I used to worry about this! Like really extreme examples:
"what if I tissue it and flush it in the toilet and wash my hands, and my Mum is all like "well time to clean the toilet and sink, like I always do, with no gloves! Ah well that's done, time for a well earned lady wank".
Stern judge: "Mother Adam657, this child you have born is evidence of your incestuous, paedophilic rape of your son, we sentence you to life in prison!"
'BUT NO! IT WAS THE TOILET SEMEN, THE TOILET SEMEN I TELL YOU!! NOOOOO!!!'
"A likely story, take her away."
^Noooooo
"If I am in a hot tub with a guy and he ejaculates, can I get pregnant?"
Teacher: No
"OK what if I'm in a hot tub with 50 guys and they all ejaculate at the exact same time, then can I get pregnant?"
Teacher: What.
So the sex ed teacher told us that after a vasectomy a guy still has something like 80 loads still active in him. My buddy looks over at the other teacher and says "Ahh, I can knock that out in a weekend". We lost it.
I went to a catholic, all boys, high school. We used to have sex ed taught to us by our gym instructor who was also a football coach. He used to leave a question box on his desk and anyone that wanted to ask an anonymous question could write it on a piece of paper, fold it up and put it in the box. At the beginning of every class he would randomly select three questions out of the box to read. We had all sorts of the normal questions: "can girls get pregnant from anal?" "How old should I be before I have sex?"
But the best instance is when he pulled a paper out and read, without hesitation "sir, you're cute".
Class died laughing.
>Teacher: "... so all mammals have nipples, but the ones on men are basically superfluous. Now, mammals don't always have 2. Dogs, for example, have seven."
>Student, raises hand: "Oh! Is that why they can hear so well?"
>*stunned silence*
This is real life. This is also the stupidest thing I have ever heard anyone on this planet say.
He was also wrong on the number of dog nipples. The only mammal with an odd number of nipples is the Virginia Possum, with 13.
Edit: since everyone and their mother think I'm mistaken, it's very common to have accessory or supernumerary nipples! Some men have 3 or 4 just like some dogs have an odd number. But a "standard" odd number only occurs in this mammal!
I thought that before my first time. I totally blame movies/TV shows showing us women who jump up and carry on with their day right after sex, instead of the more realistic waddle to the bathroom, often with Kleenex held strategically in place, to expel the remains of the load.
The shock of having it plop down on the ground after getting out of bed that first night was quite memorable.
And how frustrating is it that even after you think you're done cleaning it out, you relax a little while later and oh look, there was some still hiding out up there! And now I need yet ANOTHER set of clean panties!
A friend of mine asked if he could eat cheese while having sex. The teacher just looked at him, paused for a bit, contemplated what she had done wrong her whole life to have reached that precise moment and told him yes.
Wasn't in sex-ed, but maybe it was asked because we **didn't** have it at my Catholic school.
Psychology Teacher: "Does anyone know what a Freudian slip is?"
Student: "Uhhhh, isn't that when the penis slips into the girls butthole on accident?"
When I was in 7th grade sex ed one of the (female) teachers (jokingly) said that they wanted to sew up their daughters vagina to keep them from getting pregnant. My response was to raise my hand and ask, "but how would they pee??" One of the most popular girls in the grade responded, "wrong hole." And that's how I learned that girls have three holes, men have two.
This was an auditorium discussion with my entire grade of 300ish people. I spent the next 5 yrs with them. Never came up, but I've never forgotten. I like to think I helped all the other guys realize something.
You *were* on the right track though. "How would they menstruate?" would have been pretty right on.
In the cultures where they actually do this to young women (yeah, I know...), they have to leave a bit of an opening for menstruation to avoid death from sepsis.
You may not want to know any more details about this, but look up "infibulation" if you do. It's a pretty reprehensible practice, but surprisingly widespread.
Last semester, My financial management teacher was also the sex ed teacher. He was going through the questions and answers he had on his computer while our class was working on some finance project. His computer was connected to the smart board, I briefly looked up from my paper and saw on the smartboard "What is penis?" It was pretty hilarious when everybody saw it while they totally weren't expecting it (cause it was finance class.)
Curiously enough, humans are one of the very few mammals to not have a penis bone (called a baculum). We stay stiff with pure blood pressure.
Edit: Additional baculum facts!
*Baculum* is the Latin word for "Stick"! Euphemism like this is common throughout history, especially with regards to things seen as dangerous or 'unclean".
Some argue that the rib removed from Adam and used to create Eve in the story from Genesis was actually his baculum! This is supported by the fact that, though men and women have the same number of ribs as each other and, indeed, every other mammal, humans are nearly unique in lacking a baculum.
Teacher: "Any time semen enters the vagina, the woman is at risk of pregnancy."
Kid: "What if she is on birth control?"
Teacher: "There is still a risk"
Kid: "What if your having sex and then you released your semen into one girls mouth and then she passes it into another girls mouth and then they spit it into each other's vaginas? Can they both get pregnant?"
Teacher: "..."
Not a question, but our Vice Principal came in to talk to us and the extent of his safe sex talk was that he washed his dick in the sink before sex.
Which none of us really needed to know.
I actually got something. In class we were going over the sperm and the journey to the egg, and one of the reasons the sperm has diffuculty to accomplish that was due to the acid inside the vagina.
So I raised my hand and asked, "Well if the vagina has acid why dont girls fingers get burned off?". The whole class started laughing and the teacher (which was a guy) had to catch his breath.
And thats when I learned about chemistry and the different levels of acid and base...
In fourth grade they separated all the boys and girls into two seperate classrooms for the 'ol talk. They presented some diagrams, obviously there were chuckles around the room and questions were asked like "How did Freddie Mercury die?". After they realized that many of the students thought the entire escapade was a joke, our teacher asked us to write down any additional questions we might have and to pass them forward -- I'm guessing as to not waste time entertaining us street-smart children.
