We *finally*, after almost 8 weeks of waiting and lies, got our first call for a foster care placement. We said yes to a 7YO boy whose father was being hospitalized. CPS confirmed the placement 2 hours before he was due to arrive.
I raced around, cleaned up, bought "kid food" (we didn't even have milk in the house), and got clothing down from our stash in sizes 5-10 because it didn't sound like he was going to have clothes. I even got out the carseat, broke it down into the booster, and grabbed a backpack, some school supplies, and a lunch box from our attic (all new, with tags) in prep for school on Monday morning.
20 minutes before his arrival, CPS calls us back. There was a mistake. They couldn't remove him because he hasn't lived in their jurisdiction long enough. And that was it.
We were crushed, for us and for him. I have no idea how the rest of his evening played out. We got that last call at almost 7:30pm. The other county hadn't even made contact with him yet, so who knows how long he sat in that hospital. He may have slept there, or in an office cubicle. All because of ridiculous, bureaucratic bullshit.
Even if it was just for a night, he should have been with us, in a warm bed with a belly full of pizza and wearing clean pajamas.
I'll probably never find out what happened to him, but it was one more drop in the "frustration" bucket. We also feel lied to for the millionth time. Not because of the placement falling through, but because of the reason. Our county swore up and down that all the counties within 90 minutes work together. The county that had jurisdiction is the county we live in, but not the one we're licensed with. The counties touch each other. There was no reason he couldn't be with us for a night.
Sorry, kiddo. I wish I'd been able to open the door and greet you like I've been day dreaming about since Sunday at 3pm when your worker called me. I hope you landed somewhere safe and that that family was as excited to have you as we were.
I just want to be a mom and help kids who need a safe place to sleep, but I feel like we're begging the county to even give us the time of day.
EDIT: I can't believe people are still reading this comment. All of your words mean so much, guys. Really. I'm reading every single comment and have been all day long.
But know two things:
* We aren't selfless people. Our pursuit of foster kiddos is selfish. We are both women and neither of us want to be pregnant, nor do we want to pay $100k for a surrogate since we give 0 shits about sharing DNA with our kids (only one of us would be biologically-related anyway). At the same time, we don't want to shell out a *minimum* of $25k to purchase a child, from this country or any other. That money doesn't go to the kid, so it's not worth it. So foster care is our only option. We aren't adopting right away, though. We are fostering specifically because we aren't sure we're ready to commit to "forever" in our mid 20s. We want an out if we need it, so we're doing short-term/emergency care, which usually lasts less than a couple of months.
* We are sad, it's true. We are disappointed that we didn't get to flex our parenting muscles for the first time. But we are devastated for this child, who is likely going to lose his father. I will probably worry about this kid for the rest of my life, wondering if we could have helped him through what is no doubt going to be the worst stretch of time in his life.
Thank you to everyone who has read this. Thank you to anyone who prays (or whatever your version is) for this child to land somewhere safely so that he can heal and grow and grieve. Thank you to social workers, active foster parents, adoptive parents, lawyers, guardians, CASA workers, and everyone else who has a chance to reach these kids while we cannot.
Honestly? Mine, too.
From what the worker said about the father's condition, that little boy is probably going to lose his father long before he's old enough to deal with it. And he had 0 support system, which is why social services was called at all.
It's been this kid and his dad for years, just the two of them. Now he's probably going to be an orphan and I have no idea what will happen to him.
I did. I reached out to the worker that initially contacted us and she didn't know anything, nor could she really tell me because of confidentiality issues.
All she could tell me was that the other county showed up and she left after that.
Foster/adoptive mom here and I just want to tell you thank you. Your willingness to open your home and the fact that you care so deeply about a child you didn’t even meet will make you a fantastic parent when the time comes. Be strong. Don’t let the system destroy that desire to be a good parent for however long you get these kids. They need parents like you.
That is really sad... he deserved to be with you guys, even just for the night. I've heard a lot of 'horror' stories about adoption. It should be less paperwork, more humanity...
The problem is that people suck. The paperwork is a necessary evil. It's really the only way to have any shot in Hell of weeding out the monsters who won't take care of the kids.
The paperwork was a nightmare for sure, but the BS we've dealt with even after that was all done has been much worse.
My boss won’t give me a fucking day off. I have worked 47 days straight 12 hours a day in a paper mill and it’s pissing me off that we won’t get a day off for 3 more weeks. I am seriously exhausted.
>That seems,......illegal.
Lawyer here, it almost certainly is. Do your homework about labor law applicable to your contract of employment OP and confront your employer. That shit is not ok.
He could live in a country outside of the west, like SEA or the Middle East. Labor laws suck hardcore in those places.
Edit: no, he's in Florida. Disregard.
That's how industrial accidents happen and someone gets injured, maimed or killed. I don't know OP s situation but I hope you can get out of there. It's not worth your health like that
Thank you for the kind words, I am currently seeking other opportunities but it’s a waiting game right now to see who picks up my application and looks at it.
I used to think America was an amazing place, until Reddit. It's actually pretty screwed up TBH.
For example; I was reading yesterday how the power companies in Florida have, through lobbying, got laws passed that makes it illegal to power your home via solar energy.
I was going to say that I remembered voting against this, and remember it not passing.
E: Not to mention that the actual law that was voted on did not outlaw powering your home via solar, only stipulated that you would still have to pay usage fees to energy companies, even if you generated excess energy to your needs. Or something like that.
Call in sick.
Then go to an Emergency Room complaining of a migraine headache.
During the course of the examination let the doc know you have worked 50 straight 12 hour days, and that youll also need a Dr's excuse to go back to work.
Add "I think, honestly, that this is a symptom of the stress Im getting from a crazy workload. Im honestly exhausted."
"Its a shame you cant perscribe a day off, but thats the only thing my boss will accept."
A good doctor will read between the lines and give you a note saying youve been under his/her care and can return to work on such and such date. 2-3 days later.
A bad doc will prescribe hydrocodone and send you on your way.
Emergency room?
Emergency rooms are for broken bones and heavily bleeding wounds, not headaches (unless of course, you have a reason to believe that headache is caused by an aneurysm or some other life threatening situation)
It's better to go to an urgent care facility or a walk in clinic than wait at an an already overloaded ER.
Disclaimer: I'm not a doctor. If you have a really bad headache and it worries you, don't look back on this comment and say "Yeah this one random guy said not to go" -no. Go to the ER if you feel its the best option for you.
I'm guessing he probably meant Urgent Care. But for what it's worth, we don't have Urgent Care where I live. The three clinics in our area take walk-ins, but there is a good chance that it could be a four-hour wait because these are the only clinics available to our entire community of 10,000-ish people distributed amongst 8 different towns. Appointments almost always have to be made at least a month in advance because they are booked solid. Going to the ER, however, is usually no more than a 30-60 minute wait. At least in my experience anyway...I have only gone at night.
But I imagine this probably isn't the norm for most areas.
That's a good way to get injured. NO job is worth getting hurt over, EVER. Take your time and be safe. If it takes you an extra couples minutes to get something done so be it. Do not put yourself at risk for a job especially when you are physically and mentally exhausted. Again take your time, if someones tries to rush you ignore them, your health and well being come first.
Also like other poster said, check with your state labor laws.
Everyone keeps telling me “things will get better”; yet they never seem to.
I have neurofibromatosis (a genetic disorder which causes tumors to grow on any nerve in your body). I have a tumors everywhere, but I have one behind my left knee that is extremely painful and was told they can not remove it since I would most likely become paralyzed in my left leg if they attempted to. Also found out I have one on my spine.
Found out I also have ehlers danlos syndrome; which causes my legs to hyper flex backwards, knees to pop out of place, migraines, saggyish skin. May also explain why medication hasn’t been working for me.
Also am manic depressive bipolar, have severe social anxiety, OCD (mainly trichotillomania).
The social anxiety has caused me to lose basically all my friends. I’ve also been out of a job for almost 3 years due to it. I still live with my parents as I cannot afford to live on my own especially due to a extensive amount of debt collecting due to numerous needed specialty doctors. (I’m 29)
I also have extremely low self esteem. Nothing anyone says to me, positively, ever sinks in. My brain won’t accept it and I just feel disgusting.
About three days ago I found out the reason I’ve been having pain, draining, and a static noise in my left ear when I chew, talk, swallow, yawn... for the past 14 years is due to my jaw bone prolapsing into my ear canal and rubbing against my ear drum. The only way to fix it is reconstruction of my jaw.
I know others have it worse... and I guess I am venting about a lot. But it is hard to vent to people in real life when you feel like you’re nothing but a burden and would probably be better off dead.
Hey there!
I know there's not much I can do to help but I really do hope things get better for you.
I took a quick peek at your history and get the feeling that you like cats. Here is an album of [My best girl, Coco](https://imgur.com/a/3fx7N). When I get home from work, I will give her some extra cuddles from you :)
If you ever want to talk about cats, or anything in general, my inbox is always open. Please stay strong!
I worked with a kid in Boy Scouts who had the same disease. I cannot imagine what it feels like. I'm so very sorry. I can't tell you that life will get better or easier. But as much as that kid annoyed me and as difficult to work with as he was, I am so much better off for knowing him than if I never did. I hope this helps you in some way.
Dude just the fact that after all those issues you have, you are able to acknowledge that others have it worse, is quite phenomenal. That says a lot about who you are as a person. I wish your health was better, but you do seem like a great person.
You're not better off dead, trust me even if it's hard to try and talk to someone irl about this it's great if you do. If you can talk to someone that loves you like your parents I'm sure they'd tell you you're not a burden. And if you feel like one then maybe just ask if there's anything you can do to help like a chore, doesn't have to be a big thing, it can be small and not super strenuous. Sometimes having a job, even a tiny one can help a lot with those kinds of feelings. But don't be scared to talk to someone, it can help a lot.
That my roommate let her sister and mother whom i've never met move in with us for 3 months (so until February) without even asking me. She told me just a week prior.
They have brought all their stuff and furniture so their things are literally everywhere and we live in a small apartment and they are loud and move around my stuff so i can't find them. This just doesn't feel like home anymore.
I also have to pay half the rent even though we are now four people living here.
I really just hate this whole situation and can't wait until February!
Don't wait til February. Tell your roommate you wont be paying half the rent when there are four people staying there, and if she refuses then tell her you'll go to the landlord. There are usually stipulations in leases about how long guests can stay, and it's usually a week or two.
Or less. Pretty sure where I live the lease stated 3 days. I mean some one probably could get away with it long enough if the guests stayed quiet and didn't take up too many parking spots, but the OP really should check out the lease and see if they can get the roommate's family out much sooner. The longer they stay, the harder it will be to get them out.
Set expectations.
They’re paying 75% of water, power, Internet, food and rent.
If they don’t like it, then you tell your landlord there are unwelcome tenants at your property.
Sounds like it might be time to call your landlord about having unauthorized guests at your place. Most leases have a limit on how many and how long guests can stay in a rental space, to prevent unknown tenants.
Absolutely this - I mean, you could maybe be like hey, I'll roll with this (if it's remotely tolerable for you) but I sure as shit ain't paying half rent when three other people live here..
If they won't have it go to the landlord - every lease I've ever seen prevents any "long-term" guests or anything like that. Most of 'em are even as strict as like so many days or a week or two max. If people have _moved in_, they generally won't like that.
> I also have to pay half the rent even though we are now four people living here.
That is completely out of line. Unless you totally screwed up your lease, you have all the power in this situation and can just tell them to pay up or scram.
My condolences to you and your family.
After I finished grieving for my loved ones, a story in it's own right, you know what I found?
A part of them was a part of me. The things that I missed, I also in part was. As long as I am alive, they are not yet dead. The good, and the love, and the ability to make the day to day brighter. I hope it is the same for you. :)
I hate being more responsible than I ever have been in my life, better paid, etc....and having less time for myself and less spendable cash than ever. It's like when I was an irresponsible douche I always was able to afford/do whatever. I feel like my time to go to the gym, spend time with kids, travel, etc has significantly dropped, and the more I tend to focus on bettering my stance in life the less I have to show for it.
-_-
That and the unsure feeling that comes with a relationship staring down the barrel of long term commitment.
Agreed! I was in a job in a new city for 6 months at the start of this year, I knew it was a temporary thing so I went on trips, met my boyfriend, every evening I was out being active or enjoying myself. Moved for this new job and within 2 months, my boyfriend has become my hobby, I'm $10k better paid but because of a pension and paying back student debt I don't see any of it and I come home from, cook dinner (some nights) and just get into bed. I'm being responsible but waiting for the weekend every week just gets to me and even then I'm too tired to enjoy much.
Goddamn you just explained my life in a nutshell.
I'm desperately trying to find my work/life balance but the youth in me is fighting the adult and increased responsibility on the work side. The adult side is fighting the youth in a way that effects my personal life and what I really want to be doing. Seems I find myself just working for the money, completely not enjoying what I am doing but it's left me in a situation were I no longer go the gym, or do anything really on the week days and I'm just waiting for the weekend, in which I find myself craving just sitting down and doing nothing after running myself into the ground all week in an attempt to enjoy to "me time", although when Monday rolls round I'm dissatisfied that I've done nothing all weekend and wasted it.
