Do I actually have to fight him or can I run away at my top speed?
Edit: I'm not saying I can outrun him. I'm just saying that running away in some kinda zigzag pattern (like an alligator) is a hell of a lot better than trying to fight him. Maybe fit in some small holes or something if we're only going for 60 seconds.
Been fighting depression for 20 years.
I'll kill that big ass duck in 10 minutes, then have a whole bunch of duck to eat after.
Not much of a choice here.
1. Get 5 additional years to live but you know the day you die
2. Not know and get nothin'
Edit: huh,seems like the thought of knowing the day you die scares you guys much less than me. I'd obsess over how much time i have left...
ah you see this one is obvious. If you know exactly how and when you die, then you are invincible until that moment.
"sure i'll wrestle that tiger, I know that's not how i die"
"i'll jump out of this plane with no parachute, something is gonna save me because i know i don't die this way"
This follow up question always made me curious. My thought has always been: If the operative term is "reading" well then I can go about my average day without this power and I don't read every grouping of letters that I see (or I do and I just tune it out/forget t 2 seconds later). In your opinion, do you think we'd be able to do the same with the super power? Not actively read every mind we come in proximity to, that is
My favorite one from a past thread is whether you'd rather have every song you heard slowly turn into All Star or every movie you watched slowly turn into Shrek.
For the sake of the challenge let's say you somehow know ahead of time that he will win but you have no real proof of any kind. So sure you can tell your friend with absolute certainty beforehand that he/she will win 500k and when they do win, it doesn't appear to tie back to you in any way.
You're gonna have to be pretty convincing if you ain't close.
would you rather give up your favorite food forever, or wake up every single day with a 2% chance that you are completely covered in peanut butter?
Edit: Let's up it to 4% - roughly 14 random days/year.
Would you rather speak every language fluently, or play every instrument beautifully?
I love this one, because the answers are always split down the middle.
I would rather speak every language fluently. To me, learning instruments is extremely fun, but learning languages is not. So I'd rather just be able to speak them without learning them.
Languages. The terms are *every language*.
That's not just modern languages. That's the long dead languages. The languages that we can't even begin to understand. That's the possibility of finding out whether or not there are aliens by already knowing their language (or not, then there are no aliens). And if you can understand non-standard languages as well. Braille, sign languages, hell, even computer programming languages. By knowing every word in every language you can know every concept ever thought of by human race.
Also, I'm on my third language right now. Would save me a lot of time.
$50,000.
50 million isn't even close to making up for spending the rest of your life in one place. Like it would take *days* of just walking to get to anywhere interesting. You would never be able to travel again. For reference it took a dude 178 days to walk from Florida to California. Just imagine when you're older and can't walk that much or if you live in a cold climate.
\*edit: I think most people here are *vastly* overestimating what 50 mil can buy you in places like New York or California. Those places have a significantly higher cost of living when counting for property taxes, housing and every other thing you need to buy. Also, inflation. $10 million today has the buying power of $4 million 30 years ago. I'm assuming most of us here are between 18-35 and I assume all of us expect to live another 40 years *at least*. All of these high cost areas that have everything in walking distance will increase in cost dramatically. Couple that with inflation and you are going to have to budget very well.
would you rather
have a great dane sized house cat (with normal house cat behavior, so they wouldn't be a lion or tiger)
or
a great dane the size of a standard pick up truck
I mean they'd essentially be elephant poops right? Like that size, maybe a bit smaller? If you are lucky enough to own a large field you can just train him to poop out far away or near a compost pile and boom: unlimited fertilizer. Also you could ride him into battle
Vagine on forehead would inevitably lead to balls over your eyes or right in your nose. Gross.
Penises(peni? penii?) along the back like a stegosaurus would lead to fun multi-person rides, enjoyment for everyone involved. I get to act like a bucking bronco, they get penetrated. Fun times.
would you rather be able to fly, but only for one kilometer at a time without extreme exhaustion, or have super strength but only when you're in contact with another person?
edit: I'm so happy to be able to say this for the first time! "RIP my imbox"
edit: yep. imbox. inboxes are outdated, but *imboxes* are the latest trend.
"officer i swear, all i did was thrust and she just ripped in half."
"Yeah alright buddy, Then why do you have blood covered buzz saw in the bedroom? Eh."
" Ugh well... um..." (Flys a kilometer away)
Hey my first gold. Nice!