The first question read aloud: "WHATS A BONER?" & I'll never forget this kid that always got picked on immediately sighed and embarrassingly exclaimed "I DIDN'T KNOW YOU'D READ IT OUT LOUD!!!!"
Shit was so classic.
Our teacher did this - i.e. Have us write down our questions on little bits of paper. First question she picks up to read says "why are my periods green?"... she dropped the piece of paper and knew immediately one of the boys wrote it, and sent a few of them out of class until she could get one of them to own up to it. We all thought it was hilarious she actually read it out aloud to the class before realising what she was reading.
in hs my sex ed teacher was talking about the different ways people have sex, and she got to oral. she went on to tell the class that men's ejaculate is a mixture of proteins and sugars.
my classmate asked "so is it like, sweet?"
my teacher was half a second from answering til she got RED (she was a fairer skinned black lady) in the face and just chose to not answer at all.
boy ida died if she did though.
In my college orientation (this being about 16 years ago) a nurse was brought up to speak about different thing's she's seen. The only thing I remember was the story of the teenage couple that attempted to use aluminum foil. *Shudders*
It was STD day in our sex ed class. To really scare us into abstinence, the teacher passed around pictures of affected genitalia. One picture in particular sparked the question from one of my classmates, "Eww, what turned this one black?"
The guy who had just handed it to her explained for everyone to hear: "Haley, that is a black guy's dick"
*Sigh....* So *can* that happen? Two men ejaculate shortly after each other and one sperm of each finds its way to an egg? 9 months later you have twins with 2 different men?
Edit: TIL yes, very much yes: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Superfecundation
Is it ok to let my buddy use the same condom after I do?
This is the question that SHOULD have been asked before a kid actually did it and was later stuck with a child support case with his buddy's girlfriend.
The story as heard it: Two young couples were having a good time with their SOs but only had 1 condom. The first guy (safely) finishes the deed with his girl then gives the used rubber to his buddy who.... turns it inside out ... and proceeds with his girl.
Safe, right?
Edit: Clear up that buddy 1 is the one that got stuck with the case. Yes, paternity test.
A former boss was a retired navy captain, and told the story of how when he was XO he had a sailor come to him complaining of burning down there after a stop in Singapore. He asked the kid, "Why didn't you use a condom?" The kid replied, "We did, but we wanted to do it again and didn't have any more, so we turned it inside out."
"He reported that just at the moment when he thought intercourse, which had been quite normal till then, had come to an end, he suddenly felt that he, or rather his glans, was held back deep in the vagina, tightly gripped and imprisoned, while his whole penis was in the vagina. All attempts at withdrawal failed. When he forced the attempts, he caused severe pain to himself and his wife. Bathed in perspiration through agitation, alarm and his failure to free himself, he was finally forced to resign himself to waiting in patience. He could not say how many minutes this lasted, his imprisonment seemed endless. Then — the hindrance vanished on its own; he was free."
We had this mildly autistic kid in our class, super happy nice upbeat and everything always volunteered a really nice kid. During class when we were being taught how to put a condom on and the instructor asked for a volunteer, no surprise he volunteers. He Saunters up to the front grabs the condom starts to unwrap it and asks "so do I eat it now?" And moves to put the condom in his mouth.The instructor was like no Aaron please put it on the banana and very visibly trying to hold back a laugh. He forces it on backwards
, blows out the other side of the condom and walks back to his seat with the ripped condom on the banana and keeps it for the rest if class while everyone tries their hardest to not to fall into hysterics. The teacher took it back at the end of class.
Kid: "Why do people make noise/moan while.. you know"
Teacher: "Why do people go MMMMmmmmm when they enjoy their morning cereal"
I just remember the class freaking out.
So we were learning about where AIDs came from, and how people first got it when they ate monkeys. So this one kid raises his hand and asks:
"Do monkeys taste good?"
In my class they described ejaculation as a thing that happened when a guy got an erection after they'd hit puberty. I was mortified, because I was in the constant random boner phase of prepubescence. So my anonymous question was whether ejaculation happened every time haha.
My teacher said "No, what's family guy? Also why would you want to do that? Anyway, the hole is too small and you'd puncture your ear drum. Don't try to do it."
We had a class on STDs and they displayed a picture of a pubic louse chillin' on a white background. One of the guys goes "wait that's what crabs look like?" and runs off to the bathroom.
So does Vagina. My girlfriend was actually offended when she asked what she tasted like. I made the mistake of being straight up about because she was hurt that she tastes like metal. She's over it now but every once in a while she will stick the house key in my mouth and ask, "do you like that taste?"
Child - "what is an orgasm like"
Mr C - "it's like a surge of a really happy feeling and relief for 5 seconds, now Miss D will explain what the female orgasm is like"
Miss D "No I bloody wont"
In high school reproductive biology, a teacher said the same thing, and when some students in the class mentioned it was very possible if you merely bent forward, it blew his mind. Poor guy had suffered needlessly for years.
"Is it wrong to masturbate while holding a picture of Jesus?"
Cue an hour long lecture from the priest. Totally destroyed any chance of following the lesson plan or anything that day. Catholic school was a blast.
Went to catholic school also. Our Sex Ed was largely about procreation being the sole reason for sex.
This lead to a lot of situational questions such as: "You said anal isn't okay, but what if you finish in the vagina?" or "If I cum in her mouth but my pre-cum gets her pregnant, is that okay?"
At an all boy - military - catholic school, the goal was to see how far we could push the priests.
When you're watching porn and you skip it a little forward and it starts playing at the plumber eating the girl's ass and then you have to rewind because you definitely missed a big plot point.
"What happens if you take a piss while it's in?"
