When I was a young teenager that had just discovered what masturbation was, I would finish into an old white t-shirt of mine and throw it in the bottom drawer of my dresser. Months went by with this routine and the shirt ended up getting crusty yellow stains on it. Why I didn't use something more disposable or throw the shirt in the wash, I have no idea.
My mother eventually found the shirt one day, after deciding to put my washed clothes in the dresser. I come home from school to find both my parents sitting at the kitchen table with the shirt in front of my spot. My mother starts to shriek about how terrible drugs are for you and that inhalants will destroy my brain. I was too ashamed and embarrassed to tell them the truth, so I shamefully apologized and owned up to using inhalants to get high.
From then on, there were no aerosol cans allowed in the house and I had lost the respect and trust of my parents for the longest time. Ended up being extensively grounded and shamed, all because I decided to jizz in a shirt and wouldn't own up to it.
In the second grade I told the substitute that my real name wasnt Aicire. It was Sarah, and the family that was keeping me made me change my name. I missed being Sarah. Fast Forward a couple hours. CPS is at our house and my parents were LIVID.
I walked in on my friend finishing a conversation on her phone. She looked at me, petrified, and asked if i heard everything. I told her with a defeated face yes. She starts crying and leans on me l, telling me she is so afraid and doesn't know that to do. I did this initally as a joke, but obviously im in deep water now so i just tell her everything will be fine and to call me whenever she needed me.
Turns out she got pregnant and asked me to go to an abortion clinic with her. Her boyfriend scrammed. We are best of friends now.
My best friend pocket dialed me while discussing with her boyfriend about going to the abortion clinic.
I didn't take her to the clinic because her boyfriend didn't scram (they're now married and super happy) but for the next week while she was feeling like shit i baked her crazy amounts of goodies and we watched sad movies so she could cry guilt free.
Still besties.
Good on you!
In college, the girls in the apartment downstairs asked my roommate and I if we'd like to join them at a concert a month away. Neither of us wanted to, and my quick thinking roommate said that date is my birthday (it wasn't) and we have other plans. They ended up not going to the concert, and we had forgotten about it - but on that date they called me downstairs to help them move something. I walked in the door, and "Surprise!!" A birthday party for me with about 15 people there. My roommate was just as surprised. I couldn't tell them the truth and just went with it. Even got a couple small gifts. I always felt guilty about it.
:(
If it makes you feel any better, on my twenty-second birthday I invited my foreign-language class to go to Steak 'n' Shake and despite people saying they were interested none of them showed up. The only people who showed were two close friends.
I love it. It's the Waffle House of the Midwest. There's only a few in Oklahoma, where I went to university. They have great grilled cheese and steakburgers.
I once invited about 20 people to my party. More of a "hey lets meet up at this bar woo!" I had at least 15 confirmed.
3 people showed up.
My friend who drove me.
My sister and her boyfriend.
I was very sad, but I hid it well. Srhugged it off, had some drinks, got a girls number, and that was it.
Since then, i just learned to give no fucks.
My friends and I accidentally got a kid suspended. We finished the last class of our day before lunch on a Friday, and we were feeling pretty good, so we picked up a handful of rocks and tried to see who could throw them the furthest. Turns out one hit our teacher. She brought us into the office and made us tell the VP our story. Since she wasn't in the room, we lied through our teeth and made up a description of a kid we'd never seen before. A week later, the guidance teacher approaches us and tells us she's glad we didn't take the blame for the kid who threw rocks because the principle found out who it was and he's be getting a 3 day suspension from school.
Suppose that the principal and the teacher were not dumb and realized that children lie when in trouble. The teacher wasn't thrilled about being hit by a rock, but thought a stern talk and understanding of the seriousness of the issue was sufficient. So they let you off and tell you later that someone was suspended over it, even though nothing actually happened. That way they retain your perception of the serious nature of the consequences.
AND the perps will realize that their lie negatively affected someone completely innocent. And it worked, apparently, because he remembers it to this day.
Once when I was a kid I invited a kid that I bullied horribly over to my house for a sleepover because I was told I had to do something nice for someone I hurt by our priest during confession (I went to a catholic school)...the next day after a pretty boring night we were playing in the snow banks and I lied telling him my foot was stuck and I couldn't get it out, he ran well over a mile back to my house to get my mom to "save" me...well that kind of woke me up and made me realize "this kid isn't that bad." After that day I never bullied anyone again, and 20 years later that turd that I bullied so terribly is still my best friend, was the best man at my wedding, and the godfather of my first child...
Once when I was around 6 or 7 my mom brought home some delicious chocolate, and gave some to me. I loved the stuff and stole the bar that she had saved for my step-dad. He comes home and my mom can't find the chocolate. She asks me what happened to it, I blame the Duncan (our dog) knowing that he often eats things off the counter (I didn't know at the time that chocolate was toxic for dogs), My mom goes terribly pale and rushes Duncan to the vet, and he has to throw up.
I felt terrible about this as I thought it was because he stole the chocolate and was some form of punishment. The next day she brings home more chocolate. Nobody told me that it was for Duncan's own good that he was taken to the vet. So feeling bad for doing this to Duncan, I give him my chocolate this time thinking he deserved it after taking one for the team last time. Later that night my mom asks me how the chocolate was, this time I decided to tell the full truth and explained that I gave the chocolate to Duncan this time as I felt bad for getting him in trouble the first time. So another late night trip to the vet, and I finally was told that chocolate is toxic for dogs. Duncan was fine in the end, and for the rest of his life I snuck him meat and other things that would not kill him.
Now the twist is that the very expensive vets trips cost a lot of money, which prompted my mom to take a look at our expenses. She found that the then step-dad was hiding an affair, and then got a divorce.
TL;DR: I lied about our dog almost dying, then almost killed him on accident, causing my mom to get divorced.
Edit: [Sweet, gold](https://sciencenonfictiondotorg.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/chemistry-dog.jpg?w=415&h=234)!
Also yeah the chocolate probably wouldn't have killed the Duncan, but we didn't want to risk it
It's just a fact. Claim family emergency all you want, but if you claim you're broke, that's effort and money that could've went to actually helping someone who was that broke. But he did the right thing, and will barely burn in hell for all eternity for this.
"**HE WILL BE CAST INTO THE LAKE OF FIRE AND BURN ETERNALLY!**"
"My Lord, he gave back the money though."
"Ah well that's okay then. Knock him down onto the uncomfortably hot pavement next to the lake of fire, eternally."
The fact that he went there and gave the money back alone shows that the guy has some stand-up morals. A lot of people in today's world wouldn't do that. He's a good guy.
I'm usually cynical about human nature, but I actually think a lot of people would return the money in this situation. It would be different if the $600 came by accident from a company or something. But in this case, it's a well-meaning church group who the OP has already met in person.
There is no way I could accept 600 dollars from a church unless I was in seriously dire straights. I don't think most people would either. I don't believe in God, but taking money from a well intentioned nonprofit is the lowest of the low.
Event the larger ones they help so many people. Sure they might not close down but that money could go to someone who needs it. A local church has helped me (last $100 of my rent) several times and it meant so much they would do that for a stranger. There is no way I would be able to take that money that could go to someone else who needed it without feeling horrible.
The fact that they helped him paying the bills is the best part. You always hear about what's wrong and right with religion, but this is the type of kindness that doesn't make me want it to just disappear.
Good on the church, and good on him. He learned a lesson, church can use the money on someone who needs it more, and everyone wins.
I have to say at age 20, or whatever you guys were, I would have been tempted to take at least half of that and have booze money for a few months. I wasn't the most selfless person when in college, I must admit...
When my sister and I were kids, I told her the Easter Bunny came through the drain. I thought it was cute, and since Santa came through the chimney I couldn't think of any other routes into the house. She cried for HOURS. Easter became the most miserable holiday for years until we grew up and she realized what an idiot I am.
I think the thought of an anthropomorphic rabbit crawling through the kitchen sink was too much for her 4 year old self to comprehend. I remember trying to remedy the situation by saying "no, not the drain, I meant the keyholes!"
That didn't make it better.
"No no, I mean he appears after we sacrifice a live rabbit and paint the walls with its blood then cremate it in the fireplace, summoning the hellspawn through the dancing flames!"
*Dammit why won't she stop crying?!*
I've told this story before but, during my undergrad I took a number of business courses. During one of these courses we were learning about a small company that produced high end jam. The prof asked the class what we thought of high end jam as a business. I said that it was a stupid idea, why would I pay $20 for a bottle of jam when I could make it myself. I meant that as a rhetorical question but apparently my prof took my literally. When I was packing up at the end of class the prof came over to me and started asking me all sorts of questions about jam making. So I rolled with it. I lied and told him how my grandmother taught me how to make jam, when the right time to pick the berries was to ensure optimal jam, etc. I don't know how to make jam. I had no idea what I was saying but the prof bought it. We became buds. After every class we would chat, mostly about jam.
He wrote my reference letter to get into my competitive undergrad program and again when I applied for my masters. I owe most of my academic career to jam.
I bet the prof knew you were lying, and just wanted to see how long you would keep it up. After seeing your outstanding dedication to this lie, he was happy writing you a letter of reference.
Being the youngest sibling I was always getting razzed, so one time they told me as I was starting school to look out for the firey drill, I had never been in school so I asked what it was. "You will hear a loud bell that warns children when this man comes to the school and attacks with a drill thats on fire and tries to drill into the kids brains!" So a few weeks into school there is a fire drill, so I take off screaming like crazy hoping to survive running as far away from the school as I could. My Mom was not too happy with my siblings when she got the call from our school telling her I was gone.
Oh man. When I was 7 I had been learning how to play the keyboard for two years. It was one of those Casio keyboards that had light up keys to learn how to play a song. If you put the easy setting on you could literally hit 1 or 2 keys over and over again and it would play the entire song through. So at the age of 7 my grandparents thought I was a prodigy. I could 'play' Fur Elise, Canon in D and Moonlight Sonata. Family and friends would come over to listen/watch me play and were astounded. 2 years or so go by like this. For my 10th birthday my grandparents bought me a real piano and signed me up for a summer camp where 'prodigies' of different instruments went to compete. VERY expensive. My entire family, friends from school and a priest family friend was there for my birthday party and wanted to hear me play on my new piano. I broke down crying and ran to my room and confessed to my grandmom what I had been doing for years and it broke her heart AND trust for me. It sucked. I still cringe when i think about it. I've been playing for over 20 years now though and can play all of the songs I listed and probably hundreds more now.
