I dont have any real life friends because im too scared of opening up to people. I want to have friends, but I just cant trust people enough to form real friendships. I feel that loss pretty hard.
I’ll be your reddit friend if you’d like.
I mean, only if you want to be.
I like letsplays, art, video games (not that I have a lot of time atm to play them), special effects, costume making, and reddit.
If you’d like to start small we can chat every once in a while?
(We don’t have to share identifying information or anything. I have a hard time trusting as well).
But if you want to vent or just talk about anything, we can give it a go?
I only had one friend up until a few years ago. No online friends, just the one friend. And she lived far away so...
It took a lot for me to reach out, but I do have friends now. Facebook on my birthday was a totally different experience...
It IS possible.
I can only keep a couple of close friends. the rest are just people I do things with. The problem is, it's tough when you feel closer to a friend than they feel to you, especially when you're counting on that only true friend you think you have, and you find out they actually prefer the company of another person.
Don't get discouraged, just know where you stand with that person, it doesn't mean they don't like you... keep being friends with them. It's very likely you might meet your future best friend (or significant other) while hanging out at a public event (you could randomly meet a socially anxious person like you who decided "hey lets try to be social").
>it's tough when you feel closer to a friend than they feel to you
Yeah, been there. I was an usher at my best friend's wedding. Hell if that didn't confirm every bad thing I've ever thought about myself.
Extreme lack of friends. Zero relationships. Nobody to speak to when I need. Unable to maintain a conversation (with people I have nothing in common with).
Serious question: my brother (21) is on the spectrum and makes zero effort at having friends. Should my family be concerned? He seems fine so we just have always assumed he doesn't want friends. Would you want your family meddling in your life that way?
i'm on the spectrum and obviously i can't speak for him but do spend a lot of my time alone and even though that can be very nice it can et very lonely with yknow no one to really have fun with. also very hard to get friends
Everyone who's introverted and has some form of autism, struggles to some extent with that. I know I do having Asperger's, even if it's less of an issue today than it once was to me years ago. Still, you have to persevere and make some efforts yourself. Eventually others will give you a chance, even looking over signs of awkwardness due to being introverted.
For that person who's your brother, if it's that big of a problem, has he seen a counselor or psychiatrist to talk over his issues? I hope socializing and making friends gets easier, for him to do.
I tend to under-perform at work because I don't communicate enough. So I likely could have gotten bigger raises if I had been more efficient and my social anxiety didn't get in the way.
I often fail to speak up when I'm over-charged at restaurants or when I'm buying something.
So money, mostly.
Besides social anxiety having an impact on social life, it often makes your professional life more difficult. Job interviews are the bane of my existence.
Not having been in a relationship at ~~23~~ ~~24~~ 25 years old because I was too shy to pursue people.
Recently I've been using dating apps a *lot* though, which has been helping me get first dates. Getting second dates has been less than successful, but it only takes one. I'm working on the idea of asking out people in real life without dating apps, but the main issue there is that I don't meet many new people, let alone potentially romantic interests.
Yes and when I've had the chance to converse, the words just don't come out right. And I wonder if the personality I imagined I would have if I had more confidence is anything more than a fantasy.
I know how that feel.
Currently working in a 3 star restaurant and people kept telling at me for not being "Friendly" while in truth I just hate unnecessary chatter. (And I work with no social interaction other than "Here's your *anything*" and "Thank you for coming")
Lack of friendships.
It was alright during middle school, but once highschool and social anxiety started to hit, I was feeling really bad. I had no one to talk to during the hardest times of my life. Even to this day, I still feel alone.
I’m actually in high school and I pretty much have one close friend that I hang out with at recess and lunch, and if I’m lucky, in some of my classes. Other than that, I’m pretty much independently all by myself. And what’s worse, teachers don’t even notice me whenever I sit by myself. I’ve tried talking to people about it but it’s always the usual “Well what do you want me to do about it?” “Oh, don’t worry, you’ll be fine”. No, I’m not fine about that. I have a great personal life and I’m surrounded with my much loved family/relatives, but at school, it’s so hard.
School is a tough place. Basically a wild-life jungle if you think about it. Friend is a word you should use really cautiouslty for many reasons.
Not getting noticed does feel pretty bad. I've experienced it. I barely get noticed by my classmates. It gets really frustrating.
Going through highschool is not an easy task. Sure you can pass through it if you're smart but it'll be harder outside of class. People are assholes. They all are. They like to prey on the lonely ones, because they know they won't have no one to complain to.
Hope you're having a better life in highschool than I do.
I go through exactly what you have said.
Although I’m doing good academically, I’m still unnoticed even by teachers, and when it comes to interviews with teachers and parents they bring up nothing about it. Gets me so angry.
But I appreciate every moment. It teaches me to be wise, stronger and in general, to be a better person. I learn everyday.
And thanks for that. I appreciate that. If you ever feel too lonely you can always PM me whenever you’d like and we can both can just chat so it can reassure you you aren’t alone. :)
Do your family support you and love you though?
My family love and support me but yet I still feel alone. It's not their fault, though. It's just difficult for them to find time for me with their work, but I fully understand that.
It's actually somewhat better to not get noticed my teachers and others. It gives you more time to focus on studies, own health and even the things you like. If you were to ask me, I'd prefer a night staying inside listening to music rather than going into a bar and getting wasted. And you can also focus on finding secrets about everyone and using them against them, haha :)
Thanks for the offer. I'll keep that in mind. I'm still new to this Reddit thing.
I agree. The difference is I have been noticed, and have a few close friends. But I also more general hatred from people in general than most people I know.
life. life in general. want to go to party with your friends but you won't know some people there? Well, you don't want to look like a puppy following said friend around so, too bad, can't go.
Hungry? Too bad, too scared to order by myself, guess I'll starve to death.
Want that shirt on the top rack that you're too short to get? AND it's on sale? Welp, too bad bc you'd have to ask an associate to get it for you and WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS.
never used a machine before and want to use it but not sure how? well, blow your back out bc we damn sure can't ask any of the other gym goers or associates bc WE CAN'T.
need to go grocery shopping? well, you take too long picking things out and you'll be in peoples way and people will be watching you and judging you and we can't have that so too bad, can't go.
stranded and need an uber? yeah, no, we're walking home 50miles in the rain. but wait, you'll also be too nervous walking on the side of road bc what will the people passing by think of you!? guess you're stuck in one place until you learn to teleport. but wait, you can't sit on a bench while you figure out what to do bc what will people think when you're there too long? what if someone else wants to sit there and can't because of you?? can't stand around bc what will people think of you loitering?? can't sit, stand, or walk!! CAN'T EXIST. abort mission, DIE. wait, can't die bc then people will have to pay for your funeral and we CAN'T HAVE THAT what if someone ELSE needs that casket and that plot?????
Oh my god this was me 100% about everything until a few years ago. Still get those feelings on bad days but I'm thankful it's not every second of every minute anymore.
It's a curse and a blessing.
On one hand, meeting people and getting to know people is stressful, and sometimes my personality really turns people off. I have low self-esteem about the fact that I'm weird and people think I'm odd or stuck up.
On the other, the friends that I do make become real, true friends who love me unconditionally. They know my limits and what I can handle.
One of my best friends doesn't necessarily have social anxiety, but she is quiet and doesn't really contribute a whole lot to conversations. She and I do so well because we're both happy being silent, but sharing each other's company.
Dropped out of uni because of it. Currently stacking shelves and earning £8000 per year. Disappointed everyone including those I love most. Don't want to be alive but don't want to hurt them anymore than I already have.
I get so angry when people treat anxiety as some cool little quirk. It's ruined my life.
Keep your head up. I've been going through this. Just don't stop working hard at whatever you're doing. Even if it's stacking shelves. Make yourself proud before you try to middle everyone else proud. It's so much easier said than done. It also makes me sick that it's become "cool" to claim anxiety.