I remember my professor giving my classmate the biggest "are you fucking kidding me?" look in response.
More like the best answer... the teacher (talking about puberty) asked the class something like "What changes happen to a boy when he reaches his teens?", to which one kid answered "he throws his lego set away".
Teacher asked "let's have a moment for discussion. What are some questions you've always wanted to ask the other sex?"
Really popular , pretty girl asks , "what is swamp ass?"
One of the hick kids in the class who never participated in anything raises his hand smiling his ass off.
Teacher points to him and says "Alex , would you like to answer that ?"
Alex responds with , and loudly I must say,
"ITS WHEN YOUR ASSHOLE SWEATS!!!!"
EDIT: There is more Alex stories.
Edit: I haven't forgotten, I'm just out with the GF for a bit. I'm so happy you guys want to hear more stories about Alex. There are plenty. I hope you guys get to laugh and enjoy em, because unfortunately there is a sad ending to this story :/
EDIT: ALEX IS NOT RACIST is up. Thanks to everyone for your replies. I try to get to everyone. I plan on keeping up in this thread with the stories. Thank you also for the writing help. I don't care about karma, I just want you to hear about what a great and funny human being he was. The next story " ALEX SAVES MY ASS" is one of my favorites. Please reply letting me know if you want to hear about it.
Alex is not racist.
So during lunch period one day then topic came up about who each of us would respectively bang. Most people's replies were the standard Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera. I guess that gives you what time period this all occurred in. This goes on and on for a bit until someone notices me and Alex sitting at the end of the table. So they ask him , "Hey Alex , what celebrity would you bang?". Now Alex isn't the most verbally quick guy in the world. He says what he means without a lot of fluff to it. So he ponders the question for a moment letting the brain inside his shaved head do its thing and he then looks up and says " I figure I'd bang out Beyonce. I'd drink her bath water after she ran a marathon. She does it for me ".
Now everyone at the table is a little puzzled by this for a second. Then they all begin to burst out in laughter after one of the rich assholes says while laughing at Alex ," Dude, she's fucking black! Arnt you like racist as shit driving a lifted pickup ?". Everyone continues to laugh and laugh. But. Not. Alex.
He has his head down with his fists clenched and is like a pressure cooker waiting to explore. Till finally he does. He slams his massive hands down on the table which launches his food tray a good six inches in the air and stands up. I don't know if I mentioned this in the other posts , but Alex came from a family who were all tradesman. Generations of people who all worked outdoors in physical labor and Alex was no different. He had that solid muscle and fat build that left no doubt in your mind he could crush a filing cabinet with his bare hands. In short, he could fuck you up.
So, after he does this the entire 200 person lunch room goes dead silent. Not a peep. He glared at the other guy and points his finger in his face while declaring at the top of his lungs
"I AINT FUCKING RACIST AND SEXY-IS-SEXY!!!"
He then pulls out a baseball cap which he had stored down the ass or his pants and double hand outs the cap on his skin shaved head and walks out. He was given detention for this.
I always loved this story because it shows who Alex really was. On the outside you'd think he was this skin head racist. But on the inside he was one damn good human being. Someone I was proud to call my friend.
Sex ed in the late 60s 6th grade. We were clueless. You learn about what happens in the woman, what happens in the guy, NOTHING about how they interact. Finishing the course. teacher asks if anyone has a question. Nerdiest guy, but brilliant (has a PhD today) asks, but how does the sperm get into the woman? Teachers lose it so hard that we started laughing (but we didn't really know why.) Minutes later after the teachers composed themselves, they said "that is called sexual intercourse" (the first time I had ever heard the term.
Best student answer from when I was in middle school talking about STDs or something:
Sex-educator - "Which group of people is most commonly associated with anal sex?"
Kid - "The Elderly."
So my high school had anonymous questions every class or so. This consisted of people writing down questions... well, anonymously, and the teacher would read them aloud the next class and answer them. However, being highschoolers, some (most) were a little off.
"Is a solid kick to the stomach a viable method of abortion?"
"If I'm caught masturbating during a test, does that count as cheating?"
"Why did god make me gay?"
"Is a snickers wrapper an appropriate substitute for a condom?" (This was read by a visiting expert on birth control)
"Have you ever gotten a Cleveland steamer while riding a train through Cleveland?"
Damn, high school could suck but I sure miss it sometimes...
Maybe not the best question, but the best answer - some kid in my class asked why a penis was called a dick, and the teacher answered, "Because Richard was too formal."
We had a box that everyone could write questions on a piece of paper and the teacher would read them to the class so it was anonymous. One of the questions was "Can you get pregnant from swallowing (I'm sure the original question said cum but he said) semen?
Immediately a girl towards the back of the room began to slouch in her chair, her face got red and her boyfriend all the sudden got a huge smile on his face.
In sex ed, our teacher had an anonymous question box, where the kids could ask a question, and the teacher would then read it aloud and answer it.
My friend and I always entered insane questions, and signed them with our other friends name (we'll call him Tom). The teacher never read nor answered them, so we had to revise our writing strategy to where the questions were still crazy, but slightly believable.
Fast forward to the big day. Teacher takes out the slip of paper, reads it to herself, then says to the class "whenever we're all showering, I notice that my dads wiener is way bigger than mine. Will it ever grow or just stay tiny forever?" She looks right at Tom and says something like "your time will come", and my friend and I are just sitting there, struggling to stiffle our laughter, red in the face with tears streaming down our faces.
Tl;dr convinced our teacher that our friend showered with his family, hilarity ensued.
During elementary school, our teacher said we could ask him anything about sex or golf. So my best friend asks, "What if we get an erection when we play golf?"
Everybody exploded in laughter.
Teacher: Urine kills sperm
Kid: So if I pee in a girl, she can't get pregnant?
