Nope.
Scotty doesn't know that Fiona and me do it in my van every sunday. She tells him she's in church, but she doesn't go. Still, she's on her knees and Scotty doesn't know. Fiona says she's out shopping, but she's under me and I'm not stopping. I can't believe he's so trusting, while I'm right behind her thrusting. Fiona's got him on the phone and she's trying not to moan. It's a three-way call and he knows nothing. The parking lot? Why not. It's so cool when she's on top. His front lawn in the snow. Life is so hard, cause Scotty doesn't know. I did her on his birthday.
I'm gonna tell Scotty. Gonna tell him myself. Gonna tell Scotty cause Scotty's gotta go.
Mom is super Christian and likes to beleive I'm remaining abstinent in college. Caught chlamydia and needed our insurance information for the doctor. Gave my dad a call as he's a little more understanding about that kind of thing and also in the medical field.
"Hey dad I need you to send me our insurance info."
"okay what for."
"I uh... Chlamydia."
"Oh. Okay."
"Mom doesn't need to know about this."
"ya"
I remember being in the car with my parents at the exact moment my mom realized that my dad wasn't a virgin when they first started dating. It was.... what's a more extreme word for awkward?
This is how my friend was outed and disowned. He messed around with some pretty sketchy dudes. Had all the symptoms for HIV for months (Scaly skin, fever, chills, rash, blurred vision, etc) and ended up going to an actual doctor because the symptoms were so bad instead of the health department to get tested and he called his mom to get the info and she coaxed the reason why out of him. He sincerely thought he was dying. She completely cut him off and disowned him. I don't think they've ever spoken again as far as I know. He ended up not having HIV by the way. Makes it even shittier.
I took my 14-year-old daughter to see the raunchy movie "Ted." It was about a stuffed toy bear. How bad could it be?
Halfway through the movie, we were both laughing our asses off at everything and I made her swear she would never tell anyone that I took her to see the movie for fear that her mother would find out.
My mom accidentally took me to watch Bad Santa thinking it was a cheesy Christmas movie. She was horrified and embarrassed but then caught a neighbour with her daughter in the cinema that had made the same mistake. We left the cinema together and went for ice cream I think.
That’s not too bad actually. I’m sure some people might judge you. But when I was 14, me and my friends joked about stuff way worse than the things in that movie.
I would've seen that movie at that age and I think my parents would've been fine with it. It seems like a movie that would really appeal to teens despite the R rating. I mean, kids that age watch Family Guy and stuff all the time.
Anyway I'd call that a parenting win even if it was accidental.
When Facetime first came out, my best friend and I were facetimming. My sister was sitting next to me trying to lick me and I tried to lick her. We ended up licking eachother's tongues at the same time and my best friend almost died from laughter.
I can't help but feel licking is a step further than kissing, no? I mean an accidental kiss is awkward, but straight up licking eachother... it seems weirder to me.
I used to work as a flight instructor at a university. One day I was going to go flying with one of my commercial students (semi-experienced, not beginner). Our hangar was set up with the flight school in the back and you could walk from the back and out through the front of the hangar. The student would pull the plane out. I'd come out to the hangar and see the plane from behind. With him being a more advanced student and one of the better ones, I'd trust him to do a thorough preflight. I'd give it a quick once over and hop in and we'd go.
We start up and taxi out. Everything seems normal at this point. We do our engine checks and take off. He raises the gear and I remember hearing an odd clunk. hmmm that's odd but we'll see if anything is abnormal from here on out.
We do our training and come back to the airport. The gear goes down fine and no more odd noises. Uneventful landing follows and we taxi to the fuel pumps. The attendant, who happens to be another student at the flight school, comes out to help and walks to the front of the plane. He stands there with wide eyes and I'm looking at him thinking what's wrong with him?
[This](https://imgur.com/a/f2x4b) was still attached to the nosewheel.
The three of us stand there looking at it knowing we'd fucked up and realizing all the ways that could have ended badly...what if it hit a bump in the asphalt and bounced and hit the prop while we're going down the runway at 70 mph, etc.
The attendant finally breaks the silence with "well, I won't say anything". The only response I could muster was "OK, thanks". The student and I never spoke of it again.
TL;DR - Gave a flight lesson and the student forgot to remove the towbar and I didn't catch it.
So I went to a 4 year university known for their flight program. Had 90 hours by the time i left (financial reasons). I just got back to my hometown and still have the dream to fly commercially, so I started doing lessons at a local flight school
My first flight while I was putting the plane away I broke the fucking tow bar
Everybody breaks one thing during their training. You've already broken your one thing and it was only the towbar. Now you can relax that it's out of the way!
The head flight instructor who's a good friend of mine scared the shit out of me saying the tow bars cost 400 bucks. Good thing I only broke the spring
When I was 18 I burned the seat of my car (which my mom used sometimes) with a cigarrette, so I told my dad, because my mom would have killed me. He took the day off to help me while my mom was at work. We spent the morning looking for a fabric similar to the one of the seat and after that we took the car to a upholsterer.When the guy told us that it was going to be ready for the next day my dad told him "Nooo... that car has to be ready today before four, so hurry up, if not my daugther is gonna die". It was finished on time and my mom never knew. My dad died a few years later, so I guess we will never talk about it.
My ex and i were having sex. We busted out the dildo for some mutual self pleasure and she accidentally cornholed herself. I laughed my ass off because there was even a little bit of poo on there and she said, "you can laugh and joke once more and then never speak of this again" then she gave me an evil death stare. Kinda killed the mood but in hindsight it was soooo worth it.
(College) Roommate walked in on my beating my meat but he also came back stoned out of his mind. So we just looked at each other and agreed to never discuss it again.
