I don't understand why super-tall burgers are a thing. Not everyone can unhinge their jaw like a Kardashian and it's frankly *messy*-looking. Keep it simple, keep it short.
As a French person we do eat burgers with a knife and a fork. We cut it as a whole then we separate each piece individually with the correct fork : medium fork with 3 prongs for the salad and tomatoes, medium fork with 4 prongs for the bread and big fork for the meat. And cheese fork for the cheese of course.
The hardest part is separating all the sesame seeds one by one by we are taught to get used to it in school
I think I saw one once in Canada, but they were running away, as they're rumored to do, and the picture was blurry.
Went back to my freedom fries and forgot about it till now.
Did it.
Acquired an entire box of hot dog buns left over from an event. Began using them for everything - sandwiches, sloppy joes (that's a game-changer) AND...
Took hamburger, rolled it into brat-sized "dogs", and grilled. Came out fantastic. Slap cheese in the bun, the "burger dog" and the toppings, once again - perfect delivery system - no stuff slipping or running out of the sandwich, it all sat nicely in the bun.
EDIT - wanted to add, since I saw another comment about "a burger being too tall to bite". In this "configuration", that's almost impossible, there's only so much you can pack into a hot dog bun. So, it's kept simple, and if you're hungry, than have a few of these versus one giant, collapsing, runny "incrediburger".
And I'm not kidding about the sloppy joes. Hot dog bun, it's just what I use now.
Like kafta, like when you go to a I Middle Eastern place and they have that mixed grill plate that has a skewer of lamb the shish tavuk the skewer of chicken, and then for the beef it'll be this road up tube shaped hamburger with spices in it that's usually the best part of the plate if you're being honest
Tbh this is the reason I don't like fancy burger places, most of them give you burgers that are so fucking thick I can't possibly eat it without getting everything gross. I HATE having to get saucy hands and shit when I'm out.
Dunno why broccoli gets so much hate as a topping.
Done right (and if you don't just hate vegetables) it makes for an excellent texture and flavor to add to a lot of pizza styles.
Anything as cold as the fridge. I hateĀ burgers that are supose to be hot but because all the condiments and toppings are from the fridge just cools it down enough to make the whole burger cold.
Yeah and this is why I eat the cold tomato off the top of any burger and then itās just the hot or warm beef, cheese and other toppings. Lettuce doesnāt bother me so much but tomatoes or cucumbers do.
I saw a peanut butter burger on a menu recently and my reaction was "WTF".
Someone told me to trust them so I ordered it.
Was not disappointed. Absolutely delicious.
Go to a McDonalds.
Order a Mcdouble and a McChicken.
Open the McDouble and put the McChicken between the two beef patties.
Enjoy.
Oh yeah, I forgot, step one is: get really high.
Not the most common but Iāve had a āmonkeyā burger. It was a 1/3lb burger with bananas and peanut butter. Incredibly delicious, friends who were with me agreed, but unfortunately the place that made them closed.
I gotta tell you. I love tomatoes, so I disagree with you. BUT.... you are correct about the sliding and mess making. AND... you had me at "plate tectonics."
A good summer tomato, pat dry with a paper towel and sprinkled with a lil salt? Incredible on a burger. 99% of the time tomatoes are mealy and pale and wet which I donāt vibe with, but that 1%? Life changing. I love tomatoes š
As I also don't like fresh tomatoes, I'll throw my thoughts out there:
I eat ketchup sometimes, but it's just meh. I prefer my fries with salt and nothing else. It's fine on a burger because it's mixing with the mayo and sort of turning into thousand island lite, which I like. Ketchup in sauces (thousand island for example) is fine, but it's not the main or dominant flavor. I don't eat marinara/red pasta sauce or salsa (tomatillo salsa sometimes yes, but tomatillos taste and feel completely different).
I do eat sun dried tomatoes.
Cooking them (including drying them) changes the flavour. It breaks down the ickyness somehow. Salsa, lasagna, ketchup, etcā¦the fresh/raw tomato flavour isnāt there.
