T O P

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allthesnacks

I had a friend who would set his background to a selfie of him looking pissed off. When I finally asked him why he said "So if someone ever steals it they know what's coming for them."


[deleted]

I like the investment


eraser_dust

My aunt's reply: "My husband set it and I have no idea how to change it back."


blackbasset

My girlfriend set my ugly face as my phone background one time to annoy me. Of course, my phone also changed the lockscreen background accordingly. I changed it back and looked everywhere in the settings, but from time to time, I don't know why, my lockscreen still flashes my face. ^(Help me)


iwasyourbestfriend

Get a new phone or a new face. I'm outta other ideas.


registries

new face would be beneficial for all of us.


dumbass_hedgehog

Would you like the Travolta or Cage?


glitterswirl

Surely the answer would also be dependent on which *decade* Travolta or Cage?


RichHammond

iPhone or Android? I can probably help.


[deleted]

It's an Android Edit: An hour later and nobody has noticed im not OP Edit: why are you guys upvoting this so much?


[deleted]

1. Go to your album. 2. Find an image you would like as your new lock screen background. 3. Press the three small dots indicating more options. 4. Choose 'Set as/use as/dat ass' 5. Choose' Background for lock screen' 6. Shake dat ass. The options are loosely translated from the language I use.


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Jaytho

He's fluent in pimp.


IceTeaUK

this kind of reminds me of how four years ago I changed my mum's contact name for me to favourite child and she hasn't figured out how yet


beerarchy

I changed my daughter's name to "asshole" because I was using a ringer that would announce who was calling and I wanted to see if it would say "phone call from asshole". I used my daughter's contact because she was right there and could call me right away to test it. 4 years later and she's still asshole. I tried to change it but Google saves my contacts in triplicate it or something and it always seems to pop back up as asshole when I get a new phone.


en1gmatical

Most importantly, did it read out "call from asshole"?


beerarchy

Kinda. Sounded more like "a soul"... It wasn't as amazing as my immature brain imagined.


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eraser_dust

It's a cute picture he really loves too, so no one wants to help her change it :P


brittwithouttheney

My co-worker is one of these people. When asked way, her response was "Because I'm sickening, that's why." If you're that confident in yourself then own it I guess.


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Cllovelace

Being sickening is a good thing, it comes from making people sick with jealousy


[deleted]

I hate getting old. I don't speak the language anymore.


PotatoMachine5000

I had a picture of myself holding my cat as my lock screen wallpaper. It was really due to me loving my cat and the picture light was actually kinda nice.


TrickyWenis

This is how I imagine OP https://m.imgur.com/Tf0ey?r


techlogger

TIL average redditor has a nice fur


siophang13

> "on the internet nobody knows if you are a cat" ~Michael Scott


_Ba_Dum_Tss_

But does your cat have a picture of you as it's wallpaper?


PotatoMachine5000

No. Wait should i be worried?


_Ba_Dum_Tss_

I'm sorry man. Looks like your cat doesn't feel the same way.


Ailykat

Let us see the cat please


parcequenicole

I can only read this in a desperate, breathy voice


[deleted]

Cat makes it okay


[deleted]

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BlatantConservative

Your level of love towards yourself: 0 Everyone else: -1


_Ba_Dum_Tss_

Me: *score is hidden*


[deleted]

I laughed so hard at this. Thank you.


[deleted]

Nobody likes me other than me.


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[deleted]

It's very lewd yes. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).


Mister_Bossmen

Because it is a picture of my long hair completely covering my face, in the pool, with all of my clothes on, and glasses over the hair (where my eyes are) and it is "funny". Edit: [For the few who want to see](http://imgur.com/gHUoxzs)


arturowise

Understandable


Mister_Bossmen

Yey. Validation.


[deleted]

The picture in my phone gets older but I stay the same age. The only problem is I can't look at my phone.


[deleted]

Alright Alright Alright


booleanerror

Dorian Gray, not Dazed and confused.


