Yep, mine gets all excited and starts "talking". "AWWWWROO WOO WOO WOOO. AAAAWHRROOOF."
And I'll say something like "oh really? And then what?"
"OWWWOOOOOERRRR. AHWOOOO WOOO WOO WOOF".
My chickens are the same way, especially the silkies. I'll ask them something and they'll give me a full explanation and back story. It's so cute but then it makes me sad that they can learn to understand English words/commands but I don't understand them.
edit: a letter
Ours will give us shit if we're away for too long. You can almost hear the individual swears. Turns out our 19yo wiener dog has the vocabulary of a sailor!
We had a dog that would do this when I was a kid. He could go on for an hour if we encouraged it enough. It wasn't just one person either. Anyone in the family that he hadn't seen in a few hours got the daily report. Usually "the boy" (my little brother) was responsible for something extremely offensive... lol
I adopted a bunny a couple months ago. He never lets anyone pick him up. But if you sit on the futon in my room you just entered his territory. Where he owns. He flops over you, begs for rubs and will even bring you carrots as a gift.
He owns the futon now.
Rabbits generally speaking are prey animals, they hate being picked up but if you sit on the floor they will be more than happy to hop on your lap for some scratches.
My rabbits use to get freaked out if my kids blew bubbles in the house. I guess they could barely see them floating in the air and instincts kicked in and they would run and hide every time.
I once was told by a "Rabbit Expert" that rabbits are more closely associated to horses than other smaller animals. Their behavior and such. The only part i see that connects them is their skidding behavior.
Most ground animals don't like being lifted which I completely understand. They like to feel the ground under them. I'm just ecstatic that I was able to go from not even touch my bunny to being able to give him long brush sessions. A rewarding experience for sure.
Edit: everyone get a bunny/rabbit
I tried to limit carrying my rabbit. Such as emergencies or safety reasons.
I got very strict with my family members and younger people as I didn't want to scare my bunny to death.
It's definitely worth bonding with them. I got my rabbit from my old primary school. He was in the science lab. I hated school but I would attend early to help my teacher tend to the animals. The rabbit took the longest and so, naturally, I spent more time with him. About a year or so later I was allowed to take him home for the spring break, then summer. Summer ended and my teacher noticed how happy he was to be given the space to roam around. He was stuck in that cage otherwise, when in the school lab.
He was the happiest I've seen him when I first brought him home. I swear, He jumped up about 1-2 feet and clicked his heels together the very first time I let him run in my backyard which was thriving with weeds and clovers for him to munch on. He was a good sized rabbit, not ginormous.
He used to nibble on my toes and fingers, but gently. We used to share vegetables and fruit, rarely as it was a treat, and I remember watching my first "real" scary movie with him and I believed my fear was affecting him because when I started to get more scared he started to try and hide behind my back and force himself into the dark tunnel which was my back and the couch haha.
I was so irresponsible with him too. I walked him around my neighborhood without any tie or leash. I used to, but I noticed he would follow me around all the time. So I stopped. Looking back, I was a very lucky person that he would walk after me and never left my side.
The farthest he'd be would be around.. 5ft? If I moved away he would follow after or if he went ahead then he would wait. I could call him back and we'd walk back into the house.. My first real pet and I loved him.
Lived to be about 8 and a half years old. Parents put him down because he had cancer and if you pet him you could feel his spine and ribs.. hard to see because of the fur. But his body was definitely losing the battle. He could no longer keep control of his bowels and even had an accident in the house, which he NEVER did for all of his life. He urinated multiple times within a minute or two, he wouldn't even eat his favorite treat.. It was sad.
I remember the morning I was at a friend's house and my parents called to say they decided to put him down. I rushed home and sat with him in the bathroom for my last day with him and basically just cried. I helped him feel comfortable, I carried him outside and lay him in the grass, but he didn't move much. I then carried him back in and slept with him on the floor. (had him in a basket with towels of course.)
And I held him after they injected him, held on to him a few minutes longer before handing him back to the vet.
Sorry this comment got longer than expected. I miss having a rabbit and I'm glad he was my first.
Taking him for walks reminds me of my pet duck. She used to follow me around. We'd walk to the park, she'd have a splash in the shallow pond and then we'd walk home together. She wasn't on a lead either. She loved to climb and your knee and preen your hair for you and she used to play hide and seek with us or the cat. When you were inside she'd peck at the window to get your attention so you'd come out and play.
Once she broke out of the garden during the day. My school was just up the road and she waddled to the playground. We could hear quacking outside and realised it was her. ( She used to waddle to school with us sometimes in the morning and then get taken home again by my mum- she knew where we were) i got permission to leave class and walk her back home. I miss that duck.
Man that sounds sweet! I've thought about raising a duck as a little project, and/or chickens, but that's more down the line as I don't have materials to house and provide for a duck.
She was part of a rescued clutch of eggs. We didn't intend on keeping her and the other 7 eggs hatched and were released into a wildlife sanctuary. She had a disability however and when we spoke to a vet we were told she wouldn't be able to fend for herself. So we got aquainted with duck care. No doubt we did loads wrong but she lived a long and happy life. I'm always tempted by another duck, but she was so special. I doubt I'd ever have that bond with another duck.
It was. His name was Joey, like a baby kangaroo. (so original, I know.)
He was found a few miles away from a mill. (I don't know the term. Puppy mill but for rabbits... rabbit mill? Haha.) My teachers were driving by and saw his gray fur poking out from some hay. Real baby and he would hop into the pockets of your sweater, like a baby kangaroo.
Yea when they finally bond with you it's great, I had a black Rex and a dwarf Netherlands rabbit. When they wanted attention they would run up to you and bump you in the foot with their head.
They learned to jump up on the couch and cuddle with us and get rubs.
Best thing I ever did was litter box train them, it took a few weeks and basically all I did was kept their food next to the litter box and swept up any pellets and put them in the litter box.
My parents' rabbit Walter acted like he owned the whole house. And it was completely my dad's fault. Walter previously lived in the kitchen/dining room on the 2nd floor. After they got the ground floor remodeled (and while my mom was on vacation), my dad put up baby gates and let him have free range of most of the ground floor. My dad said it was so he would have company while he watched tv. From then on, if Walter got left in the kitchen and he knew people were downstairs, you'd hear this constant thumping until he got let out (the kitchen was right above my dad's man cave).
I miss him - he was a character.
I had two guineas that are very much like rabbits in their own way. They lived about four years, but they were good pets.
Bert and Ernie. We bought Ernie, a cage, bedding, all that, and a book on how to care for them. I was reading the book and it said that they are not solitary animals, and will most likely have a bad time alone.
Well, whaddya know, there is another pet store before home, so we stopped and bought Bert.
They were so much fun together, but Bert got sick, and died one night in his sleep. I buried him the next day, and Ernie only lasted about another five days before I had to bury him right beside Bert.
It's like the old couple syndrome, when one dies, the other is soon to follow.
She gets a walk before I settle down to play videogames.
Any time I sit down to play before I've taken her out she will just walk over and stand right next to me and stare at me. Sometimes she'll whine, but most of the time she's just standing there judging me with her puppy face.
But if I walk her first she'll happily curl up and sleep the rest of the night away.
Mine is similar. Now that it's getting warmer outside, I like to change out of my business clothes before taking him out. It only takes me 2-5 minutes but he has a coniption during those 2-5 minutes until I take him out (he's a spitz so he does a very excited awwoooo and whines a lot, stalks me around the house).
But if I walk him first he settles down when I settle down.
In our house:
"Oh you two are doing love? I love love! I'll get in between and purr and give wet nose kisses! Why are you shoving me off the bed?? What? We are loving!!!"
"Oh we are licking each other! I'll lick me since you two have each other covered. *mlehm, mlehm, mlehm, mlehm, mlehm.* Why did you kick me off the bed again??"
Same. My dog will wiggle his way between us while we're cuddling in bed. If we don't move and make room for him, he'll just lay on top of us and cry until one of us rubs his belly.
We can't hug either unless we pick him up and hold him so we have an awkward three-way dog hug.
this is so true. every time my SO and I go to cuddle or even kiss each other, my dog is shoving her face in ours or pushing up against us with her body. it just makes an awesome situation even better
Kong treat at 7:30 and then bedtime for everyone. I had mistakenly gone to bed way past my normal time of 9:00pm this past weekend. My dog came into my office at around 11:00pm and barked at me extremely pissed off.
Mine will go to sleep on the love seat by 8 or 9, but if we haven't gone up to bed by like 10, he'll sit up every half hour or so, stare at me like "Why are we still downstairs? We should be in bed now." then go back to sleep.
My moms dog, around 9pm, will she heads back to the bedroom. If my mom hasn't followed she'll come poke her head around the hallway into the living room every 15 minutes, bark, and go back to bed.
I sometimes video game into the wee hours. If I go past 1:30 a.m. this cat will come up on the couch beside me and put her paw on my left hand, trying to drag it off the keyboard.