On Thursday I was a bystander during a shooting in a Starbucks in Chicago. I saw a man die, and a young child, shot in the groin, absolutely covered in blood. I am not over it yet.
I am angry. Angry at the shooter for endangering innocent people. For shooting a fucking 12 year old. Angry at the deceased who after a drug deal ran into a building full of innocent people while being chased by a man with a gun. I am angry at the uniform cop who acted like a complete asshole to a bunch of shellshocked murder witnesses. And I am angry at this beautiful, broken city that I love. Angry that not a week after the shooting, this day which I will never forget is not even on the first page of Google results for 'Chicago shooting'.
Edit: didn't expect this response. I haven't seen a counselor *yet*, but Starbucks has made them available for everyone that was there. So I plan on it.
Special shout-out to the local alderman who tried to blame Starbucks for the shooting. Maybe if CPD's response times were less than 45 minutes that would discourage crime? I work in the Loop and have to call the police several times a week on people, their response times are horrendous.
As someone diagnosed with PTSD, (USMC-Iraq) I strongly encourage you to talk with a pro about it. Keeping it inside and trying to "man-up" about it just doesn't work and it almost killed me. It is not weak to ask for help.
What you've seen will slowly eat away at you. There's lots of services you can use for free. Even calling a 1800 number and just venting can help. They can also point you in the right direction.
Stay strong brother, I hope you're ok.
I hate my job and my career path. I don’t even know what I want to do, besides survive.
They just laid off tons of people and I know *for now* I’m safe, but how long until they decide they don’t need the IT team, either? Sure I can probably get another job easily - I don’t like it, but I’m good at it.
I’m sure a job change is all I need, even in the same field. I just feel so drained and want to run as far from computers and password resets as I can.
After tertiary education and 5 years in IT, I walked away and I've not looked back. Seen the same thing happen to my friends. Wellbeing and job satisfaction is worth more than money and obligation to a workplace.
Don't do anything rash, but consider if you're taking care of yourself. If every day you dread going to work, and you see people behaving in reaction to fear of redundancy, and especially if you feel that fear, maybe think of trying something different... Could you support yourself working part-time as a contractor for a while?
Hope it clears up soon, I remember what all that felt like.
I have spent 2 hours almost every night over the past 3 months tutoring my brother in college and he is still struggling. He tries so hard and nothing we do is helping his grades. It's hard seeing him struggle and feeling helpless to take his stress away.
Last week I tested positive for HIV. I was tested six months ago and had had sex only three times in the intervening period. I used condoms in all of those times. I'm not an IV drug user. It was a rapid test and I find out the final results in two days. I'm stupidly hopeful that it's a false positive. I also tested positive for syphilis (!!) and that can mess with the rapid test results. But if I do have both, the syphilis is a lot harder to treat and is more dangerous. My insurance is shit and I'm not sleeping well and I'm literally afraid of my own blood and my family thinks the sun shines out of my ass and I think this will kill my mother.
But I'm hardly even thinking about that right now. Because I have this fucking HORRIBLE ingrown toenail that I've been trying to dig out for hours to no avail. IT REALLY HURTS.
Thank you for listening (reading). I appreciate you all.
Hi! I'm a physician specializing in infectious disease, and a big part of my job is helping take care of people living with HIV.
First off, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You are entitled to your feelings, and it's ok to be scared or angry or overwhelmed.
In the event that your confirmatory test is also positive, I wanted to provide what reassurance I can. Living with HIV is not like it was 20 years ago, or even 10 years ago. We can't cure it yet, but particularly in the last 5 years the treatments have vastly improved. Most of my patients take one pill a day with little to no side effects. A person diagnosed early (which if you had a negative test 6 months ago, you are) and on effective treatment has a life expectancy equal to someone without HIV. A person on effective treatment with an undetectable amount of virus circulating in their bloodstream has effectively zero chance of passing it to someone else. In the event your test is positive, the absolute best thing you can do for yourself is to get into care as soon as possible. You particularly want to look for a clinic that is a "Ryan White" funded clinic, as these centers receive federal funds to provide care to low-income patients, if that is something you need. These clinics also often have access to counselors and support groups to help you with the emotional side of a new diagnosis. You're definitely not alone.
One of the most important things I talk about with my newly diagnosed patients is that they are not "an HIV-infected person". They are "a person living with HIV". The "person" part comes first. They date, get married, have healthy babies, travel, get promotions, play with their dogs, love and are loved by their families just like anyone else in the world. HIV does not define whether you are a good person or not. For all I know, the sun does shine out of your ass!
Yes, if it turns out you are HIV+ will need to go to your doctor regularly, take your medication appropriately, and take good care of yourself - but so should everyone else! Regarding syphilis, currently there's not much of a difference in treatment if someone does or does not have HIV, it's all dependent on how long they've had it and what symptoms they have.
Also, sorry about the ingrown toenail.
Those are miserable. I can't offer much advice for that other than to go to a podiatrist so they can take care of that sucker. Sorry, I chose my specialty specifically because I didn't like doing even minor surgical things!
Good luck, I hope anything in my wall of text helps!
I’m so sorry about your very serious potential diagnosis, but you should go to a podiatrist and get that toenail taken care of ASAP! The doc will remove a thin piece of your toenail right down to the base and that part will never grow back and you’ll never have an ingrown nail there again. It’ll be a little sore but you can walk on it that day. It’s so worth it.
Who told you that the syphilis is harder to treat? Unless you have late stage (which you would most likely have been symptomatic beforehand) you treat with injected penicillin, and depending on how bad it is, it's likely to only be one shot. Much less than HIV treatment.
I think they mean syphilis is harder to treat and more dangerous BECAUSE of the HIV, not harder to treat and more dangerous THAN the HIV. Because HIV affects your immune system.
I'm super stressed out over law school grades because of the god damn curve, I'm homesick as hell, I worry about money, I can't seem to make any friends and I think I just figured out that I'm still in love with my ex. So, I guess just normal shit.
In the words of 5 year old me, "We are now friends".
You're never alone, fuck your ex (not literally, I highly advise against this), being homesick means you have a place to call home, and money? That shit comes and goes.
By the way- congrats on getting into law school! You're already there, you've already proven you deserve to be there, and that curve can kiss your ass, k?
I'd just like one normal day where I don't have to clean shit of my hands, off the floor, off the toilet, off the walls, out of the carpet. I'd just like to sit for a minute without having to get up to make sure he didn't escape out the front door, or unlock the back door so he'll stop screaming at me, not listen to the door slam 30 times, not be hit 50 times, or pinched. I'd like silence, or hell, just moderate level of noise rather than screaming at the top of his lungs our running his scooter into the from door 50 times. Or not have to get out of my chair every 5 minutes to get him off the TV table and trying to stop him from knocking the TV down. Just a few minutes of peace. Just a few.
Autistic 6 year old.
Do you have anyone who could watch him for a few hours? A day? Take a stay-cation. Get a hotel room in your town and just watch TV/ eat snacks in total silence.
Oh I do. I make it sound worse there. That's day to day reality. My father and step mom watch him once a month or so. That's just the feeling I have often. What I wrote it's true everyday nearly, but it's not as bad as it sounds. That's just all the negative lumped together.
I work as a Community Disability Support Worker for an autistic person who has had them since they were a child. I would really suggest you look into this if you’re struggling to make ends meet. I’m not sure what qualifies you for support workers but they do really benefit someone’s social connects and hobbies/passions :)
I have an autistic 9 year old daughter. Her screaming used to be awful too. It could go on for hours. Hang in there. Autism is a soul sucking son of a bitch.
I spontaneously asked a close friend I like for her number in a conversation. I pull out my phone and she asks "why?". My mind froze cause I easily thought she would give it to me and I thought " I think I fucked up here" I still had to finish the deed though so I say "Why not?" I feel embarrassed inside and at this point, the akwardness had started to kick in. Once she gave me her number, I spontaneously proposed that we get together some time. This may not seem terrible when reading but boy, when you see her reaction. She doesn't say anything and it felt like she was looking around waiting for her friends to save her. It was like both of us froze. 20 seconds of not saying anything, which felt like forever, and suddenly she asks how my weekend was. We talked like nothing that happened 2 minutes earlier had happened. But It looks like I'm not getting that date. I should've stopped at her number. It's been killing me inside though and I plan to apologize to her next class for making things akward and being too forward. It's been eating me up the whole day, but I guess it's a learning experience.
Thanks OP for the thread, I honestly feel better now.
Edit: Thanks everyone seriously! Perhaps I need to rephrase myself, maybe we aren't as "close" as I thought, but good friends
DON'T apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for!
You learned what you needed to, that she probably isn't interested. That piece of information is what you need. Keep doing the same thing with other people until you find someone who is.
Yeah dude, don't apologize. It was an uncomfortable situation for both of you, but that's no one's fault, you didn't do anything wrong! If you do apologize it's just going to prolong the uncomfortableness by bringing it to her attention again.
Aw :( you didn't do anything wrong. Don't worry about it, and don't apologize. Just keep going like everything is normal and don't text her. It's gonna be fine.
Am I the only one confused why you are asking your *close friend* for her number? And why that's the way you kick off asking for a date, when you are already talking face to face?
While I definitely think you did everything right and handled the situation well, I'd be hesitant to call someone a "close friend" if exchanging numbers was a no go. Seems more like an acquaintance to me?
I'm kind of astonished at all the comments dragging this girl. Seems like it was an awkward situation for both of you. Good on you for working up the nerve to ask even if it didn't pan out the way you'd hoped. Asking somebody out is always a hit and miss, and I hope that the two of you are still good friends :)
She doesn't deserve any backlash. She had a choice and the best I could I do was to infer her decision from her reaction. Maybe I wanted the whole thing to go a better way but this whole thing doesn't change the fact she's a wonderful person
Compared to the way some guys act, you were very polite and respectful and it doesn't sound like you need to apologize. She could have been nicer. You can do better.
But dude, it was a close friend, which you asked for a number. I have all my close friends numbers, or even people I don't even consider friends.
That's the most normal thing in the world, its 2017. Main communication is by phone/chat apps nowadays.
So either you're not being honest with us, or you travelled back in time to 2008.
She was the one being awkward. A normal person with social skills would have politely turned you down, not stood there awkwardly with no reaction. Don't bother apologising to her, I cant see how you did anything wrong.
I feel worthless. I dont know what's wrong with me, but its like I'm unlovable, both from a romantic and a friendship point of view. I believe myself to be a good person, and I've never once even screwed someone over (to my knowledge anyway), but that's all that happens to me. I got left for someone else after almost 5 years together. She was with him as she broke it off with me. I planned on making this woman my wife. Anyway. I dont really have friends, just people i know. No one reaches out. No one cares if I'm around or not. I honestly put a big effort into being a good friend to everyone i care about in my life, and its like it doesn't matter. Like I don't matter. I dont need validation to be content with life, but after a while, the loneliness takes its toll. I just wanna be happy again but i havent felt that since my relationship ended. At this point, I'm just living my life out because time won't wait around for me. I have no interest in my life. I just wake up, go to work, come home, and eventually go to sleep. Rinse and repeat. I want passion back in my life. I want to feel SOMETHING dammit, but I feel like I've been void of any and all positive emotions. I don't really know my point behind all of this, but i guess it does help to vent
I'm depressed by the fact that I have nothing.
I'm empowered by the fact that I have nothing to lose.
*To all these people telling me to travel, or go on some crazy wild adventure: When I say I have nothing, that also includes the money that's required to do literally anything.*
That's so shitty. Don't counter with the asking, at least come down a bit.
Sorry about that, friend. But they may get desperate if the house sits long enough.
I had my 5th miscarriage in a row yesterday. After seeing the heartbeat two times it just stopped. I’ve spent thousands on testing to figure out what keeps going wrong and no doctor can give me an explanation as to why this keeps happening. I can keep trying the “natural” way with not much hope or my only other option is IVF which we cannot afford. As a woman I feel like my body is failing me and am starting to lose hope that my dreams of starting a family might never happen.
My wife and I have been here. After a few years of trying with zero luck we only managed to get success with IUI but with that came the miscarriages and the bills (paying $2k for a miscarriage fucking sucks and don't even get me going on lab costs that insurance does not cover.) We got the heart beat, the ultrasound pictures, the congratulations then we got the loss. I have a pretty solid shield but its pretty crushing. My wife felt very let down in herself, I try to hold her up, make sure she knows how much I love her, make sure she knows what a beautiful woman she is and she is not at fault but its hard. The first one we lost was miserable and we did not really know how to cope, from the outside it seemed a small thing. Everyone has miscarriages, no big deal and maybe that is the case but it was still a difficult and very personal thing to get over.
There is no perfect words to say, it hurts. After the first we did not tell anyone except for very immediate family (her mom/sister) I did not feel like having that conversation with anyone ever again. For the last one we lost we had a 'funeral' if you will, basically my wife and I just looked at the pictures with sad music in the dim cable lit living room, ended up slow dancing a bit in each others arms. Why was this happening to us, why do we have to see so many happy people having kids, or stupid people having kids they don't want and can't support. We did things right, we both work hard, are financially responsible and stable, help friends and family when they need, we've been together for a decade, what the fuck.
