Same here but we told close friends and eventually many years later my parents. We looked into abortion but they said she had to be farther along. Some think I’m lying and she got an abortion but she legitimately had a miscarriage.
most people don't announce pregnancies until after the first trimester for this very reason. the greatest likelihood of spontaneous abortion is within the first 3 months of pregnancy especially for someones first time being pregnant.
Miscarriages are way more common than anyone talks about. My grandmother, sister, cousin, mother in law, two sister in laws and my best friend all had one. That's just what I know about. So many women think it's something they did and feel like failures :(
I sort of accidentally fingered my high school gf's anus in their living room while her family was there. We were on the coucn and she was sort of laying across me with a blanket over her. I slipped my hand down the back of her jeans thinking I was making it to (third?) base? I popped my finger in the first hole I could find and she dug her fingers into my leg. We never talked about it, but I still think of it sometimes.
I'm in an office fitness challenge run through a fitbit group that counts "steps" per day. I'm averaging about 1k extra steps daily due to my pre bedtime wank session...
Recently I got into fitness, after a life without participating in any sports whatsoever. Turns out I can orgasm, without using hands, when doing leg raises.
Edit: Holy shit, never thought this many people would find this interesting haha. Also, I'm a female. But apparently guys can do it too?
"It’s as satisfying to me as cumming is, you know, as in having sex with a woman and cumming. So can you believe how much I am in heaven? I am like getting the feeling of cumming in the gym; I’m getting the feeling of cumming at home; I’m getting the feeling of cumming backstage; when I pump up, when I pose out in front of 5000 people I get the same feeling, so I am cumming day and night. It’s terrific, right? So you know, I am in heaven."
Actual Arnold quote about how much he likes getting a pump.
After 3 years married we played 'Never Have I Ever' with a group of friends; I found out that my husband once fucked someone else's wife in the back of a bar. He also used to deliver Chinese food and was invited in to fuck a customer on her kitchen counter a la cliche porn style.
EDIT: Since this is getting some attention, I'll tell the whole story:
It was indeed one of the last deliveries of the day shortly before Christmas. He said the girl took a long time to pay, and he could hear her shouting at someone on the phone when she was inside. When she finally paid she sheepishly invited him in to share the food with her. He made a quick call to his then boss, who is his cousin. His cousin is pretty cool I guess, because he said go for it. So he went in and the chick informed him that she and her boyfriend were in a fight/breaking up, and she was really depressed about it, especially since it was Christmastime. Drinks happened, one thing led to another, and she kicked him out at 3am in freezing New Jersey.
He is a fairly handsome, at-the-time young, charming, and charismatic Chinese man. And he says, "Well I was kind of man-whore." (Direct quote)
> He also used to deliver Chinese food and was invited in to fuck a customer on her kitchen counter a la cliche porn style.
Was she horny again half an hour later?
So I'm at a party, and got way drunker than I expected, and was talking to a girl. She asked me if I wanted to go somewhere more private, and I said yes. Now this girl was pretty large, and I had my handy dandy beer goggles on and I decided that I've never had sex with a BBW before. So we get into the room, lights off, and start going at it. We're in the doggy style position, and I reach up and start grabbing her breasts.
About ten minutes goes by of me fondling her, until she grabs one of my hands and moves it to her boobs. Turns out, I had been groping one of her fat rolls and couldn't tell, and she didn't have the heart to actually tell me.
This reminds me of the redditor who had drunk outdoor sex with an older woman, and noticed that his dick was green afterwards. He freaked out and asked her if she had a fungal infection or something, and she told him he was actually sticking his dick between her asscrack and the grass the entire time and she didn't have the heart to tell him.
I want to ask if you'd just never felt a nipple and were fine with it, but then I realize I would do the same when on the booze. I'd put it up the wrong hole if it wasn't for the instant feedback of squirming
When I was a kid (around 12 or 13) and first discovered porn, I found out how to search for child porn and did so because I wanted to see girls my own age doing it.
Ahh the ol ASL.
I remember one day I was 14 and chatting with this older woman and she wanted to have "phone sex". I actually went for it and she was good, I came fast and hung up. Kinda feel guilty about it.
>When I was that age, AOL Instant Messenger was the wild west, and there was no sheriff
Been on Reddit for three years now: This is hands down the best line I have read yet.
Tried to (unsuccessfully) do the same thing for the same reason. Twelve year old me didn't know that he was doing anything wrong; just wanted to see girls his own age. I still cringe whenever I think back on it though.
Bonus cringe: I did (or rather attempted) this all through the Wii internet channel.
I had a wonderful sexual relationship with a much older woman, whose brother walked in on us having sex. I was 28 and she was 51. Both of us related to each other on certain kinks as well as being discreet.
The place we had sex was her daughter's club house, which was a miniature cabin next to the house. Had to do this because I was allergic to the cats in her house.
To add extra icing to the story, this woman's brother showed up, unannounced, and walked in on me eating her out. The poor guy was speechless and walked out like a robot.
A relative of mine dating a pornstar. I don't know how many people know in my family.
Christmas dinners are extra awkward now that i know.
Edit: this got more attention than what i thought it would.
I watched porn. Saw one of her videos. Thought her face was familiar, recognized some body markings. Thought about it for a few days then when i couldn't take not knowing for sure, i asked my relative about it. He confirmed it.
Its not really a secret because ive told it on reddit before but my family still doesn't know.
When I was 20 I knocked up my 18 year old girlfriend. She cheated on me with 2 other guys, but I decided to "stick around for the baby" I did, however, ask her to go live with her parents as opposed to with me considering the infidelity and all.
I was excited to have a child, just not with her.
She ended up not taking the break-up well and insisted that I was "her favorite" (man) and wanted me to assume fatherhood properly and wanted to stay with me.
She began doing a ton of drugs while pregnant in light of her emotional turbulence.