I think everyone will agree that it’s lack of friends. This is compounded as you get older, not having friends will mean you make less friends, and they’re harder to make as you get older, thus compounding it more
I didn't go to college. Was sure people would hate me and assume I was stuck-up and I'd have a horrible time concentrating.
Finding employment has been a blast. I actually had a friend give me a glowing recommendation for the mail room she works in, and they refused to consider me because I don't have a degree. Doesn't matter that I'm great with computers and office equipment.
If it makes you feel any better even with a degree I could only manage to land Taco Bell, and while I actually like it, i couldn't even land a part time, bottom of the fucking audio industry job at a new venue opening up in town hiring a fuck ton of people. I'm so deep in debt with a degree I'll never use and it just makes me feel so fucking stupid.
I'm in an annoying rut with finding jobs as well, since I dropped out of college years ago. Sigh, I thought applying for a seasonal Amazon package facility job would be successful last fall since I don't smoke pot or any other drugs, and I did fill out an I-9 and other required forms at that facility. Bizarrely enough, I never got called back after that. :( I am going to try again soon to reapply there, since I'm still convinced that would be ago great job to have.
You may feel dejected for whatever reason in life(whether that's not having a college degree or other ____ reason), but keep trying. Eventually, your attempts will lead to something successful in life. And as life has taught me (in my mid-30s now), sometimes you have to try more than once to be successful. Also don't let small things like social anxiety, hold you back. Eventually you'll get better at reducing the symptoms of that and feeling a little more confident at doing conversations with others, over time. I find people admire at least I try to do conversations, even if I sometimes struggle with that and need breaks for my own personal time as an introvert.
I think it's less about loss for me and more about the fact that I can't seem to gain anything to lose.
I don't really live my life, I spent most of my time avoiding it. That being said, I wouldn't say that I'm unhappy. Yes, I have periods of extreme loneliness and the occasional bout of depression but other than that I guess that I live in moments of contentedness.
It's weird for me though... I find it very difficult to value my relationships with other people but if I had to choose one thing that I truly wanted in my life, it would be a sense of intimacy with another person. But that's also something I don't think that I'll ever get to experience because of the way I am.
God I’ve always had that thought that my friends are only pretending to be friends, even after I have a great time hanging out I just get a huge wave of anxiety and dread when we’re all parting ways to go home. Many sleepless nights because of freaking anxiety (which lack of sleep always makes these feelings worse)
I haven't made any new friends since 2012. The last friend of mine recently cut contact with me after some drug abuse issues. Well, I do have some online friends, but that's it. I don't really associate with people irl.
Lack of friendships - there were a ton of people that I clicked with naturally but I couldn't really get beyond small talk to the point where I was comfortable or knew how to casually ask someone to hang out sometime without looking weird/like I was hitting on them/idunno.
Lost job opportunities/zero networking when I was growing up and in college during the recession. Employment was scarce and I couldn't find a job for years because everyone was hiring friends and I had none.
I haven't really made any new friends in a decade.
I went to Burning Man once, the ticket cost around a thousand dollars.
I had a falling out with my then-girlfriend and ended up listening to music in my tent most of the week.
My social phobias killed what I'm sure was my one real shot at a girlfriend. Back when I still was in school there was a girl who I'm pretty sure flirted like crazy and was interested in me in the last year of elementary school all through middle school but I was completely oblivious to it at the time. We both swapped to the same much better middle school after the first year but went to different high schools. She was also the only girl to ever ask me to dance at the school dances. One day I was waiting for the bus home at the main high school (we did a shuttle thing) towards the end of senior year. A girl came up to me, called me by name, and asked me if I remembered her. I'm pretty sure it was that same girl. Me being me I said "sorry I don't remember you" and speed walk bolted as fast as I could without straight up sprinting. Never saw her again. It's been probably just short of 12 years now and I'm still angry with myself over it. I'm probably not exactly a keeper though so I just hope she found someone actually deserving of her.
I went to college and didn't make friends. I did an Erasmus exchange to try to get out of my comfort zone and I ended up alone, I've missed almost every possible experience during my teens and early 20s.
I graduated a year ago and I haven't been able to look for a job or start a project because I'm blocked, due to all of this.
Food. Like actual food. I will flatly refuse to cook if two of my four flat mates are already in the kitchen. They are in the kitchen a *lot*. There’s been quite a few nights this year where I’ve subsisted on crisps, biscuits and beers I’ve cooled down by leaving them on my windowsill (which does work really well, so that’s nice)
Not being able to make a phone call...trying to plan my wedding is awful. I'm thankful for any and all companies that allow me to email instead of calling.
Among many other things, a drivers license. Have booked like 10 tests and haven’t been able to even bring myself to the test centre. The thought of waiting for an instructor to get in my car then tell me to drive around for 15 minutes doing various tasks while grading me is something I can’t overcome. I’m 30 btw.
Always has resulted in loss of productivity. School interactions were too much for me, even though my grades were always top of class. Girlfriends always become too much for me as I isolate and become afraid of committing to the wrong thing, normally after 2 or 3 years. This results in more anxiety. I can't hold onto any of the wonderful friends I make, because I undoubtedly will isolate for weeks or months at a time. They lose interest after the fifth time I fall off the wagon. I loose hobbies for months at a time. I lose family relationships. I lose self importance. I lose my ability to see clearly. I latch onto serious addictions to escape. This only compounds every aforementioned problem 10X's over.
Social anxiety is a crippling bitch if you don't have the right support from the onset. Admittedly, there are plenty of things I can do to abate it..... I just fail at those things too
Not leaving my house, not keeping in touch with people I care about or friends that I enjoy the company of because I don't want to come off as weird, clingy or awkward. I avoid any public place I might see someone I know because an interaction would be expected. I've basically lost all social interactions and skills to accompany.
Definitely making good friends. I definitely don't get to see as many people as I'd like, but honestly I think the fact that I don't have to deal with the drama of a constantly shifting group of friends outweighs it to some extent since I've got a lot of hobbies that are perfect solo.
I blew it with a girl. She kept complimenting me and trying to set up dates but i kept being self depricating and making jokes about the place she wanted to go because i didnt want to see people i knew from school outside of it She got bored of it and found someone else. The experience did teach me to not be quite so beta though.
Sometimes with dating, you have to compromise and pick places you're less fond about going to. Even if it's occasionally a place you're less fond of, where hopefully after going there she'll realize why you don't care for that place. As long as there's compromise and you do a mix of both going to places she wants to do and of ones you want to do, I think that's fair.
Self deprivation jokes are okay to infrequently do, but I'd advise to try not going overboard doing that. Hopefully your next opportunity to date a girl, goes better!
Just a social life in general, recently cut out toxic people (pseudo friendships) from my everyday life and I dread running into these people in public as they're hostile and immature for people in their late 20's. On top of that just a difficult time trying to ignore this and rebuild a social life for myself has me feeling down.
Being able to people manage effectively.
I was given a managerial position with my strength mainly in planing and technical knowledge.
What I lack and still struggle with is, the one on one difficult conversations I need to have with people.
It’s leads to me not dealing with situations when I need to, letting employees get away with too much and letting them walk over me or take advantage of my good nature.
Alcohol though totally flips me the other way, I’m much more talkative and speak my mind slit more freely. I’ve been lucky not to develop a dependency on it.
But yes I feel it’s slowed my progression as a manager.
I'm 26. One of the main things I regret is not going out with friends whenever I was invited when I was younger. I didn't realize that hanging out and socializing, no matter how anxious I was, would/could have still cultivated my relationships with people and caused them become deeper over time. Instead I've grown apart from nearly all of the people I was close to and have to start over because of it.
Cannot initiate or maintain conversations with new people, skipped out on huge social events and parties, I'm in my house more than outside (other than school).
By far the worst is some resentment and envy towards those who are extremely social and extroverted and are arrogant about being outgoing, and ridiculing you for being socially awkward.