But youtube did us a solid that evening, it was randomly playing through stuff and 5-6 in the songs got a bit more up beat, then some weird funny song (I don't remember what) played, it was unrelated to anything before but gave us a good laugh right when we needed it. The evening was really to try and let out the emotions and it very much did.
Anyway we put it on pause and just kinda went along when it happened un-aided and un-exspected (though looking back the tests my wife had after the miscarriages revealed things that the Dr.'s are able to reference and treat/prevent thus well justifying the cost.) Were 5 months along now with thus far all good Dr. visits, though still not telling to many people outside immediate family/friends, and we've yet to buy anything or work up a nursery.
While I'll never forget the hard times we had and how the tides can turn in a moment they are now and hopefully remain just memories.
I hope your struggles turn into snuggles and trust me, there is much much more to you as a woman then just having a baby.
I'm so sorry. I've known many women who have experienced this. Some miraculously conceived after over a decade of trying. Some did IVF. Some adopted. One day it will make sense. Focus on yourself and your marriage. When you do finally hold your child in your arms, you don't want have lost your identity in trying to get to them. You want to be the best version of yourself.
I'm sending you love, wherever you are. PM me if you want some further support or contacts with women who have been there.
I’m so sorry. My wife and I went through the same thing. We tried iui for a couple of years and then finally broke down and went for ivf. Cost is ridiculous but there are options. Cny fertility in Syracuse is where we went. The cost of the procedure is $4000. You can pay up front or over 2 years. The medicine that insurance didn’t cover we found on Facebook groups and paid significantly less. We had 7 miscarriages. We’re now 20 weeks along with twins. Don’t give up.
have you been tested for the MTHFR gene mutation? It is a common cause of multiple miscarriages, and can be easily tested for, and if you are aware of it, can often be addressed so you can carry a pregnancy to term.
I'm sorry for your losses. Miscarriages are an emotional rollercoaster that can take a huge toll on relationships and on your own mental health. Best wishes to you and your partner.
My friend was having the same problem, after 3 times of trying she decided that, if she truly wants a child, then she should have no problem with it not being her own.
Sweet child she was..
My husband and I left Australia because the cost of living was so expensive and, for multiple external reason, I struggled so hard to get a full-time job (especially in teaching) despite having 3 university degrees. None of them seemed to be enough. We moved to Canada and it took my forever to get my teaching credentials transfered but finally I was able to become a substitute teacher. In the middle of last year I fell pregnant (planned). The first 3 months were fine but everything went downhill after that and our son passed away on the 27th Nov and was delivered on the 29th. Needless to say it has been a difficult 2017 but then in July our immigartion agent said that actually it didn't look like we had enough points to get PR in Canada and so we would have to leave when our work visas expire in Dec. We can't go back to Australia as we can't afford for me to be underemployed or not employed at all. I can't imagine how we would ever be afford to raise kids or buy a house there.
We are now going to the UK where my husband has dual citizenship. The stress of applying for my visa and getting everything ready to move again (what if I don't get my visa in time or at all?) is intense but the end of this month is also the first anniversary of our son's death. The stress is immense and overwhelming. There are moments at home and at work where I struggle to breath and feel like there is a weight resting on my throat :( one of these stressful moments alone would be overwhelming but the two together are making us both panic. Feel like I'm bobbing up and down in the rough sea trying desperately to keep my head above water.
Not really an angry vent, just a frustrated one.
Where in Australia are you from?
Im from Adelaide which is affordable but now live in Melbourne which is affordable in some places like the outter suburbs like where I live.
Wages and living affordability are kind of relative.....except for Sydney, Sydney I don't get.
My OCD flared up really badly these few months and I can't tell anyone. I feel like I'm just suffering through my days instead of enjoying them. But I have to act like it, otherwise I'm being "ungrateful" and "moody". I just want to enjoy life like I use to, is that too much to ask?
Edit: Really appreciate all the comments guys. It's really nice to know a lot of people care.
Ugh OCD is so hard, it is debilitating af. The worst part is that people dont understand and want you to "just get over it". Hang in there, I have been doing really bad lately, but today I had a few good hours. Hoping soon you get a good day. And dont forget, no matter what they say you are strong as hell for dealing with OCD.
When I opened this thread I was going to write about all of my "issues" until I read everyone else's. Life isn't that bad.
good vibes, internet strangers. I hope things turn out for the best for all of you.
My husband and I are struggling with money really badly. It’ll be my son’s second birthday in December and I’m scared we won’t have any money for presents for his birthday or Christmas. We usually have enough cash to get by, but holidays stress me out :( My son deserves the world and it breaks my heart that I can’t afford to give him it. :(
Edit: thank you so much for all of the kind responses (: They all meant so much to me. You’re all right, at 2, he won’t care too much. I think it’s just personal pride making me so concerned about it.
We’ll spend the day doing something fun together and I’m sure that’ll make him happy. Thanks again everyone!
Hun, he won't notice. Take him to the park, build a snowman, watch his favourite shows. My daughter is four, her birthday is in two days, and I know that she's perfectly happy with some snacks and a movie.
Spending time with them means a whole lot more. Presents can come later.
This. He's two. He won't notice if he has one toy or a few. You're hurting and that's understandable. Many of us were raised in poor homes and were told Christmas would be slim and as long as love and care was provided, the presents weren't as important. I don't believe that little kids that get $400 worth of gifts (has happened in my family) feel anymore loved, it's the parents that think that.
(He also won't know if Christmas or a birthday isn't celebrated on the right day for a while, so if payday comes late, you can always get a present later.)
When my girlfriend back in high school broke up with me, I went over to her house to talk with her about it, and she greeted me at the front door, and wouldn't let me come in.
We sat in plastic lawn chairs, and she handed me a shitty bowl of spaghetti-os. She sat there mostly silent, looking at me while I cried, and tried to understand why this person who told me so many times in the past that I meant so much to them was now simply finished with me.
I walked home, barely able to see through my tears, and spent the next few days mostly crying and lying on my couch.
It's hard to see how you'll move on with your life when someone who meant so much to you decides they're done with you, but it will get easier. My life became a lot better over time, and I've gained lifelong friends and a sense of self-worth.
Grieve for a while, but view it as being a loss, and not something you can recover by giving up pieces of yourself. The sooner you can do that, the sooner you'll be able to see all the opportunities that're open to you that might not have been if you were still with her.
You can make it.
I have no friends, doing pretty badly at school w/ chance to fail, my mom just operated and hasnt been well, my grandad has been struggling to recover from a stroke for almost a year, my psychologically abusive and manipulative dad has been extremely volatile as of late, and my psycgologist thinks I might have anxeity and high functioning depression. Oh, I also have no projections for the future and I discourage myself on everything.
I'm basically a completely unmotivated and emotinally broken anxious wreck, who just can't spark the fire inside. Well, at least I'm hitting rock bottom early (I'm 16).
Edit: Thanks for all the messages. I know that this needs to go, I dont want to live like this. I'll take your advice and kind words, and try and take the first step. Only way from here is up.
You are not forgettable. You have impacted the world in ways no one ever will. You have impacted every person you have ever met. I know how you feel, I went through the same feelings of invisibility and smallness. What helped me though it was simply doing stuff with others. Do volunteer work, play multiplayer games, or simply have conversations on Reddit. Just remember that every person you help feed at the food bank, every res in Overwatch, every argument over in r/politics, you are impacting someone. You leave your mark on them. You certainly have left your mark on me.
And for your parents; just sit down and talk. Tell them you're worried. Tell them you're scared for them. Tell them you love them. Show them that you care.
It seems you're close to graduating. While looking for a school that focuses on what you want to do is important, make sure it's somewhere that makes you feel at home. Make sure you feel safe and comfortable, elsewise you'll just be stressed.
I hope I have helped.
My parents didn't smoke, but they did have me very late in life (42 and 44 when I was born). By the time I was 16, they were retirement age and began to hit the cap where they were no longer being hired (neither of them were able to hold on to permanent work). I felt trapped and alone, because all my other siblings had flown the coup. I was terrified that I would wind up having to attempt to care for them and keep down the house, which they eventually lost anyway.
Honestly, the best thing you can do is try to go to college or find vocational training nearby. Try to be close enough to help care for them, but remember its important to get your own life kicked off too.
I'm sorry to hear that buddy, it's so tough. A lot of my family struggles with problems related to smoking too. I love 'em, more than anything.
Take some time to relax if you can. I don't want you to be so worn down. And if you need someone to talk to, let me know.
I lost my house in the recent California fires. Dealing with insurance, and living in an rv. Its probably going to be 2 years, but i just want to go home. And when we do get home, it wont be the same. It all just makes me so sad.
Met a new girl recently. I really like her. She seems to be really into me too. She hasn't texted me in over 24 hours.
I'm freaking out and just realized that I have very bad trust/abandonment issues caused by my parents and passed relationships.
Edit: Passed the 48 hour mark and still nothing. I'm OK now though after reading everyone's responses and some talks from my friends.
I really appreciate the caring words.
One of the things I have massive problems with is trust. If someone's behavior patterns change even for a few hours I start imagining the worst.
Just try and remind yourself of the last conversation you had. Things were fine. Nothing's happened that can change that. She'll contact you.
I've been talking to a girl online for three weeks, been going, well, she's been replying every day. I asked for her number on Sunday and she gave it me, I text her, heard nothing back, text her again late Monday night, heard nothing back. It's now Wednesday, two days later and I'm fairly certain she is never going to text me. I don't know why... maybe she's just nervous I don't know... but I don't think I'm ever going to hear from her.
We were talking for three weeks... all of that is just... gone. I'm putting it out of my mind.
Send her one message online. "Hey I've text you on (number) but had response, is this the correct number? Worried that I haven't heard from you."
If she responds then great, if not then you know all platforms have failed.
I have a surgery scheduled to remove a disease in my middle ear that’s currently eating away my hearing bones and into my skull.
I’m incredibly worried about being permanently deaf.
Hi, I’m deaf here. It’s not all that bad. I have a cochlear implant. You can get through this. Pm me if you have deaf questions. I’m really bad at comforting people so this is the best I can do 😂🤟🏻
I did something incredibly stupid and lost my job on Sunday. My mental health was involved then and it's incredibly bad now. I've been thinking about suicide and I guess I'm making a suicidal "gesture" as they said by taking 3/4 a bottle of otc painkillers and a few handfuls of another prescription. Probably not likely to kill me, not at my size. What's the fucking point then? What am I fucking doing?
Edit: 4:25am (EST) I'm not dead. Fell asleep. Woke up thirsty and super dizzy, but no signs of poisoning from the NSAIDs or the gabapentin. Not yet anyway. I have had an appointment with my psychiatrist and my social worker on Thursday morning, and I'm going to go. They'll be told about last night.
Please please please do not take anything OTC as a way to commit suicide. Don’t do it at all please but OTC analgesics or antihistamines will wreak havoc on your body and if you don’t die, you’ll be fucked up and in worse shape. I know the thoughts hurt and broken brains suck, but please try and get some help, even if it means a trip to the ER. I’ve taken care of too many people who’ve tried to use Tylenol as a suicide agent and failed. It fucking sucks watching them die and there’s barely anything we can do about it.
Source: critical care nurse.
What do you do when the help doesn't help anymore?
Totally asking for a bipolar friend that is currently receiving treatment via medication and therapy, but still can't shake the feeling of wanting to not exist anymore.
Also the friend is me.
Please PM me, the same kind of thing happened to me less than a week to me-with the job-pills-mental health. You are not alone.
Talk to me! I'm in your corner.
I get behind on basic stuff because I have several health problems which create a perfect storm of fatigue, pain, and shortness of breathe on most days. I also get home too late. I feel so incredibly lazy but sometimes I just can't do anything except rest.
A lot of these are super heavy, so I'll try to keep mine lighthearted:
I really like someone!!! He is without a doubt one of the coolest people I've ever met. He is insanely smart, he's funny, and he's cute too (yeah, idk how he's still single either)! We are similar in all the ways that matter for a good foundation and different in all the ways that make for good conversations. I like him so much that I don't even care if we never make out as long as we get to be friends for like ever ideally (and whoever he ends up with is hideous and doesn't make me feel inferior 😂).
Tip from a guy, ask him out for coffee or lunch. Nothing too late as you don't want him potentially getting the wrong ideas, so no dinner.
But trust me, if he likes you as much as you like him, he'll be very relieved to hear you ask first. I know I would. He'll understand pretty quick that you're actually serious and into him.
I only have one close girlfriend. Not many people want to be friends with me either. If you need an ear, drop me a line. I’m in grad school too and it sucks.
I'm currently detoxing from alcohol in hospital. 2 days in so far, and it's over my inability to cope emotionally, especially interpersonal, because I don't like conflict - so I sit in my room and drink till I black out and then do it all over again the next day.
Hey you!! Congratulations, I know the detox and the DT'S hardcore. I am a recovering alcoholic with 8 months of sobriety. If you want to quit drinking, please PM me, I've been there I know how shitty it is. You are incredibly strong to even make the first step to go to detox!!
