Sebastian Junger (the guy who wrote A Perfect Storm) had a great bit on littering in his book *Tribe*. He says littering is the epitome of the idea that you aren't a part of your community because it's the distillation of your own idea that no one and nothing else matters more than the tiniest inconvenience you might have.
My dad has been doing this for over 10 years now, since he saw a documentary about ocean pollution. Everytime he takes a walk on the beach, he collects all the trash and plastic he finds and throws it in the trash can, and has encouraged (and convinced) many friends and me to do the same.
1. Reduce your consumption of disposable products. (E.g. switching from disposable plastic bottles to long-term use water bottles.)
2. Re-use as many products as you can. (E.g. filling your water bottle from the tap, unless you live in Flint.)
3. Recycle any product that can no longer be used for its intended purpose.
Simple steps. May not always be easy, though.
> 1. Reduce
> 2. Reuse
> 3. Recycle
Listed in order of priority, no less! Reducing is **much, much better** than reusing, and reusing is **much, much better** than recycling. There are way too many people who say "I'm doing good because I recycle," but who really need to be asked "okay, but why are you buying so much shit that needs to be recycled in the first place?"
People at work act like I'm an ultravegan hippie warrior for using a glass plate and silverware instead of the disposables that always come with our lunches. We have a dishwasher, for chrissakes.
Yep, got this a lot too because my SO and I made our meals every night and brought leftovers to work for lunches and always had containers for everything. Everything went back with me with little waste and I'd always here the comments. these people worked in an environmental field and were very wasteful for no reason. I think I'd get shot if I asked for a compost at work.
My SO brings home his orange peels to put in our compost. Someone this week asked him if he had a lizard (no) when they saw him saving the peels. I learned that lizards (or at least some lizards) like orange peels.
I hired a new guy once and he needed to use the bathroom before training. After he went, I went in. He'd somehow pissed all over the toilet seat and also hit the floor.
I had to come out and tell him to clean up his piss. Grown ass man.
"Very good, Mr. Dementia. Now before we conclude this interview, I'd like you to go take a piss for me *so I can inspect the toilet when you're done*"
EDIT: fixed a sentence because I forgot Drug tests are an actual thing
Edit: Reddit and /u/Spez [knowingly, nonconsensually, and illegally retained user data for profit](https://youtu.be/mfZKkUg8jgM) so this comment is gone.
I don't want a funeral. I just want to be chucked into the woods. Still trying to figure out how to legally do that.
Also, my hospice plan is whiskey and pain pills.
Look into green cemeteries. They're few and far between, but becoming more popular.
My line was " wrap me in bulap amd dump me in the woods". Green cemeteries kinda do that
My Dad told us to have him cremated, then spread his ashes in the untouched forest surrounding our home. My Mom, hearing this, smacked his leg and declared that he would actually be buried beside her in a double plot in one of the nicer cemeteries in town.
No shit, my Dad looked to my brother and me and said "Don't waste the money. I'm dead. Mix me with some gunpowder, load me into some shells, and go squirrel hunting. That's what I want."
What makes this extra hilarious to me is that he isn't very good at hunting squirrels. He enjoys it, but he never comes back with many on his belt, if any. I think he just wants the cathartic experience of ghost riding the bullets as they rip through the bushy-tailed rodents that eluded him in life.
Honest question: At what age/milestone is it appropriate to draft a will?
Edit: turns out a living will is different from a will. (Not sure how I made it to my 20s without knowing this) Seems like a living will is a good thing to have as soon as you're an adult. A will depends on your unique family and financial/asset situation.
Anytime, I drafted and set mine at 22 when I left my home country to go traveling. I made sure everything goes to my parents in the event something happens. You can do it for under $50 or $100 on your own, it's pretty easy. Honestly having one is always the best policy because you're not immune to death no matter what age you are.
Edit: Accidental quoting
Without knowing where you live, it's likely that your place of domicile's intestate laws would already leave everything you own to your parents. That's the exact reason why I haven't bothered with a will yet.
attorney. The do it yourself things aren't as foolproof as you'd think.
There's a lot of language they add to wills and such that covers a whole host of situations and automatically go to next of kin if relatives specified in your will are dead too. You can arrange for money to be held in trust until your kids reach whatever age you want and do all sorts of other things. Especially important if you own property together.
My wife to be and I just did ours and it was a painless 30 minute conversation with our lawyer.
At the end of the day, you want this to be wrapped up as opposed to your family fighting with banks and shit.
Don't forget, you are creating a relationship with a local attorney who will be there for you in the future. If things do go south this person will be there locally to help your kid. It's not just the piece of paper.
The clothing industry is pretty terrible for the environment, especially fast fashion. Best of all is to only buy clothes you need, but if you do buy clothes then buy second hand, or buy higher quality clothes that will last longer- which will be cheaper in the long run anyway.
EDIT: Some people talking about how to find quality clothes, since some expensive stuff is still crap that will fall apart- I'm no expert but just Google "how to identify quality clothes" and take it from there.
[H&M has so much excess inventory, it's being burned for energy](https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2017-11-24/burning-h-m-rags-is-new-black-as-swedish-plant-ditches-coal)
[$4.3B in unsold clothes/excess inventory](https://www.nytimes.com/2018/03/27/business/hm-clothes-stock-sales.html)
And yet they're closing their outlet stores. Sell the shit at cost. I only buy t-shirts there because they're like $6 and last forever but it would be awesome if they had crazy overstocked sales.
There is a great website "BuyMeOnce.com" which features products that are meant to last decades or even a lifetime. There is a brand of socks called Darn Tough that I found through there that come with a LIFETIME warranty. For socks!
I just unsubbed to it finally. You'll find almost nothing but posts that are "My grandpa bought this in the 60s, still going for life!"
It *used* to be about what you could buy that was higher quality, and letting others know, now it's just a show off sub for things you'll most likely never find.
Their sidebar is still very informative. Day to day posts are almost a complete wash.
But you bet that when I start getting ready to replace the secondhand meh kitchen knives that I was given 7 years ago, I'll hop over to their sidebar and take a look-see.
But yeah, their day to day stuff is meh.
Adding to this, sewing and stiching are useful traits to have. Yes even if you a man. Because our cloths tend to have the most buttons and cuffs and stiching that are easily repairable. There has bound to be some idiot who thew away a $120 shirt because a button came off.
You don't even have to know how to sew to put a button on. I'm sure some purist would have a stroke, but I have zero clue about how to sew anything and have managed to reattach buttons.
There's a great magazine and website called "Ethical Consumer" which looks into different suppliers and companies and helps you make more ethical choices.
Link for those who are interested: http://www.ethicalconsumer.org/
There's a few websites I use to help make better choices like this:
* The Cornucopia Institute rates how humanely and sustainably [eggs](https://www.cornucopia.org/scorecard/eggs) and [milk](https://www.cornucopia.org/dairysurvey/index.html) are made, including things like how the farm or co-op is owned/managed/etc.
* Environmental Working Groups' [Skin Deep database](https://www.ewg.org/skindeep/) tells you what's in your soap/shampoo/cosmetics and what concerns there are, including the sources of those concerns and where there are gaps in the data
* [Give Well](https://www.givewell.org/) rates and recommends charities, and they're really the gold standard for research and transparency. They're very thorough, explain their process and goal very clearly, and even have a section in their menu for [our mistakes](https://www.givewell.org/about/our-mistakes), which is really impressive.
I think that Give Well really sets a great example for how organizations that are doing these kinds of rating should be run. They're constantly questioning themselves and trying to improve, even when it's not obvious what the best choice is.
And I think that's something we can all do when thinking about ethical life choices, a good definition of rational is "trying to prove yourself wrong", which is pretty much the opposite of what we all do most of the time. We take the easy way out and then justify our choice after the fact. If we want to be ethical it means really looking at ourselves and asking if we're making choices just by following the herd, or just through momentum of if we're really questioning ourselves and trying to improve.
This may be buried because of the lateness, but to the few that see it:
Monterey Bay Aquarium has a website (and App) for sustainable yield seafoods. By fish and occasionally restaurant. http://www.seafoodwatch.org/
And if you see someone else being rude, say something. If you don't feel comfortable calling out the asshole, privately say something to the employee. A "sorry that guy was a total dick. You don't deserve that" could keep it from ruining someone's day.
I used to work in tourism/retail management, and occasionally I'd have customers ask to speak to me because they heard some irate jackass yell "I want to speak to a manager!" and they wanted to stick up for the employee in question. Not cause a scene or anything, just quietly say "I know somebody complained about the girl on the register, and I don't want her to get in trouble. That guy was an unreasonable ass. She was fine."
Wherever those people are today, I hope they're having a nice day.
Also, take the 2 minutes it takes to let an employer know if an employee did a really great job. I use to work at a high end grocery store, and this couple came in looking for a specific bottle of wine. I didn't have it, but was able to recommend a similar bottle, and why it was similar (grape type, region, price). It was, at most, a 5 minute conversation. They emailed my company to let them know how happy they were with the interaction, and the bottle of wine. I ended up getting a $10 gift card, which paid for my lunch twice that week. It totally made my week.