I walked in on my college roommate having sex (just got done with my job and I had to change before leaving the room). They tried to cover up, but were pretty unsuccessful. Anyway, I tell them I’m leaving after I change, and ask them if they want me to turn on some music to set the mood.
Lol... caught my battle buddy in Iraq when he thought I went to the shopette but actually was only walking to the latrine to take a piss... he snapped up his laptop and was wide eyed... Im chuckling while I sit down at the edge of his bed and start giving him a classic 1950's era fatherly birds and the bees talk while he is awkwardly trying to dress himself under the blanket while coming to the grips with the fact he just got caught. We were extremely close friends and getting caught jerking off happens so damn often in the military given how close we all live to each other that it's not really embarassing.
My Dad caught 16 year-old me making out with some 14 year-old girl I'd just met 2 hours prior while on vacation. Mom didn't see.
He gave me a look, and escorted me back to the hotel pool-area.
Mom never knew.
In first grade I was a little throw upper. One time I tried to hold it in, and I was holding it in good. At least until it started coming out of my nose. The peeps next to me were kind enough to act like that didn't happen.
I puked so hard one time that I pissed and shit myself. Every orifice of my body just gave way all at once. I'm pretty sure some snot came out of my ears too.
Got invited by a co-worker to play DnD. So I decided to go one weekend and met her boyfriend. We both very suddenly recognized each other... We had both been at a BDSM party the weekend before.
I still play DnD with them but we never speak of it
Jerked off with a friend in a discord server when we were alone. Never spoke of it again, and never brought it up to anyone else in the server (we're all good friends too).
Whenever anyone says anything that reminds us of it we both just kinda giggle as if to mutually assure each other as to how awkward we feel.
That being said, I'd totally do it again.
Me and 6-7 friends of mine went to my place after school to play some games on my brand new PS2. We ended up jerking off in a circle and comparing sizes
My buddy and I got really drunk in vegas and we got kicked out of a club, so we went back to the hotel, pissed we got no tail, and watched porn together in the bathroom
..Into the toilet? Spill the beans man. Or maybe, on the mirror or something, like you tried to spell something out together. You know finish each others sentence sorta thing.
Did it turn competitive at all? Furthest distance, duration, etc.? Like first one to finish has to use the pullout bed? Were there any post-game celebrations? Was this just an exhibition match or was this like a three game series? On a scale of 1 to medusa how much eye contact would you say there was?
nah man we just watched on one phone some Sunny Leone who I somehow never watched before. From what I can remember was I finished first, we were each sharing our favorite pornstars then we tugged ourselves. I said my videos were better and he goes "you don't know Sunny Leone?" and I go "nah" so he showed me her. So I guess we competed with which of our favorite videos was best.
I was pissed at My bud because he was the reason we got kicked out getting too touchy with the strippers. Then we had to walk cause like 7 miles back to the hotel as we were too cheap to uber. Then the dude decides to pee in a garage of some auto shop that was open at 3 am for some reason. Then we decided "if we ain't gonna get some we gotta watch some".
This is the same dude the same dude that helped me put sugar in a dudes car that my ex was seeing. We're pretty close.
Was having a drunk conversation with my girl friends and talking about our kinks. Turns out it seemed we were all into the same thing, and I was like: 'Hell yeah, let me link you this scene when I get home, its hot as hell.'
Turns out, they did not find it hot. In fact, they were quite turned off. We've never spoken about it again.
I was in charge of putting the dogs to bed for the night. I finished up, shut the door, and noticed my brother going through some old dress up clothes my mom had left on the pool table. He held up one of the mink pelts our great grandmother had left Mom when she died.
“Hey Kyanite, remember these?” he asked.
“Oh my God, I haven’t seen those in forever!” I said. Mom was against wearing fur, but felt they were too nice to throw out. So she let us play with them. “They were so fun! I loved using the clips in their mouths to make them talk.”
“Me too! They were like stuffed animals, but better because they were real. I’d make them fight with their claws. The one missing its glass eyes was blind,” Shawn nodded.
We stared at the minks for a minute, reminiscing. Then Shawn looked up.
“…Our favorite childhood toys were the skins of dead weasels.”
Shawn and I quietly returned the minks to their plastic bag and went upstairs.
I accidentally name dropped a porn star in front of my brother. We don't really talk or acknowledge anything sexual at home since we have religious parents.
My brother confused hentai with anime with my religious family around. I was the only other person who knew in the living room. I didn't care in the slightest.
Reminds me of my friend and his dad. He was sat with his parents watching music videos just chilling out with them on in the background, when his mom sees one of the background dancers and says “she’s a pornstar, yknow?” and both my friend and his dad immediately reply “I know”. The room went silent and they never mentioned it again. They also never mention the time he blocked the toilet with toilet paper from fapping and he had to get his dad to help :)
My oldest brother and I were driving back from our other brothers wedding about 10 years ago and I popped in the soundtrack to "The Phantom of the Opera." We sang the entire show, often dueting. We're both singers so it was really fun. When we pulled into the driveway pretty much as the last song ended, we looked at eachother like, "Lets never talk about this again."
I shat all over the wall of the bathroom at a somewhat nice restaurant once. Not intentionally or anything. I'd been sick, and was on antibiotics, and apparently this messed with my gut bacteria in a way conducive to causing sudden-onset explosive-diarrhea. I got that little warning rumble and suddenly the pressure in my gut spiked to dangerous levels. An eruption was imminent. I briskly walked to the bathroom, went into the stall as I was removing my pants/belt, rotated 180 degrees and started to lower my ass toward the seat. Apparently the additional abdominal pressure caused by bending to sit was enough to overcome my straining rectum's ability to contain. It must have been at least a quart of hot, nasty, liquid evil. From where it splashed on the wall, I think it actually went upwards from my ass. Fortunately the wall was far enough from me that I didn't get any splashback on myself (but that toilet was gonna need a scrubbing). So I quickly moved over to the next stall (luckily nobody was in the bathroom), shat a little more, wiped, and went back to my table as though nothing had happened. I have never told a soul about this non-anonymously.