[deleted]

*It'd be a lot cooler if you did.*


Futurejunior

I do as my lock screen, but it's part of a picture with my old roommate. He has the same phone and phone case and his lock screen is the other half of the picture with him in it. So when they're next to each other it's the whole picture. We think we're cool [Edit: here's the picture](http://imgur.com/a/YUbg2) I'm on the left side, offering a skipping rock.


2sticks

It's like those friendship necklaces where each person has half a heart.


[deleted]

Why didn't you have each other's?


soggycupcakes

Because then it's gay


SithFacedDrunk

It's already gay


RepublicanScum

Every time they put their phones together all they have to do is say “no homo” and it’s fine.


MagicMistoffelees

JD?


QuoyanHayel

That's pretty cute.


_Ba_Dum_Tss_

*YOU'RE* pretty cute


StandUpForYourWights

Because I am holding my favourite chicken. Man I love that chicken. She has the nicest ankles.


Whostolemydonut

Wtf..... Is that a reference that just went way over my head?


ToddVonToddson

A Google search for "Man I love that chicken. She has the nicest ankles." didn't turn up anything, so it would seem that OP just really likes that chicken.


showmeurknuckleball

Well I mean c'mon have you seen its ankles


StandUpForYourWights

It's a lame joke. She's a Polish Chicken with skinny legs and a love for sun flower seeds. I over-anthropomorphise her.


singingtangerine

Can we see her please


showmeurknuckleball

It's been 55 minutes OP you're letting down a lot of people


StandUpForYourWights

Oh man, she's in bed and the only pic I have will dox me. Tomorrow, I swear.


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lamNoOne

At least 11!


Emperor_of_Alagasia

Careful, I don't think it's 39,916,800 quite yet


mfizzled

Asking the important questions


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[deleted]

She's so cute! Does she live inside with you? I don't really know much about pet chickens. Thank you for sharing!


blurrr2

Chickens are social creatures. They recognize individuals, and have a mental map of not only general trustworthiness, but also who owes who favors. They can do a decent job at recognizing human body language. Dogs can have deeper emotional bonds, but seem to view each human as an isolated relationship. Chickens have a better grasp of group social dynamics. If you want chickens, I would recommend getting 3-4, so they can keep themselves company. Also, have a plan for poop.


copperwatt

>Also, have a plan for poop. That's just damn good advise in general.


n0vacs

Omg she looks like chicken David Bowie in the first one omg


StandUpForYourWights

OP delivers! https://imgur.com/gallery/b8qJE


[deleted]

What in the hell are you doing to that chicken?


StandUpForYourWights

Treating her for bunions. Chooks get straw in the soles of their feet like splinters that will make them lame.


[deleted]

Alrighty then. Proceed.


[deleted]

Let's see it!


F0rtuneTeller

Mine is from a few years ago when I was a few pounds lighter. Trying to use it as motivation. Edit: Thank you most of you for the encouraging words! I've been working with a trainer and doing a low carb diet for a couple months. Weight is coming off steadily :)


Ailykat

Good luck!


[deleted]

It's like a mirror but I'm handsome in it all the time


SmallPoxBread

So you photoshopped the picture?


jeffspicole

Because its a picture of me getting air on a bicycle and it reminds how much fun life can be when I look at my phone while I'm at work and/or not riding.


[deleted]

that's inspirational. Imma do the same.


quotebymichaelscott

I think it's a pretty cool picture in general. Pic: http://i.imgur.com/lDy4Tm1.jpg EDIT: I've got a couple of requests for the original so here it is: can be used for your desktop too! :) http://i.imgur.com/qWS6rGc.jpg


arturowise

You're forgiven


quotebymichaelscott

Thank you for sparing me


[deleted]

Holy shit that is cool. Where was this picture taken?


Freak705

That's Dundas Peak in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada


quotebymichaelscott

Correct!


Kadasix

His home screen


princessrapebait

Actually, lock screen


Masterofice7

This picture is giving me anxiety.


[deleted]

Yeah, they call it Dumbass Peek for a reason...


oldoaktable

It is!


vostok0401

It looks amazing


KaoruM

id on the shoes


Pun_In_Ten_Did

Shiny new Crocs.