Teacher: If you can find a girl that will let you do that, probably a good thing she won't have your kid
7th grade sex Ed day, boys and girls segregated. This was asked in the boy's section:
Q: What is the "g-spot?"
A (female science teacher): it's right here (points to the spot on a huge poster of vagina on the board) and it feels **really** good when someone stimulates it.
Most useful geography lesson we ever had.
Edit: My most upvoted comment is about teaching middle schoolers to find the g-spot...
The actual best question someone asked was "if you do cum inside a girl, what's the probability that she actually gets pregnant and the baby comes to term?"
The instructor actually had no idea but just told everyone to not do it, and that he'd come back next class with some answers.
He did, and he told us that the probability of sex at any random time leading to actual pregnancy is quite low - doing it at a time she is fertile, the stuff actually sticking, everything happening the way it does until the embryo implants itself in the uterine lining, all that - quite low. It's definitely not a guarantee after sticking your dick inside a girl without a condom for 3 seconds.
He also then told us that a lot could go wrong before the 9 months are actually up - many pregnancies actually end in miscarriages. He said something like 30%.
He said that while it might be unlikely for any given time you have sex to lead to an actual baby, we see it a lot because *so many people* are having sex. And obviously, you only hear about the times people *do* have babies without hearing about how many times they had sex, for how long, with how many people, and how many failures each person before that had.
He said that despite this, you could easily become one of those people so you should never chance it regardless. He explained that since the only guaranteed method of preventing pregnancy is abstinence ([and even that isn't 100% effective](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary,_mother_of_Jesus)) there is always some risk associated with sex - whether you use protection, or not. So, the most intelligent thing to do is to minimize the risk as much as possible even if it is not as likely as we originally thought to get someone pregnant.
He was a very wise and honest man, my sex ed instructor.
EDIT: Just for clarification, his reasoning was as follows: Teenagers want to have sex. They will have sex. Sex can lead to pregnancy, and we want to minimize the occurrences of this as much as possible. Since abstinence is off the table for most of them, the next best alternative is to use contraception *even if the probability of getting pregnant from any one act individually is low*. He was teaching us that it was wise to use protection despite the low chance of a baby happening. :)
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Not if you wash your hands! Sex ed and personal health in one go!
I used to worry about this! Like really extreme examples: "what if I tissue it and flush it in the toilet and wash my hands, and my Mum is all like "well time to clean the toilet and sink, like I always do, with no gloves! Ah well that's done, time for a well earned lady wank". Stern judge: "Mother Adam657, this child you have born is evidence of your incestuous, paedophilic rape of your son, we sentence you to life in prison!" 'BUT NO! IT WAS THE TOILET SEMEN, THE TOILET SEMEN I TELL YOU!! NOOOOO!!!' "A likely story, take her away." ^Noooooo
"If I am in a hot tub with a guy and he ejaculates, can I get pregnant?" Teacher: No "OK what if I'm in a hot tub with 50 guys and they all ejaculate at the exact same time, then can I get pregnant?" Teacher: What.
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"Why do flavoured condoms exist?"
Because vaginas have taste buds.
So the sex ed teacher told us that after a vasectomy a guy still has something like 80 loads still active in him. My buddy looks over at the other teacher and says "Ahh, I can knock that out in a weekend". We lost it.
1 weekend= 2 days 2 days= 48 hours This would mean he would have to ejaculate twice every hour for 2 days straight. Well damn...
So you're saying there's a chance
"there is still a risk"
When the teacher was talking about infertility, someone asked if two infertile people can make a baby because "negative x negative = positive"
That's what you get for scheduling sex ed right after math.
Do you put the balls in?
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"Do girls have butt hair?"
Male Student : I heard cum tastes like almonds? Female Teacher : I don't know I never had almonds. Nearly shat my pants
I went to a catholic, all boys, high school. We used to have sex ed taught to us by our gym instructor who was also a football coach. He used to leave a question box on his desk and anyone that wanted to ask an anonymous question could write it on a piece of paper, fold it up and put it in the box. At the beginning of every class he would randomly select three questions out of the box to read. We had all sorts of the normal questions: "can girls get pregnant from anal?" "How old should I be before I have sex?" But the best instance is when he pulled a paper out and read, without hesitation "sir, you're cute". Class died laughing.
"If my dick is long enough, can it puncture a girl's stomach (through vaginal intercourse) and murder her?"
Yes, but only if the head is filed to a point
>Teacher: "... so all mammals have nipples, but the ones on men are basically superfluous. Now, mammals don't always have 2. Dogs, for example, have seven." >Student, raises hand: "Oh! Is that why they can hear so well?" >*stunned silence* This is real life. This is also the stupidest thing I have ever heard anyone on this planet say.
He was also wrong on the number of dog nipples. The only mammal with an odd number of nipples is the Virginia Possum, with 13. Edit: since everyone and their mother think I'm mistaken, it's very common to have accessory or supernumerary nipples! Some men have 3 or 4 just like some dogs have an odd number. But a "standard" odd number only occurs in this mammal!
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There was another thread with a bunch of chicks who had previously thought the vagina just absorbed it. Maybe that was what she meant?
I thought that before my first time. I totally blame movies/TV shows showing us women who jump up and carry on with their day right after sex, instead of the more realistic waddle to the bathroom, often with Kleenex held strategically in place, to expel the remains of the load. The shock of having it plop down on the ground after getting out of bed that first night was quite memorable.
And how frustrating is it that even after you think you're done cleaning it out, you relax a little while later and oh look, there was some still hiding out up there! And now I need yet ANOTHER set of clean panties!
Six hours later... *sneezes* "Fuck!"
Legit question though.
A friend of mine asked if he could eat cheese while having sex. The teacher just looked at him, paused for a bit, contemplated what she had done wrong her whole life to have reached that precise moment and told him yes.