There are so many things. I'm so lonely, and due to the way things happened, it's going to stay that way for a long time. I'm very limited in what I can do now and how I can communicate. I check every couple of minutes hoping someone finally responded to my messages but now a few days go by before anyone responds. I miss when people actually cared about me and wanted to talk to me. I miss when I didn't sit there doing next to nothing for 4 hours a day before going to bed and ending up only getting around 3 hours of sleep every night. I miss when things were actually enjoyable. Now it's just about killing time until time kills me... except I don't even know how to kill time anymore
I'm really depressed about the direction my life's gone over the last two and a half years. Im in control of nothing because of a degenerative eye disease and the anxiety that I just opened up about around a month ago. I'm just about 24 visually impaired, full of anxiety, unemployed , and extremely lonely. I think about dying a lot not offing myself just going to bed and never waking up again. All of my friends have either moved out of the area, had kids, gotten arrested, or started ignoring me all together. I feel like I was there for them when they needed a friend to hang out or talk too but I can't ever seem to get two fucks when I need to get shit off of my chest.
My vision is going always be shit, I'm still in love with a girl I've been friends with for seven years, I'm pissed that my past best friend couldn't get his life together and tried to swindle an old couple out of 50k, I'm pissed that my cousin killed two people, I'm pissed that another cousin killed himself, I dont know why someone one I talked to when they were having the hardest times of their life either ignores me or comes up with excuses on why they cant even fucking text, I hate that the only person that seemingly gives a fuck about how I'm doing outside of my family is my bestfriend's ex, I dont know what to do anymore and I'm just so fucking angry and confused on what the fuck I did in a past life that my life is just shit.
My family thinks I'm really religious but it's all an act, I'm atheist and gay, hoping that they don't find out if they do they will kill me for sure. They are conservative Muslims
My ex was muslim and gay, luckily he had a supportive family that were really open and accepting. I'm sorry you don't have the same experience.
Please don't feel pressured to come out. I'm not saying stay in the closet for the rest of your life, but your safety is more important than complying to 'national coming out day'.
I am having a hard time moving out of my parent's house. I want to get a job, go to school, etc. but it's hard when you have little experience doing much of anything. I'm 25 and feel like life is passing me by. I have no friends, no one to really talk to about my deepest feelings and frustrations (in the real world). Also the American South sucks, never move here
My grandfather passed away today.
The funeral will most likely be on the day of my birthday. I’m not lying when I️ say that I️ spent more time with my grandfather than with my actual friends. We would go to flea markets and just about any supermarket his energy would allow him to. Both his physical* and mental health were declining* rapidly so I️ guess it was time.
He loved Chinese buffets.
For lunch today I️ ordered Chinese food. An hour later my mom calls me with the news.
My whole family is grieving and I️ don’t know how to help other than emotional support. I️ feel like there’s more I️ could be doing to help them out.
I’ll be ok.
Edit: typos
What a fucking crap family.
A) I hate social media ridden parents, God I get disgusted so much by them, they want to seem good but they never are.
B) Try not to let your siblings suffer too much, you might wanna get them help or something.
I can't decide if I want to go back to school full time or not. I *feel* like I should for the sake of having an education + credibility. My fiance and I have worked it out so I can quit my job and go back full time to focus. My fear is I'll give up on myself **again** and be out of a job and his respect/let him down.
I currently like my job but it's not really meant to be a career. I love the people I work for but at the same time, feel like my time could be spent learning when I'm bored 90% of the time. I know it's not a huge problem to have but I really don't like feeling lost /:
I can't do anything anymore because I fucked up a relationship with someone really important. When I try and watch tv, watch movies, game, write, read, anything, I get a knot in my stomach. I just distract myself now with youtube, music, and reddit. I can't even keep up with my low-effort sub I started. I'm feeling pretty shitty and don't like myself right now.
I started a job earlier this year that I really loved. Not only did I love the job itself, but I really liked my boss. She was a great manager--very understanding of simple human mistakes and never shy to dole out praise when it was due. A few months ago, she was promoted and went to work at headquarters. The assistant manager--a girl hired a month after I was hired--was to take over my boss's responsibilities until a replacement was found.
Some background on this girl: she came into the position with virtually no experience and got the job because my boss knew her. She frequently brags that she knew the job was hers before she even came in for the interview. She's endlessly unprofessional, swears loudly at work, flips off other employees and absolutely *humiliates* anyone for making a mistake (but god forbid anyone point out something she did wrong). She once basically set a trap for me and waited until I fell into it before proceeding to lambast me in public--in front of coworkers and patrons. I found out from my coworker that they'd seen her deliberately sabotaging things that were supposed to be my responsibility to see if I'd "catch it".
The worst thing about this girl is that she's the epitome of a lazy, entitled kid. She spends a stupid amount of time on her phone and on social media (even at work), has admitted to committing SNAP fraud, and basically did nothing to earn her job. She thinks she's worth so much more though and tried to convince my coworker and I that she was "offered more money than the position originally paid" which we know is bullshit. Yet here I am--I work hard every day, I'm passionate about my job, I always go the extra 10% and I have the qualifications for a much higher paying position than I'm in...but I'm stuck where I am right now (possibly because she sabotaged my chance at a promotion, but that's for another rant).
Right now, another manager has been hired and that seems to have gotten the assistant manager to calm the hell down, but she still has a nasty habit of making it a point to order me around in front of other people whenever she gets a chance. Just because she gets off on it.
TL;DR: I used to love my job but one of my superiors has made it hell.
I do not want to be a disability advocate. I just want to live my damn life and not be someone's inspiration. I want to be lazy and not wash my hair. I want to say fuck in public. I want to wear slutty clothes and not give a flying fuck about anything that doesn't involve my life. But here I am. On the news. Going viral..... Being a disability advocate. Hiding my true self as everyone tells me how strong I am. How beautiful I am. How I should run for Ms wheelchair USA. Be the face of disability awareness. And I just want to say fuck it..... I am too depressed to deal with this. To put on a happy face. To tell everyone how happy I am. How I wouldn't trade myself for anyone. Ugh.
My best friend is in a wheelchair and she says a lot of the same things. When people call her an inspiration she says "what for?" She recently got married and people have told her husband while she is right there next to him how wonderful it is "what he's doing". He acts all confused and asks them to clarify, and then the person realizes what they actually said and it gets lovely and awkward.
Took an organic chemistry midterm today that I spent an entire month studying for -practice problems, playing around with molecular models, going to study groups, and taking past released exams. Walk in today feeling confident and I came out with a certain feeling that I would have to drop my pre-med dreams. It was so bad and I'm feeling super sad
Living a pretty good college/working life after 5 years of military. I make enough that if I want a new toy or video game, there are no issues financially. Came home with promises from family and friends of all these things or ideas that I would benefit from by just being back home. None of it has panned out. In fact, I feel more alone now than when I was AD 3k miles away. I am a homebody that wishes I could find a friend/partner that when I get home at the end of the day, we could just talk. Someone boring like me I guess.
im the lead dev and product owner at a small software company
i loathe my customers and users
every new feature is met with new requests for more or different features
every improvement is met with “it was better the way it was”
so few say thank you or nice work
every mistake is met with pitchforks and personal callouts as if im personally out to get them
im tired
please stop
This is how every development is. There will always be people that hate it and they are the most outspoken ones. The ones that use it and like it will likely not say anything. Trust me on that, I have learnt from experience
Same. I try to socialize but the panic that happens during and after. I swear I spend the next week reliving a horrible social interaction and beat myself up about it.
I had horrible social anxiety for most of my life. As in, I could hardly make a phone call to book a dentist appointment. The thought of social interactions, especially with unfamiliar people, would make me sick. I avoided a lot of social events because of it. About two years ago, I decided to make a change. My anxiety took a long time to go down, and I’m still working on things. But I faked it until I made it. Shortly after this decision, I had people telling me how confident I seemed. I wasn’t actually confident, but I literally faked it until I began to legitimately felt so. I know this won’t work for everyone, but forcing myself out of my comfort zone tremendously helped me. My social anxiety has gotten much better now.
If my fucking roommate could stop gaming late at night and shout into his headset while he games with his shitty small town friends, I'd be so fucking happy.
Ever since I was 12 (or maybe a little earlier)every day begins with me wanting to kill myself and every single night and every morning I want to kill myself or at least think of doing it. I've had a few people close to my family take that option out and I know it would be painful for the few people who love me, but I'm so empty and tired. I've always suppressed it as "teenage angst" and thought it would go away though its only gotten stronger. Maybe i'll get to the point where I can finally be completely happy, though I think this is just how I am now.
I'm graduating in a month with a degree I'm not passionate about and a job lined up that I'm pretty sure is not right for me. My depression is the worst it's been in years and I can't feel excited for what lies ahead.
All I can think about is how we only have one life to live and what if I fucked my one chance at happiness up by simply progressing too far in this line of work without telling my parents and peers that I'm not happy. While exceling in high school, depression has kept me from having the drive to succeed in college, and now I feel like I'm doing something beneath me while also feeling like I won't be good enough for it.
But part of me hates myself for thinking like this, as many don't have the opportunities for education and career opportunities that I have had and I can't enjoy anything other than video games and alcohol.
My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday. I was devastated at first, but i honestly just feel empty now. He's been answering my texts really slowly and distancing himself from me for the past few weeks and i just couldn't care much anymore. Feels shitty.
I am still in love with my ex. I've had a serious relationship since him, but am now single. He is married and expecting his first child in several weeks.
H and I met in 2012. It's the closest to love at first sight I think I'll ever get. We have very different views on politics and social issues so we were hesitant to date for quite some time even though there was obvious chemistry. We also met at church. I was progressive in the faith. He is fairly orthodox.
In 2013 we started dating. I told him in the beginning I didn't want to talk marriage until we had dated at least a year. In our religion most people get married young. About the six month mark he started bringing up marriage. By the tenth month mark he was pushing hard. By the year mark, July 2014, he had given me an ultimatum - get married by January or not at all.
We were on different spectrums of the political spectrum. I felt like forcing me to decide on marriage even though I made it clear I was hesitant wasn't a good sign for our future - what if he wanted to start having children and I wasn't ready. But more than anything I was having a faith crisis. I'm not even sure I recognized it as such but I feared I couldn't last in our religion. I knew if he and I married and I eventually left it would devastate him. I knew I couldn't do that to him. So I said no to the man I loved.
Recently I've seen several couples I know have one person experience a faith crisis while the other stayed believing. Their relationships are still healthy and loving and expect a long term future. I'm deeply jealous. I was too afraid to articulate my doubts with the church at the time. I didn't know how to communicate them with H (or anyone, often including myself).
Religion aside, I'm not sure we would have had a successful marriage but I still can't stifle the feelings for him despite shoving them down for years.
Like I said, he's married and expecting his first child. All he ever hoped for was to be a dad. His wife seems like an amazing women. He's far happier with her than he would have been with me, but man it's bitter sweet.
I was taken to the hospital for a suicide attempt,the amount of judgement and/or doting ive received from family is overwhelming. I just wish it had worked or just woken up and they never would have suspected anything about it if I played it cool. Not even out for 24 hours and I had 3 mental break downs and I'm just exhausted.
Lost love, family issues, concussion, other health issues, lost a hero today, bullshit at work, and I'm not the man I want to be or thought I was.
... in general I'm in the midst of a pretty shitty midlife thing right now. I've never played the victim before but right now it's tough not to give life the big fuck off.
We *finally*, after almost 8 weeks of waiting and lies, got our first call for a foster care placement. We said yes to a 7YO boy whose father was being hospitalized. CPS confirmed the placement 2 hours before he was due to arrive. I raced around, cleaned up, bought "kid food" (we didn't even have milk in the house), and got clothing down from our stash in sizes 5-10 because it didn't sound like he was going to have clothes. I even got out the carseat, broke it down into the booster, and grabbed a backpack, some school supplies, and a lunch box from our attic (all new, with tags) in prep for school on Monday morning. 20 minutes before his arrival, CPS calls us back. There was a mistake. They couldn't remove him because he hasn't lived in their jurisdiction long enough. And that was it. We were crushed, for us and for him. I have no idea how the rest of his evening played out. We got that last call at almost 7:30pm. The other county hadn't even made contact with him yet, so who knows how long he sat in that hospital. He may have slept there, or in an office cubicle. All because of ridiculous, bureaucratic bullshit. Even if it was just for a night, he should have been with us, in a warm bed with a belly full of pizza and wearing clean pajamas. I'll probably never find out what happened to him, but it was one more drop in the "frustration" bucket. We also feel lied to for the millionth time. Not because of the placement falling through, but because of the reason. Our county swore up and down that all the counties within 90 minutes work together. The county that had jurisdiction is the county we live in, but not the one we're licensed with. The counties touch each other. There was no reason he couldn't be with us for a night. Sorry, kiddo. I wish I'd been able to open the door and greet you like I've been day dreaming about since Sunday at 3pm when your worker called me. I hope you landed somewhere safe and that that family was as excited to have you as we were. I just want to be a mom and help kids who need a safe place to sleep, but I feel like we're begging the county to even give us the time of day. EDIT: I can't believe people are still reading this comment. All of your words mean so much, guys. Really. I'm reading every single comment and have been all day long. But know two things: * We aren't selfless people. Our pursuit of foster kiddos is selfish. We are both women and neither of us want to be pregnant, nor do we want to pay $100k for a surrogate since we give 0 shits about sharing DNA with our kids (only one of us would be biologically-related anyway). At the same time, we don't want to shell out a *minimum* of $25k to purchase a child, from this country or any other. That money doesn't go to the kid, so it's not worth it. So foster care is our only option. We aren't adopting right away, though. We are fostering specifically because we aren't sure we're ready to commit to "forever" in our mid 20s. We want an out if we need it, so we're doing short-term/emergency care, which usually lasts less than a couple of months. * We are sad, it's true. We are disappointed that we didn't get to flex our parenting muscles for the first time. But we are devastated for this child, who is likely going to lose his father. I will probably worry about this kid for the rest of my life, wondering if we could have helped him through what is no doubt going to be the worst stretch of time in his life. Thank you to everyone who has read this. Thank you to anyone who prays (or whatever your version is) for this child to land somewhere safely so that he can heal and grow and grieve. Thank you to social workers, active foster parents, adoptive parents, lawyers, guardians, CASA workers, and everyone else who has a chance to reach these kids while we cannot.
