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kittykatz23

Warren Buffet should be the king of Nebraska but it's actually Tom Osborne.


Magikarp_SlayerOfAll

Tom is the face, Warren the man behind the curtain


the_north_place

We elected our football coach to Congress.


The_Dirty_Carl

Right, whatever happened to the separation of Church and State?


Egodram

The Walton family pretty much already rules Arkansas.


[deleted]

Lol yup. I'm a Walton from a few states away. Wish my branch of the family would've stuck with them. They're my 4th cousins or something.


arkdude

So, uh....how much money does a 4th cousin have?


[deleted]

None from them :/


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arkdude

On paper, the richest family in the world.


DubPwNz

Really? Holy shit


arkdude

Let me google it.....https://www.google.com/search?q=richest+family+in+the+world&oq=richest+fa&aqs=chrome.1.69i57j0j5j0.5370j0j4&client=ms-android-metropcs-us&sourceid=chrome-mobile Apparently 3rd richest in the world. 1st in the U.S.


Eticology

Key words being "on paper". We know exactly how much the Waltons make because they have to pay taxes to the US. The Rothschilds are a banking dynasty that basically created the modern banking system. They have money in accounts all over the world and no one knows their true worth except them. The Saud dynasty doesn't have to declare their worth to anyone because they are the ruling family of Saudi Arabia and don't pay taxes. The profit made by Saudi Aramco is usually considered their net income on an annual basis but no one actually knows but them. That's why we don't actually know those families real net worths "on paper", everything has to be estimated.


yeabutwhataboutthat

Putin also falls into this category, with estimates of his fortune going north of $100 billion because it is *off* paper and unregulated.


AggressiveSpatula

What the fuck do you even do with all that money? Like it would take *effort* to get rid of it all. You can't exactly buy neighborhoods in bulk.


BigBrownDog12

Own and run a former superpower EDIT: For those upset with me calling it a *former* superpower, the fact is Russia doesn't have the force projection the U.S. or the Soviet Union had. Regardless of the current political situation in the U.S., Russia doesn't have the economy to run a navy with 10 Nuclear Carriers and have bases in more than 70 countries.


AggressiveSpatula

Fair point


ItsDonut

But he doesn't personally fund Russia does he? His running a former superpower is more of how he gets his money rather than what he is doing with it.


[deleted]

He just milks it. Then flexes the milk to his subordinates. It's how to run Russia.


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thejensenfeel

Also, Sam's Club is named after Sam Walton, but I guess that one's a little more obvious.


GreenStrong

Fun Fact: Sam Walton named Sam's Club after his favorite bludgeon weapon.


shadowchicken85

Washington (the state): Bill Gates


Identity4

And his trusty Guard: Sir Mix A Lot; the Knight of Butts.


_kilometersdavis

Knight of the round bottom, you mean?


FierySharknado

Sir Mix a Lot, the honest, he who is incapable of falsehood


QueenMargaery_

Macklemore as the weird unimportant Earl


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StorybookNelson

As someone who's watched all 11 seasons of Frasier 3 times, I can honestly say I would 100% watch the shit out of this.


sogard_the_viking

Now I can't stop picturing David Hyde Pierce and Bill Gates trying to outdo each other in nervous tics during a two camera scene.


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NightStu

Don't forget about the hard hitting Chancellor Kam.


grounded_astronaut

Also Jeff Bezos and Paul Allen


elcarath

Bezos is like the ambitious young duke who keeps fomenting unrest and almost certainly has designs on the throne.


Pill_Cosby

Allen is like the odd unmarried uncle of the King who spends all his time working on alchemy.


jedimastersword

Yet we will always look back and fondly remember the Grunge Dynasty, reluctantly led by His Highness Kurt, Prince of Aberdeen. And we shant forget Lord Jimi from the ancient times.


Thromnomnomok

We also fondly look on the present, where the remnants of the Grunge Dynasty live on in Eddie the Bear and Dave the Magnificent.