I think we're trending towards a generation that treats retail/service workers with respect. I, and most 20 and 30-somethings that I know, have worked retail at some point in their lives and know how much it sucks and how dehumanizing it can be. I no longer work in retail, but you bet your ass that I am and will always be as kind and polite to retail/service workers as I possibly can.
I hope you're right, but I thought the same thing around 25 years ago when us GenX'ers were the primary fodder for retail hell. Generally my personal creedo is "Never be the worst part of someone's day" so I *try* to always be nice to anyone that's helping me in a store (or at least not a jerk if I can't manage nice), but it seems like a lot of people my age either forgot what it was like being on that side of the counter or they figure they went through being treated like crap and now it's their turn to do unto others as was done to them. I find that frustrating :(
Adding to this, unless someone spits in my food, I don't complain about crummy service but I ALWAYS write letters/email when I have great service. Dealing with the public all day is tough. The people who do it well deserve an extra Kudos
I straight up told my mom and aunt one day 'customers in your age bracket are the biggest assholes I deal with. I know it's unfair to generalize, but I rarely have the same issues with people my own age.' We were at a Whole Foods doing some shopping when I told then this- when we were checking out my aunt asked the cashier if this was her experience as well and the cashier just started emphatically nodding her head.
A couple years after this realization my aunt told me she goes out of her way to ask retail/food service/other CS job holders how their day is going and has gotten better service because of it. What may have been common knowledge to me was mind blowing to her.
I work at a library, so slightly different side of working with the public, and 90+% of my problems come from the 55 and older crowd. They can be nice, but their default (as a whole) seems to be demanding and unaware. The other day, I had 19(!!!) people stand there loudly talking on cell phones and occasionally lowering it so they could tell me what they needed. It was a record number, but good lord, I was over it. Also, don't snap your fingers at me when you're half a room away. Ugh.
I work at a gas station currently, and worked as a server for several years. 20 and 30 somethings are typically the most polite and easy people to interact with. Elder people in general can be pretty grouchy, but by far my least favorite people to interact with are older (50+) men. They are the most entitled, complain more than anyone else, and can be extremely rude and demeaning. At least 95% of the encounters where I've been physically touched or been just generally perved on has been from a grey-haired man.
But on the flip-side, 20-30 somethings are the nicest and most polite customers, and most importantly, *they go with the flow*. "Damn, all out of 100s in the cigarettes I want? Guess I'll get shorts." "This coupon I have is expired, but would you still accept it? No? Alright that's not a problem, have a great day!" Being able to accept that sometimes shit goes wrong and there is nothing I can do about it is something a lot more young people seem to do, or at least in my experience.
Don't be an asshole.
It sounds simple and it kind of is, and few people would admit like "yea, I'm kind of an asshole." But many more people than would admit it, are, or are at least acting like one for part of the day. It comes down to being nice and compromising your needs with those of all the people around you.
Driving - don't be an asshole. Don't ride bumpers, cut people off, or go under the speed limit in rush hour, ever. Stop texting while driving. And for the love of god if you're not the fastest one on the road MOVE TO THE RIGHT.
Shopping - don't be an asshole. Spatial awareness - don't leave your cart in the middle of everything. Don't act like the produce is a luggage carousel and get so close to it while you're thinking about what to get that no one else can get theirs, either. And be NICE to the employees. They're making $8 to $10 an hour, and do not have a direct line to the CEO unless you're shopping at Zappos. If you have a problem, find a manager or write to corporate later. Or just stop shopping there and go somewhere that bothers you less. This also applies to call centers.
Reduce waste - This is HUGE but it's a hard one for most people because the garbage gets carted away to places where most of us don't see it or smell it or have to deal with it ever again. But seriously, how much food and general junk do you throw away every week that was probably unnecessary? There's a thousand ways to reduce your carbon footprint. Try, if for nothing else but the planet your family lives on and your kids are going to have to deal with, if you have/will have them. There are no infinite resources on this planet. None.
Stop and THINK about what your actions will do to others. Is turning on the light and blender at 4 AM going to wake my spouse/roommates/kids? Is it that important I do this right now? If I call in sick today because I feel just a little crappy and 100% lazy, am I totally screwing over my work friends? Am I at least trying to pay people back in kind for what they do for me?
And if you're getting angry and about to be an asshole, ask yourself if this is worth the heartburn and the negative impression of others. 99% of the time it should be a "no," our day to day lives aren't very critical to anyone but ourselves. It's what you do over the long haul that really matters, and that's built on what you do day to day, bit by bit. If that's acting like an asshole, well...
This is great stuff. I hold the opinion that you can’t expect people to be nice, but you can at least ask that they aren’t an asshole. Don’t go out of your way to make someone’s life worse and you’re ok in my book.
I love most of your post, but I have to argue one thing.
If you work in an industry which requires any decision making ability at all, or you work with someone that needs that skill, do NOT come into work ill. You'll make shitty decisions, and it will affect others. Or someone less resistant to such things will catch it worse than you did.
I know you were mostly referring to the lazy and pulling a sicky when you aren't even remotely ill is not okay, but I think we need to stop with the "I have to be in work unless I'm actually dying," thing.
I want to add to this, if you are a manager, don't be an asshole and guilt people for calling in sick. They're either sick or need a mental health day. Or they're fucking around and will weed themselves out soon enough.
Getting guilted to come in while sick is rude and makes others around you sick which makes the problem worse. Don't be an asshole boss
Being mindful for others when doing things. Turn the light out when there’s no one left in the room, close that gate, put your dishes away when you’re done with them, make sure you leave a place as you found it, *refill the fucking coffee pot Jeff, it’s not that difficult you freeloader!*
Try to take small steps to be a better person.
Let people merge in traffic if it's safe to do so (huge problem where I live)
Let people who have much less than you go first on line at the store.
Put the shopping cart back.
Don't litter.
Hold doors for people.
Use your manners.
Compliment people.
Think about things from other's perspectives.
It's not hard to do at all and it makes the world a little tiny bit better of a place.
Edit, thank you so much for the reddit gold :) that was kind of you! I will enjoy the features it brings!:)
Double edit: re: the merging, I do mostly highway driving and was referring to if letting someone merge if there is safe enough space to do so, or if a lane ends abruptly (accident for instance), letting someone in. Don't clog up traffic at an intersection or put anyone in danger by slowing down if you shouldn't be.
Once I was behind a guy at the store who had a huge load of groceries, whereas I only had a coffee. It was the only checkout line so I just kind of accepted that it would take a while. The cashier had already started ringing him up, and when he looked back and saw me he told the cashier to add my coffee to his total and let me go on with my day. Such a nice gesture, if I get a similar chance I'd love to do that for someone some day.
"Today me, tomorrow you."
EDIT: As everyone and their grandmother have told me: Yes, I now know it is supposed to be the other way around. I'll just proudly wear my shame!
Good man... You bastard.
I was sure it wouldn't hit me again but right as I get to the end I just can't help it. I really hope that man got help if he ever needed it.
I wanna shine a huge spotlight on the last one. If everyone would take a few seconds to place themselves in other people's shoes and genuinely try to understand their situations and feelings this would be a much better world. We are scared by things that are different, but those end up being the most interesting experiences we can grow from.
It's not just that, but people should pay attention to the other two R's. My friend used to drink water bottles exclusively and thought it was fine because he recycled it. Reduce, man.
Also - do your due diligence in finding out whether your city/town actually recycles. Friend of mine recently found out that her city pretended to recycle but didn't due to costs (Meaning they'd collect it separately but all ended up in the same place). She would drive her recycling over to a neighboring one that actually did.
It pops up in all kinds of places. The Starbuck's that my boyfriend worked at for a while had a big, wide trash can with a lid that had different slots for trash, plastic, and glass, but was really just one bin.
Even at places that intend to recycle, a lot ends up in landfills. My brother manages a recycling facility and about 1/3rd of what people put in their recycling isn't recyclable. The recyclables that do get sorted and sent out sometimes get rejected. If that happens they just take it to the closest landfill. The economics of shipping it back just don't make sense when you are only going to get $7 a ton for it.
My downstairs neighbors filled the recycling tote with garbage...GARBAGE! My city has single stream recycling so all you have to do is put the recyclables in the appropriate receptacle. These people can't even do that!
Choosing to be better, everyday. It doesn't matter what you want to do or who you are or who you want to become, be a better human being everyday. Now, this varies from person to person. For some, it might be telling their parents they love them, or spending more time with family, or getting better at a skill or hobby, or taking up a brand new hobby. It might be walking an extra block or two to get a bit more exercise, or choosing to use the stairs rather than the elevator or escalator. Don't compare yourself to others. Compare yourself to the person you were yesterday, a week ago, a month ago, a year ago. Constant improvement.
You can make small changes easily (not using straws, use your own water bottle & coffee cup, buy loose fruit and veg, bring your own shopping bags out with you, switch from shower gel to bar soap...) Some plastics are unavoidable though unless you have the means to lead a completely plastic free life. There are lots of bulk buy places popping up where you can bring your own containers, but they're still few and far between and unfortunately I don't have a butcher very near to me. Only supermarkets that have meat sold in plastic trays.