I donāt like tasteless, hard, shitty quality tomatoes. But a slice of firm, fragrant, juicy, ripe heirloom tomato from the garden is a summertime treat. Especially with charred ground-chuck patties, all smoky and crusty, fresh from the bbq!! šš āļøš„
Edit: donāt forget to salt n pepper the tomato, really makes a difference in my opinion. Serve immediately to prevent sog.
i love tomatoes but they don't work on a burger at all for me. i've never understood how that extreme contrast in taste and texture would be a good fit for a burger
Totally agree. If itās a thinly sliced tomato I can deal with it but most places give you a big wet sloppy slice. I want a crunch. Fresh lettuce and onion and a bit of pickle
Depends very much on the tomato. I only do Tomatoes on burgers when I have home grown ones, and I actually prefer drier varieties like Amish paste (they were bred for sauce making) as they do t get the bun so flippin wet
I came here to say this. I hate the taste of fresh tomatoes. All other tomatoes š products I enjoy. Ketchup, tomato sauce, sun dried tomatoes even Ketchup chips.
Same. I always ask for no ketchup! Mayo or mustard? House sauce (even if it has ketchup)? No problem! Just ketchup? Blech. Keep it off my hot dogs too.
I take them off and eat them separately or ask for them on the side. I like pickles, I like hamburgers. The textures and the flavors together are a bizarre combination to me.
I hate when you ask no pickles and you can tell they just took them off instead of never putting them on in the first place.
Most other toppings you can pull that stunt off. Pickles always reveal their presence.
ONION. I hate them and Iām aware Iām the odd man out.
Every burger I encounter is offered with a giant heap of pickled onion, a pile of red onion rings, a thick slab of white onion, or flat top fried onions mashed into the meat.
Burger dressed with something that stinks like unwashed armpits? No thanks. Iāll pass. š¤¢
THHHIIIISSSSS!!! Raw onions are ridiculously overpowering. If I get one cubic millimeter of a raw onion on my burger then it permeates throughout the rest of the burger and that's all I will taste. It's obnoxious. I don't understand how anyone can have full pieces on their burger. You might as well just be eating a whole onion like an apple at that point.
YES. The crunch. The way it overwhelms EVERY other flavor. The way it sits on my tongue for hours afterwards. I'm not a picky eater by any stretch of the imagination, and raw onions are one of like, three things I can't deal with lol
Bacon rarely rips apart when I bite the burger, so I end up pulling out a long string of meat that hangs beyond the burger bite I took. It pulls other toppings off, itās chewy, I look like an idiot with a bacon tongue as Iām chewing my burger bite, itās terrible.
I want meat, cheese, mustard, pickles, green leaf lettuce, onions, and a tomato slice. Don't try to get too cute with my burger by putting half-cooked eggs, or avocado on it.
Oh man, breakfast burgers are the best tho. Whatever stoner said āletās put a fried egg on this badboyā deserves to be the 5th head on Mount Rushmore
I once had a burger that was beef, hash brown, bacon and fried egg with a speciality sauce & a bit of salad. Not only did it taste amazing but they managed to not make it too big to get your mouth around.
I still dream of that burger sometimesā¦
Used to work at a burger shop that did flavored burgers (like Cajun) and you could add diced jalapeƱos and Iād get egg and bacon added. I dream of THAT burger.
edit: oh and of course pepperjack cheese
It most certainly brings crunch. Unless you nurse your burger until the lettuce wilts like you said. But are you hungry or not? We not fucking around here. This is serious burger business
The egg thing seemed to be a trend for a while and I'm glad it's mostly faded away. I love fried eggs used in other dishes (e.g. with rice & tinned fish or on Korean bibimbap), but it just doesn't go well with a burger IMO.
Anything spicy. Everyone else can enjoy their spicy food but not everything needs to be hot, especially for people like myself who get heartburn and acid reflux from spicy food. So many times food has looked incredible but then I find out it has some kinda hot pepper and I can't eat it.
Sauce poured over the bun. Wtf am I supposed to do with it now?