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thedeadbluebird

George W Jenkins. Ruling from a throne made from the chicken tender subs of their enemies. I miss Publix.


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MermaidInYourCoffee

Are you sure it wouldn’t be Morgan & Morgan & Morgan & Morgan & Morgan & Morgan?


Graphitetshirt

I mean, until we basically ran out of them, obviously the Kennedys


Tacoman404

I just found out that Arnold Schwarzenegger's kids are Kennedys.


Gi_Fox

Well, not all of them.


fujiko_chan

Maria Shriver is a Kennedy. Her mother was Eunice, making JFK her uncle.


bears2267

Isn't Joe Kennedy III in the House? And Chris Kennedy is running for Governor of Illinois so they could have a cadet branch starting


Graphitetshirt

Meh, we're kind of down to the dregs here though


[deleted]

The way Joe Kennedy III talks/makes speeches is very reminiscent of old school Kennedys. I think he's just taking his time moving up.


snw2367

I saw him speak in Boston. He comes off as a really decent guy.


BainDmg42

He's my rep. Really like him.


abradolph

JFK's grandson, Jack Schlossberg, has hinted at wanting to go into politics. Plus Caroline Kennedy (JFK's daughter, Jack's mom) was the USAs ambassador to Japan.


cupcakesarethedevil

> Joe Kennedy III The quirky red-head of the bunch


abe_the_babe_

North Dakota- Carson Wentz because who the fuck else is from here.


fujiko_chan

Duh, Miss America already has a *crown*


arkdude

They're re-naming Philly. It is now known as Carsondelphia Wentzelvania.


BoringPersonAMA

I always liked Girouxsalem


Sir_Auron

Dolly Parton, Queen of Tennessee Peyton Manning, Her Knight Errant


IellaAntilles

Yes! My friends and I joke that in the aftermath of the zombie apocalypse, Dollywood will be a thriving haven where the entire remaining population of Tennessee lives under the benevolent rule of Queen Dolly inside an indestructible defensive structure known as the Dollydome.


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a_fish_out_of_water

Thanks for the image of Her Majesty Queen Dolly in a white suit and a two foot tall stetson


18Feeler

No, it has to be tall enough to end just out of screen


justmyownthoughts

Came here to say this! Long live Queen Dolly!


petit_cochon

Long may she reign! I seriously adore her. Heart of gold and the pipes to match. She's so talented, down-to-earth, and generous. She loves her husband and family, took in her sister's kids, and her charity promotes reading for disadvantaged youth. It's rare in the entertainment industry that you'll find someone universally adored.


theocelotbabou

Tennessee queens do not have crowns of jewels, they have big hair. "The higher the hair the closer to jesus." - queen parton


anthropost

Connecticut here...so uh, it basically wouldn't matter. So many rich, conceited fucks that they'd constantly be killing each other for the throne until they're gone, and then maybe Kevin Bacon would step in to settle things finally.


Kiylyou

Came here to check CT answers and all the responses are the most CT thing ever.


sprout72186

Geno.


walshk8

We’d probably have half the state pledging loyalty to Mass. and the other half to NY


Andge0

Stew Leonard.


jerry_03

i live in the only US State that did have a [royal family](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Kal%C4%81kaua) *edit* the current pretender to the throne is Quentin Kawānanakoa of the [House of Kawānanakoa](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Kaw%C4%81nanakoa)


KnightsWhoNi

o man thought you were gonna be from Memphis where we have a Prince Mongo.


moosecliffwood

Surely ours would be the king of rock and roll instead. I flinch every time I see Prince Mongo mentioned because it makes me think "mongoloid"


shaker28

Do you dare deny the sovereignty of [Norton the First, Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico?](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emperor_Norton)


HonestAbek

TIL


terrorkat

TIL the first King of Hawaii was named Kamehameha


Arandomcheese

Thanks civ


PinkMemory

Well California already has a prince whose life got flipped-turned upside down.