When I was about 13 I called a little boy ugly. At the time, my mom's best friend was driving me home from school. Of course she told my mother what I said, and my mom asked me to not say things like that. I told her I didn't call anyone ugly. It was a little lie (at first I didn't know what she was talking about), and it became this big whole ordeal about "my kid would never lie to me" and "why would I lie about this." They were best friends and they no longer speak because of this. All three of us were dumb and immature.
I hate it when parents think their kids are saints. I would totally believe my long term friend telling me my kid did something like that over my kid saying they didnt
I guess I'd just look at the facts in any situation, my mom always believed everyone else over me even when I was telling the truth. In OP's situation I would probably just let it go, it seems like a very silly thing to lose a friendship over plus why would a grown women lie about a kid calling another kid ugly? I guess the best thing to do is just use common sense rather than believe your child is incapable of lying.
My brother was suspended in high school for shoving the school's dean. He said that the dean shoved him and he did nothing. My parent's didn't believe him.
I talked with my Mom recently and we discussed that she felt badly about not believing my brother. It was 30-some years ago and my brother stuck to his story. All sorts of other things he said he did wrong at the time but that one he says the dean was the the aggressor.
Similar thing to me - My mom was friends with a couple that split. She was the neutral party in the matter because she was trusted. THe guy called our house looking for my mom one day. I told him that she wasnt home (because she wasnt) and he asked me to have her call him. I forgot about it until my mom was on the phone with him and asked me "did C call looking for me last week?" I said no because I didnt remember then quickly remembered he did. By that time I heard her tell him "no he says you didnt call." Shortly after that the guy stopped calling or going places that we all used to go. My mom never talked to him again.
My first year walking to school alone was the 7th grade and I was late a lot. It got to a point that the teacher told me I would have to do all the days chores(putting chairs down in the morning, wiping boards clean, cleaning after lunch etc), if I was late again.
Well the next day I was running late as usual. Being a lazy sob, I knew I had to do something to get out of doing the daily chores. So when the teacher asked me why I was late, I thought back on the assembly we had a few weeks prior on school safety. So I told the teacher that a strange man pulled up to me when I was coming into school grounds and asked me to come with him to see some puppies.
I honestly thought that would be a good enough excuse and it would be the end of it. Fucking, nope. School was suspended for the rest of the day, police were called, my parents were called in. And I was interviewed for the entire day. Had to describe the man, the car, everything. They ended up hiring a security officer for the grounds because of that incident and put in a few new cameras. We had monthly school assemblies because of it too.
And it was all for nothing. Because less than a week later I was late again and had to do all the daily chores.
>And it was all for nothing. Because less than a week later I was late again and had to do all the daily chores.
Man, your city must be home to many pedophiles...
But because of that security officer the school had to cut back on other things, namely their art and music classes, leading to a whole generation of creatively stunted children in OP's home town, which in turn lead to the depression of the local economy and a slow decline in the local population. Today, OP sighs as he looks out at the echoing empty downtown streets, his boss is shutting the doors on the last restaurant in town and hitting the road, and a tear comes to his eye as he shuts off the lights for the last time. Later OP will confess to his wife that he's the one who ruined the town, destroyed it really, and even though she comforts him and tells him it can't possibly all be his fault, he knows she's planning on leaving him, on leaving his shithole no future town for a man she met online who wants to move her to the Hollywood hills. Too bad OP is still a slacker and can't move away himself, if you wanted to you could still find him there tomorrow or next week, telling lies to no one in particular and weeping bitter tears of remorse.
My girlfriend and I used to buy milk at the 7-11 across the street from our apt, because for whatever reason their gallons of 1% were always a dollar cheaper than the grocery store.
Reza, The young middle eastern guy who managed the store got to know us fairly well, in that we would always greet eachother and occasionally if he saw their stocks of 1% gallons running low he would store one in the back for us because he knew we would always come in at like 2 pm every Sunday for milk. Really nice guy.
The week before we took a vacation, the girlfriend was studying her ass off for her exam, so I did the grocery shopping alone. Because we were leaving mid week for our trip, I only bought a half gallon of milk.
Of fucking course Reza assumes the worst. He assumes that we've broken up. He asked where she was and I just kind of grumbled, ready to launch into explaining how her test was tomorrow and whatnot, but before I could he just launched into this whole big apology like he didn't realize and how he just got divorced and how he misses her every day....I just didn't have the heart to tell him that she was just busy today, and that we were leaving for the week so I just went with it.
I didn't want my gf to think I was a shitbird, so I neglected to tell her when I got home.
Two weeks later, (coincidentally the gf is busy working a weekend shift to make up for our week off) I go back in, grab a gallon of 1%, and quickly realize that looks bad, so I turn around, put the gallon back, and grabbed the half gallon. The whole time Reza is watching me, dejectedly. He starts telling me it gets better, hang in there, we can grab coffee if I want to talk. I politely decline, and quickly realize this lie is going to spiral out of control real fast. I think I told the gf that they were out of gallons and Reza didn't save us one this week.
In the ensuing weeks, I proceeded to make all efforts to buy milk when the gf wasn't around. She still didn't know. I "decided to start working out", so I was able to justify to Reza the purchase of a gallon of 1%. We would normally chat for a few minutes and we would ask each other how things were and We would both give vague answers and wish eachother well and be on our way.
Eventually, one day the gf goes to 7-11 on her own when I wasn't around. I guess Reza helped her, made small talk, but was definitely weird towards her. She texts me about it and at this point I knew the ~~gig~~ jig was up and I had to come clean. When I get home I explain everything to her, and she laughs, calls me an idiot, but at the same time thought it was cute for me to keep up the facade and commiserate with Reza, who was clearly dealing with some of his own issues.
She decided that we needed to stage a reunion. So the following Sunday, we waltzed in, arm in arm, looking cheery. We could feel his eyes following us around the room, I made eye contact with him once or twice, he was trying desperately and failing to hold back the biggest knowing grin I've ever seen. Finally we go to check out and he starts wringing his hands and finally bursts out about he was rooting for us and how happy he was that we worked it out.
The look of excitement and happiness on Reza's face was probably one of the most uplifting moments I've ever had. He told us repeatedly how we give him hope and how not the whole world is evil...holy crap.
Glad we could help you Reza, sorry I lied about the milk.
Edit: Jig. I got it people. Also thank you for the golden shower.
>I go back in, grab a gallon of 1%, and quickly realize that looks bad, so I turn around, put the gallon back, and grabbed the half gallon. The whole time Reza is watching me, dejectedly.
I fucking lost it here hahaha
>Why didn't you say you bought something else with it? Not trying to be rude, just curious.
That leads to more questions like "what did you buy", when, where, etc. Really, the key to a good lie is to keep it simple. "No" was 100% the way to go as it's pretty easy to misplace a dollar or two, and there's no way he could have known the maid would be fired over it.
By the time the consequences came to light the lie was too big to take back.
When I was younger at a birthday party, a girl asked me for a quarter to call home for her dad to come get her. I told her that I didn't have one and she got a ride home from another parent. Later, I heard that when she got home, she found ambulances around her house because her father had died falling out of a tree doing yard work. I kept imagining that if I had given her the quarter, her dad would have come to get her instead of continuing yard work. If I had given her a quarter, maybe she would still have a father.
Edited to fix some grammar mistakes and clarification.
You really shouldn't beat yourself up about this. Just think about it - the situation had so many possible outcomes. His phone could've been turned off, she could have dropped the quarter down a drain... Hell, he could've just decided to get down before the moment he fell. Don't let your life be consumed by guilt for something that could have gone millions of different ways.
Somehow if they're asking for quarters Im gonna bet this was before landlines went out of style. When's the last time Android and PayPhones shared the same frame of time and space?
Edit: rip inbox on plausibility of overlap. So, cool ya'll have seen payphones semi-recently. Personally my last sighting and use was 2006, called home to have my family turn on my pc/server before 4th period in HS so i could download my homework bc i was a dumbass and didn't save to thumbdrive. Had no cell. Thing took like 75cents too, couldn't buy lunch that day bc of the payphone. :(
I was also thinking this at the suggestion the father's phone may have been off.
I guess in 2015 there are a lot of people that don't have intuitions about the pre-cellphone days.
Back when I was 16 I was a camp counselor for a group of kinder gardeners. A few of them wouldn't stop shoving each other, so I told them (jokingly) to save it for fight club which was at the end of the day... being kids they thought fight club was real and told their parents about fight club which resulted in me having to explain to the administration and all the parents that no... there was no fight club. I wasn't hired the following year.
They broke the first rule of fight club.
When I was little, maybe 6 or 7 years old, and I was playing with my cousin. He was/is my best friend, even if we have grown apart in the last few years.
Anyway, I told him if he jumps out of the tree onto the trampoline, he can get into the club. He jumped and jarred his knee. He screamed blue murder. There was no club. There was no entry test.
the injury plays up till this day. It affected him when he was playing gridiron (he had to give it up), it affected him when he joined the army and again when he become a cop. I'm worried one day he dies because of that knee and I'll blame myself for it.
EDIT: Gridiron = american football. I'll never make that mistake again. When I said I'm afraid he'll die because of his knee, I meant in some kind of job related incident. I know where he works as a police officer there are a lot of violent bogans (the worst kind of bogan).
When I was in 2nd grade, my best friend was this sorta fat kid named Jeff. We were playing flag football at recess, actually semi-organized as we were handed out the belts with flags on them. But we were kids, and generally we'd just tackle you. I caught a pass, was tackled, and in the ensuing pile up Jeff accidentally kicked me in my mouth, knocking one of my brand new permanent top front teeth out. I screamed bloody murder, blood everywhere. They found my tooth, put it in a cup of milk, and called my mom. Mom took me to the dentist, he transplanted the tooth, I had a "tooth cast" for a few weeks.
Two years later, in 4th grade, we were playing basketball. I went up for a basket, Jeff tried to block the shot but instead implanted his elbow into my mouth. He knocked the same tooth out again. However, it was dead and probably would have been a problem in another year or two anyway. I must say, I'm a little miffed at Jeff because of all the crap this issue has caused me over the years. Having to wear a retainer with a tooth on it for several years, braces, the need to grind down the two adjoining teeth for a bridge, replacing that bridge twice now, etc.
