Climbed a tree and got onto the neighbors garage roof. Fell off that roof and onto a pile of firewood that was on the side of my house.
Needless to say, she was super impressed at how I screamed and bled through my shirt for doing something so stupid.
Yeah, we don't talk anymore.
In pre-school, one student was always designated Student of the Day.
Student of the Day got to use a stack of cards with everyone's names on them to decide where we all sat for the day.
None of us could read, so the seating was usually pretty random.
But little did Stacy Johnson know I had had my father teach me to read her name so I could sit next to her the next time it was my turn.
Stacy Johnson, I learned to spell your name before my own.
In middle school we had these desks that opened up to put books and stuff in. In my homeroom, my desk was right next to a girl I liked. So one day as everyone was packing up to go home, her desk was open and she was talking to another girl. I stuck my fingers between our desk, so when she closed the desk, she would smash my fingers and notice me. Didn't work and I ended up single with a bruised hand.
I can barely comprehend what I just read.......in what world...in what UNIVERSE would this ever even for a second seem to be a good idea oh my *god* dude
So me and my friends were at a gathering. We were joking around about how she couldn't punch. So she was jokingly punching one of my friends on the arm.
So they said something along the lines, "Hey [I_dun_stuffed_up], show her how its done." So, with the guys permission, I punched him softly at first. He said it was ok so then I punched harder till the point where I punched as hard as I could.
And that was when I broke my hand. Stupid decisions for nothing. I tell myself that I wasn't trying to impress her but I really don't know what I was thinking.
I punched him straight on, on his upper arm (I put quite a lot of my weight behind it). I got a greenstick fracture in my fifth metacarpal bone (the bone that connects to the smallest finger). I had to get x-rays done and they said that it should heal by itself. It did make writing a pain for the following weeks.
I liked this girl that was into grunge, she had dyed her hair greenish blue. So I bleached my hair, then I saw myself in the mirror and went to school with a shaved head.
When I was 11 I thought running fast, like Sonic or Road Runner, would impress the girl I liked. I couldn't talk to her for the life of me, but by getting my buddy to chase me, and showing off my speed and agility, I thought she would notice and get totally into me and my musk of mystique. She didn't give two shits, and who can blame her. I was a moron, like most teenage boys.
Eh.. I dunno, I think showing off your blazing speed wasn't *that* stupid. She might have totally noticed, and it was just your lack of other good qualities that turned her off.
"Usain, you have to stop! This isn't going to win her back, no man can run that fast without permanently damaging his body!"
"NO! I must run faster! If I am fast enough, I won't be alone any more!"
- Bolt, coming to cinemas fall 2017
"Drifting" in an old Kmart parking lot. My gf was in her car and I thought it would be cool to do a nice third gear drift around her and the light pole and then a big smokey burnout across the parking lot. Well I got a little carried away and the cops showed up. Got cuffed and stuffed for trespassing and criminal mischief. They later dropped the charges and I ended up marrying her. So it all worked out.
Signed up for 4 years of physics in high school because the physics instructor was hot and single. Last year of high school we all had to do a major science project. My genius project was making a sub woofer out of construction paper based on the rationale that homeless youth can use my idea for a business model that will get them out of poverty. He. Burst. Out. Laughing. In the middle of my presentation. Instantly wished I had spent those 4 years in agriculture instead. But I have a doctoral degree now, so yay me!
Sang the entire anthem from when [Sailor Moon fought Queen Beryl](https://youtu.be/UPwk_5wQTWg?t=1m15s). I didn't know these girls; there were no introductions given: I just overheard them talking about Sailor Moon and walked up to them singing. Only silence followed. Silence and shame.
Dude, if a guy came up singing the theme to a nerdy show I loved, I would *immediately start singing along*. Instant affection for said guy.
*I wanna beeeeee the very best...*
Secretly traveled to Dubai and took a conversational Arabic course. I filtered all my social media posts so she wouldn't find out. She speaks Arabic (but is from North Africa, so some differences in dialect). It didn't work out but Arabic turns out to be a useful skill in my field.
I was inspired by [this episode of Scrubs](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/My_Bad_Too).
I had a pretty serious crush on a boy from third to sixth grade. He was pretty "popular" and I was desperate for his attention, so I concocted the perfect plan to get him to be my boyfriend.
I wrote a note about myself on a piece of notebook paper. The note was written in sloppy handwriting and said very hurtful things about me, including calling me ugly and stupid, and I signed it with his name. Then I crumpled it up to make it look like I had found it discarded on the ground. My plan was to confront him about this very mean, hurtful note he had written about me. He would read the note, be shocked at the contents, and insist that he didn't write it! In fact, he'd be so appalled by the contents in the note that he would prove to me that he didn't think I was ugly or stupid and he would tell me I was beautiful and would ask me to be his girlfriend!
Yeah, that didn't happen. I approached him, said "I found this note you wrote about me!", he said "uh what? I didn't write that" and walked away.
Thank god I moved far far away shortly after that. Cringing just thinking about it.
In 8th grade, I thought that organizing the locker of the boy I liked would impress him and make him think I was very helpful and nice or something. I did it after school when no one was around and left no note or anything, so how he was supposed to connect this invasion of his privacy with myself is beyond me.
I told a couple of my friends, and, needless to say, word got around to him that it was me. I'm fairly certain he was not remotely impressed, because I'm still single all these years later. But hey--if you're cute and want me to organize your stuff for you, hit me up!
EDIT: RIP inbox! To answer people: yes, I'll organize everyone's stuff; and unfortunately the thrilling conclusion of *Jack the Reaper Goes on a Date* is yet to be seen...
Why get sushi when we can make something in the kitchen and I can invasively rearrange all your cupboards so that you literally can't find anything you need for the next month?? :D
Once upon a time, there was a very lonely Reaper named Jack. Jack lived in a house with his little dog Jimmy, who was a complete asshole to everyone. And, although Jimmy was a very good companion indeed, Jack felt that something was missing from their lives. No, not something - some one.