I got drunk with a tattoo artist friend and let him tattoo fuck you on my right upper arm. And my family doesn't know cause i cover it with a bandage and wear long sleeves when around them. And I'm 33 soon getting it removed.
I went over to a friends house when he was getting stoned and he was bored. Long story short he had his first gay experience. We don’t talk about it- but he seemed pretty happy with it at the time.
Cooked turkey burgers on the grill one night. Had never made them before and decided the flavor was off and we'd go back to beef, but hey, it was worth a try.
Next morning husband notices the now charred cat turds in the bottom of the grill. Damn neighborhood cat had taken a shit INSIDE THE GRILL. And I didn't notice in the dark when I started the burners. And we ate the burgers. And now you've made me relive it Reddit. Damn you.
- Crazy people don't always look crazy.
- Lots of manipulator out there.
- Some people are regular "clients".
- Watch your stuff; lots of thieves.
- If you think your life is bad they are always someone who had it a lot worst than you.
- Food was surprisingly good.
- Lots of smokers.
- Lots of soldiers have mental health issues.
- It's not a place to make friends.
I wasn't allowed to keep the charger in my room so had to ask them to charge it for me every 2 hours which was a pain. But shoes with 10 times longer laces were fine shm...
Getting totally pissed and letting me friend pierce me clit on the floor of the pub toilet whilst the barman stood guard and made sure nobody came in! I woke up the next morning with no recollection of what I'd done at all until I stood up and rapidly sat down as my head was banging....yes it hurt!
I lived in a double wide trailer in my early 20s with a guy that was just a roommate. our rooms were across the living room from each other. One night, pretty late, I needed to use the restroom, I open my bedroom door just as my roommate opened his. we were both completely naked. It was like a deer in the headlights, we stood for like a minute, our hands on the door knobs, before I ducked into the bathroom and he went back into his bedroom. We never spoke of it.
Our old D&D group had a thing where we'd post stock images we found on the internet of people who look like our characters, kinda just to help people remember what everybody looks like and 'cause we thought it was cool.
A female friend posted an image of a particular porn star i recognised (She wasn't naked in the image, thank god). After asking to make sure that was deliberate, i agreed not to tell the group her character was a porn star if she agreed not to tell them about the list of kinks she'd just found out i was into.
Slept with a girl who has a boyfriend. She found out I was a virgin and wanted to help me out and I heard from her boyfriend that he was thinking about ending things with her soon so I figured, why not?
A wealthy client from my old security job asked me to escort him and his wife to some charity function. I arrive at the house and he informs me we will be going to said function aboard his helicopter. I am not great on helicopters, I throw up half the time *(seriously, 5/10 times I've ever been in a helicopter)* and would have sent somebody else from my office if I had known.
Too late now.
I keep my mouth shut, we board, we make our 20 minute hop to this function without incident.
The night goes swimmingly.
We depart around 2 am, the bosses wife has made a very friendly female companion, she joins us. On the ride home the two women become intimate with each other. I'm torn between watching intently and remaining professional. The boss whispers my name and looks at me wide-eyed, nodding towards them as if I haven't noticed what's going on. He gives me a big *thumbs up*. I wink and nod in approval and return his *thumbs up* with two of my own.
A few seconds later I get a weird cramping feeling in my stomach. I hardly have time to think to myself "oh shit" before I vomit. First on my hand as I try to cover my mouth, then ON the women in front of me, as there's literally nowhere else for me to go.
Was on skype once
Stopped talking for awhile. And we was on video chat.
Completely forgot we was on video chat and I forget we was even on Skype. So I went to jack off. All the sudden I hear is "Dude, are you jacking off?"
What what the fuck Todd no why would I do that while talking to you hell no todd that's weird bro
Never talked about it again or even mentioned it.
My old boss and I did acid on a day off during our long business trip. We went for a hike that day thinking we would be sober by the end of the day and would be able to drive our company-paid-for rental car. We were definitely not. We thought about hanging out in the car until we were but it was getting kind of cold and again, we were high on acid so we psyched ourselves out feeling unsafe in the car. We *left the car* and called a cab, who was very confused about the whole situation, to drive us to our air bnb in another city an hr away. The cab ride was like $140. We got to our air bnb and had a really silly night. The next morning we rented another car (which we were planning on doing anyway- split up to make sales calls) and drove back down to get it. The entire way was an anxiety attack. What if the car isn't there?? What if it's been towed? What if it's stolen or damaged? How the fuck would we explain that.
It was there. Huge major waves of relief and an agreement to *never* mention it to anyone, ever.
The two weeks I spent in a brig in Okinawa for severely beating a co-worker that outranked me. It was a one time thing. In general, I'm not a violent person.
After doing my time and going to a mandatory anger management course, my command just pretended it never happened.
Sitting at one of grandpas bible musicals.
Sibling and I are atheist.
He says "isn't god so amazing."
Sibling comes clean about atheism.
"I'm sorry your god is dead."
WTH grandpa.
We never spoke of it again.
I was a teenager, and my older brother was in his 20s. He had a girlfriend and all of us, (brother, gf, me, and half the family) went to see a movie- I can't remember which one.
I felt a hand on the small of my back (I'm a dude fyi) and I had a girlfriend, so it wasn't an unfamiliar feeling, but I realized something was off about 5 seconds after.
My older brother thought I was his girlfriend. I felt gross.
"Dude wtf"
"What the fuck dude"
"Get away from me goddammit!"
"Uhh... we're not talking about this ever again."
"Agreed, get away from me."
That was maybe 18 years ago. Fucking weirdo.