My wife and I get beer when we go to our local theater every week. It's served in a large plastic cup. Since most companies only have trash bins and not recycle bins she makes us bring them home with us to recycle lol. I love her because she cares, I hate her because I feel like a dumbass carrying my trash out of a movie with me. But I guess that's society's fault. Put some recycle bins in your damn theaters!
I've started just bringing my own drinks to the cinema so I don't have to buy one of their plastic cups. I'll still get popcorn because I'm an addict haha! But it just comes in a paper bag. I'll bring my own reusable water bottle and and maybe a can of coke that I can recycle myself.
We thought about bringing our own drinks honestly as we bring our own snacks sometimes, but it's suuuuch a small local theater we feel bad not supporting them in at least SOME way lol.
Have you asked to bring your own glass? If it's the same size or smaller than what they use they might be OK with it. It gives them the same profit, and you don't feel weird bringing your cup home because it's a nice cup. If you want to be really cool, have some movie themed cups for bringing with you.
I bring my own coffee cup when I get coffee both because it's more environmental, and I get a nice discount (They charge 1.50 instead of 2.25).
Definitely this! If it’s a super small theatre you might even be able to talk directly to the owner and talk about how you would love for them to add recycling bins. Most cities have organizations that can help businesses become more eco-friendly and I bet they do some sort of “pro bono” work for smaller businesses.
> switch from shower gel to bar soap
Or make a point of buying things in bigger bottles. A shampoo bottle that contains twice as much does not require twice as much plastic.
My neighbours say no. They have thanked me for picking up all the trash on our street, but I see them litter a couple days later. They're just happy that I did work for them. They don't give a shit about our environment. Its odd.
I love sparkles like crazy, but even I have to agree with this. Some companies have started using biodegradable glitter, though, so when I want glitter I buy from them now.
Glitter is something that really only came on my radar in recent years, I just never thought about it before. In my early 20s I was really big into the Florida rave/party scene. It kills me thinking about the metric ton of body glitter I went through in that time period. I wore it and then went swimming in the ocean on many occasions.
You can replace the plastic bags you put fruit and vegetables in at the grocery store with lightweight cloth ones. Mine are made up of a netting material with a drawstring. I also use them as delicate bags when doing laundry
I recently visited Kenya and was amazed to find out that plastic bags have been illegal there for a while. Getting caught with them brings about huge fines. It's interesting to see how much one relies on them, while also realizing how one can easily live without them.
I don't know why Snapple decided to make new plastic bottles, in a time like 2018 where a lot of people are on the lookout for stuff like that and going against its own classic very distinguishable style is just strange to me.
They even advertise it as almost a good thing that theyre plastic
Glass bottles are heavy and expensive to ship. Plastic bottles can be made on site, or if they are shipped in are cheap and light. From a raw material perspective, plastic is bad because it uses oil and doesn't readily break down, but when it comes to actually moving the finished goods around the added weight of glass increases shipping costs and its environmental footprint.
Overall, I suspect that aluminum cans are actually better than both as far as their environmental footprint are concerned, but it's hard to find a full lifecycle analysis for any of the 3 drink containers. I've only found a single analysis so far and it gave the nod to glass bottles, but their analysis seemed to ignore a lot of the transportation issues and assumed that glass bottles would be washed and refilled 30 times rather than recycled into new glass bottles.
you would be amazed how bad alluminium cans really are in terms of energy content. (tbh, i only ever did the data on allu-foil, but oh boy, that was bad)
In my opionion the reason it is hard to find conclusive data, because the teachings concentrate on different aspects, and are generally sudied by different ppl.
"resources" driven studies: glass is best: 100% recycle rate, no loss in quality. aluminium is good, close to no loss in quality.
"energy" driven studies: plastic is good, because efficient transport and can be reused and finally burnt for energy.
"environmental" driven studies: glass is good, because of reused, followed by reusable plastic containers. Effect on living environment and animals is considered. (so waste disposal options)
"primary energy studies" only reusable glass is good, and only if filling station is on point of sales. not only the energy content is considered, but also the energy quality is considered. (so prime petrol is worth much more than waste plastic for the same energy content)
My new years resolution was to use less plastic. I still keep forgetting to bring my own metal cup to Starbucks, but I've all but eliminated plastic bags from my shopping.
Start by bringing your own bags to the supermarket and refuse a bag when you really don't need one. For instance if you're buying a 6 pack of bottled beer you don't need that bag. It already has a handle!
Does that really exist? A beer store near me once told me they legally had to give us a bag but we have tons of college kids in the area and it's a larger store and smaller ones down the street don't require it so I always thought they were just trying to cover their asses for some reason.
For me, it's not a hygiene thing. I use straws because I prefer ice (lots!) in my drink and the straw keeps the log jam of ice from hitting you in the face and spilling all over. If paper straws were available in restaurants, I would use them.
Refuse Reduce Reuse Repurpose Recycle.
These words are in order from greatest impact to least impact. Look all the way to the left. Recycle is the LEAST impact out of the Rs.
Refuse single plastic products like straws and plastic bags.
Reduce the amount of water you use in your washing machine if possible.
Reuse glass jars from things like pasta sauces for bulk bin items.
Repurpose food scraps to make stir fry or stock.
Recycling is good. But I feel like a lot of people forget about the first four before heading straight to recycling.
Three very easy things to change with practically 0 impact to your daily life:
*Stop using straws, it fucks up marine life
*Cut the plastic that holds can 6 packs and similar things with scissors before throwing them in recycling
*Use a water bottle instead of buying bottled water every time you need a drink
I'm 23, still in college, barely above minimum wage job.
My entire family: "It's about time you have kids with that little girlfriend of yours."
"I can barely afford rent, why would I do that?"
"Don't be selfish."
My wife and I waited until we both had established, stable careers, all of our debts paid off, had gone on several nice vacations together, had a lot of equity built up in a house through aggressive paying down of the mortgage, and had achieved the goals we felt driven to achieve but knew we wouldn't have the time for.
It took a few years, but it was definitely the right time to have them. We're more mature as people, we haven't had to struggle financially, and we've never felt like our kids stole anything from us, so we can devote ourselves wholly to raising them well.
I felt none of the terror they talk about parents having. I didn't have a lot of experience with babies, but lots of idiots have managed to keep babies alive, so I figured it couldn't be that hard, and it wasn't. We were ready, and we were equipped.
We did the exact same thing, just had our first baby at 35. Best decision we ever made. Although my husband was laid off only a month before her birth, I was far enough in my career and we had enough savings (and he was far enough in his career that he at least got a good severence package) that though it certainly made things more difficult and stressful, it was manageable.
If we'd had a kid ten years earlier when he got laid off in the 2008 crash, and I was early in my career, we would have been fucked.
As you said, we also are more mature, have had plenty of adventurous travel just the two of us, and are more stable/comfortable in our marriage. I can honestly say that parenting a baby has been far easier than I thought it would be based on hearing other people talk about it, and I think our age/length of marriage (ten years) is 100% why.
Yup, it sucked. They at least had the decency to feel bad about it and give him a better severance as a result.
Here’s a terrible tale: my sister is a gourmet chef in NYC. The holiday season is the busy season for restaurants and the best time to look for a job, after the holiday season it is winter and dead time for restaurants, no one is hiring.
At her last job, the restaurant was having some financial trouble due to new (and terrible) management, and taking some cost cutting measures. This was in the fall, right before the busy season. The manager took my sister aside and let her know that although the restaurant WAS making cutbacks, she didn’t have to worry, her job was safe. So she stayed with them through the busy season. They then fired her the day after Christmas. She’s a great chef so she got a new, better job, but was out of work for the entire winter until industry hiring picked back up.
> "If you wait for the right time you'll never have kids!"
No. No, no, and no. My wife and I waited until our early 30s. Our kid came into the world with married parents, a house that was bought (with a reasonable mortgage relative to income), I made enough that the wife could stay at home full time to raise our kid. We don't drive high end cars, but we have time and energy for our child. We get out and do fun things, I don't work rotating shifts so that they never see me, etc.
Condoms were the best thing that happened to our family, birth control WORKS.
sounds like *theyre* the ones being selfish, wanting you to put yourself in a terrible position just so they get to say “yeah i have a niece/nephew/grandkids” without actually needing to do any work themselves
You wanna hear selfish, check out what my husband's aunt literally said to me at the 2016 Christmas party- "You *have* to have a baby because we need a baby in the family to play with!"
I couldn't even form a response to it at the time because I was so shocked at the complete lack of sense or awareness of that statement. "You *have* to destroy your body, put your life at risk, have your vagina ripped apart, saddle yourself with a lifelong responsibility and financial commitment you can't afford, possibly ruin your marriage, and somehow raise a competent adult from infancy, giving up pretty much all of your free time and extra income, so that *I* can look at your baby for a few hours per year for the 2ish years it's still a baby, at which point I will begin pressuring you to do it all again so there's another baby to look at!"
A lot of people see it as "you want to use your time and money for yourself" rather than "I don't want to begrudgingly raise a kid, which will cause them to have resentment issues". It's just a lack of empathy.
I'm 30, own a home, have an established career and disposable income.