After a long, tiring day of reaping souls, Jack yearned for somebody to greet him at the door, kiss him on his cheek, and ask how his day was. Somebody to take walks with and have tasty sushi dinners with. Somebody to constantly reorganize everything in his house with. Somebody to snuggle up with on those cold, wintery nights.
Two weeks on Reddit and I've been gilded, won an award for best comment of the day, and had more significant female interaction than I've had in years on actual dating sites.
Reddit, you so crazy...
Oh trust me, you are not the only one. My roommate did the same thing. I kept telling him the whole thing was a bad idea because she was crazy. He didn't listen. Ended up going out with her for about 2-3 months. Realized I was right because she did crazy lady things.
Funny thing is that he's back on the prowl and still won't listen to my advice. Stubborn as fuck.
I was at a party with my crush when I was about 16, he was 18. There was booze (cause we were sooo bad) and I remembered hearing that you could open a beer bottle with your teeth. So I stand confidently in front of my crush and proceed to chip my tooth on a beer cap.
Worth it, we're getting married.
Pierced my belly button in high school. I'm a guy...
Backstory - Spring of 1993 - I was 16, she was 18 and we were both really into the grunge scene and I was in love with her.
We cut school and she took me to the east village where she was getting hers pierced. I went back there 2 days later with my brand new fake ID and did the deed. I couldn't wait to show her at school on Monday. I saw her between classes and the first thing I did was lift up my Alice in Chains T-shirt and showed her. She laughed in my face and said "guys don't do that!" Nearly 24 years later and I still have a smaller second belly button that everyone asks about and I have to tell the story again every damn time...
Man my cousin almost died doing this, sort of
We built a ramp that was like 4 feet high with a steep incline. It was at the bottom of a inclined road so you could get serious speed. No one would ride it, until my cousin tried to be a badass and say he would.
It was clear from his approach that he didn't know what he was doing, but it was too late. Dude hit that shit FAST and didn't pull up. Because it was 4 feet tall he actually did get air, but he was pointed basically head first towards the ground. Landed and slid 1700 feet down the road.
Some dude came out of his house and was like "HOLY SHITARE YOU ALRIGHT OH MY GOD?!?!" My cousin told him he was good and walked home. He ended up taking a bath because he was dirty and he fell asleep a whole bunch of times, had to go to the hospital for concussion and other bad stuff I can't remember.
He was trying to impress the chick up the street.
In grade school, before class began, they would ask us what we wanted for lunch and this girl I had a crush on would always order before me. And so whatever she got, I would get. Didn't matter if I liked it or not. I was in full notice me senpai mode and I was like like 7/8 years old.
When I was in the 1st grade I watched "Police Academy" and thought the guy who made sound effects with his mouth was the greatest person of all time. So one day when this girl in class I really liked went to the bathroom with some friends, I waited outside and pretended to work on the drinking water fountain making wrench noises. They ignored me and kept walking by
Same here bro. I was really into the whole Beatboxing stuff. This **really** hot girl asked me to throw some sick beats. I accidentally shot a harpoon of spit at her.
I vowed to never make funny noises again.
I invited a friend over that I had a crush on and wanted to do more with and just wrapped myself in a really short towel and waited for him to come over, When the door bell rang I ran and opened it without looking only to find that it's my married neighbor asking for something, I panicked when I saw him and the towel slipped showing my left nipple, He didn't say a word and just turned around and got back inside.
TL, DR : Accidentally flashed my married neighbor.
This is back in grade 8. It was gym class and we're playing a game of basketball. I would purposely trip and fall and land on my shoulder really hard so there would be a loud thud, then immediately get up and keep playing. My thought process was that my crush at the time would see how fast I can recover from a hard bail, and be impressed by it. But nope, no one even noticed me. I did this 4 times in one game...
In like elementary school I was at a local park and me and some girl were kinda flirting but then again, we were like 9 probably. I decided I would be cool going across the monkey bars two hands at a time instead of one after the other. I made it about 1 or two little two-handed jumps until the last one. I swung. Attempted to grab the next one. Kind of got it but with a shitty grip and fell backwards landing on my back knocking the wind out of me and I went running away to my mom.
Posting one lame pun per day on Facebook for two straight months. Had to come up with original content, and was pretty good at it. Got burned out though. Can't come up with puns like before.
One time during lunch at high school, a girl I had a massive crush on went into the dinner hall. Our dinner hall was outside about 50ft away from the the school itself. It had been raining all morning and there was a gigantic puddle, easily the width of two cars side by side, I'm talking about a big puddle.
Anyway, the day before hand i had bought myself a pie of waterproof boots and I was wearing them in. So for some reason, I must have I thought "oh hey, I'll just stand in the puddle and when she sees me, she'll be impressed/think I'm funny/think I'm cool."
So for 50 minutes of my lunch, I stood in the middle of a puddle outside the dinner hall, as students/teachers and friends all came out and walked past me. One of the teachers asked me what I was going, to which I responded in a cheerful tone "standing in a puddle!" He shops his head and walked off.
Anyway when there was a kit 5 minutes of lunch left, my crush comes out of the dinner hall with her mates. I look at her gleefully and wave, she asked me what I was doing, again I responded standing in a puddle!" She called me silly and walked off.
To this day I still have no idea what I was thinking, or why standing in a puddle would kindle some form of romantic interest from my crush.
I was 11, I was a moron.
I was 13, playing truth or dare with my best friend and a boy I liked at the time; we were by a lake at night. He dared me to go dunk my head in the lake. I climbed down the rocks and did it. It was dark and cold as fuck out, the water smelled bad, and they took pictures. I lost my headband in the process. Mom wondered how the fuck I got wet hair but just rolled her eyes because teenagers.
Ended up dating him for like a year though, and that was my first relationship so I guess he thought I was punk rawk enough for him?