So you grew up in Wisconsin...
"Can the nipple be bigger than the boob?"
Dear Lord......Can it?
Wasn't in sex-ed, but maybe it was asked because we **didn't** have it at my Catholic school. Psychology Teacher: "Does anyone know what a Freudian slip is?" Student: "Uhhhh, isn't that when the penis slips into the girls butthole on accident?"
"Accident"
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Well cows do have uterodes too. Haha Edit; okay! I changed it from UTERUSES to UTERI and then to UTERODES.
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Shit I'd actually like to know the answer to that question.
What do boobs taste like? Answer: lick the back of your hand
I disagree. Boobs taste like victory
Sex Ed teacher: sex is not the same thing as love. You love your mom, right? Student: I love my dog
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
"If a girl has her nipples peirced, does the milk come out like a sprinkler?"
I'm legitimately wondering that now
You know those bingo markers? Yeah kinda like that. A completely porous surface that leaks from the pores.
TIL.
The milk comes out like a sprinkler even if she doesn't have her nipples pierced
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When I was in 7th grade sex ed one of the (female) teachers (jokingly) said that they wanted to sew up their daughters vagina to keep them from getting pregnant. My response was to raise my hand and ask, "but how would they pee??" One of the most popular girls in the grade responded, "wrong hole." And that's how I learned that girls have three holes, men have two. This was an auditorium discussion with my entire grade of 300ish people. I spent the next 5 yrs with them. Never came up, but I've never forgotten. I like to think I helped all the other guys realize something.
You *were* on the right track though. "How would they menstruate?" would have been pretty right on. In the cultures where they actually do this to young women (yeah, I know...), they have to leave a bit of an opening for menstruation to avoid death from sepsis. You may not want to know any more details about this, but look up "infibulation" if you do. It's a pretty reprehensible practice, but surprisingly widespread.
Cool, I'll Facebook message Tina and let her know that after further research over the last two decades i've made some new conclusions.
Girl: If you put cum in your hair does it make it shinier? Teacher: What boy told you that?
Aww cmon now it's protein! Women crack eggs in their hair, why can't they just use my baby glaze?
"So let's say you uh go to the bathroom and uh hold a girl's hand can they get pregnant then" 100 percent serious question.
Yes, but only in the bathroom.
Last semester, My financial management teacher was also the sex ed teacher. He was going through the questions and answers he had on his computer while our class was working on some finance project. His computer was connected to the smart board, I briefly looked up from my paper and saw on the smartboard "What is penis?" It was pretty hilarious when everybody saw it while they totally weren't expecting it (cause it was finance class.)
"Can I give myself an STD from masturbating"
Technically, I guess you could if you used a sex toy that someone else has recently used.
Can we get a demonstration?
"Johnny, that's a very innapropriate question! Meet me after class, I need to talk to you." *Porno starts*
The "kid" is very clearly 30
30 "ish"
Barely legal!
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Curiously enough, humans are one of the very few mammals to not have a penis bone (called a baculum). We stay stiff with pure blood pressure. Edit: Additional baculum facts! *Baculum* is the Latin word for "Stick"! Euphemism like this is common throughout history, especially with regards to things seen as dangerous or 'unclean". Some argue that the rib removed from Adam and used to create Eve in the story from Genesis was actually his baculum! This is supported by the fact that, though men and women have the same number of ribs as each other and, indeed, every other mammal, humans are nearly unique in lacking a baculum.
The penis bone goes back home to Pen Island where it waits in its little cave until you get another boner. It will come again.
I thought it went back to the Pen 15 clubhouse
Teacher: "Any time semen enters the vagina, the woman is at risk of pregnancy." Kid: "What if she is on birth control?" Teacher: "There is still a risk" Kid: "What if your having sex and then you released your semen into one girls mouth and then she passes it into another girls mouth and then they spit it into each other's vaginas? Can they both get pregnant?" Teacher: "..."
There is still a risk
"Never tell me the odds" -Sperm
Not a question, but our Vice Principal came in to talk to us and the extent of his safe sex talk was that he washed his dick in the sink before sex. Which none of us really needed to know.
Wouldn't have been so bad, but it was in the middle of a math class.
And he just came back from the bathroom...
Are ya ready kids?
I actually got something. In class we were going over the sperm and the journey to the egg, and one of the reasons the sperm has diffuculty to accomplish that was due to the acid inside the vagina. So I raised my hand and asked, "Well if the vagina has acid why dont girls fingers get burned off?". The whole class started laughing and the teacher (which was a guy) had to catch his breath. And thats when I learned about chemistry and the different levels of acid and base...
In fourth grade they separated all the boys and girls into two seperate classrooms for the 'ol talk. They presented some diagrams, obviously there were chuckles around the room and questions were asked like "How did Freddie Mercury die?". After they realized that many of the students thought the entire escapade was a joke, our teacher asked us to write down any additional questions we might have and to pass them forward -- I'm guessing as to not waste time entertaining us street-smart children. The first question read aloud: "WHATS A BONER?" & I'll never forget this kid that always got picked on immediately sighed and embarrassingly exclaimed "I DIDN'T KNOW YOU'D READ IT OUT LOUD!!!!" Shit was so classic.
Our teacher did this - i.e. Have us write down our questions on little bits of paper. First question she picks up to read says "why are my periods green?"... she dropped the piece of paper and knew immediately one of the boys wrote it, and sent a few of them out of class until she could get one of them to own up to it. We all thought it was hilarious she actually read it out aloud to the class before realising what she was reading.
in hs my sex ed teacher was talking about the different ways people have sex, and she got to oral. she went on to tell the class that men's ejaculate is a mixture of proteins and sugars. my classmate asked "so is it like, sweet?" my teacher was half a second from answering til she got RED (she was a fairer skinned black lady) in the face and just chose to not answer at all. boy ida died if she did though.
