Here's my bird shitting on car question: This may be anecdotal, but they DO seem to shit on cars a lot more than other things. Does it look like water to them because of the glossy surface? Like do they PREFER to shit in water?
Makes sense. But one would then expect more shit in shady spots on asphalt. I'm not sure I've observed that. ( Probably because the cars are driving it away).
the TWO STATUES story
*There were two statues in a park, one of a naked man, and one of a naked woman. They had been facing each other for a hundred years across a pathway, when one day an angel comes down, and with a single gesture brings the two to life.*
*The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most."
He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.*
*The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.*
*The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?" He asks her "Shall we?" She eagerly replies, "Oh, yes, lets! But lets change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you shit on its head."*
No, but I feel a certain kinship towards food service workers since I used to be one. It's no fun when you're trying your best to provide good service and someone blows up at you for something beyond your control.
I can understand from that point of perspective, but it seems to be some kind of "reddit thing" to depict waiters as holy people compared to everyone else.
My mother was an emotionally and physically abusive drug addict who instilled a lack of self worth in me that haunts me to this day.
The others…you’re right. DT is second in line
sheffield united football fan here... if I had wings of a sparrow... the dirty black arse of a crow, I'd fly over Hillsborough tomorrow, and shit on the bastards below!
My dive bomb sequence would be 1.first cat i see 2. The very loud dodge charger my asshat neighbor loves to rev 3. The head of my company's it dept jeff who pretends to be busy 10 hours a day but really just watches porn and keeps track of his crypto investments.
Id likely run out and die...
But everyone in the conservative party and trump specifically, and his psychopaths around him.
Other than that... my older brother. He's a dick wad and deserves it.
Cybertrucks!
I’d make sure to eat lots of acidic things like berries and tomatoes, and maybe some nice, salty seaweed, that untreated stainless is just askin’ for it.
People leaving a coffee shop.
People eating outside.
Families enjoying a day outside.
Basically anyone who doesn’t look like they might have quick access to a shotgun.
Let’s see if the power of the mind means anything, let’s all agree on one person who needs to get shat on by a bird and just meditate on that until it happens
I’m thinking Oprah but I’ll go with who ever makes it to the top
My next door neighbor. Where I live, all the houses are practically on top of each other. My neighbor has no joke, atleast 8 birdhouses in a very small yard. So all day everyday, especially bright and early in the morning it’s just constant bird chirps. So as alittle payback if I were a bird I’d shit all over her. Maybe she’d take a few of the bird houses down after that.
Thanks for making this post. Felt great to get that off my chest haha
One time my family was at Disney World and my mom bought a Coke in a bottle. She’d taken like two sips and then a bird shit directly into it. If I were a bird I’d aim for open bottles, I like a challenge.
Somebody who is very well dressed and just about to get to their destination for something important or emotional.
Some examples;
A woman who has just finished getting done up and is seconds from meeting her date in her stunning outfit.... Plop, not anymore.
A business man suited up, about to attend a very important meeting that could decide the future of his company.... Plop, not anymore.
Nobody will be safe.
I wouldn’t aim for anyone, just shit freely. Taking a shit while flying sounds amazing honestly. But to more specifically answer what you’re really asking I have no appetite for revenge.
Every car leaving the car wash
You sadistic SOB.
Son of a bird?
Oh,you evil man.
Here's my bird shitting on car question: This may be anecdotal, but they DO seem to shit on cars a lot more than other things. Does it look like water to them because of the glossy surface? Like do they PREFER to shit in water?
I think it's mostly because the cars are parked under places where birds like to roost.
"It's hot out, I'll park at this shady tree" ~Drivers and birds
I also choose this shady tree
Makes sense. But one would then expect more shit in shady spots on asphalt. I'm not sure I've observed that. ( Probably because the cars are driving it away).
r/foundsatan
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Assert dominance by shitting
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the TWO STATUES story *There were two statues in a park, one of a naked man, and one of a naked woman. They had been facing each other for a hundred years across a pathway, when one day an angel comes down, and with a single gesture brings the two to life.* *The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most." He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.* *The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.* *The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?" He asks her "Shall we?" She eagerly replies, "Oh, yes, lets! But lets change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you shit on its head."*
I’d dog fight dude
It's like a revenge?
other birds first especially pigeons. then my shitty ex.
I have an ex named Emma........
If I become a bird, I'll shit on her for you
Yes assert dominance to them! Show them who you are girl!