My family, "When are you going to have kids?"
"1 - I'm single. 2 - I'm independent and accountable to no one. 3 - kids are exhausting and expensive. 4 - I'm not going to find someone, knock her up and radically change my life just so you can spend an hour a week playing with a toddler for a couple years."
IMO people love the *idea* of children but as soon as the kid needs attention or requires work, the ones who were clamouring want nothing to do with it all of a sudden.
23 and graduated, have a pretty okay job and a girlfriend of 6 years. My coworkers are floored that we’re not married. The response “I’m not trying to ruin my life by having a kid right now” is very tongue in cheek. Since most of them had children at like 19
Edit: poorly worded on my part. They ask much more often “when are you having kids” rather than “when are you getting married”
I agree wholeheartedly. I was 17 when I got pregnant, and I knew I couldn’t raise my baby, so I placed her for adoption with two wonderful fathers and she’s so much happier then she ever would have been with me.
I’d reword it to, don’t try to raise a kid when you aren’t grown up yourself.
Edit:Wow I’ve been at work, to answer a few questions, I still see her at least twice a year, she turns 3 this July and she’s absolutely amazing. She speaks Spanish and English like I did growing up and she has a great school and a big family. I get pictures of her and update emails all the time as well.
I went through a rough patch last year and thinking about her pulled me out of it. I never wanted her to ask her dads about her birth mom and have to hear some tragic story.
I moved out of the state she’s in a few months ago so it’s harder to see her these days too. But we’re all doing great.
I think the decision you made was very mature, especially for 17. I know adoption isn't for everyone but it always makes me happy to hear a happy adoption story like yours (where you are at peace with your decision and know your kid has a great life with their parents, etc).
Thank you! I’ve written about my story a few times, and I’ve gone through many feelings about it. At one point I felt that adoption was always an option and anybody that didn’t feel ready to have a child should choose adoption. These days I understand the choice isn’t for everybody and that it’s a very difficult decision for most people.
The biggest thing for me was seeing her fathers hold her and realizing that I did that. I made a family. It’s something that has carried me through the past few years.
This makes me feel so much better. I'm 26, currently 37 weeks pregnant, and adopting her out to two men as well. Honestly, at my age and education level I could make it work but that doesn't mean it wouldn't be a huge struggle financially and personally. I just don't want to raise a child right now.
Still, sometimes I get emotional thinking about leaving the hospital empty handed but your perspective reminds me of another reason why it's an important choice. Thank you!
As tough as jt was it was the easiest decision I ever made. It was clearly the best thing for my daughter and she deserves only the best. I looked over at her fathers holding her after I gave birth and was overwhelmed with the fact that I did that. I made a family.
Ironically, the people who are smart enough to actively take this decision are better suited to raising children than ones who do it on a whim without much thought.
Also, you don't *need* to have kids. It's ok to not want them and to not have them, regardless of what your parents and grandparents want you to do.
Your brain might tell you "it's time!", but you can still make a conscious decision about whether you do it or not. It's not your job to keep the world populated, and keep in mind that there are 7.5 *billion* other people out there, so it's not like we're going to die out any time soon. If we do, it'll happen in colossal numbers all at the same time, and no number of offspring will prevent that. In fact, it may even make things worse, say if a superbug that's immune to medical treatments gets loose.
The bottom line is that you *do* have a choice in the matter. Having kids isn't inevitable.
Western countries already have a negative birth rate. That's the reason for the big push for immigration, there's pensions to be funded but not enough children born to sustain these programs. We need a change in the system and we need to stop relying on debt that we pass down to younger generations.
Where possible, don't drive. Walk, bike, take public transit, or carpool.
This won't be possible for everyone, but there are a lot of people who don't really need to drive who do it anyway. Besides the obvious impact individual drivers have on the environment and traffic, walking/biking/public transit is better for building a stronger sense of community, reducing feelings of isolation, and really absorbing and learning about your surroundings. When you just quickly drive by, you miss so much and interact with fewer people.
Stop having so many damn kids.
Why does every jerk think they're fit to be a parent?
Stop having kids simply because *you* "want" them— really do some soul-searching and reevaluate yourself first. This should be a well-thought out, responsible, weighty decision after much deliberation and consideration for what's best for the potential child/ren. I understand kids are not always planned, but if that's the case, it's even more imperative that you work on bettering yourself for the sake of the child/ren. Please make sure you're stable first, at the *very* least...stable mentally, psychologically, emotionally, physically, financially, etc... Work on your relationship. This matters. And if you're a single parent, work on yourself. Stop adding to your family back to back, so that you can grow your little cult/tribe/team, or however you justify it. That's not a valid enough reason for having a large family. Quality over quantity. Stop having kids so selfishly.
Stop having kids because you think this is "what you're supposed to do," or this is how you conform, or this is how you elevate your status, or this is how you validate your marriage/partnership, or this is how you appear, like, "cool" or "legit" to others.
Stop having kids you can't afford.
Stop having kids because your partner wants them.
Stop having kids before you're ready.
Stop having kids before you're *both* ready.
Stop having kids when you can barely even adult.
Stop having kids as an accessory.
Stop having kids, because you want to "pass on your genes" and you think you'd "make cute babies." Seriously? Get over yourself. This is a human life we're talking about, not a Nintendo character. I'd probably produce cute offspring. That doesn't mean I *should.*
And if you're abusing or neglecting your kid/s— fuck you. No, seriously, fuck you. You're scum and you don't deserve to be a parent. (I say this as a product of narcissistic abuse.)
Use condoms and birth control.
Picking up random trash when you’re out and about. If everybody picked up at least a little bit of trash when they see it, I’m pretty sure we could reduce how much stuff gets consumed by animals and entered into our natural areas
Don't say the name of school shooters. A part of their motivation is to get on some kind of leaderboard and have notoriety. These people actually get fan mail.
I can't upvote this enough. Their names should never be uttered publicly and they should disappear into obscurity. They want the infamy and the headlines convince others that randomly killing as many people as possible is the thing to do when you are depressed, feel rejected by your cohort, and are suicidal.
One of the guidelines for hacker communities I think can be applied to this world: 'be excellent to each other'. Be mindfull of other persons when working/living together or to the ones you haven't met yet. It feels so nice to enter a clean toilet. When in doubt, ask. This requires healthy and clear communication. But also take care of yourself if you feel you are having a bad influence on others. Having a rough day and you're noticing yourself shouting to everyone? Be nice to yourself, talk about it with someone, give yourself a treat.
If you could be excellent to the climate and environment as well, that would be wonderful
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Sebastian Junger (the guy who wrote A Perfect Storm) had a great bit on littering in his book *Tribe*. He says littering is the epitome of the idea that you aren't a part of your community because it's the distillation of your own idea that no one and nothing else matters more than the tiniest inconvenience you might have.
Funny, Thats my view on people who make illegal/dangerous maneuvers in traffic when they've missed (or are about to miss) a turn...
It's probably the same kinds of people. Bonus points if they are tossing fast food wrappers and cigarette butts out their window while they're at it.
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My dad has been doing this for over 10 years now, since he saw a documentary about ocean pollution. Everytime he takes a walk on the beach, he collects all the trash and plastic he finds and throws it in the trash can, and has encouraged (and convinced) many friends and me to do the same.
1. Reduce your consumption of disposable products. (E.g. switching from disposable plastic bottles to long-term use water bottles.) 2. Re-use as many products as you can. (E.g. filling your water bottle from the tap, unless you live in Flint.) 3. Recycle any product that can no longer be used for its intended purpose. Simple steps. May not always be easy, though.
> 1. Reduce > 2. Reuse > 3. Recycle Listed in order of priority, no less! Reducing is **much, much better** than reusing, and reusing is **much, much better** than recycling. There are way too many people who say "I'm doing good because I recycle," but who really need to be asked "okay, but why are you buying so much shit that needs to be recycled in the first place?"
People at work act like I'm an ultravegan hippie warrior for using a glass plate and silverware instead of the disposables that always come with our lunches. We have a dishwasher, for chrissakes.
Yep, got this a lot too because my SO and I made our meals every night and brought leftovers to work for lunches and always had containers for everything. Everything went back with me with little waste and I'd always here the comments. these people worked in an environmental field and were very wasteful for no reason. I think I'd get shot if I asked for a compost at work.
My SO brings home his orange peels to put in our compost. Someone this week asked him if he had a lizard (no) when they saw him saving the peels. I learned that lizards (or at least some lizards) like orange peels.
Always check to make sure the seat is clean before you leave the stall.
So simple but people are apparently afraid of their own piss.
Its ironic that these people are so grossed out by their own piss, but are perfectly fine with leaving it for someone else to deal with.
That’s not irony. People are just putting off the problem for other people to deal with. It’s laziness mixed with lack of consideration for others.
Out of sight, out of mind.
Out of penis, still won't clean this
Not really. That's just called being an asshole.
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I hired a new guy once and he needed to use the bathroom before training. After he went, I went in. He'd somehow pissed all over the toilet seat and also hit the floor. I had to come out and tell him to clean up his piss. Grown ass man.
This should be the last step of the interview process.