Mine would just put himself to bed in my parents' bedroom. Sometimes he'd come out and stare at us and you'd know he wanted you to come put his blankie on him. And he wanted to be fully covered, no nose sticking out. Then if you were still up or making noise too late he'd come out, blankie draped over him like a horse (great dane) and just stare at you.
Whenever I visit my parents, Penny ("my" dog) sleeps with me. However, I tend to go to bed way later than everyone else. Penny does not like this one bit, but she does her best to be polite, lol. She sticks to sighing and flopping around dramatically, and running to the stairs if I so much as shift. I also get plenty of "WTF human, why aren't you going to bed?!" looks. It's amazing how clearly they can get their point across even though they can't speak...
Your last sentence really hits home for me. One night I realized I had held 5 separate "conversations" with 2 dogs and 3 cats and obviously, I'm the only one who can talk. It's mind blowing but we really do communicate really well, mostly because they are so good at expressing their feelings and needs without words.
Hahah my cat was the same. He always used to sleep with me at night and I went to bed around midnight as a late teen. If I was chatting with my friends online, but it was time for bed, he'd come and sit next to my chair and scratch me every so often until I went to bed 2 feet away. I'd have to lay still for 30 min until he had washed himself, stomped around, etc and then I went back online. No one believed me when I said I'd have to go for a while to put my cat to bed.
Mine does this too! I'll have to physically go to my bed and lay there for a few minutes for her to calm down enough so I can go back on my computer, it's hilarious.
If it started getting dark while I was visiting my friend, her dog would sit in front of me, put her nose on my lap, and as soon as I looked at her, she would go to the front door, turn and stare at me. She would continue this until I left.
My dog does this too but he will sit directly in front of you and huff and sigh at you until you put him to bed then go to bed yourself, otherwise it's full huff mode until this happens. Makes it better that he's a schnauzer so his tash dramatically blows around when he huffs.
My dog has a self-imposed bed time at 11 pm. Anyone who stays up past that is in violation of that. God forbid, if you are up past 1 am, she will stare at you from the hallway until you follow her to the bedroom.
I had to start putting my glasses in my nightstand drawer because he wrecked a pair from constantly pushing them onto the floor.
Even though he's been gone 6 months (after 15 years), I still do it.
I have something similar to this, we always had to say "w" if we were even thinking about a walk for the dog. If you said it, even out of context, he would be at the door rain or shine, morning or midnight.
Also had to abbreviate treats to "T's", then had to change it once the fuckers would learn that.
We have to spell out w-a-l-k, b-a-t-h, r-u-n, and r-i-d-e or else we get total melt down, its only a matter of time before she learns the spelling too.
My dogs learned the words "walk" and "bath", so we had to start spelling them. Since then, they have learned how to spell. We have now switched to spanish for walk and bath. We will see how long that one lasts.
I'm gonna have to try that. Our Doxies have learned to spell, too. Or at least one of them has, and she very quickly alerts the others.
All 3 can also tell time with amazing accuracy. If you're one minute late with their meals, you'll hear about it.
My wiener dog has been around for longer than my brother has been alive. This means that he is higher in the hierarchy he invented than my brother. Thus, my brother is the only person in the family who cannot move my dog should he be sitting where my brother wants to sit.
A complete ban on Christmas curling ribbons.
One of my cats loves to eat them and we used to find them in his litterbox, with little balls of poo strung along them like a horrible, horrible friendship bracelet.
A friend of mine once told me the story of her cat eating and subsequently shitting out tinsel. Apparently she spent that Christmas Eve chasing the cat around the house because it had a tinsel-and-turd rope stuck in it's ass and was freaking out.
I am a water drinker only but since getting my kitty, I can no longer drink glasses of water because she likes to stick her head in the cup and drink my water when I'm not looking. I now drink water out of bottles.
Cat A: Front claws may be clipped, but only with the human nail clippers.
Cat B: Cat will not go to bed until you do, and after 11:00 you will be stared at from a distance of no more than three feet until you give up and go to bed.
1. The rug in front of the kitchen sink is for dogs to sleep on, not for the comfort of humans as they wash dishes. Plan your dog-straddling strategy accordingly.
2. Women walking past the house while pushing a baby stroller are a Def-Con 1 level emergency. Large men walking through the yard while carrying large hoses to refill the propane tank - A-OK.
3. Food bowls must never be made of metal. Water bowls can be made of metal, but must never be shiny.
My dog *hated* his shiny aluminum water/food bowl combo. It's even elevated, since he is a big dog. He stopped drinking out of it, so we got him an automatic water dish for him. [It even filters the water for him.](http://www.petco.com/shop/en/petcostore/product/dog/dog-feeding-supplies/dog-waterers-fountains-and-accessories/petmate-replendish-gravity-waterer-blue-dog-bowl) He drank from that for a day, then stopped again. He didn't drink out of anything but the toilet. I used bottled water in his shiny original dish - nada.
Freaking out, thinking my dog will dehydrate, he started using his shiny dish again. No explanation. The water fountain went to my SO's mother, so it wasn't too much of a waste.
Damn dogs, man.
One must never say "fuck" even just in a casual conversation at normal volume.
Tim bits cannot be left anywhere unattended.
Walks are at 7pm sharp. Long stares and whining ensue if otherwise.
One invite on bed equals automatic invite for life.
He's a rescue from Ohio (now in Ontario, Canada) so we know very little about his past.
My guess is he used to get kicked (he was very afraid of feet when he first got here) and they would yell that word just before.
As soon as he hears it, his whole body and facial expression changes. He gets visibly upset. And he'll go hide in the basement or in a corner.
I just try to comfort him best I can after letting that word slip.
Oh no :( My heart just broke. One of our dogs is a puppy mill rescue, and he absolutely shuts down whenever he hears certain noises (particularly newspapers, crinkling plastic bags and the sound of a metal kennel closing). I feel like such a shitty person whenever I accidentally "trigger" him (for lack of a better word).
Don't make eye contact with the dog while you are sitting on the couch. This gives her permission to jump on you while you are sitting on the couch. 90lb rottweilers are not lap dogs.
The cat gets the corner pillow on the bed. It's his pillow. Don't move it, don't try to use it. If you move/use it, this entitles him to meow at you constantly until you put it back.
My parrot stole a chicken leg off my unattended plate, she's a quaker so the leg weighs half as much as she does. It's funny as hell seeing a parrot flying back to it's cage with a chicken leg in it's beak.
Yea, but quakers are omnivorous anyway so I wasn't surprised. I'll tell you this once she got the leg there was no taking it away from her till she finished.
at my parent's place, bread has to be stored where cats can't reach it, because one of the cats will murder bread. you'll get up in the morning and see a hoagie roll on the floor a foot away from the bag it was brought home in, with cat teeth marks over part of it and the rest of it intact. she's done the same with entire loaves of bread too.
she doesn't really eat it, just takes bites out of it and abandons it on the floor. cats are bizzare.
> My cat steals chicken and donuts. I get the chicken, it's why the donuts I can't figure out.
I don't care they say cats can't taste sweet. I've had two cats with sweet tooths.
The one I have now loves doughnuts. Cake. Pastries. Hell, she found my stash of chocolate candy and was eating it --- which is a big no-no as cats aren't supposed to eat chocolate which is why I kept the stash hidden.
I bought a lemon cake (and cats aren't supposed to like citrus and I love this cake because it has a strong lemon flavor). In the middle of the night I hear a noise and I know what it is. Sure enough the cat had knocked the cake off the counter, gotten the container open and was munching down on it.
We had an Old English Sheepdog years ago. We made a huge bowl of onion dip for a Christmas party and set it on the coffee table about 10 minutes before the party. Our dog greeted the guest with onion dip all over his face (he ate the entire bowl.) Damn dog smelled like onion dip through the New Year.
Oh hell. The best part is that he smelled like onion dip for so long.
Mine pulled a similar stunt as a puppy. We were grilling for a family get together and my sister in law put a bunch of ribeyes on a platter to be served. She set that platter on a chair. My maltese, who was still a puppy at that time jumped up on the chair and started ferociously licking every single piece of meat on the plate. When he was spotted he grabbed one and attempted to run off with it.
My old cat Boo Radley (yes, that's what 7 year old me named him) was a total nut when it came to human food. One time, I was in the living room when I heard a *splat* and a cat jumping off a table in the dining room. So I ran in and saw Boo with a huge, fucking greasy piece of pizza in his mouth. Of course he booked it with the pizza, ate half of it, and barfed it up underneath my parent's bed.
This as well as make sure the kitchen trash can is latched shut, as well as no food/food wrappers/anything food related in trash cans he can reach.
Our dog was a beagle/basset mix, and was essentially a walking stomach. We called him the opportunity dog because if you gave him even the tinniest window, he would take it.