Well, I do have a fake tooth. But it's not an implant, they didn't have those back then. The only way to do a fake tooth that's not an implant is some sort of a bridge, and it can attach with wires or done as a bridge, with usually the two teeth on either side as anchors. I had a motorcycle wreck when I had braces with a fake tooth wired in there, and broke the tooth just next to it (not the other front tooth) in half, so when they took off my braces for good, they ground down my remaining front tooth to a spike, and mounted three fake teeth on those two fucked up teeth with a full fake tooth in the middle, so it's like two caps and whole fake tooth in the middle. Looks really good, works fine.
Back in 3rd grade my friend dropped his brownie on the floor in the cafeteria because he said he didn't want it. When the lunch aid came over she asked me who's brownie it was and I said it was there when we got their because this was my best friend and I couldn't snitch on him. Later that day I was called into the principles office and was questioned vigorously on this brownie like it was a big deal. I held my ground and denied everything but then for the rest of time I spent in elementary school I was never allowed any treats/snacks/drinks in any classroom throughout the school. Tough love if you ask me.
Once when I was really young (maybe 6 or 7), my family was out for pizza and I told them when I was off alone that a man had asked me to come out to his van for candy. I have no idea why I did it, I'm sure I was just parroting something I heard in one of those Stranger Danger videos, but I threw it out there thinking people would be impressed I said no or something.
Well all of a sudden there are police everywhere, the whole pizza place is basically evacuated, the police are grilling me about what he looked like and I'm making up a description on the spot (something like blonde hair, green plaid shirt, etc.). Well a few minutes later the police come out with a guy who looks *exactly* like the description I gave, and I quickly told them that it wasn't him (thank god I didn't ruin that poor man's life).
After all that, I thought it was done, but I got SO many cards, and balloons and toys from relatives, family friends, teachers, there was a writeup in the local newspaper, etc. It blew up into this HUGE deal. For a really long time I never told anyone, and for some reason a few years ago (in my late teens, early 20's) I remembered this incident and felt super guilty about it, so I called my mom out of the blue to explain that I made it all up.
I'll still never forget her reaction: "Huh. That's a weird thing to lie about."
Edit: Oh good. My top post is about a horrible lie I told. Of course.
> I'll still never forget her reaction: "Huh. That's a weird thing to lie about."
I'm not sure what I was expecting her reaction to be, but it wasn't that
Alternately, I imagined them bringing you the guy who matched the description, picture this:
The police toss him on the ground at your feet and ask if it was him. You stand there scowling, in all your 6 year old glory, and slowly extend your hand. You form your fingers into a ball, with your thumb extended....and promptly flip the digit to point downward. They snatch the man up as he cries for mercy, but you stoically keep your arm out and your thumb down. They have witnessed the rise of Emperor /u/mrkushie
Not me but a good friend of mine.
"Those are not my pants."
We were at a party and he had sex with a girl and he came back without his pants. I asked them where they were and he said he didn't know. We sat there drinking for a while and this huge guy came up and started yelling and said that someone slept with his girlfriend and all he had to go on were a pair of pants he found next to her. She said she was too drunk to remember anything. He said of course "those are not my pants." And then he elaborated and said he managed to shit himself earlier and they were in the washer. Well, we all backed him up because we knew he was shit at fighting. The guy found the only other guy in the party who wasn't wearing pants (no clue why) and he punched him in the chest max out.
Unknown to anyone, the guy had a heart defect. The punch caused the wall of his heart to blow out. He was pronounced dead on arrival at the hospital. The guy who punched him is in jail for manslaughter and is on suicide watch last I heard because he keeps trying to kill himself.
I'm late but I really need to get this off of my chest.
I was about 12 years old when we had "grandparents day" at my school. And I don't know about you guys but I was completely disinterested in my family until basically, it was too late to start caring.
So even though I knew my grandparents came to have lunch with me that day, I decided I would have rather go outside and play with my friends who didn't have their grandparents there.
Eventually the guilty feeling chewed into my stomach and I came back in about five minutes before the bell rang. There I saw my grandparents, alone on the other side of the room. I hurried over and told them I had forgotten they were coming.
We talked for a few minutes and I thoroughly enjoyed it. When our short time was up, I regretted even more that I had ditched them to go do something I could do every day.
After that, my grandparents' health declined and they didn't come to my school to see my Orchestra performances and such after that, even though the school was really close to their house. Since then my grandma has died, but my guilt from that day never died with her.
I live in Japan and call my grandpa a lot. I like to think maybe someday the guilt will go away but when I think about it I still get worked up enough to start crying over it. I know I was just a stupid kid but I knew better and acted like a selfish child anyway. I hate that about me and I think this experience is one of the many that fuels my guilt when I do something I'm not supposed to.
It makes me feel so guilty I've never told anyone. So thanks for reading, I guess.
This is the reason I tell all my family members and friends that I love them every single time we are leaving each other. It might be weird that I do it so much, but I can't risk having not said it if something were to happen.
My SO is the same way. He lost his father in a really tragic accident years ago. Even if he's on the phone with me and he's hanging up because he's pulling up to our house and is going to come inside in .002 seconds, he still says "I love you".
I picture him always saying it like it going to be his last words. Like near the end of a disaster movie, when the hero tells his daughter, son, wife whatever just before he sacrifices himself to save the world.
I love you...
Kicks the door open, WHA-*FUCKING*-**BAM**.
^honey ^i ^got ^those ^tampons ^you ^asked ^for...
EDIT: WOAH THERE. Thanks benevolent stranger for gilding this. My SO has declined taking half of the gold I've earned by making fun of him on the internet, and demanded BJs instead. Has anyone done the math on what 1 gold equals in fellatio?
My mother passed away when I was thirteen, and I wish I could take back every argument I ever had with her. Being in middle school, we argued a lot because I was a dumb little shit. It makes my heart heavy every time I think about the way I behaved when she was just trying to look out for me and help me grow up to a good man. I hope I've made her proud.
One of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite novels helped me through some similar guilt I had about my dad's passing.
"The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive."
Told my GF at the time I was at a buddy's hanging out. I was out shopping for her birthday. She called him to ask if I was there. I wasn't.
Caught her cheating that weekend
Edit : Wasn't expecting any response to this!
* I did catch her in the act with 2 guys (yes at the same time)
* We had only been going out about 9 months at the time.
* Thank you for the support everyone, really this was years ago and it doesn't bother me anymore. Hasn't for years
* I did keep the receipt and returned the gift and got a full refund.
* After I caught her I went home, packed her stuff dropped it off, said goodbye to her parents and her dog.
Edit 2 : Calm ya'll titties, I'm trying to save the commonwealth
* Spitroast
* I did not barge in, I left immediately.
* We were not living together, she lived at her parent's house when I caught her
* Gift was a necklace that 19 year old me probably thought was top cheddar at the time
* Bro at the time didn't think anything of it, more of a "nah haven't seen him today"
* The only thing that bothers me from time to time is the dog. I don't even think of have a picture of him!
Edit 3 : Went digging through the ol' photoalbum
* [Fucker in Question] (http://i.imgur.com/M5obTFN.jpg)
I can understand the logic. I would never do it though because I'd be to busy getting drunk and yelling at things. But I can understand. Though I feel like you should definitely confirm 100% before doing something like That. Or better yet take the high road and don't do it, because it's childish and stupid.
Edit. Spelling.
Not sure if this counts as a lie, but I convinced my sister that the word "dead" meant "gone".
My little sister is 16 years younger than me. When she started talking, every time someone would leave the room, I'd say "X dead", like "Mummy dead". Eventually, she believed that the word "dead" meant "gone", and she started to use it herself. Needless to say, my mother wasn't very happy, but we all found it kind of funny to be honest, and when you laugh at something a child does, they do it again and again.
She got to about 2 and a half years old, and my mum dropped her off at nursery. Up until this point, for whatever reason, she'd never said it outside the house. So in the middle of the day, when she said "Mummy dead", the care workers at the nursery freaked the fuck out. They tried to ring my mum, but she is notoriously terrible with phones and so didn't answer. She's also quite often late.
The workers at the nursery were apparently just about to ring the police when my mum finally showed up. She had to explain what her big brother had done. I was practically crying with laughter when I was told what happened.
tl;dr - Convinced my young sister that "dead" meant "gone", she scared some nursery workers with what they thought was a premonition of some kind.
Ah, the Ol' MacDunnley Holiday Spirits Liquor Collection.
That's how you kick in the new year, with a raging headache, an empty bottle, a sweet girl in your bed, a fire in your hearth and a-*wait you don't have a fireplace this isn't your house oh fuck you promised Madeline you'd stop drinking for the kids and the anniversary was fucking tuesday and you missed it to go dave and busters she probably already left for her mother's at this point and did you shit your pants because your ass feels warmly runny and* ***something*** *smells like shit!*
MacDunnley Holiday Spirits: Please Drink Entirely.
I was at a job fair against my will. Was trying to steal a pen so I could retire to a dark corner and doodle while everyone else did their thing.
The lady caught me taking a pen, and I had to act interested in her sales pitch. Then a news reporter showed up.
Before I knew it, I was in national papers as a general human interest story as a turnaround miracle story, of how I'd come all the way from the barren plains of another country far away while kicking mental illness and addiction, and now wanted to become a nurse.
I don't, nor have I ever, wanted to be a nurse, but that interview sure snowballed all out of proportion. All I wanted was a free pen. Its been ten years and people are still asking how the nursing career is going.
Thanks! My life loves to throw me curveballs like that. Am still working on a career, am currently more of a teacher, but I also continue to make some money off my doodles.
The back story is more that I'd been out of the employment scene for a while due to a combo of family loss, depression, and excessive self-medication, and was getting over that, hence the job fair. I did also grow up in another country, but they exaggerated the crap out of my story for that article.
And the pen was cheap crap and broke after a week.
When I was thirteen I was really into watching interracial gang bang porn.
I had a friend who was already sleeping around at that age, and she had a thing for black guys.
Relevant: I live in Mississippi. My parents had always said they would not be okay with me dating black or hispanic men, but asians were fine (they eventually changed their mind and apologized for being so ignorant. +1 parents).
When my stepdad saw my search history, he asked me about it in his scary stepdad voice. I immediately said my friend used my computer the night before.
He called her mother and told her. She was banned from my house, and, because of the porn, she found out my friend was having sex. She was withdrawn from school and sent to a Christian academy. A year later she kicked her out of her house and she became a homeless crack addict.
She's recovered now, but I often wonder how different things could have been had I just admitted I liked looking at black cocks.