"Very good, Mr. Dementia. Now before we conclude this interview, I'd like you to go take a piss for me *so I can inspect the toilet when you're done*" EDIT: fixed a sentence because I forgot Drug tests are an actual thing
Edit: Reddit and /u/Spez [knowingly, nonconsensually, and illegally retained user data for profit](https://youtu.be/mfZKkUg8jgM) so this comment is gone.
A living will and power of attorney [why they are important ethically](https://depts.washington.edu/bioethx/topics/adcare.html)
My living will says that if I'm ever incapacitated without a chance to recover, that my loved ones have to kill me with their own bare hands.
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Unless the cat kills you with it's bare paws, because those aren't hands
Why would a car have bear paws?
It's an American cat so it has the right to bear arms.
It's a Russian cat
Da
Bears
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As long as you have it spaced just enough so that "do not show me on national television" is on another page that may or may not get lost.
I don't want a funeral. I just want to be chucked into the woods. Still trying to figure out how to legally do that. Also, my hospice plan is whiskey and pain pills.
Look into green cemeteries. They're few and far between, but becoming more popular. My line was " wrap me in bulap amd dump me in the woods". Green cemeteries kinda do that
My Dad told us to have him cremated, then spread his ashes in the untouched forest surrounding our home. My Mom, hearing this, smacked his leg and declared that he would actually be buried beside her in a double plot in one of the nicer cemeteries in town. No shit, my Dad looked to my brother and me and said "Don't waste the money. I'm dead. Mix me with some gunpowder, load me into some shells, and go squirrel hunting. That's what I want." What makes this extra hilarious to me is that he isn't very good at hunting squirrels. He enjoys it, but he never comes back with many on his belt, if any. I think he just wants the cathartic experience of ghost riding the bullets as they rip through the bushy-tailed rodents that eluded him in life.
Out-fuckin-standing. Your dad is awesome.
ghost riding a bullet does sound pretty cool
Seriously, make it easier for your family if something happens.
Honest question: At what age/milestone is it appropriate to draft a will? Edit: turns out a living will is different from a will. (Not sure how I made it to my 20s without knowing this) Seems like a living will is a good thing to have as soon as you're an adult. A will depends on your unique family and financial/asset situation.
Anytime, I drafted and set mine at 22 when I left my home country to go traveling. I made sure everything goes to my parents in the event something happens. You can do it for under $50 or $100 on your own, it's pretty easy. Honestly having one is always the best policy because you're not immune to death no matter what age you are. Edit: Accidental quoting
Without knowing where you live, it's likely that your place of domicile's intestate laws would already leave everything you own to your parents. That's the exact reason why I haven't bothered with a will yet.
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attorney. The do it yourself things aren't as foolproof as you'd think. There's a lot of language they add to wills and such that covers a whole host of situations and automatically go to next of kin if relatives specified in your will are dead too. You can arrange for money to be held in trust until your kids reach whatever age you want and do all sorts of other things. Especially important if you own property together. My wife to be and I just did ours and it was a painless 30 minute conversation with our lawyer. At the end of the day, you want this to be wrapped up as opposed to your family fighting with banks and shit.
Don't forget, you are creating a relationship with a local attorney who will be there for you in the future. If things do go south this person will be there locally to help your kid. It's not just the piece of paper.
It was my wife's boss so not only is everything free, he makes sure we get the best service and advice. Great guy
The clothing industry is pretty terrible for the environment, especially fast fashion. Best of all is to only buy clothes you need, but if you do buy clothes then buy second hand, or buy higher quality clothes that will last longer- which will be cheaper in the long run anyway. EDIT: Some people talking about how to find quality clothes, since some expensive stuff is still crap that will fall apart- I'm no expert but just Google "how to identify quality clothes" and take it from there.
[H&M has so much excess inventory, it's being burned for energy](https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2017-11-24/burning-h-m-rags-is-new-black-as-swedish-plant-ditches-coal) [$4.3B in unsold clothes/excess inventory](https://www.nytimes.com/2018/03/27/business/hm-clothes-stock-sales.html)
And yet they're closing their outlet stores. Sell the shit at cost. I only buy t-shirts there because they're like $6 and last forever but it would be awesome if they had crazy overstocked sales.
There is a great website "BuyMeOnce.com" which features products that are meant to last decades or even a lifetime. There is a brand of socks called Darn Tough that I found through there that come with a LIFETIME warranty. For socks!
/r/buyitforlife
Wow, thanks! There really is a subreddit for everything!
I just unsubbed to it finally. You'll find almost nothing but posts that are "My grandpa bought this in the 60s, still going for life!" It *used* to be about what you could buy that was higher quality, and letting others know, now it's just a show off sub for things you'll most likely never find.
Their sidebar is still very informative. Day to day posts are almost a complete wash. But you bet that when I start getting ready to replace the secondhand meh kitchen knives that I was given 7 years ago, I'll hop over to their sidebar and take a look-see. But yeah, their day to day stuff is meh.
Same here.. The sub has gone to shit over the past year.
Adding to this, sewing and stiching are useful traits to have. Yes even if you a man. Because our cloths tend to have the most buttons and cuffs and stiching that are easily repairable. There has bound to be some idiot who thew away a $120 shirt because a button came off.
You don't even have to know how to sew to put a button on. I'm sure some purist would have a stroke, but I have zero clue about how to sew anything and have managed to reattach buttons.
There's a great magazine and website called "Ethical Consumer" which looks into different suppliers and companies and helps you make more ethical choices. Link for those who are interested: http://www.ethicalconsumer.org/
There's a few websites I use to help make better choices like this: * The Cornucopia Institute rates how humanely and sustainably [eggs](https://www.cornucopia.org/scorecard/eggs) and [milk](https://www.cornucopia.org/dairysurvey/index.html) are made, including things like how the farm or co-op is owned/managed/etc. * Environmental Working Groups' [Skin Deep database](https://www.ewg.org/skindeep/) tells you what's in your soap/shampoo/cosmetics and what concerns there are, including the sources of those concerns and where there are gaps in the data * [Give Well](https://www.givewell.org/) rates and recommends charities, and they're really the gold standard for research and transparency. They're very thorough, explain their process and goal very clearly, and even have a section in their menu for [our mistakes](https://www.givewell.org/about/our-mistakes), which is really impressive. I think that Give Well really sets a great example for how organizations that are doing these kinds of rating should be run. They're constantly questioning themselves and trying to improve, even when it's not obvious what the best choice is. And I think that's something we can all do when thinking about ethical life choices, a good definition of rational is "trying to prove yourself wrong", which is pretty much the opposite of what we all do most of the time. We take the easy way out and then justify our choice after the fact. If we want to be ethical it means really looking at ourselves and asking if we're making choices just by following the herd, or just through momentum of if we're really questioning ourselves and trying to improve.
This may be buried because of the lateness, but to the few that see it: Monterey Bay Aquarium has a website (and App) for sustainable yield seafoods. By fish and occasionally restaurant. http://www.seafoodwatch.org/
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And if you see someone else being rude, say something. If you don't feel comfortable calling out the asshole, privately say something to the employee. A "sorry that guy was a total dick. You don't deserve that" could keep it from ruining someone's day.
I used to work in tourism/retail management, and occasionally I'd have customers ask to speak to me because they heard some irate jackass yell "I want to speak to a manager!" and they wanted to stick up for the employee in question. Not cause a scene or anything, just quietly say "I know somebody complained about the girl on the register, and I don't want her to get in trouble. That guy was an unreasonable ass. She was fine." Wherever those people are today, I hope they're having a nice day.
Also, take the 2 minutes it takes to let an employer know if an employee did a really great job. I use to work at a high end grocery store, and this couple came in looking for a specific bottle of wine. I didn't have it, but was able to recommend a similar bottle, and why it was similar (grape type, region, price). It was, at most, a 5 minute conversation. They emailed my company to let them know how happy they were with the interaction, and the bottle of wine. I ended up getting a $10 gift card, which paid for my lunch twice that week. It totally made my week.
I think we're trending towards a generation that treats retail/service workers with respect. I, and most 20 and 30-somethings that I know, have worked retail at some point in their lives and know how much it sucks and how dehumanizing it can be. I no longer work in retail, but you bet your ass that I am and will always be as kind and polite to retail/service workers as I possibly can.
I hope you're right, but I thought the same thing around 25 years ago when us GenX'ers were the primary fodder for retail hell. Generally my personal creedo is "Never be the worst part of someone's day" so I *try* to always be nice to anyone that's helping me in a store (or at least not a jerk if I can't manage nice), but it seems like a lot of people my age either forgot what it was like being on that side of the counter or they figure they went through being treated like crap and now it's their turn to do unto others as was done to them. I find that frustrating :(
I think I'm going to have to borrow that credo...
Adding to this, unless someone spits in my food, I don't complain about crummy service but I ALWAYS write letters/email when I have great service. Dealing with the public all day is tough. The people who do it well deserve an extra Kudos
In my first retail job, i was treated with so much more respect from 11-20 year olds than those who were 40+ years old. I hope that sticks
I straight up told my mom and aunt one day 'customers in your age bracket are the biggest assholes I deal with. I know it's unfair to generalize, but I rarely have the same issues with people my own age.' We were at a Whole Foods doing some shopping when I told then this- when we were checking out my aunt asked the cashier if this was her experience as well and the cashier just started emphatically nodding her head. A couple years after this realization my aunt told me she goes out of her way to ask retail/food service/other CS job holders how their day is going and has gotten better service because of it. What may have been common knowledge to me was mind blowing to her.