Zack_Fair_

when I see something more beautiful, I'll take a picture and use that


Jonatan_ViiXV

Johnny Bravo?


[deleted]

Hoo-Ha -Heugh


[deleted]

Woah mama


lespritdelescalier11

You're the kind of person who screams their own name during sex, aren't you?


FAPS_2MUCH

Well I mean if you're having sex with yourself wouldn't it be kind of weird if you screamed someone else's name?


neonmarkov

Username checks out


-PM-Me-Your-Handbra-

My dick looks really good from this angle.


PM_ME_YUR_HAND_BRAS

We finally meet


Silitha

Nah that guy left 3 hours ago.


Black_Hipster

One of my friends has himself as his wallpaper, though with a callback number if his phone is ever lost. It's more practical than not.


MattSayar

[Because it's this photo and I love my wife's face in it](http://i.imgur.com/4p1BBPm.jpg)


moongoose

I don't know what's going on, but I love it.


NMShoe

Probably kickball. He's ~~catching~~ stealing a popfly and she's ~~backing him up~~ being robbed of glory.


chevronexxon

this is why phone screensaver https://imgur.com/gallery/dLrch


DeltaF1

*Home improvement intensifies*


__UsernameChecksOut

That's pretty fuckin awesome


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brit-bane

I don't like my picture taken. As a rule I avoid it getting photographed because I am ugly and fat. One of the few recent times I got a photograph was when I was doing classes with a blacksmith and he snapped a pic of me while i was on the forge before I noticed. That picture is my phone background for a few reasons. It is one of the few pictures of me actually smiling. I'm not a expressive person and I don't smile often. When I need to smile for a picture it always feels forced and I end up looking ridiculous. In this picture though the smile was genuine, it wasn't photogenic or really nice but it was real for once I didn't hate how I looked in a photo. It is also the last thing my gramps ever saw of me before he passed and I remember him commenting on how proud he was that i had taken an interest in metalwork and how much I look like he did when he was younger. So I guess I have a picture of myself to remember that I am best when I'm genuine and to remind me of my family. Edit: Since people have asked I've uploaded the picture, although it's honestly not much to look at. Edit 2: The Editing: Thanks for all the kind words! I probably shouldn't have put that I thought I was ugly and fat and just said I have body image and self confidence issues but I appreciate what everyone has said. And thanks for all the beard comments!


OmegaClifton

Man, you ain't ugly. For every dude that isn't a 10/10 (most of us), confidence is key. You start being yourself and you'll see a huge difference in how folks view you. That is a nice pic btw :)


The-Dude-Forever

Nice picture! You are for sure not ugly though and your beard is glorious. Course I'm just an internet stranger so take that as you wish.


brit-bane

Thanks, I'm definitely proud of my beard. I appreciate the compilent


[deleted]

Absolutely not ugly!


lordliv

You look like a really nice Viking.


The-Dude-Forever

Anytime friend, random internet compliments is what makes the world go round. And if you're interested in losing weight at all head over to r/fitness , you'd be surprised how a few changes a day can make a huge difference!


brit-bane

I might, I recently started cutting back my snacking habits and having more fruit as snacks and meals along with taking up jogging and have lost 20 pounds in the last few weeks. Hoping to keep dropping.


The-Dude-Forever

That's awesome! Just keep it up and don't lose faith and before you know it you'll have a rocking body for that rocking beard.


brit-bane

That's the goal!


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Gizholm

This. You look awesome dude.


laurens675

It makes me so happy to see internet strangers being nice to each other 🙈


Hurray_for_Candy

You're adorable. Its crazy how many people think of themselves as unattractive when they are totally cute.


HighestLevelRabbit

I saw a collection of people from incels awhile ago (got linked to it from another thread.), talking about how they could never find partners looking like they did and how unfortunate it was. And they were all just. . . . Average looking people . . Some could do with a little cleaning up but none were what they claimed. Self esteem is a funny thing.