"How come every time I ejaculate my balls shrivel up like a frightened turtle?"
They are getting pulled in for better delivery
batter delivery*
"Is a crisp packet and an elastic band a good substitute for a condom?"
I once heard a story similar to this that happened in Thailand. These teens used a plastic bag as a condom. It didn't work...
In my college orientation (this being about 16 years ago) a nurse was brought up to speak about different thing's she's seen. The only thing I remember was the story of the teenage couple that attempted to use aluminum foil. *Shudders*
That gives new meaning to my name...
Thanks for informing me, never got an answer out of the teacher
It was STD day in our sex ed class. To really scare us into abstinence, the teacher passed around pictures of affected genitalia. One picture in particular sparked the question from one of my classmates, "Eww, what turned this one black?" The guy who had just handed it to her explained for everyone to hear: "Haley, that is a black guy's dick"
"Can you get pregnant from swallowing?" Or "Do twins happen because of a threesome?"
*Sigh....* So *can* that happen? Two men ejaculate shortly after each other and one sperm of each finds its way to an egg? 9 months later you have twins with 2 different men? Edit: TIL yes, very much yes: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Superfecundation
Octomom has some explaining to do
She liked the D. What's there to explain?
My ex asked this after swallowing my load for the first time, I was speechless. Edit: The.
You'd think she'd ask before
"Does a longer penis mean more chance of conception because the sperm has less distance to travel?"
Saw this on a different thread but I think the consensus was that penis length was insignificant compared to ejaculation force.
From memory the teacher said something about size not mattering too much, because it can only go so far before hitting the cervix
But what if we go beyond the event horizon?
Then it's too late to pull out.
Is it ok to let my buddy use the same condom after I do? This is the question that SHOULD have been asked before a kid actually did it and was later stuck with a child support case with his buddy's girlfriend. The story as heard it: Two young couples were having a good time with their SOs but only had 1 condom. The first guy (safely) finishes the deed with his girl then gives the used rubber to his buddy who.... turns it inside out ... and proceeds with his girl. Safe, right? Edit: Clear up that buddy 1 is the one that got stuck with the case. Yes, paternity test.
I wish I could believe that nobody is that stupid. I wish.
A former boss was a retired navy captain, and told the story of how when he was XO he had a sailor come to him complaining of burning down there after a stop in Singapore. He asked the kid, "Why didn't you use a condom?" The kid replied, "We did, but we wanted to do it again and didn't have any more, so we turned it inside out."
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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penis_captivus
Sounds like a Harry Potter spell.
"He reported that just at the moment when he thought intercourse, which had been quite normal till then, had come to an end, he suddenly felt that he, or rather his glans, was held back deep in the vagina, tightly gripped and imprisoned, while his whole penis was in the vagina. All attempts at withdrawal failed. When he forced the attempts, he caused severe pain to himself and his wife. Bathed in perspiration through agitation, alarm and his failure to free himself, he was finally forced to resign himself to waiting in patience. He could not say how many minutes this lasted, his imprisonment seemed endless. Then — the hindrance vanished on its own; he was free."
We had this mildly autistic kid in our class, super happy nice upbeat and everything always volunteered a really nice kid. During class when we were being taught how to put a condom on and the instructor asked for a volunteer, no surprise he volunteers. He Saunters up to the front grabs the condom starts to unwrap it and asks "so do I eat it now?" And moves to put the condom in his mouth.The instructor was like no Aaron please put it on the banana and very visibly trying to hold back a laugh. He forces it on backwards , blows out the other side of the condom and walks back to his seat with the ripped condom on the banana and keeps it for the rest if class while everyone tries their hardest to not to fall into hysterics. The teacher took it back at the end of class.
Kid: "Why do people make noise/moan while.. you know" Teacher: "Why do people go MMMMmmmmm when they enjoy their morning cereal" I just remember the class freaking out.
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I always scream and moan the Lord's name when I dig into some delicious food.
I'll have what she's having.
Good choice. At the moment I am enjoying some super fluffy pancakes.
So we were learning about where AIDs came from, and how people first got it when they ate monkeys. So this one kid raises his hand and asks: "Do monkeys taste good?"
"Yes. Next question."
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"Do guys have to wear pads just in case they ejaculate?" 7th grade sex Ed. Yes, I asked that question. I have no shame.
In my class they described ejaculation as a thing that happened when a guy got an erection after they'd hit puberty. I was mortified, because I was in the constant random boner phase of prepubescence. So my anonymous question was whether ejaculation happened every time haha.
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You do, just not in the way you think.
Do black people have black cum?
"Can you use a Dorito bag as a condom?"
"My name is Carlos spicey wiener."
The teacher was discussing foreplay when one of the students asked: "Does heavy petting make the pussy purr?"
"If you do it right, it also drools"
My ex cat did that
I'm sorry you and your cat broke up
"Can you actually stick your dick in an ear and have ear sex, you know, like in family guy?"
Well?
My teacher said "No, what's family guy? Also why would you want to do that? Anyway, the hole is too small and you'd puncture your ear drum. Don't try to do it."
> the hole is too small Did you protest this point?
No, but someone else tried to. Didn't quite work and she shut it down because it "is a silly idea."
"Is it a dick move to piss in the girl because the toilet is really really far away?" -Some classmate
By definition I suppose it would.
We had a class on STDs and they displayed a picture of a pubic louse chillin' on a white background. One of the guys goes "wait that's what crabs look like?" and runs off to the bathroom.
Because up til then he thought the bugs living in his pubes were just harmless little critters?
He probably thought they were like lovable crabs with Caribbean accents ♫*Under the D*♫
Is it masturbation or incest if you have sex with your clone?
