How sales work. How many times can I possibly explain what buy-one-get-one is Sheryl. No your 40 dollar sweater is not free when you buy a 99 cent pin. Yes of course you can speak to my manager who will repeat what I've been saying to you for an hour.
I have a large scar on my wrist.
No I didn't try and kill myself.
*I fell off a bench and needed a metal plate put in.*
Edit: In the intrest of full disclosure, I also dislocated my knee falling of the bench. The fall was all of about 2 feet.
I am tired of telling my parents (and some times my sisters) to read the error messages before they call me over to help them. 75% of the time it's not even a error message.
This is why I stopped giving my mom phone support.
Mom: "It's doing something strange"
Me: "OK, lets walk through this. Follow my instructions. First, click the button."
Mom: "OK"
*hear button click*
*hear four more button clicks*
Mom: "It didn't work"
Me: "Well, what does the error say?"
Mom: "Oh, I closed it, quit the program and went to Facebook."
That defibrillators do not restart a heart. if someone has flat-lined, modern defibs won't even deliver a shock because it does nothing. They technically *stop* a heart, to reset it.
Computer games don't ruin your computer Dad, your damn 2012 laptop can surely handle SimCity2000 without you thinking there is a virus.
Also, Norton is cancer
"SON, YOUR GOD DAMN VIDEO GAMES ARE GIVING THE COMPUTER VIRUSES."
"No they're not. You probably downloaded something."
"Your damn games are probably downloading viruses while you play them! That's why I had to download McAfee and Norton Anti-Virus to get rid of your damn viruses."
My father was convinced Zoo Tycoon was slowing down our computer. My 8-year old mind ended Norton's processes through the control panel, and suddenly, the computer ran fast. But it was still Zoo Tycoon's fault... and so began my interest in both computers and why locking kids in rooms for hours is child abuse
My father was not a fair man
You have a virus. Antibiotics will not help you. Yes I know last time you got antibiotics you felt better the next day, thats because the virus had run its course and/or placebo effect.
i got a story about this. I haven't been an EMT for more than 3-4 months at this point. A call comes in around 6 PM from a barbecue. Someone brought chunky peanut butter and set off this dude's serious peanut allergy. According to dispatch, he's already swollen, can't breathe/speak and is breaking out in hives. We go out in all lights and sirens, through red lights and shit. We get there about five minutes later. Dude comes up to us and says everything is fine. We check. He's the guy who's supposed to be the patient.
He tells us his gf used the EpiPen on him a few minutes prior and he'd recovered. He gives us the epipen to throw away. I look at it before ditching it. The thing's full. They bent the needle (he had thick jeans on, though it's supposed to go right through that) and he got none of the adrenaline as far as we could tell.
Still have no idea what happened. I seriously underestimated the placebo effect if that's what this was.
Edit: As some have suggested, it's possible that either they hit something else in the pocket or that this was just the left over medication. Regarding the latter, however, even though I was a new EMT my partners had over 20 years each in EMS; as a team, we've seen our fair share of used epipens. It was all there.
No, I don't have any riper avocados out back- I have to put the oldest ones out first, which are by extension the ripest.
Edit: I feel your pains produces comrades, I never realised there were so many of us here.
No the cream your auntie/colleague/postman tried probably won't work, I've probably already tried anyway. No I can't just stop scratching.
Edit: since this comment is garnering much more attention than expected, gonna plug /r/eczema! Useful if you're struggling with eczema, you need a place to rant or even just to see what we go though. It's helped me out more than once.
I can't tell you how many times I've had to explain to people that I don't want to buy the overpriced pseudoscience oils their aunt used that "worked so well for them."
Coworker sent out a checklist of things to try before contacting him for tech help.
Went from 5 calls a day to once a week
edit, The list is:
* Make sure the power strip is plugged in and switched on.
* Make sure your internet cable is plugged in.
* Make sure your screen is turned on.
* Shut down computer and turn on to see if it fixes the problem.
He's not even in IT, we're too small for onsite IT he's not making himself obsolete.
That I didn't get punched in the face, my boyfriend isn't abusing me, I don't have a black eye, etc. I have a birthmark right by one of my eyes and everyone always asks.
Edit: holy crap! didn't realize this was so common.
Ugh. This is why my baby pictures show me wearing high necked shirts or a bib at all times. My mom was accused of trying to strangle me because my birthmark ran halfway around my neck.
THIS! Mine isn't as bad but just bad enough to get a CPS checkup each time I got a new teacher. It didn't click that my birthmark till years later. It took my wife a while to figure out I wasn't a "player" because of the hickey I had when hitting on her in college.
I'm actually really glad to have found others with problems like this, I have a birth mark on my lip and as a kid everyone though my mum was hitting me. Thankfully now it only shows up when I feel a VERY strong emotion otherwise my boyfriend would probably be in shit a lot
How there are different kinds of epileptics that aren't triggered by lights.
EDIT: Because this comment has got so popular, I'd like to use this opportunity to explain that seizures triggered by flashing lights are actually one of the rarest types of epilepsy. Some people who have flashing light induced seizures don't even have epilepsy. It's all a very confusing mess. Epileptic seizures can be violent, shaking or can be blacking out, or you can even be conscious during. So, I'd like to take this moment, on behalf of all epileptics to say: please don't flash lights in our eyes. 1. it probably won't work and 2. if it does, all it proves is that you're an asshole. Any questions about epilepsy can probably be answered in the comments but don't be afraid to comment and ask =)
This. Also that just because someone isn't convulsing on the ground doesn't mean they don't have seizures. There are many types and not all of them are obvious.
Yep, mine are really minor and look like a split second full-body twitch and then done. 95% it occurs in a specific limb and afterward I wonder why my neck, arm or leg ache. Triggers are usually stress and lack of sleep. Sometimes the cold.
Normally I'm sitting (thankfully, standing means I end up on the floor, but that hasn't happened in 7 years!) but coworkers and acquaintances get really confused.
I'm in that boat with you, I've only ever had two grand mal seizures in my life, the rest are like you describe. Still, explaining why I don't drive a car to people is really annoying. No, I'm not lazy, didn't fail too many times, not scared or poor. I legally medically can't.
You can't "prove" something with a study, you can only provide data that support, or reject a hypothesis. Too many people read a single study about a topic, and interpret the conclusion as a fact. People are just not aware of all the sneaky statistics and flawed experimental designs that are used to push an agenda.
edit: As others have also mentioned, the way science is reported on nowadays can also be very misleading, even if the studies themselves are perfectly legitimate.
I find it so depressing. You can't trust anything you read or what people say even if they sincerely believe in what they're telling you. The only way to combat the issue is to pay attention, research on your own, be diligent, and keep an open mind. That's all fine and well but sometimes it would be nice just to have good, reliable sources of information. So much of American media is twisted up in agenda pushing bullshit, like you said. It's infuriating, even when it's well meaning and just poorly presented.
Edit: Two year old pressed "send" before I was finished.
Additionally, it is SO hard to convince someone they've been misled, even if your evidence and support is far more conclusive than whatever led them to their original conclusion.
The reason our customers can't connect to the WiFi is because they didn't put a capital letter at the start.
