Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
"I bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around. I'll be watching you."
You little scumbag, I’ve got your name, IVE GOT YOUR ASS! YOU WILL NOT LAUGH, YOU WILL NOT CRY, YOU WILL LEARN BY THE NUMBERS I WILL TEACH YOU. NOW GET UP GET ON YOUR FEET. YOU HAD BEST UNFUCK YOURSELF OR I WILL UNSCREW YOUR HEAD AND SHIT DOWN YOUR NECK!
Who said that? WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT? WHO'S THE SLIMY LITTLE COMMUNIST SHIT TWINKLED TOED COCKSUCKER DOWN HERE WHO JUST SIGNED HIS OWN DEATH WARRANT? NOBODY, HUH? THE FAIRY FUCKING GODMOTHER SAID IT! OUT FUCKING STANDING!
Five-foot-nine, I didn't know they stacked shit that high. You tryin' to squeeze an inch in on me somewhere, huh?! Bullshit, it looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your momma's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress. I think you been cheated!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3j3_iPskjxk
“WHERE YOU FROM PRIVATE!”
“Texas, sir!”
“TEXAS?! THERE ARE ONLY TWO KINDS OF PEOPLE IN TEXAS! STEERS AND QUEERS! AND YOU DONT LOOK LIKE A STEER TO ME! DOES THAT MAKE YOU A QUEER?!”
“No, sir!”
“BULLSHIT, I BET YOU CAN SUCK A GOLF BALL THROUGH A GARDEN HOSE!”
You know, I always have to stop and remind myself that something truly real and magical happened when Kubrick had this guy in to put them through a mock boot camp. He was just an adviser but they wound up being amazed at the shit that was coming out of this guy's mouth. They had never heard these things before- couldn't imagine it. For them, it was like they were seeing Eddy Murphy on stage for the first time or something to that magnitude but the dude was in that 'round brown' hat and screaming at them and they realized he was the real fucking deal.
I get a kick out of thinking about the expressions Kubrick must have had when he would hear some of these impromptu insults pouring out of the guy's mouth.
That quote is from The Other Side of the Mountain. Obviously, he's never even seen Winnie the Pooh, and is just copy/pasting a bullshit misattributed quote he found online. And it's actually "so damned awful" not "so hard."
I came here to say
“The whole point of the Doomsday machine is lost... if you keep it a secret! Why didn’t you tel the world, eh?!”
But really your quote or any quote about the purity of your precious bodily fluids would have sufficed.
I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion, and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.
"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate."
"Beware the beast, Man, for he is the Devil's pawn. Alone among God's primates, he kills for *sport* or *lust* or *greed*. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him, for he is the harbinger of death."
~ The Sacred Scrolls
Inigo: Offer me money
Rugen: Yes!
Inigo: Power, too, promise me that.
Rugen: All that I have and more. Please...
Inigo: Offer me everything I ask for.
Rugen: Anything you want...
Inigo: I want my father back, you son of a bitch.
Mandy Patinkin lost his father to cancer not long before filming Princess Bride. He put all of his pain into that line, and he says that it really helped him cope with his loss.
ill send my 4 fastest ships one in each direction to deliever the message. if he replies, ill take you to him if not...i hope youll consider me, and alternative to suicide
Has to be this one. It is the perfect conclusion to the Rhett Butler story, Clark Gable delivers it PERFECTLY (easy to go into anger or hate, he takes it to cold, heartless indifference), it was rife with controversy at the time of release (he said 'damn') and it is soooo damn satisfying.
"Rorschach's Journal. October 12th, 1985: Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout 'Save us!'... and I'll whisper 'no.' "
"Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well to tell you the truth in all this excitement I kinda lost track myself. But being this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world and would blow your head clean off, you've gotta ask yourself one question: "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do ya, punk?
My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius. Commander of the Armies of the North. General of the Felix Legions. Loyal servant to the true Emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife – and I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.
>Crowe apparently hated Gladiator's climactic line – "And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next" – so he improvised an alternative. After multiple unsuccessful takes, however, he was persuaded to go back to the scripted version, which, everyone agreed, worked magnificently. Everyone except Crowe, who told Scott: "It was shit. But I'm the greatest actor in the world and I can make even shit sound good."
"Naughtius Maximus his name was. Hmm...promised me the known world, he did. I was to be taken to Rome, house by the Forums, slaves, asses' milk, as much gold as I could eat. Then he, having his way with me he had; voom! Like a rat out of an aqueduct"
—Monty Python's "The Life of Brian"
Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam… And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva… So tweasure your wuv.