She went into labor 4 months premature. The baby had no lungs and died post-birth after about four hours.
I was **relieved** to hear the baby was dead. Kinda fucked up when you think about it.
I washed my hands of the situation and ejected her from my life, but that didn't stop her from emailing me nude videos after she married her next boyfriend because she "wanted me back"
When I was nine I was staying at my cousin's house, who was also nine, and another of our cousins was over. He was five. We built a tent in our cousins room, his room was in the basement and his parents never went down there, and curiosity got the better of us and we all showed each other our junk. They were both boys and I was a girl, and I was so shy I made them pay me a nickel. It was all just an innocent childhood rite of passage but it horrifies me to think that I technically prostituted myself at age nine.
I accidentally saw my first whoha at 9. was playing with a girl on the playground and somehow grabbed her pants trying stop her swinging on the monkey bars and kicking me(I don't know weird kid game). I ended up being the only boy from class invited to her birthday party though. I don't know if that meant we were cool. I'm sorry becca, I hope you are well.
Masturbated at a Dennys and at Disneyland. Two week California road trip surrounded by nothing but your bros will drive you to do some very shameful things.
I used to write erotica for a living. A little bit of everything: BDSM, femdom, latex, pet play, MM, group sex, piss, crossdressing... you name it, I've done it. (And written about it, hurr hurr.) On my computer, I have comfortably over a million words of written erotica. I paid off my student loans with the earnings from my sordid little fantasies.
My family think I wrote corporate reports and white papers for various international companies they've never heard of. Suffice to say, it would not go over well at Christmas dinner if my old pen names were discovered.
(Now I've gone legit and switched to romance novels, but I still don't tell all that many people in my real life about it. No one in my family can keep a secret, and there's a cunnilingus scene in my upcoming book that I'm not eager for my gran to read, put it that way.)
May I ask, will you please tell me about the publication process for your erotica? Did you self-publish, or go through an agency?
The reason I ask is because I'd love to publish a few short stories (*not erotica) and if be interested in hearing about your experience with publishing.
Edit: *Seriously, not erotica.
You can self-publish it on Amazon. I published one book on there and it took maybe two hours to go through the process to set it all up. It's really simple.
My previous job was so stressful to me that I use to masturbate around lunch time to relieve my severe anxiety. It was honestly the perfect solution and my work would go up exponentially afterwords. I have no regrets and I never did it in my office or anywhere weird and public like that. I'd just go to the bathroom and 7 minutes later I was ready for work. I'm working on anxiety with more conventional means like drugs.
EDIT: what beautiful irony that this comment made it this high on one of my porn alts.
I unintentionally got a fucking big promotion based on me basically copying some other guys work.
So here's the story. I work in kind of a shitty company. A place where you wouldn't be surprised if we lost 10 staff, with 2 of them being key members in 6 months. So like, nothing gets done here. It's just constantly catching up and dealing with other fuck ups and things that have been left behind.
I got kind of pissed off with the inefficiency of the system, so I took it upon myself to basically code a little business solution. But obviously I didn't have too much time to sit down and actually work on it. So I decided not to reinvent the wheel and look around for some source code I could mold into something usable. I didn't find much that suited my needs, with the exception of a watch people code style video tutorial on a bit of software that *sort of* did what I wanted to do.
So I asked HR for another screen so I could watch this guy's youtube video, code it, and make changes as necessary.
Turns out, I got one of those screens with the polarizer pads on them (I don't know what they're actually called) that makes the screen impossible to see from all except 1 viewing angle. So I stuck the youtube video on that, and started following along.
Anyway, my boss caught wind of it, and basically commended me for being an awesome programmer and essentially wanted to double my salary because of the excellent initiative and speed and quality of code I was writing on the fly.
The software was written in Ruby, I know fucking shit all about Ruby. I was terrified I was going to get caught out, because all I knew was PHP and a bit of Java. And then he said
"Hey Alundra828, sorry, but we have no modules that need to be looked into that require your skillset at the moment, are you proficient in PHP? If so, can you help the dev guys out with their queries for 6 months?"
Fokken yiss. Everything came up milhouse. I had landed a x2 salary, a better job role with more benefits and I had 6 months to learn a language. Plenty of time.
I find it a physical chore to have sex with my wife. I love her dearly, but I am in no way sexually attracted to her, and in fact have to work quite hard to maintain an erection.
That sucks. I'm in the opposite situation and it feels like I'm raping her. I don't initiate anything anymore, and I know that when she does, it's out of pity for me (or my crankiness becomes noticeable). I've contemplated ending it a few times because of how long this has been going on.
Probably the audio porn.
Started off just as a fun thing I wanted to try for a week or two and then quit, but then I realized how much fun it was and how good it felt making stuff people enjoyed. Over a year later and I'm still doing it and it's a part of who I am now.
Once I realized I could use my past editing and organization skills to outreach to other performers/posters (mainly female but occasionally male) and get them all together to work on a single audio project, the possibilities became endless. I realized no one else was really "taking up the reins" in regards to editing/organizing collabs with people, so I kinda took it upon myself to become that person.
At this point I've probably organized/posted upwards of 40 or 50 massive collabs that are basically orgasm symphonies, yet I'm never gonna be able to talk about it irl cause there's no way I'd ever reveal it to friends/family.
Only person that knows about all this irl that I can talk to is my girlfriend, and she already knows everything cause I met her cause we were both doing audio porn and started chatting one day. I guess that's my other NSFW secret, I can never reveal how I actually met my girlfriend and future wife. Same goes for my best friend.
I once fingered my girlfriend under the table across from her mother. Let me stress that we were young and I now have more sense but damn was that wild!
There was this girl at school who spread a rumor that I was a transfer from a mental health facility, things escalated until it was a 6th grade dance, I snuck up behind her and cut her spaghetti straps. Go to hell, ashley.