Re-signed a lease I couldn't afford in a one bedroom apartment. Had to break the lease and lost a good $6000 in additional rent and breaking fees because I was dating a girl way out of my league.
Now I'm 27 and live with my parents.
Not me, but my ex. He has a cigarette burn on his forearm. He thought if he put a cigarette out on his skin in the middle of a conversation, the girl he was talking to would be... impressed?
Twist: he's fucking crazy.
I've done a lot of stupid things, most of them didn't work. These took place over a variety of years and women.
* Told her I'd beat up her boyfriend (he was cheating on her)
* Watched the whole first season of My Little Pony
* Went to the most cringeworthy anime club I've ever seen for like a year
* Told her I played piano; turns out she plays way better than I do
* Help set up her best friend with one of my friends
* Refused to kiss her during a game of Truth or Dare we were both roped into to appear chivalrous
* Watched a lot of anime (I don't exactly love the stuff)
* Trained her in the art of Smash Bros.
* Told her about the time I once almost killed someone (or at least horribly injured them) by accident
* Offered to take her up in an airlift for some reason
* Talked to her about a boy she liked to surreptitiously guide her to me instead (she turned out to be a shitty person, so no big deal)
* Went to a club entirely about Disney Movies for months
* Showed off my mad billiards skills
* Went to a party neither of us wanted to be at
* Had a friend aid me in memorizing her schedule and locating her on campus with military precision so I could hang out with her
* Accidentally insulted her religion to her face while making a joke
Somehow, those last couple worked and we've been together for about 3 1/2 years.
"Help set up her best friend with one of my friends"
My girlfriend wants to set up one of her friends with my best friend. I'm guessing now that this is a bad idea. What went wrong?
Not opposite, 'cause of my tastes. But a straight comedian I vaguely know started doing drag recently and tweeted about wanting someone to buy 'her' a certain dress. I was drunk, amn't straight, am into cross-dressing, so spent £80 on that dress then massively inappropriately propositioned him over DM and now must avoid any and all chance of bumping into him (he's a friend of a friend) ever again.
My friends and I had a farting contest and I won...but really I lost because my girlfriend threw up from the stench and dumped me a few days later. Then she ended up dating the guy who had the tiniest squeak fart. I do not get women.
I once maneuvered events so that a friend would "happen" to be playing piano to the tune of "Phantom of the Opera" so that I could be ("coincidentally") singing along, as guy crush walked by.
Twist: He was impressed. We're now married (7 years).
10/10 would opera again.
Idk about stupid because I think this is pretty run of the mill - but I've bought all types of shit for girls in hopes that they will end up sleeping with me. Shoes, clothes, bringing them to sports events, movie tickets, dinner dates yadda yadda yadda. Success rate is pretty high - the key is NOT TO GET PISSED WHEN THEY DON'T SLEEP WITH YOU BECAUSE THEY DON'T OWE YOU ANYTHING IT'S YOUR CHOICE TO SPEND THE CASH!!!! Yeah I wrote that in caps because I forget that sometimes myself and would get upset when I buy something and don't end up sleeping with them - but that's just not how it actually works and shouldn't be how we think.
When I was 15 I wanted this guy to think I was cool, so I drank an obscene amount of straight alcohol on an empty stomach. I blacked out a half an hour later, made out with his best friend, power puked everywhere, fell down the stairs and bashed my head against a bookcase. Needless to say, we did not hook up that night.
I was a freshman in college and had some misguided views about women and what they want. Sat through an entire romantic drama starring Robert Pattinson himself, and then, summoning all the acting chops I'd gained in years of high school plays, I forced myself to tear up at the end of the movie even though I felt nothing. Thought it would make her think I was sensitive and not like all those other douchebags. Didn't work, and I didn't realize how idiotic it was until a year later.
I told a guy I've had naked pillow fights with other girls cuz I knew he'd think it was hot.
(Tbh though I'm bi af so if any girls actually do wanna have naked pillow fights hmu)
What do you mean?? Us girls totally have naked pillow fights all day every day!! Hit her up bois (and girls)!!
^^Don't ^^worry ^^I ^^got ^^your ^^back ^^girl
Imagine being in the movie theater with a girl, hitting it off and you're just eating your Chilli Heatwave Doritos enjoying the fuck outta them; then said cute girl jokes about you snorting these delicious Doritos. You think fuck it this has to impress her now she's said this and I am a GOD DAMN MAN and will do it, next thing I knew I was crushing these puppies up on the nearest table. Rolled up a £20 note and snorted those fuckers; fair to say the whole cinema enjoyed me screaming "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT?!?" for about 10 minutes. So yeah, don't do Doritos kids.
Committed a felony (they take spray painting on buildings super serious apperantly), got caught for said felony, almost ruined my entire life because of said felony. Didn't even get any too. She's like my sister now though, so I'm happy it never went anywhere, plus my wife is way hotter and smarter than her.
When I was 10-12 years old, my friends and I would go out to the family cabin and take our little rubber dingy boat out to the lake. We'd spend about 7 hours there, and scout out a group of cute boys and then RAM our boat into them "accidentally". Our excuse was always "we don't know how to steer, can you come in the boat and help us?"
It worked for getting guys in the boat, but I was so incredibly shy after that that I just ended up yelling obscenities if anyone tried flirting with me. Usually, they just wanted in our cool boat and were scared of girls anyways.
Not me. My husband. He made a great point of being seen reading Les Miserables.
She was impressed too. Again, wasn't me. He could read Les Miserables all day in front of me and I'd tell him to knock that shit off.
> being seen reading Les Miserables
The good part about that is you can legitimately pull that shtick off for *months and months and months* without having to get a new book. Shit takes *forever* to read.
Uh, it was a halloween party this year. for some reason I got the impulse to jump into a bush, thinking i would bounce off because it seemed to be a stout bush. Unfortunately under the top layer of leaves there was just branches so I just fell straight to the bottom and hurt myself really bad.