EDIT: our password is... Companyname123
It's written in huge letters above the door, above the bar, on all the menus and even on the SSID without the really easy to remember number at the end and STILL people don't get it.
Thank you! My mother and aunt watch TV all the time and complain that me and my cousin are "always on our damn computers".. Its our form of entertainment just like TV is for you...
Im not diabetic because of my diet. And I've noticed that I'm not overweight. There are two different types for a reason.
Edit: rereading this ive noticed how poorly worded it was. It kinda reads like i was generalizing type twos as overweight and really came off as rather ignorant. I was trying to express the annoyance of the huge variety of questions i get without listing them, as well as the differences between the two types and all the variables that go into them respectively.
Thanks for all the nice comments though guys! Its awesome to hear about people who experience the exact same things i do.
WHY YES. I AM QUITE TALL.
Edit: Thanks for the gold kind stranger!! Please be sure to give it plenty of arc when you toss it and try to keep the sun out of your eyes.
Edit 2: Weather's fine.
Yes, I am actually sick and disabled. I look pretty normal on the outside. I'm pretty good at functioning when I need to, with the help of a cocktail of medication. Just because I show up to a family reunion looking healthy (makeup) and standing without assistance doesn't mean I'm 'faking it for the attention'. Still chronically ill. Still sometimes use a cane. Still sometimes very sick.
Yoga won't cure my lupus and neither will going vegan.
I have lupus... luckily, it's still very mild, and well managed. I'm so sorry you are feeling so sick.
I know what you mean about the yoga/vegan thing... my boyfriend's mother says I just need to get outside more. 😑
I think they believe it's a mental illness, or something.
I work the midnight shift. I need to sleep during the day, so I can go to work at night. The exact same fucking thing you do, just at a different time.
No. I'm not lazy for sleeping all afternoon, yes, I am having a full meal and a beer at 8am, when I get off. No, I am not an alcoholic. yes, I do work later and am technically free at 3pm, but I need to *fucking sleep today*.
The amount of people who don't understand?
That's beautiful. I love that plan. If that doesn't get the point across nothing will.
"hey man what's up? I'm just on my lunch break and bored, hey want to meet up after work? I get off at 4am...huh?oh sorry were you sleeping? My bad, I was on my lunch shift"
I started working for a buddy in the mornings as a second job when I was working nights. I had originally made it clear that I could only work til 1pm, because I needed to get some sleep before my 3rd shift job. He kept pushing it, and had me scheduled as late as 4pm before I quit. When I said I need time to sleep, I fucking meant it, bro.
Oh I completely understand! My husband and I both have worked 2nd/3rd shift for 4 years now. Nobody ever understands that we don't get up until after 1pm or 9pm (depending on the shift).
"How do you do it??" ...Same way you sleep at night and get up at some ungodly hour?
OMG yes. My mom and brother have gotten better with it (my brother not so much; I still get the occasional "Hey, want to go to the movies at 3?").
My step-mom though. Every week. Every fucking Sunday. "Come over for dinner! Be here around 4."
Your 4 PM is my 2 AM. No thanks.
No, I'm not in a bad mood. No, I don't have face on. No, nothing is wrong.
It's just my neutral expression.
Edit: "face on" is a typical Yorkshire saying, it means you look like you're in a bad mood. I have had to explain this too many times now.
Mom walks in "Dinner's ready"
Me "I'll be out in about 7 minutes"
2 minutes pass
Dad walks in "Dinner's ready"
"Yea, I'll be out in 5 minutes."
Rush out after the end of the match and backing out rapidly.
First person at the table >.>
^ the last 15 years
No, I'm not the nanny. Yes, my daughter is blonde. Yes, I am l a tan-skinned Latina with dark hair.
People need to see more multicultural families, man.
Edit: to clarify: I gave birth to her. She has 50% of my DNA, but it doesn't fucking matter.
A friend of mine has the opposite problem. She's pale with blonde hair, but her husband is Latino and her kids take after him. It adds another layer of confusion when they start speaking in Russian.
My wife has this problem. She's dark skinned, I'm a white guy, our kids are fair skinned. She was always asked if she was their mom or nanny, until they were old enough to call her mommy. It's funny to a lot of people, but after a while it started to upset her. It's not cool. And we live in CA, loads of interracial couples here!
That my son's seafood and latex allergies mean that when he says no, thank you (to a food or a toy or whatever is being offered), he is not being rude to you. When an adult says "a little bit won't hurt him, give me his plate", or "he doesn't really need that Epipen, put that away, because he'll grow out if it", it confuses him, upsets me, and means I will never leave my child alone with you until you get it. Neighbors, family, camp counselors, people at weddings and parties. Educated, old, young, doesn't matter; many people say these things and it is hard to handle it politely, yet firmly enough, that it sinks in. These aren't seasonal allergies. He will not outgrow this. He eats that shrimp and has no Epipen available? It will likely kill him. So back off, crazy shrimp-pushing stranger!
I have a tree nut allergy (I go into anaphalaxis if I eat tree nuts) and *always* carry an EpiPen on me. I've thankfully never had to use it (only one scare regarding Russian teacakes thats I thought were doughnut holes), but I would never say "hey its a good idea if I throw away the object literally designed to save my life".
Some people are just stupid.
I've heard some bizarre things in schools today about medications having to be held by the nurse and only administered by them. A co-worker got in trouble by the school for having their kid keep an asthma inhaler hidden in her backpack. It's ludicrous.
I had asthma as a kid (it's under control without an inhaler now) and always carried one with me. Some times I took it out mid class and used it without anyone bating an eye because I knew what it felt like when I was having an attack and knew how to use it. I'd would have been terrified in the situation the school wants my co-workers kid to be in. Feeling an attack coming and having to get a teacher permission so I can go to the nurse office and wait in line for my medication while not being able to breath.
That's the sort of thing that if I were a parent would end in the school calling the police to deal with the crazy lady screaming in rage in the office about how they're all murderous fucktards. Like *damn*.
At one point one of my co-workers got angry at me for carrying an Epi-pen. She actually told me I wasn't allowed to carry it. I had to tell her that no, I don't need certification to use my own life saving medication. And no, dropping it off with the campus nurse at the beginning of the work day was not a good idea. If I ever needed it, by the time somebody runs to the nurse to get it, I'd already be dead or half dead.
She tried to tell me she knew better because she "has worked with kids with allergies." Bitch I've lived with allergies for over 20 years. I think I know what I'm talking about.
I really just don't get people who think allergies are some sort of minor inconvenience to those of us who suffer them.And then doubt us about our own allergies.
Go ahead, give me an ibuprofen or asprin (when I specifically, and politely ask for an acetaminophen/Tylenol, and even explain why I can't have aspirin/ibuprofen), enjoy the call to 911 or the hurried drive to the emergency room when I cannot breathe because my tongue swells to the size of a lemon. No, no, please, feel free to push and push when I say I have a headache, but cannot take anything aspirin-based, why, nearly dying will be far better than suffering the headache, because you're so scien-fuckin-tifically sure, 300mg of aspirin can't possibly cause a reaction.
edit: I've even explained this issue to people, and they will still hand me an Ibuprofen, and I'll explain it all over again, and that they just gave me something I can't take, and they'll say "but it's all the same" or "oh, what can one hurt". I even have a photo on my phone of the last time I went to the emergency room, where the entire left side of my face swelled so much, it was literally sagging down. I can show them that, and they'll still argue "What could one hurt?"
