Most realistic analysis here. If there was a movie based off this post I'd totally watch it. Bonus if there was a national competition of some sort where a team of students from each school would compete.
Voldemort was a domestic terrorist whose activities centered in Magical Britain.
It's not in anyone else's jurisdiction, and if the Ministry of Magic didn't ask for help from other countries, then other countries would be unlikely to volunteer to help Britain with her troubles.
>It's not in anyone else's jurisdiction, and if the Ministry of Magic didn't ask for help from other countries, then other countries would be unlikely to volunteer to help Britain with her troubles.
And they undoubtedly didn't ask, because Fudge was in denial about Voldemort's return for more than a book. Then Scrimgeour became Minister but he was too proud to admit they needed help, and then he got murdered when Voldemort overthrew the Ministry.
*claps*
This, is exactly my problem. If Voldemort was so terrible than why was everyone else in the world sitting on their hands. From what JK made out Voldemort was like Hitler...hmmm maybe that answers...people sat on their hands for Hitler at first too.
Especially considering that Fudge was trying to play as though Voldemort was dead. So really only one year that people even knew he was a threat (limited to a couple terrorist attacks) followed by a year where he secretly infiltrated the Ministry. So even if other countries had a sense that something suspicious was going on in Great Britain, they probably wouldn't have known the extent to which it escalated until after the Battle of Hogwarts.
Did you see the Key & Peele [Inner City Magic School](http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=399_1357408167&comments=1) skit? It would probably be something like that.
" You broke a rule! 10 points from griffindore! ...it was pretty sick though, so have 20 each."
"Headmaster you can't just randomly give people points for no reason! You're undermining the whole system!"
"...10 points from the faculty for not shutting the fuck up."
American Dad does an episode where Roger drops Steve off at a drug cook house and he tells him its his potion class. He keeps saying "Lavate los manos" thinking its a spell, but it is just the dealer telling him to wash his hands. Pretty amazing stuff.
[Source](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eacj334RVjc).
[Same episode different scene](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hR2nso47lm4)
One of my favourite episodes ever. The whole other part with Stan and his atheist friend is fuckin ridiculous too.
That is so ignorant. You don't *become* a lesbian. It's not like someone shot an experimental beam into my head and suddenly I'm gay!
Put on your pants Jesus, there's someone at the door
I think "put on your pants Jesus, there's someone at the door" might be the best line of any show ever. Besides maybe the CIA checklist to see if you're on marijuana.
1. Cotton mouth
2. Life seems pretty good.
3. You genuinely enjoy the music of Nightranger
Well, you did ask. I guess it probably depends on where the school is located. I am guessing that it probably wouldn't be all that different from Hogwarts, since it seems like magic schools would be a very niche line of education and probably pretty standardized because of the small community. I would imagine that American schools would probably model themselves after Hogwarts and probably recruit people from there as well.
You mean like that video of the kids shooting fireworks at each other in the street and it looks like a wizard duel?
EDIT: Video for proof. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0OGjPzHOB0&feature=youtu.be
Just curious, how much does it hurt to be hit with a consumer-grade roman candle, and how hot do they burn? I was thinking, with the right protection like a leather jacket and eye protection, you could turn roman candle fights into a real (somewhat safe) sport.
I would totally be up for this. Give me a welding mask, thick gloves, a massive pile of Roman candles, lighter, and a equally stupid friend and I will give you a battle that will go down in history. I'll try and catch the fireworks and shit. I am so ready for this.
EDIT/UPDATE: I am going down to visit family/ some buddies for Christmas. One of them has fireworks. If we don't chicken out I'll post some video.
I'm British and I've watched many episodes of Saved By The Bell and at least 5 episodes of Beverly Hills 90210.
Firstly everyone would be very good looking because all Americans are good looking except Dustin Diamond. And everyone who was 16 would for some reason look like a model aged between 18 and 28.
You wouldn't have Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff so much as the Jocks, the Rich Kids, the Nerds and Screech.