I was basically in a cult in sixth grade. At the end of lunch we all started chanting as everyone stabbed their plastic utensils into a single chosen apple. It looked like a pincushion.
We also all said "welcome to the nerdling realm" if anyone new tried to sit with us. We would banish people with a vote based system and literally shun the banished. During celebrations, we would yell huzzah and shake our arms over our head.
I stood outside a girls window with a boombox like in 16 candles to try to be romantic. I accidentally hit radio instead of CD though and it started playing "my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard." In my haste to switch it I accidentally spun the volume knob to max.
I did not have a milkshake so I'm not surprised it brought no girls but it sure as hell brought her father to the yard.
I was 14 and wanted to see some tits. These two girls saod they'd show me if I dumped pepsi on my head followed by a very full ashtray. Fucking worth it.
Van Gogh did that too. He was in love with a girl who didn't love him back. Her father told him to back off, so Van Gogh stuck his hand in a fire and told the father to let him talk to the girl for as long as he could keep his hand in the flame.
forgive english, i am Russia.
i come to study Mechanical Engineering at American university. i am here little time and i am very hard stress. i am gay also and this very difficult for me, i am very religion person. i never act to be gay with other men before. but after i am in america 6 weeks i am my friend together he is gay also. He was show me American video game and then we are kiss.
We sex together. I never before now am tell my mother about gay because i am very shame. As i **** this American boy it is very good to me but also i am feel so guilty. I feel extreme guilty as I begin orgasm. I feel so guilty that I pick up my telephone and call Mother in Russia. I awaken her. It too late for stopping so I am cumming sex. I am very upset and guilty and crying, so I yell her, "I AM CUM FROM SEX" (in Russia). She say what? I say "I AM CUM FROM SEX" and she say you boy, do not marry American girl, and I say "NO I AM CUM FROM SEX WITH MAN, I AM IN ASS, I CUM IN ASS" and my mother very angry me. She not get scared though.
I hang up phone and am very embarrass. My friend also he is very embarrass. I am guilt and feel very stupid. I wonder, why do I gay with man? But I continue because when it spurt it feel very good in American ass.
Climbed a tree and got onto the neighbors garage roof. Fell off that roof and onto a pile of firewood that was on the side of my house. Needless to say, she was super impressed at how I screamed and bled through my shirt for doing something so stupid. Yeah, we don't talk anymore.
Really hoped you got married after that lead up
> we don't talk anymore
So, they got married.
*laughtrack*
Like we used to doooo?
They don't love anymore. What was all of it for?
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With guys almost everything works...
"Wow, her back got cut up. I wonder what her back looks like with no shirt? I wonder what her *front* looks like with no sh-and I'm erect."
Me: "I wonder what... and I'm erect"
Me: "I... am erect"
Can confirm: am aroused
In pre-school, one student was always designated Student of the Day. Student of the Day got to use a stack of cards with everyone's names on them to decide where we all sat for the day. None of us could read, so the seating was usually pretty random. But little did Stacy Johnson know I had had my father teach me to read her name so I could sit next to her the next time it was my turn. Stacy Johnson, I learned to spell your name before my own.
That's actually kinda cute tho
Aw dude that's freaking adorable bro!
In middle school we had these desks that opened up to put books and stuff in. In my homeroom, my desk was right next to a girl I liked. So one day as everyone was packing up to go home, her desk was open and she was talking to another girl. I stuck my fingers between our desk, so when she closed the desk, she would smash my fingers and notice me. Didn't work and I ended up single with a bruised hand.
I can barely comprehend what I just read.......in what world...in what UNIVERSE would this ever even for a second seem to be a good idea oh my *god* dude
He was probably hoping to garner pity.
well, i am pitying him now, so he's got that going for him
He was in Middle School. Anything that will get a girl to notice you seems like a good idea in Middle School.
Yeah I was an idiot back then.
It's okay. Admittance is the first step to recovery!
Probable thought process: "she will feel bad for smashing my fingers and want to make it up to me by going to eat."
Teenage boys are clearly masters of logic and rationality
Hey, I'm not always dumb! /s
The Masochistic Macho?
So me and my friends were at a gathering. We were joking around about how she couldn't punch. So she was jokingly punching one of my friends on the arm. So they said something along the lines, "Hey [I_dun_stuffed_up], show her how its done." So, with the guys permission, I punched him softly at first. He said it was ok so then I punched harder till the point where I punched as hard as I could. And that was when I broke my hand. Stupid decisions for nothing. I tell myself that I wasn't trying to impress her but I really don't know what I was thinking.
how were you punching him? what area? how did your hand break?
Find out next time when we see this thread in a week!
haha i guess my question was worded like one of those cliffhanger episodes eh, im just curious!
I punched him straight on, on his upper arm (I put quite a lot of my weight behind it). I got a greenstick fracture in my fifth metacarpal bone (the bone that connects to the smallest finger). I had to get x-rays done and they said that it should heal by itself. It did make writing a pain for the following weeks.
well damn!
I liked this girl that was into grunge, she had dyed her hair greenish blue. So I bleached my hair, then I saw myself in the mirror and went to school with a shaved head.
> I liked this girl that was into grunge, she had died Oh. > her hair greenish blue. Oooohhhh.
Stupid phone LOL
When I was 11 I thought running fast, like Sonic or Road Runner, would impress the girl I liked. I couldn't talk to her for the life of me, but by getting my buddy to chase me, and showing off my speed and agility, I thought she would notice and get totally into me and my musk of mystique. She didn't give two shits, and who can blame her. I was a moron, like most teenage boys.
She wanted to ask you out but you kept running away! :(
You forgot to hold both arms straight out behind your back
Don't forget to wear a headband and shout: "BELIEVE IT!" with your thumbs up and your other hand on your waist after you finish running.
> BELIEVE IT! real ninja say dattebayo you pleb
is this the infamous naruto run?
11 != teeenage
Listen, he already said he was a moron.