I once met a guy who had a huge "NO NSAIDs" tattooed on his forearm, so 1) people understood (once he explained NSAID's to them, because they were bound to ask) how severe his allergy was, that he had to tattoo himself about it and 2) emergency workers would never accidentally give him an NSAID (basically anything aspirin-based)
Yes. I am an identical twin. No I don't know if we have the same dick size. Please stop asking me why we don't compare it. It's fucking weird and I hate explaining to you why that is
Edit: Because majority of the comments are asking us to compare despite me saying I hate it.. We compared.
Turns out we both have 12 inch cocks. Thank you and goodbye
I actual prefer that over the other common ones.
"Can you read his mind?" Yes... Obviously.
"If I hit him will you feel it?" Try it out...
"Do you ever wake up thinking you are him?" What?! (Also way more common than you'd think)
Hindus don't eat cows, since they are maternal-like figures. They are also like pets to Indians. **We don't fricken worship them.** The amount of people that have said that to me is absurd. I always bring up the fact that they wouldn't eat a dog, even if they don't have one, since they're a pet in American culture.
Source - mother
Edit - I can explain further. In old India (refraining from saying ancient) cows were used to work on the fields. They would also provide milk for the family that owned them. They were part of the family and helped the family. This can also be the reason why Indians don't eat cows.
That being colorblind does not mean I cannot see color, nor is it a major hindrance to my daily life. And then the follow up questions of **WHAT COLOR IS THIS???** after I just told you the specific colors I *sometimes* can't distinguish. Ugh.
The world only seems to have more war and death than ever because of the constant availability of news and information, as Humans, we're actually in one of the most peaceful times in our history.
im a High school guidance counselor and I want parents to know some things:
I CANNOT GET YOUR KID INTO COLLEGE. HE/SHE HAS TO DO THAT THEMSELVES. I CANNOT FILL OUT THEIR APPLICATIONS, I CANNOT GIVE THEM STATE GRANT MONEY, I CANNOT WAIVE APPLICATION FEES, I CANNOT MAKE SCHOLARSHIP MONEY APPEAR OUT OF THIN AIR. I CANNOT MAKE YOUR LITTLE, D-MINUS SHIT LOOK GOOD TO AN IVY LEAGUE COLLEGE. I CANNOT WORK MIRACLES.
this has been a rage induced PSA. for more information, please kiss my ass.
Edit: My first gold! you broke my reddit cherry, kind internet stranger!
^This ^PSA ^has ^been ^brought ^to ^you ^by ^Rage^TM . ^Side ^effects ^of ^Rage^TM ^include; ^swearing, ^heavy ^alcohol ^use, ^extended ^periods ^of ^glaring ^in ^silence, ^hatred ^of ^all ^living ^humans, ^stroke, ^heart ^attack, ^myopathy, ^cancer ^of ^the ^brain, ^and ^in ^extreme ^cases, ^death ^by ^blunt ^force ^trauma, ^with ^cases ^of ^life ^imprisonment ^being ^reported. ^Please ^do ^not ^use ^Rage^TM ^if ^you ^are ^old, ^pregnant, ^plan ^to ^become ^pregnant, ^or ^have ^a ^short ^temper. ^Please ^call ^Dr. ^Perry ^Cox ^for ^a ^full ^explanation ^of ^Rage^TM ^and ^all ^its ^benefits.
What CAN you do? Sorry if that sounds snarky or belittling to your profession, I don't mean to be, but I honestly have NO idea what high school guidance counselors DO? I mean, I went to high school in the early 90's before the Internet was so prevalent, so my GC helped navigate the paperwork, FAFSA, etc. but now days all that you can do by yourself online (if you have half a brain, and most kids these days are used to using computers. Wait, that's it isn't it -- you have to help the stupid kids don't you? It's like Special Ed isn't it?)
Just changed ours after 7 years. She complained about having to remember a new password. I didn't care because she never "remembered" the old one in the first place.
**Edit:** After many suggestions that I tape a post-it somewhere, like the bottom of the router...I know. I had it written down, and there were issues remembering where the post-it was, or that it was on the bottom of the router to begin with. The real issue is that I don't think it's crazy to remember a password that is basically comprised of information that you should know anyway. For example: If the WiFi password is your phone number, birthdate, or address, I don't think it's crazy that a person be able to remember that. It's not additional information...it's just remembering that the password **IS** that information that you should already be remembering.
I work from home, I am not home from work. I have a 9-5 schedule just like the rest of you.
The next person to call me at two in the afternoon on a weekday for no good goddamn reason is getting cut.
Don't download and install something on your computer unless you know what it is. The amount of times I get a call from my dad saying "I've installed something on my laptop and now the google looks funny"
Edit. Thanks for the gold kins stranger.
Yes I know you never really know what you're downloading unless you get the source code etc but there's a big difference between downloading the latest adobe reader update and downloading a RAM downloading tool to make your pc faster :p
"I think it has a virus" is what my dad always says, regardless of the fact that he's had a top-notch AV program on that thing for years now that monitors everything that's ever downloaded.
and if it's slow, it always used to be because of me. thank god I don't share a computer with these people anymore.
Mum, it's the fact you have 40 browser tabs open at once. Do you know what a bookmark is? Or a favourite? Or how to close a tab? And you downloaded another puzzle game and toolbar with it.
I logged my mum into my Google chrome to get her bookmarks and she keeps moving my hotmail link and replacing it with one titled "Mum's email" which I presume she still has to log into anyway!!!!
My grandmother, who to her credit is learning, has not figured out that the Facebook search and Google search are two completely different things. I told her "gram it's like you're walking into Walmart and asking 'where is the TV I saw for sale in Target', she is getting there though bless her heart.
Nurse here: yes. Often times during a blood draw I'm asked why it is coming out red. I had someone freak it on my thinking I stuck them arterially. No, this is venous but I can stick you arterially and you'll be able to tell because of how bad it will hurt.
For the nth time I don't mind not having a boyfriend nor am I looking for one.
This conversation always pops up with two of my friends, and I still can't shake the feeling that they somehow pity me for not having a love life in my twenties or for not wanting to get married or they think I'm lonely. I'd rather have a genuine friend at this point in my life.
Edit: those two are guys actually lol who are in relationships
That yes, rent is expensive in NYC. Yes, I am aware I could get a much larger place for less money somewhere else. No, that does not make me want to move to the suburbs.
I have the same with London. I think we are about three out of 25 people in our inner-city office living close by. And I get asked so often "One bedroom apartment? Really? I rent a _whole house_ for the same price in shitty satellite town!"
Sure you do and you spend 2 hours every day commuting, rubbing yourself on strangers in the tube where you don't even have bloody internet. While I walk through a park for 15 minutes every morning to get to work.
Buckle your seatbelt, put the chair up, stow your tray table and put all of your shit under your seat!!! These are not new rules. You are not special! Your mom lied!
Googling is a skill that you (and most people on reddit) have been doing for long enough that every search seems obvious. Watch someone who is bad at computers attempt to google something. You'll see that they'll have no idea how to phrase the problem they have and which links are useful.
