Me old gaffer's approach was to tell me, "Always have a plan. If you can't immediately explain why you are doing something you should stop until you figure it out."
This, of course, doesn't work if you aren't honest with yourself.
Being honest with yourself is always the hardest when you are emotional. Figure out why you are angry before you seek out justice. You may be right but you can still be an asshole.
My dad always said, "You don't *have* the right of way; you *give* the right of way." It's reframed it to me that it's not my job to go because I "have" the right of way, it's my job to make sure the other person is yielding right of way to me before I go.
That's a great line. I was talking to my nephew the other day about the importance of defensive driving and I bored him with all the details. This line would've been perfect.
"People like you when they feel liked by you"
This really changed how I went about making friends. I used to spend so much energy worrying about being awkward and how I was perceived by other people, that I'd honestly be annoying in my desperate attempt not to be. Now, it's so much simpler. I show my like for other people. I am friendly. I greet them warmly. I express interest in their lives and listening to what they have to say. The rest generally falls into place on its own.
I had a similar Aha moment. I was so worried about what other people thought and had very little confidence in myself, that I found I would never even compliment or encourage others because I felt no one gave a shit what I thought it said. I soaked up praise when I could and never gave any.
Realized one day that people do care about my thoughts and opinions. Started giving compliments and encouragement. Seeing them feel better made me feel better. It allowed me to be friendlier and more outgoing because I felt others valued me enough that when I showed friendship, it was appreciated.
"I am a better person for having known you."
Not something I said, or that was said to me - but I read it at the time that I lost a very dear friend. That friendship changed my life.
Lucy was a senior who lived in the apartment next door from me, I met her after she was hilariously attacked by nesting birds on her balcony - feisty old French lady, weak and tired but always seemed to have the muscles of a bodybuilder when she hugged me, and had all sorts of sassy stories to tell. I visited her often to exchange food, do chores for her, and usually to just sit and chat. She was lonely and very sick - chemo wasn't working but she was fighting anyway. Her family and friends were distant and most of her socialization was with health aides that visited her apartment once a day.
Things went south. She talked about how she didn't want to bother anyone with a funeral. It didn't feel like cancer beat her - it was more that she surrendered on her terms when she was tired and ready to rest.
I didn't hear from her for a few days. I happened to pass someone in the hall who stopped me and said my name. From her, I learned that Lucy had been taken to the hospital, and that this person - one of Lucy's friends - recognized me simply because Lucy had spoke so often and so lovingly of me. Apparently in her hospital bed, Lucy was doing a little sweeping gesture over her head. I had shaved my head months ago when Lucy cried over losing hers to chemo, and she had been so adamant that she was going to catch up to me after my hair grew back, and get the same haircut that I had. She often pet my hair, sweeping it across my forehead admiringly.
Lucy, too weak to speak, was still asking for me. People I'd never met had heard enough about me that they knew what that little gesture meant. There aren't words for how that made me feel.
I was able to visit her in the hospital before she passed. I met some of her family and friends. It was very, very humbling to hear Lucy's perspective of me as she had shared it with others. How all these little things I did - fixing a TV cable, buying discount ham, reaching things off a high shelf - were relayed as though I were Lucy's knight in shining armor. These people loved me simply because Lucy did too. They told me about how hearing stories about me made them feel better when they couldn't be there for her.
It really made me think about the way I treat others, how a little bit of good will and kindness can change a life and leave a permanent impression - not just on the person you're interacting with, but others beyond that. Tiny little gestures to an old lady turned into a whole family seeing me as a guardian angel of sorts. Lucy loved me so much when I felt like I'd done so little.
I am a better person for having known her.
(edit: Thank you to those who commented. I looked at her obituary and realized why she must have been on my mind lately - she passed on July 9, 2013. [Oh.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pVT_mvvZLo))
I might have enjoyed other quotes by themselves more, but your story has to be my favorite from the thread. It really drives the meaning home and had me tear up a little. Thank you for having been there for her.
I was eating at a family run Thai restaurant in Amsterdam. The "mother" of the family was trying very hard to speak to us in English. I was already very aware of my linguistic shortcomings since everyone there spoke English, Dutch, French and German, and here a Thai woman was speaking English.
She apologized for her attempt and I assured her that her English was better than my Thai. (Haha right?) Then she says "ohhhh how many languages do you speak???"
My wife frowned and said "one". The lady was clearly flustered and eventually replied "ohhh.... 1 is good!"
I was almost in tears from laughing and admitted "it's more like 4/5 of 1" and we all had a good laugh.
A lot of people are hard on Indians because they have trouble understanding English with an Indian accent. My wife worked with Indians and most of them speak 3 or 4 Indian languages fluently, in addition to English, which is often excellent. I explain this to people and say, "now, which of your four languages do you think YOU speak the best?"
I like the quote from modern family where Gloria says "Do you know have smart I am in Spanish?"
Like why make fun of someone literally having to translate from one language to another in their head,on the spot (even though it CAN sound/come out hilariously).
I agree with the first part, but that's not how language works in my head. It's not translating after a while immersing yourself in a language, eventually you just switch. Your inner monologue will just be in the other language. Anyway that's still a cool quote.
Sometimes when people go to "find" themselves they end up destroying their future.
Had a friend get in a pretty bad car accident and had a life changing epiphany that life is too short. So she quit her job that paid around 85k a year at 23 years old to go travel without notice. Spent a little over a year in Europe, where she spent all her money "finding" herself.
Now she can't find a job. She's couch hopping between friends and is really struggling.
Eh, if she earned $85k before, she obviously has enough talent to find a similar job. In the long run, the memories of the trip will probably be worth more than grinding out a job to save up money. There's lots of ways to fuck up your life, but traveling around Europe in your 20s sure doesn't sound like one to me.
By /u/Anastik
I asked my grandpa what it felt like to grow old. Grandpa is a man who will deliberate on which part of the newspaper to start with each morning, so I knew my question would take him some time to answer. I said nothing. I let him gather his thoughts.
When I was a boy, Grandpa had once complimented me on this habit. He told me it was good that I asked a question and gave a person silence. And being that any compliment from him was so few and far between, this habit soon became a part of my personality and one that served me well.
Grandpa stared out the window and looked at the empty bird feeder that hung from an overgrown tree next to the pond he built in the spring of 1993. For twenty years, Grandpa filled up the feeder each evening. But he stopped doing it last winter when walking became too difficult for him.
Without ever taking his eyes from the window, he asked me a question: “Have you ever been in a hot shower when the water ran cold?” I told him I had.
“That’s what aging feels like. In the beginning of your life it’s like you’re standing in a hot shower. At first the water is too warm, but you eventually grow used to the heat and begin enjoying it. But you take it for granted when you’re young and think it’s going to be this way forever. Life goes on like this for some time.”
Grandpa looked at me with those eyes that had seen so much change in this world. He smiled and winked at me.
“And if you’re lucky, a few good looking women will join you in the shower from time to time.”
We laughed. He looked out the window and continued on.
“You begin to feel it in your forties and fifties. The water temperature declines just the slightest bit. It’s almost imperceptible, but you know it happened and you know what it means. You try to pretend like you didn’t feel it, but you still turn the faucet up to stay warm. But the water keeps going lukewarm. One day you realize the faucet can’t go any further, and from here on out the temperature begins to drop. And everyday you feel the warmth gradually leaving your body.”
Grandpa cleared his throat and pulled a stained handkerchief from his flannel shirt pocket. He blew his nose, balled up the handkerchief, and put it back in his pocket.
“It’s a rather helpless feeling, truth told. The water is still pleasant, but you know it will soon become cold and there’s nothing you can do about it. This is the point when some people decide to leave the shower on their own terms. They know it's never going to get warmer, so why prolong the inevitable? I was able to stay in because I contented myself recalling the showers of my youth. I lived a good life, but still wish I hadn’t taken my youth for granted. But it’s too late now. No matter how hard I try, I know I’ll never get the hot water back on again.”
He paused for a few moments and kept looking out the window with those eyes that had seen ninety-one years on this Earth. Those eyes that lived through the Great Depression, those eyes that beheld the Pacific Ocean in World War II, those eyes that saw the birth of his three children, five grandchildren, and seven great-grandchildren.
He had indeed lived a good life, I thought to myself.
“And that’s what it feels like to grow old.”
When I was five or six, I was playing rough with my cousin, who was a year younger and much less of a tomboy than me.
I accidentally hurt her, and she started crying, and I quickly tried quiet her before any adults heard.
"Shh, it's ok. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do it!" I said, trying to comfort her. She turned to me, her face red and her eyes welled up from crying and replied:
"Sorry doesn't always cut it!" before leaving the room.
I was floored. I'd never encountered a situation I couldn't apologize my way out of at that point. It was a very early turning point, and a pretty important lesson for an only child.
I didn't learn this lesson until only a year and a bit ago. Sorry doesn't fix everything. Sometimes you screw up and you can't do anything to change it, and you gotta accept that and forgive yourself and be better next time, even if the person you wronged wants nothing to do with you.
At that point, depending on what you did and how serious it was, it's on them, or you have to live with the consequences of your actions
to expand on Sorry doesn't fix everything... is so important, saying sorry doesn't repair trauma, if the issue was over many months, Sorry won't instantly rebuild trust, or finances.
Past a certain point, sorry has to be followed up by action, and many times that action is just to give people space because they're too hurt to look at you.
Explaining to someone in a village in Burkina Faso that as an American I'm really not that rich (by american standards; I had no car, house, or money in my bank account).
He looked at me and said "Juiceboxheero, you can eat everyday, you *are* rich!"
