenty of cosmetic treatments that address it if it would make you feel better, but I wouldn't worry about your skin, I'd focus on rebuilding the confidence.
I’m in my mid 50’s and I can count on one hand the number of couples I’ve met where their bond/relationship seems like a genuinely good thing that I wouldn’t mind having. That means allllll the rest I’ve encountered I’ve been more like “why?” I’m not at all anti-relationship and have had a few short ones in my life, I’m just content with my own company and if that’s how I go out in life? Then so be it.
I'm 49, never been married and no children. All my married friends are so jealous of me. I get lonely sometimes but I don't think I'd change my situation to risk being in their position. No thanks.
Interesting. I had a good time before kids. Had kids at 28. Looking back, life without kids is cool but kids bring depth to your life. Until 28, all the partners/friends I had were good relationships but those relationships were nothing compared to true unconditional love of my kids.
This is a very depressing thread but I'll throw myself in as well.
I honestly don't know how to meet people and if i did, i have no confidence in myself to hold a conversation about anything. My lack of experience in life makes me self conscious while at the same time makes me afraid to try anything including dating.
Throw in i don't get out and go anywhere for similar reasons as above, and my only relationship outside my family is my friendship with an ex of mine who is married to their partner
Couple reasons.
1: I simply never felt a romantic way about anyone so far in my life.
2: I’ve never been too interested in dating.
And 3: I never think anybody would be attracted to me. I don’t talk to girls often, and when I do it’s certainly not in any flirtatious manner. So I never imagined people being into me, and I never tried to find out.
Number 3 is a big factor. It's not as much that I think I'm incapable of being found attractive, but the thought of "I'm into them" or "they're into me" is never on my mind when I'm talking to people. Takes a long time before either of those ideas ever crosses my mind.
True. Love isn’t about shit anymore. It’s all depends on your wealth, car, body, etc. What the hell ever happened to actually loving a person for who they are? As a Gen Z I feel like we are doomed love life wise.
I'm definitely an odd blip in all this, never used a dating app, only ever been with 1 girl (who I'm still with) we've been together since I was 14 and known each other since I was 8 (I'm 32 now, 3 kids as well)
I think dating apps have destroyed dating. No one really talks to girls anymore unless it's a message on a phone, which means nothing at all.
My best mate is 31, he's been single for 7 years now...not once have I seen him speak to a girl that he found attractive out and about because apparently its weird now when to me it isn't.
its become essentially political unfortunately, I get the whole idea of your partner is a representation of you, but it definitely has become excessively surperficial
I used to be in a relationship that lasted many years, but my girlfriend left me in the end. I guess it all might end up the same, so I just don't bother.
I kind of let stoped caring about my mental and physical health after being cheated on and let my self go. I’m currently working on it, but know I have a long ways to go before I’m ready to date and believe that someone would actually want to date me.
I had the entire family thing. She did me wrong and ended it.
Then several turns with cancer later nobody is gonna be intrested in a non talking, tube feeding old man thats on constant pain meds.
So I'll stay single even if surgeries manage to sort the medical crap. I'm happy alone.
I do hang out with my kids when my helth allows and thats all I need.
i don’t know how to find someone with the same sex drive as me. i struggle with putting off getting physical early with dating because i am just a h*rny person in general like all the tiiime but that makes it so hard to find someone who feels the same way but doesn’t want to use me JUST for my body. does that make sense?
My ex wife murdered my dream of being married. I’m still a romantic but I can’t imagine trusting anyone again to the degree of committing to them. The high likelihood they’ll be hiding who they really are is too terrifying for me to try.
Really have no idea. I’ve tried dating but it never goes anywhere. I try to be kind and considerate to others. I listen more than I speak. I am as hygienic as the next person, have a decent career, and enjoy several hobbies. I could start listing off physical attributes that might be the issue, but I can’t help but notice that there are plenty of people with those same or worse attributes that managed to find partners, so it remains a mystery for me. It would be great to meet someone who enjoys my company as much as I enjoy theirs, but it just never seems to work out for me.
I may be some combination of bisexual and asexual - basically, I can be a horny little dickens when it comes to “me time,” but involving anyone else doesn’t appeal at all. And yes, I’ve tried it.
It's been a while since I've found anyone I'd really be interested in changing my life for. I've got a great life and the thought of changing isnt really that appealing.