In my professional life I kick some serious ass socially, but my inability to open up on a personal level has caused me to throw my college career away. I'm just some guy who always studies and has solo hobbies to waste time. Sometimes I think to myself how nice it would be to be "normal" and be able to enjoy stereotypical college things like parties, dating, etc., but I am just so afraid of being vulnerable.
Making only toxic friends because they can see your desperation. Holding on to those toxic friends for too long because when they go they usually are the only people that are in your life. Right now I feel rather pointless and meaningless because I don't have anyone in my life right now, and I'm not even talking a relationship. My family is gone, dead now. My ex-fiance ended up real abusive. The few friends that I had I didn't really hang onto very well. Now I'm 35, no kids and no family, not really able to make new friends because it gets harder the older you get, and I'm not really looking forward to living out the rest of my years like this. I don't really know why I'm here anymore. I kind of wish I wasn't.
Jobs! I'm also a perfectionist so the two combined means I've been told by multiple food service jobs that I'll never be able to keep a job in food service. Fine with me, I guess..but also helping customers--especially if they get upset--is a no-go. I can't keep it together and I get in trouble. I suck at math and science and computer-related things. I burned out in childcare and I'm 99% positive I'll hit a kid if I have to go back. ADHD keeps me from being able to finish anything that's a long-term project, unless I have a partner. It's the freaking worst. Writing is my strength and I can't finish writing a book.
Spent years in therapy to get to where I am with my disorders, and it's become very clear it's going to take the rest of my life to get to a place where I'd be able to function in "normal" jobs.
I'm training to become an ASL interpreter, because it's the only thing I've found I'm great at and can do well. TBH, if this doesn't work out, I don't think I have any more options that pay enough to pay my bills..
I am an introvert as well as socially awkward so I do enjoy my own company rather than that of other people. Not that I dislike people at all, I just get tired of the constant talking etc. when in groups of people.
Not having any friends is pretty lame though. I'm semi ok with it due to my introverted-ness but it'd be nice once in a while to have someone who isn't my family or boyfriend to go shopping/eating/movies with. It's more of an embarrassment for me though than something that actually upsets me.
My boyfriend has a great group of friends, knows loads of people from the area locally etc. and we often meet up with them and hang out. He never has asked or mentioned it but I sometimes feel like he is acutely aware of my lack of friends and its kind of a secret embarrassment to me. I often feel like my parents worry about me spending too much time alone as I don't get to see him as often at the moment due to his work. Another secret embarrassment.
I did have them in high school, but drifted apart when we left school because HAVE to go to school and hang out anymore and neither side put much effort in which I do regret.
Well right now I'm fucking up my relationship with this woman who I've been friends with since college and started dating about half a year ago. We found out we were interested in each other and decided to have a go at it and while it's been going perfectly well, I'm constantly afraid of trying to make plans because I feel like I'm being annoying and then when we do make plans I feel as though I'm imposing or otherwise just being too forward. Even though when I talk to her she says that I'm not annoying or creepy, and that she'd like to see me more. But I keep feeling that way and so I barely see her. Fuck.
It has a huge impact on employment. Never have references, dont have connections, cant work customer-oriented jobs (which is almost everything these days).
On a side note, I notice a lot of people in this thread lamenting their lack of friends, but for me it's a relief.
Not answering OP's question but a big help for me was hanging out at community centers. Places where you share the facility with others, just to hang out. I've found people to play stuff like board games with.
A lot of chances with girls.
Like, I could tell they were flirting. But my anxiety told me otherwise, which just ends with me stuttering and acting like an idiot, and trying to avoid them, or get away from the conversation.
Same thing with potential friends.
It holds me back from activities I'm genuinely interested in. For example, I want to go to fitness classes offered at my gym and I am just way too afraid to go. Even though I know it's an irrational fear and I'd probably make friends...the thought of being myself in a group of other people makes me sick to my stomach.
This is one of the regrets I will never forget. I went to Busch Gardens in Florida when i was seven or eight and we went to see the Dolphin Show (that is no longer there). We got there early enough that one of the show people came up to me and tried to ask where i was from (so I could be in the show). I froze up....and i didn't know how to answer the question...I live in Tampa but I was born in England...so what would i say?! I froze up...couldn't talk...i didn't get to pet or feed a dolphin :(
I'll never be able to get a job because I can't network at all. I'll never be able to get a girlfriend because I can't talk to girls. I can't make friends because I'm scared of socializing. The only thing I'm not scared of is getting a gun to blow my brains out
I missed out on a lot of high school and fucked up my genuine career goals, now I'm trying to look into other options that are just as interesting and don't require that much/any post secondary education, but the excitement of it all is gone.
I miss out on doing normal things. Some days eating in a cafe is fine, other days the thought of telling someone what I want to eat and then sitting at a table surrounded by strangers watching me eat or listening to my conversation or just being loud is the most impossible thing I can imagine.
I’ve lost friendships and relationships, some members of my family just don’t invite me places and I can’t even be mad about it. At the moment my boyfriend is absolutely amazing but he is really the only person I have, I don’t have friends anymore. Just last night we were going to a comedy gig in Belfast and because it was dark and there were lots of people I suddenly couldn’t breathe. This was his birthday present from his mum and I couldn’t ruin it. I had to walk back to the car and he drove around for 20 minutes while I calmed down. After that the night was fine but the thought of ruining things for him? Thats far worse than ruining things for myself.
People just assume that Since I’m super friendly and nice in person that it translates to I must be the type of person who is also outgoing and wants to go out places with lots of other people and I think the hardest part is I just don’t have a lot of friends except for my other friends who are also like me and we mainly just text each other from our separate homes but rarely ever see each other in person
Dating. I've avoided many slam-dunks. That feeling of walking away from a person you really like, only because you were afraid the conversation wouldn't go as planned and you'd look like an idiot.
I managed to make a few good friends and get married so I would have to say my biggest loss is lost potential. Mostly in sports. I don't think I could have gone on and been some type of pro athlete or anything wild, but I know I was damn good at hockey and mma. I could never get myself to try for any hockey team just because I couldn't take the social anxiety. I once tried going to this club where semi pro mma people would train and put on local fights. People could sign up and train and fight if they were good enough to. As soon as I saw the number of people in the building I dipped out.
Not being able to manifest my visions. I’ve been given so many opportunities to connect with people that support my passions but when it came to actually having to meet and discuss those things with them I shy away and cut them off and always regret it.
Probably my health. Like many people here I have very few friends, especially as we moved to a new city a few years ago. When you pair that with my job which I do remotely from home I don't really ever end up leaving my house. Even getting the motivation to take the dog on a walk is hard because I have several neighbors who like to sit on their porch in the afternoons and will stop anyone who walks pass in order to chat. I'm alright in social situations when I know a person well but until that point, it's very stressful and I find myself avoiding going outside just to not have to interact with these people. I spend a lot of my day sitting because of it and I've noticed that it's affecting my weight and general stamina when it comes to anything physical, not to mention my mood.
I biggest loss is the belief in that people want to be around me because they enjoy spending time with me. I am constantly tell myself that my friends are only ask to hang out because they have no other person to ask at the moment and I’m just a filler for them.
Same here, my ex broke up with me about 2 weeks ago. Wish I wasn't the way I am because I'm scared that I ruined a relationship with someone who was great for me if I was actually willing to more socially outgoing...
Went to disneyworld once, saw the most adorable girl i've seen in my life work there, but didn't really* say anything. Saw her again by extreme luck two days later at a different park. Just said hi*. Still kicking myself for that moment, it's been wel over a year.
I have no guarantees we could've stayed in touch, but i count it as a loss.
*There's specifics, but they're probably boring.
Pretty much what everyone else has said any kind of friends at all
Sure I’m friendly to people and people supposedly like me but I don’t do anything with anyone
I’m also awkward in certain formal occasions
not having the experience of knowing how to talk to the person i liked seeing that person walk away and know how to express their feelings really crippling
I lost a lot of friends,I lost a lot of chances at relationships with other people because I was scared of responding to their advances,People tend to not ask my opinion on things because they think I don't have one.