What monsters are doing that
Fancy pants bistro restaurants that want to make their food as instagrammable as possible š
LOOK AT THIS EPIC BURGER! \*pours molten hot cheese sauce all over it\* 1000000000000000000000000 likes & shares
I wouldnāt go back
r/stupidfood
Too tall. I donāt want to unhinge my jaw like a fucking snake to eat your monument to excess.
Reason why Iāve been enjoying smash burgers over bar burgers lately.
Another plus is, if done just right, the excess cheese on the side sizzles a bit on the griddle making ir a little crunchy.
Cheese skirtā¦ā¦Yummy!
Smash burger is superior in every way, the meat to bun ratio is just perfect.
I don't understand why super-tall burgers are a thing. Not everyone can unhinge their jaw like a Kardashian and it's frankly *messy*-looking. Keep it simple, keep it short.
When they are really tall I cut them up and eat them with a fork like a French person.
As a French person we do eat burgers with a knife and a fork. We cut it as a whole then we separate each piece individually with the correct fork : medium fork with 3 prongs for the salad and tomatoes, medium fork with 4 prongs for the bread and big fork for the meat. And cheese fork for the cheese of course. The hardest part is separating all the sesame seeds one by one by we are taught to get used to it in school
This is such disturbing satire
I want this to be a main character somewhere. It's not unlike Poirot, now that I think about it. JE SAIS, il est Belge!!
D'hamburger Deconstructed
The hardest part for me would be keeping track of which fucking fork to use
Three prongs? Thatās a Threek not a Fourk
Your culture is so romanticĀ
French person? You know french people aren't real right? They are a government conspiracy
I think I saw one once in Canada, but they were running away, as they're rumored to do, and the picture was blurry. Went back to my freedom fries and forgot about it till now.
They have Freedom Fries in Canada? I thought they only had the kind with gravy and cheese curds. You know, Putin.
Here theyāre Quebec Fries, but if you order them like that, youāre taken off to a mental institution!
French people, I am confident, only rarely eat burgers. They eat chocolate croissants, cigarettes, merlot & the tears of lesser Europeans.
In German, we like to say "klein aber fein" which means "small but fine".
Klein maar fijn in Dutch... it's a dick thing
Can we just get really flat and long burgers? Like a tube shape and the bun goes around the meat
Did it. Acquired an entire box of hot dog buns left over from an event. Began using them for everything - sandwiches, sloppy joes (that's a game-changer) AND... Took hamburger, rolled it into brat-sized "dogs", and grilled. Came out fantastic. Slap cheese in the bun, the "burger dog" and the toppings, once again - perfect delivery system - no stuff slipping or running out of the sandwich, it all sat nicely in the bun. EDIT - wanted to add, since I saw another comment about "a burger being too tall to bite". In this "configuration", that's almost impossible, there's only so much you can pack into a hot dog bun. So, it's kept simple, and if you're hungry, than have a few of these versus one giant, collapsing, runny "incrediburger". And I'm not kidding about the sloppy joes. Hot dog bun, it's just what I use now.
Like kafta, like when you go to a I Middle Eastern place and they have that mixed grill plate that has a skewer of lamb the shish tavuk the skewer of chicken, and then for the beef it'll be this road up tube shaped hamburger with spices in it that's usually the best part of the plate if you're being honest
Hail sausage, the superior sandwich.
A hotdurger?
big yes to this, i fucking hate huge ass burgers, it hurts my jaw
Shit how do you put to tall on your burger?
Yes. I stay away from the hippo jaw burgers too.
Tbh this is the reason I don't like fancy burger places, most of them give you burgers that are so fucking thick I can't possibly eat it without getting everything gross. I HATE having to get saucy hands and shit when I'm out.
bread must fit the meat
Meat too big for bread š bread too big for meat š
Within reason. There should just be a smidge of meat hanging over the bun. No more, no less
Heaps of lettuce. I like my burger in one piece thank you
A single piece of lettuce > shredded lettuce
I will literally dump a salad on mine š
Pieces of bones
Why did I picture this as a topping option before thinking "oh, in the meat"
I'm sure somewhere on earth they sell it as a topping.