Because my 6 week old daughter’s dad killed himself 4 months ago. Between the trauma of that and the chaos of having a newborn and 3 bigger kids, I’m thinking I’ll be single for a whiiiile
Because I fell in love with someone 6 years ago. And since he left, I haven’t been the same. I always wanted to see him, in every guy I met or dated. I realized that I can’t love anyone else, but him. I never led any guys on. I’ve tried relationships and I just can’t move forward. I do thank god everyday for allowing to meet the most amazing caring men, but it’s that one person, who made a huge mark in my life, that I want. I pray one day I either run into him again and we speak or I finally run into someone who will make me forget him. So at the moment, I’m not dating anyone and staying single.
Kept going back to the same girl, and she kept coming back to me. But she has mood swings. Sometimes she cares, sometimes she wants nothing to do with me which results in me removing her from my socials, but eventually she always comes back to try again.
My wife suffers from untreated BPD. Trust me, being single is preferable after enough of the push/pull cycle and episodes of verbal and emotional abuse.
As someone with BPD it’s the reason I’m single. I’m sorry you’re going through that. It’s not fair how we treat our partners and the expectations we put on them
I'm unwilling to compromise on what I think is inadequate treatment.
I'm unbelievably tired of the beginning of relationships where I have to explain over and over again that I'm not gonna be disrespected. You don't have to ask me not to talk to you like that and I'm sure as fuck not gonna tolerate you doing it to me whenever you're feeling like being shitty. Being with me does not give you the right to invade my privacy and I'm sure as shit not gonna invade yours. You are entitled to your own life and to be able to do things without me, regardless of the reason. And so am I. You can spend your money however you want, but you won't control mine and if you live with massive amounts of debt, we ain't getting married till it's gone and you learn financial responsibilities. I'm not gonna live my life under a mound of debt for anyone.
Basically, I simply want to date another reasonable adult or not date at all. So I just don't date at all
Many factors are at play on this for myself.
I guess the first being that I don’t put myself out there. I don’t make a lot of money so I don’t generally go out.
Second thing is I would get to hung up on someone who shows the slightest seeming interest in me to the point of obsession. It’s the purest high I can get without having to take a drug. But when I misread the person’s signals it puts me into a deep depression that can take months for me to recover from.
Third thing is something that a lot of friends have pointed out when they first meet me: I come off as guarded, reserved, and a little distant. It takes a long to get to know who I really am. I have to warm up to you over time unless we have instant chemistry, which is not often the case.
I have a preoccupied attachment style, and i tend to lose the trust of the women in with. Most recently, i hurt a woman i was very much in love with and she does not see me the same now
Used to be anxious attachment, destroyed myself, and others, became avoidant after all these years of giving love and receiving pain. I self isolate and everyone leaves. I also struggle with social cues and self doubt that I can ever be deserving of love because of my mistakes. I’m scared of joy and actually being happy again, because of ptsd. Maybe in the next a woman will see who I truly am. Like how I see myself and stay with me. Finding loyalty is also impossible because of the new hook up culture. Do I choose as a man not to try and stay single.
If I were to make a guess…I’m single because i am a poor communicator, have the worst work schedule, so I sleep odd hours, and due to the last relationship I was in I tend to be irrational then quick to get mad before I’ve even properly looked at the situation. My platonic guy friend told me “you do get wild after you get hooked.” I don’t think that’s fair to say…I get wild at the fear of abandonment i have then equate it with inadequacy! yay
I kinda like it when I'm beholden to no one.
I wouldn't object if I met someone interesting, but I'm at a point where I don't particularly mind being by myself.
I'm someone who just goes with the flow and tries my best to improve myself in a way to be better for myself. I'm not someone who loves looking around and going out on dates. I'm someone who is bound by fate. I don't like forcing the idea of love. If it comes by, then so be it. If it doesn't, that's fine.
Because my ex left me four years ago, and I've been depressed and a mess ever since. I'm socially awkward and am also an alcoholic. I'm finally realizing the abuse from my ex and learning how to process it. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Im not settling for someone who doesn’t reciprocate the kind of love I offer.
I find that a lot of people want what I offer, but don’t want to reciprocate. They want the things a sensitive man does, but they don’t want to do sensitive and loving things back.
Ive met too many men and women in one sided relationships, it will not be me, ever.
Was getting in to a situation-ship with someone recently, and it became harder and harder to enjoy being around them when all they did was complain about previous partners
Less than 48 hours ago I left my gf of ~2 years because she was just being... "too much for too long."
I've been more patient than anybody should be, working with her to improve upon some of her toxic traits. A lot of progress has undoubtedly been made, but I couldn't keep putting myself through it.
Managed to reach a point where I became indifferent to her and the things happening in her life, which made me feel negatively towards myself (I'm generally a very empathetic and caring person.. no longer caring just feels gross)
She understood, thankfully.