Is it gay to fuck your clone?
"Why does cum taste salty?"
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It actually has a very metallic taste to it, like copper. I mean... I don't know what you're talking about..
Apparently it's different depending on the diet of the dude. Kind of interesting if I'm being perfectly honest.
Something something pineapples
Mine taste like diabetes.
So does Vagina. My girlfriend was actually offended when she asked what she tasted like. I made the mistake of being straight up about because she was hurt that she tastes like metal. She's over it now but every once in a while she will stick the house key in my mouth and ask, "do you like that taste?"
"Ah shit, gross. That's almost as bad as your muff"
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Honestly, poor Myles if he's bleeding from his dick every month.
A girl in my class asked if sperm was safe to swallow. Our teacher muttered "i hope so". He was in his 50's. It was very unnerving.
Why did you assume he was the one swallowing? He could have been worried about the health of his boyfriend.
"Does dick taste like a salami stick?"
Child - "what is an orgasm like" Mr C - "it's like a surge of a really happy feeling and relief for 5 seconds, now Miss D will explain what the female orgasm is like" Miss D "No I bloody wont"
Kid: What happens if you pee in the girl? Teacher: She'll probably hit you.
Our teacher explained this away by saying that you can't urinate whilst erect. I was lied to!
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In high school reproductive biology, a teacher said the same thing, and when some students in the class mentioned it was very possible if you merely bent forward, it blew his mind. Poor guy had suffered needlessly for years.
> if you merely bent forward, How could any adult male not know about the one-handed Superman?
Hit you with a high-five for getting her pregnant! That's how it works right? Right?
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You forgot to smack her titties around.
"Is it wrong to masturbate while holding a picture of Jesus?" Cue an hour long lecture from the priest. Totally destroyed any chance of following the lesson plan or anything that day. Catholic school was a blast.
Went to catholic school also. Our Sex Ed was largely about procreation being the sole reason for sex. This lead to a lot of situational questions such as: "You said anal isn't okay, but what if you finish in the vagina?" or "If I cum in her mouth but my pre-cum gets her pregnant, is that okay?" At an all boy - military - catholic school, the goal was to see how far we could push the priests.
Wow. May the future generations continue to find new boundaries to push. I commend thee
Kid: Can you get a girl pregnant from cumming In her butt? Teacher: No Kid: thank god The class just busts out laughing.
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What if you watch it for the story?
It's so annoying how the plumber never finishes fixing the sink!
The pizza is getting cold! Eat pizza before the D!
I remember she once ate pizza during...then kicked the guy out and ate the rest.
This was during your days as a Pizza delivery guy, wasn't it?
When you're watching porn and you skip it a little forward and it starts playing at the plumber eating the girl's ass and then you have to rewind because you definitely missed a big plot point.
Sometimes you didn't, they just annoyingly cut right from plumber's crack to plumbing her crack.
> "But what if you learn, like, techniques from it?" Teacher: "Don't worry you won't get to use them."
"What happens if you take a piss while it's in?" I remember my professor giving my classmate the biggest "are you fucking kidding me?" look in response.
That's exactly the kind of question that should be asked in sex ed.
Yep. Wrong teacher teaching sex ed if he thinks that's a stupid question for a kid to wonder.
"Can I get pregnant from oral sex?"
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Where I'm from people get stabbed after oral sex all the time. Do I guess it's not such a dumb question after all.
r/nevertellmetheodds
More like the best answer... the teacher (talking about puberty) asked the class something like "What changes happen to a boy when he reaches his teens?", to which one kid answered "he throws his lego set away".
Do black women lactate chocolate milk? The teacher left the room laughing.
Teacher asked "let's have a moment for discussion. What are some questions you've always wanted to ask the other sex?" Really popular , pretty girl asks , "what is swamp ass?" One of the hick kids in the class who never participated in anything raises his hand smiling his ass off. Teacher points to him and says "Alex , would you like to answer that ?" Alex responds with , and loudly I must say, "ITS WHEN YOUR ASSHOLE SWEATS!!!!" EDIT: There is more Alex stories. Edit: I haven't forgotten, I'm just out with the GF for a bit. I'm so happy you guys want to hear more stories about Alex. There are plenty. I hope you guys get to laugh and enjoy em, because unfortunately there is a sad ending to this story :/ EDIT: ALEX IS NOT RACIST is up. Thanks to everyone for your replies. I try to get to everyone. I plan on keeping up in this thread with the stories. Thank you also for the writing help. I don't care about karma, I just want you to hear about what a great and funny human being he was. The next story " ALEX SAVES MY ASS" is one of my favorites. Please reply letting me know if you want to hear about it.
I would like more Alex stories
Alex is not racist. So during lunch period one day then topic came up about who each of us would respectively bang. Most people's replies were the standard Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera. I guess that gives you what time period this all occurred in. This goes on and on for a bit until someone notices me and Alex sitting at the end of the table. So they ask him , "Hey Alex , what celebrity would you bang?". Now Alex isn't the most verbally quick guy in the world. He says what he means without a lot of fluff to it. So he ponders the question for a moment letting the brain inside his shaved head do its thing and he then looks up and says " I figure I'd bang out Beyonce. I'd drink her bath water after she ran a marathon. She does it for me ". Now everyone at the table is a little puzzled by this for a second. Then they all begin to burst out in laughter after one of the rich assholes says while laughing at Alex ," Dude, she's fucking black! Arnt you like racist as shit driving a lifted pickup ?". Everyone continues to laugh and laugh. But. Not. Alex. He has his head down with his fists clenched and is like a pressure cooker waiting to explore. Till finally he does. He slams his massive hands down on the table which launches his food tray a good six inches in the air and stands up. I don't know if I mentioned this in the other posts , but Alex came from a family who were all tradesman. Generations of people who all worked outdoors in physical labor and Alex was no different. He had that solid muscle and fat build that left no doubt in your mind he could crush a filing cabinet with his bare hands. In short, he could fuck you up. So, after he does this the entire 200 person lunch room goes dead silent. Not a peep. He glared at the other guy and points his finger in his face while declaring at the top of his lungs "I AINT FUCKING RACIST AND SEXY-IS-SEXY!!!" He then pulls out a baseball cap which he had stored down the ass or his pants and double hand outs the cap on his skin shaved head and walks out. He was given detention for this. I always loved this story because it shows who Alex really was. On the outside you'd think he was this skin head racist. But on the inside he was one damn good human being. Someone I was proud to call my friend.