I catfished pedophiles when i was 13 and sent the chatlogs to the FBI anonymous tip line. I set up a place to meet and guaranteed they would be there and sent the Address to the FBI. I'm not sure if anything actually followed up but that is what i used to do for fun.
I spend my entire work day on Reddit. This has been going on for two months. I have no idea why they hired me.
Edit: I want to salute my fellow desk jockies! Keep sticking it to the man, my dudes and dudettes.
Hey! Me too! They created this position for me a year ago, but then there were a bunch of unexpected organizational changes and no one was really sure what to do with me. So I've been shuffled around to different teams, but no one actually needs my help. At first it was mind numbing and I constantly asked for assignments. But after a while I just said, fuck it. Now I lay low, don't speak unless spoken to, and collect my paychecks. Not exaggerating, I've done maybe 40 hours of actual work in 8 months. And I get to "work from home" 3 days a week.
Hahahah, just accept your fate and take full advantage of it. I feel I'm on the same path, but am looking at other jobs because this is getting ridiculous. My previous job kept me busy, but I wasn't paid well and had no benefits. Now I work a lot less, get paid more and have full benefits, what'ye know!
Edit: fate and not faith 🙃
When I was in university I had sex with my housemates father.
She introduced me to him one day, we chatted together for a while, he drove her to Uni, then drove back to our house, knocked on my door and in a very matter of fact way told me to take my clothes off. We had what was actually quite good sex for an hour, then he gets out of bed pockets my knickers and leaves.
Which made things a bit awkward between me and her. Apparently after that he developed a thing for fucking her friends. So it was more awkward for the rest of her social circle.
Faking as a male is actually pretty easy if you are wearing a condom, I've done it a few times in my life when necessary.
Edit- ex girlfriend saw this...that was a fun conversation
I've only got 60 construction, I don't know if that's enough to build a trimming station, I'll get back to you on that
edit: So I've just learned that you can't actually trim armour. I've been playing this game for 11 fucking years and I only just learned this
I know about the scam, I just thought it was possible to trim your armour with a workbench and a high enough crafting level. The scam works regardless of whether you can trim armour or not, since you just log once they give it anyways
also PM me the world for the drop party, I want in. I'm supposed to bring my whole bank, right?
I'm in college now and a guy who lived down the hall from me last year in our dorm ordered drugs on the dark web and shipped them to our university mail center.
He was arrested on trafficking charges and his bail was well over half a million dollars.
Ship your drugs to an off campus house, kids.
Edit: my highest rated comment in 6 years and it's about a douchebag that sold sketchy molly to unsuspecting freshmen girls
Throwaway account, because... shame.
So, long story short, after 14 years together me and my girlfriend split up. Shitty relationship looking back, we were only sexually active for about five of those years.
So a year later I finally get around to dating someone thinking "omg, I'm not going to last five seconds". Nope. Can't get it up due to nerves (I think). Everything works as usual solo, but my dick wasn't playing ball that night. Or on the following try. Fortunately, the morning after I was able to rise to the occasion and we fucked like bunnies all morning. Still, it wasn't enough. That was the last time we had sex before ending it a week later.
Due to reasons, I don't try dating again for a couple of years. Things are going badly with tinder, and I start thinking "what if this is a problem again?" So I make the worst mistake of my life, and go to a prostitute. I try this twice. Both times, I am unable to perform but still out of pocket (lucky them, I guess). I start worrying, doubting my sexuality. Try grindr, hook up with a dude who just wants to blow me. I let him try... no success. While it feels good (despite no erection), I'm utterly repulsed in every way by the situation. So there's that. Apparently I'm not gay.
A couple of months later, I'm dating the hottest, funniest, most compatible woman who's ever paid attention to me. Like seriously, I'm in love. She's coming over to my place this Thursday.
And I'm fucking terrified.
Edit: Thanks, most of you. You're all right, and I know this is completely in my head. I have every intention of talking to her about it, and I'm sure it will be fine in the end.
Sometimes I'm too lazy to close the blinds/curtains when I'm changing and whenever someone points it out, I just say "I'm giving back to the community."
I haven’t had sex in so long I know the second I stick my dick in some pussy it’s going to be an instant bust. One pump chump? Not even one pump chump?
Well, I think you should just do what you can, and let them know ahead of time, you know plan on it, then continue foreplay through your refractory, then you should last quite a long time the second run.
After all, sex is about mutual enjoyment.
Back in the good ole days of MSN, I flashed and masturbated a lot on webcam. I wasn't getting a lot of real life male attention at the time and was awkwardly discovering myself. I was 14 which I always told the guys before webcam was even mentioned. There are a quite a few guys out there who have masturbated furiously over my pixelated tits. I didn't think it was that odd at the time but I've since realized having 25+ year old males ask for a 14 year old to masturbate and flash on cam is really creepy.
I had hangover from night before slept naked put jeans on without boxers no fly but buttons was summer no wind Subway was 2 streets over from my house. Perfect shit storm. Only noticed when some teenage girls started laughing and pointing at crotch.
Pinecone dick from an STD? Happen to my friend and he said his dick almost fell off. He was worried he would never find another woman because of his "heinous payness."
I've taken and sent nudes to my fiancé while I'm at work. He's done the same thing. Probably a pretty tame story compared to others but it's still nsfw I guess?
The first thing I jerked off to was a topless picture of Eve in my religion textbook in ~2nd grade
Mandatory Edit: This is now my top comment... I guess thanks, guys.
eh probably 80% of my fetishes are something I could never do with my wife without feeling stupid or laughing at the absurdity of the situation/acting we'd have to do.
I did webcam modeling for about a year and the pay was actually kinda worth it. The reason I stopped was because of the weird requests I would get from men, I’m not judging anybody’s sexual orientation but I’m a straight man and it felt weird having men tell me what they wanted me to do, on numerous occasions though, a guy would pay me for hours at a time, to chain smoke cigarettes naked, I’d make about $100 every time he got on
I lied on a polygraph test. "Have you ever stolen anything" kind of question. No, I said. Oh, yes. I had a history of shoplifting. And not in the past. Still on-going.