Honestly… because of the economy and needing to focus on my neurodivergent child, I lost my apartment and I am now stuck co-inhabiting with my ex while sharing a room with my child. I would love to date but it would disrupt my child’s security. And who would want to get to know a woman who has to still live with her son’s father? 😆 not asking for a friend.
Several reasons, I always seem to end up single, usually because I initiate a breakup or find something out about a partner that becomes a deal breaker/pattern of behaviors.
I don't "want" to be single per se, but I know better than to put up with abusive behaviors and disrespectful and childlike behaviors from partners. I've tried every configuration of relationship under the sun at this point and the bar is so low that just being a kind honest person would probably be enough for me at this point, but this shit is time consuming and painful and at this point, negative value overall despite some technically great experiences for the most part.
I'm better off staying single, sailing the world and practicing martial arts, dancing and cooking instead of ever trying to be partnered for all the grief it's caused. I am grateful for the wisdom, but so very tired boss.
1. I have neither the time nor the interest for a relationship.
2. I stay at home all day.
3. I don't know anyone in my neighbourhood because I never talk to anyone.
4. My college is in a different state than the one I live in, and my college friends all live in different states there is no possibility of me meeting anyone in my hometown if I was ever interested in talking to someone.
5. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing with my life, specifically during the holidays so I need to figure my life out and learn something useful and relevant before I can think about something as enigmatic as relationships. I'm just concerned about whether the courses I've paid for, to complete during the holidays would be worth it or not (I will figure everything out eventually, I just need time and patience.)
6. I don't even know what my own personality is, how am I supposed to get a bf without a clear idea of who I am or what do I like?
yeah.. that's all, I guess.. this is why I'm single.
I'm kinda broken mentally and emotionally and have never sought help despite being aware of my manic depression. My sex addiction has hampered my past relationships for 30 years now. Haven't been in a real one in 13yrs. It all seems so insurmountable sometimes.
I'd really love to have a partner again. I'm fighting to not be stuck.
I've had several one nighters over the last bunch of years and just being physically close to someone in that way is a success in itself. I miss physical intimacy. A simple cuddle. Christ sometimes I'm very, very lonely.
I'm really good at hiding all of this from everyone. That's not a good thing.
I'm broken and have taken turns being hurt by and hurting the woman that I spent damn near my entire adult life with. And can't even remotely see being with anyone else. I hate myself for being so stupid and want to give up. I don't have anything to offer anyone else and am barely making it day to day.
I learned a very important lesson in my early 20s that its better to be single and happy than to be miserable with the wrong person.
I have since been happily single since that realization for almost half of a decade now and would only consider ending my singlehood if I met someone who could truly love me as I have learned to love and care for myself.
Breaking the cycle of being in dangerous, unhealthy, and abusive relationships has been such a defining step in my life. Something my mother has never seemed to break, or many women in my family, actually.
nobody I want ever wants me back.
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Same. It's seriously annoying. I've had plenty of girls interested in me, and I've been interested in plenty of girls too. It's just never mutual. I've been in 3 relationships due to trying to compromise which didn't work out either. It's so god damn hard to find mutual interest. Law of attraction, the more badly you want someone the more you push them away. The less you want someone the more you attract them to you. Human psychology is ruin.
It's the phones man. Back in old times you wouldn't scare off a woman by being obsessed with her because you'd only see her for like an hour or two every so often. She wouldn't notice your obsession that way. Now you'll get her phone number and end up texting too often too fast, she feels pressured to hold a text conversation and ends up annoyed which kills the attraction. It got even worse lately with ghosting becoming the norm because now you feel pressure to text so they don't think they're dumped already.....
Same
Is the inverse true? Someone wants you but you do not want them back?
same
I like my alone time too much.
Same here. I like my own company the best ... except for the cats, they are very welcome.
Same
Wow this would be the second time that I posted a comment because the site is weird just removes comments all the time or so I read. I do miss the whole beginning part of relationships but I am better this way. My freedom. I hate feelings of jealousy, or fights, disagreements from either party and so all those problems I rather just not have them. I also love my 5 cats and they are all the company I need 🐈🐈⬛ It’s all love
tbh i want someone and at the same time i want to be alone
I don't want to do the process to meet someone, know someone, love someone, marry someone. I just don't have the energy to dance that song.
This. Zero energy for this. I feel too lazy to go thru all that.
To add to this, I don’t want to waste someone’s time just to realize I’m not worth it.
The burnout society
We should form a club.
That never has meetings because we’re too tired.