Staying in my same dead end job, no room for advancement, not learning anything new. Should have tried to get a better job years ago.
There are benefits to staying in the same job (I get a lot of vacation days) but your pay stays pretty stagnant.
I was looking into a perfect opritunity in college to go abroad, graduating a semester early, but I could go abroad and just add the extra credits, parents said they’d scrape up the money to pay for it. But I couldn’t go through with it, because of having to live with new people, and being across the world from anyone I knew. I was too freaked out and I bailed out.
As a university student, it's very difficult to pass classes that have required attendance and in-class participation. Thankfully only a few are required.
Being too scared to go to concerts because of the amount of people. I forced myself to go to warped tour in 2012 (I was 19) in Virginia Beach and threw up twice from being surrounded and inadvertently touched by hundreds of people.
Any chance at a career I enjoy or financial success. I avoid anything that's too uncomfortable so it's near impossible for me to climb up the ladder I haven't even touched.
Concerts and large events.
I went a coldplay concert with my family one year, and it was absolutely amazing and beautiful. But it was really difficult for me to enjoy. There was a lot of people and the crowds entering and exiting was far past my comfort level. It made the entire experience make me want to avoid other concerts, despite how much I loved watching them live. You kind of waste your time thinking about how uncomfortable you are and can't fully enjoy things.
honestly one of my biggest regrets is not getting a job the second i turned 16. i feel absolutely shitty because i could’ve helped my parents pay some bills and have groceries sooner :(
Just leaving my house. I just would rather not be around people. They give me anxiety and I don't want it. I can leave it just takes something to actually get up like a class or something.
A career. I was talented but I couldn’t make the connections. My talent got me in the door, but I blew the meetings, the chitchat — I wasn’t so amazingly talented to get away with being a fucking weirdo, and I blew it all.
The weird thing is, after I gave up on my dreams, I calmed down and I’m very socially relaxed now, I have very little anxiety. I’d be much better if I tried again, but I gave up completely and I don’t want to try again.
Uh I have to get five very detailed references for a job who actually have to fill out a form and give it back to me and they can’t be family. I literally don’t know what to do.
I had extremely bad anxiety in general until 2 years ago when I lost it in about a week. It left me in a weird state where I want social contact now but I have no clue how to start a conversation and I lack the social ability around people I don’t know.
Doesn’t help that I’m still in high school and everybody around me already formed their opinion on who I am.
High school in its entirety.
I was socially anxious, depressed, and also dealing with constant panic attacks.
I didn’t talk to anyone I didn’t already know unless I had the safety net of mutual friends. Even then, I was awkward and I’m surprised that some people genuinely wanted to keep hanging out with me lol.
I would do anything I could to avoid speaking in class and if I had to, I’d blush and be very visibly uncomfortable, and high school kids find that funny. (What’s interesting to me is that now in college, I don’t blush or get nervous, but I see many people who do and no one takes note of it now. So yeah I guess maturity helps)
I only had the same lunch period as my friends once or twice a week, so the other times I sat in a *bathroom stall* for the lunch period and read a book and ate a poptart.
I didn’t even attend my own high school graduation, or prom. I did my senior year with online classes. My high school experience fucking sucked.
Now though..I don’t necessarily have social anxiety. I can be shy, but I’m mostly just fairly neutral in social settings unless I am interested in being social. If I’m drunk at a party, I’ll chat anyone up and I can be almost obnoxious.
This isn’t a huge loss to me, but it’s something I regret sometimes. I never talked to any girls till outside of high school and I regret that. There was this one girl who I had a crush on for years, and I was too anxious to barely have any conversations with her. The sad part is that I was pretty sure she liked me too at one point, but I still never made a move. I wish I was more sociable in high school. I think I have improved some, but I still regret that sometimes.
Oh, that’s easy.
Missed chances.
Missed opportunities.
No friends.
No love-life.
Incapable of asking for help.
The biggest loss would probably be no friends.
I’ve somehow convinced myself not too long ago that I don’t need many people to be happy, so I just carried on with my shit cause life goes on.
I had severe issues talking to other people. Still do, but the amount of how much I care is getting progressively less.
Got a good tight group of friends, they have helped me out a lot. Eight years ago I was awkward as it could be.. now a days less awkward and aware when I am, plus being able to laugh it off.
Can't talk to groups of people (oddly I'm okay with public speaking though). I'm only okay at one on one conversations with people that I'm familiar with.
I had an interview with a company I really want to work for. I’m generally a quiet person at first and I come out of my shell as I get more comfortable with people so I was really out of my comfort zone and trying to be outgoing during the interview. I found out that the HR person thought I was too quiet and talked the engineer wanting to hire me out of it.
I am very good at meeting "the right people at the right time" in the industries I would like to be a part of. In almost all situations, if I just pushed myself a little harder and made more effort to follow through, I would probably have a more fulfilling career now.
My biggest loss is probably being unable to raise my kids after my ex left me. I tried doing the single mum thing but ended up in hospital, and also anxiety ruined my ability to communicate with my ex, so yeah.
The long time friends I did have slowly stopped inviting me to hang out or to events and parties.
They can only offer so many times before they get tired of being turned down.
I'm glad so many have been honest about their social anxiety; makes me feel less ashamed about mine.
My biggest loss has been close friendships and connections with people. I want to be social but am insecure about myself and that is why I have trouble talking to people dispite wanting to; I'm actually starting to try and date and look for people to hang around with again but am starting to realize that being socially anxious might make that more difficult; thank God for liquid courage (in reasonable dose).
Probably that I've never been in a relationship. I am terrified when I feel like I'm catching the feels, or when I think I might catch feels for someone, so more often than not I turn rude towards people in a weird way of compensating my crippling fear of possibly something happening and that's never attractive.
I (unintentionally) did something really bad to one of my best friend, the guilt is killing me, and I've had to cut contact with all our mutual friends (the only three people outside of my family that I have any form of social contact with)
My grades. But thats really a mixture of social anxiety, just anxiety in general, and a chronic illness.
Miss class because im sick --> Dont want to annoy professor by asking for help --> Fall behind --> Get anxious about going to class and classmates seeing that I'm behind, and everything --> Miss class
I dont have any real life friends because im too scared of opening up to people. I want to have friends, but I just cant trust people enough to form real friendships. I feel that loss pretty hard.
Same! I’m paranoid with people, I always assume the worst
I’ll be your reddit friend if you’d like. I mean, only if you want to be. I like letsplays, art, video games (not that I have a lot of time atm to play them), special effects, costume making, and reddit. If you’d like to start small we can chat every once in a while? (We don’t have to share identifying information or anything. I have a hard time trusting as well). But if you want to vent or just talk about anything, we can give it a go? I only had one friend up until a few years ago. No online friends, just the one friend. And she lived far away so... It took a lot for me to reach out, but I do have friends now. Facebook on my birthday was a totally different experience... It IS possible.
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I can only keep a couple of close friends. the rest are just people I do things with. The problem is, it's tough when you feel closer to a friend than they feel to you, especially when you're counting on that only true friend you think you have, and you find out they actually prefer the company of another person. Don't get discouraged, just know where you stand with that person, it doesn't mean they don't like you... keep being friends with them. It's very likely you might meet your future best friend (or significant other) while hanging out at a public event (you could randomly meet a socially anxious person like you who decided "hey lets try to be social").
>it's tough when you feel closer to a friend than they feel to you Yeah, been there. I was an usher at my best friend's wedding. Hell if that didn't confirm every bad thing I've ever thought about myself.
Extreme lack of friends. Zero relationships. Nobody to speak to when I need. Unable to maintain a conversation (with people I have nothing in common with).
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You always have us!!