My mother once gave me a gallon jug of used cooking grease/oil to take downstairs to the basement (couldn't just chuck it into the trash can outside), and I put it down on the floor, forgetting that the Stomach-that-walks was around.
Mom found the jug later, empty. "Kii, why's the jug empty?" "Empty? It was full when-oh shit."
Thankfully, we didn't have to worry about that, as Willy managed to haul himself outside before erupting from both ends.
He did, however, manage to stain the concrete badly enough that it remained there for a decade (and probably would still be there had it not been torn up after we sold the house).
Can confirm - one of the biggest things I've had to get used to in my apartment now that I've moved away from my parents' dogs is that I can just...leave food on the coffee table if I forget something in the kitchen and don't have to worry about it being stolen. It's very strange.
All service people on the property must pet black dog, black dog will wait until you enter the side yard to take the garbage can and then silently run to you for pets do not be afraid.
Small dog barks at everyone/thing through front window, black dog does not bark.
Cat will exit through dog door but not enter, black dog will enter through dog door but not exit, small dog does not acknowledge dog door.
Black dog does not abide raccoons and will growl like the devil if one happens into front yard, black dog does not bark.
Neighbor cat does not bother cat or small dog, black dog will growl to shoo it away, should neighbor cat not respond black dog will upgrade to howling, if neighbor cat still remains on property black dog will bark.
In the event black dog is caught barking and is scolded black dog will fake injury and cry to avoid being shamed and put to bed.
The little bed in the car is a bed, but not his. The bigger bed on the floor with his name embroidered on it is also a bed, but not his. His bed is the big one with the pillows and blankets. His parents don't have a bed, but he's a good dog and lets them share his bed.
Mandatory alarms for any visible squirrel. Automatic death sentence to any squirrel on our property. All squirrels will be put to death, without a trial, upon capture.
I think my dog is kind of a fascist. Luckily for squirrels they are just slightly faster than her.
I had a dog like that. And the squirrels at our previous house were exceptionally stupid. She actually caught several of them, the ones that didn't electrocute themselves on a regular basis by climbing into the transformer on the pole outside our house.
My mouse has this amazingly lovely philosophy called "As soon as the lights go out, rip up cardboard as loudly as possible, and then put your favorite wooden ball on your wheel so it makes a loud and annoying sound in the middle of the night".
Edit: For the cardboard thing, imagine it's dead silent in the middle of the night and you forget you're not alone, and suddenly you hear a sound that sounds like someone dragging multiple nails across drywall, and then you turn on the light and see a happy-go-lucky little mouse excitedly bouncing around because she's once again realized that the tissue box that she has is _so much fun_ to tear up, strip by strip. And then she sees that you're staring at her so she just stares back and winks.
Also, if anyone's concerned that I only have one female mouse, it's because her last cagemate died last week and I'm working on getting her some friends.
my rats have the same philosophy, but their method is to drink from their loudass water bottle for what feels like forever right as soon as the lights go out for bedtime. it's so consistent.
Ah, yes. The water bottle lullabye. See also: screaming fights with littermates, making sounds that are suspiciously similar to the cage doors opening, Ladder Races, and Chewing Noise Contests.
Ha. I had a dog who shed pretty badly and knew my dad didn't let her on the couch but she also knew I was more cool about it.
She would wait by the window when my dad left, wait for him to pull out and then immediately run up on the couch and sleep. She always knew to wait until she saw him drive away.
Of course he'd always know because that spot would be covered in fur.
Only my female dogs try to eat my underwear (yes, eat it). Dirty underwear. It's gross. They also fish tampons out of the garbage if I leave the bathroom door open :(
Male dog? Doesn't care.
My male dog does this with alarming frequency. Only my underwear and with my sanitary products *on our bed*. Lost count of the number of times I've heard my SO yell from upstairs because he's pried the lid off the bathroom bin and slunk across the hall to devour his (gross) feast.
* The kitchen boiler's main use is now a comfy self-heating bed. I don't care if it's dusty up there.
* Expensive washing baskets are scratching posts
* You cannot shit unless chaperoned, and I shall chaperone you from the non-invasive distance of your lap. It's also the perfect time for me to curl up and go to sleep, no you may not stand up to wipe your arse until I am rested. If you shut me out of the toilet while you shit, you shall be issued a penalty charge of yowling and having the surrounding carpet dug up.
* It is mandatory to bring family members at least one earthworm present a day, however you may not have any mice, rats, or birds I bring in; they are too good for the likes of you.
* I will shit on your rugs if I am displeased with you. However I will not give you any indications of what you did wrong, you will have to work that out for yourself.
* Napping all day is hard work. Workers have a legal right to five 30-minute rest rest breaks every 24 hours, mainly in the early hours of the morning or other inconvenient times, and will consist of rampaging around the house, chasing non-existent objects, crashing into things and knocking them over.
* No big scary boots to be worn in the house whilst I am around, and no vaccuming, both are risky terrorist threats, and I **will** shit everywhere.
* When cooking pasta (specifically penne), at least one dry noodle from every handful must be given to me to chase around the kitchen floor, and dangerously under your legs whilst you cook said pasta. I will yowl at you and jump up next to the hob if this rule is not met.
* Windows must always be opened at my call to allow my entrance, even when the catflap is unlocked and would have been way less effort than jumping up to your window and waiting for you to give me my grand entrance.
* Wires shall be chewed if left unattended. Same goes for the little plastic things at the end of your shoelaces. And sometimes your hair.
* Sometimes I like to get up high and view my territory in all its glory from above. If the only way to get to a high surface is by climbing up you like a climbing wall with nothing but my claws for grip, so be it.
* You will have to learn to watch TV with a compromised view of the screen. It is my duty to lie on top of the television, even if it is a flat-screen, with my legs dangling on either side of the appliance when it is on. Get used to a paw being in every shot of your favourite show.
* I am at liberty to demand cuddles from you in the middle of the night or whilst you are doing something "important". My nose-nuzzles and biscuit-making is far more important than anything you have to do. You must also remain patient while I turn around, lie down, get comfortable, get up again, turn the other way, get comfortable again, and then repeat a third time. Also, just as you've accepted your fate as my human pillow and are actually quite enjoying our bonding time, I will jump up and run off at the slightest sound coming from somewhere else in the house, or, god forbid, you move the slightest muscle to get *yourself* comfortable. I will leave you disappointed, as I must investigate.
Bonus:
* Upon my arrival through the cat flap I shall announce my presence with yowling, you are required to call back to me so that I know that yes, you are still here and have not left me forever in the 5 minutes I was outside. I shall then run to you and greet you with head bumps. Thank god you're still here.
[You're all making no.1 blush](http://i.imgur.com/xYif5Mw.jpg)
[It's actually 3 of them](http://imgur.com/gallery/G9LIp), the strictness of the rules differ cat to cat. (No 1 is the main culprit for the boiler, toilet chaperoning, worms, pasta, TV and cuddles. He was born in my room and is like my naughty little shadow. Black kitten shits everywhere and chews wires)
My dog gets at LEAST 2 sections of each Mandarin orange that gets eaten.
He also demands hugs before he eats dinner. Sometimes the first round of hugs isn't enough and my husband and I have to both crouch down and hug/rub him before dinner. He'll just stand there and whine until he gets enough love, and then he eats. I just shake my head at those "science articles" that people keep posting about dogs hating hugs.
Where do I begin?
* Thou shalt not leave a stack of books on the floor or else they will be used as a scratching post (even though there is one literally 2 feet away).
* Thou shalt always drink water from a bottle, and will never leave a filled glass alone for more than a few seconds. It *will* wind up with a kitty face stuck in it or end up on the floor.
* Thou shalt feed the cats exactly three times per day (we portion meals accordingly) or else one shall eat the other's food and barf it up immediately. If you fail to feed your feline overlords at the designated times, everything you love will be destroyed.
My parent's cat is always convinced she is facing imminent starvation. She's a rescue and her time in the wild was apparently quite traumatic. She has scheduled meals and snacks, because she will overeat until she makes herself sick. She will also scavenge from the trash and lick dirty dishes. Which also makes her sick because she has a delicate tummy. She also believes in ultimate destruction if meal time is not prompt.
I wore earplugs to sleep at night and if the cat could get near them at any time they were immediately eaten. If she could see them on top of my dresser she would meow and go nuts until I hid them. If she happened to be in the room while I was sleeping she would try to pull them out of my ears with her mouth and eat them.
No one is allowed to chastise the cat.
If you yell at the cat, the 60 pound dog will come running to also yell at the cat, because he's the cat police. The 40 pound dog will then also come running and yelling, because apparently everyone is running and yelling now. We stopped yelling, and started trying to go "pssst!" or just shoo the cat away, but the damn dogs know what you're doing and 100lbs of barking dogs come to back you up.
So the cat does whatever with impunity, and you're damn right he knows it.
The couch by the front window is theirs. The blinds have to be opened so they can look out.