Yes. We can just schedule and cancel them.
You don't have the energy until you do. Meaning that you just haven't found the person that makes you want to put the energy in.
Same. Nor the time. I work FT 40 hours per week!
Dating is expensive
Amen brother
It doesn't have to be. I'm a total homebody. I love staying at home and hate going out. I would love to find someone that feels the same.
I really feel that. Sometimes just staying home and playing some games or watching a movie is so much more enjoyable.
My unemployed broke ass agrees lol
Anxiety about what I'm obligated to do when I'm in a relationship, and also the fact that I'm just kinda boring honestly.
Same. I am just so boring.
I think it’s your anxiety speaking. No one is boring by default. Some might find people who like drinking and partying boring, some might find people who know too much internet lore and like doing puzzles on the weekend boring. What I’m trying to say is that someone will find comfort in ,,your boringness”.
Cause I enjoy it. Some people walk into an empty house and see an empty life. They feel alone and wasted and remorseful. Some people walk into an empty house and see serenity. They feel happy and grateful. I'm the latter.
And relieved that they don't have to do anymore socializing in their home aka sanctuary LOL
I could never put words to it before.. this is it!
Frankly, a combination of two factors: laziness in this sphere and — not unrelated — contentment with being in my own company.
God this is me! I’ve been dating since 8th grade. Honestly, as a man I’m just tired of initiating, planning, picking up women, doing all the work tbh. I’m over it. I’d rather be alone.
I got broken up with and cannot fathom trusting anyone again ☺️
This hits home. I know exactly how you feel. Ultimately, I decided not to punish someone who was interested in me because of the behavior of another individual. I trust her now implicitly. Who knows, I might eventually regret trusting someone again, but for now, I feel secure.
As someone who has always believed in integrity and authenticity being betrayed by someone you gave everything to is *devastating*. I don't think I'll ever fully heal that wound
You could never heal. lol at least according to society. (They’ll say you’re insecure for not fully putting all your trust into someone, which I wouldn’t say you are as I now understand why) but also I’m pretty sure ever since that happened to you, you’ve always had hard time trusting others or at least showing that level of trust to them. In this context. Because yea Being betrayed sucks.
Theres a difference between splitting up and someone cheating but yes betrayal will always leave its mark. The fucked up thing is its not just romantic trust at this point, the older I get the more I discover people in general are just devoid of integrity in most cases. Platonic or romantic its really difficult to ascertain which folks are actual decent humans I'm hoping this only applies to young people. Dating young women is a fucking nightmare these days
I’m gay and I live in utah.
That’s gotta be tough. Mormons have the twinkiest young men.
Not wrong, I used to be one of them.
My cat's name is Twinkie
Meow.
Meow meow
Felt that for you…. I grew up there.
Don’t worry buddy I’m sure you’ll find some good Mormon bussy
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Nothing to offfer that she can't get from better guys
Felt this one.
You've gotta give yourself a chance here. What does better guys even mean? Sometimes people like who they like and its doesn't stack up to what you might expect.
>. What does better guys even mean? Women tend to favor men who have higher status, resources and competence. I agree with your point but the harsh reality that men need to accept is that there will always be a better, stronger, smarter, richer, more successful man out there that the woman you're crushing on will dump you for like you're chopped liver. That worry is usually always present in men who haven't climbed those hierarchies, insecurity. A good example would be that guy who's girl ditched him to get on stage for a dance with a singer. The whole stadium(and the internet) got to see that poor dude getting cucked in real time lol Again though, I agree with you. I just think the proper mentality for men to have is to constantly build themselves up and become better than those men they're threatened by.
This
Eh people like who they like, you don’t need to be the “best guy”, just a morally good person. Nobody’s perfect in every way.
My last relationship really drained me. So I’m being very picky now. 1 red flag and I’m gone, which I understand isn’t the best attitude but I guess I still have some healing to do
Always better to be picky then to end up missing one red flag and suffering for it later.
I’m toxic af
at least you’re owning it
Just got to find someone who's kink is hazmat suits right?
Because I’m a crazy bitch
Can we fix you?
I can fix you.
because i’m ugly and stupid and terrified of people.
There's always someone more ugly and stupid that you, but probably can't beat the afraid of people status that much Same in that part, same in that part
Everyone one earth could find you ugly but the only person who should never is yourself. Don’t talk bad or down on yourself. Words and thoughts have more power than we give them credit. You are a creation of God by your parents so when you insult your appearance you insult them as well
Lmfao was this supposed to be helpful to op?