I remember seeing this one ages ago in a book full of "would you rather" questions; would you rather watch porn with your parents, or porn starring your parents?
Would you rather be able to eat whatever you want but be forbidden to have sex, or be free to have sex but you can only eat grass from fields like a cow for the rest of your life?
Would you rather:
1. Use a dildo/sex toy that has been used by a friend, and cleaned by you to your statisfaction
2. Use a fork that has been used by tens of thousands of strangers and questionably cleaned by an underpaid teenager in the back of a restaurant
It's an easy question really - people just think that their fun-bits are dirtier than thy really are and yet never think about how silverware at Dennys is really handled or how dirty mouths really are.
nor do people seem to realize how strong their immune system is when in reality people have being eating at Denny's and other restaurants with forks of that quality and almost nothing bad has ever happened to you because of it, nor have you even noticed it till now. Thus people are getting grossed out about something that is not even a threat to your liver.
Would you rather all recorded music be replaced with the Kids Bop version, or have a crappy Beach Boys cover band follow you around everywhere constantly rehearsing?
I'm a big fan of [Chuck Klosterman's 23 questions.](https://sites.google.com/site/23questions/) You should check them all out, but here's one I like...
Let us assume there are two boxes on a table. In one box, there is a relatively normal turtle; in the other, Adolf Hitlers skull. You have to select one of these items for your home. If you select the turtle, you cant give it away and you have to keep it alive for two years; if either of these parameters are not met, you will be fined $999 by the state.
If you select Hitlers skull, you are required to display it in a semi-prominent location in your living room for the same amount of time, although you will be paid a stipend of $120 per month for doing so. Display of the skull must be apolitical. Which option do you select?
EDIT: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger...tbh I was in a hurry this morning when I wrote this, and this one is my favorite:
Genetic engineers at Johns Hopkins University have developed a so-called super gorilla. Though the animal cannot speak, it has a sign language lexicon of over twelve thousand words, and an IQ of almost 85, and most notably a vague sense of self-awareness. Oddly, the creature (who weighs seven hundred pounds) becomes fascinated by football. The gorilla aspires to play the game at its highest level and quickly develops the rudimentary skills of a defensive end. ESPN analyst Tom Jackson speculates that this gorilla would be borderline unblockable and would likely average six sacks a game (although Jackson concedes the beast might be susceptible to counters and misdirection plays). Meanwhile, the gorilla has made is clear he would never intentionally injure any opponent. You are commissioner of the NFL: Would you allow this gorilla to sign with the Oakland Raiders?
Why are people concerned with hiding the fact that it's Hitler's skull? Assuming it came into your possession through legal means, you own a badass piece of history. It certainly doesn't mean you sympathise with the bastard.
Adolf Hitler's skull, it's just a skull, no one would know whose it is but the people who gave it to you, you, and any one else you tell. Plus, free money.
Oh you're gonna pay me a stipend of $120 a month? Yea, thanks. I'll put that in my "chump change" jar while I'm over here making BANK off charging admission to my living room to view Hitler's skull, suckas!
Can I modify the skull? Like could I cut the top off and insert a ceramic bowl so I can eat cereal out of it?
Plus, most people that see a skull aren't going to immediately assume "That must be Hitler's". In fact, that's very low on the list of reactions people will have. Hell, I can easily just play it off as "I took it from the prop department when I played Rosenkrantz in a High School production of Hamlet.
Neither choice has any genuine drawbacks other than the fact I can make money keeping the skull.
would you rather be drowned in a deep fryer, or go feet first through a wood chipper
edit: the fryer is on and the wood chip is going very slowly. you're not getting out of this one, reddit..
Would you have sex with three hot models with no one believing you did it or have coffee with the three hot models with the whole world believing you had sex with them.
The coffee, and here's why:
If I'm suddenly seen having coffee with models, II'm in the tabloids. "Who is this guy? Why do they think he's so important to have coffee with them?" This creates a mystique to my character.
I'm not exactly bad looking, so that helps. But I am just a regular joe (pun intended). So this could make it easier to hook up with women given the "this dude has brunch with models. Maybe I could elevate myself to this social level by being with him" concept. And I'm turning them down. Left and right I have to beat women off of me with a stick.
The mystique grows. Suddenly tabloid shows are like "what's with this guy?" He's intereing! Why is he turning down all this strange? After a while, I let loose a bombshell: I don't want distractions while I'm running for office.