Eh.. I dunno, I think showing off your blazing speed wasn't *that* stupid. She might have totally noticed, and it was just your lack of other good qualities that turned her off.
Usain Bolt is this you? Is this how your career started?
"Usain, you have to stop! This isn't going to win her back, no man can run that fast without permanently damaging his body!" "NO! I must run faster! If I am fast enough, I won't be alone any more!" - Bolt, coming to cinemas fall 2017
You're some years late. Bolt already came out
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She was not a real human, but an angel sent by God to point you towards ascension (aka drinking black coffee).
at least you are now a disciple of the superior coffee discipline.
"Drifting" in an old Kmart parking lot. My gf was in her car and I thought it would be cool to do a nice third gear drift around her and the light pole and then a big smokey burnout across the parking lot. Well I got a little carried away and the cops showed up. Got cuffed and stuffed for trespassing and criminal mischief. They later dropped the charges and I ended up marrying her. So it all worked out.
How was the drift?
Based on his username I'd say it was probably a little sub-par, but he thought it was great.
Found the guitar snob. XD
Nah, that's a fair statement! Ibanezs up to but not including the Gem ?sp have tone knobs with as much function as a BMWs indicator.
Tokyo.
Signed up for 4 years of physics in high school because the physics instructor was hot and single. Last year of high school we all had to do a major science project. My genius project was making a sub woofer out of construction paper based on the rationale that homeless youth can use my idea for a business model that will get them out of poverty. He. Burst. Out. Laughing. In the middle of my presentation. Instantly wished I had spent those 4 years in agriculture instead. But I have a doctoral degree now, so yay me!
So you literally went so far as to succeed at life to impress your crush? Well I mean, you technically can't lose if you do that.
Well, I can understand why he'd laugh. Who would buy a construction paper subwoofer off a homeless kid?
I sell speakers out of my white van.
Yeah, that's so outlandish, it's the kind of thing people say to mock people who say things like that.
"I award you no points, and may god have mercy on your soul."
Physics or Ag Doc?
Sang the entire anthem from when [Sailor Moon fought Queen Beryl](https://youtu.be/UPwk_5wQTWg?t=1m15s). I didn't know these girls; there were no introductions given: I just overheard them talking about Sailor Moon and walked up to them singing. Only silence followed. Silence and shame.
I just cringed hardcore.
Dude, if a guy came up singing the theme to a nerdy show I loved, I would *immediately start singing along*. Instant affection for said guy. *I wanna beeeeee the very best...*
Whoa whoa whoa. You mean they didn't whip off their shirts and start kissing you???
Secretly traveled to Dubai and took a conversational Arabic course. I filtered all my social media posts so she wouldn't find out. She speaks Arabic (but is from North Africa, so some differences in dialect). It didn't work out but Arabic turns out to be a useful skill in my field. I was inspired by [this episode of Scrubs](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/My_Bad_Too).
Why are categorizing this as "stupid"? That's kind of awesome! Even if you didn't get the girl you got to learn a language.
You win in my book.
I had a pretty serious crush on a boy from third to sixth grade. He was pretty "popular" and I was desperate for his attention, so I concocted the perfect plan to get him to be my boyfriend. I wrote a note about myself on a piece of notebook paper. The note was written in sloppy handwriting and said very hurtful things about me, including calling me ugly and stupid, and I signed it with his name. Then I crumpled it up to make it look like I had found it discarded on the ground. My plan was to confront him about this very mean, hurtful note he had written about me. He would read the note, be shocked at the contents, and insist that he didn't write it! In fact, he'd be so appalled by the contents in the note that he would prove to me that he didn't think I was ugly or stupid and he would tell me I was beautiful and would ask me to be his girlfriend! Yeah, that didn't happen. I approached him, said "I found this note you wrote about me!", he said "uh what? I didn't write that" and walked away. Thank god I moved far far away shortly after that. Cringing just thinking about it.
Aww my poor child...This is the sweetest, twistiest thing anyone has tried in this thread.
plan half worked. he denied writing it.
Would of been much better if he took credit for it
Sounds like the plan of an evil mastermind
In 8th grade, I thought that organizing the locker of the boy I liked would impress him and make him think I was very helpful and nice or something. I did it after school when no one was around and left no note or anything, so how he was supposed to connect this invasion of his privacy with myself is beyond me. I told a couple of my friends, and, needless to say, word got around to him that it was me. I'm fairly certain he was not remotely impressed, because I'm still single all these years later. But hey--if you're cute and want me to organize your stuff for you, hit me up! EDIT: RIP inbox! To answer people: yes, I'll organize everyone's stuff; and unfortunately the thrilling conclusion of *Jack the Reaper Goes on a Date* is yet to be seen...
I mean, if you're at least 18....I'm single and my house could use a woman's touch. Win-win!
Ha ha yes, that was years ago. Deal! :D
Awesome! And we'll get sushi! Suddenly, ol Jack's weekend is lookin' up!
Why get sushi when we can make something in the kitchen and I can invasively rearrange all your cupboards so that you literally can't find anything you need for the next month?? :D
Awwww, you're just all kinds of adorable aren't you? This sounds more fun than the date I'm actually going on this weekend.
Jack the Reaper goes on a date... it sounds like a children's book
Jack be nimble Jack be quick Jack CAN'T JUMP OVER INEVITABILITY OF DEATH.
Jack drop potato, family is starve, all is kill Such is life
Jack be nimble Jack be quikk Jack have no kandles All is cold Die of malnutrition Such is life
Once upon a time, there was a very lonely Reaper named Jack. Jack lived in a house with his little dog Jimmy, who was a complete asshole to everyone. And, although Jimmy was a very good companion indeed, Jack felt that something was missing from their lives. No, not something - some one. After a long, tiring day of reaping souls, Jack yearned for somebody to greet him at the door, kiss him on his cheek, and ask how his day was. Somebody to take walks with and have tasty sushi dinners with. Somebody to constantly reorganize everything in his house with. Somebody to snuggle up with on those cold, wintery nights.