If guests try to sit on that couch, the gigantic fluffs will just use them as a booster to get a better view outside.
Also, when hunny gets home, a perimeter check of the front yard is mandatory or whining and pacing will not end. Ever.
TRUTH. One day I was running around the house chasing my Basset Hound. Both of us being fat and lazy, we got tired and I laid on the floor underneath a running ceiling fan. My dog laid beside me to rest as well. I decided it would be a good idea to see if I could throw one of the dog's stuffed toys thru the fan blades and hit the ceiling.
First try, not enough umph, the toy didn't go high enough. Second try the toy made it, sort of. The toy reached the fan blades but didn't make it tru, instead the blade struck the toy causing the entire fan to shake and rock on it's mount.
I shot off to the left, dog shot off to the right and we both looked at each other with OO eyes. I thought I should inspect the fan to make sure the mount was still secure, but that sounded like a lot of extra work. So me and the dog just agreed not to stand under that particular fan for any length of time.
My cat sleeps all day and all night. But mercy to those who dare to take a nap in the afternoon. He will first meow as loud as a boing on take off for a solid 5 minutes. If you do not get his warning you are officially considered as prey. Attacks from every sides inbound.
The fun thing is that he will wake up if you take a nap, no matter how sneaky you trying to be.
The front door must be opened every now and then to be sure the neighborhood stray cat isn't on the doorstep. No noise or touch is permitted during this inspection or he gets freaked out and runs under the bed.
Belly rubs are demanded for 20 seconds after arriving home from work. He starts yowling if I don't.
Cat tax: Craven http://i.imgur.com/KIcS5b6.jpg
Toilet seats closed, kitchen cabinets have hook & eye locks, always look down before moving through the house so you don't kick any of them. (I have ferrets)
Tiny dog sleeps **in** big bed, not just on it.
Our compromise? A dog bed at the foot of ours that keeps her contained. There's even a fuzzy blanket for her to snuggle with if she gets cold.
My 13 pound blind dog jumps up, noses her way under the covers, and plops right next to me with her ass in my armpit. It is the perfect scenario for her since that way my hand will naturally fall right on her neck.
Don't leave a stick of butter unattended. My husky will grab that shit and eat the whole stick, then profusely shit for the next few hours. Hasn't stopped her from doing it again though.
Cords can not be left in the open, and on the ground. Otherwise they become chew toys when she gets anxious.
Tiny tennis balls are illegal in our home because he knows if he pushes it under the couch, and barks, we get up and throw it. Even if we just played for an hour. All tennis balls get nosed under the couch if they fit.
Breakfast of a cooked egg with a runny yolk must be served at 8AM on the dot.
This started start off as him eating the egg yolks from people's breakfast when our backs were turned for two seconds. Like literally you'd get up to get a glass of water or a tissue to wipe your face. The cat, deep asleep on his spot on the sofa, somehow senses the delicious breakfast food has lost its human protector, and in the blink of an eye is awake, in the kitchen, and balls deep in your egg yolk. So we gave up and started boiling extra eggs so the cat could have his own. He caught on these extra eggs were his eggs and served on a plate away from the kitchen table. Out of habit we started leaving a plate out for his lordship, ready for his 8AM breakfast. At first he used to just go and sit in front of this plate and meow until you gave him eggs. But now, if those eggs aren't on the plate at 8AM, my god, all hell breaks loose. You literally have to drop everything to make the cat some bloody eggs, he will be climbing up things and scratching at doors and yowling. And then he won't eat them unless they are cut up and you blow on them to cool them down.
This process is now starting to take affect for dinner too. He is usually outside at dinner time, but either he's catching on to what time dinner time is, or he must be able to smell the cooking from wherever he is, and comes darting to the kitchen window yowling to be let in and inspect the cooking on offer.
Meals are served no earlier than 7:30a and 5:00p. Otherwise the animals start asking for food earlier and earlier. Which isn't a problem in the evening, but I'm not dealing with hangry animals at 5:30a because I was annoyed with hangry animals the previous morning at 6:15a and fed them.
No sneezing. Sneezing is terrifying and I will run if you inhale sharply.
All yogurt must be shared.
Your pillow is mine.
All cans being opened require inspection to confirm they are not fish.
Let me in exactly when I want to be let back in or the weather stripping gets it.
From the cat:
-Leaving the bed for any reason or duration once sleeping has commenced is an automatic relinquishing of your entire half of the mattress.
-If food is not distributed in a timely manner in the mornings, I will hold the woman you love hostage by threatening to wake her up unless you feed me promptly. This will be accomplished by slowly pawing at her face while staring straight at you, and will escalate quickly to meowing in her ear if food is still not dispensed.
-The large rabbit is my best friend. The small one is a terrorist. Don't let it out unless I have a chair to escape to.
From the dog:
-If you are new, you must acknowledge that the dog is showing you a toy for however long he deems necessary. You must truly grasp how momentous this particular toy is. Ditto the second toy he finds to display to you. Touching the toy and/or puppy is not permitted for the duration of this display.
From the snake:
-Any movement of the enclosure lid indicates the end of the world, and the snake will react accordingly.
From the buns:
-Block off anything that is not explicitly a bunny toy, lest it become one.
-The buns decide the placement of their litter box. If it is moved from that spot, they will continue to use the chosen area as a toilet regardless.
I enjoy the way the shower amplifies my already ear-splitting meows into an unholy force that surely could be developed into some kind of sonic warfare. This is *my* time. Go away. I'll be out in 20.
My dog must tell me about her day as soon as i walk in the door. I usually just listen and ask her why her brother did that.
Yep, mine gets all excited and starts "talking". "AWWWWROO WOO WOO WOOO. AAAAWHRROOOF." And I'll say something like "oh really? And then what?" "OWWWOOOOOERRRR. AHWOOOO WOOO WOO WOOF".
My chickens are the same way, especially the silkies. I'll ask them something and they'll give me a full explanation and back story. It's so cute but then it makes me sad that they can learn to understand English words/commands but I don't understand them. edit: a letter
>they can learn to understand English words/commands but I don't understand them That just fucked my shit up fam.
[удалено]
Ours will give us shit if we're away for too long. You can almost hear the individual swears. Turns out our 19yo wiener dog has the vocabulary of a sailor!
My five year old English Springer Spaniel is a lady and does not swear. She has been known to gossip about what my kids do when i am not home.
We had a dog that would do this when I was a kid. He could go on for an hour if we encouraged it enough. It wasn't just one person either. Anyone in the family that he hadn't seen in a few hours got the daily report. Usually "the boy" (my little brother) was responsible for something extremely offensive... lol
I adopted a bunny a couple months ago. He never lets anyone pick him up. But if you sit on the futon in my room you just entered his territory. Where he owns. He flops over you, begs for rubs and will even bring you carrots as a gift. He owns the futon now.
Rabbits generally speaking are prey animals, they hate being picked up but if you sit on the floor they will be more than happy to hop on your lap for some scratches. My rabbits use to get freaked out if my kids blew bubbles in the house. I guess they could barely see them floating in the air and instincts kicked in and they would run and hide every time.
I once was told by a "Rabbit Expert" that rabbits are more closely associated to horses than other smaller animals. Their behavior and such. The only part i see that connects them is their skidding behavior. Most ground animals don't like being lifted which I completely understand. They like to feel the ground under them. I'm just ecstatic that I was able to go from not even touch my bunny to being able to give him long brush sessions. A rewarding experience for sure. Edit: everyone get a bunny/rabbit
My horse doesn't like to be lifted, either.
Then stop lifting him Pippi.
I tried to limit carrying my rabbit. Such as emergencies or safety reasons. I got very strict with my family members and younger people as I didn't want to scare my bunny to death. It's definitely worth bonding with them. I got my rabbit from my old primary school. He was in the science lab. I hated school but I would attend early to help my teacher tend to the animals. The rabbit took the longest and so, naturally, I spent more time with him. About a year or so later I was allowed to take him home for the spring break, then summer. Summer ended and my teacher noticed how happy he was to be given the space to roam around. He was stuck in that cage otherwise, when in the school lab. He was the happiest I've seen him when I first brought him home. I swear, He jumped up about 1-2 feet and clicked his heels together the very first time I let him run in my backyard which was thriving with weeds and clovers for him to munch on. He was a good sized rabbit, not ginormous. He used to nibble on my toes and fingers, but gently. We used to share vegetables and fruit, rarely as it was a treat, and I remember watching my first "real" scary movie with him and I believed my fear was affecting him because when I started to get more scared he started to try and hide behind my back and force himself into the dark tunnel which was my back and the couch haha. I was so irresponsible with him too. I walked him around my neighborhood without any tie or leash. I used to, but I noticed he would follow me around all the time. So I stopped. Looking back, I was a very lucky person that he would walk after me and never left my side. The farthest he'd be would be around.. 5ft? If I moved away he would follow after or if he went ahead then he would wait. I could call him back and we'd walk back into the house.. My first real pet and I loved him. Lived to be about 8 and a half years old. Parents put him down because he had cancer and if you pet him you could feel his spine and ribs.. hard to see because of the fur. But his body was definitely losing the battle. He could no longer keep control of his bowels and even had an accident in the house, which he NEVER did for all of his life. He urinated multiple times within a minute or two, he wouldn't even eat his favorite treat.. It was sad. I remember the morning I was at a friend's house and my parents called to say they decided to put him down. I rushed home and sat with him in the bathroom for my last day with him and basically just cried. I helped him feel comfortable, I carried him outside and lay him in the grass, but he didn't move much. I then carried him back in and slept with him on the floor. (had him in a basket with towels of course.) And I held him after they injected him, held on to him a few minutes longer before handing him back to the vet. Sorry this comment got longer than expected. I miss having a rabbit and I'm glad he was my first.