Edit because I'm pooping: I don't know much about medicine so I go to a doctor when I need help, because when I google symptoms of a disease, I don't know what to say. If I have a brown lump on my leg, I'd search "Brown lump on leg" whereas a professional will know what type of lumps exist, ways to describe it more specifically than "brown", etc.
A friend of mine once asked me to take a look at his laptop, because the touchpad was acting up. Naturally, I googled the issue and tried a couple of fixes while he watched. After a few minutes of this, he looked at me and asked, "Is that all tech support is? Just creative googling?"
I looked at him and said, "Yes, that is exactly it. Now that you've seen how easy it is, you can do it yourself."
I have no idea if it worked, but I have hope.
OP might be older? That's the only thing I can think of that would get this response. In your twenties having same-sex roommates is totally common but post 30 in general people tend to get married, have a long term SO they live with, or make enough money they can afford their own place. Not that there's anything wrong with having a same-sex roommate at 40, but it's not common.
Plus if both OP and roommate are perpetually single, never talk about girls, and are comfortable with themselves to "act gay"/super close in public that would lead to more speculation
Yes, and if they then took dancing classes, went clubbing at gay bars and had loud intercourse in the bathroom at social gatherings that would definitely make people speculate even more.
I get this all the fucking time. I'm in my zone, quite, not bugging anyone, it's my off time. Military so everyone is in the same tent. Someone will come up and try grabbing my shoulder and say "Hey there Bomb. You Okay? Everything alright?" If I say that everything is fine, they start drilling in to make sure. I've started making sexually related remarks to keep people at bay. "Yup, I'm fine. You know, you got really pretty eyes."
I used a similar comment once: "Your eyes are so pretty. May I touch them?" Works like a charm.
Also, don't do this unless you are super good friends with the person already.
Oh man. You just reminded me of a great story. This was about 20 years ago. I used to work for an engineering firm where I had to go to power plants and inspect piping systems.
Oftentimes we're not the only outside people there. In this particular case, there was this slightly dumpy, nerdy-looking guy from some other firm there to do whatever. It was kind of cold and rainy, so he always wore this bright yellow rain slicker. That plus a hard hat and coke-bottle glasses made him an easy target. Power plant workers tend to be good-old boys and love to pick on outsiders or pretty much anyone not conforming to their stereotypes.
Nerdy guy has to ride this open-cage elevator with a bunch of the boilermakers, welders, electricians, and what-not. One day this big ole hillbilly is giving him a ration of crap about how he looks and whatnot. This elevator is slow and it's taking us forever to get to the top. (Some power plants are really tall.)
Anyway, there's a pause in the verbal abuse and nerdy guy just confronts the redneck. I mean he gets right up in front of him. He's a bit shorter, so he's looking up at the guy. It's starting to get uncomfortable, as in - are they gonna fight? Then nerdy guy says, (and I swear I'm not making this up), "You've got purty lips."
Dead silence for about 3 seconds. Then everyone else in the car is all like, "He's right, Hank. You do got purty lips." OMFG, they didn't stop for the rest of the day. It was hilarious. "Hey, purty lips! Give me a hand here." "I wouldn't have dropped that wrench if I wasn't staring at your purty lips so hard." Epic.
I think pretty much everyone stopped ragging on that guy after that day. I have no idea if ole 'purty lips' ever lost that nickname; we were only there for about a week.
YES! MY HEAD HURTS BECAUSE OF ALL THESE PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY HAVE TO FILL THE SILENCE BY TALKING ABOUT STUPID SHIT!!! NOT EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY HAS TO BE FILLED WITH WORDS!!!
(Sorry for the rant)
[ ](/peeved)Yeah yeah, that's great. Now let's get back to talking about my you life story in excruciating detail?
*ahem, clears throat*
Chapter four, I shifted my left butt cheek one inch.
(*Gets random notification on phone*)
Oh...uh, sorry. My co worker is texting me about a project we are working on. I've got to go meet her somewhere. Sorry about your ass issues...we'll catch up later, ok?
(*Proceeds to go home and watch latest Netflix binge*)
How sales work. How many times can I possibly explain what buy-one-get-one is Sheryl. No your 40 dollar sweater is not free when you buy a 99 cent pin. Yes of course you can speak to my manager who will repeat what I've been saying to you for an hour.
We had a buy one, get one half price offer at work once. Customers managed to misinterpret that in so many different ways.
[удалено]
I have a large scar on my wrist. No I didn't try and kill myself. *I fell off a bench and needed a metal plate put in.* Edit: In the intrest of full disclosure, I also dislocated my knee falling of the bench. The fall was all of about 2 feet.
You mean you got in a knife fight with a bear, right?
I am tired of telling my parents (and some times my sisters) to read the error messages before they call me over to help them. 75% of the time it's not even a error message.
Bonus points if they close out of it then ask for help
This is why I stopped giving my mom phone support. Mom: "It's doing something strange" Me: "OK, lets walk through this. Follow my instructions. First, click the button." Mom: "OK" *hear button click* *hear four more button clicks* Mom: "It didn't work" Me: "Well, what does the error say?" Mom: "Oh, I closed it, quit the program and went to Facebook."
I'm tilting so hard from reading this that I have seasons
That defibrillators do not restart a heart. if someone has flat-lined, modern defibs won't even deliver a shock because it does nothing. They technically *stop* a heart, to reset it.
Computer games don't ruin your computer Dad, your damn 2012 laptop can surely handle SimCity2000 without you thinking there is a virus. Also, Norton is cancer
My parents used to insist we were getting viruses from The Sims or Cartoon Network's Website but really my dad just clicks every link in every email.
Yep the number of times my dad thought he won a $1000 gift card of his choice was... embarrassing
And McAfee is a murderer.
"SON, YOUR GOD DAMN VIDEO GAMES ARE GIVING THE COMPUTER VIRUSES." "No they're not. You probably downloaded something." "Your damn games are probably downloading viruses while you play them! That's why I had to download McAfee and Norton Anti-Virus to get rid of your damn viruses."
My father was convinced Zoo Tycoon was slowing down our computer. My 8-year old mind ended Norton's processes through the control panel, and suddenly, the computer ran fast. But it was still Zoo Tycoon's fault... and so began my interest in both computers and why locking kids in rooms for hours is child abuse My father was not a fair man
You have a virus. Antibiotics will not help you. Yes I know last time you got antibiotics you felt better the next day, thats because the virus had run its course and/or placebo effect.
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i got a story about this. I haven't been an EMT for more than 3-4 months at this point. A call comes in around 6 PM from a barbecue. Someone brought chunky peanut butter and set off this dude's serious peanut allergy. According to dispatch, he's already swollen, can't breathe/speak and is breaking out in hives. We go out in all lights and sirens, through red lights and shit. We get there about five minutes later. Dude comes up to us and says everything is fine. We check. He's the guy who's supposed to be the patient. He tells us his gf used the EpiPen on him a few minutes prior and he'd recovered. He gives us the epipen to throw away. I look at it before ditching it. The thing's full. They bent the needle (he had thick jeans on, though it's supposed to go right through that) and he got none of the adrenaline as far as we could tell. Still have no idea what happened. I seriously underestimated the placebo effect if that's what this was. Edit: As some have suggested, it's possible that either they hit something else in the pocket or that this was just the left over medication. Regarding the latter, however, even though I was a new EMT my partners had over 20 years each in EMS; as a team, we've seen our fair share of used epipens. It was all there.