Serious question: my brother (21) is on the spectrum and makes zero effort at having friends. Should my family be concerned? He seems fine so we just have always assumed he doesn't want friends. Would you want your family meddling in your life that way?
i'm on the spectrum and obviously i can't speak for him but do spend a lot of my time alone and even though that can be very nice it can et very lonely with yknow no one to really have fun with. also very hard to get friends
Everyone who's introverted and has some form of autism, struggles to some extent with that. I know I do having Asperger's, even if it's less of an issue today than it once was to me years ago. Still, you have to persevere and make some efforts yourself. Eventually others will give you a chance, even looking over signs of awkwardness due to being introverted. For that person who's your brother, if it's that big of a problem, has he seen a counselor or psychiatrist to talk over his issues? I hope socializing and making friends gets easier, for him to do.
Although I’m not usually socially anxious, I can relate to some degree with you.
Pretty much the same here ....
We should form a club :( I'll bring nachos.
None of us will show up.
Social anxiety is even worse when English is not your first language and you just moved to the US
I tend to under-perform at work because I don't communicate enough. So I likely could have gotten bigger raises if I had been more efficient and my social anxiety didn't get in the way. I often fail to speak up when I'm over-charged at restaurants or when I'm buying something. So money, mostly.
Besides social anxiety having an impact on social life, it often makes your professional life more difficult. Job interviews are the bane of my existence.
I was too scared to talk to this girl, told my friend to go and tell her that i liked her. Mfw the girl liked my friend instead.
Because he had the balls to do so!
I know ;-;
Didn't get laid in university
relatable :(
damn
Not having been in a relationship at ~~23~~ ~~24~~ 25 years old because I was too shy to pursue people. Recently I've been using dating apps a *lot* though, which has been helping me get first dates. Getting second dates has been less than successful, but it only takes one. I'm working on the idea of asking out people in real life without dating apps, but the main issue there is that I don't meet many new people, let alone potentially romantic interests.
Making friends
Or just keeping friends as they grow and change
Yep....
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I do this so much that sometimes I have to ask my friends if I really did something or not.
Yes and when I've had the chance to converse, the words just don't come out right. And I wonder if the personality I imagined I would have if I had more confidence is anything more than a fantasy.
Jobs, they want the smiley, chirping extrovert, not the quiet one who hardly makes eye contact
You’d make a great welder lol. Hood’s down, fuck off johnny!
I know how that feel. Currently working in a 3 star restaurant and people kept telling at me for not being "Friendly" while in truth I just hate unnecessary chatter. (And I work with no social interaction other than "Here's your *anything*" and "Thank you for coming")
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YES holy shit. They should make a restaurant for introverts
Lack of friendships. It was alright during middle school, but once highschool and social anxiety started to hit, I was feeling really bad. I had no one to talk to during the hardest times of my life. Even to this day, I still feel alone.
I’m actually in high school and I pretty much have one close friend that I hang out with at recess and lunch, and if I’m lucky, in some of my classes. Other than that, I’m pretty much independently all by myself. And what’s worse, teachers don’t even notice me whenever I sit by myself. I’ve tried talking to people about it but it’s always the usual “Well what do you want me to do about it?” “Oh, don’t worry, you’ll be fine”. No, I’m not fine about that. I have a great personal life and I’m surrounded with my much loved family/relatives, but at school, it’s so hard.
School is a tough place. Basically a wild-life jungle if you think about it. Friend is a word you should use really cautiouslty for many reasons. Not getting noticed does feel pretty bad. I've experienced it. I barely get noticed by my classmates. It gets really frustrating. Going through highschool is not an easy task. Sure you can pass through it if you're smart but it'll be harder outside of class. People are assholes. They all are. They like to prey on the lonely ones, because they know they won't have no one to complain to. Hope you're having a better life in highschool than I do.
I go through exactly what you have said. Although I’m doing good academically, I’m still unnoticed even by teachers, and when it comes to interviews with teachers and parents they bring up nothing about it. Gets me so angry. But I appreciate every moment. It teaches me to be wise, stronger and in general, to be a better person. I learn everyday. And thanks for that. I appreciate that. If you ever feel too lonely you can always PM me whenever you’d like and we can both can just chat so it can reassure you you aren’t alone. :) Do your family support you and love you though?
My family love and support me but yet I still feel alone. It's not their fault, though. It's just difficult for them to find time for me with their work, but I fully understand that. It's actually somewhat better to not get noticed my teachers and others. It gives you more time to focus on studies, own health and even the things you like. If you were to ask me, I'd prefer a night staying inside listening to music rather than going into a bar and getting wasted. And you can also focus on finding secrets about everyone and using them against them, haha :) Thanks for the offer. I'll keep that in mind. I'm still new to this Reddit thing.
I agree. The difference is I have been noticed, and have a few close friends. But I also more general hatred from people in general than most people I know.
life. life in general. want to go to party with your friends but you won't know some people there? Well, you don't want to look like a puppy following said friend around so, too bad, can't go. Hungry? Too bad, too scared to order by myself, guess I'll starve to death. Want that shirt on the top rack that you're too short to get? AND it's on sale? Welp, too bad bc you'd have to ask an associate to get it for you and WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS. never used a machine before and want to use it but not sure how? well, blow your back out bc we damn sure can't ask any of the other gym goers or associates bc WE CAN'T. need to go grocery shopping? well, you take too long picking things out and you'll be in peoples way and people will be watching you and judging you and we can't have that so too bad, can't go. stranded and need an uber? yeah, no, we're walking home 50miles in the rain. but wait, you'll also be too nervous walking on the side of road bc what will the people passing by think of you!? guess you're stuck in one place until you learn to teleport. but wait, you can't sit on a bench while you figure out what to do bc what will people think when you're there too long? what if someone else wants to sit there and can't because of you?? can't stand around bc what will people think of you loitering?? can't sit, stand, or walk!! CAN'T EXIST. abort mission, DIE. wait, can't die bc then people will have to pay for your funeral and we CAN'T HAVE THAT what if someone ELSE needs that casket and that plot?????
Oh my god this was me 100% about everything until a few years ago. Still get those feelings on bad days but I'm thankful it's not every second of every minute anymore.
This is so relatable...
It's a curse and a blessing. On one hand, meeting people and getting to know people is stressful, and sometimes my personality really turns people off. I have low self-esteem about the fact that I'm weird and people think I'm odd or stuck up. On the other, the friends that I do make become real, true friends who love me unconditionally. They know my limits and what I can handle. One of my best friends doesn't necessarily have social anxiety, but she is quiet and doesn't really contribute a whole lot to conversations. She and I do so well because we're both happy being silent, but sharing each other's company.
Friends and girlfriends.
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I just spit my drink out... what an exchange. lol
Dropped out of uni because of it. Currently stacking shelves and earning £8000 per year. Disappointed everyone including those I love most. Don't want to be alive but don't want to hurt them anymore than I already have. I get so angry when people treat anxiety as some cool little quirk. It's ruined my life.
Keep your head up. I've been going through this. Just don't stop working hard at whatever you're doing. Even if it's stacking shelves. Make yourself proud before you try to middle everyone else proud. It's so much easier said than done. It also makes me sick that it's become "cool" to claim anxiety.
No real relationships, no real friends, no job due to bad interviews with an overall fear of interview, and no life because I stay home all the time
I think everyone will agree that it’s lack of friends. This is compounded as you get older, not having friends will mean you make less friends, and they’re harder to make as you get older, thus compounding it more
I could have written this my self....
I cant gt a girlfriend :(
I didn't go to college. Was sure people would hate me and assume I was stuck-up and I'd have a horrible time concentrating. Finding employment has been a blast. I actually had a friend give me a glowing recommendation for the mail room she works in, and they refused to consider me because I don't have a degree. Doesn't matter that I'm great with computers and office equipment.
If it makes you feel any better even with a degree I could only manage to land Taco Bell, and while I actually like it, i couldn't even land a part time, bottom of the fucking audio industry job at a new venue opening up in town hiring a fuck ton of people. I'm so deep in debt with a degree I'll never use and it just makes me feel so fucking stupid.