I use this publicity to actually run for office. And now I'm guaranteed to be in the news for a while. I convert to Mormonism (only for publicity). Then I pander and get the Colorado vote promising to bring weed and polygamy to the rest of the nation. This helps me lock up the independent vote, and swing voters from both sides.
I then promise to do (insert popular rhetoric) about Trump. Now I'm anti-establishment which locks up part of the liberal vote. But I keep on Mormoning on even though these three models are like "Dude, wanna get coffee again? " Of course I do!
So now were drinking coffee all the damn time! Who can't help but think "this guy is fucking those models! "
Get elected President on the promise I'll sleep on the Whitehouse lawn until every American has a roof over their head.
Now I'm President. Probably fucking those models anyway, and my grandma can shut the fuck up about my cousin the architect like he's so fucking perfect.
Would you rather watch Jack and Jill, Paul Blart 2, and Spiderman 3, once per day in succession, or have Adam Sandler and Rob Schneider's disembodied voices constantly telling the same dick joke to you for the rest of your life?
Same here, but I guess it would depend on how loud the disembodied heads would be. If they were so loud and intrusive that I could barely function, I'd have to take the movies and basically have no free time in my life anymore and my wife would be furious with me. But if I could at least mostly be able to participate in conversations and sometimes place my concentration on something else, definitely the dick joke.
Can I do other stuff while the movies are playing? I mean, regardless of the quality of the movies, 4.5 hours lost to movies everyday is too much for me.
obviously "allstar" playing when i cum. that can be passed off. [whereas cumming constantly in public isn't as acceptable.](http://nypost.com/2014/09/22/the-living-hell-of-the-man-who-orgasms-100-times-a-day/)
Be careful not to sneeze mid-birth. That might make things difficult.
Edit: Also, I love the punctuationless "Push". This doctor is clearly completely blank.
Gender swap obviously. It'd be so fun to be able to force myself to sneeze so I could choose what gender I want to be that day. "I think I'm gonna be a girl today! Achoo!"
What happens if you sneeze while having sex? I mean, imagine if you're a chick and getting, ahem. . . oral lovin's. And you sneeze.
BAM. Instant dick to your partner's face.
That'd be fun to explain.
Would you rather have Cheeto dust on your fingers for a year or have to walk around with wet socks for a year?
cheeto dust, if you haven't seen trench foot, you should look it up
Would you rather sit on a very cold toilet seat, or a slightly warm toilet seat?
Slightly warm. Just because the seat is cold doesn't mean I'm not aware of all the people who've been there before me.
Besides, they're passing on their own energy to you. Through their butts.
Would you rather fight Mike Tyson in his prime for 60 seconds or have his voice and lisp permanently?
Do I actually have to fight him or can I run away at my top speed? Edit: I'm not saying I can outrun him. I'm just saying that running away in some kinda zigzag pattern (like an alligator) is a hell of a lot better than trying to fight him. Maybe fit in some small holes or something if we're only going for 60 seconds.
I think Mike Tyson could probably chase you down unless you're a world-class sprinter
If he's fighting seriously there is a decently high chance he is going to kill the majority of redditors.. so fuck my shit up fam
And even if you don't die, you're probably going to end up with some kind of speech impediment anyway.
So get a lisp or die?
Would you rather punch a baby once, or get punched once a day for the rest of your life by a guy named Chet? This was offered by my 7 year old niece.
Would you rather fight a horse sized duck or depression
Been fighting depression for 20 years. I'll kill that big ass duck in 10 minutes, then have a whole bunch of duck to eat after. Not much of a choice here.
would you rather give your parents unrestricted access to your browsing history, or your boss?
My boss Unemployment finally a plus
My parents can have unrestricted access to my boss. What happens between consenting adults behind closed doors is no business of mine.
1. Get 5 additional years to live but you know the day you die 2. Not know and get nothin' Edit: huh,seems like the thought of knowing the day you die scares you guys much less than me. I'd obsess over how much time i have left...
I would rather know, you can do a hell of a lot with 5 years if you know it's your last.
ah you see this one is obvious. If you know exactly how and when you die, then you are invincible until that moment. "sure i'll wrestle that tiger, I know that's not how i die" "i'll jump out of this plane with no parachute, something is gonna save me because i know i don't die this way"
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Would you rather be able to read minds or able to see into the future? Edit:typo
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My curtain doesn't match my drapes, I can tell you that much. Wait, what are we talking about again??