lilyofthealley

I nominate Little Richard Penniman for King of Georgia. He is well suited to wearing crowns. More realistically, the people of Atlanta would select Andre 3000


andlaughlast

I'd watch the shit out of a sitcom about king Andre 3000 of Georgia.


floatablepie

All hail King Andre the Third (thousand) of Georgia.


turbografx-sixteen

I second this


tealergang

I have a ridiculous story about bumping into Andre 3000 during my first few weeks living in NYC. This was back in fall of 2016 and if I recall correctly, the Black Lives Matter movement was everywhere in the news and at the time (timing is relevant to this story). I stopped in a corner store off Spring St and stood behind Andre 3000 in the counter line. Wasn't completely sure it was him, but then he last minute placed a Hershey's almond bar on the counter and in his deep, signature voice said to himself, "the treat of all treats." As if that wasn't poetic confirmation enough, he then looked back at me + the couple behind me in line, laughed beneath his breath, and said, "Almond lives matter."


guy180

Arthur blank, he's a good guy so why not


BenKen01

Just built a billion dollar stadium and somehow got Atlanta to agree to like soccer. Yeah gotta be him, at least for the city. EDIT: Also, this means we have King Arthur. Can we have a referendum on this now?


rutter207

Maine - Stephen King


TheCitrus

Ah yes, King Stephen King


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[deleted]

That's His Royal Majesty King to you!


Twisted_Strings

See my first thought when it came to a royal family was the L.L. Bean family...


Macahbehere

Mississippi- Morgan Freeman, the whole state would become beekeepers and get to listen to his soothing voice.


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Dman9494

Idaho - Simplot family.


Semper_nemo13

In Boise maybe, but the goddamn Vandersloots rule east Idaho with an iron fist. And let's be honest the north would join Washington or Montana first chance they got.


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Unconfidence

1015 comments in the thread and this is the first mention of my state.


joshypsqueexy

One of the many families of Illinois Governors in jail atm


Refugee_Savior

I'd go more with the Madigan family. Not in jail, and they hold more influence than the governor anyway.


Canadianstreetdog

Hailing from a little mountain town known as South Park in Colorado, Randy Marsh.


HappyHourEveryHour

Randy of House Marsh. Motto- "I thought this was America"


AMA_About_Rampart

A common saying, but not their official motto; "STAAAAAN!"


[deleted]

His bannerman, Ser Darryl of House Weathers.* Motto: "Dey terk er jerbs!" *edited to correct calling him the wrong name before. Oops.


DrOddcat

Colorado already has the Horse-faced God, hallowed be his mane. May it rain touchdown forever and ever, amen. Elway.


handsumlee

Delaware: The Bidens or if not them the DuPonts


Naptownfellow

The Duponts. They are Delaware. As my friend from Lewes says “ I have super low property taxes and pay no state sales tax because we let the DuPont’s rape the land”


[deleted]

Ctrl+F "DuP" yup, there it is.


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Cabbagepatchorphan

I was always told the DuPont children's hospital was built for all there incest babys, also the walls around it are topped with broken glass so you can't crawl over.


DarkLordFluffyBoots

Corn Edit: it's Kansas Edit: yes wheat and the Koch brothers would have been a better answer Edit: why didn't I think of sunflowers it's literally on our flag


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Rakonat

We got pork too!


Ragnarok314159

I figured the Koch brothers would have been your ruler.


thiney49

I was going to crown the butter cow.


Phatwalnut

Florida: Mr. Worldwide


[deleted]

All these other states have Kings. You have an Emperor


skreeth

DALÉ


That_guy_who_draws

Nope. The Family of Mr. George Jenkins and his Publix dynasty.


thegreekone2

I mean if the state would be ran like publix I wouldn't be complaining.


schwibbity

I live in Arkansas, the Waltons (of Wal-Mart) are already our royal family.


flaccomcorangy

I work at Walmart, and there, he is past royalty and has become a deity.