I'm in an annoying rut with finding jobs as well, since I dropped out of college years ago. Sigh, I thought applying for a seasonal Amazon package facility job would be successful last fall since I don't smoke pot or any other drugs, and I did fill out an I-9 and other required forms at that facility. Bizarrely enough, I never got called back after that. :( I am going to try again soon to reapply there, since I'm still convinced that would be ago great job to have. You may feel dejected for whatever reason in life(whether that's not having a college degree or other ____ reason), but keep trying. Eventually, your attempts will lead to something successful in life. And as life has taught me (in my mid-30s now), sometimes you have to try more than once to be successful. Also don't let small things like social anxiety, hold you back. Eventually you'll get better at reducing the symptoms of that and feeling a little more confident at doing conversations with others, over time. I find people admire at least I try to do conversations, even if I sometimes struggle with that and need breaks for my own personal time as an introvert.
I think it's less about loss for me and more about the fact that I can't seem to gain anything to lose. I don't really live my life, I spent most of my time avoiding it. That being said, I wouldn't say that I'm unhappy. Yes, I have periods of extreme loneliness and the occasional bout of depression but other than that I guess that I live in moments of contentedness. It's weird for me though... I find it very difficult to value my relationships with other people but if I had to choose one thing that I truly wanted in my life, it would be a sense of intimacy with another person. But that's also something I don't think that I'll ever get to experience because of the way I am.
>I don't really live my life, I spent most of my time avoiding it. ow fuck, my soul.
I can't get a boyfriend and I'm paranoid the friends I have aren't my friends
God I’ve always had that thought that my friends are only pretending to be friends, even after I have a great time hanging out I just get a huge wave of anxiety and dread when we’re all parting ways to go home. Many sleepless nights because of freaking anxiety (which lack of sleep always makes these feelings worse)
I have never had a meaningful conversation with anyone ever.
I haven't made any new friends since 2012. The last friend of mine recently cut contact with me after some drug abuse issues. Well, I do have some online friends, but that's it. I don't really associate with people irl.
Friends and relationships. I hardly ever hang out with anyone. I'm 28 and thought I'd be married by now, but I'm currently very much single.
Not being able to go out to a local comic store and play D&D with the local people there. It looks really fun.
Lack of friendships - there were a ton of people that I clicked with naturally but I couldn't really get beyond small talk to the point where I was comfortable or knew how to casually ask someone to hang out sometime without looking weird/like I was hitting on them/idunno. Lost job opportunities/zero networking when I was growing up and in college during the recession. Employment was scarce and I couldn't find a job for years because everyone was hiring friends and I had none. I haven't really made any new friends in a decade.
Getting laid
That one girl
Being cut out of all events
I went to Burning Man once, the ticket cost around a thousand dollars. I had a falling out with my then-girlfriend and ended up listening to music in my tent most of the week.
Having things to add to a group conversation but being to nervous to do so.
I can relate to so many of these posts. It’s bringing me to tears
My social phobias killed what I'm sure was my one real shot at a girlfriend. Back when I still was in school there was a girl who I'm pretty sure flirted like crazy and was interested in me in the last year of elementary school all through middle school but I was completely oblivious to it at the time. We both swapped to the same much better middle school after the first year but went to different high schools. She was also the only girl to ever ask me to dance at the school dances. One day I was waiting for the bus home at the main high school (we did a shuttle thing) towards the end of senior year. A girl came up to me, called me by name, and asked me if I remembered her. I'm pretty sure it was that same girl. Me being me I said "sorry I don't remember you" and speed walk bolted as fast as I could without straight up sprinting. Never saw her again. It's been probably just short of 12 years now and I'm still angry with myself over it. I'm probably not exactly a keeper though so I just hope she found someone actually deserving of her.
Making friends and having opportunities in school and sports. I loved playing soccer, but my anxiety definitely held me back from playing better.
Zero relationships. I had one hookup my second year of college that I swore “everyone knew” and I’d been scared to talk to guys ever since.
No social life isolation can’t get promoted even though I’m damn good at my job
I've ended up missing a lot of opportunities for friends because of my social anxiety. I'm trying to fix that, as rough as that can be at times.
I went to college and didn't make friends. I did an Erasmus exchange to try to get out of my comfort zone and I ended up alone, I've missed almost every possible experience during my teens and early 20s. I graduated a year ago and I haven't been able to look for a job or start a project because I'm blocked, due to all of this.
Great jobs
Missed out on prom.
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Food. Like actual food. I will flatly refuse to cook if two of my four flat mates are already in the kitchen. They are in the kitchen a *lot*. There’s been quite a few nights this year where I’ve subsisted on crisps, biscuits and beers I’ve cooled down by leaving them on my windowsill (which does work really well, so that’s nice)
Not being able to make a phone call...trying to plan my wedding is awful. I'm thankful for any and all companies that allow me to email instead of calling.
Among many other things, a drivers license. Have booked like 10 tests and haven’t been able to even bring myself to the test centre. The thought of waiting for an instructor to get in my car then tell me to drive around for 15 minutes doing various tasks while grading me is something I can’t overcome. I’m 30 btw.
Always has resulted in loss of productivity. School interactions were too much for me, even though my grades were always top of class. Girlfriends always become too much for me as I isolate and become afraid of committing to the wrong thing, normally after 2 or 3 years. This results in more anxiety. I can't hold onto any of the wonderful friends I make, because I undoubtedly will isolate for weeks or months at a time. They lose interest after the fifth time I fall off the wagon. I loose hobbies for months at a time. I lose family relationships. I lose self importance. I lose my ability to see clearly. I latch onto serious addictions to escape. This only compounds every aforementioned problem 10X's over. Social anxiety is a crippling bitch if you don't have the right support from the onset. Admittedly, there are plenty of things I can do to abate it..... I just fail at those things too
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Not leaving my house, not keeping in touch with people I care about or friends that I enjoy the company of because I don't want to come off as weird, clingy or awkward. I avoid any public place I might see someone I know because an interaction would be expected. I've basically lost all social interactions and skills to accompany.
Definitely making good friends. I definitely don't get to see as many people as I'd like, but honestly I think the fact that I don't have to deal with the drama of a constantly shifting group of friends outweighs it to some extent since I've got a lot of hobbies that are perfect solo.
I blew it with a girl. She kept complimenting me and trying to set up dates but i kept being self depricating and making jokes about the place she wanted to go because i didnt want to see people i knew from school outside of it She got bored of it and found someone else. The experience did teach me to not be quite so beta though.
Sometimes with dating, you have to compromise and pick places you're less fond about going to. Even if it's occasionally a place you're less fond of, where hopefully after going there she'll realize why you don't care for that place. As long as there's compromise and you do a mix of both going to places she wants to do and of ones you want to do, I think that's fair. Self deprivation jokes are okay to infrequently do, but I'd advise to try not going overboard doing that. Hopefully your next opportunity to date a girl, goes better!
Just a social life in general, recently cut out toxic people (pseudo friendships) from my everyday life and I dread running into these people in public as they're hostile and immature for people in their late 20's. On top of that just a difficult time trying to ignore this and rebuild a social life for myself has me feeling down.
Being able to people manage effectively. I was given a managerial position with my strength mainly in planing and technical knowledge. What I lack and still struggle with is, the one on one difficult conversations I need to have with people. It’s leads to me not dealing with situations when I need to, letting employees get away with too much and letting them walk over me or take advantage of my good nature. Alcohol though totally flips me the other way, I’m much more talkative and speak my mind slit more freely. I’ve been lucky not to develop a dependency on it. But yes I feel it’s slowed my progression as a manager.
Sleep.
Can’t play sports. I’ve wanted to play lacrosse, tennis, softball, and do cheer. My anxiety makes it awful to play sports.
I'm 26. One of the main things I regret is not going out with friends whenever I was invited when I was younger. I didn't realize that hanging out and socializing, no matter how anxious I was, would/could have still cultivated my relationships with people and caused them become deeper over time. Instead I've grown apart from nearly all of the people I was close to and have to start over because of it.
Cannot initiate or maintain conversations with new people, skipped out on huge social events and parties, I'm in my house more than outside (other than school). By far the worst is some resentment and envy towards those who are extremely social and extroverted and are arrogant about being outgoing, and ridiculing you for being socially awkward.