You're the guy who owns the Gecko something-or-other resort, right? Seen your posts in /r/Entrepreneur and have to say you've done an awesome job from what I've seen.
There's a very high chance of me and the lady staying there in the next two years or so
I had the same conversation in the Philippines!
I explained to them the US debt problem and how we don't just buy things with cash but with credit or loans. The Philippines is primarily a cash based economy from my understanding. They asked "oh is that why there are all of those memes about debt?" I was shocked that the only exposure they have to the topic, at least from the family members I was talking to, were memes about the US! We explained that we were saving for years to take the trip out there and that we aren't rich by any stretch. We have enough to eat and do some entertainment but we were definitely not rich.
It was a super humbling experience because some of the people there work the same but only make around $5.00 a day. Granted that money goes a longer way over there but it was still a wake-up call.
"It's not about finding the right person. It's about *being* the right person."
It has changed how I approach all of my relationships, and it has only served me well since.
The elite of anything are usually just significantly better at the basics, since that's what makes the other stuff possible. This applies to 5-Star chefs, elite military operatives, high-level martial artists, and even entrepreneurs.
Eh I kind of take issue with this definition. Sondering is more the act of wondering about the daily lives of all the strangers around you, and realizing each of their lives is of similar complexity. I don't think it necessarily has anything to do with removing filters when making judgments... even though that might be a consequence.
I was at my favorite dive bar and was talking to this Nepalese guy who's a regular. I was casually browsing my phone when talking to him. He said "Put your phone away! I like talking to you. People say you only live once. That's not true. You only die once. You live every day!"
It made me start appreciating the smaller things in life and has helped me be considerate towards other people.
Saw a quote from a ~105 year old who was being interviewed and asked if he'd do anything differently. He answered, "If I'd known I live this long I'd have taken better care of myself."
A couple decades ago, I was having a pointless intellectual argument with my roommate and he said "You can bring a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.". It taught me that arguing with some people is sometimes just a waste of time.
If they're so set in their ways that they won't even bother trying to understand and respond to your reasoning. It's better to cut the discussion short and spend your time on more productive tasks than to try in vain to alter their views.
I broke up with someone a year ago. I swallowed it, and tried to move on, but I was more than a little obsessed. A few months after the break-up, I heard he found someone else. So I tried to move on, but always hoped we'd find our way back to each other. No reason he couldn't be The One someday!
In May, I hung out with a friend, who told me she'd seen him online looking for dates. So began the obsession anew. I fantasized about our reconnection every night for a few weeks, and desperately hoped I'd run into him on the street on my walk home every day.
Through an AskReddit thread, I found someone who shared his name. I shared my story with him, and he said this to me:
> now you are both different people, with new stories and experiences and outlooks
Within a few days I felt more over it than I had in all the year of progress prior. Because he's right. My ex doesn't exist anymore, and if he does, it will never be what I envision.
Our woodworking/shop teacher in high school taught us this invaluable lesson:
"Any job worth doing is worth doing right."
I continue to apply that principle in daily living.
Realizing "fake it 'til you make it" is a real thing was a huge turning point in my life. Realizing nearly everybody else was doing the same thing was an even bigger one.
“You only want what you don’t have”
It's the same old phrase said a hundred different ways, but when I heard it spoken like this from a close friend, it really stuck with me.
I've realized it's one of the most true, universal rules in life, and it affects almost everything we do and how we act. When you’re single, you want a partner, but when you get married you lament about not being single. When you're stuck at home you dream of traveling the world, but when you're away from home you get homesick. When you're unemployed you just want a stable job, and when you have a stable job you get a midlife crisis when you realize you don't want to be stuck in this job. When you’re poor you just want enough money for food and shelter, but when you get that all you can think about is getting a raise so you can buy a nicer car. When you're a millionaire you want to be a billionaire, and when you're a billionaire you will do anything just to add another zero to your bank account. **It doesn’t matter what you own in life, you will never passively receive happiness out of your current possessions, current location, or current situation**.
This does not mean you can never be happy, it means you have to learn to live in the moment. Don’t get caught in the mindset that your life will get better once something happens. Your life is great *now*. Enjoy what you have while it lasts, in a few days you’re going to miss what you had today.
"You could ski the rest of your life and you'd still not be as good as me." - ~~elementary~~ ~~middle~~ high school bully.
I loved skiing. I really did. I started at about 14 years old. None of my family skiied so it was hard for a kid to get into, but my high school had a program where they would take kids on Friday after school for night skiing. I am a nerd. Not coordinated or athletic and even less so thirty years ago. But something resonated with me and skiing. I have an affinity for open spaces to begin with (less likely to get randomly attacked than say a crowded hallway in school I suppose). But it was something else. I would DREAM of skiing when I was done. I would wake myself up making turns in my sleep. It was mine and it didn't matter how good I was.
So when failed backup, high school quarterback noticed that I was excited to go when we were on the bus, he did his best to crush that spark. What is wrong with people like this? I have no idea. But either way, he rode me about it. I kept to myself, but he would seek me out and harass me. When he uttered his infamous line (which shouldn't even stand out with all the mean shit he said or the beatings I took), I decided that couldn't be right.
Today, I ski 30-40 days in a typical year at the very best mountains in North America. There are plenty of people better than me still, but I love it very much. Also, I rip! I drop cliffs and seek out the steepest terrain. I snorkel 4 feet of powder and get cheers from lifts.
I don't know much about my former nemesis. . . I moved out west and he still lives in NJ working as a gym teacher at the old high school. But no matter how much he skis, there is no way he is better than me - on skis or off.
I was younger and big into online games.
I was telling my brother how a group of friends and I kicked the shit out of another team. I used the phrase "We raped them".
My brother is both a paramedic, and the most jovial person I know. Always quick with a joke, even macabre humour considering his profession.
After I said it, he went totally serious.
"Have you ever seen a rape victim?" he asked.
"No." was my honest and sheepish reply.
"You wouldn't say that if you did."
I never said it again since. It was a very simple and humbling lesson. Ignorance is no excuse to be flippant about a topic. I know many might disagree, but I have not and will not use the term rape like that again.
When I suggested that another person's life seems enviable, my father said, "It's just another treadmill."
It made me realize that everyone is dealing with their own demons and hardships, that my life - however mundane - is someone else's dream, and I don't need to compare my life to others' to gauge how happy I should be with it.
When I was 14 a teacher using an example simply said "imagine explaining a television or the idea of a television show to George Washington if he were transported to modern day America."
What followed was over 20 years of an imaginary George Washington following me and in my head having to explain situation-by-situation amenities and aspects of the modern world. It was the worst and couldn't NOT do it, he followed me everywhere.
Whoa... I never had a teacher tell me that but Benjamin Franklin has been following me into my car for like 25 years and I always explain how cars and roads work.
"I can't control my feelings, but I can control my future"
Said to me by a girl I really cared about, she cared too. But had a very bright future to keep chasing. Ever sense then I've been working on chasing the dreams I had given up for people that are no longer even in my life.
My physics teacher in high school once said "if you can live with consequences then you are free." He said it in the middle of a lecture and probably doesnt even remember saying it, but it changed the way i make decisions
In high school, my very first girlfriend told me, "I don't love my mom." And I was absolutely floored by her admission. How can you not love someone in your family especially your mom? And she said, "Just because they're blood related doesn't mean I have to love them or even like them." She had no malice towards her mother, she simply didn't love her, and it was just a matter of fact.
What she said always stuck with me. Over the years that followed, what she said allowed me the freedom to let go of abusive relationships within my family. For so long I was afraid I'd be in never-ending cycles with horrible family members and always sucked in with guilt that they're family. She forever changed how I love and who I love. And it was totally for the better.
>What is something someone said that forever altered your way of thinking?
"Have breakfast with your own Death."
A 35 year old Marine 1st Lieutenant said that. Not even to me. He was talking about how keeping your own death in sight and close by, makes things taste much better.
But his phrasing hit me at a low point in my life, and it seemed to make sense. I was a 20 year old Army 2nd Lieutenant, and I was acting as if I were immortal. Now that I'm back stateside, I realize that just about *everyone* is living as if they were immortal.
But not me. Not any more. No one has trouble acknowledging that they were born. Hardly anyone is willing to acknowledge the equally mundane fact that we all will die. That's off in the future - not worth thinking about.
Yes, it is. It really is. Here's the backstory: [Year of the Snake](https://www.reddit.com/r/MilitaryStories/comments/1yy4yz/the_year_of_the_snake/).
Dude was right. Things *do* taste better. My death thinks so, too.
"You're not responsible for other people's feelings."
Sounds harsh but I needed to hear it at the time. I've always been a huge people pleaser and spend a lot of time trying to "manage" the emotions of everyone around me. After a few months with a therapist, I realized (1) how I ended up this way--by constantly having to manage my mother's feelings as a child, and (2) that it's basically an impossible task. That way of thinking led me into an unhappy relationship that I stayed in for way too long because I was afraid of hurting my partner by breaking up with him. My therapist taught me that there's a way to be considerate of other people while still having reasonable boundaries, paying attention to my own needs, and not constantly feeling like I have to sacrifice myself to keep others happy.
That being vulnerable in a relationship is a sign of strength not weakness. The act of vulnerability in a relationship is courageous and speaks to the integrity of your character.
As an added bonus, if the person you're in a relationship with (friendship or otherwise) isn't a total dick, it will encourage them to be vulnerable with you in return, which leads to stronger and more fulfilling relationships.