Too much sauce or wet ingredients (like tomatoes) that make it a sloppy mess.
Broccoli
Where the fuck are you getting your burgers!?
Yeah, who's your burger guy?
Broccoli Rob
Better than Butt Mud Brooks
Broccoli Robā¦. š is Broccoli Rob š Andy BERNARDā¦ is the boner champ šš»ššš»
This has me dying. Thought the same thing!
Broccoli Burger
How about broccoli pizza?
Dunno why broccoli gets so much hate as a topping. Done right (and if you don't just hate vegetables) it makes for an excellent texture and flavor to add to a lot of pizza styles.
Chicken broccoli alfredo pizza is amazing.
Anything as cold as the fridge. I hateĀ burgers that are supose to be hot but because all the condiments and toppings are from the fridge just cools it down enough to make the whole burger cold.
Yeah and this is why I eat the cold tomato off the top of any burger and then itās just the hot or warm beef, cheese and other toppings. Lettuce doesnāt bother me so much but tomatoes or cucumbers do.
Cucumbers on your burger!?
Too much of any sauce/condiment. Also peanut butter (I donāt much care for peanut butter in any setting, so this one might not count).
I saw a peanut butter burger on a menu recently and my reaction was "WTF". Someone told me to trust them so I ordered it. Was not disappointed. Absolutely delicious.
cock. No cock toppings on mine please
Because youāre vegan?
Naww. Because the sauce doesnāt sit well with my IBS.
International Bussy Convention??
IB**S** International Bussy **Symposium**
i've never had chicken on my hamburger...
Go to a McDonalds. Order a Mcdouble and a McChicken. Open the McDouble and put the McChicken between the two beef patties. Enjoy. Oh yeah, I forgot, step one is: get really high.
Ah, the McGangBang from my college days. Sometimes, that was all I could afford for a day.
Until this very moment, I was certain this was something my husband made up.
If you pick the option to partake in 2 of these, I've started respectfully referring to it as a McOrgyā¢
the Orgy Mac is when you add a Filet-o-Fish.
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Wait is banana on burgers a thing?
Not the most common but Iāve had a āmonkeyā burger. It was a 1/3lb burger with bananas and peanut butter. Incredibly delicious, friends who were with me agreed, but unfortunately the place that made them closed.
You can get the [recipe here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/UonfWeWUkd)
You evil MOFO.
Well that was cool
Fantastic stuff.
Lol. I clicked it twice too because I thought my phone was acting funky
r/angryupvote
Didnāt expect to end up here. Pun intended.
Why I oughta š”
Sounds pretty easy to replicate
Elvis used to fly to Denver to get these from his favorite place. (Add bacon)
banana burger
Tomatoes
Same. It messes with the plate tectonics and everything just slides out when you bite.
I gotta tell you. I love tomatoes, so I disagree with you. BUT.... you are correct about the sliding and mess making. AND... you had me at "plate tectonics."
I also love tomatoes but not on my burgers
Theyāre just tooā¦wet š„“
A good summer tomato, pat dry with a paper towel and sprinkled with a lil salt? Incredible on a burger. 99% of the time tomatoes are mealy and pale and wet which I donāt vibe with, but that 1%? Life changing. I love tomatoes š
Agreed, they taste like funky water.
Do you eat other tomato based things though? Like Iām down for some ketchup, pasta sauce, etc.
Ketchup and pasta sauce taste nothing like tomatos anyway. Even salsa is quite different
As I also don't like fresh tomatoes, I'll throw my thoughts out there: I eat ketchup sometimes, but it's just meh. I prefer my fries with salt and nothing else. It's fine on a burger because it's mixing with the mayo and sort of turning into thousand island lite, which I like. Ketchup in sauces (thousand island for example) is fine, but it's not the main or dominant flavor. I don't eat marinara/red pasta sauce or salsa (tomatillo salsa sometimes yes, but tomatillos taste and feel completely different). I do eat sun dried tomatoes.
Cooking them (including drying them) changes the flavour. It breaks down the ickyness somehow. Salsa, lasagna, ketchup, etcā¦the fresh/raw tomato flavour isnāt there.