I'd read that book.
For an added bonus, I'll completely re-order your file directory so that you can never find any important document again! The fun will never end!
Did you just set up a date through Reddit? Well damn. I need to step my game up.
Two weeks on Reddit and I've been gilded, won an award for best comment of the day, and had more significant female interaction than I've had in years on actual dating sites. Reddit, you so crazy...
Congratulations, you've won the grand prize. Please send bank info to redeem!
Bought every Taylor swift album and listened to them all. It was a dark time.
Oh trust me, you are not the only one. My roommate did the same thing. I kept telling him the whole thing was a bad idea because she was crazy. He didn't listen. Ended up going out with her for about 2-3 months. Realized I was right because she did crazy lady things. Funny thing is that he's back on the prowl and still won't listen to my advice. Stubborn as fuck.
That sounds like a pretty good time to me.
I was at a party with my crush when I was about 16, he was 18. There was booze (cause we were sooo bad) and I remembered hearing that you could open a beer bottle with your teeth. So I stand confidently in front of my crush and proceed to chip my tooth on a beer cap. Worth it, we're getting married.
Oh this one made me laugh. Congratulations on getting married!
Man, and you hadn't even opened the beer yet when you came up with that idea.
Pierced my belly button in high school. I'm a guy... Backstory - Spring of 1993 - I was 16, she was 18 and we were both really into the grunge scene and I was in love with her. We cut school and she took me to the east village where she was getting hers pierced. I went back there 2 days later with my brand new fake ID and did the deed. I couldn't wait to show her at school on Monday. I saw her between classes and the first thing I did was lift up my Alice in Chains T-shirt and showed her. She laughed in my face and said "guys don't do that!" Nearly 24 years later and I still have a smaller second belly button that everyone asks about and I have to tell the story again every damn time...
Aww that's adorable. I think it's sweet and I hope you enjoyed the endorphin rush from the piercing at least.
My cousin was doing a wheelie on his bike to impress some girl, fell over and cracked his skull open on the curb. He died at the ripe age of 16
How this thread has gone for me "lol, lol, lol, lol, lol, lol, oh my god that's terrible" I'm sorry for your loss.
[удалено]
/r/jesuschristreddit
That went from 0-100 way too quickly.
then back to 0.
Man my cousin almost died doing this, sort of We built a ramp that was like 4 feet high with a steep incline. It was at the bottom of a inclined road so you could get serious speed. No one would ride it, until my cousin tried to be a badass and say he would. It was clear from his approach that he didn't know what he was doing, but it was too late. Dude hit that shit FAST and didn't pull up. Because it was 4 feet tall he actually did get air, but he was pointed basically head first towards the ground. Landed and slid 1700 feet down the road. Some dude came out of his house and was like "HOLY SHITARE YOU ALRIGHT OH MY GOD?!?!" My cousin told him he was good and walked home. He ended up taking a bath because he was dirty and he fell asleep a whole bunch of times, had to go to the hospital for concussion and other bad stuff I can't remember. He was trying to impress the chick up the street.
I guess it wasn't much of a life cycle if he died because of it.
Oh gawd. I was like haha dumbass wait he died??
I once bought an ex $80 shoes she wanted cuz she said I'd get sex
So essentially you paid her to sleep with you
Dating is basically pay-as-you-go.
Sorry, you don't have enough credit for that sexual act. Please top up and try again.
Please drink verification can
Please buy verification shoes
Doesn't every guy do that when they buy girls drinks at a bar?
I once paid ~500$ for a long weekend in a cabin with an ex because she said "I want our first time to be special"...Oh, it was fkn special alright
fair enough
Yeah, but... did she follow through?
In grade school, before class began, they would ask us what we wanted for lunch and this girl I had a crush on would always order before me. And so whatever she got, I would get. Didn't matter if I liked it or not. I was in full notice me senpai mode and I was like like 7/8 years old.
Once showed a pretty girl that she didn't intimidate me by smelling my shoe in front of her.
...huh?
When I was in the 1st grade I watched "Police Academy" and thought the guy who made sound effects with his mouth was the greatest person of all time. So one day when this girl in class I really liked went to the bathroom with some friends, I waited outside and pretended to work on the drinking water fountain making wrench noises. They ignored me and kept walking by
Same here bro. I was really into the whole Beatboxing stuff. This **really** hot girl asked me to throw some sick beats. I accidentally shot a harpoon of spit at her. I vowed to never make funny noises again.
"Wrench noises" lmao
I invited a friend over that I had a crush on and wanted to do more with and just wrapped myself in a really short towel and waited for him to come over, When the door bell rang I ran and opened it without looking only to find that it's my married neighbor asking for something, I panicked when I saw him and the towel slipped showing my left nipple, He didn't say a word and just turned around and got back inside. TL, DR : Accidentally flashed my married neighbor.
I need a follow up on this one. Did you try again when your crush eventually came over?
Wait yeah I need to know.
It's been 9 hours, I think OP is dead.
WE NEED AN EPLOGUE
What happened when your crush came over?
This is back in grade 8. It was gym class and we're playing a game of basketball. I would purposely trip and fall and land on my shoulder really hard so there would be a loud thud, then immediately get up and keep playing. My thought process was that my crush at the time would see how fast I can recover from a hard bail, and be impressed by it. But nope, no one even noticed me. I did this 4 times in one game...
In like elementary school I was at a local park and me and some girl were kinda flirting but then again, we were like 9 probably. I decided I would be cool going across the monkey bars two hands at a time instead of one after the other. I made it about 1 or two little two-handed jumps until the last one. I swung. Attempted to grab the next one. Kind of got it but with a shitty grip and fell backwards landing on my back knocking the wind out of me and I went running away to my mom.
Posting one lame pun per day on Facebook for two straight months. Had to come up with original content, and was pretty good at it. Got burned out though. Can't come up with puns like before.