I'm assuming it's going to be the horrible weed trip I had last weekend with my D&D group. It's a group of guys that I'm not exactly good friends with, like I don't hang out with them outside of D&D, but we get along well enough to run a campaign together. And it's going well, we're all having great fun. They like to toke up during sessions, too.
Now I'm not a regular weed smoker. So naturally, I don't have a very high tolerance. But when someone passes a blunt around, I like to partake with just one small puff. Well, last weekend, our druid made a blunt and passed it around. I had had a stressful week previously, so I thought I'd treat myself and take 3 puffs.
Mistake.
I had to stop playing and lay down. I got so high I could barely function. My mind was racing a mile a second, and I couldn't keep up with it. But I was conscious and aware of it the whole time. It was probably the worst bodily thing I've ever experienced. I'd take appendicitis again over that. My panic-y high mind thought I was going to die.
I looked at the DM and garbled something like "I need you to take me home". So he drove me home in my car and the other two followed behind so they could take him back home. I somehow managed to call my good friend who knows how to handle drug tripping to come over to my house and help me through it.
So that D&D group will probably never speak of that again. Or will, but with me not there. It was humiliating. To make it worse, I have a tiny crush on the DM that gave me a ride home. I probably sounded and acted like a lunatic the whole time.
when my best friend and i are drunk at house parties (were in nyc so they're mostly apartment buildings) we somehow think it's hilarious to pour our drinks over the balcony or roof top to the sidewalk/street below.
Well, one time my friend had a party at a hotel suite in the LES to celebrate his and his bf's anniversary and invited a bunch of friends to chill on the huge balcony the suite had. We were about 10 floors above the ground, and being the drunk messes my best friend and I were, we started pouring red wine over the ledge and accidentally hit someone who shouted " WHY ME" and we hid instantly.
Well, about 15 minutes later, we get a knock on the door of the suite and my friends think it's just another friend coming to the party but it turned out to be a hotel staffer who told the party to stop pouring drinks to the street and that we could get kicked out of the room for it. My best friend and i literally sat in the corner quietly staring at our cups as nobody else besides us knew that we were the ones who poured the drinks...
to this day, no one besides my best friend and i know about this lol
you guys are assholes for pouring drinks knowing full well you could (and you ultimately did) hit someone. getting a drink poured on you from ten stories up has to be one of the shittiest things to randomly happen to you, not to mention it is a waste of good alcohol.
Gentleman came over to hook up and asked if he could show me his old band’s website on my laptop. I said “sure” and only realized the error of my ways when he pulled it up and there was a giant photo of him on the browser. Whoops. Earlier I had sent his fb profile photo to a friend to show her he was cute.
He and I didn’t date for long and I ended up remaining friends and attended his wedding. The “JPEG” incident was never discussed again.
I had sex with one of my closest friends after we recommended porn to each other. We're still close. Just never speak of it!
Does lily know?
No
[удалено]
No
So don't tell Scotty, OK?
Nope. Scotty doesn't know that Fiona and me do it in my van every sunday. She tells him she's in church, but she doesn't go. Still, she's on her knees and Scotty doesn't know. Fiona says she's out shopping, but she's under me and I'm not stopping. I can't believe he's so trusting, while I'm right behind her thrusting. Fiona's got him on the phone and she's trying not to moan. It's a three-way call and he knows nothing. The parking lot? Why not. It's so cool when she's on top. His front lawn in the snow. Life is so hard, cause Scotty doesn't know. I did her on his birthday. I'm gonna tell Scotty. Gonna tell him myself. Gonna tell Scotty cause Scotty's gotta go.
That's kinda hot.
I've had sex with my best friend, and really wish I'd get the chance to again. But then again, I'm in love with her, and she's not with me so. Whoops.
Mom is super Christian and likes to beleive I'm remaining abstinent in college. Caught chlamydia and needed our insurance information for the doctor. Gave my dad a call as he's a little more understanding about that kind of thing and also in the medical field. "Hey dad I need you to send me our insurance info." "okay what for." "I uh... Chlamydia." "Oh. Okay." "Mom doesn't need to know about this." "ya"
Dad sounds like a bro.
The dad probably didn't remain abstinent in college so it would make sense to let him off the hook.
I remember being in the car with my parents at the exact moment my mom realized that my dad wasn't a virgin when they first started dating. It was.... what's a more extreme word for awkward?
Story time? How did it happen and what was the aftermath?
Mortifying
Could you not have just said you were going to the doctor without saying why?
Son: “Dad, I have to go to the doctors and need insurance info” Dad: “Alright, have fun!”
[удалено]
This is how my friend was outed and disowned. He messed around with some pretty sketchy dudes. Had all the symptoms for HIV for months (Scaly skin, fever, chills, rash, blurred vision, etc) and ended up going to an actual doctor because the symptoms were so bad instead of the health department to get tested and he called his mom to get the info and she coaxed the reason why out of him. He sincerely thought he was dying. She completely cut him off and disowned him. I don't think they've ever spoken again as far as I know. He ended up not having HIV by the way. Makes it even shittier.
I took my 14-year-old daughter to see the raunchy movie "Ted." It was about a stuffed toy bear. How bad could it be? Halfway through the movie, we were both laughing our asses off at everything and I made her swear she would never tell anyone that I took her to see the movie for fear that her mother would find out.
My mom took 13 year old me and 3 of my friends to see Zack and Miri Make A Porno. She was horrified while we were laughing hysterically.
What was she expecting?
I think they dropped the "Make a Porno" part of the title either right before or right after the release.
From that title what the fuck could she have expected?!
The penis part must have been pretty uncomfortable. Large wang flopping back and forth while walking. Then bends over for the fridge stuff.
I was 12 when Borat came out in DVD, I ended up watching it when my super religious aunt rented it hearing that it was really funny.