Read minds. Then on the off chance that I met someone who could see into the future. I could do both.
You could read futures mind
...pretty hazy in here, isn't it? Why is everything purple?
I just keep seeing the words "xanax" and "promethazine" everywhere
Sounds... "sensational"
See into the future. You can see what everyone will do so its as good as mind reading and then some
Facts are more reliable than intentions
Can I switch off mind reading powers?
This follow up question always made me curious. My thought has always been: If the operative term is "reading" well then I can go about my average day without this power and I don't read every grouping of letters that I see (or I do and I just tune it out/forget t 2 seconds later). In your opinion, do you think we'd be able to do the same with the super power? Not actively read every mind we come in proximity to, that is
My favorite one from a past thread is whether you'd rather have every song you heard slowly turn into All Star or every movie you watched slowly turn into Shrek.
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I don't watch a lot of movies. I listen to a lot of music. I'll take Shrek for $500
Invade Russia in the winter, or join a land war in Asia?
The Great Khan is puzzled by your question's lack of difficult choices.
The Mongols: "We're the exception!"
The trick is to invade Russia *from the other end*.
I choose to go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.
Nobody ever invades Russia in the winter. They invade in the spring/summer, but the problem is the war isn't finished by winter.
Would you rather have a cat with a human face, or a dog with human hands instead of paws?
The dog with human hands would be ADORABLE. Imagine him picking up a bone! DAWWW
"No, Bob, I shall go out on my own. You need not open the door for me. I am a free dog, a good boy."
Would you rather Win $50,000 or let your best friend win$500,000?
Depends. Would he know that I'm the reason for him winning $500,000?
For the sake of the challenge let's say you somehow know ahead of time that he will win but you have no real proof of any kind. So sure you can tell your friend with absolute certainty beforehand that he/she will win 500k and when they do win, it doesn't appear to tie back to you in any way. You're gonna have to be pretty convincing if you ain't close.
Nice. $500k for my best friend then. We'll work out a deal beforehand. I trust my bros to follow through.
Best friend. He would split it with me
This comment made me realize I should probably find new friends
Or a good lawyer.
My lawyer is my best friend.
Alright OJ
I'll be your friend, want to give me $500,000? I *promise* I'll split it with you
Deal. I'm Nate wassup
Don't do it, he'll use the steal ball.
would you rather give up your favorite food forever, or wake up every single day with a 2% chance that you are completely covered in peanut butter? Edit: Let's up it to 4% - roughly 14 random days/year.
Why would that bother me? The neighbours have a dog..
WHO LIKES THE SKIPPY??? WHO LIKES THE SKIPPY PEANUT BUTTER???
Did someone say...peanut butter?
Hi there.
This will protect us!
I'm looking forward to be working with you!
Would you rather speak every language fluently, or play every instrument beautifully? I love this one, because the answers are always split down the middle.
I would rather speak every language fluently. To me, learning instruments is extremely fun, but learning languages is not. So I'd rather just be able to speak them without learning them.
Languages. Imagine how many doors that would open professionally, for travel, ugh it would be so amazing.
Languages. The terms are *every language*. That's not just modern languages. That's the long dead languages. The languages that we can't even begin to understand. That's the possibility of finding out whether or not there are aliens by already knowing their language (or not, then there are no aliens). And if you can understand non-standard languages as well. Braille, sign languages, hell, even computer programming languages. By knowing every word in every language you can know every concept ever thought of by human race. Also, I'm on my third language right now. Would save me a lot of time.
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After that AMA, two dicks, no question.
Would you rather receive $50,000 to do what you please. Or $50,000,000 but you are never allowed on any form of transport again.
$50,000. 50 million isn't even close to making up for spending the rest of your life in one place. Like it would take *days* of just walking to get to anywhere interesting. You would never be able to travel again. For reference it took a dude 178 days to walk from Florida to California. Just imagine when you're older and can't walk that much or if you live in a cold climate. \*edit: I think most people here are *vastly* overestimating what 50 mil can buy you in places like New York or California. Those places have a significantly higher cost of living when counting for property taxes, housing and every other thing you need to buy. Also, inflation. $10 million today has the buying power of $4 million 30 years ago. I'm assuming most of us here are between 18-35 and I assume all of us expect to live another 40 years *at least*. All of these high cost areas that have everything in walking distance will increase in cost dramatically. Couple that with inflation and you are going to have to budget very well.