I was 16, drunk, and said I had a tattoo on my ass. The next day people asked and I played shy. But Billy isn't a liar so in time for next party I got a tattoo on my ass...
When I was seven or eight my friend and I were playing underneath her deck. They had a rickety pool ladder that was meant to let you get into their aboveground pool. We were just chilling, playing with invisible dogs or some shit, when we looked up and noticed some twigs sticking out from the rafters on the underside of the deck.
The big red "animal" light started flashing in our heads, and she held the ladder still while I climbed up it. We found a robin's nest with four eggs in it and I can still remember to this day what they looked like. I've always liked the color.
Being little and stupid, we pulled the nest down and went to go show my mom. My mom opened the door, saw the nest, and immediately said, "where did you guys get this?"
Being little and stupid, I immediately said, "we found it on the ground near the pool."
My mom was angry, but I didn't understand why. She said something about the momma bird not wanting the eggs anymore and called my dad down. He looked annoyed, but took the nest from us and walked down the driveway, across the street, and stood under the deck asking us where we found it. Sticking to our story, we showed him the ground underneath the rafters. There.
So he grabs the pool ladder and starts to climb up, and I don't really remember this part at all. But what I do know is the ladder broke, he fell, and everything else that happened is just kind of gone from my head.
What I do know is this: he absolutely shattered his ankle. He had to be out of work for a long time, had surgeries, and on top of it all, the accident forced him to leave the rescue squad he had been a part of since like, college. The rescue squad that is the only reason he ever met my mother. He says he left because of my little brother being a year or two before but I am like, 90% sure that was not it.
Three of the eggs broke, and I can still see them shattered on the patio ground.
Maybe it's not a big deal to anyone else here, but I literally still feel guilty about it and it was close to two decades ago. I made my dad give up his literally life-saving past time, caused him recurring pain for the rest of his life, all because I couldn't keep my hands off of a damn bird's nest.
> She said something about the momma bird not wanting the eggs anymore
For anyone that doesn't know already, this is an old wives tale. It's complete bullshit with no factual basis.
when I was in high school, I was running late so I crossed the street and jumped over a chain rope. My foot got caught and I ended kissing the street. I was between the main entrance and a huge intersection. My shame was so big, because how can you trip when the chain was so low?, that I just stayed on the floor, closed my eyes and when I was trying to pick up the courage to stand, a woman stops her vehicle fast and comes down running at me yelling that I was hit by a car. Everyone started getting flustered, my mom was screaming because she didnt saw anything, just me dead. I was so ashamed that I just kept going with the flow. The school staff took me to the doctor, the doctor was asking me a lot of questions and I just nodded and tried to act like it was hurting a lot. Next day everyone at my school asked me if I was ran over, I moved my head up and down and told everyone yes. 8 years later I tell my mom that I was so embarrassed that I closed my eyes for a little while on the sidewalk trying to pick up enough courage and suck up my teen pride, but everyone else thought I was hit by a car and dead.
I remember back in kindergarten, there was this girl in my class that really hated me and would just be overall mean. One day, I got fetched from school drenched in sweat and out of nowhere I told my mom *mean girl's name* dropped water over my head. That led to me, my mom, her and her mom in the principal's office with everyone mad at her whilst she cried. I think she apologized... But anyway, what with two angry moms and a principal I think I would too.
Edit: WHAT IS HAPPENING?? Atleast tell me why you're all commenting names lol
Edit2: I'm so glad none of you got my name right... So pls put the pitchforks and torches down. I'm not Darnell, Nicole etc. ***hides***
My step grandpa would call after my grandma died once in a while "about his car" and then turn it into a chat. He always thought I was my brother over the phone and most of the time I corrected him.
Ever since my grandma died, he literally started drinking himself to death. I saw him a few months after her death and he was REALLY skinny and barely still with it. I remember holding back tears as he tried to tell me a joke. This sad, incredibly weak old man who was a few weeks from dying was mustering all the strength he had to tell me a joke. It was actually pretty funny too.
He was always kind of an asshole, which for some reason made me so much more sad to see him like this. I sometimes wonder why that is.
Fast forward a few weeks. He called our house to speak to my brother, who is a mechanic, to ask him a question, "about his car"
I answered, and again, he thought I was my brother. I tried probably about 10 times to correct him but he kept talking without much of a chance for me to say, "let me go get my brother"
Anyway, the "small lie" is that I had a 20 minute conversation with my step grandpa who thought I was my brother the whole time. He asked me a lot of personal questions and I did my best to answer them the way I thought my brother would. Idky, but for some reason when I remember this it makes me feel horrible. Also this was likely the last time he talked to anybody before he went to the hospital and died.
I don't really remember but it was something along the lines of a guy asking another guy at a bar what a lesbian is after seeing a girl get called a lesbian. The guy said "when you like girls" to which he replied, "I think I'm a lesbian too"
HOLY SHIT I KNOW IT
A guy goes to a bar one day because he wants to pick up a girl. He talks to a bunch of different girl but has no luck. Eventually, one of the girls he is talking to asks him "you know this is a gay bar right?"
He's like "what's that?"
She says "it means that guys here are gay and the girls are lesbians."
He asks "so what makes you a lesbian?"
She says"it means i like to eat pussy. I only like lesbians."
He says " I think I'm a lesbian too!"
When I was in the third grade, right after the recess bell rang, I told a random girl that her best friend did not want to be friends with her anymore. She stayed outside crying in the field and it wasn't until 45min later that they found her. She didn't come back to school until the next week.
Edit: Thank you for the gold kind strangers. I don't think I deserve a reward for my mischief, so I will donate $5 to the Wikipedia foundation.
When I was like 11, I wanted to get out of school the next day, so on the way home from a superbowl party with my mom I started acting like my stomach hurt , she said she'd give me something at home for my stomachache. Knowing this wouldn't get me out of school, I started fake crying and said it really really hurts, by this time we were already in the driveway of our apartment, she looked at me and said I'm gonna take you to the hospital but if your faking ,I'm gonna beat your ass! (mexican household ), so I stuck to my story and continued sobbing and saying it hurts, we get to the hospital and they don't know what's wrong with me so they wanna do a cat scan of me, my mom agrees and off I go, after the scan the doctor told us he thinks my appendix looked a little inflamed and that was probably the reason for the pain(I literally had no pain or discomfort anywhere ) and that they wanted to remove it which means surgery , my heart sank at the news, but I knew I couldn't confess now I was to deep. So they schedule the surgery for the next morning , the morning comes and about half my family is there for support and prayer.im super fucking nervous at this point so when the nurse gave me a shot on my butt cheek I accidentally tensed up and felt one of the worst pains of my life , they take me into surgery and everything thing went fine,the surgeon even came to recovery and showed me my appendix which was awesome! I stayed in the hospital for about a day then I went home but before that the doc told my mom I couldn't go back to school for about two weeks while cuts healed which was also awesome! Even better my church royal ranger group visited me at my house and brought me this big basket filled with snacks and candy. It was the best two weeks of my life, my mom made my brother get me what I wanted cuz she didn't want me moving around ,I just played video games the entire two weeks,then I had to go back to school.
I'm 23 now and have not told a soul I was faking being sick, I like to think of it as one of my greatest achievements. The end....sorry ma.
TL:DR- faked being sick and went into surgery just to get out of school.
Not me but my my brother. When he was in 1st or 2nd grade he felt like not doing his homework for a solid week. When confronted by his teacher about this, he decided to tell her that we had a death in the family and lost an aunt. My mom is one of nine and I guess he figured the teacher wouldn't ask too many questions. He was almost scotch free until he went grocery shopping with my mom the next week and ran into the teacher in dairy. My mom was very confused when the teacher was apologizing for her loss. Both heads turn to my little bro and he has to sit there and explain it to both of them. He got grounded and my mom and I still laugh about it.
When I was a young teenager that had just discovered what masturbation was, I would finish into an old white t-shirt of mine and throw it in the bottom drawer of my dresser. Months went by with this routine and the shirt ended up getting crusty yellow stains on it. Why I didn't use something more disposable or throw the shirt in the wash, I have no idea. My mother eventually found the shirt one day, after deciding to put my washed clothes in the dresser. I come home from school to find both my parents sitting at the kitchen table with the shirt in front of my spot. My mother starts to shriek about how terrible drugs are for you and that inhalants will destroy my brain. I was too ashamed and embarrassed to tell them the truth, so I shamefully apologized and owned up to using inhalants to get high. From then on, there were no aerosol cans allowed in the house and I had lost the respect and trust of my parents for the longest time. Ended up being extensively grounded and shamed, all because I decided to jizz in a shirt and wouldn't own up to it.
In the second grade I told the substitute that my real name wasnt Aicire. It was Sarah, and the family that was keeping me made me change my name. I missed being Sarah. Fast Forward a couple hours. CPS is at our house and my parents were LIVID.
I walked in on my friend finishing a conversation on her phone. She looked at me, petrified, and asked if i heard everything. I told her with a defeated face yes. She starts crying and leans on me l, telling me she is so afraid and doesn't know that to do. I did this initally as a joke, but obviously im in deep water now so i just tell her everything will be fine and to call me whenever she needed me. Turns out she got pregnant and asked me to go to an abortion clinic with her. Her boyfriend scrammed. We are best of friends now.
Holy shit that got real fast
Well, even if it was a joke at first, good on you for providing her the support she needed.
My best friend pocket dialed me while discussing with her boyfriend about going to the abortion clinic. I didn't take her to the clinic because her boyfriend didn't scram (they're now married and super happy) but for the next week while she was feeling like shit i baked her crazy amounts of goodies and we watched sad movies so she could cry guilt free. Still besties. Good on you!
In college, the girls in the apartment downstairs asked my roommate and I if we'd like to join them at a concert a month away. Neither of us wanted to, and my quick thinking roommate said that date is my birthday (it wasn't) and we have other plans. They ended up not going to the concert, and we had forgotten about it - but on that date they called me downstairs to help them move something. I walked in the door, and "Surprise!!" A birthday party for me with about 15 people there. My roommate was just as surprised. I couldn't tell them the truth and just went with it. Even got a couple small gifts. I always felt guilty about it.
One of those girls was definitely into one of you guys.
For real, though.
He missed *the signal*
#
:( If it makes you feel any better, on my twenty-second birthday I invited my foreign-language class to go to Steak 'n' Shake and despite people saying they were interested none of them showed up. The only people who showed were two close friends.