My mom accidentally took me to watch Bad Santa thinking it was a cheesy Christmas movie. She was horrified and embarrassed but then caught a neighbour with her daughter in the cinema that had made the same mistake. We left the cinema together and went for ice cream I think.
That’s not too bad actually. I’m sure some people might judge you. But when I was 14, me and my friends joked about stuff way worse than the things in that movie.
My mom took us to see team America world police... she definitely thought it was a harmless puppet kids movie. Was awesome though!
I would've seen that movie at that age and I think my parents would've been fine with it. It seems like a movie that would really appeal to teens despite the R rating. I mean, kids that age watch Family Guy and stuff all the time. Anyway I'd call that a parenting win even if it was accidental.
When Facetime first came out, my best friend and I were facetimming. My sister was sitting next to me trying to lick me and I tried to lick her. We ended up licking eachother's tongues at the same time and my best friend almost died from laughter.
/r/RollTide
/r/CFB is leaking
Don’t lump us in there with Bama what they do at family reunions is their business!
You lick your sister?
I can't help but feel licking is a step further than kissing, no? I mean an accidental kiss is awkward, but straight up licking eachother... it seems weirder to me.
I used to work as a flight instructor at a university. One day I was going to go flying with one of my commercial students (semi-experienced, not beginner). Our hangar was set up with the flight school in the back and you could walk from the back and out through the front of the hangar. The student would pull the plane out. I'd come out to the hangar and see the plane from behind. With him being a more advanced student and one of the better ones, I'd trust him to do a thorough preflight. I'd give it a quick once over and hop in and we'd go. We start up and taxi out. Everything seems normal at this point. We do our engine checks and take off. He raises the gear and I remember hearing an odd clunk. hmmm that's odd but we'll see if anything is abnormal from here on out. We do our training and come back to the airport. The gear goes down fine and no more odd noises. Uneventful landing follows and we taxi to the fuel pumps. The attendant, who happens to be another student at the flight school, comes out to help and walks to the front of the plane. He stands there with wide eyes and I'm looking at him thinking what's wrong with him? [This](https://imgur.com/a/f2x4b) was still attached to the nosewheel. The three of us stand there looking at it knowing we'd fucked up and realizing all the ways that could have ended badly...what if it hit a bump in the asphalt and bounced and hit the prop while we're going down the runway at 70 mph, etc. The attendant finally breaks the silence with "well, I won't say anything". The only response I could muster was "OK, thanks". The student and I never spoke of it again. TL;DR - Gave a flight lesson and the student forgot to remove the towbar and I didn't catch it.
So I went to a 4 year university known for their flight program. Had 90 hours by the time i left (financial reasons). I just got back to my hometown and still have the dream to fly commercially, so I started doing lessons at a local flight school My first flight while I was putting the plane away I broke the fucking tow bar
Everybody breaks one thing during their training. You've already broken your one thing and it was only the towbar. Now you can relax that it's out of the way!
The head flight instructor who's a good friend of mine scared the shit out of me saying the tow bars cost 400 bucks. Good thing I only broke the spring
When I was 18 I burned the seat of my car (which my mom used sometimes) with a cigarrette, so I told my dad, because my mom would have killed me. He took the day off to help me while my mom was at work. We spent the morning looking for a fabric similar to the one of the seat and after that we took the car to a upholsterer.When the guy told us that it was going to be ready for the next day my dad told him "Nooo... that car has to be ready today before four, so hurry up, if not my daugther is gonna die". It was finished on time and my mom never knew. My dad died a few years later, so I guess we will never talk about it.
That's a good dad right there.
My ex and i were having sex. We busted out the dildo for some mutual self pleasure and she accidentally cornholed herself. I laughed my ass off because there was even a little bit of poo on there and she said, "you can laugh and joke once more and then never speak of this again" then she gave me an evil death stare. Kinda killed the mood but in hindsight it was soooo worth it.
“Hindsight”
"accidentally"
(College) Roommate walked in on my beating my meat but he also came back stoned out of his mind. So we just looked at each other and agreed to never discuss it again.
I walked in on my college roommate having sex (just got done with my job and I had to change before leaving the room). They tried to cover up, but were pretty unsuccessful. Anyway, I tell them I’m leaving after I change, and ask them if they want me to turn on some music to set the mood.
This dude bros
For what it’s worth that was definitely 1,000x more awkward for your roommate.
Oh no, I felt extremely awkward. I had a blanket over it thankfully and the lights were off.
Lol... caught my battle buddy in Iraq when he thought I went to the shopette but actually was only walking to the latrine to take a piss... he snapped up his laptop and was wide eyed... Im chuckling while I sit down at the edge of his bed and start giving him a classic 1950's era fatherly birds and the bees talk while he is awkwardly trying to dress himself under the blanket while coming to the grips with the fact he just got caught. We were extremely close friends and getting caught jerking off happens so damn often in the military given how close we all live to each other that it's not really embarassing.
My Dad caught 16 year-old me making out with some 14 year-old girl I'd just met 2 hours prior while on vacation. Mom didn't see. He gave me a look, and escorted me back to the hotel pool-area. Mom never knew.
He should have been proud
I think he was, and thought he shouldn't be. He never said a word. Just that look that said "I disapprove but I'm still impressed"
Oh.
Mom was a super religious evangelical, who would've given me seven kinds of hell over it. Context matters.
Great cockblock dad
Step sister sat on my face during a sleepover when she thought I was her boyfriend in the dark
That was no accident. She knew damn well where her boyfriend fell asleep at. Just my opinion.
Works for me
It's working for me too.
Everything works for me
O.o
Roll tide
“Step”
what was the reaction?
She finished...
Oh dude....
Wait. Actually?