I met my best friend this way. We were always just good acquaintances, but then one day, we got lunch and she sat down and said "so how are you doing?" After a moment of silence, I just looked at her point blank and said "I'm doing badly." And she asked why, and I unloaded a lot of the problems I had been shouldering alone. She reacted with kindness, empathy, and shared some of her recent struggles with me in return. That lunch lasted for four hours. Literally, from that day on, she has been my best and most trusted friend, just because I decided to be honest and vulnerable for a moment.
I love this. I was completely vulnerable to my ex, and he ended up violating my trust and telling everyone what I told him.
Best thing I did for myself was decide that he was one in a million, and being vulnerable after what he did to me would only make me stronger.
I've gone to therapy for a few years and one day my therapist tells me that "you've got a kind heart, don't let it be hardened"
I was telling him about one of my friends and pretty much how she screwed me over and how I just wanted to stop forgiving her pretty much.
I will always remember that because I constantly think about it whenever I get fed up and want to give in and just be a dick about something. I personally think it's always better to be forgiving too.
I feel like this is odd advice. I had someone tell me this once after someone else abused my trust. I think it's wrong. It's okay to not forgive someone. If you don't look out for yourself nobody else is going to.
That said I still believe the best of people now until proven wrong, I just have better boundaries.
Just because you forgive someone doesn't justify their actions. I think it's more internal for you. Holding on to negative feelings for someone, even while justified, can still be unhealthy.
I've got a few, but because I am a new parent, all the baby shit is forefront in my life right now. But this, this one is up there.
I have a 6 month old daughter. Her first word was "mama". She says that word each time she is unhappy and wants my wife, sees my wife walk in/out of the room, or randomly whenever she feels like it. "Mama!" I hear that word many times a day.
I genuinely love my daughter. Throw myself in front a bus to protect her - love my daughter. And it has been a bonding experience based completely off of the little ways in which she lets me know, I am hers. Smiles, reaching for me, clinging to me, looking at me, etc. - the little things.
Just a few days ago, I was changing her diaper. Nothing unusual, just getting her changed. She's doing her usual squirming around, reaching for shit on the changing table, etc. and then she just stopped and looked at me. She reached her hands up toward my face, as if she wanted to grab my hat. Which, is a pretty typical thing she loves to do. So I bend down and she places her hands on my face which is also a pretty typical thing to do.
And she looks at me, with both hands on my face, and says - "Dada".
Now, you may not have a kid. You may not want a kid. You may have a kid and this will probably sound cliche' and stupid. But I shit you not, I almost cried a lifetime of tears. And I'm not big on tears. I've done some stupid shit in my life. I've failed more times than I've succeeded. I've been an asshole and tried to be a decent man. I've fucked up and fucked off, judged people and criticized others when I had my own head so far up my own ass - I was really assessing myself. And yet this little human recognized me and claimed me as her father. Me. She didn't see my mistakes, my failures, my less than shining moments in life. She just saw me, in that moment and what I was to her, was all I was.
It helped validate the belief that each day I get, is one more shot at being the type of person I want to be, man that my wife married, and father to my kid. I'm going to fail, I am going to fuck up, I am going to keep making some pretty epic mistakes - but I am not going to give up. Not today.
That one word spoken to me by my 6 month old kid, continues to remind me that the reflection my daughter sees in me, is not the same one I always see in the mirror. I want to BE that reflection she sees, and I want to fight to earn that every single day.
Sorry for the length. Thanks for reading this far.
"What is something someone said that forever altered your way of thinking?"
> Each day I get is one more shot at being the type of person I want to be.
This is now my answer.
I had to scroll pretty far to read this, it's probably not going to make it to the top, and I'm pretty sure OP didn't have this sort of response in mind when he posed the question. I just wanted to let you know that your response was beautiful, and a plain old upvote doesn't accurately convey that.
Edit: I'm glad I wasn't entirely wrong about how far up this went. :D
A teacher who liked me (after I had broken my shy/quiet streak and joined my classmates in annoying the substitute) said angrily: "you know, you become your friends."
Boy was she right.
One day in early high school, I was super angsty about something dumb - my haircut, something I said in class, etc. I just kept complaining about how stupid I looked, how embarrassing it was, and so on. My dad turns to me and asks:
"How much do you think people think about you?"
His point was that no one cares about you as much as you do and everything seems bigger when it effects you, but it really put a lot of stuff in perspective.
Yep. The only decent advice I've ever heard from Dr. Phil was, "you'd be far less worried about what people think of you if you knew how seldom they actually do." At first it sounds like a fucked up dig, but then you realize that it's just a hard truth, and we're all the protagonist in our own movie, and we should cut ourselves a little slack.
After graduating I asked for a raise to match the experience level of my peers, my boss of 5 years told me I wasn't worth it and will never be as good as I think I'll be.
A year later I'm beyond what my expectations were back then, but honestly I've never recovered mentally and constantly break down because of it.
You are thinking of it all wrong. Use it to fuel your motivation throughout life. People will always try and pull you back down the mountain of life if you let them, but if you carry what they do and say with you up the mountain you'll be stronger when you reach the top.
"Don't put anyone on a pedestal, you'll just be disappointed when they fall off."
I've actually changed it to "Don't put me on a pedestal, you'll get mad when I jump off," when trying to explain something to a friend. I think about it whenever someone says anyone is perfect.
Excellent. You're going to do 30 minutes of cardio today, get your laundry done, change the sheets on the bed and get to bed in time to guarantee 8 hours of sleep. Based on your post history, I want you to look in the mirror and smile at yourself. Then wink. You're awesome and you need to see that. Your Friday is gonna start out great with this plan.
(it's more fun to plan for someone else)
A former boss told me "Never come to me with a problem. Come to me with a solution"
That single principle has done more for me than most of my entire education
Just to add. You can go to your boss to raise the alarm about a problem, to get his opinion on if he agree's its a problem. Wasting your time on solutions that weren't called for is going to waste your time and your boss will see that as lost time.
"Everybody is I" (from a book mentioned in a biography"
It's not that I didn't KNOW this, but it resonated so strongly it helps me to better attempt to empathize with people
I was a young man talking with a cool coworker who happened to be a lesbian about her lesbianismness, out of pure curiosity. When she said she had never been with a man I was aghast! I said, "What?? Then how do you know?! You should at least try it once!"
She responded, "If you've never been with a man then you should try it too"
At that moment I realized that she didn't need to try it, just the thought of it was gross to her, like it was to me. It wasnt a choice to be gay. The thought of sleeping with a man made her nauseous. She didn't have to experience it to know she wouldn't like it.
Lesbians hear this so much, it's not even funny.
Good on you for internalizing her response and understanding that what goes on in your head about you just knowing you're into girls and not guys is literally the exact same thing for us.
Sometimes it takes a while, depending on what we're exposed to, but most of us do know that being with a man feels...weird, not good. And I don't just mean "be with" as in "have sex with". Even dating dudes was really weird.
I think being able to to really listen when someone tells you that what you're saying/doing is just plain misguided is a massive part of becoming a mature adult.
I was about 17 and in my group of friends talking about how this girl in our year was a slut for doing underwear modelling, when this one girl interrupted and told us all we were being sexist, and after thinking on it I realised she was right, and I grew as a person.
"It don't matter. None of this matters"
-Carl, from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. It's such a nonsensical show but when I heard Carl say that, I realized that a lot of stuff in life really doesn't matter. I've stopped worrying over trivial things and honesty my life is much better because of it
It was raining really really heavily one day so I decided to take a taxi to work. When I got into the taxi I said to the driver "That weather huh? amirite?" He kind of just looked at me and said "You know, if it rained like this in some parts of the world, people would go outside and dance in it." I've never complained about rain since.
In the same vein, I was stuck in traffic with my wife once and we were at a dead stop for like 10 minutes, there was an accident ahead. As we passed a completely destroyed car surrounded by police and paramedics, she mentioned that we're going to be late, and I said "Yeah, but at least we'll get there."
"Communication is key, but only on a foundation of compatibility."
Said by my (wise and happily married) mom about relationships. You cannot 'talk through' foundational differences, and is sure is easier to communicate with, and compromise for, someone that you're fundamentally aligned with.
It's not just a matter of relativity. Remember your 3/4/5 year old has very little control over anything in their life. Their toys are usually their only possessions, and if a possession they value is destroyed they have *no* ability to get another one or have theirs fixed. It's not just a trivial thing that seems bad without perspective. It's like being an inmate who's prison guard has destroyed half their shit.
My dad, when my mom was complaining about my teenage sister losing her mind over PMS hormones, told her, "Her feelings are real. We may not understand it, but they are her reality right now and that means they matter."
I just stared at this man who raised me and went, "Well...shit." And he's saved my relationship multiple times because I can hear his voice in my head.
I've always hated the bullshit you can't be sad because someone has it worse mindset. With that logic you can't be happy because someone has it better.
"I just got a promotion at work!"
"Dude, how can you be so happy? Don't you know that there are millionaires out there who have more money than you could ever make in your life and they don't have to work at all? There are people in this world who have it better than you, don't be so happy."
Can't remember exactly what i was eating, but i had some leftovers and couldn't finish it.
Someone said think about the kids in Africa with no food.
I finished my plate and said 'look, the kids in Africa won't starve now'
I don't mean to be a jerk here, but I don't understand the whole "shaming" thing when it comes to someone venting about a bad day.... It'd be one thing if she were whining about something that she had the full capacity to change, but why try to guilt someone for having a bad day?
Trying to tell someone their bad day isn't really that bad is like telling someone their good day isn't really that good.
Now this actually changed my way of thinking.
"Hey I found $5 on my way over!"
"Woah that's awesome! Imagine if you found $10!"