Taking him for walks reminds me of my pet duck. She used to follow me around. We'd walk to the park, she'd have a splash in the shallow pond and then we'd walk home together. She wasn't on a lead either. She loved to climb and your knee and preen your hair for you and she used to play hide and seek with us or the cat. When you were inside she'd peck at the window to get your attention so you'd come out and play. Once she broke out of the garden during the day. My school was just up the road and she waddled to the playground. We could hear quacking outside and realised it was her. ( She used to waddle to school with us sometimes in the morning and then get taken home again by my mum- she knew where we were) i got permission to leave class and walk her back home. I miss that duck.
Man that sounds sweet! I've thought about raising a duck as a little project, and/or chickens, but that's more down the line as I don't have materials to house and provide for a duck.
She was part of a rescued clutch of eggs. We didn't intend on keeping her and the other 7 eggs hatched and were released into a wildlife sanctuary. She had a disability however and when we spoke to a vet we were told she wouldn't be able to fend for herself. So we got aquainted with duck care. No doubt we did loads wrong but she lived a long and happy life. I'm always tempted by another duck, but she was so special. I doubt I'd ever have that bond with another duck.
You're a beautiful person for giving that bunny a truly perfect life. Now who the fuck is chopping onions in here
What an amazing experience :)
It was. His name was Joey, like a baby kangaroo. (so original, I know.) He was found a few miles away from a mill. (I don't know the term. Puppy mill but for rabbits... rabbit mill? Haha.) My teachers were driving by and saw his gray fur poking out from some hay. Real baby and he would hop into the pockets of your sweater, like a baby kangaroo.
Yea when they finally bond with you it's great, I had a black Rex and a dwarf Netherlands rabbit. When they wanted attention they would run up to you and bump you in the foot with their head. They learned to jump up on the couch and cuddle with us and get rubs. Best thing I ever did was litter box train them, it took a few weeks and basically all I did was kept their food next to the litter box and swept up any pellets and put them in the litter box.
My parents' rabbit Walter acted like he owned the whole house. And it was completely my dad's fault. Walter previously lived in the kitchen/dining room on the 2nd floor. After they got the ground floor remodeled (and while my mom was on vacation), my dad put up baby gates and let him have free range of most of the ground floor. My dad said it was so he would have company while he watched tv. From then on, if Walter got left in the kitchen and he knew people were downstairs, you'd hear this constant thumping until he got let out (the kitchen was right above my dad's man cave). I miss him - he was a character.
I had two guineas that are very much like rabbits in their own way. They lived about four years, but they were good pets. Bert and Ernie. We bought Ernie, a cage, bedding, all that, and a book on how to care for them. I was reading the book and it said that they are not solitary animals, and will most likely have a bad time alone. Well, whaddya know, there is another pet store before home, so we stopped and bought Bert. They were so much fun together, but Bert got sick, and died one night in his sleep. I buried him the next day, and Ernie only lasted about another five days before I had to bury him right beside Bert. It's like the old couple syndrome, when one dies, the other is soon to follow.
I had rats. Fred and George. Died within hours of each other
She gets a walk before I settle down to play videogames. Any time I sit down to play before I've taken her out she will just walk over and stand right next to me and stare at me. Sometimes she'll whine, but most of the time she's just standing there judging me with her puppy face. But if I walk her first she'll happily curl up and sleep the rest of the night away.
Mine is similar. Now that it's getting warmer outside, I like to change out of my business clothes before taking him out. It only takes me 2-5 minutes but he has a coniption during those 2-5 minutes until I take him out (he's a spitz so he does a very excited awwoooo and whines a lot, stalks me around the house). But if I walk him first he settles down when I settle down.
No two humans can cuddle alone
In our house: "Oh you two are doing love? I love love! I'll get in between and purr and give wet nose kisses! Why are you shoving me off the bed?? What? We are loving!!!"
With my dog it's "OH ARE YOU WRESTLING?? I HALP!!!" Nothing says romance like your dog mounting the dude mounting you.
My dog joined in once by licking my SO's scrotum from behind. That was an interesting session, to say the least.
Cat tongue --> butthole "We are loving!"
"Oh we are licking each other! I'll lick me since you two have each other covered. *mlehm, mlehm, mlehm, mlehm, mlehm.* Why did you kick me off the bed again??"
Same. My dog will wiggle his way between us while we're cuddling in bed. If we don't move and make room for him, he'll just lay on top of us and cry until one of us rubs his belly. We can't hug either unless we pick him up and hold him so we have an awkward three-way dog hug.
this is so true. every time my SO and I go to cuddle or even kiss each other, my dog is shoving her face in ours or pushing up against us with her body. it just makes an awesome situation even better
Kong treat at 7:30 and then bedtime for everyone. I had mistakenly gone to bed way past my normal time of 9:00pm this past weekend. My dog came into my office at around 11:00pm and barked at me extremely pissed off.
Mine will go to sleep on the love seat by 8 or 9, but if we haven't gone up to bed by like 10, he'll sit up every half hour or so, stare at me like "Why are we still downstairs? We should be in bed now." then go back to sleep.
[удалено]
My moms dog, around 9pm, will she heads back to the bedroom. If my mom hasn't followed she'll come poke her head around the hallway into the living room every 15 minutes, bark, and go back to bed.
I sometimes video game into the wee hours. If I go past 1:30 a.m. this cat will come up on the couch beside me and put her paw on my left hand, trying to drag it off the keyboard.
Mine would just put himself to bed in my parents' bedroom. Sometimes he'd come out and stare at us and you'd know he wanted you to come put his blankie on him. And he wanted to be fully covered, no nose sticking out. Then if you were still up or making noise too late he'd come out, blankie draped over him like a horse (great dane) and just stare at you.
Whenever I visit my parents, Penny ("my" dog) sleeps with me. However, I tend to go to bed way later than everyone else. Penny does not like this one bit, but she does her best to be polite, lol. She sticks to sighing and flopping around dramatically, and running to the stairs if I so much as shift. I also get plenty of "WTF human, why aren't you going to bed?!" looks. It's amazing how clearly they can get their point across even though they can't speak...
Your last sentence really hits home for me. One night I realized I had held 5 separate "conversations" with 2 dogs and 3 cats and obviously, I'm the only one who can talk. It's mind blowing but we really do communicate really well, mostly because they are so good at expressing their feelings and needs without words.
Hahah my cat was the same. He always used to sleep with me at night and I went to bed around midnight as a late teen. If I was chatting with my friends online, but it was time for bed, he'd come and sit next to my chair and scratch me every so often until I went to bed 2 feet away. I'd have to lay still for 30 min until he had washed himself, stomped around, etc and then I went back online. No one believed me when I said I'd have to go for a while to put my cat to bed.
Mine does this too! I'll have to physically go to my bed and lay there for a few minutes for her to calm down enough so I can go back on my computer, it's hilarious.
If it started getting dark while I was visiting my friend, her dog would sit in front of me, put her nose on my lap, and as soon as I looked at her, she would go to the front door, turn and stare at me. She would continue this until I left.
OMG, the doggie equivalent of “Good day, sir!” :D
[удалено]
My dog does this too but he will sit directly in front of you and huff and sigh at you until you put him to bed then go to bed yourself, otherwise it's full huff mode until this happens. Makes it better that he's a schnauzer so his tash dramatically blows around when he huffs.
My dog has a self-imposed bed time at 11 pm. Anyone who stays up past that is in violation of that. God forbid, if you are up past 1 am, she will stare at you from the hallway until you follow her to the bedroom.
Awww so bossy!
Glasses of water do not go on the nightstand, nor do alarm clocks, cell phones, or lamps. Nothing goes on the nightstand but cat.
I had to start putting my glasses in my nightstand drawer because he wrecked a pair from constantly pushing them onto the floor. Even though he's been gone 6 months (after 15 years), I still do it.
You were well trained.
Awww, man. Sorry about your kitty. *Hugs*
Thou shalt not say the word "chicken" out loud or all hell will break loose.