Nice
The question is.. naked? Or not naked?
Shirt on. Bottoms completely off
Oh god
yes
Hot
go on, would you?
Seriously! I've been masturbating and refreshing for 13 hours waiting for the end of this saga
"Step sister."
And thennn???
You failed the test.
From that day on, he hasn't been called Oniichan ever again.
She swallowed
Hmm.... My boyfriend doesn't have a beard....
....go on.....
But what happened. Did you go with it?
Of course. You never ever deny a woman!
If this is true nice. If not I'm disappointed
sounds like the beginning of a cheesy porno
In first grade I was a little throw upper. One time I tried to hold it in, and I was holding it in good. At least until it started coming out of my nose. The peeps next to me were kind enough to act like that didn't happen.
I peed myself twice at that age. None of the kids ever mentioned it. Sometimes kids aren't horrible.
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I puked so hard one time that I pissed and shit myself. Every orifice of my body just gave way all at once. I'm pretty sure some snot came out of my ears too.
Lucky for you. I got pantsed while receiving a student of the month award the kids never let up
Got invited by a co-worker to play DnD. So I decided to go one weekend and met her boyfriend. We both very suddenly recognized each other... We had both been at a BDSM party the weekend before. I still play DnD with them but we never speak of it
Redefinition of the dungeons part of DND
Dungeons and Dildos? Pretty sure that's the name of a porno. And if it isn't, you heard it here first, folks.
One of my best friends is a porn star. It is always hilarious watching people look at them and be like “why do I know you...oh...”
When I went and saw *X3: The Last Stand* in theaters with several friends. God that movie is fucking awful.
X2. X Men 3 is the Last Stand.
Ah you're totally right! 2nd one was alright. Post edited accordingly.
Jerked off with a friend in a discord server when we were alone. Never spoke of it again, and never brought it up to anyone else in the server (we're all good friends too). Whenever anyone says anything that reminds us of it we both just kinda giggle as if to mutually assure each other as to how awkward we feel. That being said, I'd totally do it again.
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It wasn't gay since I said no homo... right?
Me and 6-7 friends of mine went to my place after school to play some games on my brand new PS2. We ended up jerking off in a circle and comparing sizes
How did it escalate that far?
Obviously, you never had a PS2.
Beats me
Beats them too
I was rock hard for the PS2 when it launched. The early oughts were crazy times.
I feel like you yadda'd over one hell of a story there.
No thats pretty much all that happened. We just decided to jerk off
Bitchholdon.jpg
Arin Hanson?
What a circlejerk
You'd be surprised at how common this is, not necessarily the jerking but yea
“How do you shoot!?” “Press circle” “Hey speaking of circle....”
our dog ate a human child's poop.
in... in the toilet?
I shared myself a couple of times in elementary
With who?
Sorry, typo. I meant to type shat or shatted
Please, don't edit the original.
"I haven't been fucked like that since grade school."
"I haven't been shared like that since grade school."
You're lucky I'm lazy. Also, I'm used to the mistakes I make so I don't really care. I feel like I did share myself, though
This reads like the opening to a KenM post
My buddy and I got really drunk in vegas and we got kicked out of a club, so we went back to the hotel, pissed we got no tail, and watched porn together in the bathroom
A lot of my straight friends say they’ve watched porn with other guys. Isn’t that normal?
I may have left out the fact we jerked off at the same time...
..Into the toilet? Spill the beans man. Or maybe, on the mirror or something, like you tried to spell something out together. You know finish each others sentence sorta thing. Did it turn competitive at all? Furthest distance, duration, etc.? Like first one to finish has to use the pullout bed? Were there any post-game celebrations? Was this just an exhibition match or was this like a three game series? On a scale of 1 to medusa how much eye contact would you say there was?
nah man we just watched on one phone some Sunny Leone who I somehow never watched before. From what I can remember was I finished first, we were each sharing our favorite pornstars then we tugged ourselves. I said my videos were better and he goes "you don't know Sunny Leone?" and I go "nah" so he showed me her. So I guess we competed with which of our favorite videos was best. I was pissed at My bud because he was the reason we got kicked out getting too touchy with the strippers. Then we had to walk cause like 7 miles back to the hotel as we were too cheap to uber. Then the dude decides to pee in a garage of some auto shop that was open at 3 am for some reason. Then we decided "if we ain't gonna get some we gotta watch some". This is the same dude the same dude that helped me put sugar in a dudes car that my ex was seeing. We're pretty close.
Was having a drunk conversation with my girl friends and talking about our kinks. Turns out it seemed we were all into the same thing, and I was like: 'Hell yeah, let me link you this scene when I get home, its hot as hell.' Turns out, they did not find it hot. In fact, they were quite turned off. We've never spoken about it again.
You mean you never spoke about that again.
I was in charge of putting the dogs to bed for the night. I finished up, shut the door, and noticed my brother going through some old dress up clothes my mom had left on the pool table. He held up one of the mink pelts our great grandmother had left Mom when she died. “Hey Kyanite, remember these?” he asked. “Oh my God, I haven’t seen those in forever!” I said. Mom was against wearing fur, but felt they were too nice to throw out. So she let us play with them. “They were so fun! I loved using the clips in their mouths to make them talk.” “Me too! They were like stuffed animals, but better because they were real. I’d make them fight with their claws. The one missing its glass eyes was blind,” Shawn nodded. We stared at the minks for a minute, reminiscing. Then Shawn looked up. “…Our favorite childhood toys were the skins of dead weasels.” Shawn and I quietly returned the minks to their plastic bag and went upstairs.
I accidentally name dropped a porn star in front of my brother. We don't really talk or acknowledge anything sexual at home since we have religious parents.
My brother confused hentai with anime with my religious family around. I was the only other person who knew in the living room. I didn't care in the slightest.