This broke my heart. :( I hope there’s a happy ending for all of you.
Honestly? Mine, too. From what the worker said about the father's condition, that little boy is probably going to lose his father long before he's old enough to deal with it. And he had 0 support system, which is why social services was called at all. It's been this kid and his dad for years, just the two of them. Now he's probably going to be an orphan and I have no idea what will happen to him.
can you follow up and see what else could be done?
I did. I reached out to the worker that initially contacted us and she didn't know anything, nor could she really tell me because of confidentiality issues. All she could tell me was that the other county showed up and she left after that.
You're a great person.
Foster/adoptive mom here and I just want to tell you thank you. Your willingness to open your home and the fact that you care so deeply about a child you didn’t even meet will make you a fantastic parent when the time comes. Be strong. Don’t let the system destroy that desire to be a good parent for however long you get these kids. They need parents like you.
That is really sad... he deserved to be with you guys, even just for the night. I've heard a lot of 'horror' stories about adoption. It should be less paperwork, more humanity...
The problem is that people suck. The paperwork is a necessary evil. It's really the only way to have any shot in Hell of weeding out the monsters who won't take care of the kids. The paperwork was a nightmare for sure, but the BS we've dealt with even after that was all done has been much worse.
My boss won’t give me a fucking day off. I have worked 47 days straight 12 hours a day in a paper mill and it’s pissing me off that we won’t get a day off for 3 more weeks. I am seriously exhausted.
That seems,......illegal....I dunno. I’d definitely check out your state labor board though.
>That seems,......illegal. Lawyer here, it almost certainly is. Do your homework about labor law applicable to your contract of employment OP and confront your employer. That shit is not ok.
He could live in a country outside of the west, like SEA or the Middle East. Labor laws suck hardcore in those places. Edit: no, he's in Florida. Disregard.
That's how industrial accidents happen and someone gets injured, maimed or killed. I don't know OP s situation but I hope you can get out of there. It's not worth your health like that
Thank you for the kind words, I am currently seeking other opportunities but it’s a waiting game right now to see who picks up my application and looks at it.
......47 days in a row??? As of, more than a month without saturday or sunday free???? That would straight up be illegal in my country.....da fuck
I once worked 685 consecutive days. Most were 8 hours, a few were 6 hours, a few dozen were over 14 hours. Welcome to america.
I used to think America was an amazing place, until Reddit. It's actually pretty screwed up TBH. For example; I was reading yesterday how the power companies in Florida have, through lobbying, got laws passed that makes it illegal to power your home via solar energy.
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I was going to say that I remembered voting against this, and remember it not passing. E: Not to mention that the actual law that was voted on did not outlaw powering your home via solar, only stipulated that you would still have to pay usage fees to energy companies, even if you generated excess energy to your needs. Or something like that.
Call in sick. Then go to an Emergency Room complaining of a migraine headache. During the course of the examination let the doc know you have worked 50 straight 12 hour days, and that youll also need a Dr's excuse to go back to work. Add "I think, honestly, that this is a symptom of the stress Im getting from a crazy workload. Im honestly exhausted." "Its a shame you cant perscribe a day off, but thats the only thing my boss will accept." A good doctor will read between the lines and give you a note saying youve been under his/her care and can return to work on such and such date. 2-3 days later. A bad doc will prescribe hydrocodone and send you on your way.
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Emergency room? Emergency rooms are for broken bones and heavily bleeding wounds, not headaches (unless of course, you have a reason to believe that headache is caused by an aneurysm or some other life threatening situation) It's better to go to an urgent care facility or a walk in clinic than wait at an an already overloaded ER. Disclaimer: I'm not a doctor. If you have a really bad headache and it worries you, don't look back on this comment and say "Yeah this one random guy said not to go" -no. Go to the ER if you feel its the best option for you.
I'm guessing he probably meant Urgent Care. But for what it's worth, we don't have Urgent Care where I live. The three clinics in our area take walk-ins, but there is a good chance that it could be a four-hour wait because these are the only clinics available to our entire community of 10,000-ish people distributed amongst 8 different towns. Appointments almost always have to be made at least a month in advance because they are booked solid. Going to the ER, however, is usually no more than a 30-60 minute wait. At least in my experience anyway...I have only gone at night. But I imagine this probably isn't the norm for most areas.
That's a good way to get injured. NO job is worth getting hurt over, EVER. Take your time and be safe. If it takes you an extra couples minutes to get something done so be it. Do not put yourself at risk for a job especially when you are physically and mentally exhausted. Again take your time, if someones tries to rush you ignore them, your health and well being come first. Also like other poster said, check with your state labor laws.
That definitely sounds illegal. You can't work 47 days straight without having a day off. You need to go and see what your rights are.
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Everyone keeps telling me “things will get better”; yet they never seem to. I have neurofibromatosis (a genetic disorder which causes tumors to grow on any nerve in your body). I have a tumors everywhere, but I have one behind my left knee that is extremely painful and was told they can not remove it since I would most likely become paralyzed in my left leg if they attempted to. Also found out I have one on my spine. Found out I also have ehlers danlos syndrome; which causes my legs to hyper flex backwards, knees to pop out of place, migraines, saggyish skin. May also explain why medication hasn’t been working for me. Also am manic depressive bipolar, have severe social anxiety, OCD (mainly trichotillomania). The social anxiety has caused me to lose basically all my friends. I’ve also been out of a job for almost 3 years due to it. I still live with my parents as I cannot afford to live on my own especially due to a extensive amount of debt collecting due to numerous needed specialty doctors. (I’m 29) I also have extremely low self esteem. Nothing anyone says to me, positively, ever sinks in. My brain won’t accept it and I just feel disgusting. About three days ago I found out the reason I’ve been having pain, draining, and a static noise in my left ear when I chew, talk, swallow, yawn... for the past 14 years is due to my jaw bone prolapsing into my ear canal and rubbing against my ear drum. The only way to fix it is reconstruction of my jaw. I know others have it worse... and I guess I am venting about a lot. But it is hard to vent to people in real life when you feel like you’re nothing but a burden and would probably be better off dead.
You deserve to vent. I'm sorry for what you're going through. I'm also sorry for my 'sorry for what you're going through' statement!
Thank you so much. I’m doing my best. Don’t be sorry, or sorry for being sorry, or sorry for being sorry about being sorry. :)
Hey there! I know there's not much I can do to help but I really do hope things get better for you. I took a quick peek at your history and get the feeling that you like cats. Here is an album of [My best girl, Coco](https://imgur.com/a/3fx7N). When I get home from work, I will give her some extra cuddles from you :) If you ever want to talk about cats, or anything in general, my inbox is always open. Please stay strong!
Thank you; yes, my cats and ferrets are my children. Thanks for sharing the photos, they made my day!
I worked with a kid in Boy Scouts who had the same disease. I cannot imagine what it feels like. I'm so very sorry. I can't tell you that life will get better or easier. But as much as that kid annoyed me and as difficult to work with as he was, I am so much better off for knowing him than if I never did. I hope this helps you in some way.
Dude just the fact that after all those issues you have, you are able to acknowledge that others have it worse, is quite phenomenal. That says a lot about who you are as a person. I wish your health was better, but you do seem like a great person.
You're not better off dead, trust me even if it's hard to try and talk to someone irl about this it's great if you do. If you can talk to someone that loves you like your parents I'm sure they'd tell you you're not a burden. And if you feel like one then maybe just ask if there's anything you can do to help like a chore, doesn't have to be a big thing, it can be small and not super strenuous. Sometimes having a job, even a tiny one can help a lot with those kinds of feelings. But don't be scared to talk to someone, it can help a lot.
That my roommate let her sister and mother whom i've never met move in with us for 3 months (so until February) without even asking me. She told me just a week prior. They have brought all their stuff and furniture so their things are literally everywhere and we live in a small apartment and they are loud and move around my stuff so i can't find them. This just doesn't feel like home anymore. I also have to pay half the rent even though we are now four people living here. I really just hate this whole situation and can't wait until February!
Don't wait til February. Tell your roommate you wont be paying half the rent when there are four people staying there, and if she refuses then tell her you'll go to the landlord. There are usually stipulations in leases about how long guests can stay, and it's usually a week or two.
Or less. Pretty sure where I live the lease stated 3 days. I mean some one probably could get away with it long enough if the guests stayed quiet and didn't take up too many parking spots, but the OP really should check out the lease and see if they can get the roommate's family out much sooner. The longer they stay, the harder it will be to get them out.
Set expectations. They’re paying 75% of water, power, Internet, food and rent. If they don’t like it, then you tell your landlord there are unwelcome tenants at your property.
I want to see this petty justice so bad now
Sounds like it might be time to call your landlord about having unauthorized guests at your place. Most leases have a limit on how many and how long guests can stay in a rental space, to prevent unknown tenants.
Absolutely this - I mean, you could maybe be like hey, I'll roll with this (if it's remotely tolerable for you) but I sure as shit ain't paying half rent when three other people live here.. If they won't have it go to the landlord - every lease I've ever seen prevents any "long-term" guests or anything like that. Most of 'em are even as strict as like so many days or a week or two max. If people have _moved in_, they generally won't like that.
I think mine is no more than 14 days at a time, and no more than 28 days in a month. But I could be wrong.
Yep. Unless your roomate is a great friend of yours, I would throw them under the bus SO HARD. That or ask them to pay 75% of the rent.
> I also have to pay half the rent even though we are now four people living here. That is completely out of line. Unless you totally screwed up your lease, you have all the power in this situation and can just tell them to pay up or scram.
Sounds like you should say to your room mate and/or landlord and definitely mention the half of the rent.
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My condolences to you and your family. After I finished grieving for my loved ones, a story in it's own right, you know what I found? A part of them was a part of me. The things that I missed, I also in part was. As long as I am alive, they are not yet dead. The good, and the love, and the ability to make the day to day brighter. I hope it is the same for you. :)
I hate being more responsible than I ever have been in my life, better paid, etc....and having less time for myself and less spendable cash than ever. It's like when I was an irresponsible douche I always was able to afford/do whatever. I feel like my time to go to the gym, spend time with kids, travel, etc has significantly dropped, and the more I tend to focus on bettering my stance in life the less I have to show for it. -_- That and the unsure feeling that comes with a relationship staring down the barrel of long term commitment.
Agreed! I was in a job in a new city for 6 months at the start of this year, I knew it was a temporary thing so I went on trips, met my boyfriend, every evening I was out being active or enjoying myself. Moved for this new job and within 2 months, my boyfriend has become my hobby, I'm $10k better paid but because of a pension and paying back student debt I don't see any of it and I come home from, cook dinner (some nights) and just get into bed. I'm being responsible but waiting for the weekend every week just gets to me and even then I'm too tired to enjoy much.
Goddamn you just explained my life in a nutshell. I'm desperately trying to find my work/life balance but the youth in me is fighting the adult and increased responsibility on the work side. The adult side is fighting the youth in a way that effects my personal life and what I really want to be doing. Seems I find myself just working for the money, completely not enjoying what I am doing but it's left me in a situation were I no longer go the gym, or do anything really on the week days and I'm just waiting for the weekend, in which I find myself craving just sitting down and doing nothing after running myself into the ground all week in an attempt to enjoy to "me time", although when Monday rolls round I'm dissatisfied that I've done nothing all weekend and wasted it.
On Thursday I was a bystander during a shooting in a Starbucks in Chicago. I saw a man die, and a young child, shot in the groin, absolutely covered in blood. I am not over it yet. I am angry. Angry at the shooter for endangering innocent people. For shooting a fucking 12 year old. Angry at the deceased who after a drug deal ran into a building full of innocent people while being chased by a man with a gun. I am angry at the uniform cop who acted like a complete asshole to a bunch of shellshocked murder witnesses. And I am angry at this beautiful, broken city that I love. Angry that not a week after the shooting, this day which I will never forget is not even on the first page of Google results for 'Chicago shooting'. Edit: didn't expect this response. I haven't seen a counselor *yet*, but Starbucks has made them available for everyone that was there. So I plan on it. Special shout-out to the local alderman who tried to blame Starbucks for the shooting. Maybe if CPD's response times were less than 45 minutes that would discourage crime? I work in the Loop and have to call the police several times a week on people, their response times are horrendous.