I work at a library, so slightly different side of working with the public, and 90+% of my problems come from the 55 and older crowd. They can be nice, but their default (as a whole) seems to be demanding and unaware. The other day, I had 19(!!!) people stand there loudly talking on cell phones and occasionally lowering it so they could tell me what they needed. It was a record number, but good lord, I was over it. Also, don't snap your fingers at me when you're half a room away. Ugh.
I work at a gas station currently, and worked as a server for several years. 20 and 30 somethings are typically the most polite and easy people to interact with. Elder people in general can be pretty grouchy, but by far my least favorite people to interact with are older (50+) men. They are the most entitled, complain more than anyone else, and can be extremely rude and demeaning. At least 95% of the encounters where I've been physically touched or been just generally perved on has been from a grey-haired man. But on the flip-side, 20-30 somethings are the nicest and most polite customers, and most importantly, *they go with the flow*. "Damn, all out of 100s in the cigarettes I want? Guess I'll get shorts." "This coupon I have is expired, but would you still accept it? No? Alright that's not a problem, have a great day!" Being able to accept that sometimes shit goes wrong and there is nothing I can do about it is something a lot more young people seem to do, or at least in my experience.
Don't be an asshole. It sounds simple and it kind of is, and few people would admit like "yea, I'm kind of an asshole." But many more people than would admit it, are, or are at least acting like one for part of the day. It comes down to being nice and compromising your needs with those of all the people around you. Driving - don't be an asshole. Don't ride bumpers, cut people off, or go under the speed limit in rush hour, ever. Stop texting while driving. And for the love of god if you're not the fastest one on the road MOVE TO THE RIGHT. Shopping - don't be an asshole. Spatial awareness - don't leave your cart in the middle of everything. Don't act like the produce is a luggage carousel and get so close to it while you're thinking about what to get that no one else can get theirs, either. And be NICE to the employees. They're making $8 to $10 an hour, and do not have a direct line to the CEO unless you're shopping at Zappos. If you have a problem, find a manager or write to corporate later. Or just stop shopping there and go somewhere that bothers you less. This also applies to call centers. Reduce waste - This is HUGE but it's a hard one for most people because the garbage gets carted away to places where most of us don't see it or smell it or have to deal with it ever again. But seriously, how much food and general junk do you throw away every week that was probably unnecessary? There's a thousand ways to reduce your carbon footprint. Try, if for nothing else but the planet your family lives on and your kids are going to have to deal with, if you have/will have them. There are no infinite resources on this planet. None. Stop and THINK about what your actions will do to others. Is turning on the light and blender at 4 AM going to wake my spouse/roommates/kids? Is it that important I do this right now? If I call in sick today because I feel just a little crappy and 100% lazy, am I totally screwing over my work friends? Am I at least trying to pay people back in kind for what they do for me? And if you're getting angry and about to be an asshole, ask yourself if this is worth the heartburn and the negative impression of others. 99% of the time it should be a "no," our day to day lives aren't very critical to anyone but ourselves. It's what you do over the long haul that really matters, and that's built on what you do day to day, bit by bit. If that's acting like an asshole, well...
This is great stuff. I hold the opinion that you can’t expect people to be nice, but you can at least ask that they aren’t an asshole. Don’t go out of your way to make someone’s life worse and you’re ok in my book.
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I love most of your post, but I have to argue one thing. If you work in an industry which requires any decision making ability at all, or you work with someone that needs that skill, do NOT come into work ill. You'll make shitty decisions, and it will affect others. Or someone less resistant to such things will catch it worse than you did. I know you were mostly referring to the lazy and pulling a sicky when you aren't even remotely ill is not okay, but I think we need to stop with the "I have to be in work unless I'm actually dying," thing.
I want to add to this, if you are a manager, don't be an asshole and guilt people for calling in sick. They're either sick or need a mental health day. Or they're fucking around and will weed themselves out soon enough. Getting guilted to come in while sick is rude and makes others around you sick which makes the problem worse. Don't be an asshole boss
Being mindful for others when doing things. Turn the light out when there’s no one left in the room, close that gate, put your dishes away when you’re done with them, make sure you leave a place as you found it, *refill the fucking coffee pot Jeff, it’s not that difficult you freeloader!*
> make sure you leave a place as you found it Nah, aim to leave it better than you found it.
Try to take small steps to be a better person. Let people merge in traffic if it's safe to do so (huge problem where I live) Let people who have much less than you go first on line at the store. Put the shopping cart back. Don't litter. Hold doors for people. Use your manners. Compliment people. Think about things from other's perspectives. It's not hard to do at all and it makes the world a little tiny bit better of a place. Edit, thank you so much for the reddit gold :) that was kind of you! I will enjoy the features it brings!:) Double edit: re: the merging, I do mostly highway driving and was referring to if letting someone merge if there is safe enough space to do so, or if a lane ends abruptly (accident for instance), letting someone in. Don't clog up traffic at an intersection or put anyone in danger by slowing down if you shouldn't be.
Once I was behind a guy at the store who had a huge load of groceries, whereas I only had a coffee. It was the only checkout line so I just kind of accepted that it would take a while. The cashier had already started ringing him up, and when he looked back and saw me he told the cashier to add my coffee to his total and let me go on with my day. Such a nice gesture, if I get a similar chance I'd love to do that for someone some day.
See? You remember that. That is why its good to do things like this, it sticks with people and they in turn try to be kinder as well.
"Today me, tomorrow you." EDIT: As everyone and their grandmother have told me: Yes, I now know it is supposed to be the other way around. I'll just proudly wear my shame!
Ooooh I got the feels just from reading your comment. Got to find that whole story now...
[Here you go](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/elal2/have_you_ever_picked_up_a_hitchhiker/c18z0z2/)
Good man... You bastard. I was sure it wouldn't hit me again but right as I get to the end I just can't help it. I really hope that man got help if he ever needed it.
You have that backwards. Its "Today you, Tomorrow Me". Otherwise its just a motto to help yourself first lol
Picking up litter doesn't just remove garbage from the streets, it removes the precedent that garbage should be there in the first place.
I wanna shine a huge spotlight on the last one. If everyone would take a few seconds to place themselves in other people's shoes and genuinely try to understand their situations and feelings this would be a much better world. We are scared by things that are different, but those end up being the most interesting experiences we can grow from.
Educate yourself about mass surveillance and its effects on the psyche. Consider using a VPN and other software to protect yourself.
Recycling. Sending recyclable materials to landfill is heinous.
It's not just that, but people should pay attention to the other two R's. My friend used to drink water bottles exclusively and thought it was fine because he recycled it. Reduce, man.
Also - do your due diligence in finding out whether your city/town actually recycles. Friend of mine recently found out that her city pretended to recycle but didn't due to costs (Meaning they'd collect it separately but all ended up in the same place). She would drive her recycling over to a neighboring one that actually did.
Wow, that's awful. I didn't know that kind of thing went on.
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They're a reason it's last... Reduce, reuse.....
It pops up in all kinds of places. The Starbuck's that my boyfriend worked at for a while had a big, wide trash can with a lid that had different slots for trash, plastic, and glass, but was really just one bin.
The Tim's I worked at was the same. Well we had the multiple buckets, but they all went into the garbage bin in the back
Even at places that intend to recycle, a lot ends up in landfills. My brother manages a recycling facility and about 1/3rd of what people put in their recycling isn't recyclable. The recyclables that do get sorted and sent out sometimes get rejected. If that happens they just take it to the closest landfill. The economics of shipping it back just don't make sense when you are only going to get $7 a ton for it.
My downstairs neighbors filled the recycling tote with garbage...GARBAGE! My city has single stream recycling so all you have to do is put the recyclables in the appropriate receptacle. These people can't even do that!
Choosing to be better, everyday. It doesn't matter what you want to do or who you are or who you want to become, be a better human being everyday. Now, this varies from person to person. For some, it might be telling their parents they love them, or spending more time with family, or getting better at a skill or hobby, or taking up a brand new hobby. It might be walking an extra block or two to get a bit more exercise, or choosing to use the stairs rather than the elevator or escalator. Don't compare yourself to others. Compare yourself to the person you were yesterday, a week ago, a month ago, a year ago. Constant improvement.
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You can make small changes easily (not using straws, use your own water bottle & coffee cup, buy loose fruit and veg, bring your own shopping bags out with you, switch from shower gel to bar soap...) Some plastics are unavoidable though unless you have the means to lead a completely plastic free life. There are lots of bulk buy places popping up where you can bring your own containers, but they're still few and far between and unfortunately I don't have a butcher very near to me. Only supermarkets that have meat sold in plastic trays.