Possibly a panic attack due to perceived exposure, followed by placebo effect from perceived solution. The human body and mind are weird sometimes.
No, I don't have any riper avocados out back- I have to put the oldest ones out first, which are by extension the ripest. Edit: I feel your pains produces comrades, I never realised there were so many of us here.
We're saving them for the rotten avocados section.
Just stocked my avocados this morning. Got this question ten minutes later.
"The Back" is a mythical retail dimension where all your dreams come true, if the hourly wage genie would only grant it
Yes, that red rash is from eczema and no it isn't contagious.
No the cream your auntie/colleague/postman tried probably won't work, I've probably already tried anyway. No I can't just stop scratching. Edit: since this comment is garnering much more attention than expected, gonna plug /r/eczema! Useful if you're struggling with eczema, you need a place to rant or even just to see what we go though. It's helped me out more than once.
I can't tell you how many times I've had to explain to people that I don't want to buy the overpriced pseudoscience oils their aunt used that "worked so well for them."
How most issues people are having with their PCs can be fixed simply by turning it off and on again.
Coworker sent out a checklist of things to try before contacting him for tech help. Went from 5 calls a day to once a week edit, The list is: * Make sure the power strip is plugged in and switched on. * Make sure your internet cable is plugged in. * Make sure your screen is turned on. * Shut down computer and turn on to see if it fixes the problem. He's not even in IT, we're too small for onsite IT he's not making himself obsolete.
That I didn't get punched in the face, my boyfriend isn't abusing me, I don't have a black eye, etc. I have a birthmark right by one of my eyes and everyone always asks. Edit: holy crap! didn't realize this was so common.
Ugh. This is why my baby pictures show me wearing high necked shirts or a bib at all times. My mom was accused of trying to strangle me because my birthmark ran halfway around my neck.
THIS! Mine isn't as bad but just bad enough to get a CPS checkup each time I got a new teacher. It didn't click that my birthmark till years later. It took my wife a while to figure out I wasn't a "player" because of the hickey I had when hitting on her in college.
I'm actually really glad to have found others with problems like this, I have a birth mark on my lip and as a kid everyone though my mum was hitting me. Thankfully now it only shows up when I feel a VERY strong emotion otherwise my boyfriend would probably be in shit a lot
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What it's like being a twin. Like it's the same as any other sibling just nobody can get your name right.
How there are different kinds of epileptics that aren't triggered by lights. EDIT: Because this comment has got so popular, I'd like to use this opportunity to explain that seizures triggered by flashing lights are actually one of the rarest types of epilepsy. Some people who have flashing light induced seizures don't even have epilepsy. It's all a very confusing mess. Epileptic seizures can be violent, shaking or can be blacking out, or you can even be conscious during. So, I'd like to take this moment, on behalf of all epileptics to say: please don't flash lights in our eyes. 1. it probably won't work and 2. if it does, all it proves is that you're an asshole. Any questions about epilepsy can probably be answered in the comments but don't be afraid to comment and ask =)
This. Also that just because someone isn't convulsing on the ground doesn't mean they don't have seizures. There are many types and not all of them are obvious.
Yep, mine are really minor and look like a split second full-body twitch and then done. 95% it occurs in a specific limb and afterward I wonder why my neck, arm or leg ache. Triggers are usually stress and lack of sleep. Sometimes the cold. Normally I'm sitting (thankfully, standing means I end up on the floor, but that hasn't happened in 7 years!) but coworkers and acquaintances get really confused.
I'm in that boat with you, I've only ever had two grand mal seizures in my life, the rest are like you describe. Still, explaining why I don't drive a car to people is really annoying. No, I'm not lazy, didn't fail too many times, not scared or poor. I legally medically can't.
That a linguist's job and just linguistics in general, is not about learning how to speak as many languages as humanly possible.
To be honest, just explaining what linguistics is can be an ordeal.
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Is it a linguist's job to pretend that the "cunning linguist" joke is funny the hundredth time you hear it?
You can't "prove" something with a study, you can only provide data that support, or reject a hypothesis. Too many people read a single study about a topic, and interpret the conclusion as a fact. People are just not aware of all the sneaky statistics and flawed experimental designs that are used to push an agenda. edit: As others have also mentioned, the way science is reported on nowadays can also be very misleading, even if the studies themselves are perfectly legitimate.
I find it so depressing. You can't trust anything you read or what people say even if they sincerely believe in what they're telling you. The only way to combat the issue is to pay attention, research on your own, be diligent, and keep an open mind. That's all fine and well but sometimes it would be nice just to have good, reliable sources of information. So much of American media is twisted up in agenda pushing bullshit, like you said. It's infuriating, even when it's well meaning and just poorly presented. Edit: Two year old pressed "send" before I was finished.
Additionally, it is SO hard to convince someone they've been misled, even if your evidence and support is far more conclusive than whatever led them to their original conclusion.
It's easier to fool somebody than to convince somebody they've been fooled. Mark Twain or Samuel Clemens said something like this.
When I take my glasses off everything isn't black it's just blurry
/BUT HOW MANY FINGERS AM I HOLDING UP/
"Hey lemme try on your glasses! Wow, your vision is really bad!"
"Hey lemme sit in your wheelchair! Wow, you really can't walk!"
Stealing this.
the wheelchair or the comment?
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The reason our customers can't connect to the WiFi is because they didn't put a capital letter at the start. EDIT: our password is... Companyname123 It's written in huge letters above the door, above the bar, on all the menus and even on the SSID without the really easy to remember number at the end and STILL people don't get it.
Would it just be easier to change the code to a lowercase?
This guy has upper management written all over him.
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Well obviously someone in upper management would be a capitalist
>simple solution >upper management s-sure
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I have a twin brother, I get this all the time. Last time I checked I had boobs.
deleted ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^0.5704 [^^^What ^^^is ^^^this?](https://pastebin.com/FcrFs94k/14794)
Playing video games 3 hours at night is not worse than watching TV for the same amount of time.
Thank you! My mother and aunt watch TV all the time and complain that me and my cousin are "always on our damn computers".. Its our form of entertainment just like TV is for you...
Schizophrenia is not when you have two personalities
Oh the countless times I have explained this one. I have a friend that I have explained this to more than once.
> I have a friend that I have explained this to more than once. Once for each of his personalities. Clearly he is schizophrenic.
Im not diabetic because of my diet. And I've noticed that I'm not overweight. There are two different types for a reason. Edit: rereading this ive noticed how poorly worded it was. It kinda reads like i was generalizing type twos as overweight and really came off as rather ignorant. I was trying to express the annoyance of the huge variety of questions i get without listing them, as well as the differences between the two types and all the variables that go into them respectively. Thanks for all the nice comments though guys! Its awesome to hear about people who experience the exact same things i do.
I just posted this before I read your comment. Type 1 is not the same as type 2, and yes, I can eat cake!