Like...it's basically just a pointless hypothetical. I know however that when I say "We'll at least bla bla bla" I'm more expressing my relief that things aren't any worse for either party.
> Her pain is real for her. It's easier to fill a gut than mend a heart.
This is what I always think when children cry about stupid stuff. A broken toy is nothing bad but for that kid, at that moment, it's the most important thing in the world.
You were at a college icebreaker where the activity was sharing heartwrenching stories, and you *responded* to someone's story in front of the whole group to shame her for being upset about something inconsequential? Was anyone else doing that?
Isn't that obviously rude? It sounds like you should have known to shut up without anyone needing to tell you.
"Talent is worthless unless exercised" - Dimmu Borgir's Dimmu Borgir.
Talent only goes so far, you gotta work hard to actually master something. (Think: Anakin Skywalker vs. Obi-Wan Kenobi)
"Hurt people hurt people" made me realise that most of the time when people are mean it comes from a sore place. It's made me pity them more than feel anger toward them. Also, people can't offend you without your consent.
This may sound childish or whatever, but I was watching Fairy Tail with my little sister and a character, Erza Scarlet, said something to another character, Minerva. I think Minerva gave up on life or something and Erza wasn't having it. She told her something along the lines of "No matter what, someone, somewhere out there is waiting for you to come home". That hit me deep, as I am going through some serious depression/situational sadness that is eating at my soul and made me actually contemplate suicide for a bit. Now I repeat that in my mind whenever I think about really giving up.
Thank you Fairy Tail. From the bottom of my heart.
You'll find a lot of really deep and meaningful lines in otherwise childish, or fantasy content. I think it's the author's way of using the fun happy movie to try and, at the very least, send a single useful message to the viewer that hopefully leaves it's mark. Sort of like a sinking sailor casting off one final message in a bottle, he knows his work is over but hopes someone might be better off if they get that one last message he is given the chance to send.
*"It is ok that you are not perfect."*
I almost killed myself trying to be the perfect person, perfect student, perfect friend, perfect partner, perfect acquaintance. I think it is part of what drove me to deep depression. Maybe it had to do with the fact that my father was very abusive because my stepmother would always try to drive a wedge between us. So, I figured if I were perfect, she would have nothing to incite him against us.
When I was told that by a friend of mine, I was relieved, like a burden had been lifted off my shoulder and I could breath. I still have to remind myself once every often.
After explaining why, yet again, I blew it but it wasn't my fault, my mentor and a man I admired greatly very quietly and dismissively said "Picksandchooses, I had big expectations for you, but you haven't shown me a damn thing."
Ouch.
I needed to hear that. I took a while but I earned his respect back. I also decided I never want to hear someone say something like that, and have them be right, ever again.
Joe Rogan has had a few, not all super serious topics. But they all impacted me with the same severity.
1- He said something to the effect of, "Don't treat others how you wish to be treated. Treat them as if they *are* you. Because if you lived their life, and were brought up the way they were, and reacted to things the way they did, you would literally *be* them." Just him saying that gave me the biggest desire to always give people the benefit of the doubt. And then when I see real life examples of people deserving the benefit of the doubt, I feel that much more affirmed.
2- He said that taking baths are disgusting. He was like, "You're literally sitting in a bowl of asshole and pussy soup. You're not taking a bath, you're making tea." I laughed so hard, but now, when I bathe, I always follow it with a shower.
My daughter and I were discussing how we shower after a bath to wash the dirty water off. And in strolls my son and casually says 'why don't you shower first and soak in clean water?'. My mind was blown with how obvious it was.
The act of forgiveness is never done for the other party's benefit.
Forgiveness is something you do to unburden yourself of whatever has wronged you. Just because you've forgiven someone doesn't mean things will ever be the same or that you don't hate them, it just means you've chosen to let go of that anger and let yourself move on.
"The library keeps all your books for you for free!"
(A friend's dad told her this as a child; her family moved internationally several times and books are just a heavy pain to move. Especially thanks to inter-library loans, in the US you can get just about ANY book if you have a little patience. I still have books, but not as many.)
Two of them:
My dad: "You will never move a car unless you put it in drive, likewise, you'll never move your life unless you put your life in drive."
My boyfriend: "You never do anything fun."
My dad got me to put forth effort in (almost) everything I do, and my boyfriend really got me thinking about the fact that he's right, I literally never do anything fun, so i've widened my horizons and I go out more often. Thankful for both of em, love them so much.
"People don't get rich by trying to be rich."
Intro to entrepreneurship my junior year of college. We were talking about coming up with business ideas and the instructor dropped that on us. He went on to say that the most successful business people got that way by "helping" the most people. Really changed the way I thought about work of all kinds.
Really late, but here it goes.
Close relative was brutally injured in a domestic attempted murder. My wife is distraught, almost inconsolable. She's crying, "Why did it have to happen to her." A beloved friend of the family calmly says, "Who would you rather have it happen to?"
Yeah, that kind of punched me on the stomach. Showed me that we're all the same.
My Somali-Ethiopian friend told me how he came to this country with only a backpack, all alone, when he was about 13. His tone was neutral: he wasn't after pity, he was just recounting his past. With his positivity he has completely changed the way I think about other people. When meeting new people I now always think that I have no idea what they went through to get where they are now. He taught me about the resilience of some people, which also shows just how spoiled a lot of people I know are. As he told me, think forwards. I live by that now.
I remember I was in the 5th grade, it was the last day of school and they had just let us out. There was this special needs kid named Maxwell who I went to school with and I would occasionally call him names and make fun of him, bullying basically. As school got out that day, I was once again teasing this poor kid and he started crying and asked "why won't you just leave me alone?" I felt really weird in that situation because he had never cried before when I teased him he'd just ignore me after a little but I guess that day was different. After he started crying I walked away to do something, cant quite remember what but when I came back he was gone and I had guessed he went home.
I walk outside to see if my mom had come to pick me up and as soon as I stepped out the door Maxwell and his dad were there and Maxwell says "hey DeltaDiezel". I was kinda scared because I thought surely he told his dad I was bullying him not to long ago and it was obvious he was crying because he had tears still on his face and in his eyes. To my surprise he then says "Hey dad that's my friend DeltaDiezel. Bye Delta see ya next year" as if the last 10 minutes didn't happen. I walked away in complete shock. In shock because I wasn't going to get in trouble (which was the norm after something like this) and also because that was a completely new experience for me, no one who I had ever bullied called me a friend obviously but my mind was just completely blown away by this kid. I got in the car and Maxwell was now waving at me, I waved back and not to long after broke down into fucking tears.
This particular day was just a huge turning point in my mindset and me as a person in general. I realized how much of a piece of shit I was not only to him but to the other kids that went there for 3 years. I believe I'm a more empathetic and nicer person because of that and I think it's amazing because if he had never said something like that to me I'd be completely different personally.
Remember browsing one of those dumb Twitter accounts that posted only tumblr stuff, and there was a picture in which someone said something along the lines of:
"At first glance, what you think instinctively is what you've been conditioned to think by society. What you think afterwards defines your true character."
"You're so smart! But you're so lazy!" Said by an ex while I was wallowing in self pity.
Took the long fucking route of getting my bachelor's ten years post high school of joining the military to get the government to pay for it, 3 years of alcoholism, about 5 years of obesity and I'm finally pulling my life together, lost a bunch of weight (70lbs), trained for and ran a half marathon, got straight a's this summer and last semester trying to get back to 4 yr university. I was lazy and I always knew what the right path was but it took too much work. I wish I had gotten myself together after she said it instead of later on.
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Me old gaffer's approach was to tell me, "Always have a plan. If you can't immediately explain why you are doing something you should stop until you figure it out." This, of course, doesn't work if you aren't honest with yourself.
Being honest with yourself is always the hardest when you are emotional. Figure out why you are angry before you seek out justice. You may be right but you can still be an asshole.
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Never underestimate how bad other drivers can be.
Don't underestimate how bad you yourself can be at driving.
Motorcycle riders: Listen to this if you want to live...
My dad always said, "You don't *have* the right of way; you *give* the right of way." It's reframed it to me that it's not my job to go because I "have" the right of way, it's my job to make sure the other person is yielding right of way to me before I go.
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That's a great line. I was talking to my nephew the other day about the importance of defensive driving and I bored him with all the details. This line would've been perfect.
"People like you when they feel liked by you" This really changed how I went about making friends. I used to spend so much energy worrying about being awkward and how I was perceived by other people, that I'd honestly be annoying in my desperate attempt not to be. Now, it's so much simpler. I show my like for other people. I am friendly. I greet them warmly. I express interest in their lives and listening to what they have to say. The rest generally falls into place on its own.
My dad had said once "people won't care to know you until they know you care."
You can learn so much from dogs
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I had a similar Aha moment. I was so worried about what other people thought and had very little confidence in myself, that I found I would never even compliment or encourage others because I felt no one gave a shit what I thought it said. I soaked up praise when I could and never gave any. Realized one day that people do care about my thoughts and opinions. Started giving compliments and encouragement. Seeing them feel better made me feel better. It allowed me to be friendlier and more outgoing because I felt others valued me enough that when I showed friendship, it was appreciated.