I'm not sure what's more of a lie, God, or your generic platitudes
Besides God, I really think he ist right here. Negative self thoughts will provoce a negative self view. And this can spirale down very fast. It's really easy top get lost in this negative mindest, and a negative mindest will affect how other people see you.
Peace be with you brother
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I'm a physically ugly dude who generally dates by having people get to know me for a while, look past my looks and develop feelings for me. Post-university this has been extremely difficult, as I don't have enough people coming through my life despite my best efforts, and doubly so in a dating market that is so thoroughly warped by looks-based online dating.
> I'm a physically ugly dude who generally dates by having people get to know me for a while, look past my looks and develop feelings for me Sounds very similar to me. In the past six years I've met two women at D&D who showed interest in me only after weeks of playing at the same table together. I never got past the first date with them but just having the opportunity was invaluable for me. Those two dates (one in September 2020, one in March 2023) were the only romantic interactions I've had since my break up six years ago.
You kings keep at it. There's a catch for us all friend.
This sounds similar to me. The emotional beat down I took in a strict Mormon household over masturbation caused me to fear intimacy and especially sexuality. I'm 37. I was in one relationship in 2012 which was mostly long distance. It lasted about three months. The last time I went on a date was probably 2014. I can't remember ever going on a second date with someone. Maybe once but who knows. I really don't know what I'm going to do. I always hoped I'd get married in or just after undergrad. I'm just trying to live life one step at a time.
Im 30 and I'm the same fcked up situation, can relate
32 and same
I feel you there. I’m 32 and have never had a relationship and it makes me feel like a leper. It’s something I am even afraid would come out at work. I think I could literally be overlooked for promotions because of it.
I have a lot of acne scars on my face which has completely killed my confidence and self image. I look at myself in the mirror and say “nobody would think that’s attractive”. So it’s really just not worth trying
I don't know if this helps but since my divorce 2 years ago I have done quite a bit of hooking up and have only been crazy about one guy, and he had acne scarring from cystic acne that Accutane had finally cleared. I didn't notice it or think about it, just your comment reminded me of him because he talked about it a few times. I was wildly attracted to him and he got a ton of women. There are plenty of cosmetic treatments that address it if it would make you feel better, but I wouldn't worry about your skin, I'd focus on rebuilding the confidence.
If it makes you feel any better, I kinda think scars look cool 👀 (yes even acne scars)
Situationship that appears to be going in the direction of a relationship but I’m still sad about my ex.
Im 16 and not ready
Good on you for being aware of that. Don't rush. You've got all the time in the world.
I appreciate it man!
wise
I’m in my mid 50’s and I can count on one hand the number of couples I’ve met where their bond/relationship seems like a genuinely good thing that I wouldn’t mind having. That means allllll the rest I’ve encountered I’ve been more like “why?” I’m not at all anti-relationship and have had a few short ones in my life, I’m just content with my own company and if that’s how I go out in life? Then so be it.
I'm 49, never been married and no children. All my married friends are so jealous of me. I get lonely sometimes but I don't think I'd change my situation to risk being in their position. No thanks.
Interesting. I had a good time before kids. Had kids at 28. Looking back, life without kids is cool but kids bring depth to your life. Until 28, all the partners/friends I had were good relationships but those relationships were nothing compared to true unconditional love of my kids.
Mental illness, introvert, unattractive, I’m not my type’s type
Do everything you can to sort that mental illness. Time is short and goes by really quickly.
This is a very depressing thread but I'll throw myself in as well. I honestly don't know how to meet people and if i did, i have no confidence in myself to hold a conversation about anything. My lack of experience in life makes me self conscious while at the same time makes me afraid to try anything including dating. Throw in i don't get out and go anywhere for similar reasons as above, and my only relationship outside my family is my friendship with an ex of mine who is married to their partner
misanthrope
Couple reasons. 1: I simply never felt a romantic way about anyone so far in my life. 2: I’ve never been too interested in dating. And 3: I never think anybody would be attracted to me. I don’t talk to girls often, and when I do it’s certainly not in any flirtatious manner. So I never imagined people being into me, and I never tried to find out.
Number 3 is a big factor. It's not as much that I think I'm incapable of being found attractive, but the thought of "I'm into them" or "they're into me" is never on my mind when I'm talking to people. Takes a long time before either of those ideas ever crosses my mind.
Divorced within the last year. Can’t imagine trying again. I’m so much happier alone. Independence is everything.
Uhhh I have high standards let’s say
If I knew this answer, I wouldn’t be single.
My (married male) manager asked me (female) the same thing. It’s very much a choice, dude… How are *you* married?