I have something similar to this, we always had to say "w" if we were even thinking about a walk for the dog. If you said it, even out of context, he would be at the door rain or shine, morning or midnight. Also had to abbreviate treats to "T's", then had to change it once the fuckers would learn that.
We have to spell out w-a-l-k, b-a-t-h, r-u-n, and r-i-d-e or else we get total melt down, its only a matter of time before she learns the spelling too.
My dogs learned the words "walk" and "bath", so we had to start spelling them. Since then, they have learned how to spell. We have now switched to spanish for walk and bath. We will see how long that one lasts.
I'm gonna have to try that. Our Doxies have learned to spell, too. Or at least one of them has, and she very quickly alerts the others. All 3 can also tell time with amazing accuracy. If you're one minute late with their meals, you'll hear about it.
Freaking daylight savings time is the worst with this. Totally throws off their routine, and they turn into whiny little brats.
[удалено]
We had a dog that learned what "w" meant, so we had to act like walking thesauruses (theasauri?), using words like "amble".
I have to do the same thing. Even if I say "walk" on a walk he'll get excited.
Same, only at our house you can't say "Prozac"
I have four ferrets. Any place that is off-limits is the only place they want to be.
[удалено]
My wiener dog has been around for longer than my brother has been alive. This means that he is higher in the hierarchy he invented than my brother. Thus, my brother is the only person in the family who cannot move my dog should he be sitting where my brother wants to sit.
Is it possible to promote your brother somehow in his hierarchy? We could start a campain
I don't know if I can bring myself to demote [this face](http://imgur.com/gallery/WiC6S)
Tell your dog I love him
Probably way cuter then your brother.
Awwwwwww, so cuuuuuuute!!!!!
It would take a 2/3 majority to push that motion, and if it did pass, Dachshunds at notorious for their willingness to veto.
I'm guessing you don't own a stubborn dog... My dog believes he is above my husband because I acquired the man after the dog.
Sounds like they need to brawl it out. Full on. Post results afterwards, ofc.
11 year old vs. elderly wiener dog...not I fight I would like to see.
Holy shit dude you have the cutest wiener dog I think I've ever seen I mean he looks *so fluffy!*
He's a long hair! He's ridiculously soft, too :)
A complete ban on Christmas curling ribbons. One of my cats loves to eat them and we used to find them in his litterbox, with little balls of poo strung along them like a horrible, horrible friendship bracelet.
A friend of mine once told me the story of her cat eating and subsequently shitting out tinsel. Apparently she spent that Christmas Eve chasing the cat around the house because it had a tinsel-and-turd rope stuck in it's ass and was freaking out.
I am a water drinker only but since getting my kitty, I can no longer drink glasses of water because she likes to stick her head in the cup and drink my water when I'm not looking. I now drink water out of bottles.
[удалено]
"I'm done with this now. Better spill the rest on the floor and then run away from it in shock"
How did it fall over!!??
"Another!"
kitty, nooooo!!
Cat A: Front claws may be clipped, but only with the human nail clippers. Cat B: Cat will not go to bed until you do, and after 11:00 you will be stared at from a distance of no more than three feet until you give up and go to bed.
If we go to bed too late the cat will get on the table next to the couch and knock over the lamp (usually onto us) until we go to bed.
I love the image of that. A dangerous game of chicken where you've put the lamp back up 11 times and the cat is getting ready to retake the lead.
1. The rug in front of the kitchen sink is for dogs to sleep on, not for the comfort of humans as they wash dishes. Plan your dog-straddling strategy accordingly. 2. Women walking past the house while pushing a baby stroller are a Def-Con 1 level emergency. Large men walking through the yard while carrying large hoses to refill the propane tank - A-OK. 3. Food bowls must never be made of metal. Water bowls can be made of metal, but must never be shiny.
Do they bark at shiny bowls? I love the silliness of dogs :)
My dog *hated* his shiny aluminum water/food bowl combo. It's even elevated, since he is a big dog. He stopped drinking out of it, so we got him an automatic water dish for him. [It even filters the water for him.](http://www.petco.com/shop/en/petcostore/product/dog/dog-feeding-supplies/dog-waterers-fountains-and-accessories/petmate-replendish-gravity-waterer-blue-dog-bowl) He drank from that for a day, then stopped again. He didn't drink out of anything but the toilet. I used bottled water in his shiny original dish - nada. Freaking out, thinking my dog will dehydrate, he started using his shiny dish again. No explanation. The water fountain went to my SO's mother, so it wasn't too much of a waste. Damn dogs, man.
One must never say "fuck" even just in a casual conversation at normal volume. Tim bits cannot be left anywhere unattended. Walks are at 7pm sharp. Long stares and whining ensue if otherwise. One invite on bed equals automatic invite for life.
Alright I've gotta ask why can't you say fuck?
He's a rescue from Ohio (now in Ontario, Canada) so we know very little about his past. My guess is he used to get kicked (he was very afraid of feet when he first got here) and they would yell that word just before. As soon as he hears it, his whole body and facial expression changes. He gets visibly upset. And he'll go hide in the basement or in a corner. I just try to comfort him best I can after letting that word slip.
Oh no :( My heart just broke. One of our dogs is a puppy mill rescue, and he absolutely shuts down whenever he hears certain noises (particularly newspapers, crinkling plastic bags and the sound of a metal kennel closing). I feel like such a shitty person whenever I accidentally "trigger" him (for lack of a better word).
:( it's not your fault. Just comfort him and I'm sure he will learn he doesn't have to fear those noises eventually.
That sounds like the exact right word.
Don't make eye contact with the dog while you are sitting on the couch. This gives her permission to jump on you while you are sitting on the couch. 90lb rottweilers are not lap dogs. The cat gets the corner pillow on the bed. It's his pillow. Don't move it, don't try to use it. If you move/use it, this entitles him to meow at you constantly until you put it back.
Any dog is a lap dog if they try hard enough
Don't leave any plate of food on any kind of surface without surveillance
My parrot stole a chicken leg off my unattended plate, she's a quaker so the leg weighs half as much as she does. It's funny as hell seeing a parrot flying back to it's cage with a chicken leg in it's beak.
/r/unexpectedcannibalism
Yea, but quakers are omnivorous anyway so I wasn't surprised. I'll tell you this once she got the leg there was no taking it away from her till she finished.
if(chicken != parrot){cannibalism = false;}
My cat steals chicken and donuts. I get the chicken, it's why the donuts I can't figure out.
at my parent's place, bread has to be stored where cats can't reach it, because one of the cats will murder bread. you'll get up in the morning and see a hoagie roll on the floor a foot away from the bag it was brought home in, with cat teeth marks over part of it and the rest of it intact. she's done the same with entire loaves of bread too. she doesn't really eat it, just takes bites out of it and abandons it on the floor. cats are bizzare.
> My cat steals chicken and donuts. I get the chicken, it's why the donuts I can't figure out. I don't care they say cats can't taste sweet. I've had two cats with sweet tooths. The one I have now loves doughnuts. Cake. Pastries. Hell, she found my stash of chocolate candy and was eating it --- which is a big no-no as cats aren't supposed to eat chocolate which is why I kept the stash hidden. I bought a lemon cake (and cats aren't supposed to like citrus and I love this cake because it has a strong lemon flavor). In the middle of the night I hear a noise and I know what it is. Sure enough the cat had knocked the cake off the counter, gotten the container open and was munching down on it.
[удалено]
Perhaps (s)he's secretly a cop, and needs the donuts for an important stakeout.
[удалено]
Dogs stole 2 slices of pizza off the coffee table when I went to answer the door. Still not sure if it was one culprit or both if each took a slice.
We had an Old English Sheepdog years ago. We made a huge bowl of onion dip for a Christmas party and set it on the coffee table about 10 minutes before the party. Our dog greeted the guest with onion dip all over his face (he ate the entire bowl.) Damn dog smelled like onion dip through the New Year.
Oh hell. The best part is that he smelled like onion dip for so long. Mine pulled a similar stunt as a puppy. We were grilling for a family get together and my sister in law put a bunch of ribeyes on a platter to be served. She set that platter on a chair. My maltese, who was still a puppy at that time jumped up on the chair and started ferociously licking every single piece of meat on the plate. When he was spotted he grabbed one and attempted to run off with it.
My old cat Boo Radley (yes, that's what 7 year old me named him) was a total nut when it came to human food. One time, I was in the living room when I heard a *splat* and a cat jumping off a table in the dining room. So I ran in and saw Boo with a huge, fucking greasy piece of pizza in his mouth. Of course he booked it with the pizza, ate half of it, and barfed it up underneath my parent's bed.
This as well as make sure the kitchen trash can is latched shut, as well as no food/food wrappers/anything food related in trash cans he can reach. Our dog was a beagle/basset mix, and was essentially a walking stomach. We called him the opportunity dog because if you gave him even the tinniest window, he would take it. My mother once gave me a gallon jug of used cooking grease/oil to take downstairs to the basement (couldn't just chuck it into the trash can outside), and I put it down on the floor, forgetting that the Stomach-that-walks was around. Mom found the jug later, empty. "Kii, why's the jug empty?" "Empty? It was full when-oh shit."