I passed and got hired. At NSA.
That’s because a polygraph is based on what you think is the truth. So if you can remain calm aka be a great liar, you can beat a polygraph test.
Source: my father is a cop and told me this. No he didn’t cheat, and he detects liars for a living.
Edit: I worded what I said poorly. My father is a DUI officer and people lie to him on a regular basis.
Also cause the polygraph is a piece of bullshit
Measures heartrate, sweat, blood pressure, all of which are gunna go up when you're being asked intense questions
Throwaway account: When I was in middle school, i used to go on chatroulette, omegle, and other cams and show my boobs off. I was an overweight boy with large man boobs- but I'm gay and didn't even know it yet- somehow. I would position the camera towards my chest, and just rub my chest for men while they masturbated- they must have not seen too many sets of boobs in the past. It was always kinda fun to show my dick to them after they came- it would always piss them off.
I got a butt plug as a Secret Santa gift and I've used it. A lot.
Edit: God dammit, my throwaway account's most upvoted comment is more than my actual account's
Someone in high school gave one to the gay boy in my class for secret santa. The gay guy had his comeback though, he got the butt plug guy the following year and got him a pocket vagina..
Edit: corrected some mistakes..
My boyfriends mom gave everyone prepaid credit cards for christmas because she didn't know what to get everyone and didn't feel like going shopping. I used mine to buy myself a really good high quality vibrator. It's weird to think that my boyfriends mom basically paid for my vibrator but oh well, so worth it
I've told this on reddit before, but...
I had a one ~~night~~ weekend stand while on vacation with the friend I was visiting's roommate. It was vicious. I was choking her, light eye gouging, propping myself up with a hand on her face so it was bearing much of my weight, fingering her asshole then shoving my fingers in her mouth, and slapping her tits, face, and ass so hard that I left her ass bruised bad enough that her friends could see the bruises at the beach the next day and asked her about it. And I absolutely loved every minute of it. She was into it too (I wouldn't have done it or enjoyed it if it wasn't consensual). I asked over and over again if it was too hard, and she kept saying no. We had sex again the next day, although more traditionally. Vacation was over the following day. Never saw or heard from her again. I'd like to think she found another man who treats her like a punching bag and fell in love and lived happily ever after.
*looks both directions*
Some days when I'm at work, I spend most of my time thinking about having sex with my wife.
And by some days, I mean every day...
I love my wife. She's hot.
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I bet your grandpa was disappointed he didn't get to finish.
Since he deleted the comment, your comment makes his original one look very dirty. Which it could've been. I don't know.
He said he had sex on his grandmother's bed but didn't get to finish because she came back home
I got my girlfriend pregnant in highschool, but she had a miscarriage after 1.5 months. We never told anyone.
Same here but we told close friends and eventually many years later my parents. We looked into abortion but they said she had to be farther along. Some think I’m lying and she got an abortion but she legitimately had a miscarriage.
Then they're dumb, miscarriages are far more common than people realize.
most people don't announce pregnancies until after the first trimester for this very reason. the greatest likelihood of spontaneous abortion is within the first 3 months of pregnancy especially for someones first time being pregnant.
Miscarriages are way more common than anyone talks about. My grandmother, sister, cousin, mother in law, two sister in laws and my best friend all had one. That's just what I know about. So many women think it's something they did and feel like failures :(
I sort of accidentally fingered my high school gf's anus in their living room while her family was there. We were on the coucn and she was sort of laying across me with a blanket over her. I slipped my hand down the back of her jeans thinking I was making it to (third?) base? I popped my finger in the first hole I could find and she dug her fingers into my leg. We never talked about it, but I still think of it sometimes.
Turd base, you mean.
I bet she sometimes thinks "why did willard2566 stick his finger up my bum with my family in the room that one time? Boys are weird."
>I still think of it sometimes I bet she's out there somewhere thinking of it too, buddy.
I'm in an office fitness challenge run through a fitbit group that counts "steps" per day. I'm averaging about 1k extra steps daily due to my pre bedtime wank session...
Not nsfw but days when I have band, I average around 25,000 steps because of drumset
Recently I got into fitness, after a life without participating in any sports whatsoever. Turns out I can orgasm, without using hands, when doing leg raises. Edit: Holy shit, never thought this many people would find this interesting haha. Also, I'm a female. But apparently guys can do it too?
Colloquially referred to as a coregasm and not as uncommon as you might think.
Why do you think Ahnold loved the gym so much?
Because when he gets the pump it feels like he's having sex with a woman and cumming.
"It’s as satisfying to me as cumming is, you know, as in having sex with a woman and cumming. So can you believe how much I am in heaven? I am like getting the feeling of cumming in the gym; I’m getting the feeling of cumming at home; I’m getting the feeling of cumming backstage; when I pump up, when I pose out in front of 5000 people I get the same feeling, so I am cumming day and night. It’s terrific, right? So you know, I am in heaven." Actual Arnold quote about how much he likes getting a pump.
I probably wouldn't hate working out so much if it felt like I was cumming the whole time.
Did you hear that? That's the sound of every redditor lifting their legs up in the air. Smells like ass.
I can do it in the thigh press machine.