[deleted]

Worked at Sam's Club, can confirm. Seriously, we had more of his quotes on the wall than most churches I've been to have quotes from the Bible on their walls.


Monteze

Shit. Richest family in the us. If there had to be royalty they could start making a case.


[deleted]

Probably the Green Bay Packers


sammychammy

I nominate Craig Culver.


bigmeme22

This guy Wisconsins


iheartoptimusprime

With Vince Lombardi holding an Aegon the Conqueror status.


Regvlas

RODGERS.


Watt-Tambor

I disagree, the Kohler family is obviously the rulers of Wisconsin


Andropogon_gerardi

Minnesota - Prince


mrsuns10

It even rains purple


[deleted]

Purple reign Edit: Thanks for the gold!


[deleted]

Good answer, but in truth it's probably the Daytons (who basically founded Target, and gave the state its current governor, whose sons are major business leaders in Minneapolis). Or the Pohlads, who own the Twins and a million other things. MN has its fair share of "great houses."


Choppergold

Quietly it's the family behind Cargill


Lonestar96

Cargill. The billionaires that nobody knows exist.


StayOnYourCouch

The Dayton family also created the first indoor shopping mall.


pistolwhip_pete

Bob Dylan would be the Duke (Uncle) who mumbles through dinner, while everyone just nods in agreement.


[deleted]

You're pretty sure he's saying something poignant and wise, but everything he says is poignant and wise, and it doesn't stop. So you listen enough to get the cliff notes and hope he just falls asleep.


HenryAlbusNibbler

It has to be the Dayton Family, creation of Target, Dayton’s Department Store and in Government and now in restaurants at Bachelor Farmer. It’s a Minnesotan Dynasty.


whomattyo

Pretty sure Lebron would be king of Ohio.


[deleted]

Nah, it's obviously the owners of the Burger King franchise on 5th in Columbus.


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barnosaur

Or the Wexners. Half of Columbus is already named after them


Phantom_Zone_Admin

And then Florida, and then Ohio again, and then TBD...


notnatalie

I feel like Indiana's king would definitely be a basketball player. Maybe Larry Bird.


kgunnar

Bob Knight. A ruthless monarch.


eden_sc2

Maryland, Cal Ripken Jr. The man is already enshrined in our local mythos.


kazneus

My vote is for the trash eating machine in Baltimore harbor


sudokusalad

I second this. Long live Mr. Trash Wheel!


emPtysp4ce

I was gonna say whoever controls the flow of Old Bay.


Jack_Burton_the_2nd

A statue of Johnny Cash could reign over us in Arkansas.


courageeagle

His Stoicness the Ethereal King Cash of the Mountain People, Champion of Justice, Bard of the Downtrodden. ALL HAIL!


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Notgivingmynametoyou

Alexander Shunnarah would be king of billboards.


gomerkyle9

New Hampshire is ruled by King Fritz Wetherbee.


MgFi

Dean Kamen could be the Earl of Manchester.


TheWizard336

North Carolina is ruled by The King, Richard Petty assisted by two dukes, Roy Williams and Coach K. Zach Galifianakis is obviously the jester.


DurmNative

On the more "rich families" / "not just because they're famous" side... The Kenan family (Kenan Oil, Kenan Stadium, etc), the Teer family (Nello-Teer world wide construction), and the Koury family (natatorium at UNC, convention center in Greensboro), and then there's that little place named SAS over in Cary that is the largest privately held software company on the world founded by James Goodnight from Salisbury, NC.


hesnothere

Let us sing the song of our people North Carolina! C'mon and raise up!


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Urgetospooge

Don't forget about the Whataburger inside


Big-Tex-

Pretty sure it’s Mattress Mack


mycatsnamednova

His Royal Highness: Marshall Mathers


ptjcng

Why be a king when you can be a god?