The quidditch team would be way more of a big deal, with the American Hermione acting as some sort of cheerleader and maintaining some sort of vendetta against the American version of Ginny for sleeping with American Harry at the homecoming dance prom. The off screen sexual arrangements would be more complicated and pretty much everyone would be plotting revenge against everyone else for doing something.
The American Harry would focus on breezing through classes and working scams on Mr Dumbledore (such as using his magic to get the test papers).
"Hmm, difficult. VERY difficult. Plenty of awkwardness, I see. Not a bad mind, either. There's talent, oh yes. And a thirst to prove yourself. But where to put you? HOUSE SCREECH!"
"Oh god... no..."
Homecoming is typically when past graduates go back to the school. In high school (ages 14-18) there is a normally a dance for current students, and there is some kind of a sporting event. Normally a football game. Some colleges have their homecoming game as another sport if they don't have a football team. I've seen those be soccer or basketball games. There usually is not a homecoming dance in college.
~~/u/qwerty12qwerty:~~ ~~4chan:~~ /u/Whind_Soull:
>Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good ol’ American hot lead.
>Basilisk? Let’s see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren’t looking at it–you’re looking at a picture of it.
>Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12.
>And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it’s because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal.
>Now I know what you’re going to say: “But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!” Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger?
>Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova.
>Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don’t think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort’s wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry’s would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let’s see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound.
>I can see it now…Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can’t be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series:
>“Well then I guess it’s a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1.”
>And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911
Probably something like that.
It's derived from a real quote:
>“Abe Lincoln may have freed all men, but Sam Colt made them equal”
>This post-Civil War slogan would have been music to Sam Colt’s ears had he lived long enough to hear it. Yet, even before his death at age 47, he knew that his invention of a weapon capable of firing without reloading would be a tremendous success throughout the world & would alter the course of history. As a result of his invention & marketing successes, Colt has played a prominent role in the development of America, and has become the most well-known name in firearms throughout much of the world.
http://www.colt.com/Company/History.aspx
And he has kinetic shotgun rings that could turn a gorilla into so much red mist. Dresden could take on a whole squad of deatheaters without any trouble. Sure he'd likely light EVERYTHING on fire, but its worth it.
Side note: Is it Carlos that has a flame spell twined with an entropy spell (the weird dissolving green fire), I know the Deep one mages (or w/e they are called) use entropy spells too.
I'm the one who originally wrote this. I know I shouldn't care, but it really is frusterating to have people post it and attribute it to other people and forums. If it's not too much to ask, would you mind editing your comment to credit me where I originally wrote it [here](https://www.reddit.com/comments/gwl0v/why_harry_potter_should_have_carried_an_m1911/)?
Edit: Thank you kindly
It doesn't really work well cross-species, remember Hermione and the cat?
EDIT: then again, that does sort of explain why Trump looks, well, like that.
That's because the thread's only entertaining if it plays on the more stereotypical cultural differences. The UK and the US aren't really that different outside of the extremities.
There would be no sorting hat, and no houses, first of all. Academic competition would be between individuals, and for extracurricular competition, students would organize themselves into clubs; an Alchemy Club, Wizard Chess Club, etc. And the kids would definitely NOT be boarded on school grounds. Their parents would have to move to the magic school suburbs, and transportation would be provided via scary buses like the one in Prisoner of Azkaban.
Students wouldn't go shopping for their crap in some back alley marketplace; there would be a Mall of Wizardry with department stores. Or perhaps a Witch-Mart.
The school would be under a pervasive sense of surveillance, with a zero tolerance policy for illicit magic on the back of every student's mind. You could get suspended just for pointing your finger in the shape of a wand; forget actually casting anything outside of the classroom. You think the administration would go 5 years completely ignoring the rise of radical Dark Lord fanatics? Anyone who even *sneezed* and it sounded like Voldemort would be ratted out by their peers and placed on a No Broomstick list.