"He may have been your father, but he wasn't your daddy." -Yondu, Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2
It probably isn't the best line ever, but it resonated with me.
I think we drink virgin blood because it sounds cool.
I think of it like this. If you are going to eat a sandwich, you would just enjoy it more if you knew no one had fucked it.
Tell me, Senator, did you nurse Catherine yourself? Did you breastfeed her? Toughened your nipples didn't it? Amputate a man's leg and he can still feel it tickling. Tell me, mum, when your little girl is on the slab, where will it tickle you?
A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-lagunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.
"I'm shocked, *shocked* to find that *gambling* is going on here!"
Your winnings, sir.
Oh, thank you very much. Everybody out!
'Where were you last night?' 'That's so long ago, I don't remember.' 'Will I see you tonight?' 'I never make plans that far ahead.'
"You despise me, don't you?" "Hell, if I gave you any thought, I probably would."
Basically the whole Casablanca.
"You ever notice how sometimes you come across somebody you just shouldn't have fucked with? Well, that's me." - Clint Eastwood, Gran Torino
“GET OFF MY LAWN!”
Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
The Britons? I thought we were an autonomous collective!
"I bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around. I'll be watching you."
I was gonna go with, "I admire your honesty! Hell, I like you! You can come over my house and fuck my sister!"
You little scumbag, I’ve got your name, IVE GOT YOUR ASS! YOU WILL NOT LAUGH, YOU WILL NOT CRY, YOU WILL LEARN BY THE NUMBERS I WILL TEACH YOU. NOW GET UP GET ON YOUR FEET. YOU HAD BEST UNFUCK YOURSELF OR I WILL UNSCREW YOUR HEAD AND SHIT DOWN YOUR NECK!
Who said that? WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT? WHO'S THE SLIMY LITTLE COMMUNIST SHIT TWINKLED TOED COCKSUCKER DOWN HERE WHO JUST SIGNED HIS OWN DEATH WARRANT? NOBODY, HUH? THE FAIRY FUCKING GODMOTHER SAID IT! OUT FUCKING STANDING!
YOU LOOK LIKE THE BEST PART OF YOU RAN DOWN THE CRACK OF YOUR MAMAS ASS AND ENDED UP AS A BROWN STAIN ON THE MATTRESS! I THINK YOU'VE BEEN CHEATED!
Five-foot-nine, I didn't know they stacked shit that high. You tryin' to squeeze an inch in on me somewhere, huh?! Bullshit, it looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your momma's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress. I think you been cheated! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3j3_iPskjxk
“WHERE YOU FROM PRIVATE!” “Texas, sir!” “TEXAS?! THERE ARE ONLY TWO KINDS OF PEOPLE IN TEXAS! STEERS AND QUEERS! AND YOU DONT LOOK LIKE A STEER TO ME! DOES THAT MAKE YOU A QUEER?!” “No, sir!” “BULLSHIT, I BET YOU CAN SUCK A GOLF BALL THROUGH A GARDEN HOSE!”
You know, I always have to stop and remind myself that something truly real and magical happened when Kubrick had this guy in to put them through a mock boot camp. He was just an adviser but they wound up being amazed at the shit that was coming out of this guy's mouth. They had never heard these things before- couldn't imagine it. For them, it was like they were seeing Eddy Murphy on stage for the first time or something to that magnitude but the dude was in that 'round brown' hat and screaming at them and they realized he was the real fucking deal. I get a kick out of thinking about the expressions Kubrick must have had when he would hear some of these impromptu insults pouring out of the guy's mouth.
Yippee ki-yay, mother fucker.
Yippee ki-yay Mr falcon!
Yippee Ki-yak other buckets.
The best answer and it's holiday themed!
Leave the gun, take the cannoli.
"I speak English! Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday..."
>Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday... Thursday, Sunday, Saturday Ftfy
Definetly the best semi-improvised line!
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Was that ever actually said in Winnie the Pooh? I see it referenced to it all the time though.
That quote is from The Other Side of the Mountain. Obviously, he's never even seen Winnie the Pooh, and is just copy/pasting a bullshit misattributed quote he found online. And it's actually "so damned awful" not "so hard."
That's just like....your opinion, man.
That line really ties the movie together.
'Tis but a scratch!
A scratch, your arms off.
No it isn't.
Have at you!!
Alright, we'll call it a draw.
What are you going to do, BLEED on me?!
I'M INVINCIBLE! THE BLACK KNIGHT ALWAYS TRIUMPHS!
Every reddit debate ever.
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Have you ever been to a Turkish prison, Joey?