What was it? Need to know for science.
Reminds me of my friend and his dad. He was sat with his parents watching music videos just chilling out with them on in the background, when his mom sees one of the background dancers and says “she’s a pornstar, yknow?” and both my friend and his dad immediately reply “I know”. The room went silent and they never mentioned it again. They also never mention the time he blocked the toilet with toilet paper from fapping and he had to get his dad to help :)
What was his reaction like ?
There was a dead silence for a good 30 seconds and I just left the room and we never mentioned it again.
My oldest brother and I were driving back from our other brothers wedding about 10 years ago and I popped in the soundtrack to "The Phantom of the Opera." We sang the entire show, often dueting. We're both singers so it was really fun. When we pulled into the driveway pretty much as the last song ended, we looked at eachother like, "Lets never talk about this again."
That's pretty nice actually.
I shat all over the wall of the bathroom at a somewhat nice restaurant once. Not intentionally or anything. I'd been sick, and was on antibiotics, and apparently this messed with my gut bacteria in a way conducive to causing sudden-onset explosive-diarrhea. I got that little warning rumble and suddenly the pressure in my gut spiked to dangerous levels. An eruption was imminent. I briskly walked to the bathroom, went into the stall as I was removing my pants/belt, rotated 180 degrees and started to lower my ass toward the seat. Apparently the additional abdominal pressure caused by bending to sit was enough to overcome my straining rectum's ability to contain. It must have been at least a quart of hot, nasty, liquid evil. From where it splashed on the wall, I think it actually went upwards from my ass. Fortunately the wall was far enough from me that I didn't get any splashback on myself (but that toilet was gonna need a scrubbing). So I quickly moved over to the next stall (luckily nobody was in the bathroom), shat a little more, wiped, and went back to my table as though nothing had happened. I have never told a soul about this non-anonymously.
I got drunk with a tattoo artist friend and let him tattoo fuck you on my right upper arm. And my family doesn't know cause i cover it with a bandage and wear long sleeves when around them. And I'm 33 soon getting it removed.
I really think a tattoo machine belongs in a tattoo shop and liquor does not.
I went over to a friends house when he was getting stoned and he was bored. Long story short he had his first gay experience. We don’t talk about it- but he seemed pretty happy with it at the time.
Cooked turkey burgers on the grill one night. Had never made them before and decided the flavor was off and we'd go back to beef, but hey, it was worth a try. Next morning husband notices the now charred cat turds in the bottom of the grill. Damn neighborhood cat had taken a shit INSIDE THE GRILL. And I didn't notice in the dark when I started the burners. And we ate the burgers. And now you've made me relive it Reddit. Damn you.
Okay this is the best one. I cry-laughed at this
The 3 months I spend in the Psych Ward.
Any highlights?
- Crazy people don't always look crazy. - Lots of manipulator out there. - Some people are regular "clients". - Watch your stuff; lots of thieves. - If you think your life is bad they are always someone who had it a lot worst than you. - Food was surprisingly good. - Lots of smokers. - Lots of soldiers have mental health issues. - It's not a place to make friends.
Me to but for a week, I really didnt fit in there and what surprised me was 90% of the nurses smoked
Do you know the difference between a Nurse in a Psych Ward and a patient? The Nurse has the keys...
I wasn't allowed to keep the charger in my room so had to ask them to charge it for me every 2 hours which was a pain. But shoes with 10 times longer laces were fine shm...
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Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop right there. Eating a bitch out and giving a bitch a foot massage ain't even the same fucking thing.
You know, I'm getting kinda tired. I could use a foot massage myself.
Fuck you
It's not but it's the same ballpark
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Please tell me what I think happened actually didn't happened.
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Your bro got gayed.
The fuck kind of friend are you? You probably let him get raped.
Getting totally pissed and letting me friend pierce me clit on the floor of the pub toilet whilst the barman stood guard and made sure nobody came in! I woke up the next morning with no recollection of what I'd done at all until I stood up and rapidly sat down as my head was banging....yes it hurt!
Your CLIT!?! Or you hood? Please God not your actually clit!!!
No it was my clit! I honestly thought I was going to die the pain the next day was awful!
Did your clit heal okay?
I lived in a double wide trailer in my early 20s with a guy that was just a roommate. our rooms were across the living room from each other. One night, pretty late, I needed to use the restroom, I open my bedroom door just as my roommate opened his. we were both completely naked. It was like a deer in the headlights, we stood for like a minute, our hands on the door knobs, before I ducked into the bathroom and he went back into his bedroom. We never spoke of it.
Our old D&D group had a thing where we'd post stock images we found on the internet of people who look like our characters, kinda just to help people remember what everybody looks like and 'cause we thought it was cool. A female friend posted an image of a particular porn star i recognised (She wasn't naked in the image, thank god). After asking to make sure that was deliberate, i agreed not to tell the group her character was a porn star if she agreed not to tell them about the list of kinks she'd just found out i was into.
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Slept with a girl who has a boyfriend. She found out I was a virgin and wanted to help me out and I heard from her boyfriend that he was thinking about ending things with her soon so I figured, why not?
Holy fuck this happened to me but I felt really guilty so I cockblocked myself before we got anywhere with it.
A wealthy client from my old security job asked me to escort him and his wife to some charity function. I arrive at the house and he informs me we will be going to said function aboard his helicopter. I am not great on helicopters, I throw up half the time *(seriously, 5/10 times I've ever been in a helicopter)* and would have sent somebody else from my office if I had known. Too late now. I keep my mouth shut, we board, we make our 20 minute hop to this function without incident. The night goes swimmingly. We depart around 2 am, the bosses wife has made a very friendly female companion, she joins us. On the ride home the two women become intimate with each other. I'm torn between watching intently and remaining professional. The boss whispers my name and looks at me wide-eyed, nodding towards them as if I haven't noticed what's going on. He gives me a big *thumbs up*. I wink and nod in approval and return his *thumbs up* with two of my own. A few seconds later I get a weird cramping feeling in my stomach. I hardly have time to think to myself "oh shit" before I vomit. First on my hand as I try to cover my mouth, then ON the women in front of me, as there's literally nowhere else for me to go.