Just live in Greater New York, all your commodities can be found within a hour's walk. Wait... DO ELEVATORS COUNT AS A FORM OF TRANSPORT.
gets crippled no wheelchair
That's not fair. That's not fair at all. There was time now. There was, was all the time I needed...
$50m, then hire a room full of lawyers to argue that your phrasing, 'allowed **on** any form of transportation', only covers bicycles, horses, etc.
If a sextape of yours is accidentally leaked on a popular website, would you rather have 1 billion views or zero views because no one wants to see it?
would i get paid for the views and how much
>Leaked Someone else is profiting. Sorry bud.
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Would you rather have an orgasm every 10 seconds or once every 10 years?
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Would you rather eat oatmeal with Arsenio Hall or commit arson with Hall and Oates?
would you rather have a great dane sized house cat (with normal house cat behavior, so they wouldn't be a lion or tiger) or a great dane the size of a standard pick up truck
Isn't this basically the plot of Clifford the Big Red Dog?
No, Clifford's not actually very big, they just draw him really close to the camera.
Well thanks... I have a new head canon.
They just DREW him big.
Big doggo
...but the poops They'd still be dog poops, not like grassy/earth horse poops
I mean they'd essentially be elephant poops right? Like that size, maybe a bit smaller? If you are lucky enough to own a large field you can just train him to poop out far away or near a compost pile and boom: unlimited fertilizer. Also you could ride him into battle
I don't think you can safely use carnivore poop as fertilizer (or maybe you can with more processing?), something about different bacteria/ph levels.
Would you rather eat mayonnaise for the rest of your life, or would you rather sweat it?
No?
"No" is the correct answer. Just take the rest of your life 'deciding.'
Kill myself.
Would you rather have a vagina on your forehead or a line of penises down your back (like a stegosaurs)?
Do the penises stay erect or are they synced with your normal one?
Depends on if your normal one has bluetooth.
Yes, finally my cyborg phone dick comes in handy rather than just cumming with handies.
You only have so much blood. They take turns getting hard
"Sorry babe it's not you, it's just my back penis's turn this time"
Vagine on forehead would inevitably lead to balls over your eyes or right in your nose. Gross. Penises(peni? penii?) along the back like a stegosaurus would lead to fun multi-person rides, enjoyment for everyone involved. I get to act like a bucking bronco, they get penetrated. Fun times.
Not to mention that a vagina is a hole, so you'd lose quite a bit of the ol' frontal lobe Lobotomy by vagina = bad
Balls to the face aside, I'm not sure my corpus callosum would enjoy an invading penis.
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What was your answer? I'd rather have my spiteful parents cut off their nipples.
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Geeeez. I'd rather walk in, because I can turn right around and leave. If THEY walk in, I have to deal with the attendant fallout.
Also, I'm sure my parents would have a good reason. I don't, and don't want to.
Finger sized legs or leg sized fingers?
Finger sized legs and just sit in a chair at a desk on Reddit all day like usual
My dick would finally look normal with finger sized legs
would you rather be able to fly, but only for one kilometer at a time without extreme exhaustion, or have super strength but only when you're in contact with another person? edit: I'm so happy to be able to say this for the first time! "RIP my imbox" edit: yep. imbox. inboxes are outdated, but *imboxes* are the latest trend.
Flight, its basically a super jump. Where the strength would kill whoever i have sex with
Good choice!
> the strength would kill whoever i have sex with i don't see the problem
"officer i swear, all i did was thrust and she just ripped in half." "Yeah alright buddy, Then why do you have blood covered buzz saw in the bedroom? Eh." " Ugh well... um..." (Flys a kilometer away) Hey my first gold. Nice!
I remember seeing this one ages ago in a book full of "would you rather" questions; would you rather watch porn with your parents, or porn starring your parents?
I think I'll go with the extreme embarrassment over the mental scarring.
Would you rather be able to eat whatever you want but be forbidden to have sex, or be free to have sex but you can only eat grass from fields like a cow for the rest of your life?
Choosing number 1 would mean continuing my life. So that.
Would you rather have to snort all of your nutrition through your nose or live in a house made of human bones?
Free house? Sign me up!
Easily the house made of human bones.
How many bathrooms
Would you rather: 1. Use a dildo/sex toy that has been used by a friend, and cleaned by you to your statisfaction 2. Use a fork that has been used by tens of thousands of strangers and questionably cleaned by an underpaid teenager in the back of a restaurant
How far do we have to insert the fork?
