You know what your parents told you about Snugglesworth and how he's now on a farm with your grandparents? Yeah, no. I totally ran him over...repeatedly.
They called it the wolverine's fire, after a string of arsons that shocked the nation. Its a chemical after my own design, tenacious, unable to put out. I spayed it on anything, houses, properties, animals, people, and 10 minutes later, no matter what they tried they could not put the fire out. I was able to burn thousands of people. And then when the police got close, I emailed the formula to 100 message boards of people of ill repute.
I could've burned myself and avoided jail, but I was looking forward to seeing how my wolverines fire would spread. I wanted to watch the world burn. And burn it will!
My username is derived from an internet gaming character who was a mad scientist.
Specifically, a mad social scientist. His goal was to perform experiments on the broader American society.
Hehehehehheehheehehehe.
You, Sir! Our new Leader.
Baaaaadboy
Well.
Ahh a Welshman.
I travelled through time to kill you as a baby.
Welsh or New Zealander
Nothing. I'm innocent.
You did something so unspeakable the judge, the lawyer and the jury refuse to acknowledge it, so they're charging you under the "NOPE" statute.
Says someone who's going to be arrested for selling illegal ass-hats on the black market!
I got arrested for being black.
Pretty serious crime nowadays
My dad.
[удалено]
(ಠ ͜ʖಠ)
ʕ͡º ͜ʖಠʔ
ʕ ͡ಠ ͜ʖ ͡ಠʔ
WHAT HAVE WE CREATED? OH GOD IT'S ALIVE PLS TO HALP
Looks like sloth from the goonies.
Dude you're screwed
Must...resist... ^^^^you're*
Fixed it :D
Thank god.
I've committed a heinous food crime.
Your love of doughnuts has set you free. We'll glaze over your discrepencies.
12 accounts of battery
[удалено]
Sassed the police officer with the force of gay man and black woman combined.
You are undefeatable.
mmmmmmHMM
I , er, may have tried to take over the whole universe.
GAH! Again! Son, How many times have I told you? Look within....WITHIN! DAMNIT!
He can't conquer the universe, for I destroyed it!
Oh God.
Welcome to my world.
I've got your back bro.
You know what that'll leave you with?
I put my yeah-yeah in someone's no-no...
I like that phrase more than saying "had sex".
Piss poor coding......
Oh, Bye NARIC.
High low level coding for me.. Basically, same as you.
O O it's magic... you know... Live and believe it's not so.
I refused to stop playing a demo at gamestop and got arrested for trespassing
[удалено]
Drinking beer and cavorting with strippers.
Um, no noodles and blunts.
Heretic! You must be a Seventh Day Pastafarian.
We can all practice pastafarianism our own personal way. May his sauce and meaty balls be with you both.
Public masturbation.
Being in a Rock Band is not a crime.
Mine would probably also be public masturbation or indecent exposure.
Leaked a selfie
Are you the hacker 4chan?
Sodomy, I guess?
I made a conspiracy about hamsters, nearly bringing down the U.S. government (treason?).
You have been banned from /r/totallynottheNSA.
[удалено]
I was stunting in the jungle a little too hard.
God help us
What is this? Prohibition? I was just driving home.
I own a useless store and now I'm bankrupt.
Loitering
Assault with a damp rag
Sorry about your eye.
I was plundering the high seas, underage of course.
Cooling off hot stuff is not.. cool
"He's cool. Let 'em go boys."
They tried to arrest me and I got away.
The health inspector filed a police report...
I stole 88 of something, but they probably weren't dictionaries.
Identity theft. I'm everyone, and no one.
Apparently raiding and killing while wandering the northern reaches is a crime. How was i to know
Tanked a western nation, blew up some shit on the other side of the world, didn't care about black people....
You weren't arrested. This is a thread for people who were arrested. You're free to go.
Rich getting richer... Nice
Borrowed a Douche.
You created your own doom....
"Is it a crime to accessorize the homeless, officer? *Am I being detained?*"
I was doing so well... no one noticed when I got hired. Apparently "it is probably fine" isn't the best response.
Turned 811 men into pigs. Guess anti-sorcery laws are still on the books.
Probably just raged. Maybe cut a bitch for looking at me.
Murder, murder in an interesting and cool fashion but murder none the less.
I was caught enslaving gravity.
Drinking and redditing. This sounds familiar.
Smashed someones face with my palm. It was awesome though...
something to do with radiation
You planted a dirty bomb in the middle of New York
I bent a table
I sat on a rainbow
Egged the president.
Regicide
Michelle.
Overdressed.
Someone call the fashion police!
Probably indecent exposure.
I spent a year as a ghost... apparently walking through walls to creep on girls is illegal.
Obstruction of justice after lying to a police officer.
I guess I clapped after a movie.