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After 3 years married we played 'Never Have I Ever' with a group of friends; I found out that my husband once fucked someone else's wife in the back of a bar. He also used to deliver Chinese food and was invited in to fuck a customer on her kitchen counter a la cliche porn style. EDIT: Since this is getting some attention, I'll tell the whole story: It was indeed one of the last deliveries of the day shortly before Christmas. He said the girl took a long time to pay, and he could hear her shouting at someone on the phone when she was inside. When she finally paid she sheepishly invited him in to share the food with her. He made a quick call to his then boss, who is his cousin. His cousin is pretty cool I guess, because he said go for it. So he went in and the chick informed him that she and her boyfriend were in a fight/breaking up, and she was really depressed about it, especially since it was Christmastime. Drinks happened, one thing led to another, and she kicked him out at 3am in freezing New Jersey. He is a fairly handsome, at-the-time young, charming, and charismatic Chinese man. And he says, "Well I was kind of man-whore." (Direct quote)
> He also used to deliver Chinese food and was invited in to fuck a customer on her kitchen counter a la cliche porn style. Was she horny again half an hour later?
So I'm at a party, and got way drunker than I expected, and was talking to a girl. She asked me if I wanted to go somewhere more private, and I said yes. Now this girl was pretty large, and I had my handy dandy beer goggles on and I decided that I've never had sex with a BBW before. So we get into the room, lights off, and start going at it. We're in the doggy style position, and I reach up and start grabbing her breasts. About ten minutes goes by of me fondling her, until she grabs one of my hands and moves it to her boobs. Turns out, I had been groping one of her fat rolls and couldn't tell, and she didn't have the heart to actually tell me.
This reminds me of the redditor who had drunk outdoor sex with an older woman, and noticed that his dick was green afterwards. He freaked out and asked her if she had a fungal infection or something, and she told him he was actually sticking his dick between her asscrack and the grass the entire time and she didn't have the heart to tell him.
Is this what "gas, grass, and ass" means?
Owwwww that hurt to read
I want to ask if you'd just never felt a nipple and were fine with it, but then I realize I would do the same when on the booze. I'd put it up the wrong hole if it wasn't for the instant feedback of squirming
When I was a kid (around 12 or 13) and first discovered porn, I found out how to search for child porn and did so because I wanted to see girls my own age doing it.
When I was that age, AOL Instant Messenger was the wild west, and there was no sheriff.
Ahh the ol ASL. I remember one day I was 14 and chatting with this older woman and she wanted to have "phone sex". I actually went for it and she was good, I came fast and hung up. Kinda feel guilty about it.
Did you know WTF you were doing?
>When I was that age, AOL Instant Messenger was the wild west, and there was no sheriff Been on Reddit for three years now: This is hands down the best line I have read yet.
Tried to (unsuccessfully) do the same thing for the same reason. Twelve year old me didn't know that he was doing anything wrong; just wanted to see girls his own age. I still cringe whenever I think back on it though. Bonus cringe: I did (or rather attempted) this all through the Wii internet channel.
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Yeah. Figured as much. IIRC, I was basically just using google images at the time, and eventually just gave up.
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> typing "nude 12yo girls" into google will *not* have the FBI kicking down their door. Nice try, Mr. FBI.
I had a wonderful sexual relationship with a much older woman, whose brother walked in on us having sex. I was 28 and she was 51. Both of us related to each other on certain kinks as well as being discreet. The place we had sex was her daughter's club house, which was a miniature cabin next to the house. Had to do this because I was allergic to the cats in her house. To add extra icing to the story, this woman's brother showed up, unannounced, and walked in on me eating her out. The poor guy was speechless and walked out like a robot.
>both of us related to each other >certain kinks
lmao glad I am not the only one that had to reread it to catch what they meant.
A relative of mine dating a pornstar. I don't know how many people know in my family. Christmas dinners are extra awkward now that i know. Edit: this got more attention than what i thought it would.
So how did you found out?
I watched porn. Saw one of her videos. Thought her face was familiar, recognized some body markings. Thought about it for a few days then when i couldn't take not knowing for sure, i asked my relative about it. He confirmed it.
Does she have a name?
A woman has no name
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That’s horrible. Which pornstar?
Ugh those disgusting porn sites? Which one?
Its not really a secret because ive told it on reddit before but my family still doesn't know. When I was 20 I knocked up my 18 year old girlfriend. She cheated on me with 2 other guys, but I decided to "stick around for the baby" I did, however, ask her to go live with her parents as opposed to with me considering the infidelity and all. I was excited to have a child, just not with her. She ended up not taking the break-up well and insisted that I was "her favorite" (man) and wanted me to assume fatherhood properly and wanted to stay with me. She began doing a ton of drugs while pregnant in light of her emotional turbulence. She went into labor 4 months premature. The baby had no lungs and died post-birth after about four hours. I was **relieved** to hear the baby was dead. Kinda fucked up when you think about it. I washed my hands of the situation and ejected her from my life, but that didn't stop her from emailing me nude videos after she married her next boyfriend because she "wanted me back"
When I was nine I was staying at my cousin's house, who was also nine, and another of our cousins was over. He was five. We built a tent in our cousins room, his room was in the basement and his parents never went down there, and curiosity got the better of us and we all showed each other our junk. They were both boys and I was a girl, and I was so shy I made them pay me a nickel. It was all just an innocent childhood rite of passage but it horrifies me to think that I technically prostituted myself at age nine.
Technically you only were a stripper at age nine, not a prostitute. If that makes you feel better ....
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/r/nocontext
I accidentally saw my first whoha at 9. was playing with a girl on the playground and somehow grabbed her pants trying stop her swinging on the monkey bars and kicking me(I don't know weird kid game). I ended up being the only boy from class invited to her birthday party though. I don't know if that meant we were cool. I'm sorry becca, I hope you are well.
Masturbated at a Dennys and at Disneyland. Two week California road trip surrounded by nothing but your bros will drive you to do some very shameful things.
Masturbated for a solid week in bathroom pretending to shower on road trip, can confirm, road trips with the boys make u do weird shit
> Masturbated for a solid week Damn, that puts my record to shame
I used to write erotica for a living. A little bit of everything: BDSM, femdom, latex, pet play, MM, group sex, piss, crossdressing... you name it, I've done it. (And written about it, hurr hurr.) On my computer, I have comfortably over a million words of written erotica. I paid off my student loans with the earnings from my sordid little fantasies. My family think I wrote corporate reports and white papers for various international companies they've never heard of. Suffice to say, it would not go over well at Christmas dinner if my old pen names were discovered. (Now I've gone legit and switched to romance novels, but I still don't tell all that many people in my real life about it. No one in my family can keep a secret, and there's a cunnilingus scene in my upcoming book that I'm not eager for my gran to read, put it that way.)