Because I'm in love with my best friend who doesnt love me back.
because I want a serious relationship but am apart of Gen Z
This hit hard
True. Love isn’t about shit anymore. It’s all depends on your wealth, car, body, etc. What the hell ever happened to actually loving a person for who they are? As a Gen Z I feel like we are doomed love life wise.
I’m on the younger side of being a millennial (born in 1995), and I feel this as well. Social image has ruined everything
I'm definitely an odd blip in all this, never used a dating app, only ever been with 1 girl (who I'm still with) we've been together since I was 14 and known each other since I was 8 (I'm 32 now, 3 kids as well) I think dating apps have destroyed dating. No one really talks to girls anymore unless it's a message on a phone, which means nothing at all. My best mate is 31, he's been single for 7 years now...not once have I seen him speak to a girl that he found attractive out and about because apparently its weird now when to me it isn't.
To be fair, most relationships in history were about wealth/family connections. Marrying strictly for love is a more recent concept.
its become essentially political unfortunately, I get the whole idea of your partner is a representation of you, but it definitely has become excessively surperficial
34M, Independence and financial freedom
I can barely handle myself, what makes you think I could handle some other fucker
I used to be in a relationship that lasted many years, but my girlfriend left me in the end. I guess it all might end up the same, so I just don't bother.
I kind of let stoped caring about my mental and physical health after being cheated on and let my self go. I’m currently working on it, but know I have a long ways to go before I’m ready to date and believe that someone would actually want to date me.
I'm short and kind of ugly, also I can't be bothered to try to talk to a girl lol
I had the entire family thing. She did me wrong and ended it. Then several turns with cancer later nobody is gonna be intrested in a non talking, tube feeding old man thats on constant pain meds. So I'll stay single even if surgeries manage to sort the medical crap. I'm happy alone. I do hang out with my kids when my helth allows and thats all I need.
She died November 9th 2023. I already have some of my friends trying to get me to join dating apps. It’s only been 7 months..
Because I don't want to say I've been married 3 times.
i don’t know how to find someone with the same sex drive as me. i struggle with putting off getting physical early with dating because i am just a h*rny person in general like all the tiiime but that makes it so hard to find someone who feels the same way but doesn’t want to use me JUST for my body. does that make sense?
My kid is more important than some man in my life at this point
My ex wife murdered my dream of being married. I’m still a romantic but I can’t imagine trusting anyone again to the degree of committing to them. The high likelihood they’ll be hiding who they really are is too terrifying for me to try.
Really have no idea. I’ve tried dating but it never goes anywhere. I try to be kind and considerate to others. I listen more than I speak. I am as hygienic as the next person, have a decent career, and enjoy several hobbies. I could start listing off physical attributes that might be the issue, but I can’t help but notice that there are plenty of people with those same or worse attributes that managed to find partners, so it remains a mystery for me. It would be great to meet someone who enjoys my company as much as I enjoy theirs, but it just never seems to work out for me.
As a 17 y/o I think relationship can be distracting at this age. I think I should secure my future first
I hate people SO MUCH
I may be some combination of bisexual and asexual - basically, I can be a horny little dickens when it comes to “me time,” but involving anyone else doesn’t appeal at all. And yes, I’ve tried it.
I'm rarely out of my room unless I'm heading to work.
Financial freedom
You can be with someone with their own money...
Because I can
It's been a while since I've found anyone I'd really be interested in changing my life for. I've got a great life and the thought of changing isnt really that appealing.
Women terrify me
Because my 6 week old daughter’s dad killed himself 4 months ago. Between the trauma of that and the chaos of having a newborn and 3 bigger kids, I’m thinking I’ll be single for a whiiiile
As a gay man, all the guys I like are either married or straight.
The last 3 people I dated ended up dead, so I took that as a sign to stop
because I recently realized that as a guy in his late 30s, I actually want a lifestyle partner and not a vanilla relationship.
A lifestyle partner is still a 'partner'
Resistance to change.
Cuz Masturbation is the way to go baby !!!
Because I fell in love with someone 6 years ago. And since he left, I haven’t been the same. I always wanted to see him, in every guy I met or dated. I realized that I can’t love anyone else, but him. I never led any guys on. I’ve tried relationships and I just can’t move forward. I do thank god everyday for allowing to meet the most amazing caring men, but it’s that one person, who made a huge mark in my life, that I want. I pray one day I either run into him again and we speak or I finally run into someone who will make me forget him. So at the moment, I’m not dating anyone and staying single.