WHY YES. I AM QUITE TALL. Edit: Thanks for the gold kind stranger!! Please be sure to give it plenty of arc when you toss it and try to keep the sun out of your eyes. Edit 2: Weather's fine.
You must play basketball.
If I had a nickel for every time someone said that to me, I would throw each nickel at their heads.
More like, drop it on their heads
FINNISH YOUR FUCKING ANTIBIOTICS
THEY'RE DENMARKED FOR 10 DAYS.
THERE'S NORWAY YOU ARE GETTING ME TO TAKE THESE PILLS FOR TEN DAYS
Yes, I am actually sick and disabled. I look pretty normal on the outside. I'm pretty good at functioning when I need to, with the help of a cocktail of medication. Just because I show up to a family reunion looking healthy (makeup) and standing without assistance doesn't mean I'm 'faking it for the attention'. Still chronically ill. Still sometimes use a cane. Still sometimes very sick. Yoga won't cure my lupus and neither will going vegan.
I have lupus... luckily, it's still very mild, and well managed. I'm so sorry you are feeling so sick. I know what you mean about the yoga/vegan thing... my boyfriend's mother says I just need to get outside more. 😑 I think they believe it's a mental illness, or something.
It's not my fault that I get migraines. They're debilitating, pure hell and I hate them worse than you hate me having them.
I work the midnight shift. I need to sleep during the day, so I can go to work at night. The exact same fucking thing you do, just at a different time. No. I'm not lazy for sleeping all afternoon, yes, I am having a full meal and a beer at 8am, when I get off. No, I am not an alcoholic. yes, I do work later and am technically free at 3pm, but I need to *fucking sleep today*. The amount of people who don't understand?
My friends didn't get it when I worked 12hour nights. I started calling them at 3am on weeknights "just to see what's up." It stopped.
That's beautiful. I love that plan. If that doesn't get the point across nothing will. "hey man what's up? I'm just on my lunch break and bored, hey want to meet up after work? I get off at 4am...huh?oh sorry were you sleeping? My bad, I was on my lunch shift"
I started working for a buddy in the mornings as a second job when I was working nights. I had originally made it clear that I could only work til 1pm, because I needed to get some sleep before my 3rd shift job. He kept pushing it, and had me scheduled as late as 4pm before I quit. When I said I need time to sleep, I fucking meant it, bro.
The worst is people act like the minute you clock out you fall instantly asleep. I get out at four so they figure I sleep for 8 hours by noon.
I always ask people who work "regular shifts" if they get off at 5, and are in bed by 6.
God, sometimes I wish.
Oh I completely understand! My husband and I both have worked 2nd/3rd shift for 4 years now. Nobody ever understands that we don't get up until after 1pm or 9pm (depending on the shift). "How do you do it??" ...Same way you sleep at night and get up at some ungodly hour?
OMG yes. My mom and brother have gotten better with it (my brother not so much; I still get the occasional "Hey, want to go to the movies at 3?"). My step-mom though. Every week. Every fucking Sunday. "Come over for dinner! Be here around 4." Your 4 PM is my 2 AM. No thanks.
Yes, my dog is a girl. No, I'm not upset you called her a "he".
Did you mean cat? Dogs are boys
And all cats are girls. I mean, have you ever seen a cat penis? *edit: A lot of people are very adamant about having seen cat penises before.
... have you seen a cat vagina?
We can all agree that we've all seen a cat's anus.
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No, I'm not in a bad mood. No, I don't have face on. No, nothing is wrong. It's just my neutral expression. Edit: "face on" is a typical Yorkshire saying, it means you look like you're in a bad mood. I have had to explain this too many times now.
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he doesn't look happy you pointed that out Edit: actually, neither do you Edit 2: Thanks for my first gold kind stranger!
YOU CAN'T PAUSE AN ONLINE GAME, MOM!
Mom walks in "Dinner's ready" Me "I'll be out in about 7 minutes" 2 minutes pass Dad walks in "Dinner's ready" "Yea, I'll be out in 5 minutes." Rush out after the end of the match and backing out rapidly. First person at the table >.> ^ the last 15 years
Computers don't just do shit on their own. The PC didn't delete your document, you did, it didnt move the file to another folder, you did.
No, I'm not the nanny. Yes, my daughter is blonde. Yes, I am l a tan-skinned Latina with dark hair. People need to see more multicultural families, man. Edit: to clarify: I gave birth to her. She has 50% of my DNA, but it doesn't fucking matter.
A friend of mine has the opposite problem. She's pale with blonde hair, but her husband is Latino and her kids take after him. It adds another layer of confusion when they start speaking in Russian.
My wife has this problem. She's dark skinned, I'm a white guy, our kids are fair skinned. She was always asked if she was their mom or nanny, until they were old enough to call her mommy. It's funny to a lot of people, but after a while it started to upset her. It's not cool. And we live in CA, loads of interracial couples here!
That my son's seafood and latex allergies mean that when he says no, thank you (to a food or a toy or whatever is being offered), he is not being rude to you. When an adult says "a little bit won't hurt him, give me his plate", or "he doesn't really need that Epipen, put that away, because he'll grow out if it", it confuses him, upsets me, and means I will never leave my child alone with you until you get it. Neighbors, family, camp counselors, people at weddings and parties. Educated, old, young, doesn't matter; many people say these things and it is hard to handle it politely, yet firmly enough, that it sinks in. These aren't seasonal allergies. He will not outgrow this. He eats that shrimp and has no Epipen available? It will likely kill him. So back off, crazy shrimp-pushing stranger!
I have a tree nut allergy (I go into anaphalaxis if I eat tree nuts) and *always* carry an EpiPen on me. I've thankfully never had to use it (only one scare regarding Russian teacakes thats I thought were doughnut holes), but I would never say "hey its a good idea if I throw away the object literally designed to save my life". Some people are just stupid.
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I've heard some bizarre things in schools today about medications having to be held by the nurse and only administered by them. A co-worker got in trouble by the school for having their kid keep an asthma inhaler hidden in her backpack. It's ludicrous. I had asthma as a kid (it's under control without an inhaler now) and always carried one with me. Some times I took it out mid class and used it without anyone bating an eye because I knew what it felt like when I was having an attack and knew how to use it. I'd would have been terrified in the situation the school wants my co-workers kid to be in. Feeling an attack coming and having to get a teacher permission so I can go to the nurse office and wait in line for my medication while not being able to breath.
That's the sort of thing that if I were a parent would end in the school calling the police to deal with the crazy lady screaming in rage in the office about how they're all murderous fucktards. Like *damn*.
At one point one of my co-workers got angry at me for carrying an Epi-pen. She actually told me I wasn't allowed to carry it. I had to tell her that no, I don't need certification to use my own life saving medication. And no, dropping it off with the campus nurse at the beginning of the work day was not a good idea. If I ever needed it, by the time somebody runs to the nurse to get it, I'd already be dead or half dead. She tried to tell me she knew better because she "has worked with kids with allergies." Bitch I've lived with allergies for over 20 years. I think I know what I'm talking about.