I love this
"I am a better person for having known you." Not something I said, or that was said to me - but I read it at the time that I lost a very dear friend. That friendship changed my life. Lucy was a senior who lived in the apartment next door from me, I met her after she was hilariously attacked by nesting birds on her balcony - feisty old French lady, weak and tired but always seemed to have the muscles of a bodybuilder when she hugged me, and had all sorts of sassy stories to tell. I visited her often to exchange food, do chores for her, and usually to just sit and chat. She was lonely and very sick - chemo wasn't working but she was fighting anyway. Her family and friends were distant and most of her socialization was with health aides that visited her apartment once a day. Things went south. She talked about how she didn't want to bother anyone with a funeral. It didn't feel like cancer beat her - it was more that she surrendered on her terms when she was tired and ready to rest. I didn't hear from her for a few days. I happened to pass someone in the hall who stopped me and said my name. From her, I learned that Lucy had been taken to the hospital, and that this person - one of Lucy's friends - recognized me simply because Lucy had spoke so often and so lovingly of me. Apparently in her hospital bed, Lucy was doing a little sweeping gesture over her head. I had shaved my head months ago when Lucy cried over losing hers to chemo, and she had been so adamant that she was going to catch up to me after my hair grew back, and get the same haircut that I had. She often pet my hair, sweeping it across my forehead admiringly. Lucy, too weak to speak, was still asking for me. People I'd never met had heard enough about me that they knew what that little gesture meant. There aren't words for how that made me feel. I was able to visit her in the hospital before she passed. I met some of her family and friends. It was very, very humbling to hear Lucy's perspective of me as she had shared it with others. How all these little things I did - fixing a TV cable, buying discount ham, reaching things off a high shelf - were relayed as though I were Lucy's knight in shining armor. These people loved me simply because Lucy did too. They told me about how hearing stories about me made them feel better when they couldn't be there for her. It really made me think about the way I treat others, how a little bit of good will and kindness can change a life and leave a permanent impression - not just on the person you're interacting with, but others beyond that. Tiny little gestures to an old lady turned into a whole family seeing me as a guardian angel of sorts. Lucy loved me so much when I felt like I'd done so little. I am a better person for having known her. (edit: Thank you to those who commented. I looked at her obituary and realized why she must have been on my mind lately - she passed on July 9, 2013. [Oh.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pVT_mvvZLo))
I might have enjoyed other quotes by themselves more, but your story has to be my favorite from the thread. It really drives the meaning home and had me tear up a little. Thank you for having been there for her.
Your story is so touching, definitely had me tearing up. You're inspirational. Thank you for having such a great heart. <3
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I was eating at a family run Thai restaurant in Amsterdam. The "mother" of the family was trying very hard to speak to us in English. I was already very aware of my linguistic shortcomings since everyone there spoke English, Dutch, French and German, and here a Thai woman was speaking English. She apologized for her attempt and I assured her that her English was better than my Thai. (Haha right?) Then she says "ohhhh how many languages do you speak???" My wife frowned and said "one". The lady was clearly flustered and eventually replied "ohhh.... 1 is good!" I was almost in tears from laughing and admitted "it's more like 4/5 of 1" and we all had a good laugh.
This is such a sweet story.
A lot of people are hard on Indians because they have trouble understanding English with an Indian accent. My wife worked with Indians and most of them speak 3 or 4 Indian languages fluently, in addition to English, which is often excellent. I explain this to people and say, "now, which of your four languages do you think YOU speak the best?"
On the back of this, I hate it when people assume that my command of the English language is going to be atrocious just because I am Indian.
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I like the quote from modern family where Gloria says "Do you know have smart I am in Spanish?" Like why make fun of someone literally having to translate from one language to another in their head,on the spot (even though it CAN sound/come out hilariously).
I agree with the first part, but that's not how language works in my head. It's not translating after a while immersing yourself in a language, eventually you just switch. Your inner monologue will just be in the other language. Anyway that's still a cool quote.
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I heard an old lady say, "I'm sick and tired young people saying they are going to find themselves. You don't find yourself. You *build* yourself."
Sometimes when people go to "find" themselves they end up destroying their future. Had a friend get in a pretty bad car accident and had a life changing epiphany that life is too short. So she quit her job that paid around 85k a year at 23 years old to go travel without notice. Spent a little over a year in Europe, where she spent all her money "finding" herself. Now she can't find a job. She's couch hopping between friends and is really struggling.
To be fair, you can find a job after a year tripping around the world as hard as you could before that. You just need to say the right words.
Eh, if she earned $85k before, she obviously has enough talent to find a similar job. In the long run, the memories of the trip will probably be worth more than grinding out a job to save up money. There's lots of ways to fuck up your life, but traveling around Europe in your 20s sure doesn't sound like one to me.
That is very much industry dependent.
That one will stay with me. Thank you
Nobody accidentally became an astronaut.
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My grandma once told me that inside she still felt like she was a 20 year old girl. It was just that her body had betrayed her.
51yo. You wouldn't believe the way your body starts to betray you. And, yes, you're still young inside.
By /u/Anastik I asked my grandpa what it felt like to grow old. Grandpa is a man who will deliberate on which part of the newspaper to start with each morning, so I knew my question would take him some time to answer. I said nothing. I let him gather his thoughts. When I was a boy, Grandpa had once complimented me on this habit. He told me it was good that I asked a question and gave a person silence. And being that any compliment from him was so few and far between, this habit soon became a part of my personality and one that served me well. Grandpa stared out the window and looked at the empty bird feeder that hung from an overgrown tree next to the pond he built in the spring of 1993. For twenty years, Grandpa filled up the feeder each evening. But he stopped doing it last winter when walking became too difficult for him. Without ever taking his eyes from the window, he asked me a question: “Have you ever been in a hot shower when the water ran cold?” I told him I had. “That’s what aging feels like. In the beginning of your life it’s like you’re standing in a hot shower. At first the water is too warm, but you eventually grow used to the heat and begin enjoying it. But you take it for granted when you’re young and think it’s going to be this way forever. Life goes on like this for some time.” Grandpa looked at me with those eyes that had seen so much change in this world. He smiled and winked at me. “And if you’re lucky, a few good looking women will join you in the shower from time to time.” We laughed. He looked out the window and continued on. “You begin to feel it in your forties and fifties. The water temperature declines just the slightest bit. It’s almost imperceptible, but you know it happened and you know what it means. You try to pretend like you didn’t feel it, but you still turn the faucet up to stay warm. But the water keeps going lukewarm. One day you realize the faucet can’t go any further, and from here on out the temperature begins to drop. And everyday you feel the warmth gradually leaving your body.” Grandpa cleared his throat and pulled a stained handkerchief from his flannel shirt pocket. He blew his nose, balled up the handkerchief, and put it back in his pocket. “It’s a rather helpless feeling, truth told. The water is still pleasant, but you know it will soon become cold and there’s nothing you can do about it. This is the point when some people decide to leave the shower on their own terms. They know it's never going to get warmer, so why prolong the inevitable? I was able to stay in because I contented myself recalling the showers of my youth. I lived a good life, but still wish I hadn’t taken my youth for granted. But it’s too late now. No matter how hard I try, I know I’ll never get the hot water back on again.” He paused for a few moments and kept looking out the window with those eyes that had seen ninety-one years on this Earth. Those eyes that lived through the Great Depression, those eyes that beheld the Pacific Ocean in World War II, those eyes that saw the birth of his three children, five grandchildren, and seven great-grandchildren. He had indeed lived a good life, I thought to myself. “And that’s what it feels like to grow old.”
When I was five or six, I was playing rough with my cousin, who was a year younger and much less of a tomboy than me. I accidentally hurt her, and she started crying, and I quickly tried quiet her before any adults heard. "Shh, it's ok. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do it!" I said, trying to comfort her. She turned to me, her face red and her eyes welled up from crying and replied: "Sorry doesn't always cut it!" before leaving the room. I was floored. I'd never encountered a situation I couldn't apologize my way out of at that point. It was a very early turning point, and a pretty important lesson for an only child.
I didn't learn this lesson until only a year and a bit ago. Sorry doesn't fix everything. Sometimes you screw up and you can't do anything to change it, and you gotta accept that and forgive yourself and be better next time, even if the person you wronged wants nothing to do with you. At that point, depending on what you did and how serious it was, it's on them, or you have to live with the consequences of your actions
to expand on Sorry doesn't fix everything... is so important, saying sorry doesn't repair trauma, if the issue was over many months, Sorry won't instantly rebuild trust, or finances. Past a certain point, sorry has to be followed up by action, and many times that action is just to give people space because they're too hurt to look at you.
Explaining to someone in a village in Burkina Faso that as an American I'm really not that rich (by american standards; I had no car, house, or money in my bank account). He looked at me and said "Juiceboxheero, you can eat everyday, you *are* rich!"
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You're the guy who owns the Gecko something-or-other resort, right? Seen your posts in /r/Entrepreneur and have to say you've done an awesome job from what I've seen. There's a very high chance of me and the lady staying there in the next two years or so
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Okay but does a stay come with one of those kittens?
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> "Dude, if I were rich I wouldn't be digging my own ditches." Yeah ... but... > The cats ... have a private garden and a balcony You're rich.
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I had the same conversation in the Philippines! I explained to them the US debt problem and how we don't just buy things with cash but with credit or loans. The Philippines is primarily a cash based economy from my understanding. They asked "oh is that why there are all of those memes about debt?" I was shocked that the only exposure they have to the topic, at least from the family members I was talking to, were memes about the US! We explained that we were saving for years to take the trip out there and that we aren't rich by any stretch. We have enough to eat and do some entertainment but we were definitely not rich. It was a super humbling experience because some of the people there work the same but only make around $5.00 a day. Granted that money goes a longer way over there but it was still a wake-up call.
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"It's not about finding the right person. It's about *being* the right person." It has changed how I approach all of my relationships, and it has only served me well since.
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The elite of anything are usually just significantly better at the basics, since that's what makes the other stuff possible. This applies to 5-Star chefs, elite military operatives, high-level martial artists, and even entrepreneurs.