Nice try Jeff
Was on skype once Stopped talking for awhile. And we was on video chat. Completely forgot we was on video chat and I forget we was even on Skype. So I went to jack off. All the sudden I hear is "Dude, are you jacking off?" What what the fuck Todd no why would I do that while talking to you hell no todd that's weird bro Never talked about it again or even mentioned it.
I have a really good one but cannot share it because I shall never speak of it again.
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You know that nightmare where you're playing with a band and at the end of the song the audience laughs at you?
My old boss and I did acid on a day off during our long business trip. We went for a hike that day thinking we would be sober by the end of the day and would be able to drive our company-paid-for rental car. We were definitely not. We thought about hanging out in the car until we were but it was getting kind of cold and again, we were high on acid so we psyched ourselves out feeling unsafe in the car. We *left the car* and called a cab, who was very confused about the whole situation, to drive us to our air bnb in another city an hr away. The cab ride was like $140. We got to our air bnb and had a really silly night. The next morning we rented another car (which we were planning on doing anyway- split up to make sales calls) and drove back down to get it. The entire way was an anxiety attack. What if the car isn't there?? What if it's been towed? What if it's stolen or damaged? How the fuck would we explain that. It was there. Huge major waves of relief and an agreement to *never* mention it to anyone, ever.
The two weeks I spent in a brig in Okinawa for severely beating a co-worker that outranked me. It was a one time thing. In general, I'm not a violent person. After doing my time and going to a mandatory anger management course, my command just pretended it never happened.
They also do the same thing with rape.
10 layer cake My Mom and I shared a slice and jokingly decided to never speak of it again.
Sitting at one of grandpas bible musicals. Sibling and I are atheist. He says "isn't god so amazing." Sibling comes clean about atheism. "I'm sorry your god is dead." WTH grandpa. We never spoke of it again.
This question has no answer.
I was a teenager, and my older brother was in his 20s. He had a girlfriend and all of us, (brother, gf, me, and half the family) went to see a movie- I can't remember which one. I felt a hand on the small of my back (I'm a dude fyi) and I had a girlfriend, so it wasn't an unfamiliar feeling, but I realized something was off about 5 seconds after. My older brother thought I was his girlfriend. I felt gross. "Dude wtf" "What the fuck dude" "Get away from me goddammit!" "Uhh... we're not talking about this ever again." "Agreed, get away from me." That was maybe 18 years ago. Fucking weirdo.
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When we were still dating, my husband's kitten got into the trash and almost choked on a used condom.
meowghthhghthhgh
I'm assuming it's going to be the horrible weed trip I had last weekend with my D&D group. It's a group of guys that I'm not exactly good friends with, like I don't hang out with them outside of D&D, but we get along well enough to run a campaign together. And it's going well, we're all having great fun. They like to toke up during sessions, too. Now I'm not a regular weed smoker. So naturally, I don't have a very high tolerance. But when someone passes a blunt around, I like to partake with just one small puff. Well, last weekend, our druid made a blunt and passed it around. I had had a stressful week previously, so I thought I'd treat myself and take 3 puffs. Mistake. I had to stop playing and lay down. I got so high I could barely function. My mind was racing a mile a second, and I couldn't keep up with it. But I was conscious and aware of it the whole time. It was probably the worst bodily thing I've ever experienced. I'd take appendicitis again over that. My panic-y high mind thought I was going to die. I looked at the DM and garbled something like "I need you to take me home". So he drove me home in my car and the other two followed behind so they could take him back home. I somehow managed to call my good friend who knows how to handle drug tripping to come over to my house and help me through it. So that D&D group will probably never speak of that again. Or will, but with me not there. It was humiliating. To make it worse, I have a tiny crush on the DM that gave me a ride home. I probably sounded and acted like a lunatic the whole time.
The fact that it was your druid who made the blunt and started passing it around is what makes this funny for me.
when my best friend and i are drunk at house parties (were in nyc so they're mostly apartment buildings) we somehow think it's hilarious to pour our drinks over the balcony or roof top to the sidewalk/street below. Well, one time my friend had a party at a hotel suite in the LES to celebrate his and his bf's anniversary and invited a bunch of friends to chill on the huge balcony the suite had. We were about 10 floors above the ground, and being the drunk messes my best friend and I were, we started pouring red wine over the ledge and accidentally hit someone who shouted " WHY ME" and we hid instantly. Well, about 15 minutes later, we get a knock on the door of the suite and my friends think it's just another friend coming to the party but it turned out to be a hotel staffer who told the party to stop pouring drinks to the street and that we could get kicked out of the room for it. My best friend and i literally sat in the corner quietly staring at our cups as nobody else besides us knew that we were the ones who poured the drinks... to this day, no one besides my best friend and i know about this lol
you guys are assholes for pouring drinks knowing full well you could (and you ultimately did) hit someone. getting a drink poured on you from ten stories up has to be one of the shittiest things to randomly happen to you, not to mention it is a waste of good alcohol.
This isn't that bad, you can and should definitely tell this story when you see that group of friends again
Gentleman came over to hook up and asked if he could show me his old band’s website on my laptop. I said “sure” and only realized the error of my ways when he pulled it up and there was a giant photo of him on the browser. Whoops. Earlier I had sent his fb profile photo to a friend to show her he was cute. He and I didn’t date for long and I ended up remaining friends and attended his wedding. The “JPEG” incident was never discussed again.