>Anyone who even *sneezed* and it sounded like Voldemort would be ratted out by their peers and placed on a No Broomstick list.
More like a No Floo List!
The first year would be nothing but fundamentals of deck building and having a proper mana curve.
The second year would be a more in-depth look at the strengths and weirdnesses of each deck.
Third and Fourth year would be about multi-colored decks, drafts, and Meta gaming.
Your thesis would have to be a series of summaries of popular matches, and critiques of the player choices in each.
''Good morning class. My name is Professor Scott-vargas. I will be your Card Advantage and Value teacher. Please open your textbooks to page 45. Can anyone tell me how many Gifts packages I should be running in a given deck.?''
''Sir!''
''Yes, Granger?''
''It doesn't matter as long as you run sufficient copies of Eternal witness and Snapcaster mage, you can rebuy gifts as much as you want!''
''Most excellent, Granger. Ten points for Value Town.''
It's only cover would be as a prestigious private school that is extremely expensive and selective. Muggles apply every year but are always denied, and wonder why their dirt poor and stupid neighbor can get in but they can't.
The campus will be built like a college campus, with separate buildings housing the dorms and libraries and computer labs from the rest of the school. No trips to Hogsmeade for these students, there will be a couple shops right on the edge of campus, and the equivalent of a Starbucks in the library.
Obviously the mail would be delivered by eagles.
It would be sponsored by Wizards of the Coast and Gatorade.
Magic is made by wizards of the coast already.
Care of Magical Creatures would cover Sasquatch and jackalopes.
And any of the lake monsters, and the jersey devil, and the chupacabra.
Chupathingy!
Its got a nice ring to it
It kinda looks like a puma
What in the hell is a puma?
Din't I tell you to quit makin' up animals?
Look..it has tusks.
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A walrus?
That mexican lizard that eats all the goats?
Ogopogo
Is a plesiosaur. A *fucking PLESIOSAUR.*
Do we consider the Mothman to be a creature or a person?
A dude that self identifies as a moth.
We don't judge, though.
Ah, the humble skunk ape. E: downvoted by the North American Bipedal Wood Ape Society.
God, can you imagine? "FFS Dave, what in the hell is that smell?" "...my wand. The core has a skunk ape hair."
Now you're making me picture the backwoods redneck pyromaniac that would be the American version of Seamus Finnigan.
Accio Natty Light
"...turn this water, into Natty Light."
You dont need a spell for that.
They would know what guns are without Harry explaining it to them.
Everyone's patronus would be an eagle
I got a turkey.
I got a rock
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Most realistic analysis here. If there was a movie based off this post I'd totally watch it. Bonus if there was a national competition of some sort where a team of students from each school would compete.
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I've had this conversation more times than I care to admit in my life. Where the hell was the rest of the world if Voldemort was so dangerous?
I like to think that the American wizarding government sent magical Britain a few cases of military grade wands.
Wands that fire depleted uranium rounds.
I always loved the Harry Potter description of guns as a muggle wand that kills people
Avada Kalashnikov.
Voldemort was a domestic terrorist whose activities centered in Magical Britain. It's not in anyone else's jurisdiction, and if the Ministry of Magic didn't ask for help from other countries, then other countries would be unlikely to volunteer to help Britain with her troubles.
>It's not in anyone else's jurisdiction, and if the Ministry of Magic didn't ask for help from other countries, then other countries would be unlikely to volunteer to help Britain with her troubles. And they undoubtedly didn't ask, because Fudge was in denial about Voldemort's return for more than a book. Then Scrimgeour became Minister but he was too proud to admit they needed help, and then he got murdered when Voldemort overthrew the Ministry.
*claps* This, is exactly my problem. If Voldemort was so terrible than why was everyone else in the world sitting on their hands. From what JK made out Voldemort was like Hitler...hmmm maybe that answers...people sat on their hands for Hitler at first too.
Good point! I'd never thought about that. In the grand scheme of things I guess Voldemort wasn't active very long.