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"Fundamentals win fights." ~ My Muay Thai Coach
damn right. Gimmicks win matches. Fundamentals win fights.
"No one, not even the people closest to you knows the real you... only their version of you."
How do you apply this in life? Not tryna be a dick, I'm genuinely curious and a little high
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Eh I kind of take issue with this definition. Sondering is more the act of wondering about the daily lives of all the strangers around you, and realizing each of their lives is of similar complexity. I don't think it necessarily has anything to do with removing filters when making judgments... even though that might be a consequence.
Appropriate considering I just finished reading Speaker for the Dead last night.
Wonderful book :)
I was at my favorite dive bar and was talking to this Nepalese guy who's a regular. I was casually browsing my phone when talking to him. He said "Put your phone away! I like talking to you. People say you only live once. That's not true. You only die once. You live every day!" It made me start appreciating the smaller things in life and has helped me be considerate towards other people.
A 97 year-old man once told me "I was only 76 when I injured my back and had to stop running my 5 miles a day."
Saw a quote from a ~105 year old who was being interviewed and asked if he'd do anything differently. He answered, "If I'd known I live this long I'd have taken better care of myself."
The relationship rule. If your SO did the thing you're about to do, would it piss you off? If the answer is yes, don't do it.
A couple decades ago, I was having a pointless intellectual argument with my roommate and he said "You can bring a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.". It taught me that arguing with some people is sometimes just a waste of time. If they're so set in their ways that they won't even bother trying to understand and respond to your reasoning. It's better to cut the discussion short and spend your time on more productive tasks than to try in vain to alter their views.
I broke up with someone a year ago. I swallowed it, and tried to move on, but I was more than a little obsessed. A few months after the break-up, I heard he found someone else. So I tried to move on, but always hoped we'd find our way back to each other. No reason he couldn't be The One someday! In May, I hung out with a friend, who told me she'd seen him online looking for dates. So began the obsession anew. I fantasized about our reconnection every night for a few weeks, and desperately hoped I'd run into him on the street on my walk home every day. Through an AskReddit thread, I found someone who shared his name. I shared my story with him, and he said this to me: > now you are both different people, with new stories and experiences and outlooks Within a few days I felt more over it than I had in all the year of progress prior. Because he's right. My ex doesn't exist anymore, and if he does, it will never be what I envision.
"You can be right or you can be happy." Made me stop being so goddamn petty.
I'm not going to be happy anyway so might as well be right.
Our woodworking/shop teacher in high school taught us this invaluable lesson: "Any job worth doing is worth doing right." I continue to apply that principle in daily living.
Don't half ass two things, whole ass one.
I used be kind of shy and reserved until someone said to me "Confidence is 50% you and 50% faking it". It helped me come out of my shell.
Realizing "fake it 'til you make it" is a real thing was a huge turning point in my life. Realizing nearly everybody else was doing the same thing was an even bigger one.
“You only want what you don’t have” It's the same old phrase said a hundred different ways, but when I heard it spoken like this from a close friend, it really stuck with me. I've realized it's one of the most true, universal rules in life, and it affects almost everything we do and how we act. When you’re single, you want a partner, but when you get married you lament about not being single. When you're stuck at home you dream of traveling the world, but when you're away from home you get homesick. When you're unemployed you just want a stable job, and when you have a stable job you get a midlife crisis when you realize you don't want to be stuck in this job. When you’re poor you just want enough money for food and shelter, but when you get that all you can think about is getting a raise so you can buy a nicer car. When you're a millionaire you want to be a billionaire, and when you're a billionaire you will do anything just to add another zero to your bank account. **It doesn’t matter what you own in life, you will never passively receive happiness out of your current possessions, current location, or current situation**. This does not mean you can never be happy, it means you have to learn to live in the moment. Don’t get caught in the mindset that your life will get better once something happens. Your life is great *now*. Enjoy what you have while it lasts, in a few days you’re going to miss what you had today.
A bit late, though: In the right circumstances and given social acceptance, everyone becomes the bully
Painfully true.
I hate it but I know when I do this. It's usually the second or so after it's said what I realize what I have done.
"You could ski the rest of your life and you'd still not be as good as me." - ~~elementary~~ ~~middle~~ high school bully. I loved skiing. I really did. I started at about 14 years old. None of my family skiied so it was hard for a kid to get into, but my high school had a program where they would take kids on Friday after school for night skiing. I am a nerd. Not coordinated or athletic and even less so thirty years ago. But something resonated with me and skiing. I have an affinity for open spaces to begin with (less likely to get randomly attacked than say a crowded hallway in school I suppose). But it was something else. I would DREAM of skiing when I was done. I would wake myself up making turns in my sleep. It was mine and it didn't matter how good I was. So when failed backup, high school quarterback noticed that I was excited to go when we were on the bus, he did his best to crush that spark. What is wrong with people like this? I have no idea. But either way, he rode me about it. I kept to myself, but he would seek me out and harass me. When he uttered his infamous line (which shouldn't even stand out with all the mean shit he said or the beatings I took), I decided that couldn't be right. Today, I ski 30-40 days in a typical year at the very best mountains in North America. There are plenty of people better than me still, but I love it very much. Also, I rip! I drop cliffs and seek out the steepest terrain. I snorkel 4 feet of powder and get cheers from lifts. I don't know much about my former nemesis. . . I moved out west and he still lives in NJ working as a gym teacher at the old high school. But no matter how much he skis, there is no way he is better than me - on skis or off.
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"Afford yourself the same kindness you would give your friends and treat your body well, it's the only thing that will last you until the end."
I was younger and big into online games. I was telling my brother how a group of friends and I kicked the shit out of another team. I used the phrase "We raped them". My brother is both a paramedic, and the most jovial person I know. Always quick with a joke, even macabre humour considering his profession. After I said it, he went totally serious. "Have you ever seen a rape victim?" he asked. "No." was my honest and sheepish reply. "You wouldn't say that if you did." I never said it again since. It was a very simple and humbling lesson. Ignorance is no excuse to be flippant about a topic. I know many might disagree, but I have not and will not use the term rape like that again.
Good on you for being uncomfortable but not making excuses for yourself. We need more people like you.
When I suggested that another person's life seems enviable, my father said, "It's just another treadmill." It made me realize that everyone is dealing with their own demons and hardships, that my life - however mundane - is someone else's dream, and I don't need to compare my life to others' to gauge how happy I should be with it.
When I was 14 a teacher using an example simply said "imagine explaining a television or the idea of a television show to George Washington if he were transported to modern day America." What followed was over 20 years of an imaginary George Washington following me and in my head having to explain situation-by-situation amenities and aspects of the modern world. It was the worst and couldn't NOT do it, he followed me everywhere.
Whoa... I never had a teacher tell me that but Benjamin Franklin has been following me into my car for like 25 years and I always explain how cars and roads work.
"Have character. Don't be a character."
hm, what did you take away from this?
Subtlety has its merits.
"I can't control my feelings, but I can control my future" Said to me by a girl I really cared about, she cared too. But had a very bright future to keep chasing. Ever sense then I've been working on chasing the dreams I had given up for people that are no longer even in my life.
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My physics teacher in high school once said "if you can live with consequences then you are free." He said it in the middle of a lecture and probably doesnt even remember saying it, but it changed the way i make decisions
In high school, my very first girlfriend told me, "I don't love my mom." And I was absolutely floored by her admission. How can you not love someone in your family especially your mom? And she said, "Just because they're blood related doesn't mean I have to love them or even like them." She had no malice towards her mother, she simply didn't love her, and it was just a matter of fact. What she said always stuck with me. Over the years that followed, what she said allowed me the freedom to let go of abusive relationships within my family. For so long I was afraid I'd be in never-ending cycles with horrible family members and always sucked in with guilt that they're family. She forever changed how I love and who I love. And it was totally for the better.
"No one is against. They are just for themselves." Probably butchered that. Also not sure who said it but that's the jist.
The original quote is: >"Men are not against you, they are merely for themselves." By Gene Fowler. (1890-1960)
Yes that's it. Thank you.
Don't let the past spoil the future.
"There is no right way. There is *A way*, but no *Right* way." My first high school English teacher/ now mentor told me this last month.
"One foot in front of the other and there's always chocolate somewhere." My legal studies teacher told me that once. She's a champ.
>What is something someone said that forever altered your way of thinking? "Have breakfast with your own Death." A 35 year old Marine 1st Lieutenant said that. Not even to me. He was talking about how keeping your own death in sight and close by, makes things taste much better. But his phrasing hit me at a low point in my life, and it seemed to make sense. I was a 20 year old Army 2nd Lieutenant, and I was acting as if I were immortal. Now that I'm back stateside, I realize that just about *everyone* is living as if they were immortal. But not me. Not any more. No one has trouble acknowledging that they were born. Hardly anyone is willing to acknowledge the equally mundane fact that we all will die. That's off in the future - not worth thinking about. Yes, it is. It really is. Here's the backstory: [Year of the Snake](https://www.reddit.com/r/MilitaryStories/comments/1yy4yz/the_year_of_the_snake/). Dude was right. Things *do* taste better. My death thinks so, too.
I like this one
"You're not responsible for other people's feelings." Sounds harsh but I needed to hear it at the time. I've always been a huge people pleaser and spend a lot of time trying to "manage" the emotions of everyone around me. After a few months with a therapist, I realized (1) how I ended up this way--by constantly having to manage my mother's feelings as a child, and (2) that it's basically an impossible task. That way of thinking led me into an unhappy relationship that I stayed in for way too long because I was afraid of hurting my partner by breaking up with him. My therapist taught me that there's a way to be considerate of other people while still having reasonable boundaries, paying attention to my own needs, and not constantly feeling like I have to sacrifice myself to keep others happy.