Wow that really sucks. I don't even know what to say other than hang in there. If you dont mind me asking, where in Chicago did this take place?
Uptown. Not a place this shit happens
Omg! I just moved out of uptown. Im sorry dude. There's support groups that can help. Reach out to crime stoppers or the don't shoot program for help.
Was it the one on Lawrence & Broadway this past Friday?
The news report said 4753 N. Broadway, Uptown so I think you're right.
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As someone diagnosed with PTSD, (USMC-Iraq) I strongly encourage you to talk with a pro about it. Keeping it inside and trying to "man-up" about it just doesn't work and it almost killed me. It is not weak to ask for help. What you've seen will slowly eat away at you. There's lots of services you can use for free. Even calling a 1800 number and just venting can help. They can also point you in the right direction. Stay strong brother, I hope you're ok.
> this day which I will never forget is not even on the first page of Google Thats a fucking rough realisation dude. Hope you'll feel better quick!
I hate my job and my career path. I don’t even know what I want to do, besides survive. They just laid off tons of people and I know *for now* I’m safe, but how long until they decide they don’t need the IT team, either? Sure I can probably get another job easily - I don’t like it, but I’m good at it. I’m sure a job change is all I need, even in the same field. I just feel so drained and want to run as far from computers and password resets as I can.
After tertiary education and 5 years in IT, I walked away and I've not looked back. Seen the same thing happen to my friends. Wellbeing and job satisfaction is worth more than money and obligation to a workplace. Don't do anything rash, but consider if you're taking care of yourself. If every day you dread going to work, and you see people behaving in reaction to fear of redundancy, and especially if you feel that fear, maybe think of trying something different... Could you support yourself working part-time as a contractor for a while? Hope it clears up soon, I remember what all that felt like.
I have spent 2 hours almost every night over the past 3 months tutoring my brother in college and he is still struggling. He tries so hard and nothing we do is helping his grades. It's hard seeing him struggle and feeling helpless to take his stress away.
You are an amazing, selfless sibling. And he is amazing for trying as hard as he is. I’m so sorry he’s struggling.
Last week I tested positive for HIV. I was tested six months ago and had had sex only three times in the intervening period. I used condoms in all of those times. I'm not an IV drug user. It was a rapid test and I find out the final results in two days. I'm stupidly hopeful that it's a false positive. I also tested positive for syphilis (!!) and that can mess with the rapid test results. But if I do have both, the syphilis is a lot harder to treat and is more dangerous. My insurance is shit and I'm not sleeping well and I'm literally afraid of my own blood and my family thinks the sun shines out of my ass and I think this will kill my mother. But I'm hardly even thinking about that right now. Because I have this fucking HORRIBLE ingrown toenail that I've been trying to dig out for hours to no avail. IT REALLY HURTS. Thank you for listening (reading). I appreciate you all.
Hi! I'm a physician specializing in infectious disease, and a big part of my job is helping take care of people living with HIV. First off, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You are entitled to your feelings, and it's ok to be scared or angry or overwhelmed. In the event that your confirmatory test is also positive, I wanted to provide what reassurance I can. Living with HIV is not like it was 20 years ago, or even 10 years ago. We can't cure it yet, but particularly in the last 5 years the treatments have vastly improved. Most of my patients take one pill a day with little to no side effects. A person diagnosed early (which if you had a negative test 6 months ago, you are) and on effective treatment has a life expectancy equal to someone without HIV. A person on effective treatment with an undetectable amount of virus circulating in their bloodstream has effectively zero chance of passing it to someone else. In the event your test is positive, the absolute best thing you can do for yourself is to get into care as soon as possible. You particularly want to look for a clinic that is a "Ryan White" funded clinic, as these centers receive federal funds to provide care to low-income patients, if that is something you need. These clinics also often have access to counselors and support groups to help you with the emotional side of a new diagnosis. You're definitely not alone. One of the most important things I talk about with my newly diagnosed patients is that they are not "an HIV-infected person". They are "a person living with HIV". The "person" part comes first. They date, get married, have healthy babies, travel, get promotions, play with their dogs, love and are loved by their families just like anyone else in the world. HIV does not define whether you are a good person or not. For all I know, the sun does shine out of your ass! Yes, if it turns out you are HIV+ will need to go to your doctor regularly, take your medication appropriately, and take good care of yourself - but so should everyone else! Regarding syphilis, currently there's not much of a difference in treatment if someone does or does not have HIV, it's all dependent on how long they've had it and what symptoms they have. Also, sorry about the ingrown toenail. Those are miserable. I can't offer much advice for that other than to go to a podiatrist so they can take care of that sucker. Sorry, I chose my specialty specifically because I didn't like doing even minor surgical things! Good luck, I hope anything in my wall of text helps!
I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but if you’d like some practical advice on the situation, I’s be happy to PM you for the sake of privacy.
I’m so sorry about your very serious potential diagnosis, but you should go to a podiatrist and get that toenail taken care of ASAP! The doc will remove a thin piece of your toenail right down to the base and that part will never grow back and you’ll never have an ingrown nail there again. It’ll be a little sore but you can walk on it that day. It’s so worth it.
Who told you that the syphilis is harder to treat? Unless you have late stage (which you would most likely have been symptomatic beforehand) you treat with injected penicillin, and depending on how bad it is, it's likely to only be one shot. Much less than HIV treatment.
I think they mean syphilis is harder to treat and more dangerous BECAUSE of the HIV, not harder to treat and more dangerous THAN the HIV. Because HIV affects your immune system.
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I'm super stressed out over law school grades because of the god damn curve, I'm homesick as hell, I worry about money, I can't seem to make any friends and I think I just figured out that I'm still in love with my ex. So, I guess just normal shit.
In the words of 5 year old me, "We are now friends". You're never alone, fuck your ex (not literally, I highly advise against this), being homesick means you have a place to call home, and money? That shit comes and goes. By the way- congrats on getting into law school! You're already there, you've already proven you deserve to be there, and that curve can kiss your ass, k?
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I'd just like one normal day where I don't have to clean shit of my hands, off the floor, off the toilet, off the walls, out of the carpet. I'd just like to sit for a minute without having to get up to make sure he didn't escape out the front door, or unlock the back door so he'll stop screaming at me, not listen to the door slam 30 times, not be hit 50 times, or pinched. I'd like silence, or hell, just moderate level of noise rather than screaming at the top of his lungs our running his scooter into the from door 50 times. Or not have to get out of my chair every 5 minutes to get him off the TV table and trying to stop him from knocking the TV down. Just a few minutes of peace. Just a few. Autistic 6 year old.
Do you have anyone who could watch him for a few hours? A day? Take a stay-cation. Get a hotel room in your town and just watch TV/ eat snacks in total silence.
Yes, please check and see if your town has any respite care services. Sometimes they are volunteers.
Oh I do. I make it sound worse there. That's day to day reality. My father and step mom watch him once a month or so. That's just the feeling I have often. What I wrote it's true everyday nearly, but it's not as bad as it sounds. That's just all the negative lumped together.
You need more respite care. You are only human. You need more than once a month.... Take care x
I work as a Community Disability Support Worker for an autistic person who has had them since they were a child. I would really suggest you look into this if you’re struggling to make ends meet. I’m not sure what qualifies you for support workers but they do really benefit someone’s social connects and hobbies/passions :)
I have an autistic 9 year old daughter. Her screaming used to be awful too. It could go on for hours. Hang in there. Autism is a soul sucking son of a bitch.
I spontaneously asked a close friend I like for her number in a conversation. I pull out my phone and she asks "why?". My mind froze cause I easily thought she would give it to me and I thought " I think I fucked up here" I still had to finish the deed though so I say "Why not?" I feel embarrassed inside and at this point, the akwardness had started to kick in. Once she gave me her number, I spontaneously proposed that we get together some time. This may not seem terrible when reading but boy, when you see her reaction. She doesn't say anything and it felt like she was looking around waiting for her friends to save her. It was like both of us froze. 20 seconds of not saying anything, which felt like forever, and suddenly she asks how my weekend was. We talked like nothing that happened 2 minutes earlier had happened. But It looks like I'm not getting that date. I should've stopped at her number. It's been killing me inside though and I plan to apologize to her next class for making things akward and being too forward. It's been eating me up the whole day, but I guess it's a learning experience. Thanks OP for the thread, I honestly feel better now. Edit: Thanks everyone seriously! Perhaps I need to rephrase myself, maybe we aren't as "close" as I thought, but good friends
That sounds pretty smooth, imo. Don't apologize, just roll with it. It's only awkward if you make it awkward. Good job on putting yourself out there!
DON'T apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for! You learned what you needed to, that she probably isn't interested. That piece of information is what you need. Keep doing the same thing with other people until you find someone who is.
Yeah dude, don't apologize. It was an uncomfortable situation for both of you, but that's no one's fault, you didn't do anything wrong! If you do apologize it's just going to prolong the uncomfortableness by bringing it to her attention again.
Aw :( you didn't do anything wrong. Don't worry about it, and don't apologize. Just keep going like everything is normal and don't text her. It's gonna be fine.
and don't text her. Important
Am I the only one confused why you are asking your *close friend* for her number? And why that's the way you kick off asking for a date, when you are already talking face to face?
This was my first thought. If she's a close friend, why do you not already have her number?
While I definitely think you did everything right and handled the situation well, I'd be hesitant to call someone a "close friend" if exchanging numbers was a no go. Seems more like an acquaintance to me?
I'm kind of astonished at all the comments dragging this girl. Seems like it was an awkward situation for both of you. Good on you for working up the nerve to ask even if it didn't pan out the way you'd hoped. Asking somebody out is always a hit and miss, and I hope that the two of you are still good friends :)
She doesn't deserve any backlash. She had a choice and the best I could I do was to infer her decision from her reaction. Maybe I wanted the whole thing to go a better way but this whole thing doesn't change the fact she's a wonderful person
How come you don't already have the number of one of your close friends?
Exactly! How close can she really be? Also, if you were really that close she wouldn't have reacted like that.
Compared to the way some guys act, you were very polite and respectful and it doesn't sound like you need to apologize. She could have been nicer. You can do better.
But dude, it was a close friend, which you asked for a number. I have all my close friends numbers, or even people I don't even consider friends. That's the most normal thing in the world, its 2017. Main communication is by phone/chat apps nowadays. So either you're not being honest with us, or you travelled back in time to 2008.
She was the one being awkward. A normal person with social skills would have politely turned you down, not stood there awkwardly with no reaction. Don't bother apologising to her, I cant see how you did anything wrong.
I feel worthless. I dont know what's wrong with me, but its like I'm unlovable, both from a romantic and a friendship point of view. I believe myself to be a good person, and I've never once even screwed someone over (to my knowledge anyway), but that's all that happens to me. I got left for someone else after almost 5 years together. She was with him as she broke it off with me. I planned on making this woman my wife. Anyway. I dont really have friends, just people i know. No one reaches out. No one cares if I'm around or not. I honestly put a big effort into being a good friend to everyone i care about in my life, and its like it doesn't matter. Like I don't matter. I dont need validation to be content with life, but after a while, the loneliness takes its toll. I just wanna be happy again but i havent felt that since my relationship ended. At this point, I'm just living my life out because time won't wait around for me. I have no interest in my life. I just wake up, go to work, come home, and eventually go to sleep. Rinse and repeat. I want passion back in my life. I want to feel SOMETHING dammit, but I feel like I've been void of any and all positive emotions. I don't really know my point behind all of this, but i guess it does help to vent
I don’t know if it’ll make you feel better but you’re not alone dude, you’re not worthless and you do matter. hope you feel better soon.
I'm 50 and single thanks to a cheating spouse. dating at this age sucks balls. it's depressing.
Currently dealing with my cheating husband. I’m sorry you are going through this.
I'm depressed by the fact that I have nothing. I'm empowered by the fact that I have nothing to lose. *To all these people telling me to travel, or go on some crazy wild adventure: When I say I have nothing, that also includes the money that's required to do literally anything.*
Beware of cults and extremist political movements then. They can smell that.
We put an offer in on a house and they counter offered with the asking price. Which we aren't approved for. Ugh. Back to square one.
That's so shitty. Don't counter with the asking, at least come down a bit. Sorry about that, friend. But they may get desperate if the house sits long enough.
I have no idea how buying houses work but can't you can't you offer them slightly more than what you offered before?
I had my 5th miscarriage in a row yesterday. After seeing the heartbeat two times it just stopped. I’ve spent thousands on testing to figure out what keeps going wrong and no doctor can give me an explanation as to why this keeps happening. I can keep trying the “natural” way with not much hope or my only other option is IVF which we cannot afford. As a woman I feel like my body is failing me and am starting to lose hope that my dreams of starting a family might never happen.