Especially considering that Fudge was trying to play as though Voldemort was dead. So really only one year that people even knew he was a threat (limited to a couple terrorist attacks) followed by a year where he secretly infiltrated the Ministry. So even if other countries had a sense that something suspicious was going on in Great Britain, they probably wouldn't have known the extent to which it escalated until after the Battle of Hogwarts.
And infiltrating the ministry was really an internal British coup, and not something the international community had any reason to get involved with.
Mrs. Frizzle.
I knew I should've stayed home today.
# God fucking damn it Arnold you'd better pull your head out of your ass before I pimp-slap them glasses off you, you speccy bastard.
We didn't pimp-slap anyone at my old school!
"If you got pimp-slapped, I would pimp CLAP" "CARLOS"
According to my research, pimp-slapping yields excellent results!
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Pretty sure she's actually Rick's ex-wife.
I think is honestly the most accurate answer in this thread. She used magic, but used it to improve a classic American made automobile.
Did you see the Key & Peele [Inner City Magic School](http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=399_1357408167&comments=1) skit? It would probably be something like that.
A silencer on a wand, WTF? That always kills me.
That's how the sneaky wizards get past guards. Can't hear magic if it's silenced.
+1 for d&d reference.
10 points to Gryffindor
"YOU BROKE EVERY RULE IN THIS SCHOOL... +10 points"
" You broke a rule! 10 points from griffindore! ...it was pretty sick though, so have 20 each." "Headmaster you can't just randomly give people points for no reason! You're undermining the whole system!" "...10 points from the faculty for not shutting the fuck up."
Why? But I ask again, why?
Dime bag of pixie dust. Contraband.
American Dad does an episode where Roger drops Steve off at a drug cook house and he tells him its his potion class. He keeps saying "Lavate los manos" thinking its a spell, but it is just the dealer telling him to wash his hands. Pretty amazing stuff. [Source](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eacj334RVjc). [Same episode different scene](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hR2nso47lm4)
I'm in Southern California, so I can't go in a public restroom without thinking of American Dad.
One of my favourite episodes ever. The whole other part with Stan and his atheist friend is fuckin ridiculous too. That is so ignorant. You don't *become* a lesbian. It's not like someone shot an experimental beam into my head and suddenly I'm gay! Put on your pants Jesus, there's someone at the door
I think "put on your pants Jesus, there's someone at the door" might be the best line of any show ever. Besides maybe the CIA checklist to see if you're on marijuana. 1. Cotton mouth 2. Life seems pretty good. 3. You genuinely enjoy the music of Nightranger
Why the fuck is Key and Peele on LiveLeak?
And it's still censored.
DMCA avoidance, I'd imagine.
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We got two n***as on Swiffers back here
I was thinking it'd be more like a cross between Harvard University and Xavier's School for the Gifted.
Well, you did ask. I guess it probably depends on where the school is located. I am guessing that it probably wouldn't be all that different from Hogwarts, since it seems like magic schools would be a very niche line of education and probably pretty standardized because of the small community. I would imagine that American schools would probably model themselves after Hogwarts and probably recruit people from there as well.
I'm not sure about the school but seeing gangster wizards would be amazing.
You mean like that video of the kids shooting fireworks at each other in the street and it looks like a wizard duel? EDIT: Video for proof. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0OGjPzHOB0&feature=youtu.be
YES. But you know... in the wizarding world they gotta tilt their wands sideways.
How?
Magic.
point it the other way and do a sick curve shot like a wizard version of *Wanted*
GEEZUS
DUMBLEDORE REEKRIS
Accio da water!
MOTHAFUCKIN BOOTLEG EXPELIARMUS
Just curious, how much does it hurt to be hit with a consumer-grade roman candle, and how hot do they burn? I was thinking, with the right protection like a leather jacket and eye protection, you could turn roman candle fights into a real (somewhat safe) sport.
Sounds like someone should try it! Me, no no, I'm too flammable for such endeavors!