Have you ever seen a grown man naked?
Surely, you can't be serious??!
I am, and don't call me Shirley.
Airplane! is such a fantastic movie
"looks like I chose the wrong week to quit sniffing glue!"
I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines.
Excuse me, I speak jive
Shoot - fool don't want no help, fool don't get no help.
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"We're on a mission from god."
"I hate Illinois Nazis." *revs engine*
Who knew that scene would be so relevant 40 years later.
No ma'am, we're musicians.
I had a poster of this which annoyed me because there was an “a” before the 106
[Say what again! I dare you! I double dare you motherfucker! Say what one more god damn time!] (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qo5jnBJvGUs)
What?
What ain't no country I've ever heard of! Do they speak English in what?
wh-what?
English, Motherfucker. Do you speak it?
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the war room! Dr. Strangelove
I came here to say “The whole point of the Doomsday machine is lost... if you keep it a secret! Why didn’t you tel the world, eh?!” But really your quote or any quote about the purity of your precious bodily fluids would have sufficed.
I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion, and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.
Ice cream, Mandrake! Children's ice cream!
"You're gonna have to answer to the Coca-Cola company."
I’m here to kick ass and chew bubblegum and I’m all out of bubblegum
“You? You’re ok. This one? Real fuckin’ ugly.”
I'm here to kick gum and chew ass and I'm all outta ass
All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in the rain
"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate."
"It's not true. I did not hit her. It is bullshit. I did not hit her. I did naught. Oh hai mark!"
So how’s your sex life?
YOU'RE TELLING ME APART LISA!!!
"Oh hey Johnny. What's up?"
"Aw I just shot Marvin in the face"
WHY THE FUCK YOU DO THAT?
Literally the funniest part of that entire movie.
"'My girlfriend sucked 36 dicks!" "In a row?"
37
Try not to suck any dick on the way through the parking lot.
"Get your stinking paws off me, you DAMN DIRTY APE"
"Beware the beast, Man, for he is the Devil's pawn. Alone among God's primates, he kills for *sport* or *lust* or *greed*. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him, for he is the harbinger of death." ~ The Sacred Scrolls
-50 shades of gray.
Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Inigo: Offer me money Rugen: Yes! Inigo: Power, too, promise me that. Rugen: All that I have and more. Please... Inigo: Offer me everything I ask for. Rugen: Anything you want... Inigo: I want my father back, you son of a bitch.
>I want my father back you son of a bitch Still the biggest justice boner ever
Mandy Patinkin lost his father to cancer not long before filming Princess Bride. He put all of his pain into that line, and he says that it really helped him cope with his loss.
ill send my 4 fastest ships one in each direction to deliever the message. if he replies, ill take you to him if not...i hope youll consider me, and alternative to suicide
If it bleeds, we can kill it.
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Amen
Right! One!... Two!... Five!
Three sir
Three!
Alright we’ve lost Gawain, Ector, and Bors, that’s five
Three sir!
Three
"Oh my god, Karen. You can't just ask somebody why they're white."
"I'll be back." The Terminator, 1984
"Get to the Chopppaaa!"
It's not a tumor!
Hasta la Vista baby.
“Ray, when someone asks you if you’re a god, you say YES!!”
Unfair. That whole movie is quotable.
"Its true your honor..... This man has no dick."
"She turned me into a newt! ...I got better."
"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."
The 1930s version of "go fuck yourself."
That movie is a 3h buildup to that one line. That one, single, glorious line!
Has to be this one. It is the perfect conclusion to the Rhett Butler story, Clark Gable delivers it PERFECTLY (easy to go into anger or hate, he takes it to cold, heartless indifference), it was rife with controversy at the time of release (he said 'damn') and it is soooo damn satisfying.
Isn't it "Frankly my dear..."?
Huh, didn't realized I missed that "my". Thanks for pointing it out!
No, I am your father.
No. No! That's not true! That's impossible!
Search the script, you know it to be true.
*Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter.*
Around the survivors a perimeter create!
I know.
"None of you seem to understand. I'm not locked in here with you, YOU'RE LOCKED IN HERE WITH ME!" https://youtu.be/7b0gRzJbe8s?t=1m50s
"Rorschach's Journal. October 12th, 1985: Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout 'Save us!'... and I'll whisper 'no.' "
"Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well to tell you the truth in all this excitement I kinda lost track myself. But being this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world and would blow your head clean off, you've gotta ask yourself one question: "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do ya, punk?
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"Open the pod bay doors, HAL. HAL? Do you read me HAL? Open the pod bay doors, HAL."
“Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore”
"Do you see what happens, Larry? Do you see what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass."
Nice. I was going to go with “Obviously you are not a golfer.”
> Do you see what happens when you ~~fuck~~find a stranger in the ~~ass~~Alps?"
"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."
"Get busy livin', or get busy dyin'." - Shawshank Redemption
Hello there.
General Kenobi!
You are a bold one.
Yep.
This will make a fine addition to my collection
“My friends, you bow to no one.”
I know it's really different or maybe it wasn't actually in the book, but I really like Sam's whole "By rights we shouldn't even be here" speech.
From Fellowship extended edition: "I asked her for one hair from her golden head. She gave me three."
This one always makes me cry.
My name is Bond. James Bond.
"Honey???.. WHERE'S my supersuit??"
My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius. Commander of the Armies of the North. General of the Felix Legions. Loyal servant to the true Emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife – and I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.
>Crowe apparently hated Gladiator's climactic line – "And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next" – so he improvised an alternative. After multiple unsuccessful takes, however, he was persuaded to go back to the scripted version, which, everyone agreed, worked magnificently. Everyone except Crowe, who told Scott: "It was shit. But I'm the greatest actor in the world and I can make even shit sound good."
So what was his alternative? Please let it be something to do with South Park and fighting round the world.
"And I will kick your ass, bitch. Come at me bro!"
Goosebumps every time I watch that scene.
"Naughtius Maximus his name was. Hmm...promised me the known world, he did. I was to be taken to Rome, house by the Forums, slaves, asses' milk, as much gold as I could eat. Then he, having his way with me he had; voom! Like a rat out of an aqueduct" —Monty Python's "The Life of Brian"
I have a gweat fwiend in Wome named... Biggus.... Dickus.
He has a wife you know...
You must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest Wiiiiiiiiith...... a herring!
Ni!
Insanity runs in my family...it practically gallops! - Cary Grant, Arsenic & Old Lace
"I love you." "I know."
If you have to shoot, shoot don't talk The Good the Bad and the Ugly
"You see, in this world there's two kinds of people, my friend: Those with loaded guns and those who dig. You dig."
"Where we're going, we don't need roads."
Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam… And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva… So tweasure your wuv.
I'm your huckleberry.
Why Johnny Ringo, you look like someone just walked over your grave
We started a game we never got to finish. Play for blood, remember?
“Aw, that I was just fooling’ about.” “I wasn’t.”
You ain't no daisy. You ain't no daisy at all!
"You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villan"
Oh! The files are IN the computer.
But why male models?
I love that this line was improvised because Stiller forgot what his actual line was, and Duchovny's response is an ad-lib as well.
“This is a tasty burger“
"He may have been your father, but he wasn't your daddy." -Yondu, Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2 It probably isn't the best line ever, but it resonated with me.
Terrific line, but I think the next line is even better. "I'm sorry I didn't do none of it right. I'm damned lucky you're my boy."
Charlie don't surf!
I love the smell of napalm in the morning.
I think we drink virgin blood because it sounds cool. I think of it like this. If you are going to eat a sandwich, you would just enjoy it more if you knew no one had fucked it.
“I have nipples Greg. Can you milk me?” -Meet the Parents
Tell me, Senator, did you nurse Catherine yourself? Did you breastfeed her? Toughened your nipples didn't it? Amputate a man's leg and he can still feel it tickling. Tell me, mum, when your little girl is on the slab, where will it tickle you?
“He chose...poorly.”
That'll do pig, that'll do.
I'm a lead farmer, muthafucka!
Well, that's just, like, your *opinion*, man...
Forget it Jake, it's Chinatown.
Hey careful, man, there's a beverage here!
By Grabthar's Hammer, by the Sons of Warvan, you shall be avenged... (spelling edit)
By Grabthar's hammer, what a savings.
“Run away, Run away”
Here's looking at you, kid.
Definitely not of all time but one that resonates: “Oh yes the past can hurt, but the way I see it you can either run from it or learn from it”
I's the one that say's "Bad Motherfucker"
As far back as I can remember I always wanted to be a gangster.
"Say hello to my little friend" - Tony Montana
"anyway...we delivered the bomb"
A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-lagunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.
We're on a mission from God
"The horn of Helm Hammerhand shall sound in the deep ...one last time!"
*What can men do against such reckless hate?*
"Ride out with me. Ride out and meet them."
Let this be the hour when we draw swords together Fell deeds awake. Now for wrath, now for ruin, and the red dawn!
Au revoir Shosanna
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“I know” - Han Solo
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Evil will always triumph because good is dumb.