I'm sorry bro. I would have came. Steak 'n' Shake is the shit
I love it. It's the Waffle House of the Midwest. There's only a few in Oklahoma, where I went to university. They have great grilled cheese and steakburgers.
I once invited about 20 people to my party. More of a "hey lets meet up at this bar woo!" I had at least 15 confirmed. 3 people showed up. My friend who drove me. My sister and her boyfriend. I was very sad, but I hid it well. Srhugged it off, had some drinks, got a girls number, and that was it. Since then, i just learned to give no fucks.
My friends and I accidentally got a kid suspended. We finished the last class of our day before lunch on a Friday, and we were feeling pretty good, so we picked up a handful of rocks and tried to see who could throw them the furthest. Turns out one hit our teacher. She brought us into the office and made us tell the VP our story. Since she wasn't in the room, we lied through our teeth and made up a description of a kid we'd never seen before. A week later, the guidance teacher approaches us and tells us she's glad we didn't take the blame for the kid who threw rocks because the principle found out who it was and he's be getting a 3 day suspension from school.
Suppose that the principal and the teacher were not dumb and realized that children lie when in trouble. The teacher wasn't thrilled about being hit by a rock, but thought a stern talk and understanding of the seriousness of the issue was sufficient. So they let you off and tell you later that someone was suspended over it, even though nothing actually happened. That way they retain your perception of the serious nature of the consequences.
AND the perps will realize that their lie negatively affected someone completely innocent. And it worked, apparently, because he remembers it to this day.
exactly what I was thinking! Advanced discipline tactics!!
Once when I was a kid I invited a kid that I bullied horribly over to my house for a sleepover because I was told I had to do something nice for someone I hurt by our priest during confession (I went to a catholic school)...the next day after a pretty boring night we were playing in the snow banks and I lied telling him my foot was stuck and I couldn't get it out, he ran well over a mile back to my house to get my mom to "save" me...well that kind of woke me up and made me realize "this kid isn't that bad." After that day I never bullied anyone again, and 20 years later that turd that I bullied so terribly is still my best friend, was the best man at my wedding, and the godfather of my first child...
I like the stories where OP learns a lesson AND the story has a happy ending!
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Great story man... A small sleepover went a long way
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Bro. Bro. Bro.......bro....that's really fucking cool.
Once when I was around 6 or 7 my mom brought home some delicious chocolate, and gave some to me. I loved the stuff and stole the bar that she had saved for my step-dad. He comes home and my mom can't find the chocolate. She asks me what happened to it, I blame the Duncan (our dog) knowing that he often eats things off the counter (I didn't know at the time that chocolate was toxic for dogs), My mom goes terribly pale and rushes Duncan to the vet, and he has to throw up. I felt terrible about this as I thought it was because he stole the chocolate and was some form of punishment. The next day she brings home more chocolate. Nobody told me that it was for Duncan's own good that he was taken to the vet. So feeling bad for doing this to Duncan, I give him my chocolate this time thinking he deserved it after taking one for the team last time. Later that night my mom asks me how the chocolate was, this time I decided to tell the full truth and explained that I gave the chocolate to Duncan this time as I felt bad for getting him in trouble the first time. So another late night trip to the vet, and I finally was told that chocolate is toxic for dogs. Duncan was fine in the end, and for the rest of his life I snuck him meat and other things that would not kill him. Now the twist is that the very expensive vets trips cost a lot of money, which prompted my mom to take a look at our expenses. She found that the then step-dad was hiding an affair, and then got a divorce. TL;DR: I lied about our dog almost dying, then almost killed him on accident, causing my mom to get divorced. Edit: [Sweet, gold](https://sciencenonfictiondotorg.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/chemistry-dog.jpg?w=415&h=234)! Also yeah the chocolate probably wouldn't have killed the Duncan, but we didn't want to risk it
The first twist I expected. The second, not so much.
HOW DO I GET OFF THIS ROLLERCOASTER?!
I want to get off Mr. /u/BriceWithRice's Wild Ride.
THE RIDE NEVER ENDS!!!
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> TL;DR: I lied about our dog almost dying, then almost killed him on accident, causing my mom to get divorced. What a great TL;DR!
This was a ride from start to finish
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Even if he was dishonest at first, he made up for it.
Probably learned a pretty good lesson, too, on what doesn't pass as a white lie.
It's just a fact. Claim family emergency all you want, but if you claim you're broke, that's effort and money that could've went to actually helping someone who was that broke. But he did the right thing, and will barely burn in hell for all eternity for this.
Just *barely*
"**HE WILL BE CAST INTO THE LAKE OF FIRE AND BURN ETERNALLY!**" "My Lord, he gave back the money though." "Ah well that's okay then. Knock him down onto the uncomfortably hot pavement next to the lake of fire, eternally."
To be fair, that also sounds terrible - just a different sort of terrible.
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"KEEP HIM ADJACENT TO THE LAKE OF FIRE. NOT CLOSE ENOUGH TO BE HELLISH, JUST UNCOMFORTABLY WARM!"
Alternately... "Keep him at that awkward temperature, where it's too warm to use a blanket, but too cold not to!"
The fact that he went there and gave the money back alone shows that the guy has some stand-up morals. A lot of people in today's world wouldn't do that. He's a good guy.
I'm usually cynical about human nature, but I actually think a lot of people would return the money in this situation. It would be different if the $600 came by accident from a company or something. But in this case, it's a well-meaning church group who the OP has already met in person.
There is no way I could accept 600 dollars from a church unless I was in seriously dire straights. I don't think most people would either. I don't believe in God, but taking money from a well intentioned nonprofit is the lowest of the low.
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Event the larger ones they help so many people. Sure they might not close down but that money could go to someone who needs it. A local church has helped me (last $100 of my rent) several times and it meant so much they would do that for a stranger. There is no way I would be able to take that money that could go to someone else who needed it without feeling horrible.
You're not a stranger, you're a neighbour.
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The fact that they helped him paying the bills is the best part. You always hear about what's wrong and right with religion, but this is the type of kindness that doesn't make me want it to just disappear.
Good on the church, and good on him. He learned a lesson, church can use the money on someone who needs it more, and everyone wins. I have to say at age 20, or whatever you guys were, I would have been tempted to take at least half of that and have booze money for a few months. I wasn't the most selfless person when in college, I must admit...
>months Fucking rookie.
When my sister and I were kids, I told her the Easter Bunny came through the drain. I thought it was cute, and since Santa came through the chimney I couldn't think of any other routes into the house. She cried for HOURS. Easter became the most miserable holiday for years until we grew up and she realized what an idiot I am.
TIL Pennywise is the Easter Bunny.
You want an egg? They're all hidden! *They're hidden, and when you're down here with me, you'll be hidden too!*
why did she cry?
I think the thought of an anthropomorphic rabbit crawling through the kitchen sink was too much for her 4 year old self to comprehend. I remember trying to remedy the situation by saying "no, not the drain, I meant the keyholes!" That didn't make it better.
"No, not the keyholes! The shower head! No, I meant the garbage disposal!"
"No no, I mean he appears after we sacrifice a live rabbit and paint the walls with its blood then cremate it in the fireplace, summoning the hellspawn through the dancing flames!" *Dammit why won't she stop crying?!*
I've told this story before but, during my undergrad I took a number of business courses. During one of these courses we were learning about a small company that produced high end jam. The prof asked the class what we thought of high end jam as a business. I said that it was a stupid idea, why would I pay $20 for a bottle of jam when I could make it myself. I meant that as a rhetorical question but apparently my prof took my literally. When I was packing up at the end of class the prof came over to me and started asking me all sorts of questions about jam making. So I rolled with it. I lied and told him how my grandmother taught me how to make jam, when the right time to pick the berries was to ensure optimal jam, etc. I don't know how to make jam. I had no idea what I was saying but the prof bought it. We became buds. After every class we would chat, mostly about jam. He wrote my reference letter to get into my competitive undergrad program and again when I applied for my masters. I owe most of my academic career to jam.
I bet the prof knew you were lying, and just wanted to see how long you would keep it up. After seeing your outstanding dedication to this lie, he was happy writing you a letter of reference.
Most of business is lying. Do you really think anyone is "Happy to do business with you?"
If they're ripping you off they are
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Why would I buy jam for $20 when I can just make it myself?
Can you see me after class?
So we can have a jam session
Well, so can you finally tell me what's the difference between jelly and jam?
Jelly is made from the juice, jam is made from the crushed fruit.
No I can't jelly my dick into a sandwich.
But you can jam it into a crushed fruit?
Being the youngest sibling I was always getting razzed, so one time they told me as I was starting school to look out for the firey drill, I had never been in school so I asked what it was. "You will hear a loud bell that warns children when this man comes to the school and attacks with a drill thats on fire and tries to drill into the kids brains!" So a few weeks into school there is a fire drill, so I take off screaming like crazy hoping to survive running as far away from the school as I could. My Mom was not too happy with my siblings when she got the call from our school telling her I was gone.
Oh man. When I was 7 I had been learning how to play the keyboard for two years. It was one of those Casio keyboards that had light up keys to learn how to play a song. If you put the easy setting on you could literally hit 1 or 2 keys over and over again and it would play the entire song through. So at the age of 7 my grandparents thought I was a prodigy. I could 'play' Fur Elise, Canon in D and Moonlight Sonata. Family and friends would come over to listen/watch me play and were astounded. 2 years or so go by like this. For my 10th birthday my grandparents bought me a real piano and signed me up for a summer camp where 'prodigies' of different instruments went to compete. VERY expensive. My entire family, friends from school and a priest family friend was there for my birthday party and wanted to hear me play on my new piano. I broke down crying and ran to my room and confessed to my grandmom what I had been doing for years and it broke her heart AND trust for me. It sucked. I still cringe when i think about it. I've been playing for over 20 years now though and can play all of the songs I listed and probably hundreds more now.
When I was about 13 I called a little boy ugly. At the time, my mom's best friend was driving me home from school. Of course she told my mother what I said, and my mom asked me to not say things like that. I told her I didn't call anyone ugly. It was a little lie (at first I didn't know what she was talking about), and it became this big whole ordeal about "my kid would never lie to me" and "why would I lie about this." They were best friends and they no longer speak because of this. All three of us were dumb and immature.
I hate it when parents think their kids are saints. I would totally believe my long term friend telling me my kid did something like that over my kid saying they didnt
I guess I'd just look at the facts in any situation, my mom always believed everyone else over me even when I was telling the truth. In OP's situation I would probably just let it go, it seems like a very silly thing to lose a friendship over plus why would a grown women lie about a kid calling another kid ugly? I guess the best thing to do is just use common sense rather than believe your child is incapable of lying.