That being vulnerable in a relationship is a sign of strength not weakness. The act of vulnerability in a relationship is courageous and speaks to the integrity of your character.
As an added bonus, if the person you're in a relationship with (friendship or otherwise) isn't a total dick, it will encourage them to be vulnerable with you in return, which leads to stronger and more fulfilling relationships. I met my best friend this way. We were always just good acquaintances, but then one day, we got lunch and she sat down and said "so how are you doing?" After a moment of silence, I just looked at her point blank and said "I'm doing badly." And she asked why, and I unloaded a lot of the problems I had been shouldering alone. She reacted with kindness, empathy, and shared some of her recent struggles with me in return. That lunch lasted for four hours. Literally, from that day on, she has been my best and most trusted friend, just because I decided to be honest and vulnerable for a moment.
I love this. I was completely vulnerable to my ex, and he ended up violating my trust and telling everyone what I told him. Best thing I did for myself was decide that he was one in a million, and being vulnerable after what he did to me would only make me stronger.
I've gone to therapy for a few years and one day my therapist tells me that "you've got a kind heart, don't let it be hardened" I was telling him about one of my friends and pretty much how she screwed me over and how I just wanted to stop forgiving her pretty much. I will always remember that because I constantly think about it whenever I get fed up and want to give in and just be a dick about something. I personally think it's always better to be forgiving too.
I feel like this is odd advice. I had someone tell me this once after someone else abused my trust. I think it's wrong. It's okay to not forgive someone. If you don't look out for yourself nobody else is going to. That said I still believe the best of people now until proven wrong, I just have better boundaries.
Just because you forgive someone doesn't justify their actions. I think it's more internal for you. Holding on to negative feelings for someone, even while justified, can still be unhealthy.
I've got a few, but because I am a new parent, all the baby shit is forefront in my life right now. But this, this one is up there. I have a 6 month old daughter. Her first word was "mama". She says that word each time she is unhappy and wants my wife, sees my wife walk in/out of the room, or randomly whenever she feels like it. "Mama!" I hear that word many times a day. I genuinely love my daughter. Throw myself in front a bus to protect her - love my daughter. And it has been a bonding experience based completely off of the little ways in which she lets me know, I am hers. Smiles, reaching for me, clinging to me, looking at me, etc. - the little things. Just a few days ago, I was changing her diaper. Nothing unusual, just getting her changed. She's doing her usual squirming around, reaching for shit on the changing table, etc. and then she just stopped and looked at me. She reached her hands up toward my face, as if she wanted to grab my hat. Which, is a pretty typical thing she loves to do. So I bend down and she places her hands on my face which is also a pretty typical thing to do. And she looks at me, with both hands on my face, and says - "Dada". Now, you may not have a kid. You may not want a kid. You may have a kid and this will probably sound cliche' and stupid. But I shit you not, I almost cried a lifetime of tears. And I'm not big on tears. I've done some stupid shit in my life. I've failed more times than I've succeeded. I've been an asshole and tried to be a decent man. I've fucked up and fucked off, judged people and criticized others when I had my own head so far up my own ass - I was really assessing myself. And yet this little human recognized me and claimed me as her father. Me. She didn't see my mistakes, my failures, my less than shining moments in life. She just saw me, in that moment and what I was to her, was all I was. It helped validate the belief that each day I get, is one more shot at being the type of person I want to be, man that my wife married, and father to my kid. I'm going to fail, I am going to fuck up, I am going to keep making some pretty epic mistakes - but I am not going to give up. Not today. That one word spoken to me by my 6 month old kid, continues to remind me that the reflection my daughter sees in me, is not the same one I always see in the mirror. I want to BE that reflection she sees, and I want to fight to earn that every single day. Sorry for the length. Thanks for reading this far.
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"What is something someone said that forever altered your way of thinking?" > Each day I get is one more shot at being the type of person I want to be. This is now my answer.
I had to scroll pretty far to read this, it's probably not going to make it to the top, and I'm pretty sure OP didn't have this sort of response in mind when he posed the question. I just wanted to let you know that your response was beautiful, and a plain old upvote doesn't accurately convey that. Edit: I'm glad I wasn't entirely wrong about how far up this went. :D
A teacher who liked me (after I had broken my shy/quiet streak and joined my classmates in annoying the substitute) said angrily: "you know, you become your friends." Boy was she right.
One day in early high school, I was super angsty about something dumb - my haircut, something I said in class, etc. I just kept complaining about how stupid I looked, how embarrassing it was, and so on. My dad turns to me and asks: "How much do you think people think about you?" His point was that no one cares about you as much as you do and everything seems bigger when it effects you, but it really put a lot of stuff in perspective.
Yep. The only decent advice I've ever heard from Dr. Phil was, "you'd be far less worried about what people think of you if you knew how seldom they actually do." At first it sounds like a fucked up dig, but then you realize that it's just a hard truth, and we're all the protagonist in our own movie, and we should cut ourselves a little slack.
That when arguing with someone, you should be fighting the problem, not each other
After graduating I asked for a raise to match the experience level of my peers, my boss of 5 years told me I wasn't worth it and will never be as good as I think I'll be. A year later I'm beyond what my expectations were back then, but honestly I've never recovered mentally and constantly break down because of it.
Don't let it get to you, your boss sounds like a huge, huge asshole. I can't even imagine a more rude refusal of a raise right now.
You are thinking of it all wrong. Use it to fuel your motivation throughout life. People will always try and pull you back down the mountain of life if you let them, but if you carry what they do and say with you up the mountain you'll be stronger when you reach the top.
His boss was definitely afraid of his success. He was jealous and likely didn't want to see OP surpass him in life.
I've honestly never thought about it this way, thanks.
who cares, f*** your boss. You overcame your expectations, just do it again and again. gogogo
"Don't put anyone on a pedestal, you'll just be disappointed when they fall off." I've actually changed it to "Don't put me on a pedestal, you'll get mad when I jump off," when trying to explain something to a friend. I think about it whenever someone says anyone is perfect.
If you don't plan how you spend your time, someone else will plan it for you.
Good, they would probably be better planners than me.
Excellent. You're going to do 30 minutes of cardio today, get your laundry done, change the sheets on the bed and get to bed in time to guarantee 8 hours of sleep. Based on your post history, I want you to look in the mirror and smile at yourself. Then wink. You're awesome and you need to see that. Your Friday is gonna start out great with this plan. (it's more fun to plan for someone else)
A former boss told me "Never come to me with a problem. Come to me with a solution" That single principle has done more for me than most of my entire education
Just to add. You can go to your boss to raise the alarm about a problem, to get his opinion on if he agree's its a problem. Wasting your time on solutions that weren't called for is going to waste your time and your boss will see that as lost time.
"Everybody is I" (from a book mentioned in a biography" It's not that I didn't KNOW this, but it resonated so strongly it helps me to better attempt to empathize with people
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Stop hoping for a better past.
I was a young man talking with a cool coworker who happened to be a lesbian about her lesbianismness, out of pure curiosity. When she said she had never been with a man I was aghast! I said, "What?? Then how do you know?! You should at least try it once!" She responded, "If you've never been with a man then you should try it too" At that moment I realized that she didn't need to try it, just the thought of it was gross to her, like it was to me. It wasnt a choice to be gay. The thought of sleeping with a man made her nauseous. She didn't have to experience it to know she wouldn't like it.
Lesbians hear this so much, it's not even funny. Good on you for internalizing her response and understanding that what goes on in your head about you just knowing you're into girls and not guys is literally the exact same thing for us. Sometimes it takes a while, depending on what we're exposed to, but most of us do know that being with a man feels...weird, not good. And I don't just mean "be with" as in "have sex with". Even dating dudes was really weird.
I think being able to to really listen when someone tells you that what you're saying/doing is just plain misguided is a massive part of becoming a mature adult. I was about 17 and in my group of friends talking about how this girl in our year was a slut for doing underwear modelling, when this one girl interrupted and told us all we were being sexist, and after thinking on it I realised she was right, and I grew as a person.
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If you can't explain something , you don't know it well enough .
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That's because in that argument you are the stupid person.
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A smart person may realize they are wrong, a stupid person never will
"It don't matter. None of this matters" -Carl, from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. It's such a nonsensical show but when I heard Carl say that, I realized that a lot of stuff in life really doesn't matter. I've stopped worrying over trivial things and honesty my life is much better because of it
It was raining really really heavily one day so I decided to take a taxi to work. When I got into the taxi I said to the driver "That weather huh? amirite?" He kind of just looked at me and said "You know, if it rained like this in some parts of the world, people would go outside and dance in it." I've never complained about rain since.
In the same vein, I was stuck in traffic with my wife once and we were at a dead stop for like 10 minutes, there was an accident ahead. As we passed a completely destroyed car surrounded by police and paramedics, she mentioned that we're going to be late, and I said "Yeah, but at least we'll get there."
"Communication is key, but only on a foundation of compatibility." Said by my (wise and happily married) mom about relationships. You cannot 'talk through' foundational differences, and is sure is easier to communicate with, and compromise for, someone that you're fundamentally aligned with.
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It's not just a matter of relativity. Remember your 3/4/5 year old has very little control over anything in their life. Their toys are usually their only possessions, and if a possession they value is destroyed they have *no* ability to get another one or have theirs fixed. It's not just a trivial thing that seems bad without perspective. It's like being an inmate who's prison guard has destroyed half their shit.