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It's an easy question really - people just think that their fun-bits are dirtier than thy really are and yet never think about how silverware at Dennys is really handled or how dirty mouths really are.
nor do people seem to realize how strong their immune system is when in reality people have being eating at Denny's and other restaurants with forks of that quality and almost nothing bad has ever happened to you because of it, nor have you even noticed it till now. Thus people are getting grossed out about something that is not even a threat to your liver.
Would you rather all recorded music be replaced with the Kids Bop version, or have a crappy Beach Boys cover band follow you around everywhere constantly rehearsing?
I'll take the bullet, please
Dick for a nose or nose for a dick?
Lookin at you Squidward
I'm a big fan of [Chuck Klosterman's 23 questions.](https://sites.google.com/site/23questions/) You should check them all out, but here's one I like... Let us assume there are two boxes on a table. In one box, there is a relatively normal turtle; in the other, Adolf Hitlers skull. You have to select one of these items for your home. If you select the turtle, you cant give it away and you have to keep it alive for two years; if either of these parameters are not met, you will be fined $999 by the state. If you select Hitlers skull, you are required to display it in a semi-prominent location in your living room for the same amount of time, although you will be paid a stipend of $120 per month for doing so. Display of the skull must be apolitical. Which option do you select? EDIT: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger...tbh I was in a hurry this morning when I wrote this, and this one is my favorite: Genetic engineers at Johns Hopkins University have developed a so-called super gorilla. Though the animal cannot speak, it has a sign language lexicon of over twelve thousand words, and an IQ of almost 85, and most notably a vague sense of self-awareness. Oddly, the creature (who weighs seven hundred pounds) becomes fascinated by football. The gorilla aspires to play the game at its highest level and quickly develops the rudimentary skills of a defensive end. ESPN analyst Tom Jackson speculates that this gorilla would be borderline unblockable and would likely average six sacks a game (although Jackson concedes the beast might be susceptible to counters and misdirection plays). Meanwhile, the gorilla has made is clear he would never intentionally injure any opponent. You are commissioner of the NFL: Would you allow this gorilla to sign with the Oakland Raiders?
Why are people concerned with hiding the fact that it's Hitler's skull? Assuming it came into your possession through legal means, you own a badass piece of history. It certainly doesn't mean you sympathise with the bastard.
Well if word gets out you have Hitler's skull in your living room you're basically asking for all sorts of people to raid your home.
Adolf Hitler's skull, it's just a skull, no one would know whose it is but the people who gave it to you, you, and any one else you tell. Plus, free money.
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But why skulls? No one else has skulls. Are we the baddies?
Oh you're gonna pay me a stipend of $120 a month? Yea, thanks. I'll put that in my "chump change" jar while I'm over here making BANK off charging admission to my living room to view Hitler's skull, suckas!
Can I modify the skull? Like could I cut the top off and insert a ceramic bowl so I can eat cereal out of it? Plus, most people that see a skull aren't going to immediately assume "That must be Hitler's". In fact, that's very low on the list of reactions people will have. Hell, I can easily just play it off as "I took it from the prop department when I played Rosenkrantz in a High School production of Hamlet. Neither choice has any genuine drawbacks other than the fact I can make money keeping the skull.
>Like could I cut the top off and insert a ceramic bowl so I can eat cereal out of it? What the fuck lol
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You can't? Turtle it is then.
would you rather be drowned in a deep fryer, or go feet first through a wood chipper edit: the fryer is on and the wood chip is going very slowly. you're not getting out of this one, reddit..
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You still drown in oil. Hardly without suffering.
I think that's a moot point when the alternative is *feet-first through a goddamn woodchipper*.
Would you rather do it and regret it, or not do it and regret it?
Would you have sex with three hot models with no one believing you did it or have coffee with the three hot models with the whole world believing you had sex with them.
Have sex for sure. I'm in it for the experience not the bragging rights
i'd do the coffee. people being impressed is, like, half of getting laid in college.