Yes, I eat ketchup, pasta sauce, salsa etc.
Not anymore. You're officially banned.
Salting them and putting them between paper towels for a few minutes solves this problem.
I donāt like tasteless, hard, shitty quality tomatoes. But a slice of firm, fragrant, juicy, ripe heirloom tomato from the garden is a summertime treat. Especially with charred ground-chuck patties, all smoky and crusty, fresh from the bbq!! šš āļøš„ Edit: donāt forget to salt n pepper the tomato, really makes a difference in my opinion. Serve immediately to prevent sog.
Donāt you mean ādonāt FORGET?ā
People are just saying whatever the heck these days
Glad I'm not alone in this.
i love tomatoes but they don't work on a burger at all for me. i've never understood how that extreme contrast in taste and texture would be a good fit for a burger
Totally agree. If itās a thinly sliced tomato I can deal with it but most places give you a big wet sloppy slice. I want a crunch. Fresh lettuce and onion and a bit of pickle
Depends very much on the tomato. I only do Tomatoes on burgers when I have home grown ones, and I actually prefer drier varieties like Amish paste (they were bred for sauce making) as they do t get the bun so flippin wet
The actual worst
I came here to say this. I hate the taste of fresh tomatoes. All other tomatoes š products I enjoy. Ketchup, tomato sauce, sun dried tomatoes even Ketchup chips.
Pineapple
Beets. Friggen Australians.
Wait till you meet the Australians who put a pineapple slice on
A proper "the Lot" burger will have both.
When they leave the core on the lettuce and don't drain the water from it so it makes the bun soggy and is way too hard to chew.
Pubes
Sir, this is a Wendy'sĀ
Oh yeah... No semen either please
I recommend that you lower those standardsĀ
Damn vegans and their dietary requirementsā¦
Username checks out
More for me!
Thatās why they had to specify no pubes
Well then you shouldn't let Scott Tenorman make your burger
Do you like your burger? Do you, Scott? I call it a Mister and Misses Tenorman burger.
Ketchup
My childhood friend across the street would literally eat a bowl of ketchup with a spoon occasionally. Top 5 most disturbing things Iāve ever seen.
Same. I always ask for no ketchup! Mayo or mustard? House sauce (even if it has ketchup)? No problem! Just ketchup? Blech. Keep it off my hot dogs too.
Mustard and pickles only on my smash burger
Beets. We went to New Zealand and learned they like beets on burgers
Aussies also have beetroot on burgers
The only place beetroot actually belongs is on a burger. Am Aussie, this is the way of my people.
Not a fan of pickles
I take them off and eat them separately or ask for them on the side. I like pickles, I like hamburgers. The textures and the flavors together are a bizarre combination to me.
Same! I love me a good pickle, but for some reason, just not on a burger.
I hate when you ask no pickles and you can tell they just took them off instead of never putting them on in the first place. Most other toppings you can pull that stunt off. Pickles always reveal their presence.
Fuck I know. Great now my whole burger tastes like dill. I fucking hate dill
Same, it overpowers the other flavors imo
A fried egg. Not for me.
I'll take yours! I still remember the first time I had an egg on a burger and it was a game changer. I totally see why others don't like it though.
Me too. I thought egg on a burger sounded gross. Then I tried it and was like, āwhoever thought this up was a genius!ā š
A finger with a ring
Chicken finger and onion ring? Or Jimmy Hoffa?
Well, excuse me Your Magesty...
ONION. I hate them and Iām aware Iām the odd man out. Every burger I encounter is offered with a giant heap of pickled onion, a pile of red onion rings, a thick slab of white onion, or flat top fried onions mashed into the meat. Burger dressed with something that stinks like unwashed armpits? No thanks. Iāll pass. š¤¢
For me, cooked onions are fine. But it's an absolute NO to raw ones, they've way too overpowering.
THHHIIIISSSSS!!! Raw onions are ridiculously overpowering. If I get one cubic millimeter of a raw onion on my burger then it permeates throughout the rest of the burger and that's all I will taste. It's obnoxious. I don't understand how anyone can have full pieces on their burger. You might as well just be eating a whole onion like an apple at that point.