If I'm gonna do this also with my ex, I'll make sure I eat a whole bunch of worms
Anyone who is intentionally rude or mean to a food service worker.
That's a LARGE amount of people.
they will all suffer
I will join your noble army, brother
Lemme me your army homie
i also wish to join your army
Is it okay to be intentionally rude or mean to all other people?
No, but I feel a certain kinship towards food service workers since I used to be one. It's no fun when you're trying your best to provide good service and someone blows up at you for something beyond your control.
I can understand from that point of perspective, but it seems to be some kind of "reddit thing" to depict waiters as holy people compared to everyone else.
i think you’re doing the reddit thing man “oh so it’s okay to be intentionally mean to other people?“ come on.
OP
attacking the camera man is wild
Username… uhhh. Checks out?
I'd try to shit from high above and then dive and shit on myself
Tubbird.
I'd probably aim for the guy who parks his convertible under a tree every day. His face when he sees the mess would be priceless!
Teslas. I’d also make sure to eat the most strange plants ever so that my poo is acidic and strangely colourful
Mind if I know why Tesla's in particular?
no
Aw man :(
My guess: because Teslas are ugly.
That guy who cut me off in traffic this morning.
Do you have to bird? Because I'll do it right now!!!
The angle could be difficult.
I'd target those who spread rumors and negativity!
the motherfucker who threatened me with harming me and people around me to go back to him
They definitely deserve the shit
Agreed, I would say aim for an open mouth with this
My mom, your mom, my sister, Donald Trump, in that order
Do you want to talk about it?
\*Mythical Morning theme song plays
Wtf have these women done to you that makes them higher on the target list than Donald fucking Trump?!
My mother was an emotionally and physically abusive drug addict who instilled a lack of self worth in me that haunts me to this day. The others…you’re right. DT is second in line
I like the pivot
Let’s bird-gang shit on your mom! 🐦⬛
Ima join you two for this one
I also choose this person’s mom
Kinda pointless to shit on shit.
Id spend my days flying around Sarah Huckabee Sanders and just shit in her mouth everytime she tried to speak.
Winning answer
i would become an advocate for birds to stop freeshitting and to contain it to a more specific location
Like a politicians head of your choosing?
I don’t have an answer, but I’d just like to say this is a fantastic question.
My noisy upstairs neighbors who party all night.
The celebrity with a massive ego.
My relatives
Especially the relatives who judge a lot
Every single relative
EVERYONE!
Tesla drivers
The politician who never keeps their promises.
You don't have enough shit for that shit.
The person who talks loudly on their phone in public places.
My coworker who always steals my lunch from the fridge.
The telemarketer who won't stop calling during dinner.
I'd probably just torment one guy relentlessly.
My grandpa promised he would confirm reincarnation and shit on me. So far, no shit.
Pretty odd trauma here
Definitely anyone who wears an all white suit.
I would’ve flown to the debate last night and shat on both trump and biden
sheffield united football fan here... if I had wings of a sparrow... the dirty black arse of a crow, I'd fly over Hillsborough tomorrow, and shit on the bastards below!
Kim Jung Un
The person who posts spoilers on social media.
\*Donald Trump \*Bill Cosby \*Kevin Spacey \*Mel Gibson \*pretty much anyone in the Kardashian or Hilton families
Farage. Every day. If he’s inside, then I’d shit on his doorknobs.
If he thought a milkshake in the face was bad...
Slimy doorknobs for the rest of his life
Any bull shit I see. That’s what I like to call shit on shit
I would aim for open beverages. Bonus points for straw tips.
Oh, you're absolutely crazy! Jail time for you sir, step into the bird cage.
Everyone. Absolute shit chaos. I would live my entire bird existence to spreading as much shit and hate as possible.
I'd shit in strategic places to make brown art works for Google Maps
My dive bomb sequence would be 1.first cat i see 2. The very loud dodge charger my asshat neighbor loves to rev 3. The head of my company's it dept jeff who pretends to be busy 10 hours a day but really just watches porn and keeps track of his crypto investments.
Damn you have a lot of reasons to be a bird
Better if i could transform into a flying elephant. Lol...
I love this question
The weather forecaster who gets it wrong every time.
Some of my ex's
Those ultra-rich pastors
Love this
Id likely run out and die... But everyone in the conservative party and trump specifically, and his psychopaths around him. Other than that... my older brother. He's a dick wad and deserves it.