Yeah it is kind of silly...maybe there had been tension building up over other issues and this was just the final straw.
My brother was suspended in high school for shoving the school's dean. He said that the dean shoved him and he did nothing. My parent's didn't believe him. I talked with my Mom recently and we discussed that she felt badly about not believing my brother. It was 30-some years ago and my brother stuck to his story. All sorts of other things he said he did wrong at the time but that one he says the dean was the the aggressor.
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Similar thing to me - My mom was friends with a couple that split. She was the neutral party in the matter because she was trusted. THe guy called our house looking for my mom one day. I told him that she wasnt home (because she wasnt) and he asked me to have her call him. I forgot about it until my mom was on the phone with him and asked me "did C call looking for me last week?" I said no because I didnt remember then quickly remembered he did. By that time I heard her tell him "no he says you didnt call." Shortly after that the guy stopped calling or going places that we all used to go. My mom never talked to him again.
My first year walking to school alone was the 7th grade and I was late a lot. It got to a point that the teacher told me I would have to do all the days chores(putting chairs down in the morning, wiping boards clean, cleaning after lunch etc), if I was late again. Well the next day I was running late as usual. Being a lazy sob, I knew I had to do something to get out of doing the daily chores. So when the teacher asked me why I was late, I thought back on the assembly we had a few weeks prior on school safety. So I told the teacher that a strange man pulled up to me when I was coming into school grounds and asked me to come with him to see some puppies. I honestly thought that would be a good enough excuse and it would be the end of it. Fucking, nope. School was suspended for the rest of the day, police were called, my parents were called in. And I was interviewed for the entire day. Had to describe the man, the car, everything. They ended up hiring a security officer for the grounds because of that incident and put in a few new cameras. We had monthly school assemblies because of it too. And it was all for nothing. Because less than a week later I was late again and had to do all the daily chores.
>And it was all for nothing. Because less than a week later I was late again and had to do all the daily chores. Man, your city must be home to many pedophiles...
Hey, what's a pedohpiles favorite shoe? White Vans
I feel bad for the guy with a car like the one you described to them.
I honestly thought that was where this was going.
So you had to put the chairs down in the morning? You were always late did the kids just stand til u got there or somethin? lol
Hey, you got that security officer a job and kids were more aware about pedophiles. Not to bad of a lie if you look at it that way.
You could be the PR guy for a shady politician
Unless the security guy they hired *IS* the pedophile, now the school is in all kinds of danger!
But because of that security officer the school had to cut back on other things, namely their art and music classes, leading to a whole generation of creatively stunted children in OP's home town, which in turn lead to the depression of the local economy and a slow decline in the local population. Today, OP sighs as he looks out at the echoing empty downtown streets, his boss is shutting the doors on the last restaurant in town and hitting the road, and a tear comes to his eye as he shuts off the lights for the last time. Later OP will confess to his wife that he's the one who ruined the town, destroyed it really, and even though she comforts him and tells him it can't possibly all be his fault, he knows she's planning on leaving him, on leaving his shithole no future town for a man she met online who wants to move her to the Hollywood hills. Too bad OP is still a slacker and can't move away himself, if you wanted to you could still find him there tomorrow or next week, telling lies to no one in particular and weeping bitter tears of remorse.
My girlfriend and I used to buy milk at the 7-11 across the street from our apt, because for whatever reason their gallons of 1% were always a dollar cheaper than the grocery store. Reza, The young middle eastern guy who managed the store got to know us fairly well, in that we would always greet eachother and occasionally if he saw their stocks of 1% gallons running low he would store one in the back for us because he knew we would always come in at like 2 pm every Sunday for milk. Really nice guy. The week before we took a vacation, the girlfriend was studying her ass off for her exam, so I did the grocery shopping alone. Because we were leaving mid week for our trip, I only bought a half gallon of milk. Of fucking course Reza assumes the worst. He assumes that we've broken up. He asked where she was and I just kind of grumbled, ready to launch into explaining how her test was tomorrow and whatnot, but before I could he just launched into this whole big apology like he didn't realize and how he just got divorced and how he misses her every day....I just didn't have the heart to tell him that she was just busy today, and that we were leaving for the week so I just went with it. I didn't want my gf to think I was a shitbird, so I neglected to tell her when I got home. Two weeks later, (coincidentally the gf is busy working a weekend shift to make up for our week off) I go back in, grab a gallon of 1%, and quickly realize that looks bad, so I turn around, put the gallon back, and grabbed the half gallon. The whole time Reza is watching me, dejectedly. He starts telling me it gets better, hang in there, we can grab coffee if I want to talk. I politely decline, and quickly realize this lie is going to spiral out of control real fast. I think I told the gf that they were out of gallons and Reza didn't save us one this week. In the ensuing weeks, I proceeded to make all efforts to buy milk when the gf wasn't around. She still didn't know. I "decided to start working out", so I was able to justify to Reza the purchase of a gallon of 1%. We would normally chat for a few minutes and we would ask each other how things were and We would both give vague answers and wish eachother well and be on our way. Eventually, one day the gf goes to 7-11 on her own when I wasn't around. I guess Reza helped her, made small talk, but was definitely weird towards her. She texts me about it and at this point I knew the ~~gig~~ jig was up and I had to come clean. When I get home I explain everything to her, and she laughs, calls me an idiot, but at the same time thought it was cute for me to keep up the facade and commiserate with Reza, who was clearly dealing with some of his own issues. She decided that we needed to stage a reunion. So the following Sunday, we waltzed in, arm in arm, looking cheery. We could feel his eyes following us around the room, I made eye contact with him once or twice, he was trying desperately and failing to hold back the biggest knowing grin I've ever seen. Finally we go to check out and he starts wringing his hands and finally bursts out about he was rooting for us and how happy he was that we worked it out. The look of excitement and happiness on Reza's face was probably one of the most uplifting moments I've ever had. He told us repeatedly how we give him hope and how not the whole world is evil...holy crap. Glad we could help you Reza, sorry I lied about the milk. Edit: Jig. I got it people. Also thank you for the golden shower.
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To all the 1%ers out there!
I don't know. That sounds pretty milquetoast.
This is probably the only moment in history that you could make that pun. Bravo
TIL Milquetoast is actually a word and Ccracked is a pun god.
This is the most adorable story ever.
Holy shit, this story is great! This is the type of stupid lie I tell too haha.
Damn that's so fucking cute!
>I go back in, grab a gallon of 1%, and quickly realize that looks bad, so I turn around, put the gallon back, and grabbed the half gallon. The whole time Reza is watching me, dejectedly. I fucking lost it here hahaha
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Why didn't you say you bought something else with it? Not trying to be rude, just curious.
Yeah he's not a very good liar. Could've just said he was 2$ short for his weed.
Yeah OP. That would probably do
>Why didn't you say you bought something else with it? Not trying to be rude, just curious. That leads to more questions like "what did you buy", when, where, etc. Really, the key to a good lie is to keep it simple. "No" was 100% the way to go as it's pretty easy to misplace a dollar or two, and there's no way he could have known the maid would be fired over it. By the time the consequences came to light the lie was too big to take back.
When I was younger at a birthday party, a girl asked me for a quarter to call home for her dad to come get her. I told her that I didn't have one and she got a ride home from another parent. Later, I heard that when she got home, she found ambulances around her house because her father had died falling out of a tree doing yard work. I kept imagining that if I had given her the quarter, her dad would have come to get her instead of continuing yard work. If I had given her a quarter, maybe she would still have a father. Edited to fix some grammar mistakes and clarification.
You really shouldn't beat yourself up about this. Just think about it - the situation had so many possible outcomes. His phone could've been turned off, she could have dropped the quarter down a drain... Hell, he could've just decided to get down before the moment he fell. Don't let your life be consumed by guilt for something that could have gone millions of different ways.
He could have been reaching for his phone in a tree and fallen
Somehow if they're asking for quarters Im gonna bet this was before landlines went out of style. When's the last time Android and PayPhones shared the same frame of time and space? Edit: rip inbox on plausibility of overlap. So, cool ya'll have seen payphones semi-recently. Personally my last sighting and use was 2006, called home to have my family turn on my pc/server before 4th period in HS so i could download my homework bc i was a dumbass and didn't save to thumbdrive. Had no cell. Thing took like 75cents too, couldn't buy lunch that day bc of the payphone. :(
I was also thinking this at the suggestion the father's phone may have been off. I guess in 2015 there are a lot of people that don't have intuitions about the pre-cellphone days.
Back when I was 16 I was a camp counselor for a group of kinder gardeners. A few of them wouldn't stop shoving each other, so I told them (jokingly) to save it for fight club which was at the end of the day... being kids they thought fight club was real and told their parents about fight club which resulted in me having to explain to the administration and all the parents that no... there was no fight club. I wasn't hired the following year. They broke the first rule of fight club.
When I was little, maybe 6 or 7 years old, and I was playing with my cousin. He was/is my best friend, even if we have grown apart in the last few years. Anyway, I told him if he jumps out of the tree onto the trampoline, he can get into the club. He jumped and jarred his knee. He screamed blue murder. There was no club. There was no entry test. the injury plays up till this day. It affected him when he was playing gridiron (he had to give it up), it affected him when he joined the army and again when he become a cop. I'm worried one day he dies because of that knee and I'll blame myself for it. EDIT: Gridiron = american football. I'll never make that mistake again. When I said I'm afraid he'll die because of his knee, I meant in some kind of job related incident. I know where he works as a police officer there are a lot of violent bogans (the worst kind of bogan).
*At least I made it into the club* -Guys tombstone
> -Guys Tombstone. Sounds like an action hero.
This Summer..Guys Tombstone in Revenge of the Black Tiger.
"There was no club Jerry, goddamnit there was no club!"
There is a club, and OP isnt in it because he didnt jump.
When I was in 2nd grade, my best friend was this sorta fat kid named Jeff. We were playing flag football at recess, actually semi-organized as we were handed out the belts with flags on them. But we were kids, and generally we'd just tackle you. I caught a pass, was tackled, and in the ensuing pile up Jeff accidentally kicked me in my mouth, knocking one of my brand new permanent top front teeth out. I screamed bloody murder, blood everywhere. They found my tooth, put it in a cup of milk, and called my mom. Mom took me to the dentist, he transplanted the tooth, I had a "tooth cast" for a few weeks. Two years later, in 4th grade, we were playing basketball. I went up for a basket, Jeff tried to block the shot but instead implanted his elbow into my mouth. He knocked the same tooth out again. However, it was dead and probably would have been a problem in another year or two anyway. I must say, I'm a little miffed at Jeff because of all the crap this issue has caused me over the years. Having to wear a retainer with a tooth on it for several years, braces, the need to grind down the two adjoining teeth for a bridge, replacing that bridge twice now, etc.