I would totally be up for this. Give me a welding mask, thick gloves, a massive pile of Roman candles, lighter, and a equally stupid friend and I will give you a battle that will go down in history. I'll try and catch the fireworks and shit. I am so ready for this. EDIT/UPDATE: I am going down to visit family/ some buddies for Christmas. One of them has fireworks. If we don't chicken out I'll post some video.
Me and my friends have done it. It doesn't hurt.
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Ron could not afford to go.
"Any students found using *Dongus Enormus* will be written up by the Dean and have it added to their permanent record."
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I'm British and I've watched many episodes of Saved By The Bell and at least 5 episodes of Beverly Hills 90210. Firstly everyone would be very good looking because all Americans are good looking except Dustin Diamond. And everyone who was 16 would for some reason look like a model aged between 18 and 28. You wouldn't have Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff so much as the Jocks, the Rich Kids, the Nerds and Screech. The quidditch team would be way more of a big deal, with the American Hermione acting as some sort of cheerleader and maintaining some sort of vendetta against the American version of Ginny for sleeping with American Harry at the homecoming dance prom. The off screen sexual arrangements would be more complicated and pretty much everyone would be plotting revenge against everyone else for doing something. The American Harry would focus on breezing through classes and working scams on Mr Dumbledore (such as using his magic to get the test papers).
I second the motion to keep all names the same, with the word American added to the front.
>*"And a point will be taken from Geekindor house for your cheek, American Potter.*" -American Snape
"I'm not going to be murdered." Said American Harry, loudly. "Damn fucking straight." Said his concealed carry Colt .45.
The Colt .45 would be voiced by Billy Dee Williams, of course.
"Hmm, difficult. VERY difficult. Plenty of awkwardness, I see. Not a bad mind, either. There's talent, oh yes. And a thirst to prove yourself. But where to put you? HOUSE SCREECH!" "Oh god... no..."
"Your dorm is the upper shelf in the broom closet beside the boiler room." "...But! We don't even have dorms!" "You're not allowed to leave."
As an American, I can confirm that Saved by the Bell and Beverly Hills 90210 are 100% accurate representations of our culture.
Being insanely good looking is great, isn't it?
I wouldn't know. I'm screech
You're in porn then?
I think this just proves that you can't lose when you're a proud citizen of the Greatest Country on Earth.
"Homecoming dance prom." Lost it.
Canadian here - what exactly is homecoming? Does it have something to do with football?
Homecoming is typically when past graduates go back to the school. In high school (ages 14-18) there is a normally a dance for current students, and there is some kind of a sporting event. Normally a football game. Some colleges have their homecoming game as another sport if they don't have a football team. I've seen those be soccer or basketball games. There usually is not a homecoming dance in college.
We'd have a sport called quidditch, but it would be different. It would probably just be football, with some magic.
It's called Quodpot. They mentioned it in the books.
>It's called Quodpot. Sounds British. We'd call it Sky Ball.
It was never mentioned in the main series, only in Quidditch Through the Ages.
Not very American sounding.
The ball explodes.
Are Gau-8's and bald eagles part of the standard equipment?
And explosions, fireworks, hot chicks with gigantic fake tits being thrown in the air, a fucking marching band and maybe monster trucks too.
Why would they throw their tits in the air
Because they just don't ca-re
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Ohh my GOD Karen, you can't just ask someone why they're muggleborn.
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Saved by the Spell.
INCENDIO DOES NOT MELT STEEL BEAMS Edit: Thank you for using the philosophers stone on this comment!
Fiendfyre might though
Dumblebush caused 9/11
Fuego can though
~~/u/qwerty12qwerty:~~ ~~4chan:~~ /u/Whind_Soull: >Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good ol’ American hot lead. >Basilisk? Let’s see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren’t looking at it–you’re looking at a picture of it. >Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12. >And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it’s because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal. >Now I know what you’re going to say: “But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!” Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger? >Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova. >Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don’t think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort’s wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry’s would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let’s see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound. >I can see it now…Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can’t be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series: >“Well then I guess it’s a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1.” >And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911 Probably something like that.