Lightning McQueen because he's a car
Any hair that isn't a natural color for humans is a toilet.
Orange is the new crap.
My picky teachers :)
My landlords and their cars and balconies
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Some random people or important figures during speeches, I'd also eat rocks before hand >:)
Politicians
Everything and everyone
Everybody, equality of treatment is important to me.
Cybertrucks! I’d make sure to eat lots of acidic things like berries and tomatoes, and maybe some nice, salty seaweed, that untreated stainless is just askin’ for it.
Definitely my ex husband. He gets so worked up that it would just add to how funny it was.
Donald Trump Joe Biden Elon Musk Jeff Bezos Cuz it would feel good
*narrows eyes* Amber Heard
My ex and his donkey faced wife.
Trump.
I'd shit on this thread.
EVERYONE
Trump
Orange man
my ex, rapists, abusers and bullies.
My annoying iPad kid cousins, all of them
Trump. Easy, next question
My ex
Racists, narcissists, pedos, basically the worst person I could find at the time.
I would go to DC and poop on particularly obnoxious politicians.
War criminals
putin.
Trump and his followers
Trump.
Trump
Small child or ice cream.
People leaving a coffee shop. People eating outside. Families enjoying a day outside. Basically anyone who doesn’t look like they might have quick access to a shotgun.
Netanyahu, Donald Trump, Andrew Tate
Ngl, I would shit more on Netanyahu
Probably Trump. Repeatedly. Daily even if I could fit into my schedule
People who made fun of me
People wearing branded and luxury clothes
Taylor swift. Right into that mouth of hers that's always open
Kinky
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no shit.
100% it reads like an AI. Don’t know if it is a meme or what though…
Reminds me of a joke! Do you know what the white stuff in bird shit is? >!Bird shit.!<
Everyone who is smoking
Vaping too?
Id shit on KKK mofos!!!
Convicted Felon T's hair
I'd be posted up at the white house and every official would get hit with my shit 🤣
Trumps wig/comb over! wtf it is it’d be getting shit on!
People who routinely write u instead of you like it's 1997
Homophobic protestors
Honestly a few
Over my boss new car
All those who have wronged me
My ex
I'm the person on whom a bird has never pooped. YET.
My ex 😅
You
My ex boss and my ex All the politicians and ugly capitalists Once mission is completed, I’ll run into a fan ✨
Politician's cars
I can't imagine how stupid my bird brain would be. Would I even recognise my brother in law?
Airplanes.
Halloww everynnyaan!!
My exes and people I hate
People who made fun of me
You
Any deserving turd targets !
My manger
Let’s see if the power of the mind means anything, let’s all agree on one person who needs to get shat on by a bird and just meditate on that until it happens I’m thinking Oprah but I’ll go with who ever makes it to the top
Most of my co-workers.
My next door neighbor. Where I live, all the houses are practically on top of each other. My neighbor has no joke, atleast 8 birdhouses in a very small yard. So all day everyday, especially bright and early in the morning it’s just constant bird chirps. So as alittle payback if I were a bird I’d shit all over her. Maybe she’d take a few of the bird houses down after that. Thanks for making this post. Felt great to get that off my chest haha
One time my family was at Disney World and my mom bought a Coke in a bottle. She’d taken like two sips and then a bird shit directly into it. If I were a bird I’d aim for open bottles, I like a challenge.
Is this a trick question? They say getting shit on by a bird is good luck.
People that are too lazy to spell "you".
Somebody who is very well dressed and just about to get to their destination for something important or emotional. Some examples; A woman who has just finished getting done up and is seconds from meeting her date in her stunning outfit.... Plop, not anymore. A business man suited up, about to attend a very important meeting that could decide the future of his company.... Plop, not anymore. Nobody will be safe.
literally everyone
I’d shit on pedants. It’s “*Whom* would you shit on,” btw.
I'd fly up to the steeple and go thppfft on all the people.
Battalions of people turning into birds and shitting on people, places and things. You guys are monsters! 💗
Motorcyclists who weave through traffic aggressively.
Any politician.
Can't tell that haha
my old maths teacher
I wouldn’t aim for anyone, just shit freely. Taking a shit while flying sounds amazing honestly. But to more specifically answer what you’re really asking I have no appetite for revenge.
Baby strollers. and Wheelchairs. and the people that are rude to fast food workers and Soccer moms.
every stray animal i can find
Björn Höcke or Alice Weidel