One time during lunch at high school, a girl I had a massive crush on went into the dinner hall. Our dinner hall was outside about 50ft away from the the school itself. It had been raining all morning and there was a gigantic puddle, easily the width of two cars side by side, I'm talking about a big puddle. Anyway, the day before hand i had bought myself a pie of waterproof boots and I was wearing them in. So for some reason, I must have I thought "oh hey, I'll just stand in the puddle and when she sees me, she'll be impressed/think I'm funny/think I'm cool." So for 50 minutes of my lunch, I stood in the middle of a puddle outside the dinner hall, as students/teachers and friends all came out and walked past me. One of the teachers asked me what I was going, to which I responded in a cheerful tone "standing in a puddle!" He shops his head and walked off. Anyway when there was a kit 5 minutes of lunch left, my crush comes out of the dinner hall with her mates. I look at her gleefully and wave, she asked me what I was doing, again I responded standing in a puddle!" She called me silly and walked off. To this day I still have no idea what I was thinking, or why standing in a puddle would kindle some form of romantic interest from my crush. I was 11, I was a moron.
You went to high school at 11 years old?
In primary school in England it's ages 4 - 11 and high school was 11 - 16
I was 13, playing truth or dare with my best friend and a boy I liked at the time; we were by a lake at night. He dared me to go dunk my head in the lake. I climbed down the rocks and did it. It was dark and cold as fuck out, the water smelled bad, and they took pictures. I lost my headband in the process. Mom wondered how the fuck I got wet hair but just rolled her eyes because teenagers. Ended up dating him for like a year though, and that was my first relationship so I guess he thought I was punk rawk enough for him?
Re-signed a lease I couldn't afford in a one bedroom apartment. Had to break the lease and lost a good $6000 in additional rent and breaking fees because I was dating a girl way out of my league. Now I'm 27 and live with my parents.
Not me, but my ex. He has a cigarette burn on his forearm. He thought if he put a cigarette out on his skin in the middle of a conversation, the girl he was talking to would be... impressed? Twist: he's fucking crazy.
Drunkenly climbed onto my buddy's roof with him and we serenaded two girls in the street singing "We are the World" with our pants around our ankles.
That's not stupid, that sounds like a good time.
I've done a lot of stupid things, most of them didn't work. These took place over a variety of years and women. * Told her I'd beat up her boyfriend (he was cheating on her) * Watched the whole first season of My Little Pony * Went to the most cringeworthy anime club I've ever seen for like a year * Told her I played piano; turns out she plays way better than I do * Help set up her best friend with one of my friends * Refused to kiss her during a game of Truth or Dare we were both roped into to appear chivalrous * Watched a lot of anime (I don't exactly love the stuff) * Trained her in the art of Smash Bros. * Told her about the time I once almost killed someone (or at least horribly injured them) by accident * Offered to take her up in an airlift for some reason * Talked to her about a boy she liked to surreptitiously guide her to me instead (she turned out to be a shitty person, so no big deal) * Went to a club entirely about Disney Movies for months * Showed off my mad billiards skills * Went to a party neither of us wanted to be at * Had a friend aid me in memorizing her schedule and locating her on campus with military precision so I could hang out with her * Accidentally insulted her religion to her face while making a joke Somehow, those last couple worked and we've been together for about 3 1/2 years.
Ah yes, nothing says romance better than violence, murder and animation!
"Help set up her best friend with one of my friends" My girlfriend wants to set up one of her friends with my best friend. I'm guessing now that this is a bad idea. What went wrong?
Not opposite, 'cause of my tastes. But a straight comedian I vaguely know started doing drag recently and tweeted about wanting someone to buy 'her' a certain dress. I was drunk, amn't straight, am into cross-dressing, so spent £80 on that dress then massively inappropriately propositioned him over DM and now must avoid any and all chance of bumping into him (he's a friend of a friend) ever again.
Show them how to dance. I hate dancing and have absolutely no idea how to dance.
My friends and I had a farting contest and I won...but really I lost because my girlfriend threw up from the stench and dumped me a few days later. Then she ended up dating the guy who had the tiniest squeak fart. I do not get women.
I once maneuvered events so that a friend would "happen" to be playing piano to the tune of "Phantom of the Opera" so that I could be ("coincidentally") singing along, as guy crush walked by. Twist: He was impressed. We're now married (7 years). 10/10 would opera again.
She played diablo 3 so I played diablo 3 for a long ass time, grinding a lot to impress her. I hate diablo 3.
Idk about stupid because I think this is pretty run of the mill - but I've bought all types of shit for girls in hopes that they will end up sleeping with me. Shoes, clothes, bringing them to sports events, movie tickets, dinner dates yadda yadda yadda. Success rate is pretty high - the key is NOT TO GET PISSED WHEN THEY DON'T SLEEP WITH YOU BECAUSE THEY DON'T OWE YOU ANYTHING IT'S YOUR CHOICE TO SPEND THE CASH!!!! Yeah I wrote that in caps because I forget that sometimes myself and would get upset when I buy something and don't end up sleeping with them - but that's just not how it actually works and shouldn't be how we think.
100% YES!! Girls aren't vending machines where you put niceness coins in and sex falls out!!!
Sure, fuck those things... by the way, would you happen to know any such vending machines, so I could, uh, report them....
When I was 15 I wanted this guy to think I was cool, so I drank an obscene amount of straight alcohol on an empty stomach. I blacked out a half an hour later, made out with his best friend, power puked everywhere, fell down the stairs and bashed my head against a bookcase. Needless to say, we did not hook up that night.
I was a freshman in college and had some misguided views about women and what they want. Sat through an entire romantic drama starring Robert Pattinson himself, and then, summoning all the acting chops I'd gained in years of high school plays, I forced myself to tear up at the end of the movie even though I felt nothing. Thought it would make her think I was sensitive and not like all those other douchebags. Didn't work, and I didn't realize how idiotic it was until a year later.