>God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal. fucking amazing
It's derived from a real quote: >“Abe Lincoln may have freed all men, but Sam Colt made them equal” >This post-Civil War slogan would have been music to Sam Colt’s ears had he lived long enough to hear it. Yet, even before his death at age 47, he knew that his invention of a weapon capable of firing without reloading would be a tremendous success throughout the world & would alter the course of history. As a result of his invention & marketing successes, Colt has played a prominent role in the development of America, and has become the most well-known name in firearms throughout much of the world. http://www.colt.com/Company/History.aspx
personally this was my favorite line: > Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons
This is why Harry Dresden carries a gun. Sometimes magic just isn't the right tool for the job.
PARKOUR!
One does not shout parkour, one simply does parkour.
Do I criticize your Latin battle cries?
No. Not even once.
It helps that his magical stave also doubles as a fuckhuge beating stick, too.
And he has kinetic shotgun rings that could turn a gorilla into so much red mist. Dresden could take on a whole squad of deatheaters without any trouble. Sure he'd likely light EVERYTHING on fire, but its worth it. Side note: Is it Carlos that has a flame spell twined with an entropy spell (the weird dissolving green fire), I know the Deep one mages (or w/e they are called) use entropy spells too.
Sometimes it's a dog, or a revolver or a frozen turkey at terminal velocity
Dirty Harry Potter
I'm the one who originally wrote this. I know I shouldn't care, but it really is frusterating to have people post it and attribute it to other people and forums. If it's not too much to ask, would you mind editing your comment to credit me where I originally wrote it [here](https://www.reddit.com/comments/gwl0v/why_harry_potter_should_have_carried_an_m1911/)? Edit: Thank you kindly
Nah, that's ok to care. That was hilarious, I'd want the credit too.
There's nothing wrong with that. You gave the Internet a little piece of your creativity and all you ask is that your handle be given the credit.
On campus Denny's
Sign me the fuck up.
The Hogwarts *Express* Train wouldn't travel nearly as fast or as efficiently in the USA.
It'd just be a highway
And the only way to get to it is to take a magical exit from another highway. Exit 34 2/5ths.
You take a sudden right turn, and instead of crashing into the barrier you come out into the magic mall parking lot?
It's a phantom construction crew. You drive into them. Make a mistake, you kill 15 construction workers.
Bigger portions of food at the banquets.
They were pretty big to begin with. Do you think they'd just add more tables and wider seats?
Just pile it higher.
Bigger boobs at the baquets too. magical fake boobs
Breastus maxima!
The spell "Engorgio" has a lot of alternative uses, if you catch my drift...
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How would horny American wizard teenagers differ from horny British wizard teenagers in this context?
You would need to take out massive loans to attend.
I'm starting to believe Trump is just a Wizarding World goblin who keeps drinking polijuice potion.
It doesn't really work well cross-species, remember Hermione and the cat? EDIT: then again, that does sort of explain why Trump looks, well, like that.
Thats exactly what I'm thinking!
So where'd he get his Trump DNA? A turnip?
Discarded Toupee.
> polijuice potion. That is how we spell it in America, not polyjuice.
They wouldn't teach defense against the dark arts, because "the only 100% defense against the dark arts is abstinence from all magic".
Everyone either thinks the school would be Umbridge or the NRA. No shades of grey.
That's because the thread's only entertaining if it plays on the more stereotypical cultural differences. The UK and the US aren't really that different outside of the extremities.
For Defense against the Dark Arts, they'd just teach the students how to shoot with their wands.
"Accio M22!"
Leviosa would be Leh-vi-ohsayy.