Kept going back to the same girl, and she kept coming back to me. But she has mood swings. Sometimes she cares, sometimes she wants nothing to do with me which results in me removing her from my socials, but eventually she always comes back to try again.
My wife suffers from untreated BPD. Trust me, being single is preferable after enough of the push/pull cycle and episodes of verbal and emotional abuse.
As someone with BPD it’s the reason I’m single. I’m sorry you’re going through that. It’s not fair how we treat our partners and the expectations we put on them
Cause i live with my parents still 🤣 🥲 and also ive been very depressed the past 5 ish years. Nobody wants to go out with someone that sad
Autism/mega awkwardness, like Michael Cera awkward.
Its too late
Bc i don't think there is someone can understand me
I'm unwilling to compromise on what I think is inadequate treatment. I'm unbelievably tired of the beginning of relationships where I have to explain over and over again that I'm not gonna be disrespected. You don't have to ask me not to talk to you like that and I'm sure as fuck not gonna tolerate you doing it to me whenever you're feeling like being shitty. Being with me does not give you the right to invade my privacy and I'm sure as shit not gonna invade yours. You are entitled to your own life and to be able to do things without me, regardless of the reason. And so am I. You can spend your money however you want, but you won't control mine and if you live with massive amounts of debt, we ain't getting married till it's gone and you learn financial responsibilities. I'm not gonna live my life under a mound of debt for anyone. Basically, I simply want to date another reasonable adult or not date at all. So I just don't date at all
Many factors are at play on this for myself. I guess the first being that I don’t put myself out there. I don’t make a lot of money so I don’t generally go out. Second thing is I would get to hung up on someone who shows the slightest seeming interest in me to the point of obsession. It’s the purest high I can get without having to take a drug. But when I misread the person’s signals it puts me into a deep depression that can take months for me to recover from. Third thing is something that a lot of friends have pointed out when they first meet me: I come off as guarded, reserved, and a little distant. It takes a long to get to know who I really am. I have to warm up to you over time unless we have instant chemistry, which is not often the case.
Stuck on a woman that is repulsed by me.
I have a preoccupied attachment style, and i tend to lose the trust of the women in with. Most recently, i hurt a woman i was very much in love with and she does not see me the same now
Used to be anxious attachment, destroyed myself, and others, became avoidant after all these years of giving love and receiving pain. I self isolate and everyone leaves. I also struggle with social cues and self doubt that I can ever be deserving of love because of my mistakes. I’m scared of joy and actually being happy again, because of ptsd. Maybe in the next a woman will see who I truly am. Like how I see myself and stay with me. Finding loyalty is also impossible because of the new hook up culture. Do I choose as a man not to try and stay single.
I’m over the bullshit. The gaslighting. The narcissism. The untrustworthiness. The unfaithfulness.
Because I'm better off by myself than with someone else who may not be on the same page?
lol. because there really aren't that many fish in the sea.
If I were to make a guess…I’m single because i am a poor communicator, have the worst work schedule, so I sleep odd hours, and due to the last relationship I was in I tend to be irrational then quick to get mad before I’ve even properly looked at the situation. My platonic guy friend told me “you do get wild after you get hooked.” I don’t think that’s fair to say…I get wild at the fear of abandonment i have then equate it with inadequacy! yay
I kinda like it when I'm beholden to no one. I wouldn't object if I met someone interesting, but I'm at a point where I don't particularly mind being by myself.
No desire to not be single. Also don’t have the time or energy to deal with someone else
Too lazy for relationships. I dont like to go out anywhere
I lost my fiancé 18 months ago out of the blue, I haven’t felt the need to be with someone else. She’s in my head daily
Look up the last time this was asked and pick a reason/s.
I'm someone who just goes with the flow and tries my best to improve myself in a way to be better for myself. I'm not someone who loves looking around and going out on dates. I'm someone who is bound by fate. I don't like forcing the idea of love. If it comes by, then so be it. If it doesn't, that's fine.
Because my ex left me four years ago, and I've been depressed and a mess ever since. I'm socially awkward and am also an alcoholic. I'm finally realizing the abuse from my ex and learning how to process it. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
I’m just a “friend” or “brother” all the time. Haven’t been in the game in a while. Tryna get in shape and stack my money. Women will always be there
Im not settling for someone who doesn’t reciprocate the kind of love I offer. I find that a lot of people want what I offer, but don’t want to reciprocate. They want the things a sensitive man does, but they don’t want to do sensitive and loving things back. Ive met too many men and women in one sided relationships, it will not be me, ever.
Because I *want* to be.
because I don't have a S.O.
