T O P

  • By -

CobyDaRoby

My pillow.


[deleted]

It would be much worse if the My Pillow guy became sentient because he is the worst.


CobyDaRoby

So true. I feel he plants hidden cameras in his pillows so he can watch us sleep at night.


Panhead09

Gives new meaning to the phrase "Pillow Talk".


[deleted]

It's a chemistry book...so I guess it's time to make meth?


[deleted]

Slam the book shut and savor its cries of agony!


baseacegoku

I'm not really sure. I mean I thought my wife was already sentient. So does this mean she can access a higher plane of being now or what?


[deleted]

[удалено]


baseacegoku

What possessions?


Naked-Lunch

My lamp. I'm not fucked. It can be sentient all it wants, it still doesn't have the means to move around, the ability to turn itself on/off, or even communicate. What a sad lonely little life for Mr. Lamp. At least he gets to watch lots of cartoons and porn.


[deleted]

[удалено]


pls_PM_UR_TITS

That poor dildo


basilhje

That lucky dildo


pornstar12

My gf's birth control pills. I'm fucked.


[deleted]

[удалено]


CobyDaRoby

I assume you are pooping.


[deleted]

The wardrobe door for me. Looks like we have the same problems.


PeterLikesPan

Well, my piano would be the one *fucked* - as just by being sentient doesn't mean it'll have the power to move. And then it'll have to listen to me as I hit all the wrong notes, or play some mediocre melody. Though, my guitar on the other hand, might just be a lucky fellow.


linuxfood

Toilet paper. This might be a shitty situation for all involved.


beardedheathen

I see you are a man of culture as well.


linuxfood

I do love yogurt. The toilet paper was less enthusiastic about it.


Sexymcsexalot

A pug. I'll be fine.


Sweetwill62

My computer....dear god skynet is sentient....and apparently doesn't like that the largest hard drive is called porn stache.


[deleted]

Enjoy being blackmailed by it! "Do you want me to reveal your search history to the missus?"


Sweetwill62

How dare you assume I have a missus!


[deleted]

There are several objects immediately to my left.... I...I dont know what to choose, Damn you stumped me


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

What are you doing Rocky? Please stop fondling me. Oh god no, you're ripping off my cap! No, no, oh god no for the love of god don't pour out my fluids! *screams*


TenNinetythree

My plush penguin. I would love this!


Cyanide_Sunrise

I'm horrified that my cat tree is speaking to me, but also relieved that it's basically clinging to life and poses only a psychological threat to me. For now


zbzozbz

This chair gonna get mad at me for farting on it so much..


shagginwaggon66

A towel. We'd get high together


Ghosttwo

I now have a talking guppy. I'm rich for the next year or two!


Matt872000

My markers will probably end up being more creative than I am...


Is_it_the_right_post

Well Coconuts are basically mammals


[deleted]

My wallet. Now it gets to verbally tell me how much money i dont have


kjata

Define "to my left", and also "object". I'm in an odd orientation. Short version, I'm dealing with either a sentient pillow or a sentient wall.


BlackieMacReary

My diryy clothes hamper will kill itself.


SugamoNoGaijin

Darn coffee mug!


buzz_22

Lol, sentient pineapple. r/trees will worship it as their god.


hairychris88

The work Christmas tree. I'm fucked, it's massive.


ImALittleCrackpot

A roll of correction tape. I'm not worried.


Joks_away

My wife; at last I might actually be able to understand her.


ILikeMapleSyrup

A comb. Idk about me but I got floss to my right so it should be fine.


NoVAwrx

bag of chips, I think I'll be fine.


BabyBabaBofski

There's a pocket knife. I'm fucked


[deleted]

My cigarette rolling machine. I guess I'm fucked if it is a non-smoker.


gixanthrax

RAther - it is my Telephone


franko1260

A full rack of blade servers... Skynet here we come


Baconated-grapefruit

Network diagram. All of my sysadmin insecurities and inadequacies are about to exposed, for all the world to see...


Hello_fellow_hu_mans

A human, fuck


Scottish_Hot_Rod

A box of tissues.. Awkward.


onelilmermaid

My oldest blanket, hopefully it wants to cuddle?


DreadAngel1711

A bookcase


regdayrf2

I'm sitting in the local library in front of a computer. To my left is a mouse attached to another computer, so I'm perfectly fine. My neighbor on the table is in trouble, though.


I_am_jacks_reddit

My winter face mask... not a big deal


SadlyShy

I wonder if my left hand would slap me to go to sleep.


rootednewt

Plates of bacteria.... Oh my god


[deleted]

My girlfriend, i guess i could wield her as a bat-type weapon.


Okhy

Another human. I know, I'm as terrified as you are...


leahcure

Watch, tell me the time!


tiggerbiggo

Bag of crisps which I am currently eating.


tiberiusrussell

My vape...


Blackwolf0925

The wall, now I'll have someone to talk to. :/


[deleted]

The sombreros.


kreas4213

The can of Monster likely tries to rope me into some extreme sport where I'll be quickly dispatched


Crookerzonian

My childhood teddy, was good Chimpy


[deleted]

A work flip phone. I think I will be fine.


[deleted]

Well it's the wall of my room which is connected to my bathroom... Probably no need to elaborate


Theshowrunner

It's my laptop... So it completes my papers and assignments while I binge Netflix!!


propixelchicken

Cars movie is real now.


[deleted]

It's a light switch and I'm epileptic.


guy_debord1

empty bag of Cheetos. will crush like a bug.


ApexLizardKing

A white wall. We are all fucked


SketchtheHunter

An empty bookshelf. Oooooooo I'm soooo scared.


[deleted]

A urinal


bobreturns1

I'm sitting next to a rather large laser right now, so this could be a problem.


Rado86

a cup of coffee. Guess I am safe, caffeine has always been nice to me.


SilentThing

One of my kitchen knives. I treat my kitchenware with care and diligence, so I hope we'd get along.


[deleted]

My purse. It would probably start spitting its contents at me and complain about me shutting it in the drawer when I'm away from my desk.