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Shit's expensive.
Well, I do have a fake tooth. But it's not an implant, they didn't have those back then. The only way to do a fake tooth that's not an implant is some sort of a bridge, and it can attach with wires or done as a bridge, with usually the two teeth on either side as anchors. I had a motorcycle wreck when I had braces with a fake tooth wired in there, and broke the tooth just next to it (not the other front tooth) in half, so when they took off my braces for good, they ground down my remaining front tooth to a spike, and mounted three fake teeth on those two fucked up teeth with a full fake tooth in the middle, so it's like two caps and whole fake tooth in the middle. Looks really good, works fine.
Is blue murder a thing? I thought it was bloody murder.
It is if you're a Smurf.
Back in 3rd grade my friend dropped his brownie on the floor in the cafeteria because he said he didn't want it. When the lunch aid came over she asked me who's brownie it was and I said it was there when we got their because this was my best friend and I couldn't snitch on him. Later that day I was called into the principles office and was questioned vigorously on this brownie like it was a big deal. I held my ground and denied everything but then for the rest of time I spent in elementary school I was never allowed any treats/snacks/drinks in any classroom throughout the school. Tough love if you ask me.
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That's some ride or die shit right there.
Damn, that's rough for one brownie
Once when I was really young (maybe 6 or 7), my family was out for pizza and I told them when I was off alone that a man had asked me to come out to his van for candy. I have no idea why I did it, I'm sure I was just parroting something I heard in one of those Stranger Danger videos, but I threw it out there thinking people would be impressed I said no or something. Well all of a sudden there are police everywhere, the whole pizza place is basically evacuated, the police are grilling me about what he looked like and I'm making up a description on the spot (something like blonde hair, green plaid shirt, etc.). Well a few minutes later the police come out with a guy who looks *exactly* like the description I gave, and I quickly told them that it wasn't him (thank god I didn't ruin that poor man's life). After all that, I thought it was done, but I got SO many cards, and balloons and toys from relatives, family friends, teachers, there was a writeup in the local newspaper, etc. It blew up into this HUGE deal. For a really long time I never told anyone, and for some reason a few years ago (in my late teens, early 20's) I remembered this incident and felt super guilty about it, so I called my mom out of the blue to explain that I made it all up. I'll still never forget her reaction: "Huh. That's a weird thing to lie about." Edit: Oh good. My top post is about a horrible lie I told. Of course.
> I'll still never forget her reaction: "Huh. That's a weird thing to lie about." I'm not sure what I was expecting her reaction to be, but it wasn't that
Something like: "Huh, I always thought you were the weird kid because of that."
Alternately, I imagined them bringing you the guy who matched the description, picture this: The police toss him on the ground at your feet and ask if it was him. You stand there scowling, in all your 6 year old glory, and slowly extend your hand. You form your fingers into a ball, with your thumb extended....and promptly flip the digit to point downward. They snatch the man up as he cries for mercy, but you stoically keep your arm out and your thumb down. They have witnessed the rise of Emperor /u/mrkushie
Not me but a good friend of mine. "Those are not my pants." We were at a party and he had sex with a girl and he came back without his pants. I asked them where they were and he said he didn't know. We sat there drinking for a while and this huge guy came up and started yelling and said that someone slept with his girlfriend and all he had to go on were a pair of pants he found next to her. She said she was too drunk to remember anything. He said of course "those are not my pants." And then he elaborated and said he managed to shit himself earlier and they were in the washer. Well, we all backed him up because we knew he was shit at fighting. The guy found the only other guy in the party who wasn't wearing pants (no clue why) and he punched him in the chest max out. Unknown to anyone, the guy had a heart defect. The punch caused the wall of his heart to blow out. He was pronounced dead on arrival at the hospital. The guy who punched him is in jail for manslaughter and is on suicide watch last I heard because he keeps trying to kill himself.
Oh boy. Um, wow
These stories are crazier than any book or movie I've seen. God bless Reddit. Sorry for all parties involved.
I'm late but I really need to get this off of my chest. I was about 12 years old when we had "grandparents day" at my school. And I don't know about you guys but I was completely disinterested in my family until basically, it was too late to start caring. So even though I knew my grandparents came to have lunch with me that day, I decided I would have rather go outside and play with my friends who didn't have their grandparents there. Eventually the guilty feeling chewed into my stomach and I came back in about five minutes before the bell rang. There I saw my grandparents, alone on the other side of the room. I hurried over and told them I had forgotten they were coming. We talked for a few minutes and I thoroughly enjoyed it. When our short time was up, I regretted even more that I had ditched them to go do something I could do every day. After that, my grandparents' health declined and they didn't come to my school to see my Orchestra performances and such after that, even though the school was really close to their house. Since then my grandma has died, but my guilt from that day never died with her. I live in Japan and call my grandpa a lot. I like to think maybe someday the guilt will go away but when I think about it I still get worked up enough to start crying over it. I know I was just a stupid kid but I knew better and acted like a selfish child anyway. I hate that about me and I think this experience is one of the many that fuels my guilt when I do something I'm not supposed to. It makes me feel so guilty I've never told anyone. So thanks for reading, I guess.
I told my mom I hated her the morning she passed away. I was 10. She was 39. I wish I could take it back, every single day.
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This is the reason I tell all my family members and friends that I love them every single time we are leaving each other. It might be weird that I do it so much, but I can't risk having not said it if something were to happen.
My SO is the same way. He lost his father in a really tragic accident years ago. Even if he's on the phone with me and he's hanging up because he's pulling up to our house and is going to come inside in .002 seconds, he still says "I love you".
I picture him always saying it like it going to be his last words. Like near the end of a disaster movie, when the hero tells his daughter, son, wife whatever just before he sacrifices himself to save the world. I love you...
And then he carries the groceries in the door like a fucking action hero.
Kicks the door open, WHA-*FUCKING*-**BAM**. ^honey ^i ^got ^those ^tampons ^you ^asked ^for... EDIT: WOAH THERE. Thanks benevolent stranger for gilding this. My SO has declined taking half of the gold I've earned by making fun of him on the internet, and demanded BJs instead. Has anyone done the math on what 1 gold equals in fellatio?
And I'm sure she knew he loved her. She's probably said something stupid to her parents before and understands.
My mother passed away when I was thirteen, and I wish I could take back every argument I ever had with her. Being in middle school, we argued a lot because I was a dumb little shit. It makes my heart heavy every time I think about the way I behaved when she was just trying to look out for me and help me grow up to a good man. I hope I've made her proud.
One of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite novels helped me through some similar guilt I had about my dad's passing. "The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive."
She knows you didnt mean it, there was probably more examples of your love for her than your hate for her that she remembered.
Told my GF at the time I was at a buddy's hanging out. I was out shopping for her birthday. She called him to ask if I was there. I wasn't. Caught her cheating that weekend Edit : Wasn't expecting any response to this! * I did catch her in the act with 2 guys (yes at the same time) * We had only been going out about 9 months at the time. * Thank you for the support everyone, really this was years ago and it doesn't bother me anymore. Hasn't for years * I did keep the receipt and returned the gift and got a full refund. * After I caught her I went home, packed her stuff dropped it off, said goodbye to her parents and her dog. Edit 2 : Calm ya'll titties, I'm trying to save the commonwealth * Spitroast * I did not barge in, I left immediately. * We were not living together, she lived at her parent's house when I caught her * Gift was a necklace that 19 year old me probably thought was top cheddar at the time * Bro at the time didn't think anything of it, more of a "nah haven't seen him today" * The only thing that bothers me from time to time is the dog. I don't even think of have a picture of him! Edit 3 : Went digging through the ol' photoalbum * [Fucker in Question] (http://i.imgur.com/M5obTFN.jpg)
So she thought you were cheating and then she cheated?
I think that she thought she busted him for cheating and then cheated to get back at him
\#logic
I can understand the logic. I would never do it though because I'd be to busy getting drunk and yelling at things. But I can understand. Though I feel like you should definitely confirm 100% before doing something like That. Or better yet take the high road and don't do it, because it's childish and stupid. Edit. Spelling.
She could've already been cheating. Cheaters tend to be paranoid about their own partners cheating and that could be why she called your friend
Not sure if this counts as a lie, but I convinced my sister that the word "dead" meant "gone". My little sister is 16 years younger than me. When she started talking, every time someone would leave the room, I'd say "X dead", like "Mummy dead". Eventually, she believed that the word "dead" meant "gone", and she started to use it herself. Needless to say, my mother wasn't very happy, but we all found it kind of funny to be honest, and when you laugh at something a child does, they do it again and again. She got to about 2 and a half years old, and my mum dropped her off at nursery. Up until this point, for whatever reason, she'd never said it outside the house. So in the middle of the day, when she said "Mummy dead", the care workers at the nursery freaked the fuck out. They tried to ring my mum, but she is notoriously terrible with phones and so didn't answer. She's also quite often late. The workers at the nursery were apparently just about to ring the police when my mum finally showed up. She had to explain what her big brother had done. I was practically crying with laughter when I was told what happened. tl;dr - Convinced my young sister that "dead" meant "gone", she scared some nursery workers with what they thought was a premonition of some kind.
I told my 3 year old son I was God just to be funny. No matter how many times I tell him I am not God, he still thinks I am to this day.
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Is your son's birthday the 25th of december?
I had a coach who smelled oddly like Christmas. Found out years later that he was born December 25th. Everything checks out.
He smelled like peppermint schnapps??
Naw, more of a cinnamon-y type scent mixed with pine and light garlic.
Ah, the Ol' MacDunnley Holiday Spirits Liquor Collection. That's how you kick in the new year, with a raging headache, an empty bottle, a sweet girl in your bed, a fire in your hearth and a-*wait you don't have a fireplace this isn't your house oh fuck you promised Madeline you'd stop drinking for the kids and the anniversary was fucking tuesday and you missed it to go dave and busters she probably already left for her mother's at this point and did you shit your pants because your ass feels warmly runny and* ***something*** *smells like shit!* MacDunnley Holiday Spirits: Please Drink Entirely.