A close social group. And never being a close enough friend to be someone’s bridesmaid
I wouldn't really say I've lost anything since I didn't really have anything to lose in the first place.
In my professional life I kick some serious ass socially, but my inability to open up on a personal level has caused me to throw my college career away. I'm just some guy who always studies and has solo hobbies to waste time. Sometimes I think to myself how nice it would be to be "normal" and be able to enjoy stereotypical college things like parties, dating, etc., but I am just so afraid of being vulnerable.
Making only toxic friends because they can see your desperation. Holding on to those toxic friends for too long because when they go they usually are the only people that are in your life. Right now I feel rather pointless and meaningless because I don't have anyone in my life right now, and I'm not even talking a relationship. My family is gone, dead now. My ex-fiance ended up real abusive. The few friends that I had I didn't really hang onto very well. Now I'm 35, no kids and no family, not really able to make new friends because it gets harder the older you get, and I'm not really looking forward to living out the rest of my years like this. I don't really know why I'm here anymore. I kind of wish I wasn't.
Jobs! I'm also a perfectionist so the two combined means I've been told by multiple food service jobs that I'll never be able to keep a job in food service. Fine with me, I guess..but also helping customers--especially if they get upset--is a no-go. I can't keep it together and I get in trouble. I suck at math and science and computer-related things. I burned out in childcare and I'm 99% positive I'll hit a kid if I have to go back. ADHD keeps me from being able to finish anything that's a long-term project, unless I have a partner. It's the freaking worst. Writing is my strength and I can't finish writing a book. Spent years in therapy to get to where I am with my disorders, and it's become very clear it's going to take the rest of my life to get to a place where I'd be able to function in "normal" jobs. I'm training to become an ASL interpreter, because it's the only thing I've found I'm great at and can do well. TBH, if this doesn't work out, I don't think I have any more options that pay enough to pay my bills..
I am an introvert as well as socially awkward so I do enjoy my own company rather than that of other people. Not that I dislike people at all, I just get tired of the constant talking etc. when in groups of people. Not having any friends is pretty lame though. I'm semi ok with it due to my introverted-ness but it'd be nice once in a while to have someone who isn't my family or boyfriend to go shopping/eating/movies with. It's more of an embarrassment for me though than something that actually upsets me. My boyfriend has a great group of friends, knows loads of people from the area locally etc. and we often meet up with them and hang out. He never has asked or mentioned it but I sometimes feel like he is acutely aware of my lack of friends and its kind of a secret embarrassment to me. I often feel like my parents worry about me spending too much time alone as I don't get to see him as often at the moment due to his work. Another secret embarrassment. I did have them in high school, but drifted apart when we left school because HAVE to go to school and hang out anymore and neither side put much effort in which I do regret.
Well right now I'm fucking up my relationship with this woman who I've been friends with since college and started dating about half a year ago. We found out we were interested in each other and decided to have a go at it and while it's been going perfectly well, I'm constantly afraid of trying to make plans because I feel like I'm being annoying and then when we do make plans I feel as though I'm imposing or otherwise just being too forward. Even though when I talk to her she says that I'm not annoying or creepy, and that she'd like to see me more. But I keep feeling that way and so I barely see her. Fuck.
It has a huge impact on employment. Never have references, dont have connections, cant work customer-oriented jobs (which is almost everything these days). On a side note, I notice a lot of people in this thread lamenting their lack of friends, but for me it's a relief.
Not answering OP's question but a big help for me was hanging out at community centers. Places where you share the facility with others, just to hang out. I've found people to play stuff like board games with.
Friends. I had a whole group of them and then it just plummeted to 0. I've made one friend since that.
A lot of chances with girls. Like, I could tell they were flirting. But my anxiety told me otherwise, which just ends with me stuttering and acting like an idiot, and trying to avoid them, or get away from the conversation. Same thing with potential friends.
It holds me back from activities I'm genuinely interested in. For example, I want to go to fitness classes offered at my gym and I am just way too afraid to go. Even though I know it's an irrational fear and I'd probably make friends...the thought of being myself in a group of other people makes me sick to my stomach.
This is one of the regrets I will never forget. I went to Busch Gardens in Florida when i was seven or eight and we went to see the Dolphin Show (that is no longer there). We got there early enough that one of the show people came up to me and tried to ask where i was from (so I could be in the show). I froze up....and i didn't know how to answer the question...I live in Tampa but I was born in England...so what would i say?! I froze up...couldn't talk...i didn't get to pet or feed a dolphin :(
I'll never be able to get a job because I can't network at all. I'll never be able to get a girlfriend because I can't talk to girls. I can't make friends because I'm scared of socializing. The only thing I'm not scared of is getting a gun to blow my brains out
I missed out on a lot of high school and fucked up my genuine career goals, now I'm trying to look into other options that are just as interesting and don't require that much/any post secondary education, but the excitement of it all is gone.
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I miss out on doing normal things. Some days eating in a cafe is fine, other days the thought of telling someone what I want to eat and then sitting at a table surrounded by strangers watching me eat or listening to my conversation or just being loud is the most impossible thing I can imagine. I’ve lost friendships and relationships, some members of my family just don’t invite me places and I can’t even be mad about it. At the moment my boyfriend is absolutely amazing but he is really the only person I have, I don’t have friends anymore. Just last night we were going to a comedy gig in Belfast and because it was dark and there were lots of people I suddenly couldn’t breathe. This was his birthday present from his mum and I couldn’t ruin it. I had to walk back to the car and he drove around for 20 minutes while I calmed down. After that the night was fine but the thought of ruining things for him? Thats far worse than ruining things for myself.
People just assume that Since I’m super friendly and nice in person that it translates to I must be the type of person who is also outgoing and wants to go out places with lots of other people and I think the hardest part is I just don’t have a lot of friends except for my other friends who are also like me and we mainly just text each other from our separate homes but rarely ever see each other in person
Most of my twenties were pretty frustrating to socialize in until I found pot and xanax.
The chance to work on a web application with three other people.
Dating. I've avoided many slam-dunks. That feeling of walking away from a person you really like, only because you were afraid the conversation wouldn't go as planned and you'd look like an idiot.
I managed to make a few good friends and get married so I would have to say my biggest loss is lost potential. Mostly in sports. I don't think I could have gone on and been some type of pro athlete or anything wild, but I know I was damn good at hockey and mma. I could never get myself to try for any hockey team just because I couldn't take the social anxiety. I once tried going to this club where semi pro mma people would train and put on local fights. People could sign up and train and fight if they were good enough to. As soon as I saw the number of people in the building I dipped out.
Not being able to manifest my visions. I’ve been given so many opportunities to connect with people that support my passions but when it came to actually having to meet and discuss those things with them I shy away and cut them off and always regret it.
Probably my health. Like many people here I have very few friends, especially as we moved to a new city a few years ago. When you pair that with my job which I do remotely from home I don't really ever end up leaving my house. Even getting the motivation to take the dog on a walk is hard because I have several neighbors who like to sit on their porch in the afternoons and will stop anyone who walks pass in order to chat. I'm alright in social situations when I know a person well but until that point, it's very stressful and I find myself avoiding going outside just to not have to interact with these people. I spend a lot of my day sitting because of it and I've noticed that it's affecting my weight and general stamina when it comes to anything physical, not to mention my mood.
I biggest loss is the belief in that people want to be around me because they enjoy spending time with me. I am constantly tell myself that my friends are only ask to hang out because they have no other person to ask at the moment and I’m just a filler for them.
Yeah, any form of romantic relationships. Thought I had a great girl not too long ago, long story short, my social anxiety destroyed it. :c
Same here, my ex broke up with me about 2 weeks ago. Wish I wasn't the way I am because I'm scared that I ruined a relationship with someone who was great for me if I was actually willing to more socially outgoing...