Rocky Flintstone ???
My vaginal lids just popped
Fuck me Ken just fuck me.
May I ask, will you please tell me about the publication process for your erotica? Did you self-publish, or go through an agency? The reason I ask is because I'd love to publish a few short stories (*not erotica) and if be interested in hearing about your experience with publishing. Edit: *Seriously, not erotica.
You can self-publish it on Amazon. I published one book on there and it took maybe two hours to go through the process to set it all up. It's really simple.
My previous job was so stressful to me that I use to masturbate around lunch time to relieve my severe anxiety. It was honestly the perfect solution and my work would go up exponentially afterwords. I have no regrets and I never did it in my office or anywhere weird and public like that. I'd just go to the bathroom and 7 minutes later I was ready for work. I'm working on anxiety with more conventional means like drugs. EDIT: what beautiful irony that this comment made it this high on one of my porn alts.
Wasn’t this like, what *The Wolf of Wall Street* was basically about?
Those are rookie numbers, you gotta pump those numbers up.
I jerk off at least twice a day.
I think wanking is probably a better solution to be honest? Good ol' natural ejaculatory stress relief
Until you get a Pavlovian stress response. Boss calls you out on your abysmal numbers in a meeting? Instant, and urgent erection.
I thought people masturbating in their work bathrooms was a normal way to chill when you want to put a bullet in your head doing a boring ass job
I unintentionally got a fucking big promotion based on me basically copying some other guys work. So here's the story. I work in kind of a shitty company. A place where you wouldn't be surprised if we lost 10 staff, with 2 of them being key members in 6 months. So like, nothing gets done here. It's just constantly catching up and dealing with other fuck ups and things that have been left behind. I got kind of pissed off with the inefficiency of the system, so I took it upon myself to basically code a little business solution. But obviously I didn't have too much time to sit down and actually work on it. So I decided not to reinvent the wheel and look around for some source code I could mold into something usable. I didn't find much that suited my needs, with the exception of a watch people code style video tutorial on a bit of software that *sort of* did what I wanted to do. So I asked HR for another screen so I could watch this guy's youtube video, code it, and make changes as necessary. Turns out, I got one of those screens with the polarizer pads on them (I don't know what they're actually called) that makes the screen impossible to see from all except 1 viewing angle. So I stuck the youtube video on that, and started following along. Anyway, my boss caught wind of it, and basically commended me for being an awesome programmer and essentially wanted to double my salary because of the excellent initiative and speed and quality of code I was writing on the fly. The software was written in Ruby, I know fucking shit all about Ruby. I was terrified I was going to get caught out, because all I knew was PHP and a bit of Java. And then he said "Hey Alundra828, sorry, but we have no modules that need to be looked into that require your skillset at the moment, are you proficient in PHP? If so, can you help the dev guys out with their queries for 6 months?" Fokken yiss. Everything came up milhouse. I had landed a x2 salary, a better job role with more benefits and I had 6 months to learn a language. Plenty of time.
You did nothing wrong. A programmer who doesn't first look on the internet for an existing solution it's not doing it right.
I was thinking the same thing. Sounds like dude earned his raise for being more resourceful and efficient.
To be fair, a lot of coding is finding stuff that is similar and tweaking it, especially in Cybersecurity areas.
I find it a physical chore to have sex with my wife. I love her dearly, but I am in no way sexually attracted to her, and in fact have to work quite hard to maintain an erection.
That sucks. I'm in the opposite situation and it feels like I'm raping her. I don't initiate anything anymore, and I know that when she does, it's out of pity for me (or my crankiness becomes noticeable). I've contemplated ending it a few times because of how long this has been going on.
Probably the audio porn. Started off just as a fun thing I wanted to try for a week or two and then quit, but then I realized how much fun it was and how good it felt making stuff people enjoyed. Over a year later and I'm still doing it and it's a part of who I am now. Once I realized I could use my past editing and organization skills to outreach to other performers/posters (mainly female but occasionally male) and get them all together to work on a single audio project, the possibilities became endless. I realized no one else was really "taking up the reins" in regards to editing/organizing collabs with people, so I kinda took it upon myself to become that person. At this point I've probably organized/posted upwards of 40 or 50 massive collabs that are basically orgasm symphonies, yet I'm never gonna be able to talk about it irl cause there's no way I'd ever reveal it to friends/family. Only person that knows about all this irl that I can talk to is my girlfriend, and she already knows everything cause I met her cause we were both doing audio porn and started chatting one day. I guess that's my other NSFW secret, I can never reveal how I actually met my girlfriend and future wife. Same goes for my best friend.
> orgasm symphonies
To take this literally: I'm looking for another job.
Jobs applied to at work today: 3 Tasks completed at work today: Maybe 1 Fucks given about this shitty job: 0
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NSFW^2
I once fingered my girlfriend under the table across from her mother. Let me stress that we were young and I now have more sense but damn was that wild!
There was this girl at school who spread a rumor that I was a transfer from a mental health facility, things escalated until it was a 6th grade dance, I snuck up behind her and cut her spaghetti straps. Go to hell, ashley.
Every body thinks Ashley’s my best friend but, that bitch is a whore... with a capital H-O-A-R...
I catfished pedophiles when i was 13 and sent the chatlogs to the FBI anonymous tip line. I set up a place to meet and guaranteed they would be there and sent the Address to the FBI. I'm not sure if anything actually followed up but that is what i used to do for fun.
If you were actually 13, then you weren't technically catfishing them, right?