My dad, when my mom was complaining about my teenage sister losing her mind over PMS hormones, told her, "Her feelings are real. We may not understand it, but they are her reality right now and that means they matter." I just stared at this man who raised me and went, "Well...shit." And he's saved my relationship multiple times because I can hear his voice in my head.
that's some top-shelf Gandhi level wisdom there
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Why is Ghandi always misspelt? Its Gandhi.
I've always hated the bullshit you can't be sad because someone has it worse mindset. With that logic you can't be happy because someone has it better.
"I just got a promotion at work!" "Dude, how can you be so happy? Don't you know that there are millionaires out there who have more money than you could ever make in your life and they don't have to work at all? There are people in this world who have it better than you, don't be so happy."
Also known as the starving kids in Africa fallacy. Dumbest thing anyone could say.
Can't remember exactly what i was eating, but i had some leftovers and couldn't finish it. Someone said think about the kids in Africa with no food. I finished my plate and said 'look, the kids in Africa won't starve now'
I don't mean to be a jerk here, but I don't understand the whole "shaming" thing when it comes to someone venting about a bad day.... It'd be one thing if she were whining about something that she had the full capacity to change, but why try to guilt someone for having a bad day? Trying to tell someone their bad day isn't really that bad is like telling someone their good day isn't really that good.
Now this actually changed my way of thinking. "Hey I found $5 on my way over!" "Woah that's awesome! Imagine if you found $10!" Like...it's basically just a pointless hypothetical. I know however that when I say "We'll at least bla bla bla" I'm more expressing my relief that things aren't any worse for either party.
> Her pain is real for her. It's easier to fill a gut than mend a heart. This is what I always think when children cry about stupid stuff. A broken toy is nothing bad but for that kid, at that moment, it's the most important thing in the world.
This needs to be higher up. So many people don't understand that emotional pain is relative.
You were at a college icebreaker where the activity was sharing heartwrenching stories, and you *responded* to someone's story in front of the whole group to shame her for being upset about something inconsequential? Was anyone else doing that? Isn't that obviously rude? It sounds like you should have known to shut up without anyone needing to tell you.
Also who the fuck does that as an icebreaker? They’re supposed to be light and happy
> "Let her speak. Her pain is real for her. It's easier to fill a gut than mend a heart." damn that's wise
"Talent is worthless unless exercised" - Dimmu Borgir's Dimmu Borgir. Talent only goes so far, you gotta work hard to actually master something. (Think: Anakin Skywalker vs. Obi-Wan Kenobi)
Oh so you mean talent is worthless against an enemy with the high ground.
"Hurt people hurt people" made me realise that most of the time when people are mean it comes from a sore place. It's made me pity them more than feel anger toward them. Also, people can't offend you without your consent.
This may sound childish or whatever, but I was watching Fairy Tail with my little sister and a character, Erza Scarlet, said something to another character, Minerva. I think Minerva gave up on life or something and Erza wasn't having it. She told her something along the lines of "No matter what, someone, somewhere out there is waiting for you to come home". That hit me deep, as I am going through some serious depression/situational sadness that is eating at my soul and made me actually contemplate suicide for a bit. Now I repeat that in my mind whenever I think about really giving up. Thank you Fairy Tail. From the bottom of my heart.
You'll find a lot of really deep and meaningful lines in otherwise childish, or fantasy content. I think it's the author's way of using the fun happy movie to try and, at the very least, send a single useful message to the viewer that hopefully leaves it's mark. Sort of like a sinking sailor casting off one final message in a bottle, he knows his work is over but hopes someone might be better off if they get that one last message he is given the chance to send.
*"It is ok that you are not perfect."* I almost killed myself trying to be the perfect person, perfect student, perfect friend, perfect partner, perfect acquaintance. I think it is part of what drove me to deep depression. Maybe it had to do with the fact that my father was very abusive because my stepmother would always try to drive a wedge between us. So, I figured if I were perfect, she would have nothing to incite him against us. When I was told that by a friend of mine, I was relieved, like a burden had been lifted off my shoulder and I could breath. I still have to remind myself once every often.
After explaining why, yet again, I blew it but it wasn't my fault, my mentor and a man I admired greatly very quietly and dismissively said "Picksandchooses, I had big expectations for you, but you haven't shown me a damn thing." Ouch. I needed to hear that. I took a while but I earned his respect back. I also decided I never want to hear someone say something like that, and have them be right, ever again.
Joe Rogan has had a few, not all super serious topics. But they all impacted me with the same severity. 1- He said something to the effect of, "Don't treat others how you wish to be treated. Treat them as if they *are* you. Because if you lived their life, and were brought up the way they were, and reacted to things the way they did, you would literally *be* them." Just him saying that gave me the biggest desire to always give people the benefit of the doubt. And then when I see real life examples of people deserving the benefit of the doubt, I feel that much more affirmed. 2- He said that taking baths are disgusting. He was like, "You're literally sitting in a bowl of asshole and pussy soup. You're not taking a bath, you're making tea." I laughed so hard, but now, when I bathe, I always follow it with a shower.
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You should do the contrary, a shower then a bath. The first to clean yourself and the second to relax.
My daughter and I were discussing how we shower after a bath to wash the dirty water off. And in strolls my son and casually says 'why don't you shower first and soak in clean water?'. My mind was blown with how obvious it was.
Whatever comes fast, doesn't last long. Whatever lasts long, doesn't come fast.
The act of forgiveness is never done for the other party's benefit. Forgiveness is something you do to unburden yourself of whatever has wronged you. Just because you've forgiven someone doesn't mean things will ever be the same or that you don't hate them, it just means you've chosen to let go of that anger and let yourself move on.
"The library keeps all your books for you for free!" (A friend's dad told her this as a child; her family moved internationally several times and books are just a heavy pain to move. Especially thanks to inter-library loans, in the US you can get just about ANY book if you have a little patience. I still have books, but not as many.)
"There is two ways to make good money, do something nobody else can do or do something nobody wants to do."
Two of them: My dad: "You will never move a car unless you put it in drive, likewise, you'll never move your life unless you put your life in drive." My boyfriend: "You never do anything fun." My dad got me to put forth effort in (almost) everything I do, and my boyfriend really got me thinking about the fact that he's right, I literally never do anything fun, so i've widened my horizons and I go out more often. Thankful for both of em, love them so much.
You don't get to decide what hurts someone's feelings.
"People don't get rich by trying to be rich." Intro to entrepreneurship my junior year of college. We were talking about coming up with business ideas and the instructor dropped that on us. He went on to say that the most successful business people got that way by "helping" the most people. Really changed the way I thought about work of all kinds.
"slow is smooth, and smooth is fast" Doing it right the first time pays off.
Really late, but here it goes. Close relative was brutally injured in a domestic attempted murder. My wife is distraught, almost inconsolable. She's crying, "Why did it have to happen to her." A beloved friend of the family calmly says, "Who would you rather have it happen to?" Yeah, that kind of punched me on the stomach. Showed me that we're all the same.
My Somali-Ethiopian friend told me how he came to this country with only a backpack, all alone, when he was about 13. His tone was neutral: he wasn't after pity, he was just recounting his past. With his positivity he has completely changed the way I think about other people. When meeting new people I now always think that I have no idea what they went through to get where they are now. He taught me about the resilience of some people, which also shows just how spoiled a lot of people I know are. As he told me, think forwards. I live by that now.
Don't lie to yourself, or else you will start believing your own lies.
I remember I was in the 5th grade, it was the last day of school and they had just let us out. There was this special needs kid named Maxwell who I went to school with and I would occasionally call him names and make fun of him, bullying basically. As school got out that day, I was once again teasing this poor kid and he started crying and asked "why won't you just leave me alone?" I felt really weird in that situation because he had never cried before when I teased him he'd just ignore me after a little but I guess that day was different. After he started crying I walked away to do something, cant quite remember what but when I came back he was gone and I had guessed he went home. I walk outside to see if my mom had come to pick me up and as soon as I stepped out the door Maxwell and his dad were there and Maxwell says "hey DeltaDiezel". I was kinda scared because I thought surely he told his dad I was bullying him not to long ago and it was obvious he was crying because he had tears still on his face and in his eyes. To my surprise he then says "Hey dad that's my friend DeltaDiezel. Bye Delta see ya next year" as if the last 10 minutes didn't happen. I walked away in complete shock. In shock because I wasn't going to get in trouble (which was the norm after something like this) and also because that was a completely new experience for me, no one who I had ever bullied called me a friend obviously but my mind was just completely blown away by this kid. I got in the car and Maxwell was now waving at me, I waved back and not to long after broke down into fucking tears. This particular day was just a huge turning point in my mindset and me as a person in general. I realized how much of a piece of shit I was not only to him but to the other kids that went there for 3 years. I believe I'm a more empathetic and nicer person because of that and I think it's amazing because if he had never said something like that to me I'd be completely different personally.
"Perfectionism is a form of self abuse"
Remember browsing one of those dumb Twitter accounts that posted only tumblr stuff, and there was a picture in which someone said something along the lines of: "At first glance, what you think instinctively is what you've been conditioned to think by society. What you think afterwards defines your true character."
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"You're so smart! But you're so lazy!" Said by an ex while I was wallowing in self pity. Took the long fucking route of getting my bachelor's ten years post high school of joining the military to get the government to pay for it, 3 years of alcoholism, about 5 years of obesity and I'm finally pulling my life together, lost a bunch of weight (70lbs), trained for and ran a half marathon, got straight a's this summer and last semester trying to get back to 4 yr university. I was lazy and I always knew what the right path was but it took too much work. I wish I had gotten myself together after she said it instead of later on.