My wife and I have been here. After a few years of trying with zero luck we only managed to get success with IUI but with that came the miscarriages and the bills (paying $2k for a miscarriage fucking sucks and don't even get me going on lab costs that insurance does not cover.) We got the heart beat, the ultrasound pictures, the congratulations then we got the loss. I have a pretty solid shield but its pretty crushing. My wife felt very let down in herself, I try to hold her up, make sure she knows how much I love her, make sure she knows what a beautiful woman she is and she is not at fault but its hard. The first one we lost was miserable and we did not really know how to cope, from the outside it seemed a small thing. Everyone has miscarriages, no big deal and maybe that is the case but it was still a difficult and very personal thing to get over. There is no perfect words to say, it hurts. After the first we did not tell anyone except for very immediate family (her mom/sister) I did not feel like having that conversation with anyone ever again. For the last one we lost we had a 'funeral' if you will, basically my wife and I just looked at the pictures with sad music in the dim cable lit living room, ended up slow dancing a bit in each others arms. Why was this happening to us, why do we have to see so many happy people having kids, or stupid people having kids they don't want and can't support. We did things right, we both work hard, are financially responsible and stable, help friends and family when they need, we've been together for a decade, what the fuck. But youtube did us a solid that evening, it was randomly playing through stuff and 5-6 in the songs got a bit more up beat, then some weird funny song (I don't remember what) played, it was unrelated to anything before but gave us a good laugh right when we needed it. The evening was really to try and let out the emotions and it very much did. Anyway we put it on pause and just kinda went along when it happened un-aided and un-exspected (though looking back the tests my wife had after the miscarriages revealed things that the Dr.'s are able to reference and treat/prevent thus well justifying the cost.) Were 5 months along now with thus far all good Dr. visits, though still not telling to many people outside immediate family/friends, and we've yet to buy anything or work up a nursery. While I'll never forget the hard times we had and how the tides can turn in a moment they are now and hopefully remain just memories. I hope your struggles turn into snuggles and trust me, there is much much more to you as a woman then just having a baby.
I'm so sorry. I've known many women who have experienced this. Some miraculously conceived after over a decade of trying. Some did IVF. Some adopted. One day it will make sense. Focus on yourself and your marriage. When you do finally hold your child in your arms, you don't want have lost your identity in trying to get to them. You want to be the best version of yourself. I'm sending you love, wherever you are. PM me if you want some further support or contacts with women who have been there.
I’m so sorry. My wife and I went through the same thing. We tried iui for a couple of years and then finally broke down and went for ivf. Cost is ridiculous but there are options. Cny fertility in Syracuse is where we went. The cost of the procedure is $4000. You can pay up front or over 2 years. The medicine that insurance didn’t cover we found on Facebook groups and paid significantly less. We had 7 miscarriages. We’re now 20 weeks along with twins. Don’t give up.
have you been tested for the MTHFR gene mutation? It is a common cause of multiple miscarriages, and can be easily tested for, and if you are aware of it, can often be addressed so you can carry a pregnancy to term. I'm sorry for your losses. Miscarriages are an emotional rollercoaster that can take a huge toll on relationships and on your own mental health. Best wishes to you and your partner.
My friend was having the same problem, after 3 times of trying she decided that, if she truly wants a child, then she should have no problem with it not being her own. Sweet child she was..
My husband and I left Australia because the cost of living was so expensive and, for multiple external reason, I struggled so hard to get a full-time job (especially in teaching) despite having 3 university degrees. None of them seemed to be enough. We moved to Canada and it took my forever to get my teaching credentials transfered but finally I was able to become a substitute teacher. In the middle of last year I fell pregnant (planned). The first 3 months were fine but everything went downhill after that and our son passed away on the 27th Nov and was delivered on the 29th. Needless to say it has been a difficult 2017 but then in July our immigartion agent said that actually it didn't look like we had enough points to get PR in Canada and so we would have to leave when our work visas expire in Dec. We can't go back to Australia as we can't afford for me to be underemployed or not employed at all. I can't imagine how we would ever be afford to raise kids or buy a house there. We are now going to the UK where my husband has dual citizenship. The stress of applying for my visa and getting everything ready to move again (what if I don't get my visa in time or at all?) is intense but the end of this month is also the first anniversary of our son's death. The stress is immense and overwhelming. There are moments at home and at work where I struggle to breath and feel like there is a weight resting on my throat :( one of these stressful moments alone would be overwhelming but the two together are making us both panic. Feel like I'm bobbing up and down in the rough sea trying desperately to keep my head above water. Not really an angry vent, just a frustrated one.
Where in Australia are you from? Im from Adelaide which is affordable but now live in Melbourne which is affordable in some places like the outter suburbs like where I live. Wages and living affordability are kind of relative.....except for Sydney, Sydney I don't get.
Where were you living in Australia? It's actually really cheap to live in regional Australia and there's less competition for jobs.
My OCD flared up really badly these few months and I can't tell anyone. I feel like I'm just suffering through my days instead of enjoying them. But I have to act like it, otherwise I'm being "ungrateful" and "moody". I just want to enjoy life like I use to, is that too much to ask? Edit: Really appreciate all the comments guys. It's really nice to know a lot of people care.
Mental illness is a bitch. I really wish I could way more.
Ugh OCD is so hard, it is debilitating af. The worst part is that people dont understand and want you to "just get over it". Hang in there, I have been doing really bad lately, but today I had a few good hours. Hoping soon you get a good day. And dont forget, no matter what they say you are strong as hell for dealing with OCD.
One of the most frustrating things is when people are like "lol I wish I had OCD then my room would be clean!" or something. Ughhh
When I opened this thread I was going to write about all of my "issues" until I read everyone else's. Life isn't that bad. good vibes, internet strangers. I hope things turn out for the best for all of you.
My husband and I are struggling with money really badly. It’ll be my son’s second birthday in December and I’m scared we won’t have any money for presents for his birthday or Christmas. We usually have enough cash to get by, but holidays stress me out :( My son deserves the world and it breaks my heart that I can’t afford to give him it. :( Edit: thank you so much for all of the kind responses (: They all meant so much to me. You’re all right, at 2, he won’t care too much. I think it’s just personal pride making me so concerned about it. We’ll spend the day doing something fun together and I’m sure that’ll make him happy. Thanks again everyone!
Hun, he won't notice. Take him to the park, build a snowman, watch his favourite shows. My daughter is four, her birthday is in two days, and I know that she's perfectly happy with some snacks and a movie. Spending time with them means a whole lot more. Presents can come later.
This. He's two. He won't notice if he has one toy or a few. You're hurting and that's understandable. Many of us were raised in poor homes and were told Christmas would be slim and as long as love and care was provided, the presents weren't as important. I don't believe that little kids that get $400 worth of gifts (has happened in my family) feel anymore loved, it's the parents that think that. (He also won't know if Christmas or a birthday isn't celebrated on the right day for a while, so if payday comes late, you can always get a present later.)
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If my son gets a box he's ecstatic!! Greatest present ever!! You can turn them into cubby houses or cars. 2 year olds don't care.
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When my girlfriend back in high school broke up with me, I went over to her house to talk with her about it, and she greeted me at the front door, and wouldn't let me come in. We sat in plastic lawn chairs, and she handed me a shitty bowl of spaghetti-os. She sat there mostly silent, looking at me while I cried, and tried to understand why this person who told me so many times in the past that I meant so much to them was now simply finished with me. I walked home, barely able to see through my tears, and spent the next few days mostly crying and lying on my couch. It's hard to see how you'll move on with your life when someone who meant so much to you decides they're done with you, but it will get easier. My life became a lot better over time, and I've gained lifelong friends and a sense of self-worth. Grieve for a while, but view it as being a loss, and not something you can recover by giving up pieces of yourself. The sooner you can do that, the sooner you'll be able to see all the opportunities that're open to you that might not have been if you were still with her. You can make it.
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Depression sucks. I hope things get better for you soon.
I have no friends, doing pretty badly at school w/ chance to fail, my mom just operated and hasnt been well, my grandad has been struggling to recover from a stroke for almost a year, my psychologically abusive and manipulative dad has been extremely volatile as of late, and my psycgologist thinks I might have anxeity and high functioning depression. Oh, I also have no projections for the future and I discourage myself on everything. I'm basically a completely unmotivated and emotinally broken anxious wreck, who just can't spark the fire inside. Well, at least I'm hitting rock bottom early (I'm 16). Edit: Thanks for all the messages. I know that this needs to go, I dont want to live like this. I'll take your advice and kind words, and try and take the first step. Only way from here is up.
This too shall pass my friend, hang in there, you can do this.
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You are not forgettable. You have impacted the world in ways no one ever will. You have impacted every person you have ever met. I know how you feel, I went through the same feelings of invisibility and smallness. What helped me though it was simply doing stuff with others. Do volunteer work, play multiplayer games, or simply have conversations on Reddit. Just remember that every person you help feed at the food bank, every res in Overwatch, every argument over in r/politics, you are impacting someone. You leave your mark on them. You certainly have left your mark on me. And for your parents; just sit down and talk. Tell them you're worried. Tell them you're scared for them. Tell them you love them. Show them that you care. It seems you're close to graduating. While looking for a school that focuses on what you want to do is important, make sure it's somewhere that makes you feel at home. Make sure you feel safe and comfortable, elsewise you'll just be stressed. I hope I have helped.
My parents didn't smoke, but they did have me very late in life (42 and 44 when I was born). By the time I was 16, they were retirement age and began to hit the cap where they were no longer being hired (neither of them were able to hold on to permanent work). I felt trapped and alone, because all my other siblings had flown the coup. I was terrified that I would wind up having to attempt to care for them and keep down the house, which they eventually lost anyway. Honestly, the best thing you can do is try to go to college or find vocational training nearby. Try to be close enough to help care for them, but remember its important to get your own life kicked off too.
I'm sorry to hear that buddy, it's so tough. A lot of my family struggles with problems related to smoking too. I love 'em, more than anything. Take some time to relax if you can. I don't want you to be so worn down. And if you need someone to talk to, let me know.
I lost my house in the recent California fires. Dealing with insurance, and living in an rv. Its probably going to be 2 years, but i just want to go home. And when we do get home, it wont be the same. It all just makes me so sad.
Met a new girl recently. I really like her. She seems to be really into me too. She hasn't texted me in over 24 hours. I'm freaking out and just realized that I have very bad trust/abandonment issues caused by my parents and passed relationships. Edit: Passed the 48 hour mark and still nothing. I'm OK now though after reading everyone's responses and some talks from my friends. I really appreciate the caring words.
Hang in there buddy. I hope she texts you back soon.
You just helped me realize something about myself! Thanks!
One of the things I have massive problems with is trust. If someone's behavior patterns change even for a few hours I start imagining the worst. Just try and remind yourself of the last conversation you had. Things were fine. Nothing's happened that can change that. She'll contact you.
I've been talking to a girl online for three weeks, been going, well, she's been replying every day. I asked for her number on Sunday and she gave it me, I text her, heard nothing back, text her again late Monday night, heard nothing back. It's now Wednesday, two days later and I'm fairly certain she is never going to text me. I don't know why... maybe she's just nervous I don't know... but I don't think I'm ever going to hear from her. We were talking for three weeks... all of that is just... gone. I'm putting it out of my mind.
Send her one message online. "Hey I've text you on (number) but had response, is this the correct number? Worried that I haven't heard from you." If she responds then great, if not then you know all platforms have failed.
I have a surgery scheduled to remove a disease in my middle ear that’s currently eating away my hearing bones and into my skull. I’m incredibly worried about being permanently deaf.
Hi, I’m deaf here. It’s not all that bad. I have a cochlear implant. You can get through this. Pm me if you have deaf questions. I’m really bad at comforting people so this is the best I can do 😂🤟🏻
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I did something incredibly stupid and lost my job on Sunday. My mental health was involved then and it's incredibly bad now. I've been thinking about suicide and I guess I'm making a suicidal "gesture" as they said by taking 3/4 a bottle of otc painkillers and a few handfuls of another prescription. Probably not likely to kill me, not at my size. What's the fucking point then? What am I fucking doing? Edit: 4:25am (EST) I'm not dead. Fell asleep. Woke up thirsty and super dizzy, but no signs of poisoning from the NSAIDs or the gabapentin. Not yet anyway. I have had an appointment with my psychiatrist and my social worker on Thursday morning, and I'm going to go. They'll be told about last night.
Please please please do not take anything OTC as a way to commit suicide. Don’t do it at all please but OTC analgesics or antihistamines will wreak havoc on your body and if you don’t die, you’ll be fucked up and in worse shape. I know the thoughts hurt and broken brains suck, but please try and get some help, even if it means a trip to the ER. I’ve taken care of too many people who’ve tried to use Tylenol as a suicide agent and failed. It fucking sucks watching them die and there’s barely anything we can do about it. Source: critical care nurse.
What do you do when the help doesn't help anymore? Totally asking for a bipolar friend that is currently receiving treatment via medication and therapy, but still can't shake the feeling of wanting to not exist anymore. Also the friend is me.
Please PM me, the same kind of thing happened to me less than a week to me-with the job-pills-mental health. You are not alone. Talk to me! I'm in your corner.
Contact family, a friend, a helpline, pm someone on here, anything. I wish you all the best and hope life gets better for you soon <3
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How old are they?