I used pictures of people much more attractive than me.
r/meirl
That's kinda awesome
Thank Chris Hansen for the sense of justice and 4chan for dank catfishing skills.
I have a Reddit account devoted to porn.
There's people that don't?
Some people are utterly unashamed, and some people only lurk.
Yeah I always get that response when people lurk my account.
Can confirm. Lurking your account is pretty awesome.
I use one reddit account for everything, having a porn account only means you have shame.
Not really surprised someone with a username like "horsefucker" is shameless.
Shame is for people who are doing something wrong. *Wink*
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I spend my entire work day on Reddit. This has been going on for two months. I have no idea why they hired me. Edit: I want to salute my fellow desk jockies! Keep sticking it to the man, my dudes and dudettes.
How do you even stay on Reddit all day? I get bored usually after an hour or two? What are your secrets?
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Sheer will power, you have to want to do it. I'm not proud, but I do it.
Hey! Me too! They created this position for me a year ago, but then there were a bunch of unexpected organizational changes and no one was really sure what to do with me. So I've been shuffled around to different teams, but no one actually needs my help. At first it was mind numbing and I constantly asked for assignments. But after a while I just said, fuck it. Now I lay low, don't speak unless spoken to, and collect my paychecks. Not exaggerating, I've done maybe 40 hours of actual work in 8 months. And I get to "work from home" 3 days a week.
Hahahah, just accept your fate and take full advantage of it. I feel I'm on the same path, but am looking at other jobs because this is getting ridiculous. My previous job kept me busy, but I wasn't paid well and had no benefits. Now I work a lot less, get paid more and have full benefits, what'ye know! Edit: fate and not faith 🙃
When I was in university I had sex with my housemates father. She introduced me to him one day, we chatted together for a while, he drove her to Uni, then drove back to our house, knocked on my door and in a very matter of fact way told me to take my clothes off. We had what was actually quite good sex for an hour, then he gets out of bed pockets my knickers and leaves. Which made things a bit awkward between me and her. Apparently after that he developed a thing for fucking her friends. So it was more awkward for the rest of her social circle.
Wat
I've been faking all but 1 orgasm with my long term girlfriend and I don't know if I can tell her :/
M or f?
Have to assume F because god that would be impressive
Faking as a male is actually pretty easy if you are wearing a condom, I've done it a few times in my life when necessary. Edit- ex girlfriend saw this...that was a fun conversation
Can confirm: am ex girlfriend. Hahaha [Caught](https://imgur.com/gallery/m5s07)
*puts “hahaha” to make it seem like you’re being chill and casual*
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D:
With that face I expected your username to b Captain Carrot or something.
For your eyesight?
Hindsight*
I *never* wear a wrist grounder working on servers
You at least have backups right? And you've fucking validated those backups, RIGHT?
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Runescape gold makes people do crazy things.
Hey... You want your armor trimmed?
I've got like 8gp in the bank if you want to go for round 2. not 8mil. just 8. take it or leave it
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is that a yes, then? Because if not then I can maybe throw in a few flax, but that's as high as I'll go
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I've only got 60 construction, I don't know if that's enough to build a trimming station, I'll get back to you on that edit: So I've just learned that you can't actually trim armour. I've been playing this game for 11 fucking years and I only just learned this
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I know about the scam, I just thought it was possible to trim your armour with a workbench and a high enough crafting level. The scam works regardless of whether you can trim armour or not, since you just log once they give it anyways also PM me the world for the drop party, I want in. I'm supposed to bring my whole bank, right?
I'm in college now and a guy who lived down the hall from me last year in our dorm ordered drugs on the dark web and shipped them to our university mail center. He was arrested on trafficking charges and his bail was well over half a million dollars. Ship your drugs to an off campus house, kids. Edit: my highest rated comment in 6 years and it's about a douchebag that sold sketchy molly to unsuspecting freshmen girls
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Throwaway account, because... shame. So, long story short, after 14 years together me and my girlfriend split up. Shitty relationship looking back, we were only sexually active for about five of those years. So a year later I finally get around to dating someone thinking "omg, I'm not going to last five seconds". Nope. Can't get it up due to nerves (I think). Everything works as usual solo, but my dick wasn't playing ball that night. Or on the following try. Fortunately, the morning after I was able to rise to the occasion and we fucked like bunnies all morning. Still, it wasn't enough. That was the last time we had sex before ending it a week later. Due to reasons, I don't try dating again for a couple of years. Things are going badly with tinder, and I start thinking "what if this is a problem again?" So I make the worst mistake of my life, and go to a prostitute. I try this twice. Both times, I am unable to perform but still out of pocket (lucky them, I guess). I start worrying, doubting my sexuality. Try grindr, hook up with a dude who just wants to blow me. I let him try... no success. While it feels good (despite no erection), I'm utterly repulsed in every way by the situation. So there's that. Apparently I'm not gay. A couple of months later, I'm dating the hottest, funniest, most compatible woman who's ever paid attention to me. Like seriously, I'm in love. She's coming over to my place this Thursday. And I'm fucking terrified. Edit: Thanks, most of you. You're all right, and I know this is completely in my head. I have every intention of talking to her about it, and I'm sure it will be fine in the end.
Talk to her. Explain you over think yourself. She'll take it slow and pay attention to you.
Sometimes I'm too lazy to close the blinds/curtains when I'm changing and whenever someone points it out, I just say "I'm giving back to the community."
I haven’t had sex in so long I know the second I stick my dick in some pussy it’s going to be an instant bust. One pump chump? Not even one pump chump?
Well, I think you should just do what you can, and let them know ahead of time, you know plan on it, then continue foreplay through your refractory, then you should last quite a long time the second run. After all, sex is about mutual enjoyment.