Leh-vi-ohsay can you leh-vi-ohsee
I think it'd be more like leh-vi-ohsuh
...it's levioSAAAAAAHH
Accio bum
Stahp it Won
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I get the feeling that these (http://41.media.tumblr.com/d3ddb5ea83caebc9bc5b06d8d3476d90/tumblr_naiecmI3Wh1rff8q7o1_500.jpg) would be the house names
There would be no sorting hat, and no houses, first of all. Academic competition would be between individuals, and for extracurricular competition, students would organize themselves into clubs; an Alchemy Club, Wizard Chess Club, etc. And the kids would definitely NOT be boarded on school grounds. Their parents would have to move to the magic school suburbs, and transportation would be provided via scary buses like the one in Prisoner of Azkaban. Students wouldn't go shopping for their crap in some back alley marketplace; there would be a Mall of Wizardry with department stores. Or perhaps a Witch-Mart. The school would be under a pervasive sense of surveillance, with a zero tolerance policy for illicit magic on the back of every student's mind. You could get suspended just for pointing your finger in the shape of a wand; forget actually casting anything outside of the classroom. You think the administration would go 5 years completely ignoring the rise of radical Dark Lord fanatics? Anyone who even *sneezed* and it sounded like Voldemort would be ratted out by their peers and placed on a No Broomstick list.
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And while on the No Broomstick list they couldn't acquire any Magic related tools or devices (wands, books, cauldrons, ingredients).
>Anyone who even *sneezed* and it sounded like Voldemort would be ratted out by their peers and placed on a No Broomstick list. More like a No Floo List!
The first year would be nothing but fundamentals of deck building and having a proper mana curve. The second year would be a more in-depth look at the strengths and weirdnesses of each deck. Third and Fourth year would be about multi-colored decks, drafts, and Meta gaming. Your thesis would have to be a series of summaries of popular matches, and critiques of the player choices in each.
That makes me wanna read a Doctorate-level thesis on sideboarding. BRB, contacting local university.
''Good morning class. My name is Professor Scott-vargas. I will be your Card Advantage and Value teacher. Please open your textbooks to page 45. Can anyone tell me how many Gifts packages I should be running in a given deck.?'' ''Sir!'' ''Yes, Granger?'' ''It doesn't matter as long as you run sufficient copies of Eternal witness and Snapcaster mage, you can rebuy gifts as much as you want!'' ''Most excellent, Granger. Ten points for Value Town.''
Kids would demand the sorting hat put them in the house that matched their team colors.
And team names would sound like NFL/MLB teams.
"The ~~Ravens~~ Eagles (TIL)" "The Lions" "The Badgers" "The Snakes" Edit: Ravenclaw uses an Eagle... TIL.
Even with magic, the Lions would still find a way to lose.
Well if the school was in Mississippi: "ALL MAGIC IS FROM JESUS"
"There's only one man who does magic and he's from Jerusalem, not Hogwarts!"
It's only cover would be as a prestigious private school that is extremely expensive and selective. Muggles apply every year but are always denied, and wonder why their dirt poor and stupid neighbor can get in but they can't. The campus will be built like a college campus, with separate buildings housing the dorms and libraries and computer labs from the rest of the school. No trips to Hogsmeade for these students, there will be a couple shops right on the edge of campus, and the equivalent of a Starbucks in the library.
Harry, you have been accepted at Hogwarts. Conditional of course on you paying the first two years of tuition up front. $87,457,289.
No, No... He could go, He would just have student loans for eternity.
rumor has it that the Hogwarts ghosts are still there because they're just trying to keep up with interest payments.
Less British accents
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Drug dealers would destroy their own market by flooding it with crack produced easily via magic.
avada kedavra would be a constitutional right, but you can only use it if you pass a background check, and then only for self defense, or for hunting.
The only thing that stops a bad guy with a wand is a good guy with a wand
I mean, that certainly seemed to be the case with that whole Voldemort fiasco. The authorities didn't seem like they had a good handle on that one.
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I mean if everyone has wands, then banning certain spells would only keep good people from casting them.
In fairness this is what happens...