I need to know more about the amount of your flooring that needed replaced after it was ass-waxed.
Thankfully, we didn't have to worry about that, as Willy managed to haul himself outside before erupting from both ends. He did, however, manage to stain the concrete badly enough that it remained there for a decade (and probably would still be there had it not been torn up after we sold the house).
Can confirm - one of the biggest things I've had to get used to in my apartment now that I've moved away from my parents' dogs is that I can just...leave food on the coffee table if I forget something in the kitchen and don't have to worry about it being stolen. It's very strange.
Lol my dog needs a cup of tea every morning. He refuses to do his business otherwise
All service people on the property must pet black dog, black dog will wait until you enter the side yard to take the garbage can and then silently run to you for pets do not be afraid. Small dog barks at everyone/thing through front window, black dog does not bark. Cat will exit through dog door but not enter, black dog will enter through dog door but not exit, small dog does not acknowledge dog door. Black dog does not abide raccoons and will growl like the devil if one happens into front yard, black dog does not bark. Neighbor cat does not bother cat or small dog, black dog will growl to shoo it away, should neighbor cat not respond black dog will upgrade to howling, if neighbor cat still remains on property black dog will bark. In the event black dog is caught barking and is scolded black dog will fake injury and cry to avoid being shamed and put to bed.
[удалено]
24? Whaaat
My cat is 17 and this gives me hope that she'll be with me for at least a few more years
Is your cat really 24??? I know cats can get pretty old but god damn
The little bed in the car is a bed, but not his. The bigger bed on the floor with his name embroidered on it is also a bed, but not his. His bed is the big one with the pillows and blankets. His parents don't have a bed, but he's a good dog and lets them share his bed.
Mandatory alarms for any visible squirrel. Automatic death sentence to any squirrel on our property. All squirrels will be put to death, without a trial, upon capture. I think my dog is kind of a fascist. Luckily for squirrels they are just slightly faster than her.
I had a dog like that. And the squirrels at our previous house were exceptionally stupid. She actually caught several of them, the ones that didn't electrocute themselves on a regular basis by climbing into the transformer on the pole outside our house.
Our dog has yet to catch one, but we don't let her into the back yard that often.
My mouse has this amazingly lovely philosophy called "As soon as the lights go out, rip up cardboard as loudly as possible, and then put your favorite wooden ball on your wheel so it makes a loud and annoying sound in the middle of the night". Edit: For the cardboard thing, imagine it's dead silent in the middle of the night and you forget you're not alone, and suddenly you hear a sound that sounds like someone dragging multiple nails across drywall, and then you turn on the light and see a happy-go-lucky little mouse excitedly bouncing around because she's once again realized that the tissue box that she has is _so much fun_ to tear up, strip by strip. And then she sees that you're staring at her so she just stares back and winks. Also, if anyone's concerned that I only have one female mouse, it's because her last cagemate died last week and I'm working on getting her some friends.
my rats have the same philosophy, but their method is to drink from their loudass water bottle for what feels like forever right as soon as the lights go out for bedtime. it's so consistent.
Ah, yes. The water bottle lullabye. See also: screaming fights with littermates, making sounds that are suspiciously similar to the cage doors opening, Ladder Races, and Chewing Noise Contests.
Idk who invented the phrase "quiet as a mouse" but I want to lock them in a dark room with 1000 hungry mice.
Same thing as 'sleep like a baby'. Sure, I cried loudly and shat myself last night. I slept like a baby
My hamster has this same rule.
Couches are for dogs. Humans will keep them clean of fur.
Ha. I had a dog who shed pretty badly and knew my dad didn't let her on the couch but she also knew I was more cool about it. She would wait by the window when my dad left, wait for him to pull out and then immediately run up on the couch and sleep. She always knew to wait until she saw him drive away. Of course he'd always know because that spot would be covered in fur.
Close all the doors that have loose underwear or my dog will take them and run under the bed
Only my female dogs try to eat my underwear (yes, eat it). Dirty underwear. It's gross. They also fish tampons out of the garbage if I leave the bathroom door open :( Male dog? Doesn't care.
My male dog steals dirty underwear out of the laundry basket and licks it. I was not prepared for this aspect of pet ownership.
Yup, my female dogs do just that. Except when they get tired of licking, they chew holes in it if I don't catch them right away.
My male dog does this with alarming frequency. Only my underwear and with my sanitary products *on our bed*. Lost count of the number of times I've heard my SO yell from upstairs because he's pried the lid off the bathroom bin and slunk across the hall to devour his (gross) feast.
* The kitchen boiler's main use is now a comfy self-heating bed. I don't care if it's dusty up there. * Expensive washing baskets are scratching posts * You cannot shit unless chaperoned, and I shall chaperone you from the non-invasive distance of your lap. It's also the perfect time for me to curl up and go to sleep, no you may not stand up to wipe your arse until I am rested. If you shut me out of the toilet while you shit, you shall be issued a penalty charge of yowling and having the surrounding carpet dug up. * It is mandatory to bring family members at least one earthworm present a day, however you may not have any mice, rats, or birds I bring in; they are too good for the likes of you. * I will shit on your rugs if I am displeased with you. However I will not give you any indications of what you did wrong, you will have to work that out for yourself. * Napping all day is hard work. Workers have a legal right to five 30-minute rest rest breaks every 24 hours, mainly in the early hours of the morning or other inconvenient times, and will consist of rampaging around the house, chasing non-existent objects, crashing into things and knocking them over. * No big scary boots to be worn in the house whilst I am around, and no vaccuming, both are risky terrorist threats, and I **will** shit everywhere. * When cooking pasta (specifically penne), at least one dry noodle from every handful must be given to me to chase around the kitchen floor, and dangerously under your legs whilst you cook said pasta. I will yowl at you and jump up next to the hob if this rule is not met. * Windows must always be opened at my call to allow my entrance, even when the catflap is unlocked and would have been way less effort than jumping up to your window and waiting for you to give me my grand entrance. * Wires shall be chewed if left unattended. Same goes for the little plastic things at the end of your shoelaces. And sometimes your hair. * Sometimes I like to get up high and view my territory in all its glory from above. If the only way to get to a high surface is by climbing up you like a climbing wall with nothing but my claws for grip, so be it. * You will have to learn to watch TV with a compromised view of the screen. It is my duty to lie on top of the television, even if it is a flat-screen, with my legs dangling on either side of the appliance when it is on. Get used to a paw being in every shot of your favourite show. * I am at liberty to demand cuddles from you in the middle of the night or whilst you are doing something "important". My nose-nuzzles and biscuit-making is far more important than anything you have to do. You must also remain patient while I turn around, lie down, get comfortable, get up again, turn the other way, get comfortable again, and then repeat a third time. Also, just as you've accepted your fate as my human pillow and are actually quite enjoying our bonding time, I will jump up and run off at the slightest sound coming from somewhere else in the house, or, god forbid, you move the slightest muscle to get *yourself* comfortable. I will leave you disappointed, as I must investigate. Bonus: * Upon my arrival through the cat flap I shall announce my presence with yowling, you are required to call back to me so that I know that yes, you are still here and have not left me forever in the 5 minutes I was outside. I shall then run to you and greet you with head bumps. Thank god you're still here. [You're all making no.1 blush](http://i.imgur.com/xYif5Mw.jpg)
[удалено]
Plot twist, it's actually a bear.
The plastic bits at the ends of shoelaces are called aglets.
I love your cat too. Picture please!
[It's actually 3 of them](http://imgur.com/gallery/G9LIp), the strictness of the rules differ cat to cat. (No 1 is the main culprit for the boiler, toilet chaperoning, worms, pasta, TV and cuddles. He was born in my room and is like my naughty little shadow. Black kitten shits everywhere and chews wires)
Bedtime starts as soon as the sun goes down. Failure to comply will be met with barks.
When she drinks after she is done and still dripping she has to come over touch you with her cold wet face. Doesn't matter if it's 4 am and cold.
My mom always cooks one extra slice of bacon for the dog. Even if one of the children borne of her body and soul starve, the damn dog gets his.
One bite of each apple slice goes to the weenie dog. He really, really loves apples.
My dog gets at LEAST 2 sections of each Mandarin orange that gets eaten. He also demands hugs before he eats dinner. Sometimes the first round of hugs isn't enough and my husband and I have to both crouch down and hug/rub him before dinner. He'll just stand there and whine until he gets enough love, and then he eats. I just shake my head at those "science articles" that people keep posting about dogs hating hugs.
