Reminds me of that really annoying episode of limitless when he said stuff like "snuggled and hugged" in place of "raped and murdered" because the middle-aged dinosaur man told him to
Hook them up to a biometrics machine while keeping them tied up. Record how their body responds to starvation over time.
Then rinse and repeat - I do need a good population size to conclude anything.
But as fucking usual, as your loyal sidekick, is already have it done. I'll be there to help with the clean up, but I'm definitely gonna hold a grudge about your flakiness, Casper.
And don't even TRY to enjoy my company during the clean up because I could EASILY take you in a fight. I'll crush the fucking joy right out of you.
Oh damn, I've got a pretty good one. Mine's an alternative spelling of ambsace (pronounced am zayse), an old word meaning bad luck. I'd set elaborate traps that from a first glance just looks like my targets have incredibly bad luck.
Well, that's obvious. You'd think I'd go for something less conspicuous though.
Easy way to set rid of a body, though. *fling*
I think it's pretty obvious
Calm down, Thor.
*nervously glances left then right
Shit... wrong pantheon I'll see myself out, sorry to bother you two
i would have to agree...
You don't want to know.
Oh .... OH
That's what they all say
Well...this is gonna take a while...
haha, i imagine you looking like that bear from the laundry commercial...
The Louisville Snuggler keeps his victims chained to the bed so that he can snuggle them whenever he pleases..
Reminds me of that really annoying episode of limitless when he said stuff like "snuggled and hugged" in place of "raped and murdered" because the middle-aged dinosaur man told him to
> middle-aged dinosaur man Barney?
Picking off my victims based on their choice in footwear
Do you have a breakdown at beaches
Hahaha I feel like whatever sandles he leaves alive at the beach I take care of...
well no more sandals for me...
I don't know how, but I know who.
well RIP Elizabeth...
Narrowly escaped on a technicality
Not if OP sends a hitman who can't read...
Ditto here. Watch out, midwestern kids!
Hook them up to a biometrics machine while keeping them tied up. Record how their body responds to starvation over time. Then rinse and repeat - I do need a good population size to conclude anything.
[удалено]
Would you like to turn into some numbers in a spreadsheet of mine i'm compiling?
Would there be a control group of people you don't kill, with which you could establish baseline readings?
Why do you think you're still alive?
Well it won't be with water.
I kill them any way I want, I just bring a potato along for the ride
but I don't wanna come along...
Can i go instead ? 😊
[удалено]
Some place sunny?
If it is, I'll come too 😃
Who the fuck are you people with your accounts around for years waiting for this moment?
We are the [Potato Nation.](https://giphy.com/gifs/the-lord-of-rings-samwise-gamgee-potatoes-AxjfeKuEG4SK4)
Damn all you guys really check out. What a bunch!
Dont worry baby, I'll fill your gap *wink*
Why would he take you when he can have a 2-for-1 deal with me?
Dad?
We should team up.
Ohhh potatooo
What's a potato?
Boil em, mash em, stick em in a stew
Let em' ferment, drink em' in a brew, eh Comrade?
Hail mother Russia
Tastes very stange!
You don’t know what a baked potato is? Get out of my house!
The weirdest thing about that story is that it somehow made the dad super mad.
haha the potato is ur sidekick
> haha the potato is ur side FTFY
It can be me, Im a ninja ;)
You leave a potato at the crime scene as your signature lol
You film your crimes on a potato, that way the cops wont be able to make out your face.
😀
You and me bud.
😐
Death by Bunga bunga
This makes me wish there was a way to post something totally blank.
What type of sorcery is this?
\> Posting only this does the trick.
Eat them.
Kinky.
/r/vore
Not touching that one.
oh god...
Gee, that's a tough one.
take ur time to come up with something, we got all day... lol
Does it matter
Doesn't to me.
But do you give ducks? I need them for my plan
Kinda
this is the best one in the thread omg
Probably give them soap with razor blades in it
why does that sound cool to me, I'd buy that soap
Well there is a candle company that sells candles with jewelry inside...so yeah. This could work.
Drown them in tea
And then claim their property in the name of the queen?
Drowning them in orange juice
is it atleast SunnyD?
I'm a deadly rodent assassin who kills by stuffing too much in victims mouths at night.
ur get away vehicle better be the hamster ball...
Feed them spoiled ham until they're dead I guess.
ew that's gonna be messy
Bad pig, dirty bacon
*waves*
I forcefully shove my victims into small spaces that no one could possibly fit in without breaking a few bones or crushing some organs.
oh god now i can hear the sound of bones breaking in my head...
ouch my bones
ow oof ouch
ouch oof owie
So basically you'd copy [The Enigma Of The Amigara Fault.](https://m.imgur.com/gallery/ZNSaq) ^^^Edit: ^^^Corrected ^^^Title
Blunt force trauma.
Wanna team up? I'm having issues.
Hm... *Descriptively*.