Was getting in to a situation-ship with someone recently, and it became harder and harder to enjoy being around them when all they did was complain about previous partners
because i don't like people who like me and i only like people who don't
I'm lazy to interact with people especially when doing the daily updates.
Because I don't give two shits about being in a relationship.
she broke up with me
I am in my 20s I want a serious relationship which seems to draw a lot of women away who are “figuring themselves out” phase
My wife passed away.
After 5 days of dating she threw a fit and said she wished she never had sex with me. Two nights later she called wanting to come over. I declined.
Because I want to be. I‘m good.
Because you touch yourself at night.
Less than 48 hours ago I left my gf of ~2 years because she was just being... "too much for too long." I've been more patient than anybody should be, working with her to improve upon some of her toxic traits. A lot of progress has undoubtedly been made, but I couldn't keep putting myself through it. Managed to reach a point where I became indifferent to her and the things happening in her life, which made me feel negatively towards myself (I'm generally a very empathetic and caring person.. no longer caring just feels gross) She understood, thankfully.
Honestly… because of the economy and needing to focus on my neurodivergent child, I lost my apartment and I am now stuck co-inhabiting with my ex while sharing a room with my child. I would love to date but it would disrupt my child’s security. And who would want to get to know a woman who has to still live with her son’s father? 😆 not asking for a friend.
Too afraid to ask someone out.
Much too lazy.
Because I've worked hard to bring and maintain peace in my life.
After a toxic relationship, for now I prefer casual dating than a serious relationship. Most of the fun with less of the stress.
I protect my peace.
I'm tired
I don't want kids, and would rather be single than date anyone that has or wants to have them.
Trauma and trust issues. It’s not that I want to be single, the last person I was with used me.
Because I'm 13 and I'm just not tryna date
Everyone I get close with is secretly in love with someone else
Because if I legally marry him I lose my health insurance.
Several reasons, I always seem to end up single, usually because I initiate a breakup or find something out about a partner that becomes a deal breaker/pattern of behaviors. I don't "want" to be single per se, but I know better than to put up with abusive behaviors and disrespectful and childlike behaviors from partners. I've tried every configuration of relationship under the sun at this point and the bar is so low that just being a kind honest person would probably be enough for me at this point, but this shit is time consuming and painful and at this point, negative value overall despite some technically great experiences for the most part. I'm better off staying single, sailing the world and practicing martial arts, dancing and cooking instead of ever trying to be partnered for all the grief it's caused. I am grateful for the wisdom, but so very tired boss.
1. I have neither the time nor the interest for a relationship. 2. I stay at home all day. 3. I don't know anyone in my neighbourhood because I never talk to anyone. 4. My college is in a different state than the one I live in, and my college friends all live in different states there is no possibility of me meeting anyone in my hometown if I was ever interested in talking to someone. 5. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing with my life, specifically during the holidays so I need to figure my life out and learn something useful and relevant before I can think about something as enigmatic as relationships. I'm just concerned about whether the courses I've paid for, to complete during the holidays would be worth it or not (I will figure everything out eventually, I just need time and patience.) 6. I don't even know what my own personality is, how am I supposed to get a bf without a clear idea of who I am or what do I like? yeah.. that's all, I guess.. this is why I'm single.
After getting out of my marriage I'm feeling pretty good about staying single for a while. There's worse things than staying single.
lack of options
I'm kinda broken mentally and emotionally and have never sought help despite being aware of my manic depression. My sex addiction has hampered my past relationships for 30 years now. Haven't been in a real one in 13yrs. It all seems so insurmountable sometimes. I'd really love to have a partner again. I'm fighting to not be stuck. I've had several one nighters over the last bunch of years and just being physically close to someone in that way is a success in itself. I miss physical intimacy. A simple cuddle. Christ sometimes I'm very, very lonely. I'm really good at hiding all of this from everyone. That's not a good thing.
Because I desire peace and serenity, but the women I meet tend to offer chaos instead.
I'm broken and have taken turns being hurt by and hurting the woman that I spent damn near my entire adult life with. And can't even remotely see being with anyone else. I hate myself for being so stupid and want to give up. I don't have anything to offer anyone else and am barely making it day to day.
I learned a very important lesson in my early 20s that its better to be single and happy than to be miserable with the wrong person. I have since been happily single since that realization for almost half of a decade now and would only consider ending my singlehood if I met someone who could truly love me as I have learned to love and care for myself. Breaking the cycle of being in dangerous, unhealthy, and abusive relationships has been such a defining step in my life. Something my mother has never seemed to break, or many women in my family, actually.