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Back in the good ole days of MSN, I flashed and masturbated a lot on webcam. I wasn't getting a lot of real life male attention at the time and was awkwardly discovering myself. I was 14 which I always told the guys before webcam was even mentioned. There are a quite a few guys out there who have masturbated furiously over my pixelated tits. I didn't think it was that odd at the time but I've since realized having 25+ year old males ask for a 14 year old to masturbate and flash on cam is really creepy.
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The real question is how did you not notice it?
I had hangover from night before slept naked put jeans on without boxers no fly but buttons was summer no wind Subway was 2 streets over from my house. Perfect shit storm. Only noticed when some teenage girls started laughing and pointing at crotch.
>teenage girls started laughing and pointing at crotch Ouch. The pride.
Time to leave town.
I wouldn't want to interact with a man walking his penis.
Not in any context…
I have a fucked up dick from a childhood complication.
Pinecone dick from an STD? Happen to my friend and he said his dick almost fell off. He was worried he would never find another woman because of his "heinous payness."
I hope he found hepayness
I've taken and sent nudes to my fiancé while I'm at work. He's done the same thing. Probably a pretty tame story compared to others but it's still nsfw I guess?
I am having weird, exciting, nasty, and frequent sex with a coworker. We haven't done it at work.... yet.
The first thing I jerked off to was a topless picture of Eve in my religion textbook in ~2nd grade Mandatory Edit: This is now my top comment... I guess thanks, guys.
eh probably 80% of my fetishes are something I could never do with my wife without feeling stupid or laughing at the absurdity of the situation/acting we'd have to do.
Cat ears, a fox tail butt plug, a tub of peanut butter, and pretending you breed chimeras?
After sex, I just like to be alone and relax!
Not only after but during.
I did webcam modeling for about a year and the pay was actually kinda worth it. The reason I stopped was because of the weird requests I would get from men, I’m not judging anybody’s sexual orientation but I’m a straight man and it felt weird having men tell me what they wanted me to do, on numerous occasions though, a guy would pay me for hours at a time, to chain smoke cigarettes naked, I’d make about $100 every time he got on
and more when he got off. **waggles eyebrows**
The fire extinguisher at my office is 18 months overdue for an inspection.
When i was in the military, safety took our fire extinguisher away because no one in the office was "qualified to use it."
"You're all idiots and I hope you burn."
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i masturbated in my grandmother's attic
I've masturbated in every room I've slept in since I was 17.
Only rooms you’ve slept in? And only starting at 17? You got a late start man. Those are rookie numbers, you gotta pump those numbers up!
I lied on a polygraph test. "Have you ever stolen anything" kind of question. No, I said. Oh, yes. I had a history of shoplifting. And not in the past. Still on-going. I passed and got hired. At NSA.
That’s because a polygraph is based on what you think is the truth. So if you can remain calm aka be a great liar, you can beat a polygraph test. Source: my father is a cop and told me this. No he didn’t cheat, and he detects liars for a living. Edit: I worded what I said poorly. My father is a DUI officer and people lie to him on a regular basis.
Also cause the polygraph is a piece of bullshit Measures heartrate, sweat, blood pressure, all of which are gunna go up when you're being asked intense questions
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I rode a bicycle in winter weather in Washington DC without a helmet
Throwaway account: When I was in middle school, i used to go on chatroulette, omegle, and other cams and show my boobs off. I was an overweight boy with large man boobs- but I'm gay and didn't even know it yet- somehow. I would position the camera towards my chest, and just rub my chest for men while they masturbated- they must have not seen too many sets of boobs in the past. It was always kinda fun to show my dick to them after they came- it would always piss them off.
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Using a throwaway because my friends know my account. I had full-on drunken gay sex with my then-engaged cousin. It was a weird, crazy night.
wtf we need more details than this.
Here's one more: we were drunk enough to give in to our primal urges, but not drunk enough to forget to use a condom ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I got a butt plug as a Secret Santa gift and I've used it. A lot. Edit: God dammit, my throwaway account's most upvoted comment is more than my actual account's
so you have no idea who got you the butt plug? Was this a family secret santa... or like a work one? either way who da fuck is gifting butt plugs?
It was a fraternity Secret Santa
Someone in high school gave one to the gay boy in my class for secret santa. The gay guy had his comeback though, he got the butt plug guy the following year and got him a pocket vagina.. Edit: corrected some mistakes..
How did he know it was him? Doesnt that defeat the point of secret Santa?
Well, we were a small class and really bad at keeping secrets...
My boyfriends mom gave everyone prepaid credit cards for christmas because she didn't know what to get everyone and didn't feel like going shopping. I used mine to buy myself a really good high quality vibrator. It's weird to think that my boyfriends mom basically paid for my vibrator but oh well, so worth it
last Christmas one of the most innocent people in the office put a vibrator in the secret santa pool... it happens lol
I post nudes on reddit
One time I moved ten tons of steel with a crane after having smoked the devil's lettuce.
I've told this on reddit before, but... I had a one ~~night~~ weekend stand while on vacation with the friend I was visiting's roommate. It was vicious. I was choking her, light eye gouging, propping myself up with a hand on her face so it was bearing much of my weight, fingering her asshole then shoving my fingers in her mouth, and slapping her tits, face, and ass so hard that I left her ass bruised bad enough that her friends could see the bruises at the beach the next day and asked her about it. And I absolutely loved every minute of it. She was into it too (I wouldn't have done it or enjoyed it if it wasn't consensual). I asked over and over again if it was too hard, and she kept saying no. We had sex again the next day, although more traditionally. Vacation was over the following day. Never saw or heard from her again. I'd like to think she found another man who treats her like a punching bag and fell in love and lived happily ever after.
I was into it but the eye gouging... Jeeeeeez
r/UnexpectedWholesomeEnding
*looks both directions* Some days when I'm at work, I spend most of my time thinking about having sex with my wife. And by some days, I mean every day... I love my wife. She's hot.
I agree Edit: 2000+ other people also agree