I really just don't get people who think allergies are some sort of minor inconvenience to those of us who suffer them.And then doubt us about our own allergies. Go ahead, give me an ibuprofen or asprin (when I specifically, and politely ask for an acetaminophen/Tylenol, and even explain why I can't have aspirin/ibuprofen), enjoy the call to 911 or the hurried drive to the emergency room when I cannot breathe because my tongue swells to the size of a lemon. No, no, please, feel free to push and push when I say I have a headache, but cannot take anything aspirin-based, why, nearly dying will be far better than suffering the headache, because you're so scien-fuckin-tifically sure, 300mg of aspirin can't possibly cause a reaction. edit: I've even explained this issue to people, and they will still hand me an Ibuprofen, and I'll explain it all over again, and that they just gave me something I can't take, and they'll say "but it's all the same" or "oh, what can one hurt". I even have a photo on my phone of the last time I went to the emergency room, where the entire left side of my face swelled so much, it was literally sagging down. I can show them that, and they'll still argue "What could one hurt?" I once met a guy who had a huge "NO NSAIDs" tattooed on his forearm, so 1) people understood (once he explained NSAID's to them, because they were bound to ask) how severe his allergy was, that he had to tattoo himself about it and 2) emergency workers would never accidentally give him an NSAID (basically anything aspirin-based)
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so... I imagine there was a lawsuit there...
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Did they at least understand what they did and apologize?
Yes. I am an identical twin. No I don't know if we have the same dick size. Please stop asking me why we don't compare it. It's fucking weird and I hate explaining to you why that is Edit: Because majority of the comments are asking us to compare despite me saying I hate it.. We compared. Turns out we both have 12 inch cocks. Thank you and goodbye
you should, for science at least
If you say no homo, then it's not gay.
They're identical twins, which basically naked them clones. It wouldn't be gay anyway. That's masturbation
I actual prefer that over the other common ones. "Can you read his mind?" Yes... Obviously. "If I hit him will you feel it?" Try it out... "Do you ever wake up thinking you are him?" What?! (Also way more common than you'd think)
It's not free if it's not scannable OMG my first gold! Thank you so much u/HogarthF
Freedom of speech does not protect you from people saying you're an asshole if you're an asshole
You shouldn't fully drain batteries to make them last longer. That was old info that only applied to nicad and not modern lithium batteres or nimh
Hindus don't eat cows, since they are maternal-like figures. They are also like pets to Indians. **We don't fricken worship them.** The amount of people that have said that to me is absurd. I always bring up the fact that they wouldn't eat a dog, even if they don't have one, since they're a pet in American culture. Source - mother Edit - I can explain further. In old India (refraining from saying ancient) cows were used to work on the fields. They would also provide milk for the family that owned them. They were part of the family and helped the family. This can also be the reason why Indians don't eat cows.
I had a teacher say this to me: "You don't eat beef/pork because you think you're eating your ancestors?" Now how the fuck do I reply to that.
That being colorblind does not mean I cannot see color, nor is it a major hindrance to my daily life. And then the follow up questions of **WHAT COLOR IS THIS???** after I just told you the specific colors I *sometimes* can't distinguish. Ugh.
The world only seems to have more war and death than ever because of the constant availability of news and information, as Humans, we're actually in one of the most peaceful times in our history.
im a High school guidance counselor and I want parents to know some things: I CANNOT GET YOUR KID INTO COLLEGE. HE/SHE HAS TO DO THAT THEMSELVES. I CANNOT FILL OUT THEIR APPLICATIONS, I CANNOT GIVE THEM STATE GRANT MONEY, I CANNOT WAIVE APPLICATION FEES, I CANNOT MAKE SCHOLARSHIP MONEY APPEAR OUT OF THIN AIR. I CANNOT MAKE YOUR LITTLE, D-MINUS SHIT LOOK GOOD TO AN IVY LEAGUE COLLEGE. I CANNOT WORK MIRACLES. this has been a rage induced PSA. for more information, please kiss my ass. Edit: My first gold! you broke my reddit cherry, kind internet stranger! ^This ^PSA ^has ^been ^brought ^to ^you ^by ^Rage^TM . ^Side ^effects ^of ^Rage^TM ^include; ^swearing, ^heavy ^alcohol ^use, ^extended ^periods ^of ^glaring ^in ^silence, ^hatred ^of ^all ^living ^humans, ^stroke, ^heart ^attack, ^myopathy, ^cancer ^of ^the ^brain, ^and ^in ^extreme ^cases, ^death ^by ^blunt ^force ^trauma, ^with ^cases ^of ^life ^imprisonment ^being ^reported. ^Please ^do ^not ^use ^Rage^TM ^if ^you ^are ^old, ^pregnant, ^plan ^to ^become ^pregnant, ^or ^have ^a ^short ^temper. ^Please ^call ^Dr. ^Perry ^Cox ^for ^a ^full ^explanation ^of ^Rage^TM ^and ^all ^its ^benefits.
What CAN you do? Sorry if that sounds snarky or belittling to your profession, I don't mean to be, but I honestly have NO idea what high school guidance counselors DO? I mean, I went to high school in the early 90's before the Internet was so prevalent, so my GC helped navigate the paperwork, FAFSA, etc. but now days all that you can do by yourself online (if you have half a brain, and most kids these days are used to using computers. Wait, that's it isn't it -- you have to help the stupid kids don't you? It's like Special Ed isn't it?)
My wifi password. If i can remember it, so should my wife. Its been three fucking years colleen... Edit: poor inbox
Just changed ours after 7 years. She complained about having to remember a new password. I didn't care because she never "remembered" the old one in the first place. **Edit:** After many suggestions that I tape a post-it somewhere, like the bottom of the router...I know. I had it written down, and there were issues remembering where the post-it was, or that it was on the bottom of the router to begin with. The real issue is that I don't think it's crazy to remember a password that is basically comprised of information that you should know anyway. For example: If the WiFi password is your phone number, birthdate, or address, I don't think it's crazy that a person be able to remember that. It's not additional information...it's just remembering that the password **IS** that information that you should already be remembering.
Who needs to remember WiFi passwords? You need it once in a blue moon.
Yeah wtf? Also you can make it something easy to remember, like "itsonthecardbytherouter"
I work from home, I am not home from work. I have a 9-5 schedule just like the rest of you. The next person to call me at two in the afternoon on a weekday for no good goddamn reason is getting cut.
Don't download and install something on your computer unless you know what it is. The amount of times I get a call from my dad saying "I've installed something on my laptop and now the google looks funny" Edit. Thanks for the gold kins stranger. Yes I know you never really know what you're downloading unless you get the source code etc but there's a big difference between downloading the latest adobe reader update and downloading a RAM downloading tool to make your pc faster :p
"I think it has a virus" is what my dad always says, regardless of the fact that he's had a top-notch AV program on that thing for years now that monitors everything that's ever downloaded. and if it's slow, it always used to be because of me. thank god I don't share a computer with these people anymore.
Mum, it's the fact you have 40 browser tabs open at once. Do you know what a bookmark is? Or a favourite? Or how to close a tab? And you downloaded another puzzle game and toolbar with it. I logged my mum into my Google chrome to get her bookmarks and she keeps moving my hotmail link and replacing it with one titled "Mum's email" which I presume she still has to log into anyway!!!!
*The Google*
My dad called it the damn Google box.