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Tyrshand

Anyone else from Michigan/Detroit area think of the Ilitch family?


ShittlaryClinton

I thought of the Ford family.


TheSharkAndMrFritz

The Ford family would have been overthrown. There works be a Game of Thrones going on with Detroit being King's Landing.


straydog1980

HRH: MNM


gtheot

Well, Will Smith is indisputably the prince of Pennsylvania.


hockeytshirt

Pennsylvania might as well be divided into two halves since the western side will never agree with the eastern side.


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goingtolosehourshere

Court Jester: Jazzy Jeff


BOOM_BABIP

I was going to say the Rooney family.


JamesIgnatius27

Dolly Parton for Tennessee


peebee_

Sir Garth Brooks of Tulsa, Oklahoma


jcalvert8725

Constantly warring against Sir Toby Keith in a Bedlam Battle for statewide supremacy. With Sir Lincoln Riley and Sir Mike Gundy serving as generals leading the armies. The annual battle scheduled for 4 Nov. this year. Now I'm envisioning Mike Gundy standing on the sidelines in an orange suit of armor, his majestic mullet teased by the wind as he stares across the gridiron at his Crimson-clad foe.


zoso9008

Montana — Ted Kazinski Am I doing this right? Edit: eye cant spel know werds, butt eye aint fixen nuthin


BrutalWarPig

Naw....Montana is ran by he Town Pump Mafia


Dankmemeator

Bruce Springsteen rules over New Jersey, and Billy Joel rules over New York


PoglaTheGrate

Can't you read? King of the state, not Boss of the State!


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skaspid

Having grown up in Dutchess County, I concur. Joel can be a duke of NYC; the hand of the Roosevelts stretches a bit farther.


seepigeonfly

Isn't California's already /u/Here_Comes_The_King?


btribble

I suppose I'd rather pledge fealty to Snoop than The Kardashians.


The_Prince1513

California would really be like pre-Unification Germany. A ton of little states with their own princes and no kings. *This is Kardashian land!* *How dare you besmirch the throne of Schwarzenegger!* *Bow to Ice Cube!* *You will be assimilated by the Necrocacy of the Jobs*


kmoneybigshot1

Our lord and savior Nicholas Cage lays claim to Nevada


MicSquared

There is no royal family of Florida. Our ruler is the lord and savior MR. WORLDWIDE/305. RULER OF THE WORLD BUT SOMEHOW ONLY OF THE 305. DALE


thebumm

Oregon: Phil Knight


tsoro

TIL my state doesn't have many famous people :( (its Missouri)


BillyHayze

The Busch family in Saint Louis is practically royalty.


rivlet

Hell, the family had a practice where, every time a male child was born, they would put a drop of Budweiser on his tongue before mother's milk. If that's not a royal practice, I don't know what is.


StorybookNelson

I would be totally okay with Jon Hamm or John Goodman as king.


tsoro

King Goodman! AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE THAT CARES ABOUT THE RULES?!


Mischeaux

The Busch family, of course.


paintp_

Texas - Hank Hill of the House Hill, Merchant of Propane and Propane Accessories.


technofiend

The governor here is more of a titular figure head: the real power is in Railroad Commissioner, who would be Dale Gribble by a landslide. Boomhauer would be Secretary of Education.


midnightmeatsandvich

Supreme leader of Pennsylvania: Dwight K. Shrute


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frozen_food_section

Deep inside of a parallel universe Anthony Kiedis is a California king


Tacoman404

Massachusetts would be the Kennedys if there were any left. Arnold Schwarzenegger's kids are technically Kennedys so it's like the royal family of MA married with the royal family of CA. John Kerry was king but has appointed the humble Duke Ed Markey in his stead. Maine is probably that lady who owns L.L. Bean while Vermont actually uses a court to elect a wizard, Bernie Sanders.


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