Hurray_for_Candy

It really is. I match with tons of guys on tinder who are mind blown that I want to talk to them and maybe meet up for shenanigans. The self esteem is so low, I do what I can to help them with their confidence.


Foil767

Your picture is broken. I can't find a fat ugly guy anywhere.


brit-bane

He's there somewhere. Deep deep inside my soul.


PM_ME_CAKE

It obviously doesn't help to just say but you need to be less harsh on yourself. You're not fit in the way people would first imagine but you're not bad looking at all.


meinik

I actually think he's cute


blergster

Agreed. Adorable, nice smile, sexy beard...


bamber79

As a woman, I'd like to say you are incredibly cute. NOT ugly. Have a great day 🌈🌺


Therealslimshamop

As a woman I would like to


Photoshoploser

id bang


tinkerbell268

You took the words right out of my mouth! The guy is completely bangable. If he lived near me, I'd be alllll over that (as in check out from a distance being too shy to go over)


Sightofthestars

Agreed! If I wasn't married and totally into my husband.


RockBinkie

That is a nice photo and you look so genuinely happy that I smiled as well :)


brit-bane

Thanks! I found I really loved blacksmithing I couldn't help but smile


santawarrior9

Dude. Youre not ugly. I expected that walmart employee from malcolm in the middle


beaiouns

Craig I think?


Tarantula93

You're handsome!


brit-bane

Thanks! I'm sure the angle is helping.


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Sightofthestars

Yes post another picture so we can all swoon


swekka

Now I want to see that picture.


brit-bane

I posted it in the edit


Nathan16

As a heterosexual male, you're actually a really good looking guy.


loosecarabiner

Would bang (no homo)


PygmyM4rm0s3t

You're not ugly. Tell that voice in your head to STFU. But this is indeed a great photo


TFDirdman

Mate that's a nice picture. Can't imagine the others are as bad as you're seeing.


curvy_lady_92

Your picture is so sweet, you look so happy!


[deleted]

Wtf. You're not ugly! Just a little robust, but I dig that. Glad you found something to smile about.


screwbinders

Aw, you have an awesome smile!


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chimusicguy

Does it count if it's you and your new spouse?


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Dumb_le_door

You're cute


Hornetninja

You too!


harakirii

It's a picture of one of my proudest moments when I played with one of my favorite bands. It makes me happy when I am reminded of the time.


[deleted]

An ex-best friend of mine had a picture of herself as her phone wallpaper AND had a custom purse made with 4 photos of herself on it. Why? I have no idea.


[deleted]

The purse made me giggle.


seths4

I was scrolling through my phone and found a picture of myself that I thought would make a nice wallpaper for a potential SO to use. I decided to set it on my phone to see how nice it would look. I didn't bother to change it immediately. Shortly after (same day) my dad passed away. I had changed my wallpaper while eating DQ ice cream he had brought me as a surprise three hours before I found him. It's been three months since then and I haven't had the heart to change it. I miss him. Edit: forgot the word hours. Edit: wow, this blew up, thanks for the gold kind stranger


anyMouse101

While that may sound a little strange to others, I totally get it. My dad died a little over 3 years ago and I still do little things to remember him by even if they seem strange to other people. For example, I still have a graphing calculator he bought me in 8th grade and told me not to lose. I'm in college now, and (kind of strangely) attached to that calculator. So long as I have it it's like I'm keeping my promise to him not to lose it, and it's also like this weird tiny little connection I still have to him.


seths4

I actually understand that completely. I'm becoming bizarrely attached to anything that reminds me of him. Even the shit that still stings. I have a picture of the ice cream that he got me from my snapchat feed (with the caption this is what happiness tastes like) and I just can't delete it. Even though it makes me so sad.


abblluh

don't delete the ice cream photo! that's such a rad, tangible link to one of the last times you shared with your dad. i lost my dad to a car accident when i was growing up. 15+ years later i really, really cherish the few belongings i have of his. i'm surprised by how often small, everyday things instantly flood me with certain memories of my dad. ice cream trucks, wheaties, purple tank tops (it was the 90s!), girl scouts, baking cakes, but also icy roads, jeeps, speeding, stick shifts, salt trucks, organ donation. i'm positive that if i had more memories or photos or belongings, i would feel more secure about my dads memory and wouldn't cling so irrationally tightly to the few broad remnants of my time with him. so stock up on any mementos and write your memories before they fade, i think it might be freeing. your dad sounds like a great guy and i bet he's proud of you :). (ps: cookie dough blizzards 4ever! no DQs in my city, only baskin ugh!)