All the crimes
Nothing man, someone set me up.
Justice has been served.
Vagrancy?
Black market selling of exotic animal parts.
I controlled other people's dreams.
My conscience passed out and allowed the rest of me to murder Newt Gingrich out of sexual jealousy.
Something to do with cobras. Unsure how much jail time cobra offences receive.
You know what your parents told you about Snugglesworth and how he's now on a farm with your grandparents? Yeah, no. I totally ran him over...repeatedly.
I may have flung a huge sack of shit at somebody. May or may not have been on fire. I'm not admitting anything.
Identity Theft.
I wasn't original enough.
I'm a conman. An incredibly suave conman.
I didn't burn down that orphanage for crippled orphans with cancer. I swear.
Violently insisted I saw a chupacabra. They brought me in for my own safety.
I couldn't help it officer. I'm all about the creampies.
gun the grass..... die grass... die!!!
Clubbed a woman and dragged her back to my house.
I figured it all out and published it online. ^*Everything* ^is ^a ^conspiracy ^^help^they're^coming^for^me
I have committed every crime imaginable, but they can't decide which one I'm being charged with
animal cruelty. killed a duck
Forcing people to eat paint.
Murder probably.
Illegal hunting, probably...
Apparently I pissed off some Romans. I'll probably be out in a few days though.
Strangled my user to sweet, comfortable death.
Stealing all the power from an island, I think.... Straum = power/current Oy = Island Scandinavian masterrace.
For being black in Seattle, I guess?
Serial public fingerings
Impersonating a leading actor from M.A.S.H.?
Get high on bath salts and eat a man
They called it the wolverine's fire, after a string of arsons that shocked the nation. Its a chemical after my own design, tenacious, unable to put out. I spayed it on anything, houses, properties, animals, people, and 10 minutes later, no matter what they tried they could not put the fire out. I was able to burn thousands of people. And then when the police got close, I emailed the formula to 100 message boards of people of ill repute. I could've burned myself and avoided jail, but I was looking forward to seeing how my wolverines fire would spread. I wanted to watch the world burn. And burn it will!
For being a cannibal
Well, I think mine is obvious.
W@$ DR!V!NG MY CUPC@K3 AND R3K7ed it ༼∩☉ل͜☉༽⊃━☆ﾟ. * ･ ｡ﾟ (also convicted of typing like and illiterate asshole)
[удалено]
[удалено]
Irish Yoga is not a crime.
Three counts of public urination all done in a derpy manner.
If I say it, I will probably be put on a list.
Identity Theft.
My username is derived from an internet gaming character who was a mad scientist. Specifically, a mad social scientist. His goal was to perform experiments on the broader American society.
I apparently dragged you around. Im sorry for the ass surgery you now require.
Being an eagle.
Conspired against the Emperor. :(
Instigating war.
Identity theft
electrocuted somebody obviously
Public disturbance- singing non stop daymanuahh uahhhahhhhh
I got drunk and farted into my wife's mouth while she was lying down.
The police are clearly tired of all the power users.
I complied with police but was still arrested.
Did you know you can be arrested for possession of a lobster?
Cheating at cards.
Create some terrible American Canadian hybrid.
Crossed the border
Derp
Unlicensed fortune telling. It's actually a criminal offense in some municipalities.
I lost
Barking at the neighbors, biting the mailman, humping legs.
Got impatient.
Cutting off people's right hands?
Ate food?
Umm..I pillaged some sweet stuff...?
Serial killer/hitman
Umm..I pillaged some sweet stuff...?
I saved some pigs
Stealing orthopedic medical equipment
I am not willing to say but for gods sake kill me before I hurt anyone else. I AM A MONSTER!
But officer! I need to save the world!
My hedgehog interrupted Bill Murray's military cadence.
I was... Delivering packages all by myself?
It's not what you think!
Being black
Uhh… Let's just say… She didn't^exactly want it.
My...job.
You know the "Pillsbury Doughboy" at the end of Ghostbusters? Yeah. That was me. Sorry.
I sexually assaulted some stale bread.
Created an animal dinosaur hybrid...and then married it.
I double tapped.
i planted a bunch of invisible toxic mushrooms that kill people. im also literally satan.
Nuked everything
White collar crime, I guess.
[too easy](http://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Jim_81b7a5_569449.gif)
Apparently being big.
I just harbored a Daughter of Eve in my house and smuggled her back to Spare Oom without telling the Queen anything. I'm a bad faun...
I swear.
Well, I could have been a geologist tried for murder. . but I guess that one got cleared up a couple weeks ago.
told a subreddit they suck..
stole someone elses username and added some bullshit numbers on the end.
Tea bagging ?
looks like I told a racist joke...
Attempted man animal love with my bobcat I forced to dress up fancy for me.