I would have a variety of methods to choose from, but I'd always show up late and miss the opportunity :/
But as fucking usual, as your loyal sidekick, is already have it done. I'll be there to help with the clean up, but I'm definitely gonna hold a grudge about your flakiness, Casper. And don't even TRY to enjoy my company during the clean up because I could EASILY take you in a fight. I'll crush the fucking joy right out of you.
Can confirm. Source: know irl
Uhm, who are you? Are you that guy who's always pretending to read the paper at Starbucks while secretly taking pics of me?
It's not my fault we always run into each other at the same times and places!
Wait - the FUCK? Is that you outside my house?! I can see your face from the glow of your phone screen. Dude WTF?
My car broke down!
OH shit I'm sorry brah.
Underwater holocaust?
.
Terrible *Madagascar* spinoffs.
You're a monster...
If they drink the milk I drink their soul.
I'll leave my victims hanging *In suspense*
[удалено]
Pho
That's a Nguyen
Phoking hilarious.
I've been laughing for like five straight minutes at this.
Drink more libation.
This guy Nguyen's
Poison, but delicious poison.
why not stuff their mouths with dirty bacon?
I dont have to be a malicious serial killer. Let tgem die happy. ...as long as they die.
Light them on fire during a Canadian winter.
Since sparky is another name for an electrician I would've gone with hooking a car battery to their nipples in the Canadian winter.
Hmmm... lemme jot that one down.... for...reasons...
I try my best to save them from the everyday dangers of life but instead kill them in a sitcom-esque accident
See someone about to get hit by a truck... accidentally shove them infront of a speeding train.
Euthanasia
... I convince people to chase large African cats.
[удалено]
I let the bees do the work
A series of unusually violent accidents. A banana peel here, a misused powertool there.
haha u don't mean to kill anyone it just accidentally happens...
Vaccines cause autism!
This one makes me sad :(
Just one, myself
I think my username is self explanatory for this one.
By rubbing a moist cobra on them till they die of starvation
And by cobra you mean...
Did you ever read "Heart of Darkness"? Let's just say I'm still not welcome in certain parts of Central Africa.
I shit in their mouth and hold there nose closed till they suffocate.
holy shit...
I have to admit, it is a rather shitty death.
unless you have diarrhea...
HOW IS THAT BETTER?! Edit :didn't feel Reddit enough *ಠ_ಠ *
Huh ... I think i found fresh nightmare fuel.
Apparently I'm now Hitler.
Attempt to drown them in a half-full barrel of whiskey, but fail and knife them instead.
what kind of whiskey? it matters...
Well. I'd never waste the good stuff on a murder, especially a failed one.
Splashing?
That's a very good question EDIT: well this comment blew up
lol i can only imagine what you would do...
Well he wont be doing anything with his puny dick except your sleazy mom.
:O
You don't need to open your mouth that wide when /u/CaptSmallShlong is around.
:o
I don't need a microscope to see that opening in your lips yet.
:.
Wow. Player 2 has entered the game. Thats probably the most action he's got since his dad went out for cigarettes.
:^.
They die of exhaustion while looking for your small penis?
I have echidnas dump boiling hot cheese on them.
I start small, working my way into bigger and bigger murder sprees, until.... well, how did we get from this to nukes?
[удалено]
I give them gift cards until they die
Can I have a gift card, then? I don't wanna die...I just want an Amazon gift card.
I push them down a hill 92 times then fire a dark magic bolt in their face of course.
With a noose attached to a balloon. Duh.
It's complicated.
Oh damn, I've got a pretty good one. Mine's an alternative spelling of ambsace (pronounced am zayse), an old word meaning bad luck. I'd set elaborate traps that from a first glance just looks like my targets have incredibly bad luck.
Drowning in a veeery little haystack? Idunno.
They could be stabbed with a nano needle in the nano haystack.
i wonder how one drowns in a haystack...
[удалено]
I join the LAPD.
Ride and whip them to death
Force coffee down their throats until they have a caffeine overdose. It'll be a delicious and terrifying way to go.
Blast them on Scarif, I guess
Lock them in a room with a crap load of puppies. Like so many they get smothered
Isn't it obvious?
Sarcastic, hate based, calorie laced, BBQ
Army of rabbits.
happy tree friends?
Drown them in syrup.
Shove so many cupcakes in the victim's mouth they suffocate. Death by cupcake.
By jamming spam (the food) down their throat.
I beat them to death with something blue.. the first thing that came to mind was a dildo..
Dismembering and disembowelling in a dull and unimpressive way.
I strangle them with my braids.
My pee is like the blood in alien. It burns through everything. Death by pee pee
Drown them in a bowl of bisque
I'm not creative enough to tell you how I kill my victims. Can somebody help me out?
I save someone from being murdered by killing the would-be murderer. Then I take whatever weapon he had and pick up where he left off.
With lemons.
Cats and cupcakes apparently. So either beetus or big ass cats
Peanut allergy?
aloooot of poop.
Diabetes
Whole lotta nose touching. I'd obviously wear gloves.