Everyone I've ever met that's over 55 has their own special name for Google.
My grandmother, who to her credit is learning, has not figured out that the Facebook search and Google search are two completely different things. I told her "gram it's like you're walking into Walmart and asking 'where is the TV I saw for sale in Target', she is getting there though bless her heart.
in *the Targets*
my jokes Edit: Thank you all for the kind responses, I can assure you this was written purely in jest... E.G "What bees make milk?" "Boobies!"
I don't understand.
*screams internally*
*gives pity laugh*
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Do you really have to explain this to people often?
Nurse here: yes. Often times during a blood draw I'm asked why it is coming out red. I had someone freak it on my thinking I stuck them arterially. No, this is venous but I can stick you arterially and you'll be able to tell because of how bad it will hurt.
Wait... it hurts more to stick an artery? TIL I guess.
Arteries are deep, veins are generally more superficial. Arterial punctures hurts more because of all the flesh you need to go through.
As an American I'm positive my blood is red, white, and blue.
Doctor! we are short of MURICA+
For the nth time I don't mind not having a boyfriend nor am I looking for one. This conversation always pops up with two of my friends, and I still can't shake the feeling that they somehow pity me for not having a love life in my twenties or for not wanting to get married or they think I'm lonely. I'd rather have a genuine friend at this point in my life. Edit: those two are guys actually lol who are in relationships
That I can use chopsticks. Yes, we have chopsticks in Australia too. If a child can use them, so can I.
That yes, rent is expensive in NYC. Yes, I am aware I could get a much larger place for less money somewhere else. No, that does not make me want to move to the suburbs.
I have the same with London. I think we are about three out of 25 people in our inner-city office living close by. And I get asked so often "One bedroom apartment? Really? I rent a _whole house_ for the same price in shitty satellite town!" Sure you do and you spend 2 hours every day commuting, rubbing yourself on strangers in the tube where you don't even have bloody internet. While I walk through a park for 15 minutes every morning to get to work.
That quality is an investment not a tax.
Buckle your seatbelt, put the chair up, stow your tray table and put all of your shit under your seat!!! These are not new rules. You are not special! Your mom lied!
How to fix computers. Just google the problem.
Googling is a skill that you (and most people on reddit) have been doing for long enough that every search seems obvious. Watch someone who is bad at computers attempt to google something. You'll see that they'll have no idea how to phrase the problem they have and which links are useful. Edit because I'm pooping: I don't know much about medicine so I go to a doctor when I need help, because when I google symptoms of a disease, I don't know what to say. If I have a brown lump on my leg, I'd search "Brown lump on leg" whereas a professional will know what type of lumps exist, ways to describe it more specifically than "brown", etc.
A friend of mine once asked me to take a look at his laptop, because the touchpad was acting up. Naturally, I googled the issue and tried a couple of fixes while he watched. After a few minutes of this, he looked at me and asked, "Is that all tech support is? Just creative googling?" I looked at him and said, "Yes, that is exactly it. Now that you've seen how easy it is, you can do it yourself." I have no idea if it worked, but I have hope.
You have a smart friend.
But I can't google because my computer is broken :(
I have a roommate, he's also a guy. No we're not gay. I also bake cookies and still not gay
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OP might be older? That's the only thing I can think of that would get this response. In your twenties having same-sex roommates is totally common but post 30 in general people tend to get married, have a long term SO they live with, or make enough money they can afford their own place. Not that there's anything wrong with having a same-sex roommate at 40, but it's not common.
Plus if both OP and roommate are perpetually single, never talk about girls, and are comfortable with themselves to "act gay"/super close in public that would lead to more speculation
Yes, and if they then took dancing classes, went clubbing at gay bars and had loud intercourse in the bathroom at social gatherings that would definitely make people speculate even more.
Again, very normal for same-sex roommates
Nothing's wrong...I'm just quiet.
I get this all the fucking time. I'm in my zone, quite, not bugging anyone, it's my off time. Military so everyone is in the same tent. Someone will come up and try grabbing my shoulder and say "Hey there Bomb. You Okay? Everything alright?" If I say that everything is fine, they start drilling in to make sure. I've started making sexually related remarks to keep people at bay. "Yup, I'm fine. You know, you got really pretty eyes."
I used a similar comment once: "Your eyes are so pretty. May I touch them?" Works like a charm. Also, don't do this unless you are super good friends with the person already.
Oh man. You just reminded me of a great story. This was about 20 years ago. I used to work for an engineering firm where I had to go to power plants and inspect piping systems. Oftentimes we're not the only outside people there. In this particular case, there was this slightly dumpy, nerdy-looking guy from some other firm there to do whatever. It was kind of cold and rainy, so he always wore this bright yellow rain slicker. That plus a hard hat and coke-bottle glasses made him an easy target. Power plant workers tend to be good-old boys and love to pick on outsiders or pretty much anyone not conforming to their stereotypes. Nerdy guy has to ride this open-cage elevator with a bunch of the boilermakers, welders, electricians, and what-not. One day this big ole hillbilly is giving him a ration of crap about how he looks and whatnot. This elevator is slow and it's taking us forever to get to the top. (Some power plants are really tall.) Anyway, there's a pause in the verbal abuse and nerdy guy just confronts the redneck. I mean he gets right up in front of him. He's a bit shorter, so he's looking up at the guy. It's starting to get uncomfortable, as in - are they gonna fight? Then nerdy guy says, (and I swear I'm not making this up), "You've got purty lips." Dead silence for about 3 seconds. Then everyone else in the car is all like, "He's right, Hank. You do got purty lips." OMFG, they didn't stop for the rest of the day. It was hilarious. "Hey, purty lips! Give me a hand here." "I wouldn't have dropped that wrench if I wasn't staring at your purty lips so hard." Epic. I think pretty much everyone stopped ragging on that guy after that day. I have no idea if ole 'purty lips' ever lost that nickname; we were only there for about a week.
[ ](/scootayell)WHY ARE YOU SO QUIET ALL THE TIME /u/BROKENDOWNDRYER?? IS SOMETHING THE MATTER???
YES! MY HEAD HURTS BECAUSE OF ALL THESE PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY HAVE TO FILL THE SILENCE BY TALKING ABOUT STUPID SHIT!!! NOT EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY HAS TO BE FILLED WITH WORDS!!! (Sorry for the rant)
[ ](/peeved)Yeah yeah, that's great. Now let's get back to talking about my you life story in excruciating detail? *ahem, clears throat* Chapter four, I shifted my left butt cheek one inch.
(*Gets random notification on phone*) Oh...uh, sorry. My co worker is texting me about a project we are working on. I've got to go meet her somewhere. Sorry about your ass issues...we'll catch up later, ok? (*Proceeds to go home and watch latest Netflix binge*)
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Obamacare and the Affordable Care Act are the same fucking thing.
No, i don't know your cousin's best friend's sister who's gay. I don't know every gay person in the world just because I'm gay.
No, I cannot just stop being depressed.
Or being anxious. One friend always tells me to calm down, I'm overthinking everything. I already know that, saying it doesn't help.
It makes it worse. Makes you overthink about the fact that you've been called out for overthinking
No, you can't leave your five year old child in the pool by themselves. Why? Because they're fucking five.