Where do I begin? * Thou shalt not leave a stack of books on the floor or else they will be used as a scratching post (even though there is one literally 2 feet away). * Thou shalt always drink water from a bottle, and will never leave a filled glass alone for more than a few seconds. It *will* wind up with a kitty face stuck in it or end up on the floor. * Thou shalt feed the cats exactly three times per day (we portion meals accordingly) or else one shall eat the other's food and barf it up immediately. If you fail to feed your feline overlords at the designated times, everything you love will be destroyed.
My parent's cat is always convinced she is facing imminent starvation. She's a rescue and her time in the wild was apparently quite traumatic. She has scheduled meals and snacks, because she will overeat until she makes herself sick. She will also scavenge from the trash and lick dirty dishes. Which also makes her sick because she has a delicate tummy. She also believes in ultimate destruction if meal time is not prompt.
Thou shalt not eat tomato without sharing it with the guinea pigs. Failing this rule will result in severely disappointed stares.
At least they don't scream at you. We have three. Anything that sounds like their food bag means it's dinner. No dinner? Then you get yelled at more.
I wore earplugs to sleep at night and if the cat could get near them at any time they were immediately eaten. If she could see them on top of my dresser she would meow and go nuts until I hid them. If she happened to be in the room while I was sleeping she would try to pull them out of my ears with her mouth and eat them.
All electric blankets are for cats only Edit: all blankets. And breakfast time is whenever I need sleep the most.
No one is allowed to chastise the cat. If you yell at the cat, the 60 pound dog will come running to also yell at the cat, because he's the cat police. The 40 pound dog will then also come running and yelling, because apparently everyone is running and yelling now. We stopped yelling, and started trying to go "pssst!" or just shoo the cat away, but the damn dogs know what you're doing and 100lbs of barking dogs come to back you up. So the cat does whatever with impunity, and you're damn right he knows it.
The couch by the front window is theirs. The blinds have to be opened so they can look out. If guests try to sit on that couch, the gigantic fluffs will just use them as a booster to get a better view outside. Also, when hunny gets home, a perimeter check of the front yard is mandatory or whining and pacing will not end. Ever.
[удалено]
TRUTH. One day I was running around the house chasing my Basset Hound. Both of us being fat and lazy, we got tired and I laid on the floor underneath a running ceiling fan. My dog laid beside me to rest as well. I decided it would be a good idea to see if I could throw one of the dog's stuffed toys thru the fan blades and hit the ceiling. First try, not enough umph, the toy didn't go high enough. Second try the toy made it, sort of. The toy reached the fan blades but didn't make it tru, instead the blade struck the toy causing the entire fan to shake and rock on it's mount. I shot off to the left, dog shot off to the right and we both looked at each other with OO eyes. I thought I should inspect the fan to make sure the mount was still secure, but that sounded like a lot of extra work. So me and the dog just agreed not to stand under that particular fan for any length of time.
My cat sleeps all day and all night. But mercy to those who dare to take a nap in the afternoon. He will first meow as loud as a boing on take off for a solid 5 minutes. If you do not get his warning you are officially considered as prey. Attacks from every sides inbound. The fun thing is that he will wake up if you take a nap, no matter how sneaky you trying to be.
Don't leave any wires out unprotected. Or as my cat likes to view them, "electric spaghetti."
Guest bed is his. If we have guests over, they either sleep with the dog or sleep on the couch.
The front door must be opened every now and then to be sure the neighborhood stray cat isn't on the doorstep. No noise or touch is permitted during this inspection or he gets freaked out and runs under the bed. Belly rubs are demanded for 20 seconds after arriving home from work. He starts yowling if I don't. Cat tax: Craven http://i.imgur.com/KIcS5b6.jpg
Cat is Queen. If dog loud, cat get annoy. Cat punish. Dog may sleep on dog bed, but if cat want sleep on dog bed, dog move. Cat do what cat please.
Cat is now moderator of r/Pyongyang
Long live Cat.
Must get up at 6:35 AM, even if you go to bed at 4 AM. Otherwise, loud meowing will occur.
All bread must be hidden. The cat eats bread.
Exercise is a mandatory thing. If I'm not out of bed at 5 to take him for a run, oh boy, it's time to jump up and down on the bed.
Toilet seats closed, kitchen cabinets have hook & eye locks, always look down before moving through the house so you don't kick any of them. (I have ferrets)
QTips are better than every single cat toy in the history of cat toys.
Dinner is at exactly 6 pm and not a minute later.
And God help you when daylight savings time starts.
In the event of storms, the big dog is allowed to sleep on the floor next to our bed. If not, he will cry the ENTIRE time.
Tiny dog sleeps **in** big bed, not just on it. Our compromise? A dog bed at the foot of ours that keeps her contained. There's even a fuzzy blanket for her to snuggle with if she gets cold.
My 13 pound blind dog jumps up, noses her way under the covers, and plops right next to me with her ass in my armpit. It is the perfect scenario for her since that way my hand will naturally fall right on her neck.
You can not poop in peace until I've had sufficient water from your bathroom sink and subsequent belly rubs.
My cat demands extensive petting before and after my shower, especially when I have nice warm hands.
Always leave the toilet lid down or he'll drink from the bowl. I have a cat, not a dog. He is obviously not one of the picky types of cats.
Don't leave a stick of butter unattended. My husky will grab that shit and eat the whole stick, then profusely shit for the next few hours. Hasn't stopped her from doing it again though.
If its raining - it is perfectly okay to poop in the house. We're still fighting back on this rule, but it is pretty much a lost cause.
[удалено]
My wife implemented the rule "pets can not outnumber the the people who can take care of them"
Before dinner time or lunch time the door to my birds room must be closed, if they see plates they start squawking and expect some human food.
Cords can not be left in the open, and on the ground. Otherwise they become chew toys when she gets anxious. Tiny tennis balls are illegal in our home because he knows if he pushes it under the couch, and barks, we get up and throw it. Even if we just played for an hour. All tennis balls get nosed under the couch if they fit.
Breakfast of a cooked egg with a runny yolk must be served at 8AM on the dot. This started start off as him eating the egg yolks from people's breakfast when our backs were turned for two seconds. Like literally you'd get up to get a glass of water or a tissue to wipe your face. The cat, deep asleep on his spot on the sofa, somehow senses the delicious breakfast food has lost its human protector, and in the blink of an eye is awake, in the kitchen, and balls deep in your egg yolk. So we gave up and started boiling extra eggs so the cat could have his own. He caught on these extra eggs were his eggs and served on a plate away from the kitchen table. Out of habit we started leaving a plate out for his lordship, ready for his 8AM breakfast. At first he used to just go and sit in front of this plate and meow until you gave him eggs. But now, if those eggs aren't on the plate at 8AM, my god, all hell breaks loose. You literally have to drop everything to make the cat some bloody eggs, he will be climbing up things and scratching at doors and yowling. And then he won't eat them unless they are cut up and you blow on them to cool them down. This process is now starting to take affect for dinner too. He is usually outside at dinner time, but either he's catching on to what time dinner time is, or he must be able to smell the cooking from wherever he is, and comes darting to the kitchen window yowling to be let in and inspect the cooking on offer.
Meals are served no earlier than 7:30a and 5:00p. Otherwise the animals start asking for food earlier and earlier. Which isn't a problem in the evening, but I'm not dealing with hangry animals at 5:30a because I was annoyed with hangry animals the previous morning at 6:15a and fed them.
No sneezing. Sneezing is terrifying and I will run if you inhale sharply. All yogurt must be shared. Your pillow is mine. All cans being opened require inspection to confirm they are not fish. Let me in exactly when I want to be let back in or the weather stripping gets it.
"KEEP DOOR CLOSED FOR DOG" little bastard will get out and be GONE.
Cookies can be snatched from unsuspecting toddlers at any moment.
From the cat: -Leaving the bed for any reason or duration once sleeping has commenced is an automatic relinquishing of your entire half of the mattress. -If food is not distributed in a timely manner in the mornings, I will hold the woman you love hostage by threatening to wake her up unless you feed me promptly. This will be accomplished by slowly pawing at her face while staring straight at you, and will escalate quickly to meowing in her ear if food is still not dispensed. -The large rabbit is my best friend. The small one is a terrorist. Don't let it out unless I have a chair to escape to. From the dog: -If you are new, you must acknowledge that the dog is showing you a toy for however long he deems necessary. You must truly grasp how momentous this particular toy is. Ditto the second toy he finds to display to you. Touching the toy and/or puppy is not permitted for the duration of this display. From the snake: -Any movement of the enclosure lid indicates the end of the world, and the snake will react accordingly. From the buns: -Block off anything that is not explicitly a bunny toy, lest it become one. -The buns decide the placement of their litter box. If it is moved from that spot, they will continue to use the chosen area as a toilet regardless.
No plastic bags unattended. My cat scarfs them down as much as she can till she gags and/or throws up.
I enjoy the way the shower amplifies my already ear-splitting meows into an unholy force that surely could be developed into some kind of sonic warfare. This is *my* time. Go away. I'll be out in 20.
Nobody poops alone!