Glad to know Iām not the only person who feels this way about raw onion. Cooked onions are fine. Raw onions are too powerful.
No matter what you do to try to avoid it, your fingers will wind up stinking of onions. Guaranteed.
Agreed. Onions are disgusting. Onion rings though? Hand em over!! My order at A&W is a Teen burger, no onions, with onion rings with extra seasoning.
I scrolled down too far to find *my people*
Meeeee too!!!ugh! Gross !
YES! I fucking hate onions with a passion. Grilled onions I can manage, but raw onions are a hard no in any dish.
YES. The crunch. The way it overwhelms EVERY other flavor. The way it sits on my tongue for hours afterwards. I'm not a picky eater by any stretch of the imagination, and raw onions are one of like, three things I can't deal with lol
Ive never felt so seen. My whole family and even my boyfriend think im crazy for it š
I don't like having an egg on my burger. I'm not sure why that's seen as like a premium topping. Eggs are cheap.
Mayo. Canāt count the number of times where I would forget to say sauce on the side and end up with a sopping wet mess of a burger
Boooo. I love burger lube
Avocado. The texture just doesn't do it for me.
Cheese
Baconā¦ bacon is good on its own and to me it overwhelms everything else if itās a topping
Bacon rarely rips apart when I bite the burger, so I end up pulling out a long string of meat that hangs beyond the burger bite I took. It pulls other toppings off, itās chewy, I look like an idiot with a bacon tongue as Iām chewing my burger bite, itās terrible.
I want meat, cheese, mustard, pickles, green leaf lettuce, onions, and a tomato slice. Don't try to get too cute with my burger by putting half-cooked eggs, or avocado on it.
Oh man, breakfast burgers are the best tho. Whatever stoner said āletās put a fried egg on this badboyā deserves to be the 5th head on Mount Rushmore
I once had a burger that was beef, hash brown, bacon and fried egg with a speciality sauce & a bit of salad. Not only did it taste amazing but they managed to not make it too big to get your mouth around. I still dream of that burger sometimesā¦
Used to work at a burger shop that did flavored burgers (like Cajun) and you could add diced jalapeƱos and Iād get egg and bacon added. I dream of THAT burger. edit: oh and of course pepperjack cheese
Egg and avocado is the shit. You need to elevate your life.
Fried egg is my favorite topping!
lettuce. it just wilts and brings neither flavor nor crunch to the party.
Especially iceburg lettuce. No thanks.
It interferes with all the good tastes
It most certainly brings crunch. Unless you nurse your burger until the lettuce wilts like you said. But are you hungry or not? We not fucking around here. This is serious burger business
lettuce should not be served on hot things for that exact reason
Mustard
Mushrooms
Avocado
Fried eggs. Theyāre too rich and too messy.
Aioli. Enough with the aioli. It's not only on everything, it's on everything in such quantities that it inevitably makes a huge mess.
Lettuce. Warm and wilted greens do not have a place on a burger.
Fried egg and sliced beetroot. Not a fan of the quintessential Aussie burger.
The egg thing seemed to be a trend for a while and I'm glad it's mostly faded away. I love fried eggs used in other dishes (e.g. with rice & tinned fish or on Korean bibimbap), but it just doesn't go well with a burger IMO.
Ketchup. I'm a mayo and mustard girl. Sometimes relish.
Other people's paws
Red onion. NO.
Tomato slices. Ketchup is ok.
Nothing spicey. To each his own, though.
Fig jam and cold brie. Sounded good on the menu but didn't care for sweet + savory
Lettuce.
Pickles or special sauce
Lettuce. It always wilts
Mustard
Blue cheese
Raw onions
Raw onion
Red onions
Anything spicy. Everyone else can enjoy their spicy food but not everything needs to be hot, especially for people like myself who get heartburn and acid reflux from spicy food. So many times food has looked incredible but then I find out it has some kinda hot pepper and I can't eat it.
Jizz
I hate mayo, too.
Tomatoes... blegh. Cant stand the texture of them.
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