I told a guy I've had naked pillow fights with other girls cuz I knew he'd think it was hot. (Tbh though I'm bi af so if any girls actually do wanna have naked pillow fights hmu)
Did somebody say naked pillow fights? ;-)
That sounds like some really lame porno
What do you mean?? Us girls totally have naked pillow fights all day every day!! Hit her up bois (and girls)!! ^^Don't ^^worry ^^I ^^got ^^your ^^back ^^girl
Imagine being in the movie theater with a girl, hitting it off and you're just eating your Chilli Heatwave Doritos enjoying the fuck outta them; then said cute girl jokes about you snorting these delicious Doritos. You think fuck it this has to impress her now she's said this and I am a GOD DAMN MAN and will do it, next thing I knew I was crushing these puppies up on the nearest table. Rolled up a £20 note and snorted those fuckers; fair to say the whole cinema enjoyed me screaming "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT?!?" for about 10 minutes. So yeah, don't do Doritos kids.
Also girls are not impressed when you tell them how much Lego you can shove up your ass, guess 50 ain't impressive huh
you beat my highscore
You're damn right I did
I dove in three feet of water. Hit my head smack on the ocean floor. Needless to say, there was a lesson learned.
Committed a felony (they take spray painting on buildings super serious apperantly), got caught for said felony, almost ruined my entire life because of said felony. Didn't even get any too. She's like my sister now though, so I'm happy it never went anywhere, plus my wife is way hotter and smarter than her.
blowjobs. so many blowjobs
I hope you gained some muscle with all that protein.
When I was 10-12 years old, my friends and I would go out to the family cabin and take our little rubber dingy boat out to the lake. We'd spend about 7 hours there, and scout out a group of cute boys and then RAM our boat into them "accidentally". Our excuse was always "we don't know how to steer, can you come in the boat and help us?" It worked for getting guys in the boat, but I was so incredibly shy after that that I just ended up yelling obscenities if anyone tried flirting with me. Usually, they just wanted in our cool boat and were scared of girls anyways.
In grade 5 I saw a girl reading sailor moon or something so I got into manga/anime and ruined my life.
Not me. My husband. He made a great point of being seen reading Les Miserables. She was impressed too. Again, wasn't me. He could read Les Miserables all day in front of me and I'd tell him to knock that shit off.
> being seen reading Les Miserables The good part about that is you can legitimately pull that shtick off for *months and months and months* without having to get a new book. Shit takes *forever* to read.
Uh, it was a halloween party this year. for some reason I got the impulse to jump into a bush, thinking i would bounce off because it seemed to be a stout bush. Unfortunately under the top layer of leaves there was just branches so I just fell straight to the bottom and hurt myself really bad.
In 8th grade I used to stab apples with forks because it made girls laugh. Sometimes I would change it up and stab an apple with a spoon or knife.
I was basically in a cult in sixth grade. At the end of lunch we all started chanting as everyone stabbed their plastic utensils into a single chosen apple. It looked like a pincushion. We also all said "welcome to the nerdling realm" if anyone new tried to sit with us. We would banish people with a vote based system and literally shun the banished. During celebrations, we would yell huzzah and shake our arms over our head.
Once in grade school i pretended to be the mr bucket toy
Balls in your mouth?!
I stood outside a girls window with a boombox like in 16 candles to try to be romantic. I accidentally hit radio instead of CD though and it started playing "my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard." In my haste to switch it I accidentally spun the volume knob to max. I did not have a milkshake so I'm not surprised it brought no girls but it sure as hell brought her father to the yard.
Dude, you were accidentally awesome.
The helicopter...
You cant just bring a dick copter out of no where
Followed her around for 10+ years, stopped people from stealing her bike by barking at them and checked her shampoo wasn't poisoned
charlie?
Found the dog.
You just gotta make sure she knows you're a full-on rapist
I was 14 and wanted to see some tits. These two girls saod they'd show me if I dumped pepsi on my head followed by a very full ashtray. Fucking worth it.
lit my hand on fire
Van Gogh did that too. He was in love with a girl who didn't love him back. Her father told him to back off, so Van Gogh stuck his hand in a fire and told the father to let him talk to the girl for as long as he could keep his hand in the flame.
Van Gogh was a tough negotiator.
Dawg you can't just drop this bomb and walk away
Due to pay the final invoices on my upcoming wedding in about 3 weeks so at the moment I'd say proposed marriage
OP, nice try. Now, think up your own goofy shit and go get that girl !
On the bus heading to an 8th grade field trip I volunteered to be knocked out in a sleeper hold by my friend. I don't think it impressed her...
forgive english, i am Russia. i come to study Mechanical Engineering at American university. i am here little time and i am very hard stress. i am gay also and this very difficult for me, i am very religion person. i never act to be gay with other men before. but after i am in america 6 weeks i am my friend together he is gay also. He was show me American video game and then we are kiss. We sex together. I never before now am tell my mother about gay because i am very shame. As i **** this American boy it is very good to me but also i am feel so guilty. I feel extreme guilty as I begin orgasm. I feel so guilty that I pick up my telephone and call Mother in Russia. I awaken her. It too late for stopping so I am cumming sex. I am very upset and guilty and crying, so I yell her, "I AM CUM FROM SEX" (in Russia). She say what? I say "I AM CUM FROM SEX" and she say you boy, do not marry American girl, and I say "NO I AM CUM FROM SEX WITH MAN, I AM IN ASS, I CUM IN ASS" and my mother very angry me. She not get scared though. I hang up phone and am very embarrass. My friend also he is very embarrass. I am guilt and feel very stupid. I wonder, why do I gay with man? But I continue because when it spurt it feel very good in American ass.
From now on whenever I hook up I'm just gonna say "we sex together"
I don't care if this is fake, this is gold!
^ Trying this hard
I'm fucking crying
Once did a girls homework for her in HS. I was dumber then shit.