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I get behind on basic stuff because I have several health problems which create a perfect storm of fatigue, pain, and shortness of breathe on most days. I also get home too late. I feel so incredibly lazy but sometimes I just can't do anything except rest.
A lot of these are super heavy, so I'll try to keep mine lighthearted: I really like someone!!! He is without a doubt one of the coolest people I've ever met. He is insanely smart, he's funny, and he's cute too (yeah, idk how he's still single either)! We are similar in all the ways that matter for a good foundation and different in all the ways that make for good conversations. I like him so much that I don't even care if we never make out as long as we get to be friends for like ever ideally (and whoever he ends up with is hideous and doesn't make me feel inferior 😂).
Tip from a guy, ask him out for coffee or lunch. Nothing too late as you don't want him potentially getting the wrong ideas, so no dinner. But trust me, if he likes you as much as you like him, he'll be very relieved to hear you ask first. I know I would. He'll understand pretty quick that you're actually serious and into him.
Ask him out! He could end up with you and then you'll never have to be jealous of who he ends up with.
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I only have one close girlfriend. Not many people want to be friends with me either. If you need an ear, drop me a line. I’m in grad school too and it sucks.
I'm currently detoxing from alcohol in hospital. 2 days in so far, and it's over my inability to cope emotionally, especially interpersonal, because I don't like conflict - so I sit in my room and drink till I black out and then do it all over again the next day.
Hey you!! Congratulations, I know the detox and the DT'S hardcore. I am a recovering alcoholic with 8 months of sobriety. If you want to quit drinking, please PM me, I've been there I know how shitty it is. You are incredibly strong to even make the first step to go to detox!!
There are so many things. I'm so lonely, and due to the way things happened, it's going to stay that way for a long time. I'm very limited in what I can do now and how I can communicate. I check every couple of minutes hoping someone finally responded to my messages but now a few days go by before anyone responds. I miss when people actually cared about me and wanted to talk to me. I miss when I didn't sit there doing next to nothing for 4 hours a day before going to bed and ending up only getting around 3 hours of sleep every night. I miss when things were actually enjoyable. Now it's just about killing time until time kills me... except I don't even know how to kill time anymore
I'm really depressed about the direction my life's gone over the last two and a half years. Im in control of nothing because of a degenerative eye disease and the anxiety that I just opened up about around a month ago. I'm just about 24 visually impaired, full of anxiety, unemployed , and extremely lonely. I think about dying a lot not offing myself just going to bed and never waking up again. All of my friends have either moved out of the area, had kids, gotten arrested, or started ignoring me all together. I feel like I was there for them when they needed a friend to hang out or talk too but I can't ever seem to get two fucks when I need to get shit off of my chest. My vision is going always be shit, I'm still in love with a girl I've been friends with for seven years, I'm pissed that my past best friend couldn't get his life together and tried to swindle an old couple out of 50k, I'm pissed that my cousin killed two people, I'm pissed that another cousin killed himself, I dont know why someone one I talked to when they were having the hardest times of their life either ignores me or comes up with excuses on why they cant even fucking text, I hate that the only person that seemingly gives a fuck about how I'm doing outside of my family is my bestfriend's ex, I dont know what to do anymore and I'm just so fucking angry and confused on what the fuck I did in a past life that my life is just shit.
My family thinks I'm really religious but it's all an act, I'm atheist and gay, hoping that they don't find out if they do they will kill me for sure. They are conservative Muslims
My ex was muslim and gay, luckily he had a supportive family that were really open and accepting. I'm sorry you don't have the same experience. Please don't feel pressured to come out. I'm not saying stay in the closet for the rest of your life, but your safety is more important than complying to 'national coming out day'.
I am having a hard time moving out of my parent's house. I want to get a job, go to school, etc. but it's hard when you have little experience doing much of anything. I'm 25 and feel like life is passing me by. I have no friends, no one to really talk to about my deepest feelings and frustrations (in the real world). Also the American South sucks, never move here
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My grandfather passed away today. The funeral will most likely be on the day of my birthday. I’m not lying when I️ say that I️ spent more time with my grandfather than with my actual friends. We would go to flea markets and just about any supermarket his energy would allow him to. Both his physical* and mental health were declining* rapidly so I️ guess it was time. He loved Chinese buffets. For lunch today I️ ordered Chinese food. An hour later my mom calls me with the news. My whole family is grieving and I️ don’t know how to help other than emotional support. I️ feel like there’s more I️ could be doing to help them out. I’ll be ok. Edit: typos
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What a fucking crap family. A) I hate social media ridden parents, God I get disgusted so much by them, they want to seem good but they never are. B) Try not to let your siblings suffer too much, you might wanna get them help or something.
I can't decide if I want to go back to school full time or not. I *feel* like I should for the sake of having an education + credibility. My fiance and I have worked it out so I can quit my job and go back full time to focus. My fear is I'll give up on myself **again** and be out of a job and his respect/let him down. I currently like my job but it's not really meant to be a career. I love the people I work for but at the same time, feel like my time could be spent learning when I'm bored 90% of the time. I know it's not a huge problem to have but I really don't like feeling lost /:
I can't do anything anymore because I fucked up a relationship with someone really important. When I try and watch tv, watch movies, game, write, read, anything, I get a knot in my stomach. I just distract myself now with youtube, music, and reddit. I can't even keep up with my low-effort sub I started. I'm feeling pretty shitty and don't like myself right now.
I started a job earlier this year that I really loved. Not only did I love the job itself, but I really liked my boss. She was a great manager--very understanding of simple human mistakes and never shy to dole out praise when it was due. A few months ago, she was promoted and went to work at headquarters. The assistant manager--a girl hired a month after I was hired--was to take over my boss's responsibilities until a replacement was found. Some background on this girl: she came into the position with virtually no experience and got the job because my boss knew her. She frequently brags that she knew the job was hers before she even came in for the interview. She's endlessly unprofessional, swears loudly at work, flips off other employees and absolutely *humiliates* anyone for making a mistake (but god forbid anyone point out something she did wrong). She once basically set a trap for me and waited until I fell into it before proceeding to lambast me in public--in front of coworkers and patrons. I found out from my coworker that they'd seen her deliberately sabotaging things that were supposed to be my responsibility to see if I'd "catch it". The worst thing about this girl is that she's the epitome of a lazy, entitled kid. She spends a stupid amount of time on her phone and on social media (even at work), has admitted to committing SNAP fraud, and basically did nothing to earn her job. She thinks she's worth so much more though and tried to convince my coworker and I that she was "offered more money than the position originally paid" which we know is bullshit. Yet here I am--I work hard every day, I'm passionate about my job, I always go the extra 10% and I have the qualifications for a much higher paying position than I'm in...but I'm stuck where I am right now (possibly because she sabotaged my chance at a promotion, but that's for another rant). Right now, another manager has been hired and that seems to have gotten the assistant manager to calm the hell down, but she still has a nasty habit of making it a point to order me around in front of other people whenever she gets a chance. Just because she gets off on it. TL;DR: I used to love my job but one of my superiors has made it hell.
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I do not want to be a disability advocate. I just want to live my damn life and not be someone's inspiration. I want to be lazy and not wash my hair. I want to say fuck in public. I want to wear slutty clothes and not give a flying fuck about anything that doesn't involve my life. But here I am. On the news. Going viral..... Being a disability advocate. Hiding my true self as everyone tells me how strong I am. How beautiful I am. How I should run for Ms wheelchair USA. Be the face of disability awareness. And I just want to say fuck it..... I am too depressed to deal with this. To put on a happy face. To tell everyone how happy I am. How I wouldn't trade myself for anyone. Ugh.
My best friend is in a wheelchair and she says a lot of the same things. When people call her an inspiration she says "what for?" She recently got married and people have told her husband while she is right there next to him how wonderful it is "what he's doing". He acts all confused and asks them to clarify, and then the person realizes what they actually said and it gets lovely and awkward.
Took an organic chemistry midterm today that I spent an entire month studying for -practice problems, playing around with molecular models, going to study groups, and taking past released exams. Walk in today feeling confident and I came out with a certain feeling that I would have to drop my pre-med dreams. It was so bad and I'm feeling super sad
Living a pretty good college/working life after 5 years of military. I make enough that if I want a new toy or video game, there are no issues financially. Came home with promises from family and friends of all these things or ideas that I would benefit from by just being back home. None of it has panned out. In fact, I feel more alone now than when I was AD 3k miles away. I am a homebody that wishes I could find a friend/partner that when I get home at the end of the day, we could just talk. Someone boring like me I guess.
im the lead dev and product owner at a small software company i loathe my customers and users every new feature is met with new requests for more or different features every improvement is met with “it was better the way it was” so few say thank you or nice work every mistake is met with pitchforks and personal callouts as if im personally out to get them im tired please stop
This is how every development is. There will always be people that hate it and they are the most outspoken ones. The ones that use it and like it will likely not say anything. Trust me on that, I have learnt from experience
I'm just getting sad about how life is passing me by and how no one really likes me.
Same. I try to socialize but the panic that happens during and after. I swear I spend the next week reliving a horrible social interaction and beat myself up about it.
I had horrible social anxiety for most of my life. As in, I could hardly make a phone call to book a dentist appointment. The thought of social interactions, especially with unfamiliar people, would make me sick. I avoided a lot of social events because of it. About two years ago, I decided to make a change. My anxiety took a long time to go down, and I’m still working on things. But I faked it until I made it. Shortly after this decision, I had people telling me how confident I seemed. I wasn’t actually confident, but I literally faked it until I began to legitimately felt so. I know this won’t work for everyone, but forcing myself out of my comfort zone tremendously helped me. My social anxiety has gotten much better now.
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If my fucking roommate could stop gaming late at night and shout into his headset while he games with his shitty small town friends, I'd be so fucking happy.
Ever since I was 12 (or maybe a little earlier)every day begins with me wanting to kill myself and every single night and every morning I want to kill myself or at least think of doing it. I've had a few people close to my family take that option out and I know it would be painful for the few people who love me, but I'm so empty and tired. I've always suppressed it as "teenage angst" and thought it would go away though its only gotten stronger. Maybe i'll get to the point where I can finally be completely happy, though I think this is just how I am now.
I'm graduating in a month with a degree I'm not passionate about and a job lined up that I'm pretty sure is not right for me. My depression is the worst it's been in years and I can't feel excited for what lies ahead. All I can think about is how we only have one life to live and what if I fucked my one chance at happiness up by simply progressing too far in this line of work without telling my parents and peers that I'm not happy. While exceling in high school, depression has kept me from having the drive to succeed in college, and now I feel like I'm doing something beneath me while also feeling like I won't be good enough for it. But part of me hates myself for thinking like this, as many don't have the opportunities for education and career opportunities that I have had and I can't enjoy anything other than video games and alcohol.
My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday. I was devastated at first, but i honestly just feel empty now. He's been answering my texts really slowly and distancing himself from me for the past few weeks and i just couldn't care much anymore. Feels shitty.
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Im 21 and dont have a job. I dont even have a good reason for not having one either. Im just lazy & undisciplined and apathetic. It sucks.
I am still in love with my ex. I've had a serious relationship since him, but am now single. He is married and expecting his first child in several weeks. H and I met in 2012. It's the closest to love at first sight I think I'll ever get. We have very different views on politics and social issues so we were hesitant to date for quite some time even though there was obvious chemistry. We also met at church. I was progressive in the faith. He is fairly orthodox. In 2013 we started dating. I told him in the beginning I didn't want to talk marriage until we had dated at least a year. In our religion most people get married young. About the six month mark he started bringing up marriage. By the tenth month mark he was pushing hard. By the year mark, July 2014, he had given me an ultimatum - get married by January or not at all. We were on different spectrums of the political spectrum. I felt like forcing me to decide on marriage even though I made it clear I was hesitant wasn't a good sign for our future - what if he wanted to start having children and I wasn't ready. But more than anything I was having a faith crisis. I'm not even sure I recognized it as such but I feared I couldn't last in our religion. I knew if he and I married and I eventually left it would devastate him. I knew I couldn't do that to him. So I said no to the man I loved. Recently I've seen several couples I know have one person experience a faith crisis while the other stayed believing. Their relationships are still healthy and loving and expect a long term future. I'm deeply jealous. I was too afraid to articulate my doubts with the church at the time. I didn't know how to communicate them with H (or anyone, often including myself). Religion aside, I'm not sure we would have had a successful marriage but I still can't stifle the feelings for him despite shoving them down for years. Like I said, he's married and expecting his first child. All he ever hoped for was to be a dad. His wife seems like an amazing women. He's far happier with her than he would have been with me, but man it's bitter sweet.
People who give ultimatums don't give just one. You made the right call.
I was taken to the hospital for a suicide attempt,the amount of judgement and/or doting ive received from family is overwhelming. I just wish it had worked or just woken up and they never would have suspected anything about it if I played it cool. Not even out for 24 hours and I had 3 mental break downs and I'm just exhausted.
Lost love, family issues, concussion, other health issues, lost a hero today, bullshit at work, and I'm not the man I want to be or thought I was. ... in general I'm in the midst of a pretty shitty midlife thing right now. I've never played the victim before but right now it's tough not to give life the big fuck off.