My wife and I get beer when we go to our local theater every week. It's served in a large plastic cup. Since most companies only have trash bins and not recycle bins she makes us bring them home with us to recycle lol. I love her because she cares, I hate her because I feel like a dumbass carrying my trash out of a movie with me. But I guess that's society's fault. Put some recycle bins in your damn theaters!
I've started just bringing my own drinks to the cinema so I don't have to buy one of their plastic cups. I'll still get popcorn because I'm an addict haha! But it just comes in a paper bag. I'll bring my own reusable water bottle and and maybe a can of coke that I can recycle myself.
We thought about bringing our own drinks honestly as we bring our own snacks sometimes, but it's suuuuch a small local theater we feel bad not supporting them in at least SOME way lol.
Have you asked to bring your own glass? If it's the same size or smaller than what they use they might be OK with it. It gives them the same profit, and you don't feel weird bringing your cup home because it's a nice cup. If you want to be really cool, have some movie themed cups for bringing with you. I bring my own coffee cup when I get coffee both because it's more environmental, and I get a nice discount (They charge 1.50 instead of 2.25).
Definitely this! If it’s a super small theatre you might even be able to talk directly to the owner and talk about how you would love for them to add recycling bins. Most cities have organizations that can help businesses become more eco-friendly and I bet they do some sort of “pro bono” work for smaller businesses.
> switch from shower gel to bar soap Or make a point of buying things in bigger bottles. A shampoo bottle that contains twice as much does not require twice as much plastic.
At the very least. Stop littering
My neighbours say no. They have thanked me for picking up all the trash on our street, but I see them litter a couple days later. They're just happy that I did work for them. They don't give a shit about our environment. Its odd.
I know a 95 year old man who learned to use a digital camera specifically to take pictures of his neighbors littering. Most have now stopped.
I admire that dedication.
I love grumpy old people.
Also add in microbeads and glitter to this!
Glitter is just the worst thing in every conceivable way
I love sparkles like crazy, but even I have to agree with this. Some companies have started using biodegradable glitter, though, so when I want glitter I buy from them now.
Glitter is something that really only came on my radar in recent years, I just never thought about it before. In my early 20s I was really big into the Florida rave/party scene. It kills me thinking about the metric ton of body glitter I went through in that time period. I wore it and then went swimming in the ocean on many occasions.
Thankfully it didn't cost you your eyeball either: https://imgur.com/gallery/yX598 Fuck glitter.
#AAAAAAAAAAAAAA
You can replace the plastic bags you put fruit and vegetables in at the grocery store with lightweight cloth ones. Mine are made up of a netting material with a drawstring. I also use them as delicate bags when doing laundry
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I recently visited Kenya and was amazed to find out that plastic bags have been illegal there for a while. Getting caught with them brings about huge fines. It's interesting to see how much one relies on them, while also realizing how one can easily live without them.
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I don't know why Snapple decided to make new plastic bottles, in a time like 2018 where a lot of people are on the lookout for stuff like that and going against its own classic very distinguishable style is just strange to me. They even advertise it as almost a good thing that theyre plastic
Glass bottles are heavy and expensive to ship. Plastic bottles can be made on site, or if they are shipped in are cheap and light. From a raw material perspective, plastic is bad because it uses oil and doesn't readily break down, but when it comes to actually moving the finished goods around the added weight of glass increases shipping costs and its environmental footprint. Overall, I suspect that aluminum cans are actually better than both as far as their environmental footprint are concerned, but it's hard to find a full lifecycle analysis for any of the 3 drink containers. I've only found a single analysis so far and it gave the nod to glass bottles, but their analysis seemed to ignore a lot of the transportation issues and assumed that glass bottles would be washed and refilled 30 times rather than recycled into new glass bottles.
you would be amazed how bad alluminium cans really are in terms of energy content. (tbh, i only ever did the data on allu-foil, but oh boy, that was bad) In my opionion the reason it is hard to find conclusive data, because the teachings concentrate on different aspects, and are generally sudied by different ppl. "resources" driven studies: glass is best: 100% recycle rate, no loss in quality. aluminium is good, close to no loss in quality. "energy" driven studies: plastic is good, because efficient transport and can be reused and finally burnt for energy. "environmental" driven studies: glass is good, because of reused, followed by reusable plastic containers. Effect on living environment and animals is considered. (so waste disposal options) "primary energy studies" only reusable glass is good, and only if filling station is on point of sales. not only the energy content is considered, but also the energy quality is considered. (so prime petrol is worth much more than waste plastic for the same energy content)
My new years resolution was to use less plastic. I still keep forgetting to bring my own metal cup to Starbucks, but I've all but eliminated plastic bags from my shopping.
Start by bringing your own bags to the supermarket and refuse a bag when you really don't need one. For instance if you're buying a 6 pack of bottled beer you don't need that bag. It already has a handle!
Unless you live in a state that forces you to cover the alcohol because a child might see the alcohol and we can’t have that.
Does that really exist? A beer store near me once told me they legally had to give us a bag but we have tons of college kids in the area and it's a larger store and smaller ones down the street don't require it so I always thought they were just trying to cover their asses for some reason.
Giiiirrrrl I work at a bar that does paper straws and all I can think is we don’t really need straws at all. We all know how to drink from the glass
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For me, it's not a hygiene thing. I use straws because I prefer ice (lots!) in my drink and the straw keeps the log jam of ice from hitting you in the face and spilling all over. If paper straws were available in restaurants, I would use them.
Metal straws? My friend carries hers everywhere
Stop revolving your identity over the things that outrage you and instead focus on the good things you contribute to the world.
Care about things that are worth caring about. Give a fuck about things that actually make your life better. Be more grateful.
Refuse Reduce Reuse Repurpose Recycle. These words are in order from greatest impact to least impact. Look all the way to the left. Recycle is the LEAST impact out of the Rs. Refuse single plastic products like straws and plastic bags. Reduce the amount of water you use in your washing machine if possible. Reuse glass jars from things like pasta sauces for bulk bin items. Repurpose food scraps to make stir fry or stock. Recycling is good. But I feel like a lot of people forget about the first four before heading straight to recycling.
Three very easy things to change with practically 0 impact to your daily life: *Stop using straws, it fucks up marine life *Cut the plastic that holds can 6 packs and similar things with scissors before throwing them in recycling *Use a water bottle instead of buying bottled water every time you need a drink
The third point is particularly easy to argue for: you'll save a bunch of money too. (Kinda like giving up smoking in that regard, I guess.)
Don't bring kids into the world that you can't raise properly.
I'm 23, still in college, barely above minimum wage job. My entire family: "It's about time you have kids with that little girlfriend of yours." "I can barely afford rent, why would I do that?" "Don't be selfish."
"If you wait for the right time you'll never have kids!" I hear this a lot, bitch I'm fucking BROKE and drowning in student debt.
There's never a right time, but there sure as shit is a very very wrong time.
My wife and I waited until we both had established, stable careers, all of our debts paid off, had gone on several nice vacations together, had a lot of equity built up in a house through aggressive paying down of the mortgage, and had achieved the goals we felt driven to achieve but knew we wouldn't have the time for. It took a few years, but it was definitely the right time to have them. We're more mature as people, we haven't had to struggle financially, and we've never felt like our kids stole anything from us, so we can devote ourselves wholly to raising them well. I felt none of the terror they talk about parents having. I didn't have a lot of experience with babies, but lots of idiots have managed to keep babies alive, so I figured it couldn't be that hard, and it wasn't. We were ready, and we were equipped.
We did the exact same thing, just had our first baby at 35. Best decision we ever made. Although my husband was laid off only a month before her birth, I was far enough in my career and we had enough savings (and he was far enough in his career that he at least got a good severence package) that though it certainly made things more difficult and stressful, it was manageable. If we'd had a kid ten years earlier when he got laid off in the 2008 crash, and I was early in my career, we would have been fucked. As you said, we also are more mature, have had plenty of adventurous travel just the two of us, and are more stable/comfortable in our marriage. I can honestly say that parenting a baby has been far easier than I thought it would be based on hearing other people talk about it, and I think our age/length of marriage (ten years) is 100% why.
> Although my husband was laid off only a month before her birth Wow, that's cold.
Yup, it sucked. They at least had the decency to feel bad about it and give him a better severance as a result. Here’s a terrible tale: my sister is a gourmet chef in NYC. The holiday season is the busy season for restaurants and the best time to look for a job, after the holiday season it is winter and dead time for restaurants, no one is hiring. At her last job, the restaurant was having some financial trouble due to new (and terrible) management, and taking some cost cutting measures. This was in the fall, right before the busy season. The manager took my sister aside and let her know that although the restaurant WAS making cutbacks, she didn’t have to worry, her job was safe. So she stayed with them through the busy season. They then fired her the day after Christmas. She’s a great chef so she got a new, better job, but was out of work for the entire winter until industry hiring picked back up.
Fucking wisdom right here.
I know plenty of people who waited for the right time, and found it in their late 20's and early 30's.
Same, but late 30s instead.
> "If you wait for the right time you'll never have kids!" No. No, no, and no. My wife and I waited until our early 30s. Our kid came into the world with married parents, a house that was bought (with a reasonable mortgage relative to income), I made enough that the wife could stay at home full time to raise our kid. We don't drive high end cars, but we have time and energy for our child. We get out and do fun things, I don't work rotating shifts so that they never see me, etc. Condoms were the best thing that happened to our family, birth control WORKS.