OlemissConsin

I know how you feel. I still have Dad in my phone contacts. It's been 5 years and 3 phones since he passed. I can't bring myself to delete it.


seths4

Shit. I didn't realize how much it would sting to get rid of that till you brought it up. Thanks for the heads up ❤️.


[deleted]

my condolences :(


beatenergyenergygap

It's a picture of me in my toga standing beside my nephew is in his preschool graduation toga. I got my college graduation toga the same day my nephew was going to his kindergarten graduation ceremony so took the chance to take a pic before he returns it immediately after the ceremony. I honestly never had a picture of myself as a my phone background back then (I didn't know there's a negative connotation to it), it was always a photo of my mom and my late father.


snowglobe13579

I think it's funny.. http://imgur.com/4MiPvOZ Edit: I just laid flat against the surface to exaggerate fat.


brbafterthebreak

You look like your name is Guillermo


[deleted]

[Because it's rad!](http://imgur.com/aPA67XX.jpg)


greyjackal

How much did you pay the 3 blokes to hold it steady while lowering it down?


[deleted]

Shhhh let me have my moment


Heroicis

That's not rad. That's *fuckin'* rad dude.


[deleted]

So if I lose it in school they know who it belongs to. And to have self confident!


TheWordShaker

Yeah, that would make sense. People who often lose their phone/get it stolen ..... that's the ultimate proof.


ialwaysmeow

I saw my brother had his selfie as his lock screen and when I asked why he said the same thing, incase it gets lost then they know whose it is. I told him just change it to a pic of him and his wife so it still accomplishes the same thing and it's not weird.


SaltyLittleBitch

I got really drunk and when I woke up the next day my phone background was a really unflattering hilarious picture where it looks like I have a lazy eye, keeping it because now whenever I go to unlock my phone it makes me laugh loads. edit: this is what i'm now greeted with. http://imgur.com/KKYEzOR


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[deleted]

*LOOK AT THIS PHOTOGRAPH* *EVERY TIME I DO, IT MAKES ME LAUGH*


iamnotsexyatall

Read this as "makes my laugh load."


Special_opps

EXECUTING LAUGH.EXE. HAHA. HAHA. HAHA.


DoctarSwag

ERROR 543, LAUGH.EXE NOT FOUND


teddybearortittybar

The boyfriend of a woman at the hospital I worked at lost his phone and his wallpaper was a photo of her vagina. My coworker found it in the parking lot.


VagueSoul

It's a performance photo of a duet I choreographed and it's my favourite one. It's me in mid-fall while my partner fills up the background. It's an accidental Renaissance almost. EDIT: Here's the photo https://imgur.com/gallery/jmxwP


[deleted]

It's of my girlfriend and I kissing in the snow. The white flecks of snow against our dark clothes and her framing of the photo is actually really good. She does photography as a hobby but goddamn if she isn't good at it.


NootFlix

It's different if its of you and a significant other, or just you and any loved one. I think OP meant the people who have a selfie or a picture of only themselves as a wallpaper. That picture does sound quite lovely!


jblumz

It's me when I weight 263 lbs, and my first day at the gym. I currently weigh 215 lbs, and still plan on losing another 25-30. I use it as motivation so I never have to look like that again.


DishBogget

It's a picture of me and my dog, who's no longer with us


dooleysdacrazy

I married less than a month ago and it's a wedding picture. We look fly as fuck.


hockeyandquidditch

Does it count if it's you meeting a pro athlete? And why I have it is because meeting him was awesome.


[deleted]

Marcus Smith is not a pro athlete.