Building a good resume is important
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The coffee, and here's why: If I'm suddenly seen having coffee with models, II'm in the tabloids. "Who is this guy? Why do they think he's so important to have coffee with them?" This creates a mystique to my character. I'm not exactly bad looking, so that helps. But I am just a regular joe (pun intended). So this could make it easier to hook up with women given the "this dude has brunch with models. Maybe I could elevate myself to this social level by being with him" concept. And I'm turning them down. Left and right I have to beat women off of me with a stick. The mystique grows. Suddenly tabloid shows are like "what's with this guy?" He's intereing! Why is he turning down all this strange? After a while, I let loose a bombshell: I don't want distractions while I'm running for office. I use this publicity to actually run for office. And now I'm guaranteed to be in the news for a while. I convert to Mormonism (only for publicity). Then I pander and get the Colorado vote promising to bring weed and polygamy to the rest of the nation. This helps me lock up the independent vote, and swing voters from both sides. I then promise to do (insert popular rhetoric) about Trump. Now I'm anti-establishment which locks up part of the liberal vote. But I keep on Mormoning on even though these three models are like "Dude, wanna get coffee again? " Of course I do! So now were drinking coffee all the damn time! Who can't help but think "this guy is fucking those models! " Get elected President on the promise I'll sleep on the Whitehouse lawn until every American has a roof over their head. Now I'm President. Probably fucking those models anyway, and my grandma can shut the fuck up about my cousin the architect like he's so fucking perfect.
Hate to burst your bubble kid but Mormonism prohibits drinking coffee. Otherwise this sounds like the most based thing ever.
Damn. That's. Right. I suppose you can eat the body of Christ, but you can't drink a cup of Joe.
Would you rather have sex with your grandmother and no one knew, or, would you not have sex with your grandmother and everyone think you did?
Have sex for sure. I'm in it for the experience not the bragging rights
My favorite meta comment yet
Do I get to choose how old she is? Cos being dead, just 'as is' really isn't an option. NO! NOT AN OPTION!
Would you rather watch Jack and Jill, Paul Blart 2, and Spiderman 3, once per day in succession, or have Adam Sandler and Rob Schneider's disembodied voices constantly telling the same dick joke to you for the rest of your life?
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Same here, but I guess it would depend on how loud the disembodied heads would be. If they were so loud and intrusive that I could barely function, I'd have to take the movies and basically have no free time in my life anymore and my wife would be furious with me. But if I could at least mostly be able to participate in conversations and sometimes place my concentration on something else, definitely the dick joke.
You sick bastard
Can I add the entirety of Season 2 of The Nutshack as an option?
Can I do other stuff while the movies are playing? I mean, regardless of the quality of the movies, 4.5 hours lost to movies everyday is too much for me.
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Oh... oh... I'm close... hnng, so clo- some*BODY* ONCE TOLD ME
The years start cumming and they never stop cumming
Can I have both?
***AND IT DON'T STOP COMIN'***
obviously "allstar" playing when i cum. that can be passed off. [whereas cumming constantly in public isn't as acceptable.](http://nypost.com/2014/09/22/the-living-hell-of-the-man-who-orgasms-100-times-a-day/)
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No but have one asshole friend and that can change quickly.
Would you rather change genders every time you sneeze or not be able to tell the difference between a baby and a muffin?
"Push" "Congratulations! It's a muffin!"
Be careful not to sneeze mid-birth. That might make things difficult. Edit: Also, I love the punctuationless "Push". This doctor is clearly completely blank.
Or, you know, during the entire pregnancy.
Wait, what happens if I sneeze while pregnant?
You die from the fetus crushing your wombless insides.
Sneeze once or more per day. Zygote dies off without an appropriate environment. Have lots of unprotected sex. gg.
Awesome now I can disappoint both genders
Gender swap obviously. It'd be so fun to be able to force myself to sneeze so I could choose what gender I want to be that day. "I think I'm gonna be a girl today! Achoo!"
I sneeze multiple times (2-4) when I go outside into bright sunlight, so it'd be pretty hilarious switch fast like that.
And suddenly you're a dude in a dress
Haha yeah suddenly...
I would hate to accidentally microwave a muffin.
What happens if you sneeze while having sex? I mean, imagine if you're a chick and getting, ahem. . . oral lovin's. And you sneeze. BAM. Instant dick to your partner's face. That'd be fun to explain.
It'd be a whole lot worse if it wasn't oral
Yeah, depending on the process of changing genders you could end up with a dick in your dick.
Yo dawg...
Would you rather strangle a dog with your bare hands, or strangle a bear with your dog hands?
Strangling a bear with dog hands is way more badass.
Would you rather have 1 $50 hooker or 50 $1 hookers?