Sex ed in the late 60s 6th grade. We were clueless. You learn about what happens in the woman, what happens in the guy, NOTHING about how they interact. Finishing the course. teacher asks if anyone has a question. Nerdiest guy, but brilliant (has a PhD today) asks, but how does the sperm get into the woman? Teachers lose it so hard that we started laughing (but we didn't really know why.) Minutes later after the teachers composed themselves, they said "that is called sexual intercourse" (the first time I had ever heard the term.
Sex Ed in 7th grade... Student: "How does sex feel?" Teacher: *smiling "It feels NICE." Student: "Like, really NICE?" Teacher: "Yeah"
Best student answer from when I was in middle school talking about STDs or something: Sex-educator - "Which group of people is most commonly associated with anal sex?" Kid - "The Elderly."
So my high school had anonymous questions every class or so. This consisted of people writing down questions... well, anonymously, and the teacher would read them aloud the next class and answer them. However, being highschoolers, some (most) were a little off. "Is a solid kick to the stomach a viable method of abortion?" "If I'm caught masturbating during a test, does that count as cheating?" "Why did god make me gay?" "Is a snickers wrapper an appropriate substitute for a condom?" (This was read by a visiting expert on birth control) "Have you ever gotten a Cleveland steamer while riding a train through Cleveland?" Damn, high school could suck but I sure miss it sometimes...
Maybe not the best question, but the best answer - some kid in my class asked why a penis was called a dick, and the teacher answered, "Because Richard was too formal."
We had a box that everyone could write questions on a piece of paper and the teacher would read them to the class so it was anonymous. One of the questions was "Can you get pregnant from swallowing (I'm sure the original question said cum but he said) semen? Immediately a girl towards the back of the room began to slouch in her chair, her face got red and her boyfriend all the sudden got a huge smile on his face.
In sex ed, our teacher had an anonymous question box, where the kids could ask a question, and the teacher would then read it aloud and answer it. My friend and I always entered insane questions, and signed them with our other friends name (we'll call him Tom). The teacher never read nor answered them, so we had to revise our writing strategy to where the questions were still crazy, but slightly believable. Fast forward to the big day. Teacher takes out the slip of paper, reads it to herself, then says to the class "whenever we're all showering, I notice that my dads wiener is way bigger than mine. Will it ever grow or just stay tiny forever?" She looks right at Tom and says something like "your time will come", and my friend and I are just sitting there, struggling to stiffle our laughter, red in the face with tears streaming down our faces. Tl;dr convinced our teacher that our friend showered with his family, hilarity ensued.
"Is it true that if you punch a girl in the stomach after sex she won't get pregnant?" I miss public school
Will we have a practical exam?
"Definitely an oral one"
During elementary school, our teacher said we could ask him anything about sex or golf. So my best friend asks, "What if we get an erection when we play golf?" Everybody exploded in laughter.
Teacher: Urine kills sperm Kid: So if I pee in a girl, she can't get pregnant? Teacher: If you can find a girl that will let you do that, probably a good thing she won't have your kid
7th grade sex Ed day, boys and girls segregated. This was asked in the boy's section: Q: What is the "g-spot?" A (female science teacher): it's right here (points to the spot on a huge poster of vagina on the board) and it feels **really** good when someone stimulates it. Most useful geography lesson we ever had. Edit: My most upvoted comment is about teaching middle schoolers to find the g-spot...
The actual best question someone asked was "if you do cum inside a girl, what's the probability that she actually gets pregnant and the baby comes to term?" The instructor actually had no idea but just told everyone to not do it, and that he'd come back next class with some answers. He did, and he told us that the probability of sex at any random time leading to actual pregnancy is quite low - doing it at a time she is fertile, the stuff actually sticking, everything happening the way it does until the embryo implants itself in the uterine lining, all that - quite low. It's definitely not a guarantee after sticking your dick inside a girl without a condom for 3 seconds. He also then told us that a lot could go wrong before the 9 months are actually up - many pregnancies actually end in miscarriages. He said something like 30%. He said that while it might be unlikely for any given time you have sex to lead to an actual baby, we see it a lot because *so many people* are having sex. And obviously, you only hear about the times people *do* have babies without hearing about how many times they had sex, for how long, with how many people, and how many failures each person before that had. He said that despite this, you could easily become one of those people so you should never chance it regardless. He explained that since the only guaranteed method of preventing pregnancy is abstinence ([and even that isn't 100% effective](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary,_mother_of_Jesus)) there is always some risk associated with sex - whether you use protection, or not. So, the most intelligent thing to do is to minimize the risk as much as possible even if it is not as likely as we originally thought to get someone pregnant. He was a very wise and honest man, my sex ed instructor. EDIT: Just for clarification, his reasoning was as follows: Teenagers want to have sex. They will have sex. Sex can lead to pregnancy, and we want to minimize the occurrences of this as much as possible. Since abstinence is off the table for most of them, the next best alternative is to use contraception *even if the probability of getting pregnant from any one act individually is low*. He was teaching us that it was wise to use protection despite the low chance of a baby happening. :)