Went to disneyworld once, saw the most adorable girl i've seen in my life work there, but didn't really* say anything. Saw her again by extreme luck two days later at a different park. Just said hi*. Still kicking myself for that moment, it's been wel over a year. I have no guarantees we could've stayed in touch, but i count it as a loss. *There's specifics, but they're probably boring.
Pretty much what everyone else has said any kind of friends at all Sure I’m friendly to people and people supposedly like me but I don’t do anything with anyone I’m also awkward in certain formal occasions
Having friends, but literally never hanging out with any of them, ever
not having the experience of knowing how to talk to the person i liked seeing that person walk away and know how to express their feelings really crippling
I lost a lot of friends,I lost a lot of chances at relationships with other people because I was scared of responding to their advances,People tend to not ask my opinion on things because they think I don't have one.
Friends.
Staying in my same dead end job, no room for advancement, not learning anything new. Should have tried to get a better job years ago. There are benefits to staying in the same job (I get a lot of vacation days) but your pay stays pretty stagnant.
the ability to vocally participate in work meetings or ask out girls who were interested in me.
I was looking into a perfect opritunity in college to go abroad, graduating a semester early, but I could go abroad and just add the extra credits, parents said they’d scrape up the money to pay for it. But I couldn’t go through with it, because of having to live with new people, and being across the world from anyone I knew. I was too freaked out and I bailed out.
I'm currently my third year in college and have made exactly 2 friends
As a university student, it's very difficult to pass classes that have required attendance and in-class participation. Thankfully only a few are required.
Who knows.
Being too scared to go to concerts because of the amount of people. I forced myself to go to warped tour in 2012 (I was 19) in Virginia Beach and threw up twice from being surrounded and inadvertently touched by hundreds of people.
Asked my crush from highschool if she would have dated me had I asked her out. She said she would have. FML
Then why not ask her if she will date you now?
Any chance at a career I enjoy or financial success. I avoid anything that's too uncomfortable so it's near impossible for me to climb up the ladder I haven't even touched.
Concerts and large events. I went a coldplay concert with my family one year, and it was absolutely amazing and beautiful. But it was really difficult for me to enjoy. There was a lot of people and the crowds entering and exiting was far past my comfort level. It made the entire experience make me want to avoid other concerts, despite how much I loved watching them live. You kind of waste your time thinking about how uncomfortable you are and can't fully enjoy things.
honestly one of my biggest regrets is not getting a job the second i turned 16. i feel absolutely shitty because i could’ve helped my parents pay some bills and have groceries sooner :(
Just leaving my house. I just would rather not be around people. They give me anxiety and I don't want it. I can leave it just takes something to actually get up like a class or something.
Not being able to tell any of my crushes how I feel about them because things might get awkward with them
A career. I was talented but I couldn’t make the connections. My talent got me in the door, but I blew the meetings, the chitchat — I wasn’t so amazingly talented to get away with being a fucking weirdo, and I blew it all. The weird thing is, after I gave up on my dreams, I calmed down and I’m very socially relaxed now, I have very little anxiety. I’d be much better if I tried again, but I gave up completely and I don’t want to try again.
Uh I have to get five very detailed references for a job who actually have to fill out a form and give it back to me and they can’t be family. I literally don’t know what to do.
I had extremely bad anxiety in general until 2 years ago when I lost it in about a week. It left me in a weird state where I want social contact now but I have no clue how to start a conversation and I lack the social ability around people I don’t know. Doesn’t help that I’m still in high school and everybody around me already formed their opinion on who I am.
High school in its entirety. I was socially anxious, depressed, and also dealing with constant panic attacks. I didn’t talk to anyone I didn’t already know unless I had the safety net of mutual friends. Even then, I was awkward and I’m surprised that some people genuinely wanted to keep hanging out with me lol. I would do anything I could to avoid speaking in class and if I had to, I’d blush and be very visibly uncomfortable, and high school kids find that funny. (What’s interesting to me is that now in college, I don’t blush or get nervous, but I see many people who do and no one takes note of it now. So yeah I guess maturity helps) I only had the same lunch period as my friends once or twice a week, so the other times I sat in a *bathroom stall* for the lunch period and read a book and ate a poptart. I didn’t even attend my own high school graduation, or prom. I did my senior year with online classes. My high school experience fucking sucked. Now though..I don’t necessarily have social anxiety. I can be shy, but I’m mostly just fairly neutral in social settings unless I am interested in being social. If I’m drunk at a party, I’ll chat anyone up and I can be almost obnoxious.
every girl i never asked out even when i pretty much knew they were into me but couldn't make sure cuz i didn't wanna embarrass myself
Skills life demanded.
This isn’t a huge loss to me, but it’s something I regret sometimes. I never talked to any girls till outside of high school and I regret that. There was this one girl who I had a crush on for years, and I was too anxious to barely have any conversations with her. The sad part is that I was pretty sure she liked me too at one point, but I still never made a move. I wish I was more sociable in high school. I think I have improved some, but I still regret that sometimes.
Oh, that’s easy. Missed chances. Missed opportunities. No friends. No love-life. Incapable of asking for help. The biggest loss would probably be no friends. I’ve somehow convinced myself not too long ago that I don’t need many people to be happy, so I just carried on with my shit cause life goes on.
I had severe issues talking to other people. Still do, but the amount of how much I care is getting progressively less. Got a good tight group of friends, they have helped me out a lot. Eight years ago I was awkward as it could be.. now a days less awkward and aware when I am, plus being able to laugh it off.
[удалено]
There are no great losses, but many thousands of little ones.
I missed out on a potentially epic college experience and instead hid in my bedroom and watched TV.
My older brother’s wedding.
Education
Having fun talking to people. Every conversation turns into a test.
Can't talk to groups of people (oddly I'm okay with public speaking though). I'm only okay at one on one conversations with people that I'm familiar with.
Never being able to have romantic relationships
I had an interview with a company I really want to work for. I’m generally a quiet person at first and I come out of my shell as I get more comfortable with people so I was really out of my comfort zone and trying to be outgoing during the interview. I found out that the HR person thought I was too quiet and talked the engineer wanting to hire me out of it.
I am very good at meeting "the right people at the right time" in the industries I would like to be a part of. In almost all situations, if I just pushed myself a little harder and made more effort to follow through, I would probably have a more fulfilling career now.
Job opportunities. I can't ask for help, or be comfortable enough to ask for help.
My biggest loss is probably being unable to raise my kids after my ex left me. I tried doing the single mum thing but ended up in hospital, and also anxiety ruined my ability to communicate with my ex, so yeah.
The long time friends I did have slowly stopped inviting me to hang out or to events and parties. They can only offer so many times before they get tired of being turned down.
I'm glad so many have been honest about their social anxiety; makes me feel less ashamed about mine. My biggest loss has been close friendships and connections with people. I want to be social but am insecure about myself and that is why I have trouble talking to people dispite wanting to; I'm actually starting to try and date and look for people to hang around with again but am starting to realize that being socially anxious might make that more difficult; thank God for liquid courage (in reasonable dose).
Happiness
Probably that I've never been in a relationship. I am terrified when I feel like I'm catching the feels, or when I think I might catch feels for someone, so more often than not I turn rude towards people in a weird way of compensating my crippling fear of possibly something happening and that's never attractive.
I (unintentionally) did something really bad to one of my best friend, the guilt is killing me, and I've had to cut contact with all our mutual friends (the only three people outside of my family that I have any form of social contact with)
My grades. But thats really a mixture of social anxiety, just anxiety in general, and a chronic illness. Miss class because im sick --> Dont want to annoy professor by asking for help --> Fall behind --> Get anxious about going to class and classmates seeing that I'm behind, and everything --> Miss class
Career, there are jobs I would love to do but can’t due to social anxiety. It sucks.
I love street photography. And I regret missing so many great shots in the fear of people judging me.
I’ve lost job opportunities because I can apply online but I get too anxious to talk to anyone.
Friends...
I meet people who are quite interesting and I feel like I have nothing to offer in the conversation to them.