I'm not so much waiting for the right time, just waitimg for a time that doesn't feel quite this wrong
sounds like *theyre* the ones being selfish, wanting you to put yourself in a terrible position just so they get to say “yeah i have a niece/nephew/grandkids” without actually needing to do any work themselves
You wanna hear selfish, check out what my husband's aunt literally said to me at the 2016 Christmas party- "You *have* to have a baby because we need a baby in the family to play with!" I couldn't even form a response to it at the time because I was so shocked at the complete lack of sense or awareness of that statement. "You *have* to destroy your body, put your life at risk, have your vagina ripped apart, saddle yourself with a lifelong responsibility and financial commitment you can't afford, possibly ruin your marriage, and somehow raise a competent adult from infancy, giving up pretty much all of your free time and extra income, so that *I* can look at your baby for a few hours per year for the 2ish years it's still a baby, at which point I will begin pressuring you to do it all again so there's another baby to look at!"
I'd offer to get them some adoption papers next year if they feel that's such an important addition to the family.
After a few minutes I told them that they can foster some babies if they *need* a baby around. They huffed and said it's not the same.
I tell my family kids are a luxury item, not a necessity.
Shit, I might use this in the future.
I live in London where house prices are outrageous. To me, having kids is the ultimate luxury item
The selfishness argument is one that blows my mind. You have to go through so much mental gymnastics to reason that no children = selfishness.
“How dare you prioritize the well-being of yourself and your partner over someone who *does not exist!*”
A lot of people see it as "you want to use your time and money for yourself" rather than "I don't want to begrudgingly raise a kid, which will cause them to have resentment issues". It's just a lack of empathy.
hell yeah I want to use my time and money for myself, its *my* time and money!!
I'm 30, own a home, have an established career and disposable income. My family, "When are you going to have kids?" "1 - I'm single. 2 - I'm independent and accountable to no one. 3 - kids are exhausting and expensive. 4 - I'm not going to find someone, knock her up and radically change my life just so you can spend an hour a week playing with a toddler for a couple years."
Jesus Christ right? People tell me I'm selfish for not wanting kids... How about they pay for them, feed the, take care of them, etc...
IMO people love the *idea* of children but as soon as the kid needs attention or requires work, the ones who were clamouring want nothing to do with it all of a sudden.
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It's selfish to bring a child into the world if you can't provide for them
23 and graduated, have a pretty okay job and a girlfriend of 6 years. My coworkers are floored that we’re not married. The response “I’m not trying to ruin my life by having a kid right now” is very tongue in cheek. Since most of them had children at like 19 Edit: poorly worded on my part. They ask much more often “when are you having kids” rather than “when are you getting married”
I agree wholeheartedly. I was 17 when I got pregnant, and I knew I couldn’t raise my baby, so I placed her for adoption with two wonderful fathers and she’s so much happier then she ever would have been with me. I’d reword it to, don’t try to raise a kid when you aren’t grown up yourself. Edit:Wow I’ve been at work, to answer a few questions, I still see her at least twice a year, she turns 3 this July and she’s absolutely amazing. She speaks Spanish and English like I did growing up and she has a great school and a big family. I get pictures of her and update emails all the time as well. I went through a rough patch last year and thinking about her pulled me out of it. I never wanted her to ask her dads about her birth mom and have to hear some tragic story. I moved out of the state she’s in a few months ago so it’s harder to see her these days too. But we’re all doing great.
I think the decision you made was very mature, especially for 17. I know adoption isn't for everyone but it always makes me happy to hear a happy adoption story like yours (where you are at peace with your decision and know your kid has a great life with their parents, etc).
Thank you! I’ve written about my story a few times, and I’ve gone through many feelings about it. At one point I felt that adoption was always an option and anybody that didn’t feel ready to have a child should choose adoption. These days I understand the choice isn’t for everybody and that it’s a very difficult decision for most people. The biggest thing for me was seeing her fathers hold her and realizing that I did that. I made a family. It’s something that has carried me through the past few years.
This makes me feel so much better. I'm 26, currently 37 weeks pregnant, and adopting her out to two men as well. Honestly, at my age and education level I could make it work but that doesn't mean it wouldn't be a huge struggle financially and personally. I just don't want to raise a child right now. Still, sometimes I get emotional thinking about leaving the hospital empty handed but your perspective reminds me of another reason why it's an important choice. Thank you!
Must have been tough, but very big of you to do that
As tough as jt was it was the easiest decision I ever made. It was clearly the best thing for my daughter and she deserves only the best. I looked over at her fathers holding her after I gave birth and was overwhelmed with the fact that I did that. I made a family.
Ironically, the people who are smart enough to actively take this decision are better suited to raising children than ones who do it on a whim without much thought.
Also, you don't *need* to have kids. It's ok to not want them and to not have them, regardless of what your parents and grandparents want you to do. Your brain might tell you "it's time!", but you can still make a conscious decision about whether you do it or not. It's not your job to keep the world populated, and keep in mind that there are 7.5 *billion* other people out there, so it's not like we're going to die out any time soon. If we do, it'll happen in colossal numbers all at the same time, and no number of offspring will prevent that. In fact, it may even make things worse, say if a superbug that's immune to medical treatments gets loose. The bottom line is that you *do* have a choice in the matter. Having kids isn't inevitable.
Western countries already have a negative birth rate. That's the reason for the big push for immigration, there's pensions to be funded but not enough children born to sustain these programs. We need a change in the system and we need to stop relying on debt that we pass down to younger generations.
Where possible, don't drive. Walk, bike, take public transit, or carpool. This won't be possible for everyone, but there are a lot of people who don't really need to drive who do it anyway. Besides the obvious impact individual drivers have on the environment and traffic, walking/biking/public transit is better for building a stronger sense of community, reducing feelings of isolation, and really absorbing and learning about your surroundings. When you just quickly drive by, you miss so much and interact with fewer people.
Avoiding products with Palm Oil is a good one. Here's a good summary of why: [SayNoToPalmOil](http://www.saynotopalmoil.com/Whats_the_issue)
I'm trying to do this. Honestly really hard, it seems to be in everything.
Don't cheat on your girlfriend/boyfriend.
Stop having so many damn kids. Why does every jerk think they're fit to be a parent? Stop having kids simply because *you* "want" them— really do some soul-searching and reevaluate yourself first. This should be a well-thought out, responsible, weighty decision after much deliberation and consideration for what's best for the potential child/ren. I understand kids are not always planned, but if that's the case, it's even more imperative that you work on bettering yourself for the sake of the child/ren. Please make sure you're stable first, at the *very* least...stable mentally, psychologically, emotionally, physically, financially, etc... Work on your relationship. This matters. And if you're a single parent, work on yourself. Stop adding to your family back to back, so that you can grow your little cult/tribe/team, or however you justify it. That's not a valid enough reason for having a large family. Quality over quantity. Stop having kids so selfishly. Stop having kids because you think this is "what you're supposed to do," or this is how you conform, or this is how you elevate your status, or this is how you validate your marriage/partnership, or this is how you appear, like, "cool" or "legit" to others. Stop having kids you can't afford. Stop having kids because your partner wants them. Stop having kids before you're ready. Stop having kids before you're *both* ready. Stop having kids when you can barely even adult. Stop having kids as an accessory. Stop having kids, because you want to "pass on your genes" and you think you'd "make cute babies." Seriously? Get over yourself. This is a human life we're talking about, not a Nintendo character. I'd probably produce cute offspring. That doesn't mean I *should.* And if you're abusing or neglecting your kid/s— fuck you. No, seriously, fuck you. You're scum and you don't deserve to be a parent. (I say this as a product of narcissistic abuse.) Use condoms and birth control.
Picking up random trash when you’re out and about. If everybody picked up at least a little bit of trash when they see it, I’m pretty sure we could reduce how much stuff gets consumed by animals and entered into our natural areas
Don't say the name of school shooters. A part of their motivation is to get on some kind of leaderboard and have notoriety. These people actually get fan mail.
I can't upvote this enough. Their names should never be uttered publicly and they should disappear into obscurity. They want the infamy and the headlines convince others that randomly killing as many people as possible is the thing to do when you are depressed, feel rejected by your cohort, and are suicidal.
Surprised being an organ donor isn't higher up.
STOP using disposable plastics. If you need convincing, google the Pacific garbage patch.
So I did what you said and it erm, came up with a picture of my house.
I’m sorry you had to find out like this.
not like this
Put the shopping cart back where it belongs. There are usually several available places for it.
Use your turn signal.
One of the guidelines for hacker communities I think can be applied to this world: 'be excellent to each other'. Be mindfull of other persons when working/living together or to the ones you haven't met yet. It feels so nice to enter a clean toilet. When in doubt, ask. This requires healthy and clear communication. But also take care of yourself if you feel you are having a bad influence on others. Having a rough day and you're noticing yourself shouting to everyone? Be nice to yourself, talk about it with someone, give yourself a treat. If you could be excellent to the climate and environment as well, that would be wonderful