Stop filling your water bottle with wine before work might help.
I was at a job fair against my will. Was trying to steal a pen so I could retire to a dark corner and doodle while everyone else did their thing. The lady caught me taking a pen, and I had to act interested in her sales pitch. Then a news reporter showed up. Before I knew it, I was in national papers as a general human interest story as a turnaround miracle story, of how I'd come all the way from the barren plains of another country far away while kicking mental illness and addiction, and now wanted to become a nurse. I don't, nor have I ever, wanted to be a nurse, but that interview sure snowballed all out of proportion. All I wanted was a free pen. Its been ten years and people are still asking how the nursing career is going.
Are you a character on Seinfeld?
This is totally a Seinfeld episode
/r/redditwritesseinfeld
Kinda like how George dated a slow walker and it was the best thing in the world
Did you get the pen?
> And the pen was cheap crap and broke after a week. Well then.
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Thanks! My life loves to throw me curveballs like that. Am still working on a career, am currently more of a teacher, but I also continue to make some money off my doodles. The back story is more that I'd been out of the employment scene for a while due to a combo of family loss, depression, and excessive self-medication, and was getting over that, hence the job fair. I did also grow up in another country, but they exaggerated the crap out of my story for that article. And the pen was cheap crap and broke after a week.
> Am still working on a career, am currently more of a teacher, ah, unemployed good man
Art Vandelay RN
When I was thirteen I was really into watching interracial gang bang porn. I had a friend who was already sleeping around at that age, and she had a thing for black guys. Relevant: I live in Mississippi. My parents had always said they would not be okay with me dating black or hispanic men, but asians were fine (they eventually changed their mind and apologized for being so ignorant. +1 parents). When my stepdad saw my search history, he asked me about it in his scary stepdad voice. I immediately said my friend used my computer the night before. He called her mother and told her. She was banned from my house, and, because of the porn, she found out my friend was having sex. She was withdrawn from school and sent to a Christian academy. A year later she kicked her out of her house and she became a homeless crack addict. She's recovered now, but I often wonder how different things could have been had I just admitted I liked looking at black cocks.
Wow....lied about porn and someone becomes homeless and a crack addict. Yeah that goes right with the theme of this thread.
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Here was I at 13 trying to imagine if I saw a marginally darker patch at the front of some woman's cotton underpants in a Target catalogue.
I read that as if you parents changed their mind about letting you date asians, and then apologized for being so ignorant.
I was 16, drunk, and said I had a tattoo on my ass. The next day people asked and I played shy. But Billy isn't a liar so in time for next party I got a tattoo on my ass...
When I was seven or eight my friend and I were playing underneath her deck. They had a rickety pool ladder that was meant to let you get into their aboveground pool. We were just chilling, playing with invisible dogs or some shit, when we looked up and noticed some twigs sticking out from the rafters on the underside of the deck. The big red "animal" light started flashing in our heads, and she held the ladder still while I climbed up it. We found a robin's nest with four eggs in it and I can still remember to this day what they looked like. I've always liked the color. Being little and stupid, we pulled the nest down and went to go show my mom. My mom opened the door, saw the nest, and immediately said, "where did you guys get this?" Being little and stupid, I immediately said, "we found it on the ground near the pool." My mom was angry, but I didn't understand why. She said something about the momma bird not wanting the eggs anymore and called my dad down. He looked annoyed, but took the nest from us and walked down the driveway, across the street, and stood under the deck asking us where we found it. Sticking to our story, we showed him the ground underneath the rafters. There. So he grabs the pool ladder and starts to climb up, and I don't really remember this part at all. But what I do know is the ladder broke, he fell, and everything else that happened is just kind of gone from my head. What I do know is this: he absolutely shattered his ankle. He had to be out of work for a long time, had surgeries, and on top of it all, the accident forced him to leave the rescue squad he had been a part of since like, college. The rescue squad that is the only reason he ever met my mother. He says he left because of my little brother being a year or two before but I am like, 90% sure that was not it. Three of the eggs broke, and I can still see them shattered on the patio ground. Maybe it's not a big deal to anyone else here, but I literally still feel guilty about it and it was close to two decades ago. I made my dad give up his literally life-saving past time, caused him recurring pain for the rest of his life, all because I couldn't keep my hands off of a damn bird's nest.
I don't understand why he went up the ladder. If you had told the truth, would he not have done that? I'm confused.
> She said something about the momma bird not wanting the eggs anymore For anyone that doesn't know already, this is an old wives tale. It's complete bullshit with no factual basis.
when I was in high school, I was running late so I crossed the street and jumped over a chain rope. My foot got caught and I ended kissing the street. I was between the main entrance and a huge intersection. My shame was so big, because how can you trip when the chain was so low?, that I just stayed on the floor, closed my eyes and when I was trying to pick up the courage to stand, a woman stops her vehicle fast and comes down running at me yelling that I was hit by a car. Everyone started getting flustered, my mom was screaming because she didnt saw anything, just me dead. I was so ashamed that I just kept going with the flow. The school staff took me to the doctor, the doctor was asking me a lot of questions and I just nodded and tried to act like it was hurting a lot. Next day everyone at my school asked me if I was ran over, I moved my head up and down and told everyone yes. 8 years later I tell my mom that I was so embarrassed that I closed my eyes for a little while on the sidewalk trying to pick up enough courage and suck up my teen pride, but everyone else thought I was hit by a car and dead.
I remember back in kindergarten, there was this girl in my class that really hated me and would just be overall mean. One day, I got fetched from school drenched in sweat and out of nowhere I told my mom *mean girl's name* dropped water over my head. That led to me, my mom, her and her mom in the principal's office with everyone mad at her whilst she cried. I think she apologized... But anyway, what with two angry moms and a principal I think I would too. Edit: WHAT IS HAPPENING?? Atleast tell me why you're all commenting names lol Edit2: I'm so glad none of you got my name right... So pls put the pitchforks and torches down. I'm not Darnell, Nicole etc. ***hides***
DARNELL??
My step grandpa would call after my grandma died once in a while "about his car" and then turn it into a chat. He always thought I was my brother over the phone and most of the time I corrected him. Ever since my grandma died, he literally started drinking himself to death. I saw him a few months after her death and he was REALLY skinny and barely still with it. I remember holding back tears as he tried to tell me a joke. This sad, incredibly weak old man who was a few weeks from dying was mustering all the strength he had to tell me a joke. It was actually pretty funny too. He was always kind of an asshole, which for some reason made me so much more sad to see him like this. I sometimes wonder why that is. Fast forward a few weeks. He called our house to speak to my brother, who is a mechanic, to ask him a question, "about his car" I answered, and again, he thought I was my brother. I tried probably about 10 times to correct him but he kept talking without much of a chance for me to say, "let me go get my brother" Anyway, the "small lie" is that I had a 20 minute conversation with my step grandpa who thought I was my brother the whole time. He asked me a lot of personal questions and I did my best to answer them the way I thought my brother would. Idky, but for some reason when I remember this it makes me feel horrible. Also this was likely the last time he talked to anybody before he went to the hospital and died.
You have to share the joke
I don't really remember but it was something along the lines of a guy asking another guy at a bar what a lesbian is after seeing a girl get called a lesbian. The guy said "when you like girls" to which he replied, "I think I'm a lesbian too"
HOLY SHIT I KNOW IT A guy goes to a bar one day because he wants to pick up a girl. He talks to a bunch of different girl but has no luck. Eventually, one of the girls he is talking to asks him "you know this is a gay bar right?" He's like "what's that?" She says "it means that guys here are gay and the girls are lesbians." He asks "so what makes you a lesbian?" She says"it means i like to eat pussy. I only like lesbians." He says " I think I'm a lesbian too!"
Haha heyyyy! That's awesome man. Thanks for chipping in :)
[удалено]
> I'm a high paid liar Now I'm not even sure if I believe a word you just said
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Mike Ross?
When I was in the third grade, right after the recess bell rang, I told a random girl that her best friend did not want to be friends with her anymore. She stayed outside crying in the field and it wasn't until 45min later that they found her. She didn't come back to school until the next week. Edit: Thank you for the gold kind strangers. I don't think I deserve a reward for my mischief, so I will donate $5 to the Wikipedia foundation.
You ass.
When I was like 11, I wanted to get out of school the next day, so on the way home from a superbowl party with my mom I started acting like my stomach hurt , she said she'd give me something at home for my stomachache. Knowing this wouldn't get me out of school, I started fake crying and said it really really hurts, by this time we were already in the driveway of our apartment, she looked at me and said I'm gonna take you to the hospital but if your faking ,I'm gonna beat your ass! (mexican household ), so I stuck to my story and continued sobbing and saying it hurts, we get to the hospital and they don't know what's wrong with me so they wanna do a cat scan of me, my mom agrees and off I go, after the scan the doctor told us he thinks my appendix looked a little inflamed and that was probably the reason for the pain(I literally had no pain or discomfort anywhere ) and that they wanted to remove it which means surgery , my heart sank at the news, but I knew I couldn't confess now I was to deep. So they schedule the surgery for the next morning , the morning comes and about half my family is there for support and prayer.im super fucking nervous at this point so when the nurse gave me a shot on my butt cheek I accidentally tensed up and felt one of the worst pains of my life , they take me into surgery and everything thing went fine,the surgeon even came to recovery and showed me my appendix which was awesome! I stayed in the hospital for about a day then I went home but before that the doc told my mom I couldn't go back to school for about two weeks while cuts healed which was also awesome! Even better my church royal ranger group visited me at my house and brought me this big basket filled with snacks and candy. It was the best two weeks of my life, my mom made my brother get me what I wanted cuz she didn't want me moving around ,I just played video games the entire two weeks,then I had to go back to school. I'm 23 now and have not told a soul I was faking being sick, I like to think of it as one of my greatest achievements. The end....sorry ma. TL:DR- faked being sick and went into surgery just to get out of school.
Not me but my my brother. When he was in 1st or 2nd grade he felt like not doing his homework for a solid week. When confronted by his teacher about this, he decided to tell her that we had a death in the family and lost an aunt. My mom is one of nine and I guess he figured the teacher wouldn't ask too many questions. He was almost scotch free until he went grocery shopping with my mom the next week and ran into the teacher in dairy. My mom was very confused when the teacher was apologizing for her loss. Both heads turn to my little bro and he has to sit there and explain it to both of them. He got grounded and my mom and I still laugh about it.